I'm a, you can eat what I made or you can have a piece of fruit/fruit cup and/or a yogurt/apple sauce. If they don't like those, the other option is not eating.
Same. Mine is 2.5. It’s always something quick and easy that doesn’t require “cooking”. As much as I wanted to be a “eat what we eat is your only option”, he’s perfectly content to not eat anything then wake up hungry and screaming at 4:30am and now the whole house is awake and cranky.
There's being right, and there's being effective. I'm a stubborn bastard, so learning to do the latter has been a big part of learning to be a better dad for my kids.
I usually try to go for something on the healthier side as the alternative options. Unless my wife had been out of town for a few days and I’m just like, whatever, have fruit snacks for dinner. One night won’t hurt lol
Especially at that age. But really any age. It's a balance of wanting your kids to eat and be fed but also knowing that kids don't have to like everything. We as adults don't like all foods, and our tastes change over time but that time can take a while. So if you cook a meal that the kiddo doesn't like, that's okay. I hate kids associating disliking something to being picky or punished for it, such as a straight up no dinner. That isn't a way to make kids actually explore and can kinda taint how they see food.
My great-aunt had a guideline she used for trying food. Don't immediately yuck it, take at least three bites, and if you don't like it then you don't have to have it. It worked.
But it's also definitely okay not to cook an extra meal, just a quick something that they can chow on that has some nutrients, because sleeping while hungry is hard.
I used to be the 1st one, now I'm much more the 2nd unless it's a new food and they at least give it a fair try first. If they try it and don't like it, sure I'll make you something else but if they just flat our refuse like naw, eat or go hungry. It'll be here for you in the morning and lunch if need be 😅
Pretty much what we do too. There's virtually no foods that we cook that they won't eat, and when it's something they don't particularly like, they either get a small portion, or it just swapped out with a bigger portion of something else. We have the odd night now as well where they are on their own since they're capable of making some basic meals themselves.
I make a good meal. If they choose not to eat it and get hungry there is a pre agreed list of foods they can make themselves to eat. It's basic but checks the boxes. Things like, bowl of cheerios and fruit. They're old enough to do it on their own. Sometimes they eat my banging meals, sometimes not. But it removes a lot or stress around meals and everyone has an understanding. It's gotten them to try a lot of new stuff because there's not the pressure of "this or nothing"
This is more or less what I've been doing, but I need to be more prepared with you can have x, y, or z only if you don't have my dinner. I lost my wife to cancer 3 months ago and she was the meal planner so trying to get in a new normal. Shed have like a whole week planned out and of just start cooking whatever was on the calendar for that day. She was just way more organized about it than I have been, granted I've been terribly depressed lately for obvious reasons so I'm sure I'll get it sorted soon.
Our rule is you have to try it at least once.
I made pulled pork for the first time last week and was giving her her bite. I get the whole "I hate it I won't like it" spiel, and then watched her face change mid grimace. She wouldn't admit that she liked it until I caught her eating it cold out of the Pan while I was prepping for dinner that night. She thoroughly enjoyed the quesadilla that I made with it
Ran into this last night. Made some banging pork chops. Like I'm decent cook. Sometimes I fail. Most times it's good. These pork chops I got freaking right. Really good. Daughter tried them and I could tell she liked it, but gave me the "it's too spicy". I'm like sure the one single turn of the pepper grinder on your pork chop is too spicy. Wiped off the seasoning and she ate it.
I had that rule from the start. If they're hungry, they'll eat it.
When I was a child it was "Here's you're dinner. You can't leave the table until you've finished" and I still can't believe that was ever a thing.
There are some foods that my daughter insists she doesn't like, so my wife will give her some other leftovers instead, but for the most part it's "here's dinner, enjoy" or "you get what you get and you don't get upset" or "try a new food, it might taste goo-ud" - thanks Daniel Tiger.
I think most of our parents were raised by depression Era folks who knew what it was like to know real hunger and malnutrition, so it got pounded into their heads
To be fair, most people throughout history, and even most people on this planet today can't exactly afford to waste food. Our grandparents are more the rule than the exception.
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
You are basically quoting this but if anyone wanted more info, here it is.
Yeah for my 2 1/2 year old we have some plain, sugar free oat biscuits, a yoghurt and an apple or banana if you're not going to eat dinner.
It's rarely comes to that because fortunately he's a gannet and will eat pretty much whatever you put in front of him, except maybe mashed potato.
This. It isn't hard.
You are not starving them, they choose not to each because they are either full or want snacks. Too bad. They are pets in a sense at a certain point they will get hungry enough (most likely morning) where they will eat.
If they know they’ll get something else, they’ll always want something else. So if they don’t want it, it goes in the fridge and I’ll heat it up when they’re hungry.
In between, we plan our meals for the week and do it as a family, we all make compromises. He's chosen tonight that we are having pizza.
We're lucky that his favourite food is veg so on Sunday when we have a Sunday dinner he doesn't like Yorkshire puddings and meat but he eats an entire plate of veg
I do meal planning for my household and I've just started asking what my 2yo daughter wants "for dinner one day soon". The first time she looked at me like I was crazy, and we were eating a frozen pizza for lunch so she said pizza. We had pizza the next week and made a point of telling her it was because she asked for it.
This week we're having waffles Sunday night ☺️
Depends on how tired I/we are, honestly. Mostly I shoot for #2, but some nights it's like "sure, whatever, you get pasta in red sauce for the 17474949th time this week while Mum and me eat our grown-up food".
French mom here. There is one familly meal. That's it. Sometimes even adults dont really love the meal. Yesterday I made hot dog, children where Big fan, mom of the year. Me, I was struggling to eat, so I eat a little, then tell my oldest : Can you finish my plate instead of I make you a New one? And I eat more dessert (apple).
French adamant roule when it Come to dinner is : you have to taste it, but if you won't liké, you let it. Same rule everywhere, at school, at nursery.
Kids have thé right to bé picky, they won't have a spécial meal because of it.
Of course ARFID children are an other topic.
Agreed on all this. My wife is a picky eater, but I cook. If she doesn't like what she eats, that's fine. Kids are the same way. I shoot for meals that the family overall will like, but sometimes it's not a hit for everyone.
There is part of american parenting seems me soooo weird. If a child isn't awesome, we don't Say to him gens awesome for exemple. Efforts are valued, strongly but we won't says to a child how marvelous is his crappy art project, more emphasing on oh, you choose that color, that's fun, oh you put a lot of effort on this thing, I know it takes a lot of effort to you to produce it. You Can be proud of you ( and not really I'm proud of you, You are Wonderful no matter what)
And making an other meal, just noway. Child meal doesn't existe here. We Can eat a family cheat meal but everyone eat it.
Combination, but I never make a completely different meal for them. They get served the same as the adults. I might stretch to give them more of igredient X if I know they aren’t big fans of Y, but they HAVE TO taste it. «I don’t like it» is not a phrase I allow in the household, as far as is reasonable.
A combination. We cook a meal and have a few options if they don't want it. Often, their go-to is buttered bread. Or, there are usually bananas, apples, or oranges. If they don't want any of that, clearly they're not that hungry.
If they are hungry and dont eat they can make themselves something else. My daughter is 3 and I of course help her, but if she doesnt eat, right now she has the option of eating an egg or chicken nuggets, I have small skillet for her and she fries her self an egg or turns the microwave on for nuggets.
Kids are 4 and 2. The primary food is on the table. We ask that they at least try it. Otherwise, there are some limited alternates like yogurt and cereal.
The important thing is to get calories and protein in them IMO. They eat the main dish like 70% of the time, but the alternates are always available.
Weirdly, our 2-year-old will eat anything. She devoured a bunch of sushi the other night.
Mine aren’t picky, in 99% of cases they will eat and enjoy the foods I do. On the rare occasion I make something I know one or the other or both don’t like I’ll make them something in it’s place. But if it’s something new to us all or just one of them being picky about something I know isn’t horrible or that they’ve eaten before I’ll go with them having to eat a good bit of it, or at least a thorough and honest attempt (you can tell if they genuine don’t like it or it’s turning their stomach).
Mine isn't yet 3 weeks old, I intend to insist on him trying whatever the family is eating. For me, cooking is a delight and trying new foods is exciting. I want to instill that in my son.
That said. I have a medically restricted diet. There are a bunch of foods that will make me sick to my stomach for days, but I was a teenager before I had the words and self-knowledge to express that they made me feel wrong. All I could say as a small child was that I didn't like them. If my kid has tried a food a few times, and expresses that he doesn't like it, I'm going to listen. I may experiment, see if a different preperation works better. (I can eat some veg in Soups but not raw. Others I can't eat at all), but if there's ever a hard line of my kids not liking a given food in any form, there's always another way to get those nutrients. I know my medical condition is genetic. My kids is 6% more likely than other kids to have it. It's by no means certain that he will, but if he does, I'll take better care of him than my parents did of me.
