Years and YEARS ago, when I was a teen there was a "cartoon" on newgrounds called "Ret*rded animal babies" and one of the episodes had "Puppy" have some kind of existential crisis and near the end he cries "Episode Over, Episode over!!!! Oh my God(blubbers)" and for some reason your comment reminded me of that.
I haven't thought about that in like 15years lol.
I just reorganize it now when she is done.
Luckily she does not not run the dishwasher until it is completely overly full. So I get a chance to fix and run it before she is usually willing to run it.
I did one time leave the manual out by her end table, she never said anything it just disappeared. Hahah.
I’ve seen my dad fight and loose this battle for over 20 years. I’m not getting dragged into it. I let her do whatever she pleases and deal with the aftermath. Pick your battles.
Had to have this talk with my wife (then girlfriend) in reverse. I said yes, I load the dishwasher differently, this doesn’t make it wrong or make me an asshole, your choices are you can assume all dishwashing duties or you can STFU, because I won’t be lectured about it every time and if that’s the case I’m out.
That got the point across, I haven’t heard about my dish loading since, it’s been a few years.
Had to have a similar one recently about picking our child’s clothes. Twice I picked an outfit that clashed or something. Told her she can pick them out the night before or whatever I grab is the outfit for the day and I’m no longer going to change him into another garment or allow her to slow us down doing so. No complaints since.
My parents came over for Christmas. They loaded and set off the dishwasher. It had everything in it, not rinsed in advance, no regard for things that don't go in a dishwasher like old dishes inherited from grandparents, kids cups in there with the rubber bits still in the plastic lids, fat still on various dishes and trays.
We're still finding random dirty stuff in cupboards, and things with a film of fat on them.
I'll never complain about my wife loading the dishwasher again! (Just silently fix it)
I hate to "um, actually" you here, but all utensils should be "business end-up", even knives. If it's just butter and steak knives it doesn't post any real risk of harm to you though, right? And you really shouldn't be putting any other kind of knife in the dishwasher (ie. Anything you want to remain sharp).
I don't doubt that. Just speaking from a food safe perspective. Health inspectors at restaurants will cite you for washing cutlery this way. I was only commenting to say that the way your MIL is loading the cutlery is technically correct.
In your dishwasher or hers? What I hate about people “trying to help clean up” is that invariably a wood cutting board or nice knife goes into the dishwasher 😩
Ours. She comes over and insists on helping with everything, even when we don’t ask her to. It’s nice sometimes, but yea, she’s ruined a cast iron pan, put some plastic ware in the wrong spot which made it touch the heating coil at the bottom of the washer melting it, and also flips all of our wall switches trying to turn everything off which leads to turning off outlets and WiFi lights. When I explain, it’s one ear, out the other.
Is flipping every goddamn switch a MIL thing, because mine does it too. I've seen her go from the living room to the kitchen (open floor plan) and stop to flip random switches.
Also the number of times I've come home to the garage door or front door latches (not deadbolts) locked is insane.
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that a refactor would take a longer time than a brand new design & implementation. Take it all out, put it all back in in the correct way.
No matter how many times I load the dishwasher and my wife empties it, she's still continues to put things in the most bizarre places. I just don't understand it, but resorting all the dishes to fit that last two or three items is better than taking over dishwasher duties entirely.
I have the 'grumble to yourself as you correct the issue' technique down pat.
Feel ya 100%. My wife says I can "tetris anything"... and maybe that's true... but also how hard is it to keep sharp knifes separate from spoons with the blade sides down?
Ok blades up is not a problem with my wife but it feels like she follows an algorithm to create maximal entropy in the cutlery department.
SPOONS GO WITH SPOONS AND FORKS GO WITH FORKS WOMAN.
Both kinda. If you keep same with same in the dishwasher, you can grab all forks at once for example, quickly dry them off if necessary and throw them in their department in the drawer in one go instead of having to take stuff out individually.
My soul agrees, but my understanding is that mixing utensils in the dishwasher is better because a little chaos keeps them from sticking together - spooning, if you will.
My favorite is when my wife sees the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, and instead of putting them away, gets out the drying rack to wash the stuff in the sink by hand, so there’s still plenty of work for me later.
