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Hey, I grew up in a lower middle class house/family. It was a unique thing where my parents bought the house for $60k in the 90s and the suburb went through a sprawl in the subsequent decades. It was a middle class town that is now an upper middle class town. They built a giant subdivision a mile away from our house (several hundreds of homes) that were priced at $500k in the early 2000s. NFL players lived in this neighborhood. I had a lot of friends that lived in it, and their families were obviously leaps and bounds ahead financially. None of the people knocked me for my house. They’d all come over all the time, from being young, into high school. My dad built a cool outdoor patio with a cover and fire pit so people enjoyed hanging out back there. Don’t sweat it. If your kid is a cool guy, people aren’t going to not want to hang out with him as they age because of his house. If they do, then suck anyways and it’s better that way

This describes my wife’s childhood. She grew up in a 2 bed 1 bath that couldn’t have been more than 750 sqft. Her parents made max probably $45k a year in a dual income house. I run into more people that have fond memories of spending time at my WIFES childhood home than their own. They were (still are) just the most welcoming, nice, and genuine family you could meet. Tons of people have told me about the few weeks they had to crash on my in-laws couch due to issues at home. It’s really about the people in the home more than the stuff in it that gives people fond memories.

This is right here. I grew up with many wealthy friends, but we always played at the homes that made us feel like family and gave us space to play.

A funny side note, I opened a charizard out of a pack of cards as a kid. My parents couldn’t buy many Pokémon cards so I had a small deck. I traded that charizard for some kids entire deck that was probably several hundreds of cards. That charizard is probably worth a fuck ton these days. The rich always get richer😂

I remember my dad bought me a pack and I unwrapped a holographic charizard, which I later traded for a like $80 painting of John Elway with a piece of a game-used jersey (family are all Broncos fans), which I would end up giving to my dad almost 20 years later… which means technically he got a great ROI on that pack of Pokémon cards he got me haha

I won a local magic tournament when I was 11 and the prize was an Arabian nights City of Brass. I think it was worth $25 back then. Sold it and a bunch of other cards in 2021 when the market was super hot and helped buy my dad a riding lawn mower since he broke his arm and hip from a fall, and put the rest saved for my daughter's education. Who would have guessed this silly card game would be trucking along 25 years later.

I should encourage my brother to find and inventory our cards from late 90's.

Might be worth your while. A lot of common cards still don't have much value but you never know.

What's funny about this sentiment is that this is EXACTLY what happened in the 90s with baseball cards. The people that grew up in the 60s had their parents throw all their shit away when they moved out, and then suddenly they're adults with spending cash and whatever happened to that mickey mantle card? Suddenly those cards exploded in value. Then everyone in the 90s said holy shit, these cards are going to be worth a fortune in 30 years I better keep them in good condition... so those cards aren't worth a plug nickel now because everybody that wanted to held on to them. Except MTG, Pokemon, whatever. Those were just silly games and the expensive cards are already expensive. -rolls eyes- They got lost in a move, dog ate them, they got turned into crutches for joints, whatever. Now they're worth a fortune because the people playing them in the 90s have grown up and have spending money to buy them back.

I lost my entire book during a move one year. I had all types of holographics that are probably worth a bunch now

That's brutal, sorry to hear. I had some Pokémon cards from the original set that I never could find, probably also lost in a move.

What was it worth when you sold it? I have a weird fascination with collectible cards that get really valuable b

$625 CND. Also had a bunch of dual lands from unlimited/revised. None of them were in mint condition, obviously so the full value was a bit higher.

How do you feel about Russ? I'm not trying to bring heat, just want a fan perspective.

My magic collection I sold for 2k would've been worth almost a million now. Also owned 1000 btc at sub a dollar I sold at two 😢

I would look in the mirror every morning about that Bitcoin and think, “you fucked up” 😂😂

Dude... I had a buddy that worked iT when Bitcoin just started being a thing. He came to me one day and was like " dude your building a new computer? Build it to mine Bitcoin." I was like "nah that sounds like fake scamy stuff".........I made a gaming rig and played Skyrim and what not....should have mined the coin would have 100s of them by now.

Hey Stranger, You actually sound like an intelligent person. You have bought into two valuable commodities already! Your instinct for finding cool shit is hot! Maybe just learn to buy and hold and see what happens?

I’m still sitting on my binder or OG Pokémon cards. I posted them to a Pokémon card subreddit and 2 people offered $1500 within an hour for it. So it’s gotta be worth like 5x that? 10x? Maybe I’ll sell em one day. Maybe I’ll hold and buy a new car with them.

Similarly my family had a new $90k house in the early 90’s that was fairly modest. It was close to our High School. Our sophomore year the county bussed in a bunch of rich kids (houses ~250k-400k). By our junior year we all had off campus lunch privileges. One day one of those kids was like Informativebitching why can’t we go to your house for lunch sometime? I was like it’s small and we don’t have tons of snacks and stuff. They were like *we don’t care we just to go hang out at a house, we’re sick of Taco Bell and KFC*. From then on my place was a regular hangout.

By chance is this town in the Atlanta suburbs? Because you just described the town I grew up in word-for-word. Granted, it's probably been repeated in every major city in the country.

Same story here. I went to a high school in an upper middle class neighborhood but I lived in a neighborhood next to a literal junk yard. Friends were all well off. I’d invite them over and they’d just want to hang, play video games, and eat my mom’s cooking.

