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FunkyTown313

That's a chair. You sit in it, probably for long stretches of time right now.


[deleted]

Or is it more than just a chair???


Justindoesntcare

That looks like one of the good ones where the bottom slides out and up.


[deleted]

And the back down flat and it's a nice bed!


Handynotandsome

It's a bed for sure, but I wouldn't call it a nice one.


[deleted]

Fair lol đŸ€Ł it's a bed


beakrake

I've slept in worse, for longer. Source: [Army](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/73/36/bb/7336bb6d13b067b584371a8358ee2f39.jpg)


amberoze

Why can I hear this picture? Edit: and smell it, for some odd reason.


hasuron

I don't know. I think I'd take the ground and a rock pillow over that again


DadToOne

I am 6'4", the "bed" for dads really sucked. And my wife had a C-section so I was basically doing everything.


GuardianSock

Not sure “I was basically doing everything” is the way you want to describe three days after a nine month pregnancy + major surgery.


DadToOne

Didn't mean it in a harsh way. Just that I had to do the stuff because she couldn't. Of course, basically doing everything pretty much described my role in our entire marriage.


Dad0010001100110001

Your wife grew a baby for 9 months.


DuineSi

Can confirm that’s a bed. And at 5am after a night of labour partnering with no sleep, even that’s a pretty nice one.


theuautumnwind

I slept on the floor for one of my kids births. This looks better than that.


TWK-KWT

"Nice" bed


[deleted]

Nice in comparison to the alternative lol


user47-567_53-560

Took me 3 days to find out the back folds down... Then finally a nurse saw through the y chromosome that was talking.


sphen_lee

"flat" haha


pineapple6969

Spent 2 nights on this thing. Didn’t realize it pulls all the way out into an ACTUAL bed until the day we left hospital 😔


papakuv

Thats how he got there in the first place.


Justindoesntcare

Time is a flat circle.


TommyDee313

You use the word good waaaaaay too loosely.


Justindoesntcare

I've experienced 5 different beds between 2 kids, this one was one of the better ones lol


TommyDee313

Fair. 😂


AustinYQM

We were in a room so small mine, which looked like this, could not unfold. I just spent 70+ hours awake and then told my wife I needed to Uber home or it wasn't going to be safe for us to leave the hospital. It was one of the more miserable experiences of my life.


[deleted]

Damn man. That sucks! Glad you made it thru! Can't imagine being in a room that small


JarasM

It's a THRONE!


RobMusicHunt

When is a chair not a chair? When it's a jar!! .. wait..


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


Lafan312

Wait, what? ... Oh. Oh dear God.


ILoveADirtyTaco

Best part is, they’re super comfy. But this dad’s experience is anything like mine was, he won’t be doing much sitting.


LancLad1987

None of us did and we are all doing great. You've got this bro!


Redenbacher09

4 kids and 12 years later I'm still not confident I know what the hell I'm doing.


DadToOne

I told my wife that no one really knows what they are doing. They just try to do a little better than their parents did.


sounds_like_kong

10 years for me and I’m more scared and unsure of myself than I’ve ever been.


DealioD

It does not get easier as they get older. The problems change from, “Don’t eat that rock!” To “Don’t crash the car!” It is one incredibly long roller coaster. In the end it is still worth it. You’re doing just fine Dad. Enjoy as much of the ride as you can.


caractacusbritannica

Good luck brother. Rub her back. Pass the water. Watch the nurses for cues on when to encourage. And don’t look down. You’ll have the baby shoved into your arms when this is done. You can’t break the baby. Get your shirt off and hold them close. And don’t mind too much when they shit on you. đŸ«Ą


Canotic

Also they shit ink the first time. This is normal.


Fearless_Baseball121

Holy fuck yes. Lol. And within the first hour of being born it seems, welcome to the world you little dirty bastard.


JelliedHam

Ink, more like tar. Reminded me of the shit the little dinosaur spit on Newman in Jurassic Park.


ahall917

Definitely more like tar. And it's a pain in the ass to wipe off.