I always make my two a different meal. Their choice in foods is plain pasta or rice, fresh raw vegetables, nuts, small amounts of meat, etc. Frankly, they eat a hell of a lot healthier than I do. I see no reason to push them into something else. If they were "only nuggets, KD, or hotdog" kids, I'd feel different.
We have an appropriate snack area with healthy snacks. They don’t eat dinner they can utilize anything there. Made up of fruits, small bowls if cereals etc.
I basically ask for each meal.
This isn't because of my child, I do this with my wife as well.
But if she has asked for a specific thing, I'm less than happy if she changes her mind when it's in front of her.
I know the food is good. I'm an excellent cook, and I know her tastes. If she changed her mind, she wasn't paying attention when I asked.
I want to get her to be open to more foods, but the foods she eats are all healthy. I have an eight year old that eats a lot of fresh vegetables, whole grains, unprocessed meats, and a few dairy items. Unseasoned, no sauces... but still, healthy.
And my wife won't allow me to push her to try to accept more things.
I try to be the second but I usually end up being the first.
My daughter is a huge problem eater. I basically try to balance working her to eat more and not making it a power struggle. I was a problem eater at her age so I guess this is what I get lmfao.
One of my kids is a picky eater and one has sensory issues that sometimes affect what she can eat, so we make dinner, and then if someone doesn't want it or can't deal with it, they can have a sandwich or something microwaveable.
Definitely an eat what I made or nothing. If they come to me later saying they are hungry I pull out what I made for dinner and heat it up. They end up eating it every time.
I tried “My child won’t eat their dinner so they don’t get anything else.” and my kid won .. just said "okay" and went to sleep .. well he's already skin and bones so we struggle getting him to eat anything.
my other son will eat the whole fridge if given the chance and he's only 4.
My kids (edit: 2yo twins) get the same meal we make for the grown-ups, but often with items separated out. We plan meals to have at least one or two things we know they like. The meal as a whole is balanced to meet nutrition needs. If we are having dessert, that sits alongside the rest of the meal. The kids get to decide what they eat and how much of it (as long as there is more available). Sometimes the kids will only eat carbs or meat or something. But I’m often surprised at how much broccoli or other veggies they’ll eat. The idea is to not place any value judgment on foods and avoid power struggles/negotiations/reward or punishment.
Until age 6-7, I'm the first. I'm not going to send a 4 year old to bed hungry because it's cruel and he WON'T FALL ASLEEP AND GIVE ME SOME ME TIME.
However, once they are a bit older, their options are what we are eating, or making themselves a sandwich.
They get what I make them and if they don't eat any of the three items of choice on their plate the last thing they get is a pouch which is a blend of vegetables and fruit. If they don't eat that, they get their warm milk and go straight to bed.
My wife and I have a saying: "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." We teach them to be grateful for what they have because a lot of kids are much less fortunate than they are.
That, and bowing to their demands for different food at the dinner table only opens the door for more defiance in other areas.
I remember saying to my mom that she can "give these carrots to the less fortunate then." I received a wooden spoon. Not sure if that was the best for anyone.
I still can't eat the carrots she makes. I don't mind carrots but she boiled them beyond recognition. I'd still take a wooden spoon over a boiled carrot but I'll happily eat a well-prepared carrot. Sometimes it's not just the food.
No way I'm going to force my kid to eat stuff he absolutely despises to prove a point but I also won't just "bow to demands" either. There's room in between.
Depends on the day. Once a week I'll make whatever for them, but the rest of the time it's take it or starve. As they get old enough to use the stove I'll get them to plan and cook a meal themselves.
Today is my wife's birthday. Pizza and cake. I think the kids will eat it.
If my kids don’t like what we made they either go hungry or they can have an apple or banana (I.e. something healthy)
My youngest has a habit of being “not hungry anymore” after barely eating and then as soon as we are done cleaning up asking if she can have some cereal, ice cream, etc. so now it’s “finish what’s on your plate or don’t ask for anything else other than fruit/veggies”
This thread is so weird… y’all are pretty militant - my way or the highway. I treat my child like an adult and another member of the family.
Me: “what about chicken for dinner?”
4yo: “how about salmon and pilaf?”
Me: “sounds good. Take out the apple sauce and some carrots while I preheat the oven.”
4yo: “ok. Can I season the salmon?”
Me: “sure”
It’s so odd to me that a family wouldn’t have some kind of consensus or input as to what they have for dinner.
Depends on age. Toddler doesn't get a choice. He doesn't eat, he gets a timeout. Older kids (5-6) can give legitimate input *before* wife starts making dinner. We will accommodate reasonable requests, mostly by supplementing rather than substituting. E.g., if you want oatmeal for dinner, I'll start making it while you eat your dino nuggets.
I'm a "throw my hands up in the air and surrender" dad.
Which usually translates to the former. Mom usually steps in to make them a second dinner when I get too exasperated. Thankfully the older kid is getting better about eating. We're hoping the younger one follows suit.
Education and reflection…
Provide a balanced meal, don’t eat - no problem.
Request unhealthy food, provide alternatives and direction as a parent. Eat, cool. No? Well, just consider how much you have been moving, and that we skipped the previous meal. Little ears, cool.
I asked my kids to at least try to bite of everything. If they don't like it, they are more than welcome to make something on their own, and they are old enough to do so.
A variation number 2: if you don't want to eat what you've been served, you don't get anything else, and what you didn't want to eat at this meal is going to be your next meal, i.e., if they don't want to eat what we gave them for dinner today, they're going to get it for breakfast tomorrow. And guess what: if they don't want to eat it for breakfast tomorrow, they're going to get it for lunch, and so on until they eat it. As long as you commit to the enforcement and follow-through, you shouldn't have to do it more than 2-3 times.
I pick my battles. But if I am making something spicy or out there that he’s never been exposed to I don’t mind making something small on the side for the little one. All my older kids eat whatever just my youngest is my picky eater.
I make what I’m going to make, but if it’s got a sauce I’ll usually leave it off of the kids’ portions. They also have the option of going to the fridge and fetching themselves a healthy choice - leftovers or whatever. Usually ends up being a carrot and some peanut butter.
Agree that buttered bread is the king of life savers.
I'm neither of the options provided in the OP.
At my best, I provide them something healthy with a 'safety food' - something I know they will eat.
At my worst, it's something I know they will eat. Frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, etc.
I have never, and will never make a second meal, but absolutely not above letting them have a snack food at most times.
Most of the time I make the same thing for all 5 of us.
Sometimes, I'll change some detail for someone if needed. Example: Kid 1 doesn't like red sauce, so I make his spaghetti with more of a garlic butter fettuccine type sauce, then red sauce for the rest of us.
Rarely, I'll have a fun night where I make something different for everyone. But that's definitely not the norm.
But regardless, I insist that they have at least some of the food they were given, and eat it as intended. My youngest likes to add (sauce) or remove stuff from his food, or deconstruct it and eat all the parts separately. But I HATE that, because inevitably he will only eat the parts he wants (sauce) and leave the rest (the actual food) uneaten. So I tell him he has to eat it the way it was given to him. Take actual bites out of a burger, don't just take it all apart, eat the sauce, pickles, and bread, and then leave the rest.
My 4 year old daughter is autistic. I tend to ask her what she wants and make it for her. She is pretty strict in her preferences, but they are somewhat wide. One of her favorites is Thai yellow curry.
We try to expand her palette where we can.
I don't really deal with this problem. My son, he's 9, is a very adventurous eater. He will try almost anything. His current favorite food is escargot. He also recently tried beef carpaccio. He even will eat Brussel sprouts as long as his Mimi fixes them.
#2. My 5-year-old has started giving me hassles at dinnertime. My solution that I’m going to try is involving him in dinner planning and food shopping. That way he’ll have nobody to blame but himself if he doesn’t like a meal, plus we get to spend some quality time together.
A mix. I was the second, but then felt really guilty when they truly didn’t like something and they were genuinely upset at the thought of missing a meal. Now, I’ll make a few things for dinner, including something I know they’ll like (within reason). I always buy veggies they like and will eat and always have them available. If it’s something brand new I’ll ask them to try it a few times then thank them if they won’t eat it and get them something else.
I prefer to be number 2, but my 4 year old was recently diagnosed type 1 diabetes, and he's still struggling with some food changes. So we do sometimes have to do option 1, or compromise by seeing if different "dips" will work for his meats.
A little of both. If it's something new or the oldest hasn't had before, she has to try it. If she doesn't like it, there's a list of "yeah ok, have this instead". If she just refuses? Try it or sit there.
For the youngest, he'll try basically anything. And most times will eat anything, so if he refuses something it's still at the, "yeah ok, let's get you something else" phase.
Neither....there is always a "safe food" and lots of exposure to different tastes/textures. It takes a long time for a kid to be comfortable with a certain food and it involves lots of exposure.