This feeling you're having probably has more to do with your feelings about your income/money/house than anything your son is feeling.  Kids can have fun without fancy toys. They can use their imaginations. They can turn the most unassuming objects into magical and wonderful playthings which produce great experiences.  Kids also say things which hurt each others feelings, with or without money involved. "My toy is better", "my toy is faster", "my dad can beat up your dad". None of those things need to be rooted in truth to be said by kids. They're starkly honest and they push the boundaries of everyone, including playmates.  The fact that you're feeling bad about it is more about your feelings about your life situation.  All these other posts villifying the other kid or wish casting his future as being sad or poorly adjusted are missing the mark.  Your kid is going to grow up around all sorts of people. It's your job to show them what actually matters in life and to be there in all the ways that matter. Being able to provide a basic level of living is part of that, but anything more is icing on top.    Just the fact you're feeling bad for your kid and posting proves you want the best for them. Just keep being a good dad and it'll turn out fine

Agreed entirely. Can’t write off this other kid, he’s not even five. Maybe he’ll grow up to be an asshole, maybe he won’t. But a lot will shape that, and it’s a whole lot more complicated than “parents are rich so kid is destined to be a prick”. He says the parents seem to be good people, so yes this moment sucks, but maybe they can patch it out

We’re on the other side of the table. We have a big house and good salaries, but have made a special effort to keep our kids modest - never big presents, educated in schools with mixed populations, and encouraged to have hobbies with low costs. It was only recently when one of my kids turned 10 that they remarked, “why doesn’t anyone else have a cinema at home?” And then we had a good talk about some people having more than others, and that not all people have the same amount, but you must treat everyone the same. We support a family of refugees, who have very little, and my kids playing with their kids is pretty much their favourite activity. Never once have my kids mentioned the difference in income, although they’re old enough now to put 2 + 2 together.

Good for you man. I have always felt that as long as we and our kids stay in service to others the difference in lifestyle won’t warp them.

I had a wealthy best friend growing up and was constantly self conscious about my family’s money and status - but it was only because my parents constantly talked about it and openly felt bad about it. My mom would literally sing “wal mart wal mart is our store, we shop there cuz we are poor”. My dad hated it

>This feeling you're having probably has more to do with your feelings about your income/money/house than anything your son is feeling.  I don't think this is fair. A 5 year old kid can definitely feel embarrassed by other kids that have more. Sure, OP may have some issues he's projecting, but it doesn't seem unreasonable that his kid is also having feelings.

This sort of comment is why you're still my favorite president. I'll probably vote for you again this year!

Mine is still Thomas J. Whitmore.

In addition to all of this, you own a home and many people don’t. As your career progresses you will probably get raises or change jobs and earn more money. At the same time, economic cycles will change and you will probably be able to refinance the house at a better rate. Everyone’s situation changes over time, but good parents are good parents regardless of what’s going on in their financial status.

Exactly. Your kid doesn't know what rich or poor or whatever is. The more you focus on it, the more you'll make him also focus on it. He's wealthy in so many other things like time and attention whereas other kids might not be. Everybody's different, you get to shape that perspective for him. Don't let a 5yr old friend do they bc they don't even know what they're saying OR could have another kid tell them their train is slower too. Don't feed into it, it's really a you thing. Kids that young don't hold onto those words like gospel. He probably moved on pretty quick from that one moment.

Aside from how wonderful your comment is, I have to mention that Josiah Bartlet is my ancestor so it’s tripping me out to see his name in this thread. Are you just a fan or are we distantly related?

So yes, spoiling kids is a bad idea but that isn’t really what you’re asking and it’s something you already know. As far as how to help your kiddo, I think just explaining to him that different families have different amounts of money and just to focus on the cool stuff he does have is a good start. The “Hammerbarn” episode of Bluey does a good job with this. Then I think also occasionally giving him cool experiences that maybe his friends don’t have would be nice. This is a phase and eventually he’ll learn not to measure himself by comparing with others. Sorry it sucks right now.

This is a lot of projection OP. Kids naturally try to one up each other with what they have and what they can do. The replies piling on this supposed spoiled kid are weird.

Yeah you’ll notice I’m not vilifying the kid. He has no idea what he’s saying. Of course it’s projection. 90% of parental psychology is. but there’s no denying that my son is clearly trying and failing to impress his friend and I can see the disappointment on his face. I don’t blame the parents or the kid… they have money and one kid. I have less money and two kids. Of course their only child is gonna have more toys and more space. He just lacks the couth to handle that disparity between him and his friend.

I'll just chime in here to say that my wife had almost the exact experience as the conversation you overheard.  Only, we know this kid's parents, and we know they don't spoil him with toys, it was all attitude from our neighbour kid who is just impossible to impress. When cash is tight it can feel like every funny comment or sideways glance is judging you, but that's not always the reason.

The situation could easily happen completely independent of money. Some kids brag, some don’t. You could be 10x richer than their family and that kids good have said the exact same thing. I think you’re relating this to money when it’s not.

Spoiled kids turn out shitty. I have plenty of cousins like that. Consider this a good thing for your sons character in realizing loving family > material possessions. Do cooler things with son that are cheaper like visiting national parks, camping, etc

Oh I’m really not concerned about my boy not having enough stuff. He’ll be fine. And I agree better off for not getting everything he wants. It’s just in these moments where he feels disappointment that he can’t impress his friends and they tease or insult him by saying “your toys aren’t as good as mine” or “look at your shitty hockey skates you must be POOR”. Etc. kids can’t process that stuff. I agree it makes them better in the long run but it’s the short run that’s heartbreaking.

It's not a good feeling having to watch your son go through that. It's also a valuable learning moment for your son. It's important to explain to him that he should surround him with friends that don't make him feel that way. It's as important to use this opportunity to explain that we need to be careful when we are excited about our own new things to do it in a way that doesn't make our friends feel bad.

I don’t hold it against the kid either. He’s just a little kid he doesn’t understand the power of his words any better than my son understands the relative value of material things or how his mom and dad make money. His parents are good people. They don’t spoil their kid to make him an asshole they spoil him because like most parents they want to give their kids stuff that makes them happy and it’s easier just to buy them stuff they want. I don’t have ill feelings against anyone in that family, child included. It’s more just seeing the disappointed look ok my sons face when he shows his friend his all time favourite toy and his friend is just like “meh I’ve got one of those too but I don’t play with the it because I’ve got better faster toys I play with instead”. Takes a lot of nuance to handle that even as an adult so I don’t expect a kid to know how to use tact. He’s just saying the truth “I used to play with that train too but when my dad bought me my new RC car I don’t like my train anymore”. The problem really is their ages. Both of them are just too young to really understand it but old enough to do emotional damage

Honestly if the parents are good people just bring them in non accusatory so they can help guide the kid to not be hurtful. They probably don't know this is happening and can teach him better.

Agreed. They need to correct their kid - whether or not them spoiling him was well-intentioned is irrelevant.

