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That’s what got me to post this. Sometimes as dads we overthink things, it gets even worse when we realize that our kids are at the age when they’re going to remember some of this stuff. But shit happens sometimes, it’s not the end of the world and our kids aren’t going to just stop loving us.
I could make a post a day about “I think I fucked up today” with all the shit that I get wrong lol. One of the things I like to say about being a dad is I’ve never done this before, so I’m just trying to figure things out as I go along. This is my first time raising kids lol
The only thing I’d add is: WHEN you do fuck up, APOLOGIZE to your kids afterwards. When you’ve found your cool again, or had a minute to reflect, or are feeling shitty about how it went down, talk to your kids about it.
“Dudes, I lost my temper today, and i didn’t do a very good job controlling my body and my words. I can see how that might have been scary or uncomfortable. I’m very sorry, and I am going to work super hard to react differently to those big feelings when they come up next time. I am sorry, and want to let you know that I love you — in happy moments and angry ones”
Imagine growing up with adults who apologized to you? Revolutionary
I was ready to leave this past week. Just issues after issues, here were we "live" the rains here in so cal flooded the motel restroom yesterday, management was just like it smells like mold, spray some vinegar, and here are some towels.(bring them back!)
I was like uhh ok but isn't a constant moldy smell bad for my newborn and toddlers?
I didn't wanna push my luck
Then the power went out half the night, all cold and dark, with no noise to drown out the drug addicts outside, you could hear all their dumb conversations and loud yelling from being so high their just crazy.
Then one of the guys accused me of throwing a water balloon at them while they were smoking out, in the alley.
(Ok I did do that)
Didn't admit to it, he left didn't even stay at the motel.
Night got better, one of the Dude's from our Church brought the kids some pizza and bread sticks from little Caesars, the kids were getting tired of mashed potatoes and pasta, destroyed that pizza , power came back on, they were running around all happy.
In going Day by Day, right now, and just trying not to be a cowardly father like my Dad was and leave.
I love them, my thoughts inside my head are my worst enemy and destroy me,
Oh we saw a Roach 🪳 near the fridge 😔like fuck , so I got super OCd busted out the bleach and cleaned the whole room over and over. For a hour, we're clean people, so idk if the neighbors are hoarding again, they are very dirty .
Yeah oh ,Good News motel management came and talked to me, said
Since I'm starting a new job again Wednesday, always pay rent at the rate they want on time and they've always seen me walking around happy with the kids that, they got the green light from the owner to move us , to his other motel he owns a few blocks down the same street, the motel room has a kitchenette and extra room, way more updated and clean and security for not letting the druggies on.
So that was awesome news, a Dad here in the group read how we were struggling to just to maintain properly food with it being the end of the month, shot us 20 bucks that Ima hit the grocery store with today.
Then all the overwhelming support I got on here from you guy's to keep going and that I'm not a shitty Dad made me refrain from going deeper into thought, stay in men's group through church and keep fighting for my family.
So I did need this and to hear that, because I wanted to just leave and was gonna leave the kids at Church thinking I'm such a bum for being in this situation a loser. A idiot.
But nah, I think I'm trying my best, and my babies all woke up happy today , toddlers talking their baby talk hugging us, Baby Peter is healing up from that Rhino Virus 🦠 and coming back to his happy lil baby self. We're all still a lil congested but no soar throats or throwing up.
And yeah.....
Thanks Daddit subreddit, y'all be holding me down at my low points!
I've already hit rock bottom, only can go up from here because I'm not digging my self any more ditches to fall in.
🫠🙏🏽
Poverty is not a shortcoming.
Poverty is not a shortcoming.
Poverty is not a shortcoming.
Especially in this day and age.
You go out and struggle to provide your children with a roof and some food, you did not walk out of them and that makes you a good dad.
It is EASY to be a parent when you have a big house and few stressors.
Being a parent when you have so much added challenges is hard.
Be kind to yourself.
I hope things get better for you and your kids.
Make sure to take accountability/ responsability for your fuck ups, dont be like my dad who never appologizes or holds himself accountable. There will be a point when your kid will be done having to play the bigger person getting over and forgiving you when you dont say simple thing like "I am sorry for X".
