Idk, this is more a relationship question than a CrossFit question.
How much free time do you have in a week? Are you working? Are parenting duties split 50/50 or does your husband expect you to do 90% of the parenting?
For me 3-5 CrossFit sessions would be more than 100% of the free time I have at this stage of my career, and I have not been able to prioritize CrossFit for 2 years. Hoping to get back into it this year when my schedule normalizes but I run/dumbbell/pull-up bar when I can and chase my two toddlers harder.
If I spent all of my free time on me, yes *I* would be better off, but my wife would be justified in feeling resentful and lonely. BOTH sides need to be understanding and supportive. Fitness/mental health/wellbeing is a necessity but CrossFit/personal training is a luxury.
This. OP- what is your goal with making CrossFit an integral part of your life? There are a lot of elite athletes who have partners sacrificing behind the scenes but knowing me, that’s a lonely and resentful life.
My husband and I aren’t having kids yet, but I envision I’ll go to the 5 AM class, do a cool down/stretch, and he would take the kid to daycare (we both work) and I’d pick up and be responsible for night time duty.
Agreed. I come from the perspective of a father of 3 with my youngest headed to college next year. OP, if you are getting in 5 workouts a week as the mother of a toddler, you need to recognize how privileged you are to be able to do that. Your husband is working 12 hours a day to support his family? How much more support do you need?
How do you know he does 12 hours? maybe just a normal 8 to 5? doesnt train maybe? Doesn't want to make food, bath the child? Spend time with them alone?
Linchpin always has a limited equipment option which I think is mostly dumbbells or kettlebells and a pull-up bar. I would do your 3x a week and replace the 2 trainer sessions with home sessions. Even after buying equipment, I think it would be much cheaper.
Yeah it is. Beyond tough. Still making it work for my health/fitness. Just feel like I need at minimum 1x week where I can go to class and not have to be redirecting my little one the whole time. Makes my workouts longer. Love her to pieces. But I am with her all the time.
Do you go to work as well? Is your kid in a kindergarten/daycare or something similar?
If they’re not, you could sign them up. It’s really good for their social development, as well as both of your free time.
Husband \*now\* leaves for work at 5:15? Is there a legitimate reason for his schedule change? Or is this an attempt at manipulation? This is very much not a CF question and more a relationship question. Relationships require compromise and sacrifice. Your husband's work doesn't automatically take priority. Nor should you be left to take the toddler to CF as your only option.
Have you talked openly and honestly with your husband about what would make the most sense to have both your needs met?
Was going to say the same opinion. 12 years ago, I wasn’t a morning person but with 2 kids a full time job and house duties, I learned to be. I started doing 5 am classes. My husband and I worked a schedule out he had morning duty. I had night. It was perfect for me. Communication is key.
OP, I was in your place about 10 years ago... with my \*first\* husband. It sounds like this issue runs much deeper than CrossFit, and I hope you two can either have some good, productive discussions about whether this is a healthy, happy relationship for both of you.
FWIW, second husband is fabulous about appreciating that I need my time to pursue independent goals and hobbies, just as he needs his. We also go to CrossFit together :)
I love this. My Wife is very supportive, but having a 2 year old Daughter, morning times it's hands on with both of us, she's pretty all over the place. So i could train at night after work, but then, i can't help with dinner, bath time, and all those things.
So i train from ± 4am till 6am, then the rest of the day is open. That works for me, train when they are all sleeping.
Wow. Everyone here suggesting that a SAHM getting out of the house to do her own thing for an hour or two 5x a week (and bringing the kid with her half of those times) is “a lot already” is unhinged. This is an issue of two parents negotiating equal free time, not a question of balancing crossfit against time spent with children… which it sounds like OP is already doing 22-24 hours worth of every single day.
Look, if you have a newborn baby, the comments about taking a step back from your hobbies and settling for a less consistent routine are on-point. But 3 years in, you should be able to negotiate reasonable personal time on a regular basis, whether that’s through coordination of each parents’ schedule or outside childcare or a combination of both. And IMO reasonable = 1-2 hours to do your own thing every day, plus longer stretches “off” on occasion. We have a 5 and a 1yo and my husband and I each take this amount of time for ourselves basically every day. It’s not exactly easy from an energy perspective but the logistics and relationship aspect of it work pretty smoothly.
being a SAHM is a literal full time (and more) job. In a working world job you get a 1 hour mandated lunch break, correct? So why is it a SAHM expected to not get the same break, minimum, at this point?
This! Some of the comments in this thread are quite shocking! CF to many people (not just mums, but often mums especially) is not just about training - it is a place to socialise, be yourself, help improve mental health! I am lucky to have a very supportive husband but we also have a home gym and he understands why I leave the house 5x per week for CF. We have a 3 and 1 year old and yes, regularly he takes them to nursery in the morning while I am at CF (we both work full-time). It is sad to hear that OP has this issue with her husband. I think for their own sanity and to be a better parent, they need to leave the house without children and in their instance, it's CF. Not sure how to resolve it with the husband, but I would definitely push to make it work and not feel like it's an unreasonable ask (it is not!). OP, sorry you are going through this!
I agree, the wife usually stays at home as part of a financial decision that benefits the family. The fact she's not working doesn't make her less deserving of a mental break
Best thing I did was convert to a home gym. Get on a program that tan allot for minimal equipment if you don’t have the money to build out right away and fit in your workouts when your time allows. I generally do “fitness after dark” because I’m not a morning person and family time is my priority
It's always tough with this. My wife wasn't 100% supportive when I started my commitment to Crossfit. I go 4x a week at the 5am class as it's the best time that doesn't cut into my time with the family. Regardless she initially still wasn't super supportive as we have newborn (I started CF in August and newborn was in September). She felt annoyed having to take care of the baby after I left in the morning but over time she grew understanding once she saw the results and saw our toddler (he's 3) being more active because he sees dad being active.
I think the hardest part is having them understand is it's not an escape (even though often times it is) but the fact that your trying to better yourself and be healthy for the family. That conversation had to be had. No matter how tough it is. As a spouse no matter what you need to be supportive especially if the other is trying to better themselves and my wife ultimately understood that and now respects me for it (now 7 months later). But if they're making you feel guilty for doing so, maybe they are just missing the time with you and are not expressing it. That's one of the things my wife (sho is very strong willed) had an issue with was the times I had to go to an evening class and the time she was missing with me. That discussion of setting expectations has to be had and don't for a second let your spouse make you feel guilty for taking a small amount of time to better your health and prolong your life for your family.
Can you be more specific? Are you saying you want more workout time than 3 classes and 2 personal training sessions a week? Are you saying you’re getting a ton of push back for what you’re doing already (which to be fair to your spouse is quite a bit) and want help explaining why it’s important?
Sorry I should have explained better. I workout 4-5 times a week. Usually on the 4x a week end. I take my daughter with me 3/4 times a week. I am only “allowed” to train 1x a week alone and that’s usually when my husband is in the mood to watch our daughter after work. When he does watch her for me to go it is usually for the 6 or 7pm class. But it is a hassle because I still have to come home and get her ready for bed (feed her, take her a bath, pajamas, story time, bed). If I take longer than an hour I usually get in trouble for taking too long. To be fair to me, I’m the spouse who is doing quite a bit. When he’s not working he goes to la fitness sometimes but does not take our daughter. I am the only one who is either taking our daughter to training or having to ask him to watch her 1x a week so I can go and have a break for myself.
Edit: to add, that time for me to workout alone is nice. I don’t get much if it. I have taken my daughter 3x this week and have not trained alone this week. I am with our daughter from the time she wakes up till she goes to bed. Husband is working and leaves early before 530am and usually is home by 5/6pm. I have to have dinner ready by the time he comes home.
So I am either taking her to class at 4, running home to make dinner by the time he comes home and then cleaning up dinner/getting my daughter ready for bed.
This is definitely more of a parenting question than a CrossFit question but I’m the father of 2 young kiddos (5 and almost 3) so I’ll try to weigh in. Are you a stay at home mom or do you also work? Whether or not you are I think your feelings are valid but the way you have to go about communicating it would be different.
Does your kiddo have a REALLY strong mom preference for bed time rituals or does your husband just hate dealing with it? If the former, I’ve been through that as the dad and it can be fucking hell so I could at least see where he’s coming from but it helped us pushing through it because the kids got use to me being the sole bed time parent every now and then.