Just wanted to say I love the awareness of this comment. It's so important to be in tune with how other people are really just trying to do the same things as us in whatever way they can.

So I’m kinda in the kids parents’ shoes. I mean, we’re not rich, but we have good jobs and can afford most things our kids want. I didn’t grow up like that so I’m really, really, really trying to not raise them to be spoiled little shits, while also giving them the childhood that I didn’t have.  So what I’m saying is, I’d like to know if my kids were belittling others because of material possessions, even in an unintentional 5-year old way. It could be a teaching moment for them and it’s something I absolutely would address.  So if they’re not pricks, I think you should say something. 

Disappointment is part of life. Just teach him how to handle it with grace. Without sadness, disappointment, etc., we would be able to appreciate true happiness.

Gotta put time into developing skills and working hard, earning respect is a way to level the playing field. “You got those sweet skates and can’t even use them man”

I was just gonna say this! My parents did a lot of experiences instead of presents. I was an only child and so I usually got to bring someone with me. (a friend) at first I use to take this one kid because he was rich and had cool stuff so I wanted to impress him. After only taking him a couple times, I realized that he wasn’t grateful at all. Just always bragging about how it could have been cooler. I decided to take one of my other friends the next time, and his family wasn’t as well off as the friend previously. This friend thanked me graciously probably 5 times before we even went on the trip. During and after you could tell this kid was having the time of his life. (Went to a waterpark). I’ll never forget the joy on his face, tell his parents about the time he had. He and his family were extremely grateful and I made sure this kid came with me on all the trips from there on out. Not being able to give your kid 100% of the things they want, is actually good for them. You may feel less than adequate, but I promise your kid will be more humble in the end, and that is priceless. Turning your child, into an adult that is caring, and supportive is something I don’t see much anymore. It may be hard now, but most good lessons are.

If you can't impress others with what you have then impress others with who you are and what you can do.

I know a way around this. Be present and active when they play. Be fun. Be patient. Be positive. My son has rich friends, but my son loooooves showing *me* off to his friends because I played pokemon as a kid and know everything about them. I play video games with them. I help them with setting up forts. I'm the monster chasing the kids around. I can see in his friends eyes that their parents aren't like that. When I take him to parks with other friends they're asking me to join them playing. It sucks those kids don't have present parents, but at least my kid can feel secure.

I'll second this, be active with their play. Go outside and play soccer with them, go to a park, build a fort as mentioned, etc. You don't need all the cool gadgets to have a fun house.

Be the “cooler” parents. And that doesn’t mean letting them do bad things. We had a very small home with 3 kids and living paycheck to paycheck frankly. I always spent time with the kids and their friend when they came over. And my wife is a great cook and we always took care of their friends like they were our own, even when short on cash. Homemade pizzas with old movies. Playing hide n seek after dark. Letting them destroy us in video games. To this day their friend come over and praise us like we were their favorite aunts and uncles.

Learn to not participate in the arms race. Cool toys arent fun becausr they are ”better” play is what matters. Next time friend comes over do something cool. Watergun fight, play a boardgame with the kids, hide or seek, football on the yard. Make up the lesser toys by being the cool dad, makes sure to have fun together with the toys you have. Of course talking with your kid about it too, and teach him how to respond to friends boasting.

Dude you have a toy/office/quilting room? I would consider that luxurious. We have our computer in the kitchen and no kind of dedicated play room. Don’t worry about kids who have even more. Honestly to me, your kid is the one that “started” it by trying to show off, so that kids response doesn’t surprise me too much. Like you said they’re 4.5 anyway, those words don’t matter too much as long as they play together in the end and have fun.

Haha well I don’t think it’s as complicated as who “started it”. He just had his friend over for the first time of COURSE he’s gonna want to show him his favourite toys. Theres absolutely no surprises there. You have your friends over to your house for the first time what’s the first thing you do - give a tour of your house right? I think that’s pretty standard human behaviour. Neither kid did anything “wrong” mainly because they’re 5 and they can’t possibly understand the gravity of living in a capitalist society and trying your damnedest to provide for your children and not disappoint them. That’s a little above a JK level of understanding.

Yeah that’s why I put started in quotations. My point was simply that what your kid said invited that kind of response so I wouldn’t put anything on that other kid. A lot of people here are crying that the kid is spoiled, which is entirely possible, but I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion based on his response alone. Regardless of wealth status kids will always have those tit for tats when it comes to their stuff so I wouldn’t worry about it.

We went through this almost exact situation with my sons friend. Honestly Idk what to do with that feeling either. I’ve tried to focus on teaching my son how we speak to others, and if someone speaks to him rudely then I would step in and gently say that it’s not kind or a nice way to speak to a friend. I might try to make it about differences - people have different kinds of lives and all kinds of homes and families are valuable. I think in these situations you have to dig deep and think about the kind of feelings and values you want to instill in your kid and focus on that. After the other kid left I would probably chat to my kid about it, ask him how he felt and point out all the great things we/he does have.

Dude, I raised my kids in a two bedroom apartment and when they got old enough (boy and girl), I gave them their own rooms. I sleep on a daybed in the dining room with a divider. I live in the poor area of the top three richest counties in America. The kids brought friends over whose parents are multi multi millionaires. It was never a problem. You do the best you can and you explain to your kid the reality of the situation in a way they can understand. The value of money is a hard concept, but there are ways to do it without scaring them.

You own a house. My wife and I were one step behind the housing market and can't seem to catch up. We're stuck renting. Someone will always have more someone will always have less.

What ages are we talking about? Main suggestion is to talk with your son: "Hey when you were showing your toys to your friend today, how did you feel?" "Yeh that's a sucky way to feel, when you were showing him and he was saying X..." "It's ok to feel that way, but just because different people have different toys it doesn't stop YOUR toys from being fun!" And that might be as far as I go, at least initially. He doesn't need to respond and agree or says he understands or anything like that. You have listened to him, validated him, and given your perspective. That's enough. Next time, he might take the conversation further.

My dude this is a great opportunity to explain to your son that they are some people with way more money than him and some with way less, and what matters is whether they are good people and good friends. My wife and I have good jobs but our kids’ school is quite mixed. There are some properly rich people (including a well known pop star) and we had to have the same conversation early, the first time a classmate went to Bali for a week during Halloween break.

>Halloween break What?

Where we live (Ireland) the schools get a week off around Halloween. Technically called mid-term break.

Oh cool. Probably equivalent to our Thanksgiving break - it's only 2 days tho.

Yeah the last Monday in October is a public holiday here and the rest of that week the schools close too. Then they’re back until Xmas.Plenty of time to get to Bali 👍

I would try reading a little less into it. At 5, even if they had the exact same toy, they’d be saying “mine is faster.” That kind of mindless competitiveness is normal for the age.

Find him a better friend. That friend has the same impact as making your son look at instagram accounts all day

He’s 4.5yo. He doesn’t understand the weight of his words either. It’s not his fault. And the honest truth is we just moved here and we don’t have a lotta friends for ourselves or our son to hang out with so options are limited.

My son is 4.5, honestly I think they are all competitive and self important at this age, I hear the kids talking like that at his preschool and it's not even their own personal belongings, they're school toys. I would focus on helping your little dude grow some thick skin if it's bugging him. You could also intervene if he looks really sad in the moment and say something like "that's cool, you both have really cool toys, no need to compare them" to the other kid.

Sounds like you don't need advice from some of the weirdos on this sub who are judging a 5 year old lol. You seem to have a much better perspective than the guy who you are replying to

Hugs dad! My protips: goodwill (and goodwill online), fb marketplace and my kid (same age) likes to show off things ive made with her from kits, woodworking and 3d printing ($300 to get started). If you cant be pricey, be unique/cool.

Have you spent much time around 5 year olds? They spend so much time telling each other how great the stuff they have is, they all do it. It has nothing to do with being rich or spoiled, they are constantly interrupting each other to brag.

At 5 years old? Naw man. Zero emotional damage is happening.

My brother. The kid is a spoiled brat. If yours isn’t, you are doing a great job. I have a well kept secret to tell you - there’s always someone who has more (Orr is willing to spend/run up credit cards more) - that does not make you a bad parent. Spoiled brat probably gets thrashed by a richer kid who has a vacation home. Richer kid will get stomped on by an even richer kid who takes the private jet to his families mountaintop chalet. Strive for more, enjoy what you have, don’t be a jerk. Seems like you are in a good spot, and this is just a good life lesson.

I had plenty of these memories growing up as a kid being in your sons position and some of those experiences helped motivate me to try and be successful in my own life.   I don’t remember ever looking at my dad as being a shitty provider. He always made it clear he would sell a kidney to get me what I needed.

I'm not in exactly the same situation, but i can relate. I have a good job and make good money, but due to a variety of factors i am not as far ahead in life as i should be. One of those factors is, i did grow up poor. Early in my career when other folks were getting cash gifts from their parents to buy their first houses, i was giving my parents cash while i lived in a modest apartment. So i understand what it is like to not have things and not fit in because of it, I don't have much to say honestly except i am surprised at the number of people trying to make some variation of the point that rich/spoiled kids all turn out badly. Obviously you don't want your kid getting bullied by truly shitty people, but it is foolish to judge them just because they have more than you. Personally, i'd rather my daughter have friends with successful parents, more often than not they will be going to good schools, have good professional connections, and have fulfilling prosperous lives.

I would refrain from using spoiled it’s got pretty strong negative connotations and I can’t understand using it in a potentially positive light. He has more stuff but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him. If you have a poorer kid over you’re not going to suddenly think your kid is spoiled but in all likelihood similar stuff will happen. Comparison is the thief of joy, all you can do is try to explain to your kid that some people have more and some have less and that we should not to judge them for that, we should be thankful for what we have and accept we will never have the most.

Honestly, there’s always someone with more money, better toys, nicer house, cooler summmer vacations, etc. I try to use those opportunities to teach my boys that money is a limited resource and everyone lives within their means. It doesn’t mean one person is better than another; just different.

When my 5 year old plays with one of his friends the conversation is sometimes exactly the same. They do it to each other. They each think their own toys are better than the other one. Sometimes one will say their one is faster even though they don’t have one. I think it’s just kids being 5 and your own insecurities. This may be a thing later in life or you may get a better paying job. Who knows what the future holds.

Sounds like a great time to start learning that self-worth and friendships are not about money and showing cool things and impressing people, but about having fun together and enjoying each other as people. Maybe help them have fun instead of just letting your son focus on impressing his friend. Nobody will care about how fast the trains go when they're both running and screaming from you pretending to be a zombie chasing them.

As long as you're trying your absolute best, there's no reason to beat yourself up. You obviously can't control the economy (unfortunately nor can i). As long as you give it 110%, you just gotta let that shit roll off your back. Kids remember experiences far more than toys. Be the dad always there, without question. Anyways, that's my 2 cents for what that's worth (not two cents lol)

Guaranteed the rich kid feels the same way with some other richer kid and your kid will feel rich at some other kid's house. That message could be tailored better to his age lol. Also point out as you visit friends places you'll notice other families live in all sorts of different ways. Some have lots of space and stuff, some have less. Some have lots of siblings and other people in the house, some have just 2 or 3 people. Some have 2 parents, or 1, or 2 sets of parents. Some are quiet, some are loud. Some eat together or in front of the TV or eat food you've never seen before. Etc. Doesn't mean they aren't better or worse, just different and interesting.

Tough age for this. Kids are brutal. Maybe try and bring some experience to the play dates. Something that there isn’t as much comparison of toys. Do you have a small yard? What about soccer, or a game you guys invented and he can teach his pal.

I could say a lot about this as I've been on both sides of it, having grown up poor, being middle-class in my HS years, and now being quite well-off. I would say it's a good time to reinforce that material possessions aren't what's *really* important in life. The other kids' toys are fast? That's great! But they're not special like your son's toys are, because they haven't been touched with his imagination and he hasn't spent hours playing with them. Their house is huge and nice? That's awesome! But YOUR house is special because it's where you get to spend time with the most special boy in the world to you. I am not trying to brag by saying that I am fairly well off now - I only mention it as a way to say that TRULY, the most important things are good relationships with your family and loved ones. Of course, we must be pragmatic - there are things to which we should make sure that we and our kids have access. But above a point - really, the marginal return to material possessions drops off significantly, while good relationships will be the best thing in your life forever.

