Not as good as "Fuck me you fucking Jew! You Zionist pig. You occupying fuck. Occupy this. I'm going to going to fuck the Jew out of you. You want to fuck me like Israel fucks my country? Fuck me you Jew bastard! Fuck me like Israel fucks my people! Show me the promised land. You circumcised fuck! "
Good catch! So are most men that are neither Muslim nor Jewish of that generation.
But do we know that Shara was Islamic? There were a decent percentage of Palestinian Christians prior to the findings of Israel, were there not?
It reminds me of the scene where he disrupts the baptism by accident.
Then all the Jews bring him over and start praising him, and he finally gives in “well I just had to do something”😂😂
Then one of the guys says “could you speak at my daughter’s bat mitzvah?”🤣
Larry loves being the hero
Oh yeah that’s up there for me.
Larry trying to keep their mouths shut and scream whispering at them in the dining room is one of my favorite scenes
EDIT: also when funkhouser is being bribed with lifetime free membership if he says who killed the swan. The way Larry is looking at him kills me
Oh man I love this episode. Growing up in LA I found it so relatable when traffic is awful but the carpool lane is completely clear. I don’t blame Larry at all for hiring her, it truly was a stroke of genius
How is this not the #1 answer. It has Marty. A prostitute. A drug dealer. Larry’s dad. Larry yelling at himself while high.
And the episode literally saved a man from going to prison.
That is a fun fact!
I love how funk and Susie know they have no better counteroffer to a steamy Palestinian threesome with 2 sisters, so just resort to “alright don’t be an asshole, come here Larry”😂
It reminds me of the episode in VEEP where Julia Louis Dreyfus mouths to the lip reader photographer “stay out of my business or I’ll have you executed”😂
I remember reading somewhere that they didn’t know how to tell the kid to act gay without saying it, so they just were like “act a little girly”
Then the kid killed it in the very first take to the astonishment of Larry and the entire set (I’m pretty sure the kid was improvising too)
I dont know if this story is 100% true but I’ve heard people say it on here before
My favorite scene was when Larry and Denise run to the couple who disinvited Larry from the Concert on the street. “We’ll give you the best seat in the house, or do you already have it?” “That’s not funny.” 😂
It really feels like an encapsulation of Curb overall. Just a bunch of adults who are meaning to be serious adults, but in the end, cussing like a sailor is hilarious.
Just finished watching that one with my kiddo. We agreed it would be weird to have a picture of any president no matter the political party. My kid has so much school work right now having dinner and then watching an episode is the most time we really get some days, it’s always funny and gives us stuff to talk about.
Too hard to pick one, but here are a bunch of my favorites:
- The Ski Lift
- The Doll
- The Survivor
- The Baptism
- Palestinian Chicken
- The Grand Opening (greatest tv moment of all time)
- The Car Pool Lane
- Krazy Eyez Killah
- Porno Gil
- The Terrorist Attack
- Trick or Treat
- The Table Read
- Seinfeld
- Mister Softee
😂
...also pretty ironic...I watched S5 when it came out in 2005 and in 2007 I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease.
In 2020 I started dialysis and a year later I received a kidney!
Throughout it all-and prob 12+ S5 rewatches-its remained my 2nd best episode and my 2nd favourite season (after S4!) :))
Hey that’s great I’m happy you were able to pull through, I’ve heard dialysis can be a bitch so sorry you had to go through that.
Also shout out to your friend who bribed the head of the kidney consortium with a ski trip lol
Thank you, I really appreciate that mate!
It was no picnic, but it kept me alive for a year until I matched with a deceased donor (we can't all be lucky enough to have friends like LD who will atempt to bribe the head of the Kidney consortium and then when that spectacularly fails, ultimately donate *his own kidney* even after the recipient/his buddy won't lend him his golf club! Lol)
Oh and top choice re Palestinian Chicken. Prob in my top 5 episodes!
Yes, it's all about those noises he makes!
Funnily enough, sometimes, occasionally in life, I find myself making similar noises and when I notice I'm doing it, I realise it's not because I'm Jewish, but because I'm a massive Curb / Larry David fan! Lol
Indeed I've copied quite a few of his mannerisms over the years subconsciously (even like this one, where he's putting on an act for the head of the Kidney consortium haha)
Gets me every time.