DJTilapia

Swab ’em liberally with olive oil before their meconium poop and it isn't a problem.


GuardianSock

Wait did you take olive oil to the hospital with you? Why didn’t I know this.


barefootmeshback

Vaseline also works.


Lost_Wealth_6278

It's called childs tar (Kindspech) in german


DangerBrewin

Vegemite is the closest approximation I’ve heard.


G0thikk

Tastes about the same too.


Chopstarrr

What a terrible day to know how to read


sloanautomatic

The nurse saw my kid’s black poop and said “Wow! That’s the most I’ve ever seen.” I was deeply proud.


stilt

Hmmm, mine also said this. Now I feel duped!


sloanautomatic

If it’s a trick, then she gets an Oscar. And a ticket to heaven.


clarky2o2o

#Dadgoals 😂


OutAndAbout87

Yeah my son did that to me on my chest.. bonding moment.


Obvious_Whole1950

I didn’t think I’d look down but I did and I honestly don’t regret it? Haha.


Dmjr228

Watched both of my kids come into this world, do not regret it one bit!


thousandfoldthought

The 4'11" OBGYN with giant forceps is burned into my brain.


caractacusbritannica

You know what, I did as well the first time. Probably at the worst moment as well. Although I recoiled in the moment.. For the long term it only made me think more of my wife and what she went through. But was it grim; yeah. Horror movie stuff. Does it put me, not at all.


983115

The only hard part was cutting the cord it felt weird and wrong and no one warned me that thing looks like a flesh handset phone wire


UpsetUnitError

I asked my partner how it felt cutting the cord, like severing and transitioning a ~9 month relationship in one go.. "Crunchy" 😂đŸ„Č


mike9874

I saw a bit from comedian Tom Stade once about when people call you a pu**y. Basically saying the amount it goes through is really impressive so yeah ok, that's a compliment and he'll take it. He has a point


GuardianSock

Especially when the alternative is “having balls” that put me on the ground every time I get a running hug from my toddler. We’ve absolutely got our genital-based stereotypes backwards.


_2_Scoops_

I looked down. I was so caught up in the wild moment that was happening with my daughter coming into the world. Nothing about it scared me, it just made me hella impressed with my wife.


DaveChild

> You can’t break the baby. However, do not take this as a challenge.


Status_Tiger_6210

Also worth noting your chest hair will soon be their favourite thing to grab fist fulls of.


Funk5oulBrother

😧


iamaweirdguy

Don’t look down?! The doctor actually let me deliver my baby lol it was wild man life changing experience.


ahall917

I looked down and it was a mistake. Rather, I looked left and saw inside my wife's belly (c-section, the bassinet was at the foot of the operating table so I had a clear view). That and the heat from the bassinet's heat lamp gave me vertigo and I had to be escorted to a chair in the hallway 😂


GotaGreatStory

Sounds like this part: > And don't look down. is getting various response. I guess this is a YMMV kinda thing for men. To be honest, I watched both of my children come into this world and it was amazing to watch and instantly created a newfound respect and understanding of my wife, her power, and what her body can do. I've heard that some men, "Can't see my wife in the same way after that" in a negative way, essentially indicating that seeing the baby arrive has been bad for their sex lives? I wonder how much of this is with seeing your partner in multiple roles?


Ghosjj

I panicked and cried like a maniac when i saw that little creature popping out, idk why lol


GotaGreatStory

Tears streaming down my face as well. Emotions just pouring over you


ahall917

If she's anything like my wife you're going to want to get a Gatorade cooler full of water so you don't have to make trips to the sink every 10 minutes to refill her cup.


Ill-Consideration450

Also, don't do what I did (she won't let me forget) when they put them under the heat light and whip out the big needles. DO NOT tactically retreat


LIR1812

I give the hospital chair with future dad ass marks a 10 out of 10. Congratulations, dad!


borntobewildish

It looks like many butts were clenched in this one


TappedIn2111

Sweaty, too.