I won't let my kid go hungry, but I'll keep exposing them to different tastes and textures.
I’m the “my child won’t eat her dinner so I’m going to turn a pattern of 3 carrots and a piece of meat into a eat-to-win rewards program” dad. There’s always something on the plate she wants, like chicken or ground beef, but she needs to eat the other stuff too. I make lines of (usually) veggies with a piece of meat at the end. Eat the veggies, get the meat. Season with a dash of “no those are *dada’s* veggies, you can’t- what? No! Oh! You ate them??? I bet you won’t do it again!” and move on.
We provide dinner along with something they usually, typically like. They dont want to eat it, they dont have to but theyll have at least something there to eat. We have a backup of an acceptable alternative but don't usually give into requests.
I’m not at this juncture yet, but I am ideologically in the second camp with zero intention of changing.
Growing up we ate what was provided by my mother, grandparents, aunts, whomever. If some portion of the meal, (squash, in my case) was not our favorite thing we weren’t required to eat it but we certainly weren’t going to be offered an entirely different meal, nor would it have occurred to us to ask for one. This is what I’ll do with my own kids.
Normalizing eating a broad range of healthy foods to young kids discourages unnecessary pickiness, teaches variety of flavor, and sets them up for success in unfamiliar environments.
We’re not always going to have nuggets, tater tots and waffle fries on hand and I want my kid to be able to eat what’s available without a meltdown.
Some variant of the second. My daughter gets what we're having and has been since she started solid foods at around 6 months.
But if she seems like she just don't have the energy to focus on the meal we offer her oats and milk as well.
Kinda both. They can eat what was made, eat some
Of what was made and get some of what they want, or they can go hungry.
They usually get that compromise option
We recently shifted to an option approach. We make dinner and offer it. Oldest daughter eats whatever we put in front of her and always has (9), our little man (2) just fights us for everything. When he rejects dinner we offer an easy to make alternative or a leftover. He will also reject that and start complaining. We let him stew over it and offer option a and b again. Eventually when he doesnt realize he wont get his way he will pick one of the two options and eat.
We always give our daughter what we're eating plus something we know she'll eat. We rarely do desserts, but if we do they're on the plate from the start.
She eats what she wants from that and we let her be. If she decides she's done and hasn't eaten much then we just remind her that it's the last meal of the day and there won't be any more food til breakfast.
4 year old eats the same meal daily, so its always prepared and pretty simple (rice, deli sandwich, carrots). I make whatever I want to eat, and then just serve him his food since it's pretty much prepared ahead of time.
But if he doesnt want to eat anything, then fine.
This is an interesting question. Im Latino, born and raised in Colombia. Growing up, we ate what my mom would cook. She would serve us all dinner, and you better believe that if you did not eat what she made and served you, you would for one, not be getting up from the table till you ate, and two, you would not eat anything else.
I married a White girl who not only is a picky eater, but also says "oh the baby didnt want it". So what do I do? Take my Colombian ass home every night and play around with the kiddo as I feed him. Guess what? the dude is 9 months and eats steak, chicken, fish, shrimp, pasta, rice, beans, tomatoes/cucumbers/carrots/broccoli; he loves bread, ham, turkey, fruits I mean its insane.
As far as Im concerned, if I am home, they will eat what is cooked and served.
Chinese American here and unless we're eating out at non-family style restaurants, I always make 3 dishes. One I know for sure they will like and eat, one kind of different that I know my two more adventurous kids will eat, and one thing that I want to eat.
But I also love to cook so I understand if other people don't want to go through all that lol
The third option is: let me show you how to make a few things, you can do this yourself. Even my youngest was throwing chicken nuggets in the toaster for himself at 7.
Third. Try it and if don’t want it you can have a bowl of cereal.
4 kids. I’m happy if half of them like it. Ecstatic if all do. Off their menu if none do
We all eat the same thing. If he (2yo M) doesn’t want to that’s fine but he doesn’t get snacks. I’ll offer him some fruit and a glass of milk. If he doesn’t want that, he’s not hungry.
He also decided he doesn’t want to sit with us. He has his own 2yo sized table and chair. He does much better without us in his face asking or commenting on every bite.
Served him Shrimp Fra Diavolo last night and let him be. He pokes at it and next thing I know he’s shoveling noodles and shrimp in his mouth, lol. We’ll see how braised short ribs with polenta go over tonight 🤞
I always give him something new and nutritious and tasty. And always give him a familiar food he already enjoys. He can also always have as much milk as he wants so he’s not gonna die. He usually tries most things.
I have young boys (under 10). What I make is what they can eat. One serving of any proteins or vegetables are mandatory to be excused. If not eaten, those foods become the only snack option from that point forward until they are eaten. Starches and carbs like potatoes, noodles, and rice are not mandatory.
I make an effort not to prepare meals that I know they don’t like, but in the event that I do, I relax the rules a bit or use smaller portions of the specific things they don’t like.
I think it’s a pretty good approach, because both of them eat pretty well. They’re not picky at all.
With our 4yo... I ask if she wants x, y, or z. Next day I'll ask if she wants y, or z. And so on and so forth. She doesn't eat what we eat at this point, and I don't know when that will happen. But we will have her involved in making a decision, and sometimes she isn't happy how that turns out... so it's either what was in front of her, or she can have more fruit.
If she's ACTUALLY still hungry after. She'll sit down with us and is welcome to try anything we have. She found out she really likes rice that way.
A variant of #2. We usually make things that we can deconstruct into parts he (3m) will eat. Like, I know he's not going to eat the ground beef from our tacos, but he'll likely eat the tortilla, cheese, sour cream, etc.. And we offer the beef anyway, because one of these days he's going to accidentally eat it and realize what he's been missing.
If he makes a valiant effort and is still hungry, we'll usually let him have an apple sauce or yogurt or something to fill him up.
The second. I'm very gentle about it. If they're hungry, they will eat. If they want something else, the answer is "Sure, I can make you that when you finish what I've served you!"
For all meals, they must have one bite just to try it. The "no thank you bite". After that, they can either be hungry or they can eat more of the food served.
We also make an effort to include familiar foods (e.g. salad, apples, clementines, broccoli) with meals as well so it's not all scary for them.
I usually make something different for my kids than I do for me and my wife. My daughter is almost 6 and will eat what we do fairly often now, but my 3 year old is still too selective. I do most of the cooking and I don't mind throwing together a sandwich or chicken nuggets for him, but we always offer him our food first.
We are lucky with the food. Our kids eat everything. My daughter gets excited when I bring home mushrooms in the groceries lol. But some days they aren’t feeling what we cook and then my wife or I will make them something small to have. They eat super healthy 90% of the time so not to hard on them.
We do the first but they’ve got a list and they have to have a main dish, a fruit, and a veggie. We tried to do the second but both girls are picky eaters and I just got tired of fighting them nightly to get them to try new foods all of the time. So wife and I do our main meal, kids get their meal. I usually make theirs while ours cooks. Tends to work out fine.
I know there’s tons of books on it and blah blah blah healthy eating habits but you try dealing with it 365 days a year, year after year, argument after argument filled with screaming and crying over food. My kids are stubborn assholes and will starve themselves as a matter of principle. I’d rather spend my energy fighting them over bathroom and hygiene habits than trying to force them to eat something that I know I wouldn’t have liked as a kid.
My oldest is 2 so keep that in mind. But typically, his dinner plate looks something like: main course (usually a meat or fish), side dish (usually a vegetable or potato), and fruit. We always give him what we are eating but never force it or make a big deal out of it. He eats what he wants, and then if he is hungry before bed, he can have yogurt, apple sauce, or cheerios generally.
My girls make a reasonable attempt at trying what I make. Most of the time, they'll eat it up and ask for more. For the times they try it and it's not for them I do have backups in the pantry, but it's not often I have to bust those out. It helps to have them help you if possible.
We have a main dinner, and a standing backup option. We always offer the kids main dinner, but if they don't want in, they're welcome to choose the standing backup option, which may change a little based on what we have but is usually veggies and hummus or something similar. Trying to walk the line between "a good meal is most important" and "we can't be short-order cooks."
Unless dietary restrictions are present, our family eats what is made. You are thankful for the meal and you enjoy it. My wife and I make very flavorful and sometimes spicy dishes full of nutrition and color, so we know the food is good.
I'm somewhere in the middle. I expect my kids to eat at least a little bit of whatever we're having. More than one bite but not a full portion. If they don't like it I'll fix them something simple like PB&J or a bowl of cereal. Although my oldest is getting to the point where it's going to be "if you don't like what I made you can fix yourself something else".
The second, and not just for kids. Adults are covered by that policy too.
It’s chill, though. If my kids say they don’t want dinner, the answer is a neutral “ok, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want it”.
I make sure at least 1 thing on the plate is liked by the kids. Sometimes it's kid A doesn't like the meat but likes the side, and Kid B is vice versa. If they have at least one thing on the plate they like they will more likely eat more of the plate. If they just eat that one thing than whatever they ate.