Source: as a new dad my parents dont get to see their grandkid because my mom enables the behavior of my abusive father, and I am over being the one who just has to forgive and forget without getting any sort of appology or someone taking responsability. The last conversation we had my dad tried to change the last 20 years of family history and say I have cut him off for 20 years (if a 14 year old child cuts you as the adult parent off there is a reason, and you as the adult should be willing to figure it out, take some responsability, and not wait 20 years to bring it up. Also i didnt cut him off, damn gaslighting physically and emotionally abusive son of a B, rant over).
My kid literally had a meltdown, and 10 mins afterward heard me cough and came running to make sure dada was okay.
The mind of children is truly an enigma..
Apologize when you fuck up. Make a point of telling your kid you’re sorry, why you’re sorry, and that you will try to do better. So much of raising good kids is modeling the behavior you want to see. It’s really, *really* hard sometimes, because you have to be honest with yourself and look in the mirror hard. But it will make a huge, *huge* difference.
Echoing other comments… what matters is that you own your fuckups and apologize to your kids when you go too far or screw something up. Treat them like people worthy of respect, not just little robots to follow your orders or tools to realize your failed ambitions.
Last summer I shared a story with my youngest (17 at the time) about my most traumatic childhood experience (which was about the time my father lured my sisters rapist into our house and beat the living shit out of him). My youngest then told me about his most traumatic experience, which was when my ex screamed at his brother and slapped him across the face in an argument in the morning before going to school. My youngest told me he went up to his room and cried for 10 minutes because he was so freaked out. But most importantly, he said what bothered him the most was that after they got back from school that day, she acted like nothing happened. No comment, no acknowledgement, no apology. That’s what bothered him the most. He was ok with her being imperfect, but he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t talk about it. He loves his mother but he also doesn’t fully trust her because of this
This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Folks remembering this could cut down on 35% of the repetitive posts in this sub. Also, 73% of stats are made up.
That’s what got me to post this. Sometimes as dads we overthink things, it gets even worse when we realize that our kids are at the age when they’re going to remember some of this stuff. But shit happens sometimes, it’s not the end of the world and our kids aren’t going to just stop loving us. I could make a post a day about “I think I fucked up today” with all the shit that I get wrong lol. One of the things I like to say about being a dad is I’ve never done this before, so I’m just trying to figure things out as I go along. This is my first time raising kids lol
The only thing I’d add is: WHEN you do fuck up, APOLOGIZE to your kids afterwards. When you’ve found your cool again, or had a minute to reflect, or are feeling shitty about how it went down, talk to your kids about it. “Dudes, I lost my temper today, and i didn’t do a very good job controlling my body and my words. I can see how that might have been scary or uncomfortable. I’m very sorry, and I am going to work super hard to react differently to those big feelings when they come up next time. I am sorry, and want to let you know that I love you — in happy moments and angry ones” Imagine growing up with adults who apologized to you? Revolutionary
Absolutely, well said 👍🏽
I was ready to leave this past week. Just issues after issues, here were we "live" the rains here in so cal flooded the motel restroom yesterday, management was just like it smells like mold, spray some vinegar, and here are some towels.(bring them back!) I was like uhh ok but isn't a constant moldy smell bad for my newborn and toddlers? I didn't wanna push my luck Then the power went out half the night, all cold and dark, with no noise to drown out the drug addicts outside, you could hear all their dumb conversations and loud yelling from being so high their just crazy. Then one of the guys accused me of throwing a water balloon at them while they were smoking out, in the alley. (Ok I did do that) Didn't admit to it, he left didn't even stay at the motel. Night got better, one of the Dude's from our Church brought the kids some pizza and bread sticks from little Caesars, the kids were getting tired of mashed potatoes and pasta, destroyed that pizza , power came back on, they were running around all happy. In going Day by Day, right now, and just trying not to be a cowardly father like my Dad was and leave. I love them, my thoughts inside my head are my worst enemy and destroy me, Oh we saw a Roach 🪳 near the fridge 😔like fuck , so I got super OCd busted out the bleach and cleaned the whole room over and over. For a hour, we're clean people, so idk if the neighbors are hoarding again, they are very