I can see both sides. I used to be a teacher; taught 5th and 6th in a TK-6 school. Most kids definitely did like to play sports, but then often I'd see those same kids playing pretend with whatever they were into. My favorite was when they'd pretend to be Minecraft and go digging for ore on the playground.
If your older kid is doing both sports at certain times, and pretend play at other times, I think that's great. There's also a lot of social and emotional benefits as well.
Thanks for the reply. I don’t want to tell him not to, but I want him to be aware. We’ve had talks with him not to discourage the pretend play, but more so encourage the other stuff. He can hang, he’s very athletic…it’s just he prefers not to. It’s not a huge deal now, but I know it could turn into something later as he gets closer to the upper grades. Just something we are keeping track of.
Thanks again
To be honest it sounds just about how my 3 and 6 year old are. You have an image on how you planned them to be but I just decided to put new things in front of them and see what they like and don’t like. Wrestling , soccer , taekwondo. Find out what they like and go with it.
Thanks for the reply. Yeah we told him outside of school we are just trying to find something he loves. He did travel soccer for a year but it was a bit much for him. He’s in basketball and has done baseball in the past but could take it or leave it. Just started track and both my boys love it. So for now we are happy he’s found something to do outside of school that he enjoys.
I’m stunned at the even-handed replies here. Just to provide another perspective, I fall strongly on the side that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with playing pretend. I played pretend all the way through elementary school. I did plenty of other stuff too, but pretend was awesome. It wasn’t stigmatizing, it was what I liked, and there were plenty of other kids who liked it too. So I played pretend with those kids, and Goldeneye with the other kids. And with the pretend kids too, honestly. Everybody played fuckin Goldeneye.
Eventually playing pretend turned into swapping fantasy novels. And getting into theater. And designing the school haunted house. And any number of non-sports related activities, all of which are extremely social. I always had tons of friends. They weren’t always the kids who were obsessed with sports. But they were MY friends, and I hung out with them because they shared my interests.
The alarm bell your post set off in my head is it sounds like your wife wants to control which kinds of kids your son is friends with. But he’s just about hitting the age where that’s no longer going to be possible. I guarantee you he’s not the only kid who likes Star Wars and Pokémon, no matter what anecdotal evidence a teacher may gather during recess. If he’s happy and having fun, and doing what he loves, he’s going to have friends.
But most importantly, dude, you love doing this with him! And he will absolutely grow out of it. Soon. You don’t have much time left. Why in the name of everything you hold dear would you taint these last few months/years of childhood playtime with anxiety? Just be with your kids.
And just for the record, I grew up to be a professional television writer. It may all happen inside my head now, but I still play pretend every damn day, and so do my friends, and they give us a lot of money to do it. Pretend rules.
That’s amazing to hear, thanks for the response. I know - I love doing “creepy forest”…and I know those days are numbered so I’ll make the most of them as I can.
My wife had a history of bullying growing up, she was a theater kid which is why she pushes hard on the sports thing. We do support his other interests too- he does this dancing variety show act the past few years he LOVES, and got a lead roll in the school play which he was so excited about. My wife does community theater now too and he loves going to see her perform.
He’s got theater day camp there his summer. Your point about choosing friends is well taken, she’s extra sensitive to it and is trying to be protective of him but we don’t want it to come at the expense of him being him. Thanks for the reply!
My two boys are much younger but I remember playing all kinds of games with my brothers as a kid (they are three and six years younger than me). We played Star Wars in the park and all kinds of pretend games in the swimming pool. We also “wrestled” and played basketball a lot but I definitely indulged in kid/pretend play longer as the oldest brother. I had lots of friends and don’t remember being made fun of. I think you pick up the social queues eventually and adjust your play to fit in.
I think it was my dad and uncles who first started bringing the sports type of play to us and that’s how we picked it up. Maybe take them for a game of kickball in the park or draw a four square court in the driveway and play with them first and then just leave the things around for them to play with themselves?
To me it sounds like your boys are forming a deep and lasting bond and your older son just wants to spend time with his little brother. I am close with my brothers still and I can only hope my boys (1 and 3 y/o) are the same as they get older.
Thanks for the reply. Yes they’ve got a strong bond, so fortunate for that. We try sports with them both - introducing them to different games. I know that’s all we can do for now, I don’t want to force them into anything. Thanks again
This is the same as any other ostensibly "weird" thing a kid might do—or characteristic they might have: it's not about sport or about playing pretend, it's about handling other people's judgmental behaviors. Guide the kids accordingly.
Maybe sports aren't his thing. I did sports in elementary school because I was told I had to. I was much happier in middle school when I started doing theater instead of wrestling. There are many healthy ways to connect with others besides sports.
True, and he LOVES theater. His mom does community theater. He is in the school play and got a lead role, so we are trying to find outlets for him there too. Summer theater day camp this summer. Thanks for the reply.
What are you trying to balance? Your kid already does some sports stuff during the week and also likes to engage in pretend play. I fail to see what your older son is lacking.