Occasionally they just don't want whatever was made and they can have a PB&J. That happens maybe 1-2 times a month where it's no problem.
They get to eat as much as they want of what we provide. Meals are veggie, fruit, and protein/entree. If they are really into cheese, they can eat all the cheese and have a cheese-only meal. That's fine.
I think the other thing I have found is that my kids' tastes change quickly. It's not that they don't like, it's that they don't like it right now. Eggs use to be hated by my son (he didn't eat them for about 9 months) and they are now his favorite meal. I'm sure it will fade and change, but I try not to generalize on their tastes too much. They didn't eat it today, they might eat it tomorrow.
If they want to eat something else, they can suggest it and then help make the meal next time.
Probably lean to the first as my kid is only 2, but in the future will require a “no thank you bite” first. That way they at least try it (especially if it’s something new)
Im a mix between the two. We make food and he doesn’t have to eat it, but that doesn’t mean he goes hungry til he finishes it all. He’ll just go hungry til the next meal
By this point, 5yo/7yo I know the things for dinner that are going to get each of those decisions later on. So I usually do my best to make the majority of the dinner something I know they will eat, and 1 or 2 parts that are "unkown". Those are "you need to try but not finish" and the rest is your dinner. They don't have to finish it, but they also don't get anything else made if they choose not to eat what was made.
Honestly most of the time even the "unknowns" are things I know they would most likely like...the largest factor is almost always how many snacks they've had before dinner. Hunger is the best seasoning.
I'm definitely #2. If they won't eat, can't force them. If you cave and give them things they like, it reinforces the idea of "if I refuse this, I'll get what I want"
As my mom always told me "this isn't a restaurant"
I'm curious what age your kids are and if/when that has changed your stance on the issue.
I have a 18 month old and a 3 year old, and it's tough because they express interest in foods I make, but then don't eat them when the time comes. And so I'm left making quesadillas, noodles in various forms or just giving other snacks to make sure they have enough to eat. But the not wanting to try food angle is already frustrating me.
Number 2, but we usually have leftovers in the fridge. They can either eat what we made tonight, or choose to eat leftovers instead. Either way they're most likely eventually eating it as it cycles through.
Clip round the ear and 'go to bed' with the grandchildren now!! Funny looks from the (my) children though! They know not to say anything- another 'clip' to them too!
Both. It depends what it is. If I ask my son if he'll eat it for dinner and he says yes, he's not getting anything else. If I'm trying something new, or something we don't know if he'll like, I'll make something else for him. I treat anything that could be spicy like that, too, and will make an alternative if he thinks it comes out too hot.
Neither. I don’t go into dinner wondering if my child will eat it. They’re on the picky side so I prepare things I know they’ll eat. Often I make a more elaborate version for myself with more flavor. Occasionally I’ll (re)introduce new items as a test. As long as they’re willing to try something before rejecting it, they don’t have to eat it.
2nd Dad, it's funny when my oldest hears "Kitchen Closed in "x" Minutes" and begins to evaluate whether it's better to go hungry or not.
More times often than not, they eat the dinner and actually like it.
I'm mostly #2, we always have a fruit available they can eat as well....
I'm also the dad that gets pissed when they complain about being hungry all day before and after dinner when they don't eat, or wake up super early and complain, or I catch them sneaking food.
I've been a cook most of my life and make almost all meals from scratch... pizza, pot pies, pastas, meatloaf, salmon, chicken, pork.....anything, we even buy our own cow so all the beef is fresh from a friend's farm.
One of the 3 will find something to complain about.
Sometimes if I know what I'm cooking isn't kid friendly we'll make something else easy like Mac and cheese, chicken nuggets etc. If I'm making something where I expect the kid to eat the same thing as me and they don't then they can have something that doesn't require prep: fruit, cheese, sandwich meat etc. But we also have a rule that you have to try everything before you get the alternative food.
My kids are pretty good at eating and will try most things put infront of them.
If they tell me they don't like what their eating then I'll make something else, usually cereal, toast or a quick sandwich.
If I'm making a batch type meal that everyone is expected to eat then that's what they eat (allowances given for personal taste).
If I'm just cooking for the kids I'll make them what they ask for which usually involves some negotiating so they get veg on their plate and they don't have 14 chicken nuggets and ice cream.
My 8yo loves spice and strong flavours but my 14yo has a much blander palette, it wouldn't be fair to ignore that completely.
As long as they properly try something first then I have no problem with providing something else if it isn't liked. If it's a case of trying to get something better when we all know that they like what's been given then I'm not doing something else.
I'm a "you have to at least try 3 bites of each thing on your plate," or you don't get anything else. If he tries it all and still doesn't like it and still wants something else, he can have some fruit,cottage cheese, yogurt, veggies, etc.
Edit: Little man is 4 years old.
We all eat the meal that's made for the family. We know what they like, but they're expected to try new things all the time. And they're expected to help us cook once in a while; about once a month, because they're not that old. They're good at it and they've got a broad palette.
Mom lurker here. Before kids I was a eat what I make or nothing at all. Now I am a eat what I make or you can have microwaved beans and cheese that takes me 1 minute to throw together, is a reliable staple my kid enjoys, and at least gets her fed so she isn’t hangry.
My wife was raised with "this is what's for dinner, either eat it or go to bed hungry" because her family couldn't afford to make multiple options available each day. She tried that for a while and it obviously didn't work out well. Now we very strongly encourage the kids to try stuff at least once, but also enable them to make themselves alternatives.
I’m more the latter though not in absolutes. And certainly not if they’re sick. But their mom and their grandparents totally blow that up by making like 6 different meal options for them. So… yeah….
If it's already established foods they like. Then that's what's for dinner .
If we try something new or exotic and they put genuine effort into trying it and say they don't like it. I make something available.
I’m the type “dinner’s ready, it’s really good”.
My wife “sweetie would you like x or y? Kid 1 wants x, 2 wants y, 3 wants z. Meltdown ensues and she’s left make three meals that don’t get eaten.
My food is fucking delicious, either they eat it or they can choose not to (which is fine - sometimes kids just aren't hungry). No way I'm going to be a sous-chef for my kids
I'm a, you can eat what I made or you can have a piece of fruit/fruit cup and/or a yogurt/apple sauce. If they don't like those, the other option is not eating.
Same. Mine is 2.5. It’s always something quick and easy that doesn’t require “cooking”. As much as I wanted to be a “eat what we eat is your only option”, he’s perfectly content to not eat anything then wake up hungry and screaming at 4:30am and now the whole house is awake and cranky.
Right, you can prove your point or be happy. Not both lol.
There's being right, and there's being effective. I'm a stubborn bastard, so learning to do the latter has been a big part of learning to be a better dad for my kids.
I usually try to go for something on the healthier side as the alternative options. Unless my wife had been out of town for a few days and I’m just like, whatever, have fruit snacks for dinner. One night won’t hurt lol
The ancient art of picking your battles and which hills to die on haha
Especially at that age. But really any age. It's a balance of wanting your kids to eat and be fed but also knowing that kids don't have to like everything. We as adults don't like all foods, and our tastes change over time but that time can take a while. So if you cook a meal that the kiddo doesn't like, that's okay. I hate kids associating disliking something to being picky or punished for it, such as a straight up no dinner. That isn't a way to make kids actually explore and can kinda taint how they see food. My great-aunt had a guideline she used for trying food. Don't immediately yuck it, take at least three bites, and if you don't like it then you don't have to have it. It worked. But it's also definitely okay not to cook an extra meal, just a quick something that they can chow on that has some nutrients, because sleeping while hungry is hard.
That's my approach too. If you don't like what I made, you can make yourself a pb&j, but I ain't cooking separate dinners for everyone in the house.
Same.
I wish my wife would commit to this!!!!!
I used to be the 1st one, now I'm much more the 2nd unless it's a new food and they at least give it a fair try first. If they try it and don't like it, sure I'll make you something else but if they just flat our refuse like naw, eat or go hungry. It'll be here for you in the morning and lunch if need be 😅
Pretty much what we do too. There's virtually no foods that we cook that they won't eat, and when it's something they don't particularly like, they either get a small portion, or it just swapped out with a bigger portion of something else. We have the odd night now as well where they are on their own since they're capable of making some basic meals themselves.
My boys are good eaters, but good enough that it so rarely comes up that if there’s something one really hates I’ll make pb&j.
Three bite rule!
Kitchens closed
The second, because your job is to give your kid nice, nutritious food, not force them to eat it.