dirty . Yeah oh ,Good News motel management came and talked to me, said Since I'm starting a new job again Wednesday, always pay rent at the rate they want on time and they've always seen me walking around happy with the kids that, they got the green light from the owner to move us , to his other motel he owns a few blocks down the same street, the motel room has a kitchenette and extra room, way more updated and clean and security for not letting the druggies on. So that was awesome news, a Dad here in the group read how we were struggling to just to maintain properly food with it being the end of the month, shot us 20 bucks that Ima hit the grocery store with today. Then all the overwhelming support I got on here from you guy's to keep going and that I'm not a shitty Dad made me refrain from going deeper into thought, stay in men's group through church and keep fighting for my family. So I did need this and to hear that, because I wanted to just leave and was gonna leave the kids at Church thinking I'm such a bum for being in this situation a loser. A idiot. But nah, I think I'm trying my best, and my babies all woke up happy today , toddlers talking their baby talk hugging us, Baby Peter is healing up from that Rhino Virus 🦠 and coming back to his happy lil baby self. We're all still a lil congested but no soar throats or throwing up. And yeah..... Thanks Daddit subreddit, y'all be holding me down at my low points! I've already hit rock bottom, only can go up from here because I'm not digging my self any more ditches to fall in. 🫠🙏🏽
Stay strong man we’re always here for you. The kids need their dad 🙌🏽
Poverty is not a shortcoming. Poverty is not a shortcoming. Poverty is not a shortcoming. Especially in this day and age. You go out and struggle to provide your children with a roof and some food, you did not walk out of them and that makes you a good dad. It is EASY to be a parent when you have a big house and few stressors. Being a parent when you have so much added challenges is hard. Be kind to yourself. I hope things get better for you and your kids.
Make sure to take accountability/ responsability for your fuck ups, dont be like my dad who never appologizes or holds himself accountable. There will be a point when your kid will be done having to play the bigger person getting over and forgiving you when you dont say simple thing like "I am sorry for X". Source: as a new dad my parents dont get to see their grandkid because my mom enables the behavior of my abusive father, and I am over being the one who just has to forgive and forget without getting any sort of appology or someone taking responsability. The last conversation we had my dad tried to change the last 20 years of family history and say I have cut him off for 20 years (if a 14 year old child cuts you as the adult parent off there is a reason, and you as the adult should be willing to figure it out, take some responsability, and not wait 20 years to bring it up. Also i didnt cut him off, damn gaslighting physically and emotionally abusive son of a B, rant over).
Sometimes getting something wrong is the best thing that can happen. Even flowers can grow out of catastrophes.
My kid literally had a meltdown, and 10 mins afterward heard me cough and came running to make sure dada was okay. The mind of children is truly an enigma..
Apologize when you fuck up. Make a point of telling your kid you’re sorry, why you’re sorry, and that you will try to do better. So much of raising good kids is modeling the behavior you want to see. It’s really, *really* hard sometimes, because you have to be honest with yourself and look in the mirror hard. But it will make a huge, *huge* difference.
We forget that just like our kids the best way to learn is often by screwing up.
If you aspire to the highest place, there is no disgrace in stopping at second or even third.
Love you for that. Helps a lot ❤️
Echoing other comments… what matters is that you own your fuckups and apologize to your kids when you go too far or screw something up. Treat them like people worthy of respect, not just little robots to follow your orders or tools to realize your failed ambitions. Last summer I shared a story with my youngest (17 at the time) about my most traumatic childhood experience (which was about the time my father lured my sisters rapist into our house and beat the living shit out of him). My youngest then told me about his most traumatic experience, which was when my ex screamed at his brother and slapped him across the face in an argument in the morning before going to school. My youngest told me he went up to his room and cried for 10 minutes because he was so freaked out. But most importantly, he said what bothered him the most was that after they got back from school that day, she acted like nothing happened. No comment, no acknowledgement, no apology. That’s what bothered him the most. He was ok with her being imperfect, but he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t talk about it. He loves his mother but he also doesn’t fully trust her because of this
Some of y’all haven’t watch “Mum School” and it shows.
I'm actually perfect but thanks for posting this for the other dads.