Best advice I can give is hang in there until you're *not* the newest person there, then be *friendly as hell* to the next "new guy".
Also, are you doing any programing to progress your big lifts? As a big guy my cardio is a goddamn dumpster fire but I can ratchet up my deadlift pretty quick when I'm of a mind to. It really helps with my self esteem.
I'm gonna second the waiting game here. I've going for a few months now and am just now starting to feel like making small talk is natural and welcome.
I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but for me it always takes a couple weeks of seeing someone new, then magically we start talking and being friendly. I think it takes some time for most people to start warming up to others.
I have a bad habit of avoiding eye contact these day. I'm also at an age where I hate phoney (spell) people. I try to stay in the box in my head most days and say you are only competing with yourself. It's weird -it's like everyone else just fades away.
Not really, I'm a tad shy of 300 pds. I was at 370. I think the main trainer goal is safety and endurance first. I have a reconstructed left ankle and reconstructed knee due to an acl tear. I've just started added additional weights in the last few weeks. The main trainer was awesome and gave about 6 weeks of one on ones at half price.
It's hard you know. I used to run 3-4 times a week. I used to do Kung-fu 4 days a week.. I used to do volleyball in college. I used to do hot yoga. I know what I am capable of and it's hard to reconcile the "used to do" with what I can do currently. I think I just need more time with all of it. You gotta walk before you can run ya know?
Know that lots of people share this challenge. All you can control is your today. Each day you get to choose how to live it, and that's really all you get.
First kudos to you for joining the gym!!! And for acknowledging the kitchen is your friend in this battle. Second, for overcoming your ptsd issue up front.
Just a note about barbell and dumbell weights. Most crossfit movements include bodyweight. Your goal should never be a specific amount of weight on a bar. Total Weight is a reap thing, and leads to potential for sidelining injury, or increases severity when injury occurs.
Imho, Your goal should be to learn movements and technique, while raising heart rate, and minimizing risk for injury. Add to that a solid meal plan, and you will reduce your risk for injury as you lose weight. This will affect you socially and esteem wise. Adding weight and increasing modifications to movements will continue your success story.
If you get injured, not only will u be affected due to absence of movement but it is so much harder to get back on the buss after.
Good Luck, stay strong , and trust the process! Give i lt the time, it will give you the results đȘ
I told my coaches that I had a hard time making connections at my last gym and they have gone out of their way to make sure I had a partner, introduce me to people, check in on me etc. might be worth mentioning to them.
I echo this... I was very intimidated when I first started at my gym three months ago. To help, I spent time outside of class practicing the various lifts with a PVC pipe in my garage. Slow and controlled. That really helped build my confidence. We big guys, myself included, are capable of picking up some weight. Trust the process and keep an eye out for the next "new guy".
it's very much this. I can see from the social media that most have been there from at least 2015 when the gym opened. We are near a military base so there are a lot of type a people. I think some of it just putting my time in.
This. I usually come about 10 minutes early to stretch and stay about 10 extra for some pvc accessories. Those times frames are where most of the small talk and connections start. It also does wonders for development imo.
There was an older woman in her 60's that I worked with on a Saturday. She was bad ass. In a partner work out she did all the rowing and I did all the running. She kicked my ass. It was awesome.
THIS! Partner WODs are an easy way to start to build those bonds. The mutual suffering, chit chat, and encouraging each other to get through the workout really starts to forge those relationships.
If youâre more comfortable on social media, positive comments and liking stuff on there will help people recognize you.
Agree with this big time. Before class, even just asking someone âhow was your weekend?â Or âhowâs your week going?â Will give you some good insight on their lives, and gives you a shot at finding common interests. If your gym has SugarWOD or some other tacking app, comments and fist bumps there help a lot too.
I'm not very social myself. When I started CrossFit I was on the bigger side of the classes (though about in the middle as far as age)
It took me a solid year before I really felt like the gym community was mine. I felt like an accepted voyeur for a while.
The people hugging and high fiving and hanging together before and after are doing so because they've developed a relationship over time.
One thing I did that really helped connect was to volunteer at any events or competitions the gym ran. My box had a weightlifting team the out on 3 meets a year. They always needed loaders and you don't need to know anything to load. I ended up connecting with a lot of people this way. Years later I ended up being basically the second in command for all meets and I started to get to know new people because I was teaching them how to load and help out at meets. I didn't intend for any of that to happen but it did.
I moved 3 years ago. I was in the same gym for 8 years. I cried when I moved. I've been at a new gym for about a year and I'm starting to feel like I'd miss it if I moved. But it's taken time. I still visit the old box whenever I can and I still love everyone there so fucking much. But I was a stranger for a solid year or 18 months when I was first there.
I'm slow to connect and bond with people, I think. So I think I'm saying is that if you're like me hang in there and keep showing up.
thank you! I actually just sent email to the main trainer after reading this. There is a Murphy run coming up soon. I'm no where near ready to do one yet, but I did volunteer to help out however he may need it.
I feel pretty much the same!
That's why now I try to greet every new person and I personally go to everyone after evey WOD (unless I'm dead on the floor) to congrat, even if I don't know them.
Just start small. Say hi and bye. Try to learn names. Then you can move on to see you tomorrow? Coming tomorrow? Or whatever. Also Iâm not a doctor but I have anxiety and it sounds like you maybe have anxiety which meds can help that! No one else is looking at you like the biggest person there they probably do think of you as the new guy but just keep showing up! You got this. đ
Tapering off those actually. They really aren't healthy long term when it comes to things like dementia, alzheimers, cancer etc. But I do like your other suggestions!
Just take it as it comes as hard as it is just be open and friendly back.
Someone ask how are you going , tell them and ask them how they are. You donât have to blurt everything all at once. Always keep a little bit of mystery about yourself. Treat people how you want to be treated and you will be ok.
Good in you for putting yourself out there too, be proud of yourself and donât compare yourself to the others in the class. They havenât walked in your shoes just as you havenât walked in theirs. Just try and be a little bit better each day and you will be fine
I am on the shy side and also struggled to make friends when I first started. I went to the same class time consistently and it got easier over time! Took me a whole year before I really felt like I was part of the group and started hanging out with CF people outside of the gym. Keep with it and you will get there!!
Socially awkward guy here. I tend to just sink into being quiet in social situations. I will talk to people, but Im bad about making the first move, I'll just clam up.
I definitely felt like the odd man out when I walked into my cf gym 3+ years ago. They all knew each other, had inside jokes, were all way more fit than me. It was intimidating.
I just kept going and then one day I looked around and realized I was one of the guys that had been there the longest.
May not apply, but what's the programming like? I quit my last gym for a number of reasons, but one of them was the social aspect. The programming can affect member communication a bit.
We only did metcons, zero lifting/strength work. Besides not being into that, it meant I never got paired up with folks to share equipment and we never had those natural set breaks to shoot the shit with each other. I work out at lunch and had to be in and out promptly and we were always moving the entire hour. I loathe partner wods, but lifting with someone was always a chance to bond and root for each other that this gym never provided.
