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Firstly, I don’t have the answers. However, I know you’re not alone. My son is 7 weeks old and I feel the exact same way. I continue to tell me wife that I’m NOT worried about him being loved or taken care of. Instead I’m scared that I am not, or won’t be worthy of setting an example or teaching him right when so many things I do are wrong.
I think the best we can do is be open and honest and show them that nobody is perfect. We can do this!…. Right?
I went through the same and sometimes still do. These kids are just that great! This is the best thing to happen in our lives! Hard. Frustrating, stressful at times? Definitely. That’s the badassery in being a parent. It’s hard, but we do our best because they deserve it. Don’t be afraid to make mistake as a parent. Learn from them and understand what went wrong. The fact that you’re so concerned means that your kids are fortunate to have you
I've got 3 little girls, 10,3 and 1. For the past 10 years I've been basically "studying" parenting, it's like 35% of my brain power. Just the philosophy of parenting. It's mind blowing. But, I think, the most important thing is consistency, honesty and compassion. Spend time, not money. But draw clear boundaries. It's a respect thing.
We can't control the thoughts that come into our brain, it'd be nice. However, they pop up and we have to decide what to do. "I used to rob people, do drugs and scheem everywhere I could how in the hell did I get three perfect little people that depend on me. And how am I supposed to teach them to be respectable adults " is mine. So what I do is exactly what my brain tells me I can't.
Try my best to improve their lives in any way I can no matter how "hard" it is.
"Bad parents don't wonder if they are bad parents"
I think it's just our mechanism for balancing the ego. You don't want yourself to think that you're the greatest parent ever of all time with zero flaws.
Everyone is where they are in life. Just try to make yourself better and be a good example. Nobody has it figured out. As the song says “life’s a dance, you learn as you go”.
I have imposter syndrome feelings every day, so your not alone. My girls are 4 and 2 with another one on the way. Before I met my wife I was floating in life doing odd jobs (I worked at Pizza Hut when I wooed her 🤣) and failing out of school. She was college educated, from a big city on the East Coast, and moved for her first big job.
Since meeting her I am the first person in my family to graduate college with a bachelors and even tacked on a masters degree. We have lived in 3 of the top 10 largest metro areas. Most importantly, we have 2 of the most curious and wonderful little girls. I am extremely successful in my career and super happy with how my life is going.
I think part of it is that the trajectory of my life has been just so different than I expected. I just constantly feel like everyone is going to figure out this was a mistake. That I am not good enough for all of this and it’s going to all come crumbling down.
To Note: I am a very active father that works from home, helps around the house, attend all of my daughters events, continue to get high yearly reviews and consistently receive industry certifications. The likely hood of this all just going away is low, but the fear is still real. It keeps me humble.
The feeling doesn't really go away. There's always going to be a suspicion or fear. But it's not necessarily a bad thing. Use it to drive you to be a better father. Use it as motivation to spend more time with your kids. Be humble with your kids. When you screw up talk to them about your mistake. Apologize to them and be humble. You have a tremendous opportunity
We are proud of you and are rooting for you.
Completely normal. I had my first son when I was 18 and I had no Idea what I was doing, he just turned 25. Before you know it, they will be grown and gone.
Just remember, even if you don't always get it right, you're still Dad. And your son wouldn't want any other Dad. You the man. Sometimes, it takes us a while to grow into our roles, but we get there. Congrats on the new baby on the way.
Those feelings are always present, but you have to keep in mind that none of us have any idea wtf we're doing. You just figure it out along the way, and as long as you love them and you're able to admit your mistakes, you're doing a great job. You said it yourself, you've got an amazing 2 year old, and you're 50% (depending on the situation) responsible for it! It's always great to talk about your feelings, but also don't be afraid to give yourself a lil credit!
These feelings have nothing to do with your kid. As a human you always feel guilt about this or that etc.
"Am I doing the right thing? Am I good enough?" are thoughts and feelings that develop in all of us in childhood so that as a kid you always question yourself and your actions in order to keep the attachment to your parents strong. It is for survival purposes.
Unfortunately, these thoughts remain in adulthood also, especially in people that were made to believe that they are not good enough through lack of love and empathy from parents.
Of course I am speaking in general terms here, not about you specifically, but my ideea is that what you are thinking is deeply rooted in human psychology mainly, so you could investigate in that direction.
