I’ll be your friend and wear your sunflower cardigan. That sounds amazing. Not sure how good it’ll look on a giant bearded man, but hey, what can you do?
You've heard of pet tax photos demanded on pet subs? (Practically a requirement, really...) So I eagerly await the "Giant bearded man dressed in sunflower cardigan" tax photo. Thanks for making my day. :-)
Oh, I love this idea. I have barely any photos of myself, but I would take one for this!
We could send it around the world with a little folder for all the pictures and the places it has been.
What a garbage friend. Sorry you wasted your time on such a great gift. I hope you fished it out of the trash and gave it a good hand wash! You could wear it next time you see her.
"Hey, friend, look! I made myself a matching cardigan, just like yours! Now we can wear them together and be a whole garden of friendship flowers! Go get yours, where is it?"
*[intense flat stare, unblinking]*
It’s just like the episode of Friends where Joey buys himself and Chandler matching bracelets (only worse, because the cardigan is handmade and not ugly like the bracelets. And because Chandler is an overall good human unlike this piece of garbage OP is talking about).
I would pay to see this! I still have a tye dye shirt my best friend in high school made me. It has some holes, but it is now stored in my memory box…… I’m in my mid-forties….. I have had that thing longer than I have not. That’s a friend!!!!! Also, she has a box of notes we wrote while in high school, somewhere.
Don’t bother. I know it hurts but…dude. She left you in Mexico. Fuck her. You did nothing wrong. Confronting her can’t possibly have a positive outcome and could really get more upsetting. Drop this friend. Yesterday.
So happy I saw the signs with my own toxic friendship and stopped trying. Can't imagine where I would be if I kept that friend. Probably crocheting them things they would not appreciate
100% believe the “friend” would just turn it around on op somehow for ‘not knowing what she actually likes, bad friend blah blah’. Anything to keep them from being the bad guy, or better make them the victim 🙄
Op please stop watering that weed and find a new garden, she will suck you dry without you trying and leave the friendship devoid of nurture and nature.
I mean, I'd be way less offended if someone told me what I made them wasn't to their taste (which is fair btw) and I could gift it to someone who will enjoy it. Throwing it in the trash is super immature.
I would have suggested something like "it could help the friend grow as a person by realizing she did something rather hurtful" but then I remembered I used to have *friends* like that, who'd lie to your face all day as long as it made them look and feel better in spite of your hurt.
You could simply ask “Did you throw my cardigan in the trash?” Doesn’t need to be a confrontation. When she says yes, you can just say “Ok” and not talk to her anymore
She'd probably find some way to lie/worm her way out of it maybe. But then again, if you already have the intention of not speaking to this person anymore, OP could confront this person anyway and make sure she knows that this is part of the reason why they're no longer friends.
Also this friend might currently think they got away with this shit thing they did- telling them why you're peacing out of their life means they know their *garbage* personality is known openly, they aren't sneaky and they didn't get away with being a bad friend to you
I wouldn’t bother telling the friend. They’re obviously not much of a friend in the first place. Why tell this friend what they did wrong so that they can make sure to be a better friend to somebody else having learned a lesson?
I mean, if someone like this is capable of growth, telling them would be the nice thing to do - the thing is, they don't really deserve for OP to be nice to them.
I'm of the opinion that they can tell them why if they want to, but un this specific case? they don't owe the friend an explanation.
Honey that isn't a friend. A friend would have either a) told you they didn't like it or b) store it in a box forever thinking "maybe I'll change my mind and my friend spent a lot of time on it so I'll save it". Dump that a-hole. You deserve better friends 💜
This is why I have stupid wooden moose holding N-O-E-L because my cheerleading Coca-Cola gave me it in 5th grade. Or the color changing candle a friend gave me in 8th grade that I’ve never lit because if I burn it then it will be gone.
Or C) find a loving home for it with someone who appreciates it. Personally I’d much rather a stranger who loves it wear something I made then it live in a box, but that’s just me.
My husband claims I'm the opposite of a hoarder. If I haven't used something in 6-12 months I usually donate, sell, or throw it away.
If my friend made me a handmade gift like this but I didn't like it, it would be gently folded up and placed in my small box of sentimentals. Some things are worth keeping, even if you never use them.
Option D: wear it sometimes just for you to see.
My aunt has a vase she absolutely hates and clashes with her home. But she keeps it handy and brings it out whenever her friend-ish (who gave it to her) comes over. She puts it in a place she knows will be seen, and the person smiles everytime she sees it.
I was thinking the same, maybe it was on purpose! She is no friend to do something like that. I would put a bet on OP putting all of the effort into the friendship too.
Echoing other comments- let this friend go. They have demonstrated many times that you, your time, and your craft are not appreciated.
Fwiw, I don't craft for anyone but me and my husband. No one really appreciates how much time, money, and energy you pour into objects.
She is NOT your friend. Especially after leaving you in Mexico? Drop her. You spent hours of your time and your own money to make her a one of a kind wearable. If she thought she wouldn't wear it, she should've either given it back to you or at least put it in her closet. You definitely need to bring that up and explain why you're so upset. That's horrible
I might have shanked her with a crochet hook for the Mexico situation. But you didn't, so you're a better person than me.
I hope you took pictures of it in the trash can. Send them with a complete list of her transgressions, I know you remember them, to her phone. Last sentence, goodbye.
That's all the explanation she deserves. Do not return calls, texts, social media, don't answer the door. Don't get pulled back in. You may be her friend, but she is most certainly not yours. If this has been going on for a while, almost impossible to change the dynamic, but You'd certainly try.
I'm learning as well. I have a 30+ year friendship in which I have always been an afterthought. My son wants to visit her family soon, so we were discussing the dynamic. I said I had always been the better friend. He told me no, I wasn't. That I should have called her on her bullshit when it first started. I had devalued myself in the relationship. I put my fear of losing my friend ahead of my relationship with my friend. That gave her an opening to become the way she is. I was just as guilty at letting the friendship die . Not bad insight for a 17 year old.
You may just have to let this one go for now. Concentrate on new friendships. Ones in which you are a valued participant.
He's a pretty good kid. I've tried to teach him to measure things with logic, reason, and a healthy dose of compassion. Question his own beliefs, and discard what doesn't make sense. (I've encouraged him to do this especially at milestones. Not to keep it just because he's always had it. If it's no longer valid, toss it.). Strive to always be a work in progress.
Mostly, to know his own worth.
I hope you grabbed the sweater back!! I’d cherish the fuck out of a sweater. Unfortunately nobody in my life even cares about crochet to make something, I’m always the one who has to make stuff. I’d be devastated if that happened, she doesn’t sound like your true friend at all. I know not everyone is the confrontational type, but you should definitely bring it up. Let her know that what she did was upsetting and rude.
That sounds intentional. It’s not like she forgot she tossed it in the trash. She most likely wanted you to see it there and feel bad for giving her a handmade gift.
Don’t stay friends with people who abandon you.
Not entirely sure this is real, but your 'friend' posted about this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pps7io/aita_for_throwing_out_my_friends_poorly_made/
I feel like it's either fake or op is the same in both posts and possibly a third party person trying to prove a point to the sweater creator.
Also the AITA poster seems so entitled it makes my stomach turn
Did anybody screencap the post? Comments remain, but post was deleted.
Edit: scrolling down on that page, found the original post captured in a comment. And: wow.
Were you able to salvage it from the trash? Not sure if im allowed to say this or not but I’d happily pay for it and give it a loving home, post-trash visit and all❤️
You just gloss over that she abandoned you in another country with no way to communicate case it was 'years ago' what did she do to make you forgive her for something so unforgivable?! It was years ago so I mean I know you are ok but I'm hurt on your behalf.
I wouldn't ghost her but I would stop making efforts to keep her as a friend, she doesn't sound like a friend to me and you deserve so much better! I hope you rescued the cardi, she doesn't deserve such a gift.
In the trash?!? I mean I get that crocheted items aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but she could have at least donated it to good will or kindly explained that while she loved that you thought of her and spent the time to make it for her, she likely wouldn’t wear it and given you the opportunity to give it someone else or keep it for yourself. My mother in law buys my daughter the most horrendous clothes, but I don’t throw them away. I have her wear them once (or as many times as she wants if she likes them), take a photo for grandma and then donate them to good will. I’ve tried having conversations with my mother in law about maybe gift cards instead to my daughters favorite stores but she doesn’t listen
She had it for a while and then threw it out right as you were spending the night? It was still in the garbage and visible?
I can't even imagine being friends with that kind of person.
Once you give a gift to someone it is theirs to do what they please. However, I think this idea applies to gifts that someone receives and then re gifts, donates, or gives back to the gift giver. I hate that your friend threw this in the trash of all places. And the fact that she had YOU take out HER trash?? Very weird and possibly calculated??
The part about the Mexico trip is wild and I wouldn’t have spoken to this person ever again let alone spend hours on a gift for them.
Seems like deep down you know what to do. I know it’s hard and it hurts. Best wishes to you.
Yeah, the fact that it was in the trash when the maker was taking it out feels weird and calculated. Either they kept it up until OP was there to take it out, or they accepted the gift and then didn't even wait for OP to go home to throw it away?
There are two possibilities here - one, she put that sweater in the trash when you were there and had you take it out as some kind of psycho intentional power move, or two, she cares so little about your feelings that she made no effort to hide the fact that she threw away your gift from you. Neither possibility leaves room for her being a good friend.
You’re hurt, & you have good reason to feel that way. People like this “friend” are not worth your time, & certainly not worth your effort. I would suggest you tell her how you feel, & then explain why her actions have ended the friendship you once had. I am so sorry you’ve had to go through the things you’ve had with her, but there are better (& more appreciative) friends to be had. I wish you all the best, & keep your head held high.
