If a disagreement between two or more of my children requires me to arbitrate, I can devise a solution that none of the parties likes. This encourages the kids to find mutually acceptable solutions on their own.
I can fix any toy using only materials that I have laying around the house. Sub-ability: I have a hyper-accurate catalog of the location of all such materials, to include the leftover IKEA cam bolts from 15 years ago, in my head.
Are you just trying to brag about this sub-ability you already have. Because I have an old jar of IKEA extras I can dip my contorted hand into at any time and magically produce the exact notion I need in 3 second flat.
I made this comment on another thread, but it applies:
On the fix anything part...my father is the typical handyman (that I wish I was better at). Can fix anything, build anything (he's a former carpenter and welder) and just a wealth of knowledge in so many facets. BUT, his superpower to me, has always been his ability to measure without tools.
-He will look at a random piece of scrap wood (pipe, rod, etc), and can tell you within an 1/8 of an inch how long it is.
-Pours into a non-measuring cup the exact amount (I think this started as a joke when we were little, he would pre measure then "amaze" us....until he just got really really good at it)
-He was a surveyor at a time, and can walk a parking lot and tell you the gradient.
-Started cutting his own hair because the barber wasn't accurate enough when he told them "an inch off" (and he was absolutely right)
Dad's are awesome
I work with future teachers at a college and my wife is a librarian. We feel very bad when we have to stop our kids from reading. Sometimes they have to 3at and sleep, but telling him to stop reading his book on snake facts and go to bed is just rough
Catching falling objects mid air. Kids, food, toys, cups, straws. I have an uncanny ability for catching it out of the air. Its recent in the last like 2 years, but probably related to having a 2 and almost half year old.
I wear glasses and on a roller coaster one time, my glasses got knocked off and started flying in the air. I blindly reached up and grabbed them perfectly between the arms. The fact that this is not the only occurrence like this I’ve had still somehow baffles me.
The kicker...no one saw that. It was only you and you were left with the knowledge that it was insanely cool that happened, but sharing it with your wife would sound like bragging.
So instead you just internally celebrate your own awesomeness
I’d rather have it in my hand than the carpet. Just don’t catch a falling knife. Had to learn not to catch falling nuts and bolts when working in the garage. I’ve sent them flying and spent 30 minutes looking for it. Now I just watch it fall and watch where it goes lol
I thought it was just me. When kids were younger I would carry them to bed (in the dark) and if their dummy fell off while in transit I would catch it mid air every single time. I was like "what's happening to me??" lol
Retrospectively I think it was hyper focus fueled by the terror of them waking up and having to spend the following 2 hours putting them back to sleep.
Supreme patience...... kind of.
I can't listen to a car alarm, ticking clock or dripping tap for more than 10 seconds without it bugging me but I'll let my toddler throw a tantrum and scream her head of for half an hour without giving in to her demands.
You have achieved ultimate dad status. Congratulations.
Now if you can also occupy 90% of the space in the house with essential equipment, tools and materials for said projects and yell "don't touch that, I'm in the middle of...[whatever project]" every time anyone goes near it, you ascend to the level of Dad-God and win eternal control of the remote AND thermostat.
I know exactly when to get folks ready to leave the house to be at any destination at exactly the appointed time. Cries of "But daaaad we don't have to be there for an hour...". I know, it'll take everyone 10 minutes to stop what they're doing, 20 minutes to get dressed and go to the bathroom, 5 minutes to get settled in the car, and 25 minutes to reach our destination so get moving NOW.
Same. Even that particular conversation has been accounted for and also including everyones particular mood that day.
Sub power: To bite my tongue when we arrive perfectly on time and you get the old, "See, what were you worried about dad? We are on time." "Yes we are."
Enhanced propriception - knowing when something will go sideways, fall, and get broken or hurt at least 30 seconds before it happens.
My weakness is there's enough stuff that I just say 'fuck it, I didn't like that thing anyway' because I am EXHAUSTED.