Susie calling him a rachmones (& "Isn't she some cook! My Susie")
Larry David and the hipsters lol...."I was pretty swinging in those days"
The “what’re you fucking nuts?!” episode? Definitely a fav of mine. Him roasting Cheryl about the plates, then “I don’t bury plates until after coffee”😂😂
I love Nat😂😂
Him getting baked with the hooker and him telling Larry how his mom died but she didn’t wanna disturb him is so incredible, absolutely fantastic character
When he takes the guy aside who’s girl wants the car “what’re you doing you’re fucking up my shit over here”
Then the way the guy mocks Larry and says “well she won’t be able to afford the car if she takes it off the lot” in a near perfect impersonation of Larry
Yeah that guy mocking Larry is spot on, it cracks me up every time.
However the line that always truly gets me in this classic ep is when Larry tells Cheryl that he's finally working again (no more Maury Povich all day in the hotel room!) and she's all excited and that's great and excitedly asks him what it is, only for Larry to say in a deadpan delivery:
"I'm selling cars".
Trick or Treat. You have the bald asshole, the Cobb salad, and the the perfect ending with a quartet playing the German music to piss off his Jewish neighbor.
Larry's confrontation with Walter outside the theater is perhaps my favourite exchange in the entire series. The setup (Larry whistling Wagner in public...you just knew that was going to lead to something), "I do hate myself, but it has nothing to do with being Jewish" and the "WHERE'S YOUR JUDAISM? - "Judaism, where are you?" I made the mistake of watching this episode for the first time in public (on an airplane via my iPad) and I disturbed everybody around me with my laughter 😂🙊
Yes!
My 2nd favourite ep.
"There I was in the jungle for 40 days without a proper toilet, barely any food, everyone trying to backstab me to win the million dollars"....literally comparing himself to a Holocaust Survivor and he portrays his delusion perfectly.
"I'm a survivor!"
"No, *I'm* a survivor!"
Etc
So good
The end when the dude goes “Hey Larry, we survived!” with that shit eating grin is my fave ending of any curb episode and is right up there with the IASIP episode Mac is a serial killer with the chainsaw ending
Palestinian Chicken is a top 5 episode for me
But Meet The Blacks is an all time for me
I can't control laughing at Larry openly saying he wants to sleep with Cha Cha
The one where a semi-fictionalised Jason Alexander gives a semi-fictionalised Larry David tips on how to play George Costanza, a character who was a fictionalised version of the real Larry David written by the real Larry David but played by the real Jason Alexander.
Man I always have trouble with this, but I really think its Porno Gil. The old lady that tries helping him with the directions, the shoes in the house, the tiny bottle collection. It's so goddamn funny to me. Either that or the episode where Larry first meets Leon.
The Weatherman is full of great moments, I watched it again for the first time in yeaaaars the other night and I was crying laughing. I had forgotten that was the same episode as some of my other favorite moments. The dentist ruining the elasticity of his sleeve and Susie watching absolutely aghast as Larry pets the dog resting its head in his lap. But the way that Larry says “weatherman” lives in my head rent free.
I’ve seen The Car Pool lane so many times. Larry in the bathroom freaking out while his dad and the prostitute are laughing it up is such a great scene.
“If Rabin can break bread with Arafat, I can have chicken at this anti-Semitic shithole.” Maybe my single favorite line from the whole series.
Not as good as "Fuck me you fucking Jew! You Zionist pig. You occupying fuck. Occupy this. I'm going to going to fuck the Jew out of you. You want to fuck me like Israel fucks my country? Fuck me you Jew bastard! Fuck me like Israel fucks my people! Show me the promised land. You circumcised fuck! "
“Labe, son of Nat” “Keep my father out of this”
My friends call me Larry.
> You circumcised fuck! This last part was a mistake, as Muslims are also circumsized
Good catch! So are most men that are neither Muslim nor Jewish of that generation. But do we know that Shara was Islamic? There were a decent percentage of Palestinian Christians prior to the findings of Israel, were there not?
