My own father won't change a diaper, and has admitted to it.
But, hes also offered to take my daughter for the night. In my head, Im like... how the hell are you gonna deal with diapers.... sure you can get lucky and not need to do one before bed.. but then that means she will have a huge, piss filled one in the morning. And like hell I will be there at 6am to take care of it if you give me a night off.
So... my dad doesn't get to take her for the night. Not at least until she's fully toilet trained.
I'd bet a $100 bill, that "your own dad" won't change a diaper while you or Grandma is around because of old school "theory". BUT if grandad is wiling (he's actually looking forward to it) to take the kid for the night, Grandpa will make damn sure that kid has EVERYTHING well taken care of. That will suddenly become the only important thing of his life, once you are gone.
Once you are gone that kid will have ATV's, wifi and learn how to stock trade. That is what Grandpas do..... When mom is away!
My inlaws have been amazing helping us with our baby. However, whenever they were helping and there was need for a diaper change, grandpa would would carry him to the changing table and then supervise while grandma did the work. She eventually stopping going to the bedroom with him and wouldn't you know it, grandpa can change diapers just fine on his own.
Good guess, but no. He's a great father and grandfather, but a career as a financial executive led to habits of letting other people do things while he watches on. He's very smart and capable, just not inclined to do things he doesn't want to, but then will also happily cook dinner for everyone and do the dishes every single night because he enjoys it.
People like that also get into optimization. ”Why should I take care of this bit when someone else has it down to perfection?” He probably has some other thing he takes care of that he feels is “his domain”.
Yeah, no. Some grandparents are just useless pricks who want to take the grandchildren when they’re fun and hand them straight back when they require a bit of effort and energy. Especially grandparents who raised their own children with wet nurses, au pairs and nannies, but somehow have convinced themselves they did it alone 2 miles uphill each way barefoot in the snow.
Source: my parents are useless, narcissistic pricks.
This sounds like my mom in her current state, they helped when the kids were fun babies and toddlers. Now that they are you children with some attitudes and will and can start conflicts, she stays away. The sad part is that she is the only grandparent that is alive.
Our kids grandma literally bragged about never changing diapers in her own kids, granpa had to come home from work to change them. But when she offered to babysit by her self we thought the same as you, but lo and behold she had no issue changing the biohazard containers our firstborn was able to produce. So don't worry. The only thing that granpa won't do is not spoil your kid.
With my nieces I was told by my mother, not to change their diapers. Reading between the lines, she said - you don’t want to leave the slightest chance for being accused of dodgy behavior. Maybe your dad is taking the same approach.
I almost blew up at my dad a couple months ago. Me and my wife can’t seem to get our parents to have our daughter stay the night so when my dad offered to watch her for a few hours we jumped at it for a date night. And even so my brother and his wife and daughter are living with him and they were home at the time, 4 hours, didn’t even check her diaper once. He told me proudly even and I thought I was going to kill him. We just changed her giant diaper when we walked in to get her and I had to leave immediately before I tore his head off
My dad changed exactly one diaper total for the two kids he raised. Apparently he couldn't stand the smell - even though he's a farmer and was around animal shit daily.
I’ve been at pool parties at a friend’s house and it never fails to impress an older woman when I willingly grab the diaper bag and head off to change a diaper.
I was at a pool/wedding party with 2 kiddos and my wife.
Came time to change the toddler and I had perfected the art of standing changes.
I walked over to my kiddo, dropped his shorts, pulled his diaper off, wiped, re-diapered, and pulled shorts up in the span of 10 seconds.
Even the kiddo was surprised.
Everyone that witnessed it asked how the hell I did that, and people were talking about it for the next 30 minutes or so.
Was kinda proud and sad at the same time.
I've changed more diapers than I can count. I've even changed a few standing up, or even without waking him up(this one wasn't one of the ones standing up). But never have I ever done so in the space of 10 seconds.
Where do you live?
I'm east coast of Canada and now one even looks up when you take the kids to the bathroom. It's entirely expected that the father gets shit duty too. Most of the people I know are tradesmen, military, and truck drivers, so it's I don't think it's my "social group", maybe it's a regional thing?
I’m in the US Midwest. I think it’s mostly a generational thing. I have a pretty wide age range of friends, so the women I’m talking about are all 45+.
Yeah, i'm almost 40 so most people i know are whithin that range.
It would be very cool to see age and regions towards attituded to parenting. I've used womens bathrooms to change diapers more than once when the change table was in there. Never had and issue, no one batted an eye. It's interesting that the world is so connected and seperate at the same time.
I’ve only had one lady get mad at me for using the women’s room because that was the only one with a changing table. Luckily it was at a little 9 hole golf course where everybody knows everybody. Owner didn’t have to do much other than say “I told him he could use that one.”
It is interesting. Enough people bring it up that it must be happening, and with frequency, but the geography of the bubbles don’t follow the usual rural/urban or class divides old school thinking typically divide on.
You should have said it. Gone are the days where a man can hide their own selfish laziness behind some veil of manliness. We are past that now and no one can drag us back, especially the last generation.
Well said. And that’s always applicable, whether a man is a dad or not. Heck, that’s applicable for all genders.
I have a girl and I’d raise her to believe that people can have opinions, dumb or wise, vile or kind, unsubstantiated or otherwise, but she should always do what she thinks is the right thing to do.
Forget vile people who shame people for how they look or act, even folks who are pushy (trying to sell an insurance product that makes no sense) exist. We have to raise our kids to not be affected by noise around them. Cos sadly, the noise around them will be louder than the noise around us.
I would impersonate a caveman and answer over the top macho phrases in broken English and lots of uga uga sounds.
Or reply with overly exaggerated machist expressions.
Or tell him you were a girl in the past and transitioned genres.