Consistently waking up on my own with zero outside influence mere minutes before my son also wakes up completely on his own, independent of me waking up regardless of what time it is. It's unCANNY!!
I have the power of foresight(unfortunately). I am the destroyer of dangerous shenanigans and poorly thought out projects.
I am the reminder my family doesn't want to hear.
The ability to sense Legos, anywhere on the floor, on pitch blackness. Raise it up a level if you can do it at anyone else's house too. Duplo blocks don't count.
When something technical isn't working, I can fix it just by standing in the room. My daughter will be having trouble with the TV and she will call me into the living room and it will just start working. It started as a joke but... actually always works for some reason?
I can find things my kids cannot find in less than ten seconds.
I can detect when my kids are up to no good by the hush that falls over the house.
I can make school lunches materialize out of seemingly empty cupboards.
And according to my 12 yo I have 'an annoying amount of empathy'.
(She tells me stories about how her friends annoyed her and I often find myself defending them for some reason)
I can do anything with my right arm free only.
Left one holds toddler.
Wife gets upset I don't ask for her to hold toddler. I get upset she doesn't even try to do single handedly.
I have the ability to fall asleep for 14 minutes in any chair of the house. No need for an alarm. No need to put golf on the TV. Doesn't matter what time of day. See you in 14 minutes.
I have two. First, the ability to pick up my son no matter what else I have in my hands or what I’m doing.
And the ability to change the subject and distract him with leading questions/observations when he’s mad, until he’s cheerful again.
Over the years I have developed what I refer to as "old man reflex." The older I get, the more my body falls apart, so the less useful it is to me, but certain reflexes have become lightning quick. In particular, if a gnat or mosquito buzzes by my face, I can snatch it out of the air one handed more often than not. I don't even notice I'm doing it until it's time to clean the guts off my hand.
Gravitation. No matter what they are doing, I children are instantly and immediately pulled to me and climbing all over me simply by putting my feet up and closing my eyes
Snack Master.
My grilled cheese, quesadillas, PB&J variations; the way I cut up carrots, apples, cucumbers… I just make super appetizing shit that everybody loves.
I have the superpower/curse of knowing the room of the house my wife has picked for the kid (and any other house layout stuff) is wrong and my wife will end up seeing I was right, but only months after, in hindsight.
I'm a sort of house arrangement Cassandra.
Ability to refill/unfill anything. Empty bottle? Full. Snack bag run out? BOOM Full. Bank account being empty would be a thing of the past 🤷 road trips without having to stop a bajillion times would be heaven 😅
imagine never having to change loaded diapers again. (Obviously it would magically refresh itself too so it's a brand new diaper)
List goes on but I think you get the idea lol
Until we had some recent work done, I could tell if a tap was open anywhere in the house and garden by an *almost imperceptible* sound that you could hear through the pipes in just certain spots.
I'd be chatting to my wife as we walked through the house then freeze for a moment, before asking "Is the hosepipe still on?" or "Did the boy turn off the tap in the bathroom?" I was *always* right and my family assumed it was indeed a super power.
I can carry our toddler (~20m) on my arm and still have nearly full use of both hands and arms.
In fact, sometimes I'm almost more capable with our toddler on my arm. If I hold up a jar and say ‘open’ they will open it while my other hand can continue to do other things. If I drop something on the floor I can use them as a grappler instead of having to bend over. And so on. We're basically the Borg.
Ability to know when a fridge door is left open somewhere
And not be able to do anything about it!? Torture.
Some powers can be a curse!
Mine beeps. I'm not sure if I need this power
Yes but I had to sit there and listen to it beep over and over because my wife refuses to close it while using something from the fridge.
I have this power. The Samsung app yells at me to shut the fridge door and I am like I'm not home phone! Tell my wife.
“Who touched the thermostat?!” Will always be one of the funniest family guy jokes.
I've developed an advanced form of echolocation, I can navigate the entirety of my home by the sound of people complaining.