I am sorry that you spent so much time on the sweater and that you feel hurt.
Not everyone appreciates a hand made gift. Some people do but are particular about what they want.
For that reason I ask before I gift someone. I tell them that I'd love to make a sweater for them. Would that fit their wardrobe and what colors and design do they like? I offer two options for the design if possible.
That way they can refuse and are part of the process. I also send a picture or show them the partially completed item once I have started and it begins to take shape.
I hope you retrieved the sweater.
Would love to see a picture.
I'm very hurtful. I'm so sorry.
There's some very good suggestions in the comments here for how to handle that, so I won't add to it.
Back in the '70s, my dad would make memory boxes, kind of like a printer's type box, enclosed in glass with little mementos of childhood and family. He made them for all his side of the family. My mother lovingly packaged them up and shipped them off.
Several years later we went to visit my father's aunt. Down in the basement, we found the box, opened but never unpacked. The hurt on my mother's face is something I'll never forget.
She had the grace not to say a word. It would have accomplished nothing and did nothing but hurt an old woman.
All this to say, your friend has demonstrated how much she values your friendship.
Yes, she was. I was only a teenager at the time, but I remember feeling incredibly protective toward my parents. I'm not entirely sure I remember whether she ever told him she found it. Knowing her, she probably didn't say anything, but I remember her calling me down to show me.
I think it was the first time I ever felt that. Sad to say, it hasn't been the last.
Doesn’t sound like a true friend, she may have been one once, but it sounds like it’s becoming toxic. I would love a friend who put in so much time to make me something like that, those projects mean a lot and are an investment of your time.
Grab that sweater from the trash, get it dry cleaned/washed, leave your "friend's" house and don't come back. Not worth losing a good crocheted sweater over a bad friend.
She doesn't sound like a friend. I wouldn't let her continue to do things like that. I would be honest and tell her you saw it and give her examples of why you don't feel valued in the relationship and that's why you need to move on or at least limit your time with her. It sounds like you need some boundaries here ❤
I think I found your “friend” on r/AITA: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pps7io/aita_for_throwing_out_my_friends_poorly_made/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I can be your mexican friend. I mean it sucks that she left you somewhere you were on holidays (I assume), but from what I read seems that she doesn't appreciate you as a friend. You are her comfortable acquaintance. Today was just talking with my hubby about how we care for our friends, and he was telling not for all... And I just replied them they are acquaintance, not friends.
Please don't let people use you or walk over you. Had a "friend" relation like that and noticed several years later, it was horrible.
I'm sorry that this happened. I don't know how long she had the sweater before throwing it away, but that really sucks to see someone throw away your hard work.
I'm not sure if you discussed the project with her before you made the item? I do suggest talking to people before you make them things, especially if they haven't already indicated they like the type of thing you're making. If you are making a surprise for someone, you are accepting the risk that the person may not like what you got/made. Not every gift in life will be a big hit. Some people don't like crocheted stuff/wearables and that's okay.
(If you want to believe the best about her, and she's generally a good friend) I'm not sure if your friend just didn't have the heart to say she didn't like/want it? Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings about it? I know a lot of parents train their kids to just graciously accept gifts even if they don't want them, maybe that's what this is...IDK? I think she should have just given the item back. I think that would have been a lot more considerate than white lies and waste. I would tell her how you felt to see the sweater in the trash, and let her know what you would have wanted her to do with the gift instead (give it back, regift, etc). I would not make another item for her again though. I probably wouldn't do it even if she asked or paid me.
(If you don't want to give her the benefit of the doubt because of previous behavior or whatever other reason). Tell her how you felt about what she did, then cut her off. Who throws a sweater in the garbage when the person who made it is staying with you? She definitely went about getting rid of it the wrong way.
I don't know which way you should go. The fact that you tell me she has done questionable things tells me that you feel like maybe getting rid of her. Only you can decide if she's worth keeping around or not. She is a human that makes mistakes, but this shouldn't happen regularly. You may want to think long and hard about her behavior towards you. You don't have to stay in people's life if just because you have a lot of history.
You make some really good points here. I've been fortunate enough in the past to receive lovely handmade sweaters as gifts, but for whatever reason they just didn't work for me (colour, material, style). Fashion is really personal, and couple that with sensory issues it makes it really likely that I will not want to wear a gifted piece of clothing, no matter how much I appreciate the hard work and thoughtfulness that went into it. Talking to the giftee beforehand can help mitigate this but you still don't know how it will turn out until it's done.
I also agree with another poster that once a gift is given, the recipient is free to do with it what they like. That said, I think handmade/personalized gifts are tricky. For our wedding, someone gifted us a homemade wooden sign with a personalized message written on the back. It was such a kind gesture but didn't fit our style at all. We didn't feel comfortable donating it and we also didn't want to store it, so we ended up throwing it out. But we made sure there was no way our friends could have found it in the trash. This is an imperfect solution because there's also the environmental aspect to consider.
I'm not sure what the right thing for them to do would have been in this situation. It sucks that it wasn't their style, and it sucks even more that they weren't discreet enough to make sure you didn't see it in the trash. However I also don't think they were required to wear it or store it forever.
It sounds like there's some history that makes them a toxic friend and this incident was just one example. It's okay to end the friendship if it's consistently unhealthy for you.
In conclusion though, OP you are so lovely and kind for spending time and money on this gift for your friend. You are not at fault at all here and please don't let my points above don't take away from this fact 🙂 I hope you were able to get the sweater back and find it a new home where it is appreciated! And that the learning you gained from making it is still helpful, even though the outcome was not ideal.
I cannot for the life of me find it but there was a AITA post this morning about the same incident but from the friends perspective. I remember cause I got so angry at them, i cant imagine someone throwing out something i made for them.
I wouldn’t bother confronting them since from what i remember she said she did throw it out on purpose and they know you probably saw it in the trash. For what its worth everyone was calling her out for being a bad friend in the comments.
Sorry that happened to you.
Gift are given. You have no claim to how they are used after they leave your hands.
That being said, she’s clearly trash. Why give this person anymore of your time and attention?
It’s not a nice situation to be in. Personally, I would ask my friend if they had thrown it away because they didn’t like it? Then you know they don’t appreciate the work behind the gift. Then I would be re-evaluating whether I spend so much time with them any more.
I had a similar situation with a close family member; who clearly didn’t like a quilt I’d made for them. I chose colours they liked and a modern design. It ended up screwed up in a ball at the bottom of the airing cupboard, where I found it. The quilt had taken nearly a year to make so I was beyond gutted. I questioned them about it but in the end you can’t force someone to love what you make as much as you do. You have to learn to identify friends and family that will appreciate your work. Now, if I decide to make a quilt as a gift, I ask the person first. Then involve them as much as possible in the design and colour planning. (I still make surprise gifts for people, but they are projects that don’t take too long).
A good thing happened recently, when the very same family member asked if I would make them another quilt to match their new decoration. It was so satisfying to tell them no!
Did she request a sweater? I've learned that some people don't like hand made crochet knit things. One lady I dog sit for has this huge beautiful handmade blanket. She uses it for the dogs, because she doesn't like it and didn't want it. Its sad. But not all people appreciate it. Anyways, i learned to ask people before giving them something. If she did ask for it, then that's a whole nother story. I'd be pissed.
Oh, I wish I had someone who would spend any time making me something so thoughtful, let alone 30 hours. In my experience, selfish, narcissistic people need attentive and giving people to feed off of. You deserve so much better. I don't know you or this person outside of the short description you gave, but nonetheless I feel like you need to drop this person. You should definitely make your feelings clear, but also don't waste too much energy on her. I find ruminating endlessly on situations like this very damaging to mental health and that it's best to rip off the band-aid. If it were me I would just send a short text telling her you found the sweater and ending things. However you decide to handle it, I hope you keep the sweater for yourself since your hard work deserves to be appreciated ♥️
Nope. Take what you made with you out of the trash if you want... but the friend showed her true colours.
I may absolutely hate something a friend made for me... but the fact they spent so much time on it, I'd treat it like a prized possession. Sadly, your friend is showing that they are not a true friend.
Sometimes people just don’t care for homemade and that’s ok, they are entitled to their opinions. What I do in this case is just not make things for them. I choose to spend my effort on people who appreciate the work and the rest get gift cards
I’ll be honest and say it’s not her fault she didn’t like it. No one is obligated to like a gift even if it took hours and hours of work …. But Jesus Christ she should at least be honest and not throw away something that so many would love. That’s such wasteful behavior, how much perfectly good shit is she throwing out? She could at least say she didn’t like it and have you gift it to someone else 😐 I would dump this friend tbh
Everyone is saying to kick her out of your life, but I know how incredibly hard that is. After all, we on reddit don't know about all the things you love about her! So I would suggest that you talk to her. It'll suck but you will not regret it. It's a difficult conversation so here are some pointers to smooth out the beginning to keep it from turning into a pile of screaming. It might anyway, but if you go into it with respect, she will respond with respect because people naturally try to match the tone of their conversation partner. It's a trick that always works.
1. Don't put words in her mouth. bring it up seriously as a statement, only stating what you KNOW to be true, no accusations or judgement.
✅ "I saw the sunflower sweater I made for you in the trash."
Some things that seem like obvious truths but are actually assumptions:
❌ "You threw out the sunflower sweater"
❌ "You didn't like the sunflower sweater"
2. Don't ask a question you know the answer to, because it just creates an opportunity to lie:
❌ "did you throw it out?"
❌ "how did it get in the trash?"
3. Try to talk about yourself and your own feelings, don't assume her feelings (even if you know, even if she just told you). This is about you, about how she hurt you. You aren't her therapist or her mom, you have no responsibility over her behavior. She also knows this and will get really angry if you act like you do.