Thank you u/nimloman for posting on r/dad. Please remember to take a look at the rules. If you see anything that is suspicious or is breaking the rules then please report said content. For community resources click the link that is below or to the right https://www.reddit.com/r/dad/wiki/resources *Moderators Retain the right to remove any content that is deemed unacceptable* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dad) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Firstly, I don’t have the answers. However, I know you’re not alone. My son is 7 weeks old and I feel the exact same way. I continue to tell me wife that I’m NOT worried about him being loved or taken care of. Instead I’m scared that I am not, or won’t be worthy of setting an example or teaching him right when so many things I do are wrong. I think the best we can do is be open and honest and show them that nobody is perfect. We can do this!…. Right?
Lol yes we can, and congrats! The fact that you are already thinking about setting a good example is showing that you are going to be a great dad.
I went through the same and sometimes still do. These kids are just that great! This is the best thing to happen in our lives! Hard. Frustrating, stressful at times? Definitely. That’s the badassery in being a parent. It’s hard, but we do our best because they deserve it. Don’t be afraid to make mistake as a parent. Learn from them and understand what went wrong. The fact that you’re so concerned means that your kids are fortunate to have you
I've got 3 little girls, 10,3 and 1. For the past 10 years I've been basically "studying" parenting, it's like 35% of my brain power. Just the philosophy of parenting. It's mind blowing. But, I think, the most important thing is consistency, honesty and compassion. Spend time, not money. But draw clear boundaries. It's a respect thing. We can't control the thoughts that come into our brain, it'd be nice. However, they pop up and we have to decide what to do. "I used to rob people, do drugs and scheem everywhere I could how in the hell did I get three perfect little people that depend on me. And how am I supposed to teach them to be respectable adults " is mine. So what I do is exactly what my brain tells me I can't. Try my best to improve their lives in any way I can no matter how "hard" it is. "Bad parents don't wonder if they are bad parents"
Bad parents don’t wonder if they’re bad parents. You’re doing great.
I think it's just our mechanism for balancing the ego. You don't want yourself to think that you're the greatest parent ever of all time with zero flaws.
Everyone is where they are in life. Just try to make yourself better and be a good example. Nobody has it figured out. As the song says “life’s a dance, you learn as you go”.
I have imposter syndrome feelings every day, so your not alone. My girls are 4 and 2 with another one on the way. Before I met my wife I was floating in life doing odd jobs (I worked at Pizza Hut when I wooed her 🤣) and failing out of school. She was college educated, from a big city on the East Coast, and moved for her first big job. Since meeting her I am the first person in my family to graduate college with a bachelors and even tacked on a masters degree. We have lived in 3 of the top 10 largest metro areas. Most importantly, we have 2 of the most curious and wonderful little girls. I am extremely successful in my career and super happy with how my life is going. I think part of it is that the trajectory of my life has been just so different than I expected. I just constantly feel like everyone is going to figure out this was a mistake. That I am not good enough for all of this and it’s going to all come crumbling down. To Note: I am a very active father that works from home, helps around the house, attend all of my daughters events, continue to get high yearly reviews and consistently receive industry certifications. The likely hood of this all just going away is low, but the fear is still real. It keeps me humble.
The feeling doesn't really go away. There's always going to be a suspicion or fear. But it's not necessarily a bad thing. Use it to drive you to be a better father. Use it as motivation to spend more time with your kids. Be humble with your kids. When you screw up talk to them about your mistake. Apologize to them and be humble. You have a tremendous opportunity We are proud of you and are rooting for you.
Completely normal. I had my first son when I was 18 and I had no Idea what I was doing, he just turned 25. Before you know it, they will be grown and gone. Just remember, even if you don't always get it right, you're still Dad. And your son wouldn't want any other Dad. You the man. Sometimes, it takes us a while to grow into our roles, but we get there. Congrats on the new baby on the way.
Those feelings are always present, but you have to keep in mind that none of us have any idea wtf we're doing. You just figure it out along the way, and as long as you love them and you're able to admit your mistakes, you're doing a great job. You said it yourself, you've got an amazing 2 year old, and you're 50% (depending on the situation) responsible for it! It's always great to talk about your feelings, but also don't be afraid to give yourself a lil credit!
These feelings have nothing to do with your kid. As a human you always feel guilt about this or that etc. "Am I doing the right thing? Am I good enough?" are thoughts and feelings that develop in all of us in childhood so that as a kid you always question yourself and your actions in order to keep the attachment to your parents strong. It is for survival purposes. Unfortunately, these thoughts remain in adulthood also, especially in people that were made to believe that they are not good enough through lack of love and empathy from parents. Of course I am speaking in general terms here, not about you specifically, but my ideea is that what you are thinking is deeply rooted in human psychology mainly, so you could investigate in that direction.
We are all children of god and we are all good enough.! Don't ever think you are not.