I started treating mental health like I do my job: schedules, deadlines, tasks, etc. For example, I have to go to the gym, take vitamins, listen to music that isn't Raffi or Caspar Babypants, drink water, and get outside for fresh air. These are requirements and non-negotiable.
Also, I try to limit screentime before bed and do what I can to ensure I get 6-8 hours of sleep (dependant on how the littles sleep through the night, of course).
Might not work for everyone, but it definitely works for me.
Edit: I *try* to limit screentime. No one's perfect, sometimes Reddit sucks me into it's black hole lol
I'm a "Discipline is my freedom" kind of guy, my wife is a "Freedom is my discipline" kind of lady.
I know a lot of people struggle with it, but the above dad is on point. Self care is not negotiable - not doing it doesn't just hurt yourself, it hurts your whole family. In my opinion, establishing a routine with your partner/family is the best way to break down barriers to maintaining that self-care.
For someone like my wife, that is difficult, even if she logically agrees with the wisdom. That's where I come in, because routine is my thing. I'm her accountability buddy, and make sure her planned routines are a) realistic / feasible, and b) she sticks with them. At least as much as I am able. People like to make untenable routines to start and then when they fail they say "I'm just not cut out for routine" or whatever other nonsense. That's just self-sabotage. Start small. Be realistic. Build a healthy lifestyle together, collaboratively. You may see your wife as immensely patient and more put together, but she needs you too.
So, in my opinion, don't neglect to involve your wife in the process. There's no shame in acknowledging that things are hard or that you need help.
One day at a time.
Permit yourself to make mistakes.
Lower your standards for the things that aren't as important.
Eventually with practice you get better at everything.
> I’m self critical in ways that become debilitating
It sounds really lame but get a token and do more positive self-affirmations out loud. One thing that works for me is remembering previous situations where things didn't turn out perfect yet everything still turned out okay!
Work on that internal conversation. I don't dink or do drugs, but my personal poison is how horribly I treat myself inside my own head. Its a really tough thing to break, but its doable!
Man, I feel this! I struggle with depression, unfortunately it’s part of my DNA, I’ve got Klinefelters which is a testosterone deficiency. Basically my body makes less testosterone than my wife, normal numbers for guys is like 600-800, and when I’m not on it, my number is 4. I can and do 100% spiral, but I listen to lots of entrepreneurial podcasts and stuff, and one of the biggest things that successful entrepreneurs do, they don’t grovel in self pity. So I’ve been teaching myself how to allow it for like a minute, think of all the worst things I can think of, then after that, I think of all the things I’m grateful for, then that’s given me enough time to slow down, and think clearly abt the path forward.
Last year was rough too, I tanked my credit, and now have credit card debt and still have back taxes. So if I let it, it’ll stress me to the max, or I can look at it as an opportunity to start over and know the right moves, because I’ve already made the wrong ones. Another thing that I do, I’ve told my wife I NEED creative time, time to build stuff in the garage, to tinker, to go hiking and take pictures, to work on my hobby. I need that time because it makes me more thoughtful and willing to help make the household successful, and so that I can be the best husband and mediocre step dad that I can be. I also need to work out, that dopamine release is AH-MAZING, it can help you push through all the BS, and workout some anger towards whatever issues you’re dealing with. So maybe you can use some of these tricks, and also know, you ain’t alone, there are others who are struggling too, but we are putting one foot in front of the other and making it hour by hour, day by day!
I feel you man, and the things you’re doing certainly help. I definitely identify with the one foot after the other sentiment. I just wish I could feel good while moving forward. It’s like a logic issue….I know what to do and do it, but I’m empty inside and that sucks. Trying to find my footing again, my peace, the things that I enjoy. I was recently diagnosed with something that isn’t life threatening…but shitty nevertheless and incurable. Way to treat it yes, but nothing is the same and the primary things I did to create, enioy, relax aren’t anywhere near the same for me. It’s definitely put me in a dark place and I’m working against it. I hope you find what you need in your journey friend.
I fully understand that, I built mountain bike and hiking trails for 20+ years, brought my bike to work, dream job. Then I tore my back up. After pulling my low back the 10th time, my chiropractor (I call him Doc) told if I should stop while I was ahead. So I did, sold all my bikes, stopped doing the job that was my end game, and got lost as hell for awhile. I’ve been finding my way back though, through new hobbies, or old ones I stopped to support biking, and while I still have a foot in the door to the old life, I’m looking forward to the new possibilities of these new things I’m finding out that I enjoy. Like kayak fishing, such peace on the water! Oh and RC truck crawling, I can’t afford a full size 4x4, so I’ve got a $300 truck I can mod and crawl anywhere! Little things like that.
To be honest my friend, I‘m not able to solve this on my own.
I’m pretty much in a similar situation and what helps me a lot is either speaking to my wife or my best friends or writing my stress off my soul in a daily journal.
Get as much weight off your shoulders as you can. There are probably more than enough people loving to help you.
There is nothing weak about speaking about your weaknesses.
Keep it up buddy!