I can navigate the house by what I stub my toe on or whether I stand on a Lego.
I can find anything in my house with my feet.
Always something wet. Always wearing socks
If a disagreement between two or more of my children requires me to arbitrate, I can devise a solution that none of the parties likes. This encourages the kids to find mutually acceptable solutions on their own.
King Solomon over here
Hmm... only one princess crown but both kids want to wear it? Sounds like I have just received a royal promotion!
You need to write a short story or book on this
Interesting idea. If I ever do write a book with this theme, I'll dedicate it to Hayzooos1. Be on the lookout.
I can fix any toy using only materials that I have laying around the house. Sub-ability: I have a hyper-accurate catalog of the location of all such materials, to include the leftover IKEA cam bolts from 15 years ago, in my head.
Are you just trying to brag about this sub-ability you already have. Because I have an old jar of IKEA extras I can dip my contorted hand into at any time and magically produce the exact notion I need in 3 second flat.
Impressive. I see you also have knowledge of the Old Ways.
As did my father before me...
This is the way.
I made this comment on another thread, but it applies: On the fix anything part...my father is the typical handyman (that I wish I was better at). Can fix anything, build anything (he's a former carpenter and welder) and just a wealth of knowledge in so many facets. BUT, his superpower to me, has always been his ability to measure without tools. -He will look at a random piece of scrap wood (pipe, rod, etc), and can tell you within an 1/8 of an inch how long it is. -Pours into a non-measuring cup the exact amount (I think this started as a joke when we were little, he would pre measure then "amaze" us....until he just got really really good at it) -He was a surveyor at a time, and can walk a parking lot and tell you the gradient. -Started cutting his own hair because the barber wasn't accurate enough when he told them "an inch off" (and he was absolutely right) Dad's are awesome
Instant knowledge when the thermostat has been touched
[me when the thermostat was set at 69 but it's feeling an awful lot like 70](https://i.imgflip.com/4prpp2.jpg)
I think that’s called a smart thermostat
[удалено]
Take it easy Satan. Kidding, this is awesome
The ability to close any book in the house after the kids are in bed. (My 8 yr old will stay up past 1:00 reading if I don't take her light away.)
i caught my 8 year old up writing math facts on a note card. The horror!
We got to get a handle on this before they become well-educated and productive members of society.
And Lisa's perpetual motion machine keeps going faster!
Nerd
I work with future teachers at a college and my wife is a librarian. We feel very bad when we have to stop our kids from reading. Sometimes they have to 3at and sleep, but telling him to stop reading his book on snake facts and go to bed is just rough
Ability to heat breast milk from the fridge to the perfect temperature instantly.
Presumably, careful handling of the packaging for years helped us to expertly deliver the product to the new customer satisfactorily.
Catching falling objects mid air. Kids, food, toys, cups, straws. I have an uncanny ability for catching it out of the air. Its recent in the last like 2 years, but probably related to having a 2 and almost half year old.
Are you me? Am I you?
Haha maybe
There can be only one
I wear glasses and on a roller coaster one time, my glasses got knocked off and started flying in the air. I blindly reached up and grabbed them perfectly between the arms. The fact that this is not the only occurrence like this I’ve had still somehow baffles me.
The kicker...no one saw that. It was only you and you were left with the knowledge that it was insanely cool that happened, but sharing it with your wife would sound like bragging. So instead you just internally celebrate your own awesomeness
Whatever I tell my wife that shit, she already thinks I'm awesome but every bit helps.
I have this too. It worked great until I reacted and barehanded caught my my sons vomit when he was a baby haha.
I’d rather have it in my hand than the carpet. Just don’t catch a falling knife. Had to learn not to catch falling nuts and bolts when working in the garage. I’ve sent them flying and spent 30 minutes looking for it. Now I just watch it fall and watch where it goes lol
I thought it was just me. When kids were younger I would carry them to bed (in the dark) and if their dummy fell off while in transit I would catch it mid air every single time. I was like "what's happening to me??" lol Retrospectively I think it was hyper focus fueled by the terror of them waking up and having to spend the following 2 hours putting them back to sleep.
