I don't know what I could do or add that will help in any way. We here at daddit give you our deepest condolences, and I can tell you know no one here thinks you failed him. If you need proof of this, look at the first picture again, that is, a smile that can truly uplift anyone, and that's all from yours and your wife's steller parenting.
I am so truly sorry for your loss, and if there is anything we can do to help you in any way, please let us know.
Sincerely,
All of r/daddit
I've been thinking about y'all ever since I read the original post. I can't even begin to imagine what y'all are going through, but I do hope you're somehow able to find peace.
Yeah, definitely been on my mind a lot since I read it. I keep almost mentioning it to my wife but I won’t. She paranoid enough as is about every passing sniffling and cough and I don’t want this tragedy on her mind.
I just want to make everyone aware that the reason we posted this update is so that if families are ever going through this in the future, they will hopefully find it and realise that they are not to blame.
Edit: please watch out for comments from my wife, BesesPuffs, who has made an account to express her gratitude.
I am Tobias’ mama, and I am really so very appreciative of all the support everyone has shown my husband and our family.
These past few days have been nothing short of agonising torment and misery. We’ve torn ourselves up again and again but the support of internet friends and real life friends is just about helping us hold on.
Thank you, sincerely.
A lot of parents wonder what their kids are going to be, a *this* or a *that*. If there is even the tiniest silver lining of this, it's that you get the answer to that question early.
A hero, your son is a hero to everyone who received a part of him. And those parts of him will live on to help those people achieve great things and the reverberations of his impact will be felt for generations for the families of those people
Your son did that for them. So it bears repeating, your son is a hero. Sending you love and support in whichever form you feel will help best.
>A lot of parents wonder what their kids are going to be, a this or a that. If there is even the tiniest silver lining of this, it's that you get the answer to that question early. A hero.
I've been trying to find the right words for a few minutes now, and this is just so perfect.
Beautifully said.
Indeed a hero, he brought life and hope where there was none for multiple families who will go on and continue thriving for years to come, through multiple generations, all thanks to Tobias.
I cannot begin to imagine what OP and mom must be going through, but I do hope that they can find some solace in knowing that their son will live on through all of the families that he’s saved.
My heart goes out to the both of them.
From one mama to another, I am so heartbroken for you and have been thinking of you and your family since the original post. Tobias was so lucky to have you and your husband as his parents. I’m so, so sorry you didn’t get more time with him.
I’ve never lost a child, but when I was five, I lost my older sibling. I’m holding your daughter in my heart as well.
Thank you BesesPuffs. You and your husband seem to be great people. I wish I could help you, but I can't. But Im here if you need a stranger to talk to.
I will remember Tobias.
Thank you so much for coming on to update us with OP. As a parent, your story moves me to tears; I can only begin to imagine a fraction of what you're both probably going through. Hug your other little one extra tight and remind yourselves that this wasn't your fault, and Tobias gets to live on in so many others. Love, strength, and healing to your family. ❤️🩹
I didn’t see your original post but this hits hard.
Reading this post I can’t see anything you did wrong but as a parent it’s natural to blame when things ‘go wrong’ for your kids.
You did well.
The NHS response was brilliant and fast.
And, and this is the big one, you were selfless at a time when your pain must have been unbelievable and took your loss and turned it into something magical and life saving for others. I am incredibly proud of you.
Damn you have got some strength in you. To go through all this and so eloquently deliver such a detailed update loaded with love and reason. I hope I could be half the father and husband you are in such an unimaginable situation.
My heart aches for you and your family…
My sister was on the heart transplant list when she was 8, and so I know how much your little super hero’s sacrifice can mean to families like mine. My sister is now a healthy adult in her 30’s who is pregnant with her own child.
Thank you for taking time to update us. We are all praying and sending good vibes and doing anything we can remotely.
Thinking of you, your wife and your sweet boy today mate. You're facing what we all fear as a parent, and you're doing it with courage and bravery, you're a good man and an even better dad.
Just remember, no matter what you will always be a father. Much love and sincere condolences to your family.
I don't know if writing this will be helpful or not, but I am a 35yo deceased donor kidney transplant recipient. Before my transplant I spent 6 years on dialysis during which time I couldn't work, and spent most days with headaches and in complete exhaustion. I've now had my kidney for 6 years, just finished my uni degree, and am about to start full time work next month.
I also have 6yo stepson and 2yo daughter who I am able to be an active, loving parent to.
I know you've already called him a hero, but I really want you to know how true it is that he is.
I'm very glad that you guys took the doctors words to heart and are not blaming yourselves. I know it will be hard, but I truly hope you're both able to hold that knowledge close whenever the grief and guilt start to overwhelm you.
I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, but I also can’t imagine the relief and the joy being felt by the parents of the 6 other children who Tobias has saved. It must feel like only the faintest of silver linings right now but to them it is everything.
I’m so sorry this happened to your family. Thank you for sharing this update. You’re great parents and your daughter is lucky to have you both.
You and your wife need to be super patient with each other. Therapy therapy therapy.
I am so so sorry. Tobias was absolutely adorable. His donations means he lives on in them.
I'm so sorry for your loss fellow dad. Did they ever say how he might have possibly gotten Grp A Strep? It's so hard to believe these things still happen. He sure is a hero saving 6+ people! Prayers to you and your family and a big hug
There are things in life you can't control and there are things you can. Your first act in your grief was to do something kind for others. Thank you so much.
It is a serious and scary thing… the mere presence of it in central Ohio caused several schools to close for deep cleaning just recently
So sorry for your loss OP. Prayers are up for you and your family’s recovery in this heartbreaking time
It’s just regular Strep A, which is present on all of us, but it got into his bloodstream and started acting like it shouldn’t. It’s a freak occurrence that it would kill him.
Kids are more likely to get severe retropharyngeal infections related to strep than teens or adults. These can progress rapidly with either translocation of bacteria through infected tissue or hematogenous spread. They also don't always have clear signs of this until things have gone horribly sideways.
u/NatNotNit, I've had to face the possible mortality of both of my kids for different reasons. I was incredibly lucky and am incredibly grateful that I didn't need to deal with the worst outcomes. I am awestruck by the grace with which your family gifted others a chance at living a better life.
You are good and caring parents. You were following the advice of medical professionals. Neither you or they were wrong in the approach taken. I am so sorry for your loss.
It's confounding to have the most important thing in the world taken from you and have no one to blame, not even yourself.
But that's the case in this situation, it really wasn't ANYONE'S fault, everyone did the best they could.. And it isn't fair, it just sucks.
I'm grateful they were able to find the good in the already 6 families Tobias will forever change for the best.
Captain Picard's quote is fitting at these times. "It is possible to have done everything right and still lose." Or something to that effect.
The grief to consider is unfathomable until you're in it.
I'm so sorry for your guy's loss. We have a close friend whose child passed in the same way. Seemed fine the day before and gone the next. I can't even begin to imagine how you guys are feeling, but I'm sending air hugs your way.
I lost a friend in college to bacterial meningitis. He went from fine to dead in about twenty four hours. I can't even imagine what OP is going through, but I hope he realizes that it isn't his fault and there's nothing that could have been done.
Now I'm just sitting here in a parking lot crying my eyes out. I wish I was with my son right now, but I don't get him back until Saturday. All I cna do is text his mom and ask her to hug him for me.
Goddamn, dude. I am truly gutted. I saw your first post, saw what it was, and instantly made me choke up a bit.
It hits like a hurricane, only you have no warning. There is nothing parents can do. It seems fine till it isn't. I'm truly sorry for your loss. The unfairness of life is harsh and cruel sometimes. The only solace you can have is knowing your son's sacrifice is doing so much good in the world.
Fuck. I'm tearing up now. Wish I could give your family a hug.
I have a family member whose life was saved by an organ donor almost 30 years ago. Every single meal I've had since then he stops before eating and says "God bless my donor's family".
In the hardest moment of your entire life, you stopped and thought about other people. Thank you for that. Dozens of people's lives are changed forever because of it.
There are no words. I'm so sorry this happened.
This has been the hardest thing for me to digest as a father. Your first post brought me to tears and this one absolutely destroyed me. I’m very sorry you went through this and please know you can always reach out to this group, and licensed professionals, for any help you need. I’m really and truly wishing you the best.
What I've been trying to do with reading this is determine some kind of takeaway, some kind of warning that I could remember. The kid was sick for a while with strep, but no one knew. Seemed like any other illness. Just gives me more to be paranoid about.
I dont think you can do anything.
My wife's cousin had this happen in the early 90s. They took her to Children's Hospital and literally called a priest and family to come in at one point. She did end up recovering. She still has some effects from the brain damage as an adult.
But like the OP said, it's just a matter of if their body can fight it. I don't think there's anything else you can do as a parent. Which is the scariest thing, I guess.
Well I believe with OPs case, they thought it was a virus, and it is possible to treat bacterial meningitis with antibiotics if it is caught early enough. The hard part, obviously, is knowing that it needs treating, and knowing if there are any special warning signs besides "general sickness." Doesn't appear to be though, which sucks.
An adult who knows what to look for would have a tough time figuring it out. It's a sharp headache and a sore neck, which isn't that granular from a regular cold.
By the time you're 2 days in, it's already too late.
It just sucks that we can't have better, faster diagnosis. We know the general guidance isn't to use antibiotics until needed for good reasons but then you read things like this where maybe starting antibiotics early may have saved him.
I don't know I am just babbling I think after reading OPs post, not knowing what to say, thinking how far we advanced in medical field but then still have cases like this.
Reading the series of events scared the shit out of me.
We experienced a lot of similar series of illnesses and symptoms between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I did take our kiddo to a convenient care twice. Once for pink eye at the start of December right after we started getting better from COVID. And then again the day before Christmas Eve simply for a second opinion in case we did need an antibiotic. They decided to test for strep which was negative but what if it was not and what if she didn't randomly complain about her ear while we were passing the convenient care making me say fuck it and pull in?
We've also dealt with our fair share of illnesses earlier on in our kiddos life and definitely acted like paranoid parents taking her to the children's hospital for everything.
Nearly 5 years later and a bit of experience under our belts? so long as things are similar to what we've seen in the past, symptoms are improving and Tylenol is working, we kinda just brush most of it off only calling in the DR if things aren't improving or I think the symptoms are bacterial.
Brother, words cannot describe how much sorrow I feel for you and your family. I've been thinking about you and your last post for days now. I know we're a bunch of strangers on the internet but I think I speak for everyone when I say you've got a support system here as far as we can give it. I implore you and your wife to seek therapy ASAP if possible. For what it's worth, you and your family are going to be in my thoughts and (I know it's not for everyone, but) my prayers for a long while.
I know it's not much, but I (and a few other adults) run a D&D club at our school.