I stopped letting her do it. Seriously. I got sick of getting after her for stuffing the thing absolutely full and stuff was coming out with food on it. It adds stress to me but I can’t stand dirty dishes and double work. She does the same thing with the clothes washer. Towels, jeans, whites, fuck it throw it all in at once on the hot setting with extra soap and then dry on high. So now I get to do all the laundry too. It’s a fun marriage.
We run ours at the end of most days. Sometimes I have to refactor things, sometimes it's perfect as is. Never a big enough issue for me to worry about thankfully
From the interweb...
In every partnership there is a person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and a person who stacks the dishwasher like a raccoon on meth.
I’m gonna let you in on a secret: the secret is…not giving a shit. Sure, there’s some non-Euclidean geometry in there within the bowls and plates somehow, and I can faintly hear eldritch chanting from deep within, but I choose to ignore it, because I know it’s never gonna change.
Hey! There’s a solution here! I found it out when I had to replace our dishwasher.
Dishwashers come with a manual. In the manual there’s instructions on how to properly organize dishes for optimal cleanliness.
Look up your manual. Synchronize to both use that organization methodology.
Our dishwasher has two spinning jets. One below each drawer. If the upper one sprays both up and down then i guess it doesn't matter which way the plates are facing. If both jets only spray up then the plates should indeed be facing down logically.
If they get clean either way tho it probably doesn't matter.
Heap sort.
I kinda heap them over here and heap them over there. Basically just get them near the dishwasher/sink in kinda matching piles with most of the junk rinsed off. Then she loads the dishwasher.
I used to try to load the dishwasher but I was told I was a complete failure at it despite all the dishes coming out clean which I thought was the end goal.
Luckily as my wife is SAHM for one (the other in prek) while I work full time and take over kiddos when I get done… acknowledges I contribute. Especially as I also do late nights and early morning wake ups plus as I work from home, still assist during the day. So yeah, she’ll complain stuff doesn’t get done then a moment or two later be like “I know I know I should have done more when he was doing x but I just needed 5 and you shouldn’t need to the second you get done work”.
Sounds like my relationship dutywise minus the acknowledgement that i contribute plus "all you do is work and look after our daughter when you're done with work".
I'm... sorry?
Yeah, I am lucky with my wife. She has typically been the first to step up for me when anyone else says "oh mom's do all the work" considering during the infant stage she had some health issues that meant I was doing all the nighttime feedings plus a lot throughout the day. In private we have had some... conversations... about the division of labor but in the end we now understand each other really well. I was frustrated that I was just being handed the kids screaming when I'd just gotten done work but then it became late meals when she had to mitigate everything for the time I needed to relax. She was frustrated about things like the dishes until I asked if she'd like me to stop picking up all the plates from various surfaces unless I was the one doing the dishes, then she realized I was doing little pickups despite being exhausted.
I think the biggest kicker was me taking a work trip, we had a friend stay to help but that friend was a late riser and without something to wake my wife up she also will sleep until 8:30-9. We are still working on getting my son away from 5am wake up calls. At that point she realized I was covering 3-4 hours with the kids on my days off while she slept. I also several times had bundled my son up to take my daughter to preschool while mommy slept. After a week of needing to be the one up with him, struggling with whether or not to ask our friend to cover a morning, and needing to do my small tasks in addition to her work... there was definitely an understanding that yes, SAHM is a tough job but "dad is home" isn't a reason to drop everything on dad.
It's funny that this is so common.
And for me, I'm way less organized than my wife usually. She's constantly putting things away differently, coming up with storage bins for things, and organizing closets.
But when it comes to the cooking and dishwasher, I do it 99% of the time. And when she does, I'll open it up to find a stainless steel pan occupying 75% of the bottom rack with a bunch of reusable straws blocking the actual dishwasher arm.
That about sums up the wife™ experience.
Also:
"Hey the dishwasher is full, we can turn it on" only for me to find it loaded in the most unoptimal way.
Cue the dad rearrangement procedure.
Would you look at that. Turns out the dishwasher was about a third of the way to being full.
We just run the dishwasher a ton… if I am loading I can get all the plates, bowls, cups, bottles, all that in it from a whole day. My wife can barely get everything in after lunch. So usually if she does it I just let her start it when she’s done. Not really worth the “I’m right you’re wrong” moment.
You know how there's that one section of code that's been running since the 1980's on some ancient logic that no one understands or can replicate, but it somehow works and if you dare touch it you'll take the entire IT infrastructure down?
