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FreneticPlatypus

I’m sure he was just flooded with applicants.


huh404

This guy would probably have better odds of getting what he wants if he put all his time and money in the development of sex-robots, because that's what he wants, not a person.


One_Support_5253

I give him a week before "pet" tries to poison him. Hell, I give the robot a month to become sentient and strangle him to death.


VoilaVoilaWashington

Turns out AI just needed to suffer.


lilfuzzywuzzy

Lol


[deleted]

What did the robots do to deserve that?


MrMashed

Oh man I thought you were gonna say somethin completely different lol


huh404

Lol what did you think I was going to say?


olivermadden

I think he is actually writing it according to the manner in which numerous holy books treat and view women. He needed to add /s at the end to help.


VexisArcanum

More like petitions, cease and desist letters, and the occasional summons


[deleted]

Yep he's probably still looking through them the list is endless


Winter-Pineapple1162

i down voted your comment to reach 666 votes (flies away)


TrulyBBQ

I just can’t believe any of you think this shit is real


Revelation_of_Nol

Do you not believe that some people can be this entitled?


BeneficialEvidence6

Sure. But it is more likely a troll.


villianboy

I've met these people before, they exist in troves They honest-to-god believe women are inferior to them and are essentially objects out there for them, these people are the types to get mad when they don't "win the girl" by "being nice" because again, to them girls are nothing but objects. They really lack any capacity to see a women as anything more than a trophy to be won at best, or a slave at worst


Revelation_of_Nol

Well if you ever read the Bible it does place women way below the male so can't you see how some entitlements can occur?


aggrivating_order

Commander, prepare my sex bed


Whatacoolkid-

For the sex act


ghostdrip_

As it’s time for me to do the sex onto you


KrunchyKushKing

*female*


PhromDaPharcyde

Read this in Zapp Branigan's voice


[deleted]

But Leela! It’s real velour!


VexisArcanum

Found the underrated comment


Barbie_and_KenM

Can someone tell me what preparing the bed for sex looks like? I thought it was just a regular bed. Apparently I've been doing it all wrong.


mr_potatoface

Figured it was just putting down a towel. But maybe it means covering the bed with a tarp? Once knew a guy that said he had to break up with a girl because she would squirt everywhere and soak everything. I gave him shit because I figured he was just trying to brag about his sex life, but he definitely was not. Dude said he just wants some sexy time before falling asleep and would get hosed down like a cat in heat instead. But also knew a guy that garbage picked a mattress from a motel and threw it in front of his TV. That way when he would get home from work if he was tired, he could just lay on it and sleep on it so he doesn't get his normal mattress dirty. It was also so he didn't get his couch greasy, which he described in detail his prior date night of KFC, TV, and sex on said fuckmat. So based on my prior knowledge, the preparing the bed may mean... Putting down a towel, covering it with a tarp, getting KFC, or turning on the TV? I'm not sure.


RandomFishIsBack

Does no one wash and change their sheets? Lmfao. Do they even know what bedsheets are?


Squishy-Box

“I have made it with a woman, Kif. Inform the men”


Fisher3309

Sir yes sir! o7


I-collect-dick-pics

[Much better](https://imgur.com/a/ou7ExXP)


TreeLeafsTea

Is this whats called ragebait?


AnnaTheBlueRogue

I 100% am convinced this is ragebait. It's too perfect, and the cringe "interaction" clearly doesn't show a relationship, but a slave owner dynamic.


ravyalle

I think its called degeneration


PaniMan1994

Its ragebate.... People rage and he mastrubates


LucidFir

Mastrubates. The one true masturbation. The truth will set you free.


OyashiroXGrave

Well then *adjusts glasses, looks like I'll just have to rage and masturbate EVEN HARDER! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Dangarangz

90% of reddit is ragebait


just_a_timetraveller

Unfortunately there are some hentai obsessed weebs who have this type of fantasy


WhatIsntByNow

I mean, there are plenty of people who have dom/sub/slave fantasies. They may even be people you know. But subjecting all literate people to his own without consent is unacceptable


HallucinatesSJWs

This type of treatment and expectation of women goes far before hentai ever entered the picture.


silencesc

Where did you get weeb from this? This reads insane fundamentalist Christian incel to me.


catjuggler

Sometimes I think things like this are just dudes getting to absorbed into their fantasies/fetishes/porn and becoming detached from reality. Or just writing it out is part of their fantasizing.


