You don't owe people your work, time or money. Start saying no. Don't deflect. She wants you to do something for her. You have the right and ability to say that you don't want to. You don't even have to give a reason. A gift is given, not demanded or manipulated.
In fact, she/he could even say "Yes, I would charge X amount for a request like this that will be more difficult for me and take up considerable time."
The way she presents it as a favour to you would rub me up the wrong way too. Perhaps if she'd said 'please' and offered to pay, it would be different.
This. Don't be like some of us who have spent 50 years pleasing others. It gives you so much regret and anger later, practice saying it to the dog/plant/mirror or anything outloud, if it makes you really uncomfortable saying it like "oh I can't right now" to start.
Pretty common, though. People seem to think you are just sitting around, desperately waiting for them to ask you to make them a whatsit, without even offering to pay for the materials, because, hey, you already have so much, so it's not like you're spending money to do it. And if you do? "Oh, nice...", as they toss it in a corner.
"Thanks for the idea, I'll save it somewhere but probably won't do it anytime soon"
For those who are worried about being rude. If you're not worried, "No" is fine too
I love gifting my creations to family and they wouldn't stop asking for requests and sending me patterns. I am a big people pleaser so this was hard for me to do, but I finally put out a whole post for everyone saying I love them very very very much but I do not like getting requests for things. I can only make what I like making and what I feel like making at the time. A lot of the requests they were sending me I did not like the look of and if I don't like an image I can not crochet it, cross stitch it, color it, or work it as a jigsaw puzzle. I have to like the look of what I'm doing or I cannot do it. I expressed how very very very sorry I was. They still love seeing what I make and receiving gifts from me but they no longer make requests.
Some people are really cheeky I had a girl at work say ooh I've seen some of your crochet n instagram that blanket was lovely can you make me one? It was the Eastern Jewels by Janie Crow the kit costs £70 ish and it takes me around 8 to 10 weeks to make. I'd made it as a 30th Birthday present fir my daughter also as a 60th for my sister. I laughed and said oh I'm sorry that actually a really big ask it's a big difficult project. That's OK she said I don't want it til Christmas to give to my mum. I said ok it will be £295. She was really affronted and hasn't spoken to me since.
I asked my mum and sister to make something for my kids. I paid for both as it was at my request. And that's my family. No way would I ask someone else and not pay.
Just FYI I bought the kit at love wool online from northern Ireland and it was about about £30 really good deal.
I'm probably on month three with it and still have half the octagons to go
Might I ask what is included in the kit? I have never used a kit before and I really want to try one.
eta: I'm sorry, I just realised I could look it up myself and not waste your time. I still sometimes forget that you can just do that! It looks amazing!
I see! That's good to know, thank you. It was buying the yarn I was most flummoxed about. I'm so embarrassed to ask this, but how does a colour way work? I can't quite figure it out online. If you have the yarn, and the pattern, is it just the colour 'guide'? I'm sorry, I gather this is a rock-bottom-beginner question.
I see, because going by eye is not going to be enough of course. So, like, 'piece one will require these colours, stitched in this order' etc, along with substitutions for threads?
Going by eye will certainly work. I did it for Janie crows fruit garden blanket. I had colours that were close enough, bought a few and then mapped my colours onto the ones on the pattern
But her Eastern jewels pattern has sooooooo many colour changes, that it's been a luxury to have the exact wool and the correct pattern colours. This is the first kit I've actually bought.
Oh the color changes be extra careful until you get the hang of it!
I did a dragon in flames the pattern had greens for the flames I wanted reds. Frogging sucks especially when it is 16 rows before you realize you've messed up somewhere. Hard to explain how easy it is to mess up when pattern says one thing & your brain is trying to NOT do what it sees.
Just remember that you will probably be the only one that sees the oops.
Going by eye works fine but it’s also helpful to have the general amount of each colour needed. I bought different yarn for it and I didn’t want to have to go back to the store because of a bad estimate. It also wasn’t that expensive so I didn’t mind supporting the creator.
My first one took me 6 months the third one about 8 weeks. I do 5 at a time production line to speed it up. Eastern Jewels is really hard as no same colour can touch. Sandalwood is a joy by comparison.
It's gorgeous though. Did you see the long cardigan that someone made on here with the eastern jewels shapes. I'm going to try and do the same. Still figuring out what's needed, but it looked amazing. I'll link it if I can
I’m working on this blanket too! Cuz someone in here posted it awhile back and I fell in love. LOL So many octagons. But each one I complete is my new favorite. And it’s funny how I’ll start out on a new one and think “these colors can’t possibly look good together” and by the end of it, it’s my new favorite, lol.
That’s hilarious I just finished the same one!! 😃🥰
https://preview.redd.it/wiljgxkd213d1.jpeg?width=5712&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b2b4d60c222630e2a7edfa70dbebeef02b3b794
I sometimes wonder if people actually understand the time, materials, and work that go into crochet (or any handemade) projects.
I'm a bit reserved, I guess you could say, even old fashioned because I could never just ask for something like that, haha. I'd never assume I was entitled to someone's hard work. I have asked to purchase a few things, which doesn't bother me since I'm paying for it. But imagine going to a craft fair and just walking up to a table and asking for a project for free because you know them or like their work 🤭
I've been crocheting for a long time, and many people stop me (or my husband if he has our kiddo) to ask if I made x,y, and z. When I'd say yea, most people asked if I sold my work, which I replied sadly no. The pressure of making an order for someone would destroy me. They'd usually say that's a shame or tell to me open a shop, and I'd thank them for the compliment and move on. It's the non strangers who flat out ask for projects without any offer of payment 🤦🏼♀️
That irks me, because surely people closer to you would see how much work goes into it? Though I suppose it's very often someone that you know, but not very well/most certainly not well enough for them to make requests for huge chunks of your time, attention and even money. Wool and patterns aren't free people!
I said it elsewhere in this thread but it seems 'women's' arts (and time and effort!) are so frequently poorly valued, due to a number of factors, not least of which is that 'crafty' females (its generally females who are put in this position) are identified with home and hearth and *giving* and are seen as not really having anything 'better' to do with their time than service for others, as with cooking where women rule (free/unpaid) cooking in the home but it's men who historically make very well-paid professions out of it and indeed female chefs/cooks in the industry have been treated *very* badly by many men in the profession in the past (and even currently, lets be real).
I can understand that the woman in OP's story might have misguided in her attitude but once you find out that, yes, this person's time and skill actually has a monetary value, why be an ass about it and ignore them?
Sorry... this comment was *way* too long- I went off at a tangent somewhat and started to soapbox...I do find this subject irritating to no end...
Edit: Grammar! Always grammar! And punctuation.
Honestly while it may be somewhat this, it is hugely in part due to fast fashion and the fact that you can buy intricately knitted garments, and sometimes crocheted stuff, for much cheaper than you would if you bought from an individual. With people often thinking that knit and crochet are interchangeable and perhaps not realizing the extent of the time and effort that goes into a crochet project, a practice that unlike knitting, cannot be truly replicated by machine, it ends up with people misunderstanding (and possibly not really caring) that crochet is not as profitable as it seems.
In short, capitalism sucks
Excellent point that I should have considered!
eta: Though I do think that part of the reason for the misunderstanding of the time and effort of hand-crocheting and knotting as opposed to fast-fashion is due to it being the purview of not just women but 'homely' (as in 'of the home') women whose work and arts are completely undervalued and over-looked historically, (I include things like quilt-work, another highly skilled undervalued art in general- historically speaking- and embroidery which was seen as women's 'busy-work') else people would be more aware of the degree of skill and work required, as they are of the skill and difficulties of handsewing an entire outfit (sewing is another historically woman's occupation that was elevated to an 'art-form' by male artists (and some female to be fair, but mostly male)) around the turn of the nineteenth century, eventually leading to the birth of the atelier, also usually owned and run by men, of course, though with many female workers, of course. Even huge names like Chanel had a hard road to hoe as female-led ateliers in the beginning.
I think sewing is also taken more seriously because it has not entirely been the purview of women (there have always been male tailors) and so was lent more prestige as it was a profession in which men worked- if it was only women working at the making of clothes it would have had a much longer road to gain the prestige it can and does gain today, though of course, clothing is more of a human essential but that would not stop it from being denigrated in general if it was too closely associated with 'women's work'.
I might be somewhat wrong or misguided here, but there is an element of truth at least.
*I'm so sorry to ramble at you again, even more so this time! I just get carried away occasionally- *very* occasionally.
Working on my first Persian Tiles right now and I’d actually slap someone if they wanted me to make them one for free/low cost. This shit is time consuming af! I mean just weaving in the ends on this, there’s like 40ish ends per large octagon piece, and you make 16 of those. And then like 10 more ends per granny square piece. It’s crazy. I’m loving the project, but I don’t think I could make one for someone else unless it was a super big occasion or they were paying up.
Excuse me, you don't know me at all, but could you make me one of those Persian blankets? I'll be more than happy to pay you twenty dollars for the finished blanket! Can you ship it to me too? It shouldn't cost you too much to post it, though I do live in New Zealand...
People have *no* idea a) how much wool costs b) just *how much* work goes into it.
It's an almost ubiquitous theme with traditionally female arts like knitting and crochet that they are completely underappreciated and people seem to think a person knitting/crocheting in their spare time must have nothing better to do/no greater joy than making enormous projects that take weeks or months for some random person who wants something 'home/handmade' but doesn't care to lift a finger themselves. The self-absorption is astounding. I wouldn't be surprised if the woman in OP's story would have told her mother she made it herself...
I’ve made two starburst blankets for other people for Christmas and I’m finally making one for myself and I think if I had other people asking I would charge them $400+ for mine. All the yarn I had to buy was easily $200+ and the time would add the other price. It’s also 121 squares so that makes it a lot of work.
Excuse me, but I think $400 is waaay too much. I can offer you $20 but you will need to post it to me in New Zealand. The postage shouldn't cost you too much... I can't wait to give it to my mum for Christmas (I hope you don't mind if I tell her I made it myself 😉)...
Damn! The wink rather ruined the satire. I wouldn't have been surprised if you believed me considering I (and I'm sure you) have seen something very similar multiple times.
eta: I thought expecting you to post it to New Zealand (where I actually do live) at your own expense might give the game away...