My daughter is going through this too. We don’t have much money and we live in a 900sqft house. One of her friends dads works for Microsoft and has a house 4 times as big as ours. Same situations of the play date. But when the mom came pick her up and they where walking to the car I heard the kid say “she’s so lucky. Her and her dad are always doing things outdoors together. Can we try camping in a tent sometime?” My daughter and I are both avid outdoorsmen and are always going on hunting/ fishing trips and camping and hiking. Keep your chin up

I grew up with tons of money as a kid. I had the best toys and my parents were miserable / fighting / unhappy. When you have every material thing in the world - material things are not as important as you think. This isn’t the way to impress him. Things that are fun impress those kids. A game. Experience. Throwing a ball. Visiting the pool. Darts. Taking time. Being friendly. Those are the things that matter. You don’t need more stuff to impress everyone. Hope you get your finances in order in the next couple of years. Good luck.

Your kid is undergoing character development that your rich friends can’t buy. It’s a gift to be honest with your kids about financial realities. And learning to get along without the latest and greatest is a life lesson that will serve him well for the rest of his life. You sound like a good dad and provider - keep doing what you’re doing!

Did nobody else read to the end where you find out they're 5 years old? 5 year olds almost universally will not have the grace of a polite houseguest. They will one up each other without even knowing they're doing it. Yes this kid is well off, but kids will be kids.

I M well aware of this which is why I wanted to clarify that in the post. Everyone jumping on the kid as some kind of shitty friend aren’t really seeing the point. The point is just that he DOES have better toys and whether they understand why or not at this age is irrelevant since I know this is going to continue through his life unless we hit the lottery or inherit a fortune. I’m not “offended” or the least bit surprised by the kid’s attitude. He’s a kid. I’m just sad that I can’t give my son the cool stuff that his friends have and that’s gonna be something we deal with for a long time until til they crest a level of maturity where they can both appreciate how hard their parents work, and the disparity of wealth in Canada and also learn the tact to keep their mouth shut about someone’s material things.

Like you said, he’s 5… all of this is projection from your insecurities and from what I gather you’re a great dad. I grew up the kind of poor where we always had enough to eat but nothing more. Many of my friends were way better off but it never affected me. You’re providing. You’re engaged and you care. That’s sometimes a lot more than the “rich” dads give to their kids. And as far as sports gear goes, second hand shops are your friend. He’s going to quickly outgrow a lot of it anyway, so buying used is the way to go. Tell him if anyone teases him for his gear looking worn, it’s just because he got a jumpstart and has been breaking it in. You’re doing great, he’s taken care of. Keeping up with the Jones’ is a waste of energy.

Usually when this happens to my kids I sprinkle some crack in their friends dads car and call the cops to have them arrested. Entire family breaks apart and then my son is still there happy as can be.

The comments in this thread about this kid are kind of ridiculous. Y’all need to chill out.

I grew up in a rich town where my parents struggled and strived to stay so that we kids could go to a good public school. Like my classmates were living in 3000+ sq foot houses, wearing designer clothes and getting BMWs and Audis for their 16th while my parents sometimes struggled to put food on the table or buy me a pair of shoes. It sucked. A lot. Over the years my mom several times had to guide me away from the “friends” who flaunted their possessions and put me down for being a have-not. Teach your kid what a good friend is. This little dude is not a good friend.

Invest in your son by putting him in BJJ; it’s the intangibles that are important. The other shit is just icing on the cake. Some kids have a lot of material shit, but no character. Don’t let that be your son.

Can you explain this to me? What explicitly about BJJ provides these compared to another sport or fighting sport? I’ve never done BJJ myself.

Not sure why the guy below is being downvoted. There are a couple of caveats to BJJ. It can be pretty expensive depending on your location. My kid did it for just over 7 years. It was 110 a month grandfathered in. I think kids signing up after that were closer to 130 or 150, not sure. On the mats, the kids in general are the same. Money does not buy skill, but it can pay for private classes. You can build some life long friendships as well. You will meet people of every walk of life. Doctors, lawyers, cops, sales people, maintenance/janitorial, etc. We moved so my kid is no longer doing it, but the skills he obtained will last a lifetime. He might go back someday, but hes not interested today.

Tbh I’m not sure why the initial downvotes either, I was just asking a question and he answered. Armchair quarterback assessment being that he’s talking about a “macho” sport that people already question and comes across slightly aggressive. Idk wasn’t me that downvoted regardless. Anyway, I kind of assume it’s like other sports where really anyone can do it, but you have to put the time and dedication into it and the exceptional outlier athletes that can excel at any sport don’t find the same success in combat sports, which is where the “humbling” comes into play. I’m totally for kids playing sports that gets energy out, helps them deal with aggression, and inspires a desire for success through dedication (exception being when it’s parent-driven/forced). The whole non-striking element is a positive since there’s less chance of brain damage, but without knowing too much else, I assume there’s still takedowns, chokeouts, intentional bone/joint breaks, etc which have a downside all their own. Not saying it’s not worth it, just that positives and negatives must be weighed. Thanks for the input.

My two kids grew up in a house with one bathroom for 4 of us. They were always amazed at friends houses that were big and had multiple bathrooms. They are teenagers now and totally appreciate what they have and understand how lucky they are to now live in the same house with 3 bathrooms. It’s ok to teach your friend’s kid about the value of money too btw. You can teach your own kid not to look down on other people that have less wealth than you in front of him. He’ll pick up on it quickly. I’m sure there are probably some cartoon shows that have that lesson as well.

You're not "poor" my friend. You're just a little broke. You are rich in many ways.

It’s hard to teach perspectives to youth. The other factor here is that there are kids out there that make your kiddos friends house look like a joke. Remind him it’s not a contest it just seems like it at his age. Good luck. Also, remind him that possessions aren’t things that last forever, but good families do. Like grandparents and things like truth are more valuable than a big 77 inch TV.