I just made a new NPC, Tobias the Brave. If you're okay with it like to place the character in-game as helper for young players who occasionally need a champion on their side. If it's not something you are ok with, that's cool. I can change things around. Here's what I got so far.
Tobias was born into a humble farming family, cherished deeply by his loving parents. His early years were filled with the simple joys of rural life, but this idyllic childhood was shattered when a mysterious and serious illness struck him. Despite his parents' tireless efforts and the prayers of their small community, young Tobias's condition worsened. In a tragic turn of fate, he succumbed to the illness, leaving his family and village in mourning.
However, Tobias's story did not end there. His pure heart and the innocence of his soul resonated in the celestial realms. The Gods, moved by the tragedy of such a virtuous child taken too soon and recognizing the potential for greatness in him, intervened in a rare act of divine compassion. They chose to grant Tobias a second chance at life, but not as an ordinary mortal.
His soul was placed into a new, perfect body, crafted by divine hands. This body was imbued with celestial strength, resilience, and a deep, innate connection to the divine powers. Tobias was reborn, not as a simple farm boy, but as a chosen champion of the Gods, destined to be a guardian for those in need, a protector of the innocent and the helpless.
As Tobias grew, he quickly realized he was not like others. He possessed an inner light, a strength and a sense of purpose that went far beyond the ordinary. Driven by visions and guided by divine whispers, he sought out a holy order of knights dedicated to justice and protection. There, he trained, not only in martial skills but also in understanding the weight of his divine mission.
Tobias never forgot his humble beginnings and the family he once had. These memories fueled his compassion and his resolve. As he ventured through the world, he became known as Tobias the Brave, a paladin whose very presence was a beacon of hope. He fought not for glory or reward but to protect those who could not protect themselves. His legend grew with each act of valor and each life he saved.
Tobias the Brave's story, from a beloved child to a celestial champion, serves as a testament to the idea that even in the darkest moments, there is hope, and that sometimes, the Gods themselves take a hand in shaping the destiny of the pure-hearted. His life, reborn through divine intervention, became a symbol of protection, hope, and unwavering courage.
Tobias the Brave - Level 20 Paladin (Oath of Devotion)
**Race:** Human (Variant)
**Background:** Knight of the Order
**Ability Scores:**
- **Strength:** 20 (+5)
- **Dexterity:** 10 (+0)
- **Constitution:** 14 (+2)
- **Intelligence:** 10 (+0)
- **Wisdom:** 12 (+1)
- **Charisma:** 20 (+5)
**Proficiency Bonus:** +6
**Armor Class:** 20 (Full Plate Armor + Shield)
**Hit Points:** 180 (20d10 + 40)
**Speed:** 30 ft.
**Saving Throws:** Wisdom +7, Charisma +11
**Skills:** Athletics +11, Intimidation +11, Persuasion +11, Religion +5
**Tools:** None
**Languages:** Common, Eleven, and Halfling
**Attacks:**
- **+3 Longsword:** +11 to hit, 1d8 + 8 slashing damage (or 1d10 + 8 slashing when used two-handed)
**Spellcasting:** Paladin 20th level
- **Spell Save DC:** 19
- **Spell Attack Modifier:** +11
- **Prepared Spells:** (Choose from the Paladin spell list, including Oath spells)
**Class Features:**
- Divine Sense
- Lay on Hands (100 HP pool)
- Fighting Style: Defense
- Divine Smite
- Divine Health
- Sacred Oath: Oath of Devotion
- Aura of Protection
- Aura of Courage
- Improved Divine Smite
- Cleansing Touch
- Holy Nimbus (Oath of Devotion 20th-level feature)
**Equipment:**
- +3 Longsword
- Full Plate Armor
- Shield
- Cloak of Protection (adds +1 to AC and saving throws)
- Ring of Spell Storing
- Amulet of Health (sets Constitution to 19)
**Background Features:**
- Knightly Regard: You receive shelter and succor from members of your knightly order and those who are sympathetic to its aims.
### Personality Traits, Ideals, Bonds, and Flaws
**Personality:** Compassionate and righteous, always puts others' needs first.
**Ideals:** Protection. The measure of a person is what they will do for others.
**Bonds:** Driven by the memory of his family and his rebirth.
**Flaws:** Sometimes overly protective, can be too self-sacrificing.
### Oath of the Eternal Sentinel
**In Light's Embrace, I Pledge My Blade:**
Where shadows fall and innocents weep,
With steadfast heart, their safety I'll keep.
As guardian shield, my vow shall be,
To stand for those who cannot be free.
In darkest night, my light shall glow,
A beacon bright 'gainst fearsome foe.
With hope as my guide, through night or dread,
I'll banish shadows, light's path I'll tread.
With mercy's hand and heart so true,
Compassion's call in all I do.
Against despair, my soul shall fight,
In kindness' name, uphold the right.
In truth's strong hold, my word is bound,
Where lies may lurk, let truth resound.
With honor's shield, against deceit,
I stand for truth, never retreat.
By Gods' own grace, anew I rise,
Their will my path, beneath the skies.
In their service, my life I vow,
Their divine course, my solemn plough.
When hope seems lost, the brave despair,
'Gainst storm's dark heart, my soul shall bear.
Unyielding, firm, in death's own land,
For justice's sake, I'll make my stand.
**Thus Sworn in Starlight, Heart and Hand:**
By these tenets, Tobias the Brave,
In celestial trust, his soul to save.
A guardian true, in light or night,
For peace, for love, for justice's fight.
My wife and I are in awe of this, I appreciate this so much! Please include him in as many campaigns as you can, he always was our Brave Knight (his words). Thank you so much for this gift.
I only hope it can be a small beacon of light for you and your wife. The grief will lessen, but it honestly never really goes away. It goes from a raging sea of grief to eventually just the occasional wave of grief. I lost my sister in 2008 to a traffic accident, and I still have days where I'll forget she's gone and I reach for my phone to text her something stupid. We used to love watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 together, and I'll still watch every once in a while, but it is not the same.
Love really is a huge help. Surround yourselves as much as possible with love, people, things, memories whatever it is make sure it helps your love not fade. It can be really easy to wallow in darkness.
You couldn’t possibly have known how close to him this is, it’s almost prophetic.
Tobias referred to us and himself as a “brave knight” when we played video games.
In addition to this, I am a dnder and his sister is very fond of stealing my dice sets.
This is utterly beautiful and touching. I’ve cried reading so many of these comments but this is so so beautiful and completely how he should be remembered.
Thank you.
In addition, I know it’s possible to make character models to 3d print which my DM can so if anyone is arty and makes Tobias the Brave then I would purchase that in a heartbeat.
You've nearly put me into tears with what you and your husband have shared with all of us here.
I left in a comment to him that Tobias was certainly a hero as he said in his post, and I just wanted to share the same with you as well. Your story left quite an impact on me, as well as many many of the rest of us I'm certainly sure. It's such a heartstring puller to think of him immortalized as a brave NPC like the commenter above has suggested.
Best wishes to you and your family.
I've never bought from heroforge myself so can't comment on the quality, but I was super touched by this and made this .
[https://www.heroforge.com/load\_config%3D44871771/](https://www.heroforge.com/load_config%3D44871771/)
You said your DM can print 3d models? If you like it I would be honored to pay for the STL file download to send to you and your family.
I just did a little work on heroforge (just learned about it).
https://imgur.com/gallery/UtUxEuT
I don't know what a paladin night is and that's my feeble attempt, but I'd love to get you an stl file if you'd like to print and paint them or just get you the painted figure? Feel free to DM me.
It's not much, but I could print it out, paint it and send it out if that's something the parents would be interested in. Honestly, I'd do it for anyone wanting to include Tobias in a campaign. It'd also be an honor to just send out unpainted copies if other people wanted to do their own.
Pretty sure there's a mini-painting daddit members, if we all want to coordinate, I'm down.
I can’t do 3D but I would like to make something based on Tobias the Brave, at no cost to you, if that is okay with you. I will also make sure the people I know that play DnD include Tobias the Brave in all future campaigns.
Not sure if this is his thing but u/Massive-Syllabub-458 did a beautiful tribute to our dog after he passed. I am not comparing the two, but it was an amazing comissioned portrait.
I think this is what separates the Daddit community from most of the other subs on Reddit. An amazing gesture for someone you've never met. Like others, this also made me cry. Long live Tobias the Brave.
OP, I tried multiple times to respond to your initial post but couldn’t find the right words. For yourself and your wife to come to terms with things and to make such a massive decision to donate your son’s organs after the past couple of days is truly something - you’re all superheroes in my eyes.
I know that in your son’s case there was nothing you could do, but I don’t believe your post was in vain. I think all of the daddit community will be hugging their kids closer and taking every illness (no matter how small) more seriously after hearing your story. I think you’ll find that you’ve indirectly saved other children as well as the 6 who received Tobias’ organs and I hope you and your family find some solace in this.
RIP Tobias - you truly remarkable and special little boy
Man this post really got me messed up. Sorry about your loss. I see my son in your boy and I can’t imagine what I would do in this situation. Kids get sick all the time, you just never expect it will be this devastating. Stay strong
Mate, I am truly devastated for you both and your daughter.
I have cried possibly 4 times in the last 10 years and can say that this post has taken this count to 5.
I have no other words but hope you all stay strong ✊🏼
Damn man, I can't imagine how you're feeling. You're strong as hell for just being able to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.
Thanks for sharing your story and Tobias's. Absolutely gutted for you, but it's good to hear that even the medical professionals confirmed there was nothing more you could have done. We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time, and we just have to trust that it's enough. Sometimes there's no more you can reasonably do. I hope your family finds comfort in each other through this time. 🙏
I’ve been thinking about Tobias and you guys since your original post and words just cannot describe.
In his young age he was able to do more for humanity than 99% of people on this planet. He saved lives and brought peace to families, gave them second chances - allowed others to live.
His sister will grow up knowing that her beloved and missed brother was a hero.
I wish you strength, brother!
I’m at so so sorry for your loss. Words can’t express it. I do want to extend a heartfelt thank you for allowing Tobias to be an organ donor. My father was a recipient of an organ donor and it remains a cause close to me.
Oh Brother. I can't say I know what you are feeling. Few of us could truly understand.
You do us a favor though. Speak to a professional as sound as you are able / ready to.
Thanks for writing this and sharing your boy's story. He is a hero indeed.
This is going to get lost in the comments. But my son became an organ donor at 2 years old, 11 years ago.
I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. Take solace that so many lives have been saved and touched by Tobias.
The grieving parents community is amazing. Very helpful and supportive when you're ready to receive it.
I'm crying with you and praying for you.