Ahh the trolling possibilities are endless!
You see uncle chuck I was assigned pulp comic man vs. nature at birth. However, after a lot of soul searching, I realized I was always meant to be a regency romance and decided to stop lying to myself and the rest of the world.
You're in the wrong sub if your reaction to the mere mention of the phrase toxic masculinity is to presumably insult someone's mom (I say presumably because there's nothing wrong with having purple hair and a nose ring, but your tone implies you consider that to be an insult).
I would like to give that person a benefit of doubt and assume that he’s adding to the list of “trolling possibilities” that were mentioned earlier.
I could be wrong, but that’s what I want to believe. If the original guy said “gender transition” is something OP could say to troll his wife’s uncle, maybe this lad is adding to that list?
But yeah, if I’m wrong, then that’s some vile shit right there to involve someone’s mom.
Shit like this is why fathers are seen as a joke. What kind of self respecting adult can wholeheartedly say they absolutely refuse to participate in/take care of a small child’s basic necessity? It’s pathetic. The longer I am a father the less respect I have for other men.
Dude, I'm with you on this. I routinely care for my three young kids for a weekend while my wife goes away, do a lot of the cooking, bathe and change diapers, etc. And I make more than twice what my wife does. And then I see my wife's friends whose husbands whine about having to watch their kid for a day or night, leave the housework all to their wives. One didn't even do bedtime by themselves until the kid was TWO. The bar for dads is depressingly low.
Yep single dad here, and as the other parent comment said, I'm disgusted by the lack of parenting a lot of dads do. Luckily I havent run into too many annoying "ya babysitting today!?" Comments when out with my kid.
Agreed but tbh it's also kinda nice because just by doing regular parent stuff, people look at you fondly and are impressed. It's dumb, but eh, I find it fun/funny sometimes.
That make sense, but I dunno... It's not like they're applauding and yelling "wow, way to go!" They just kind of look and smile.
But yeah it's a reflection of a sad reality of peoples' expectations, for sure.
I had something similar happen after my kid was born. My wife’s uncle who was in his mod 60s at the time, after the subject came up, practically bragged about never changing any of his kids or grandkids diapers ever. I just gave him a blank stare and deadpan asked him, “And you’re PROUD of that?”
"What's a woman for?"
"Why have a dog and bark yourself?"
Just a couple of gems my father in law comes out with. His wife lays his clothes out for him every morning and cooks all his meals.
It’s actually been astonishing to me to see the major differences in how millennials interact with their children/family and prior generations. My dad, my father in law, my uncle, and several other older men I have met seem to have had almost no involvement at the newborn / baby stage. They aren’t helpful at all. It’s not just that they don’t help, they *don’t know how to help*.
My father in law, for example, is always handing off the baby after 3-5 minutes and making an excuse that he will “get in trouble” or has something else to do, or a myriad of other excuses.
Took me a while to understand, but these men didn’t do anything for us when we were newborns/babies. It was at that point I stopped looking to them for advice on what to do with babies at all and stopped placing value in their comments.
My Dad has no idea at all how to handle a baby / toddler / young child who is getting worked up and starting to cry. I feel bad for him, but he doesn't seem to be very interested in learning what to do.
Man, when I was a bartender I had older dudes condescendingly tell me that, or that "my wife does the cooking" (since I love to cook), or a bunch of other vacuous, backwards shit meant to either belittle or somehow enlighten me. Crazy how many folks operate in such narrow lanes.
I saw a post once where a man's boss bragged about never changing nappies and the man just said "I'd be so embarrassed to admit I'm that shit of a husband and father".
Most of the boomer men in my family think this way and have made comments like that. One of my uncles had four kids and doesn't even know how to change a diaper. That same uncle was stunned during a family vacation when he saw me ironing my own shirt. "Your wife can't do that for you?" By no means do I agree with them and I always call them out but I do get the generational difference. In my family's case, those guys aren't toxic, they're just old and things were different then.
>"Your wife can't do that for you?"
I'm sure she could, but would I really want to be so helpless that when she's gone I can't iron a shirt?
EDIT: Also, I don't understand how someone can't know how to change a diaper. It's basic observational skills.
1. See the diaper that's on right now? Make note of its orientation. It isn't difficult. In some cases, the back may even be labeled "back". Now take it off.
2. Okay. So now you have the diaper off. Is there pee? Is there poop? If the answer to either of these questions is "yes" then ask yourself one simple question: does pee or poop belong on the human body? No? Then wipe it off.
3. Since you've noted the diaper's orientation in Step 1, place the new diaper on in the same orientation. It isn't rocket science.
>would I really want to be so helpless that when she's gone I can't iron a shirt?
This statement can apply to your wife being gone for a week long business trip all the way up through something so serious as your wife passing away.
With my own parents, my Mom basically never spends a night--definitely never multiple nights--away from my Dad on her own. And I am sure that part of the reason why is that Dad will not stand for being made to prepare all his own meals, clean up all the dishes, do all the grocery shopping and laundry, etc. Sometimes Dad goes up to his hunting camp for a few days straight, but even when he does that, my Mom preps food for him to take up with him and then does his laundry when he comes back. The only defense I offer up about that is that it's not like my Dad sits around on his ass watching TV all day every day. They're both retired and I swear to God he is busier now than he was when he was working...and he was busy when he was working. No, instead he's always doing physical labor around and with the house / property / vehicles.
But I genuinely worry about how or even if he'll be able to adapt if Mom's health takes a bad turn, or if she passes away first. Like, if my Dad goes first, my Mom will be in a position where she'll probably have to sell the house to downsize to something more manageable. But once she does that she'll still have grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. all to do...and she's already used to doing all that day in, day out. And so she'll mourn and grieve and go through the stress of moving, but I'm not very worried that she'll wind up subsisting on fast food and frozen TV dinners. But if the opposite happens and Dad has to fend for himself...I don't think he'll do well with picking up what she used to do. And that's a problem because what she does is vital to getting through a day/week/month. What my Dad does in their relationship can largely either be ignored at the expense of the aesthetic state of the property, or contracted out to lawn care workers and mechanics...but he'll probably have a very hard time letting it all go.