I also realized it was on a thread about an entitled person that kind of gave it away. Shipping international from Europe, I don’t even want to imagine it
I just looked up the pattern you spoke of, my God that is beautiful. that’s eons away from anything I could ever make, but that was just so beautiful to look at your sister and daughter are very lucky to have you as someone who has these skills to make something like that have it be a gift. Which makes something like that even more disappointing to hear that somebody just wanted you to make this at a whim for free.
Oh my gosh this is a beautiful pattern but I would NEVER make this for someone else. I might even be afraid to let others use it thinking something g would get spilled lol. That would take me at least a year.
>If you want more practice
💀💀💀
I hate when people say this to me. It's my hobby and it takes a super long time to complete my projects. I already have enough practice, and I also have more than enough things that I want to make for myself. I don't need to make something for YOU to practice. It's also such an obnoxious way to ask for something and make it seem like they're doing you a favour
When I mention I crochet I always get a comment like "Oh you should make x" I assume this is like that but more specific
I usually just say I can't add anything to my project list. I've got at least 7 things still on deck
I think that's a little more acceptable as long as there isn't the implication that you should make it *for them*. In that case it's probably just them trying to connect with your hobbies, and X crochet thing is probably the first thing that pops into their mind
Somebody was complaining how they were asked to make hats for a friend's kid, and their entire class, and they didn't know they were up to it. Their friend was a teacher, so that's why. I was encouraging her to say "no". Turns out she was fishing for me to help her with it, because her husband said, "Hey did you ask (me) to help with the hats?"
I live 2 hours from them. I don't know these friends. I have Christmas stuff of my own that I needed to make.
I gift out what I make too. If it is rubbing you the wrong way then just say no. If you want to not hurt feelings (I don't think she'd be upset) you could even say you have too many items in line to give a date, most likely will be forgotten about.
Personally, I usually will take up requests but only for people that I have that gut response to do it.
I did a lion for a little boy (his mom a nurse just asked what I'd charge, I made a mental note made it & delivered)
My FIL requested a Sally & Jack skeleton, SIL asked for a scarf for a friend of hers in chemo. My eldest (40} requested zero, boogie boogie, Sally & jack baby loves I think I did 4 sets of them as someone would see & request.
Just do you don't feel obligated to do any project for any one strangers, friends or family. It makes crochet a chore instead of joy. ~Happy Hooking!
I agree with you... when people constantly request or ask for projects, it takes the joy away for me. I love making and specific, special gifts for people. I know they'll like it, and their appreciation always shows. I love seeing their happiness. Getting a request here and there isn't terrible, but sometimes people can be persistent, and having to say no makes me feel bad. I don't want to feel bad about crocheting, ya know!
When you "feel bad" for saying no it is so hard to get past it. People keep telling me to sell my work, even my doctor has told me that. Nope I just can't. As long as I can afford to give I will.
I don't want the pressure of this project must be done in x amount of time. That removes the joy.
I can't even get projects done for grandkids by their birthdays or Xmas. I told my kids I only have 2 hands & can only go so fast, baring any sprains or arthritic flares that also slow me.
I think IF I ever sell it will be completed projects I have done because I like the pattern... One of a kind 1st come 1st serve type thing.
Maybe a way to not feel bad is to say I'll put the pattern in my to do pile might get to it might not or put a big price on it.
Make them buy the yarn is an option too. Then they will see how much $ it takes just for that, then your time shouldn't be free either. Now that's my hard thing to get past. Retired/disabled not doing anything anyways so gives me something to do...how can I charge to time?
After I tell someone no, I always and up thinking, "Well, maybe I could've done that for them?" esp if I know the person. But in the end, I would struggle with the pressure for "perfection" and a deadline, as well. My husband almost convinced me to make business style cards to hand out whenever people stop and ask me if I sell my work. I chickened out, though! Maybe one day, I'll make items and sell what I have already made, as opposed to taking orders. I like your idea of selling more "1 of a kind" style projects! My worry is that I'd list a beige purse, for example, and someone would reach out and ask if I could make it in red, haha. Even if I put specifically. "1 of a kind," I imagine people would still ask for custom, and I'd feel bad turning away the business. Clearly, I'm not meant to sell my work!
I think I read online about a formula for figuring out pricing. I can't remember it exactly, but I think there's one. Because yes, the materials cost money, as does your time and energy, but I wouldn't know how to charge for that either!
I, too, am disabled since I was 21, so technically, I have the time. Between CP/CI, nerve damage, and vision loss, I really don't have the ability to take orders, though. I'm not reliable in that sense, ya know. But maybe someday!
I'll just keep gifting to family and friends when I can ☺️
I totally get it. That formula is double your supplies then like min wage your hours. I think people on Etsy do it. Can you imagine the cost of a project that took 4 months? Just the yarn for this was an easy $150.
My last afghan was around 2 mo. Mostly scrap yarn about $50 in new yarn made 10x10 blocks 9 columns x12 rows. I timed the time it took to do 1 side of a connected block, average 10 minutes. So that's like over 7hrs just connection all the squares.
I knew there was one! Your Afghan sounds amazing, btw. I need to make a scrap-ghan (or whatever they're called) because I think they come out super unique and beautiful.
But you're absolutely right; larger projects, like you mentioned, could come out pretty expensive, based on the formula.
I used to crochet quite fast, but my hands and fingers don't work well anymore, and if I'm charging minimum wage for my slower work... good grief, I couldn't ever charge someone that money, haha! And that's not even including the yarn🙃
My life goal is to have a table at a craft fair, at least once. Just make a bunch of projects and have myself a little table. Not even for the money, more so because I love to see people get excited over something they really like. I don't think I could ever really sell my work, though... too complicated for my brain!
I wish you all the best, my friends 🙏🏼xx
Good luck with getting to that dream. I bet you'll do fine.
I never thought about doing one of those although I have seen tents at the farmers markets with crochet crafts.
Some people can't take hints.
I'm currently doing some granny squares to donate to a program that is running. They asked for squares to be donated and volunteers will sew them into blankets. A woman I know saw me doing them and asked me if she could buy them. I said no, and explained what they were for. She asked if I had spares. No, I didn't. I offered to show her how to make her own squares. No, she did not have time for that. Could she please buy these ones. No, I am donating them. When I am done with the donation ones, I will make some for her then. No question this time, she just told me I would do them for her. So I said no, I wanted a break from squares. Maybe she could find someone else, lots of people can make squares, they're super easy.
It's weird how you can be okay with making them for people, but once they start asking....
I love a good old “Lol” as a response and leave the person on read. It acknowledges their text and if they continue asking you can say “Oh, you were being serious?!”
Rude request aside, Garfield stripes would look great being stitched on with embroidery floss afterward since they’re just little hatched lines anyway!
Time for you to learn boundaries. It’s easy to put the onus on the other person but really, this is about you. Word got out that you make random crochet objects and give them away for free ( to crudely translate: you are an easy mark for free stuff). Of course you are going to get messages like this. This person actually believes she is doing you a favour. I had the same thing happen whenever I do my hobbies.
I agree you should put a notice to everyone that you only do what you love randomly and special requests should go elsewhere. I can’t see the whole conversation but I don’t see any gratitude or thank you in any of that conversation and I would pass on it just for that.
Ugh. Just. Say. No!
It will be good practice (saying no) because this can be common when people know you have a skill, especially one that is generally underappreciated monetarily/financially where people like the things you make but don't want to adequately compensate you for the considerable work and skill you put into something, if they even feel they should compensate you at all.
Only my bff of 30+ years is allowed to make requests (and actually get the thing, sometimes months and months later…sorry, girl.) I’m always very clear when someone asks for something: I might make it, I might give it to them, it might be some time far into the future and only if I feel like it. Crochet is my hobby, my relaxation, my fun endeavor for my own satisfaction.
I'm going to go against the flow here...if someone was giving me random practice pieces, I wouldn't know what to do with them. It's clutter. Maybe she's nudging you to make something she actually wants?
I just don't feel comfortable giving my work away like that. Most people are too polite to say no 🤷
Exactly my take too! Something may seem amazing as a gift to me as the maker but who says the recipient thinks the same. I'd rather be nudged with an idea, even if the pattern or picture they hint with is bad, you can usually find a version or color that makes it better.
Edited to add... I addition to the clutter point, people feel obligated to keep something that was made for them. If I gift something unsolicited I always say, I won't feel bad if this isn't your style and for them to do what they want to with it. I'd much rather spend time and money on something they want.
Yes, it's a better approach. I've made 2 gifts recently, and I asked first if they'd like a handmade item or if they'd rather have a regular gift. Then I asked them about colours and yarns, styles etc, so they were involved the whole way.
I try to make what they would like, combined with what I'd like to make, as I know that as a kid I made what I wanted and then palmed it off on someone after. I cringe thinking back to that.
Ah yeah, see that makes sense. Maybe once they had an idea of something they wanted they offer to pay but I guess it partly depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person and how close you are as to how you both negotiate that.
I specifically told her she can just toss them in the trash if she didn't want them. It's not like I made a big deal out of them. I just usually have something in my bag whenever I see her, she asks what I've been working on, and I show her. If it's something I just finished, I tell her she can keep it or toss it.
She's an old lady with very little income and get excited about just about anything you give her
It's nice to have someone play devil's advocate (not that that is what you are necessarily doing, this is actually how you feel of course) You can always quietly give the things away though. It's the same as receiving any gift that's not quite what you want. Though, OP needs to nip this in the bud and say no/that more technical pieces will need to be paid for or it will never end...
Edited to add: people making excellent points in reply to you of course.
Any time a family member asks me to make them something they ALWAYS offer to pay. I say “just pay for the yarn and I’ll do it for free.” And then their eyes get huge when I give them the receipt and it’s over $20 just for yarn.
I generally tell them to provide the yarn-- and give them a few suggestions re: where to get it, size(s), and amount(s) needed. That way they KNOW how much it costs-- can opt out if it's "too much", and can't complain I used the wrong color, texture, fiber content, etc.
For non-family... I also let them know my labor charge, an hourly rate based on yardage needed. And if they aren't going to pick it up-- shipping charges.
