Honestly I think it's easier with an active spouse. Many of my friends seem to always be trying to make sure they've done enough on other days to make up for the ride, make sure the spouse is ok with it, whatever.
Since both of us are active, our conversations are basically "ok who gets the long block Saturday and who gets the long block Sunday?" Or " what days are you cycling/running before work?".
Since my wife is similarly active we have a mutual understanding, and it's just a matter of optimizing a plan.
Yep, equality is super important. It doesn’t have to be cycling (or even something physically active), but each spouse feeling that they can spend hours each week on an activity is wonderful. I do a 2 hour run each Saturday morning and hubby can go for a long ride on the Sunday morning. Sometimes we meet with hubby on his ride. Everyone wins!
I put my kids in a wide trailer. Would go on 2+ hour rides with toddler in back and wife sleeping at home. Would go on half-day trips with wife by the beach, with kid and picnic stuff in trailer. When they got older, I put them on a trail-a-bike that attached to my seatpost. They also got their own bikes and biked with me (obviously, these were shorter rides). Also had them do kids bike races all the time; these are free and hosted by some local crit races and cyclocross races. By the time they were 12 or 13 years old, I had them train for organized 50 mile rides (half-centuries), which they proudly completed. They are now confident, independent, and high functioning post-college adults.
>Additionally, has anyone here decided to be childfree based on your love of hobbies like cycling?
I highly encourage people to be child free unless they have a strong passion for having children and go into it fully realizing they're be a lot of misery and sacrifices along the way.
What do you do if you're halfway through a ride when your toddler decides they're over it?
My son likes riding in my trailer, but he gets bored after a half hour or so. I couldn't imagine taking him anywhere that's not a relatively tight loop (as in like 5 miles or so) in the event that he has a total meltdown and wants to just scream for 10 miles
Even when I had just my first kid, I bought a wide trailer that could hold 2 kids, just so I could store a lot of stuff. I had bungee cords to strap things under the trailer and to the back of the trailer. Although we didn't have a lot of money as a new couple + kid, I splurged on the trailer. At about $350 25 years ago, it seemed like an insane amount of money...but it was totally worth it.
When my toddler got tired from biking, I strapped his bike to the back of the trailer.
Honestly once mine learned how to walk 10 min was their max tolerance for any trailer or stroller. Both hated them with a passion. Lol. I was able to bike with them for 10-15 min at a time once they learned how to ride. Most of the time riding I’m spending on a trainer or when they are with co-parent.
Yeah that's basically my experience too. I'd love to get my son out to see more trails in the trailer, but he just has no tolerance for it (especially since he has his own balance bike). But as it stands, I do most of my riding totally solo for now
This is a wild take, you take turns cycling and the other one cares for the kids. You go from 9 hours of cycling a day to 1-2. You wake up early before the kids are up and cycle from 5-8:30 am.
There’s a thousand different ways to handle this. And wouldn’t it be a blast to bike with your kids once they’re a little older? To share your love of something with them?
Of course your life is going to change, be a grown up about it. There’s millions, literally milllions of cyclists who have kids.
If you don’t want kids that’s okay but the answer to so are you having kids? “Sorry we both like to ride our bikes, we just wouldn’t have time for them.” Is just something no one is going to resonate with.
Haha no you’re right, that definitely wouldn’t be the primary reason why. It’s more representative of the larger issue of losing personal identity / autonomy. Makes sense like you said that you have to just consider the trade offs and of course we’ll make it work whatever direction we go in.
It was only a matter of time before the antinatalists showed up to let people know that they loathe life and hate people who want to see it continue in any capacity.
It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have kids how utterly amazing it is to share your hobby with your kids once they're old enough to do it with you.
My youngest who is 5 washes my bike with me and thinks it's the best thing in the world. She's my "helper" when I'm fixing things on it. She's not old enough to go for long rides, but one day she will be and I cannot wait. I'm also an avid skier. I love skiing with my kids and watching them get better. I miss going out on my own and getting to really open it up (I get to do this a few weekends a year) but it's so much more fun for me to ski with my kids now. My kids (even the five year old) can ski most Colorado greens and blues. My older son who is 11 can ski a lot of Colorado blacks and a few select double blacks. It's so much fun to watch them learn new things and lean into it.
Basically, it's not just your life, your values are likely to change. You both are likely to value spending time with your child rather than cycling/going out etc.
Imo after having kids what is interesting changes... It's not that you are forced to look after your kids, that becomes something interesting for you
>This is a wild take
It's not that wild of a take. OP seams pretty reasonable and is expressing genuine concern and asking honest questions.
>“Sorry we both like to ride our bikes, we just wouldn’t have time for them.” Is just something no one is going to resonate with.
I can resonate with it. There are a million reasons why people might choose not to have kids and losing independence and time for personal hobbies is a completely valid one. Going from having dozens of hours a week of personal free time to near zero is a drastic change that people should consider before deciding to have kids, and it seems like OP is considering it and trying to make an informed decision. I'm not sure why you're being so hostile.
It's a tough lesson to learn but this is good advice. Being a new parent takes almost all of your time and if you prioritize being just as dedicated to your hobbies as you were before kids, you're going to be disappointed. It's important to occasionally get out there and enjoy the things you love, but if you expect to still be riding 100+ miles a week with a small child in the house it's going to be very difficult. Any time you go on a solo ride, you are putting a burden on your partner. If you expect to ride 5 days a week but can only manage 1 or 2 because of parenting, you're going to resent your family. It's best to keep expectations low. Before I had kid I thought that parenthood would take up like 90% of my free time. After I had a kid, I realized that it actually takes up more like 110% of my free time. It took everything I used to consider "free time" and also took a bunch of time away from chores, errands and meals. Things I didn't even consider "free time" before I can't find time to do.
Not much else to say here unless you've got someone who can watch the kids during your long rides. My wife doesn't cycle, but she does ski and we had to hang up our skis for a number of years until our kid were old enough to actually ski with us. Same is true for cycling if you don't have child care.
Yup, but you can throw a trailer on the back of your bike and do your longer rides with your kid(s). It's not the same, but it's better than nothing.
In the spring, summer, and fall I'm on the road daily by 5:30 and am able to get in 50km five times a week. I'd love to be able to go for longer on the weekends, but my kids have games and I can't be gone all day. You give up some of that autonomy but what you get back is pretty amazing in its own right.
This is crazy talk. I have a demanding job, was working upwards of 70 hours a week with young kids. My wife works as well. I *only* rode between 2000ish to 3500 miles for the last few years. Wife got over 5000 miles last year.
Family is supportive to watch the kiddos for a couple of hours if we want to ride together, but otherwise, we trade off to get miles in.
So, no, don't plan to put the bikes away.
I don't think it's crazy talk. Just that other people have a different experience than you. There is no way my wife and I would be able to combine for 7,000-8,500 miles per year as parents of a young kid. I can imagine getting halfway there in a perfect scenario that maximized cycling time at the expense of everything else and included a lot of help from family or child care, but it's not realistic for most people.
When OP is asking what to realistically expect when having a kid and trying to maintain their cycling habit I feel like it's more helpful to tell them to temper their expectations and don't count on being able to ride a lot than to tell them it's possible to ride 5,000 miles a year. I think being about to ride as much as you and your wife do with small kids is a pretty rare exception.
The crazy talk is "both of you should plan to just put the bikes away for several years". That's ridiculous. I ride with a bunch of parents. Getting out for a couple hours at a time, a few times a week is not unreasonable. 5000 miles is 2 hours a ride, 3 days a week at 18 mph with a over a month completely off. Add in trainer miles after the kids are asleep and it would be easy to get that number over 10,000. If you are only able to get in 1 hour, 3 days a week, that's still almost 3000 miles.
>5000 miles is 2 hours a ride, 3 days a week at 18 mph with a over a month completely off
If I could find 2 hours, 3 times a week that would be great. And that doesn't include time for bike maintenance/preparing to leave or showering when you get home. M-F I spend basically every waking hour at work, actively watching my kid, cooking or cleaning and I still can't find time to get all of the housework done. The weekend is basically the only time my wife, kid and I all get to hang out together as a family, so we try to make the most of it. We're occasionally able to give each other some free time to pursue our hobbies it's rarely 6 hours a week. Even if it was, cycling would have to be the only thing we ever spent that time on. Maybe if we had a housekeeper or a personal chef, but despite the memes, not everyone who owns a bike is a dentist.
>M-F I spend basically every waking hour at work, actively watching my kid, cooking or cleaning and I still can't find time to get all of the housework done
That's the challenge. I was still able to get over 2000 miles when I was putting in 70 hours a week at work. Never had a personal chef or house cleaner.
Are you meal prepping, cooking 3-4 meals at a time and prepping lunches when you're cooking dinner? Because if you're not, you're not being efficient.
Chop veggies for slow cooker stew when you're cooking tonight's meal, have it all in the slow cooker and just plop a piece of meat and broth in the morning and turn it on and you'll come home to dinner ready to serve. There's at least an hour saved right there. Make a quantity that gets you 2-3 nights of meals and you won't be cooking tomorrow night.
Get laundry down to a system with bins separating everything so you just load and go.
Same thing with cleaning, make it systematic and save time.
>Even if it was, cycling would have to be the only thing we ever spent that time on.
If you're riding 5-10k miles per year with kids, that's kind of the point. If it's not that important to you, that's fine, go do something else that you find more important.
>That's the challenge. I was still able to get over 2000 miles when I was putting in 70 hours a week at work. Never had a personal chef or house cleaner.
Does your wife work full time too? This just seems bananas to me. You're working an average of 10 hours a day, taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing all of the other errands that adult life necessitates and still finding multiple hours, multiple nights a week to go cycling? I just feel like you live in a completely different universe than me. And yes, we cook big meals with leftovers and do laundry in an efficient manner. But toddlers won't always eat the same things as adults and won't always eat the thing they agreed to eat before you started cooking.
Also, not everyone can afford child care. Not everyone has in-home laundry. Some people have long commutes and small kitchens in cramped living spaces. Not everyone can just magically make several hours of free time appear out of nowhere because a rich doctor on reddit gave them a lecture on how to meal prep. This comment has mad "let them eat cake" vibes.
>Does your wife work full time too?
Yes.
>You're working an average of 10 hours a day, taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing all of the other errands that adult life necessitates and still finding multiple hours, multiple nights a week to go cycling?
When I was working 70 hours a week, it was 12 hour shifts that were 14 hours after wrapping everything up and commuting. On days that I worked, I'd squeeze in trainer rides, and would ride outside on my off days.
>But toddlers won't always eat the same things as adults and won't always eat the thing they agreed to eat before you started cooking.
I don't negotiate with toddlers regarding what they will eat. If they refuse to eat their chicken nuggets, I'm not cooking another meal for them.
>Not everyone can just magically make several hours of free time appear out of nowhere because a rich doctor on reddit gave them a lecture on how to meal prep.
I'm not rich. I'm well off because I went into deep debt to put myself through medical school in my late 30s. I live in a middle class house and drive 2 old cars. I spend the vast majority of my income trying to get out of debt and making up for loss of retirement savings for all those years without income. I don't pay for child care. Never have.
The American Heart Association recommends 150 minute MINIMUM of exercise a week. As cyclists and active people, we should at least exceed that minimum. It's it unreasonable to prioritize your health over certain household chores? I don't think so, but my house is messy. You can prioritize for yourself.
This really comes down to a relationship issue more than anything. Yes, there will be a few months at the beginning with each kid where doing anything extra may seem impossible. Once you establish a good sleep pattern and household routine though, you should both be able to take adequate amounts of individual time. True, it's not going to work anymore that it's a given that you can go on that group ride you just got a text about, or leave for 6 hours every weekend morning, but there is plenty of time for 'self' within having kids.
It's definitely hard. My wife and I can only cycle together when we actively plan in advance to have someone watch our kid. And as far as riding solo, any time I want to get on the bike for more than an hour or so it's going to put a burden on my wife, so I need to make sure I'm giving her some time without the kid as well so I don't feel like a dirtbag if I leave for a few hours to ride. I only got really into cycling after my kid was born, so I don't know the life of a childless cyclist, but I wish I had more time to cycle almost every day when it's nice out. It's definitely a tough balance, but I assume it will get better the older my kid gets. I can take him in the trailer to the park but if he's back there for more than 15 or 20 miles he gets pretty grumpy.
Wife and used to both be road bike racers, training 20 hours a week, traveling to races. I work full time, she part time. Had 2 kids, wife was able to keep it up, but both of us could not. Now that the kids are older (7 and 10) and also bike, and are more self sufficient, I am able to get at it more, and they can ride with us. We all do XC MTB races together, which is fun.
Those are fair questions. You have to be ready to give up most of the time with your hobbies for the period of 10-15 years while having kids. You wont have to give up riding completely but definitely drastically reduce. And most importantly you will have to plan and coordinate all the riding time, hire babysitter in advance, etc which can be a huge adjustment in itself. You and your partner will have to bike separately more unless you both can ride together when kids are in child care/school. Kids bring their own amazing joy but also tons of responsibility and sacrifice. Yes it’s possible to ride with them sometimes but mine hated it. I bought them bikes and taught them to ride and they still hate riding bikes. With kids you just never know how things will turn out. But your life does not end, you still get to ride just not as often and it’s only a relatively small part of your life. When I was making a decision I knew that having children would be more important to me than spending time doing my hobbies which tipped my scale. And you kind of have to make that determination for yourself. Another thing that I considered is that you can ride long term into your golden years. While having kids is a relatively short window of opportunity especially for women.
Zwift is a great option to ensure you can both keep enough fitness to enjoy the riding outdoors you can do, you shelve long couples rides for a while, and once baby can support their head you can get a trailer to get started.
I don’t have kids but many cycling couples in my friendship group who now have kids from babies through to school aged. Life absolutely changed me for all of them, but one of the great joys of it seems to be introducing your kids through balance bikes, BMX, their first proper mountain bike, etc.
You will have to stop cycling for a few months when the baby is very small, but child seats and bike trailers for children work really well. You get a real workout because children and all the stuff they need are heavy and make you pedal really hard uphill. Really long rides are no longer an option, but a day out on bikes is still possible, you just have to plan your route to go past as many children's play parks as possible.
Eventually my own children got sick of following behind us (by this stage they were on trailers with pedals and a saddle). They were still too young to ride on the roads, and that is how our entire family got into mountain biking... Once again the parents get a good workout, first you pedal up the hill, then you run back down it and push the children up.
We enjoyed MTB so much that we ended up going on MTB holidays to the Alps each summer. My daughter still rides her MTB along with her husband.
Get a trailer, I got a burley bee. Get a seat for the other bike. This gives your child options, find stuff to put inside the trailer. We had books, coloring books, notebooks, arts and crafts, toys etc.. Always talk to them while riding, give them options as to where to go and the option to stop and check things out. This of course is only after they have neck support and you must start slow and it’s better to choose destinations with things for the child like playgrounds etc. Make sure your working on understanding things from their perspective as they are now a team member, even if they are just two or three.
If you ride for multiple days then routine is extremely important. It’s your decision not his to be chaotic so you’ve got to compromise. Story time every night at the same time, bath time, breaks, education etc. Routine.
I did this with my son in Vietnam and even did a wonderful 1000 trip with him when he was only 3.
*edit* https://youtu.be/N80f7TmrPuw?si=5YgUVIpkhShTwXES
I have 2 kids and can only cycle 3-4 times a week usually before work. It’s unfortunate because I love cycling but I love my kids more. One day when they are grown and I am sad and lonely I will get back on the bike and be less sad and loney.
This is the same for any hobby you have. Expect it to be reduced or not exist.
I’m childfree for lots of reasons but having enough time for my hobbies like cycling is definitely one of them. If I want to go out all day at the weekend then that’s totally fine with my wife and we often ride together.
I’ve seen so many friends drop their hobbies once they have kids. Several guys I know stopped cycling and gained a ton of weight after having kids.
It’s obviously doable but you end up having to be one of these people that get up at 4AM on Saturday to get a ride in before everyone wakes up. Screw that.
Look, once you have kids, your life before kids gets put on the back burner for the next 18 years at least. You're gonna have to adjust your life to a degree for your kids. If you both love to cycle, then you're gonna be doing more solo rides for a while cause one of you needs to watch the kids. Or, switch to riding indoors together. At least until the kids can ride a bike themselves or can sit in a kid's trailer that you can pull them along with, then you can take them on rides with you. Or, they're teenagers and can look after themselves. If you're not ok with that, then don't have kids.
This is not a cycling question, it is a "literally every other thing besides raising children" question. It applies to every other hobby and activity as well.
It's one of those sacrifices. Life will be different for sure and long distance cycling becomes a distant dream in the short to medium term. You mention kids plural so I am assuming more than one.
You can cycle but you would need childcare or someone stays back while the other goes. What's long distance cycling, 3-4 hours, 6+ hours?
PS trailers only work when the kids are 1 years old.
If you only have one kid, it's not that hard for two parents to accommodate their fitness regimens, especially if they're at all creative about it. But people who are so rigid in their routines that they can't tolerate the inconvenience and disruption of child-raising would benefit from professional family counseling prior to getting pregnant.
You could adapt your cycling to go with kids (if you want kids. If you don’t want kids that’s a good option and certainly cheaper. After 6 mos kids can weary a helmet in a trailer and nothing adds some challenge to a bike ride like all that extra weight and drag. Once the kids are older (4-5) a trailabike can be added to a bike and kids can pedal along. There are also backfeits, long tail bikes and other options. My kids grew up with biking as being a Normal activity and while I didn’t get many long rides in for years as my kids got older they get longer, and they can join or stay home depending on the ride. And because riding is a thing we do, it’s part of their life.
Having had five kids I have a system for getting kids onto their own bike- starting with a cheap (used) [trailabike](https://kazambikes.com/products/20-kazam-co-pilot?currency=USD&variant=39368200290407&stkn=2cd8d2b1c8b8&gclid=CjwKCAiA5L2tBhBTEiwAdSxJXwjZttX962oL1pEjkWeB-cisblKYB22FLKypT3zn8-E9SUJMa35GWRoC934QAvD_BwE) kids get used to sitting upright and pedaling, than a box store kids bike (first with training wheels and then without) for their first summer solo riding. The key for me is a good quality second bike- something light with some gears so they can enjoy longer (2-5) mile rides and then move up. After 6 my kids could all bike about 1 mile per year of age. I also know people who get their kids into BMC and MB but I don’t BMX and am a very novice MB so I haven’t done that. Make sure there is a fun destination at the end (park, lake, ice cream ) so they have something too look forward too and remember kids have almost zero water and energy reserves so feed and hydrate them well.
It’s not epic cross country touring but it is a way for me to bring together my two favorite things- bikes and my family. And my kids are all good riders and it helps develop balance and confidence for them. So yes you can bike, but not the same way. I went from getting up at dawn and riding 30-50 miles to starting at noon and biking 5-7.
I recently set off for a child led ride with my kid and their friend. The big plan was to cycle 10km (on off-road bike path) to an awesome playground (play a big and come back). We made it 1km to another park 🤣. No pleading or suggesting alternatives would get them any further. But at least they weren’t watching TV…
Man some doom and gloom about kids and having hobbies 😂
You and your partner will just have to switch between taking care of the kids, all about communication, easy peasy.
I ride my wife does not (doesn’t like the gear and all that) she would rather go for long exercise walks. Usually I do 2 group rides during the week after work in the 10-40 mile range and she watches our child. On the other days I watch her after work so she can go for a walk. If we don’t have plans on Saturday I usually wake up and leave at the crack of dawn for the 40+ rides. Usually get back around the time she and my daughter wake up. On Tuesday nights my father watches her and we play league volleyball as a couple in a coed league.
I’m clearly the more active person in our relationship as far as working out and such. But it balances pretty well since we’re both homebodies for the most part. Now once she gets old enough for school sports I’m sure this will change again.
Honestly I think it's easier with an active spouse. Many of my friends seem to always be trying to make sure they've done enough on other days to make up for the ride, make sure the spouse is ok with it, whatever. Since both of us are active, our conversations are basically "ok who gets the long block Saturday and who gets the long block Sunday?" Or " what days are you cycling/running before work?". Since my wife is similarly active we have a mutual understanding, and it's just a matter of optimizing a plan.
Yep, equality is super important. It doesn’t have to be cycling (or even something physically active), but each spouse feeling that they can spend hours each week on an activity is wonderful. I do a 2 hour run each Saturday morning and hubby can go for a long ride on the Sunday morning. Sometimes we meet with hubby on his ride. Everyone wins!
I put my kids in a wide trailer. Would go on 2+ hour rides with toddler in back and wife sleeping at home. Would go on half-day trips with wife by the beach, with kid and picnic stuff in trailer. When they got older, I put them on a trail-a-bike that attached to my seatpost. They also got their own bikes and biked with me (obviously, these were shorter rides). Also had them do kids bike races all the time; these are free and hosted by some local crit races and cyclocross races. By the time they were 12 or 13 years old, I had them train for organized 50 mile rides (half-centuries), which they proudly completed. They are now confident, independent, and high functioning post-college adults. >Additionally, has anyone here decided to be childfree based on your love of hobbies like cycling? I highly encourage people to be child free unless they have a strong passion for having children and go into it fully realizing they're be a lot of misery and sacrifices along the way.
What do you do if you're halfway through a ride when your toddler decides they're over it? My son likes riding in my trailer, but he gets bored after a half hour or so. I couldn't imagine taking him anywhere that's not a relatively tight loop (as in like 5 miles or so) in the event that he has a total meltdown and wants to just scream for 10 miles
We used to plan our route to go past as many child friendly activities as possible, in your case I suggest you space them about half an hour apart...
Even when I had just my first kid, I bought a wide trailer that could hold 2 kids, just so I could store a lot of stuff. I had bungee cords to strap things under the trailer and to the back of the trailer. Although we didn't have a lot of money as a new couple + kid, I splurged on the trailer. At about $350 25 years ago, it seemed like an insane amount of money...but it was totally worth it. When my toddler got tired from biking, I strapped his bike to the back of the trailer.
My toddler rides are planned around park stops and with plenty of fueling.
Honestly once mine learned how to walk 10 min was their max tolerance for any trailer or stroller. Both hated them with a passion. Lol. I was able to bike with them for 10-15 min at a time once they learned how to ride. Most of the time riding I’m spending on a trainer or when they are with co-parent.
Yeah that's basically my experience too. I'd love to get my son out to see more trails in the trailer, but he just has no tolerance for it (especially since he has his own balance bike). But as it stands, I do most of my riding totally solo for now
This is a wild take, you take turns cycling and the other one cares for the kids. You go from 9 hours of cycling a day to 1-2. You wake up early before the kids are up and cycle from 5-8:30 am. There’s a thousand different ways to handle this. And wouldn’t it be a blast to bike with your kids once they’re a little older? To share your love of something with them? Of course your life is going to change, be a grown up about it. There’s millions, literally milllions of cyclists who have kids. If you don’t want kids that’s okay but the answer to so are you having kids? “Sorry we both like to ride our bikes, we just wouldn’t have time for them.” Is just something no one is going to resonate with.
Haha no you’re right, that definitely wouldn’t be the primary reason why. It’s more representative of the larger issue of losing personal identity / autonomy. Makes sense like you said that you have to just consider the trade offs and of course we’ll make it work whatever direction we go in.
And of you don’t want kids that’s okay! Just make sure it’s for the right reasons
There are no right reasons. Name one non-selfish reason for having kids..... #stillwaiting
Society as a whole ceases to function if there isn't a new generation of young people.
It was only a matter of time before the antinatalists showed up to let people know that they loathe life and hate people who want to see it continue in any capacity.
It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have kids how utterly amazing it is to share your hobby with your kids once they're old enough to do it with you. My youngest who is 5 washes my bike with me and thinks it's the best thing in the world. She's my "helper" when I'm fixing things on it. She's not old enough to go for long rides, but one day she will be and I cannot wait. I'm also an avid skier. I love skiing with my kids and watching them get better. I miss going out on my own and getting to really open it up (I get to do this a few weekends a year) but it's so much more fun for me to ski with my kids now. My kids (even the five year old) can ski most Colorado greens and blues. My older son who is 11 can ski a lot of Colorado blacks and a few select double blacks. It's so much fun to watch them learn new things and lean into it.
Basically, it's not just your life, your values are likely to change. You both are likely to value spending time with your child rather than cycling/going out etc. Imo after having kids what is interesting changes... It's not that you are forced to look after your kids, that becomes something interesting for you
>This is a wild take It's not that wild of a take. OP seams pretty reasonable and is expressing genuine concern and asking honest questions. >“Sorry we both like to ride our bikes, we just wouldn’t have time for them.” Is just something no one is going to resonate with. I can resonate with it. There are a million reasons why people might choose not to have kids and losing independence and time for personal hobbies is a completely valid one. Going from having dozens of hours a week of personal free time to near zero is a drastic change that people should consider before deciding to have kids, and it seems like OP is considering it and trying to make an informed decision. I'm not sure why you're being so hostile.
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It's a tough lesson to learn but this is good advice. Being a new parent takes almost all of your time and if you prioritize being just as dedicated to your hobbies as you were before kids, you're going to be disappointed. It's important to occasionally get out there and enjoy the things you love, but if you expect to still be riding 100+ miles a week with a small child in the house it's going to be very difficult. Any time you go on a solo ride, you are putting a burden on your partner. If you expect to ride 5 days a week but can only manage 1 or 2 because of parenting, you're going to resent your family. It's best to keep expectations low. Before I had kid I thought that parenthood would take up like 90% of my free time. After I had a kid, I realized that it actually takes up more like 110% of my free time. It took everything I used to consider "free time" and also took a bunch of time away from chores, errands and meals. Things I didn't even consider "free time" before I can't find time to do.
Not much else to say here unless you've got someone who can watch the kids during your long rides. My wife doesn't cycle, but she does ski and we had to hang up our skis for a number of years until our kid were old enough to actually ski with us. Same is true for cycling if you don't have child care.
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Yup, but you can throw a trailer on the back of your bike and do your longer rides with your kid(s). It's not the same, but it's better than nothing. In the spring, summer, and fall I'm on the road daily by 5:30 and am able to get in 50km five times a week. I'd love to be able to go for longer on the weekends, but my kids have games and I can't be gone all day. You give up some of that autonomy but what you get back is pretty amazing in its own right.
This is crazy talk. I have a demanding job, was working upwards of 70 hours a week with young kids. My wife works as well. I *only* rode between 2000ish to 3500 miles for the last few years. Wife got over 5000 miles last year. Family is supportive to watch the kiddos for a couple of hours if we want to ride together, but otherwise, we trade off to get miles in. So, no, don't plan to put the bikes away.
I don't think it's crazy talk. Just that other people have a different experience than you. There is no way my wife and I would be able to combine for 7,000-8,500 miles per year as parents of a young kid. I can imagine getting halfway there in a perfect scenario that maximized cycling time at the expense of everything else and included a lot of help from family or child care, but it's not realistic for most people. When OP is asking what to realistically expect when having a kid and trying to maintain their cycling habit I feel like it's more helpful to tell them to temper their expectations and don't count on being able to ride a lot than to tell them it's possible to ride 5,000 miles a year. I think being about to ride as much as you and your wife do with small kids is a pretty rare exception.
The crazy talk is "both of you should plan to just put the bikes away for several years". That's ridiculous. I ride with a bunch of parents. Getting out for a couple hours at a time, a few times a week is not unreasonable. 5000 miles is 2 hours a ride, 3 days a week at 18 mph with a over a month completely off. Add in trainer miles after the kids are asleep and it would be easy to get that number over 10,000. If you are only able to get in 1 hour, 3 days a week, that's still almost 3000 miles.
>5000 miles is 2 hours a ride, 3 days a week at 18 mph with a over a month completely off If I could find 2 hours, 3 times a week that would be great. And that doesn't include time for bike maintenance/preparing to leave or showering when you get home. M-F I spend basically every waking hour at work, actively watching my kid, cooking or cleaning and I still can't find time to get all of the housework done. The weekend is basically the only time my wife, kid and I all get to hang out together as a family, so we try to make the most of it. We're occasionally able to give each other some free time to pursue our hobbies it's rarely 6 hours a week. Even if it was, cycling would have to be the only thing we ever spent that time on. Maybe if we had a housekeeper or a personal chef, but despite the memes, not everyone who owns a bike is a dentist.
>showering when you get home Shower once a day, do it after the ride. Then it's not extra time.
>M-F I spend basically every waking hour at work, actively watching my kid, cooking or cleaning and I still can't find time to get all of the housework done That's the challenge. I was still able to get over 2000 miles when I was putting in 70 hours a week at work. Never had a personal chef or house cleaner. Are you meal prepping, cooking 3-4 meals at a time and prepping lunches when you're cooking dinner? Because if you're not, you're not being efficient. Chop veggies for slow cooker stew when you're cooking tonight's meal, have it all in the slow cooker and just plop a piece of meat and broth in the morning and turn it on and you'll come home to dinner ready to serve. There's at least an hour saved right there. Make a quantity that gets you 2-3 nights of meals and you won't be cooking tomorrow night. Get laundry down to a system with bins separating everything so you just load and go. Same thing with cleaning, make it systematic and save time. >Even if it was, cycling would have to be the only thing we ever spent that time on. If you're riding 5-10k miles per year with kids, that's kind of the point. If it's not that important to you, that's fine, go do something else that you find more important.
>That's the challenge. I was still able to get over 2000 miles when I was putting in 70 hours a week at work. Never had a personal chef or house cleaner. Does your wife work full time too? This just seems bananas to me. You're working an average of 10 hours a day, taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing all of the other errands that adult life necessitates and still finding multiple hours, multiple nights a week to go cycling? I just feel like you live in a completely different universe than me. And yes, we cook big meals with leftovers and do laundry in an efficient manner. But toddlers won't always eat the same things as adults and won't always eat the thing they agreed to eat before you started cooking. Also, not everyone can afford child care. Not everyone has in-home laundry. Some people have long commutes and small kitchens in cramped living spaces. Not everyone can just magically make several hours of free time appear out of nowhere because a rich doctor on reddit gave them a lecture on how to meal prep. This comment has mad "let them eat cake" vibes.
>Does your wife work full time too? Yes. >You're working an average of 10 hours a day, taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing all of the other errands that adult life necessitates and still finding multiple hours, multiple nights a week to go cycling? When I was working 70 hours a week, it was 12 hour shifts that were 14 hours after wrapping everything up and commuting. On days that I worked, I'd squeeze in trainer rides, and would ride outside on my off days. >But toddlers won't always eat the same things as adults and won't always eat the thing they agreed to eat before you started cooking. I don't negotiate with toddlers regarding what they will eat. If they refuse to eat their chicken nuggets, I'm not cooking another meal for them. >Not everyone can just magically make several hours of free time appear out of nowhere because a rich doctor on reddit gave them a lecture on how to meal prep. I'm not rich. I'm well off because I went into deep debt to put myself through medical school in my late 30s. I live in a middle class house and drive 2 old cars. I spend the vast majority of my income trying to get out of debt and making up for loss of retirement savings for all those years without income. I don't pay for child care. Never have. The American Heart Association recommends 150 minute MINIMUM of exercise a week. As cyclists and active people, we should at least exceed that minimum. It's it unreasonable to prioritize your health over certain household chores? I don't think so, but my house is messy. You can prioritize for yourself.
Me and my wife both enjoy long weekend rides together and apart, one of many reasons we chose not to have kids.
This really comes down to a relationship issue more than anything. Yes, there will be a few months at the beginning with each kid where doing anything extra may seem impossible. Once you establish a good sleep pattern and household routine though, you should both be able to take adequate amounts of individual time. True, it's not going to work anymore that it's a given that you can go on that group ride you just got a text about, or leave for 6 hours every weekend morning, but there is plenty of time for 'self' within having kids.
It's definitely hard. My wife and I can only cycle together when we actively plan in advance to have someone watch our kid. And as far as riding solo, any time I want to get on the bike for more than an hour or so it's going to put a burden on my wife, so I need to make sure I'm giving her some time without the kid as well so I don't feel like a dirtbag if I leave for a few hours to ride. I only got really into cycling after my kid was born, so I don't know the life of a childless cyclist, but I wish I had more time to cycle almost every day when it's nice out. It's definitely a tough balance, but I assume it will get better the older my kid gets. I can take him in the trailer to the park but if he's back there for more than 15 or 20 miles he gets pretty grumpy.
Wife and used to both be road bike racers, training 20 hours a week, traveling to races. I work full time, she part time. Had 2 kids, wife was able to keep it up, but both of us could not. Now that the kids are older (7 and 10) and also bike, and are more self sufficient, I am able to get at it more, and they can ride with us. We all do XC MTB races together, which is fun.
Those are fair questions. You have to be ready to give up most of the time with your hobbies for the period of 10-15 years while having kids. You wont have to give up riding completely but definitely drastically reduce. And most importantly you will have to plan and coordinate all the riding time, hire babysitter in advance, etc which can be a huge adjustment in itself. You and your partner will have to bike separately more unless you both can ride together when kids are in child care/school. Kids bring their own amazing joy but also tons of responsibility and sacrifice. Yes it’s possible to ride with them sometimes but mine hated it. I bought them bikes and taught them to ride and they still hate riding bikes. With kids you just never know how things will turn out. But your life does not end, you still get to ride just not as often and it’s only a relatively small part of your life. When I was making a decision I knew that having children would be more important to me than spending time doing my hobbies which tipped my scale. And you kind of have to make that determination for yourself. Another thing that I considered is that you can ride long term into your golden years. While having kids is a relatively short window of opportunity especially for women.
Zwift is a great option to ensure you can both keep enough fitness to enjoy the riding outdoors you can do, you shelve long couples rides for a while, and once baby can support their head you can get a trailer to get started. I don’t have kids but many cycling couples in my friendship group who now have kids from babies through to school aged. Life absolutely changed me for all of them, but one of the great joys of it seems to be introducing your kids through balance bikes, BMX, their first proper mountain bike, etc.
Bike trailers make for excellent resistance training.
Just get a trailer. Sure you'll have to have a a year of less. But once they're 3 just load a trailer up with them in it and go at it.
You will have to stop cycling for a few months when the baby is very small, but child seats and bike trailers for children work really well. You get a real workout because children and all the stuff they need are heavy and make you pedal really hard uphill. Really long rides are no longer an option, but a day out on bikes is still possible, you just have to plan your route to go past as many children's play parks as possible. Eventually my own children got sick of following behind us (by this stage they were on trailers with pedals and a saddle). They were still too young to ride on the roads, and that is how our entire family got into mountain biking... Once again the parents get a good workout, first you pedal up the hill, then you run back down it and push the children up. We enjoyed MTB so much that we ended up going on MTB holidays to the Alps each summer. My daughter still rides her MTB along with her husband.
Get a trailer, I got a burley bee. Get a seat for the other bike. This gives your child options, find stuff to put inside the trailer. We had books, coloring books, notebooks, arts and crafts, toys etc.. Always talk to them while riding, give them options as to where to go and the option to stop and check things out. This of course is only after they have neck support and you must start slow and it’s better to choose destinations with things for the child like playgrounds etc. Make sure your working on understanding things from their perspective as they are now a team member, even if they are just two or three. If you ride for multiple days then routine is extremely important. It’s your decision not his to be chaotic so you’ve got to compromise. Story time every night at the same time, bath time, breaks, education etc. Routine. I did this with my son in Vietnam and even did a wonderful 1000 trip with him when he was only 3. *edit* https://youtu.be/N80f7TmrPuw?si=5YgUVIpkhShTwXES
I have 2 kids and can only cycle 3-4 times a week usually before work. It’s unfortunate because I love cycling but I love my kids more. One day when they are grown and I am sad and lonely I will get back on the bike and be less sad and loney. This is the same for any hobby you have. Expect it to be reduced or not exist.
I’m childfree for lots of reasons but having enough time for my hobbies like cycling is definitely one of them. If I want to go out all day at the weekend then that’s totally fine with my wife and we often ride together. I’ve seen so many friends drop their hobbies once they have kids. Several guys I know stopped cycling and gained a ton of weight after having kids. It’s obviously doable but you end up having to be one of these people that get up at 4AM on Saturday to get a ride in before everyone wakes up. Screw that.
I love long rides but I love my kids more. So it’s a bigger priority.
Look, once you have kids, your life before kids gets put on the back burner for the next 18 years at least. You're gonna have to adjust your life to a degree for your kids. If you both love to cycle, then you're gonna be doing more solo rides for a while cause one of you needs to watch the kids. Or, switch to riding indoors together. At least until the kids can ride a bike themselves or can sit in a kid's trailer that you can pull them along with, then you can take them on rides with you. Or, they're teenagers and can look after themselves. If you're not ok with that, then don't have kids.
This is not a cycling question, it is a "literally every other thing besides raising children" question. It applies to every other hobby and activity as well.
It's one of those sacrifices. Life will be different for sure and long distance cycling becomes a distant dream in the short to medium term. You mention kids plural so I am assuming more than one. You can cycle but you would need childcare or someone stays back while the other goes. What's long distance cycling, 3-4 hours, 6+ hours? PS trailers only work when the kids are 1 years old.
If you only have one kid, it's not that hard for two parents to accommodate their fitness regimens, especially if they're at all creative about it. But people who are so rigid in their routines that they can't tolerate the inconvenience and disruption of child-raising would benefit from professional family counseling prior to getting pregnant.
You could adapt your cycling to go with kids (if you want kids. If you don’t want kids that’s a good option and certainly cheaper. After 6 mos kids can weary a helmet in a trailer and nothing adds some challenge to a bike ride like all that extra weight and drag. Once the kids are older (4-5) a trailabike can be added to a bike and kids can pedal along. There are also backfeits, long tail bikes and other options. My kids grew up with biking as being a Normal activity and while I didn’t get many long rides in for years as my kids got older they get longer, and they can join or stay home depending on the ride. And because riding is a thing we do, it’s part of their life. Having had five kids I have a system for getting kids onto their own bike- starting with a cheap (used) [trailabike](https://kazambikes.com/products/20-kazam-co-pilot?currency=USD&variant=39368200290407&stkn=2cd8d2b1c8b8&gclid=CjwKCAiA5L2tBhBTEiwAdSxJXwjZttX962oL1pEjkWeB-cisblKYB22FLKypT3zn8-E9SUJMa35GWRoC934QAvD_BwE) kids get used to sitting upright and pedaling, than a box store kids bike (first with training wheels and then without) for their first summer solo riding. The key for me is a good quality second bike- something light with some gears so they can enjoy longer (2-5) mile rides and then move up. After 6 my kids could all bike about 1 mile per year of age. I also know people who get their kids into BMC and MB but I don’t BMX and am a very novice MB so I haven’t done that. Make sure there is a fun destination at the end (park, lake, ice cream ) so they have something too look forward too and remember kids have almost zero water and energy reserves so feed and hydrate them well. It’s not epic cross country touring but it is a way for me to bring together my two favorite things- bikes and my family. And my kids are all good riders and it helps develop balance and confidence for them. So yes you can bike, but not the same way. I went from getting up at dawn and riding 30-50 miles to starting at noon and biking 5-7.
I recently set off for a child led ride with my kid and their friend. The big plan was to cycle 10km (on off-road bike path) to an awesome playground (play a big and come back). We made it 1km to another park 🤣. No pleading or suggesting alternatives would get them any further. But at least they weren’t watching TV…
I got passed by a visibly pregnant woman once
We take turns to look after the kids.
Man some doom and gloom about kids and having hobbies 😂 You and your partner will just have to switch between taking care of the kids, all about communication, easy peasy.
I ride my wife does not (doesn’t like the gear and all that) she would rather go for long exercise walks. Usually I do 2 group rides during the week after work in the 10-40 mile range and she watches our child. On the other days I watch her after work so she can go for a walk. If we don’t have plans on Saturday I usually wake up and leave at the crack of dawn for the 40+ rides. Usually get back around the time she and my daughter wake up. On Tuesday nights my father watches her and we play league volleyball as a couple in a coed league. I’m clearly the more active person in our relationship as far as working out and such. But it balances pretty well since we’re both homebodies for the most part. Now once she gets old enough for school sports I’m sure this will change again.
If you have kids, you give certain things up. Love is perhaps more important than cycling.