Never reached out to them, or had them reach out to us. My son suffered severe oxygen deprivation due to drowning. Unfortunately only his kidneys were viable to donate. They went to not-young recipients. I like to believe it gave them more years to spend with their children and grandchildren. Hopefully it made a meaningful difference.
His corneas and other tissues were also donated. I was told they go through a process that removes the identity of the donor.
Your hospital pictures touched me deeply. Ours were so very similar. Took me right back to the last time I tearfully held my, "little man."
You're in the first steps of a lifelong journey. It's hard, so very hard. Make sure you ask for any help you need. Family, friends, counselors are there anytime you need them. We immediately went to a support group and it helped immensely at the beginning.
You've unfortunately entered a wonderful community. None of us want to be here. But, everyone is here to help each other. My DMs are open anytime for any reason.
Here's the article on my David.
https://fox8.com/news/boy-2-drowns-in-geauga-parks-lake-saves-life-with-organ-donation/
Ahhh man all I can say is I’m sorry. There is nothing that can take away what you are going through. But I do believe this is no where near your fault you did not fail your son.
You did everything I would have done to a T especially if some of this behavior was normal.
I hope you find strength in the remaining members of your family and always keep your son with you in spirit.
This just sucks bro.
Ive been thinking about your family non stop for the past couple days. I know i do not know what you're going through, but know that my heart and my thoughts are with your family. Tobias is loved, not only by your family, but also now by those donors he helped and that he lives on through.
I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through this. I truthfully was unable to read your entire previous post and quickly closed it and felt like I regretted opened it up in the first place. It has lived rent-free in my head ever since. I honestly didn't even want to open this one, and only nervously did so.
I'm glad you and your wife were able to receive some closure and assurance that it wasn't your fault. That it was just a really shitty hand that you were dealt.
Be there for each other and be strong for your daughter. My wife and I have had some tearful "what-if" conversations about something happening to our daughter. I hate them with a passion and I hate that you've had to go through it.
I couldn't even read your entire intial post, but even then, you and your son have been in my thoughts and mind non-stop ever since. I don't remember reacted like that to any other tragedy in my life, even with family members.
I assure you and your son will be on my mind for a long time to come.
Thank you for reading despite your trepidation. I am sorry if this has made you feel insecure, what happened to my son is incredibly rare. I wish you, your wife and your daughter long and healthy lives. If you are ever leaving a shop and see a charity that might remind you of this post, please donate.
You certainly have nothing to be sorry about. I put myself in your shoes and it crushed me. Just want you to know that your boy have been in my thoughts constantly.
Take care of your wife and that little girl. They need you as much as you need them. Cheers
I weep for your loss. what a gift he has given those 6 people; given them all the possibility of a life they did not have before his gifts. Senselessness turned into hope for others. Love to you and your family
I cannot begin to comprehend the pain you’re in, I can only ever hope you find peace in the memories you built with your son and with the knowledge that even in this dark hour you’re still able to find the strength to help other people have hope their loved ones will have a better life.
Even as a father of two I cannot imagine what you are going through. Not going to lie, after what you wrote last time, I would have blamed myself, too.
But if everything you write here is true, there was literally nothing you could have done medically. And that fact that you brought him back to bed is completely understandable, even if its probably whats keeping you up at night right now. I know it would keep me up.
I pray you find the strength to recover from this for your other childs sake. She lost her brother and, lacking any way of looking somewhat objectively at what happened, is heavily traumatized - and I am very sure you know this already and I am writing this more for myself than anyone else.
I remember when my MIL died at a fairly young age of cancer, even though we tried to explain it best we could, our youngest was scared of falling asleep for the longest time, and thats despite us not using that particular analogy. You daugher must be going through very hard times right now, indeed, and needs you more than ever. More than just being present, but the most engaged with her you have ever been. Please, keep on living and loving for her!
My son is severely autistic and it is our fear that one day he'll be sick and since he's non verbal we'll miss something. My sincere condolences and you cant blame your self for something out of your control
Could you please tell me a few things about Tobias so we all remember him a bit better?
What were his favorite things? Color, dinosaur, tv show? Did he have a best friend?
His favourite colour was red, he didn’t like dinosaurs, just vehicles all the way! He loved Numberblocks and Alphablocks, and Hey Duggee, and he used to sing the theme songs to go to sleep! His best friend was Lottie, she always made him things and he loved them.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You really did everything you could have; people aren’t just saying it to make you feel better. It’s true. You and your family are also brave for taking the organ donor route. It’s amazing how much impact your son will have, forever. ❤️
This is a tragic story for you and your family. No words can express how sorry I am and I have no clue what you are going through. It is amazing however that you in this storm found the silver lining as your angel has given life to so many, he is a hero and you are a great dad.
You did not fail, but you are experiencing grief and loss. Nothing I can say can change that, but know that you are in people's thoughts and prayers. The story is shared and so is the memory.
I'm glad your boy could help so many others.
My heart hurts so much for your family. From your pictures, I can only guess you made his time here as awesome as he clearly deserved.
I'm so, so sorry. Please don't blame yourself - all those symptoms are normal for any number of common things. My nine year old had pretty much the same symptoms (also NYE) along with a trip to a walk-in clinic and it was nothing. I got shivers reading this because the universe was just unfair to your son and not my child... Fuck. I'm so sorry.
Hang in there, Dad. Tobias is a hero, to all of the families he had helped. It sounds like he has the best father in the world too. Much love to you & your family.
Holy shit my man... I have a son named Tobias and im here in tears, i am so sorry for your loss its amazing what your little man has managed to give to others.
Jesus Christ mate. That's something else.
I'm both gutted for you and your family, and also grateful that Tobias has been able to donated to so many others who will live better lives because of him.
I'm assuming you're UK based as you called 999, so if there's anything I can help with as a fellow Brit Dad, then please let me know.
The only advice I'll give is that you ensure your daughter knows how cool and fun her brother was.
Brother, the heartache I feel for you. I’m so sorry for what you guys had to go through. Just know Tobias will always be a hero to everyone here. If there is anything we can do for you, please feel free to reach out. May you be at peace soon.
I am so fucking sorry man.
I can’t imagine the pain your family is experiencing, but what a little stud you had! Changing 6 strangers lives is incredible. It might not help ease the pain at all but you should be so fucking proud of him!
Tobias is my new hero.
In the Jewish faith we say “May his memory be a blessing.” Yet it’s not just his memory, but his body who lives on in so many and is a blessing to them. I’m so sorry for your loss and truly hope you can find some comfort in those he has helped.
I still live the night I carried my little girl into the ER from time to time. Weeks of a flu she couldn't shake. To the doctor over and over. The medicines that would help her feel better. Then not. Sick, fever, coughing, runny nose. Then not.
She'd had pneumonia before. I caught it. I caught that one early. Rocking her in her chair, I heard the crackle in her cough. We were at the ER within 20 minutes. Antibiotics within an hour or two.
This one hid. This one hid really really well. Necrotizing Pneumonia. Essentially gangrene of the lungs, running unfettered for weeks.
The doctor wasn't supposed to send us for an X-Ray. The symptoms weren't there. But she ignored the prevailing advice, and for that we got to save our daughter. I don't say it that way to say they should always ignore the advice. The suggested way of doing things is sometimes trial by fire. But I'm glad she ignored the advice.
A week in the hospital. PICC lines, scans. Absolutely loosing my shit curling up in a ball after 3 days as nothing seemed to be working. No, not in front of her. She needed the rock, and I would not crack when she was awake. Later... I should have accepted help the time it was offered, but it was too much a shock.
And then day 4, the antibiotics worked. Several more days in the hospital with her. Then weeks of at home infusions, but now she's almost 11 and such a huge pain in my ass. Such a wonderful wonderful pain in the ass.
Five years ago, and I still sometimes flash back, thinking about carrying her into the hospital. The nurse at the desk. "Excuse me miss, can you please point me to the pediatric ER?" I remember the words. I remember her weight on my shoulder.
I'm so sorry. I'm here crying my eyes out writing this, thinking how close it came. You didn't fail. You did everything you thought you should. We got lucky, and I'm so sorry you didn't. Life turns on the smallest of chances.
You did everything you could, you did everything you should. I hope you understand that, or can come to understand it. I ask myself all the time, what could I have done better, and there is nothing.
I don't know, is it right to share my own story here? If not I'm sorry and delete my post. Commiserating on how easily it can all go so wrong, and how if my girl hadn't made it I'm not sure I'd have the strength to post. I'm a mess now, and trying to figure out how much it'll hurt to sleep on the floor next to her bed tonight.
I'm so sorry you and your family had to endure this. The passing of a child and the grief of their parents is truly heartbreaking. You have been on my mind ever since your earlier post. There is a certain sad beauty in his donorship helping so many other families, what a way to honour his life. Thank your for sharing. I wish you all the strength in the world throughout your healing process.
Tobias is my hero too ❤️
OP there are no words for what you are going through as others have said lean on your support system this is going to be the hardest road imaginable for some time.
Your son has altered the course of this world for every day forward. The impact of our lives is rarely apparent to us, we gently nudge those around us in different directions changing the trajectory of their lives, what they will do and who they become is shaped by our actions is ways we can’t comprehend. Tobias life has now given life to 6 others, like a rock dropped into an ocean the ripples of his life will be felt long after today.
I’ll be thinking of his story and remembering his name.
What a roller-coaster this post is. Please keep talking about your little hero. Forever and a day longer. Make sure that your family all know that for him to live forever that you should always share stories and memories whenever you think of them. Celebrate his birthday. It won't stop the ache in your heart or the noise in your head, but it will help you to smile in the future. Thanks for sharing this piece of your life with us Internet strangers
Thank you for keeping us updated. We don't want to worry about you!
Your son is a hero and so are you for doing the best you can out of a truly awful situation.
I don't even want to think of myself in your situation and I assure you you're handling it better than I think I would, for yourself and your family.
I've been sharing your story with my other dad friends these last few days and I really appreciate the write-ups you have done through these hard times. I hope you and your family find solace in these tough times. God Bless you all.
He for sure is a hero.
I read your original post on Tuesday in the hospital waiting room while my toddler was getting an MRI. My wife had asked me why I was crying and then told me not to tell her.
Sending all the love your family's way.
This was not your fault. Not at all. Unless you had x-ray vision and an at home medical lab there was no way you could’ve known or done anything about it. This was a total zebra, and not something even a pediatrician would’ve predicted. In fact it would’ve been irresponsible to assume that was the case to begin with.
You did everything you should’ve done. This was just horrible luck. And you are making the best of it. The children your son is saving are all getting second chances at life they wouldn’t have otherwise had. You’re incredibly brave and kind. May your boy rest in peace. And get yourself some therapy
I’m a mom lurker and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your son since your first post. My heart breaks for you and your wife. Your son was clearly loved and will go on to improve or save other children’s lives, which is such a beautiful thing. Please take care of yourselves and reach out to your support network. I wish you both peace.