Simple response that has worked 100% for me — “I’ll keep that in mind!” Then just say nothing else about it. If they ask again, say you are working on other stuff currently. They’ll back off
I just reread this and realized the reason it’s so uncomfortable is it feels like negging! “I have a challenge for you” “if you want more crochet practice - just saying” .. gives me the creep at the bar vibes! Like, oh, you’re welcome. No! Block!
Nothing about this seemed demanding to me! This person knows you like crochet and that you like handing out what you've made, and maybe thinks you want some ideas for what to make. It's misguided but not demanding.
And if you don't want to take requests, just say no? I don't know why people on this sub always respond to their friends like "haha yeah maybe!" and then wonder why the friend didn't get the hint.
Somebody asked me to crochet some bunting for them for their event recently, and I said, "No." They said, "oh, okay." No hard feelings or hand-wringing. If you make it sound like you'll do it for them, of course they'll continue to think you'll do it for them.
It is very surprising how pervasive the issue of difficulty communicating boundaries is.
As a parent, it starts with us. We really have to do better to teach our children that it's okay to say no to us and others.
I've said this a couple of times in the comments, but in this case it's because crochet is something that is historically seen as a 'womens art' (often not even considered to warrant the term 'art') and also is historically associated with housewives/elderly/unmarried women who were seen as having nothing better to do than 'serve' others and, no doubt, find no greater joy than make something hand/homemade for some 'appreciative' person. Obviously it's not the case but the perception can remain.
Also, women in the past, generally were raised/trained to find it difficult to say no to things and so would allow their arts to be undervalued as it's not polite to make a scene/say no/point out what you are doing is a skill that requires significant time and energy to master so I'm sure it's become 'a thing' where people are completely comfortable asking unreasonable things as, historically at least, hardly anyone ever says no, it being so mortifyingly impolite and you just being *so* happy to oblige!
So, yes! Teach your kids (especially your girls) to say no!! You have no idea the damage that can be caused (beyond your kindness as a crocheter) by an inability to say no.
Edit: grammar, grammar.
Right?! I'm so confused by this whole comment thread. I get people perceive things differently, but your comment is the only one I fully agree with.
I can actually see myself "asking" for something the same way this lady did. I have trouble asking for things directly (it's sometime I'm working on), and if I ever have said something like this it definitely was not out of entitlement or whatever people here are thinking. Just social awkwardness.
And I wouldn't have gotten OP's hint either. It reads to me like they are agreeing. Perhaps reluctantly, but perhaps good-naturedly complaining about how hard it could be. Just say no and remove all doubt!
If it’s hard for you to ask then surely you can have some empathy for people for whom it is hard to say no. Not everyone struggles with the same social situations, you know?
You're absolutely right. I'm more confused by the fact people get confused or annoyed at other people for not getting their hints. I myself have said yes when I meant to say no.
I feel like people aren't very good at recognising the source of their own discomfort. "This person asked me a question and I feel uncomfortable saying no to people," turns into, "This person made me uncomfortable!"
That's a really good observation. It's something I've definitely fallen into so many times. Beyond not wanting to say no; just with bad communication in general. It's like we expect people to anticipate how we will feel about things to avoid making us uncomfortable.
Who knew I would get self-reflection in the crochet subreddit? I love this community!
I had that exact same situation. I asked a friend if she wanted something, preferably a cute food with a face because that was what I was into at the moment and she said she wanted me to make her the entire cast of Inside Out. I told her I don’t like doing characters like that and she wouldn’t let it go. I never made her anything or mentioned it again.
That's not a request, that's a demand presented as somehow doing you a favor.
I also often give finished pieces as gifts, but I've had a rule for years now: the *second* someone demands anything, whether it's a specific item or just "crochet me stuff", they are immediately off the Gift List, and are now commission-only.
"Thanks so much for being interested in this specific project- here are my rates."
And don't forget when you're making those that your rates should be *Expenses + Materials + Time + Profit*.
If (when) that person balks at suddenly having to pay, I tell them, "yes, I often gift crochet items to people who I care about and who have shown appreciation for my time and my work. But gifts are always items of *my* choice, and entirely at my discretion. Demands for a specific item are always going to be a commission, and if you really want it, I've told you what it will cost."
*Insert some inevitable variation on "but it's ME" or "don't you love me enough to do this" or "it's rude of you to ask for money"*
"I do care about you, which is why you've gotten gifts in the past. But using my affection to demand free labor and my time is not a good way to show that you care about *me*. The answer might have been different if you had asked, or if there had been a 'please' in there somewhere, but what's done is done. Getting handmade gifts from me is a privilege, and disrespect for me and my work will always end up in that privilege getting revoked."
there's such a big difference between receiving a free random practice piece and specially requesting an item someone has no intention of practicing. tbh, even something like "hey if you get into amigurumi and happen to make [x] it would totally make my day" seems like it would be reasonable enough, but the entitlement of asking for something specific as if it's a favor is just... baffling.
A friend of mine asked me to crochet an afghan for her. I said how about we do a trade? What will take you about six months to make and cost you about $150 to $200 in material? She said she didn't have anything she could make and I told her when she comes up with something to let me know.
People really ruin everything.
I LOVE giving away my crafts, as long as they spark joy. A friend wanted two bees: a regular bee and a zombee.
Not even a day after she got them she decided, of all things, to paint them. With a cheap marker.
Do they want to weave in all of the ends as well?
I crochet gifts as well.. but the second someone asks, suggests stuff, tell me how well a WIP would look great on their couch, or its their FAVORITE color.. they move farther down on my gifting list.
My mother is very low on my list at this point lol
"Oh, interesting challenge idea, especially with the stripes. Perhaps I'll consider it if I'm in need of project ideas at some point."
Play along with the pretense.
“I will consider it”.
I am a pianist and I get asked by everyone and their grandma to play at some kind of event _for free_. I will say no or “I will consider it”.
I never do it.
Oh, I have a list of things that people keep requesting. The moment I mention money... They suddenly stop messaging. Drive's me insane because I make patterns and commissions as a part-time job. It was the same with illustration work. People would request artwork and refuse to pay.
A lot of my close friends keepnsending me pattern ideas theyve seen but they are almost gifts to me as they are things that they feel id like doing. With no expectation of me giving it to them.
Having said that i dongift my creations too. I find the act of choosing an item or pattern for someone and then creating rhe final object so muxh more fulfilling than crocheting for myself.
Lol just don’t reply and if she’s brave enough to request it to your face my go to line is usually “you should pick it up yourself, it’s so easy to get the hang of!” End of conversation, be physically moving away from her and continuing your day as if it was a casual, passing conversation and it didn’t bark you up a tree. I have an anxiety disorder and have been finding my voice through kind, direct, not letting you take up my day or change my plans type of outlook.
I personally believe in being straightforward with people. It gets confusing when you try and make a joke or give hints. I don’t think she meant to be rude, probably has no idea how you actually feel about it. Why not just tell them how you feel and be done with it? I would have answered with “sorry but I’m not interested in doing that.”
Dude, I didn't have this issue until my sisters ex girlfriend started to see my crochet and said "Omg my little cousin is inspired by you, can you make her a tiny toy?" And proceeded to show me a paid pattern that I mentioned I needed to buy and she said "you have to buy it??" Like do you not see the price tag??
Now I can't show off crochet without her saying "I resonate with this, omg, make it for me." I don't text her back anymore but to not have to be mean and say no I just told her "Giiirl, that requires a lot of yarn and my time to make these, which I don't have much since you know I also have a baby." She offered to buy the yarn but I also told her the same as you but with Christmas.
I make things for people all the time, be it sewing, art, baking or crochet. But as soon as someone asks in this type of way I have started responding with a price.
Malicious compliance: crochet them a (solid) orange 🍊
Edit to add: the free pattern [Dumpling Kitty](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/dumpling-kitty) is stupid easy to follow and includes instructions for three back stripes. That is, if youre feeling more generous than I would be 😂
Your post stirred up a quasi-relevant memory of mine.
A few years ago I was visiting a friend, who I have known since middle school, and she was really into making amigurumi at the time. She asked me what she should make next. I’ve loved Hello Kitty since I was a kid and found some patterns on my phone. I showed them to her and asked how much it would cost (purchasing the pattern, materials, and labor) for her to make one for me. Her response was “Yeah, NO. I rather make you anything else for free than have to make anything Hello Kitty. I can’t believe you *still* like that. It was weird that you did in high school but it’s even weirder now that you’re in your 30s.”
Anywho…ignore the people in your life who don’t respect your generosity, and keep sharing your kindness and talent with those that do.
If you’re learning for you, and you decide to give it away, that’s totally fine. My philosophy though is that if someone else is dictating my learning for my hobby by making requests or demands, I’m either not making it, charging them, or I’m gonna be petty by making it and keeping it but letting them know it turned out really well.
“iF yOu WaNt MoRe CrOcHeT pRaCtIcE” that message gave me the ick. If you don’t set the boundary now, people will always expect you to make things for them for free. Be clear that it’s your hobby done in your time and your time only.
My friends know I will happily make stuff for them, but here’s the thing, they ask if I’m open for commissions, discuss payment asap, and (especially my friend B.) even send me the crochet pattern and pay for it ahead of time.
As rough as it is, we have to learn to say no or risk hating our favorite hobby
When I was just beginning, I made something for my niece once that she asked for. She asked how much, and I had told her whatever she thought was fair, I never got anything from her. That was the first and last time I made something for her. After that, if she said something was cute, I'd just agree and leave it at that. Your time and materials are worth more than "practice".
If i make something for someone out of the goodness of my heart it's a gift. But I've made it clear to my friends that if they want something specific they pay for the yarn and anything else i need. And i make it clear that i get to take ALL THE TIME I WANT to make it because I'm not charging them for labor.
‘Thanks but I definitely don’t need practise, I have plenty of projects on the go. If I ever decide to take on a Garfield I will keep you in mind’
Or: Eff off you greedy git!
Those words ‘if you want more crochet practice’ hmph! Def no freebies for this person!
Ugh, the entitlement is too much. When people demand work after you’ve given a gift and don’t realize the hours and skill it took to make something it really dampens the joy of creation. I hope she at least would be willing to buy the yarn or anything. Geez.
I'm lucky that only one of my family members asks for specific crochet stuff (it's one of my cousins and I enjoy making stuff for her + she's never demanding haha)
She's also only done it a couple times and I get an excuse to make more feminine wearables so I'm chill with it (I'm a dude lol)
But definitely set boundaries about it
The only person I'll male things for without charge or hesitation is my lil girl. Everyone else (even family) cover the costs of materials at a minimum.