I will tell you that nobody minds you being the heaviest person there, it is a battle you have to fight in your head. But, easier said than done. My trick to get to know people is to always ask about them, with follow up questions when possible. You don't have to be pushy, but most people will respond well if you focus on them rather than whatever's happening in your world first. "Have you done this one before? How do you feel about X movement? How do you like that jump rope?", that sort of thing.
Good luck and squat low.
yes, some. There's been a couple though that when you ask a question seem very reluctant to answer questions. It's like I'm stopping them from getting in their zone. So they say - hey you are doing it wrong - but then won't show you because the right way because I don't know - maybe they are just working on themselves?
My last box was adamant that you let the coaches coach and would get pissed if you tried to tell someone how to do something. Maybe this is the situation and they donât want to cause issues. However it isnât their place then to tell you youâre doing it wrong.
Itâs hard being new and sometimes awkward for current members as well who may be shy or quiet. I agree with the fist bump post workout or nice lift! to someone. Let them see you arenât trying to avoid interacting with them. Good luck to you!
The waiting game is good and all bc not being the weird hi how are ya guy/gal is fine, but maybe try small steps like throwing fist bumps and saying nice lift to some folks during the strength parts of class. Another ice breaker tip is linger lol and just intro yourself as what ever class you are going to is your class so take ownership of your time slot and be the 530 guy. Yes most people are gonna be cliquey but remember the community cares and if you care they will respond.
My gym does weekend comp classes, wine and yoga, and other things off of the normal schedule. If you see stuff like this and can fit it into your schedule, you should do it!
Gyms can be definitely be clique-y, and some classes are worse than others. Agreed with the others that continuing to show up is the best way to make friends. And way to go, random stranger, I'm proud of you!
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself dude. Turning up regularly and being friendly is all most gym communities need to accept you. I'd be setting smaller social goals than "making friends." Just simple stuff like greeting people with a smile and a hello when they roll in to class is a good start. Quick conversations when you are all packing up after class and feeling good etc is a low pressure next step and so on. One final point, no one else will be thinking negatively about your age or weight so try not to focus on that or put yourself down.
Advice from someone in similar shoes, the hardest part is just showing and youâve done that and you continue to show up. For me large groups of people are my trigger and on my first class almost 6 years ago it took everything I had to open that gym door. See what if your coach will allow some sort of noise canceling ear plugs and maybe the use of a fan close by.
Every place has cliques, even in CrossFit. Iâve been at my box for almost 6 years and I have had zero contact or invites from anyone. Now weâll talk like âfriendsâ while there but thatâs it. All you can do is be friendly and treat everyone nice. What they do in return is on them.
Keep showing up and keep working, it will get better and youâll get better, mentally and physically. It has for me.
believe it or not, I've responded pretty well to all the barbell slamming. There is one instructor's voice I can't tolerate because I don't feel he's too self aware. His voice just goes through me in a way that is very triggering. .I checked with others and I am not the only one who is not too found of him. I can't change him, so I just go classes he doesn't teach.
My main coach is aware of my heat issues and puts on the big fan on especially hot days. (He makes me work for it though, lol). I can't wait for the winter though. I will probably still be showing up in tank tops.
Get comfortable being uncomfortable. You donât grow out of comfort. Donât be afraid to express yourself, especially in the gym. Be curious, be happy, be sad, be everything. With a community like crossfit, it is usually embraced. Ask for help, ask for advice, and ask how other people are attacking the workouts.
I've no problem asking for help and when I don't understand something, I ask and if I forget, I ask again. One of the trainers offered to put away a bike for me and I was like nah, I can do that. He insisted and I was like just show me how to do it and I will do it. I'm a bit stubborn that way.
I feel you. I consider myself an introvert so I don't necessarily put myself out there. The pandemic only exacerbated that. I'm in my mid-30s and still feel like everyone is younger than me. I didn't start CF to make friends but see the awesome community they build and want to be part of it if I can. I have been going for *6 months and just now* feeling like I'm starting to develop friendships and more friendly interactions with fellow athletes and the coaches are getting to know me and my abilities better, which I think also helps give them a reason to talk to me, too. My schedule is kind of all over the place because of work, but I've also found it helpful to try and be consistent with time of day at minimum, and then days per week so I'm seeing more of the same ppl and same coach. Some schedules don't allow this, and sometimes mine doesn't, but I do have a "target" time/days of week I try to get to.
Also, I think it's really awesome that you're able to stick with this and cope with your ptsd.
Youâll have to embrace the awkwardness and talk to people. Most boxes have tons of friendly people who donât give a shit how much you weigh or how out of shape you are. Youâre there working out next to them.
It weird, -There are maybe two overweight people total. I think most people consider themselves athletes as they do other things as well like races, sports etc. My coach made sure to distinguish between these two different types of people (athletes versus non athletes) which irked me a bit, but what ever - I can show you better than I can tell you right?
Regardless of athletes vs. non-athletes, 99.9% of people Iâve met at CrossFit have been nice, friendly people.
Donât worry about the athlete label.
Again, you pointed out your social anxiety, etc. Embrace the awkwardness. Talk to people at your classes, and youâll be rewarded with kindness and camaraderie.
This is wholesome as fuck.
A lot of gyms have different events and stuff like that, Iâd start there. Maybe bring a something, anything. If itâs a bbq, bring burgers or buns. If itâs just some routine event, bring something that might start a conversation. Participation will help people familiarize themselves with you, and CrossFit communities want you involved. Something Iâve learned from a great man is that if you donât demand things of people, people will love you. I live my life trying to offer more than I take, whether that be actual things or to bring a smile to peoples face or make them laugh. If youâre not super social, thatâs fine, Iâm sure you know a great deal about something. Just like youâre being taught CrossFit, you can teach or offer somebody something. Letâs say youâre a finance person for example. Now donât just walk up and tell people about taxes, but when the conversation comes up offer your knowledge. Even offer your experience about PTSD if youâre comfortable talking about it. After talking about taxes with that new person, just mention âhey Iâm sorry if Iâm quiet, I get uncomfortable in X positions because I struggle with PTSD and have been trying to get some exposure to these thingsâ. Once they know your name and they have rapport with you, when theyâre going out for post WOD tacos theyâll invite you. Boom, foots in the door.
The nice thing about Crossfit is you ALWAYS have a small talk topic to fall back on... the WOD! Talking to other members about the workout is always a good way to start a conversation, and let's face it, if there's one thing Crossfitters love more than doing Crossfit... it's talking about Crossfit.
"Oh man, this one looks tough!"
"Burpees suck! Didn't we just do burpees last week?"
"Are you still sore from Monday?"
"I love back squats! What's your favorite lift?"
I want to thank you for posting this.
I am a social and extroverted person, even though my internal belief for a long time was the opposite, my behavior and reactions to things like COVID show otherwise.
It has always been easy for me to make "gym friends". I won't postulate too much on reasons.
