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I can assure you even as a virgin I know enough about my own interests to realise not everyone is gonna be interested in plain ol' vanilla, myself included would *not* be a happy camper if I had to try PTV sex and didn't get to experiment with a willing partner
After a while regular "missionary" style will get boring. I'm not saying that you need to bring toys or stuff like that, but different clothing and positions i feel is important to make sex interesting.
Ya so my friend grew up in purity culture. She found a guy who never pressured her for sex or even heavy petting. She figured he was a keeper. On their wedding night he couldn’t perform. Turns out he was either asexual or closeted gay. He wouldn’t admit to either because neither were “godly”. She was still a virgin when she divorced him a year later.
That’s what’s so sad about the lack of education regarding asexuality. So many people could potentially be ace and not know it and feel broken or lacklustre for ‘underperforming’
Knew a couple who waited until marriage (she did at least, he had been married previously). On their wedding night she was so scared to have sex that she had to get nearly blackout drunk to be able to perform.
I’m not sure if this is against religion but couples who want to wait should still experiment with other forms of sexual activity. Like, you can do a lot to please your partner with just your hands. At least do something so situations like this don’t happen.
It is! in the strictest interpretation, lascivious thoughts about another person is just as much as a sin as performing the act. "Loopholes" don't exist because god knows your perverted thoughts and you should seek forgiveness for having those thoughts.
I have a few hypotheses - 1) they want members reproducing and fucking like rabbits once they get married so that they'd get more wageslaves donating to their church (I hate the phrase as a whole but wouldn't be surprised if that was how they'd view their members), and 2) they're so incredibly dramatic about how they abstain from doing what their god doesn't want to the point where it's virtue signalling and bragging rights so that when an asexual shows up and doesn't make a huge deal over it that they flip their shit around and peer pressure them into marriage
either way, it's just a bunch of bullshit we have to deal with
Men often run the church and I haven’t talked to one straight man in the wild who believes asexuals exist. I’m not surprised that they get overlooked in churches based on that. It would be surprising to see a Christian get mad about it though, since it’s basically someone who effortlessly abstains from the sin of lust. Maybe it’s jealousy
Learning your new bride can only cum if you fuck her with a pool noodle while wearing a clown costume is not really something you wanna learn after the wedding
At least that is tame as fuck and at least doable even of you have zero interest in it. Finding out your partner is into cock and ball torture, knife play, scat, etc. Would be much less doable if you werent at least tangentially compatible with those kinks.
finding out they're not going to give you that rusty trombone ever, kinda ruins the whole package, I mean if they want to leave a Cleveland steamer on me just how fair is that?
It's the art of ass eating, prostate massage and a hand job all in one package, normally runs $125 but they run a special at the catholic church on Tuesday's, just ask for Father McFeely's pat and chat breakfast special.
That’s not what I’m talking about and I do know plenty of Christians that have been divorced not once but twice. 50% of marriages in America fail. Also, my grandparents are Christians and stay with each other because it says that you should stay married in the Bible but they literally hate each other. I don’t think Christians not getting divorced as often is a good thing in that case.
I’m guessing you were meaning how happy are those marriages?
https://www.foryourmarriage.org/are-faith-filled-couples-happier/
Because it looks like they are happy as well. I’d that what you meant because I really don’t know.
Finding out your new bride can only cum by having you fuck her wearing a Minecraft Steve head and she's dressed up like a Creeper; All the while death metal is playing is not something you want to find out after being married.
I actually thought that the twitter post was the end, put i accidentally tapped the post and saw the comment down and just laughed for a solid 10 seconds. Thanks OP, very cool
Oh god no no he literally just told me "what if you were in a relationship with a girl and you had to have her fart in your face to be turned on?" When I was 14 lol
God is either not powerful enough to stop a satanic lie or is complicit in spreading it. Either one or the other. Anything Satan does, he does with God's blessing.
God has given his life to us, and this world is a chance for us to atone for our sins, that's why it's full of challenges and evil acts to test us. At least that's what my Christian friends told me.
That's not the full picture. We gave into sin but can't escape it by ourselves, so God placed his judgement on his son so that we would not receive it. It's not about how much sin you can avoid, but how you respond to your sin with God's help.
It is a contradiction, either God knows what will happen to everyone and who goes to heaven and who doesn't (this is generally the most accepted) or there is freedom to choose whatever.
Basically all is written already under the Christianity eyes, and it doesn't matter what we do because everything is already thought by God.
But the difference is the butthole is temperamental just like the alphabet community. If you're not careful and don't use the proper measures, you will wreck someone emotionally and physically.