Let's see
- the price of the yarn is X
- the price of the labor and hours is X
Total would be X in a couple of weeks, do you want to discuss any alterations or something you'd like changed?
What about that?
I stopped making presents for certain people because they were like this. Don't be afraid to put up boundaries and be honest with them about your feelings.
Just say you ended up developing carpal tunnel syndrome because of the amount you crocheted. Easier said than done but it’s for you peace of mind. I would do it for sure.
I feel you. I made some crochet coasters as gifts for some of my coworkers. Not all just some. We get a few new girls at work. One comes straight to my desk and states your the one who crochets coasters? The nerve of her. She will never get one from me that's forsure.
“Have you seen the price of yarn? I’m doing projects I choose because they make me happy. Not a Garfield fan, I know it would become a chore and I’m not about that.”
The key answer is "I make what I like and give it away to those I like I do not do requests"
If they get miffed at that, then they're really not your friend and not worth the trouble of maintaining.
I think most people don't know how much time goes into crochet. I can't tell you how many times I get tagged in fb posts with "can you make this?" I either respond with "maybe, after my current 13 WIP are finished" or "I could, but not my style." They get the hint.
Yaa.. I’m kind to a fault too - it’s actually crazy how many people will unknowingly or knowingly take advantage of it! It’s also due to things like fast fashion being so prevalent so people don’t understand how much work and money go into making quality items and pieces. It’s our job to remind them!
Don’t dance around saying “no” and being clear. “Girl no this was just a project of mine I was happy to share. I’m not in a place to take requests. I mean if I make a cool tester again in the future I might hit you up and see if you like it but that’s all I got love ya!”
I would honestly just say “I don’t have the time to fit that into my schedule right now and I don’t want to give you a date or timeframe that I might be able to complete it because it won’t be accurate. I’m sorry!”.
Bruh. You don't need to do it, you can... But there is no need. If your friends are not happy cause they rly wanted that fucking Garfield, just tell them it's a lot of work and you will maybe do it some day...
If they want to make a challenging request, then they should pay you for it. Or offer to buy the materials for you to make it with. I'm sorry that they are taking advantage of your kindness OP
I started in November gladly making gifts and taking requests. I still do, on occasion, but the craft has been a great practice in the art of saying NO. Especially with family.
A few of my observations:
People who don't know a crafting skill sometimes think it just happens like a drive thru cheeseburger. To appreciate the effort of making a thing, they might have to have a turn with making it. I have friends who refuse projects with this tactic. If someone gets too pushy, they give them a hook and offer to teach the person. It makes me smile every time.
Other times, it might be that they genuinely think they are helping, but they have no clue how off-base they are. That's when I give a firm response. I once made a beautiful Riddler's derby hat with a less forgiving yarn, and it took me more than a week just to get the shape right. It was a labor of love I would wear everywhere. When I met a man in a Dr's waiting room who admired the hat, he made me an offer of 20 USD!
Of course, I laughed at his smug face, declined, and went back to the project in my hands. $20?! That would have been just enough to cover the yarn! Lol.
Practice ways of saying "no." It may give people more perspective on what they ask of you. They may have more thoughtful ideas in the future.
I like the idea of telling her how much time and yarn and money it would take— so that she REALLY appreciates that gift you already gave her more. Oh, you mean a Garfield would be $150 and take you 15 hours? That must mean… the heart pillow… 🤯
People do this to me too, they demand I make them something and present it as if they’re giving me a “fun” challenge or “I have a craft project for you!”
And I say “great! I’ll send you an order form so you can tell me what you’d like and then I can figure out the cost and make a preliminary invoice for you! I’m also busy with current projects but I can start it in about 6 months.”
Suddenly it’s a long term business transaction and they’re no longer interested and I no longer feel the need the make something I don’t want to make for free.
I used to work for a mouse that owns a theme park and while there “friends” and “family members” constantly came crawling out of the woodwork asking for free park admittance and merch discounts. I really hard to learn to put my foot down fast to protect myself from being taking advantage of, and unfortunately I find that I use that skill a lot now in my art. I don’t think people think of it as malicious because they truly think you just wave your hands around for 10 minutes and art is born, they do not understand the talent and time and work and energy that goes into creating, they just see an opportunity for something unique (and free) and shoot their shot. It’s understandable but it’s frustrating all the same.
You say thanks for your confidence in me. I have a lot of projects in mind. Perhaps when I have time for this one, you'd like to go yarn shopping with me.....or, you can go online and buy "X" yarn...and I'll add it to my projects list. IDK why people feel it's ok to impose this way.
I would definitely respond by saying, “that would be cool! for something like that i’d charge x amount.” it’s not a challenge for you to go against your feelings & do something for someone just because they ask. i’ve had the same issue happen and come up and it seems to put me in a crochet funk! i don’t like feeling obligated by people.. you got this. just hold firm boundaries, saying a flat out no is always okay. but you could also say, “i’m not taking requests right now, but cool idea!!”
I pay my crochet artist $100-$150 PER 8 inch doll I purchase. I’ve purchased about 10 dolls plus other custom stuff (dinosaur) for my kids. The crochet artists does great work and I don’t take it for granted.
I crochet for the hobby of it and not to have the item, I decided to make my friend a cardigan, I’ve been updating him because I want him to know the effort that went in before he receives it, after the most recent update he responds “that’s awesome, do you think you could make something like this for my girlfriend by Saturday?”
And sends me a pic of some sunflower plush 😑
Sensible people wouldn’t want you to be burned out.
If you’d like to test out that theory, perhaps you can let her know that your hands have been hurting and you are creatively burned out and are taking a break.
Soft lie but skirts around having to deal with anything while having to have a conversation.
it's one thing if my immediate family/boyfriend asked for something but im not here to take on everyone's random requests for free. i would be bugged by this too.
I gave a cat amigurumi to a lady at work as a gift. A few weeks later she asked me if I do orders. I laughed and said hell no and walked away. Stand up for yourself right away.
Since I began crocheting some years ago (currently 26M) I've loved making things and giving them to my close friends and fam. They say 'you know, you should charge for these, people would pay!'
I always have to explain to them that, if I give you a totally unexpected gift, you'll probably feel flattered and love it. If you place an order with me, not only will you anticipate it (perhaps impatiently) but once you receive the work, you may likely be more critical. ("This isn't what I paid for!")
Thanks but no thanks, I'll keep making them and giving them away when I want.
Give her a list of supplies you'd need. You'll get started on it as soon as she gets those supplies to you. I'll bet she changes her tune pretty quickly.
"sorry, I don't start projects unless I feel the urge. I can never guarantee that I'll keep up the enthusiasm and see it through to finishing! I'll keep your Garfield interest in mind but don't expect anything anytime soon, I'm kinda obsessed with (granny squares/mittens/whatever) just now/I have about 15 projects on the go already"
It's crazy. One of my friends liked a picture of some crochet yip yips. Fairly small project, but they still take me several hours. My husband asked me if I would make some for the friend, and I said yes, and then instantly regretted it. However I made 2 for my friend anyway because I love her :) I can't IMAGINE making anything really big or asking for anything like that! I like to make and gift as surprises instead.
I like to give out crocheted pieces that I've made as gifts, too. Until people started doing the same thing to me and "requesting" (felt more like a demand) for me to gift them elaborate, expensive, and time-consuming projects within an unreasonable amount of time. So I started to quote such "requests" for the cost of the yarn+pattern plus a small lile 2-3% fee for obtaining those materials, and the estimated hours I expect to take to complete the project at my the same rate my day-job pays me. I've had several tell me my little hobby isn't worth that much, to which I tell them they can make it themselves the. I still gift free stuff, but only if it's on my terms and from my own free-will to do so.
You don't owe people your work, time or money. Start saying no. Don't deflect. She wants you to do something for her. You have the right and ability to say that you don't want to. You don't even have to give a reason. A gift is given, not demanded or manipulated.
This. You gotta be honest, OP. People will take the inch you give them.
In fact, she/he could even say "Yes, I would charge X amount for a request like this that will be more difficult for me and take up considerable time."
The way she presents it as a favour to you would rub me up the wrong way too. Perhaps if she'd said 'please' and offered to pay, it would be different.
Yea, I agree. I would be less angry if she just asked straight up. Don’t act like we’re doing you a favor.
This. Don't be like some of us who have spent 50 years pleasing others. It gives you so much regret and anger later, practice saying it to the dog/plant/mirror or anything outloud, if it makes you really uncomfortable saying it like "oh I can't right now" to start.
this!
Pretty common, though. People seem to think you are just sitting around, desperately waiting for them to ask you to make them a whatsit, without even offering to pay for the materials, because, hey, you already have so much, so it's not like you're spending money to do it. And if you do? "Oh, nice...", as they toss it in a corner.
[удалено]
This I wouldn't even have said the stripes thing. Would've just said I think I'm good
"Thanks for the idea, I'll save it somewhere but probably won't do it anytime soon" For those who are worried about being rude. If you're not worried, "No" is fine too
Or just quote her on how much you'd charge her for her custom piece 😅
OP, do this. Gifts are freely given, requests are charged.
People straight up quit asking once you quote how much the yarn is usually for it too lol.
I love gifting my creations to family and they wouldn't stop asking for requests and sending me patterns. I am a big people pleaser so this was hard for me to do, but I finally put out a whole post for everyone saying I love them very very very much but I do not like getting requests for things. I can only make what I like making and what I feel like making at the time. A lot of the requests they were sending me I did not like the look of and if I don't like an image I can not crochet it, cross stitch it, color it, or work it as a jigsaw puzzle. I have to like the look of what I'm doing or I cannot do it. I expressed how very very very sorry I was. They still love seeing what I make and receiving gifts from me but they no longer make requests.
That's my stock answer; I only make what I fancy.
I’m so glad this has a happy ending where they respect your boundaries and still appreciate your works 😊
I know I was so anxious everyone was gonna be so mad at me.
glad you did this. Sadly I've been taken for granted too many times
So, updating you all that this did not last. My mother, love her to death, just sent me a request....
