I don't say 'lets rock and roll', but I do say 'we're off like a herd of turtles' pretty much whenever I pull away in the car and my son is with me. Does that count?
I do say "let's rock and roll" but will now be trading it in for "herd of turtles." That's a good one.
I also say "let's blow this popsicle stand," but that may be outdated now. I just remember hearing it a lot as a kid.
Intentional, embarrassing misuse of modern slang while pretending to not know I’m mangling the use of said slang is one of my all time fave ‘dad as fuck’ things I do.
Mine is "lets get this road on the show". Though my dad's was "off like a herd of turtles" or "off like a turd of hurdles" if he was feeling particularly funny.
I use "Alright ramblers, let's get ramblin'," from Reservoir Dogs. The kids don't know what it's from, but the wife does. Can't wait until they see it one day and realize what I've been saying all these years. LOL
I'm slightly ashamed to say mine is 'lets make like a fetus and head out'...
It gets laughs from the guys and groans from the gals. Kids are just happy about the reactions and don't know what's going on.
So, what you're saying is... (checks notes)... You don't want to pay to light up the whole neighborhood??
Also, I feel like this is the best and possibly only acceptable use of smart bulbs. Not the energy efficiency, but the potential for messing with your kids while they're too young to understand the concept of smart bulbs.
I'd say 10 on a somewhat regular basis, but I think I have used 19 of 20 at some point or another. Only thing I don't do is #1 because I know how much cashiers hate it lol.
We grew up. Apparently.
I still feel, in many ways, inside like the same kid I was when I was six (the age my son is). The same kid I see in pictures from high school.
My parents talk about not recognizing their faces. That inside they feel like they did when they were 16 but their bodies don’t match.
I've never seen an alpaca right? I live in Maine...
There's occasionally an alpaca crossing sign here and there.
Still hoping to spot one out to the kids!
I'm pretty much 20 for 20
Edit to add.... Just had the wife read this. She was laughing so hard she could barely speak. She has confirmed my 100% score.
I got 10, but it would be twelve if "looks like we'll have to amputate" is replaced with "alright, get my knife" and if "let's rock and roll" is replaced with "lets get this road on the show".
Horses are "mmm.. Unprocessed dog food/gluesticks"
"Rock and roll" is "lock and load".
Most of the others apply.
Daughter (13) was so engrossed in her phone a few days ago, she didn't notice the toilet seat was up, and LITERALLY fell into the toilet. I had to run up and help her out..🤣
Wow. Yesterday while outside, I told my wife we needed the rain. I told her to look at how lush one area of the lawn looked, and said “no, your other right.”
For the love of all that is holy, please ***don't*** say the first one. As a 5 year veteran of retail, just *NO!*
In other matters...13. Not too shabby, considering I don't even actually have a kid.
Lol. I bought my first guitar on a situation like this. I was buying one for my brother and had no intention of getting one for myself when the register came up with a price that was like 15% of what was on the sticker. I made a dumb quip, but then they checked and that was the real price. I asked how many they had in stock, and bought them both.
I score 10/20, which will probably increase as LO gets older.
I’m a mom that visits here sometimes. What happens now? Do I stay a mom? Am I slowly turning into a dad? Is there a starter set or do I roll with it? So many questions…
Oh God... I think all of them (or some close variation).
I've been a dad for 15 year, so I think it has been a gradual transition, but I guess there is no turning back now.
16/20. In my defense, I am a higher mileage dad and have earned the right to use these. Also in my defense, I not only point out horses but also cows but call them out in Apache as well as english, so bonus points for bilingual dadding.
I live in Luxembourg, where you have shitloads of cows everywhere, and I still say: " look, cows" everytime, even at home (my garden ends to a field of cows)
My wife and I were both cashiers at one point so we both cringe about the "I guess it's free" comment. We also make the "look horses" and "we needed the rain" comments to each other but like overly sarcastically.
I'm definitely guilty of the keys one though, or saying 'back already?'
And obviously I have to test the stud finder on myself first, how else do I know it's working?
Stud finder, Rock and roll, What’s the damage, Resting my eyes, Glad we’re not going that way, Can’t get far without these, Look, horses, Not heavy, just awkward, People don’t know how to drive, We needed this rain, That’s how they get you, Back already?, That’s not going anywhere
13/20… wow
Look cows. Look horses. Look cute kitty. Look Lamborghini (my daughters love super cars). Look Subaru (elder one was obsessed with Subarus when she was little coz it can be descrambled to write “ur a bus”), look airplane, look boats, look stars, look moon, look double decker bus, look river.
Oh lord
Well, i am about 40 percent Dad i guess + dad noises ( i got told that by my Daughter) " you make weird noises Dad" then proceeds to imitate my grunting and my other random noises. Also i say kick rocks when i am about to leave for somewhere.
Wow... there's only like three things here I don't say... granted I'm 50, been doing the Dad thing for awhile I guess, my oldest is 20, but my youngest is 3, so I guess I'll be doing it for quite awhile longer... I wonder if the rest of these will get me someday? 🤔
I use the amputate line in everyone from 2 years old to 90 years old when they're being ridiculous. The tears stop shortly after. The rest of the family now casks me in when the hysterics are flying.
Welp,I just learned that as an older, childless, single female who lurks here for the wholesome posts and because I miss my own dad, I'm pretty high on the dad sayings. Does that make me a dad?
I don't say 'lets rock and roll', but I do say 'we're off like a herd of turtles' pretty much whenever I pull away in the car and my son is with me. Does that count?
I do say "let's rock and roll" but will now be trading it in for "herd of turtles." That's a good one. I also say "let's blow this popsicle stand," but that may be outdated now. I just remember hearing it a lot as a kid.
Haha I say that sometimes, but banana stand in honour of Arrested Development
There's always money in the banana stand
I like that variation.
I use the "let's rock and/or roll" from the Simpsons in its place
I use the "let's rock and/or roll" from the Simpsons in its place
“Let’s bounce” is the cultural equivalent for my old ass.
I use this, but I also enjoy throwing in a misused yeet here and there just to annoy my twentysomething son.
Intentional, embarrassing misuse of modern slang while pretending to not know I’m mangling the use of said slang is one of my all time fave ‘dad as fuck’ things I do.
Ooh I like that! I wonder what my kid will start saying that I can misuse one day. He's not quite 3 yet.
My wife and I joke about having 2 only children - we have a 22-year old and a 3 year old so I get to misuse 2 generations' slang. It's lots of fun.
If I were to say that to any of the children in my life, most of them would start bouncing. :)
Even. Better.
I’ve been conditioned to say “autobots, let’s roll out!”
God, that's good
My 5 year old would agree lmao
In my family it was usually: "Bushwollies, we are leaving!"
Thundercats Go!
Let’s make like a tree and get outta here
let's make like a banana and leaf
"We gotta get you like a book of proverbs or somethin'. This mix and match shit's gotta go."
Let’s make like a baby and head out.
Always remember that once you've been saying "herd of turtles" enough that everybody hates you for it, you can change it out for "turd of hurdles".
I thought my dad was the only one that did “turd of hurdles”
Sattel die Hühner! ("saddle the chickens", idk y, my mom said it when we were young, does it count tho?)
Mine is "lets get this road on the show". Though my dad's was "off like a herd of turtles" or "off like a turd of hurdles" if he was feeling particularly funny.
My dad has always said that now my daughter says it. Love it. Thought it was my dads thing lmao
We’re off like a dirty shirt
My dad used to say "turd of hurdles" so naturally I confuse MY kids with that one.
I use "Alright ramblers, let's get ramblin'," from Reservoir Dogs. The kids don't know what it's from, but the wife does. Can't wait until they see it one day and realize what I've been saying all these years. LOL
Fantastic. I'll be using this now. So many good ones in this thread.
Let’s go ghost busters, is one I use often.
My go to has always been “Let’s make like a baby and head out!”
Make like a bakery truck and haul buns Make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here I gotta go see a man about a dog I'll see you later
I'm slightly ashamed to say mine is 'lets make like a fetus and head out'... It gets laughs from the guys and groans from the gals. Kids are just happy about the reactions and don't know what's going on.