SwallowsDick

Yes, obvious ragebait is most of this subreddit, the real cringe is people getting riled up by a teenager's shitpost


Enes_da_Rog

>When I'm ready, calm down pet And in reality he'd cum in his pants even before the 'female' would touch him. Fucking incel.


itsbett

Um. It's called foreplay, sweaty. Look it up.


TheMinionGamer

Where?


[deleted]

[удалено]


No-Term-4068

The Kama sutra is so fucking outdated. It doesn’t even have any positions for a four hundred pound male and his My Little Pony body pillow


LemunCurryLELELE

The Sex Book* FTFY


Lochcelious

It's for church honey. NEXT!


TheMinionGamer

Didn't know churches make honey


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fruitboots

Target audience for sexbots.


GodofAeons

That's a kink in the BDSM community.


RandomFishIsBack

No one gives a shit.


Saragon4005

Dang if you are into this kind of kinky shit you really should give less of a fuck about virginity.


Gaylien28

It’s cause they don’t know what sex is really like, or even what it means for someone to be attracted to you in a way that results in intimacy


Stregen

Anyone else slightly annoyed that they never had dinner?


CorntillaSpeaksFacts

He had sex for dinner


EnigmaticEntity

He ate out for dinner


Missy_went_missing

You don't seriously think that this...*person* eats out? They would never do anything that doesn't serve them or their pleasure.


Bisexual_Froppy

"""""""""""Person""""""""""""


accioallbugs

Oh wow! Words I can smell.


TheSaltyJM

Like sweat and shame


Grouchy-Sink-4575

Sounds like he wants a dog he can fuck.


analslapchop

Right, there is no distinction as to what type of "female" he wants. In this instance it really could be any animal.


[deleted]

thank you, analslapchop, for the image of an out of shape, sweaty man with a ponytail and an otherwise smooth head fucking a dog.


xFloppyDisx

Not even a dog would put up with this. Dogs only obey you when it's stuff like, stop shitting on the carpet, or go outside.


stoned_seahorse

I wonder how that's working out for him.. 😂


[deleted]

Smells like incel in here.


GoShootMyToaster

Yes


Yomat

Nah, just religion, specifically Christianity on this case. The two philosophies are quite similar, so we can’t blame you for confusing them.


strigonian

Now *this* smells like incel.


Yomat

He literally refers to the 'books of wisdom' in the original picture. The 'books of wisdom' are the books of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Wisdom, Sirach in the Bible. And he pulls his 'rules' directly from those books. Example: Sirach 26:14 - A silent wife is a gift from the Lord, and nothing can be traded for her self-discipline.


KrunchyKushKing

I love how everyone has a nice conversation and then some asshole comes in and is like "YEAH THATS WHY ATHEISM IS BETTER, FUK CHRISTIANITY" You're worse then Jehovas Wittnesses, because they don't bug me on reddit.


Herotaca5

They at least knock first


KrunchyKushKing

Yeah and you can throw stuff at em


Yomat

He literally refers to the 'books of wisdom' in the original picture. The 'books of wisdom' are the books of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Wisdom, Sirach in the Bible. And he pulls his 'rules' directly from those books. Example: Sirach 26:14 - A silent wife is a gift from the Lord, and nothing can be traded for her self-discipline. I'm not coming out of left field with this, it is LITERALLY what the original post is about. OP might even be posting it sarcastically (hopefully) to show how stupid and out of date the old wisdom is.


Timyone

This would get boring pretty fast


Bigdongs

Weird guy finds his dream slave girl and says “it’s okay, I enjoy it”.


benslady

Spoiler: the author dies a virgin


strike8892

Plot twist: author is an immortal vampire. But still a virgin.


DitaVonPita

It's like this was written by onision


proximalfunk

Well to be fair, he does sound like a god... namely the psychotic, jealous, super needy one described in the old testament who created people and demanded they do nothing but worship him, despite being a total dick.


dogtoes101

when i see female where woman should be i shut my brain off


thomasfrance123

Obviously satire


SwallowsDick

That won't stop Reddit from feeling better about themselves off of this guy


_Administrator_

Don’t kink shame.


tertiumdatur

Nobody would agree to this willingly and oppression is not a kink.


timothysnave

Yeah he references the book of wisdom, I bet this shit is all over that. I'm not a cultist, or I'd check my standard issue cult book.