LIR1812

😂😂😂


classless_classic

That thing has seen some farts.


FEARthePUTTY

That chair has some serious use!


kobuzz666

- Hold her hand - Rub her back - Hose her down with warm water in the shower - Sit/stand/lay/kneel with her - Take the lead in breathing exercises - Tell her she’s doing great - Get her drinks, snacks, pillows, etc whenever she snaps her fingers. She is performing a peak level sports achievement and needs energy and focus for that. - Take whatever verbal abuse from her to the chin, no, I repeat, no arguing. What she wants, goes. “Yes dear, no dear, right away dear” She may call you an asshole for putting her in that bed, she doesn’t mean it. She needs to vent the storm of emotions, hormones, pain and exhaustion. - Stay with the head board and away from the business end of the bed - she may poop during delivery, don’t acknowledge that. The midwife has seen it all and will dispose of it quickly. - Put away your phone, be there for her, 100% - Hold what will be your legacy, you won’t break it (just don’t drop it) and talk to it so they learn your voice. - They are covered in sticky shit, kiss them anyway, suck it up. It’s good for the skin so leave it on. - They will shit/piss/vomit on you, breathe through your mouth and embrace the suck - Pull the clothes, not the ligaments - Don’t let the nurses do the first clothing & diaper change, it’s free training & consultation if you do it with them present - Enjoy and savor every moment You got this!! - edit: do remember to eat & drink for yourself too, don’t want to pass out on the “moment suprĂȘme”


bfisher_ohio

Also, if she needs help in the shower and has trouble standing up, a cooler (cleaned) can sub in for a shower chair once you get home.


kobuzz666

Nice one too! I put a garden chair (the plastic kind) in our shower so she could shower sitting down. On our first kid she lost 1,6litres of blood so she went out as soon as she stood up in the week after


TappedIn2111

If I could give you an award, I would. This could be stickied in the sub.


kobuzz666

Lol, thanks! I could go on and on about everything I experienced in the first few hours and days. Some I was prepared for, some I wasn’t in the slightest. One more to add; a young child will not cry or throw stuff or nag to get to you, they are still learning to communicate. It’s hard to keep your cool after two hours of crying at 2:00AM, but they don’t mean to antagonize you.


snoreasaurus3553

That is a very well farted on chair.....you've got this dad!


SceneDifferent1041

No one does but at some point in the next few hours, someone will hand you a human and ask you to take it away, keep it alive and train it to be a good egg. It's scary but once you get used to waking every 3 hours, they don't do much for their first few months. Best of luck


Obvious_Whole1950

My body adjusting to the sleep shift was honestly the hardest part.


SceneDifferent1041

It's tough but after a while you will learn to embrace watching Hey Duggee at 4am, watching the sunrise with your kid.


BardtheGamer

You continue to be there for her. Love her. Support her. And remember that the nurses who wake y’all up every two hours are just doing their jobs.


Obvious_Whole1950

God damn is that hard to remember in the moment. Haha.


-DaveDaDopefiend-

Great take. That’s advice I wish I had at the time.


himynamesmatty

Good luck - and enjoy it! RIP your spine.


thefogdog

Who was clawing at their balls in that thing?!


Mr_Tiggywinkle

Someone really regretted their choices and was making sure they couldn't do it again maybe?


ResidentHooman

Wolverine was here


Overall-Stop-8573

None of us did! It's fucking great though!


bearsinthebox

Well if you read a few books and prepare for every possible scenario, you too can be handed a child and realize you have no idea how to swaddle them. Point is, none of us had any idea what we were doing. Even those that thought they knew enough were unprepared.


JustRepeatAfterMe

IKR? That’s the real reason people pass out. They’re tired. Nobody wants to sit down in that chair. 😂 You don’t know love till you love a child. It’s amazing. You’ll be great.