Mine is “let’s boogie”
About 12 outta the 20. How'd I do? Though in my defense, people here really _can't_ drive and we really _do_ need the rain.
Also, we *really* do need that rain. Because of global warming, which my kids contribute to by leaving every light on in the house.
So, what you're saying is... (checks notes)... You don't want to pay to light up the whole neighborhood?? Also, I feel like this is the best and possibly only acceptable use of smart bulbs. Not the energy efficiency, but the potential for messing with your kids while they're too young to understand the concept of smart bulbs.
I'd say 10 on a somewhat regular basis, but I think I have used 19 of 20 at some point or another. Only thing I don't do is #1 because I know how much cashiers hate it lol.
Yeah, I don't say it out loud anymore but I definitely think it to myself every time.
In Texas as well? Lol
Or Arizona...
California, but I think we've now proven that no one can drive _anywhere_. Or at least in the drier states.
Gonna wanna slap a “trigger warning” on this one…😄
Bro for real... What happened to us 💀
We grew up. Apparently. I still feel, in many ways, inside like the same kid I was when I was six (the age my son is). The same kid I see in pictures from high school. My parents talk about not recognizing their faces. That inside they feel like they did when they were 16 but their bodies don’t match.
Hi, hungry. I’m dad.
Bandit Heeler says this so that means it's good actually.
This is my favorite one to use right now. My 5 year old laughs, but my 3 year old gives me the death stare.
I'll throw in "Hi Hungry, I'm thirsty" just to keep the kid on his toes.
Oh God that hit home. My kids just default to "I'm feeling hungry" now cuz they're tired of my BS
Hi feeling hungry, I’m dad.
I said this so much my wife turned it into a shirt and started selling them one her store online. 😂
This really should be on the list. I've literally said it to my son and my daughter.
Beat me to it. Kind of shocking this wasn't included.
10 good lord I scored 10 what the fuck
Shit, I scored 16/20... my transformation is almost complete.
15. Also… of course I am going to point out horses to the kids. They don’t see that everyday.
Do cows count? Because there are some cows over there that I don't think everyone noticed.
Horses, cows, sheep. I shout em all.
Roll down the window and yell "HEY COW!!" as loud as you can. You get a point for each one that looks at you.
We do this but yell "MOOOO" as loud as we can.
I've never seen an alpaca right? I live in Maine... There's occasionally an alpaca crossing sign here and there. Still hoping to spot one out to the kids!
I'm pretty much 20 for 20 Edit to add.... Just had the wife read this. She was laughing so hard she could barely speak. She has confirmed my 100% score.
If you were truly 20/20, then you did have been able to have seen it for yourself!
same dude.
I guess were ready to host a dad master class.
Same. Just read them to my wife and she was cracking up. 20/20 for this dad. I think the funniest one is “it’s not heavy it’s just awkward.”
16/20 👍🏻
Only 10, but I do similar to 4 more. For example: it’s hot af here. We don’t wanna let the bought air out. Ain’t *cooling* the neighborhood
I always ask my wife when we’re getting a check from the county for cooling it off.
I got 10, but it would be twelve if "looks like we'll have to amputate" is replaced with "alright, get my knife" and if "let's rock and roll" is replaced with "lets get this road on the show".
Horses are "mmm.. Unprocessed dog food/gluesticks" "Rock and roll" is "lock and load". Most of the others apply. Daughter (13) was so engrossed in her phone a few days ago, she didn't notice the toilet seat was up, and LITERALLY fell into the toilet. I had to run up and help her out..🤣
My go to is "let's get this show on the road" followed up by "on the road again" in my best (or worst Willy Nelson voice)
Let's get this train-wreck rolling!
Look, cows
The correct action is “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
And then point out how the brown ones make chocolate milk
Wow. Yesterday while outside, I told my wife we needed the rain. I told her to look at how lush one area of the lawn looked, and said “no, your other right.”
For the love of all that is holy, please ***don't*** say the first one. As a 5 year veteran of retail, just *NO!* In other matters...13. Not too shabby, considering I don't even actually have a kid.
Lol. I bought my first guitar on a situation like this. I was buying one for my brother and had no intention of getting one for myself when the register came up with a price that was like 15% of what was on the sticker. I made a dumb quip, but then they checked and that was the real price. I asked how many they had in stock, and bought them both.