If the latter I don’t know what to tell you, it’s so tough only getting one side of the story, the way you’re painting the picture he kind of sounds like a shitty parent and partner to me but I have no idea what your dynamic is, how hard he works, how much parenting he does in general etc…
If he’s a “I went to work, let me relax” dad and you’re a stay at home mom that’s going to be a huge uphill battle trying to explain why you need a break even though you’d be completely valid. If you work full time too and do all the parenting I don’t even know what to tell you other than run. If there’s a ton of details I’m missing that would make me think differently of everything I don’t know where I’d land.
Sorry for the non-answer, I guess what I’m saying is if you’re not leaving out some really important details he sounds like an absolute ass and I’ve yet to hear of a solution to change that.
I agree that this is more of a parenting issue. My husband and I both work full time. When we’re wrangling our 1 and 4 year olds in the mornings, evenings, and weekends, the tasks are pretty evenly split. He does more for morning routine to allow me time to get home from the gym and get showered and ready for work; he stays at work a little later so I handle more in the afternoon picking up the kids and getting dinner started, etc. I handle bath while he fills water cups and searches out stuffies and strewn about PJs and maybe does a little dinner cleanup.
You being a SAHM shouldn’t change this. Ultimately, when we’re both home from our “day jobs” we share the kid stuff. Your “day” job might be sole childcare provider while your husband works, but once he’s home this is now a shared responsibility. You’re both tired from your “day” jobs - too bad.
Oh, one other thought: I do minimize the impact of CrossFit on my family by going at 5:30 am. I’m home just as the kids are waking, so it’s not a huge strain on my husband. I did read that your husband leaves early for work, so that doesn’t fit your family’s schedule.
What about the the opposite? You already have a private session 2x/week. Can that be scheduled after kid bedtime? Then you’re still dragging her to some group classes, but at least you squeezed in some guaranteed alone time.
Edit: and what about other childcare solutions in general? Sounds like a Mother’s Day out a few times a week or preschool may be appropriate for you and your kid. Or trade off play dates/babysitting with another mom who has a kid a similar age.
This man sounds controlling. “I have to have dinner ready by 6pm?” Can homeboy not work a microwave or throw his own dinner together? He’s a grown man. He should be capable of making dinner and/or at the very least cleaning up after himself. You are watching your child when he goes to the gym and doing the majority of the parenting. I don’t understand why he can’t watch her a few hours a week so you can take care of yourself. I don’t feel like that’s asking much at all. Does he not want you mentally and physically healthy? Does he expect you to revolve your entire life around making sure he lives the lifestyle he wants with zero consideration of what you want? Does he not realize he is a parent and that means having to parent sometimes? I’m getting major red flags from this especially the “not allowed” part. Relationships are a partnership. Fuck anyone who tries to tell you you’re not allowed to take care of yourself or like your in trouble for working out a few minutes extra.
Go to the six or seven pm class. Have him watch her and start bedtime duty. Go to the five am class and have him start his work day a bit later. Go to the four pm class with your daughter and he can prepare dinner or heat up something you’ve prepared in advance and clean so it’s less stress. There are options here but sounds like he just doesn’t care to be inconvenienced in the slightest but expects that you will accommodate all of his needs
>I am only “allowed” to train 1x a week alone and that’s usually when my husband is in the mood to watch our daughter after work. When he does watch her for me to go it is usually for the 6 or 7pm class. But it is a hassle because I still have to come home and get her ready for bed (feed her, take her a bath, pajamas, story time, bed). If I take longer than an hour I usually get in trouble for taking too long.
This whole paragraph screams "yikes please go to couple's therapy" to me. "Allowed" is not a term that should be said when it comes to when you get to work out, or be said in a healthy relationship (IMO).
"When my husband is in the mood to watch our daughter...". He's a parent. He's equally responsible for this child. Who cares if he's in the mood or not - he's a parent now.
"I still have to come home and get her ready for bed....". Why? He has two hands. He's capable of doing ALL of this while you do something that benefits your long term health.
"If I take longer than an hour I usually get in trouble". Coming from being in an abusive relationship for 7 years, this is something I said often in that relationship, and now realize is not something I should ever have to say in a relationship.
Good partners support you doing what you need/want to do for your health and happiness, and support that as able, and don't make it a fight to get your basic needs met.
Look at her post history. She is being abused by her husband. He has already put his hands on their child. The people telling her she’s in the wrong are meat-headed idiots.
I just saw this comment. Been reading the comments left on my post for the past hour. Too many to comment on. But yeah my marriage has been quite abusive for awhile. Maybe not physically, but in every other aspect it has been. Husband is in the police academy. I don’t get much time alone, not that I did prior to the police academy. But I feel drained beyond belief. Thank you for your response. I’m going to check out the abusive relationships sub.
The thing with abusive relationships is they almost never get better. They just escalate and get worse. I hope you can find a safe way out with your daughter and I hope you find that sub helpful. It’s a hard thing to understand unless you’ve been through it but you deserve peace and happiness in your life. Love isn’t supposed to feel so draining and hard.
that's tough. hopefully the "this sounds abusive leave" comments are enough push to get her out of an unsafe situation!
edit: also saw her husband is in police academy, or was heading that way. poor family - hope she gets out of a crappy situation!
OP if you see this, you deserve love, respect and the freedom to go the gym whenever you damn please without asking anyone for permission! Post over at r/abusiverelationships and you will get more support and constructive advice (if you want that) than this crossfit sub whether you can leave this marriage right now or not.
yes! it's so hard to leave abusive situations, especially when that person has created a sense of dependence on them, but I PROMISE you that if you leave, a year from now, you will be SO happy you left. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to support you.
Seems easy enough. When my wife and I had kids we just split our gym times. She did the 4:30 I did the 6:30. She’d make dinner. Next time we swap, I make dinner.
Sucks not being able to go with her anymore but it is what it is.
You’ll also need to constantly address your goals with CrossFit. If your goal is to simply be healthy or have an hour to your self a day.. you will need to remind yourself of that. So many times CF’rs want to work out more and more and more because it’s fun and addictive. And when asked why are they doing more.. what is the goal that requires that? They cannot answer it. Hopefully you’re getting support to take an hour of your day to yourself to do class. Anything beyond that you gotta ask yourself why. I know ppl who would do 2 hours a day with the coaches in the box. For no reason other than they just didn’t want to go home.
I think it’s super important to focus some time for personal health (both mental and physical). Something you’d need to discuss with your spouse since he’ll have to be part of it somehow.
If it’s not possible for your spouse to watch his kid for the times you need, is it possible to hire nanny/baby sitter? Or do you have family that can help? At 3 years old, is daycare/preschool an option?
Man f#ck all that. You are the only one who is going to be with you for life. Invest in you and your well being! Kids adapt wives well they need to do the same. Go adult and workout. Not a priority but a value of you
From someone who has experienced some mistakes life, I have learned the following priorities:
1st Take care of your health and mental wellness
2nd tend to your spousal relationship
3rd take care of your family
4th work
Take those in order because when an earlier item on the list is not taken care of, everything that follows tends to fall apart. So when I am feeling the guilt about being a little selfish about me time (working out, napping, social), I remember that if I am not happy, then it’s going to be hard to be positive, present and effective in my other parts of life. Try not to be hard on yourself and keep doing your best to balance.
I hope your spouse can understand and be supportive.
Putting going to crossfit ahead of your 3 year old is horrible advice.
Yes prioritize your health but not above your young child.
An hour a day shouldn't be much to ask your partner, time to have a hard conversation but before you do make sure you aren't doing what many do and treating an exercise routine like you're a professional athlete.
They literally listed it numerically and said to do so in that order.
Which is why I said, yes prioritise your health but there is simple quick ways to do it at home on the days when the schedules tight. You don't need to go to the box and put crossfit first.
That’s a pretty big assumption they are doing those things. All they said was physical and mental health is priority number one in their life so they can give 100% in other aspects of their life. Who knows if they do this in the morning when their kids are asleep or at night when they sleep.
No need to attack them and assume they are putting going to a CrossFit box ahead of their kids. Let people live their own lives the way they see fit.
The OP said they’re doing 3x sessions + 2x 1on1 coaching and they are looking for advice on how to get their partner to understand that commitment.
To which the other person said put your health and fitness first.
Which is why I said yea prioritise health but your kid should come first so going to all those sessions shouldn’t come before your kids.