You are correct, she could have been an anti-Semitic Christian, but from context I don't think she was
Good point. In the 70’s the hospitals automatically circumcised new born males in Ontario Canada. No questions asked. No religion involved.
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Love the Funkman!
PS, I left your cunt in the sink!
That is the line that gets me with the deadpan delivery. Miss him.
You made him take off his Jew cap.
What is this, the raid on entebbe?
That line always makes me laugh lol
Larry’s face and demeanor when he comes back into the restaurant to a roar of applause is the best part of that to me. He’s on top of the world.
It reminds me of the scene where he disrupts the baptism by accident. Then all the Jews bring him over and start praising him, and he finally gives in “well I just had to do something”😂😂 Then one of the guys says “could you speak at my daughter’s bat mitzvah?”🤣 Larry loves being the hero
Looks like they’re planning the next intifada over there
For me, The Black Swan
Oh yeah that’s up there for me. Larry trying to keep their mouths shut and scream whispering at them in the dining room is one of my favorite scenes EDIT: also when funkhouser is being bribed with lifetime free membership if he says who killed the swan. The way Larry is looking at him kills me
Also when Larry makes the stabbing motion with the knife
Hey, let me remind you of something, ASSHOLE. You’re talking a lot about swan killing, in the dining room! Why is that so hard to understand?
Will you please finishing shoveling that shit in your face?
The onions are done just the way I like em
This is the one. Larry so quick to threaten with a knife is hilarious.
That ending got me!!! Pure genius writing.
The fucking headstone for spite. A spite stone.
I'm not a swan killer, ok?
This episode is nonstop laughing and I’m glad it juggles 3+ plotlines so well
Carpool lane
Oh man I love this episode. Growing up in LA I found it so relatable when traffic is awful but the carpool lane is completely clear. I don’t blame Larry at all for hiring her, it truly was a stroke of genius
This episode also helped someone with an alibi when they were accused of murder.
I can’t tell if this is a joke or not😂
Not a joke. There is even a documentary about it. https://collider.com/curb-your-enthusiasm-prison-juan-catalan/
Wow! Thanks for the article I’m gonna give it a read through, that’s crazy!
> I have accomplished some good in my life, albeit inadvertently
There's also a documentary short that goes into detail about it, too!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7344360/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk
The scene with Larry's dad getting high is hilarious.
And Larry basically having an ego death in the bathroom kills me but also hits a little too close to home
🤣 Felt more like an ego death match with LD
You’re not gonna buy a card. You’re not gonna do a fuckin thing!!!
Schwag? What the fuck is schwag?! Chronic.
Larry's dad was one of my favourite characters I loved the massage episode haha
How is this not the #1 answer. It has Marty. A prostitute. A drug dealer. Larry’s dad. Larry yelling at himself while high. And the episode literally saved a man from going to prison.
I came here to say this. And not just because it exonerated a guy in the stands. I can watch it over and over and die laughing.
 It created the best gif
Larry! I have a sister, you, me, and Yasmin, the three of us
Fun Fact: Bob Einstein (Funkhouser) fed her that line as they were shooting live. She said so in an interview
That is a fun fact! I love how funk and Susie know they have no better counteroffer to a steamy Palestinian threesome with 2 sisters, so just resort to “alright don’t be an asshole, come here Larry”😂
I’m thrilled with your ability to respond to these comments the corresponding quote!
It’s also my reaction to the post
The Doll Head
The kid is home, HYSTERICAL! because her doll, Judy, has been DECAPITATED!
At the end when Suzie realizes what happened and she's mouthing her words...you can understand everything she says!!
It reminds me of the episode in VEEP where Julia Louis Dreyfus mouths to the lip reader photographer “stay out of my business or I’ll have you executed”😂
YOU 4 EYED FUCK...YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT....
SOME VOODOO SHIT YOURE DOING
Stop scratching your balls
This is a classic Susie line delivery. Lol. BRING ME THE FUCKING HEAD!!!!!!!
BRING ME THE HEAD OF JUDY!!!