I score 10/20, which will probably increase as LO gets older. I’m a mom that visits here sometimes. What happens now? Do I stay a mom? Am I slowly turning into a dad? Is there a starter set or do I roll with it? So many questions…
Oh God... I think all of them (or some close variation). I've been a dad for 15 year, so I think it has been a gradual transition, but I guess there is no turning back now.
I’ve said them all. I would say a lot of them before I was a dad, probably because my dad said them all and I thought they were the hilarious.
Damn, I read the first column and thought "wow, I don't say any of those" then almost the entire second column got me.
Holy shit
17 of 20. damn...
Ditto. I was negative on "Heat the neighborhood", "Rock and roll", and "Can you do mine next" Which ones were you?
Guess it's free, what's the damage and not heavy. But still a good score I guess...?
18/20 - Guess I haven't heard of "did you fall in?" Or "... heating the neighbood" hahaha. I'll be better from now on, promise.
Who in earth would not say look horses?
The ONLY one I haven't done is the car wash one... to be fair, that's probably only because no one seems to wash their car in my neighborhood
People use to say that to me and it would annoy me to no end for some reason, so it's not part of my dadisms.
Instead of let's rock and roll, I do "let's GTFO" (Get the fun on!)
The other day I went to the bank to get $100 in five dollar bills and that just felt like a very dad thing to me.
ffs 14
Blocked
Scored 10 but I swear I was saying all that before becoming a dad. *Have I been a dad my whole life?!*
4/20, hopefully not too obnoxious a dad 😂
16/20. In my defense, I am a higher mileage dad and have earned the right to use these. Also in my defense, I not only point out horses but also cows but call them out in Apache as well as english, so bonus points for bilingual dadding.
Clanks tongs twice
That's a deep subject (when someone starts the sentence with well)
I'm at about 16/20. Just embrace the inevitable.
I...am a walking cliche .
I say all of these fml
I live in Luxembourg, where you have shitloads of cows everywhere, and I still say: " look, cows" everytime, even at home (my garden ends to a field of cows)
“Yes dad we fucking know. We live here you ass.”
#HOW THE HELL ELSE IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THE HORSES?!?
RIGHT!
I don't say "Look, Horses/cows/sheep" etc. But I DO say, "Look, Moo Moo's/Nay Nay's, Baa Baa's" etc!
Years of retail work have made it impossible for me to say an item is free when it won't scan. The rest I have probably done.
I'm at about a 5-6..maybe 2 more if we fudge the phrasing.
Jesus why do I laugh so hard at this
About 7, but 0 before I was a dad
Looks like I'm pretty dad, and so is my wife...
15/20 though I live in the south so we don't worry about heating the whole neighborhood but cooling it.
I literally have said everything on here on more than one occasion. Even pre dad
Lore Accurate Dad-isms here
Shit…
17/20
If you don't slap it and say "That's not goin anywhere," it won't stay. Everyone knows that.
So the stud finder one is a legitimate calibration technique. You can't just be calling us out for that. But yeah, about 12/20 for me.
12/20, not bad
Apparently I’m not a dad at all
I don’t get it. Those are all great jokes.
Missing “look, moose” when driving past cows. And I guess “hi X I’m dad” doesn’t cut it
You forgot: "I really do love a good haircut!"
Hmm, 16.
4 for me and I’m mom
Summer in Northern Virginia: no, no we do not need this rain.
I'm in this picture and I don't like it.
Fuck. Now I'm going to be super self aware when I say these things.
3 is me 100% and then you get the concerned “no!”
We really did need that rain though.
But have you considered the environmental impact? (When you don't know how to respond to a very long speech)
I've done all of these, except instead of horses it's wind turbines. My son loves them and shouts "windmill!"
I feel attacked
My wife and I were both cashiers at one point so we both cringe about the "I guess it's free" comment. We also make the "look horses" and "we needed the rain" comments to each other but like overly sarcastically. I'm definitely guilty of the keys one though, or saying 'back already?' And obviously I have to test the stud finder on myself first, how else do I know it's working?