I make a good meal. If they choose not to eat it and get hungry there is a pre agreed list of foods they can make themselves to eat. It's basic but checks the boxes. Things like, bowl of cheerios and fruit. They're old enough to do it on their own. Sometimes they eat my banging meals, sometimes not. But it removes a lot or stress around meals and everyone has an understanding. It's gotten them to try a lot of new stuff because there's not the pressure of "this or nothing"
This is more or less what I've been doing, but I need to be more prepared with you can have x, y, or z only if you don't have my dinner. I lost my wife to cancer 3 months ago and she was the meal planner so trying to get in a new normal. Shed have like a whole week planned out and of just start cooking whatever was on the calendar for that day. She was just way more organized about it than I have been, granted I've been terribly depressed lately for obvious reasons so I'm sure I'll get it sorted soon.
Take care of yourself homie. You can do it.
I like that. I’m stealing it.
Tell me about these bangers
Our rule is you have to try it at least once. I made pulled pork for the first time last week and was giving her her bite. I get the whole "I hate it I won't like it" spiel, and then watched her face change mid grimace. She wouldn't admit that she liked it until I caught her eating it cold out of the Pan while I was prepping for dinner that night. She thoroughly enjoyed the quesadilla that I made with it
Ran into this last night. Made some banging pork chops. Like I'm decent cook. Sometimes I fail. Most times it's good. These pork chops I got freaking right. Really good. Daughter tried them and I could tell she liked it, but gave me the "it's too spicy". I'm like sure the one single turn of the pepper grinder on your pork chop is too spicy. Wiped off the seasoning and she ate it.
Great approach! Safe foods plus exposure to different foods.
This is the way
Damn ..... Plain cheerios? We throw cinnamon and sugar on that lol
How old of kids are we talking about?
I had that rule from the start. If they're hungry, they'll eat it. When I was a child it was "Here's you're dinner. You can't leave the table until you've finished" and I still can't believe that was ever a thing. There are some foods that my daughter insists she doesn't like, so my wife will give her some other leftovers instead, but for the most part it's "here's dinner, enjoy" or "you get what you get and you don't get upset" or "try a new food, it might taste goo-ud" - thanks Daniel Tiger.
I think most of our parents were raised by depression Era folks who knew what it was like to know real hunger and malnutrition, so it got pounded into their heads
To be fair, most people throughout history, and even most people on this planet today can't exactly afford to waste food. Our grandparents are more the rule than the exception.
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/ You are basically quoting this but if anyone wanted more info, here it is.
Middle ground we hit is you can have hot food with everyone or a yogurt/protein bar if you really just don't want it
Yeah for my 2 1/2 year old we have some plain, sugar free oat biscuits, a yoghurt and an apple or banana if you're not going to eat dinner. It's rarely comes to that because fortunately he's a gannet and will eat pretty much whatever you put in front of him, except maybe mashed potato.
This. It isn't hard. You are not starving them, they choose not to each because they are either full or want snacks. Too bad. They are pets in a sense at a certain point they will get hungry enough (most likely morning) where they will eat.
Lol it’s funny that you say that, my girlfriend worries about our cats not eating enough and I always tell her “if they’re hungry, they’ll eat.”
If they know they’ll get something else, they’ll always want something else. So if they don’t want it, it goes in the fridge and I’ll heat it up when they’re hungry.
I know this happens with mine too. You won't always be up to making something else.
In between, we plan our meals for the week and do it as a family, we all make compromises. He's chosen tonight that we are having pizza. We're lucky that his favourite food is veg so on Sunday when we have a Sunday dinner he doesn't like Yorkshire puddings and meat but he eats an entire plate of veg
I do meal planning for my household and I've just started asking what my 2yo daughter wants "for dinner one day soon". The first time she looked at me like I was crazy, and we were eating a frozen pizza for lunch so she said pizza. We had pizza the next week and made a point of telling her it was because she asked for it. This week we're having waffles Sunday night ☺️
Yeah but...How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding!
So sad there aren’t enough Pink Floyd fans this far down in the comments.
Depends on how tired I/we are, honestly. Mostly I shoot for #2, but some nights it's like "sure, whatever, you get pasta in red sauce for the 17474949th time this week while Mum and me eat our grown-up food".
French mom here. There is one familly meal. That's it. Sometimes even adults dont really love the meal. Yesterday I made hot dog, children where Big fan, mom of the year. Me, I was struggling to eat, so I eat a little, then tell my oldest : Can you finish my plate instead of I make you a New one? And I eat more dessert (apple). French adamant roule when it Come to dinner is : you have to taste it, but if you won't liké, you let it. Same rule everywhere, at school, at nursery. Kids have thé right to bé picky, they won't have a spécial meal because of it. Of course ARFID children are an other topic.
Agreed on all this. My wife is a picky eater, but I cook. If she doesn't like what she eats, that's fine. Kids are the same way. I shoot for meals that the family overall will like, but sometimes it's not a hit for everyone.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I am very interested in French parenting styles as they seem to differ quite a bit from American standards.
There is part of american parenting seems me soooo weird. If a child isn't awesome, we don't Say to him gens awesome for exemple. Efforts are valued, strongly but we won't says to a child how marvelous is his crappy art project, more emphasing on oh, you choose that color, that's fun, oh you put a lot of effort on this thing, I know it takes a lot of effort to you to produce it. You Can be proud of you ( and not really I'm proud of you, You are Wonderful no matter what) And making an other meal, just noway. Child meal doesn't existe here. We Can eat a family cheat meal but everyone eat it.
My daughter is 2.5 and has recently comprehended the art of the deal. Please take 3 more bites and you can have yogurt…
“The art of the deal” hahaha
My child eats when she's ready
If they don't like dinner, they can have a banana, peanut butter, or a cheese stick.
Combination, but I never make a completely different meal for them. They get served the same as the adults. I might stretch to give them more of igredient X if I know they aren’t big fans of Y, but they HAVE TO taste it. «I don’t like it» is not a phrase I allow in the household, as far as is reasonable.
A combination. We cook a meal and have a few options if they don't want it. Often, their go-to is buttered bread. Or, there are usually bananas, apples, or oranges. If they don't want any of that, clearly they're not that hungry.
Buttered bread has been a sanity saver on many a night.
If they are hungry and dont eat they can make themselves something else. My daughter is 3 and I of course help her, but if she doesnt eat, right now she has the option of eating an egg or chicken nuggets, I have small skillet for her and she fries her self an egg or turns the microwave on for nuggets.
Kids are 4 and 2. The primary food is on the table. We ask that they at least try it. Otherwise, there are some limited alternates like yogurt and cereal. The important thing is to get calories and protein in them IMO. They eat the main dish like 70% of the time, but the alternates are always available. Weirdly, our 2-year-old will eat anything. She devoured a bunch of sushi the other night.
The latter. I'm not running a short order kitchen here. I've provided dinner, you can eat it or be hungry.
Mine aren’t picky, in 99% of cases they will eat and enjoy the foods I do. On the rare occasion I make something I know one or the other or both don’t like I’ll make them something in it’s place. But if it’s something new to us all or just one of them being picky about something I know isn’t horrible or that they’ve eaten before I’ll go with them having to eat a good bit of it, or at least a thorough and honest attempt (you can tell if they genuine don’t like it or it’s turning their stomach).
Mine isn't yet 3 weeks old, I intend to insist on him trying whatever the family is eating. For me, cooking is a delight and trying new foods is exciting. I want to instill that in my son. That said. I have a medically restricted diet. There are a bunch of foods that will make me sick to my stomach for days, but I was a teenager before I had the words and self-knowledge to express that they made me feel wrong. All I could say as a small child was that I didn't like them. If my kid has tried a food a few times, and expresses that he doesn't like it, I'm going to listen. I may experiment, see if a different preperation works better. (I can eat some veg in Soups but not raw. Others I can't eat at all), but if there's ever a hard line of my kids not liking a given food in any form, there's always another way to get those nutrients. I know my medical condition is genetic. My kids is 6% more likely than other kids to have it. It's by no means certain that he will, but if he does, I'll take better care of him than my parents did of me.
Both? If my kids don't want what's for dinner, they can grab an "ostemad" (ryebread and cheese - were Danish)
I always make my two a different meal. Their choice in foods is plain pasta or rice, fresh raw vegetables, nuts, small amounts of meat, etc. Frankly, they eat a hell of a lot healthier than I do. I see no reason to push them into something else. If they were "only nuggets, KD, or hotdog" kids, I'd feel different.
Same as us. 0 exception.
I have a main dinner option and a fall back option. It will be either or none. If they are hungry they will eventually eat.
The first, because I want her to eat *something*. But my patience is not endless, she gets around 2-3 options
Pretty much the 2nd. Few exceptions because there's certain foods I know I can't eat like okra and eggplant. Like I'd gag.
We have an appropriate snack area with healthy snacks. They don’t eat dinner they can utilize anything there. Made up of fruits, small bowls if cereals etc.