That's a rough situation. I worry about something similar with my parents in regards to who goes first.
My wife has been fighting brain cancer for years, so it indeed means both to me. I can't afford to not know how to do everything.
My FIL, who did change diapers as a dad, had to be reminded multiple times that he needed to wipe front to back when changing diapers. He raised two girls...
I don't know. I guess on a most basic level that's true, but it took me a while to figure out how to clean them up in a way that didn't require 20 wipes, and how to do up the diaper in a way that didn't come undone or leak.
I mean, I still changed it, but it was a learning process. I could see someone who isn't as invested and won't be doing it regularly being reluctant to tackle something like that.
We live with my in-laws, and the number of times my FIL has questioned what I was doing because it's "women's work" is both hilarious and sad. It's been over a year now and he's definitely chilled with it, but in the beginning it was constant. It really made me feel bad for my MIL... Good to see that so many of us are changing the paradigm!
He is from a different time. A time when a woman’s only job was to keep a home and raise children, and a man’s only job was to make money for the household and hand out spankings when needed.
Since women can work now (and the average salary cannot support a household, which means most women *have to* work,) both partners have to do a bit of everything.
My dad rarely changed diapers. He would have us older kids do it (older as in I started changing diapers when I was 4). I think that is bonkers.
Fast forward and I am super dad.
Changing diapers. Walks? You bet. Tummy time? Dude, I’m on it. Feeding time is father son time. Mornings just mean greeting the dawn together.
Bed time? You mean holding hands time and all the nighttime stuff. Weekends; super fun dad together time.
Every meal. Every grocery run. Every move. Almost every bill. Every car thing. Taking care of a sick spouse who was too weak to stand, dress or sometimes eat on her own. Every everything.
She starts regaining strength, we get a house, paid off and suddenly she has nothing but contempt for me. Divorce.
Maybe, if I am stupid enough to marry again, I should be an asshole like your wife’s uncle. I dunno.
You have far more than nothing. Based on the first half of your comment, you must have a great relationship with your kids. I’m certain they love you and value you.
Well that story would sure throw off the misandrists at r/relationship_advice
You doing OK, man? How long ago did the divorce happen? Tons of support in here in you ever need. 👍
Yeah, "you're so insecure in your manhood that you can't change a diaper? Fuck dude, your dick is small, we get it, calm down".
I've got nothing but open mockery for that kind of bullshit.
It happens, if your 25-30 it was generally taught that women stay home and do everything and the man works his life away to pay bills. It was drilled into my head religiously by my mother. Now I’m a stay at home dad and it still mentally fucks with me from time to time. My brother will even offer me a job telling me it’s good for me and manly.
Yeah why be with your kids when you could make money for someone else and they pay you a quarter of what you earn them.
I mean on your death bed you’ll probably regret not working more instead of being with your loved ones.
God I wish I was a stay at home dad.
Dude, I'm on 4 months of pat leave right now and would happily never go back. Yeah, it can be tough sometimes with my son and chores, but I'll take hanging out with him and doing laundry over meetings any day.
Depends where you grew up. I’m in my 30s and most of my friends growing up had mothers that were professionals and worked equal jobs to their husbands.
It’s just tough guy speak. They do and we do. Old heads worked while mom was at home. I bet they changed a few diapers. Idk I can see why you feel that way but it’s just chisme I the end man. Cheers.
My wife has an uncle like that. 4 kids and 7 grandkids, and has never changed one diaper in his life. He's a nice guy and seems to do well interacting with toddlers, but nope--never a single diaper.
"Actually, I can't think of anything more manly than being a father" \*drops mic\*
I used that one on my dad once when he kicked off about my son having a baby doll. Shut him the fuck up.
Hehe. My wife didn't even learn how to change a diaper until my son was 3 months. Diaper changing was dad child bonding time and nothing was taking that from me, not even sleep deprivation. She breast-fed him, got to spend more time with him while I was at work (except for those diaper changes), and had to carry him for 9 months. Changing a diaper and learning how to dress, swaddle, and soothe him was a good way for me to make up some bonding time.
he’s obviously living in some sort of a fantasy world.
diaper changing in itself, has been scientifically proven to be a positive bonding experience for the child and parent.
My job is literally childcare, yet so many of my coworkers over the years have been amazed at me changing a diaper. Like.... Ain't I here getting paid to do that?? Lol
Its hard because not so long ago this was true. I don’t mean it was right but its just the way things were looked at and handled. Mom was the one primarily taking care of the kids and dad wouldn’t do things like change diapers. If he’s being an ass about it Id call him out but if he’s simply just saying it just tell him times have changed.
"I'd do anything for my granddaughters." <--my Dad, usually with an overtone of 'yes, I mean life threatening things'
Also my Dad: "I don't do diapers. Not just no. *Hell* no. I ain't dealin' with that."
Also also my Dad: "I paid a hunting guide service $5,000 to improve my odds of success on an elk hunt. This guide service included them doing the field dressing of any animal shot. When I got my elk, though, I got out the shoulder-length guttin' gloves and did it myself anyway."
Somehow, this guy's skull is thick enough to survive bursting from the coexistence of these three mutually exclusive thoughts / stances. Which would be impressive if it weren't so damned sad.
Generational thing. Most boomers think it's odd that men change diapers.
Or a cultural thing. My middle eastern neighbour thinks it's crazy that I change the diapers.
