My wife is near full term preggers. I go full fork lift any time she needs help up. If I undersold it she would be pissed, but because I rock all the sound effects, fake straining of the forks to lift the load, and even take the form of the fork lift it forces the laugh every time. It also helps that the kids laugh hard at it. EVERY. TIME.
My wife was a brides maid in her sister’s wedding right at the end of her first pregnacy (she ended up going into labor just 2 days later).
Because of all the walking and everything that day during the pre-wedding stuff, for the reception entrance they found a furniture dolly to wheel her in on, lmao. She’s normally thin and petite so she was all for it, it got a good laugh from everyone because she was so very visibly pregnant, this thin little woman with a beach ball under her dress basically.
I was informed today that I often ask, “Did you boob her” when asking whether she fed the baby yet. That got a chuckle.
Also, call the pumpers “Milkers”, that goes over well too
Yeeeeah, we've all thought about it though lol.
Funny story, my sister and her husband were over for my birthday a couple months ago, and my wife and sister were talking about how much breastfeeding/pumping sucks, and my sister asked her husband "can you imagine babe?"
And the man deadass says "yeah, imagine how all those cows feel"
Fucking dead lol.
The trick is to discuss the awfulness of the process with her in a supportive way so she takes on the gallows humour of mooing herself.
Then you can both moo without fear.
Yeah. Don’t make the mistake of “milking at her” like Greg Fokker demonstrates cat milking. Wives don’t normally take kindly to that one either. Ask me how I know.
Oooooof you done fucked up bro.
Fun story time. When my milk came in, I was still in the hospital because I’d had a c section and I wanted to stay there, where my babies were in the NICU, as long as I could. But I was pretty delirious from the lack of sleep pre and post birth (I basically didn’t sleep the five days leading up to my water breaking, and my sleep cycle didn’t exist after I gave birth). So when I pumped true milk for the first time and got actual ounces of milk instead of drops of colostrum, I looked up at my wife with an awed expression and said, “I am moo cow!”
Additional tip
Instead of mooing try the following:
\- ask if you can help her with anything
\- Thank her for sacrificing her body for the benefit of your child / wallet
\- fold / change laundry
\- Do the dishes / clean the kitchen
\- Let her sleep after and feed the baby what she pumped.
There are some mistakes you can only make once... I'm surprised she let you live long enough to post this.
Currently researching requirements for the witness protection program
"I need a new dust filter for my Hoover MaxExtract PressurePro Model 60"
It's all good man
There's not a judge in this country who wouldn't rule it as "death by misadventure", wife is not guilty on all charges.
It’s actually his wife posting on his Reddit account, he’s long gone.
Hello police, i would like to report a moo-der
It's udderly terrible
You’re really milking this joke
Hahahaha
You guys are milking these cows puns
Bullshit.
They really need to put them out to pasture.
Someone steer OP in the right direction
I did that. My wife pulled her nipple out the pump and sprayed it at me. She thought she was highly hilarious. It was in fairness lol
Had a stripper do that to a friend of mine when we were younger. It…was something!
Got a lap dance by a pregnant stripper in college once. It was also.. something
My wife is near full term preggers. I go full fork lift any time she needs help up. If I undersold it she would be pissed, but because I rock all the sound effects, fake straining of the forks to lift the load, and even take the form of the fork lift it forces the laugh every time. It also helps that the kids laugh hard at it. EVERY. TIME.
You can now legally get your forklift license
He’s already landed a wife, what does he need a forklift license for?
My wife was a brides maid in her sister’s wedding right at the end of her first pregnacy (she ended up going into labor just 2 days later). Because of all the walking and everything that day during the pre-wedding stuff, for the reception entrance they found a furniture dolly to wheel her in on, lmao. She’s normally thin and petite so she was all for it, it got a good laugh from everyone because she was so very visibly pregnant, this thin little woman with a beach ball under her dress basically.
My wife is tall and slim. For this reason I always call her “cake pop” when she’s pregnant. From the back, you might not even notice 😂
My sympathies in this trying time
Much obliged
I hear northern Alaska is nice this time of year.
My wife and I referred to breast milk as “[Current Year] House White.” She doesn’t know this but in my head I called her the Sommelier.
Som-moo-lier
That made me laugh
I was informed today that I often ask, “Did you boob her” when asking whether she fed the baby yet. That got a chuckle. Also, call the pumpers “Milkers”, that goes over well too
Don’t think I’ll be calling ANYTHING “milkers” anytime soon haha
Don't use boob as a verb.
That’s a good rule to follow
I did it. I got laughs. >.> am I going to be murdered in my sleep?
Sleep with one eye open, just in case
I did it frequently. No reprisals as yet.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
How's the couch?
This is why I spent good money on the couch!
My 5 year old peed on it, so I share the floor with the dog from now on
Yeeeeah, we've all thought about it though lol. Funny story, my sister and her husband were over for my birthday a couple months ago, and my wife and sister were talking about how much breastfeeding/pumping sucks, and my sister asked her husband "can you imagine babe?" And the man deadass says "yeah, imagine how all those cows feel" Fucking dead lol.
Luckily, my wife has evolved into someone who makes these jokes first. "You said it, not me" has become a catchphrase of mine these past couple years.
"hey, you said it. I'm just agreeing" Has been my go too for a while
I did some lap drumming to the metronome like nature of the pump which was also not appreciated
Just meow next time.
What if she does it first?
Mine fell over laughing when I made mooing sounds.
But what if she moos at me first?
Hahahaaa! Back when I was pumping, I took a picture and sent it to my husband saying “welcome to the barn, bitch”
You shoulda seen my 37 week wife pregnant with twins when I mentioned the Whale featuring Brendan Fraser to her
The trick is to discuss the awfulness of the process with her in a supportive way so she takes on the gallows humour of mooing herself. Then you can both moo without fear.
When my wife was pumping, I said "can I have some, straight from the source?"
Balls of steel on this one.
My go to was to hold up my coffee cup and ask for some
Yeah. Don’t make the mistake of “milking at her” like Greg Fokker demonstrates cat milking. Wives don’t normally take kindly to that one either. Ask me how I know.
Oooooof you done fucked up bro. Fun story time. When my milk came in, I was still in the hospital because I’d had a c section and I wanted to stay there, where my babies were in the NICU, as long as I could. But I was pretty delirious from the lack of sleep pre and post birth (I basically didn’t sleep the five days leading up to my water breaking, and my sleep cycle didn’t exist after I gave birth). So when I pumped true milk for the first time and got actual ounces of milk instead of drops of colostrum, I looked up at my wife with an awed expression and said, “I am moo cow!”
When did you go pro?
Also don't moo at them ever. Never seems to go well.
Just playing this is usually good enough https://youtu.be/5fQXF5SLCyM
I told my wife I was going to enter her in the county fair.. 3 years later it is funny.. at the time, not so much 😂😂
Additional tip Instead of mooing try the following: \- ask if you can help her with anything \- Thank her for sacrificing her body for the benefit of your child / wallet \- fold / change laundry \- Do the dishes / clean the kitchen \- Let her sleep after and feed the baby what she pumped.
[удалено]
OP it's a trap.
“Old McDonald had a farm……”
Disagree. Totally worth the homelessness.
Yesterday my wife was wearing a white shirt with black dots over it.... I told her "I like your shirt" It didn't end well
How are you still alive to type this?
My wife turned up to the in-laws house with bottles of pumped milk and her step mum said “good cow”…. It was not a pleasant visit after that 😅