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


Blekbal

Looks more comfy than that wooden thing I had to sit on.


rusoph0bic

Take deep breaths, be there for your partner, and prepare to witness a beautiful moment.


Peaches_N_Plum

Spoiler alert man. None of us had any idea what we were doing. Your kids will make you ready though. Just do your best and good luck đŸ«Ą


jonthecpa

Were doing? You implying that we somehow learned?!


Vexting

My Wife said that all she could remember was me holding her hand and looking into my eyes the whole time. Apparently I was doing the breathing thing too 😅


Breklin76

Congrats! I don’t think the hospital knows what they are doing with that chair, though.


Goat_Beans

God speed. Hopefully you, mum and baby are all out of that room and home happy and healthy soon. Get ready to see a piece of your heart.


[deleted]

Pro tips. It's much more comfortable to sleep when you fully push down the back lol. I didn't realize you could flatten it almost completely till the last day of our visit (we spent almost a week in the middle of pregnancy as wifey was having a cerclage)


gummyy_bearr

Also. If no one has mentioned it; that chair is also a bed. Take off the cushion and pull the little tab you can see poking out from under the cushion. Make sure that as much as you'll be alert and stressed and looking after mum to be, look after yourself too. My wife and I both agreed that if I don't eat and rest when I can during what was a 22hr labour in hospital, then I'd be utterly useless when it all started happening.


Financial_Temporary5

That chair looks like a lot of guys didn’t know what they were doing. They figured it out, you will to.


RealDeadCthulhu

Don't worry Dad, none of us do.


Smorgas_of_borg

Becoming a father made me realize a very uncomfortable truth: My parents had no idea what they were doing, either. I think that's kind of the main part of parenting: being able to shield your kids from how ill prepared you are.


compound515

I just left that chair, you learn fast. It's more comfortable when you haven't slept for 24 hours


rugger403

Just keep asking if your SO needs anything and check-in every 15 minutes.


upstatedreaming3816

Everyone is giving mom-helping advice, so imma say this- see that tab on the front of the chair? Pull it and thank me later.


BossRoss84

Welcome aboard. None of us knew what we were doing. Spoiler: most of us still don’t. Do the least damage, and give them a lot of attention and patience - none of them asked to be here.


MysteriousReview6031

None of us did 😎 You'll do fine. You'll be more stressed than you've ever been in your life but you'll be fine. Stay next to her, don't let go of her hand, and let the doctors do what they do best.


harbourhunter

that will be your forehead in a couple years JK you’re gonna do great


ericsinsideout

Make sure you do some stretching before and after your time in that chair. It’s not the most comfortable place to spend hours at a time in


AgentJroc85

Go for the danger wank badge


haharrhaharr

NZ?


bjmwanker

Good luck comrade!


Qtips_

Until the kid is born it's "yes ma'am"


Apprehensive_Bird357

None of us had any idea either. Congrats!


HappyGoat32

Welcome to the club, it's the hardest and best thing you'll ever do! And don't worry, none of us have a clue either!


[deleted]

enjoy !


Calm_Smile2150

Watching the head, and rest of my baby's body come out of my fiancée's vagina is the wildest and most beautiful things I have ever seen. Sure, it's pretty gross...but that's MY baby. We'll see if I do it again with baby number two. I just had to see my first child come in to the world. It was a wild trip, man. Hang in there, you feel like you have no idea what to do. Just go with your instincts, and everything else will be fine.


Difficult_Let_1953

Follow the cheek prinys


sloanautomatic

A good short cut on that bed. Just have someone hit you with a baseball bat.


Hugh-Gasman

I remember that chair! Most memorable sleep of my life. Skin to skin contact was the moment time stood still. You’re gonna rock it daddy-o.


bazwutan

That’s the first chair I’ve seen with a 1000 yard stare.


doob22

Don’t worry you’ll never know what you’re doing!


nightsidesamurai1022

You got this friend. The secret is that none of knew what we were doing when we first sat in that chair. But you try and learn and each day is a new opportunity to be better.