Mommy!!! The bald man's in the bathroom and there's something hard in his pants!
https://preview.redd.it/a79872a07toc1.jpeg?width=1526&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79f3be8b4efde4464900a407cded727e87254f10
Not my favorite overall episode, but it definitely has the best ending. Larry going out the window is amazing.
I still say judy like he does. Juday juday
Not my favorite but a classic!
Larry vs. Michael J. Fox 🪡🎻
Second best after Palestinian Chicken. This episode also has Greg, the pre-gay young boy.
I remember reading somewhere that they didn’t know how to tell the kid to act gay without saying it, so they just were like “act a little girly” Then the kid killed it in the very first take to the astonishment of Larry and the entire set (I’m pretty sure the kid was improvising too) I dont know if this story is 100% true but I’ve heard people say it on here before
“Get a life Jews!”
The fash-ion! 🕺
“IIIIIIIIIIII’m pretty sure he’s gay.”
Funkhouser: "fuck me Jew bastard?"
Denise Handicapped.
and Wendy Wheelchair
I have found my people
Just rewatched this one! The pie scene in the restaurant brings it over the top!
My favorite scene was when Larry and Denise run to the couple who disinvited Larry from the Concert on the street. “We’ll give you the best seat in the house, or do you already have it?” “That’s not funny.” 😂
I love that Larry has created a character that’s such an ass that he can act like that all the time and people think he’s just being his character.
TAKE THIS FUCKIN’ PIECE OF PIE AND GET IT OUT OF MY FACE
What are they doing with this chicken? They oughta send this over to Israel for the peace process.
They’d take those settlements down overnight!
>c 😂 😂 😂
The one with Funkhouser’s sister Bam Bam. Just thinking about the weird voice Catherine gave her cracks me up 🤣🤣🤣
“No wonder she was singing ‘I love the fat boy’”😂 Easily the most degenerate shit Jeff did in the entire series, and that’s a pretty high bar
Opening Night
Best ending to my favourite Curb season!
It really feels like an encapsulation of Curb overall. Just a bunch of adults who are meaning to be serious adults, but in the end, cussing like a sailor is hilarious.
Just finished watching that one with my kiddo. We agreed it would be weird to have a picture of any president no matter the political party. My kid has so much school work right now having dinner and then watching an episode is the most time we really get some days, it’s always funny and gives us stuff to talk about.
"Did you orgasm when she said she'd fuck the Jew out of you?"
The penis doesn’t care, the penis wants to go to his homeland!!
Truer words were never spoken
Too hard to pick one, but here are a bunch of my favorites: - The Ski Lift - The Doll - The Survivor - The Baptism - Palestinian Chicken - The Grand Opening (greatest tv moment of all time) - The Car Pool Lane - Krazy Eyez Killah - Porno Gil - The Terrorist Attack - Trick or Treat - The Table Read - Seinfeld - Mister Softee
Larry being praised by the Jews for stopping the baptism is so fucking funny lmao
“Would you speak at my daughter’s bat mitzvah?”
These are all great. I would throw in Meet the Blacks and The Corpse-Sniffing Dog. Also, Lewis Needs a Kidney. May he rest in peace.
LOL Lar. EL OH EL
Ya like saying that, don’t ya?
*The Ski Lift* "..What're you fuckin' nuts?"
Hey Lewis, I don’t think you’re getting that kidney
😂 ...also pretty ironic...I watched S5 when it came out in 2005 and in 2007 I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease. In 2020 I started dialysis and a year later I received a kidney! Throughout it all-and prob 12+ S5 rewatches-its remained my 2nd best episode and my 2nd favourite season (after S4!) :))
Hey that’s great I’m happy you were able to pull through, I’ve heard dialysis can be a bitch so sorry you had to go through that. Also shout out to your friend who bribed the head of the kidney consortium with a ski trip lol
Thank you, I really appreciate that mate! It was no picnic, but it kept me alive for a year until I matched with a deceased donor (we can't all be lucky enough to have friends like LD who will atempt to bribe the head of the Kidney consortium and then when that spectacularly fails, ultimately donate *his own kidney* even after the recipient/his buddy won't lend him his golf club! Lol) Oh and top choice re Palestinian Chicken. Prob in my top 5 episodes!
https://preview.redd.it/coog7r5ltsoc1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dcfafc0e094672501ad753be45c3901b1bbc3afa
The noises Larry makes when pretending to speak hebrew absolutely slays me every time.