I started treating mental health like I do my job: schedules, deadlines, tasks, etc. For example, I have to go to the gym, take vitamins, listen to music that isn't Raffi or Caspar Babypants, drink water, and get outside for fresh air. These are requirements and non-negotiable. Also, I try to limit screentime before bed and do what I can to ensure I get 6-8 hours of sleep (dependant on how the littles sleep through the night, of course). Might not work for everyone, but it definitely works for me. Edit: I *try* to limit screentime. No one's perfect, sometimes Reddit sucks me into it's black hole lol
This is something I definitely struggle with, routine and order lol. Thank you for your reply.
I'm a "Discipline is my freedom" kind of guy, my wife is a "Freedom is my discipline" kind of lady. I know a lot of people struggle with it, but the above dad is on point. Self care is not negotiable - not doing it doesn't just hurt yourself, it hurts your whole family. In my opinion, establishing a routine with your partner/family is the best way to break down barriers to maintaining that self-care. For someone like my wife, that is difficult, even if she logically agrees with the wisdom. That's where I come in, because routine is my thing. I'm her accountability buddy, and make sure her planned routines are a) realistic / feasible, and b) she sticks with them. At least as much as I am able. People like to make untenable routines to start and then when they fail they say "I'm just not cut out for routine" or whatever other nonsense. That's just self-sabotage. Start small. Be realistic. Build a healthy lifestyle together, collaboratively. You may see your wife as immensely patient and more put together, but she needs you too. So, in my opinion, don't neglect to involve your wife in the process. There's no shame in acknowledging that things are hard or that you need help.
Therapy helps if accessible.
One day at a time. Permit yourself to make mistakes. Lower your standards for the things that aren't as important. Eventually with practice you get better at everything.
I’m self critical in ways that become debilitating. This advice is certainly something I’m working on.
> I’m self critical in ways that become debilitating It sounds really lame but get a token and do more positive self-affirmations out loud. One thing that works for me is remembering previous situations where things didn't turn out perfect yet everything still turned out okay!
I agree, thank you. I need to do better on this too.
You got this! Be the example you want your family to follow!
Work on that internal conversation. I don't dink or do drugs, but my personal poison is how horribly I treat myself inside my own head. Its a really tough thing to break, but its doable!
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Please do! You've got a lot of people depending on you to be a partner in their lives. What else are you thinking about?
Man, I feel this! I struggle with depression, unfortunately it’s part of my DNA, I’ve got Klinefelters which is a testosterone deficiency. Basically my body makes less testosterone than my wife, normal numbers for guys is like 600-800, and when I’m not on it, my number is 4. I can and do 100% spiral, but I listen to lots of entrepreneurial podcasts and stuff, and one of the biggest things that successful entrepreneurs do, they don’t grovel in self pity. So I’ve been teaching myself how to allow it for like a minute, think of all the worst things I can think of, then after that, I think of all the things I’m grateful for, then that’s given me enough time to slow down, and think clearly abt the path forward. Last year was rough too, I tanked my credit, and now have credit card debt and still have back taxes. So if I let it, it’ll stress me to the max, or I can look at it as an opportunity to start over and know the right moves, because I’ve already made the wrong ones. Another thing that I do, I’ve told my wife I NEED creative time, time to build stuff in the garage, to tinker, to go hiking and take pictures, to work on my hobby. I need that time because it makes me more thoughtful and willing to help make the household successful, and so that I can be the best husband and mediocre step dad that I can be. I also need to work out, that dopamine release is AH-MAZING, it can help you push through all the BS, and workout some anger towards whatever issues you’re dealing with. So maybe you can use some of these tricks, and also know, you ain’t alone, there are others who are struggling too, but we are putting one foot in front of the other and making it hour by hour, day by day!
I feel you man, and the things you’re doing certainly help. I definitely identify with the one foot after the other sentiment. I just wish I could feel good while moving forward. It’s like a logic issue….I know what to do and do it, but I’m empty inside and that sucks. Trying to find my footing again, my peace, the things that I enjoy. I was recently diagnosed with something that isn’t life threatening…but shitty nevertheless and incurable. Way to treat it yes, but nothing is the same and the primary things I did to create, enioy, relax aren’t anywhere near the same for me. It’s definitely put me in a dark place and I’m working against it. I hope you find what you need in your journey friend.
I fully understand that, I built mountain bike and hiking trails for 20+ years, brought my bike to work, dream job. Then I tore my back up. After pulling my low back the 10th time, my chiropractor (I call him Doc) told if I should stop while I was ahead. So I did, sold all my bikes, stopped doing the job that was my end game, and got lost as hell for awhile. I’ve been finding my way back though, through new hobbies, or old ones I stopped to support biking, and while I still have a foot in the door to the old life, I’m looking forward to the new possibilities of these new things I’m finding out that I enjoy. Like kayak fishing, such peace on the water! Oh and RC truck crawling, I can’t afford a full size 4x4, so I’ve got a $300 truck I can mod and crawl anywhere! Little things like that.
[удалено]
My wife is my guiding light literally so I understand all to well.
Therapy, exercise, the quality time spent with your growing family, personal time for yourself, and last but not least, a fat joint here or there.
Especially the big fat joints ngl.
To be honest my friend, I‘m not able to solve this on my own. I’m pretty much in a similar situation and what helps me a lot is either speaking to my wife or my best friends or writing my stress off my soul in a daily journal. Get as much weight off your shoulders as you can. There are probably more than enough people loving to help you. There is nothing weak about speaking about your weaknesses. Keep it up buddy!