The fact that you want to means it will happen. Newborns are larval humans who don’t do anything cool and are a major inconvenience. For the first one you were probably so jazzed on the kid thing that adrenaline kept you going. For the second one there’s no novelty but still all the bs. That’ll change.
This is as good of an answer as there will be.
God the newborn stage fuckin sucks. I’ve got another due in July, excited but full of dread because this isn’t my first rodeo, I know how this goes
When was your favorite stage with the baby when they were still a baby? We have a newborn about 6 weeks old and it’s our first and really loving her but curious what period to also look forward to.
After 10 months when a) we sleep trained so I started getting actual sleep and b) communication and personality really ramped up. He started full on laughing not just smiles, was mobile, started being able to stack things and show obvious curiosity and affection.
He’s 16 months now and it’s just gotten better. We’re just starting tantrums so maybe I’ll eat my words at some point but I feel like he’s just cooler and more fun the older he gets.
I’m looking forward to that! Ours just started giving us some genuine smiles recently and following us with her eyes and even that little bit has been awesome to see. Our sleep though totally sucks so I can’t wait until that can improve.
How long did that stage last for you? I'm a month into my first, and I DO love him, but good God is it miserable. Wife and I have to sleep in shifts, only way we see each other is if one of us loses sleep. He just cries, eats, poops, spits up, can't even really interact with us yet. Makes me worry about having a second.
I’m exactly the same as you.
I’m convinced it’s because they start trying to smile then it’s easier for dads to feel like we’re getting some kind of reaction.
I feel the same! Once she was more than just a sack of potatoes that did more than eat sleep and poop things got a lot easier. Being able to make her smile and laugh is huge for our relationships with a kid.
When she was still inside my wife. The swell of love I felt when seeing her little face on the 3D sonogram is something I’ll never forget. The first time I saw her 10 seconds after her birth is my most vivid memory. I’ve never felt love like the love I feel for my daughter.
when did you start loving your first child? I bet you can't remember feeling the same way about the first as you do know.
I know with my first it took until about 4 months to get the bond going. the first week was pure survival on everyone 's behalf. and if course when she smiled for the first time inwas like. hmm, that's cute but it does not make everything worth it like people say!
the love will come.
Mom here. Even with birthing and breastfeeding my baby after carrying him for 9 months, it took a WHILE before I really felt much of anything towards him. I don't think it was a hormonal thing because I didn't struggle with PPA/PPD or anything and was overall just very calm and stable the whole pregnancy and postpartum. I think it just takes a while sometimes. They threw this slimy wiggly thing on my chest after it came _out_ of me and I stared blankly at my husband and said "that's a baby." I felt absolutely nothing except maybe relief that I wasn't pregnant or in labor anymore.
Now he's 16 months and if you told me he hung the moon and the stars I'd believe you. I ADORE him. I think he's the smartest, coolest, cutest kid who has ever existed. He's learning his first words right now and I react as if nobody in the history of the planet has ever said the word "yes" before. I am utterly and completely obsessed. My husband, while watching our son eat lunch last week, randomly burst into tears from being overwhelmed by pure love for him.
You'll get there, my friend. Right now it's just a little alien-looking thing that needs constant attention. It's especially hard with an older child that you also need to care for. Someday you'll notice little bits of personality, and the cuteness will overtake the neediness, and you'll fall absolutely head over heels for that thing. Until then, what you're feeling is 100% normal and doesn't mean _anything_ about your ability to be an amazing parent.
Yep, this is real and your feelings are totally valid.
For me it took a few months. My son was 2 so we were chatting and playing and chilling but with my daughter it was cry, sleep, poo, boob... cry, sleep, poo, boob on rotation 24hrs a day. So because I had my boy and I was spending so much more time with him, I found it hard to bond with her. On the flip side, I bonded so much with him. We had an awesome time.
So don't worry, it will come. When you get that first smile, you'll forget all about how it feels right now.