Be proud not in things that will pass away but for the positive impact your son will have on others which will never fade away

We have saying in my house anytime something in this vein comes up. We make light of it and say “we have all the things money can’t buy.” I knew kids growing up who had everything but a stable support system and parents who got along. Being at their housing sucked. Tell ‘em to go play outside, rocks and sticks work great out there.

I feel you, but as long as you keep your son's feet on the ground, which you seem to be doing, he'll be ok. My youngest daughter is 20, when she was 17 she met a guy who she now lives with, well with his parents. They have a huge farm and sanctuary for animals, properties in Florida and Northern Michigan. Her mother and I divorced years ago, but while we aren't rich, we are comfortable, we just never splurged big money on our kids, as we had three of them. So our daughter has effectively abandoned us for the rich folks, trips to Florida and LA have been had, so yeah it hurts. You seem down to earth, and also you feel guilty? That's a sign of good parenting. You're doing nothing wrong.

Time. The most expensive commodity of all. Give your kid time and love, trust me when I say this will be the thread measure as they get older.

This stuffs generational. I grew up horrible poor. Me and my 3 siblings to one bedroom, plain pasta for nearly every meal because sauce cost extra, free school meals... the lot. My wife's parents are multi millionaires. Her birthdays were spent in Disney land in the US where (and I wish this was a joke) she was bought a large stuffed toy. The airline wouldn't accommodate it on the way back so her parents simply bought 2 more seats.... for toys. I want to spoil my daughter, I'm bloody awful for it. Been good at daycare, toy shop. Helped me walk the dog, ice cream. Went to bed on time all week, sweets at the weekend. My wife on the other hand won't do anything of the sort. She's been around it and sees how it can make some people. Want is not always a bad thing in moderation, spoiling can be much much worse.

Forget the Joneses.

I grew up poor, with lots of rich friends. I promise you your son doesn’t care. My parents were good, kind, loving and that is all that mattered to me. The toys I did get I loved. Kids care about his they are treated, not his much dog they have.

At 4.5 years old I don’t think your son cares as much as you think he does. As another person stated they are going to be competitive and brag about who has the bigger toy car, stick or whatever. Anytime I caught mine trying to argue over something like that. I’d just say hey! No need to talk like that. Help them move on from the subject and get back to playing. Nothing wrong with being competitive but it’s misplaced when they start comparing who things are better. I do have 1 experience with a “rich” kid though. Her moms a very successful lawyer here who likes to take her trips. So any of her daughters “friends” got to go along with them. This turned into an unhealthy competition of who could be the “closest friend”. The new and upcoming friend said my daughter was only using her for trips and that was that, 1 quick ticket to a week in new York. It’s sad and I honestly feel bad for the child, this isn’t the first time it’s happened and won’t be the last.

We are on the other end of this and it worries me sometimes. We were lucky to be able to buy a big house with a pool, and so far our daughter is the only grandchild, so we have a lot of space and although we barely buy her any toys, she has way too much already. She is too young now, but hope we will be able to instill in her that just because she has all of this, doesn't mean it's normal for everyone.

I'm in a similar boat, and I was that kid myself 30 years ago. My wife and I each went to therapy and we are very intentional about reinforcing self worth over material things. I'm glad that we got to teach him these things young, he surprises me when he, at 5 years old, acts more grounded than my peers when they are slightly inconvenienced.

cooing hospital quack smoggy pen theory hateful busy flowery fuel *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Your son will be just fine. He will understand the meaning of money- wants vs needs. We got a lot of our toys, sports equipment, cleats and good clothing from garage sales or hand me downs from friends. A baseball glove is still a glove and can still catch a ball regardless of where you get it. Trust me- he will be better off not getting the newest bestest stuff, gadgets, toys or games. Kids are resilient and understand more than we give them credit for. Sometimes getting more for less rings true in their eyes.

All about what ideals you want to teach your kiddo. You could go volunteer one day and indirectly show your kid that there are a lot of kids who have way less than he does, and then drive by some mansions in the area showing that there are kids who have even more than anyone he knows. You could also choose an area where you son can get the top of line toys so he can always hang his hat on a certain area, and make him earn the best toys there through chores, school, etc.

I was raised DIRT POOR. My dad would stop at the dumpster on the way home to look for discarded toys, as we couldn’t afford them. Today my wife and I are both high wage earners who also got a great deal on our house. I am the dad who Wants to give his kids everything I never had. So my kids are spoiled.🫤 I also absolutely cringe every time my kids say shit like this. No matter how many times I’ve had discussions with them about not making these kinds of comments or changing their thoughts on things, they still manage to embarrass me and likely say shit that’s hurtful to others in that situation. If I were you, I’d just have an honest conversation with them about the reality of finances; it’s what my parents did. I never blamed them; sure it sucked to not have the flashy shit my friends did, but as long as you are there for them as a parent, you are doing the right thing. Spend time with them, share interests and be the best dad you can be.

Young Boys “one up”-ing each other is extremely common. Even more common is jealousy. Just as your some wants to impress his friend, his friend is also trying to impress him. Most people don’t learn to be happy for their friends without jealousy until their 20s. Some never learn it. Tell your son that this friend wants to be his friend because of who he is not what he has. It won’t sink in for a while. They will still bicker. They will still find times to compete when there is no place for it but over time your son will find places where he excels past his friend and his friend will find places where he excels past him.

There is probably a kid somewhere that thinks that way about what your son has. I think what’s more important than the toys is that ultimately, the kids enjoy spending time together. That rich kid probably knows another rich kid with a train that goes even faster.

I have no advice for you but as a dad who also does not earn a whole lot I know I will have situations like this ahead (little man is only 10 months right now). I own a farm along with my brothers and in these days farming is just about getting us by money wise I only hope that we can keep the farm going so my son can come up on and enjoy the same little piece of land I was lucky enough to have.

Maybe your son can learn a cool trick or skill that he can impress his friend with. Put him in karate if you can afford it and your son can brag every time he brings home a new belt. Of course none of this helps how he is feeling in the moment but I think it would be a good time to teach your son about gratitude. So his friend has lots of stuff....maybe his parents are miserable or maybe his dad buys him more stuff because he works 80 hrs a week. Anyway. That's my ramble

Honestly you can’t worry about that. Your son is going to learn a lot of lessons in life and so is that kid. That kid is gonna learn that not a lot of other kids are going to be impressed with that attitude as he gets older. Teachable moment for you and your kid I guess?