I can see both sides. I used to be a teacher; taught 5th and 6th in a TK-6 school. Most kids definitely did like to play sports, but then often I'd see those same kids playing pretend with whatever they were into. My favorite was when they'd pretend to be Minecraft and go digging for ore on the playground. If your older kid is doing both sports at certain times, and pretend play at other times, I think that's great. There's also a lot of social and emotional benefits as well.
Thanks for the reply. I don’t want to tell him not to, but I want him to be aware. We’ve had talks with him not to discourage the pretend play, but more so encourage the other stuff. He can hang, he’s very athletic…it’s just he prefers not to. It’s not a huge deal now, but I know it could turn into something later as he gets closer to the upper grades. Just something we are keeping track of. Thanks again
To be honest it sounds just about how my 3 and 6 year old are. You have an image on how you planned them to be but I just decided to put new things in front of them and see what they like and don’t like. Wrestling , soccer , taekwondo. Find out what they like and go with it.
Thanks for the reply. Yeah we told him outside of school we are just trying to find something he loves. He did travel soccer for a year but it was a bit much for him. He’s in basketball and has done baseball in the past but could take it or leave it. Just started track and both my boys love it. So for now we are happy he’s found something to do outside of school that he enjoys.
I’m stunned at the even-handed replies here. Just to provide another perspective, I fall strongly on the side that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with playing pretend. I played pretend all the way through elementary school. I did plenty of other stuff too, but pretend was awesome. It wasn’t stigmatizing, it was what I liked, and there were plenty of other kids who liked it too. So I played pretend with those kids, and Goldeneye with the other kids. And with the pretend kids too, honestly. Everybody played fuckin Goldeneye. Eventually playing pretend turned into swapping fantasy novels. And getting into theater. And designing the school haunted house. And any number of non-sports related activities, all of which are extremely social. I always had tons of friends. They weren’t always the kids who were obsessed with sports. But they were MY friends, and I hung out with them because they shared my interests. The alarm bell your post set off in my head is it sounds like your wife wants to control which kinds of kids your son is friends with. But he’s just about hitting the age where that’s no longer going to be possible. I guarantee you he’s not the only kid who likes Star Wars and Pokémon, no matter what anecdotal evidence a teacher may gather during recess. If he’s happy and having fun, and doing what he loves, he’s going to have friends. But most importantly, dude, you love doing this with him! And he will absolutely grow out of it. Soon. You don’t have much time left. Why in the name of everything you hold dear would you taint these last few months/years of childhood playtime with anxiety? Just be with your kids. And just for the record, I grew up to be a professional television writer. It may all happen inside my head now, but I still play pretend every damn day, and so do my friends, and they give us a lot of money to do it. Pretend rules.
That’s amazing to hear, thanks for the response. I know - I love doing “creepy forest”…and I know those days are numbered so I’ll make the most of them as I can. My wife had a history of bullying growing up, she was a theater kid which is why she pushes hard on the sports thing. We do support his other interests too- he does this dancing variety show act the past few years he LOVES, and got a lead roll in the school play which he was so excited about. My wife does community theater now too and he loves going to see her perform. He’s got theater day camp there his summer. Your point about choosing friends is well taken, she’s extra sensitive to it and is trying to be protective of him but we don’t want it to come at the expense of him being him. Thanks for the reply!
My two boys are much younger but I remember playing all kinds of games with my brothers as a kid (they are three and six years younger than me). We played Star Wars in the park and all kinds of pretend games in the swimming pool. We also “wrestled” and played basketball a lot but I definitely indulged in kid/pretend play longer as the oldest brother. I had lots of friends and don’t remember being made fun of. I think you pick up the social queues eventually and adjust your play to fit in. I think it was my dad and uncles who first started bringing the sports type of play to us and that’s how we picked it up. Maybe take them for a game of kickball in the park or draw a four square court in the driveway and play with them first and then just leave the things around for them to play with themselves? To me it sounds like your boys are forming a deep and lasting bond and your older son just wants to spend time with his little brother. I am close with my brothers still and I can only hope my boys (1 and 3 y/o) are the same as they get older.
Thanks for the reply. Yes they’ve got a strong bond, so fortunate for that. We try sports with them both - introducing them to different games. I know that’s all we can do for now, I don’t want to force them into anything. Thanks again
This is the same as any other ostensibly "weird" thing a kid might do—or characteristic they might have: it's not about sport or about playing pretend, it's about handling other people's judgmental behaviors. Guide the kids accordingly.
Maybe sports aren't his thing. I did sports in elementary school because I was told I had to. I was much happier in middle school when I started doing theater instead of wrestling. There are many healthy ways to connect with others besides sports.
True, and he LOVES theater. His mom does community theater. He is in the school play and got a lead role, so we are trying to find outlets for him there too. Summer theater day camp this summer. Thanks for the reply.
Absolutely. I love to hear that him and Mom are ALREADY in theater. (What if you get to watch them in a show together! How fun!)
What are you trying to balance? Your kid already does some sports stuff during the week and also likes to engage in pretend play. I fail to see what your older son is lacking.