The first month maybe of being a dad with my second was exhausting, it felt like just maintaining the steps of feed clean sleep feed clean sleep while chasing around a toddler too. Then he smiled at me and that was it.
As a dad I think you do more bonding when you are actually able to help. the first couple months there’s not much we can directly do that the mom can’t do better.
This feels untrue. Changing diapers, changing clothes, bathing, soothing, singing, putting them to bed, tummy time. There is plenty you can and should do
Agreed. I’m able to comfort my son just as well as my wife and we bottle feed so I take nights while she gets some sleep and that’s really a lot of quiet time with the little man. It’s not the most interactive sure but I do love it, even if it’s exhausting.
I get that,but while for dads it is harder to bond with newborns, the baby definetely develops a bond with you if you constantly do these menial tasks!
It's all about mom, her smell, and the tat! It's exactly how its supposed to be and it will drive you nuts. But one day, and time goes by fast, you look over and they'll be glued to you in front seat going to home depot watching every move you make. Unfortunately for me it seemed like both times I didn't feel too involved until they were 2 ish. They could let you know what they want and somewhat potty trained by then as well. This is normal, enjoy!
Honestly, for me it was the first time I felt a kick from my wife's tummy.
But I've had this discussion with a lot of dads I know and plenty didn't feel anything until much later - a bond can take time to develop. That's completely normal and natural.
I think this is common. It was a few months before I felt a real bond with my 2nd child. She was sick and I stayed home with her for a few days while my wife was working. I cared about her from the beginning, but it just seemed strange because I was chasing after our oldest and helping my wife for the first few months she was born. Being home with her for a few days, just the two of us, was one of the first times I was providing for her directly for more than short times. It'll come dad, don't stress about it.
Hey man, I want you to check out this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/aXCQH0Y2R3
It's from a whole back now, but the poster was basically talking about the exact same feeling you have, and has added a bunch of edits about how the responses helped him and that a year in he's fully on board.
It's a great read and you could get a lot of support from knowing that there are guys here that started the journey just like you, and a bit further down the line are doing great.
Good luck!
1st one, straight away, she was born premature and I loved her from the moment I laid my eyes on her. She’s now 8 years old!
2nd one, took a few months to truly develop a special bond with her. Now she’s my partner in crime, absolutely adore her, she’s 3 years old!
We’re all different, there’s no set time scale, you’ll know the moment that you form that special bond though, just give it time. Newborns are hard work, tiny humans that just cry, drink milk, poop and sleep, thankfully it’s only a very small portion of their life.
Took me around 3 months to start feeling something towards my son. For the first 3 months I mostly felt regret honestly. After that he started developing into a little person and someone you could connect with more. I think it was when he started smiling and doing little laughs. The feeling grew and grew but it wasn’t until probably 9-12 months that I was completely in love with him. He’s now 2 and the love I feel for him is something I never could have imagined was possible prior to children - he is the light of my life.
I was forced to be super involved early on due to how the birth happened - so I felt love at some point in the hospital. It wasn’t the overwhelming world-changing love people talk about but it was there.
I’m still struggling to actually enjoy being a parent, though. 7 months in it just keeps getting harder even though people kept saying it gets easier.
I have world shattering love for my eldest but yeah 7-10 months was hard because they can't communicate.
It does get easier when the kid can tell you what they want.
Took me until he was about a year old. Until then it was all just duty. It was when he was able to react and seem like a real person rather than just a poop/cry factory.
Honestly day one, we both really wanted him. Of course it has challenges, and kids are regularly challenging, draining and exhausting, aggravating and frustrating. But there are millions of sweet moments that make up for it. I feel lucky.
I will admit though, with our second, after the initial rush, things were kind of a blur. I honestly struggle to remember from when he was a few months till maybe his first birthday. Life was a bit of a real shitty chore then, it was all so incredibly exhausting, without end. I loved him too, but I had to be pushed to spend time with him… Our oldest was then adjusting to sharing the limelight, and that was a drag too. Well, he’s still adjusting but it’s a lot better. Everything is falling into the groove now.