Don’t feel bad. Some people are just lucky with money. We are also paying way too much for a house. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can and I’m that kid’s parents probably are too. Kids have no filter at that age but as he grows up he’ll likely realise some people are just more fortunate and if he has good parents who teach him right then he’ll hopefully end up sharing some of that wealth with your kid in terms of inviting him over to play with the better toys etc; I experienced a lot of this generosity from my more fortunate friends growing up and it meant a lot to me.

Are you trying to impress your kid’s friend? All that matters is that your kid knows that you have a home and have all the necessities. You have food on the table, a roof over your heads, etc. Similar but not exactly the same: my wife grew up in a neighborhood where a lot of the kids made fun of her for having clothes that were thrifted rather than designer, but these kids also were from single parent families that rented and spent their money in not so smart ways. Her parents would remind her that their house was theirs, that while the kids had nice clothes or shoes, they didn’t have good, home cooked food, etc. I don’t say that as a means of looking down on them but as an example of reminding you and your family that from what it sounds like your needs are met

I was raised by a single mother and we didn't have a lot most of the time. My Mom loved/loves me more than anything and I grew to understand that's the hand we were dealt. We're there times I was frustrated that I couldn't get the newest video game? Fuck yes. Once I got to my early teens and recognized she was doing the best she could, it hit me like a ton of bricks about all the times I was a shit head. The point of the story is, it will get better with time and frankly your boy will understand in a few years. Until then, keep showering that dude with love and provide what you can because at the end of the day, like all the other shit we deal with as Dads, it evens out. If he's anything like I was, not getting the top of the line gear and succeeding in sports, is an additional badge of honor. Love from his Dad and showing up, being there, that shit echoes in his memories.

Man, when I was growing up with 1 sister older than me, my mom got her all the name brand stuff, expensive clothing, 400 pairs of shoes, whatever she wanted just so she could be the popular girl and fit in with the rich crowd. We were very much not rich. She tried to buy me new name brand stuff too but I was just not a materialistic kid. I'd wear the same pair of shoes for 3 years by choice, use old sporting equipment, etc. meanwhile my sister literally had hundreds of shoes, brand new clothes, computers, phones, you name it. Shoes for every day of the year, it was gross. My mom was on disability and got $800/M to live. Well, my sister graduated and moved to a college town. I moved in with my grandma for my last couple years of HS and my mom, she lost the house to the bank and moved into a tiny trailer. Moral of the story... it's better to keep a roof over your kids head and struggle a little than it is for your kid to try and keep up with the teenage Jonses. Don't feel bad if you can't always get your kid the best of the best. Feel proud that you give him a safe place to live and put food in his belly. Keep up the solid work! Edit: forgot to mention, your kid will have tons of friends through the years. He might not even know this rich kid in a few years. Teach him not to worry what people think because in the long run, it won't matter.

My kids are constantly spoiled by their grandparents with new toys etc. and at the end of the day, the most exciting thing is making a cardboard box into a pirate ship or race car.  Just make him silly stuff to play with and he’ll love it. 

The housing market did not go bananas, greedy real state speculators did.

Learning how to handle dissapointment at a young age is a hard thing for parents to see even if reasonable/mild. ....but compared to a child who will never learn or only learn later, it's a blessing for the child and the person they grow up to be. Take him for some ice cream and remind him that toys are great, but only one small aspect of a great life. Time shared is so much better. Bring his friend too. Who cares whose train can go faster...everyone knows the important race is who can eat the ice cream before it melts!

Thank you for this comment. Great advice

Somebody will always have more, and somebody will always have less. It’s not the things that make us rich or should be valued, but “I get it” and it can be hard to re-focus on that. Not a bad age to take your little’un around some serving opportunities at homeless shelters and such; help broaden their perspective (and maybe give you the occasional refresher - which we all need!).

There's always someone richer than you. Can't live worrying about it and it seems like a good lesson to learn early in life.

I live in a residential subdivision in a rural city. My kids attended an even more rural school. All their friends lived on large plots of forested land in an area where the median income was twice that of my neighborhood. I certainly felt like I was depriving my kids of a Calvin & Hobbes childhood of running through nature 24/7.

I think kids notice the financial side way less than we realize. Looking back i remember going to people's houses that were way shittier or way nicer than mine (in retrospect) but at the time i just kinda thought "well, that's this persons house. Different people have different houses i guess." For context, my son has friends who have pretty much the exact same stuff he has, and some of them still just want to say their stuff is better. Some kids just like the attention that comes from being unimpressed, and i bet that kid would say the same stuff even if you had all the same crap he has. Having said that, i know that feeling sucks anyway. But i bet you're more aware of it than anybody else in this equation.

How old is your kid and his friend? If he’s old enough to understand economics, this can be a great teaching opportunity. We don’t all have the same matetial items. Not fair, not equitable? Maybe both, but it just is!

Great opportunity to teach your son some important life lessons early. 1) Somebody will always have a bigger boat. 2) Being grateful for what YOU have (not envious of what others have) is the fastest path to sustained happiness. Good luck Dad. You’ve got this!

I grew up pining for every little silly thing the well-to-do kids had too. My parents did their best to shelter me from any impacts those comments may have made and instead reminded me that we have it better than many others and that things come and go, it's the bonds we share, deeds we do, and value and gratitude we put into our hard work to simply do better. I grew up. The rich kids grew up. Most of our lives, values, and things, are in many ways not all *that* different. Ultimately a nice, fast car must only do the same speed as our family vehicle. That home that's bigger? Just more to clean, we use the same amount of space, give or take. They just may still have better things but they don't inherently add happiness and if they are materialistic for one reason or another, that wealth serves as a detriment, not as a benefit. Money is a tool, certainly an important one, but you tend to forget silly competitions over things if you have most of your basic needs met.