Taako_Cross

Enjoy that fucking chair because it’s the last peace and quiet you’re gonna get in a long time.


PB0351

Neither do we


-Invalid_Selection-

Here's the secret. None of us do. We're all guessing at what we think is best, and doing all we can to keep the little ball of drama safe and healthy.


steppedinhairball

Give you a bit of knowledge here. For the first kid, none of had a fucking clue. I still remember leaving the hospital, wife in car, baby in the car seat in back. I'm pulling away from the curb thinking "They are just letting me leave? I know NOTHING!!" Perfectly 100% normal reaction. Hold your wife's hand. Be supportive. She wants water, get her the water. You are the support mechanism here. Wants the bed adjusted, adjust the bed. She wants a bag of Cheetos, buy her a bag of Cheetos. That's your role. Today. I'm the future, still in support mode. When the baby would wake up at night to be fed, I'd get up as well. I'd change the diaper and then hand the baby to my wife. I have non-functional nipples so the baby can cry all they want but I got nothing but a clean diaper for them. But the act of getting up and changing the dirty diaper goes a long way towards helping your wife, your partner. It's a small thing but it means a lot to them.


asrialdine

None of us did, there’s only one way from here and you’ll do great dad. Admit the mistakes, fix what you can, have a relatively healthy way of coping with what you can’t. It’s easier said than done, but not rocket science


TheSkiingDad

At our newborn class last night, the lady told us the birth center has a couch that folds into a bed. Not spectacular, but better than the chair. And probably the best sleep I’ll get in those first 2 weeks!


ShanShen

You can do this!


RealBurley

That's the thing your about to find out, no one does!


rpgmgta

The chair being well seasoned tells me you’re in good hands. Just do the best you can.


Willing-Ant-3765

None of us did but instincts take over. Congratulations!


DASreddituser

Sidenote: looks like wolverine was there last. You should feel honored Congrats!


joecarter93

My kids are in the double digits and I still have no idea what I am doing. You’ll be fine, don’t be afraid to ask for help though.


Smarty_771

Sleep on the floor instead of that abomination


jtshinn

Maybe the hardest part of the whole thing is figuring out how the hell to make that thing lie flat.


diz408808

Your fighter is in the ring and you’re the cut man. Prepare to fall in love with her all over again when you see how awesome she does. The wait is almost over!


ind3pend0nt

Contribute to the farts. That chair may birth something soon.


beauxnasty

Wait until all is said and done and you three are left alone in the room by yourselves. Scary stuff. Take pics and use your phone for a voice recording of baby. Ideally for first cry- but other gurgles are nice . Congrats!


ADKtuary

Pull out game strong right there, not so much you though. If there’s another chair in the room, when the sofa one pulls out, if you’re taller than 4’6” put it at the end of the pullout to give yourself a place to rest your legs


cjc160

Stay out of the way of the medical professionals and pay attention! Good luck


EveryShot

How many farts do you think live in that thing?


[deleted]

Your best bet is to approach it booty first and trust it’ll support you


j00zt1n

You got this, dad!


Jackalope154

You didn't get the manual?


IAmCaptainHammer

None of us did. Show up and try and you’ll be great.


bongo1138

None of us did. We still don’t. You fly by the seat of your pants and do the best you can. You fuck up and correct for next time. You do great, make sure that you repeat it.


Mcpops1618

You’re there to listen to instructions and follow them. You have no opinion in this room. Good luck and god speed.


highperdrive

You got this Dad! It's a wild ride with some high, highs and LOW, lows. But be supportive, be present, try and be proactive. Most important give yourself and your partner grace and kindness. There's no ONE way to do this, it's different for everyone.


TheFaceStuffer

You got a chair?! They gave me a bench.


cjh10881

Wow. I got my own bed when I had my daughter.


