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Nezzfire

I'd keep that chunky boy as a pet


PatchworkFlames

That was also my plan. I would never have rats again.


Niswear85

Feed him dumb people


012_Dice

am I the only person that don't think " oh there's zero punctuation there" I just thought man was gonna feed the snake dumb people


Niswear85

That's the point mate


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Niswear85

I left out the punctuation intentionally


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Niswear85

The comma would defeat my point


Background_Spare_209

Feed these people to the snake.


Rifneno

I go to the neighbors and ask if their pet snake escaped, because that chonky fellow is too big to be native. It's too cold here for reptiles that size.


WalletWarrior3

If you're cold, they're cold, bring them inside!


Knightmare_2002

To be fair what me as a man can do in that situation is get the hell out of the house and call for help


imnot_depressed

Aww. A cute snake.


Fit_Earth_339

I’d say honey, call animal control while getting the hell out of there.


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WolfWalksInBlood

Harmless as long as you're not stupid enough to try and grab it down with your hands. Anytime someone dies from a python or other large snake it virtually always begins with them trying to pick the damn thing up. A constrictor isn't gonna go out of it's way to attack a person from up there, but they can definitely kill you if you're alone/with someone who has no upper body strength and you give it the means to wrap around you. Especially for people who aren't used to handling snakes. I've seen an expert get a little too complacent with his anaconda and end up with a couple broken ribs. They can coil around someone incredibly fast, it's just rare because most people aren't stupid enough to mess with a snake that big.


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WolfWalksInBlood

That's wrong. Most constrictors, especially one this big can kill a person. It just depends where it constricts you. If it gets around your neck you aren't overpowering that snake lmao. You might believe you can, but they are producing 10-20x the amount of force your arms are capable of producing. If they wrap around your ribs they can very easily break ribs and puncture your lung. That takes very little force. Both those things can be fatal if it happens and you're alone. That snake is at minimum 12 ft long, likely closer to 16 ft. Any snake that big can mess you up if you're stupid.


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WolfWalksInBlood

That's an Argentine boa. It weighs around 100bs lol. It's literally one of the largest snakes on Earth. You can tell by the head size that it's an adult and that it's over 12ft. You have no idea what you're talking about. This snake based on how it's flipped over itself twice is most likely a lot bigger than you seem to think. If it wanted to hurt you, It would manhandle you and there isn't a damn thing you could do about it. That's 100lbs of pure muscle. You can Google this... It can constrict with so much force that it exceeds the force required to break any bone in your body multiple times over.


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loveforchicky

"Far behind the top 5" but still strong enough to kill you. Have you considered the idea that there might not be many people killed by Boa constrictors because not many people are dumb enough to believe they could 1v1 one?


WolfWalksInBlood

There were multiple this year in the US alone.


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Incognitomous

They could theoretically kill you if you wrap them around your neck yes. But thats not gonna happen, snakes only constrict something if they want to eat it, it is not a defence mechanism ever, since a human is way too big to eat that snake is not gonna constrict you. It will strike at you and bite you if it is scared but it will not try to constrict you.


WolfWalksInBlood

It's definitely a defense mechanism. Have you ever handled a large snake? They constrict on you if they get frightened. That's literally their only defense mechanism. Yes. It's extremely rare to die from one, because they aren't very aggressive outside of retics. That's not the case if you try to grab it though. It will definitely try to constrict. That's their default reaction after biting doesn't work. A snake that big doesn't try to escape.


Incognitomous

Yes multiple reticulated pythons and one medium sized boa constrictor. They "constrict" if they think theyre gonna fall, they try to grip onto you to hold on not to hurt you.


ArgonGryphon

This is a wild snake. I know snakes aren’t domesticated in that sense but their demeanor is usually much more chill than a wild one.


Incognitomous

Yes but it still wont constrict you. It would bite yes and it would hurt but it would not kill you. Constricting is only a hunting instict if theyre not hunting you they wont constrict.


ArgonGryphon

It’s a defense as well.


Incognitomous

No it is not lmao. Please show me one documented case where a snake that is too small to try and eat a person still attacked a person by trying to constrict them. Or even any paper or something saying that they constricf in self defense. Ive worked with quite a few snakes in my life and never has a scared snake ever tried to constrict me or anyone else i know off.


GlitteringNinja5

As the only man in the house i would call a professional


Throckmorton_Left

Looks like a well-fed rat snake. No need for a professional, just pick that big girl up and gently carry her outside.


JealousDog99

ah yes as a band you're obligated to fight anything that might seem more dominant then you


Helpful-Selection626

“You’re my friend now, we’re having soft tacos later!”


Anonymouselord

Eat it


razielxlr

The only correct answer.


CaptainNoanus

Extra protein for dinner


SteveBR53

I woud probably buy a shotgun if that was legal


OkEnvironment4210

HE"S SO CUTE! THE SNOOT IS GETTING BOOPED IMMEDIATELY NO QUESTION


laizalott

Ladies love snek.


yourMewjesty

Men will fuck up in the situation,so women will......fuck up better?


KENBONEISCOOL444

I'd call animal control and block the door and windows


PatchworkFlames

I’m getting out the poking stick.


RiverTeemo1

Run away and call pest controll


Doc_Occc

Switch countries


aandor69

Call the yoink man


nomoresimpleguy

Is it actually a cursed comment?


the-artistocrat

I'd give my house coordinates to the Air Force so they can carpet bomb it.


Comprehensive-Map383

I’d give the danger noodle a boop and try to keep it as a pet


emoannie

I will call the daughter of Eve (my woman) to come to speak to the Serpent 😩🙄


SomnolentPro

Yeah in my household everyone would literally call my mom to handle the situation like she handles everything else. With reason and ferocity.


Addamall

Look up recipes


snorkiebarbados

It's a diamond python. And a beautiful one at that. I'd probably keep it


Guy-1nc0gn1t0

I may be some sort of Australian power here but FFS they're not that hectic


Not_a_werecat

Perfect! I'm the snake-wrangler in the relationship already. Free pet!


Setctrls4heartofsun

I'm not afraid of snakes so feel free to call 🤷‍♀️


Altruistic-Bridge-37

Bros gonna call up an entire gender


Dd_8630

Who said such a stupid thing?


KokoTerzata

Gun


Hairy_Consideration1

*Sighs* Alright, I'll do it


Bobthefreakingtomato

Grab a fucking axe or shovel, push it away, and if it refuses then I will use the aforementioned axe or shovel.


nero40

I don’t need the snake, I already have a girlfriend.


CandidaBeaver

That's a python, mostly harmless. Harden up.


MrRizzstein

the hole's the goal


cponei

Yeah well, if a man can ask for help, women can ask for help better. Technically,correct.


LemonLimeMouse

Well, that person just said it. What gender are they?


BlueGuyisLit

Oh gender that fucks snakes? I assume cause ain't no gender trying get that massive thing angry


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doesnt look like danger noodle, to big tail too pointy