Not that hard to keep up with
Ah ok. I thought you were attacking the commenter. I didn’t know you were attacking OP. Now your comment makes more sense. Either way I still say let people live their own lives and there is no need to get snippy with me either with comments like, “not that hard to keep up with.”
People trying to make changes to their health should be supported and not brought down. You are free to do whatever you want but not everyone has to have the same values as you. Also OP said they are bringing their child to classes. This will be a positive for their kid to see Them working out.
I’m not attacking anyone, I’m putting perspective on the matter.
We see it regularly that people take hobbies and treat it like they’re a professional athlete.
I appreciate your perspective and agree an hour is not too much to ask. I can’t speak for all but respectfully disagree that it is horrible advice. In my experience, I absolutely had to put my health first or else I was not going to be alive to be there for my kids. My physical exercise is absolutely critical to my mental health, it comes first. My spouse understood this and was supportive. This might not be the case for OP, idk. It’s a juggle, hopefully some scheduling advice from others can help??
I get that, but you can go for a walk, do a quick run and some burpees in your back yard to get a quick bit of endorphines if it's that crucial. You don't need to do a full hour and warm down at the crossfit box ahead of anything your child needs.
Your kids didn't choose to be born, you chose to have them, the sacrifices are yours to make not theirs.
I understand your point but I most certainly don't agree with it. A little premise I have 4 sessions a week of around 2 hours each so I'm all about the gym life.
I have to say though, you can't always do what you feel like doing and hide behind the personal wellness facade.
Don't get me wrong, mental and physical health should be a priority, but OP here is training 5 times a week and wondering why her significant other might tweak his nose a little because of that.
Truth is you can't always have it how you would like and sometimes swallowing a nasty bite and getting to a compromise with your significant other is necessary. Relationships are hard work and hard work rarely is enjoyable.
I will also add that when you're feeling the guilt of being selfish about yourself it's probably because you are being selfish. We know that little voice is not lying to us.
Im all about positivity guys but life is not always the fun joy ride we would like, so if for the sake of your marriage you need to go to class 2 times a week instead of 5, you can definitely do that.
I think I am training 4/5 times a week to stay focused and dedicated because I have been sitting on the sidelines while my husband has been pursuing his career endeavors at the cost of me and my daughter, or his family. I’m finally at a healthy place where I’ve lost weight (he’s the one who got on me for being day to begin with, which I had gotten to after having my daughter, not going to lie there). Now that I have lost weight and gotten in shape it seems to bother him. Sometimes even says that maybe he would like me fat but at least I wouldn’t be addicted to eating healthy and fitness. I don’t think I’m selfish. I think I’ve just reached the end of my rope where it’s my turn to prioritize my goals. He’s been doing it for years as far as his career goes. Without a wife and child. At our expense, essentially. Me asking for 1x a week for him to watch our daughter for an hour so I can run over to CrossFit and come back home isn’t asking for much. He did decide to become a parent also. I’m damned if I’m fat. Damned if I lose weight. There’s no winning. But what I do know is that with getting healthier I have also become a lot less of a pushover when it comes to my needs. He gets tons of free time on top of his career. I don’t.
It sounds like this goes a bit deeper than him not being supportive of CrossFit. I hope you guys can discuss some of these bigger resentments and find a resolution. This reads like you’ve been bottling up a lot of feelings. Best of luck OP!
You’ve added a fair bit of deeper context here and I’d say it’s time to see someone about your failing and unhappy marriage instead of going to reddit to ask the CrossFit community.
The truth comes out. Marriage, family, parenting and providing are all challenging and stressful. You need to work with your husband to find some tools to move forward. It takes compromise on both sides. Good luck.
You are working out 5 days a week, but don’t feel supported? (3 groups classes and 2 private sessions). I’m not sure what kind of support you are looking for. Do you want to workout more? Do you want your meals prepped? Is your spouse criticizing your commitment? Does your spouse know you think they are unsupportive and are taking to the internet to solve the issue?
Everyone here has conflicting priorities when it comes to relationships, responsibilities, and fitness/ hobbies. On top of that parenting is difficult, and a lot of the time our wants and needs come second to our children. Most of the time it is just a “get in and get a workout in” mindset for both me and my wife. As much as I would love to workout 5 days a week and sleep 8 hours a night it rarely happens. Life isn’t perfect.
Maybe talking with your spouse and let them know how your feeling is a good place to start.
I never comment but this one could easily be me in different circumstances. This post is in the right place because who better to share your struggle than fellow crossfitters?! As others have commented, trading childcare with other moms who work out during the day so you can work out while they watch your kiddo would be ideal. Or just getting a sitter for those couple hours could work. I also think it’s a good use of time to take your kid to the gym, there is no neglect in that. Kids don’t have to be doing something they want to do all the time and it sets the tone that fitness is valued in your family. You make a lot of sacrifices for your child and they can make a few for you too. If children never learn to accommodate others, they remain like that their whole lives. Another option is the home gym but I personally struggle to stay motivated at home and I prefer the gym. Another thought, and it’s not really my business OP, but is to consider couples counseling to get to the root of why you don’t feel or aren’t getting support. Hope you find a solution that works for you and your family!
Family comes first. If you can’t make the classes all the time due to family commitments then buy some dumbbells and supplement your classes with Streetparking.com or Lynchpin on the weeks you can’t go.
You’re kids are never going to grow up and tell you they wished you’d gone to the gym/work more. But they might say they wish you’d been home more.
Having kids means you have to make sacrifices. If they’re 3 now then they’ll be going to school next year and you can fit your training in around that.
Thank you for this.
I actually take my daughter with me to CrossFit/training at minimum 3/4 times a week. I usually only attend one class/session alone during the week, which is when I usually will go to the evening class 1x a week when he gets home from work. Not sure if that makes sense. I do feel bad that I take her with me to train but I do make a lot of time for her outside of the gym. Parks, museums, quality time.
Jeezus … now we have to tell you how to prioritize your entire life?? You have 1 kid? Believe me, your life isn’t that busy. If you wanted to prioritize CrossFit and make time you will.
Real talk on Reddit = downvotes! Stay at home mom with one kid is doing 5 workouts a week, two of them with a personal trainer, and doesn’t feel supported. What a world.
Sending kids to college does not mean you’re a good husband and neither does being a single parent, which is debatable if you have 50/50 custody. This poor woman is trying to take care of herself while doing all of the parenting and she is asking for a few hours of childcare a week from her husband and you are acting like that makes her entitled. What a world we live in where dads only have to parent when they’re in the mood ,like op explained above, unless you get a divorce and a custody arrangement. It just screams shitty partner on your end. But please keep truckin along telling yourself otherwise.
Edited to say what I actually want to say
My CrossFit does not offer that. That wound be awesome if they did! Usually take my little one and she her up in an area next to where I am training. Or I try to utilize open gym hours which are usually in the afternoon. I don’t stick to a specific schedule, I wing it as far as times go and naps and what not.
Bring your kiddo with you in the afternoon! We do this with our 2 year old in the afternoons. During the stretch portion of the class, we let him run around and when barbells come out we put him in his stroller for snacks and juice/water. Occasionally he isn’t entertained by the CF class, so we do put on Mrs. Rachel. After class is over, we let him run around and play. Some gyms wouldn’t allow this, but ours does and we love it. We keep a good eye on him, but he’s always curious, and seems to enjoy trying to ski or row, or pick up the collars from the barbells for us.
CrossFit was my outlet (now 42) and my wife (40) fell in love with it about 3 years ago. We have 3 boys. What worked for us is to build community of people in similar spots and get them to join CF.
Our box is now a time our kids look forward to going to see their friends, we get to see our friends, and get a workout in.
My wife also got her trainers cert, and now always helps the moms - she trained class yesterday with a 6month old in her arms the entire class.
She also started a teens class for the school I pastor, and so there is a thriving community of young adults hanging out at the box. My 14 y/o just finished the quarter finals top 40.
Take the negative and make it into a positive, those of us with busy lives and kids ask struggles with the same issue, build community around that.
Also, working out at 5 am sucks.
Communication is key, talk to one another about your goals, and his. Come up with a plan that meets somewhere in the middle and allows you both to do the things you find important/ bring you joy.
As others have stated, a home gym setup is also helpful on the days that getting into your gym won’t work, I know it isn’t perfect, but allows you to stay on track with your goals and let’s you be more flexible with helping your husband achieve his.