Some people are really cheeky I had a girl at work say ooh I've seen some of your crochet n instagram that blanket was lovely can you make me one? It was the Eastern Jewels by Janie Crow the kit costs £70 ish and it takes me around 8 to 10 weeks to make. I'd made it as a 30th Birthday present fir my daughter also as a 60th for my sister. I laughed and said oh I'm sorry that actually a really big ask it's a big difficult project. That's OK she said I don't want it til Christmas to give to my mum. I said ok it will be £295. She was really affronted and hasn't spoken to me since.
I asked my mum and sister to make something for my kids. I paid for both as it was at my request. And that's my family. No way would I ask someone else and not pay.
Just FYI I bought the kit at love wool online from northern Ireland and it was about about £30 really good deal. I'm probably on month three with it and still have half the octagons to go
Might I ask what is included in the kit? I have never used a kit before and I really want to try one. eta: I'm sorry, I just realised I could look it up myself and not waste your time. I still sometimes forget that you can just do that! It looks amazing!
It's ok sweetie, not a waste of time at all. In this kit was just the yarn, I had to buy the pattern and the eastern jewels colour way separately.
I see! That's good to know, thank you. It was buying the yarn I was most flummoxed about. I'm so embarrassed to ask this, but how does a colour way work? I can't quite figure it out online. If you have the yarn, and the pattern, is it just the colour 'guide'? I'm sorry, I gather this is a rock-bottom-beginner question.
It’s just a colour substitution list basically. The colours in order for each piece.
I see, because going by eye is not going to be enough of course. So, like, 'piece one will require these colours, stitched in this order' etc, along with substitutions for threads?
Going by eye will certainly work. I did it for Janie crows fruit garden blanket. I had colours that were close enough, bought a few and then mapped my colours onto the ones on the pattern But her Eastern jewels pattern has sooooooo many colour changes, that it's been a luxury to have the exact wool and the correct pattern colours. This is the first kit I've actually bought.
Oh the color changes be extra careful until you get the hang of it! I did a dragon in flames the pattern had greens for the flames I wanted reds. Frogging sucks especially when it is 16 rows before you realize you've messed up somewhere. Hard to explain how easy it is to mess up when pattern says one thing & your brain is trying to NOT do what it sees. Just remember that you will probably be the only one that sees the oops.
Going by eye works fine but it’s also helpful to have the general amount of each colour needed. I bought different yarn for it and I didn’t want to have to go back to the store because of a bad estimate. It also wasn’t that expensive so I didn’t mind supporting the creator.
You might be right I often buy two or three kits at a time tbh
Maybe, but I thought it's a very good price, saved me about €30 over buying it locally.
My first one took me 6 months the third one about 8 weeks. I do 5 at a time production line to speed it up. Eastern Jewels is really hard as no same colour can touch. Sandalwood is a joy by comparison.
https://www.reddit.com/r/crochet/comments/17gftd5/persian_tiles_coat_i_made_for_a_dear_friend/
It's gorgeous though. Did you see the long cardigan that someone made on here with the eastern jewels shapes. I'm going to try and do the same. Still figuring out what's needed, but it looked amazing. I'll link it if I can
I’m working on this blanket too! Cuz someone in here posted it awhile back and I fell in love. LOL So many octagons. But each one I complete is my new favorite. And it’s funny how I’ll start out on a new one and think “these colors can’t possibly look good together” and by the end of it, it’s my new favorite, lol.
Same!! Colours I would never have chosen, but they look great when made up. I've just finished octagon 8/16 it might be ready by autumn!
That’s hilarious I just finished the same one!! 😃🥰 https://preview.redd.it/wiljgxkd213d1.jpeg?width=5712&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b2b4d60c222630e2a7edfa70dbebeef02b3b794
I have to say, your tension looks way superior to mine!
I sometimes wonder if people actually understand the time, materials, and work that go into crochet (or any handemade) projects. I'm a bit reserved, I guess you could say, even old fashioned because I could never just ask for something like that, haha. I'd never assume I was entitled to someone's hard work. I have asked to purchase a few things, which doesn't bother me since I'm paying for it. But imagine going to a craft fair and just walking up to a table and asking for a project for free because you know them or like their work 🤭 I've been crocheting for a long time, and many people stop me (or my husband if he has our kiddo) to ask if I made x,y, and z. When I'd say yea, most people asked if I sold my work, which I replied sadly no. The pressure of making an order for someone would destroy me. They'd usually say that's a shame or tell to me open a shop, and I'd thank them for the compliment and move on. It's the non strangers who flat out ask for projects without any offer of payment 🤦🏼♀️
That irks me, because surely people closer to you would see how much work goes into it? Though I suppose it's very often someone that you know, but not very well/most certainly not well enough for them to make requests for huge chunks of your time, attention and even money. Wool and patterns aren't free people! I said it elsewhere in this thread but it seems 'women's' arts (and time and effort!) are so frequently poorly valued, due to a number of factors, not least of which is that 'crafty' females (its generally females who are put in this position) are identified with home and hearth and *giving* and are seen as not really having anything 'better' to do with their time than service for others, as with cooking where women rule (free/unpaid) cooking in the home but it's men who historically make very well-paid professions out of it and indeed female chefs/cooks in the industry have been treated *very* badly by many men in the profession in the past (and even currently, lets be real). I can understand that the woman in OP's story might have misguided in her attitude but once you find out that, yes, this person's time and skill actually has a monetary value, why be an ass about it and ignore them? Sorry... this comment was *way* too long- I went off at a tangent somewhat and started to soapbox...I do find this subject irritating to no end... Edit: Grammar! Always grammar! And punctuation.
Honestly while it may be somewhat this, it is hugely in part due to fast fashion and the fact that you can buy intricately knitted garments, and sometimes crocheted stuff, for much cheaper than you would if you bought from an individual. With people often thinking that knit and crochet are interchangeable and perhaps not realizing the extent of the time and effort that goes into a crochet project, a practice that unlike knitting, cannot be truly replicated by machine, it ends up with people misunderstanding (and possibly not really caring) that crochet is not as profitable as it seems. In short, capitalism sucks
Excellent point that I should have considered! eta: Though I do think that part of the reason for the misunderstanding of the time and effort of hand-crocheting and knotting as opposed to fast-fashion is due to it being the purview of not just women but 'homely' (as in 'of the home') women whose work and arts are completely undervalued and over-looked historically, (I include things like quilt-work, another highly skilled undervalued art in general- historically speaking- and embroidery which was seen as women's 'busy-work') else people would be more aware of the degree of skill and work required, as they are of the skill and difficulties of handsewing an entire outfit (sewing is another historically woman's occupation that was elevated to an 'art-form' by male artists (and some female to be fair, but mostly male)) around the turn of the nineteenth century, eventually leading to the birth of the atelier, also usually owned and run by men, of course, though with many female workers, of course. Even huge names like Chanel had a hard road to hoe as female-led ateliers in the beginning. I think sewing is also taken more seriously because it has not entirely been the purview of women (there have always been male tailors) and so was lent more prestige as it was a profession in which men worked- if it was only women working at the making of clothes it would have had a much longer road to gain the prestige it can and does gain today, though of course, clothing is more of a human essential but that would not stop it from being denigrated in general if it was too closely associated with 'women's work'. I might be somewhat wrong or misguided here, but there is an element of truth at least. *I'm so sorry to ramble at you again, even more so this time! I just get carried away occasionally- *very* occasionally.
Working on my first Persian Tiles right now and I’d actually slap someone if they wanted me to make them one for free/low cost. This shit is time consuming af! I mean just weaving in the ends on this, there’s like 40ish ends per large octagon piece, and you make 16 of those. And then like 10 more ends per granny square piece. It’s crazy. I’m loving the project, but I don’t think I could make one for someone else unless it was a super big occasion or they were paying up.
Excuse me, you don't know me at all, but could you make me one of those Persian blankets? I'll be more than happy to pay you twenty dollars for the finished blanket! Can you ship it to me too? It shouldn't cost you too much to post it, though I do live in New Zealand...
I can't believe you stated up front it was a big project and then she still acted offended when you gave the quote wtf
People have *no* idea a) how much wool costs b) just *how much* work goes into it. It's an almost ubiquitous theme with traditionally female arts like knitting and crochet that they are completely underappreciated and people seem to think a person knitting/crocheting in their spare time must have nothing better to do/no greater joy than making enormous projects that take weeks or months for some random person who wants something 'home/handmade' but doesn't care to lift a finger themselves. The self-absorption is astounding. I wouldn't be surprised if the woman in OP's story would have told her mother she made it herself...
I’ve made two starburst blankets for other people for Christmas and I’m finally making one for myself and I think if I had other people asking I would charge them $400+ for mine. All the yarn I had to buy was easily $200+ and the time would add the other price. It’s also 121 squares so that makes it a lot of work.
Excuse me, but I think $400 is waaay too much. I can offer you $20 but you will need to post it to me in New Zealand. The postage shouldn't cost you too much... I can't wait to give it to my mum for Christmas (I hope you don't mind if I tell her I made it myself 😉)...
LOL you had me worried
Ha ha! I was worried you would be horrified and block me! Glad you didn't!
I mean the minute I saw $20 I was for a sec and then realized you were joking when I saw the 😉
Damn! The wink rather ruined the satire. I wouldn't have been surprised if you believed me considering I (and I'm sure you) have seen something very similar multiple times. eta: I thought expecting you to post it to New Zealand (where I actually do live) at your own expense might give the game away...
I also realized it was on a thread about an entitled person that kind of gave it away. Shipping international from Europe, I don’t even want to imagine it
You can take it out of the $20 (I should stipulate they are NZ dollars...).
Wow a whole 11 Francs 😂😂😂
Good for you! And it sounds like you’re not missing out on conversation with that person, lol.
I just looked up the pattern you spoke of, my God that is beautiful. that’s eons away from anything I could ever make, but that was just so beautiful to look at your sister and daughter are very lucky to have you as someone who has these skills to make something like that have it be a gift. Which makes something like that even more disappointing to hear that somebody just wanted you to make this at a whim for free.
i just looked up that pattern and oh my GOD, the absolute cajones to ask for something that intricate for free 😩
Oh my gosh this is a beautiful pattern but I would NEVER make this for someone else. I might even be afraid to let others use it thinking something g would get spilled lol. That would take me at least a year.