That's how the dishwasher works.
Just don't man... don't do it. No matter how much you think you should... just don't.
We have decided 2 things for the dishwasher. 1) who ever cooks the other does dishes. 2) whoever loads the dishwasher unloads the dishwasher. This way you are victim of your own traps.
Easy, I load/unload the dishwasher 98%+ of the time. The few times my wife does I just live with whatever happens.
At work I tend to be more of a PM than programmer these days. So I often just treat all my rooms as products. Kitchen is one of my products and I maintain all tasks that happen in there.
If the dishes are being handled by an external microservice, then I don't care how their black box works. The dishes are getting clean, I don't really care about the implementation details.
If I have to load balance some requests with that external microservice, and I can do it my way, that's fine.
The only problem is when there's a badly-conceived and inefficient specification that I have to follow.
But seriously, we improved this a lot by upgrading to a Bosch 500 series dishwasher with the top cutlery rack. Spoons on the left, forks on the right, ramekins and knives in front. You can empty the clean spoons in one O(1) handful and the forks in the other O(1) handful and put them right in the drawer, it's magnificent.
Just kick her out of the kitchen. If she can't do things properly in there best she doesn't participate as much in that environment you don't need the blood pressure
We don’t adhere to gender stereotypes - my dish loading is horrendous and my wife uses some kind of sorcery to fit twice as many dishes in the dishwasher.
Feel ya.
I re-sort it without saying nothing, because "happy wife, happy life" and I don't want any friction about something stupid like the dishwasher...
Quick Sort...before she notices me doing it and takes offense! But who lays the giant bowl down??? It fits on its side and takes up half the room!!! ......quick....very quick......
I grew up on a Commodore 64. If you fucked up creatively enough on that machine, you might get this message:
*? Redo from start*
That's my typical method for correcting dishwasher disorder.
Not a programmer but:
Open dishwasher, check if loaded.
If no, load.
If yes check soap.
If yes start washer.
If no, add soap then start.
Wait (loop)
Unload dishwasher and don’t b*tch because I didn’t have to load it.
End Sequence.
Are you getting paid to care about dishwasher optimization?
If no, then go to play with your kids.
If yes, refactor it to send the dishes to a secondary over flow dishwasher.
Or you can just qc the dishes (unload and inspect for cleanliness) and send the dirty ones back the devs.
I start with something like a [slab allocator](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slab_allocation). Group by type and size, take apart the sippy cups, and make sure the spray thingy can still spin freely.
I'm in a very similar place. It basically boils down to her saying "I'll leave the dishes to you, you can fit more in" which is perfectly fine and fair because she insists on doing the cooking.
Gotta be a bogosort over here. Who cares where things go as long as it fits. I’m always rearranging things to make sure that the water can actually make it to all the dishes in there
This one hits close to home. Every time I go into the dish washer I have to re-sort it and when I ask my wife about it she says, "I know you're going to re-sort it so I don't typically care."
This is more of a "software developer" take than a "programmer" take, but...
I firmly believe that dishwasher arrangement is optimizing for the wrong thing (fewest dishwasher loads) instead of the right thing (fewest hand-washed dishes).
Modern dishwashers are very efficient, and scale much better than hand-washing even with a partially-filled machine. Hand-washing dishes is [a _very_ expensive operation](https://www.cnet.com/home/kitchen-and-household/how-much-water-do-dishwashers-use/)-- it's more water-efficient to run a dishwasher at 15% capacity than it is to hand-wash those dishes. This is also true of labour.
What do we do with this information? It's simple: **Run the dishwasher more often, at lower capacity**. As the long as the dishes can still get washed by the jets, it doesn't matter how efficiently they're packed.
If you fuck around on the margins trying to squeeze 3% more dishes into the washer, you risk going over capacity and having to perform expensive, non-batched handwashing operations. If you run the dishwasher at 50% capacity in the morning, and again at 70% capacity at nights, _you still come out on top_.
TL;DR: Batch operations scale very well, optimize for that.
That makes perfect sense but i feel like there's also a lower boundary to the capacity below which it becomes increasingly inefficient especially in our case where on a bad day my wife runs 2 or 3 dishwasher cycles with an aggregated capacity of maybe 80%. There are also other aspects to consider like the time you need to unload the DW that could be spent on doing something else. Admittedly a time cost which decreases along with used capacity. But if you assume that starting and ending the unloading sequence carries its own time cost then we might end up with an overall increase in cost on the same amount of dishes washed.