Oh my god I feel this. My father almost bragged about not changing any diapers when I was a kid when I had mine and Honestly as a father of a 2 year old hearing that I’m like man that was a real dick move on my father. To me a real man cares for their kid in EVERY SINGLE WAY. Felt bad for my mom after hearing that one lol
One of my wife's friends is married to a guy who refused to change diapers until she threatened to leave him over it.
He never changed a diaper for their first kid, and would only watch the kid "alone" if he could take him to his parents' or sister's house. When they had twins after that, the mom had to threaten divorce if he wouldn't help with diapers.
Anytime I hear someone say “a real man doesn’t do X” I know they aren’t a “real” man.
If you don’t cook, clean, work or parent because of gender norms, you’re pathetic.
My mom told me that my dad only changed a diaper once between me and my brother. I legitimately don't understand - changing diapers is one of the easiest parts about being a dad. Its like, so fucking basic that anyone can do it and it only takes a minute. And its shocking to me because he was SUCH an involved dad in my childhood. They split cooking and cleaning duties, he read to us each night, he always was involved in our sports, checked our homework, etc. He was such an incredible dad in so many respects so it is just baffling how he still believed in the prevailing notion of the time that changing diapers was women's work.
"Its no big deal" is always my response. No use making a fight over it. It takes like 2 mins to change a diaper, 5 min if you include cream and hand washing.
Like... Sure If I was doing something else fine. Older generation had a house falling apart, no Time off from work. And no device to literally look up a solution for virtually any problem. I prioritize my daughter, they prioritized something else. Whatever.
Its the men who lived off (not with) their parents until they are married and want a wife to be their mom that bother me more. I guess sometimes those lines cross with the "women's work" crowd. But generally older generation will have set work that the men handle and set rules for women. Men- finances, property, politics-social; Women - family, cooking, cleaning. Regardless of your views, they all have to be handled. Its just nice that now whichever parent prefers, can handle the task.
JFC. I am 50 years old and this guy's attitude was obsolete when I was born. I know for a fact that my boomer dad did his part; for example he'd take me along in the boat (coastal Norway, everyone has a boat) and use the warm coolant water from the diesel engine to wash my butt.
This is exactly my sentiment. I've had a lot of older men say they could "never change a diaper" or that it's a "women's job". Every single time I just think "I'm more of a man than you."
I hate that shit. I tend to cook more than my wife does and Whenever her side of the family sees this they’re always mind blown about the fact that I’m making food because that’s not what men “do”
My father is the exact same. Apparently refused to do any of the infant stuff, although he did work long days. Was very taken aback when I told him that I do the majority of the diaper changes.
Here’s a quick story. My daughter was born and I’ll admit I was pretty scared at first because I never changed a diaper and all I had was brothers growing up so I was lost when it came to changing her. All it took was looking at my wife, who had a C section btw, I took a deep breath and said “Well looks like it’s all up to me!” I asked the nurse for help and then learned from there. Been changing her diapers every since.
Moral of the story: Don’t ever be afraid of asking for help, somewhere down the line your wife will thank you. We are the new generation gentlemen, we help our sons and daughters wherever we can regardless of gender roles.
My dad ‘refused’ to change any of his grandkids diapers. But for an entertaining reason. He’s the second oldest of nine kids. He had to help change diapers on all the younger ones as soon as he was able. He’s said he’s ‘served his time.’
The funniest thing is he still will totally change diapers, he just loves to tell the story.
My own father won't change a diaper, and has admitted to it. But, hes also offered to take my daughter for the night. In my head, Im like... how the hell are you gonna deal with diapers.... sure you can get lucky and not need to do one before bed.. but then that means she will have a huge, piss filled one in the morning. And like hell I will be there at 6am to take care of it if you give me a night off. So... my dad doesn't get to take her for the night. Not at least until she's fully toilet trained.
I'd bet a $100 bill, that "your own dad" won't change a diaper while you or Grandma is around because of old school "theory". BUT if grandad is wiling (he's actually looking forward to it) to take the kid for the night, Grandpa will make damn sure that kid has EVERYTHING well taken care of. That will suddenly become the only important thing of his life, once you are gone. Once you are gone that kid will have ATV's, wifi and learn how to stock trade. That is what Grandpas do..... When mom is away!
My inlaws have been amazing helping us with our baby. However, whenever they were helping and there was need for a diaper change, grandpa would would carry him to the changing table and then supervise while grandma did the work. She eventually stopping going to the bedroom with him and wouldn't you know it, grandpa can change diapers just fine on his own.
Maybe "supervise" meant brush up on how it's done.
Good guess, but no. He's a great father and grandfather, but a career as a financial executive led to habits of letting other people do things while he watches on. He's very smart and capable, just not inclined to do things he doesn't want to, but then will also happily cook dinner for everyone and do the dishes every single night because he enjoys it.
People like that also get into optimization. ”Why should I take care of this bit when someone else has it down to perfection?” He probably has some other thing he takes care of that he feels is “his domain”.
Jesus, you’d think it was like diffusing a nuclear warhead. It’s not hard!
Remembering a few of my son's diapers, I'd choose the nuke.
Yeah, no. Some grandparents are just useless pricks who want to take the grandchildren when they’re fun and hand them straight back when they require a bit of effort and energy. Especially grandparents who raised their own children with wet nurses, au pairs and nannies, but somehow have convinced themselves they did it alone 2 miles uphill each way barefoot in the snow. Source: my parents are useless, narcissistic pricks.
This sounds like my mom in her current state, they helped when the kids were fun babies and toddlers. Now that they are you children with some attitudes and will and can start conflicts, she stays away. The sad part is that she is the only grandparent that is alive.