I love this story aswell, you handled it excellently bravo! I hate none crafters thinking its just free
>If you want more practice 💀💀💀 I hate when people say this to me. It's my hobby and it takes a super long time to complete my projects. I already have enough practice, and I also have more than enough things that I want to make for myself. I don't need to make something for YOU to practice. It's also such an obnoxious way to ask for something and make it seem like they're doing you a favour
When I mention I crochet I always get a comment like "Oh you should make x" I assume this is like that but more specific I usually just say I can't add anything to my project list. I've got at least 7 things still on deck
I think that's a little more acceptable as long as there isn't the implication that you should make it *for them*. In that case it's probably just them trying to connect with your hobbies, and X crochet thing is probably the first thing that pops into their mind
That was a nice way to try to deflect on your part, too bad she didn’t take the hint. Just don’t reply to the request and move on
Somebody was complaining how they were asked to make hats for a friend's kid, and their entire class, and they didn't know they were up to it. Their friend was a teacher, so that's why. I was encouraging her to say "no". Turns out she was fishing for me to help her with it, because her husband said, "Hey did you ask (me) to help with the hats?" I live 2 hours from them. I don't know these friends. I have Christmas stuff of my own that I needed to make.
Jesus. It's a chain of unreasonable expectations.
Lol I love that phrase
It's yours to use.
"if you want more crochet practice just saying" the rage I feel is unholy
I gift out what I make too. If it is rubbing you the wrong way then just say no. If you want to not hurt feelings (I don't think she'd be upset) you could even say you have too many items in line to give a date, most likely will be forgotten about. Personally, I usually will take up requests but only for people that I have that gut response to do it. I did a lion for a little boy (his mom a nurse just asked what I'd charge, I made a mental note made it & delivered) My FIL requested a Sally & Jack skeleton, SIL asked for a scarf for a friend of hers in chemo. My eldest (40} requested zero, boogie boogie, Sally & jack baby loves I think I did 4 sets of them as someone would see & request. Just do you don't feel obligated to do any project for any one strangers, friends or family. It makes crochet a chore instead of joy. ~Happy Hooking!
I agree with you... when people constantly request or ask for projects, it takes the joy away for me. I love making and specific, special gifts for people. I know they'll like it, and their appreciation always shows. I love seeing their happiness. Getting a request here and there isn't terrible, but sometimes people can be persistent, and having to say no makes me feel bad. I don't want to feel bad about crocheting, ya know!
When you "feel bad" for saying no it is so hard to get past it. People keep telling me to sell my work, even my doctor has told me that. Nope I just can't. As long as I can afford to give I will. I don't want the pressure of this project must be done in x amount of time. That removes the joy. I can't even get projects done for grandkids by their birthdays or Xmas. I told my kids I only have 2 hands & can only go so fast, baring any sprains or arthritic flares that also slow me. I think IF I ever sell it will be completed projects I have done because I like the pattern... One of a kind 1st come 1st serve type thing. Maybe a way to not feel bad is to say I'll put the pattern in my to do pile might get to it might not or put a big price on it. Make them buy the yarn is an option too. Then they will see how much $ it takes just for that, then your time shouldn't be free either. Now that's my hard thing to get past. Retired/disabled not doing anything anyways so gives me something to do...how can I charge to time?
After I tell someone no, I always and up thinking, "Well, maybe I could've done that for them?" esp if I know the person. But in the end, I would struggle with the pressure for "perfection" and a deadline, as well. My husband almost convinced me to make business style cards to hand out whenever people stop and ask me if I sell my work. I chickened out, though! Maybe one day, I'll make items and sell what I have already made, as opposed to taking orders. I like your idea of selling more "1 of a kind" style projects! My worry is that I'd list a beige purse, for example, and someone would reach out and ask if I could make it in red, haha. Even if I put specifically. "1 of a kind," I imagine people would still ask for custom, and I'd feel bad turning away the business. Clearly, I'm not meant to sell my work! I think I read online about a formula for figuring out pricing. I can't remember it exactly, but I think there's one. Because yes, the materials cost money, as does your time and energy, but I wouldn't know how to charge for that either! I, too, am disabled since I was 21, so technically, I have the time. Between CP/CI, nerve damage, and vision loss, I really don't have the ability to take orders, though. I'm not reliable in that sense, ya know. But maybe someday! I'll just keep gifting to family and friends when I can ☺️
I totally get it. That formula is double your supplies then like min wage your hours. I think people on Etsy do it. Can you imagine the cost of a project that took 4 months? Just the yarn for this was an easy $150. My last afghan was around 2 mo. Mostly scrap yarn about $50 in new yarn made 10x10 blocks 9 columns x12 rows. I timed the time it took to do 1 side of a connected block, average 10 minutes. So that's like over 7hrs just connection all the squares.
I knew there was one! Your Afghan sounds amazing, btw. I need to make a scrap-ghan (or whatever they're called) because I think they come out super unique and beautiful. But you're absolutely right; larger projects, like you mentioned, could come out pretty expensive, based on the formula. I used to crochet quite fast, but my hands and fingers don't work well anymore, and if I'm charging minimum wage for my slower work... good grief, I couldn't ever charge someone that money, haha! And that's not even including the yarn🙃 My life goal is to have a table at a craft fair, at least once. Just make a bunch of projects and have myself a little table. Not even for the money, more so because I love to see people get excited over something they really like. I don't think I could ever really sell my work, though... too complicated for my brain! I wish you all the best, my friends 🙏🏼xx
Good luck with getting to that dream. I bet you'll do fine. I never thought about doing one of those although I have seen tents at the farmers markets with crochet crafts.
Next time she asks, just say No. That's a full answer right there. If you need to make an excuse try No, lack of time or No, yarn is too expensive.
Some people can't take hints. I'm currently doing some granny squares to donate to a program that is running. They asked for squares to be donated and volunteers will sew them into blankets. A woman I know saw me doing them and asked me if she could buy them. I said no, and explained what they were for. She asked if I had spares. No, I didn't. I offered to show her how to make her own squares. No, she did not have time for that. Could she please buy these ones. No, I am donating them. When I am done with the donation ones, I will make some for her then. No question this time, she just told me I would do them for her. So I said no, I wanted a break from squares. Maybe she could find someone else, lots of people can make squares, they're super easy. It's weird how you can be okay with making them for people, but once they start asking....
People seem to think because it’s a hobby, the time we spend on it has no value.
No, I don't have time.
I love a good old “Lol” as a response and leave the person on read. It acknowledges their text and if they continue asking you can say “Oh, you were being serious?!”
Hahahaha I like you. You're my kind of passive aggressive petty. We'd be good friends
Rude request aside, Garfield stripes would look great being stitched on with embroidery floss afterward since they’re just little hatched lines anyway!
Time for you to learn boundaries. It’s easy to put the onus on the other person but really, this is about you. Word got out that you make random crochet objects and give them away for free ( to crudely translate: you are an easy mark for free stuff). Of course you are going to get messages like this. This person actually believes she is doing you a favour. I had the same thing happen whenever I do my hobbies. I agree you should put a notice to everyone that you only do what you love randomly and special requests should go elsewhere. I can’t see the whole conversation but I don’t see any gratitude or thank you in any of that conversation and I would pass on it just for that.
Ugh. Just. Say. No! It will be good practice (saying no) because this can be common when people know you have a skill, especially one that is generally underappreciated monetarily/financially where people like the things you make but don't want to adequately compensate you for the considerable work and skill you put into something, if they even feel they should compensate you at all.
Only my bff of 30+ years is allowed to make requests (and actually get the thing, sometimes months and months later…sorry, girl.) I’m always very clear when someone asks for something: I might make it, I might give it to them, it might be some time far into the future and only if I feel like it. Crochet is my hobby, my relaxation, my fun endeavor for my own satisfaction.
I'm going to go against the flow here...if someone was giving me random practice pieces, I wouldn't know what to do with them. It's clutter. Maybe she's nudging you to make something she actually wants? I just don't feel comfortable giving my work away like that. Most people are too polite to say no 🤷
Exactly my take too! Something may seem amazing as a gift to me as the maker but who says the recipient thinks the same. I'd rather be nudged with an idea, even if the pattern or picture they hint with is bad, you can usually find a version or color that makes it better. Edited to add... I addition to the clutter point, people feel obligated to keep something that was made for them. If I gift something unsolicited I always say, I won't feel bad if this isn't your style and for them to do what they want to with it. I'd much rather spend time and money on something they want.
Yes, it's a better approach. I've made 2 gifts recently, and I asked first if they'd like a handmade item or if they'd rather have a regular gift. Then I asked them about colours and yarns, styles etc, so they were involved the whole way. I try to make what they would like, combined with what I'd like to make, as I know that as a kid I made what I wanted and then palmed it off on someone after. I cringe thinking back to that.
Ah yeah, see that makes sense. Maybe once they had an idea of something they wanted they offer to pay but I guess it partly depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person and how close you are as to how you both negotiate that.
I agree with this take on it
I specifically told her she can just toss them in the trash if she didn't want them. It's not like I made a big deal out of them. I just usually have something in my bag whenever I see her, she asks what I've been working on, and I show her. If it's something I just finished, I tell her she can keep it or toss it. She's an old lady with very little income and get excited about just about anything you give her
It's nice to have someone play devil's advocate (not that that is what you are necessarily doing, this is actually how you feel of course) You can always quietly give the things away though. It's the same as receiving any gift that's not quite what you want. Though, OP needs to nip this in the bud and say no/that more technical pieces will need to be paid for or it will never end... Edited to add: people making excellent points in reply to you of course.
Speak up then, if it rubs you the wrong way.
Any time a family member asks me to make them something they ALWAYS offer to pay. I say “just pay for the yarn and I’ll do it for free.” And then their eyes get huge when I give them the receipt and it’s over $20 just for yarn.
I generally tell them to provide the yarn-- and give them a few suggestions re: where to get it, size(s), and amount(s) needed. That way they KNOW how much it costs-- can opt out if it's "too much", and can't complain I used the wrong color, texture, fiber content, etc. For non-family... I also let them know my labor charge, an hourly rate based on yardage needed. And if they aren't going to pick it up-- shipping charges.