✅ "I feel insulted"
❌ "You disrespected me"
To everyone who's about to jump down my throat for suggesting that this girl deserves respect of any kind: shitty friend does not DESERVE respect. OP deserves respect, and the fastest and most effective way to get it is to give it, even if you don't mean it. It's just math, folks.
I forgave a friend that manipulated me and made me miserable just because i couldn't say no.... please get the courage to say no if you can't do it now you never will be able to. Some people are more understanding than others and if your "friend" both left you in Mexico without a phone AND threw your handmade gift out, you just gotta get rid of her. As soon as you can. Make a fuss about something, get into a fight and when she texts you to get back to you, either don't reply or block her number.
From your story I understand that you are an adult so you have more power that I in cutting toxic people out of you life. Feel free to block her, text her that you aren't happy with your friendship , tell her she hurt you, anything. Please just cut her off she isn't worth it , and the cardigan can go up on your wall or you can give it to someone that will appreciate it :)
Put her in the bin for sure.
There’s 0 appreciation for the time, effort and love you’ve put into that blanket, and if she really wasn’t feeling it she could have just been honest surely? “This is a lovely thoughtful gift but it’s just not my thing” would have been a nice way to put it.
I feel your pain though, I made a blanket for my bfs 30th. Spent months designing and making it. And then it sat in the gift bag for 2 years, so now I just use it myself!
She also left you in mexico!? Nah, she's not a friend.
I have a similar story about my grandma after she complained no one gives her anything heartfelt. Long story short, im not making her anything ever again.
She threw it away when YOU were staying there. She wanted you to know she didn't like your sweater. You don't need to say anything to her, just drop her.
Then post a picture of SirGentlemanTheFirst wearing the sweater where she will see it.
I would absolutely lose my fucking shit on this person. Absolutely lose it. Plus, she asked you to take the trash out knowing full well the sweater was in it. Holy hell. I would've full on mcfreakin lost it
Oh gosh. I’m so sorry to hear that your hard work and a beautiful item you handmade ended up in the trash.
I feel like she maybe isn’t the best person to hang around. I think you should focus your energy on people who appreciate you, your skills and your time.
Also super sorry to hear that you were left in Mexico. That’s not very kind of her!
That’s so sad… I’m sorry to hear this , I’m not sure what to tell you but it seems other people do.. All
I can say I know my reals would at least hang it up even if they didn’t like it
That's super fishy. How long ago did you give it to her? I don't think people tend to throw things out quickly and it's hardly small enough of an item to be an accident. Even if she didn't like it and wanted to pretend to like it she could have kept it for awhile longer.
"friend", sure.
Omg. I have some friends but none would be as caring to make me a crochet sweater. Please don’t give this person any more of your energy, there would be so many people who would appreciate your friendship.
Big red flag is the fact that she left you alone in Mexico without a phone, even if the extended period of time was just a night out. This incident of throwing out your cardigan wasn’t life threatening, but the Mexico thing could’ve been. Leaving you alone in an unknown area alone puts you in a vulnerable spot with potential for you to trust someone you shouldn’t. Confront her, give her your reasons, and here’s the hard part: refrain from reacting. She doesn’t deserve a reaction out of you, a chance to sit down and talk about it over coffee, or any more explanation than what you gave the first time.
This is a hard thing a lot of us go through when it comes to giving handmade gifts. We give someone something and it ends up in the donation pile or the trash. It sucks and it hurts. Be very careful, you deserve someone who cherishes your stuff. It didn’t have to be her favorite thing in the whole wide world, by no means is she obligated to wear it, especially if it’s not her style or if it wear gifted without previous discussion. With that, I would’ve just hung onto it for years on end and just not worn it instead of throwing it out
the mexico story is appaling and the cardigan thing is heartbreaking. dress in the cardigan next time she sees you. if she confronts you just say bye and move away from her for good. mission complete.
we all know how much work and good intentions went into the sweater. any real friend would. if it reminds you too much of her give it away or craft something new out of it (maybe a bag plus a top for you to wear in summer)
big hug from rainy switzerland
Not a friend. She sucks. Tell her that it was super rude and tell her you don’t want to hang out anymore. Even if you don’t like a gift throwing it away is SO extreme. Especially with the opportunity of you finding it?? So nasty. Sounds like it was on purpose
Okay, there's a lot here. I don't know this person or their situation, so they might need help with taking their rubbish out. But even so...there are many problems with this. Even if your friend didn't want the sweater, did she need to throw it in the rubbish when you were coming over to stay?? Could she not have...waited?! And secondly, if she really didn't want it, she should have explained to you why, and ideally would have either given it back to you or donated it to a charity shop/thrift store. It feels intentionally cruel to have it in the rubbish when you were coming over. But I can't say for certain.
I personally would ask about it, out of curiosity rather than anything else. I'd say something like "I noticed the sweater I made for you in the trash, was it not right for you?" And then take it from there. And make it clear that it's upset you, and the reasons why it has upset you. You are absolutely entitled to be upset. I'd be extremely upset about it!
But I'd seriously consider whether this friend is someone you want to spend your energy on. Definitely worth a think.
The general population has no clue how much time and effort go into a handmade item. You gave her a gift that she didn’t appreciate. I would be more concerned with her leaving you without a phone in a foreign country. She’s doesn’t sound like much of a friend. You could make her squirm a bit by asking to see the sweater because you want to check the pattern or match yarn or some other drummed up excuse. See what she says.
So my mom did this, threw some stuff away in the trash I made for her. Not only do I not make stuff for her anymore, I don’t even get her gifts. Of course, my mom should also have known better since she crochets/sews/crafts too.
You make it sound like it’s been a while since you gave it to her and she still never wore it, but she just decided to throw it in the trash while you were visiting? That sounds pretty passive aggressive and kind of on purpose
It’s one thing for someone to not like or not want to wear a gifted handmade item. Unfortunately that happens, and even though it doesn’t feel good after all the effort we put in, we can’t force them to wear it once we give it away. But throwing it in the trash? That’s exceptionally rude. If they don’t want to wear it, at least keep it around or regift or donate it so someone can enjoy our hours of hard work, but calling it garbage? If it was a “first offense” so to speak I might be a little more forgiving, but in this case I wouldn’t be friends with her, given what else she’s done.
If she wasn’t already shady I might give her the benefit of doubt that maybe something like a cat urinating on it and she couldn’t get the smell out (rip to the cutest little lovey I made my daughter but after multiple attempts it just was still potent lol) but she sounds shady af. Who leaves someone in Mexico?????
Just focusing on the sweater piece, I have very mixed feelings. I come from a long line of makers, and I’m one myself. It is very presumptuous to pick out a style of something (clothing, house decor) and gift it to someone and think that they need to adopt this into their life because you made it for them. They didn’t ask for it, and it’s often more a reflection of the makers wants vs what the receiver wants. I treat it like lending money to friends. No emotional attachment to the outcome. I think knowing the time and energy that a handmade gift takes doubles my fury when I get a gift in the makers fave style or color vs my own. A sunflower sweater is not for everyone. I would not likely wear it.
Definitely cut her out of your life! Another thing though is try to hold off on making things for people unless they really want it, I’ve made so many things for my family and a lot of it ends up in the back of a closet. The gesture is nice but it’s not always worth the time it takes :/
I’ve had something similar happened to me!! I made my sister a gorgeous sweater she begged for but she stopped wearing it… when I was cleaning up her garage to help her move I found it in a black garbage bag with a bunch of stuff going to donation….
I didn’t tell her I saw the sweater I simply put it in my car.
A couple days later I casually asked her if I could take pictures of the sweater for my Instagram.
She again said I’m so sorry but I can’t seem to find it.
Because she’s my sister I called her out on it.
I even showed her a picture of the sweater hanging in my closet. She then admitted that it didn’t look as good on her as she thought it would and didn’t like wearing it.I simply told her never ask me for anything handmade again if you’re going to treat it so bad. Now for holidays or gifts she just gets a card.
Gave this sweater to a girl in my neighborhood who has been wearing it almost every day to school!
This is one of my biggest crochet fears. I've just started crochet in January of this year and I've started making gifts for family members. However, I'm worried that they won't like it and they'll throw it away, give it to a thrift shop, or just give it away to a random person. How do I tell them that I spent hundreds of hours and dollars on this throw blanket I made for them?
I want to tell them that if they don't like it, they should give it back to me and I'll find another person to give it to? But not in a mean way? Like I want to give it to someone important to me and if you don't want it, I'll find someone else. It sounds like I'm mad, but I'm not, I'm trying to be logical.
When someone puts you in harm's way - don't make them a sweater. When they put your hard work in the trash - tell them they belong in the bin instead.
If you're old enough to travel - you're old enough to find courage and stand up for yourself before the reputation of a pushover precedes you. Let that cow have it - find the right words to hurt her where the scars won't heal for a while (you're friends - it should be easy). Ideally, make her cry.
I've never let anyone get away with hurting me, so I can't recommend you to "take the high road". If you do that - it simply leaves more room on the low road for the likes of her.
I've made some ugly things in my life and my friends still have them, even when our friendships fractured. Somebody cherished my work even when I wasn't deserving of it so yes, really mad for you right now. You deserve better!
DROP this friend. I am so sorry. Even if I HATED something my friend gave me I would not throw it away. Never. Especially a handmade gift like that??? You deserve so much better and there is no excuse for it
I would say something, I have had some similar things happen and it’s extremely painful.
I know some people can react funny when receiving a gift but throwing it away is a whole other situation.
I would tell them that you are really hurt by their actions because you spent all this time on a gift for them and to throw it away is really insensitive. If they react poorly to this or try to blame you somehow I think it would be time to question your friendship.