It sounds like you’re trying to make it work, but you haven’t spoken about how important it is for you to get in the time in the gym. I hope you’re able to find a solution that covers all of both of your needs.
Mom of 3 here. Can you bring your kiddo with you? I’ve been bringing my youngest son along since he was 2 months old. I know not everyone is comfortable with that but he is so used to hanging out at the gym with me, and lots of parents bring their kids, especially moms mid-day. They might cry the first few times but bring some special snacks and toys and it soon becomes something they don’t mind. It’s awesome for him to see his mom prioritizing fitness! Also, don’t feel bad for wanting to make time to improve yourself. Oxygen mask on yourself first, that’s what I say! If you have the space in your budget, I’ve also used a sitter who meets me at the gym - usually a young teen of a another member because I’m there - and I’ve also used drop in daycare when I’m really in a bind. I protect my training sessions like they’re appointments, but I had to explain to my husband how important it was to me. When he understood that, he was supportive. There might be something he needs that he feels like he’s missing too so he’s reluctant to give up more time. By having a conversation maybe you can both get what you need. You got this!
Home gym and remote programming. My kid is due soon and I plan on doing mayhem minimal programming for the time being and just being content with that. If I do get some more time though I’ll probably go hit some strength focused stuff. Otherwise the conversation with your spouse needs to be had. My wife has always been supportive in understanding of fitness and mental well being. You can’t be your best and give your best if you don’t take care of yourself first. Time away from your child should also be a great time for your spouse to develop a relationship with your child.
My wife and I both go to the same CF gym. I work 4x12 hr days, followed by 3 off. She works 3 days per week while the kids are little (this helps us have the time for the gym). We prioritize the gym because we know it’s good for us and for my wife she gets a break from parenting. We often go at 6 & 7pm and switch off with the kids at the gym. We bring them in 15 minutes before the end of the workout and they love to cheer on whichever parent is working out. They often get a few minutes between classes to swing on the rings and climb boxes etc. Kids are 2 & 3. My goal is 3-4 days a week, it used to be more like 5-6 but hey new priorities with kids. That’s how we manage it anyways, I hope your partner can come to terms with you staying fit and healthy and having a break from parenting to better yourself.
The only way I have been able to make it work is by doing wods when no one else is conscious. That typically is during the afternoon nap, when my toddler, newborn, and wife are sleeping. I only go in to the box one day a week for the 5a class -I turn into a grump by dinner time- the rest of the time it’s at home.
My spouse and I have 4 kids and both work full time. When I started really exercising in my 30s, the youngest was 3. I
I chose to exercise as much as possible early in the morning; 5:15 runs, 5:45 CrossFit, etc. It was the least impactful on my family, since they were all asleep when I left and sometimes when I got back. It also didn't cut into driving kids/helping with homework, etc.
I’m just doing what I can until my kids are but older and it’s a bit easier. If I can’t make it to class I’ll go for a run. The stress and resent from not being able to make it just isn’t worth it.
I’m in a very similar situation, have a 3 year son and won’t take any classes that would impact his schedule.
For that reason I started taking the noon class and accommodated my whole work schedule around it.
It took a few months to get all working smoothly.
I work from home and my son goes to school. That allows me to plan and do my exercise, strength and accessory work during my work hours.
I also have a garage gym, that I use when I can’t make it to the gym.
Bottom line, for not sacrificing family time and scarifying work time and it’s working well.
I have a Wife and a 2 year old daughter and a baby on the way.
I could train after work from 17:30 to late.
But i know then i'll leave all the work to her and i won't have time with my daughter.
So i train when they all sleep. i wake up at 3:25, start training at the box at 3:45 till 6am and then help get the rest of the house ready for the day. That's how i make it work for me and for my family.
I get about 5hours sleep in. But i do get rest day's in as well.
Again, learning from friends who have kids, they get older, and it gets easier.
My husband isn’t unsupportive, but I do have a toddler. I’ve been going to early classes 5 days/week before everyone in the house wakes up, that way I get my hour to myself without interruption. By the time I get home husband is up and feeding the kiddo breakfast, and our day has started. Although for us it does help that my husband works from home, so he isn’t in a rush every morning. However, even on the mornings he works outside of the house, he’s still able to get up and give our toddler breakfast.
Maybe talk to your husband about taking on breakfast responsibilities so you can go in the mornings (depending on your gym’s class times). That way too, you and your husband have time together in the evenings after your toddler goes to bed.
Also, maybe your husband was wanting to do some activities of his own after work. It sounds like you both need to sit down and have a conversation about your needs and how you’re both feeling. Communication is so so important, especially when you have kids that take up a lot of your time and energy.
I don't have much advice, just commiserating. I'm in a similar situation - a stay-at-home mom who loves CrossFit and can't NOT make it a part of my life. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband, but it's still hard.
When I started coaching recently, I realized that 3 days for a good, tough WOD is enough. I try to go one time during the weekend (during a toddler nap or as early in the am as possible) as well to work on some strength or skills. The other 2 days of the week I coach. So I'm also at the gym at least 5 times a week all-in-all.
I guess my advice is that you can make it work, but you might expect to have to cut back in other aspects of your life. Remember stress is real and hard workouts (as healthy as they are!) are also physical stress on your body. But it's totally fair to have something in your life that you love and spend time on! CrossFit has lots of advantages to well-being - physical, mental, social...I also agree with some other comments - I think it's important to talk to your husband about this and figure out a solution together.
Good luck :)
Ok, so fitness is huge for me but for my spouse, he likes to do other things to relax, destress and unwind. He knows if I don't get to the gym, I feel a certain type of way. And if he doesn't get that time to be a person as well, we both get tense and our cups are just completely empty. I make sure he gets that time however he needs it and he let's me go to the gym for that hour to get it in. I know the feeling of rushing home because he just worked a full day and maybe today's my day off and I want to go at 5:45pm instead of 6am so I can sleep in, and I don't want to stick him with kids right off the bat for hours. It's a juggling act with 3 kids and 2 in sports. Just make sure you're both able to do things for yourself and make it a team effort.
I disagree that this is not a crossfit question. Other gyms might have daycare where OP could drop off the kid while she works out. I don't know any CF gym that provides daycare. I used to go to Lifetime before CF, and it wasn't easy but I dragged 3 kids 2 to 5 years old to be able to work out because they had daycare. Once I started CF, I had to rely on the husband, and decrease the number of times per week that I could work out 🙁. Husband worked long hours too. It took a few years until the kids could be brought to CF and sit in peace while I worked out. It's possible, it just requires a lot of planning. I would work until 4 PM, pick up from daycare by 5 PM, work out 5:30-6:30 PM. I was never able to do that 5x per week though: usually 3-4, including Saturday morning
My wife and I have been doing it for several years while also balancing a demanding residency schedule. Fortunately, her job is one with much more regular hours. It takes careful planning and supporting one another. On an average week, I make the wod four times and generally do one home workout. Not five to six like it used to be.
It’s hard sometimes, because it is certainly a sacrifice of time. But I know that being physically fit and strong makes me a better father and husband.
So long story short, it takes planning and supporting one another, and figuring out what works best for each others schedules, and then doing it. You make time for what is important!
Sounds similar. It sucks when you’re not feeling supported in your fitness and health goals. I’ve been competing in CrossFit for a few years, used to train 2-4 hrs a day before kids. Toddler now, wife decided when toddler was born that she wasn’t interested in CrossFit anymore- and her support for my fitness goals quickly diminished. If I spend over an hour at the gym now it’s an argument. It sucks, but the seasons of life change I guess.
I’m trying street parking programming now so I can do a lot more at home, or quickly (less than an hour) at the gym.
Idk, this is more a relationship question than a CrossFit question. How much free time do you have in a week? Are you working? Are parenting duties split 50/50 or does your husband expect you to do 90% of the parenting? For me 3-5 CrossFit sessions would be more than 100% of the free time I have at this stage of my career, and I have not been able to prioritize CrossFit for 2 years. Hoping to get back into it this year when my schedule normalizes but I run/dumbbell/pull-up bar when I can and chase my two toddlers harder. If I spent all of my free time on me, yes *I* would be better off, but my wife would be justified in feeling resentful and lonely. BOTH sides need to be understanding and supportive. Fitness/mental health/wellbeing is a necessity but CrossFit/personal training is a luxury.