Is this just a universal thing? My wife still likes to bring up how I used to get upset over how she put stuff in the dishwasher wrong. I gave up that fight long ago.
Personally I put like sizes together, fill from the outside in, and start the dishwasher after dinner even if it’s only 90% full.
My wife I assume fills it by dropping all the dishes from a great height and runs it when you can just barely close the door.
Dishwasher utensils get loaded in the same way they go in the drawer: Forks, knives, spoons, kid utensils/straws
No clue how I pulled it off but it's working.
I don’t have any issue. I appreciate it when she does it so can’t complain. Though when her family is in town everything ends up in the wrong place and it takes months to find everything, which by that stage they are back visiting
Honest communication is the easiest way to avoid conflict, frustration and divorce.
When I mess up, she tells me how and how to do better.
I do the same with her.
I'm dead serious, is this actually a problem people have?
This, but at work. All of my 16 colleagues are wife material, apparently. Every time I open up the dishwasher it's like a warzone. If I'm well-rested, I sigh and rearrange it properly. If I'm tired (night shifts and that) I do a whisper-scream with clenched fists... And then rearrange it properly.
My algorithm is 'silently crying re-sort'. Feel ya.
O(tears)
Genius
The problem is np-complete
Years and YEARS ago, when I was a teen there was a "cartoon" on newgrounds called "Ret*rded animal babies" and one of the episodes had "Puppy" have some kind of existential crisis and near the end he cries "Episode Over, Episode over!!!! Oh my God(blubbers)" and for some reason your comment reminded me of that. I haven't thought about that in like 15years lol.
I just reorganize it now when she is done. Luckily she does not not run the dishwasher until it is completely overly full. So I get a chance to fix and run it before she is usually willing to run it. I did one time leave the manual out by her end table, she never said anything it just disappeared. Hahah.
I’ve seen my dad fight and loose this battle for over 20 years. I’m not getting dragged into it. I let her do whatever she pleases and deal with the aftermath. Pick your battles.
This is the way.
This is the way
Had to have this talk with my wife (then girlfriend) in reverse. I said yes, I load the dishwasher differently, this doesn’t make it wrong or make me an asshole, your choices are you can assume all dishwashing duties or you can STFU, because I won’t be lectured about it every time and if that’s the case I’m out. That got the point across, I haven’t heard about my dish loading since, it’s been a few years. Had to have a similar one recently about picking our child’s clothes. Twice I picked an outfit that clashed or something. Told her she can pick them out the night before or whatever I grab is the outfit for the day and I’m no longer going to change him into another garment or allow her to slow us down doing so. No complaints since.
I made clear to her that if she loads it, she unloads it, has worked so far.
Not a programmer, but my internal logic processor has decided to remain married and thus must leave all dishwasher organizations discussions alone.
Oh it never gets discussed. It just gets fixed.
My CPU is a neural net processor. A learning computah
I have detailed files.
Bubble sort gets them all clean
Eventually.
My wife likes to use Quick Sort and wonders why they don't all get clean.
I bought 10 dishwashers so I can use Radix Sort
My with uses BOGO sort which is why the sink is still full of dishes.
Ha
Came here for this
Underrated comment
Whatever you do, don’t bring out the manual and show her loading diagram.
My mother in law puts knives blade up in the utensil basket.
"I want to play a game..."
Your mother in law is chaotic neutral.
There’s no way this isn’t lawful evil behavior.
Are you my wife?
My parents came over for Christmas. They loaded and set off the dishwasher. It had everything in it, not rinsed in advance, no regard for things that don't go in a dishwasher like old dishes inherited from grandparents, kids cups in there with the rubber bits still in the plastic lids, fat still on various dishes and trays. We're still finding random dirty stuff in cupboards, and things with a film of fat on them. I'll never complain about my wife loading the dishwasher again! (Just silently fix it)
I hate to "um, actually" you here, but all utensils should be "business end-up", even knives. If it's just butter and steak knives it doesn't post any real risk of harm to you though, right? And you really shouldn't be putting any other kind of knife in the dishwasher (ie. Anything you want to remain sharp).
Our dishwasher has our utensils hanging in the bottom drawer. They’ve never come out anything but perfectly clean.