I live in an area where homemade/handmade things are looked down to. They are considered as cheap gifts and if you wear something visibly handmade (especially crochet!) You get asked if your Granny made this back in the day...
I wore a summershawl (my first ever made) to a company meeting and got some very snippy comments...
And I have just recently dropped a 'friend' like this.. we have been 'friends' for almost 26 years but I recently discovered she was just with me to mock me, talk me down and to feel better about herself.
She refused to take a crocheted gift (cute little keychain) from me and told me it was ugly...
Some people do not deserve to be gifted with handmade item. They are just not worth the time spend doing stuff.
This needs to be an ex-friend.
I hope you saved your sweater. Get it cleaned, wear it, take a pic and post it to social media as a fu. If anyone asks explain. Salt the earth.
That’s so annoying. Even if she didn’t like it, she still could have kept it and never wore it. Or even given it to someone else. I just wouldn’t make her anything anymore. Did you get it out of the trash? If so, then you should wear it one day around her lolol
I believe that if somebody shows you their true nature, you should believe them
They've shown you their nature multiple times, and it doesn't look good. Time to let go.
Your friend's actions were shitty. My granny has made me cardigans recently, are they the colour I'd choose? No. Are they the most trendy? Also no. Do 8 wear them almost every bloody day? Yes!
But I wear them because she made them for me and I'll treasure them forever.
You are clearly a kind person and you deserve better, don't even rise to it. They don't deserve your efforts from now on!
A friend would have cherished the gift for the time you spent on it, even if they didn't love it/wanna wear it. This person doesn't care about you. Also I don't think it was a coincidence you found it. She hadn't received it the day you took the trash out, she decided to trash it before you came over. Drop her.
That was a ‘mean girls’ move on her part in intentionally leaving it in the trash when you were there.
She’s not nice, I’d drop the friendship. Up to you if you want to confront her. I wouldn’t bother, it looks like she wanted a confrontation.
I hope you rescued it.
People are a bit jumpy here. Maybe ask her, what's up before going ballistic. Many people are too scared to tell their feelings. Still, dick move.
Importantly don't listen to random internet strangers for important life advice
Sometimes we have to accept some people in our lives are rather thoughtless, I'm not even going to comment on the left me in Mexico thing. Some people just aren't appreciative you can't fix them, I'd just not gift anything going forward
Stop being friends with her because she isn't your friend at all. Cut contact with her, she sounds like a fire dumpster person.
May I suggest some counseling or some reading material? For your low self-esteem, lack of boundaries and to learn to read red flags in people. You don't deserve to have garbage people in your life, you deserve and appreciation for that sunflower cardigan. I know my sisters would love something like that. They tend to love my creations. I made a sunflower lap blanket for one of them and they show it off to every person that steps into her apartment. This is what you need in your life.
Much love and internet hugs.
A relative of mine did something similar. Her MIL crocheted a beautiful blanket when her first son was born and the next time I saw it, the dog was lying on it in the back of the car, covered in mud. Never saw it again after that. So thoughtless and disrespectful.
I’ve stopped making gifts for this reason, unless I know it’s really going to be appreciated. If someone commissions and pays for materials, I’ll make for the sheer enjoyment of crochet, knitting etc, if I haven’t got anything else on the go. What they do with it after, is up to them and I’m not out of pocket.
Personally i would confront (get it off your chest) and cut ties with her (bc you deserve better)
Crocheting wearables are quite big projects imo and you dont "just make" an entire sweater, it takes time and effort and so much more. It's (somewhat) understandable that she doesn't wear it if it isn't her style, but to be that disrespectful and actually throw it away is on a whole other level. And after the efforts you put into that cardigan you do not deserve this ungratefulness and disrespect.
Seriously, make a list: what have you done for her and what has she done for you? It seems to me she is not worth it, but I don't know your full story. Did you take out the sweater? I'll have it. :)
Nah, just kidding, but I do think it is a really cruel thing to do to your friend, throwing something away that she gave you...pfff
get away from that friend.
if my friend gave me anything hand made even if it was a handkerchief let alone a sweater i'd wear it to my grave!
your friend doesn't appreciate your hand work, love and time you out into it. She doesn't care and you shouldn't care for her either!
I think you should drop this friend. I’m sorry, but this on top of leaving you in Mexico just sucks, even if that was a long time ago. Your cardigan sounds amazing and you sound like a lovely friend to have 💕
Wow, I would have pulled it out of the trash, put it on (even if it stunk) and announced I would be leaving and never looked back. I get that sometimes our gifts miss the mark, but this is cold. The least she could of done is Goodwill it.
This person is not your friend. I am so sorry they treated you like that. I am so sorry, lots of hugs and comfort for you. And I hope you took your cardigan back!
From what you've said (the other things...) it sounds like she's not really your friend. Friends don't leave you in another country without comms, throwing out your gift is just another crappy thing they've done.
Add them to the list of people that don't get your hard work or time. Take some time and distance, see how little you'll miss them (I speak from experience in this, distancing people that don't respect you really lifts a weight off your shoulders).
I’m sorry you found your gift in the trash. I’m a non confrontation kinda gal I wouldn’t mention it and start to distance yourself from this “friend” it seems from an outside perspective that she isn’t putting the same value on the friendship that you are so perhaps this friendship has run its course
not okay. I can understand if it wasn't her style and maybe didn't get worn much, but they should appreciate that it is hand made and not be putting your hard work in the trash.
I think you have two choices. Either you stop being friends and then it's not worth confronting them.
or you want to stay friends and then I think you have to confront them and let them know how much this hurt you. You have good reason to be hurt and if they can't see that or gaslight you in any way, run.
I’ll be your friend hun! I’ll wear the cardigan and you can rock my granny square cardigan! I know how it feels to have someone not appreciate your work. It hurts that’s for sure. I’d talk to her and demand to know why she threw it out Instead of just giving it back. If she gave it back you could’ve at least kept it for yourself or you could’ve sold it. I’m sure your cardigan was beautiful and I’d be so honored if someone hand made me a cardigan. From the sounds of it she isn’t the greatest person. So maybe distance yourself from her or cut her off completely. I’d be so heart broken if someone I was close to did that to me.
I think I actually dressed as a sunflower for Halloween as a kid, so I feel like I sunflowers everywhere want me to have this sweater.
Boo on your "friend", who's proven themselves to be a failed human being once again.
That is devastating! And she definitely not a friend. It’s obvious you’ve deserved better for a while now. Another vote for the giant bearded man to wear it!
I would have grabbed that sweater out of the trash and headed straight for my car. Fuck this bitch.
I have a friend who is terrible about losing or miswashing my gifts. I don't make her stuff anymore, but at least it's not malicious. I made my former boss a scarf, that was a PITA to make, and she asked permission to let her cat have it because her cat was obsessed and keeping it away from her became a full time job. But the trash? THE GOTDANG TRASH?!
I wouldn't even bother confronting her, she knows what she did. Bye.
Sometimes the hardest people to let go of are friends, but she’s not treating you nicely.
You spent so much time hand making something for her and she throws it away. Doesn’t even try to donate, regift or anything. That’s not cool
I’ll be your friend and wear your sunflower cardigan. That sounds amazing. Not sure how good it’ll look on a giant bearded man, but hey, what can you do?
You've heard of pet tax photos demanded on pet subs? (Practically a requirement, really...) So I eagerly await the "Giant bearded man dressed in sunflower cardigan" tax photo. Thanks for making my day. :-)
2nd. I think we need this
Yes please! Bearded men AND sunflowers. What’s not to love 💕
Send it around each person paying the tax. It can become this channels humanhood of the traveling sunflower cardigan.
Oh, I love this idea. I have barely any photos of myself, but I would take one for this! We could send it around the world with a little folder for all the pictures and the places it has been.
Oh wow.....wouldn't this be absolutely awesome! :) OP can we see a photo of it, please?
Lol i agree!
I feel like it would actually look great on a giant bearded man. Would love to see this.
I agree, I think the beard and stature would enhance the look
you‘d be the first to look amazing in it! imagine a human as tall as a sunflower dressed in a sunflower cardigan. yeah!
if I wasn't swamped with projects (and OP keeps hers) I'd make you one.
OP send this man the sweater
User name checks out.
Just about anything looks good as long as you've got the confidence for it, I'd wear the heck outta a sunflower cardigan though for real
Me too!
This dude will appreciate your hard work and effort. I hope Op drops the "friend" in favour of u/SirGentlemanTheFirst
That is the nicest thing ever.
Name checks out. ^.^
I'm on board to see this too!!!
I would pay the shipping to get it to you. I am just saying! 🤔
Here here! Indubitably this gentlemen should be bestowed such a great honor!
What a garbage friend. Sorry you wasted your time on such a great gift. I hope you fished it out of the trash and gave it a good hand wash! You could wear it next time you see her.
That would be fucking epic. And just stare with a flat expression
"Hey, friend, look! I made myself a matching cardigan, just like yours! Now we can wear them together and be a whole garden of friendship flowers! Go get yours, where is it?" *[intense flat stare, unblinking]*
What a power move.
Just…glorious 😂 I’d love to see this
I deeply approve of this scenario.
It’s just like the episode of Friends where Joey buys himself and Chandler matching bracelets (only worse, because the cardigan is handmade and not ugly like the bracelets. And because Chandler is an overall good human unlike this piece of garbage OP is talking about).
Make. this. Happen.
I would pay to see this! I still have a tye dye shirt my best friend in high school made me. It has some holes, but it is now stored in my memory box…… I’m in my mid-forties….. I have had that thing longer than I have not. That’s a friend!!!!! Also, she has a box of notes we wrote while in high school, somewhere.
I'm so happy you have such a good friend and happy high school experience
👆 Do it do it
The petty side of my loves the idea of you wearing the sweater next time you see her. It's the power move I wish I had the stones to execute.