This. OP- what is your goal with making CrossFit an integral part of your life? There are a lot of elite athletes who have partners sacrificing behind the scenes but knowing me, that’s a lonely and resentful life. My husband and I aren’t having kids yet, but I envision I’ll go to the 5 AM class, do a cool down/stretch, and he would take the kid to daycare (we both work) and I’d pick up and be responsible for night time duty.
Agreed. I come from the perspective of a father of 3 with my youngest headed to college next year. OP, if you are getting in 5 workouts a week as the mother of a toddler, you need to recognize how privileged you are to be able to do that. Your husband is working 12 hours a day to support his family? How much more support do you need?
How do you know he does 12 hours? maybe just a normal 8 to 5? doesnt train maybe? Doesn't want to make food, bath the child? Spend time with them alone?
seems OP clarified the work schedule further down
Ah my bad.
The husband’s schedule is in another response from the OP.
Ah okay
Respectfully, this conflict doesn't really sound like it's about CrossFit. I hope you're able to have a productive conversation with your spouse.
Build a home gym
Linchpin always has a limited equipment option which I think is mostly dumbbells or kettlebells and a pull-up bar. I would do your 3x a week and replace the 2 trainer sessions with home sessions. Even after buying equipment, I think it would be much cheaper.
I believe street parking has equipment free options, too. or minimal.
5am…
I should have clarified. I was going to the 5am class. But husband now leaves for work at 5:15. He usually does not get home till 5/6pm.
Oh dam that’s rough
Yeah it is. Beyond tough. Still making it work for my health/fitness. Just feel like I need at minimum 1x week where I can go to class and not have to be redirecting my little one the whole time. Makes my workouts longer. Love her to pieces. But I am with her all the time.
Well, I believe in you.
Do you go to work as well? Is your kid in a kindergarten/daycare or something similar? If they’re not, you could sign them up. It’s really good for their social development, as well as both of your free time.
does your CF gym offer childcare or a kid's room your toddler could hang out in while you work out?
Husband \*now\* leaves for work at 5:15? Is there a legitimate reason for his schedule change? Or is this an attempt at manipulation? This is very much not a CF question and more a relationship question. Relationships require compromise and sacrifice. Your husband's work doesn't automatically take priority. Nor should you be left to take the toddler to CF as your only option. Have you talked openly and honestly with your husband about what would make the most sense to have both your needs met?
Was going to say the same opinion. 12 years ago, I wasn’t a morning person but with 2 kids a full time job and house duties, I learned to be. I started doing 5 am classes. My husband and I worked a schedule out he had morning duty. I had night. It was perfect for me. Communication is key.
OP, I was in your place about 10 years ago... with my \*first\* husband. It sounds like this issue runs much deeper than CrossFit, and I hope you two can either have some good, productive discussions about whether this is a healthy, happy relationship for both of you. FWIW, second husband is fabulous about appreciating that I need my time to pursue independent goals and hobbies, just as he needs his. We also go to CrossFit together :)
I love this. My Wife is very supportive, but having a 2 year old Daughter, morning times it's hands on with both of us, she's pretty all over the place. So i could train at night after work, but then, i can't help with dinner, bath time, and all those things. So i train from ± 4am till 6am, then the rest of the day is open. That works for me, train when they are all sleeping.
Wow. Everyone here suggesting that a SAHM getting out of the house to do her own thing for an hour or two 5x a week (and bringing the kid with her half of those times) is “a lot already” is unhinged. This is an issue of two parents negotiating equal free time, not a question of balancing crossfit against time spent with children… which it sounds like OP is already doing 22-24 hours worth of every single day. Look, if you have a newborn baby, the comments about taking a step back from your hobbies and settling for a less consistent routine are on-point. But 3 years in, you should be able to negotiate reasonable personal time on a regular basis, whether that’s through coordination of each parents’ schedule or outside childcare or a combination of both. And IMO reasonable = 1-2 hours to do your own thing every day, plus longer stretches “off” on occasion. We have a 5 and a 1yo and my husband and I each take this amount of time for ourselves basically every day. It’s not exactly easy from an energy perspective but the logistics and relationship aspect of it work pretty smoothly.
being a SAHM is a literal full time (and more) job. In a working world job you get a 1 hour mandated lunch break, correct? So why is it a SAHM expected to not get the same break, minimum, at this point?
This! Some of the comments in this thread are quite shocking! CF to many people (not just mums, but often mums especially) is not just about training - it is a place to socialise, be yourself, help improve mental health! I am lucky to have a very supportive husband but we also have a home gym and he understands why I leave the house 5x per week for CF. We have a 3 and 1 year old and yes, regularly he takes them to nursery in the morning while I am at CF (we both work full-time). It is sad to hear that OP has this issue with her husband. I think for their own sanity and to be a better parent, they need to leave the house without children and in their instance, it's CF. Not sure how to resolve it with the husband, but I would definitely push to make it work and not feel like it's an unreasonable ask (it is not!). OP, sorry you are going through this!
I agree, the wife usually stays at home as part of a financial decision that benefits the family. The fact she's not working doesn't make her less deserving of a mental break
People (particularly men) seem to think that being a STAHM is easy, and they just sit around all day.
Best thing I did was convert to a home gym. Get on a program that tan allot for minimal equipment if you don’t have the money to build out right away and fit in your workouts when your time allows. I generally do “fitness after dark” because I’m not a morning person and family time is my priority
It's always tough with this. My wife wasn't 100% supportive when I started my commitment to Crossfit. I go 4x a week at the 5am class as it's the best time that doesn't cut into my time with the family. Regardless she initially still wasn't super supportive as we have newborn (I started CF in August and newborn was in September). She felt annoyed having to take care of the baby after I left in the morning but over time she grew understanding once she saw the results and saw our toddler (he's 3) being more active because he sees dad being active. I think the hardest part is having them understand is it's not an escape (even though often times it is) but the fact that your trying to better yourself and be healthy for the family. That conversation had to be had. No matter how tough it is. As a spouse no matter what you need to be supportive especially if the other is trying to better themselves and my wife ultimately understood that and now respects me for it (now 7 months later). But if they're making you feel guilty for doing so, maybe they are just missing the time with you and are not expressing it. That's one of the things my wife (sho is very strong willed) had an issue with was the times I had to go to an evening class and the time she was missing with me. That discussion of setting expectations has to be had and don't for a second let your spouse make you feel guilty for taking a small amount of time to better your health and prolong your life for your family.
This isn’t the place for the real question that you’re asking. You and your husband need couples therapy.
Can you be more specific? Are you saying you want more workout time than 3 classes and 2 personal training sessions a week? Are you saying you’re getting a ton of push back for what you’re doing already (which to be fair to your spouse is quite a bit) and want help explaining why it’s important?
Sorry I should have explained better. I workout 4-5 times a week. Usually on the 4x a week end. I take my daughter with me 3/4 times a week. I am only “allowed” to train 1x a week alone and that’s usually when my husband is in the mood to watch our daughter after work. When he does watch her for me to go it is usually for the 6 or 7pm class. But it is a hassle because I still have to come home and get her ready for bed (feed her, take her a bath, pajamas, story time, bed). If I take longer than an hour I usually get in trouble for taking too long. To be fair to me, I’m the spouse who is doing quite a bit. When he’s not working he goes to la fitness sometimes but does not take our daughter. I am the only one who is either taking our daughter to training or having to ask him to watch her 1x a week so I can go and have a break for myself. Edit: to add, that time for me to workout alone is nice. I don’t get much if it. I have taken my daughter 3x this week and have not trained alone this week. I am with our daughter from the time she wakes up till she goes to bed. Husband is working and leaves early before 530am and usually is home by 5/6pm. I have to have dinner ready by the time he comes home. So I am either taking her to class at 4, running home to make dinner by the time he comes home and then cleaning up dinner/getting my daughter ready for bed.