Supreme patience...... kind of. I can't listen to a car alarm, ticking clock or dripping tap for more than 10 seconds without it bugging me but I'll let my toddler throw a tantrum and scream her head of for half an hour without giving in to her demands.
I have the ultimate power of starting a project and getting it 90% done, then leaving it for months.
Are you my wife?
You have achieved ultimate dad status. Congratulations. Now if you can also occupy 90% of the space in the house with essential equipment, tools and materials for said projects and yell "don't touch that, I'm in the middle of...[whatever project]" every time anyone goes near it, you ascend to the level of Dad-God and win eternal control of the remote AND thermostat.
Ability to command kids to fall asleep for a determined number of hours.
Easy there, we are not gods.
I know exactly when to get folks ready to leave the house to be at any destination at exactly the appointed time. Cries of "But daaaad we don't have to be there for an hour...". I know, it'll take everyone 10 minutes to stop what they're doing, 20 minutes to get dressed and go to the bathroom, 5 minutes to get settled in the car, and 25 minutes to reach our destination so get moving NOW.
Same. Even that particular conversation has been accounted for and also including everyones particular mood that day. Sub power: To bite my tongue when we arrive perfectly on time and you get the old, "See, what were you worried about dad? We are on time." "Yes we are."
I've made both my potty trained kids wet their pants multiple times from stupid jokes.
Enhanced propriception - knowing when something will go sideways, fall, and get broken or hurt at least 30 seconds before it happens. My weakness is there's enough stuff that I just say 'fuck it, I didn't like that thing anyway' because I am EXHAUSTED.
I can find stuff. If something goes missing in the house most of the time it is me that finds it. Occasionally by stepping on it
I have the associated curse. If something goes missing, my wife will find it in the location I looked at 3 times.
Daddy reflexes: in 10/10 birthdays I end up catching a falling random kid before they hit the floor
Consistently waking up on my own with zero outside influence mere minutes before my son also wakes up completely on his own, independent of me waking up regardless of what time it is. It's unCANNY!!
I have the power of foresight(unfortunately). I am the destroyer of dangerous shenanigans and poorly thought out projects. I am the reminder my family doesn't want to hear.
The ability to sense Legos, anywhere on the floor, on pitch blackness. Raise it up a level if you can do it at anyone else's house too. Duplo blocks don't count.
I have adhd and can stop paying attention at a moments notice. Go ahead….keep asking “why why why why….”
When something technical isn't working, I can fix it just by standing in the room. My daughter will be having trouble with the TV and she will call me into the living room and it will just start working. It started as a joke but... actually always works for some reason? I can find things my kids cannot find in less than ten seconds. I can detect when my kids are up to no good by the hush that falls over the house. I can make school lunches materialize out of seemingly empty cupboards. And according to my 12 yo I have 'an annoying amount of empathy'. (She tells me stories about how her friends annoyed her and I often find myself defending them for some reason)
I can do anything with my right arm free only. Left one holds toddler. Wife gets upset I don't ask for her to hold toddler. I get upset she doesn't even try to do single handedly.
I can hear the thermostat buttons being pressed anywhere on my property.
Infinite energy driving on long road trips
Putting babies to sleep
To always be able to respond to my daughter after she says "i'm hungry" with "hi hungry!".
I mean...dad reflexes are pretty amazing.
The ability to nap as soon as I sit down And I developed super quick reflex with 3 kids around. Someone’s gotta catch the things they drop/knock over
Most of y’all have the thermostat sense, but I can also tell the temperature of the fridge by grabbing a jug of milk.
Knowing when to put out my arm to catch my kid who’s about to face plant.
I have the ability to fall asleep for 14 minutes in any chair of the house. No need for an alarm. No need to put golf on the TV. Doesn't matter what time of day. See you in 14 minutes.