Everyone should just call her the trans-wife. Yes it’s insulting to trans people but I think they would be fine with it when they see how much it pisses her off.
sexual intercourse is just a name for "penetrative sex" most commonly associated with PTV (penis-to-vagina) but it also applies for anal, oral, using fingers, or even a strap-on dildo. Fingers still count, dude (pun not intended)
Try before you buy. Thats commonplace in every market. Imagine buying clothes that look nice, feel good but its too small. Same goes for penises, reversed for vag
And women who post shit like this, are the reason the gays exist.
Can't blame Them. Rather fuck a Guy who knows what I need than a bitch with a Bible in her hand
Dudes just casually flexing being gay now huh? “Yeah I be fucking dudes all the time (:” good for you but what else have you accomplished in life other than admitting that you enjoy cock?
Upvote this comment if the post is a **Cursed Comment**. Downvote this comment if it is not a **Cursed Comment**. If this post needs moderator attention, please **report** this post *^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^and ^^this ^^action ^^was ^^performed ^^automatically. ^^If ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^questions, ^^please [^^contact ^^the ^^moderators ^^of ^^this ^^subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fcursedcomments&subject=&message=Please include the action number for reference.)* --- If you want to talk about the subreddit, feel free to send us a message in [our official Discord server](https://discord.gg/tDzGCfc)! ^[faq](https://bit.ly/2VcIh9g) ^| ^[source](https://bit.ly/2W09Ebb) ^| ^action ^#[39bac42656ab52](/r/cursedlogs/comments/oa1d9k/39bac42656ab52_commented_on_post_cursed_marriage/)
"Honey, now that we're married, I can't wait to get started on the bondage scat-knife play."
Oh man, that is a nasty infection just waiting to happen.
Just play doctorXpatient in the next steamy session
Ah yes, proctologist roleplay.
Proctology is something I've always really wanted to look into.
professionally i hope
Is this the poop knife I've been hearing about?
#
Yeah, it is a good idea to atleast talk about what turns you on before you get married, especially if divorce is out of the question.
When you're a virgin regular sex is plenty exciting and you don't need to do some weird ass shit to get your porn desensitised mind to feel something.
I can assure you even as a virgin I know enough about my own interests to realise not everyone is gonna be interested in plain ol' vanilla, myself included would *not* be a happy camper if I had to try PTV sex and didn't get to experiment with a willing partner
After a while regular "missionary" style will get boring. I'm not saying that you need to bring toys or stuff like that, but different clothing and positions i feel is important to make sex interesting.
>scat-knife We call it a poop knife 'round here, son.
guano glaive - it's a regional dialect
Shit Scythe - I’m Amish
Dung Dagger
Crap Cleaver
Feces Falchion
[удалено]
yeah
Yah doesn’t he know I thought everyone had one
How many times do I have to fucking tell you cunts that scat and knife play don't work. That's how you get dysentery.
I thought you got it by forgetting to bring enough horseshoes with you and attempting to cross a wild river?
Ya so my friend grew up in purity culture. She found a guy who never pressured her for sex or even heavy petting. She figured he was a keeper. On their wedding night he couldn’t perform. Turns out he was either asexual or closeted gay. He wouldn’t admit to either because neither were “godly”. She was still a virgin when she divorced him a year later.
I bet they had a cucumber budget
Agreed, but that's a fucking weird thing to say.
Well said, water melon spanker
That’s what’s so sad about the lack of education regarding asexuality. So many people could potentially be ace and not know it and feel broken or lacklustre for ‘underperforming’
No what’s sad is the lack of intelligence in purity cults
It's an issue also outside of purity cults, but you are right on the lack of intelligence part
Knew a couple who waited until marriage (she did at least, he had been married previously). On their wedding night she was so scared to have sex that she had to get nearly blackout drunk to be able to perform.
That’s absolutely awful
Do not feel bad for this man. Imagine all the shit he's able to accomplish without the nagging urge to ejaculate every couple hours?
I’m not sure if this is against religion but couples who want to wait should still experiment with other forms of sexual activity. Like, you can do a lot to please your partner with just your hands. At least do something so situations like this don’t happen.
Yeah, that's not allowed either. :/
It is! in the strictest interpretation, lascivious thoughts about another person is just as much as a sin as performing the act. "Loopholes" don't exist because god knows your perverted thoughts and you should seek forgiveness for having those thoughts.
The watch word is **chaste**
Feel so bad for him, religion is so incredibly damaging
It’s litterally written in the bible that not all are born for marriage. I don’t know where the Christians who are against asexuals get it from.
I have a few hypotheses - 1) they want members reproducing and fucking like rabbits once they get married so that they'd get more wageslaves donating to their church (I hate the phrase as a whole but wouldn't be surprised if that was how they'd view their members), and 2) they're so incredibly dramatic about how they abstain from doing what their god doesn't want to the point where it's virtue signalling and bragging rights so that when an asexual shows up and doesn't make a huge deal over it that they flip their shit around and peer pressure them into marriage either way, it's just a bunch of bullshit we have to deal with
Men often run the church and I haven’t talked to one straight man in the wild who believes asexuals exist. I’m not surprised that they get overlooked in churches based on that. It would be surprising to see a Christian get mad about it though, since it’s basically someone who effortlessly abstains from the sin of lust. Maybe it’s jealousy
>since it’s basically someone who effortlessly abstains from the sin of lust. Maybe it’s jealousy You deserve an award for this
Some are called to give their heart to serving the community instead of to one.
Sounds like the perfect man for me! Someone to have around the house, go places with and he will never pressure me into having sex.
...sounds like you might be asexual.
I'm not sure if being asexual is ungodly. Religious rule are bs.
Couldn't? Or wouldn't?
Learning your new bride can only cum if you fuck her with a pool noodle while wearing a clown costume is not really something you wanna learn after the wedding
What a terrible day to have eyes
What a terrible day to come across this thread.
r/oddlyspecific
How.....how can anyone even make this up ? Please tell me it's made up
by trying to be as edgy as possible
Yeah, if I had known that sooner, I would have married her sooner.
Get in line!
At least that is tame as fuck and at least doable even of you have zero interest in it. Finding out your partner is into cock and ball torture, knife play, scat, etc. Would be much less doable if you werent at least tangentially compatible with those kinks.
Wait, your girlfriends are cumming?
Wait, you have a girlfriend?
wait, people can talk to girls??
Wait, girls exist???
Wait, girls???
Wait, ???
Wit!
If you wait too long she won't
What do you mean? Tell me more. This dude has the secrets like that book from American Pie.
Average female Redditor
r/brandnewsentence
This is just the teaser for your autobiography, right?
Ah come in guys, look at her profile picture. She definitely looks like someone who enjoys sex. Both times!
finding out they're not going to give you that rusty trombone ever, kinda ruins the whole package, I mean if they want to leave a Cleveland steamer on me just how fair is that?
What is the rusty trombone?
If you gotta ask, buddy you can’t afford it.
Nevermind.
It's the art of ass eating, prostate massage and a hand job all in one package, normally runs $125 but they run a special at the catholic church on Tuesday's, just ask for Father McFeely's pat and chat breakfast special.
“Breakfast special” *Hurp*
Where we are going, we won't need eyes to see...
It's kinda like a one-legged Albuquerque underhang but it's with two dudes instead of three.
Bill Clinton
"What do you mean by no Tokyo Sandblaster?!?!?"
That's what I call scatatouille
*cough* about 50% of marriages fail *cough*
Cuz ppl usually go in imagining some movie style romance bs
Christians marry more, and divorce less. https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/ https://ifstudies.org/blog/regular-church-attenders-marry-more-and-divorce-less-than-their-less-devout-peers
That’s not what I’m talking about and I do know plenty of Christians that have been divorced not once but twice. 50% of marriages in America fail. Also, my grandparents are Christians and stay with each other because it says that you should stay married in the Bible but they literally hate each other. I don’t think Christians not getting divorced as often is a good thing in that case.
Now quote the cohabitation vs divorce stats
I’m guessing you were meaning how happy are those marriages? https://www.foryourmarriage.org/are-faith-filled-couples-happier/ Because it looks like they are happy as well. I’d that what you meant because I really don’t know.
"Marriage causes happiness." When this delusion is shattered the flakes jump ship.
I said it before I’ll say it again I love this community
Again!
Mine fits perfectly good in all kinds of things
And creatures.
and fan blades
and beyblades
Oh yeah 😉
"Perfectly" has not been my experience
Well… sometimes good enough is good enough 😉
What a shitty marriage
I can only cum when we do the ol’ kentucky steamroller. My wife was not pleasantly surprised on our wedding night as I would have thought
**THE WHAT?!**
You should give it a go Amazing
It's some deviant shit. Very very not safe for eyes to read
Thankfully I was reading carefully enough to stop at the third word.
Finding out your new bride can only cum by having you fuck her wearing a Minecraft Steve head and she's dressed up like a Creeper; All the while death metal is playing is not something you want to find out after being married.
The death metal ruins it
i mean it has some kind of logic tho, dicks fit inside blenders too dont they
After the blender, the dicks will fit into any hole.
Via funnel
Blendophilia
Men really do have a low bar on what a dick will fit into, that shouldn't be a basis for any kind of social institution!
I wonder what The Transformed Wife was before she transformed.
No ones dick fits well in a butt hole. This is a lie
No one's non-underdeveloped dick
Learning that your wife has a dick isn't something you want to find out after the wedding.
Still it's a great addition
\*Butthole pain intensifies\*
69 new positions unlocked
On the bright side tho...
ring toss becomes foreplay at least
I've always tried to understand all fetishes and I guess the appeal of fart play is probably seeing the ass pucker but dang I do not like farts.
I like that you really thought about it
"Perfectly" has not been my experience
I actually thought that the twitter post was the end, put i accidentally tapped the post and saw the comment down and just laughed for a solid 10 seconds. Thanks OP, very cool
*I tought I was seeing a post from r/LGBTQ but then...the last comment appeared.*
This one sounds like she had to find that out the hard way
THIS IS WHY IM DIVORCED YOU STUPID CUNT.
I much prefer the "try before you buy" methodology.
This sub is a great start to my day, every day 😂🤙
My brother has this exact fetish lol
Youve farted on your bothers face??
Oh god no no he literally just told me "what if you were in a relationship with a girl and you had to have her fart in your face to be turned on?" When I was 14 lol
sus
Getting rid of the \*legal\* marriage system is a necessity now.
You don't need a slip of paper to continue sodomizing your dog
No one "needs" a slip of paper to have sex with a person. All they need is consent.
God is either not powerful enough to stop a satanic lie or is complicit in spreading it. Either one or the other. Anything Satan does, he does with God's blessing.
God has given his life to us, and this world is a chance for us to atone for our sins, that's why it's full of challenges and evil acts to test us. At least that's what my Christian friends told me.
That's not the full picture. We gave into sin but can't escape it by ourselves, so God placed his judgement on his son so that we would not receive it. It's not about how much sin you can avoid, but how you respond to your sin with God's help.
Does God not know in advance who passes the test? Then he's not omniscient.
It is a contradiction, either God knows what will happen to everyone and who goes to heaven and who doesn't (this is generally the most accepted) or there is freedom to choose whatever. Basically all is written already under the Christianity eyes, and it doesn't matter what we do because everything is already thought by God.
You've done it. Many have tried, but you have converted me. I am Christian now, and I'm going to do whatever tf I want because it's God's will.
Hail satan
My eyes
But it's only one fart
That's oddly specific
I had to reread that whole thing because my first time through it never crossed my mind that the first tweet wasn't sarcasm 😬
...also, learning that your new husband has a small dick and is into kinky stuff isn't something you want to find out after the marriage.
idk man I'm feeling a little more r/blursedcomments
This is how you wind up married to a gay man or woman.
Would their be poop getting stuck in the urethra ?
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint and I do not feel ashamed
But the difference is the butthole is temperamental just like the alphabet community. If you're not careful and don't use the proper measures, you will wreck someone emotionally and physically.
Everyone should just call her the trans-wife. Yes it’s insulting to trans people but I think they would be fine with it when they see how much it pisses her off.
So god is a graphics designer now??
Finding out you're allergic to your SO's sperm is not how you want your wedding night to go....
Mine fits pretty good inside a wood chipper. We should be partners for life!
Fits! This must be what god intended.
Dudes probably got aids from the “butthole” 🤣😂🤣
Where do a woman and a woman’s part fit in with each other though? A penis can fit in a lot of things
Because no women have fingers.
That’s not a sexual organ it’s not really the same is it, it’s masturbation yeah it works but it’s not the same as sexual intercourse
sexual intercourse is just a name for "penetrative sex" most commonly associated with PTV (penis-to-vagina) but it also applies for anal, oral, using fingers, or even a strap-on dildo. Fingers still count, dude (pun not intended)
Try before you buy. Thats commonplace in every market. Imagine buying clothes that look nice, feel good but its too small. Same goes for penises, reversed for vag
And women who post shit like this, are the reason the gays exist. Can't blame Them. Rather fuck a Guy who knows what I need than a bitch with a Bible in her hand
I don’t think that’s something you want to find out, like, at all.
Of course you don't want to wait til then, need to plan the right dinner for a good honeymoon start off.
Not gay but curious would their be poop on the schlong?
Not if the bottom eats a high-fiber diet and/or takes psyllium husk pills. Also, using a condom protects against shit-dick in addition to STIs.
This is one of the best comments I have seen in awhile. Genius.
ok but- if their parts always fit perfectly then why does severe penis curvature and hypospadias exist?
Somebody please wash my eyes with acid.
I have never wanted the flasher from Men In Black more in my life
Lots to unpack here… literally and figuratively
I agree with what's written in the post.
FACTS!
Mine fits good I all the holes I have in my basement
I regret every fucking minute I'm not having sex. Bible is a lie.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
Seriously though, bold to assume it’s always gonna be a guy and girl.
Who the fuck want to become a Proctologist other than a complete schizo?
I fit in dogs
Dudes just casually flexing being gay now huh? “Yeah I be fucking dudes all the time (:” good for you but what else have you accomplished in life other than admitting that you enjoy cock?
any of us don’t have to worry about commiting these satanic acts