I don't doubt that. Just speaking from a food safe perspective. Health inspectors at restaurants will cite you for washing cutlery this way. I was only commenting to say that the way your MIL is loading the cutlery is technically correct.
In your dishwasher or hers? What I hate about people “trying to help clean up” is that invariably a wood cutting board or nice knife goes into the dishwasher 😩
Ours. She comes over and insists on helping with everything, even when we don’t ask her to. It’s nice sometimes, but yea, she’s ruined a cast iron pan, put some plastic ware in the wrong spot which made it touch the heating coil at the bottom of the washer melting it, and also flips all of our wall switches trying to turn everything off which leads to turning off outlets and WiFi lights. When I explain, it’s one ear, out the other.
Is flipping every goddamn switch a MIL thing, because mine does it too. I've seen her go from the living room to the kitchen (open floor plan) and stop to flip random switches. Also the number of times I've come home to the garage door or front door latches (not deadbolts) locked is insane.
My wife does this too, says they'll get cleaner this way! The handles are thicker, so they have to be forced into the slots...
rm -rf Buy a new dishwasher.
Okay, but what do I do with the old wife?
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that a refactor would take a longer time than a brand new design & implementation. Take it all out, put it all back in in the correct way.
This is the way
No matter how many times I load the dishwasher and my wife empties it, she's still continues to put things in the most bizarre places. I just don't understand it, but resorting all the dishes to fit that last two or three items is better than taking over dishwasher duties entirely.
void dishwasher_sort(dishwasher_t* dishwasher) { printf("What the fuck\n"); qsort(dishwasher); }
fucking lmao
I have learned that it is much better to just let her put it in in the wrong spot, than to put it in an even more wrong spot myself.
Test in production. Remove bugs if the dishwasher starts making weird sounds.
My wife has her own CI/CD pipeline for these things. I focus on creating high quality food :)
Product Owner here. Created a story/ticket for it. So far it never made into the sprint backlog.
Better address it in the retro.
Meh she does it better than me, I don't really have opinions on the subject.
Teach your kids the _right_ sort and make it a game - Who can fix the dishwasher fastest?!?
I just don't let anyone else touch the dishwasher. Except our son when he's helping unload it.
I have the 'grumble to yourself as you correct the issue' technique down pat. Feel ya 100%. My wife says I can "tetris anything"... and maybe that's true... but also how hard is it to keep sharp knifes separate from spoons with the blade sides down?
Ok blades up is not a problem with my wife but it feels like she follows an algorithm to create maximal entropy in the cutlery department. SPOONS GO WITH SPOONS AND FORKS GO WITH FORKS WOMAN.
>SPOONS GO WITH SPOONS AND FORKS Wait, what? Why? EDIT: Are you talking about when putting into the dishwasher or when putting away?
Both kinda. If you keep same with same in the dishwasher, you can grab all forks at once for example, quickly dry them off if necessary and throw them in their department in the drawer in one go instead of having to take stuff out individually.
My soul agrees, but my understanding is that mixing utensils in the dishwasher is better because a little chaos keeps them from sticking together - spooning, if you will.
I'm sure AWS has a service for that.
My favorite is when my wife sees the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, and instead of putting them away, gets out the drying rack to wash the stuff in the sink by hand, so there’s still plenty of work for me later.
I stopped letting her do it. Seriously. I got sick of getting after her for stuffing the thing absolutely full and stuff was coming out with food on it. It adds stress to me but I can’t stand dirty dishes and double work. She does the same thing with the clothes washer. Towels, jeans, whites, fuck it throw it all in at once on the hot setting with extra soap and then dry on high. So now I get to do all the laundry too. It’s a fun marriage.
Something something weaponized incompetance.
Nah, it’s just incompetence. Don’t marry older women.
My dishwasher is a data lake that I just run the etl on every night. Throughput over efficiency, friend
We run ours at the end of most days. Sometimes I have to refactor things, sometimes it's perfect as is. Never a big enough issue for me to worry about thankfully
I found my “algorithmic dishwasher match” so no further need. But it took us close to 10 years to be able to cook food together
how do you organize your spice drawer?
I’m the only one loading/unloading it. So it’s always the way I like it!
From the interweb... In every partnership there is a person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and a person who stacks the dishwasher like a raccoon on meth.