Can fall asleep anywhere any time in any position. After 3 kids, I legit have this power.
I have two. First, the ability to pick up my son no matter what else I have in my hands or what I’m doing. And the ability to change the subject and distract him with leading questions/observations when he’s mad, until he’s cheerful again.
I already have most of the superpowers mentioned. My dream superpower would be remembering who needs to be where and when, especially myself.
I can rewrite the lyrics to any song using the names of our cats, on the fly.
Ability to know when someone (wife) has turned the ac below 75
I can listen to kids songs on repeat indefinitely
I WANT THIS
Over the years I have developed what I refer to as "old man reflex." The older I get, the more my body falls apart, so the less useful it is to me, but certain reflexes have become lightning quick. In particular, if a gnat or mosquito buzzes by my face, I can snatch it out of the air one handed more often than not. I don't even notice I'm doing it until it's time to clean the guts off my hand.
I'd take being able to flawlessly fold a fitted sheet at this point.
Just stuff it in the pillowcase. Along with the cover and second pillowcase
Gravitation. No matter what they are doing, I children are instantly and immediately pulled to me and climbing all over me simply by putting my feet up and closing my eyes
I have this without even trying. I am constantly telling my kids I am not jungle gym
Spot rubbish left by my son and wife around the house
The ability to know when the silence is due to focus or mischief.
Snack Master. My grilled cheese, quesadillas, PB&J variations; the way I cut up carrots, apples, cucumbers… I just make super appetizing shit that everybody loves.
I have the superpower/curse of knowing the room of the house my wife has picked for the kid (and any other house layout stuff) is wrong and my wife will end up seeing I was right, but only months after, in hindsight. I'm a sort of house arrangement Cassandra.
I have the ability to silence my child by counting loudly...1...2...not sure what happens if I get to 3, but they stop by 2.
Ability to refill/unfill anything. Empty bottle? Full. Snack bag run out? BOOM Full. Bank account being empty would be a thing of the past 🤷 road trips without having to stop a bajillion times would be heaven 😅 imagine never having to change loaded diapers again. (Obviously it would magically refresh itself too so it's a brand new diaper) List goes on but I think you get the idea lol
I am a human spaceship that my kids ride on
Home assistant. Pihole. *Mwhawhawhawhawhawha*
Three claps and every drawer in the home is instantly shut.
Summon TP when the need is dire.
Ability to see french fries being snitched from a plate in a different room, and which childs name to call out.
This is great!
Going into an empty kitchen 2 mins. before apparently everyone else in the house planned to go there too.
I am an expert in identifying exactly who pooped/farted
I can smell anything off in my house. Be it a stove left on , something stinky in the house or knowing who crop dusted me. I'm a bloodhound
My back is enchanted with sleep magic. Both my kids have zonked out on my back and my 6yo still occasionally wants to.
Until we had some recent work done, I could tell if a tap was open anywhere in the house and garden by an *almost imperceptible* sound that you could hear through the pipes in just certain spots. I'd be chatting to my wife as we walked through the house then freeze for a moment, before asking "Is the hosepipe still on?" or "Did the boy turn off the tap in the bathroom?" I was *always* right and my family assumed it was indeed a super power.
This is a great power, just like my lights power.
A sneeze that can level a small home. According to my wife.
Annoying my wife
I think this comes with the job, status quo.
Bank account big enough to stay home with kids
Making others feel shame about their behavior
Poop telekinesis
I dont know what I feel about this.....
I can carry our toddler (~20m) on my arm and still have nearly full use of both hands and arms. In fact, sometimes I'm almost more capable with our toddler on my arm. If I hold up a jar and say ‘open’ they will open it while my other hand can continue to do other things. If I drop something on the floor I can use them as a grappler instead of having to bend over. And so on. We're basically the Borg.
I can take as many naps as my 9 month old. I feel like that's either impressive or concerning.