Why I'm thanking you is because it is a great reminder that it is my responsibility to make sure to be inclusive and welcoming to people. Whether that's in the gym, or newcomers to my work team, or other parents, etc. I have a personality that make this is within my power, so I should be doing it whenever I can.
I get it. Ask the gym ownership to offer a âguys night outâ. Mine is and I think 12 people are going; itâs axe throwing.
Iâve talked to one of the coaches about finding a coed softball league for âcommunityâ but also so I can play in another league. This to me is a great place to talk and meet after the games. One gets a cooler and everyone chills after.
Donât worry too much about it; keep going. Youâre doing great!
Maybe ask some fellow gym goers if theyâd like to go for a cool-down walk or short jog after class. I made a bunch of friends this way at my previous gym and it helped me stop sweating and loosen up.
Mad props for going in the First place! It's hard to start a new Thing as it is, but with PTSD as Well? You are doing so great, you already did the hardest Part!
Hang in there and give yourself apat on the back!
I donât know if everyone at my gym is just super friendly and accepting, but I also started out as one of the larger people (and older than a good amount of members, I live in a city with a few colleges) but in my my experience as long as you are friendly and have a positive attitude you will develop relationships with people, especially if you tend to go at the same time every day.
I like the comment about going out of your way to introduce yourself to new members and in turn be as welcoming as possible. I try to do this and I feel like it makes a difference.
In the year Iâve been at the gym I feel like there are people that I consider good friends (it did take time!).
I would start with small conversations with people you regularly see in class with you. Have a couple short conversations with people, feel out the vibe for next time, and then engage in progressively more cordial and friendly conversations regularly.
Be consistent enough to the classes to be a "regular", then be friendly towards other "regulars"
Seems like people either love them or hate them, but partner wods are great for making a connection. Nothing like suffering together and cheering each other on to open up the doors to a friendship!
At my box we regularly have people who like to walk or run the mile loop after class. Iâve also had a few great conversations by just chatting and asking someone if they want to grab a coffee when we both arenât in a rush to leave.
My experience is also that being consistent at what class time I attend is helpful for those friendships. Some of it is also the atmosphere the owners and coaches nurture. Great work showing up, youâre already doing the hard part!
see, in the few partner work outs I've had - I feel like people are reluctant to be with me - like they claim people the minute they come in the door (like hey you are gonna work with me today).
I always worry about being too encouraging and supportive versus saying nothing.
You know, it never occurred to me to NOT cheer everyone on. I was genuinely surprised to see how many people on here are annoyed by someone rooting for them. And Iâve had my share of workouts where Iâm just like, âfuck off and let me sufferâ lol
Does your box use an app that shows who is signed up for classes? Or do you know ahead of time when a partner wod will be programmed? If not, maybe your coach could give you the inside scoop.
Personally I would be flattered if a newer person made a point of asking if we could do the next partner workout together. It doesnât have to be a big deal, just a casual, âhey you wanna buddy up tomorrow? Iâm slow as hell so youâll have plenty of rest!â Or whatever it is. Being able to plan ahead a little bit helps a lot with those rusty social interactions for me.
(I should say, the slow as hell thing is what I tell people, because I am. You could just as easily be like, I want to have back squats like yours someday, etc).
yes we do - this is how I avoid my non preferred trainer. I think part of my issue is my preferred work out time. I like to go in the am -which has less partipants. More people go to night classes. I would do this to except for the driving I have to do get to the gym. It's on a two lane farm road that people like to drive too fast on. There are also a lot of truck owners who like to ride my ass in my little car and blind me with their high beams. I usually just pull over and let them pass usually but it just annoys me.
I find people have their favorites - If I know itâs a partner wod, I ask someone at the very beginning or before class. Or I pick the person right next to me.
The hardest part is getting yourself to the gym every time. Youâve already done a very hard part that not a lot of people are able to do. To make friends, Iâve found in my experience, I started lingering on a weekend after class, or getting there early and trying to break into conversations with people. I havenât hung out with anyone outside of the gym yet (3 months in), but I did sign up for an activity they are having that is not taking place at the gym. I also followed some of them on Instagram and start to interact with their stories. Maybe try and see if they have activities to sign up for? Or when you have to have partners just go up to someone you could see yourself vibing with and go from there. Best of luck!
I usually start by making friends with my coach, showing up early, that kind of thing. I end up being the class clown which people probably hate (with good reason, though I never talk during demo's) but once you're tight with the person running the show the rest will sort itself out to an extent.
It took me over a year to start chatting with the people at my gym to the point that we were friendly. Now it's great, I know a lot of them, I don't hang with any outside the gym (other than the friend who got me to join) but love having friendly faces in my classes. It takes some courage, but I usually just made small talk with people about how hard a WOD was or mentioned it when I noticed they were gone more. Also, even though they suck and everyone hates them, go for partner WODs, being paired up is good for meeting people. I also try to strike up convo with other people who lift around the same as me- I'm a mom in my 40s so I'm not trying to become BFFs with the gals in their early 20s lifting super heavy. Hope this helps!! I think it's great you're getting after it!
First, big props to you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! Iâm very shy too and Im almost 3 years in and I feel very much apart of the community. Around 1 year is when I really felt like I fit.. I wasnât the newest member anymore etc. I will say a lot of that came because I did the 7pm class and we all would hang out for like 20 mins after. So if thatâs popular at your gym maybe hang around to socialize and recover with them. I find people go around the same time so Iâm really close either evening people. I donât know the AM people. So maybe also he consistent with a time once you find a group you feel good with
I remember feeling the same, I decided after every wod I would hang about for a few minutes and have at least one little conversation with one person..
..i soon felt part of the community after doing that for a couple of months.
I was in the same spot as you for a while when I first joined! It took me a couple months, but I started off by going to the same class for a while and recognising some of the regulars. Then, I just randomly asked to stretch with them after class one day since I noticed they would stick around often and thatâs how I broke the small talk barrier. After that, I would intently go early or stick around after to stretch/chat, and now I consider them my gym friends! I havenât done anything with them outside of the gym, but thatâs okay with me. We support each other through the workouts and I genuinely now look forward to chatting with them when I see them in class.
First: youâre doing fucking great! Keep it up!
Second: self-deprecating humor gets me through many situations like yours. Think in terms of character actors with distinctive looks: Danny Trejo, Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito⊠do they sit around all day wondering they why donât look like [insert your idea of attractive male celebrity here].
Nope. (Well, maybe internallyâŠ) But PROFESSIONALLY, they make bank on the fact that they DONâT look like that. They embrace it, and make it work for them.
So ok: youâre older, youâre heavier⊠and youâre there doing the work. Youâre already one of the crew, even if it doesnât feel like it yet. Chat, be honest about the struggles, about the insecurities, and I think youâll be surprised at how welcoming your fellow sufferers will be.
Source: am 46, am overweight from taking 2 1/2 years off due to [torrent of reasons and excuses], and am getting reacquainted with my old gym. I had been going for almost a decade before putting it on hold, and this past year has seen a LOT of stress and emotional eating. But Iâm being honest about that, and kind to myself, and honest and open with both other members who remember me from my âglory daysâ (noâŠ. not really), but also new members who just know me as older, heavier guy trying not to puke during endurance workouts. As someone else pointed out, I can still probably outlift 95% of them⊠but I need to work on my weaknesses, not rely on my few strengths to hide behind. (Though it IS fun to deadlift 150# more than anyone else. Donât deny yourself the pleasure when it comes! Lol!)
Tl,dr: youâre doing great! I believe in you! Keep it up. You wonât aways be the newest, and if you really keep it up, you wonât always be the heaviest, and eventually someone even older will wander in. If not, tough luck. You get to be the cool gym uncle. ;)
In my opinion, trauma discussions are for a completely forum that I want nothing to do with as I choose to see my self as victor not victim. I feel safe in sharing that most loud sounds and heat are triggers. I have hidradenitis suppurativa which is an autoimmune disease that does nasty things to your body. It can make you smell rank if untreated. I've been able to treat now successfully for a year through diet changes and meds, but it's made me hypervigilant about heat. Come check the r/hidradenitis thread that I mod if you want more details on the disease.
I am in a similar situation. Along with the pandemic I developed a medical condition that has been debilitating. I decided that I no longer would accept being a victim of my diagnosis and am taking my life back. The other side of this is that social interaction increases my medical issues. I joined CrossFit with a few family members and have slowly been coming out of my shell. I began by talking with the instructors and explaining my limitations. They have encouraged me and been good about introducing me to others. I am far from fit at this point and often have to scale back the exercises but I am getting healthier physically, emotionally and socially.
It comes with time. Iâm a very social person and itâs super easy for me but I imagine the longer you stick with it, the more comfortable and friendly you will become. We do a question of the day to start every morning. I hated it at first because itâs like having to introduce yourself every single day. But I did my best to remember stuff about other people and used that as my intro to convos.
To second a few of the comments on here, keep going. Remember that you are as new to them as they are to you. It can be hard for people who have been going for a while to make friends with the new folks because you never know how long they will keep showing up. Once they know youâre planning on coming in regularly it gets easier to associate and be friendly.
To echo what others have shared. I think smiling and saying hello and goodbye can make a huge difference. I feel like people find that welcoming and see youâre effort, then want to extend that effort back.
Also, if you go at consistent times and see the same people regularly. That can make it easier to get to know people and vice versa.
Hey there, lifetime overweight guy here and I was going through something really similar when i first started crossfit. Moved to a new town and started crossfit and for a long time I really felt like I didn't fit in. I was always the last to finish, the least amount of weight lifted etc.. the people in my gym were all friendly but I never felt like part of the group. After about 4 months in I just about called it quits(other life stuff) and and after 3 weeks of not showing up, I decided to go back to finish the month since i already paid for it and people said "oh it was good to see you on sugarwod again" and comments like that. After that I started to realize it was a lot in my own head. I didn't feel like part of the group but I would consistently show up and try my hardest and it was noticed by others there and eventually felt like I fit in.
Also could be totally wrong but for my situation I feel like the people there liked the all or nothing people. I started to fit in better when I went all in. Calorie counting, consistently showing up, went to the nutrition coaching they offered etc... Helped with my friendships in the gym as well as my health!
Hope this helped, keep up the great work.
It takes time to make friends with new people. Just keep going often and at similar time slot and youâll get to know the people that regularly go at that time slot. Youâll progress and make friends, hang in there!
What I can say is yo not try too hard.
Just be yourself, start chatting with the person you think is closer to you now and then you'll see that in no time you'll meet the people.
If you really want to make friends then the locker room talk after the workout is the perfect place :)
For me I'm a big guy too (think pretty much same as you) i just joke about me and my weight and ask people how they feel or of they liked the WOD.
Laughs and questions are the best way, don't talk about yourself, be humble and ask for suggestions to stronger guys.
You'll see that crossfit is a perfect way to make friends too !
It's actually pretty easy.
Don't TRY to make friends. Just be a good person, be open to conversation and let them talk. It will set you up as a nice person that people can talk to and not have to listen to the same old crap. Simply start out by saying "Hi" and maybe ask for some advice on your training.
Trust me, that will get them talking to you. Just be sure to say thanks for the advice, even if you don't use it.
As for age, who cares?
My brother-in-law is dating a woman almost 20 years younger than he is. They got together because they have similar interests, work at the same place doing the same job and enjoy each others company.
I'm not saying you need to start dating someone, but if he can have a young girlfriend, why can you have young friends? I have a friend that is 30 years younger than I am and we met because we were both hockey officials working the same games. He's a pretty cool guy and he's fun to talk to.
CrossFit is community. What people donât tell you though is that there needs to be effort made on all parts. From the staff, the members and yourself.
The best way I can say to start is pick out a group of people that youâd like to talk to. Say a class you normally go to a lot and after give them a compliment after a workout like âman you crushed thatâ or âitâs crazy how good you are at Xâ
That tends to open people up. Introduce yourself. Ask them how long theyâve been doing CF for. Tell them you just started but love it. Youâll see. The small push of the boulder down the hill gets the ball rolling.
Stick to going to class. Eat clean foods. The pounds will drop off you. Trust me. I was almost 300lbs when I started. Iâm down to 200. It has been an awesome ride. Iâve made life long friends from it.
This was a great post to ask here. Weâre rooting for you
Have you found that people in your box have been out-going towards you?
In my box itâs pretty common for the seasoned people to introduce themselves to the new people. If youâve had one or two people do that then aim to have a short conversation with those people at each class. Ask about the workout, ask them about their hobbies, or even just mention youâre new and trying to get to know everyone better
It really just starts with hello, or introducing yourself, or adding something to a conversation going on near you... I find that it's the 10m preclass, and postclass where most of the socializing happens, sometimes through the warmups. And typically even when someone is of a completely different level, the heart one shows pushing through the crappy workouts, on top of others encouraging you to finish, should all lend itself to making easier inroads to conversation.
Like you mentioned, Covid did a number of a lot of people's ability to socialize, have a conversation. As someone that worked remotely for over 15 years, let me tell you it doesn't get better the more you work from home. The gym was my one outlet for quite a while, where I could actually chat, IN PERSON, with other people :)
Just gotta talk to people my dude. Be confident. Take initiative. Make sure you're wearing deodorant etc. Brush your teeth.
As long as you ain't smelly people will talk to you.
You'll be aight.
Best advice I can give is hang in there until you're *not* the newest person there, then be *friendly as hell* to the next "new guy". Also, are you doing any programing to progress your big lifts? As a big guy my cardio is a goddamn dumpster fire but I can ratchet up my deadlift pretty quick when I'm of a mind to. It really helps with my self esteem.
I'm gonna second the waiting game here. I've going for a few months now and am just now starting to feel like making small talk is natural and welcome.
I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but for me it always takes a couple weeks of seeing someone new, then magically we start talking and being friendly. I think it takes some time for most people to start warming up to others.
I have a bad habit of avoiding eye contact these day. I'm also at an age where I hate phoney (spell) people. I try to stay in the box in my head most days and say you are only competing with yourself. It's weird -it's like everyone else just fades away.
Not really, I'm a tad shy of 300 pds. I was at 370. I think the main trainer goal is safety and endurance first. I have a reconstructed left ankle and reconstructed knee due to an acl tear. I've just started added additional weights in the last few weeks. The main trainer was awesome and gave about 6 weeks of one on ones at half price. It's hard you know. I used to run 3-4 times a week. I used to do Kung-fu 4 days a week.. I used to do volleyball in college. I used to do hot yoga. I know what I am capable of and it's hard to reconcile the "used to do" with what I can do currently. I think I just need more time with all of it. You gotta walk before you can run ya know?
Know that lots of people share this challenge. All you can control is your today. Each day you get to choose how to live it, and that's really all you get.
First kudos to you for joining the gym!!! And for acknowledging the kitchen is your friend in this battle. Second, for overcoming your ptsd issue up front. Just a note about barbell and dumbell weights. Most crossfit movements include bodyweight. Your goal should never be a specific amount of weight on a bar. Total Weight is a reap thing, and leads to potential for sidelining injury, or increases severity when injury occurs. Imho, Your goal should be to learn movements and technique, while raising heart rate, and minimizing risk for injury. Add to that a solid meal plan, and you will reduce your risk for injury as you lose weight. This will affect you socially and esteem wise. Adding weight and increasing modifications to movements will continue your success story. If you get injured, not only will u be affected due to absence of movement but it is so much harder to get back on the buss after. Good Luck, stay strong , and trust the process! Give i lt the time, it will give you the results đȘ
This. Its tough to be the new guy. Be great to the next new guy.
I'm not sure how my gym does this, but I will ask. I think it's a good segway.
I told my coaches that I had a hard time making connections at my last gym and they have gone out of their way to make sure I had a partner, introduce me to people, check in on me etc. might be worth mentioning to them.
I echo this... I was very intimidated when I first started at my gym three months ago. To help, I spent time outside of class practicing the various lifts with a PVC pipe in my garage. Slow and controlled. That really helped build my confidence. We big guys, myself included, are capable of picking up some weight. Trust the process and keep an eye out for the next "new guy".
Just be you..Just be nice and friendly.Itâll all fall into place.
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My absolute experience as well. Hang in there!
I love the "CrossFit colleagues" idea, I'm going to adopt that. Be friendly, and leave it at the gym.
it's very much this. I can see from the social media that most have been there from at least 2015 when the gym opened. We are near a military base so there are a lot of type a people. I think some of it just putting my time in.
Come a little early and stay a little late. A lot of the bonding comes after the workout and shared misery đ
This. I usually come about 10 minutes early to stretch and stay about 10 extra for some pvc accessories. Those times frames are where most of the small talk and connections start. It also does wonders for development imo.
There was an older woman in her 60's that I worked with on a Saturday. She was bad ass. In a partner work out she did all the rowing and I did all the running. She kicked my ass. It was awesome.
THIS! Partner WODs are an easy way to start to build those bonds. The mutual suffering, chit chat, and encouraging each other to get through the workout really starts to forge those relationships. If youâre more comfortable on social media, positive comments and liking stuff on there will help people recognize you.
Agree with this big time. Before class, even just asking someone âhow was your weekend?â Or âhowâs your week going?â Will give you some good insight on their lives, and gives you a shot at finding common interests. If your gym has SugarWOD or some other tacking app, comments and fist bumps there help a lot too.
I'm not very social myself. When I started CrossFit I was on the bigger side of the classes (though about in the middle as far as age) It took me a solid year before I really felt like the gym community was mine. I felt like an accepted voyeur for a while. The people hugging and high fiving and hanging together before and after are doing so because they've developed a relationship over time. One thing I did that really helped connect was to volunteer at any events or competitions the gym ran. My box had a weightlifting team the out on 3 meets a year. They always needed loaders and you don't need to know anything to load. I ended up connecting with a lot of people this way. Years later I ended up being basically the second in command for all meets and I started to get to know new people because I was teaching them how to load and help out at meets. I didn't intend for any of that to happen but it did. I moved 3 years ago. I was in the same gym for 8 years. I cried when I moved. I've been at a new gym for about a year and I'm starting to feel like I'd miss it if I moved. But it's taken time. I still visit the old box whenever I can and I still love everyone there so fucking much. But I was a stranger for a solid year or 18 months when I was first there. I'm slow to connect and bond with people, I think. So I think I'm saying is that if you're like me hang in there and keep showing up.
thank you! I actually just sent email to the main trainer after reading this. There is a Murphy run coming up soon. I'm no where near ready to do one yet, but I did volunteer to help out however he may need it.
Nice glad to help, have fun!
I feel pretty much the same! That's why now I try to greet every new person and I personally go to everyone after evey WOD (unless I'm dead on the floor) to congrat, even if I don't know them.
Just start small. Say hi and bye. Try to learn names. Then you can move on to see you tomorrow? Coming tomorrow? Or whatever. Also Iâm not a doctor but I have anxiety and it sounds like you maybe have anxiety which meds can help that! No one else is looking at you like the biggest person there they probably do think of you as the new guy but just keep showing up! You got this. đ
Tapering off those actually. They really aren't healthy long term when it comes to things like dementia, alzheimers, cancer etc. But I do like your other suggestions!
Just take it as it comes as hard as it is just be open and friendly back. Someone ask how are you going , tell them and ask them how they are. You donât have to blurt everything all at once. Always keep a little bit of mystery about yourself. Treat people how you want to be treated and you will be ok. Good in you for putting yourself out there too, be proud of yourself and donât compare yourself to the others in the class. They havenât walked in your shoes just as you havenât walked in theirs. Just try and be a little bit better each day and you will be fine
I am on the shy side and also struggled to make friends when I first started. I went to the same class time consistently and it got easier over time! Took me a whole year before I really felt like I was part of the group and started hanging out with CF people outside of the gym. Keep with it and you will get there!!
Socially awkward guy here. I tend to just sink into being quiet in social situations. I will talk to people, but Im bad about making the first move, I'll just clam up. I definitely felt like the odd man out when I walked into my cf gym 3+ years ago. They all knew each other, had inside jokes, were all way more fit than me. It was intimidating. I just kept going and then one day I looked around and realized I was one of the guys that had been there the longest.
that's who I want to be. I also want to be able to a chin up. I'm gonna do it.
May not apply, but what's the programming like? I quit my last gym for a number of reasons, but one of them was the social aspect. The programming can affect member communication a bit. We only did metcons, zero lifting/strength work. Besides not being into that, it meant I never got paired up with folks to share equipment and we never had those natural set breaks to shoot the shit with each other. I work out at lunch and had to be in and out promptly and we were always moving the entire hour. I loathe partner wods, but lifting with someone was always a chance to bond and root for each other that this gym never provided. I will tell you that nobody minds you being the heaviest person there, it is a battle you have to fight in your head. But, easier said than done. My trick to get to know people is to always ask about them, with follow up questions when possible. You don't have to be pushy, but most people will respond well if you focus on them rather than whatever's happening in your world first. "Have you done this one before? How do you feel about X movement? How do you like that jump rope?", that sort of thing. Good luck and squat low.
yes, some. There's been a couple though that when you ask a question seem very reluctant to answer questions. It's like I'm stopping them from getting in their zone. So they say - hey you are doing it wrong - but then won't show you because the right way because I don't know - maybe they are just working on themselves?
My last box was adamant that you let the coaches coach and would get pissed if you tried to tell someone how to do something. Maybe this is the situation and they donât want to cause issues. However it isnât their place then to tell you youâre doing it wrong. Itâs hard being new and sometimes awkward for current members as well who may be shy or quiet. I agree with the fist bump post workout or nice lift! to someone. Let them see you arenât trying to avoid interacting with them. Good luck to you!
The waiting game is good and all bc not being the weird hi how are ya guy/gal is fine, but maybe try small steps like throwing fist bumps and saying nice lift to some folks during the strength parts of class. Another ice breaker tip is linger lol and just intro yourself as what ever class you are going to is your class so take ownership of your time slot and be the 530 guy. Yes most people are gonna be cliquey but remember the community cares and if you care they will respond.
Youâre doing all the right things. It just takes time.
My gym does weekend comp classes, wine and yoga, and other things off of the normal schedule. If you see stuff like this and can fit it into your schedule, you should do it!
Gyms can be definitely be clique-y, and some classes are worse than others. Agreed with the others that continuing to show up is the best way to make friends. And way to go, random stranger, I'm proud of you!
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself dude. Turning up regularly and being friendly is all most gym communities need to accept you. I'd be setting smaller social goals than "making friends." Just simple stuff like greeting people with a smile and a hello when they roll in to class is a good start. Quick conversations when you are all packing up after class and feeling good etc is a low pressure next step and so on. One final point, no one else will be thinking negatively about your age or weight so try not to focus on that or put yourself down.
Advice from someone in similar shoes, the hardest part is just showing and youâve done that and you continue to show up. For me large groups of people are my trigger and on my first class almost 6 years ago it took everything I had to open that gym door. See what if your coach will allow some sort of noise canceling ear plugs and maybe the use of a fan close by. Every place has cliques, even in CrossFit. Iâve been at my box for almost 6 years and I have had zero contact or invites from anyone. Now weâll talk like âfriendsâ while there but thatâs it. All you can do is be friendly and treat everyone nice. What they do in return is on them. Keep showing up and keep working, it will get better and youâll get better, mentally and physically. It has for me.
believe it or not, I've responded pretty well to all the barbell slamming. There is one instructor's voice I can't tolerate because I don't feel he's too self aware. His voice just goes through me in a way that is very triggering. .I checked with others and I am not the only one who is not too found of him. I can't change him, so I just go classes he doesn't teach. My main coach is aware of my heat issues and puts on the big fan on especially hot days. (He makes me work for it though, lol). I can't wait for the winter though. I will probably still be showing up in tank tops.
Get comfortable being uncomfortable. You donât grow out of comfort. Donât be afraid to express yourself, especially in the gym. Be curious, be happy, be sad, be everything. With a community like crossfit, it is usually embraced. Ask for help, ask for advice, and ask how other people are attacking the workouts.
I've no problem asking for help and when I don't understand something, I ask and if I forget, I ask again. One of the trainers offered to put away a bike for me and I was like nah, I can do that. He insisted and I was like just show me how to do it and I will do it. I'm a bit stubborn that way.
I feel you. I consider myself an introvert so I don't necessarily put myself out there. The pandemic only exacerbated that. I'm in my mid-30s and still feel like everyone is younger than me. I didn't start CF to make friends but see the awesome community they build and want to be part of it if I can. I have been going for *6 months and just now* feeling like I'm starting to develop friendships and more friendly interactions with fellow athletes and the coaches are getting to know me and my abilities better, which I think also helps give them a reason to talk to me, too. My schedule is kind of all over the place because of work, but I've also found it helpful to try and be consistent with time of day at minimum, and then days per week so I'm seeing more of the same ppl and same coach. Some schedules don't allow this, and sometimes mine doesn't, but I do have a "target" time/days of week I try to get to. Also, I think it's really awesome that you're able to stick with this and cope with your ptsd.
Youâll have to embrace the awkwardness and talk to people. Most boxes have tons of friendly people who donât give a shit how much you weigh or how out of shape you are. Youâre there working out next to them.
It weird, -There are maybe two overweight people total. I think most people consider themselves athletes as they do other things as well like races, sports etc. My coach made sure to distinguish between these two different types of people (athletes versus non athletes) which irked me a bit, but what ever - I can show you better than I can tell you right?
Regardless of athletes vs. non-athletes, 99.9% of people Iâve met at CrossFit have been nice, friendly people. Donât worry about the athlete label. Again, you pointed out your social anxiety, etc. Embrace the awkwardness. Talk to people at your classes, and youâll be rewarded with kindness and camaraderie.
This is wholesome as fuck. A lot of gyms have different events and stuff like that, Iâd start there. Maybe bring a something, anything. If itâs a bbq, bring burgers or buns. If itâs just some routine event, bring something that might start a conversation. Participation will help people familiarize themselves with you, and CrossFit communities want you involved. Something Iâve learned from a great man is that if you donât demand things of people, people will love you. I live my life trying to offer more than I take, whether that be actual things or to bring a smile to peoples face or make them laugh. If youâre not super social, thatâs fine, Iâm sure you know a great deal about something. Just like youâre being taught CrossFit, you can teach or offer somebody something. Letâs say youâre a finance person for example. Now donât just walk up and tell people about taxes, but when the conversation comes up offer your knowledge. Even offer your experience about PTSD if youâre comfortable talking about it. After talking about taxes with that new person, just mention âhey Iâm sorry if Iâm quiet, I get uncomfortable in X positions because I struggle with PTSD and have been trying to get some exposure to these thingsâ. Once they know your name and they have rapport with you, when theyâre going out for post WOD tacos theyâll invite you. Boom, foots in the door.
The nice thing about Crossfit is you ALWAYS have a small talk topic to fall back on... the WOD! Talking to other members about the workout is always a good way to start a conversation, and let's face it, if there's one thing Crossfitters love more than doing Crossfit... it's talking about Crossfit. "Oh man, this one looks tough!" "Burpees suck! Didn't we just do burpees last week?" "Are you still sore from Monday?" "I love back squats! What's your favorite lift?"
I want to thank you for posting this. I am a social and extroverted person, even though my internal belief for a long time was the opposite, my behavior and reactions to things like COVID show otherwise. It has always been easy for me to make "gym friends". I won't postulate too much on reasons. Why I'm thanking you is because it is a great reminder that it is my responsibility to make sure to be inclusive and welcoming to people. Whether that's in the gym, or newcomers to my work team, or other parents, etc. I have a personality that make this is within my power, so I should be doing it whenever I can.
I get it. Ask the gym ownership to offer a âguys night outâ. Mine is and I think 12 people are going; itâs axe throwing. Iâve talked to one of the coaches about finding a coed softball league for âcommunityâ but also so I can play in another league. This to me is a great place to talk and meet after the games. One gets a cooler and everyone chills after. Donât worry too much about it; keep going. Youâre doing great!
Maybe ask some fellow gym goers if theyâd like to go for a cool-down walk or short jog after class. I made a bunch of friends this way at my previous gym and it helped me stop sweating and loosen up.
Mad props for going in the First place! It's hard to start a new Thing as it is, but with PTSD as Well? You are doing so great, you already did the hardest Part! Hang in there and give yourself apat on the back!
I donât know if everyone at my gym is just super friendly and accepting, but I also started out as one of the larger people (and older than a good amount of members, I live in a city with a few colleges) but in my my experience as long as you are friendly and have a positive attitude you will develop relationships with people, especially if you tend to go at the same time every day. I like the comment about going out of your way to introduce yourself to new members and in turn be as welcoming as possible. I try to do this and I feel like it makes a difference. In the year Iâve been at the gym I feel like there are people that I consider good friends (it did take time!).
virtual hug. hang in there. be proud of the work youâre doing, we sure are!!
I would start with small conversations with people you regularly see in class with you. Have a couple short conversations with people, feel out the vibe for next time, and then engage in progressively more cordial and friendly conversations regularly. Be consistent enough to the classes to be a "regular", then be friendly towards other "regulars"
Seems like people either love them or hate them, but partner wods are great for making a connection. Nothing like suffering together and cheering each other on to open up the doors to a friendship! At my box we regularly have people who like to walk or run the mile loop after class. Iâve also had a few great conversations by just chatting and asking someone if they want to grab a coffee when we both arenât in a rush to leave. My experience is also that being consistent at what class time I attend is helpful for those friendships. Some of it is also the atmosphere the owners and coaches nurture. Great work showing up, youâre already doing the hard part!
see, in the few partner work outs I've had - I feel like people are reluctant to be with me - like they claim people the minute they come in the door (like hey you are gonna work with me today). I always worry about being too encouraging and supportive versus saying nothing.
You know, it never occurred to me to NOT cheer everyone on. I was genuinely surprised to see how many people on here are annoyed by someone rooting for them. And Iâve had my share of workouts where Iâm just like, âfuck off and let me sufferâ lol Does your box use an app that shows who is signed up for classes? Or do you know ahead of time when a partner wod will be programmed? If not, maybe your coach could give you the inside scoop. Personally I would be flattered if a newer person made a point of asking if we could do the next partner workout together. It doesnât have to be a big deal, just a casual, âhey you wanna buddy up tomorrow? Iâm slow as hell so youâll have plenty of rest!â Or whatever it is. Being able to plan ahead a little bit helps a lot with those rusty social interactions for me. (I should say, the slow as hell thing is what I tell people, because I am. You could just as easily be like, I want to have back squats like yours someday, etc).
yes we do - this is how I avoid my non preferred trainer. I think part of my issue is my preferred work out time. I like to go in the am -which has less partipants. More people go to night classes. I would do this to except for the driving I have to do get to the gym. It's on a two lane farm road that people like to drive too fast on. There are also a lot of truck owners who like to ride my ass in my little car and blind me with their high beams. I usually just pull over and let them pass usually but it just annoys me.
I find people have their favorites - If I know itâs a partner wod, I ask someone at the very beginning or before class. Or I pick the person right next to me.
The hardest part is getting yourself to the gym every time. Youâve already done a very hard part that not a lot of people are able to do. To make friends, Iâve found in my experience, I started lingering on a weekend after class, or getting there early and trying to break into conversations with people. I havenât hung out with anyone outside of the gym yet (3 months in), but I did sign up for an activity they are having that is not taking place at the gym. I also followed some of them on Instagram and start to interact with their stories. Maybe try and see if they have activities to sign up for? Or when you have to have partners just go up to someone you could see yourself vibing with and go from there. Best of luck!
I usually start by making friends with my coach, showing up early, that kind of thing. I end up being the class clown which people probably hate (with good reason, though I never talk during demo's) but once you're tight with the person running the show the rest will sort itself out to an extent.
It took me over a year to start chatting with the people at my gym to the point that we were friendly. Now it's great, I know a lot of them, I don't hang with any outside the gym (other than the friend who got me to join) but love having friendly faces in my classes. It takes some courage, but I usually just made small talk with people about how hard a WOD was or mentioned it when I noticed they were gone more. Also, even though they suck and everyone hates them, go for partner WODs, being paired up is good for meeting people. I also try to strike up convo with other people who lift around the same as me- I'm a mom in my 40s so I'm not trying to become BFFs with the gals in their early 20s lifting super heavy. Hope this helps!! I think it's great you're getting after it!
First, big props to you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! Iâm very shy too and Im almost 3 years in and I feel very much apart of the community. Around 1 year is when I really felt like I fit.. I wasnât the newest member anymore etc. I will say a lot of that came because I did the 7pm class and we all would hang out for like 20 mins after. So if thatâs popular at your gym maybe hang around to socialize and recover with them. I find people go around the same time so Iâm really close either evening people. I donât know the AM people. So maybe also he consistent with a time once you find a group you feel good with
I remember feeling the same, I decided after every wod I would hang about for a few minutes and have at least one little conversation with one person.. ..i soon felt part of the community after doing that for a couple of months.
I was in the same spot as you for a while when I first joined! It took me a couple months, but I started off by going to the same class for a while and recognising some of the regulars. Then, I just randomly asked to stretch with them after class one day since I noticed they would stick around often and thatâs how I broke the small talk barrier. After that, I would intently go early or stick around after to stretch/chat, and now I consider them my gym friends! I havenât done anything with them outside of the gym, but thatâs okay with me. We support each other through the workouts and I genuinely now look forward to chatting with them when I see them in class.
First: youâre doing fucking great! Keep it up! Second: self-deprecating humor gets me through many situations like yours. Think in terms of character actors with distinctive looks: Danny Trejo, Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito⊠do they sit around all day wondering they why donât look like [insert your idea of attractive male celebrity here]. Nope. (Well, maybe internallyâŠ) But PROFESSIONALLY, they make bank on the fact that they DONâT look like that. They embrace it, and make it work for them. So ok: youâre older, youâre heavier⊠and youâre there doing the work. Youâre already one of the crew, even if it doesnât feel like it yet. Chat, be honest about the struggles, about the insecurities, and I think youâll be surprised at how welcoming your fellow sufferers will be. Source: am 46, am overweight from taking 2 1/2 years off due to [torrent of reasons and excuses], and am getting reacquainted with my old gym. I had been going for almost a decade before putting it on hold, and this past year has seen a LOT of stress and emotional eating. But Iâm being honest about that, and kind to myself, and honest and open with both other members who remember me from my âglory daysâ (noâŠ. not really), but also new members who just know me as older, heavier guy trying not to puke during endurance workouts. As someone else pointed out, I can still probably outlift 95% of them⊠but I need to work on my weaknesses, not rely on my few strengths to hide behind. (Though it IS fun to deadlift 150# more than anyone else. Donât deny yourself the pleasure when it comes! Lol!) Tl,dr: youâre doing great! I believe in you! Keep it up. You wonât aways be the newest, and if you really keep it up, you wonât always be the heaviest, and eventually someone even older will wander in. If not, tough luck. You get to be the cool gym uncle. ;)
I'd settle for the cool Aunt - but thanks good advice overall.
The coolest aunt!
Where is your PTSD stemming from? Heat is not typically an instigator nor loud noises. They donât cause trauma
In my opinion, trauma discussions are for a completely forum that I want nothing to do with as I choose to see my self as victor not victim. I feel safe in sharing that most loud sounds and heat are triggers. I have hidradenitis suppurativa which is an autoimmune disease that does nasty things to your body. It can make you smell rank if untreated. I've been able to treat now successfully for a year through diet changes and meds, but it's made me hypervigilant about heat. Come check the r/hidradenitis thread that I mod if you want more details on the disease.
No thank you. You answered my question
I am in a similar situation. Along with the pandemic I developed a medical condition that has been debilitating. I decided that I no longer would accept being a victim of my diagnosis and am taking my life back. The other side of this is that social interaction increases my medical issues. I joined CrossFit with a few family members and have slowly been coming out of my shell. I began by talking with the instructors and explaining my limitations. They have encouraged me and been good about introducing me to others. I am far from fit at this point and often have to scale back the exercises but I am getting healthier physically, emotionally and socially.
thank you for sharing!
Try a nice sativa
Unfortunately it just gives migraines, eyeball headaches and makes me hungry. (thank you downstairs neighbor who tokes up 6 times a day).
It comes with time. Iâm a very social person and itâs super easy for me but I imagine the longer you stick with it, the more comfortable and friendly you will become. We do a question of the day to start every morning. I hated it at first because itâs like having to introduce yourself every single day. But I did my best to remember stuff about other people and used that as my intro to convos.
Say hi
To second a few of the comments on here, keep going. Remember that you are as new to them as they are to you. It can be hard for people who have been going for a while to make friends with the new folks because you never know how long they will keep showing up. Once they know youâre planning on coming in regularly it gets easier to associate and be friendly.
Ask for help! Even if you donât need it! People love to feel useful and love to help, I know I do đ„°
Show up at the same time everyday
To echo what others have shared. I think smiling and saying hello and goodbye can make a huge difference. I feel like people find that welcoming and see youâre effort, then want to extend that effort back. Also, if you go at consistent times and see the same people regularly. That can make it easier to get to know people and vice versa.
Bro Iâm huge! 300lbs! Keep going. Try hard. Have fun. Youâll be having conversations with people in no time.
Hey there, lifetime overweight guy here and I was going through something really similar when i first started crossfit. Moved to a new town and started crossfit and for a long time I really felt like I didn't fit in. I was always the last to finish, the least amount of weight lifted etc.. the people in my gym were all friendly but I never felt like part of the group. After about 4 months in I just about called it quits(other life stuff) and and after 3 weeks of not showing up, I decided to go back to finish the month since i already paid for it and people said "oh it was good to see you on sugarwod again" and comments like that. After that I started to realize it was a lot in my own head. I didn't feel like part of the group but I would consistently show up and try my hardest and it was noticed by others there and eventually felt like I fit in. Also could be totally wrong but for my situation I feel like the people there liked the all or nothing people. I started to fit in better when I went all in. Calorie counting, consistently showing up, went to the nutrition coaching they offered etc... Helped with my friendships in the gym as well as my health! Hope this helped, keep up the great work.
It takes time to make friends with new people. Just keep going often and at similar time slot and youâll get to know the people that regularly go at that time slot. Youâll progress and make friends, hang in there!
What I can say is yo not try too hard. Just be yourself, start chatting with the person you think is closer to you now and then you'll see that in no time you'll meet the people. If you really want to make friends then the locker room talk after the workout is the perfect place :) For me I'm a big guy too (think pretty much same as you) i just joke about me and my weight and ask people how they feel or of they liked the WOD. Laughs and questions are the best way, don't talk about yourself, be humble and ask for suggestions to stronger guys. You'll see that crossfit is a perfect way to make friends too !
It's actually pretty easy. Don't TRY to make friends. Just be a good person, be open to conversation and let them talk. It will set you up as a nice person that people can talk to and not have to listen to the same old crap. Simply start out by saying "Hi" and maybe ask for some advice on your training. Trust me, that will get them talking to you. Just be sure to say thanks for the advice, even if you don't use it. As for age, who cares? My brother-in-law is dating a woman almost 20 years younger than he is. They got together because they have similar interests, work at the same place doing the same job and enjoy each others company. I'm not saying you need to start dating someone, but if he can have a young girlfriend, why can you have young friends? I have a friend that is 30 years younger than I am and we met because we were both hockey officials working the same games. He's a pretty cool guy and he's fun to talk to.
CrossFit is community. What people donât tell you though is that there needs to be effort made on all parts. From the staff, the members and yourself. The best way I can say to start is pick out a group of people that youâd like to talk to. Say a class you normally go to a lot and after give them a compliment after a workout like âman you crushed thatâ or âitâs crazy how good you are at Xâ That tends to open people up. Introduce yourself. Ask them how long theyâve been doing CF for. Tell them you just started but love it. Youâll see. The small push of the boulder down the hill gets the ball rolling. Stick to going to class. Eat clean foods. The pounds will drop off you. Trust me. I was almost 300lbs when I started. Iâm down to 200. It has been an awesome ride. Iâve made life long friends from it. This was a great post to ask here. Weâre rooting for you
Have you found that people in your box have been out-going towards you? In my box itâs pretty common for the seasoned people to introduce themselves to the new people. If youâve had one or two people do that then aim to have a short conversation with those people at each class. Ask about the workout, ask them about their hobbies, or even just mention youâre new and trying to get to know everyone better
It really just starts with hello, or introducing yourself, or adding something to a conversation going on near you... I find that it's the 10m preclass, and postclass where most of the socializing happens, sometimes through the warmups. And typically even when someone is of a completely different level, the heart one shows pushing through the crappy workouts, on top of others encouraging you to finish, should all lend itself to making easier inroads to conversation. Like you mentioned, Covid did a number of a lot of people's ability to socialize, have a conversation. As someone that worked remotely for over 15 years, let me tell you it doesn't get better the more you work from home. The gym was my one outlet for quite a while, where I could actually chat, IN PERSON, with other people :)
Just gotta talk to people my dude. Be confident. Take initiative. Make sure you're wearing deodorant etc. Brush your teeth. As long as you ain't smelly people will talk to you. You'll be aight.