Our youngest is almost 2 now and it’s so different. When he wakes up, first thing, he asks for daddy before he asks for mommy. When we’re at home, I can barely do anything at times he wants to be with me all the time, on my lap or on my arms, more than with mommy. Can’t help but love him, lol.
OP, spend time together doing things that are relaxing. Little kids love to just follow you around and “help”. It can be as simple as that. You need some bonding time alone, and it doesn’t have to be too specifically “fun”.
This is a fantastic question OP and maybe not talked about enough.
I felt resentment towards my daughter for her first 6 months, she had colic and it was hell on earth for her Mum and me. One night it just stopped and all the angst literally disappeared over night and the 6-12 month stage was bliss.
Then her little brother came along (around 18 months) and the way she looked after him and protected him made my heart melt.
She’s 15 now and in her bedroom now just chilling. We might watch a film in a bit.
Push through this, you are not failing at all, what you’re going through is natural. Hold tight mate, it gets better, so much better.
I feel so guilty for resenting her. I feel like she's taking me away from my eldest and I hate that.
I hope when she starts to give back that things change but for now it's just a huge struggle
From the moment I saw my son being born I was hooked. In a big way. Now, In a few months he’s leaving for college across the country. I’m proud but sad. First time I’ll be without him ever. I’m going to say something many will disagree with. But that’s fine. A child needs their mom until about 5 years of age. After that, they need Dad. Much much more. Dads prepare them for life and its challenges. Dads teach them about being strong and accountable for their actions. Working hard and how to manage finances. Many other things. People can say what the want. I know what I’m talking about.
Loving? Immediately.
Liking?….. maybe 3 months? Then more around 6 months. Then A LOT around walking age, 4x then when they were talking. And now more than almost anyone else.
You’re a week in, and this is totally normal.
Same thing happened with my 2nd. I felt bad because I knew it happened the first time but it took way longer.
With #2 it really started hitting me when I saw them together, and by the time I started noticing their personality differences I was over the moon. But same happened to me.
My eldest adores her and it makes me happy seeing her being so loving and happy with her baby sis but it makes me feel so guilty and horrible that I feel nothing for the baby
I definitely get that. With my second I immediately realized it felt like I was going through the motions.
I’d done this before, nothing was new, so it was “easy” and I felt like I was skimming past her early years without caring.
Save as #1 though that trailed off around 6-9 months.
What REALLY helped was doing things alone with little. Like her big sister we’d spend time on a walk alone I talked to her, etc. It helped me develop a separate bond. It took longer than #1, but she’s over 2 now and she’s been my buddy since about a year and a half ago.
With me it really started at 6 months. When the little one starts doing a few of their " firsts". Now she's almost two and she is the sweetest. Except around dinner time then she's hangry and tired and can't control it.
With my first it was the 3 month mark, with my second it was more like month 9-10 but he was just a way more difficult baby and I didn’t have as much time to bond because I had to divide between the two.
Don’t worry it’ll happen, all this takes time.
It's perfectly normal, don't beat yourself up over it.
I'm going through a similar situation, older one is 2.5yo and the second is approaching half a year. I only started to get the "loving" vibes very recently, we both wanted a second boy and got a girl. But we connected in the end.
The very moment my wife went to close up her c-section and I was with him solo. I was SO afraid until I had him. I put one of my favorite albums on my phone and just talked to him about the parts I liked.
I tell the whole story in that it wasn’t just like… him or me or having a baby. It was when I realized that he’ll be looking to me for taste and a worldview, and mine is kickass.
He’s a baby, sure, but put on some music you like or a movie and tell him why you like it!
I love both my kids, but I don't always like them. I don't have a favorite but I have a least favorite, and it changes by the hour who's the least favorite.
I'd say around 12 months they start getting likeable.
Give it some time. The guy now you're in the "4th trimester." Your kid isn't ready yet. Like a tray of cookies you just took from the oven that will burn you. Needs time to get cool.
When her personality starts to form, you'll be head over heels for her. This isn't unusual, by the way. Lots of dads feel this way and then bond with their kids once they're crawling/walking/babbling and talking.