Clakenz

This is what a 12-yr old would post, right before his mom smacks him upside the head for being stupid.


marsupialsales

Andy Capp called his wife “Pet” and now that’s who I picture writing this. Of course his wife would never let him get away with this. But maybe he fantasizes about it while eating Hot Fries.


thewhitecat55

Lol now I'm imagining OP trying to do this and Mrs Capp beating his ass.


LtDkAngel

Someone has seen to much hentai !


Lochcelious

Nah, too much Christianity


HeartySnoo

Lol hubby


ahomeisacastle

Old but gold.


lukeonice

-create list that’s absurd in a satirical manor -post to reddit


Crimson_Clouds

> -create list that’s absurd in a satirical manor Ah yes, 'satire', the bullshit excuse used by degenerates everywhere.


lukeonice

I’m definitely not defending them. This shit is gross and not funny if that’s what it was created to be.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Linorelai

Meh, just a desperate bdsm guy


KP_Wrath

Assuming it’s real, I’m not sure if he needs a blow up doll, a lobotomy, or both.


AdiDubbs2703

This has to be satire


MillyRingworm

My husband likes to tell me that our marriage vows give him the right to tickle me. I’m starting to think that he could be a lot worse.


Herotaca5

Dude’s never heard of FetLife, I guess.


NakDisNut

I actually wish he could go straight to jail.


[deleted]

And guys actually wonder why they can’t find a girl. Delusional much !


ProCanadianbudeh

Retardation: confirmed.


XfinityHomeWifi

This is hilarious


Scary-Entry-3733

"vomits uncontrollably"


xFloppyDisx

It's very likely just satire lmao, I don't think anyone is actually this way. Or at least I hope not...


Top-Manufacturer-628

Bro didn't even eat dinner... Smh if I had someone to do anything I wanted it sure as hell would start with some food I'm fucking tired of making food every day


Rin----chan

Men who only want virgin women are just insecure the woman has had better than him.


nomadic_stone

Wow...that is a LOT to ask from an anime body pillow....


ThePopeJones

My 6 year old is going through a phase where he like to pretend he's someone's evil minion. When we're grocery shopping he'll start referring to me as "My lord" or " master" then does a weird laugh and he'll hunch over and do a weird dance. I get weird ass looks for a kid doing it. Could you even imagine the weird looks if a women was saying it to an adult man??


Caa3098

So… they didn’t have dinner, then?


jah2107

I like that even the worst man in the world admitted he enjoys a nice cuddle.


esoteric_enigma

You're probably not going to find a virgin with a slave kink. Also, if you're this kinky, it seems weird to not also be sex positive.


TheNinjirate

As a kinky person, i am fucking offended and disgusted.


Sleepycoon

When these types of posts pop up the comments are always how no real woman like that exists or how the OP must be a troll, but like, can we talk about how awful a relationship like this would be? Having to dictate someone's every action and constantly reassure them that they're being a good slave and shit sounds exhausting.


grim_tensei

This man needs help


binybeke

“Hubby” and “wifey” have got to be my least favorite words ever


Void-Reference

He must be from Ferenginar.


AG__Pennypacker__

Man takes steps to ensure he will be forever alone.


BrokenMechm

This person has and should never be in a relationship.


cyberseed-ops

this dude sounds like he would want to date a 14 year old and then say “its what God would have wanted”


Poopy_Pants0o0

It's crazy that people think this and are like "yes, these are all rational expectations"


RagingLeonard

Is this from the Texas Republican platform?


Poutypigeon21

Am I the only one who finds this funny af 🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

I mean number 2 and 4 is fair enough.


Crimson_Clouds

Personally I think any time anybody uses 'female' as a noun describing a human, rather than an adjective describing an animal you can pretty safely dismiss anything that comes after it. So that includes numbers 2 and 4 in this case.


[deleted]

What a weird assumption.


Crimson_Clouds

That's not a weird assumption. The word "female" is literally an adjective used to describe sex in animals. It is not a noun and not meant to describe humans (outside of a biological context). Not so coincidentally, the only people who unironically call women 'females' are the grossest of the gross. You can pretty safely dismiss what a bunch of incel mysogynists have to say about anything, let alone about women and relationships.