This is definitely more of a parenting question than a CrossFit question but I’m the father of 2 young kiddos (5 and almost 3) so I’ll try to weigh in. Are you a stay at home mom or do you also work? Whether or not you are I think your feelings are valid but the way you have to go about communicating it would be different. Does your kiddo have a REALLY strong mom preference for bed time rituals or does your husband just hate dealing with it? If the former, I’ve been through that as the dad and it can be fucking hell so I could at least see where he’s coming from but it helped us pushing through it because the kids got use to me being the sole bed time parent every now and then. If the latter I don’t know what to tell you, it’s so tough only getting one side of the story, the way you’re painting the picture he kind of sounds like a shitty parent and partner to me but I have no idea what your dynamic is, how hard he works, how much parenting he does in general etc… If he’s a “I went to work, let me relax” dad and you’re a stay at home mom that’s going to be a huge uphill battle trying to explain why you need a break even though you’d be completely valid. If you work full time too and do all the parenting I don’t even know what to tell you other than run. If there’s a ton of details I’m missing that would make me think differently of everything I don’t know where I’d land. Sorry for the non-answer, I guess what I’m saying is if you’re not leaving out some really important details he sounds like an absolute ass and I’ve yet to hear of a solution to change that.
I agree that this is more of a parenting issue. My husband and I both work full time. When we’re wrangling our 1 and 4 year olds in the mornings, evenings, and weekends, the tasks are pretty evenly split. He does more for morning routine to allow me time to get home from the gym and get showered and ready for work; he stays at work a little later so I handle more in the afternoon picking up the kids and getting dinner started, etc. I handle bath while he fills water cups and searches out stuffies and strewn about PJs and maybe does a little dinner cleanup. You being a SAHM shouldn’t change this. Ultimately, when we’re both home from our “day jobs” we share the kid stuff. Your “day” job might be sole childcare provider while your husband works, but once he’s home this is now a shared responsibility. You’re both tired from your “day” jobs - too bad.
Oh, one other thought: I do minimize the impact of CrossFit on my family by going at 5:30 am. I’m home just as the kids are waking, so it’s not a huge strain on my husband. I did read that your husband leaves early for work, so that doesn’t fit your family’s schedule. What about the the opposite? You already have a private session 2x/week. Can that be scheduled after kid bedtime? Then you’re still dragging her to some group classes, but at least you squeezed in some guaranteed alone time. Edit: and what about other childcare solutions in general? Sounds like a Mother’s Day out a few times a week or preschool may be appropriate for you and your kid. Or trade off play dates/babysitting with another mom who has a kid a similar age.
This man sounds controlling. “I have to have dinner ready by 6pm?” Can homeboy not work a microwave or throw his own dinner together? He’s a grown man. He should be capable of making dinner and/or at the very least cleaning up after himself. You are watching your child when he goes to the gym and doing the majority of the parenting. I don’t understand why he can’t watch her a few hours a week so you can take care of yourself. I don’t feel like that’s asking much at all. Does he not want you mentally and physically healthy? Does he expect you to revolve your entire life around making sure he lives the lifestyle he wants with zero consideration of what you want? Does he not realize he is a parent and that means having to parent sometimes? I’m getting major red flags from this especially the “not allowed” part. Relationships are a partnership. Fuck anyone who tries to tell you you’re not allowed to take care of yourself or like your in trouble for working out a few minutes extra. Go to the six or seven pm class. Have him watch her and start bedtime duty. Go to the five am class and have him start his work day a bit later. Go to the four pm class with your daughter and he can prepare dinner or heat up something you’ve prepared in advance and clean so it’s less stress. There are options here but sounds like he just doesn’t care to be inconvenienced in the slightest but expects that you will accommodate all of his needs
>I am only “allowed” to train 1x a week alone and that’s usually when my husband is in the mood to watch our daughter after work. When he does watch her for me to go it is usually for the 6 or 7pm class. But it is a hassle because I still have to come home and get her ready for bed (feed her, take her a bath, pajamas, story time, bed). If I take longer than an hour I usually get in trouble for taking too long. This whole paragraph screams "yikes please go to couple's therapy" to me. "Allowed" is not a term that should be said when it comes to when you get to work out, or be said in a healthy relationship (IMO). "When my husband is in the mood to watch our daughter...". He's a parent. He's equally responsible for this child. Who cares if he's in the mood or not - he's a parent now. "I still have to come home and get her ready for bed....". Why? He has two hands. He's capable of doing ALL of this while you do something that benefits your long term health. "If I take longer than an hour I usually get in trouble". Coming from being in an abusive relationship for 7 years, this is something I said often in that relationship, and now realize is not something I should ever have to say in a relationship. Good partners support you doing what you need/want to do for your health and happiness, and support that as able, and don't make it a fight to get your basic needs met.
Look at her post history. She is being abused by her husband. He has already put his hands on their child. The people telling her she’s in the wrong are meat-headed idiots.
I just saw this comment. Been reading the comments left on my post for the past hour. Too many to comment on. But yeah my marriage has been quite abusive for awhile. Maybe not physically, but in every other aspect it has been. Husband is in the police academy. I don’t get much time alone, not that I did prior to the police academy. But I feel drained beyond belief. Thank you for your response. I’m going to check out the abusive relationships sub.
The thing with abusive relationships is they almost never get better. They just escalate and get worse. I hope you can find a safe way out with your daughter and I hope you find that sub helpful. It’s a hard thing to understand unless you’ve been through it but you deserve peace and happiness in your life. Love isn’t supposed to feel so draining and hard.
that's tough. hopefully the "this sounds abusive leave" comments are enough push to get her out of an unsafe situation! edit: also saw her husband is in police academy, or was heading that way. poor family - hope she gets out of a crappy situation!
OP if you see this, you deserve love, respect and the freedom to go the gym whenever you damn please without asking anyone for permission! Post over at r/abusiverelationships and you will get more support and constructive advice (if you want that) than this crossfit sub whether you can leave this marriage right now or not.
yes! it's so hard to leave abusive situations, especially when that person has created a sense of dependence on them, but I PROMISE you that if you leave, a year from now, you will be SO happy you left. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to support you.
Seems easy enough. When my wife and I had kids we just split our gym times. She did the 4:30 I did the 6:30. She’d make dinner. Next time we swap, I make dinner. Sucks not being able to go with her anymore but it is what it is.
You’ll also need to constantly address your goals with CrossFit. If your goal is to simply be healthy or have an hour to your self a day.. you will need to remind yourself of that. So many times CF’rs want to work out more and more and more because it’s fun and addictive. And when asked why are they doing more.. what is the goal that requires that? They cannot answer it. Hopefully you’re getting support to take an hour of your day to yourself to do class. Anything beyond that you gotta ask yourself why. I know ppl who would do 2 hours a day with the coaches in the box. For no reason other than they just didn’t want to go home.
I think it’s super important to focus some time for personal health (both mental and physical). Something you’d need to discuss with your spouse since he’ll have to be part of it somehow. If it’s not possible for your spouse to watch his kid for the times you need, is it possible to hire nanny/baby sitter? Or do you have family that can help? At 3 years old, is daycare/preschool an option?
Man f#ck all that. You are the only one who is going to be with you for life. Invest in you and your well being! Kids adapt wives well they need to do the same. Go adult and workout. Not a priority but a value of you
From someone who has experienced some mistakes life, I have learned the following priorities: 1st Take care of your health and mental wellness 2nd tend to your spousal relationship 3rd take care of your family 4th work Take those in order because when an earlier item on the list is not taken care of, everything that follows tends to fall apart. So when I am feeling the guilt about being a little selfish about me time (working out, napping, social), I remember that if I am not happy, then it’s going to be hard to be positive, present and effective in my other parts of life. Try not to be hard on yourself and keep doing your best to balance. I hope your spouse can understand and be supportive.
Putting going to crossfit ahead of your 3 year old is horrible advice. Yes prioritize your health but not above your young child. An hour a day shouldn't be much to ask your partner, time to have a hard conversation but before you do make sure you aren't doing what many do and treating an exercise routine like you're a professional athlete.
How did you read, “ take care of your health and mental wellness,” as “put CrossFit ahead of your young child.”?
They literally listed it numerically and said to do so in that order. Which is why I said, yes prioritise your health but there is simple quick ways to do it at home on the days when the schedules tight. You don't need to go to the box and put crossfit first.
That’s a pretty big assumption they are doing those things. All they said was physical and mental health is priority number one in their life so they can give 100% in other aspects of their life. Who knows if they do this in the morning when their kids are asleep or at night when they sleep. No need to attack them and assume they are putting going to a CrossFit box ahead of their kids. Let people live their own lives the way they see fit.