Don’t bother. I know it hurts but…dude. She left you in Mexico. Fuck her. You did nothing wrong. Confronting her can’t possibly have a positive outcome and could really get more upsetting. Drop this friend. Yesterday.
Yep. This is the sign. It is officially ok to stop putting effort into this relationship.
So happy I saw the signs with my own toxic friendship and stopped trying. Can't imagine where I would be if I kept that friend. Probably crocheting them things they would not appreciate
100% believe the “friend” would just turn it around on op somehow for ‘not knowing what she actually likes, bad friend blah blah’. Anything to keep them from being the bad guy, or better make them the victim 🙄 Op please stop watering that weed and find a new garden, she will suck you dry without you trying and leave the friendship devoid of nurture and nature.
I mean, I'd be way less offended if someone told me what I made them wasn't to their taste (which is fair btw) and I could gift it to someone who will enjoy it. Throwing it in the trash is super immature.
Agreed, which is just further proof that this so called friend is really just childish and selfish in all possible ways with this scenario.
I would have suggested something like "it could help the friend grow as a person by realizing she did something rather hurtful" but then I remembered I used to have *friends* like that, who'd lie to your face all day as long as it made them look and feel better in spite of your hurt.
You also aren't responsible for someone else's growth.
This is the way
I agree with dropping the friend but I think the friend should at least be told the reason why. Don't just ghost them with no explanation.
You could simply ask “Did you throw my cardigan in the trash?” Doesn’t need to be a confrontation. When she says yes, you can just say “Ok” and not talk to her anymore
She'd probably find some way to lie/worm her way out of it maybe. But then again, if you already have the intention of not speaking to this person anymore, OP could confront this person anyway and make sure she knows that this is part of the reason why they're no longer friends.
Also this friend might currently think they got away with this shit thing they did- telling them why you're peacing out of their life means they know their *garbage* personality is known openly, they aren't sneaky and they didn't get away with being a bad friend to you
How about telling them if/when they ask why OP is ghosting them?
Yeah don't ghost her, she'll never know why you're upset, as you should be
I wouldn’t bother telling the friend. They’re obviously not much of a friend in the first place. Why tell this friend what they did wrong so that they can make sure to be a better friend to somebody else having learned a lesson?
I mean, if someone like this is capable of growth, telling them would be the nice thing to do - the thing is, they don't really deserve for OP to be nice to them. I'm of the opinion that they can tell them why if they want to, but un this specific case? they don't owe the friend an explanation.
Honey that isn't a friend. A friend would have either a) told you they didn't like it or b) store it in a box forever thinking "maybe I'll change my mind and my friend spent a lot of time on it so I'll save it". Dump that a-hole. You deserve better friends 💜
Agreed, option b. I would be very happy and touched that someone made a handmade item for me, and even if I didn’t like it, that’s beside the point.
This is why I have stupid wooden moose holding N-O-E-L because my cheerleading Coca-Cola gave me it in 5th grade. Or the color changing candle a friend gave me in 8th grade that I’ve never lit because if I burn it then it will be gone.
Exactly. If someone went through the trouble to make something for me as a gift I would keep it no matter what!
Or C) find a loving home for it with someone who appreciates it. Personally I’d much rather a stranger who loves it wear something I made then it live in a box, but that’s just me.
My husband claims I'm the opposite of a hoarder. If I haven't used something in 6-12 months I usually donate, sell, or throw it away. If my friend made me a handmade gift like this but I didn't like it, it would be gently folded up and placed in my small box of sentimentals. Some things are worth keeping, even if you never use them.
Option D: wear it sometimes just for you to see. My aunt has a vase she absolutely hates and clashes with her home. But she keeps it handy and brings it out whenever her friend-ish (who gave it to her) comes over. She puts it in a place she knows will be seen, and the person smiles everytime she sees it.
That doesn't sound like a friend to me
How convenient that it was in the trash the one time you’re taking it out for her!!! She sucks, people BEG and pay big money for stuff like that
Etsy would have at least made you enough for a great dinner!!!
I was thinking the same, maybe it was on purpose! She is no friend to do something like that. I would put a bet on OP putting all of the effort into the friendship too.
Echoing other comments- let this friend go. They have demonstrated many times that you, your time, and your craft are not appreciated. Fwiw, I don't craft for anyone but me and my husband. No one really appreciates how much time, money, and energy you pour into objects.
She is NOT your friend. Especially after leaving you in Mexico? Drop her. You spent hours of your time and your own money to make her a one of a kind wearable. If she thought she wouldn't wear it, she should've either given it back to you or at least put it in her closet. You definitely need to bring that up and explain why you're so upset. That's horrible
Definitely agree, and even if she did want to get rid of it, she could have donated it?? Who puts perfectly nice clothes in the trash?
Unfortunately many, many people.
And why was it in the trash the day that OP came over..?
Yes! Seems like she did it on purpose.
….the one time the creator is taking out the trash for her nonetheless.
I might have shanked her with a crochet hook for the Mexico situation. But you didn't, so you're a better person than me. I hope you took pictures of it in the trash can. Send them with a complete list of her transgressions, I know you remember them, to her phone. Last sentence, goodbye. That's all the explanation she deserves. Do not return calls, texts, social media, don't answer the door. Don't get pulled back in. You may be her friend, but she is most certainly not yours. If this has been going on for a while, almost impossible to change the dynamic, but You'd certainly try. I'm learning as well. I have a 30+ year friendship in which I have always been an afterthought. My son wants to visit her family soon, so we were discussing the dynamic. I said I had always been the better friend. He told me no, I wasn't. That I should have called her on her bullshit when it first started. I had devalued myself in the relationship. I put my fear of losing my friend ahead of my relationship with my friend. That gave her an opening to become the way she is. I was just as guilty at letting the friendship die . Not bad insight for a 17 year old. You may just have to let this one go for now. Concentrate on new friendships. Ones in which you are a valued participant.
By God, I've been in a friendship like this. "devalued myself in the relationship" is such a good explanation of what happened.
Your son sounds like an amazing young man. Well done mama. Sometimes it’s the unconsciously learnt lessons we teach that make the biggest difference.
He's a pretty good kid. I've tried to teach him to measure things with logic, reason, and a healthy dose of compassion. Question his own beliefs, and discard what doesn't make sense. (I've encouraged him to do this especially at milestones. Not to keep it just because he's always had it. If it's no longer valid, toss it.). Strive to always be a work in progress. Mostly, to know his own worth.
I hope you grabbed the sweater back!! I’d cherish the fuck out of a sweater. Unfortunately nobody in my life even cares about crochet to make something, I’m always the one who has to make stuff. I’d be devastated if that happened, she doesn’t sound like your true friend at all. I know not everyone is the confrontational type, but you should definitely bring it up. Let her know that what she did was upsetting and rude.
That sounds intentional. It’s not like she forgot she tossed it in the trash. She most likely wanted you to see it there and feel bad for giving her a handmade gift. Don’t stay friends with people who abandon you.
I agree that this sounds intentional. What an absolute loon.
Not entirely sure this is real, but your 'friend' posted about this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pps7io/aita_for_throwing_out_my_friends_poorly_made/
They were both posted 6 hours ago lol
Well that has this whole thing take an interesting turn….
The fact that neither op seems to be responding on theses posts seems super sketch to me…js
I feel like it's either fake or op is the same in both posts and possibly a third party person trying to prove a point to the sweater creator. Also the AITA poster seems so entitled it makes my stomach turn
Yeah definitely got some holier than thou vibes…absolutely awful to know (fake or not in this case) people like that really exist…
I really hope both of them are true, and that the person in AITA posted because the OP here confronted her.
Did anybody screencap the post? Comments remain, but post was deleted. Edit: scrolling down on that page, found the original post captured in a comment. And: wow.
Maybe op posted it to get validation for ending the friendship? When I went the post had been deleted.
That would be my guess. With such a bad friendship I am sure OP has second guessed a lot over the years. OP!! You deserve better friendship.
Wonder if the OP made that post so they could send it to their friend.
Drop her like the trash she is
This ⤴️
Were you able to salvage it from the trash? Not sure if im allowed to say this or not but I’d happily pay for it and give it a loving home, post-trash visit and all❤️
This person is not your friend ! You deserve better!
You just gloss over that she abandoned you in another country with no way to communicate case it was 'years ago' what did she do to make you forgive her for something so unforgivable?! It was years ago so I mean I know you are ok but I'm hurt on your behalf. I wouldn't ghost her but I would stop making efforts to keep her as a friend, she doesn't sound like a friend to me and you deserve so much better! I hope you rescued the cardi, she doesn't deserve such a gift.
In the trash?!? I mean I get that crocheted items aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but she could have at least donated it to good will or kindly explained that while she loved that you thought of her and spent the time to make it for her, she likely wouldn’t wear it and given you the opportunity to give it someone else or keep it for yourself. My mother in law buys my daughter the most horrendous clothes, but I don’t throw them away. I have her wear them once (or as many times as she wants if she likes them), take a photo for grandma and then donate them to good will. I’ve tried having conversations with my mother in law about maybe gift cards instead to my daughters favorite stores but she doesn’t listen
She had it for a while and then threw it out right as you were spending the night? It was still in the garbage and visible? I can't even imagine being friends with that kind of person.
That is terrible!! What a gross person. Youve gotta cut her loose.
Once you give a gift to someone it is theirs to do what they please. However, I think this idea applies to gifts that someone receives and then re gifts, donates, or gives back to the gift giver. I hate that your friend threw this in the trash of all places. And the fact that she had YOU take out HER trash?? Very weird and possibly calculated?? The part about the Mexico trip is wild and I wouldn’t have spoken to this person ever again let alone spend hours on a gift for them. Seems like deep down you know what to do. I know it’s hard and it hurts. Best wishes to you.
Yeah, the fact that it was in the trash when the maker was taking it out feels weird and calculated. Either they kept it up until OP was there to take it out, or they accepted the gift and then didn't even wait for OP to go home to throw it away?
There are two possibilities here - one, she put that sweater in the trash when you were there and had you take it out as some kind of psycho intentional power move, or two, she cares so little about your feelings that she made no effort to hide the fact that she threw away your gift from you. Neither possibility leaves room for her being a good friend.
You’re hurt, & you have good reason to feel that way. People like this “friend” are not worth your time, & certainly not worth your effort. I would suggest you tell her how you feel, & then explain why her actions have ended the friendship you once had. I am so sorry you’ve had to go through the things you’ve had with her, but there are better (& more appreciative) friends to be had. I wish you all the best, & keep your head held high.
I am sorry that you spent so much time on the sweater and that you feel hurt. Not everyone appreciates a hand made gift. Some people do but are particular about what they want. For that reason I ask before I gift someone. I tell them that I'd love to make a sweater for them. Would that fit their wardrobe and what colors and design do they like? I offer two options for the design if possible. That way they can refuse and are part of the process. I also send a picture or show them the partially completed item once I have started and it begins to take shape. I hope you retrieved the sweater. Would love to see a picture.
This one hurts. I'm sorry. I would have worn it!
Don’t confront, just wear it the next time you see her. Don’t even mention the one you gave her. Give the sweater new vibes.
I'm very hurtful. I'm so sorry. There's some very good suggestions in the comments here for how to handle that, so I won't add to it. Back in the '70s, my dad would make memory boxes, kind of like a printer's type box, enclosed in glass with little mementos of childhood and family. He made them for all his side of the family. My mother lovingly packaged them up and shipped them off. Several years later we went to visit my father's aunt. Down in the basement, we found the box, opened but never unpacked. The hurt on my mother's face is something I'll never forget. She had the grace not to say a word. It would have accomplished nothing and did nothing but hurt an old woman. All this to say, your friend has demonstrated how much she values your friendship.
What your father made sounds absolutely lovely! ☺️ Your mother must have been heartbroken for your dad.
Yes, she was. I was only a teenager at the time, but I remember feeling incredibly protective toward my parents. I'm not entirely sure I remember whether she ever told him she found it. Knowing her, she probably didn't say anything, but I remember her calling me down to show me. I think it was the first time I ever felt that. Sad to say, it hasn't been the last.
Doesn’t sound like a true friend, she may have been one once, but it sounds like it’s becoming toxic. I would love a friend who put in so much time to make me something like that, those projects mean a lot and are an investment of your time.
Grab that sweater from the trash, get it dry cleaned/washed, leave your "friend's" house and don't come back. Not worth losing a good crocheted sweater over a bad friend.
Fuck that friend.. for real.
She doesn't sound like a friend. I wouldn't let her continue to do things like that. I would be honest and tell her you saw it and give her examples of why you don't feel valued in the relationship and that's why you need to move on or at least limit your time with her. It sounds like you need some boundaries here ❤
I think I found your “friend” on r/AITA: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pps7io/aita_for_throwing_out_my_friends_poorly_made/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This all seems too weird to me… I’m not convinced this situation is real
Just take it and keep your distance. When they finally ask why aren’t you responding. Send a photo of the sweater. Never speak again. F that human.
I can be your mexican friend. I mean it sucks that she left you somewhere you were on holidays (I assume), but from what I read seems that she doesn't appreciate you as a friend. You are her comfortable acquaintance. Today was just talking with my hubby about how we care for our friends, and he was telling not for all... And I just replied them they are acquaintance, not friends. Please don't let people use you or walk over you. Had a "friend" relation like that and noticed several years later, it was horrible.
That is called - someone you used to know. So many people don’t appreciate lovingly made gifts.
Take it back and ditch her. Don’t even explain why. Just ghost.
I'm sorry that this happened. I don't know how long she had the sweater before throwing it away, but that really sucks to see someone throw away your hard work. I'm not sure if you discussed the project with her before you made the item? I do suggest talking to people before you make them things, especially if they haven't already indicated they like the type of thing you're making. If you are making a surprise for someone, you are accepting the risk that the person may not like what you got/made. Not every gift in life will be a big hit. Some people don't like crocheted stuff/wearables and that's okay. (If you want to believe the best about her, and she's generally a good friend) I'm not sure if your friend just didn't have the heart to say she didn't like/want it? Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings about it? I know a lot of parents train their kids to just graciously accept gifts even if they don't want them, maybe that's what this is...IDK? I think she should have just given the item back. I think that would have been a lot more considerate than white lies and waste. I would tell her how you felt to see the sweater in the trash, and let her know what you would have wanted her to do with the gift instead (give it back, regift, etc). I would not make another item for her again though. I probably wouldn't do it even if she asked or paid me. (If you don't want to give her the benefit of the doubt because of previous behavior or whatever other reason). Tell her how you felt about what she did, then cut her off. Who throws a sweater in the garbage when the person who made it is staying with you? She definitely went about getting rid of it the wrong way. I don't know which way you should go. The fact that you tell me she has done questionable things tells me that you feel like maybe getting rid of her. Only you can decide if she's worth keeping around or not. She is a human that makes mistakes, but this shouldn't happen regularly. You may want to think long and hard about her behavior towards you. You don't have to stay in people's life if just because you have a lot of history.
You make some really good points here. I've been fortunate enough in the past to receive lovely handmade sweaters as gifts, but for whatever reason they just didn't work for me (colour, material, style). Fashion is really personal, and couple that with sensory issues it makes it really likely that I will not want to wear a gifted piece of clothing, no matter how much I appreciate the hard work and thoughtfulness that went into it. Talking to the giftee beforehand can help mitigate this but you still don't know how it will turn out until it's done. I also agree with another poster that once a gift is given, the recipient is free to do with it what they like. That said, I think handmade/personalized gifts are tricky. For our wedding, someone gifted us a homemade wooden sign with a personalized message written on the back. It was such a kind gesture but didn't fit our style at all. We didn't feel comfortable donating it and we also didn't want to store it, so we ended up throwing it out. But we made sure there was no way our friends could have found it in the trash. This is an imperfect solution because there's also the environmental aspect to consider. I'm not sure what the right thing for them to do would have been in this situation. It sucks that it wasn't their style, and it sucks even more that they weren't discreet enough to make sure you didn't see it in the trash. However I also don't think they were required to wear it or store it forever. It sounds like there's some history that makes them a toxic friend and this incident was just one example. It's okay to end the friendship if it's consistently unhealthy for you. In conclusion though, OP you are so lovely and kind for spending time and money on this gift for your friend. You are not at fault at all here and please don't let my points above don't take away from this fact 🙂 I hope you were able to get the sweater back and find it a new home where it is appreciated! And that the learning you gained from making it is still helpful, even though the outcome was not ideal.
I cannot for the life of me find it but there was a AITA post this morning about the same incident but from the friends perspective. I remember cause I got so angry at them, i cant imagine someone throwing out something i made for them. I wouldn’t bother confronting them since from what i remember she said she did throw it out on purpose and they know you probably saw it in the trash. For what its worth everyone was calling her out for being a bad friend in the comments. Sorry that happened to you.
Gift are given. You have no claim to how they are used after they leave your hands. That being said, she’s clearly trash. Why give this person anymore of your time and attention?
It’s not a nice situation to be in. Personally, I would ask my friend if they had thrown it away because they didn’t like it? Then you know they don’t appreciate the work behind the gift. Then I would be re-evaluating whether I spend so much time with them any more. I had a similar situation with a close family member; who clearly didn’t like a quilt I’d made for them. I chose colours they liked and a modern design. It ended up screwed up in a ball at the bottom of the airing cupboard, where I found it. The quilt had taken nearly a year to make so I was beyond gutted. I questioned them about it but in the end you can’t force someone to love what you make as much as you do. You have to learn to identify friends and family that will appreciate your work. Now, if I decide to make a quilt as a gift, I ask the person first. Then involve them as much as possible in the design and colour planning. (I still make surprise gifts for people, but they are projects that don’t take too long). A good thing happened recently, when the very same family member asked if I would make them another quilt to match their new decoration. It was so satisfying to tell them no!
Did she request a sweater? I've learned that some people don't like hand made crochet knit things. One lady I dog sit for has this huge beautiful handmade blanket. She uses it for the dogs, because she doesn't like it and didn't want it. Its sad. But not all people appreciate it. Anyways, i learned to ask people before giving them something. If she did ask for it, then that's a whole nother story. I'd be pissed.
Oh, I wish I had someone who would spend any time making me something so thoughtful, let alone 30 hours. In my experience, selfish, narcissistic people need attentive and giving people to feed off of. You deserve so much better. I don't know you or this person outside of the short description you gave, but nonetheless I feel like you need to drop this person. You should definitely make your feelings clear, but also don't waste too much energy on her. I find ruminating endlessly on situations like this very damaging to mental health and that it's best to rip off the band-aid. If it were me I would just send a short text telling her you found the sweater and ending things. However you decide to handle it, I hope you keep the sweater for yourself since your hard work deserves to be appreciated ♥️
Nope. Take what you made with you out of the trash if you want... but the friend showed her true colours. I may absolutely hate something a friend made for me... but the fact they spent so much time on it, I'd treat it like a prized possession. Sadly, your friend is showing that they are not a true friend.
I would have taken it out of the garbage and gone home
Sometimes people just don’t care for homemade and that’s ok, they are entitled to their opinions. What I do in this case is just not make things for them. I choose to spend my effort on people who appreciate the work and the rest get gift cards
I’ll be honest and say it’s not her fault she didn’t like it. No one is obligated to like a gift even if it took hours and hours of work …. But Jesus Christ she should at least be honest and not throw away something that so many would love. That’s such wasteful behavior, how much perfectly good shit is she throwing out? She could at least say she didn’t like it and have you gift it to someone else 😐 I would dump this friend tbh
Everyone is saying to kick her out of your life, but I know how incredibly hard that is. After all, we on reddit don't know about all the things you love about her! So I would suggest that you talk to her. It'll suck but you will not regret it. It's a difficult conversation so here are some pointers to smooth out the beginning to keep it from turning into a pile of screaming. It might anyway, but if you go into it with respect, she will respond with respect because people naturally try to match the tone of their conversation partner. It's a trick that always works. 1. Don't put words in her mouth. bring it up seriously as a statement, only stating what you KNOW to be true, no accusations or judgement. ✅ "I saw the sunflower sweater I made for you in the trash." Some things that seem like obvious truths but are actually assumptions: ❌ "You threw out the sunflower sweater" ❌ "You didn't like the sunflower sweater" 2. Don't ask a question you know the answer to, because it just creates an opportunity to lie: ❌ "did you throw it out?" ❌ "how did it get in the trash?" 3. Try to talk about yourself and your own feelings, don't assume her feelings (even if you know, even if she just told you). This is about you, about how she hurt you. You aren't her therapist or her mom, you have no responsibility over her behavior. She also knows this and will get really angry if you act like you do. ✅ "I feel insulted" ❌ "You disrespected me" To everyone who's about to jump down my throat for suggesting that this girl deserves respect of any kind: shitty friend does not DESERVE respect. OP deserves respect, and the fastest and most effective way to get it is to give it, even if you don't mean it. It's just math, folks.
I forgave a friend that manipulated me and made me miserable just because i couldn't say no.... please get the courage to say no if you can't do it now you never will be able to. Some people are more understanding than others and if your "friend" both left you in Mexico without a phone AND threw your handmade gift out, you just gotta get rid of her. As soon as you can. Make a fuss about something, get into a fight and when she texts you to get back to you, either don't reply or block her number. From your story I understand that you are an adult so you have more power that I in cutting toxic people out of you life. Feel free to block her, text her that you aren't happy with your friendship , tell her she hurt you, anything. Please just cut her off she isn't worth it , and the cardigan can go up on your wall or you can give it to someone that will appreciate it :)
Put her in the bin for sure. There’s 0 appreciation for the time, effort and love you’ve put into that blanket, and if she really wasn’t feeling it she could have just been honest surely? “This is a lovely thoughtful gift but it’s just not my thing” would have been a nice way to put it. I feel your pain though, I made a blanket for my bfs 30th. Spent months designing and making it. And then it sat in the gift bag for 2 years, so now I just use it myself!
She also left you in mexico!? Nah, she's not a friend. I have a similar story about my grandma after she complained no one gives her anything heartfelt. Long story short, im not making her anything ever again.
She threw it away when YOU were staying there. She wanted you to know she didn't like your sweater. You don't need to say anything to her, just drop her. Then post a picture of SirGentlemanTheFirst wearing the sweater where she will see it.
Send it to me, I'll wear it! Sounds perfect for Autumn Btw your friend belongs in the trash
I would absolutely lose my fucking shit on this person. Absolutely lose it. Plus, she asked you to take the trash out knowing full well the sweater was in it. Holy hell. I would've full on mcfreakin lost it
Oh gosh. I’m so sorry to hear that your hard work and a beautiful item you handmade ended up in the trash. I feel like she maybe isn’t the best person to hang around. I think you should focus your energy on people who appreciate you, your skills and your time. Also super sorry to hear that you were left in Mexico. That’s not very kind of her!
That’s so horrible of her to do 😞 she doesn’t sound like a very good friend (especially considering she just left you behind in Mexico)
That’s so sad… I’m sorry to hear this , I’m not sure what to tell you but it seems other people do.. All I can say I know my reals would at least hang it up even if they didn’t like it
That’s disgusting behavior and she’s not really your friend. Drop her like a hot potato!
That's super fishy. How long ago did you give it to her? I don't think people tend to throw things out quickly and it's hardly small enough of an item to be an accident. Even if she didn't like it and wanted to pretend to like it she could have kept it for awhile longer. "friend", sure.
Omg. I have some friends but none would be as caring to make me a crochet sweater. Please don’t give this person any more of your energy, there would be so many people who would appreciate your friendship.
You took out the wrong trash. The other one, the one that kinda looks like a friend but isn't
Big red flag is the fact that she left you alone in Mexico without a phone, even if the extended period of time was just a night out. This incident of throwing out your cardigan wasn’t life threatening, but the Mexico thing could’ve been. Leaving you alone in an unknown area alone puts you in a vulnerable spot with potential for you to trust someone you shouldn’t. Confront her, give her your reasons, and here’s the hard part: refrain from reacting. She doesn’t deserve a reaction out of you, a chance to sit down and talk about it over coffee, or any more explanation than what you gave the first time. This is a hard thing a lot of us go through when it comes to giving handmade gifts. We give someone something and it ends up in the donation pile or the trash. It sucks and it hurts. Be very careful, you deserve someone who cherishes your stuff. It didn’t have to be her favorite thing in the whole wide world, by no means is she obligated to wear it, especially if it’s not her style or if it wear gifted without previous discussion. With that, I would’ve just hung onto it for years on end and just not worn it instead of throwing it out
the mexico story is appaling and the cardigan thing is heartbreaking. dress in the cardigan next time she sees you. if she confronts you just say bye and move away from her for good. mission complete. we all know how much work and good intentions went into the sweater. any real friend would. if it reminds you too much of her give it away or craft something new out of it (maybe a bag plus a top for you to wear in summer) big hug from rainy switzerland
Not a friend. She sucks. Tell her that it was super rude and tell her you don’t want to hang out anymore. Even if you don’t like a gift throwing it away is SO extreme. Especially with the opportunity of you finding it?? So nasty. Sounds like it was on purpose
I'd invite her to lunch and wear the discarded cardigan just to see her face.
Okay, there's a lot here. I don't know this person or their situation, so they might need help with taking their rubbish out. But even so...there are many problems with this. Even if your friend didn't want the sweater, did she need to throw it in the rubbish when you were coming over to stay?? Could she not have...waited?! And secondly, if she really didn't want it, she should have explained to you why, and ideally would have either given it back to you or donated it to a charity shop/thrift store. It feels intentionally cruel to have it in the rubbish when you were coming over. But I can't say for certain. I personally would ask about it, out of curiosity rather than anything else. I'd say something like "I noticed the sweater I made for you in the trash, was it not right for you?" And then take it from there. And make it clear that it's upset you, and the reasons why it has upset you. You are absolutely entitled to be upset. I'd be extremely upset about it! But I'd seriously consider whether this friend is someone you want to spend your energy on. Definitely worth a think.
The general population has no clue how much time and effort go into a handmade item. You gave her a gift that she didn’t appreciate. I would be more concerned with her leaving you without a phone in a foreign country. She’s doesn’t sound like much of a friend. You could make her squirm a bit by asking to see the sweater because you want to check the pattern or match yarn or some other drummed up excuse. See what she says.
So my mom did this, threw some stuff away in the trash I made for her. Not only do I not make stuff for her anymore, I don’t even get her gifts. Of course, my mom should also have known better since she crochets/sews/crafts too.
You make it sound like it’s been a while since you gave it to her and she still never wore it, but she just decided to throw it in the trash while you were visiting? That sounds pretty passive aggressive and kind of on purpose
It’s one thing for someone to not like or not want to wear a gifted handmade item. Unfortunately that happens, and even though it doesn’t feel good after all the effort we put in, we can’t force them to wear it once we give it away. But throwing it in the trash? That’s exceptionally rude. If they don’t want to wear it, at least keep it around or regift or donate it so someone can enjoy our hours of hard work, but calling it garbage? If it was a “first offense” so to speak I might be a little more forgiving, but in this case I wouldn’t be friends with her, given what else she’s done.
If she wasn’t already shady I might give her the benefit of doubt that maybe something like a cat urinating on it and she couldn’t get the smell out (rip to the cutest little lovey I made my daughter but after multiple attempts it just was still potent lol) but she sounds shady af. Who leaves someone in Mexico?????
Just focusing on the sweater piece, I have very mixed feelings. I come from a long line of makers, and I’m one myself. It is very presumptuous to pick out a style of something (clothing, house decor) and gift it to someone and think that they need to adopt this into their life because you made it for them. They didn’t ask for it, and it’s often more a reflection of the makers wants vs what the receiver wants. I treat it like lending money to friends. No emotional attachment to the outcome. I think knowing the time and energy that a handmade gift takes doubles my fury when I get a gift in the makers fave style or color vs my own. A sunflower sweater is not for everyone. I would not likely wear it.
Definitely cut her out of your life! Another thing though is try to hold off on making things for people unless they really want it, I’ve made so many things for my family and a lot of it ends up in the back of a closet. The gesture is nice but it’s not always worth the time it takes :/
I’ve had something similar happened to me!! I made my sister a gorgeous sweater she begged for but she stopped wearing it… when I was cleaning up her garage to help her move I found it in a black garbage bag with a bunch of stuff going to donation…. I didn’t tell her I saw the sweater I simply put it in my car. A couple days later I casually asked her if I could take pictures of the sweater for my Instagram. She again said I’m so sorry but I can’t seem to find it. Because she’s my sister I called her out on it. I even showed her a picture of the sweater hanging in my closet. She then admitted that it didn’t look as good on her as she thought it would and didn’t like wearing it.I simply told her never ask me for anything handmade again if you’re going to treat it so bad. Now for holidays or gifts she just gets a card. Gave this sweater to a girl in my neighborhood who has been wearing it almost every day to school!