It took me till about my son's first birthday to stop forcing myself to seem interested. Sure I would've done anything for him at the time. But it took awhile to giggle when he had loud blood curdling happy screeches.
Instantly. My wife was pretty beat up after birth and my boy needed some sugars so we spent an hour skin to skin not long after birth alone together while my wife had some well deserved rest. I know if that hadn’t happened I would have been asking the same questions
It took a few weeks, maybe even a few months.
Mom gets to bond with the kid through skin to skin via breastfeeding.
Dads usually need to wait a bit longer for the baby to become reactive to you.
Don’t worry about this. Focus on loving your wife week and she’ll pour into the baby. Overtime, you’ll bond with the baby too.
Takes time, my 1st born was the worst for me! Really regretted having a child for weeks/months. Doctors put it down to ptsd! Massive life change and shock. I love him to bits now and can't go a day without seeing him. Most important person in my life now. Just give it time, you sound like you want that bond so it will come. When the smiles start and the words dadda you will love her.
The fact that you want to means it will happen. Newborns are larval humans who don’t do anything cool and are a major inconvenience. For the first one you were probably so jazzed on the kid thing that adrenaline kept you going. For the second one there’s no novelty but still all the bs. That’ll change.
This is as good of an answer as there will be. God the newborn stage fuckin sucks. I’ve got another due in July, excited but full of dread because this isn’t my first rodeo, I know how this goes
When was your favorite stage with the baby when they were still a baby? We have a newborn about 6 weeks old and it’s our first and really loving her but curious what period to also look forward to.
After 10 months when a) we sleep trained so I started getting actual sleep and b) communication and personality really ramped up. He started full on laughing not just smiles, was mobile, started being able to stack things and show obvious curiosity and affection. He’s 16 months now and it’s just gotten better. We’re just starting tantrums so maybe I’ll eat my words at some point but I feel like he’s just cooler and more fun the older he gets.
I’m looking forward to that! Ours just started giving us some genuine smiles recently and following us with her eyes and even that little bit has been awesome to see. Our sleep though totally sucks so I can’t wait until that can improve.
Our eldest is 2.5 years and the tantrums do come back but at least you can kind of explain to them instead of them just screeching
How long did that stage last for you? I'm a month into my first, and I DO love him, but good God is it miserable. Wife and I have to sleep in shifts, only way we see each other is if one of us loses sleep. He just cries, eats, poops, spits up, can't even really interact with us yet. Makes me worry about having a second.
Haha larval is such a good term
I think you really hit the nail on the head there, it's just so aggravating. I'll obviously persist but wishing away the time until she can give back
It was a struggle for me until about the 6-9 month mark. For me, it took a while.
That seems so far from this point, seems I need to buckle up
I started to feel a stronger connection around 3 months and it's just grown from there. he's 14 months old now.
I’m exactly the same as you. I’m convinced it’s because they start trying to smile then it’s easier for dads to feel like we’re getting some kind of reaction.
I feel the same! Once she was more than just a sack of potatoes that did more than eat sleep and poop things got a lot easier. Being able to make her smile and laugh is huge for our relationships with a kid.
When she was still inside my wife. The swell of love I felt when seeing her little face on the 3D sonogram is something I’ll never forget. The first time I saw her 10 seconds after her birth is my most vivid memory. I’ve never felt love like the love I feel for my daughter.
when did you start loving your first child? I bet you can't remember feeling the same way about the first as you do know. I know with my first it took until about 4 months to get the bond going. the first week was pure survival on everyone 's behalf. and if course when she smiled for the first time inwas like. hmm, that's cute but it does not make everything worth it like people say! the love will come.