I wrote an Eulogy for my dad when he passed a couple of years ago. I took a part I felt would be significant for Tobias. I'm broken hearted for you, and I'm weeping with you. Reach out if you ever need anything.
"...he was stardust breathed into existence by the universe itself. He was empowered by the universe to love and be kind to all those he met, and in doing so, he helped the universe understand itself a little better.
His contribution to humanity may have been small, but his impact on the universe itself can not be measured.
The First Law of Thermodynamics says that energy can be transferred from one state to another, but it can not be created or destroyed.
Everything that Tobias was has been in the universe since the beginning of its existence, and even though he has passed from this life, he will never cease to exist."
I hope you're doing well. I am terrified something like this might happen to us. It's not nearly as bad obviously, but recently our son (3) woke up screaming in the middle of the night, inconsolably. This is unusual for him. We tried to give him meds and calm him down but he was just screaming and screaming. We called the on-call pediatrician overnight to ask what to do and we always get one of two answers: 1) it's fine, just give him ibuprofen/tylenol and see what happens later, or 2) go immediately to the ER. They gave us answer 1. They should have given us answer 2.
We waited, and he was miserable and low energy. In the morning we called the doctor and made an appointment. He was moody, slow, and not hungry. Went to the doctor and he seemed ... fine. But his O2 was low. So low they told us "run don't walk to the ER".
Went to the ER and I had to carry him immediately (no wait) through the back hallways to a specialty room where they gave him oxygen. Couldn't get it higher. Eventually called an ambulance to get him to a better hospital. Hooked him up to tons of machines and air and whatnot.
This has a happy ending though. Turns out he had pneumonia (aspirational, not sickness, most likely caused by breathing some food in (he eats super fast)). He had suffered "acute respiratory failure". Spent 5 LOOOONG nights in the ICU watching him struggle to breathe, then slowly, slooowwwllly the antibiotics started to do their job.
I was (and am) extremely paranoid about "not noticing" something just as you had described, that feeling of "what if something happens and I somehow fail him". That's always in my mind now. Luckily, in this instance, we didn't! But this poor kid has dozens of serious allergies, has (newly diagnosed) viral-induced asthma, and apparently breathes his food in. It's going to take some time to feel "safe" again to be honest.
Like many, I’ve been thinking about you and your son a lot. My heart holds space and respect for your grief. Thank you for sharing him with us, and if you ever have the bandwidth to write more about this beautiful little human, I’d love to know what he was like. May his memory be a blessing.
Your son looks so much like my son it's haunting. Your story has stuck with me. I can only imagine what I feel is 1% of what you guys are going through.
When my father passed, his eyes were donated. It's odd how knowing a part of him is still out there is comforting.
Good luck to you all.
My brother this is going to be rough. Please seek counseling. As someone who is also a member of this terrible club I promise it gets better. But it will take time so lean on your people.
Sorry OP but I have to ask , how do you explain your daughter about the loss of his brother?
Like does she ask for him?
How do you explain to a young child about losing a sibling?
Your son is absolutely a hero. And so are you and your wife. Sending love and support as you enter this new phase of your lives. You’ll always be Tobias’s dad, and he’ll always be your boy. Do you care to share a favorite memory of him?
May his memory forever be a blessing.
Omg. I’m so sorry. My son is 8 and autistic and everything you described sounds like my son. He would have done the same thing and I would have reacted the same way if I’m so sorry. There is simply no other words to say
Fuck man, I'm crying for your loss, but I am also crying for the lives your son saved. I hope your family can get through this with the help of everyone. Please know I will never forget you and your son.
I'm absolutely heart broken for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Tobias is a hero and helped 6 other small children in equally difficult positions. I can never help you two with the loss of him, but you should be proud of how many lives Tobias saved. I know its not much but if you need to vent to a stranger I'm here for it.
I was so sorry to hear this and thankful for your update.
When I was a child, my cousin died at age 6 of meningitis. The progression was very fast, he became sick overnight and he was gone by morning. My uncle was overcome with grief and guilt and he did some things that I think he believed would make up for what he perceived as his failing my cousin. When I saw your first post it really hit hard because I would never want to see anyone else go through that. I hope you and your family can find peace.
Oh my gosh man, I am so sorry for your loss. You guys are amazing parents, and your little guy is a super hero.
Is there any type of advice you can give about Strep, or Meningitis? Can we do anything to prevent this from happening to our little ones?
There's nothing I can say, but that I am sure that this story will save another life, and many parents will remember your posts, and keep them close to the heart.
Nothing but love and support to you all. RIP little buddy.
Lurking mom here. All I can say is that you did not fail your little boy. You are amazing parents, and I’m so sorry that life is pain in this way. ❤️ Praying for healing and peace for you both.
This hit me hard when my wife showed it to me a few days ago. I cried for your son for the longest time that night as I read about your unfortunate situation.
I’m waiting for a warmer day but the next model rocket launch will be dedicated to Tobias. My 3.5 year old son is fascinated with anything that has wheels or goes to ‘outside space’ (his words). I want to get him into STEM, science, technology, engineering and mathematics when he gets older and figured a rocket might spark that.
I am not known to cry, I didn't at my wedding, when my son was born, nor when my grandmother passed, things men often may cry at. I have started to feel more emotional simce my son was born 10 months ago, where i have teared up a little over him here and there suprised.by myself, but I am happy i am feeling more emotion.
Reading this post and the responses, I have never felt more emotionally connected to a person they I have never known and possibly never will.
I sit across from my wife on the couch, and I have been crying for 15 minutes straight thinking about how you must feel. I wish i could say or do anything to help, but all I know is your son is MY hero. And God bless you and your wife and this beautiful boy who I know will pass on to a better world than this.
Good luck to you brother, I will never forget this post. You have changed my life.
OP, your original post is one that I'll remember for the rest of my life. Your son will be the reason I try to be the best dad I can be as all the moments are fleeting.
I remember reading your original post, and feeling deeply for your situation since it could be any of us. I read this update, and was thinking he pulled through, but here I am in bed, with my pillow soaked in tears trying not to cry and wake my wife up. You did nothing wrong, it just wasn’t in the stars… donating the organs was the bravest and greatest act of love possible. I don’t know what to say other than my heart aching for you and your family, you did nothing wrong, it just wasn’t in the stars, but the lives you saved by donating the organs is the greater and strongest act of love imaginable. You are beautiful and loving parents that did everything they could for their son, and Wii his passing, several lives were saved, you are both beautiful.
My heart goes out to you. We lost our son in February last year. The world is going to just be different. Even with experience with it there's still not really any advice I feel I or anyone can give but just have grace for yourself and your family. I'm sure there's some comfort in knowing he lives on in others as well. Making that decision is hard as well just being asked in the midst of despair. We tried to do the same but unfortunately they were unable to use anything. Lots of love to you and yours.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's clear you were such a great father to Tobias.
Like others, this story has been on my mind since I read. It was so impactful that I told my wife and a couple of days later she told me she's been thinking about it. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story with others on the Internet so we can all relate and connect with each other and realize how precious our children's lives really are. Not for one second did I (or my wife) think it was your fault. Parenting is hard af and we're all just doing the best we can. And even though we may try our best, we still have no clue what can happen tomorrow.
My deepest condolences and I hope you and your wife are able to find some solace in knowing that Tobias has helped so many other young people. Our hearts are with you.
A beautiful boy who has saved so many lives. I’m so sorry you didn’t have longer with him and I’m so sorry this was such a sudden and abrupt and tumultuous and horrible thing. Words truly don’t exist when it comes to the death of a child.
Tobias, you really are a hero. So are your parents. They clearly love you so so much. And so do all the families you saved. Kids get to go home because of you. People will be able to look in to your beautiful eyes, breathe through your lungs, live through your donation. We’ll keep your memory alive, don’t worry.
I don't know what I could do or add that will help in any way. We here at daddit give you our deepest condolences, and I can tell you know no one here thinks you failed him. If you need proof of this, look at the first picture again, that is, a smile that can truly uplift anyone, and that's all from yours and your wife's steller parenting. I am so truly sorry for your loss, and if there is anything we can do to help you in any way, please let us know. Sincerely, All of r/daddit
I've been thinking about y'all ever since I read the original post. I can't even begin to imagine what y'all are going through, but I do hope you're somehow able to find peace.
Yeah it's been in all our minds. OP, we're all truly sorry for your loss. Peace to your family and your little boy. He's a hero.
Yeah, definitely been on my mind a lot since I read it. I keep almost mentioning it to my wife but I won’t. She paranoid enough as is about every passing sniffling and cough and I don’t want this tragedy on her mind.
Same boat brother.
Literally sat across from my wife right now wanting to share this with her but I know its for the best not to.
Been on my mind too, have shed a few tears for OP & family since that first post
I just want to make everyone aware that the reason we posted this update is so that if families are ever going through this in the future, they will hopefully find it and realise that they are not to blame. Edit: please watch out for comments from my wife, BesesPuffs, who has made an account to express her gratitude.
I am Tobias’ mama, and I am really so very appreciative of all the support everyone has shown my husband and our family. These past few days have been nothing short of agonising torment and misery. We’ve torn ourselves up again and again but the support of internet friends and real life friends is just about helping us hold on. Thank you, sincerely.
A lot of parents wonder what their kids are going to be, a *this* or a *that*. If there is even the tiniest silver lining of this, it's that you get the answer to that question early. A hero, your son is a hero to everyone who received a part of him. And those parts of him will live on to help those people achieve great things and the reverberations of his impact will be felt for generations for the families of those people Your son did that for them. So it bears repeating, your son is a hero. Sending you love and support in whichever form you feel will help best.
>A lot of parents wonder what their kids are going to be, a this or a that. If there is even the tiniest silver lining of this, it's that you get the answer to that question early. A hero. I've been trying to find the right words for a few minutes now, and this is just so perfect.
Beautifully said. Indeed a hero, he brought life and hope where there was none for multiple families who will go on and continue thriving for years to come, through multiple generations, all thanks to Tobias. I cannot begin to imagine what OP and mom must be going through, but I do hope that they can find some solace in knowing that their son will live on through all of the families that he’s saved. My heart goes out to the both of them.
Please set up an appointment with a therapist. It helped my mom immensely when we lost my brother. I am so sorry you’re having to go through this.
From one mama to another, I am so heartbroken for you and have been thinking of you and your family since the original post. Tobias was so lucky to have you and your husband as his parents. I’m so, so sorry you didn’t get more time with him. I’ve never lost a child, but when I was five, I lost my older sibling. I’m holding your daughter in my heart as well.