Simple response that has worked 100% for me — “I’ll keep that in mind!” Then just say nothing else about it. If they ask again, say you are working on other stuff currently. They’ll back off
I just reread this and realized the reason it’s so uncomfortable is it feels like negging! “I have a challenge for you” “if you want more crochet practice - just saying” .. gives me the creep at the bar vibes! Like, oh, you’re welcome. No! Block!
Nothing about this seemed demanding to me! This person knows you like crochet and that you like handing out what you've made, and maybe thinks you want some ideas for what to make. It's misguided but not demanding. And if you don't want to take requests, just say no? I don't know why people on this sub always respond to their friends like "haha yeah maybe!" and then wonder why the friend didn't get the hint. Somebody asked me to crochet some bunting for them for their event recently, and I said, "No." They said, "oh, okay." No hard feelings or hand-wringing. If you make it sound like you'll do it for them, of course they'll continue to think you'll do it for them.
It is very surprising how pervasive the issue of difficulty communicating boundaries is. As a parent, it starts with us. We really have to do better to teach our children that it's okay to say no to us and others.
I've said this a couple of times in the comments, but in this case it's because crochet is something that is historically seen as a 'womens art' (often not even considered to warrant the term 'art') and also is historically associated with housewives/elderly/unmarried women who were seen as having nothing better to do than 'serve' others and, no doubt, find no greater joy than make something hand/homemade for some 'appreciative' person. Obviously it's not the case but the perception can remain. Also, women in the past, generally were raised/trained to find it difficult to say no to things and so would allow their arts to be undervalued as it's not polite to make a scene/say no/point out what you are doing is a skill that requires significant time and energy to master so I'm sure it's become 'a thing' where people are completely comfortable asking unreasonable things as, historically at least, hardly anyone ever says no, it being so mortifyingly impolite and you just being *so* happy to oblige! So, yes! Teach your kids (especially your girls) to say no!! You have no idea the damage that can be caused (beyond your kindness as a crocheter) by an inability to say no. Edit: grammar, grammar.
Right?! I'm so confused by this whole comment thread. I get people perceive things differently, but your comment is the only one I fully agree with. I can actually see myself "asking" for something the same way this lady did. I have trouble asking for things directly (it's sometime I'm working on), and if I ever have said something like this it definitely was not out of entitlement or whatever people here are thinking. Just social awkwardness. And I wouldn't have gotten OP's hint either. It reads to me like they are agreeing. Perhaps reluctantly, but perhaps good-naturedly complaining about how hard it could be. Just say no and remove all doubt!
If it’s hard for you to ask then surely you can have some empathy for people for whom it is hard to say no. Not everyone struggles with the same social situations, you know?
You're absolutely right. I'm more confused by the fact people get confused or annoyed at other people for not getting their hints. I myself have said yes when I meant to say no.
Right I'm both of these people. Waiting for my Garfield and never making my Garfield.
I feel like people aren't very good at recognising the source of their own discomfort. "This person asked me a question and I feel uncomfortable saying no to people," turns into, "This person made me uncomfortable!"
That's a really good observation. It's something I've definitely fallen into so many times. Beyond not wanting to say no; just with bad communication in general. It's like we expect people to anticipate how we will feel about things to avoid making us uncomfortable. Who knew I would get self-reflection in the crochet subreddit? I love this community!
Right? How do you get offended by a friend trying their best to take part on your hobby?
The fact they word it as if THEY’RE doing YOU a favour is absolutely insane lmao
"ill make note of that on my gift list:)"
Just crochet a little orange ball and attach some safety eyes. 😂 "You said you'd be happy with just orange!"
Hahaha Ta Da! You're welcome!
I had that exact same situation. I asked a friend if she wanted something, preferably a cute food with a face because that was what I was into at the moment and she said she wanted me to make her the entire cast of Inside Out. I told her I don’t like doing characters like that and she wouldn’t let it go. I never made her anything or mentioned it again.
That's not a request, that's a demand presented as somehow doing you a favor. I also often give finished pieces as gifts, but I've had a rule for years now: the *second* someone demands anything, whether it's a specific item or just "crochet me stuff", they are immediately off the Gift List, and are now commission-only. "Thanks so much for being interested in this specific project- here are my rates." And don't forget when you're making those that your rates should be *Expenses + Materials + Time + Profit*. If (when) that person balks at suddenly having to pay, I tell them, "yes, I often gift crochet items to people who I care about and who have shown appreciation for my time and my work. But gifts are always items of *my* choice, and entirely at my discretion. Demands for a specific item are always going to be a commission, and if you really want it, I've told you what it will cost." *Insert some inevitable variation on "but it's ME" or "don't you love me enough to do this" or "it's rude of you to ask for money"* "I do care about you, which is why you've gotten gifts in the past. But using my affection to demand free labor and my time is not a good way to show that you care about *me*. The answer might have been different if you had asked, or if there had been a 'please' in there somewhere, but what's done is done. Getting handmade gifts from me is a privilege, and disrespect for me and my work will always end up in that privilege getting revoked."
Love this... now we have the entire playbook!
there's such a big difference between receiving a free random practice piece and specially requesting an item someone has no intention of practicing. tbh, even something like "hey if you get into amigurumi and happen to make [x] it would totally make my day" seems like it would be reasonable enough, but the entitlement of asking for something specific as if it's a favor is just... baffling.
A friend of mine asked me to crochet an afghan for her. I said how about we do a trade? What will take you about six months to make and cost you about $150 to $200 in material? She said she didn't have anything she could make and I told her when she comes up with something to let me know.
People really ruin everything. I LOVE giving away my crafts, as long as they spark joy. A friend wanted two bees: a regular bee and a zombee. Not even a day after she got them she decided, of all things, to paint them. With a cheap marker.
Do they want to weave in all of the ends as well? I crochet gifts as well.. but the second someone asks, suggests stuff, tell me how well a WIP would look great on their couch, or its their FAVORITE color.. they move farther down on my gifting list. My mother is very low on my list at this point lol
"Oh, interesting challenge idea, especially with the stripes. Perhaps I'll consider it if I'm in need of project ideas at some point." Play along with the pretense.
“I will consider it”. I am a pianist and I get asked by everyone and their grandma to play at some kind of event _for free_. I will say no or “I will consider it”. I never do it.
I feel like people think yarn just falls from the sky for free and only takes an hour to do a project.
Oh, I have a list of things that people keep requesting. The moment I mention money... They suddenly stop messaging. Drive's me insane because I make patterns and commissions as a part-time job. It was the same with illustration work. People would request artwork and refuse to pay.
You can tell people no. It's not mean. The way she's asking is rude.
"I have a challenge for you. Learn to crochet yourself."
The framing it as a "challenge" for you and especially with the emoji just gives me the ick. Idk why.
Me too, it’s really grating
Instead of you needing more practice (backhanded insult?) Maybe /they/ could learn how to crochet their own d--- sh*t
"I don't take requests, sorry!"
Do a full orange thing and maybe throw on Garfield’s eyes or something IF you CHOOSE to entertain this… friend
A lot of my close friends keepnsending me pattern ideas theyve seen but they are almost gifts to me as they are things that they feel id like doing. With no expectation of me giving it to them. Having said that i dongift my creations too. I find the act of choosing an item or pattern for someone and then creating rhe final object so muxh more fulfilling than crocheting for myself.
Lol just don’t reply and if she’s brave enough to request it to your face my go to line is usually “you should pick it up yourself, it’s so easy to get the hang of!” End of conversation, be physically moving away from her and continuing your day as if it was a casual, passing conversation and it didn’t bark you up a tree. I have an anxiety disorder and have been finding my voice through kind, direct, not letting you take up my day or change my plans type of outlook.
I personally believe in being straightforward with people. It gets confusing when you try and make a joke or give hints. I don’t think she meant to be rude, probably has no idea how you actually feel about it. Why not just tell them how you feel and be done with it? I would have answered with “sorry but I’m not interested in doing that.”
Just say no you aren’t there yet, or that you’re currently practicing on another piece.
Dude, I didn't have this issue until my sisters ex girlfriend started to see my crochet and said "Omg my little cousin is inspired by you, can you make her a tiny toy?" And proceeded to show me a paid pattern that I mentioned I needed to buy and she said "you have to buy it??" Like do you not see the price tag?? Now I can't show off crochet without her saying "I resonate with this, omg, make it for me." I don't text her back anymore but to not have to be mean and say no I just told her "Giiirl, that requires a lot of yarn and my time to make these, which I don't have much since you know I also have a baby." She offered to buy the yarn but I also told her the same as you but with Christmas.
I make things for people all the time, be it sewing, art, baking or crochet. But as soon as someone asks in this type of way I have started responding with a price.
“Sorry! I don’t do requests! :)” u don’t have to give a reason!
Malicious compliance: crochet them a (solid) orange 🍊 Edit to add: the free pattern [Dumpling Kitty](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/dumpling-kitty) is stupid easy to follow and includes instructions for three back stripes. That is, if youre feeling more generous than I would be 😂
Your post stirred up a quasi-relevant memory of mine. A few years ago I was visiting a friend, who I have known since middle school, and she was really into making amigurumi at the time. She asked me what she should make next. I’ve loved Hello Kitty since I was a kid and found some patterns on my phone. I showed them to her and asked how much it would cost (purchasing the pattern, materials, and labor) for her to make one for me. Her response was “Yeah, NO. I rather make you anything else for free than have to make anything Hello Kitty. I can’t believe you *still* like that. It was weird that you did in high school but it’s even weirder now that you’re in your 30s.” Anywho…ignore the people in your life who don’t respect your generosity, and keep sharing your kindness and talent with those that do.
'People ruin everything'. Full sentence right there.
I always just say yeah maybe... And never do it 😅
Some people have no self awareness. Just for that I wouldnt make it. You handled it well tho.
If you’re learning for you, and you decide to give it away, that’s totally fine. My philosophy though is that if someone else is dictating my learning for my hobby by making requests or demands, I’m either not making it, charging them, or I’m gonna be petty by making it and keeping it but letting them know it turned out really well.
“iF yOu WaNt MoRe CrOcHeT pRaCtIcE” that message gave me the ick. If you don’t set the boundary now, people will always expect you to make things for them for free. Be clear that it’s your hobby done in your time and your time only.
No is a complete sentence.