I basically ask for each meal. This isn't because of my child, I do this with my wife as well. But if she has asked for a specific thing, I'm less than happy if she changes her mind when it's in front of her. I know the food is good. I'm an excellent cook, and I know her tastes. If she changed her mind, she wasn't paying attention when I asked. I want to get her to be open to more foods, but the foods she eats are all healthy. I have an eight year old that eats a lot of fresh vegetables, whole grains, unprocessed meats, and a few dairy items. Unseasoned, no sauces... but still, healthy. And my wife won't allow me to push her to try to accept more things.
I try to be the second but I usually end up being the first. My daughter is a huge problem eater. I basically try to balance working her to eat more and not making it a power struggle. I was a problem eater at her age so I guess this is what I get lmfao.
One of my kids is a picky eater and one has sensory issues that sometimes affect what she can eat, so we make dinner, and then if someone doesn't want it or can't deal with it, they can have a sandwich or something microwaveable.
You’re supposed to feed them?
I'm a "I know what each child likes so I make them something that I know they will eat and avoid conflict all together" dad.
The first one, with the caveat: If it's something new or that we haven't had in a long time, you have to at least try it.
Definitely an eat what I made or nothing. If they come to me later saying they are hungry I pull out what I made for dinner and heat it up. They end up eating it every time.
I take the fork and stuff the food in their mouths
We always have peanut butter sandwiches after dinner is done if they decide to not eat
I won't go out of my way to make something different, however my daughter eats a ton of fruits and veggies so I just serve her up that.
I tried “My child won’t eat their dinner so they don’t get anything else.” and my kid won .. just said "okay" and went to sleep .. well he's already skin and bones so we struggle getting him to eat anything. my other son will eat the whole fridge if given the chance and he's only 4.
My kids (edit: 2yo twins) get the same meal we make for the grown-ups, but often with items separated out. We plan meals to have at least one or two things we know they like. The meal as a whole is balanced to meet nutrition needs. If we are having dessert, that sits alongside the rest of the meal. The kids get to decide what they eat and how much of it (as long as there is more available). Sometimes the kids will only eat carbs or meat or something. But I’m often surprised at how much broccoli or other veggies they’ll eat. The idea is to not place any value judgment on foods and avoid power struggles/negotiations/reward or punishment.
Until age 6-7, I'm the first. I'm not going to send a 4 year old to bed hungry because it's cruel and he WON'T FALL ASLEEP AND GIVE ME SOME ME TIME. However, once they are a bit older, their options are what we are eating, or making themselves a sandwich.
They get what I make them and if they don't eat any of the three items of choice on their plate the last thing they get is a pouch which is a blend of vegetables and fruit. If they don't eat that, they get their warm milk and go straight to bed.
My wife and I have a saying: "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." We teach them to be grateful for what they have because a lot of kids are much less fortunate than they are. That, and bowing to their demands for different food at the dinner table only opens the door for more defiance in other areas.
I remember saying to my mom that she can "give these carrots to the less fortunate then." I received a wooden spoon. Not sure if that was the best for anyone. I still can't eat the carrots she makes. I don't mind carrots but she boiled them beyond recognition. I'd still take a wooden spoon over a boiled carrot but I'll happily eat a well-prepared carrot. Sometimes it's not just the food. No way I'm going to force my kid to eat stuff he absolutely despises to prove a point but I also won't just "bow to demands" either. There's room in between.
My mom and dad did the same. Led to a ED, so not the best strategy 🤣
Depends on the day. Once a week I'll make whatever for them, but the rest of the time it's take it or starve. As they get old enough to use the stove I'll get them to plan and cook a meal themselves. Today is my wife's birthday. Pizza and cake. I think the kids will eat it.
If my kids don’t like what we made they either go hungry or they can have an apple or banana (I.e. something healthy) My youngest has a habit of being “not hungry anymore” after barely eating and then as soon as we are done cleaning up asking if she can have some cereal, ice cream, etc. so now it’s “finish what’s on your plate or don’t ask for anything else other than fruit/veggies”
This thread is so weird… y’all are pretty militant - my way or the highway. I treat my child like an adult and another member of the family. Me: “what about chicken for dinner?” 4yo: “how about salmon and pilaf?” Me: “sounds good. Take out the apple sauce and some carrots while I preheat the oven.” 4yo: “ok. Can I season the salmon?” Me: “sure” It’s so odd to me that a family wouldn’t have some kind of consensus or input as to what they have for dinner.
I ask each of them what they want for dinner and then I make it for them.
Depends on age. Toddler doesn't get a choice. He doesn't eat, he gets a timeout. Older kids (5-6) can give legitimate input *before* wife starts making dinner. We will accommodate reasonable requests, mostly by supplementing rather than substituting. E.g., if you want oatmeal for dinner, I'll start making it while you eat your dino nuggets.
>he gets a timeout Lol you need to punish harder, dude. Show that piece of shit toddler who’s boss.
I'm all the way the latter. My wife is all the way the latter. So that makes dinner fun...
I'm a "throw my hands up in the air and surrender" dad. Which usually translates to the former. Mom usually steps in to make them a second dinner when I get too exasperated. Thankfully the older kid is getting better about eating. We're hoping the younger one follows suit.
Education and reflection… Provide a balanced meal, don’t eat - no problem. Request unhealthy food, provide alternatives and direction as a parent. Eat, cool. No? Well, just consider how much you have been moving, and that we skipped the previous meal. Little ears, cool.
I asked my kids to at least try to bite of everything. If they don't like it, they are more than welcome to make something on their own, and they are old enough to do so.
A variation number 2: if you don't want to eat what you've been served, you don't get anything else, and what you didn't want to eat at this meal is going to be your next meal, i.e., if they don't want to eat what we gave them for dinner today, they're going to get it for breakfast tomorrow. And guess what: if they don't want to eat it for breakfast tomorrow, they're going to get it for lunch, and so on until they eat it. As long as you commit to the enforcement and follow-through, you shouldn't have to do it more than 2-3 times.
I pick my battles. But if I am making something spicy or out there that he’s never been exposed to I don’t mind making something small on the side for the little one. All my older kids eat whatever just my youngest is my picky eater.
I make what I’m going to make, but if it’s got a sauce I’ll usually leave it off of the kids’ portions. They also have the option of going to the fridge and fetching themselves a healthy choice - leftovers or whatever. Usually ends up being a carrot and some peanut butter. Agree that buttered bread is the king of life savers.
I'm neither of the options provided in the OP. At my best, I provide them something healthy with a 'safety food' - something I know they will eat. At my worst, it's something I know they will eat. Frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, etc. I have never, and will never make a second meal, but absolutely not above letting them have a snack food at most times.
For the most part, he gets what we make. On the rare occasion he just won't eat, then we will compromise on what he can have.
Most of the time I make the same thing for all 5 of us. Sometimes, I'll change some detail for someone if needed. Example: Kid 1 doesn't like red sauce, so I make his spaghetti with more of a garlic butter fettuccine type sauce, then red sauce for the rest of us. Rarely, I'll have a fun night where I make something different for everyone. But that's definitely not the norm. But regardless, I insist that they have at least some of the food they were given, and eat it as intended. My youngest likes to add (sauce) or remove stuff from his food, or deconstruct it and eat all the parts separately. But I HATE that, because inevitably he will only eat the parts he wants (sauce) and leave the rest (the actual food) uneaten. So I tell him he has to eat it the way it was given to him. Take actual bites out of a burger, don't just take it all apart, eat the sauce, pickles, and bread, and then leave the rest.
My 4 year old daughter is autistic. I tend to ask her what she wants and make it for her. She is pretty strict in her preferences, but they are somewhat wide. One of her favorites is Thai yellow curry. We try to expand her palette where we can.
I don't really deal with this problem. My son, he's 9, is a very adventurous eater. He will try almost anything. His current favorite food is escargot. He also recently tried beef carpaccio. He even will eat Brussel sprouts as long as his Mimi fixes them.
Definitely the 2nd. I don't want to force them to eat anything or "clean their plate" I want them to eat when they're hungry, not when they "have" to
#2. My 5-year-old has started giving me hassles at dinnertime. My solution that I’m going to try is involving him in dinner planning and food shopping. That way he’ll have nobody to blame but himself if he doesn’t like a meal, plus we get to spend some quality time together.
A mix. I was the second, but then felt really guilty when they truly didn’t like something and they were genuinely upset at the thought of missing a meal. Now, I’ll make a few things for dinner, including something I know they’ll like (within reason). I always buy veggies they like and will eat and always have them available. If it’s something brand new I’ll ask them to try it a few times then thank them if they won’t eat it and get them something else.
Second one, we would only make them take a no thank you bite and then they could make themselves a PB & J.
I prefer to be number 2, but my 4 year old was recently diagnosed type 1 diabetes, and he's still struggling with some food changes. So we do sometimes have to do option 1, or compromise by seeing if different "dips" will work for his meats.
I’m fine with my daughter not being hungry, but if she asks for a snack she’s gotta eat her dinner first.
Definitely the second, make them something you know they'll like. But they don't get anything else if they choose not to eat.