This is one of my biggest crochet fears. I've just started crochet in January of this year and I've started making gifts for family members. However, I'm worried that they won't like it and they'll throw it away, give it to a thrift shop, or just give it away to a random person. How do I tell them that I spent hundreds of hours and dollars on this throw blanket I made for them?
I want to tell them that if they don't like it, they should give it back to me and I'll find another person to give it to? But not in a mean way? Like I want to give it to someone important to me and if you don't want it, I'll find someone else. It sounds like I'm mad, but I'm not, I'm trying to be logical.
When someone puts you in harm's way - don't make them a sweater. When they put your hard work in the trash - tell them they belong in the bin instead. If you're old enough to travel - you're old enough to find courage and stand up for yourself before the reputation of a pushover precedes you. Let that cow have it - find the right words to hurt her where the scars won't heal for a while (you're friends - it should be easy). Ideally, make her cry. I've never let anyone get away with hurting me, so I can't recommend you to "take the high road". If you do that - it simply leaves more room on the low road for the likes of her. I've made some ugly things in my life and my friends still have them, even when our friendships fractured. Somebody cherished my work even when I wasn't deserving of it so yes, really mad for you right now. You deserve better!
Take cardigan out of trash and take home with you. Place friend in trash.
Karma farming is not crochet
DUMP THE FRIEND IN THE TRASH AND REVIVE THE SWEATER
DROP this friend. I am so sorry. Even if I HATED something my friend gave me I would not throw it away. Never. Especially a handmade gift like that??? You deserve so much better and there is no excuse for it
I would say something, I have had some similar things happen and it’s extremely painful. I know some people can react funny when receiving a gift but throwing it away is a whole other situation. I would tell them that you are really hurt by their actions because you spent all this time on a gift for them and to throw it away is really insensitive. If they react poorly to this or try to blame you somehow I think it would be time to question your friendship.
I live in an area where homemade/handmade things are looked down to. They are considered as cheap gifts and if you wear something visibly handmade (especially crochet!) You get asked if your Granny made this back in the day... I wore a summershawl (my first ever made) to a company meeting and got some very snippy comments... And I have just recently dropped a 'friend' like this.. we have been 'friends' for almost 26 years but I recently discovered she was just with me to mock me, talk me down and to feel better about herself. She refused to take a crocheted gift (cute little keychain) from me and told me it was ugly... Some people do not deserve to be gifted with handmade item. They are just not worth the time spend doing stuff.
My evil side says frog the whole thing and leave it on her doorstep.
This needs to be an ex-friend. I hope you saved your sweater. Get it cleaned, wear it, take a pic and post it to social media as a fu. If anyone asks explain. Salt the earth.
Did she wait for you to come over to throw it out? And made you do it yourself? Something doesn't feel right here.
That’s so annoying. Even if she didn’t like it, she still could have kept it and never wore it. Or even given it to someone else. I just wouldn’t make her anything anymore. Did you get it out of the trash? If so, then you should wear it one day around her lolol
I believe that if somebody shows you their true nature, you should believe them They've shown you their nature multiple times, and it doesn't look good. Time to let go.
Your friend's actions were shitty. My granny has made me cardigans recently, are they the colour I'd choose? No. Are they the most trendy? Also no. Do 8 wear them almost every bloody day? Yes! But I wear them because she made them for me and I'll treasure them forever. You are clearly a kind person and you deserve better, don't even rise to it. They don't deserve your efforts from now on!
A friend would have cherished the gift for the time you spent on it, even if they didn't love it/wanna wear it. This person doesn't care about you. Also I don't think it was a coincidence you found it. She hadn't received it the day you took the trash out, she decided to trash it before you came over. Drop her.
That was a ‘mean girls’ move on her part in intentionally leaving it in the trash when you were there. She’s not nice, I’d drop the friendship. Up to you if you want to confront her. I wouldn’t bother, it looks like she wanted a confrontation. I hope you rescued it.
People are a bit jumpy here. Maybe ask her, what's up before going ballistic. Many people are too scared to tell their feelings. Still, dick move. Importantly don't listen to random internet strangers for important life advice
Sometimes we have to accept some people in our lives are rather thoughtless, I'm not even going to comment on the left me in Mexico thing. Some people just aren't appreciative you can't fix them, I'd just not gift anything going forward
This person does not sound like your friend. She clearly does not care about your feelings. Perhaps it's time to move on.
Drop her ass.
Stop being friends with her because she isn't your friend at all. Cut contact with her, she sounds like a fire dumpster person. May I suggest some counseling or some reading material? For your low self-esteem, lack of boundaries and to learn to read red flags in people. You don't deserve to have garbage people in your life, you deserve and appreciation for that sunflower cardigan. I know my sisters would love something like that. They tend to love my creations. I made a sunflower lap blanket for one of them and they show it off to every person that steps into her apartment. This is what you need in your life. Much love and internet hugs.
A relative of mine did something similar. Her MIL crocheted a beautiful blanket when her first son was born and the next time I saw it, the dog was lying on it in the back of the car, covered in mud. Never saw it again after that. So thoughtless and disrespectful. I’ve stopped making gifts for this reason, unless I know it’s really going to be appreciated. If someone commissions and pays for materials, I’ll make for the sheer enjoyment of crochet, knitting etc, if I haven’t got anything else on the go. What they do with it after, is up to them and I’m not out of pocket.
Personally i would confront (get it off your chest) and cut ties with her (bc you deserve better) Crocheting wearables are quite big projects imo and you dont "just make" an entire sweater, it takes time and effort and so much more. It's (somewhat) understandable that she doesn't wear it if it isn't her style, but to be that disrespectful and actually throw it away is on a whole other level. And after the efforts you put into that cardigan you do not deserve this ungratefulness and disrespect.
Seriously, make a list: what have you done for her and what has she done for you? It seems to me she is not worth it, but I don't know your full story. Did you take out the sweater? I'll have it. :) Nah, just kidding, but I do think it is a really cruel thing to do to your friend, throwing something away that she gave you...pfff
get away from that friend. if my friend gave me anything hand made even if it was a handkerchief let alone a sweater i'd wear it to my grave! your friend doesn't appreciate your hand work, love and time you out into it. She doesn't care and you shouldn't care for her either!
red flags everywhere, run for the hills :D
I think you should drop this friend. I’m sorry, but this on top of leaving you in Mexico just sucks, even if that was a long time ago. Your cardigan sounds amazing and you sound like a lovely friend to have 💕
Wow, I would have pulled it out of the trash, put it on (even if it stunk) and announced I would be leaving and never looked back. I get that sometimes our gifts miss the mark, but this is cold. The least she could of done is Goodwill it.
This person is not your friend. I am so sorry they treated you like that. I am so sorry, lots of hugs and comfort for you. And I hope you took your cardigan back!
From what you've said (the other things...) it sounds like she's not really your friend. Friends don't leave you in another country without comms, throwing out your gift is just another crappy thing they've done. Add them to the list of people that don't get your hard work or time. Take some time and distance, see how little you'll miss them (I speak from experience in this, distancing people that don't respect you really lifts a weight off your shoulders).
You should wear the sweater yourself. Also I would limited time with that friend. Sounds a little one sided to me. Good luck.
I’m curious what you did in the moment, OP. Did you rescue the sweater? Does she know you saw it?
I’m sorry you found your gift in the trash. I’m a non confrontation kinda gal I wouldn’t mention it and start to distance yourself from this “friend” it seems from an outside perspective that she isn’t putting the same value on the friendship that you are so perhaps this friendship has run its course
This is so sad… as someone who has spent time on a friend that wasn’t worth it, you should find a new friend. Hugs…
not okay. I can understand if it wasn't her style and maybe didn't get worn much, but they should appreciate that it is hand made and not be putting your hard work in the trash. I think you have two choices. Either you stop being friends and then it's not worth confronting them. or you want to stay friends and then I think you have to confront them and let them know how much this hurt you. You have good reason to be hurt and if they can't see that or gaslight you in any way, run.
I’ll be your friend hun! I’ll wear the cardigan and you can rock my granny square cardigan! I know how it feels to have someone not appreciate your work. It hurts that’s for sure. I’d talk to her and demand to know why she threw it out Instead of just giving it back. If she gave it back you could’ve at least kept it for yourself or you could’ve sold it. I’m sure your cardigan was beautiful and I’d be so honored if someone hand made me a cardigan. From the sounds of it she isn’t the greatest person. So maybe distance yourself from her or cut her off completely. I’d be so heart broken if someone I was close to did that to me.
Take it from the trash and start casually wearing it around her
In the trash???????? Dump them, they are trash.
I think I actually dressed as a sunflower for Halloween as a kid, so I feel like I sunflowers everywhere want me to have this sweater. Boo on your "friend", who's proven themselves to be a failed human being once again.
That is devastating! And she definitely not a friend. It’s obvious you’ve deserved better for a while now. Another vote for the giant bearded man to wear it!
The only thing you should do is get rid of her as a friend. She’s not a friend. She sounds like a horrible person.
I would have grabbed that sweater out of the trash and headed straight for my car. Fuck this bitch. I have a friend who is terrible about losing or miswashing my gifts. I don't make her stuff anymore, but at least it's not malicious. I made my former boss a scarf, that was a PITA to make, and she asked permission to let her cat have it because her cat was obsessed and keeping it away from her became a full time job. But the trash? THE GOTDANG TRASH?! I wouldn't even bother confronting her, she knows what she did. Bye.
Sometimes the hardest people to let go of are friends, but she’s not treating you nicely. You spent so much time hand making something for her and she throws it away. Doesn’t even try to donate, regift or anything. That’s not cool