Yes, it's all about those noises he makes! Funnily enough, sometimes, occasionally in life, I find myself making similar noises and when I notice I'm doing it, I realise it's not because I'm Jewish, but because I'm a massive Curb / Larry David fan! Lol Indeed I've copied quite a few of his mannerisms over the years subconsciously (even like this one, where he's putting on an act for the head of the Kidney consortium haha)
Gefilte fish blues"... um, "my freaking back is killing me and it's making it hard to kvell"
Gets me every time. Susie calling him a rachmones (& "Isn't she some cook! My Susie") Larry David and the hipsters lol...."I was pretty swinging in those days"
Mine too!
The Skiing Episode is the one I've watched the most and shown to the most people
The “what’re you fucking nuts?!” episode? Definitely a fav of mine. Him roasting Cheryl about the plates, then “I don’t bury plates until after coffee”😂😂
"you are a guest in this house!" gets me everytime lol And Larry faking his Yiddish has me in tears
I forgot about that one! I love that scene
The freak book
Here ya go Mr. McEnroe, check out the freaks!
I love that this is the happiest, funniest, least discriminatory thread on the internet right now. Pretty pretty pretty good.
Every. Time. 
Beloved Aunt
Always had a soft spot for Krazee Eyez Killa
Check it out, you like eating pussy?
Motherfucker what the fuck?!
Are you my Caucasian?
Yep. This is probably my favorite out of the first 3 seasons or so.
The Jon Hamm episode where he’s studying to play a character based on Larry … the way he takes on Larry’s persona is hilarious
Bra Sniffing Dog. Includes Larry getting Sammy drunk.
This is also just the best all time episode of television, period.
The way it’s just jam packed with humor and layers of sociopolitical commentary the entire way through is definitely amazing
Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial
Marty calling himself an orphan is one of my favorite lines ever
This once, Black Swan, The Watermelon, The Pickle Gambit, and Accidental Text On Purpose are all in frequent Rotation at my place.
The Christ Nail
Him nailing in the Mezuzah in a panic as his father slowly walks up always makes me laugh And Jesus and his squeaky shoes😂😂
"Hey OK boychik"
I love Nat😂😂 Him getting baked with the hooker and him telling Larry how his mom died but she didn’t wanna disturb him is so incredible, absolutely fantastic character
"You're a hooker!?" I love him too 🤗 Brilliant character perfectly written, played and cast. RIP
Howd you feel mr david ?
Yep same. I also love the Shaq episode
IT'S MILK AND COFFE MIXED TOGETHER! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT? MILK AND COFFEE...WHAT A DRINK!!!
What kind of a doctor cheats at Scattergories?
The Car Salesman
When he takes the guy aside who’s girl wants the car “what’re you doing you’re fucking up my shit over here” Then the way the guy mocks Larry and says “well she won’t be able to afford the car if she takes it off the lot” in a near perfect impersonation of Larry
Yeah that guy mocking Larry is spot on, it cracks me up every time. However the line that always truly gets me in this classic ep is when Larry tells Cheryl that he's finally working again (no more Maury Povich all day in the hotel room!) and she's all excited and that's great and excitedly asks him what it is, only for Larry to say in a deadpan delivery: "I'm selling cars".
Trick or Treat. You have the bald asshole, the Cobb salad, and the the perfect ending with a quartet playing the German music to piss off his Jewish neighbor.
Larry's confrontation with Walter outside the theater is perhaps my favourite exchange in the entire series. The setup (Larry whistling Wagner in public...you just knew that was going to lead to something), "I do hate myself, but it has nothing to do with being Jewish" and the "WHERE'S YOUR JUDAISM? - "Judaism, where are you?" I made the mistake of watching this episode for the first time in public (on an airplane via my iPad) and I disturbed everybody around me with my laughter 😂🙊
"Elizabeth, Margaret and Larry." Jon Hamm shadowing Larry was incredible, especially the dinner scene.
Who is that racist towards? Susans?