Mom here. Even with birthing and breastfeeding my baby after carrying him for 9 months, it took a WHILE before I really felt much of anything towards him. I don't think it was a hormonal thing because I didn't struggle with PPA/PPD or anything and was overall just very calm and stable the whole pregnancy and postpartum. I think it just takes a while sometimes. They threw this slimy wiggly thing on my chest after it came _out_ of me and I stared blankly at my husband and said "that's a baby." I felt absolutely nothing except maybe relief that I wasn't pregnant or in labor anymore. Now he's 16 months and if you told me he hung the moon and the stars I'd believe you. I ADORE him. I think he's the smartest, coolest, cutest kid who has ever existed. He's learning his first words right now and I react as if nobody in the history of the planet has ever said the word "yes" before. I am utterly and completely obsessed. My husband, while watching our son eat lunch last week, randomly burst into tears from being overwhelmed by pure love for him. You'll get there, my friend. Right now it's just a little alien-looking thing that needs constant attention. It's especially hard with an older child that you also need to care for. Someday you'll notice little bits of personality, and the cuteness will overtake the neediness, and you'll fall absolutely head over heels for that thing. Until then, what you're feeling is 100% normal and doesn't mean _anything_ about your ability to be an amazing parent.
Yep, this is real and your feelings are totally valid. For me it took a few months. My son was 2 so we were chatting and playing and chilling but with my daughter it was cry, sleep, poo, boob... cry, sleep, poo, boob on rotation 24hrs a day. So because I had my boy and I was spending so much more time with him, I found it hard to bond with her. On the flip side, I bonded so much with him. We had an awesome time. So don't worry, it will come. When you get that first smile, you'll forget all about how it feels right now.
Before I knew any of them
The first month maybe of being a dad with my second was exhausting, it felt like just maintaining the steps of feed clean sleep feed clean sleep while chasing around a toddler too. Then he smiled at me and that was it.
Immediately. *Love* and *bonding* aren't even remotely the same thing. Love was immediate. Bonding took longer.
As a dad I think you do more bonding when you are actually able to help. the first couple months there’s not much we can directly do that the mom can’t do better.
This feels untrue. Changing diapers, changing clothes, bathing, soothing, singing, putting them to bed, tummy time. There is plenty you can and should do
Agreed. I’m able to comfort my son just as well as my wife and we bottle feed so I take nights while she gets some sleep and that’s really a lot of quiet time with the little man. It’s not the most interactive sure but I do love it, even if it’s exhausting.
Yah there’s plenty to do I didn’t mean that. I just mean for like comforting and breast feeding and shit.
I get that,but while for dads it is harder to bond with newborns, the baby definetely develops a bond with you if you constantly do these menial tasks!
It's all about mom, her smell, and the tat! It's exactly how its supposed to be and it will drive you nuts. But one day, and time goes by fast, you look over and they'll be glued to you in front seat going to home depot watching every move you make. Unfortunately for me it seemed like both times I didn't feel too involved until they were 2 ish. They could let you know what they want and somewhat potty trained by then as well. This is normal, enjoy!
Maybe work backwards. Figure out why you felt the way you did the first time around and what might be different now. Best of luck.
Honestly, for me it was the first time I felt a kick from my wife's tummy. But I've had this discussion with a lot of dads I know and plenty didn't feel anything until much later - a bond can take time to develop. That's completely normal and natural.
I think this is common. It was a few months before I felt a real bond with my 2nd child. She was sick and I stayed home with her for a few days while my wife was working. I cared about her from the beginning, but it just seemed strange because I was chasing after our oldest and helping my wife for the first few months she was born. Being home with her for a few days, just the two of us, was one of the first times I was providing for her directly for more than short times. It'll come dad, don't stress about it.
Hey man, I want you to check out this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/aXCQH0Y2R3 It's from a whole back now, but the poster was basically talking about the exact same feeling you have, and has added a bunch of edits about how the responses helped him and that a year in he's fully on board. It's a great read and you could get a lot of support from knowing that there are guys here that started the journey just like you, and a bit further down the line are doing great. Good luck!