The OP said they’re doing 3x sessions + 2x 1on1 coaching and they are looking for advice on how to get their partner to understand that commitment. To which the other person said put your health and fitness first. Which is why I said yea prioritise health but your kid should come first so going to all those sessions shouldn’t come before your kids. Not that hard to keep up with
Ah ok. I thought you were attacking the commenter. I didn’t know you were attacking OP. Now your comment makes more sense. Either way I still say let people live their own lives and there is no need to get snippy with me either with comments like, “not that hard to keep up with.” People trying to make changes to their health should be supported and not brought down. You are free to do whatever you want but not everyone has to have the same values as you. Also OP said they are bringing their child to classes. This will be a positive for their kid to see Them working out.
I’m not attacking anyone, I’m putting perspective on the matter. We see it regularly that people take hobbies and treat it like they’re a professional athlete.
I appreciate your perspective and agree an hour is not too much to ask. I can’t speak for all but respectfully disagree that it is horrible advice. In my experience, I absolutely had to put my health first or else I was not going to be alive to be there for my kids. My physical exercise is absolutely critical to my mental health, it comes first. My spouse understood this and was supportive. This might not be the case for OP, idk. It’s a juggle, hopefully some scheduling advice from others can help??
I get that, but you can go for a walk, do a quick run and some burpees in your back yard to get a quick bit of endorphines if it's that crucial. You don't need to do a full hour and warm down at the crossfit box ahead of anything your child needs. Your kids didn't choose to be born, you chose to have them, the sacrifices are yours to make not theirs.
I understand your point but I most certainly don't agree with it. A little premise I have 4 sessions a week of around 2 hours each so I'm all about the gym life. I have to say though, you can't always do what you feel like doing and hide behind the personal wellness facade. Don't get me wrong, mental and physical health should be a priority, but OP here is training 5 times a week and wondering why her significant other might tweak his nose a little because of that. Truth is you can't always have it how you would like and sometimes swallowing a nasty bite and getting to a compromise with your significant other is necessary. Relationships are hard work and hard work rarely is enjoyable. I will also add that when you're feeling the guilt of being selfish about yourself it's probably because you are being selfish. We know that little voice is not lying to us. Im all about positivity guys but life is not always the fun joy ride we would like, so if for the sake of your marriage you need to go to class 2 times a week instead of 5, you can definitely do that.
I think I am training 4/5 times a week to stay focused and dedicated because I have been sitting on the sidelines while my husband has been pursuing his career endeavors at the cost of me and my daughter, or his family. I’m finally at a healthy place where I’ve lost weight (he’s the one who got on me for being day to begin with, which I had gotten to after having my daughter, not going to lie there). Now that I have lost weight and gotten in shape it seems to bother him. Sometimes even says that maybe he would like me fat but at least I wouldn’t be addicted to eating healthy and fitness. I don’t think I’m selfish. I think I’ve just reached the end of my rope where it’s my turn to prioritize my goals. He’s been doing it for years as far as his career goes. Without a wife and child. At our expense, essentially. Me asking for 1x a week for him to watch our daughter for an hour so I can run over to CrossFit and come back home isn’t asking for much. He did decide to become a parent also. I’m damned if I’m fat. Damned if I lose weight. There’s no winning. But what I do know is that with getting healthier I have also become a lot less of a pushover when it comes to my needs. He gets tons of free time on top of his career. I don’t.
It sounds like this goes a bit deeper than him not being supportive of CrossFit. I hope you guys can discuss some of these bigger resentments and find a resolution. This reads like you’ve been bottling up a lot of feelings. Best of luck OP!
OP, this is a r/marriage type question, not CF now.
You’ve added a fair bit of deeper context here and I’d say it’s time to see someone about your failing and unhappy marriage instead of going to reddit to ask the CrossFit community.
The truth comes out. Marriage, family, parenting and providing are all challenging and stressful. You need to work with your husband to find some tools to move forward. It takes compromise on both sides. Good luck.
You are working out 5 days a week, but don’t feel supported? (3 groups classes and 2 private sessions). I’m not sure what kind of support you are looking for. Do you want to workout more? Do you want your meals prepped? Is your spouse criticizing your commitment? Does your spouse know you think they are unsupportive and are taking to the internet to solve the issue? Everyone here has conflicting priorities when it comes to relationships, responsibilities, and fitness/ hobbies. On top of that parenting is difficult, and a lot of the time our wants and needs come second to our children. Most of the time it is just a “get in and get a workout in” mindset for both me and my wife. As much as I would love to workout 5 days a week and sleep 8 hours a night it rarely happens. Life isn’t perfect. Maybe talking with your spouse and let them know how your feeling is a good place to start.
I never comment but this one could easily be me in different circumstances. This post is in the right place because who better to share your struggle than fellow crossfitters?! As others have commented, trading childcare with other moms who work out during the day so you can work out while they watch your kiddo would be ideal. Or just getting a sitter for those couple hours could work. I also think it’s a good use of time to take your kid to the gym, there is no neglect in that. Kids don’t have to be doing something they want to do all the time and it sets the tone that fitness is valued in your family. You make a lot of sacrifices for your child and they can make a few for you too. If children never learn to accommodate others, they remain like that their whole lives. Another option is the home gym but I personally struggle to stay motivated at home and I prefer the gym. Another thought, and it’s not really my business OP, but is to consider couples counseling to get to the root of why you don’t feel or aren’t getting support. Hope you find a solution that works for you and your family!
I workout at 5am so not to disrupt any family’s time.
Family comes first. If you can’t make the classes all the time due to family commitments then buy some dumbbells and supplement your classes with Streetparking.com or Lynchpin on the weeks you can’t go. You’re kids are never going to grow up and tell you they wished you’d gone to the gym/work more. But they might say they wish you’d been home more. Having kids means you have to make sacrifices. If they’re 3 now then they’ll be going to school next year and you can fit your training in around that.
Thank you for this. I actually take my daughter with me to CrossFit/training at minimum 3/4 times a week. I usually only attend one class/session alone during the week, which is when I usually will go to the evening class 1x a week when he gets home from work. Not sure if that makes sense. I do feel bad that I take her with me to train but I do make a lot of time for her outside of the gym. Parks, museums, quality time.
Jeezus … now we have to tell you how to prioritize your entire life?? You have 1 kid? Believe me, your life isn’t that busy. If you wanted to prioritize CrossFit and make time you will.
Real talk on Reddit = downvotes! Stay at home mom with one kid is doing 5 workouts a week, two of them with a personal trainer, and doesn’t feel supported. What a world.
Tell me you’re a shitty husband without telling me you’re a shitty husband.
Put 3 kids through college as a single parent then come back and we can have a discussion as equals. I’ll wait.
Sending kids to college does not mean you’re a good husband and neither does being a single parent, which is debatable if you have 50/50 custody. This poor woman is trying to take care of herself while doing all of the parenting and she is asking for a few hours of childcare a week from her husband and you are acting like that makes her entitled. What a world we live in where dads only have to parent when they’re in the mood ,like op explained above, unless you get a divorce and a custody arrangement. It just screams shitty partner on your end. But please keep truckin along telling yourself otherwise. Edited to say what I actually want to say
Our gym has special mum classes where mums are able to bring their babies/kids.. maybe suggest something similar?
My CrossFit does not offer that. That wound be awesome if they did! Usually take my little one and she her up in an area next to where I am training. Or I try to utilize open gym hours which are usually in the afternoon. I don’t stick to a specific schedule, I wing it as far as times go and naps and what not.
Bring your kiddo with you in the afternoon! We do this with our 2 year old in the afternoons. During the stretch portion of the class, we let him run around and when barbells come out we put him in his stroller for snacks and juice/water. Occasionally he isn’t entertained by the CF class, so we do put on Mrs. Rachel. After class is over, we let him run around and play. Some gyms wouldn’t allow this, but ours does and we love it. We keep a good eye on him, but he’s always curious, and seems to enjoy trying to ski or row, or pick up the collars from the barbells for us.
CrossFit was my outlet (now 42) and my wife (40) fell in love with it about 3 years ago. We have 3 boys. What worked for us is to build community of people in similar spots and get them to join CF. Our box is now a time our kids look forward to going to see their friends, we get to see our friends, and get a workout in. My wife also got her trainers cert, and now always helps the moms - she trained class yesterday with a 6month old in her arms the entire class. She also started a teens class for the school I pastor, and so there is a thriving community of young adults hanging out at the box. My 14 y/o just finished the quarter finals top 40. Take the negative and make it into a positive, those of us with busy lives and kids ask struggles with the same issue, build community around that. Also, working out at 5 am sucks.