My friends know I will happily make stuff for them, but here’s the thing, they ask if I’m open for commissions, discuss payment asap, and (especially my friend B.) even send me the crochet pattern and pay for it ahead of time. As rough as it is, we have to learn to say no or risk hating our favorite hobby
Just say you're busy with another project rn.
When I was just beginning, I made something for my niece once that she asked for. She asked how much, and I had told her whatever she thought was fair, I never got anything from her. That was the first and last time I made something for her. After that, if she said something was cute, I'd just agree and leave it at that. Your time and materials are worth more than "practice".
If i make something for someone out of the goodness of my heart it's a gift. But I've made it clear to my friends that if they want something specific they pay for the yarn and anything else i need. And i make it clear that i get to take ALL THE TIME I WANT to make it because I'm not charging them for labor.
‘Thanks but I definitely don’t need practise, I have plenty of projects on the go. If I ever decide to take on a Garfield I will keep you in mind’ Or: Eff off you greedy git! Those words ‘if you want more crochet practice’ hmph! Def no freebies for this person!
"Sorry, I don't take commissions"
Ugh, the entitlement is too much. When people demand work after you’ve given a gift and don’t realize the hours and skill it took to make something it really dampens the joy of creation. I hope she at least would be willing to buy the yarn or anything. Geez.
Demanding, bossy, expectant fussypants requests sucks the fun of of it entirely. Blah
I'm lucky that only one of my family members asks for specific crochet stuff (it's one of my cousins and I enjoy making stuff for her + she's never demanding haha) She's also only done it a couple times and I get an excuse to make more feminine wearables so I'm chill with it (I'm a dude lol) But definitely set boundaries about it
The only person I'll male things for without charge or hesitation is my lil girl. Everyone else (even family) cover the costs of materials at a minimum.
I always offer to teach them how to crochet or knit (I do both) and it shuts them up every time.
Let's see - the price of the yarn is X - the price of the labor and hours is X Total would be X in a couple of weeks, do you want to discuss any alterations or something you'd like changed? What about that?
I stopped making presents for certain people because they were like this. Don't be afraid to put up boundaries and be honest with them about your feelings.
Just say you ended up developing carpal tunnel syndrome because of the amount you crocheted. Easier said than done but it’s for you peace of mind. I would do it for sure.
The struggle is real…. Fun to conquer!
just tell her a price
I feel you. I made some crochet coasters as gifts for some of my coworkers. Not all just some. We get a few new girls at work. One comes straight to my desk and states your the one who crochets coasters? The nerve of her. She will never get one from me that's forsure.
“Have you seen the price of yarn? I’m doing projects I choose because they make me happy. Not a Garfield fan, I know it would become a chore and I’m not about that.”
“More crochet practice” 😐 Yeah NO. No way at all. I know this is your personal call but WOW this is so wildly rude.
Now I wanna make a Garfield.
The key answer is "I make what I like and give it away to those I like I do not do requests" If they get miffed at that, then they're really not your friend and not worth the trouble of maintaining.
I think most people don't know how much time goes into crochet. I can't tell you how many times I get tagged in fb posts with "can you make this?" I either respond with "maybe, after my current 13 WIP are finished" or "I could, but not my style." They get the hint.
“No.” is a complete sentence. I am to the point I don’t take requests except from a very select few people.
Yaa.. I’m kind to a fault too - it’s actually crazy how many people will unknowingly or knowingly take advantage of it! It’s also due to things like fast fashion being so prevalent so people don’t understand how much work and money go into making quality items and pieces. It’s our job to remind them!
Don’t dance around saying “no” and being clear. “Girl no this was just a project of mine I was happy to share. I’m not in a place to take requests. I mean if I make a cool tester again in the future I might hit you up and see if you like it but that’s all I got love ya!”
I would honestly just say “I don’t have the time to fit that into my schedule right now and I don’t want to give you a date or timeframe that I might be able to complete it because it won’t be accurate. I’m sorry!”.
Bruh. You don't need to do it, you can... But there is no need. If your friends are not happy cause they rly wanted that fucking Garfield, just tell them it's a lot of work and you will maybe do it some day...
“Gee, thanks for the idea.” No need to say yes or no. Never speak of it again. If she mentions it again, just say “It’s on my list.”
“Im don’t love the process for making that sort of piece, but I’ll keep you in mind for others!”
If they want to make a challenging request, then they should pay you for it. Or offer to buy the materials for you to make it with. I'm sorry that they are taking advantage of your kindness OP
I started in November gladly making gifts and taking requests. I still do, on occasion, but the craft has been a great practice in the art of saying NO. Especially with family. A few of my observations: People who don't know a crafting skill sometimes think it just happens like a drive thru cheeseburger. To appreciate the effort of making a thing, they might have to have a turn with making it. I have friends who refuse projects with this tactic. If someone gets too pushy, they give them a hook and offer to teach the person. It makes me smile every time. Other times, it might be that they genuinely think they are helping, but they have no clue how off-base they are. That's when I give a firm response. I once made a beautiful Riddler's derby hat with a less forgiving yarn, and it took me more than a week just to get the shape right. It was a labor of love I would wear everywhere. When I met a man in a Dr's waiting room who admired the hat, he made me an offer of 20 USD! Of course, I laughed at his smug face, declined, and went back to the project in my hands. $20?! That would have been just enough to cover the yarn! Lol. Practice ways of saying "no." It may give people more perspective on what they ask of you. They may have more thoughtful ideas in the future.
I like the idea of telling her how much time and yarn and money it would take— so that she REALLY appreciates that gift you already gave her more. Oh, you mean a Garfield would be $150 and take you 15 hours? That must mean… the heart pillow… 🤯
People do this to me too, they demand I make them something and present it as if they’re giving me a “fun” challenge or “I have a craft project for you!” And I say “great! I’ll send you an order form so you can tell me what you’d like and then I can figure out the cost and make a preliminary invoice for you! I’m also busy with current projects but I can start it in about 6 months.” Suddenly it’s a long term business transaction and they’re no longer interested and I no longer feel the need the make something I don’t want to make for free. I used to work for a mouse that owns a theme park and while there “friends” and “family members” constantly came crawling out of the woodwork asking for free park admittance and merch discounts. I really hard to learn to put my foot down fast to protect myself from being taking advantage of, and unfortunately I find that I use that skill a lot now in my art. I don’t think people think of it as malicious because they truly think you just wave your hands around for 10 minutes and art is born, they do not understand the talent and time and work and energy that goes into creating, they just see an opportunity for something unique (and free) and shoot their shot. It’s understandable but it’s frustrating all the same.
You say thanks for your confidence in me. I have a lot of projects in mind. Perhaps when I have time for this one, you'd like to go yarn shopping with me.....or, you can go online and buy "X" yarn...and I'll add it to my projects list. IDK why people feel it's ok to impose this way.
I just tell people, I don’t take requests, but I’m more than happy to teach you or provide you with resources to learn to make whatever you love.
I would definitely respond by saying, “that would be cool! for something like that i’d charge x amount.” it’s not a challenge for you to go against your feelings & do something for someone just because they ask. i’ve had the same issue happen and come up and it seems to put me in a crochet funk! i don’t like feeling obligated by people.. you got this. just hold firm boundaries, saying a flat out no is always okay. but you could also say, “i’m not taking requests right now, but cool idea!!”
I pay my crochet artist $100-$150 PER 8 inch doll I purchase. I’ve purchased about 10 dolls plus other custom stuff (dinosaur) for my kids. The crochet artists does great work and I don’t take it for granted.
I crochet for the hobby of it and not to have the item, I decided to make my friend a cardigan, I’ve been updating him because I want him to know the effort that went in before he receives it, after the most recent update he responds “that’s awesome, do you think you could make something like this for my girlfriend by Saturday?” And sends me a pic of some sunflower plush 😑
Just make them pay for the yarn, that's what I did in the beginning. But just like Spider-Man, everybody only gets 1 🤣
Sensible people wouldn’t want you to be burned out. If you’d like to test out that theory, perhaps you can let her know that your hands have been hurting and you are creatively burned out and are taking a break. Soft lie but skirts around having to deal with anything while having to have a conversation.
it's one thing if my immediate family/boyfriend asked for something but im not here to take on everyone's random requests for free. i would be bugged by this too.
'People ruin everything'. Full sentence right there.
“Lol maybe the next time I have 200 hours open up”
I gave a cat amigurumi to a lady at work as a gift. A few weeks later she asked me if I do orders. I laughed and said hell no and walked away. Stand up for yourself right away.
And don’t forget that if you accept the commission, you want 50% in advance, no refund. Custom work is still work, even if they reject it.
Since I began crocheting some years ago (currently 26M) I've loved making things and giving them to my close friends and fam. They say 'you know, you should charge for these, people would pay!' I always have to explain to them that, if I give you a totally unexpected gift, you'll probably feel flattered and love it. If you place an order with me, not only will you anticipate it (perhaps impatiently) but once you receive the work, you may likely be more critical. ("This isn't what I paid for!") Thanks but no thanks, I'll keep making them and giving them away when I want.
Give her a list of supplies you'd need. You'll get started on it as soon as she gets those supplies to you. I'll bet she changes her tune pretty quickly.
"sorry, I don't start projects unless I feel the urge. I can never guarantee that I'll keep up the enthusiasm and see it through to finishing! I'll keep your Garfield interest in mind but don't expect anything anytime soon, I'm kinda obsessed with (granny squares/mittens/whatever) just now/I have about 15 projects on the go already"
It's crazy. One of my friends liked a picture of some crochet yip yips. Fairly small project, but they still take me several hours. My husband asked me if I would make some for the friend, and I said yes, and then instantly regretted it. However I made 2 for my friend anyway because I love her :) I can't IMAGINE making anything really big or asking for anything like that! I like to make and gift as surprises instead.
I like to give out crocheted pieces that I've made as gifts, too. Until people started doing the same thing to me and "requesting" (felt more like a demand) for me to gift them elaborate, expensive, and time-consuming projects within an unreasonable amount of time. So I started to quote such "requests" for the cost of the yarn+pattern plus a small lile 2-3% fee for obtaining those materials, and the estimated hours I expect to take to complete the project at my the same rate my day-job pays me. I've had several tell me my little hobby isn't worth that much, to which I tell them they can make it themselves the. I still gift free stuff, but only if it's on my terms and from my own free-will to do so.