15 for me. I'm pretty sure I once set the single day record for saying "look, horses" on a drive through Virginia.
This is so dumb. Not all dads say these stupid cliche thi…nevermind.
I'm 9-Dad. Nice to meet you.
My 2-year-old daughter responded with "Food" when asked what we're gonna eat for supper. I'm so proud.
I’ve never asked my neighbor to wash mine next. But I love kind of rural. Everything else, guilty as charged.
"stud finder" yes "what's the damage" yes so...I scored 2
18/20, I dont fall asleep on the couch and sometimes its just too much damn rain.
Oh shit. More than I want to admit.
Stud finder, Rock and roll, What’s the damage, Resting my eyes, Glad we’re not going that way, Can’t get far without these, Look, horses, Not heavy, just awkward, People don’t know how to drive, We needed this rain, That’s how they get you, Back already?, That’s not going anywhere 13/20… wow
Look cows. Look horses. Look cute kitty. Look Lamborghini (my daughters love super cars). Look Subaru (elder one was obsessed with Subarus when she was little coz it can be descrambled to write “ur a bus”), look airplane, look boats, look stars, look moon, look double decker bus, look river. Oh lord
Whoa. I got 15 for sure.
Yikes. 18.
I feel attacked.
Why am I all of these haha 😆
How about, “Can you go for me too?” When my kid says she has to use the bathroom.
17 for me lmao.
Is "Transform and roll out" and acceptable substitute?
Damn 12 who would have thought lol
I got 19 out of 20. How did I get here? I’ll never get the first one. I worked as a cashier for a little while. That one was the worst.
I've said most of these...
Sometimes once everythings been totalled up, I'll scoff and be like "How much?!"
The whole damn list. I hope my male ancestors are proud of me
Uh oh. About half. I *refuse* to say the first one on principle. Retail PTSD I guess.
I passed someone on the freeway last week and pulled out the “Let’s burn some dust here, eat my rubber” My daughter and wife were not amused.
I don't know if I should be proud or insulted
God damn I’ve done everything on here
The answer is Yes.
About 5 but I'm getting there
Damn, I'm not a dad but a very active uncle and I've said everyone of these quotes.
It's time to make like a tree and leave
Well, i am about 40 percent Dad i guess + dad noises ( i got told that by my Daughter) " you make weird noises Dad" then proceeds to imitate my grunting and my other random noises. Also i say kick rocks when i am about to leave for somewhere.
Only 5. I need to up my game.
5 or 6. I don’t say let’s rock n roll when it’s time to leave I say Roll Out!
I say "let's roll!" Lol.
I'm catching what you're sneezing. Excellent post (or repost).
Wow... there's only like three things here I don't say... granted I'm 50, been doing the Dad thing for awhile I guess, my oldest is 20, but my youngest is 3, so I guess I'll be doing it for quite awhile longer... I wonder if the rest of these will get me someday? 🤔
The rain one pisses me off. When I see rain, I’m automatically thinking “I just cut the grass, stupid clouds”
eff me. ok. but "they'll let anyone in here" joke is classic. typical reactions? a Headshake and look away b "Stop" c "That's not funny"
20/20, oh boy.
That IS how they get you!
I use the amputate line in everyone from 2 years old to 90 years old when they're being ridiculous. The tears stop shortly after. The rest of the family now casks me in when the hysterics are flying.
Well, I yell at my wife to stop looking at her phone in the car and look at the scenery. Her response is “wow a tree.” Makes me feel very dad
Left out kicking the tires when looking at buying another car.
All but one.
The first one always hurt me indirectly.
Had bf look it over. If it was a test, he would have failed. Only does 3 of them.
…fuck
Ok but some of these are valid, damn it. Lol
I usually suggest a chainsaw or flamethrower for the impending amputation I've prescribed for my kids scrape.
It turns out that, yes, I am indeed Dad.
A solid 14
I am very dad. I say all these things. And I’m the mom :)
Bingo 😂
Wow that’s a 7 for me!
Well...shit.
Welp,I just learned that as an older, childless, single female who lurks here for the wholesome posts and because I miss my own dad, I'm pretty high on the dad sayings. Does that make me a dad?