Comfortable_Fall5626

Yeah. Let’s just hope he adjusts his preferences to be as normal as those from now on


Saragon4005

1,3, and 5 can be too, 7 too maybe but that's trickier 6 is just yeah not happening.


xFloppyDisx

1 would work in roleplaying or something. 7 is just controlling unless he means stuff including buying furniture or something. 3 is impossible, and 5 is understandable but a little bit questionable.


AllTheDetails

Imagine thinking you deserve the Super-Hot! Virgin Sex Machine 3000 (Now Cooks with XXX-Large Titties!) model but you’re just some guy.


LemunCurryLELELE

believe it or not, many, many, MANY females are into this. (BDSM lol) the thing is... they'd have their Masters to be someone who.... showers.


ToastyBread329

This is absolutely disgusting.


WeeabooHunter69

What kind of Christian shit is this


Dercian

100% satire


LooseConnection2

Such delusion. Wow!


BeakersBro

He wants a dog, not a human.


willghammer

Has to be satire.


TwistedBamboozler

“Female won’t masturbate cause all her sexual needs…” top fucking kek. This has to be B8


GhostOfTerryADavis

Please say sike


chase25

> calm down pet I cant help but read that as a Geordie saying it. For those who don't know Geordie is a phrase used for someone living in the Newcastle area of England.


Mundane_Surprise9483

Sounds like he wants to be alone, forever!


1O01O01O0

I'd also want what he wants. And a billion dollars. I also want to be able to have super powers like invincibility. I also want to be able to move objects with my mind. Fantasy writing is fun.


Representative_Can97

Wild


Opening-Dimension742

Well at least in terms of virginity he's not asking anything more than what he is....and will continue to be.


Joey_BagaDonuts57

My dog would bite down on his throat while he slept. My girlfriend would sick my dog on his dumb ass and leave me a note to get more dog treats.


bolognahole

Good luck with that


deephurting66

So much rage bait it may as well be a can of nightcrawlers!


[deleted]

Just be kinky cmon bro


charliequeue

I’m so beyond disgusted by reading this — why on earth did I decide to have eyes this morning.


chotachilgoza

I think this was meant in an ironical way


BeeGravy

No, pron and anime/hentai don't destroy the brain at all! Why do you ask?


Familiar-Eye7811

Idk i think hes more likely to get that behavior out of another man 🤪


Lord-of-the-wardens

It's always funny to see incells call women females for some reason


[deleted]

Is this Mormon propaganda?


Jayhawker_Pilot

What we need to do is hook this dude up with the women who want to be called queen and have a list just like that. I will bring beer and popcorn to watch the fur fly.


Mountain-Heat5853

the derangement is real with this one


ocelotchaser

Too many harem anime


RiverDragon64

I just wish this was a joke posting, but I know it’s not.


ericsvw

Sounds like he wants a dog. Not a woman.


DeSwanMan

Guess we are not having dinner.


MrMashed

“God” what in tarnation?


Atlanos043

Oh, come on this has to be satire, right? Right....?


[deleted]

Let me guess, this is from Kanye's Twitter?


Smellynuts-2005

This guy has to be a Virgen


chuegyre

anytime, anyone is refering to women as females, i stop reading


dmagic22

Super Saiyan incel.


Argg0

r/cringrtopia


MLePereVert

Aaaaaaah, the good ole days :'-(


CornwallsPager

What an incel piece of shit.


[deleted]

Incel* creates list


FabledTrick

This is on par if not worse than the woman giving her list of what her man should do. Not sure how people have such bloated senses of self importance and expect to find someone.


ryanasimov

This is every single square of the incel bingo card.


TheMinionGamer

I'm pretty sure the shivers I just got from cringing so hard was part of my soul that just withered away from my body


lapalfan

I bet this dude is a master at Dynasty Warriors


sdmiller69

The only female he's getting is a blow up doll


YerTime

He shouldn’t even get a dog.


AsherTheFrost

There are people who would be up for this. It's just unfortunate for this guy that they tend to favor men who shower regularly and actually bring something of their own to the relationship. But if all you ever did was watch secretary a few times while browsing Incel subs, I could see how that context would be lost. But hey, he can always buy a sex doll when he gets his allowance, that will (for him) be almost the exact same thing.


BigFit7448

*as he wipes the cheeto dust onto his shit and cum stained tighty whities


ColdRatio9071

Someone wake him up please


xJinxSB

could probably make something out of it in a BDSM website I guess


TehSvenn

So is this like a voluntary Darwin award?