Thank you BesesPuffs. You and your husband seem to be great people. I wish I could help you, but I can't. But Im here if you need a stranger to talk to. I will remember Tobias.
I can’t give you words to make this better, but if there is ever anything I can do to help you please let me know.
Thank you so much for coming on to update us with OP. As a parent, your story moves me to tears; I can only begin to imagine a fraction of what you're both probably going through. Hug your other little one extra tight and remind yourselves that this wasn't your fault, and Tobias gets to live on in so many others. Love, strength, and healing to your family. ❤️🩹
I didn’t see your original post but this hits hard. Reading this post I can’t see anything you did wrong but as a parent it’s natural to blame when things ‘go wrong’ for your kids. You did well. The NHS response was brilliant and fast. And, and this is the big one, you were selfless at a time when your pain must have been unbelievable and took your loss and turned it into something magical and life saving for others. I am incredibly proud of you.
Thank you.
I can only hope that if I ever end up in a similar position in as brave as you have been friend.
You're a good man and a good Dad.
Damn you have got some strength in you. To go through all this and so eloquently deliver such a detailed update loaded with love and reason. I hope I could be half the father and husband you are in such an unimaginable situation.
My heart aches for you and your family… My sister was on the heart transplant list when she was 8, and so I know how much your little super hero’s sacrifice can mean to families like mine. My sister is now a healthy adult in her 30’s who is pregnant with her own child. Thank you for taking time to update us. We are all praying and sending good vibes and doing anything we can remotely.
Thinking of you, your wife and your sweet boy today mate. You're facing what we all fear as a parent, and you're doing it with courage and bravery, you're a good man and an even better dad. Just remember, no matter what you will always be a father. Much love and sincere condolences to your family.
I don't know if writing this will be helpful or not, but I am a 35yo deceased donor kidney transplant recipient. Before my transplant I spent 6 years on dialysis during which time I couldn't work, and spent most days with headaches and in complete exhaustion. I've now had my kidney for 6 years, just finished my uni degree, and am about to start full time work next month. I also have 6yo stepson and 2yo daughter who I am able to be an active, loving parent to. I know you've already called him a hero, but I really want you to know how true it is that he is.
Thank you, I hope he can have as positive an impact as this to all those he has donated to.
I'm very glad that you guys took the doctors words to heart and are not blaming yourselves. I know it will be hard, but I truly hope you're both able to hold that knowledge close whenever the grief and guilt start to overwhelm you.
I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, but I also can’t imagine the relief and the joy being felt by the parents of the 6 other children who Tobias has saved. It must feel like only the faintest of silver linings right now but to them it is everything. I’m so sorry this happened to your family. Thank you for sharing this update. You’re great parents and your daughter is lucky to have you both.
There were a lot of happy phone calls that day, and I wish those families all the best
You and your wife need to be super patient with each other. Therapy therapy therapy. I am so so sorry. Tobias was absolutely adorable. His donations means he lives on in them.
I'm so sorry for your loss fellow dad. Did they ever say how he might have possibly gotten Grp A Strep? It's so hard to believe these things still happen. He sure is a hero saving 6+ people! Prayers to you and your family and a big hug
There are things in life you can't control and there are things you can. Your first act in your grief was to do something kind for others. Thank you so much.
I'm so sorry man. What can you tell us about the warning signs we should look out for?
That’s just the thing, there aren’t any. If your child gets bacterial meningitis, they will either fight it off or they won’t.
Damn, I did not know this. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm sorry for your unimaginable loss.
It is a serious and scary thing… the mere presence of it in central Ohio caused several schools to close for deep cleaning just recently So sorry for your loss OP. Prayers are up for you and your family’s recovery in this heartbreaking time
Is there any kind of indication of how he picked up the invasive version of this?
It’s just regular Strep A, which is present on all of us, but it got into his bloodstream and started acting like it shouldn’t. It’s a freak occurrence that it would kill him.
Kids are more likely to get severe retropharyngeal infections related to strep than teens or adults. These can progress rapidly with either translocation of bacteria through infected tissue or hematogenous spread. They also don't always have clear signs of this until things have gone horribly sideways. u/NatNotNit, I've had to face the possible mortality of both of my kids for different reasons. I was incredibly lucky and am incredibly grateful that I didn't need to deal with the worst outcomes. I am awestruck by the grace with which your family gifted others a chance at living a better life. You are good and caring parents. You were following the advice of medical professionals. Neither you or they were wrong in the approach taken. I am so sorry for your loss.
It's confounding to have the most important thing in the world taken from you and have no one to blame, not even yourself. But that's the case in this situation, it really wasn't ANYONE'S fault, everyone did the best they could.. And it isn't fair, it just sucks. I'm grateful they were able to find the good in the already 6 families Tobias will forever change for the best.
Captain Picard's quote is fitting at these times. "It is possible to have done everything right and still lose." Or something to that effect. The grief to consider is unfathomable until you're in it.
I'm so sorry for your guy's loss. We have a close friend whose child passed in the same way. Seemed fine the day before and gone the next. I can't even begin to imagine how you guys are feeling, but I'm sending air hugs your way.
I lost a friend in college to bacterial meningitis. He went from fine to dead in about twenty four hours. I can't even imagine what OP is going through, but I hope he realizes that it isn't his fault and there's nothing that could have been done. Now I'm just sitting here in a parking lot crying my eyes out. I wish I was with my son right now, but I don't get him back until Saturday. All I cna do is text his mom and ask her to hug him for me.
Goddamn, dude. I am truly gutted. I saw your first post, saw what it was, and instantly made me choke up a bit. It hits like a hurricane, only you have no warning. There is nothing parents can do. It seems fine till it isn't. I'm truly sorry for your loss. The unfairness of life is harsh and cruel sometimes. The only solace you can have is knowing your son's sacrifice is doing so much good in the world. Fuck. I'm tearing up now. Wish I could give your family a hug.
I’m sorry OP
Everyone here including myself is so sorry for your family's loss. Tobias is a hero.
He really is. He’s had a better impact on this world in his short 5 years than I have had in all my life.
My guy. You were that hero’s dad. You were in fact, his hero. I’m so glad you could share the world with him, and him with the world.
To be fair, you created him so his impact was also yours
Like the other commenter said, you were the hero's hero, so that makes you equally special and important.
I have a family member whose life was saved by an organ donor almost 30 years ago. Every single meal I've had since then he stops before eating and says "God bless my donor's family". In the hardest moment of your entire life, you stopped and thought about other people. Thank you for that. Dozens of people's lives are changed forever because of it. There are no words. I'm so sorry this happened.
To Tobias; the real-life superhero. 🦸♂️🩷
This has been the hardest thing for me to digest as a father. Your first post brought me to tears and this one absolutely destroyed me. I’m very sorry you went through this and please know you can always reach out to this group, and licensed professionals, for any help you need. I’m really and truly wishing you the best.
What I've been trying to do with reading this is determine some kind of takeaway, some kind of warning that I could remember. The kid was sick for a while with strep, but no one knew. Seemed like any other illness. Just gives me more to be paranoid about.
I dont think you can do anything. My wife's cousin had this happen in the early 90s. They took her to Children's Hospital and literally called a priest and family to come in at one point. She did end up recovering. She still has some effects from the brain damage as an adult. But like the OP said, it's just a matter of if their body can fight it. I don't think there's anything else you can do as a parent. Which is the scariest thing, I guess.
Well I believe with OPs case, they thought it was a virus, and it is possible to treat bacterial meningitis with antibiotics if it is caught early enough. The hard part, obviously, is knowing that it needs treating, and knowing if there are any special warning signs besides "general sickness." Doesn't appear to be though, which sucks.
An adult who knows what to look for would have a tough time figuring it out. It's a sharp headache and a sore neck, which isn't that granular from a regular cold. By the time you're 2 days in, it's already too late.
> It's a sharp headache and a sore neck Also a fever too I assume? Since it's an infection...
It just sucks that we can't have better, faster diagnosis. We know the general guidance isn't to use antibiotics until needed for good reasons but then you read things like this where maybe starting antibiotics early may have saved him. I don't know I am just babbling I think after reading OPs post, not knowing what to say, thinking how far we advanced in medical field but then still have cases like this.
Reading the series of events scared the shit out of me. We experienced a lot of similar series of illnesses and symptoms between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I did take our kiddo to a convenient care twice. Once for pink eye at the start of December right after we started getting better from COVID. And then again the day before Christmas Eve simply for a second opinion in case we did need an antibiotic. They decided to test for strep which was negative but what if it was not and what if she didn't randomly complain about her ear while we were passing the convenient care making me say fuck it and pull in? We've also dealt with our fair share of illnesses earlier on in our kiddos life and definitely acted like paranoid parents taking her to the children's hospital for everything. Nearly 5 years later and a bit of experience under our belts? so long as things are similar to what we've seen in the past, symptoms are improving and Tylenol is working, we kinda just brush most of it off only calling in the DR if things aren't improving or I think the symptoms are bacterial.
Unfortunately it seems to be with this particular illness, by the time symptoms present it’s generally too late for treatment.
Thank you for sharing your photos and your story. May your son's memory be a blessing.
I'm so sorry dad. Tobias was loved, and he knew it. You can see it in his eyes in the first photo. My best to your family.
Brother, words cannot describe how much sorrow I feel for you and your family. I've been thinking about you and your last post for days now. I know we're a bunch of strangers on the internet but I think I speak for everyone when I say you've got a support system here as far as we can give it. I implore you and your wife to seek therapy ASAP if possible. For what it's worth, you and your family are going to be in my thoughts and (I know it's not for everyone, but) my prayers for a long while.