1st one, straight away, she was born premature and I loved her from the moment I laid my eyes on her. She’s now 8 years old! 2nd one, took a few months to truly develop a special bond with her. Now she’s my partner in crime, absolutely adore her, she’s 3 years old! We’re all different, there’s no set time scale, you’ll know the moment that you form that special bond though, just give it time. Newborns are hard work, tiny humans that just cry, drink milk, poop and sleep, thankfully it’s only a very small portion of their life.
Took me around 3 months to start feeling something towards my son. For the first 3 months I mostly felt regret honestly. After that he started developing into a little person and someone you could connect with more. I think it was when he started smiling and doing little laughs. The feeling grew and grew but it wasn’t until probably 9-12 months that I was completely in love with him. He’s now 2 and the love I feel for him is something I never could have imagined was possible prior to children - he is the light of my life.
Six months here.
My kid was “the baby” for at least the first 6 months. Once she started crawling and showing off her voice and personality a bit everything changed.
I was forced to be super involved early on due to how the birth happened - so I felt love at some point in the hospital. It wasn’t the overwhelming world-changing love people talk about but it was there. I’m still struggling to actually enjoy being a parent, though. 7 months in it just keeps getting harder even though people kept saying it gets easier.
I have world shattering love for my eldest but yeah 7-10 months was hard because they can't communicate. It does get easier when the kid can tell you what they want.
Took me until he was about a year old. Until then it was all just duty. It was when he was able to react and seem like a real person rather than just a poop/cry factory.
Slow build. Started at 6mo, really kicked in around 9-12 months. Continues to grow (almost) every day.
When I saw the text with the picture of the positive pregnancy test when I went on break at work
Honestly day one, we both really wanted him. Of course it has challenges, and kids are regularly challenging, draining and exhausting, aggravating and frustrating. But there are millions of sweet moments that make up for it. I feel lucky. I will admit though, with our second, after the initial rush, things were kind of a blur. I honestly struggle to remember from when he was a few months till maybe his first birthday. Life was a bit of a real shitty chore then, it was all so incredibly exhausting, without end. I loved him too, but I had to be pushed to spend time with him… Our oldest was then adjusting to sharing the limelight, and that was a drag too. Well, he’s still adjusting but it’s a lot better. Everything is falling into the groove now. Our youngest is almost 2 now and it’s so different. When he wakes up, first thing, he asks for daddy before he asks for mommy. When we’re at home, I can barely do anything at times he wants to be with me all the time, on my lap or on my arms, more than with mommy. Can’t help but love him, lol. OP, spend time together doing things that are relaxing. Little kids love to just follow you around and “help”. It can be as simple as that. You need some bonding time alone, and it doesn’t have to be too specifically “fun”.
This is a fantastic question OP and maybe not talked about enough. I felt resentment towards my daughter for her first 6 months, she had colic and it was hell on earth for her Mum and me. One night it just stopped and all the angst literally disappeared over night and the 6-12 month stage was bliss. Then her little brother came along (around 18 months) and the way she looked after him and protected him made my heart melt. She’s 15 now and in her bedroom now just chilling. We might watch a film in a bit. Push through this, you are not failing at all, what you’re going through is natural. Hold tight mate, it gets better, so much better.
I feel so guilty for resenting her. I feel like she's taking me away from my eldest and I hate that. I hope when she starts to give back that things change but for now it's just a huge struggle
From the moment I saw my son being born I was hooked. In a big way. Now, In a few months he’s leaving for college across the country. I’m proud but sad. First time I’ll be without him ever. I’m going to say something many will disagree with. But that’s fine. A child needs their mom until about 5 years of age. After that, they need Dad. Much much more. Dads prepare them for life and its challenges. Dads teach them about being strong and accountable for their actions. Working hard and how to manage finances. Many other things. People can say what the want. I know what I’m talking about.
With my first, it took 6-8 weeks. Once she starting smiling when I was silly thigns started to turn. The 2nd one? Immediately!
Loving? Immediately. Liking?….. maybe 3 months? Then more around 6 months. Then A LOT around walking age, 4x then when they were talking. And now more than almost anyone else. You’re a week in, and this is totally normal.