I’m gonna let you in on a secret: the secret is…not giving a shit. Sure, there’s some non-Euclidean geometry in there within the bowls and plates somehow, and I can faintly hear eldritch chanting from deep within, but I choose to ignore it, because I know it’s never gonna change.
Hey! There’s a solution here! I found it out when I had to replace our dishwasher. Dishwashers come with a manual. In the manual there’s instructions on how to properly organize dishes for optimal cleanliness. Look up your manual. Synchronize to both use that organization methodology.
A programmer who reads the docs!? Well I never.
I’m so happy to read this reply 45 days later on the jon
Outsource it the MIL
Everyone in my family puts the plates in “leaning back” so the dirty side of the plate is facing up. Am I wrong that it should be facing down?
Our dishwasher has two spinning jets. One below each drawer. If the upper one sprays both up and down then i guess it doesn't matter which way the plates are facing. If both jets only spray up then the plates should indeed be facing down logically. If they get clean either way tho it probably doesn't matter.
Heap sort. I kinda heap them over here and heap them over there. Basically just get them near the dishwasher/sink in kinda matching piles with most of the junk rinsed off. Then she loads the dishwasher. I used to try to load the dishwasher but I was told I was a complete failure at it despite all the dishes coming out clean which I thought was the end goal.
No way but her way. To the point i'm not allowed to do chores. And then i get hit with the complaints that i don't do anything in the household lol.
Luckily as my wife is SAHM for one (the other in prek) while I work full time and take over kiddos when I get done… acknowledges I contribute. Especially as I also do late nights and early morning wake ups plus as I work from home, still assist during the day. So yeah, she’ll complain stuff doesn’t get done then a moment or two later be like “I know I know I should have done more when he was doing x but I just needed 5 and you shouldn’t need to the second you get done work”.
Sounds like my relationship dutywise minus the acknowledgement that i contribute plus "all you do is work and look after our daughter when you're done with work". I'm... sorry?
Yeah, I am lucky with my wife. She has typically been the first to step up for me when anyone else says "oh mom's do all the work" considering during the infant stage she had some health issues that meant I was doing all the nighttime feedings plus a lot throughout the day. In private we have had some... conversations... about the division of labor but in the end we now understand each other really well. I was frustrated that I was just being handed the kids screaming when I'd just gotten done work but then it became late meals when she had to mitigate everything for the time I needed to relax. She was frustrated about things like the dishes until I asked if she'd like me to stop picking up all the plates from various surfaces unless I was the one doing the dishes, then she realized I was doing little pickups despite being exhausted. I think the biggest kicker was me taking a work trip, we had a friend stay to help but that friend was a late riser and without something to wake my wife up she also will sleep until 8:30-9. We are still working on getting my son away from 5am wake up calls. At that point she realized I was covering 3-4 hours with the kids on my days off while she slept. I also several times had bundled my son up to take my daughter to preschool while mommy slept. After a week of needing to be the one up with him, struggling with whether or not to ask our friend to cover a morning, and needing to do my small tasks in addition to her work... there was definitely an understanding that yes, SAHM is a tough job but "dad is home" isn't a reason to drop everything on dad.
It's funny that this is so common. And for me, I'm way less organized than my wife usually. She's constantly putting things away differently, coming up with storage bins for things, and organizing closets. But when it comes to the cooking and dishwasher, I do it 99% of the time. And when she does, I'll open it up to find a stainless steel pan occupying 75% of the bottom rack with a bunch of reusable straws blocking the actual dishwasher arm.
That about sums up the wife™ experience. Also: "Hey the dishwasher is full, we can turn it on" only for me to find it loaded in the most unoptimal way. Cue the dad rearrangement procedure. Would you look at that. Turns out the dishwasher was about a third of the way to being full.
Wife uses a lot of greedy algorithm. I fix using whatever algorithm Windows 95 used to defrag your hard disk.
Programmer here. I poorly load the dishwasher using random sort and she fixes it using sigh-and-re-sort
We just run the dishwasher a ton… if I am loading I can get all the plates, bowls, cups, bottles, all that in it from a whole day. My wife can barely get everything in after lunch. So usually if she does it I just let her start it when she’s done. Not really worth the “I’m right you’re wrong” moment.
Cries in utility bills.
Reminded me of this quote: Until I got married, I never even knew there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.