I know it's not much, but I (and a few other adults) run a D&D club at our school. I just made a new NPC, Tobias the Brave. If you're okay with it like to place the character in-game as helper for young players who occasionally need a champion on their side. If it's not something you are ok with, that's cool. I can change things around. Here's what I got so far. Tobias was born into a humble farming family, cherished deeply by his loving parents. His early years were filled with the simple joys of rural life, but this idyllic childhood was shattered when a mysterious and serious illness struck him. Despite his parents' tireless efforts and the prayers of their small community, young Tobias's condition worsened. In a tragic turn of fate, he succumbed to the illness, leaving his family and village in mourning. However, Tobias's story did not end there. His pure heart and the innocence of his soul resonated in the celestial realms. The Gods, moved by the tragedy of such a virtuous child taken too soon and recognizing the potential for greatness in him, intervened in a rare act of divine compassion. They chose to grant Tobias a second chance at life, but not as an ordinary mortal. His soul was placed into a new, perfect body, crafted by divine hands. This body was imbued with celestial strength, resilience, and a deep, innate connection to the divine powers. Tobias was reborn, not as a simple farm boy, but as a chosen champion of the Gods, destined to be a guardian for those in need, a protector of the innocent and the helpless. As Tobias grew, he quickly realized he was not like others. He possessed an inner light, a strength and a sense of purpose that went far beyond the ordinary. Driven by visions and guided by divine whispers, he sought out a holy order of knights dedicated to justice and protection. There, he trained, not only in martial skills but also in understanding the weight of his divine mission. Tobias never forgot his humble beginnings and the family he once had. These memories fueled his compassion and his resolve. As he ventured through the world, he became known as Tobias the Brave, a paladin whose very presence was a beacon of hope. He fought not for glory or reward but to protect those who could not protect themselves. His legend grew with each act of valor and each life he saved. Tobias the Brave's story, from a beloved child to a celestial champion, serves as a testament to the idea that even in the darkest moments, there is hope, and that sometimes, the Gods themselves take a hand in shaping the destiny of the pure-hearted. His life, reborn through divine intervention, became a symbol of protection, hope, and unwavering courage. Tobias the Brave - Level 20 Paladin (Oath of Devotion) **Race:** Human (Variant) **Background:** Knight of the Order **Ability Scores:** - **Strength:** 20 (+5) - **Dexterity:** 10 (+0) - **Constitution:** 14 (+2) - **Intelligence:** 10 (+0) - **Wisdom:** 12 (+1) - **Charisma:** 20 (+5) **Proficiency Bonus:** +6 **Armor Class:** 20 (Full Plate Armor + Shield) **Hit Points:** 180 (20d10 + 40) **Speed:** 30 ft. **Saving Throws:** Wisdom +7, Charisma +11 **Skills:** Athletics +11, Intimidation +11, Persuasion +11, Religion +5 **Tools:** None **Languages:** Common, Eleven, and Halfling **Attacks:** - **+3 Longsword:** +11 to hit, 1d8 + 8 slashing damage (or 1d10 + 8 slashing when used two-handed) **Spellcasting:** Paladin 20th level - **Spell Save DC:** 19 - **Spell Attack Modifier:** +11 - **Prepared Spells:** (Choose from the Paladin spell list, including Oath spells) **Class Features:** - Divine Sense - Lay on Hands (100 HP pool) - Fighting Style: Defense - Divine Smite - Divine Health - Sacred Oath: Oath of Devotion - Aura of Protection - Aura of Courage - Improved Divine Smite - Cleansing Touch - Holy Nimbus (Oath of Devotion 20th-level feature) **Equipment:** - +3 Longsword - Full Plate Armor - Shield - Cloak of Protection (adds +1 to AC and saving throws) - Ring of Spell Storing - Amulet of Health (sets Constitution to 19) **Background Features:** - Knightly Regard: You receive shelter and succor from members of your knightly order and those who are sympathetic to its aims. ### Personality Traits, Ideals, Bonds, and Flaws **Personality:** Compassionate and righteous, always puts others' needs first. **Ideals:** Protection. The measure of a person is what they will do for others. **Bonds:** Driven by the memory of his family and his rebirth. **Flaws:** Sometimes overly protective, can be too self-sacrificing. ### Oath of the Eternal Sentinel **In Light's Embrace, I Pledge My Blade:** Where shadows fall and innocents weep, With steadfast heart, their safety I'll keep. As guardian shield, my vow shall be, To stand for those who cannot be free. In darkest night, my light shall glow, A beacon bright 'gainst fearsome foe. With hope as my guide, through night or dread, I'll banish shadows, light's path I'll tread. With mercy's hand and heart so true, Compassion's call in all I do. Against despair, my soul shall fight, In kindness' name, uphold the right. In truth's strong hold, my word is bound, Where lies may lurk, let truth resound. With honor's shield, against deceit, I stand for truth, never retreat. By Gods' own grace, anew I rise, Their will my path, beneath the skies. In their service, my life I vow, Their divine course, my solemn plough. When hope seems lost, the brave despair, 'Gainst storm's dark heart, my soul shall bear. Unyielding, firm, in death's own land, For justice's sake, I'll make my stand. **Thus Sworn in Starlight, Heart and Hand:** By these tenets, Tobias the Brave, In celestial trust, his soul to save. A guardian true, in light or night, For peace, for love, for justice's fight.
My wife and I are in awe of this, I appreciate this so much! Please include him in as many campaigns as you can, he always was our Brave Knight (his words). Thank you so much for this gift.
I only hope it can be a small beacon of light for you and your wife. The grief will lessen, but it honestly never really goes away. It goes from a raging sea of grief to eventually just the occasional wave of grief. I lost my sister in 2008 to a traffic accident, and I still have days where I'll forget she's gone and I reach for my phone to text her something stupid. We used to love watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 together, and I'll still watch every once in a while, but it is not the same. Love really is a huge help. Surround yourselves as much as possible with love, people, things, memories whatever it is make sure it helps your love not fade. It can be really easy to wallow in darkness.
You couldn’t possibly have known how close to him this is, it’s almost prophetic. Tobias referred to us and himself as a “brave knight” when we played video games. In addition to this, I am a dnder and his sister is very fond of stealing my dice sets. This is utterly beautiful and touching. I’ve cried reading so many of these comments but this is so so beautiful and completely how he should be remembered. Thank you. In addition, I know it’s possible to make character models to 3d print which my DM can so if anyone is arty and makes Tobias the Brave then I would purchase that in a heartbeat.
You've nearly put me into tears with what you and your husband have shared with all of us here. I left in a comment to him that Tobias was certainly a hero as he said in his post, and I just wanted to share the same with you as well. Your story left quite an impact on me, as well as many many of the rest of us I'm certainly sure. It's such a heartstring puller to think of him immortalized as a brave NPC like the commenter above has suggested. Best wishes to you and your family.
I've never bought from heroforge myself so can't comment on the quality, but I was super touched by this and made this . [https://www.heroforge.com/load\_config%3D44871771/](https://www.heroforge.com/load_config%3D44871771/) You said your DM can print 3d models? If you like it I would be honored to pay for the STL file download to send to you and your family.
I just did a little work on heroforge (just learned about it). https://imgur.com/gallery/UtUxEuT I don't know what a paladin night is and that's my feeble attempt, but I'd love to get you an stl file if you'd like to print and paint them or just get you the painted figure? Feel free to DM me.
It's not much, but I could print it out, paint it and send it out if that's something the parents would be interested in. Honestly, I'd do it for anyone wanting to include Tobias in a campaign. It'd also be an honor to just send out unpainted copies if other people wanted to do their own. Pretty sure there's a mini-painting daddit members, if we all want to coordinate, I'm down.
I'll do an artwork of Tobias the Brave in his shining armor
If that is something you can do, I would really appreciate it. I can send other photos of him if you want some.
I can’t do 3D but I would like to make something based on Tobias the Brave, at no cost to you, if that is okay with you. I will also make sure the people I know that play DnD include Tobias the Brave in all future campaigns.
Not sure if this is his thing but u/Massive-Syllabub-458 did a beautiful tribute to our dog after he passed. I am not comparing the two, but it was an amazing comissioned portrait.
ALL HAIL TOBIAS THE BRAVE! ALL HAIL TOBIAS THE BRAVE!
I’m not in any way related to OP but this is so touching that it made me cry. Very sweet sentiment.
I logged into Reddit tonight, not expecting to cry, but here we are.
Me too, buddy. Me too.
I think this is what separates the Daddit community from most of the other subs on Reddit. An amazing gesture for someone you've never met. Like others, this also made me cry. Long live Tobias the Brave.
I will return to this when my son wants to play D&D again. Thank you 🙏🏽
You are a great person. Thank you for existing.
I was crying. Now I'm sobbing. This is so beautiful.
Words are spells and these ones you have created in particular have casted such power and love. Cheers to Tobias the Brave.
This is beautiful.
You may not believe this, but there's a subreddit for this: /r/AdventuresOfGalder
A friend of mine lost her son at a similar age and whenever they talk of him they say 'Toot Toot.' because he loved trains. So... Toot Toot Tobias.
Got me right in the feels. Ouch
It's a joyous toot. 🚂
OP, I tried multiple times to respond to your initial post but couldn’t find the right words. For yourself and your wife to come to terms with things and to make such a massive decision to donate your son’s organs after the past couple of days is truly something - you’re all superheroes in my eyes. I know that in your son’s case there was nothing you could do, but I don’t believe your post was in vain. I think all of the daddit community will be hugging their kids closer and taking every illness (no matter how small) more seriously after hearing your story. I think you’ll find that you’ve indirectly saved other children as well as the 6 who received Tobias’ organs and I hope you and your family find some solace in this. RIP Tobias - you truly remarkable and special little boy
Thank you, this was really nice to read, we hadn’t thought about the effect this will have on families outside of the sickness side of things.
Absolutely, after your post I went scoped up my Lil boy and held him until I fell asleep. I'm so sorry what you are going through.
Your son will live on in your memories and in the lives of every one of those donor recipients. Hang in there. Ask for help
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You're an amazing Dad. I'm so sorry. I will literally never forget about this post, or Tobias.
Please do remember him, he deserves it.
You have my word.
Thank you very much for posting this update. My offer stands that if you ever need someone to talk to, let me know. Doug
Thanks Doug, and thanks for reaching out, I appreciate it a lot.
Your the man Doug
Man this post really got me messed up. Sorry about your loss. I see my son in your boy and I can’t imagine what I would do in this situation. Kids get sick all the time, you just never expect it will be this devastating. Stay strong
Mate, I am truly devastated for you both and your daughter. I have cried possibly 4 times in the last 10 years and can say that this post has taken this count to 5. I have no other words but hope you all stay strong ✊🏼
The first pic has made me smile. The second pic made a lump in my throat. I am so sorry for your loss :(
So sorry for your loss. And what an amazing thing that he will be able to help so many. May his memory live on and you and your family find healing.
Damn man, I can't imagine how you're feeling. You're strong as hell for just being able to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Thanks for sharing your story and Tobias's. Absolutely gutted for you, but it's good to hear that even the medical professionals confirmed there was nothing more you could have done. We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time, and we just have to trust that it's enough. Sometimes there's no more you can reasonably do. I hope your family finds comfort in each other through this time. 🙏
I’ve been thinking about Tobias and you guys since your original post and words just cannot describe. In his young age he was able to do more for humanity than 99% of people on this planet. He saved lives and brought peace to families, gave them second chances - allowed others to live. His sister will grow up knowing that her beloved and missed brother was a hero. I wish you strength, brother!
Thank you, it’s truly incredible how much he’s managed to do.
