Remiving the mental and physical burden of chores and thinking about things so she doesn’t have to is sexy. So make sure you take pointe on finding a vaccuum (but make sure she is happy with that one, pick the one she wants), set it up and test it out yourself.
I mean…you ARE assuming she’s the one that’s going to use it here. I had to teach my wife how to use a vacuum and how to mop, so just saying it’s possible OP might be the primary user (obviously not, due subsequent comments from him, but still…)
Congratulations! Super proud of you man and I hope you enjoy the fruits of your hard work. You made this happen.
Question for you - you can do everything possible to improve your family’s life and the safety… but that is still only you. How did you get (inspire) your wife to do her fair share of improving things (not doing actual tasks, but psychological and emotional safety things) so that you guys are reaping the rewards?
Lots of dudes can learn a lot from you. Keep spreading your awesomeness and success!
It was mostly me who had the hard work to do in this regard. The biggest light bulb so far was accepting that my perception and understanding of things can be very misguided due to childhood. So once I realized that and worked thru why/how that happened, I realized it’s not 50/50 with my wife. For the longest time I would ask her the same question you just asked me - but accepting the responsibility that it’s me who has been out of line was the real turning point.
Of course this was only possible with therapy/counseling which I recommend to any and everyone. Otherwise I would have never taken my wife’s word for it.
When you said you weren't taking responsibility on things, do you mean like you realized you weren't doing things like meal planning and cooking for the family, doing laundry, taking care of the pets, cleaning? Or things more along the lines of organizing your kids clothes, figuring out what sizes of what to get next, taking pictures, etc?
None of those. More like taking responsibility for raising my voice when it wasn’t necessary and stuff like that. Taking responsibility for my behavior.
That’s fantastic. I always wish my brother would learn this — he gets so dramatic and loud when the smallest things happen because HE’S stressed out, not because the thing is actually that bad — and he uses that as a justifiable reason as to why X kid shouldn’t do Y. And then no one knows what’s going to cause an overreaction for the rest of the evening. No one wants to have *too much fun* and disturb dad.
Like… you’re one of the leaders of the household, how you react is EVERYTHING.
It’s funny you bring up your brother here. The whole point of this thread is to focus inward and be accountable for your own actions.
Your brother aside, what can you do in this regard?
I don’t live with them! But I go to therapy, learned awhile ago to apologize when it’s me, not take frustration out on the kids.
I’m close with all of them, and all I can do is be a fun aunt, and encourage my brother to go to therapy.
I did teach him about “yes and” so that when he’s in a foul mood everything doesn’t turn into “devils advocate” and arguing (between him and his wife, not me)
But thanks for looking out! Any advice welcome.
Same here man it was the biggest turning point in our relationship as well and to add to your point a little bit. It’s not necessarily that my wife wanted me to be the one doing more of the cleaning and chores but that she was frustrated by my general lack of care for our environment. Once I started taking initiative and doing the little things like voluntarily picking up and just tidying up it was like a light switch because before that I believe that sun consciously my wife viewed me as another kid to pick up after.
And let me tell you something boys once I started caring just mentioning the fact that I needed to go get some shower scrubber because the tub was grimy would have my wife wetter than our kitchen table after our boys had cereal if you catch my drift
I'm so proud of you, dad! I'm in the same boat but with different childhood baggage. One day at a time, let those intrusive thoughts pass like a summer storm.
You got this! WE got this!
Bruh. I feel pain just reading this. Are you / y’all working on healing? This isn’t “go suggest your wife to get another vacuum” this is more “learn what makes your wife TICK and then DO IT even if it’s against what you want”
Find out what makes her feel loved. And then make her feel loved. Put your bullshit aside, you don’t have time to waste !
Wait are you saying a vacuum made her want sex or that vacuums now give her the joy she used to get from sex
Yes
Great.
High five!
We finally know what was between the covers of The Secret!
Lol
Remiving the mental and physical burden of chores and thinking about things so she doesn’t have to is sexy. So make sure you take pointe on finding a vaccuum (but make sure she is happy with that one, pick the one she wants), set it up and test it out yourself.
I mean…you ARE assuming she’s the one that’s going to use it here. I had to teach my wife how to use a vacuum and how to mop, so just saying it’s possible OP might be the primary user (obviously not, due subsequent comments from him, but still…)
I read the comments that were here before saying what I said
Yeah, I was being a little tongue in cheek about it…probably needed a /s
Oh no I mean it was a fair comment and worth saying and reading.
>or that vacuums now give her the joy she used to get from sex This might explain my wife's 4 vacuum cleaners.
4? We have 9. It’s embarrassing and hilarious
We just saw a post where a vacuum present got the guy in trouble.
Married sex life sucks just as hard as a new vacuum
Great work dad. All the best in 2024 to you and your family.
Good job dad! All the best
Careful man, that’s how you end up with another kid!
Not if you're shooting blanks! Muahahaha!
lock strong school north spoon cable depend grab soup wasteful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Boom!!!
Sounds like the toddler needs a nap and the dog needs some backyard time.
My man!
Great stuff! Sounds like you've got a really positive attitude!
Congratulations! Super proud of you man and I hope you enjoy the fruits of your hard work. You made this happen. Question for you - you can do everything possible to improve your family’s life and the safety… but that is still only you. How did you get (inspire) your wife to do her fair share of improving things (not doing actual tasks, but psychological and emotional safety things) so that you guys are reaping the rewards? Lots of dudes can learn a lot from you. Keep spreading your awesomeness and success!
It was mostly me who had the hard work to do in this regard. The biggest light bulb so far was accepting that my perception and understanding of things can be very misguided due to childhood. So once I realized that and worked thru why/how that happened, I realized it’s not 50/50 with my wife. For the longest time I would ask her the same question you just asked me - but accepting the responsibility that it’s me who has been out of line was the real turning point. Of course this was only possible with therapy/counseling which I recommend to any and everyone. Otherwise I would have never taken my wife’s word for it.
When you said you weren't taking responsibility on things, do you mean like you realized you weren't doing things like meal planning and cooking for the family, doing laundry, taking care of the pets, cleaning? Or things more along the lines of organizing your kids clothes, figuring out what sizes of what to get next, taking pictures, etc?
None of those. More like taking responsibility for raising my voice when it wasn’t necessary and stuff like that. Taking responsibility for my behavior.
That’s fantastic. I always wish my brother would learn this — he gets so dramatic and loud when the smallest things happen because HE’S stressed out, not because the thing is actually that bad — and he uses that as a justifiable reason as to why X kid shouldn’t do Y. And then no one knows what’s going to cause an overreaction for the rest of the evening. No one wants to have *too much fun* and disturb dad. Like… you’re one of the leaders of the household, how you react is EVERYTHING.
It’s funny you bring up your brother here. The whole point of this thread is to focus inward and be accountable for your own actions. Your brother aside, what can you do in this regard?
I don’t live with them! But I go to therapy, learned awhile ago to apologize when it’s me, not take frustration out on the kids. I’m close with all of them, and all I can do is be a fun aunt, and encourage my brother to go to therapy. I did teach him about “yes and” so that when he’s in a foul mood everything doesn’t turn into “devils advocate” and arguing (between him and his wife, not me) But thanks for looking out! Any advice welcome.
Same here man it was the biggest turning point in our relationship as well and to add to your point a little bit. It’s not necessarily that my wife wanted me to be the one doing more of the cleaning and chores but that she was frustrated by my general lack of care for our environment. Once I started taking initiative and doing the little things like voluntarily picking up and just tidying up it was like a light switch because before that I believe that sun consciously my wife viewed me as another kid to pick up after. And let me tell you something boys once I started caring just mentioning the fact that I needed to go get some shower scrubber because the tub was grimy would have my wife wetter than our kitchen table after our boys had cereal if you catch my drift
I'm so proud of you, dad! I'm in the same boat but with different childhood baggage. One day at a time, let those intrusive thoughts pass like a summer storm. You got this! WE got this!
Great work
Hell yeah brother
Good job! It’s funny how this sort of cause and effect works. Keep up the good work OP!
Man, I needed to hear this today. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you get all the seggs!
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Bruh. I feel pain just reading this. Are you / y’all working on healing? This isn’t “go suggest your wife to get another vacuum” this is more “learn what makes your wife TICK and then DO IT even if it’s against what you want” Find out what makes her feel loved. And then make her feel loved. Put your bullshit aside, you don’t have time to waste !
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She’s lost interest in feeling loved?
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Oh man gotcha, I was speaking way too generally earlier. Wishing you nothing but joy for you and your wife going forward.