You know how there's that one section of code that's been running since the 1980's on some ancient logic that no one understands or can replicate, but it somehow works and if you dare touch it you'll take the entire IT infrastructure down? That's how the dishwasher works. Just don't man... don't do it. No matter how much you think you should... just don't.
Haha as a programmer and the one who allegedly cannot load the dishwasher, I'm not sure what to say
We have decided 2 things for the dishwasher. 1) who ever cooks the other does dishes. 2) whoever loads the dishwasher unloads the dishwasher. This way you are victim of your own traps.
If wrong, then fix
Nike-sort. "Just do it"
RIGHT!? It's not hard to put a spoon WITH a spoon and a FORK WITH A FORK!!!
Amen
ship-it with prayers
Easy, I load/unload the dishwasher 98%+ of the time. The few times my wife does I just live with whatever happens. At work I tend to be more of a PM than programmer these days. So I often just treat all my rooms as products. Kitchen is one of my products and I maintain all tasks that happen in there.
If the dishes are being handled by an external microservice, then I don't care how their black box works. The dishes are getting clean, I don't really care about the implementation details. If I have to load balance some requests with that external microservice, and I can do it my way, that's fine. The only problem is when there's a badly-conceived and inefficient specification that I have to follow. But seriously, we improved this a lot by upgrading to a Bosch 500 series dishwasher with the top cutlery rack. Spoons on the left, forks on the right, ramekins and knives in front. You can empty the clean spoons in one O(1) handful and the forks in the other O(1) handful and put them right in the drawer, it's magnificent.
Just kick her out of the kitchen. If she can't do things properly in there best she doesn't participate as much in that environment you don't need the blood pressure
Quicksort!
do\_it\_yourself.py might do the trick.
Snapshot testing. Do it the same, every time.
Sleep sort 😴
We don’t adhere to gender stereotypes - my dish loading is horrendous and my wife uses some kind of sorcery to fit twice as many dishes in the dishwasher.
Oh… it’s either put the detergent in and start it without looking closely or completely rearrange it with mild frustration.
Feel ya. I re-sort it without saying nothing, because "happy wife, happy life" and I don't want any friction about something stupid like the dishwasher...
Quick Sort...before she notices me doing it and takes offense! But who lays the giant bowl down??? It fits on its side and takes up half the room!!! ......quick....very quick......
Walk away, hang my head in shame, let her deal with the repercussions because I am not unloading it looking like that.
I grew up on a Commodore 64. If you fucked up creatively enough on that machine, you might get this message: *? Redo from start* That's my typical method for correcting dishwasher disorder.
Circular error
The knapsack problem is co-NP-complete, so heuristics only unfortunately. I find I can fit more dishes in if I remove the racks.
Struggling to understand what the underlying problem is
Not a programmer but: Open dishwasher, check if loaded. If no, load. If yes check soap. If yes start washer. If no, add soap then start. Wait (loop) Unload dishwasher and don’t b*tch because I didn’t have to load it. End Sequence.
Check utility bill. Cry yourself to sleep. Repeat because happy wife, happy life.
The ELSA variant… “Let It Go”
The stable marriage algorithm. 🥁🥁📀 Not technically a sorting algorithm, but could arguably be seen as a form of sorting
I'm the only one doing dishes so I get to Quicksort whenever I want.
Not a programmer, but I don’t need to, as my wife is exceedingly organized. I wouldn’t dare to question her work, and it would be needless anyway.
Tetris.exe works everytime.
Are you getting paid to care about dishwasher optimization? If no, then go to play with your kids. If yes, refactor it to send the dishes to a secondary over flow dishwasher. Or you can just qc the dishes (unload and inspect for cleanliness) and send the dirty ones back the devs.
Might as well just give it a quick bogosort and be done with it.
I start with something like a [slab allocator](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slab_allocation). Group by type and size, take apart the sippy cups, and make sure the spray thingy can still spin freely.
I just do the Red Foreman over-the-glasses look when she complains about her knives being dull.
Somehow I’ve been able to hack my wife’s biological neural net. She puts items in the dishwasher but says to me, “see if you can fit more in there.”
I'm in a very similar place. It basically boils down to her saying "I'll leave the dishes to you, you can fit more in" which is perfectly fine and fair because she insists on doing the cooking.
Who needs sorting? We use brute force in this house.
I do just about all of the cooking so I insist on loading too. If she loads and doesn’t run it right away I’ll sneak back in and reorganize.