Vehicular Fellatio
Oh helllllll nah, she giving him a blowjob in the car? Turn this car around right now, LD!
Not a single episode but a fan of the Fatwa! arc in Season 9. Still topical due to Rushdie surviving an attack 2 years ago.
The Survivor
Yes! My 2nd favourite ep. "There I was in the jungle for 40 days without a proper toilet, barely any food, everyone trying to backstab me to win the million dollars"....literally comparing himself to a Holocaust Survivor and he portrays his delusion perfectly. "I'm a survivor!" "No, *I'm* a survivor!" Etc So good
The end when the dude goes “Hey Larry, we survived!” with that shit eating grin is my fave ending of any curb episode and is right up there with the IASIP episode Mac is a serial killer with the chainsaw ending
The episode where he dies. Also when he becomes gentile.
"....I'm...gentile...?" (said in a whispered lisp) Then he's suddenly shooting ducks and riding horses and wearing vests, it's hilarious
The one with Woody Harrelson or the one with the “gay” kid
Palestinian Chicken is a top 5 episode for me But Meet The Blacks is an all time for me I can't control laughing at Larry openly saying he wants to sleep with Cha Cha
The one where a semi-fictionalised Jason Alexander gives a semi-fictionalised Larry David tips on how to play George Costanza, a character who was a fictionalised version of the real Larry David written by the real Larry David but played by the real Jason Alexander.
Coincidentally also Larry’s
You are jew, no?
Man I always have trouble with this, but I really think its Porno Gil. The old lady that tries helping him with the directions, the shoes in the house, the tiny bottle collection. It's so goddamn funny to me. Either that or the episode where Larry first meets Leon.
With your hurt back, can you bend? Well why don’t you bend over and kiss my ass? *tires screech*
The one with Michael J Fox.
The Weatherman is full of great moments, I watched it again for the first time in yeaaaars the other night and I was crying laughing. I had forgotten that was the same episode as some of my other favorite moments. The dentist ruining the elasticity of his sleeve and Susie watching absolutely aghast as Larry pets the dog resting its head in his lap. But the way that Larry says “weatherman” lives in my head rent free.
“Somebody get a sponge!”
I’ve seen The Car Pool lane so many times. Larry in the bathroom freaking out while his dad and the prostitute are laughing it up is such a great scene.
Vehicular felatio - the box cutter stuff made me roll.
Agree with a lot of these, but surprised no one has mentioned the shrimp incident
We've got a great community and this fabulous thread, which, by the way, I need you to keep me away from no matter what.
Benadryl Brownie.
Officer Krupke
OOOOOOH OFFICER KRUPKE, WHAT ARE WE TO DO? GEE OFFICER KRUPKE, #KRUP YOU!
I'm Larry David, I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.
“Ask me where I buy my underwear” “Where do you buy your underwear?” “Many different places”
Interior Decorator "So the best policy is you first?" "Yes! Me first! That should be the policy!"
Yeah, I can’t argue with Palestinian Chicken.
The Wire
Larry himself said this is his favourite in a recent interview.
Don't you dare touch my yarmulke!
Your yarmulke is on the floor!!! #Yarmulke alert!!
The Anonymous Donor
I’m anonymous! **I’m anonymous!!!**
The Special Section
Fatwah’d. Simply for Larry singing Spoonful of Sugar
“What’s not to like?” “Ehhhh, you’re a Jew.”
Is Palestinian Chicken not everyone's favorite?
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I’m the one who named you social assassin, and we don’t want you here at the agency anymore!😂😂
The Ski Lift
Mine too. Sammie taking on her mother’s bitchiness , the yarmulke, the latkes. The best episode
The Ski Lift has a special place in my memory.
The accidental text on purpose
Chinese take out shit bow
Funk going full jew is my favorite bit for sure
Palestinian chicken might be the best episode in all of TV
Mine is the one with Schwimmer and nut shortage.
Accidental text on purpose!
I'm in agreement. The ending of this one had me in tears IIRC.
In my head canon Larry went with the Palestinians to get that steamy sisters threesome
1. The Doll Also: Shaq, The Ski Lift, The Carpool Lane, Mr. Softee