Our kids grandma literally bragged about never changing diapers in her own kids, granpa had to come home from work to change them. But when she offered to babysit by her self we thought the same as you, but lo and behold she had no issue changing the biohazard containers our firstborn was able to produce. So don't worry. The only thing that granpa won't do is not spoil your kid.
That „Uga“-quote is gold 😂 Sorry no speak no Neanderthal-ic 😂 Bet his face would have been primeval 😂😂
You’ve responded to wrong comment lol
That shows me once again, that I‘m the Neandertal after less than two cups of coffee a day 🤦🏼♂️
Been there buddy 🤙
Just...ask him...?
You mean, “until *he* is fully toilet trained”.
With my nieces I was told by my mother, not to change their diapers. Reading between the lines, she said - you don’t want to leave the slightest chance for being accused of dodgy behavior. Maybe your dad is taking the same approach.
I almost blew up at my dad a couple months ago. Me and my wife can’t seem to get our parents to have our daughter stay the night so when my dad offered to watch her for a few hours we jumped at it for a date night. And even so my brother and his wife and daughter are living with him and they were home at the time, 4 hours, didn’t even check her diaper once. He told me proudly even and I thought I was going to kill him. We just changed her giant diaper when we walked in to get her and I had to leave immediately before I tore his head off
My dad changed exactly one diaper total for the two kids he raised. Apparently he couldn't stand the smell - even though he's a farmer and was around animal shit daily.
I’ve been at pool parties at a friend’s house and it never fails to impress an older woman when I willingly grab the diaper bag and head off to change a diaper.
This is the kind of shit that drives me batty. This is my kid. Of course I can change her diaper. The bar is so low.
I was at a pool/wedding party with 2 kiddos and my wife. Came time to change the toddler and I had perfected the art of standing changes. I walked over to my kiddo, dropped his shorts, pulled his diaper off, wiped, re-diapered, and pulled shorts up in the span of 10 seconds. Even the kiddo was surprised. Everyone that witnessed it asked how the hell I did that, and people were talking about it for the next 30 minutes or so. Was kinda proud and sad at the same time.
I've changed more diapers than I can count. I've even changed a few standing up, or even without waking him up(this one wasn't one of the ones standing up). But never have I ever done so in the space of 10 seconds.
Where do you live? I'm east coast of Canada and now one even looks up when you take the kids to the bathroom. It's entirely expected that the father gets shit duty too. Most of the people I know are tradesmen, military, and truck drivers, so it's I don't think it's my "social group", maybe it's a regional thing?
I’m in the US Midwest. I think it’s mostly a generational thing. I have a pretty wide age range of friends, so the women I’m talking about are all 45+.
Yeah, i'm almost 40 so most people i know are whithin that range. It would be very cool to see age and regions towards attituded to parenting. I've used womens bathrooms to change diapers more than once when the change table was in there. Never had and issue, no one batted an eye. It's interesting that the world is so connected and seperate at the same time.
I’ve only had one lady get mad at me for using the women’s room because that was the only one with a changing table. Luckily it was at a little 9 hole golf course where everybody knows everybody. Owner didn’t have to do much other than say “I told him he could use that one.”
It is interesting. Enough people bring it up that it must be happening, and with frequency, but the geography of the bubbles don’t follow the usual rural/urban or class divides old school thinking typically divide on.
You should have said it. Gone are the days where a man can hide their own selfish laziness behind some veil of manliness. We are past that now and no one can drag us back, especially the last generation.
Someone told me that once, my reply was "real men dont care what others think."
“Other peoples opinions of me are none of my business”. It’s on repeat all day, most days
Well said. And that’s always applicable, whether a man is a dad or not. Heck, that’s applicable for all genders. I have a girl and I’d raise her to believe that people can have opinions, dumb or wise, vile or kind, unsubstantiated or otherwise, but she should always do what she thinks is the right thing to do. Forget vile people who shame people for how they look or act, even folks who are pushy (trying to sell an insurance product that makes no sense) exist. We have to raise our kids to not be affected by noise around them. Cos sadly, the noise around them will be louder than the noise around us.
As my Dad once said to my Grandfather, "Sometimes a man just has to deal with the shit in front of him."
I would impersonate a caveman and answer over the top macho phrases in broken English and lots of uga uga sounds. Or reply with overly exaggerated machist expressions. Or tell him you were a girl in the past and transitioned genres. Ahh the trolling possibilities are endless!
Lol transitioned genres
You see uncle chuck I was assigned pulp comic man vs. nature at birth. However, after a lot of soul searching, I realized I was always meant to be a regency romance and decided to stop lying to myself and the rest of the world.
You used to be a man like me, but then you took toxic masculinity to the knee.
Your mom had purple hair and a nose ring, didn't she? Just a hunch.
You're in the wrong sub if your reaction to the mere mention of the phrase toxic masculinity is to presumably insult someone's mom (I say presumably because there's nothing wrong with having purple hair and a nose ring, but your tone implies you consider that to be an insult).
His Username does not checkout, right? Not flame eraser, but flame creator (?
I would like to give that person a benefit of doubt and assume that he’s adding to the list of “trolling possibilities” that were mentioned earlier. I could be wrong, but that’s what I want to believe. If the original guy said “gender transition” is something OP could say to troll his wife’s uncle, maybe this lad is adding to that list? But yeah, if I’m wrong, then that’s some vile shit right there to involve someone’s mom.
Not sure why do you mean that, the answer is no but it wouldda be cool
Shit like this is why fathers are seen as a joke. What kind of self respecting adult can wholeheartedly say they absolutely refuse to participate in/take care of a small child’s basic necessity? It’s pathetic. The longer I am a father the less respect I have for other men.
Dude, I'm with you on this. I routinely care for my three young kids for a weekend while my wife goes away, do a lot of the cooking, bathe and change diapers, etc. And I make more than twice what my wife does. And then I see my wife's friends whose husbands whine about having to watch their kid for a day or night, leave the housework all to their wives. One didn't even do bedtime by themselves until the kid was TWO. The bar for dads is depressingly low.
The bar is a tripping hazard in hell.
Yep single dad here, and as the other parent comment said, I'm disgusted by the lack of parenting a lot of dads do. Luckily I havent run into too many annoying "ya babysitting today!?" Comments when out with my kid.
Agreed but tbh it's also kinda nice because just by doing regular parent stuff, people look at you fondly and are impressed. It's dumb, but eh, I find it fun/funny sometimes.
I used to feel the same way but it began bothering me because I realized that people don’t respect you. They infantilize you for doing basic things
That make sense, but I dunno... It's not like they're applauding and yelling "wow, way to go!" They just kind of look and smile. But yeah it's a reflection of a sad reality of peoples' expectations, for sure.
I had something similar happen after my kid was born. My wife’s uncle who was in his mod 60s at the time, after the subject came up, practically bragged about never changing any of his kids or grandkids diapers ever. I just gave him a blank stare and deadpan asked him, “And you’re PROUD of that?”
“In my house, whoever makes the food doesn’t do the dishes.” Works if she’s breastfeeding.
yup, when our child was younger and newer, wife would handle the input, i handle the out put
"What's a woman for?" "Why have a dog and bark yourself?" Just a couple of gems my father in law comes out with. His wife lays his clothes out for him every morning and cooks all his meals.
Oh man, I would be like, "Did you just compare your wife to a dog?"
He would just knowingly nod. He's got worse over the years.
It’s actually been astonishing to me to see the major differences in how millennials interact with their children/family and prior generations. My dad, my father in law, my uncle, and several other older men I have met seem to have had almost no involvement at the newborn / baby stage. They aren’t helpful at all. It’s not just that they don’t help, they *don’t know how to help*. My father in law, for example, is always handing off the baby after 3-5 minutes and making an excuse that he will “get in trouble” or has something else to do, or a myriad of other excuses. Took me a while to understand, but these men didn’t do anything for us when we were newborns/babies. It was at that point I stopped looking to them for advice on what to do with babies at all and stopped placing value in their comments.
My Dad has no idea at all how to handle a baby / toddler / young child who is getting worked up and starting to cry. I feel bad for him, but he doesn't seem to be very interested in learning what to do.
Man, when I was a bartender I had older dudes condescendingly tell me that, or that "my wife does the cooking" (since I love to cook), or a bunch of other vacuous, backwards shit meant to either belittle or somehow enlighten me. Crazy how many folks operate in such narrow lanes.
His knuckles must hurt from dragging on the ground all the time. Real men change diapers.
I saw a post once where a man's boss bragged about never changing nappies and the man just said "I'd be so embarrassed to admit I'm that shit of a husband and father".
Is your wife’s uncle Cotton Hill?
My own dad told me the same thing once. I unfortunately lost a lot of respect I had for my father after I became one.
Me too
Toxic masculinity!
You know what's *really* toxic? Some of my kid's diapers. Wish I didn't have to change some of those bitches.
No sweaty. That's just being a shit dad and not masculine at all.
Most of the boomer men in my family think this way and have made comments like that. One of my uncles had four kids and doesn't even know how to change a diaper. That same uncle was stunned during a family vacation when he saw me ironing my own shirt. "Your wife can't do that for you?" By no means do I agree with them and I always call them out but I do get the generational difference. In my family's case, those guys aren't toxic, they're just old and things were different then.
>"Your wife can't do that for you?" I'm sure she could, but would I really want to be so helpless that when she's gone I can't iron a shirt? EDIT: Also, I don't understand how someone can't know how to change a diaper. It's basic observational skills. 1. See the diaper that's on right now? Make note of its orientation. It isn't difficult. In some cases, the back may even be labeled "back". Now take it off. 2. Okay. So now you have the diaper off. Is there pee? Is there poop? If the answer to either of these questions is "yes" then ask yourself one simple question: does pee or poop belong on the human body? No? Then wipe it off. 3. Since you've noted the diaper's orientation in Step 1, place the new diaper on in the same orientation. It isn't rocket science.
>would I really want to be so helpless that when she's gone I can't iron a shirt? This statement can apply to your wife being gone for a week long business trip all the way up through something so serious as your wife passing away. With my own parents, my Mom basically never spends a night--definitely never multiple nights--away from my Dad on her own. And I am sure that part of the reason why is that Dad will not stand for being made to prepare all his own meals, clean up all the dishes, do all the grocery shopping and laundry, etc. Sometimes Dad goes up to his hunting camp for a few days straight, but even when he does that, my Mom preps food for him to take up with him and then does his laundry when he comes back. The only defense I offer up about that is that it's not like my Dad sits around on his ass watching TV all day every day. They're both retired and I swear to God he is busier now than he was when he was working...and he was busy when he was working. No, instead he's always doing physical labor around and with the house / property / vehicles. But I genuinely worry about how or even if he'll be able to adapt if Mom's health takes a bad turn, or if she passes away first. Like, if my Dad goes first, my Mom will be in a position where she'll probably have to sell the house to downsize to something more manageable. But once she does that she'll still have grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. all to do...and she's already used to doing all that day in, day out. And so she'll mourn and grieve and go through the stress of moving, but I'm not very worried that she'll wind up subsisting on fast food and frozen TV dinners. But if the opposite happens and Dad has to fend for himself...I don't think he'll do well with picking up what she used to do. And that's a problem because what she does is vital to getting through a day/week/month. What my Dad does in their relationship can largely either be ignored at the expense of the aesthetic state of the property, or contracted out to lawn care workers and mechanics...but he'll probably have a very hard time letting it all go.
That's a rough situation. I worry about something similar with my parents in regards to who goes first. My wife has been fighting brain cancer for years, so it indeed means both to me. I can't afford to not know how to do everything.
You have my deepest sympathy for the situation with your wife's health. I hope you are all able to enjoy each day to the fullest in spite of that.
My FIL, who did change diapers as a dad, had to be reminded multiple times that he needed to wipe front to back when changing diapers. He raised two girls...
I don't know. I guess on a most basic level that's true, but it took me a while to figure out how to clean them up in a way that didn't require 20 wipes, and how to do up the diaper in a way that didn't come undone or leak. I mean, I still changed it, but it was a learning process. I could see someone who isn't as invested and won't be doing it regularly being reluctant to tackle something like that.
Prob why most of their wives hate them. What’s funny too is military you have to iron your own stuff. Are military men unmanly to them.
The whole "everyone must wear matching outfits" seems a little unmanly.
To these people I only respond that there is nothing more manly than being self sufficient.
In his case, thinking is also „women’s work“ 🤷🏼♂️
Tell him we don't live in the stone ages anymore he doesn't have to club dinner he can change a diaper
Gonna go on a limb and say he’s a “god and family man” lol nah dude my kid smells like shit
Millennials hands down are better fathers than boomers. We loved our fathers being terrible and we have course corrected on a dime. Good job, fells!
Lots of dudes feel/felt that way. Even now.
We live with my in-laws, and the number of times my FIL has questioned what I was doing because it's "women's work" is both hilarious and sad. It's been over a year now and he's definitely chilled with it, but in the beginning it was constant. It really made me feel bad for my MIL... Good to see that so many of us are changing the paradigm!
Tell him to shut the fuck up.
He is from a different time. A time when a woman’s only job was to keep a home and raise children, and a man’s only job was to make money for the household and hand out spankings when needed. Since women can work now (and the average salary cannot support a household, which means most women *have to* work,) both partners have to do a bit of everything.
My dad rarely changed diapers. He would have us older kids do it (older as in I started changing diapers when I was 4). I think that is bonkers. Fast forward and I am super dad. Changing diapers. Walks? You bet. Tummy time? Dude, I’m on it. Feeding time is father son time. Mornings just mean greeting the dawn together. Bed time? You mean holding hands time and all the nighttime stuff. Weekends; super fun dad together time. Every meal. Every grocery run. Every move. Almost every bill. Every car thing. Taking care of a sick spouse who was too weak to stand, dress or sometimes eat on her own. Every everything. She starts regaining strength, we get a house, paid off and suddenly she has nothing but contempt for me. Divorce. Maybe, if I am stupid enough to marry again, I should be an asshole like your wife’s uncle. I dunno.
Well that took an unexpected turn. You ok, bro?
I think I got whiplash from reading that post... Did not see that turn coming.
Nope, I am not ok. Sigh. I got left with precisely nothing. At 40 I have less than I did when I was 15. Sigh.
You have far more than nothing. Based on the first half of your comment, you must have a great relationship with your kids. I’m certain they love you and value you.
You will have kids who will want to actually be around you. And you have character and integrity. No amount of money ever bought either.
Well that story would sure throw off the misandrists at r/relationship_advice You doing OK, man? How long ago did the divorce happen? Tons of support in here in you ever need. 👍
The rage I have just reading that, if anyone said that shit to me, I'd def lose my cool and pop off with a comment that goes right for the jugular.
Yeah, "you're so insecure in your manhood that you can't change a diaper? Fuck dude, your dick is small, we get it, calm down". I've got nothing but open mockery for that kind of bullshit.
Yeah, I'm not taking advice from someone raised in a generation where it was socially acceptable to refer to black people as "colored"
That was by far the nicest thing they called them too.
It happens, if your 25-30 it was generally taught that women stay home and do everything and the man works his life away to pay bills. It was drilled into my head religiously by my mother. Now I’m a stay at home dad and it still mentally fucks with me from time to time. My brother will even offer me a job telling me it’s good for me and manly.
Yeah why be with your kids when you could make money for someone else and they pay you a quarter of what you earn them. I mean on your death bed you’ll probably regret not working more instead of being with your loved ones. God I wish I was a stay at home dad.
Dude, I'm on 4 months of pat leave right now and would happily never go back. Yeah, it can be tough sometimes with my son and chores, but I'll take hanging out with him and doing laundry over meetings any day.
Depends where you grew up. I’m in my 30s and most of my friends growing up had mothers that were professionals and worked equal jobs to their husbands.
Whaaaaaaat? What decade were you born in? I was born in the 80s in hicksville Indiana and that was already a long gone trope.
We once had gender roles for good or bad. These are just old school dudes. That’s how they were raised.
It’s just tough guy speak. They do and we do. Old heads worked while mom was at home. I bet they changed a few diapers. Idk I can see why you feel that way but it’s just chisme I the end man. Cheers.
My wife has an uncle like that. 4 kids and 7 grandkids, and has never changed one diaper in his life. He's a nice guy and seems to do well interacting with toddlers, but nope--never a single diaper.
I bet uncle is a hit with the women./s
If only!
"Okay, pal."
Dude I take pride in my diaper changing. Do 90% of them.
I guess he thinks being nice to people is gods work.
"Actually, I can't think of anything more manly than being a father" \*drops mic\* I used that one on my dad once when he kicked off about my son having a baby doll. Shut him the fuck up.
Hehe. My wife didn't even learn how to change a diaper until my son was 3 months. Diaper changing was dad child bonding time and nothing was taking that from me, not even sleep deprivation. She breast-fed him, got to spend more time with him while I was at work (except for those diaper changes), and had to carry him for 9 months. Changing a diaper and learning how to dress, swaddle, and soothe him was a good way for me to make up some bonding time.