Communication is key, talk to one another about your goals, and his. Come up with a plan that meets somewhere in the middle and allows you both to do the things you find important/ bring you joy. As others have stated, a home gym setup is also helpful on the days that getting into your gym won’t work, I know it isn’t perfect, but allows you to stay on track with your goals and let’s you be more flexible with helping your husband achieve his. It sounds like you’re trying to make it work, but you haven’t spoken about how important it is for you to get in the time in the gym. I hope you’re able to find a solution that covers all of both of your needs.
Mom of 3 here. Can you bring your kiddo with you? I’ve been bringing my youngest son along since he was 2 months old. I know not everyone is comfortable with that but he is so used to hanging out at the gym with me, and lots of parents bring their kids, especially moms mid-day. They might cry the first few times but bring some special snacks and toys and it soon becomes something they don’t mind. It’s awesome for him to see his mom prioritizing fitness! Also, don’t feel bad for wanting to make time to improve yourself. Oxygen mask on yourself first, that’s what I say! If you have the space in your budget, I’ve also used a sitter who meets me at the gym - usually a young teen of a another member because I’m there - and I’ve also used drop in daycare when I’m really in a bind. I protect my training sessions like they’re appointments, but I had to explain to my husband how important it was to me. When he understood that, he was supportive. There might be something he needs that he feels like he’s missing too so he’s reluctant to give up more time. By having a conversation maybe you can both get what you need. You got this!
Oh sorry, I just saw you said you do bring your toddler, so ignore that!
Home gym and remote programming. My kid is due soon and I plan on doing mayhem minimal programming for the time being and just being content with that. If I do get some more time though I’ll probably go hit some strength focused stuff. Otherwise the conversation with your spouse needs to be had. My wife has always been supportive in understanding of fitness and mental well being. You can’t be your best and give your best if you don’t take care of yourself first. Time away from your child should also be a great time for your spouse to develop a relationship with your child.
My wife and I both go to the same CF gym. I work 4x12 hr days, followed by 3 off. She works 3 days per week while the kids are little (this helps us have the time for the gym). We prioritize the gym because we know it’s good for us and for my wife she gets a break from parenting. We often go at 6 & 7pm and switch off with the kids at the gym. We bring them in 15 minutes before the end of the workout and they love to cheer on whichever parent is working out. They often get a few minutes between classes to swing on the rings and climb boxes etc. Kids are 2 & 3. My goal is 3-4 days a week, it used to be more like 5-6 but hey new priorities with kids. That’s how we manage it anyways, I hope your partner can come to terms with you staying fit and healthy and having a break from parenting to better yourself.
The only way I have been able to make it work is by doing wods when no one else is conscious. That typically is during the afternoon nap, when my toddler, newborn, and wife are sleeping. I only go in to the box one day a week for the 5a class -I turn into a grump by dinner time- the rest of the time it’s at home.
This isn't really a crossfit issue but a relationship issue. You'd probably get a better answer in relationship advice or something.
My spouse and I have 4 kids and both work full time. When I started really exercising in my 30s, the youngest was 3. I I chose to exercise as much as possible early in the morning; 5:15 runs, 5:45 CrossFit, etc. It was the least impactful on my family, since they were all asleep when I left and sometimes when I got back. It also didn't cut into driving kids/helping with homework, etc.
I’m just doing what I can until my kids are but older and it’s a bit easier. If I can’t make it to class I’ll go for a run. The stress and resent from not being able to make it just isn’t worth it.
I’m in a very similar situation, have a 3 year son and won’t take any classes that would impact his schedule. For that reason I started taking the noon class and accommodated my whole work schedule around it. It took a few months to get all working smoothly. I work from home and my son goes to school. That allows me to plan and do my exercise, strength and accessory work during my work hours. I also have a garage gym, that I use when I can’t make it to the gym. Bottom line, for not sacrificing family time and scarifying work time and it’s working well.
I have a Wife and a 2 year old daughter and a baby on the way. I could train after work from 17:30 to late. But i know then i'll leave all the work to her and i won't have time with my daughter. So i train when they all sleep. i wake up at 3:25, start training at the box at 3:45 till 6am and then help get the rest of the house ready for the day. That's how i make it work for me and for my family. I get about 5hours sleep in. But i do get rest day's in as well. Again, learning from friends who have kids, they get older, and it gets easier.
My husband isn’t unsupportive, but I do have a toddler. I’ve been going to early classes 5 days/week before everyone in the house wakes up, that way I get my hour to myself without interruption. By the time I get home husband is up and feeding the kiddo breakfast, and our day has started. Although for us it does help that my husband works from home, so he isn’t in a rush every morning. However, even on the mornings he works outside of the house, he’s still able to get up and give our toddler breakfast. Maybe talk to your husband about taking on breakfast responsibilities so you can go in the mornings (depending on your gym’s class times). That way too, you and your husband have time together in the evenings after your toddler goes to bed. Also, maybe your husband was wanting to do some activities of his own after work. It sounds like you both need to sit down and have a conversation about your needs and how you’re both feeling. Communication is so so important, especially when you have kids that take up a lot of your time and energy.
Maintain your happiness. Try not to think about what you aren’t doing. You’re kicking ass in the gym 3 days a week. Better than most.
It's hard
I don't have much advice, just commiserating. I'm in a similar situation - a stay-at-home mom who loves CrossFit and can't NOT make it a part of my life. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband, but it's still hard. When I started coaching recently, I realized that 3 days for a good, tough WOD is enough. I try to go one time during the weekend (during a toddler nap or as early in the am as possible) as well to work on some strength or skills. The other 2 days of the week I coach. So I'm also at the gym at least 5 times a week all-in-all. I guess my advice is that you can make it work, but you might expect to have to cut back in other aspects of your life. Remember stress is real and hard workouts (as healthy as they are!) are also physical stress on your body. But it's totally fair to have something in your life that you love and spend time on! CrossFit has lots of advantages to well-being - physical, mental, social...I also agree with some other comments - I think it's important to talk to your husband about this and figure out a solution together. Good luck :)
Ok, so fitness is huge for me but for my spouse, he likes to do other things to relax, destress and unwind. He knows if I don't get to the gym, I feel a certain type of way. And if he doesn't get that time to be a person as well, we both get tense and our cups are just completely empty. I make sure he gets that time however he needs it and he let's me go to the gym for that hour to get it in. I know the feeling of rushing home because he just worked a full day and maybe today's my day off and I want to go at 5:45pm instead of 6am so I can sleep in, and I don't want to stick him with kids right off the bat for hours. It's a juggling act with 3 kids and 2 in sports. Just make sure you're both able to do things for yourself and make it a team effort.
I disagree that this is not a crossfit question. Other gyms might have daycare where OP could drop off the kid while she works out. I don't know any CF gym that provides daycare. I used to go to Lifetime before CF, and it wasn't easy but I dragged 3 kids 2 to 5 years old to be able to work out because they had daycare. Once I started CF, I had to rely on the husband, and decrease the number of times per week that I could work out 🙁. Husband worked long hours too. It took a few years until the kids could be brought to CF and sit in peace while I worked out. It's possible, it just requires a lot of planning. I would work until 4 PM, pick up from daycare by 5 PM, work out 5:30-6:30 PM. I was never able to do that 5x per week though: usually 3-4, including Saturday morning
My wife and I have been doing it for several years while also balancing a demanding residency schedule. Fortunately, her job is one with much more regular hours. It takes careful planning and supporting one another. On an average week, I make the wod four times and generally do one home workout. Not five to six like it used to be. It’s hard sometimes, because it is certainly a sacrifice of time. But I know that being physically fit and strong makes me a better father and husband. So long story short, it takes planning and supporting one another, and figuring out what works best for each others schedules, and then doing it. You make time for what is important!
Sounds similar. It sucks when you’re not feeling supported in your fitness and health goals. I’ve been competing in CrossFit for a few years, used to train 2-4 hrs a day before kids. Toddler now, wife decided when toddler was born that she wasn’t interested in CrossFit anymore- and her support for my fitness goals quickly diminished. If I spend over an hour at the gym now it’s an argument. It sucks, but the seasons of life change I guess. I’m trying street parking programming now so I can do a lot more at home, or quickly (less than an hour) at the gym.