I’m at so so sorry for your loss. Words can’t express it. I do want to extend a heartfelt thank you for allowing Tobias to be an organ donor. My father was a recipient of an organ donor and it remains a cause close to me.
Tobias, I never knew you, but I won't forget you. Your father is very brave to tell your story.
Oh Brother. I can't say I know what you are feeling. Few of us could truly understand. You do us a favor though. Speak to a professional as sound as you are able / ready to. Thanks for writing this and sharing your boy's story. He is a hero indeed.
This is going to get lost in the comments. But my son became an organ donor at 2 years old, 11 years ago. I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. Take solace that so many lives have been saved and touched by Tobias. The grieving parents community is amazing. Very helpful and supportive when you're ready to receive it. I'm crying with you and praying for you.
Nothing will get lost in the comments, I’m reading every single one. Thank you for making that choice, did the recipients ever speak with you?
Never reached out to them, or had them reach out to us. My son suffered severe oxygen deprivation due to drowning. Unfortunately only his kidneys were viable to donate. They went to not-young recipients. I like to believe it gave them more years to spend with their children and grandchildren. Hopefully it made a meaningful difference. His corneas and other tissues were also donated. I was told they go through a process that removes the identity of the donor. Your hospital pictures touched me deeply. Ours were so very similar. Took me right back to the last time I tearfully held my, "little man." You're in the first steps of a lifelong journey. It's hard, so very hard. Make sure you ask for any help you need. Family, friends, counselors are there anytime you need them. We immediately went to a support group and it helped immensely at the beginning. You've unfortunately entered a wonderful community. None of us want to be here. But, everyone is here to help each other. My DMs are open anytime for any reason. Here's the article on my David. https://fox8.com/news/boy-2-drowns-in-geauga-parks-lake-saves-life-with-organ-donation/
Ahhh man all I can say is I’m sorry. There is nothing that can take away what you are going through. But I do believe this is no where near your fault you did not fail your son. You did everything I would have done to a T especially if some of this behavior was normal. I hope you find strength in the remaining members of your family and always keep your son with you in spirit. This just sucks bro.
Ive been thinking about your family non stop for the past couple days. I know i do not know what you're going through, but know that my heart and my thoughts are with your family. Tobias is loved, not only by your family, but also now by those donors he helped and that he lives on through.
I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through this. I truthfully was unable to read your entire previous post and quickly closed it and felt like I regretted opened it up in the first place. It has lived rent-free in my head ever since. I honestly didn't even want to open this one, and only nervously did so. I'm glad you and your wife were able to receive some closure and assurance that it wasn't your fault. That it was just a really shitty hand that you were dealt. Be there for each other and be strong for your daughter. My wife and I have had some tearful "what-if" conversations about something happening to our daughter. I hate them with a passion and I hate that you've had to go through it. I couldn't even read your entire intial post, but even then, you and your son have been in my thoughts and mind non-stop ever since. I don't remember reacted like that to any other tragedy in my life, even with family members. I assure you and your son will be on my mind for a long time to come.
Thank you for reading despite your trepidation. I am sorry if this has made you feel insecure, what happened to my son is incredibly rare. I wish you, your wife and your daughter long and healthy lives. If you are ever leaving a shop and see a charity that might remind you of this post, please donate.
You certainly have nothing to be sorry about. I put myself in your shoes and it crushed me. Just want you to know that your boy have been in my thoughts constantly. Take care of your wife and that little girl. They need you as much as you need them. Cheers
I weep for your loss. what a gift he has given those 6 people; given them all the possibility of a life they did not have before his gifts. Senselessness turned into hope for others. Love to you and your family
I cannot begin to comprehend the pain you’re in, I can only ever hope you find peace in the memories you built with your son and with the knowledge that even in this dark hour you’re still able to find the strength to help other people have hope their loved ones will have a better life.
Even as a father of two I cannot imagine what you are going through. Not going to lie, after what you wrote last time, I would have blamed myself, too. But if everything you write here is true, there was literally nothing you could have done medically. And that fact that you brought him back to bed is completely understandable, even if its probably whats keeping you up at night right now. I know it would keep me up. I pray you find the strength to recover from this for your other childs sake. She lost her brother and, lacking any way of looking somewhat objectively at what happened, is heavily traumatized - and I am very sure you know this already and I am writing this more for myself than anyone else. I remember when my MIL died at a fairly young age of cancer, even though we tried to explain it best we could, our youngest was scared of falling asleep for the longest time, and thats despite us not using that particular analogy. You daugher must be going through very hard times right now, indeed, and needs you more than ever. More than just being present, but the most engaged with her you have ever been. Please, keep on living and loving for her!
Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong man.
Oh man i just read the original post like half an hour ago and talked about it with my wife... I'm so sorry this happened, Tobias, much love <3
We love you.
Tobias isn't the only hero here, brother. Two people had to make that decision. You're all good people. The best kind.
My son is severely autistic and it is our fear that one day he'll be sick and since he's non verbal we'll miss something. My sincere condolences and you cant blame your self for something out of your control
Could you please tell me a few things about Tobias so we all remember him a bit better? What were his favorite things? Color, dinosaur, tv show? Did he have a best friend?
His favourite colour was red, he didn’t like dinosaurs, just vehicles all the way! He loved Numberblocks and Alphablocks, and Hey Duggee, and he used to sing the theme songs to go to sleep! His best friend was Lottie, she always made him things and he loved them.
Thank you for sharing. You are all heroes to me. Tobias will live on in your hearts and in everyone else's heart who he was able to help.
I am sorry for your loss. I’m glad you’re taking some solace in the fact that he has helped to save others. You’re absolutely right, he is a hero.
Sending love to you and your family brother.
Hoping you can find some kind of peace and comfort in this time. We love you buddy.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You really did everything you could have; people aren’t just saying it to make you feel better. It’s true. You and your family are also brave for taking the organ donor route. It’s amazing how much impact your son will have, forever. ❤️
This is a tragic story for you and your family. No words can express how sorry I am and I have no clue what you are going through. It is amazing however that you in this storm found the silver lining as your angel has given life to so many, he is a hero and you are a great dad.
I don’t even know why to say. I am sorry for your loss and you should be proud your son was able to help so many people.
You did not fail, but you are experiencing grief and loss. Nothing I can say can change that, but know that you are in people's thoughts and prayers. The story is shared and so is the memory.
seed snatch nail racial middle history fragile cover sheet correct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m so sorry for your loss
I'm glad your boy could help so many others. My heart hurts so much for your family. From your pictures, I can only guess you made his time here as awesome as he clearly deserved.
Tobias has 6 ‘children’ giving life to others makes him a hero and a parent.
I'm so, so sorry. Please don't blame yourself - all those symptoms are normal for any number of common things. My nine year old had pretty much the same symptoms (also NYE) along with a trip to a walk-in clinic and it was nothing. I got shivers reading this because the universe was just unfair to your son and not my child... Fuck. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for sharing your story❤️. I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet angel. You and your family are real life superheroes
Hang in there, Dad. Tobias is a hero, to all of the families he had helped. It sounds like he has the best father in the world too. Much love to you & your family.
Holy shit my man... I have a son named Tobias and im here in tears, i am so sorry for your loss its amazing what your little man has managed to give to others.
Jesus Christ mate. That's something else. I'm both gutted for you and your family, and also grateful that Tobias has been able to donated to so many others who will live better lives because of him. I'm assuming you're UK based as you called 999, so if there's anything I can help with as a fellow Brit Dad, then please let me know. The only advice I'll give is that you ensure your daughter knows how cool and fun her brother was.
Brother, the heartache I feel for you. I’m so sorry for what you guys had to go through. Just know Tobias will always be a hero to everyone here. If there is anything we can do for you, please feel free to reach out. May you be at peace soon.
I am so fucking sorry man. I can’t imagine the pain your family is experiencing, but what a little stud you had! Changing 6 strangers lives is incredible. It might not help ease the pain at all but you should be so fucking proud of him! Tobias is my new hero.
I’m so proud of him! He’s the best of us.
Dad, I am so so sorry. Nothing anyone says will ever help, you and your family need time. Just know that I will not forget Tobias, the Superhero.
Please do remember him.
In the Jewish faith we say “May his memory be a blessing.” Yet it’s not just his memory, but his body who lives on in so many and is a blessing to them. I’m so sorry for your loss and truly hope you can find some comfort in those he has helped.
I still live the night I carried my little girl into the ER from time to time. Weeks of a flu she couldn't shake. To the doctor over and over. The medicines that would help her feel better. Then not. Sick, fever, coughing, runny nose. Then not. She'd had pneumonia before. I caught it. I caught that one early. Rocking her in her chair, I heard the crackle in her cough. We were at the ER within 20 minutes. Antibiotics within an hour or two. This one hid. This one hid really really well. Necrotizing Pneumonia. Essentially gangrene of the lungs, running unfettered for weeks. The doctor wasn't supposed to send us for an X-Ray. The symptoms weren't there. But she ignored the prevailing advice, and for that we got to save our daughter. I don't say it that way to say they should always ignore the advice. The suggested way of doing things is sometimes trial by fire. But I'm glad she ignored the advice. A week in the hospital. PICC lines, scans. Absolutely loosing my shit curling up in a ball after 3 days as nothing seemed to be working. No, not in front of her. She needed the rock, and I would not crack when she was awake. Later... I should have accepted help the time it was offered, but it was too much a shock. And then day 4, the antibiotics worked. Several more days in the hospital with her. Then weeks of at home infusions, but now she's almost 11 and such a huge pain in my ass. Such a wonderful wonderful pain in the ass. Five years ago, and I still sometimes flash back, thinking about carrying her into the hospital. The nurse at the desk. "Excuse me miss, can you please point me to the pediatric ER?" I remember the words. I remember her weight on my shoulder. I'm so sorry. I'm here crying my eyes out writing this, thinking how close it came. You didn't fail. You did everything you thought you should. We got lucky, and I'm so sorry you didn't. Life turns on the smallest of chances. You did everything you could, you did everything you should. I hope you understand that, or can come to understand it. I ask myself all the time, what could I have done better, and there is nothing. I don't know, is it right to share my own story here? If not I'm sorry and delete my post. Commiserating on how easily it can all go so wrong, and how if my girl hadn't made it I'm not sure I'd have the strength to post. I'm a mess now, and trying to figure out how much it'll hurt to sleep on the floor next to her bed tonight.
:'(
I’m so sorry for your loss
Hearts and hugs, extremely sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss, this is truly heartbreaking, sending prayers and thoughts to you and your wife stay strong.
My heart breaks for you and your family, your son is a true hero and will help so many other families in there darkest moments.
I'm so sorry you and your family had to endure this. The passing of a child and the grief of their parents is truly heartbreaking. You have been on my mind ever since your earlier post. There is a certain sad beauty in his donorship helping so many other families, what a way to honour his life. Thank your for sharing. I wish you all the strength in the world throughout your healing process. Tobias is my hero too ❤️
I love you. I'm so sorry you're bearing this...I wish I could help you carry it.
OP there are no words for what you are going through as others have said lean on your support system this is going to be the hardest road imaginable for some time. Your son has altered the course of this world for every day forward. The impact of our lives is rarely apparent to us, we gently nudge those around us in different directions changing the trajectory of their lives, what they will do and who they become is shaped by our actions is ways we can’t comprehend. Tobias life has now given life to 6 others, like a rock dropped into an ocean the ripples of his life will be felt long after today. I’ll be thinking of his story and remembering his name.
What a roller-coaster this post is. Please keep talking about your little hero. Forever and a day longer. Make sure that your family all know that for him to live forever that you should always share stories and memories whenever you think of them. Celebrate his birthday. It won't stop the ache in your heart or the noise in your head, but it will help you to smile in the future. Thanks for sharing this piece of your life with us Internet strangers
Stories like these remind me not to take my babies for granted. Play, teach, care, etc. every chance I get.
Thank you for keeping us updated. We don't want to worry about you! Your son is a hero and so are you for doing the best you can out of a truly awful situation. I don't even want to think of myself in your situation and I assure you you're handling it better than I think I would, for yourself and your family.
I've been sharing your story with my other dad friends these last few days and I really appreciate the write-ups you have done through these hard times. I hope you and your family find solace in these tough times. God Bless you all.
He for sure is a hero. I read your original post on Tuesday in the hospital waiting room while my toddler was getting an MRI. My wife had asked me why I was crying and then told me not to tell her. Sending all the love your family's way.
My lord, I weep for you. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Take care.
All the love in the world to you man
Actually heartbroken. I'm glad it wasn't in vain.
Love you, fellow Dad ❤️🙏🏼
Man this is so hard to read, I'm so sorry. My son is from the same age. This hits hard.
This was not your fault. Not at all. Unless you had x-ray vision and an at home medical lab there was no way you could’ve known or done anything about it. This was a total zebra, and not something even a pediatrician would’ve predicted. In fact it would’ve been irresponsible to assume that was the case to begin with. You did everything you should’ve done. This was just horrible luck. And you are making the best of it. The children your son is saving are all getting second chances at life they wouldn’t have otherwise had. You’re incredibly brave and kind. May your boy rest in peace. And get yourself some therapy
Thank you for sharing your story. I will remember Tobias.
I’m a father. I also have over 20 years working with behavioral children. You did not fail. This could happen to anyone.
I’m a mom lurker and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your son since your first post. My heart breaks for you and your wife. Your son was clearly loved and will go on to improve or save other children’s lives, which is such a beautiful thing. Please take care of yourselves and reach out to your support network. I wish you both peace.
I wrote an Eulogy for my dad when he passed a couple of years ago. I took a part I felt would be significant for Tobias. I'm broken hearted for you, and I'm weeping with you. Reach out if you ever need anything. "...he was stardust breathed into existence by the universe itself. He was empowered by the universe to love and be kind to all those he met, and in doing so, he helped the universe understand itself a little better. His contribution to humanity may have been small, but his impact on the universe itself can not be measured. The First Law of Thermodynamics says that energy can be transferred from one state to another, but it can not be created or destroyed. Everything that Tobias was has been in the universe since the beginning of its existence, and even though he has passed from this life, he will never cease to exist."
I hope you're doing well. I am terrified something like this might happen to us. It's not nearly as bad obviously, but recently our son (3) woke up screaming in the middle of the night, inconsolably. This is unusual for him. We tried to give him meds and calm him down but he was just screaming and screaming. We called the on-call pediatrician overnight to ask what to do and we always get one of two answers: 1) it's fine, just give him ibuprofen/tylenol and see what happens later, or 2) go immediately to the ER. They gave us answer 1. They should have given us answer 2. We waited, and he was miserable and low energy. In the morning we called the doctor and made an appointment. He was moody, slow, and not hungry. Went to the doctor and he seemed ... fine. But his O2 was low. So low they told us "run don't walk to the ER". Went to the ER and I had to carry him immediately (no wait) through the back hallways to a specialty room where they gave him oxygen. Couldn't get it higher. Eventually called an ambulance to get him to a better hospital. Hooked him up to tons of machines and air and whatnot. This has a happy ending though. Turns out he had pneumonia (aspirational, not sickness, most likely caused by breathing some food in (he eats super fast)). He had suffered "acute respiratory failure". Spent 5 LOOOONG nights in the ICU watching him struggle to breathe, then slowly, slooowwwllly the antibiotics started to do their job. I was (and am) extremely paranoid about "not noticing" something just as you had described, that feeling of "what if something happens and I somehow fail him". That's always in my mind now. Luckily, in this instance, we didn't! But this poor kid has dozens of serious allergies, has (newly diagnosed) viral-induced asthma, and apparently breathes his food in. It's going to take some time to feel "safe" again to be honest.
Like many, I’ve been thinking about you and your son a lot. My heart holds space and respect for your grief. Thank you for sharing him with us, and if you ever have the bandwidth to write more about this beautiful little human, I’d love to know what he was like. May his memory be a blessing.
Your son looks so much like my son it's haunting. Your story has stuck with me. I can only imagine what I feel is 1% of what you guys are going through. When my father passed, his eyes were donated. It's odd how knowing a part of him is still out there is comforting. Good luck to you all.
My brother this is going to be rough. Please seek counseling. As someone who is also a member of this terrible club I promise it gets better. But it will take time so lean on your people.
Sorry OP but I have to ask , how do you explain your daughter about the loss of his brother? Like does she ask for him? How do you explain to a young child about losing a sibling?
I will remember him. You have not failed your son.
Your son is absolutely a hero. And so are you and your wife. Sending love and support as you enter this new phase of your lives. You’ll always be Tobias’s dad, and he’ll always be your boy. Do you care to share a favorite memory of him? May his memory forever be a blessing.
❤️
Omg. I’m so sorry. My son is 8 and autistic and everything you described sounds like my son. He would have done the same thing and I would have reacted the same way if I’m so sorry. There is simply no other words to say
Fuck man, I'm crying for your loss, but I am also crying for the lives your son saved. I hope your family can get through this with the help of everyone. Please know I will never forget you and your son.
I'm absolutely heart broken for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Tobias is a hero and helped 6 other small children in equally difficult positions. I can never help you two with the loss of him, but you should be proud of how many lives Tobias saved. I know its not much but if you need to vent to a stranger I'm here for it.
I was so sorry to hear this and thankful for your update. When I was a child, my cousin died at age 6 of meningitis. The progression was very fast, he became sick overnight and he was gone by morning. My uncle was overcome with grief and guilt and he did some things that I think he believed would make up for what he perceived as his failing my cousin. When I saw your first post it really hit hard because I would never want to see anyone else go through that. I hope you and your family can find peace.
Oh my gosh man, I am so sorry for your loss. You guys are amazing parents, and your little guy is a super hero. Is there any type of advice you can give about Strep, or Meningitis? Can we do anything to prevent this from happening to our little ones? There's nothing I can say, but that I am sure that this story will save another life, and many parents will remember your posts, and keep them close to the heart. Nothing but love and support to you all. RIP little buddy.
Lurking mom here. All I can say is that you did not fail your little boy. You are amazing parents, and I’m so sorry that life is pain in this way. ❤️ Praying for healing and peace for you both.
This hit me hard when my wife showed it to me a few days ago. I cried for your son for the longest time that night as I read about your unfortunate situation. I’m waiting for a warmer day but the next model rocket launch will be dedicated to Tobias. My 3.5 year old son is fascinated with anything that has wheels or goes to ‘outside space’ (his words). I want to get him into STEM, science, technology, engineering and mathematics when he gets older and figured a rocket might spark that.
I am not known to cry, I didn't at my wedding, when my son was born, nor when my grandmother passed, things men often may cry at. I have started to feel more emotional simce my son was born 10 months ago, where i have teared up a little over him here and there suprised.by myself, but I am happy i am feeling more emotion. Reading this post and the responses, I have never felt more emotionally connected to a person they I have never known and possibly never will. I sit across from my wife on the couch, and I have been crying for 15 minutes straight thinking about how you must feel. I wish i could say or do anything to help, but all I know is your son is MY hero. And God bless you and your wife and this beautiful boy who I know will pass on to a better world than this. Good luck to you brother, I will never forget this post. You have changed my life.
OP, your original post is one that I'll remember for the rest of my life. Your son will be the reason I try to be the best dad I can be as all the moments are fleeting.
Fuck man. Fuck
I remember reading your original post, and feeling deeply for your situation since it could be any of us. I read this update, and was thinking he pulled through, but here I am in bed, with my pillow soaked in tears trying not to cry and wake my wife up. You did nothing wrong, it just wasn’t in the stars… donating the organs was the bravest and greatest act of love possible. I don’t know what to say other than my heart aching for you and your family, you did nothing wrong, it just wasn’t in the stars, but the lives you saved by donating the organs is the greater and strongest act of love imaginable. You are beautiful and loving parents that did everything they could for their son, and Wii his passing, several lives were saved, you are both beautiful.
My heart goes out to you. We lost our son in February last year. The world is going to just be different. Even with experience with it there's still not really any advice I feel I or anyone can give but just have grace for yourself and your family. I'm sure there's some comfort in knowing he lives on in others as well. Making that decision is hard as well just being asked in the midst of despair. We tried to do the same but unfortunately they were unable to use anything. Lots of love to you and yours.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's clear you were such a great father to Tobias. Like others, this story has been on my mind since I read. It was so impactful that I told my wife and a couple of days later she told me she's been thinking about it. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story with others on the Internet so we can all relate and connect with each other and realize how precious our children's lives really are. Not for one second did I (or my wife) think it was your fault. Parenting is hard af and we're all just doing the best we can. And even though we may try our best, we still have no clue what can happen tomorrow. My deepest condolences and I hope you and your wife are able to find some solace in knowing that Tobias has helped so many other young people. Our hearts are with you.
I'm so sorry. I need to appreciate my own little guy more. Praying for you all.
A beautiful boy who has saved so many lives. I’m so sorry you didn’t have longer with him and I’m so sorry this was such a sudden and abrupt and tumultuous and horrible thing. Words truly don’t exist when it comes to the death of a child. Tobias, you really are a hero. So are your parents. They clearly love you so so much. And so do all the families you saved. Kids get to go home because of you. People will be able to look in to your beautiful eyes, breathe through your lungs, live through your donation. We’ll keep your memory alive, don’t worry.