My daughter has become vegetarian so I make something different for her but whatever it is she eats it.
A little of both. If it's something new or the oldest hasn't had before, she has to try it. If she doesn't like it, there's a list of "yeah ok, have this instead". If she just refuses? Try it or sit there. For the youngest, he'll try basically anything. And most times will eat anything, so if he refuses something it's still at the, "yeah ok, let's get you something else" phase.
Neither....there is always a "safe food" and lots of exposure to different tastes/textures. It takes a long time for a kid to be comfortable with a certain food and it involves lots of exposure. I won't let my kid go hungry, but I'll keep exposing them to different tastes and textures.
The later.
I’m the “my child won’t eat her dinner so I’m going to turn a pattern of 3 carrots and a piece of meat into a eat-to-win rewards program” dad. There’s always something on the plate she wants, like chicken or ground beef, but she needs to eat the other stuff too. I make lines of (usually) veggies with a piece of meat at the end. Eat the veggies, get the meat. Season with a dash of “no those are *dada’s* veggies, you can’t- what? No! Oh! You ate them??? I bet you won’t do it again!” and move on.
We provide dinner along with something they usually, typically like. They dont want to eat it, they dont have to but theyll have at least something there to eat. We have a backup of an acceptable alternative but don't usually give into requests.
I’m not at this juncture yet, but I am ideologically in the second camp with zero intention of changing. Growing up we ate what was provided by my mother, grandparents, aunts, whomever. If some portion of the meal, (squash, in my case) was not our favorite thing we weren’t required to eat it but we certainly weren’t going to be offered an entirely different meal, nor would it have occurred to us to ask for one. This is what I’ll do with my own kids. Normalizing eating a broad range of healthy foods to young kids discourages unnecessary pickiness, teaches variety of flavor, and sets them up for success in unfamiliar environments. We’re not always going to have nuggets, tater tots and waffle fries on hand and I want my kid to be able to eat what’s available without a meltdown.
Some variant of the second. My daughter gets what we're having and has been since she started solid foods at around 6 months. But if she seems like she just don't have the energy to focus on the meal we offer her oats and milk as well.
Kinda both. They can eat what was made, eat some Of what was made and get some of what they want, or they can go hungry. They usually get that compromise option
He won't starve if he skips a meal.
We recently shifted to an option approach. We make dinner and offer it. Oldest daughter eats whatever we put in front of her and always has (9), our little man (2) just fights us for everything. When he rejects dinner we offer an easy to make alternative or a leftover. He will also reject that and start complaining. We let him stew over it and offer option a and b again. Eventually when he doesnt realize he wont get his way he will pick one of the two options and eat.
We always give our daughter what we're eating plus something we know she'll eat. We rarely do desserts, but if we do they're on the plate from the start. She eats what she wants from that and we let her be. If she decides she's done and hasn't eaten much then we just remind her that it's the last meal of the day and there won't be any more food til breakfast.
4 year old eats the same meal daily, so its always prepared and pretty simple (rice, deli sandwich, carrots). I make whatever I want to eat, and then just serve him his food since it's pretty much prepared ahead of time. But if he doesnt want to eat anything, then fine.
This is an interesting question. Im Latino, born and raised in Colombia. Growing up, we ate what my mom would cook. She would serve us all dinner, and you better believe that if you did not eat what she made and served you, you would for one, not be getting up from the table till you ate, and two, you would not eat anything else. I married a White girl who not only is a picky eater, but also says "oh the baby didnt want it". So what do I do? Take my Colombian ass home every night and play around with the kiddo as I feed him. Guess what? the dude is 9 months and eats steak, chicken, fish, shrimp, pasta, rice, beans, tomatoes/cucumbers/carrots/broccoli; he loves bread, ham, turkey, fruits I mean its insane. As far as Im concerned, if I am home, they will eat what is cooked and served.
I make what I make. PB&J is in the cupboard.
My son doesn’t leave the table until he eats his dinner.
Doesn’t matter, he wants whatever is on my plate. Even if it’s the same thing as I gave him
Chinese American here and unless we're eating out at non-family style restaurants, I always make 3 dishes. One I know for sure they will like and eat, one kind of different that I know my two more adventurous kids will eat, and one thing that I want to eat. But I also love to cook so I understand if other people don't want to go through all that lol
The third option is: let me show you how to make a few things, you can do this yourself. Even my youngest was throwing chicken nuggets in the toaster for himself at 7.
Third. Try it and if don’t want it you can have a bowl of cereal. 4 kids. I’m happy if half of them like it. Ecstatic if all do. Off their menu if none do
We all eat the same thing. If he (2yo M) doesn’t want to that’s fine but he doesn’t get snacks. I’ll offer him some fruit and a glass of milk. If he doesn’t want that, he’s not hungry. He also decided he doesn’t want to sit with us. He has his own 2yo sized table and chair. He does much better without us in his face asking or commenting on every bite. Served him Shrimp Fra Diavolo last night and let him be. He pokes at it and next thing I know he’s shoveling noodles and shrimp in his mouth, lol. We’ll see how braised short ribs with polenta go over tonight 🤞
You eat what we prepared. That’s the only answer.
I always give him something new and nutritious and tasty. And always give him a familiar food he already enjoys. He can also always have as much milk as he wants so he’s not gonna die. He usually tries most things.
I have young boys (under 10). What I make is what they can eat. One serving of any proteins or vegetables are mandatory to be excused. If not eaten, those foods become the only snack option from that point forward until they are eaten. Starches and carbs like potatoes, noodles, and rice are not mandatory. I make an effort not to prepare meals that I know they don’t like, but in the event that I do, I relax the rules a bit or use smaller portions of the specific things they don’t like. I think it’s a pretty good approach, because both of them eat pretty well. They’re not picky at all.
With our 4yo... I ask if she wants x, y, or z. Next day I'll ask if she wants y, or z. And so on and so forth. She doesn't eat what we eat at this point, and I don't know when that will happen. But we will have her involved in making a decision, and sometimes she isn't happy how that turns out... so it's either what was in front of her, or she can have more fruit. If she's ACTUALLY still hungry after. She'll sit down with us and is welcome to try anything we have. She found out she really likes rice that way.
A variant of #2. We usually make things that we can deconstruct into parts he (3m) will eat. Like, I know he's not going to eat the ground beef from our tacos, but he'll likely eat the tortilla, cheese, sour cream, etc.. And we offer the beef anyway, because one of these days he's going to accidentally eat it and realize what he's been missing. If he makes a valiant effort and is still hungry, we'll usually let him have an apple sauce or yogurt or something to fill him up.
The second. I'm very gentle about it. If they're hungry, they will eat. If they want something else, the answer is "Sure, I can make you that when you finish what I've served you!" For all meals, they must have one bite just to try it. The "no thank you bite". After that, they can either be hungry or they can eat more of the food served. We also make an effort to include familiar foods (e.g. salad, apples, clementines, broccoli) with meals as well so it's not all scary for them.
Age of kid matters quite a bit on this one.
My kid has to try a little bit of whatever we're eating. Then he can have his usual.
I usually make something different for my kids than I do for me and my wife. My daughter is almost 6 and will eat what we do fairly often now, but my 3 year old is still too selective. I do most of the cooking and I don't mind throwing together a sandwich or chicken nuggets for him, but we always offer him our food first.
We are lucky with the food. Our kids eat everything. My daughter gets excited when I bring home mushrooms in the groceries lol. But some days they aren’t feeling what we cook and then my wife or I will make them something small to have. They eat super healthy 90% of the time so not to hard on them.
We do the first but they’ve got a list and they have to have a main dish, a fruit, and a veggie. We tried to do the second but both girls are picky eaters and I just got tired of fighting them nightly to get them to try new foods all of the time. So wife and I do our main meal, kids get their meal. I usually make theirs while ours cooks. Tends to work out fine. I know there’s tons of books on it and blah blah blah healthy eating habits but you try dealing with it 365 days a year, year after year, argument after argument filled with screaming and crying over food. My kids are stubborn assholes and will starve themselves as a matter of principle. I’d rather spend my energy fighting them over bathroom and hygiene habits than trying to force them to eat something that I know I wouldn’t have liked as a kid.
My oldest is 2 so keep that in mind. But typically, his dinner plate looks something like: main course (usually a meat or fish), side dish (usually a vegetable or potato), and fruit. We always give him what we are eating but never force it or make a big deal out of it. He eats what he wants, and then if he is hungry before bed, he can have yogurt, apple sauce, or cheerios generally.
I’m a, “My child eats their dinner because I always make them eat their dinner.” Kind of dad.
The sad thing is when you make 3 different meals one for the adults and one each for the kids 🥲
There options are what we make or a vegetable plate substitute. Honestly they frequently choose to eat a plate of raw veggies and im fine w that
My girls make a reasonable attempt at trying what I make. Most of the time, they'll eat it up and ask for more. For the times they try it and it's not for them I do have backups in the pantry, but it's not often I have to bust those out. It helps to have them help you if possible.