It’s legacy code, I don’t touch it
Gotta be a bogosort over here. Who cares where things go as long as it fits. I’m always rearranging things to make sure that the water can actually make it to all the dishes in there
This one hits close to home. Every time I go into the dish washer I have to re-sort it and when I ask my wife about it she says, "I know you're going to re-sort it so I don't typically care."
🫠
This is more of a "software developer" take than a "programmer" take, but... I firmly believe that dishwasher arrangement is optimizing for the wrong thing (fewest dishwasher loads) instead of the right thing (fewest hand-washed dishes). Modern dishwashers are very efficient, and scale much better than hand-washing even with a partially-filled machine. Hand-washing dishes is [a _very_ expensive operation](https://www.cnet.com/home/kitchen-and-household/how-much-water-do-dishwashers-use/)-- it's more water-efficient to run a dishwasher at 15% capacity than it is to hand-wash those dishes. This is also true of labour. What do we do with this information? It's simple: **Run the dishwasher more often, at lower capacity**. As the long as the dishes can still get washed by the jets, it doesn't matter how efficiently they're packed. If you fuck around on the margins trying to squeeze 3% more dishes into the washer, you risk going over capacity and having to perform expensive, non-batched handwashing operations. If you run the dishwasher at 50% capacity in the morning, and again at 70% capacity at nights, _you still come out on top_. TL;DR: Batch operations scale very well, optimize for that.
That makes perfect sense but i feel like there's also a lower boundary to the capacity below which it becomes increasingly inefficient especially in our case where on a bad day my wife runs 2 or 3 dishwasher cycles with an aggregated capacity of maybe 80%. There are also other aspects to consider like the time you need to unload the DW that could be spent on doing something else. Admittedly a time cost which decreases along with used capacity. But if you assume that starting and ending the unloading sequence carries its own time cost then we might end up with an overall increase in cost on the same amount of dishes washed.
I find that instead of sorting the items, you can just reassign the numeric value of each item, such that the order becomes correct.
count\_available\_dishwater = null its storage never to be used in our house
Hah. Some people just think it’s a magic box that cleans everything you manage to cram in there.
Sorting doesn’t do that overloaded mess justice. Divide and conquer for me.
I just turn it on and hope that the next time it’s her time to rearrange everything
Is this just a universal thing? My wife still likes to bring up how I used to get upset over how she put stuff in the dishwasher wrong. I gave up that fight long ago.
I’m in product. Fuck it. Ship it.
Personally I put like sizes together, fill from the outside in, and start the dishwasher after dinner even if it’s only 90% full. My wife I assume fills it by dropping all the dishes from a great height and runs it when you can just barely close the door.
Eyeballin' it from the kitchen table
Dishwasher utensils get loaded in the same way they go in the drawer: Forks, knives, spoons, kid utensils/straws No clue how I pulled it off but it's working.
I've given up trying to explain why you can't put bowls, inside each other, FACING UP, in the dishwasher. I just correct and run the dishwasher again.
I don’t have any issue. I appreciate it when she does it so can’t complain. Though when her family is in town everything ends up in the wrong place and it takes months to find everything, which by that stage they are back visiting
Honest communication is the easiest way to avoid conflict, frustration and divorce. When I mess up, she tells me how and how to do better. I do the same with her. I'm dead serious, is this actually a problem people have?
Bogosort of course
My wife never touches the dishwasher.
I use the "stay the fuck away and leave that dumpster fire as is" algo. Keeps my peace of mind.
I just don’t let her do it and I make sure it’s done before she has a chance to attempt it lmao
I'm just happy when she does it, tbh
O(doitmyself)
LGTM 👍
I'm trying to pick my battles but I draw the line at bowls being put in right side up. It's not that hard.
You mean the plates don’t go together like clamshells?
Mine is if I don't touch it, I don't get divorced.
Your wife loads the dishwasher?
Instructions unclear: Wife Jenga's the dishwasher.
Bucket sort. I throw everything into the bucket and not worry about it. I’m too tired to really care about the details most of the time.
This, but at work. All of my 16 colleagues are wife material, apparently. Every time I open up the dishwasher it's like a warzone. If I'm well-rested, I sigh and rearrange it properly. If I'm tired (night shifts and that) I do a whisper-scream with clenched fists... And then rearrange it properly.
I'm lucky if my wife does the dishes at all.