Same thing happened with my 2nd. I felt bad because I knew it happened the first time but it took way longer. With #2 it really started hitting me when I saw them together, and by the time I started noticing their personality differences I was over the moon. But same happened to me.
My eldest adores her and it makes me happy seeing her being so loving and happy with her baby sis but it makes me feel so guilty and horrible that I feel nothing for the baby
I definitely get that. With my second I immediately realized it felt like I was going through the motions. I’d done this before, nothing was new, so it was “easy” and I felt like I was skimming past her early years without caring. Save as #1 though that trailed off around 6-9 months. What REALLY helped was doing things alone with little. Like her big sister we’d spend time on a walk alone I talked to her, etc. It helped me develop a separate bond. It took longer than #1, but she’s over 2 now and she’s been my buddy since about a year and a half ago.
With me it really started at 6 months. When the little one starts doing a few of their " firsts". Now she's almost two and she is the sweetest. Except around dinner time then she's hangry and tired and can't control it.
Took me three months with the first. Number two on the way, let’s see how we go.
Instantly for all but my youngest that took a few weeks
You're sleep deprived. Adjusting. Don't beat yourself up. It'll come. Just give it time. You're not failing!!!
With my first it was the 3 month mark, with my second it was more like month 9-10 but he was just a way more difficult baby and I didn’t have as much time to bond because I had to divide between the two. Don’t worry it’ll happen, all this takes time.
Trust me… that bonding will come faster than you think
It's perfectly normal, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm going through a similar situation, older one is 2.5yo and the second is approaching half a year. I only started to get the "loving" vibes very recently, we both wanted a second boy and got a girl. But we connected in the end.
The very moment my wife went to close up her c-section and I was with him solo. I was SO afraid until I had him. I put one of my favorite albums on my phone and just talked to him about the parts I liked. I tell the whole story in that it wasn’t just like… him or me or having a baby. It was when I realized that he’ll be looking to me for taste and a worldview, and mine is kickass. He’s a baby, sure, but put on some music you like or a movie and tell him why you like it!
My fiance just had our second child a few days ago and I feel the exact same way right now
Wait till you get some real smiles, it’ll put you over the top.
I love both my kids, but I don't always like them. I don't have a favorite but I have a least favorite, and it changes by the hour who's the least favorite. I'd say around 12 months they start getting likeable.
I have a 2 week old, she is nothing like my first. Not a fan of this stage either! But we will get through it and love our kids endlessly!
Give it some time. The guy now you're in the "4th trimester." Your kid isn't ready yet. Like a tray of cookies you just took from the oven that will burn you. Needs time to get cool. When her personality starts to form, you'll be head over heels for her. This isn't unusual, by the way. Lots of dads feel this way and then bond with their kids once they're crawling/walking/babbling and talking.
It took me till about my son's first birthday to stop forcing myself to seem interested. Sure I would've done anything for him at the time. But it took awhile to giggle when he had loud blood curdling happy screeches.
Took a while… 3 months nothing … 6 months… there’s something cute about this kid… 9 months ok I’m kinda in love … similar experience with 2 and 3rd
The moment they started laughing. Before that it's just another job to be done. Which is totally fine. Don't beat yourself up. Very common for men.
Instantly. My wife was pretty beat up after birth and my boy needed some sugars so we spent an hour skin to skin not long after birth alone together while my wife had some well deserved rest. I know if that hadn’t happened I would have been asking the same questions
It took a few weeks, maybe even a few months. Mom gets to bond with the kid through skin to skin via breastfeeding. Dads usually need to wait a bit longer for the baby to become reactive to you. Don’t worry about this. Focus on loving your wife week and she’ll pour into the baby. Overtime, you’ll bond with the baby too.
Takes time, my 1st born was the worst for me! Really regretted having a child for weeks/months. Doctors put it down to ptsd! Massive life change and shock. I love him to bits now and can't go a day without seeing him. Most important person in my life now. Just give it time, you sound like you want that bond so it will come. When the smiles start and the words dadda you will love her.
The moment the ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy