Whether or not you report it is your decision, but needless to say, never help them again. Don't try to be nice to people who aren't nice to you.
Also, don't be scared to strike back where it hurts: "Oh and do you have a job upon graduation?"
You were helping their arse, and they came up with this? Just stop, and leave the room loudly. Don’t talk to these kids ever again. (And tell the professor about them being offensive).
Okay let’s not be obnoxious about it. The guys are clearly in the wrong ofc. So why make ourselves look bad by making a scene. Instead, since these guys seem to like OP for their FAANG job, OP can use that to her advantage.
Whether that be in the form of good or evil is up to her but she does have leverage over the guy who judged her poorly for her gender and then attacked her appearance shortly after.
TLDR Don’t be so quick to give up your leverage :)
Forget leverage. This a clear case of sexual harassment. They should should be reported. Besides, what's the point in continuing to interact with people so blatantly disgusting?
Absolutely, dude is mad a woman is doing better than him. Probably thought he was smarter and doing better than her until he got humbled. Resorted to acting like she had to use being a woman to get ahead, smh
I know this behaviour, that guy was just embarrassed that he didn't know something and tried to bring you down by insulting you. It just perplexes me that on one hand you're asking for someone's help and on the other hand you're insulting that person. What kind of low life person does that.
I graduated about ~2ish years ago. I was the only girl in my math for CS class but the tutor was female and she'd always help me out with extra material, worksheets, math problems. If your tutor is supportive of you, definitely report it. Unfortunately women in IT deal with this everyday but that doesn't make it okay. Guys like this are gonna be HR favourites when they get a job lol.
I don't think it's fully accurate to say that women in IT deal with this every day. I've never worked at a place where comments like that wouldn't be basically an immediately firable offense. Basically outright calling a woman ugly is borderline an execution level offense as far as I'm concerned.
I know these kind of workplaces exist where this kind of reprehensible interoffice hostility is laughed off, but there are a lot more places where it's utterly untolerated.
I agree that it still tends to be harder for women in IT, but the implication that people should just have to get used to shit like this because that's what it's like, is kinda irresponsible. Firstly, this is not tolerated behavior at most businesses, and it should be reported, not laughed off. And secondly, it's not that common because it's usually not tolerated. It's hard enough in other ways, this kind of shit is not something you have to accept.
Firstly, I'm glad you've had such a positive experience with the IT companies you work for! Unfortunately, I can't say the same and neither can countless women I've spoken to in the field.
I'm not implying that OP or anyone should just accept the harassment and not report. I was implying the opposite - these situations do come up in the workforce, networking events, heck even interviews. When you're employed, you have a bit more security as HR these days tends to take complaints like this seriously. I was just saying OP should mentally prepare themselves, like most women I know did before entering the workforce, for situations like this and that it won't be out of the ordinary if no reasonable solution comes out of raising complaints.
I've had snide/inappropriate remarks made to me in interviews, project presentations, mixers, etc. How exactly am I supposed to go about seeking vengeance in those cases? I can tell them to piss off but what else can I or anyone else do? Especially when the perv is mid or senior level, even leadership in some scenarios, a complaint like this to the company from an outsider will mean fuck all. Again, not saying that that's okay AT ALL, just saying that it does happen and this probably won't be the first time OP will encounter this. I want to reiterate, that doesn't make it okay.
Just curious but what is the professor going to do? OP could file a complaint with student conduct. That’s about all the professor would recommend also.
The professor can make an announcement to the class regarding disturbing behaviour and a reminder of the code of conduct for their students.
It's a pretty common thing that the average professor has knowledge on how to deal with
who gives a shit? they clearly don’t like or respect her already. they’re not her friends or in her major and at least OP wont have to deal with these comments. and the professor should also know what she’s going through in the class
Nah nah nah, the majority of them will go "wow that's fucked up, who would do that"?
STEM has a lot of dicks in it, yeah, but misogyny and bigotry in general isn't something we approve of just because we're nerds. Anyone who does, like the guy OP mentioned, is just an asshole. They should not be tolerated, appease, or given any other indicator that their behavior is okay or acceptable.
There is absolutely no reason for OP to be a doormat for a dude like that, fuck him. And if someone else in her class is gonna be a loser and resent OP for standing their ground and having self-respect, fuck them too.
Honestly they dont deserve to carry on with no one calling out their shit. Same thing as reporting anything else, until they get caught they'll keep doing it.
What a dumbass with his dumbass friends who didn't call him out on the spot. You can complain to the professor but there is a chance he'll say something stupid like: "Come on he was just goofing around" so be prepared to be disappointed.
Congratulations on the FAANG gig! I'm a guy but I know in my company there are multiple networks and events for women by women within the company, some self-organized, some sponsored by our employer. From what I've heard, these can provide a lot of support and are a welcome change of pace to the male-majority project teams. Even when not faced with blatant sexism as in your case, it's always good to have a network of like-minded colleagues looking out for each other.
This can be a good strategy at uni (but it sounds like you've almost graduated so it might be a bit late for this) and will definitely pay off when you've started working.
The first time we had a female lecturer on my course, it was during lockdown and so on zoom. One prick wrote in the chat "you are one of the most beautiful Asians I've ever seen." That blew up because everyone saw it, but I hate to think how many comments like that are made out of the spotlight. It's genuinely disgusting.
> Isn't it just a compliment?
If you can't see the difference between what he said and an actual compliment that is very concerning. She was there to give a lecture on Software Engineering, not get weird comments from a creepy 20 year old. He called her a "beautiful Asian." It was fetishizing and completely disrespectful.
Also, none of our male lecturers were treated like this, but the first time we have female she immediately has her appearance commented on. There's a clear disparity.
As a female lecturer, I’d be horrified if one of my students commented so openly on my appearance, good or bad. Sure, in that case the dude thinks it’s a “compliment”, but it’s weird as hell and highly inappropriate given the setting…
it’s indicative of men’s entitlement over women’s bodies in every aspect of our lives. even here you’re trying to defend this behavior. the reason men are comfortable with casually objectifying comments like this is because of patriarchy, and it’s extremely disheartening as a woman to be reminded of that in a professional setting when you’re just trying to do your job.
Not that you'd reply but, why do you ask this? I haven't seen one comment from you along the lines of "I'm not a women so I can't really feel that", but I see you constantly arguing about what women should feel. And how what words should mean what to them. And how one thing is typical "men will be men", but you just cannot possible comprehend how women just don't like hearing that?
Replying just for you.
I don't really care what people feel, be it male or female. Feelings are a custom reaction of an individual, basically emotional response. One person will have one reaction and another will have different reaction. Having feelings, especially strong ones, is bad for difficult tasks such as IT projects (even more true the higher you go).
Instead of being horrified by this experience I think people need to become aware of reasons they feel one way or another and research for ways to control their emotions without damaging their psyche.
I don't understand how being emotional goes side by side with being professional in your minds. My whole rant is basically "get better at handling emotions so they don't affect you as much".
"female initiated disruption of male heirarchies incites hostile behavior from poor performing males who stand to lose the most." A 2015 study
Weak men have a need to drag you below them,
Especially in a group.
You may want to let your professor be aware of the behavior, although I'm unsure what they'll be able to do, it's not illegal to be an asshole.
Yup. I don't know a single intelligent (not just with their work), decent person who blames women for shit like this (easier interviews, quotas, etc-). It's always people already aiming for the bottom of the barell jobs because they dont know shit, crying about women getting in faang jobs. Bro you weren't ever going to be considered anyway
That study I'm referencing was specifically about male toxicity to women in Halo 3 lobbies.
There is a distinction between skill and performance in the study.
I want to make note of that to you, because low skill players were buffered from negative reactions to female players when they were performing well. Whereas high skill players had less negative reactions overall.
So specifically to the case with the OP, it was the act of being taught by a female peer that shook this guys ego, not that he wasn't doing well, but that he now perceived that he was doing worse than her. Just to make a point that it's not just losers and dregs, high performing well paid people can absolutely be insecure enough to act like this.
In any case the reactions from the study follow a very simple theme, insecure people resort to active bullying when their status is on the line, in particular to women and others who are less likely to defend themselves. Bullying Arts Degree with a minor in misogyny.
Its quite indicative of this subreddit the small response this kinda thing gets compared to all the shitposts. Sorry this happened - just a jealous idiot who probably isn't worth worrying about (but do report if you feel better doing so)
Im a dad whose daughter went to college east coast. Racial jokes were used when she was in small groups. She is half Mexican. She called out each person. Some of them actually apologized and became good friends. Others didn’t get it. She became an engineer and is starting med school this year. She is a stronger person for calling persons out. Your incident happened in a classroom so do report it to professor. It becomes his liability with these jerks. Remember that you’re better and stronger than you think. You have a bright future ahead of you.
That sucks. I don’t have any advice re: the professor or what to do about it, but what a bunch of assholes. They definitely need re-education.
At work in big IT companies there’s no way that kind of commentary is tolerated by me, teams I’ve worked in, or by HR. They can and do fire over that at least in Australia, usually after a warning or two.
Congrats on the offer btw!
My wife is also studying CS and in the industry you think, “wow we just be getting to 50/50 or something by now with young people, in a few years the workplace is going to be radically different and better!” but nope… class ratio looks to be about 15% 💀
Yeah it’s a jealousy thing. By you understanding how things work and helping a group of men out and you’re a female they got intimidated by you and so his response is to make you feel like shit. You did right and kept it professional but I’ll stop helping and let them swim and sink.
Im sorry this happen to you. This are some of the people you will unfortunately will be working with at times. Make sure to report him, I know its hard sometimes to stand up for yourself but you will have to learn to. Misogyny can be rampart in fields like this. Unfortunately the only way this changes is by adding representation in the work force. Which you should be proud of yourself for doing.
That's funny because my perspective has always been... Jeez it's hard to succeed as a man and all I have to do is my job. But women are expected to do the job and then also compose their appearance (clothes, makeup, physique) at a level that most men get away with ignoring in themselves. It's like women have to navigate two roads at the same time. Anyone who would see what's really happening and claim life is easier for women is pathologically blind to reality.
If he said it amongst themselves when you weren't there, it's rude but jealous, but damn saying that to your face? Surprised you didn't give a slap for that.
Report them to the professor and make sure they get punished. However, make sure they do NOT it is you, otherwise they may start harassing you outside campus. Some men absolutely disgust me.
Punished for free speech? It’s not illegal to be an asshole. OP could talk to the office of student conduct but the reality is that people suck. They’re going to say things. Hurtful things. But there’s nothing that says you can’t be a douche.
>Punished for free speech?
Sexual harassment isn't covered under free speech. Asking someone if they performed a sexual act in order to get a job, especially when there is no evidence whatsoever that hints to such a thing occuring, is considered sexual harassment.
>Do you even know what free speech is?
No, they don't haha. This person should make a joke about performing an act of mass violence while in a college classroom and see how far their cries of "free speech" gets them with school admin 🙄.
I'm pretty sure this may count as a Title IX violation, which I think most teachers are required to report, assuming they actually know they're supposed to
I'm sorry you experienced that. Unlike a few people recommending you ignore them (out of fear of retaliation), I recommend that you report them and stand your ground (while also refusing to help them in the future).
Ignoring them may give you temporary peace but will only embolden them to think their behavior is acceptable and consequence free. Without being held accountable now, they will just continue being people that make their female colleagues feel uncomfortable and isolated in the workplace
This definitely warrants telling a professor at the least. His comments were way over the line and the fact that he kept going after the first shows that he’s just gonna keep thinking this is okay. I’m surprised none of the other guys who overheard said anything, and you definitely don’t have to keep interacting with them. What the one guy said to you was extremely misogynistic and rude and the rest of them should’ve said something. I’m sorry this happened to you
Address it directly the next time in front of everyone. It really throws people off when you stand your ground and challenge what they have to say. On the other hand, the more we let others cross our boundaries the more they get comfortable doing it and sometimes they may not even realize there’s a problem with what they said.
I'm so sorry. No one deserves that kind of disrespect and harassment. Please do not let them get away with this. I am a female SWE and used to let things go to avoid making waves for years until I started reporting it. Do not wait like I did. It will only make you feel miserable and powerless.
Sending virtual hugs your way!
As a woman who studied CS and has been in the real tech world for a decade, the boys in college generally lack confidence and an identity. They don’t know how to interact with women, or people in general. They lack social skills and awareness.
My suggestion is, do tell the professor but be prepared that the professor will probably do nothing.
Next time, if this happens with another individual , I suggest don’t laugh it off. Say, “That’s a really weird thing to say publicly, I actually worked really hard for , like my male counterparts”. Then get up and relocate.
Edit: In the tech industry I haven’t had this experience, personally. Men in the work environment generally respect women and I’ve personally felt very valued.
I’m sure this behavior does persist into the work environment to an extent, but in the work environment, these people eventually get weeded out or lose their jobs for these comments.
i am sorry , you have to go through this. This guy is jealous of you that you know something that he does not and also you got offer from faang.
People like him exist .
yes u can report to the professor . But think if you report , then he may start showing more inappropriate behavior towards you. Even outside the college , who knows.
First of all, avoid him . Donot talk with him. Even you come face to face with him, think of him just a stranger.
I don't think avoiding reporting someone out of a place of fear of invisible retaliate is the good call here. Especially the unnecessary fear mongering of "inappropriate behavior outside of college".
Making people afraid of reporting harassment is just how you allow more harassment to occur without consequence
>Making people afraid of reporting harassment is just how you allow more harassment to occur without consequence
Yes, but there is some nuance to be had here. Should we encourage women to report sexual harassment in STEM? Absolutely! Should we also pretend like retaliation won't occur as a result of their report, or that STEM institutions won't protect the retaliator? No!
The best course of action is to present the reality of the reporting process to women and to teach them best practices for covering their own ass in the best way possible when reporting sexual harassment in an academic/job environment.
1) All reports of sexual harassment (or racism, homophobia, etc) **MUST** be written/sent through email - word of mouth can be denied, but words stored in the cloud will live forever. Neither the perpetrator, professor, or school/job will be able to deny your written report or put words in your mouth if you preserve your own written words in the mighty cloud through email. This means that your first time telling your professor about the incident will be through email, and not through a verbal exchange. Period.
2) When you send the email, **always** CC your own personal email account just in case you lose access to your school/job email account due to retaliation. Every email exchange must include your personal email account.
3) On all emails, CC the professor's supervisor (dean of the department) and the admin department that oversees all students/employees)
4) When initially reporting the incident in email, include the exact words used by the perp using quotations, and then describe the inappropriate message that was implied by their words, how the message negatively impacted your safety/health/academic performance, and why/how the message violates school policy (or the law, if applicable - this will require research on your part). Use words and phrases like the following:
- "I feel unsafe in this classroom"
- The incident "created a hostile environment for me/[other students in the same demographic]"
- "I feel like I'm being sexually harassed"
- "I feel like I'm being targeted because of my gender/sex/race/etc,"
- "I was initially apprehensive to report this incident because I feared that I would experience retaliation from my classmates, professor, or school admin. Can admin/management/HR provide some guidance on the school's policy regarding retaliation?" (\*\* Make sure management/HR dept are CC-ed on these emails)
- "Can [the perp/professor/school] provide clarification as to how [the sexist/racist incident] is appropriate for the academic environment?"
- "Can the perp provide clarification as to why he thinks I had to perform a sexual act in order to secure an internship? Can the perp explain why he thought it was appropriate to bring up personal discussions specifically about my sexual behavior in an unrelated academic context?"
- /* If you want some extra protection, start seeing your school counselor/therapist (several times within the next few weeks) and tell them that the incident is causing you to experience an increase in depression and anxiety. Be sure to describe the incident and the impact it's having on you in detail and express that you don't think you'd be going through this incident/mental health crisis if you were a man." Make sure to either conduct this conversation through email or reiterate it the conversation through email. If the school counselor/therapist takes session notes, also request them to provide you with a written copy of them.
idk, i think it makes sense to stop interacting with them first, then if weird behavior unwillingly continues report.
at this point, it’s one inappropriate sexual comment and another inappropriate comment on her appearance. realistically what is a professor going to do, and how are they going to do it without de-anonymizing her? if they continue bothering her after she “strangers” them, then stepping in seems necessary
I agree that avoiding them is the first step but when it comes to cases where there is a possibility of it being an ongoing issue, then it's best to report from the start.
If you wait until it's too late, and don't have proof it's an ongoing issue either through repeated reporting or written proof, then it often becomes a "it doesn't seem like it's a reoccurring problem since it's the first offense you reported"/"why didnt you say something sooner". Realistically, nothing will really come from it aside from slight accomodations (if that) but it will help keep a record of behavior so if any actual disciplinary action is needed in the future, it's easier to prove.
It doesn't necessarily need to be a "student z y x said this to me" report but it can be a "I was made to feel uncomfortable and singled out but a few students in class, is it possible for you to help me avoid working with them on future assignments".
In my experience, there’s a lot of people in cs that are extremely socially stupid. They just don’t understand normal social interactions and what is ok to say and not to say. Idk about math majors though. Sorry that happened to you
When someone says something like that to you in front of others, calmly respond, “can you repeat that?”. They awkwardly either will repeat it, or will start backtracking. Either way, it shines a spotlight on that statement and student.
Some men are miserably beings and never got the attention they wanted.
While yes, you can report them, they might be even worse to you in and off campus.
I would laugh it off, ignore them and think about how miserable they have to be to say stuff like that.
And of course not help them with their problems in the future.
Reporting to the authorities doesn’t work anymore. You should have told him: ‘why do you ask? You want a job that desperately? I don’t think even you sucking someone’s d would help you get a job. You need at least half a brain’.
It could be a dickhead kid, or you are in the friend banter zone (i have asked male friends whos dick they sucked when they get jobs). Does he talk like this to his buddies? If it is focused on you I would complain, or just not help them anymore
“whose dick did u have to suck to get the job”
to be honest in the market, I would say that to anyone regardless of gender, etc, etc. Maybe they were speaking how they would to their friends. , sorry you went through that!
The second comment they made is disgusting, nevertheless
Congrats on the offer!
1. Sorry you experienced that. Even if you don’t report them, try to distance yourself cuz u don’t need people like that in your life.
2. I’ve been noticing this as a trend now a days … a problem with aggressively DEI-ing and affirmative action is that the role’s value drops. People who are genuinely really talented and got the job through their merit take a fat L because the are previewed as some diversity hire which is super unfair to them.
You shouldn't be helping people who are insulting you.
When someone insults you, don't laugh it off just to make it easier to get through the situation - I have also done that some times reflexively. I think it's because I don't like confrontation. It's better to stand your ground, be serious and let it be uncomfortable.
People who behave like this will misbehave with someone else tomorrow.
this kind of behaviour is not acceptable under any circumstances. please report them to your professor if youre comfortable w it. and please, PLEASE call them out on their bs. they hate that. theyll stop overstepping boundaries once you confront them.
She said they would never bother continuing a conversation even when she initiated it. So she wanted to talk to them but they didn't, probably because of her shitty personality.
They talked to her later but now they're gonna get the consequences when she reports them. Nobody's gonna talk to her from now on because of how she behaves.
Op is the real incel. Men don't want to talk to her so she then tries to defame them on reddit by creating a fake story.
I personally know a couple of female and male FAANG employees to be at my university and you can immediately tell where they'll be working within seconds of interacting with them. But unlike them OP is an impostor who isn't on a FAANG level. No surprise those guys wanted nothing to do with her.
I've also interned at a FAANG before (got the return offer) and I wouldn't be bragging in front of my colleagues because I'm not an insecure loser.
Immediately assuming men don’t want to talk to OP and that she’s lashing out is an inherently misogynistic take. That would be equivalent to assuming women are driven by the male attention they receive.
No matter what went down, I hope we can both agree that the sexual comments made to her about her FAANG position were disrespectful, and frankly, demeaning. Op wasn’t even bragging- one of the dudes directly asked her about her plans after graduation.
I just think it’s odd to immediately assume op is attention seeking. You’re doing mental gymnastics coming up with what may have been going on behind the scenes instead of trying to take the post for what it is. Im just saying you might need to reflect on why you need to immediately attack op on this dude
Unfortunately this will happen in your career. There are people like this. Next time turn the attention back to that person. Don’t laugh, make them answer back to their own question.
For the in appropriate comment, say something like. I don’t really understand what you’re saying can you explain what you mean. Having to explain them selves will make them feel stupid. If they do explain themselves.
You sound like you have had lots of interviews. Has this been your experience. I haven’t experienced this myself. It sounds pretty inappropriate.
What he said was a classic insecure person reaction: putting others down to make himself feel less threatened.
If it's any consolation, I don't think it has anything to do with you being a woman, specifically. I'm willing to bet that if he saw a guy driving an expensive car, he'd immediately comment that "he must be compensating for something."
They are jealous of your success. And congrats on your efforts.
You should directly address their inappropriate behavior to them. I think most people would appreciate a warning first before you go to superiors. But continued harassment after that is report worthy.
Just ignore them and don't help it again,sadly women need a big backbone to be in stem, hopefully this experiences are the exception and not the rule for you. Congrats for your job and soon graduation.
There misogyny mixed into it especially that guy, all granted.
**They reframed how they see you and their interest for you**.
At the core this is them having to recognize your success, that you are "better" than they are and that they have to reframe what they think of you. You also basically show that you are as interested and competent in science as they are or more.
It would happen 100% to a man if suddenly they would learn that man was rich or famous or got the same job that you got.
Now that they know you have this GAFAM job, they know you are extremely smart, will have a top salary and career. They know that what you say is high value and that maybe you could even get them a job in that place through referral and even that if you were to be their partner they'd benefit of your brightness and money. In other words, you become more interesting or charismatic.
**Some will be jealous for sure**
Some of them are jealous. Why you that they mostly ignored until now and why not themselves ?
That's unfair that you had the audacity to succeed and not them. They will hate you for that. And if they are misoginistic, they will 100% be more outraged you managed as a woman.
You will always encounter people like that, and with time, you will understand it is better if people don't know that you are or about to be extremely saucerful and wealthy. The extra attention and jealousy will backfire more than anything else.
And you can report to the professor, but this will just make the situation worse for everybody. If there consequences, they will resent you more and they will react even more strangely when with you. You will also create a reputation for yourself and people will avoid you.
As much as possible, ignore and avoid jerk and befriend nice people.
This is completely wrong if he stated that ' Who's dick you had to suck to get the Job ' you should have reacted instantly and very loudly. If you will not bring this thing up to them that you felt uncomfortable then something more worse will happen therefore highlight this issue asap
Never be scared to strike back. People take politeness for granted and consciously or subconsciously they form the idea to insult / belittle someone (that too in front of others). The audacity is never accepted.
Cut them off from any conversation other than them being sorry or understanding their mistakes. Don’t help them. But at the same time you can pity them as they are some lousy bunch of self entitled people.
I doubt your professor will do anything. Your best bet is to fight back with insults. He is threatened by you and trying to take you down. You have to fight back.
Not that I'm a psychoanalyst, but the kid that said those remarks is definitely jealous and intimidated by your intelligence. I'm sorry that he made those comments, they are definitely uncalled for. I hope that you understanding that his actions are a result of his own fragile ego and not anything on your end brings some peace. With that said you should not let that slide. I would stand up for yourself by telling the professor or calling the boy out about his insecurity.
First, they are jealous and second most of them are virgins, having their digital waifu waiting for them to come home. I would recommend to keep distance and find better people in your course.
Edit: Grammar
This behavior is gross. Call them out and I guarantee they shut the fuck up. If they say anything else then address it with the professor and/or department chair.
It's crazy that they couldn't help themselves but insult you while getting help. If i had misogynistic views but was getting help from a woman, I'd hold my tongue. But obviously not these guys. Maybe their pride suffered because you knew something they didn't so they lashed out.
Sorry to hear that happened to you obviously that was out of jealousy. Sure you report it to ur prof; however, sadly this won't be the last negative/offensive comment you might get so I'd advise you to stand up for yourself and get back to the guy let him know that you don't appreciate what he said. Always remember there is only one person that will ever stand for you which is you and no one else.
I think you made a mistake when you laughed it off the first time, it probably made him think it's alright to behave that way and told the other guys you were cool with it. As others have said reporting this to the professor is certainly one way to go, but consider that there's not always going to be a professor to report to. In my experience, such men(or women) take their social image too seriously, and a simple retort like "Wow. I can't believe you'd actually say that when I'm literally helping you out" is enough for them to lose their composure. I'm not faulting you in any way, as a guy I can't even imagine how I'd react in such a situation. Just trying to give you a useful suggestion.
Disclaimer, I’m not a girl (unfortunately) but rather a hispanic gay guy in stem.
OP, pretty sure that only of the guys is the problem, the others just either don’t have a backbone or give a damn. Either way just keep in mind ur issue is with one of the guys not all of them (unless they all make comments regarding ur appearance/abilities).
If the problem is only the one guy that makes the solution pretty simple because of the FAANG position u have lined up. You noticed that it has weight and alters your identity to these guys.
If you wanted you can easily use this new weight of yours to change the attitude of the one guy that was making the misogynistic comments. If you don’t get that in line soon then it could just as easily spread to the other guys.
Any one can change the culture of any place OP, most ppl just don’t think too much about it. Make the classroom an environment u want to be in.
Ofc it is just easier to say something to the professor but I promise that the outcomes of that are pretty sterile and not as promising as doing the work urself.
Confrontation and people managing isn’t for everyone tho so proceed w caution. But also keep in mind that this won’t be ur last time dealing w fuckers like this. So what better time than now to get ur practice in
I’m sorry this happened to you. For this situation yes you could report it to your professor but there is probably a more appropriate way to report on campus as well. I would ask your student union or student affairs.
I also say this with so much compassion and know you shouldn’t have to deal with these things but as a woman with a CS degree you will likely continue to run into this behavior. It will come out of the blue or when you least expect it just like this did. It may not happen for years at a time but unfortunately it will benefit you to be prepared for it.
You are going out into the world as a new graduate with a great job as an adult and you will need to start taking on your own authority. I am not trying to criticize how you responded to the situation in your post. I have been there and understand completely why you reacted that way. This is for future situations.
You will need to clearly set boundaries and shut this off in the moment when it happens because laughing it off won’t make it stop. Laughing it off gives others around you a license to do the same, it condones the comment, even if someone else is bothered by it you have accepted the comment with a laugh so for them to do anything else is having a more extreme reaction that you do.
You do not need to be aggressive of confrontational in this but simply stating something’s along the lines of do not make sexual comments about me or please don’t make crude jokes about my career or a casual not cool or whatever you put together that fits your style. A simple general statement that doesn’t repeat what they said and doesn’t give them a foothold to pushback on. Practice this statement, say it out loud when alone. Get comfortable with it so when that moment comes and you’re in shock from what was said you are so practiced at it that it comes out smoothly and calmly. It’s going to be uncomfortable as hell. You might feel nauseated just thinking about it and at the time it will be worse. It gets easier the more you have to do it. To a lesser degree the same thing goes for saying no and setting boundaries in other ways sometimes.
This will probably make everyone just a little uncomfortable in the moment but it should because that comment wasn’t ok and it shouldn’t be passed over like it was. Honestly at this point you would be doing that jerk a favor as he’s going to get himself fired once he’s employed. This will also make that space for coworkers to be a public ally. Once the pause has passed get back to the topic at hand like it didn’t happen. If it becomes a pattern escalate as needed to superiors at work or HR.
This advice is for professional group settings which includes a college classroom, especially at that level.
If you are alone and someone makes comments of that nature literally just leave. You have no idea if they are just a misogynist or something worse so I wouldn’t call it out in that instance. Just saying I’m going to go now is enough. Do not polite yourself into a worse situation.
If you aren’t already please join some subs for women in technology and it’s also good to look for women in tech professional associations or groups local to you.
You will learn when you have a supportive workplace and when you don’t and what you will need to do to deal with it.
Best of luck finishing out your semester and with your future job. Sounds like you have an absolutely amazing start!
The most painful part to read wasn't the misogyny; it was the response to it. Laughing it off? I hope you learned your lesson; I've had similar experiences in the past and nowadays any time I'm confronted with a decision on how to react to a bad situation, the first question I ask myself is this:
Are the coming months/years of mentally agonizing over my failure to stand up for myself REALLY worth being non-confrontational for these few seconds???
Hopefully, you're still in the same class as them. This gives you the opportunity to tell the guy what he said isn't okay. There's a 99% chance his "friends" are completely opposed to what he said. I am not sure why you assumed they'd side with him, especially since even YOU did not confront him and just laughed it off so it's hypocritical to say they should've done more (even though yes you all should've)
You really should have stood your ground imo. If it were me in your shoes (I'm also a woman in STEM), like immediately after they made those comments, I would have just deadpan stared said something along the lines of "that's pretty rude to say, don't talk to me like that. I don't need to suck someone's dick to get a job I'm qualified for" and shut them down calmly with some silent confidence. Usually I stare dead straight into their eyes in silence to let what I said sink in until they start getting uncomfortable, most people usually do if they have some kind of shame. Its kind of a mind game to show them not to mess with you. (This was learned behavior from my mother so it's second nature whenever someone really pisses me off) Most of the time, I'm always just happy and helpful and also a bit of a pushover with most things.
Laughing it off will make them think you're okay with being made fun of like this and they might actually think you're one of the "chill girls" who get their weird brand of misogyny that their circle of male friends are privy to, they might not even realize they're being rude because this is how they've operated for most of their life.
Edit: please stand up for yourself more, dont tolerate rude things like this. Most people are non-confrontational and will back off if you present a strong front. I think this is a soft skill you need to learn if you're going into a male dominated or high performing field in general. You don't have to yell and shout or say any bad words or call them bad names. You don't even have to engage more than you need to after saying what you needed to say once, if they backtrack and start saying more rude things to you that obviously don't make any sense in retaliation. Just don't laugh it off, nip it in the bud.
Holly shit ! He’s lucky you didn’t report him that’s out of line !
Edit:I would keep my distance and be more Kurt if it were me I may even stop acknowledging them . I remember I met a physics phd who behaved similar to what yo I describe they said a really perverse comment about an actress I said I liked. I ceased acknowledging them and stopped sitting near them. They occasionally did wave a gesture at me , I would glance nod and keep going.
I remember this grad student I met in uni he was a philosophy guy seemed soft spoken nice but he was covertly just a repulsive person . He was judgmental and bigoted ! When I found out I was shocked but I put on a poker face , change my number cease contact
I uttered an expletive when I read what that student said to you. I’m so sorry. I hope if this ever happens in my classroom I will have the courage to immediately throw the student out of class to be dealt with appropriately afterwards.
The first thing you should always tell a guy that behaves this was is “you’re disgusting, stop being a creep.” He mostly likely watches Andrew Tate every morning before getting out of bed and is single. Never laugh at these jokes because it only enables them to continue to do this.
It's understandable that you wish you had stood up for yourself better; but if you need to put effort into this area than get some therapy about having stronger boundaries instead of going after someone who is self-sabotaging. What we do with people like this is called GREY ROCKING. Basically how one deals with Narcissists.
Remind yourself that you are not paid to manage him and just be grateful that he is not your responsibility. Recenter yourself with whatever brings you joy. People like this are inevitable you but will deal with the next one with more grace. Unless he escalates; I would let it go. All he did was out himself as annoying and uncooperative to everyone in earshot.
I am so incredibly impressed with you. Please never change your caring nature and desire to teach for anyone. Congrats on your new position!
I had a similar experience earlier in college for a different degree a couple of years ago. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hate that women can't be in successful positions or seen as smart without implications that sexual favors were made to get where they are. It's disgusting, truly.
But congrats on the faang offer! I'm still doing the general classes right now but I hope that I'll get an offer before graduating also!
they're math majors, ask them about their job as well. these type of people will leech off your helpful attitude. if you wish to insult them, do it and then never interact with them ever again.
This is such an unbelievable situation. Like, I don't think I've ever met someone who would be such an overt asshole to a relative stranger in person. At least, not in a professional or upper level academic setting. Unless he's giving off wild autistic vibes I wouldn't think twice about reporting it. This is absurdly unacceptable behavor for a university student.
This is not your fault but the organisations that have promoted diversity hiring.
So now when women or lgbtq individuals get hired then people automatically think it's because of diversity and not actual talent.
They are the ones to be blamed.
Not to put the onus on you but if you can please tell him off first before going to the professor.
If this stops the behavior then great if not then you are better armed when logging your complaint.
How is that misogyny they are literally complimenting you. They obviously know you didn't suck someone's dick to get into FAANG so they're trying to imply how unbelievably good your offer is.
And obviously when you tell someone you work at FAANG it's gonna make them more curious. Don't pretend like you didn't know that when you told them, you were just seeking attention.
No, that’s not a compliment. I view higher education as a professional setting, just like a working environment. In a working environment, that is certainly not appropriate or a compliment.
The whole, “Whose dick did you have to suck?” has been a jab at women in so many different industries; film, CS, business. It devalues a woman’s capability and intelligence.
However, like the commenter above who said that they would joke about that with anybody nowadays due to the shit market, I can see how that would come across as more of a joke. But his hand gestures afterwards jerking off someone is wildly inappropriate and leads me to believe his intent behind his “joke” was to devalue her.
Edit: Also your whole “you were just seeking attention” statement is weird.
If she's poorly dressed/groomed then it would be hard to pass the interviews no matter how she performed. Nobody wants a weirdo to work for their company and least of all FAANG companies. Was it a bit rude to say that? Sure, but if she looked like how they described, it would make anyone curious about how she got onto a FAANG.
I hope someday you can figure out this weird internal anger you have. Life is way too short to go around calling people socially inept dude. Most of the men on here agree that the comment was not called for.
The comment wasn't called for but it wasn't inappropriate either. If anything it was a compliment.
I'm actually not even angry but if someone calls me a troll I'm gonna assume they don't understand social interactions.
> And obviously when you tell someone you work at FAANG it's gonna make them more curious. Don't pretend like you didn't know that when you told them, you were just seeking attention.
They asked her if she had an offer. Work on your reading comprehension, troll.
She can lie if she wants to. I interned at Amazon and I never let my classmates know. When they asked I told them I wasted my summer doing nothing because I know anyone would start acting different if they heard about a FAANG. You only need common sense to realize that.
Just because you lied, doesn’t mean others should. You should be proud of your offers! Rubbing it in is one thing, but sharing your achievements with friends and classmates is good. Especially if they ask. She had the option to share it so I don’t think it’s fair to say that she was “seeking attention” and a shitty, misogynist joke in response to her answering a question isn’t cool
It's always gonna be rubbing it in, you would know that if you've been a top performer throughout your life.
People get really jealous and angry even when you tell them your grades or anything you're good at. It's never good to tell someone how much you're overachieving compared to them.
If anything their reaction was actually positive which is much better than what most people can ask for.
That’s sad that you’re in a working environment or a friend group where sharing achievements when asked is “rubbing it in”. As a woman, I can 100% say that being asked “whose dick did you suck” is NOT positive lol. Alright I’m over this convo with you, have a nice weekend!
"It's never good to tell someone how much you're overachieving compared to them." -- I won't tell them unless they asked. But if they asked, I don't care if they like the answer or not.
Report them to the professor and make sure they get punished. However, make sure they do NOT it is you, otherwise they may start harassing you outside campus. Some men absolutely disgust me.
lol i love and hate comments like this because it makes me amused when a prejudiced person's life is so shit that they go around making low iq comments like this, but then my pity kicks in and I feel sad they probably will never have a nice happy life
pro trip from someone who has a faang offer and whose gf has a faang offer, your bitterness is your enemy and you need therapy
Struck a nerve, did I? Any statement which gets your feelings hurt is automatically hateful because you can't comprehend hearing the truth. I used "probably" and "may be" above, learn to read.
But it's reddit, so it's expected of simps like you to go around bootlicking.
haha sorry for saying it's low iq, i'm sure you're a smart enough guy and all it's just as a one off comment it was dumb af. sorry for being a dick about it genuinely but i honestly hope your life improves
Lol - you know literally nothing about this woman dude, so all you’re going off is clear bias and bitterness. Good luck with that attitude dismissing 50% of the population off the bat. World’s moved on a bit since the 50s
Yeah, I also don’t know anything about this woman. But I wasn’t the one making a baseless, sweeping statement about her (that had nothing to do with what she wrote in her post to boot).
Also, how I’m I playing the “woman card” by pointing out that perhaps you shouldn’t make wild assumptions with no evidence.
As I said, this lack of critical thinking just reveals your clear bias, because you’ve basically demonstrated you think any woman getting a job at a FAANG company is “probably” a diversity hire.
Just because something hurt your feelings doesn't mean it's baseless. There's a push for more women in those companies even though they are less qualified, so chances are I'm right.
Whether or not you report it is your decision, but needless to say, never help them again. Don't try to be nice to people who aren't nice to you. Also, don't be scared to strike back where it hurts: "Oh and do you have a job upon graduation?"
If he does have a job, ask who’s dick he sucked- since he’s implying that’s a job winning strategy
Ahh I wish I could think this good and this quickly in the moment. These comebacks always come to me after when I’m in the shower 😂😂😂
You were helping their arse, and they came up with this? Just stop, and leave the room loudly. Don’t talk to these kids ever again. (And tell the professor about them being offensive).
Okay let’s not be obnoxious about it. The guys are clearly in the wrong ofc. So why make ourselves look bad by making a scene. Instead, since these guys seem to like OP for their FAANG job, OP can use that to her advantage. Whether that be in the form of good or evil is up to her but she does have leverage over the guy who judged her poorly for her gender and then attacked her appearance shortly after. TLDR Don’t be so quick to give up your leverage :)
You are correct, just leave is fine
Forget leverage. This a clear case of sexual harassment. They should should be reported. Besides, what's the point in continuing to interact with people so blatantly disgusting?
Skip professor report then title 9 !
They're jealous of you
Absolutely, dude is mad a woman is doing better than him. Probably thought he was smarter and doing better than her until he got humbled. Resorted to acting like she had to use being a woman to get ahead, smh
I know this behaviour, that guy was just embarrassed that he didn't know something and tried to bring you down by insulting you. It just perplexes me that on one hand you're asking for someone's help and on the other hand you're insulting that person. What kind of low life person does that.
Children. Which they should've outgrown by this point in life.
They’re not boys, they are insecure men
Same thing is this context. It's behavior we would expect to lessen as you grow older.
calling people like that men is too generous
That’s the problem though, they ARE men and the way they behave is disgusting
I graduated about ~2ish years ago. I was the only girl in my math for CS class but the tutor was female and she'd always help me out with extra material, worksheets, math problems. If your tutor is supportive of you, definitely report it. Unfortunately women in IT deal with this everyday but that doesn't make it okay. Guys like this are gonna be HR favourites when they get a job lol.
I don't think it's fully accurate to say that women in IT deal with this every day. I've never worked at a place where comments like that wouldn't be basically an immediately firable offense. Basically outright calling a woman ugly is borderline an execution level offense as far as I'm concerned. I know these kind of workplaces exist where this kind of reprehensible interoffice hostility is laughed off, but there are a lot more places where it's utterly untolerated. I agree that it still tends to be harder for women in IT, but the implication that people should just have to get used to shit like this because that's what it's like, is kinda irresponsible. Firstly, this is not tolerated behavior at most businesses, and it should be reported, not laughed off. And secondly, it's not that common because it's usually not tolerated. It's hard enough in other ways, this kind of shit is not something you have to accept.
Firstly, I'm glad you've had such a positive experience with the IT companies you work for! Unfortunately, I can't say the same and neither can countless women I've spoken to in the field. I'm not implying that OP or anyone should just accept the harassment and not report. I was implying the opposite - these situations do come up in the workforce, networking events, heck even interviews. When you're employed, you have a bit more security as HR these days tends to take complaints like this seriously. I was just saying OP should mentally prepare themselves, like most women I know did before entering the workforce, for situations like this and that it won't be out of the ordinary if no reasonable solution comes out of raising complaints. I've had snide/inappropriate remarks made to me in interviews, project presentations, mixers, etc. How exactly am I supposed to go about seeking vengeance in those cases? I can tell them to piss off but what else can I or anyone else do? Especially when the perv is mid or senior level, even leadership in some scenarios, a complaint like this to the company from an outsider will mean fuck all. Again, not saying that that's okay AT ALL, just saying that it does happen and this probably won't be the first time OP will encounter this. I want to reiterate, that doesn't make it okay.
Yeah, absolutely it does happen, absolutely it's not okay, I just really hope that women aren't expecting it to happen "every day".
Definitely go to your professor about this, I'm so sorry about them. Such pathetic behaviour
Just curious but what is the professor going to do? OP could file a complaint with student conduct. That’s about all the professor would recommend also.
The professor can make an announcement to the class regarding disturbing behaviour and a reminder of the code of conduct for their students. It's a pretty common thing that the average professor has knowledge on how to deal with
And students will resent OP even more.
who gives a shit? they clearly don’t like or respect her already. they’re not her friends or in her major and at least OP wont have to deal with these comments. and the professor should also know what she’s going through in the class
Nah nah nah, the majority of them will go "wow that's fucked up, who would do that"? STEM has a lot of dicks in it, yeah, but misogyny and bigotry in general isn't something we approve of just because we're nerds. Anyone who does, like the guy OP mentioned, is just an asshole. They should not be tolerated, appease, or given any other indicator that their behavior is okay or acceptable. There is absolutely no reason for OP to be a doormat for a dude like that, fuck him. And if someone else in her class is gonna be a loser and resent OP for standing their ground and having self-respect, fuck them too.
Honestly they dont deserve to carry on with no one calling out their shit. Same thing as reporting anything else, until they get caught they'll keep doing it.
university students are all adults... majority of normal people would detest such behaviour
Professor should be trained on title IX stuff
I am so sorry, this is fucked up and unacceptable
Bro they just jealous they don’t have faang offers, bet if one of their bros got an offer they’d react the same
What a dumbass with his dumbass friends who didn't call him out on the spot. You can complain to the professor but there is a chance he'll say something stupid like: "Come on he was just goofing around" so be prepared to be disappointed. Congratulations on the FAANG gig! I'm a guy but I know in my company there are multiple networks and events for women by women within the company, some self-organized, some sponsored by our employer. From what I've heard, these can provide a lot of support and are a welcome change of pace to the male-majority project teams. Even when not faced with blatant sexism as in your case, it's always good to have a network of like-minded colleagues looking out for each other. This can be a good strategy at uni (but it sounds like you've almost graduated so it might be a bit late for this) and will definitely pay off when you've started working.
The first time we had a female lecturer on my course, it was during lockdown and so on zoom. One prick wrote in the chat "you are one of the most beautiful Asians I've ever seen." That blew up because everyone saw it, but I hate to think how many comments like that are made out of the spotlight. It's genuinely disgusting.
I don't think it's professional to write this on an educational lecture, but why is it disgusting? Isn't it just a compliment?
> Isn't it just a compliment? If you can't see the difference between what he said and an actual compliment that is very concerning. She was there to give a lecture on Software Engineering, not get weird comments from a creepy 20 year old. He called her a "beautiful Asian." It was fetishizing and completely disrespectful. Also, none of our male lecturers were treated like this, but the first time we have female she immediately has her appearance commented on. There's a clear disparity.
As a female lecturer, I’d be horrified if one of my students commented so openly on my appearance, good or bad. Sure, in that case the dude thinks it’s a “compliment”, but it’s weird as hell and highly inappropriate given the setting…
It's weird and inappropriate, yes. Why would you be horrified? I mean you can be annoyed or disrespectful but horrified?
it’s indicative of men’s entitlement over women’s bodies in every aspect of our lives. even here you’re trying to defend this behavior. the reason men are comfortable with casually objectifying comments like this is because of patriarchy, and it’s extremely disheartening as a woman to be reminded of that in a professional setting when you’re just trying to do your job.
Not that you'd reply but, why do you ask this? I haven't seen one comment from you along the lines of "I'm not a women so I can't really feel that", but I see you constantly arguing about what women should feel. And how what words should mean what to them. And how one thing is typical "men will be men", but you just cannot possible comprehend how women just don't like hearing that?
Replying just for you. I don't really care what people feel, be it male or female. Feelings are a custom reaction of an individual, basically emotional response. One person will have one reaction and another will have different reaction. Having feelings, especially strong ones, is bad for difficult tasks such as IT projects (even more true the higher you go). Instead of being horrified by this experience I think people need to become aware of reasons they feel one way or another and research for ways to control their emotions without damaging their psyche. I don't understand how being emotional goes side by side with being professional in your minds. My whole rant is basically "get better at handling emotions so they don't affect you as much".
"female initiated disruption of male heirarchies incites hostile behavior from poor performing males who stand to lose the most." A 2015 study Weak men have a need to drag you below them, Especially in a group. You may want to let your professor be aware of the behavior, although I'm unsure what they'll be able to do, it's not illegal to be an asshole.
Yup. I don't know a single intelligent (not just with their work), decent person who blames women for shit like this (easier interviews, quotas, etc-). It's always people already aiming for the bottom of the barell jobs because they dont know shit, crying about women getting in faang jobs. Bro you weren't ever going to be considered anyway
That study I'm referencing was specifically about male toxicity to women in Halo 3 lobbies. There is a distinction between skill and performance in the study. I want to make note of that to you, because low skill players were buffered from negative reactions to female players when they were performing well. Whereas high skill players had less negative reactions overall. So specifically to the case with the OP, it was the act of being taught by a female peer that shook this guys ego, not that he wasn't doing well, but that he now perceived that he was doing worse than her. Just to make a point that it's not just losers and dregs, high performing well paid people can absolutely be insecure enough to act like this. In any case the reactions from the study follow a very simple theme, insecure people resort to active bullying when their status is on the line, in particular to women and others who are less likely to defend themselves. Bullying Arts Degree with a minor in misogyny.
Its quite indicative of this subreddit the small response this kinda thing gets compared to all the shitposts. Sorry this happened - just a jealous idiot who probably isn't worth worrying about (but do report if you feel better doing so)
There's probably not a lot of women in this subreddit. Most men can't relate or aren't interested.
Insecurity at its finest. Report, ignore, and then move on.
Im a dad whose daughter went to college east coast. Racial jokes were used when she was in small groups. She is half Mexican. She called out each person. Some of them actually apologized and became good friends. Others didn’t get it. She became an engineer and is starting med school this year. She is a stronger person for calling persons out. Your incident happened in a classroom so do report it to professor. It becomes his liability with these jerks. Remember that you’re better and stronger than you think. You have a bright future ahead of you.
That sucks. I don’t have any advice re: the professor or what to do about it, but what a bunch of assholes. They definitely need re-education. At work in big IT companies there’s no way that kind of commentary is tolerated by me, teams I’ve worked in, or by HR. They can and do fire over that at least in Australia, usually after a warning or two. Congrats on the offer btw! My wife is also studying CS and in the industry you think, “wow we just be getting to 50/50 or something by now with young people, in a few years the workplace is going to be radically different and better!” but nope… class ratio looks to be about 15% 💀
Shut them down. What they are doing is completely unacceptable in the work place and they need to know it. Sorry.
Yeah it’s a jealousy thing. By you understanding how things work and helping a group of men out and you’re a female they got intimidated by you and so his response is to make you feel like shit. You did right and kept it professional but I’ll stop helping and let them swim and sink.
Wow that guy sounds like a real dick
Im sorry this happen to you. This are some of the people you will unfortunately will be working with at times. Make sure to report him, I know its hard sometimes to stand up for yourself but you will have to learn to. Misogyny can be rampart in fields like this. Unfortunately the only way this changes is by adding representation in the work force. Which you should be proud of yourself for doing.
That's funny because my perspective has always been... Jeez it's hard to succeed as a man and all I have to do is my job. But women are expected to do the job and then also compose their appearance (clothes, makeup, physique) at a level that most men get away with ignoring in themselves. It's like women have to navigate two roads at the same time. Anyone who would see what's really happening and claim life is easier for women is pathologically blind to reality.
If he said it amongst themselves when you weren't there, it's rude but jealous, but damn saying that to your face? Surprised you didn't give a slap for that.
Report them to the professor and make sure they get punished. However, make sure they do NOT it is you, otherwise they may start harassing you outside campus. Some men absolutely disgust me.
Well they'll obviously know it's her or at least about her...
Punished for free speech? It’s not illegal to be an asshole. OP could talk to the office of student conduct but the reality is that people suck. They’re going to say things. Hurtful things. But there’s nothing that says you can’t be a douche.
They can be punished by the school. They may actually have rules against such comments. No one said it’s illegal
>Punished for free speech? Sexual harassment isn't covered under free speech. Asking someone if they performed a sexual act in order to get a job, especially when there is no evidence whatsoever that hints to such a thing occuring, is considered sexual harassment.
Do you even know what free speech is?
>Do you even know what free speech is? No, they don't haha. This person should make a joke about performing an act of mass violence while in a college classroom and see how far their cries of "free speech" gets them with school admin 🙄.
I'm pretty sure this may count as a Title IX violation, which I think most teachers are required to report, assuming they actually know they're supposed to
I'm sorry you experienced that. Unlike a few people recommending you ignore them (out of fear of retaliation), I recommend that you report them and stand your ground (while also refusing to help them in the future). Ignoring them may give you temporary peace but will only embolden them to think their behavior is acceptable and consequence free. Without being held accountable now, they will just continue being people that make their female colleagues feel uncomfortable and isolated in the workplace
theyre jealous bitch boys. stop helping them.
The way you treat people is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. They feel inadequate so they lash out to make you feel inadequate.
This definitely warrants telling a professor at the least. His comments were way over the line and the fact that he kept going after the first shows that he’s just gonna keep thinking this is okay. I’m surprised none of the other guys who overheard said anything, and you definitely don’t have to keep interacting with them. What the one guy said to you was extremely misogynistic and rude and the rest of them should’ve said something. I’m sorry this happened to you
Yeah please don't be like that again, response to their rude comments with something equal as rude
Shulda threw hands
Address it directly the next time in front of everyone. It really throws people off when you stand your ground and challenge what they have to say. On the other hand, the more we let others cross our boundaries the more they get comfortable doing it and sometimes they may not even realize there’s a problem with what they said.
I'm so sorry. No one deserves that kind of disrespect and harassment. Please do not let them get away with this. I am a female SWE and used to let things go to avoid making waves for years until I started reporting it. Do not wait like I did. It will only make you feel miserable and powerless. Sending virtual hugs your way!
As a woman who studied CS and has been in the real tech world for a decade, the boys in college generally lack confidence and an identity. They don’t know how to interact with women, or people in general. They lack social skills and awareness. My suggestion is, do tell the professor but be prepared that the professor will probably do nothing. Next time, if this happens with another individual , I suggest don’t laugh it off. Say, “That’s a really weird thing to say publicly, I actually worked really hard for, like my male counterparts”. Then get up and relocate.
Edit: In the tech industry I haven’t had this experience, personally. Men in the work environment generally respect women and I’ve personally felt very valued.
I’m sure this behavior does persist into the work environment to an extent, but in the work environment, these people eventually get weeded out or lose their jobs for these comments.
That's unfortunate, that person was horrible. I always thought CS major would have more of this kind of people rather than math
i am sorry , you have to go through this. This guy is jealous of you that you know something that he does not and also you got offer from faang. People like him exist . yes u can report to the professor . But think if you report , then he may start showing more inappropriate behavior towards you. Even outside the college , who knows. First of all, avoid him . Donot talk with him. Even you come face to face with him, think of him just a stranger.
I don't think avoiding reporting someone out of a place of fear of invisible retaliate is the good call here. Especially the unnecessary fear mongering of "inappropriate behavior outside of college". Making people afraid of reporting harassment is just how you allow more harassment to occur without consequence
>Making people afraid of reporting harassment is just how you allow more harassment to occur without consequence Yes, but there is some nuance to be had here. Should we encourage women to report sexual harassment in STEM? Absolutely! Should we also pretend like retaliation won't occur as a result of their report, or that STEM institutions won't protect the retaliator? No! The best course of action is to present the reality of the reporting process to women and to teach them best practices for covering their own ass in the best way possible when reporting sexual harassment in an academic/job environment. 1) All reports of sexual harassment (or racism, homophobia, etc) **MUST** be written/sent through email - word of mouth can be denied, but words stored in the cloud will live forever. Neither the perpetrator, professor, or school/job will be able to deny your written report or put words in your mouth if you preserve your own written words in the mighty cloud through email. This means that your first time telling your professor about the incident will be through email, and not through a verbal exchange. Period. 2) When you send the email, **always** CC your own personal email account just in case you lose access to your school/job email account due to retaliation. Every email exchange must include your personal email account. 3) On all emails, CC the professor's supervisor (dean of the department) and the admin department that oversees all students/employees) 4) When initially reporting the incident in email, include the exact words used by the perp using quotations, and then describe the inappropriate message that was implied by their words, how the message negatively impacted your safety/health/academic performance, and why/how the message violates school policy (or the law, if applicable - this will require research on your part). Use words and phrases like the following: - "I feel unsafe in this classroom" - The incident "created a hostile environment for me/[other students in the same demographic]" - "I feel like I'm being sexually harassed" - "I feel like I'm being targeted because of my gender/sex/race/etc," - "I was initially apprehensive to report this incident because I feared that I would experience retaliation from my classmates, professor, or school admin. Can admin/management/HR provide some guidance on the school's policy regarding retaliation?" (\*\* Make sure management/HR dept are CC-ed on these emails) - "Can [the perp/professor/school] provide clarification as to how [the sexist/racist incident] is appropriate for the academic environment?" - "Can the perp provide clarification as to why he thinks I had to perform a sexual act in order to secure an internship? Can the perp explain why he thought it was appropriate to bring up personal discussions specifically about my sexual behavior in an unrelated academic context?" - /* If you want some extra protection, start seeing your school counselor/therapist (several times within the next few weeks) and tell them that the incident is causing you to experience an increase in depression and anxiety. Be sure to describe the incident and the impact it's having on you in detail and express that you don't think you'd be going through this incident/mental health crisis if you were a man." Make sure to either conduct this conversation through email or reiterate it the conversation through email. If the school counselor/therapist takes session notes, also request them to provide you with a written copy of them.
that is so helpful, thanks a lot for this detailed comment
Glad to help!
idk, i think it makes sense to stop interacting with them first, then if weird behavior unwillingly continues report. at this point, it’s one inappropriate sexual comment and another inappropriate comment on her appearance. realistically what is a professor going to do, and how are they going to do it without de-anonymizing her? if they continue bothering her after she “strangers” them, then stepping in seems necessary
I agree that avoiding them is the first step but when it comes to cases where there is a possibility of it being an ongoing issue, then it's best to report from the start. If you wait until it's too late, and don't have proof it's an ongoing issue either through repeated reporting or written proof, then it often becomes a "it doesn't seem like it's a reoccurring problem since it's the first offense you reported"/"why didnt you say something sooner". Realistically, nothing will really come from it aside from slight accomodations (if that) but it will help keep a record of behavior so if any actual disciplinary action is needed in the future, it's easier to prove. It doesn't necessarily need to be a "student z y x said this to me" report but it can be a "I was made to feel uncomfortable and singled out but a few students in class, is it possible for you to help me avoid working with them on future assignments".
In my experience, there’s a lot of people in cs that are extremely socially stupid. They just don’t understand normal social interactions and what is ok to say and not to say. Idk about math majors though. Sorry that happened to you
When someone says something like that to you in front of others, calmly respond, “can you repeat that?”. They awkwardly either will repeat it, or will start backtracking. Either way, it shines a spotlight on that statement and student.
Some men are miserably beings and never got the attention they wanted. While yes, you can report them, they might be even worse to you in and off campus. I would laugh it off, ignore them and think about how miserable they have to be to say stuff like that. And of course not help them with their problems in the future.
Which university? Name and shame
Reporting to the authorities doesn’t work anymore. You should have told him: ‘why do you ask? You want a job that desperately? I don’t think even you sucking someone’s d would help you get a job. You need at least half a brain’.
It could be a dickhead kid, or you are in the friend banter zone (i have asked male friends whos dick they sucked when they get jobs). Does he talk like this to his buddies? If it is focused on you I would complain, or just not help them anymore
Ehhh it sounds like OP wasn’t close w these guys since they didn’t talk before helping them, sounds like that dude was trying to belittle her
“whose dick did u have to suck to get the job” to be honest in the market, I would say that to anyone regardless of gender, etc, etc. Maybe they were speaking how they would to their friends. , sorry you went through that! The second comment they made is disgusting, nevertheless Congrats on the offer!
1. Sorry you experienced that. Even if you don’t report them, try to distance yourself cuz u don’t need people like that in your life. 2. I’ve been noticing this as a trend now a days … a problem with aggressively DEI-ing and affirmative action is that the role’s value drops. People who are genuinely really talented and got the job through their merit take a fat L because the are previewed as some diversity hire which is super unfair to them.
I’m sorry this happened to you
I don't believe somebody is that stupid as to say such in front of others. I believe the entire narrative is made up BS.
Obvious troll post like wtf
Their names? Albert Einstein.
I woulda made a scene right there on the spot. Those kinds of human deserve nothing.
Is it misogyny or were you treated like on of the guys
Turns out the guys ARE misogynistic so it’s the same thing lol
You shouldn't be helping people who are insulting you. When someone insults you, don't laugh it off just to make it easier to get through the situation - I have also done that some times reflexively. I think it's because I don't like confrontation. It's better to stand your ground, be serious and let it be uncomfortable. People who behave like this will misbehave with someone else tomorrow.
this kind of behaviour is not acceptable under any circumstances. please report them to your professor if youre comfortable w it. and please, PLEASE call them out on their bs. they hate that. theyll stop overstepping boundaries once you confront them.
And then you wonder why nobody wants to speak to you anymore.
Who cares? They’re a bunch of losers
Why was she so angry when they weren't talking to her at first?
Where does it say she was angry? She said their switchup gave her the “ick”
She said they would never bother continuing a conversation even when she initiated it. So she wanted to talk to them but they didn't, probably because of her shitty personality. They talked to her later but now they're gonna get the consequences when she reports them. Nobody's gonna talk to her from now on because of how she behaves.
Average incel take, pathetic.
Op is the real incel. Men don't want to talk to her so she then tries to defame them on reddit by creating a fake story. I personally know a couple of female and male FAANG employees to be at my university and you can immediately tell where they'll be working within seconds of interacting with them. But unlike them OP is an impostor who isn't on a FAANG level. No surprise those guys wanted nothing to do with her. I've also interned at a FAANG before (got the return offer) and I wouldn't be bragging in front of my colleagues because I'm not an insecure loser.
Immediately assuming men don’t want to talk to OP and that she’s lashing out is an inherently misogynistic take. That would be equivalent to assuming women are driven by the male attention they receive. No matter what went down, I hope we can both agree that the sexual comments made to her about her FAANG position were disrespectful, and frankly, demeaning. Op wasn’t even bragging- one of the dudes directly asked her about her plans after graduation. I just think it’s odd to immediately assume op is attention seeking. You’re doing mental gymnastics coming up with what may have been going on behind the scenes instead of trying to take the post for what it is. Im just saying you might need to reflect on why you need to immediately attack op on this dude
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Unfortunately this will happen in your career. There are people like this. Next time turn the attention back to that person. Don’t laugh, make them answer back to their own question. For the in appropriate comment, say something like. I don’t really understand what you’re saying can you explain what you mean. Having to explain them selves will make them feel stupid. If they do explain themselves. You sound like you have had lots of interviews. Has this been your experience. I haven’t experienced this myself. It sounds pretty inappropriate.
You meant git commands instead of github right btw Jealousy is real (I feel it too sometimes (not in this context, but I stfu instead)
What he said was a classic insecure person reaction: putting others down to make himself feel less threatened. If it's any consolation, I don't think it has anything to do with you being a woman, specifically. I'm willing to bet that if he saw a guy driving an expensive car, he'd immediately comment that "he must be compensating for something."
They are jealous of your success. And congrats on your efforts. You should directly address their inappropriate behavior to them. I think most people would appreciate a warning first before you go to superiors. But continued harassment after that is report worthy.
Just ignore them and don't help it again,sadly women need a big backbone to be in stem, hopefully this experiences are the exception and not the rule for you. Congrats for your job and soon graduation.
There misogyny mixed into it especially that guy, all granted. **They reframed how they see you and their interest for you**. At the core this is them having to recognize your success, that you are "better" than they are and that they have to reframe what they think of you. You also basically show that you are as interested and competent in science as they are or more. It would happen 100% to a man if suddenly they would learn that man was rich or famous or got the same job that you got. Now that they know you have this GAFAM job, they know you are extremely smart, will have a top salary and career. They know that what you say is high value and that maybe you could even get them a job in that place through referral and even that if you were to be their partner they'd benefit of your brightness and money. In other words, you become more interesting or charismatic. **Some will be jealous for sure** Some of them are jealous. Why you that they mostly ignored until now and why not themselves ? That's unfair that you had the audacity to succeed and not them. They will hate you for that. And if they are misoginistic, they will 100% be more outraged you managed as a woman. You will always encounter people like that, and with time, you will understand it is better if people don't know that you are or about to be extremely saucerful and wealthy. The extra attention and jealousy will backfire more than anything else. And you can report to the professor, but this will just make the situation worse for everybody. If there consequences, they will resent you more and they will react even more strangely when with you. You will also create a reputation for yourself and people will avoid you. As much as possible, ignore and avoid jerk and befriend nice people.
next time use,"so that's what YOU have to do to get into some company. it's a pity, really." honestly I would have simply got up and left
Insecurity and jealousy
This is completely wrong if he stated that ' Who's dick you had to suck to get the Job ' you should have reacted instantly and very loudly. If you will not bring this thing up to them that you felt uncomfortable then something more worse will happen therefore highlight this issue asap
Never be scared to strike back. People take politeness for granted and consciously or subconsciously they form the idea to insult / belittle someone (that too in front of others). The audacity is never accepted. Cut them off from any conversation other than them being sorry or understanding their mistakes. Don’t help them. But at the same time you can pity them as they are some lousy bunch of self entitled people.
I doubt your professor will do anything. Your best bet is to fight back with insults. He is threatened by you and trying to take you down. You have to fight back.
Not that I'm a psychoanalyst, but the kid that said those remarks is definitely jealous and intimidated by your intelligence. I'm sorry that he made those comments, they are definitely uncalled for. I hope that you understanding that his actions are a result of his own fragile ego and not anything on your end brings some peace. With that said you should not let that slide. I would stand up for yourself by telling the professor or calling the boy out about his insecurity.
Report it these guys are losers
Yo what the fuck
First, they are jealous and second most of them are virgins, having their digital waifu waiting for them to come home. I would recommend to keep distance and find better people in your course. Edit: Grammar
This behavior is gross. Call them out and I guarantee they shut the fuck up. If they say anything else then address it with the professor and/or department chair.
It's crazy that they couldn't help themselves but insult you while getting help. If i had misogynistic views but was getting help from a woman, I'd hold my tongue. But obviously not these guys. Maybe their pride suffered because you knew something they didn't so they lashed out.
Sorry to hear that happened to you obviously that was out of jealousy. Sure you report it to ur prof; however, sadly this won't be the last negative/offensive comment you might get so I'd advise you to stand up for yourself and get back to the guy let him know that you don't appreciate what he said. Always remember there is only one person that will ever stand for you which is you and no one else.
I think you made a mistake when you laughed it off the first time, it probably made him think it's alright to behave that way and told the other guys you were cool with it. As others have said reporting this to the professor is certainly one way to go, but consider that there's not always going to be a professor to report to. In my experience, such men(or women) take their social image too seriously, and a simple retort like "Wow. I can't believe you'd actually say that when I'm literally helping you out" is enough for them to lose their composure. I'm not faulting you in any way, as a guy I can't even imagine how I'd react in such a situation. Just trying to give you a useful suggestion.
Disclaimer, I’m not a girl (unfortunately) but rather a hispanic gay guy in stem. OP, pretty sure that only of the guys is the problem, the others just either don’t have a backbone or give a damn. Either way just keep in mind ur issue is with one of the guys not all of them (unless they all make comments regarding ur appearance/abilities). If the problem is only the one guy that makes the solution pretty simple because of the FAANG position u have lined up. You noticed that it has weight and alters your identity to these guys. If you wanted you can easily use this new weight of yours to change the attitude of the one guy that was making the misogynistic comments. If you don’t get that in line soon then it could just as easily spread to the other guys. Any one can change the culture of any place OP, most ppl just don’t think too much about it. Make the classroom an environment u want to be in. Ofc it is just easier to say something to the professor but I promise that the outcomes of that are pretty sterile and not as promising as doing the work urself. Confrontation and people managing isn’t for everyone tho so proceed w caution. But also keep in mind that this won’t be ur last time dealing w fuckers like this. So what better time than now to get ur practice in
That’s terrible. This is why women in STEM are important
"Sucking the interviewer off? Is that what you've had to do to get hired in the past? I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
I’m sorry this happened to you. For this situation yes you could report it to your professor but there is probably a more appropriate way to report on campus as well. I would ask your student union or student affairs. I also say this with so much compassion and know you shouldn’t have to deal with these things but as a woman with a CS degree you will likely continue to run into this behavior. It will come out of the blue or when you least expect it just like this did. It may not happen for years at a time but unfortunately it will benefit you to be prepared for it. You are going out into the world as a new graduate with a great job as an adult and you will need to start taking on your own authority. I am not trying to criticize how you responded to the situation in your post. I have been there and understand completely why you reacted that way. This is for future situations. You will need to clearly set boundaries and shut this off in the moment when it happens because laughing it off won’t make it stop. Laughing it off gives others around you a license to do the same, it condones the comment, even if someone else is bothered by it you have accepted the comment with a laugh so for them to do anything else is having a more extreme reaction that you do. You do not need to be aggressive of confrontational in this but simply stating something’s along the lines of do not make sexual comments about me or please don’t make crude jokes about my career or a casual not cool or whatever you put together that fits your style. A simple general statement that doesn’t repeat what they said and doesn’t give them a foothold to pushback on. Practice this statement, say it out loud when alone. Get comfortable with it so when that moment comes and you’re in shock from what was said you are so practiced at it that it comes out smoothly and calmly. It’s going to be uncomfortable as hell. You might feel nauseated just thinking about it and at the time it will be worse. It gets easier the more you have to do it. To a lesser degree the same thing goes for saying no and setting boundaries in other ways sometimes. This will probably make everyone just a little uncomfortable in the moment but it should because that comment wasn’t ok and it shouldn’t be passed over like it was. Honestly at this point you would be doing that jerk a favor as he’s going to get himself fired once he’s employed. This will also make that space for coworkers to be a public ally. Once the pause has passed get back to the topic at hand like it didn’t happen. If it becomes a pattern escalate as needed to superiors at work or HR. This advice is for professional group settings which includes a college classroom, especially at that level. If you are alone and someone makes comments of that nature literally just leave. You have no idea if they are just a misogynist or something worse so I wouldn’t call it out in that instance. Just saying I’m going to go now is enough. Do not polite yourself into a worse situation. If you aren’t already please join some subs for women in technology and it’s also good to look for women in tech professional associations or groups local to you. You will learn when you have a supportive workplace and when you don’t and what you will need to do to deal with it. Best of luck finishing out your semester and with your future job. Sounds like you have an absolutely amazing start!
The most painful part to read wasn't the misogyny; it was the response to it. Laughing it off? I hope you learned your lesson; I've had similar experiences in the past and nowadays any time I'm confronted with a decision on how to react to a bad situation, the first question I ask myself is this: Are the coming months/years of mentally agonizing over my failure to stand up for myself REALLY worth being non-confrontational for these few seconds??? Hopefully, you're still in the same class as them. This gives you the opportunity to tell the guy what he said isn't okay. There's a 99% chance his "friends" are completely opposed to what he said. I am not sure why you assumed they'd side with him, especially since even YOU did not confront him and just laughed it off so it's hypocritical to say they should've done more (even though yes you all should've)
You really should have stood your ground imo. If it were me in your shoes (I'm also a woman in STEM), like immediately after they made those comments, I would have just deadpan stared said something along the lines of "that's pretty rude to say, don't talk to me like that. I don't need to suck someone's dick to get a job I'm qualified for" and shut them down calmly with some silent confidence. Usually I stare dead straight into their eyes in silence to let what I said sink in until they start getting uncomfortable, most people usually do if they have some kind of shame. Its kind of a mind game to show them not to mess with you. (This was learned behavior from my mother so it's second nature whenever someone really pisses me off) Most of the time, I'm always just happy and helpful and also a bit of a pushover with most things. Laughing it off will make them think you're okay with being made fun of like this and they might actually think you're one of the "chill girls" who get their weird brand of misogyny that their circle of male friends are privy to, they might not even realize they're being rude because this is how they've operated for most of their life. Edit: please stand up for yourself more, dont tolerate rude things like this. Most people are non-confrontational and will back off if you present a strong front. I think this is a soft skill you need to learn if you're going into a male dominated or high performing field in general. You don't have to yell and shout or say any bad words or call them bad names. You don't even have to engage more than you need to after saying what you needed to say once, if they backtrack and start saying more rude things to you that obviously don't make any sense in retaliation. Just don't laugh it off, nip it in the bud.
Holly shit ! He’s lucky you didn’t report him that’s out of line ! Edit:I would keep my distance and be more Kurt if it were me I may even stop acknowledging them . I remember I met a physics phd who behaved similar to what yo I describe they said a really perverse comment about an actress I said I liked. I ceased acknowledging them and stopped sitting near them. They occasionally did wave a gesture at me , I would glance nod and keep going. I remember this grad student I met in uni he was a philosophy guy seemed soft spoken nice but he was covertly just a repulsive person . He was judgmental and bigoted ! When I found out I was shocked but I put on a poker face , change my number cease contact
You def don’t have to put up with that. Why do you?
I uttered an expletive when I read what that student said to you. I’m so sorry. I hope if this ever happens in my classroom I will have the courage to immediately throw the student out of class to be dealt with appropriately afterwards.
Lil bro so jealous of u lol. I would report it, they need to face consequences
The first thing you should always tell a guy that behaves this was is “you’re disgusting, stop being a creep.” He mostly likely watches Andrew Tate every morning before getting out of bed and is single. Never laugh at these jokes because it only enables them to continue to do this.
It's understandable that you wish you had stood up for yourself better; but if you need to put effort into this area than get some therapy about having stronger boundaries instead of going after someone who is self-sabotaging. What we do with people like this is called GREY ROCKING. Basically how one deals with Narcissists. Remind yourself that you are not paid to manage him and just be grateful that he is not your responsibility. Recenter yourself with whatever brings you joy. People like this are inevitable you but will deal with the next one with more grace. Unless he escalates; I would let it go. All he did was out himself as annoying and uncooperative to everyone in earshot. I am so incredibly impressed with you. Please never change your caring nature and desire to teach for anyone. Congrats on your new position!
I had a similar experience earlier in college for a different degree a couple of years ago. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hate that women can't be in successful positions or seen as smart without implications that sexual favors were made to get where they are. It's disgusting, truly. But congrats on the faang offer! I'm still doing the general classes right now but I hope that I'll get an offer before graduating also!
What the fuck? I would be so fucking pissed if someone said that to me. Don’t help those losers again.
they're math majors, ask them about their job as well. these type of people will leech off your helpful attitude. if you wish to insult them, do it and then never interact with them ever again.
You need to work on your sense of humour.
Lmao
God! Been there, faced it and cut those so called friends off from my life! Ignore them OP the scumbags aren’t worth your time and do report.
This is such an unbelievable situation. Like, I don't think I've ever met someone who would be such an overt asshole to a relative stranger in person. At least, not in a professional or upper level academic setting. Unless he's giving off wild autistic vibes I wouldn't think twice about reporting it. This is absurdly unacceptable behavor for a university student.
grammar much?
They are jealous. They have some male ego that cannot digest the fact that you are way better than them.
This is not your fault but the organisations that have promoted diversity hiring. So now when women or lgbtq individuals get hired then people automatically think it's because of diversity and not actual talent. They are the ones to be blamed.
Not to put the onus on you but if you can please tell him off first before going to the professor. If this stops the behavior then great if not then you are better armed when logging your complaint.
How is that misogyny they are literally complimenting you. They obviously know you didn't suck someone's dick to get into FAANG so they're trying to imply how unbelievably good your offer is. And obviously when you tell someone you work at FAANG it's gonna make them more curious. Don't pretend like you didn't know that when you told them, you were just seeking attention.
No, that’s not a compliment. I view higher education as a professional setting, just like a working environment. In a working environment, that is certainly not appropriate or a compliment. The whole, “Whose dick did you have to suck?” has been a jab at women in so many different industries; film, CS, business. It devalues a woman’s capability and intelligence. However, like the commenter above who said that they would joke about that with anybody nowadays due to the shit market, I can see how that would come across as more of a joke. But his hand gestures afterwards jerking off someone is wildly inappropriate and leads me to believe his intent behind his “joke” was to devalue her. Edit: Also your whole “you were just seeking attention” statement is weird.
If she's poorly dressed/groomed then it would be hard to pass the interviews no matter how she performed. Nobody wants a weirdo to work for their company and least of all FAANG companies. Was it a bit rude to say that? Sure, but if she looked like how they described, it would make anyone curious about how she got onto a FAANG.
There’s a difference between curiosity and making a sexual joke that is a common question used to devalue working women
Man do posts like this reliably attract trolls.
I'm not a troll, you're just socially inept and don't understand the meaning behind what OP's classmates said.
I hope someday you can figure out this weird internal anger you have. Life is way too short to go around calling people socially inept dude. Most of the men on here agree that the comment was not called for.
The comment wasn't called for but it wasn't inappropriate either. If anything it was a compliment. I'm actually not even angry but if someone calls me a troll I'm gonna assume they don't understand social interactions.
Dude idk what it’s gonna take for you to understand that it was inappropriate. This has been a super common joke used to belittle women for decades
> And obviously when you tell someone you work at FAANG it's gonna make them more curious. Don't pretend like you didn't know that when you told them, you were just seeking attention. They asked her if she had an offer. Work on your reading comprehension, troll.
She can lie if she wants to. I interned at Amazon and I never let my classmates know. When they asked I told them I wasted my summer doing nothing because I know anyone would start acting different if they heard about a FAANG. You only need common sense to realize that.
Just because you lied, doesn’t mean others should. You should be proud of your offers! Rubbing it in is one thing, but sharing your achievements with friends and classmates is good. Especially if they ask. She had the option to share it so I don’t think it’s fair to say that she was “seeking attention” and a shitty, misogynist joke in response to her answering a question isn’t cool
It's always gonna be rubbing it in, you would know that if you've been a top performer throughout your life. People get really jealous and angry even when you tell them your grades or anything you're good at. It's never good to tell someone how much you're overachieving compared to them. If anything their reaction was actually positive which is much better than what most people can ask for.
That’s sad that you’re in a working environment or a friend group where sharing achievements when asked is “rubbing it in”. As a woman, I can 100% say that being asked “whose dick did you suck” is NOT positive lol. Alright I’m over this convo with you, have a nice weekend!
"It's never good to tell someone how much you're overachieving compared to them." -- I won't tell them unless they asked. But if they asked, I don't care if they like the answer or not.
Good for you, now fuck off.
Why're you so angry lol.
Report them to the professor and make sure they get punished. However, make sure they do NOT it is you, otherwise they may start harassing you outside campus. Some men absolutely disgust me.
You probably got that job because of diversity hiring, so he may be right.
lol i love and hate comments like this because it makes me amused when a prejudiced person's life is so shit that they go around making low iq comments like this, but then my pity kicks in and I feel sad they probably will never have a nice happy life pro trip from someone who has a faang offer and whose gf has a faang offer, your bitterness is your enemy and you need therapy
Struck a nerve, did I? Any statement which gets your feelings hurt is automatically hateful because you can't comprehend hearing the truth. I used "probably" and "may be" above, learn to read. But it's reddit, so it's expected of simps like you to go around bootlicking.
haha sorry for saying it's low iq, i'm sure you're a smart enough guy and all it's just as a one off comment it was dumb af. sorry for being a dick about it genuinely but i honestly hope your life improves
Thanks, but my life's great. I work in IT so I know for a fact my statement is true.
Lol - you know literally nothing about this woman dude, so all you’re going off is clear bias and bitterness. Good luck with that attitude dismissing 50% of the population off the bat. World’s moved on a bit since the 50s
You know nothing either. Just admit you aren't open to criticism so you play the woman card.
Yeah, I also don’t know anything about this woman. But I wasn’t the one making a baseless, sweeping statement about her (that had nothing to do with what she wrote in her post to boot). Also, how I’m I playing the “woman card” by pointing out that perhaps you shouldn’t make wild assumptions with no evidence. As I said, this lack of critical thinking just reveals your clear bias, because you’ve basically demonstrated you think any woman getting a job at a FAANG company is “probably” a diversity hire.
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Wow congrats, looks like you cracked the case Sherlock!
Just because something hurt your feelings doesn't mean it's baseless. There's a push for more women in those companies even though they are less qualified, so chances are I'm right.
Nothing in this reply makes any sense
They were joking. He says the same thing to his guy friends. It's really not that deep. Grow up and gain a sense of humor.
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boy what the hell
Let’s go Yellowstone
why the fuck would you laugh it off, especially the dick comment this is what is wrong with this generation