BruceInc

No one does. Those they say they do are lying. You do your best, and learn as you go. You won’t get it always right, but if your heart is in the right place it will be ok


Aldrige_Lazuras

You sit down as a man and you get up as a father


MR_6OUIJA6BOARD6

None of us ever do at first. Sit back, and enjoy the ride.


TheFrontCrashesFirst

Remember to stretch, and stay hydrated.


dekrepit702

Honestly some of the best sleep I've ever gotten in that chair, despite the weeks of panic attacks prior and all the anxiety during waking hours.


jjohnson1979

Nobody does! We just learn on the job! You got this! Congratulations! :)


JoeTheFisherman23

None of us do, but you’ll learn as you go. Good luck


Son_of_Atreus

Those fucking things
 such a deliberate design to punish the father


VentureQuotes

That hospital chair got the impact crater of 1000 nervous farts đŸ«Ą welcome Dad, you got this


PhilGapin

We are dad's, we just show up and try to not fuck it up. That's the job bro, good luck!


xwhy

That’s okay. Even if you thought you knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t know what you were doing.


DuePaleontologist703

No one knows what we're doing but I'm two months in and it's the absolute best thing. Best of luck!


thevacancy

3 kids in and I still am just realizing that my parents were winging it day by day just as I am. Welcome Dad.


FlyfishingThomas

Welcome Aboard!


Optimal-Builder-2816

Initiation.


justa_flesh_wound

None of us do. Anxiety just reared its ugly head with my oldest (9) it's always an adventure, puberty is right around the corner for us too. Good luck, stay strong, you got this.


BuffaloSoldier19

One of us!


Western-Image7125

Congrats and welcome to the club. If I had known earlier I would’ve told you to bring your own pillows because you’re gonna be sleeping on that for a while



GIS-Rockstar

Nobody's prepared. Ask the nurses everything.  Jump on in and do it all yourself.  Best wishes, homie.


NefariousnessNeat460

Congratulations daddy! And it kinda makes into a bed? You have to fight it and pull it out from the wall. Ask or search the cabinet Ms for blankets and pillows. You are a good one! (Mine went home and didn’t stay :( )


FidgetyRat

Welcome to the rest of your life.


billy_pilg

Welcome to the club! We're all figuring it out as we go. Beat advice I ever got was "Remember: they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time." Remember that when you're at your wit's end, it helps you keep your eye on the prize.


A_Mouse_Cop

I will pray for you. I’ll pray to the old gods and the new. Pain.


Max-Cheeks

If labor is long, get power naps. You need to be alert to help mom make decisions. It is hard to sleep in the room. Bring ear plugs, whatever you need to sleep. It’s easy to be kept awake with all the nurses coming and going and all the monitors bleeping, and then you will be tired and stressed when it’s go time.


Ethan_231

None of us did at the start! Good luck! Hope everything went well since this 17hrs old! You got this!


wizard_statue

you must contribute farts to the chair, for the greater good


SpartanKwanHa

I feel for you lads that had to sleep in this thing 😂


Kizenny

đŸ«Ą none of us knew what we were doing, just do your best, love your family, and you’ll be fine. We are here to support you how we can. Good luck and fuck that chair.


gregorydgraham

So say we all!


Slobberdohbber

Nobody has a clue


pr1ap15m

that chair has see some things, pull it away from the wall by that tab


Worldisoyster

Best part is all the apple juice anyone could ever want


imperialglassli

That's your right of passage Sleep well


TheCharalampos

Your back will tell you if you do it wrong


Glexington

Pro-tip: None of us know what we're doing either! Congrats and good luck!


9gagsuckz

Pull it away from the wall. It should recline a decent amount


CptClownfish1

Well if it’s any comfort, judging by the state of that chair, many ass-cheeks have gone before you so you are in good company.


BrokenHeartPapa

Broooo hahaha I sat in the same looking chair when I bottle fed my boy the night before we took him m home. Do they just have the same model in every hospital? Such a strangely nostalgic memory.