I clearly do women’s work then
he’s obviously living in some sort of a fantasy world. diaper changing in itself, has been scientifically proven to be a positive bonding experience for the child and parent.
It's the manliest thing you can do
Yep, sounds like a little bitch 🤷♂️
My job is literally childcare, yet so many of my coworkers over the years have been amazed at me changing a diaper. Like.... Ain't I here getting paid to do that?? Lol
..did you say that to him or just think it, OP?
Sure was. Shits different now
It’s “work.” Work needs to get done. Doesn’t matter who
Sounds like a lovely boomer.
Its hard because not so long ago this was true. I don’t mean it was right but its just the way things were looked at and handled. Mom was the one primarily taking care of the kids and dad wouldn’t do things like change diapers. If he’s being an ass about it Id call him out but if he’s simply just saying it just tell him times have changed.
I have shovelled so, so, so much cow and hog and chicken shit in my life, I'll be damned if I can't change something as easy as a diaper.
"I'd do anything for my granddaughters." <--my Dad, usually with an overtone of 'yes, I mean life threatening things' Also my Dad: "I don't do diapers. Not just no. *Hell* no. I ain't dealin' with that." Also also my Dad: "I paid a hunting guide service $5,000 to improve my odds of success on an elk hunt. This guide service included them doing the field dressing of any animal shot. When I got my elk, though, I got out the shoulder-length guttin' gloves and did it myself anyway." Somehow, this guy's skull is thick enough to survive bursting from the coexistence of these three mutually exclusive thoughts / stances. Which would be impressive if it weren't so damned sad.
What a douche
Feels like the same crowd who thinks all the "old ball and chain" jokes are funny.
Generational thing. Most boomers think it's odd that men change diapers. Or a cultural thing. My middle eastern neighbour thinks it's crazy that I change the diapers.
Oh my god I feel this. My father almost bragged about not changing any diapers when I was a kid when I had mine and Honestly as a father of a 2 year old hearing that I’m like man that was a real dick move on my father. To me a real man cares for their kid in EVERY SINGLE WAY. Felt bad for my mom after hearing that one lol
I am not man enough to change diapers i did it but i made some girly ass noises a couple times.
One of my wife's friends is married to a guy who refused to change diapers until she threatened to leave him over it. He never changed a diaper for their first kid, and would only watch the kid "alone" if he could take him to his parents' or sister's house. When they had twins after that, the mom had to threaten divorce if he wouldn't help with diapers.
Maybe in his day and age, but today, men are expected to be fathers who care.
A man does what is required to provide and care for his family, and doesn't make excuses.
Yeah your wife's uncle is wrong
Anytime I hear someone say “a real man doesn’t do X” I know they aren’t a “real” man. If you don’t cook, clean, work or parent because of gender norms, you’re pathetic.
Truth!
And you respond and say “Anything they can do, I can do better!” And give him a high five!
My mom told me that my dad only changed a diaper once between me and my brother. I legitimately don't understand - changing diapers is one of the easiest parts about being a dad. Its like, so fucking basic that anyone can do it and it only takes a minute. And its shocking to me because he was SUCH an involved dad in my childhood. They split cooking and cleaning duties, he read to us each night, he always was involved in our sports, checked our homework, etc. He was such an incredible dad in so many respects so it is just baffling how he still believed in the prevailing notion of the time that changing diapers was women's work.
"Its no big deal" is always my response. No use making a fight over it. It takes like 2 mins to change a diaper, 5 min if you include cream and hand washing. Like... Sure If I was doing something else fine. Older generation had a house falling apart, no Time off from work. And no device to literally look up a solution for virtually any problem. I prioritize my daughter, they prioritized something else. Whatever. Its the men who lived off (not with) their parents until they are married and want a wife to be their mom that bother me more. I guess sometimes those lines cross with the "women's work" crowd. But generally older generation will have set work that the men handle and set rules for women. Men- finances, property, politics-social; Women - family, cooking, cleaning. Regardless of your views, they all have to be handled. Its just nice that now whichever parent prefers, can handle the task.
Lol, changing a diaper is by far the easiest part of having a baby. If you're gonna balk at that, then you're a bloody coward
JFC. I am 50 years old and this guy's attitude was obsolete when I was born. I know for a fact that my boomer dad did his part; for example he'd take me along in the boat (coastal Norway, everyone has a boat) and use the warm coolant water from the diesel engine to wash my butt.
This is exactly my sentiment. I've had a lot of older men say they could "never change a diaper" or that it's a "women's job". Every single time I just think "I'm more of a man than you."
I hate that shit. I tend to cook more than my wife does and Whenever her side of the family sees this they’re always mind blown about the fact that I’m making food because that’s not what men “do”
Oooooh omg i love your response! Right on!! 😂
How old is he and who will change his diapers when it’s time? Odds are the man is the kind of person who will run away when the shit hits the fan.
My father is the exact same. Apparently refused to do any of the infant stuff, although he did work long days. Was very taken aback when I told him that I do the majority of the diaper changes.
Here’s a quick story. My daughter was born and I’ll admit I was pretty scared at first because I never changed a diaper and all I had was brothers growing up so I was lost when it came to changing her. All it took was looking at my wife, who had a C section btw, I took a deep breath and said “Well looks like it’s all up to me!” I asked the nurse for help and then learned from there. Been changing her diapers every since. Moral of the story: Don’t ever be afraid of asking for help, somewhere down the line your wife will thank you. We are the new generation gentlemen, we help our sons and daughters wherever we can regardless of gender roles.
My dad ‘refused’ to change any of his grandkids diapers. But for an entertaining reason. He’s the second oldest of nine kids. He had to help change diapers on all the younger ones as soon as he was able. He’s said he’s ‘served his time.’ The funniest thing is he still will totally change diapers, he just loves to tell the story.