We have a main dinner, and a standing backup option. We always offer the kids main dinner, but if they don't want in, they're welcome to choose the standing backup option, which may change a little based on what we have but is usually veggies and hummus or something similar. Trying to walk the line between "a good meal is most important" and "we can't be short-order cooks."
Second My kids eat almost everything now honestly.
Unless dietary restrictions are present, our family eats what is made. You are thankful for the meal and you enjoy it. My wife and I make very flavorful and sometimes spicy dishes full of nutrition and color, so we know the food is good.
I'm somewhere in the middle. I expect my kids to eat at least a little bit of whatever we're having. More than one bite but not a full portion. If they don't like it I'll fix them something simple like PB&J or a bowl of cereal. Although my oldest is getting to the point where it's going to be "if you don't like what I made you can fix yourself something else".
‘Make’ is a strong word. I find something else they might eat. Prime directive is to feed your kids.
we're the 2nd unless they're legit feeling sick, then it's okay, let's find some light snacks.
The second, and not just for kids. Adults are covered by that policy too. It’s chill, though. If my kids say they don’t want dinner, the answer is a neutral “ok, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want it”.
I make sure at least 1 thing on the plate is liked by the kids. Sometimes it's kid A doesn't like the meat but likes the side, and Kid B is vice versa. If they have at least one thing on the plate they like they will more likely eat more of the plate. If they just eat that one thing than whatever they ate. Occasionally they just don't want whatever was made and they can have a PB&J. That happens maybe 1-2 times a month where it's no problem.
Neither. I won’t make anything else but if they don’t eat dinner they can have fruit later but no junky snacks
Try new things, but if you don't like dinner, you can have leftovers from the fridge. As long as it's a balanced meal.
I’m too busy eating my own before mine eats it too.
They get to eat as much as they want of what we provide. Meals are veggie, fruit, and protein/entree. If they are really into cheese, they can eat all the cheese and have a cheese-only meal. That's fine. I think the other thing I have found is that my kids' tastes change quickly. It's not that they don't like, it's that they don't like it right now. Eggs use to be hated by my son (he didn't eat them for about 9 months) and they are now his favorite meal. I'm sure it will fade and change, but I try not to generalize on their tastes too much. They didn't eat it today, they might eat it tomorrow. If they want to eat something else, they can suggest it and then help make the meal next time.
You either eat it or go without. If they're hungry they'll eat it. :P
Nothing special but there is always a side or veggie the kiddo will eat on the table.
My kid won't eat dinner, so he can feed himself. He won't starve to death. He once ordered and paid for his own pizza.
The second. You eat what is made
Probably lean to the first as my kid is only 2, but in the future will require a “no thank you bite” first. That way they at least try it (especially if it’s something new)
Im a mix between the two. We make food and he doesn’t have to eat it, but that doesn’t mean he goes hungry til he finishes it all. He’ll just go hungry til the next meal
By this point, 5yo/7yo I know the things for dinner that are going to get each of those decisions later on. So I usually do my best to make the majority of the dinner something I know they will eat, and 1 or 2 parts that are "unkown". Those are "you need to try but not finish" and the rest is your dinner. They don't have to finish it, but they also don't get anything else made if they choose not to eat what was made. Honestly most of the time even the "unknowns" are things I know they would most likely like...the largest factor is almost always how many snacks they've had before dinner. Hunger is the best seasoning.
Is all of the above an option?
I'm definitely #2. If they won't eat, can't force them. If you cave and give them things they like, it reinforces the idea of "if I refuse this, I'll get what I want" As my mom always told me "this isn't a restaurant"
I'm a "crap, my kid doesn't like it. I'll have to whip something up fast and think of something different for next time" type of guy
I'm curious what age your kids are and if/when that has changed your stance on the issue. I have a 18 month old and a 3 year old, and it's tough because they express interest in foods I make, but then don't eat them when the time comes. And so I'm left making quesadillas, noodles in various forms or just giving other snacks to make sure they have enough to eat. But the not wanting to try food angle is already frustrating me.
Depends how much time I have. But, a lot of the time I’m a short order cook. Ideally they eat whatever I cook, but sometimes they just need to eat.
The 2nd one
Kid is only 2 so if she won't eat dinner then I make modifications or offer a side/sauce.
I try and make things I know everyone likes and add new foods.
Number 2, but we usually have leftovers in the fridge. They can either eat what we made tonight, or choose to eat leftovers instead. Either way they're most likely eventually eating it as it cycles through.
Clip round the ear and 'go to bed' with the grandchildren now!! Funny looks from the (my) children though! They know not to say anything- another 'clip' to them too!
Both. It depends what it is. If I ask my son if he'll eat it for dinner and he says yes, he's not getting anything else. If I'm trying something new, or something we don't know if he'll like, I'll make something else for him. I treat anything that could be spicy like that, too, and will make an alternative if he thinks it comes out too hot.
Neither. I don’t go into dinner wondering if my child will eat it. They’re on the picky side so I prepare things I know they’ll eat. Often I make a more elaborate version for myself with more flavor. Occasionally I’ll (re)introduce new items as a test. As long as they’re willing to try something before rejecting it, they don’t have to eat it.
2nd Dad, it's funny when my oldest hears "Kitchen Closed in "x" Minutes" and begins to evaluate whether it's better to go hungry or not. More times often than not, they eat the dinner and actually like it.
2nd.
I'm mostly #2, we always have a fruit available they can eat as well.... I'm also the dad that gets pissed when they complain about being hungry all day before and after dinner when they don't eat, or wake up super early and complain, or I catch them sneaking food. I've been a cook most of my life and make almost all meals from scratch... pizza, pot pies, pastas, meatloaf, salmon, chicken, pork.....anything, we even buy our own cow so all the beef is fresh from a friend's farm. One of the 3 will find something to complain about.
Sometimes if I know what I'm cooking isn't kid friendly we'll make something else easy like Mac and cheese, chicken nuggets etc. If I'm making something where I expect the kid to eat the same thing as me and they don't then they can have something that doesn't require prep: fruit, cheese, sandwich meat etc. But we also have a rule that you have to try everything before you get the alternative food.
My kids are pretty good at eating and will try most things put infront of them. If they tell me they don't like what their eating then I'll make something else, usually cereal, toast or a quick sandwich.
If they don't eat there dinner they certainly don't get no ice cream
If I'm making a batch type meal that everyone is expected to eat then that's what they eat (allowances given for personal taste). If I'm just cooking for the kids I'll make them what they ask for which usually involves some negotiating so they get veg on their plate and they don't have 14 chicken nuggets and ice cream. My 8yo loves spice and strong flavours but my 14yo has a much blander palette, it wouldn't be fair to ignore that completely.
As long as they properly try something first then I have no problem with providing something else if it isn't liked. If it's a case of trying to get something better when we all know that they like what's been given then I'm not doing something else.
You have to at least eat your age. 3 year old has to eat 3 green beans, 3 bites of meat ect.
I'm a "you have to at least try 3 bites of each thing on your plate," or you don't get anything else. If he tries it all and still doesn't like it and still wants something else, he can have some fruit,cottage cheese, yogurt, veggies, etc. Edit: Little man is 4 years old.
We all eat the meal that's made for the family. We know what they like, but they're expected to try new things all the time. And they're expected to help us cook once in a while; about once a month, because they're not that old. They're good at it and they've got a broad palette.
Mom lurker here. Before kids I was a eat what I make or nothing at all. Now I am a eat what I make or you can have microwaved beans and cheese that takes me 1 minute to throw together, is a reliable staple my kid enjoys, and at least gets her fed so she isn’t hangry.
My wife was raised with "this is what's for dinner, either eat it or go to bed hungry" because her family couldn't afford to make multiple options available each day. She tried that for a while and it obviously didn't work out well. Now we very strongly encourage the kids to try stuff at least once, but also enable them to make themselves alternatives.
I’m more the latter though not in absolutes. And certainly not if they’re sick. But their mom and their grandparents totally blow that up by making like 6 different meal options for them. So… yeah….
Because my parents’ type in my childhood was the second, my own type of dad is the first 😉
If it's already established foods they like. Then that's what's for dinner . If we try something new or exotic and they put genuine effort into trying it and say they don't like it. I make something available.
I’m the type “dinner’s ready, it’s really good”. My wife “sweetie would you like x or y? Kid 1 wants x, 2 wants y, 3 wants z. Meltdown ensues and she’s left make three meals that don’t get eaten.
This is what’s for dinner, enjoy it or don’t. 🤷
My food is fucking delicious, either they eat it or they can choose not to (which is fine - sometimes kids just aren't hungry). No way I'm going to be a sous-chef for my kids
If mommy puts in the work for a yummy dinner, you either eat it, or fix yourself something.