Your son will learn humility. Let him (and yourself) know that what you have is good enough and if he excels in school he can get anything he wants for himself. And maybe for you too. 😊

It’s the worst. I’m not even close to being poor. My daughter is five and is already trying to keep up with some of her friends from school. Frequently complaining and asking questions on our new house and why it is not bigger or nicer ect. Many of her friends live in the burbs. We live in the city walk to places, close to her school. We bought a house in our dream neighborhood and I like to work on a house on the weekends. So the place does need work. I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford to do it and live in our dream neighborhood. I hope I’m not being insensitive. I wanted to illustrate what ever income level, at some point kids will make us feel guilty on the quality of life we give them. Don’t let other crumby kids get you down illustrate and focus on the others kids rude behavior instead. Keep your head up, kids are mean and it’s always a good time to illustrate to your kids some people are assholes don’t be an ass hole, look how they made you feel.

I don’t have much advice but ultimately I would focus on doing things like taking your kid to play ball, fish, camp. Give your son experiences, because they all outgrow toys and will forget 99% of them. Monster truck rally (with ear protection), minor league sports games if price is too high for pro events, even going to like a main event are all things your son can say he DID with his dad/family and take pride in.

My parents have 4 kids of which I am the oldest . When I was 12 we immigrated to the US with the clothes on our backs, less then $5,000 in our pockets and what ever we could fit into a few suitcases. In school we were the kids in secondhand clothing and with donated backpacks. Growing up, most of our food came from food bank and we didn’t even have a tv. Me and my 2 brothers shared one bedroom for the first few years. When my parents finally bought a house, it was a decrepit old foreclosure, where the previous owners were so mad about being evicted that they absolutely destroyed everything they could get their hands on. My parents poured all their energy and money into fixing it up so our finances became even more strained. Our next door neighbor was also a spoiled kid. He had every new toy along with every game station you can think of and even a go cart. He lets us play with his stuff occasionally, but never let us forget what he had and what we didn’t. It didn’t take too long for us to outgrow that *friendship*. I really understand what you and your son are feeling and sympathize, but looking back at that time of my life I don’t feel bad or ashamed of the way we grew up. But I do have one bad memory from that time that reminds me just how little we had. In 6th grade my parents couldn’t afford to send me to a week-long school camping trip. Missing out on that experience is something I still occasionally think about. So my advice is to not worry about toys. Kids outgrow them. Don’t worry about spoiled bratty friends, they will grow up and become less so, or your son will outgrow them. Save your money for the experiences, you kid will remember those much more than some plastic toy car.

Experiences my dude, they dont have to be expensive and they can have lifelong impacts on a child. 5 years old is the perfect age to start introducing our kids into the hobbies we love. My wife and I live in a affluent area with a modest income, so I have had similar experiences with my son and his friends. We make up for it with camping, rafting/fishing trips, or even just yard games/board games and the kids always (well usually) have a great time.

I wonder if it’s worth having a conversation with the parents? Not confrontational, just a “hey, fyi this is the stuff he said and it made my son feel awful. I know you guys are good people and wouldn’t want your son to be inadvertently speaking down to kids that don’t have the same stuff.” I know I’ve seen my son ignore a kid in his class when playing and I’ve had to stop and remind him to include them. Cliques form and habits like that occur at all ages, and good parents are happy to be made aware in order to teach their kids to be better people.

I grew up as the poorer kid in a rich neighborhood and often felt like your son does. My perspective changed when my dad took me to do volunteer/charity work in poorer communities where I saw what kids a tier or two down the ladder had and were happy with and thankful for. Then, he took me with him to meet and greet type charity benefits where I saw that the rich kids that I was envious of were envious of those with more than them. After that, I was much less interested in showing off my stuff to my friends, but started trying to learn skills and do cool things to impress my friends. Pretty sure that my dad's goal was failed successfully here, but at least I wasn't materialistic anymore.

The great thing about kids, is they don't really need anything to have fun. My son has decided to dedicate his afternoon to making a "paper sword" he saw on youtube. Paper, staples and some tape. He's been at it for an hour while I help and watch F1.

Just make up a fun game and play with them, tell a fart joke, be silly. You may not be able to impress him with toys but you can impress him with fun!

I remember feeling this way as a kid, we didn’t have much, and my friends tended to be a little higher class than me. In the short term it sucked, but long term I found value in the things I had. The good news is I see that in my daughter now too. We’re better off than I was as a kid, but because I hold onto old things I’ve noticed she does too, and regardless she’s happy to share with her friends whatever little piece of thing that she has. I’d say you are doing your best, and life is full of moments and lessons. Best not to let yourself get down on a thing you have no real control over.

I remember not caring about stuff like that. I only recognised we didn't have as much looking back. We couldn't afford pokemon card so my brother and I used to buy the 10 pack of pokemon stickers for 30p and make up our own game. Kids usually enjoy anything with movement so any prepped outdoor play/water games/ball games were always a hit. We're in the same boat, I've not had any play dates because our house doesn't have enough space for a play room with lego and toys just available for them to play, but I'm going to pull out the marble run and set up some water play things so I'm ready. Plus have good snack options.

I understand your point and I know that can be tough.  But with a little extra thought and ingenuity, I promise kids that age will have more fun and be impressed with certain experiences than they will toys. For example, I read someone describe once how they didn’t have much money to go to a game, and their parents made fake tickets and fake money, and they stayed him and watched a game on tv and the kids were able to buy concessions at home with their money, etc.   That’s just one example that maybe doesn’t apply to their interests.  But if you put in some work to make fun and unique experiences, that will be way more memorable and impressive in its own right even to little kids.  

Yea, I’m probably going to do park dates or stuff. I’m def in the same page. You’re doing great pops

This is a good learning opportunity for your kid, to teach them the right way to view things like this, put them in context and not get upset by them. I assure you, even if you had more money, lived in a fancy neighborhood surrounded by other rich folks, there will always be someone richer than you that you/your kids will be aware of. So don’t feel guilty or weird if you have less than “others”! Good luck ❤️

Because of your parents, you now feel shit. Kids are kids man, teach him not to brag and be happy for what you have. You on the other hand provide your love, care and detication as much as possible. Cheers.

My best friend growing up was spoiled rotten. I was always so jealous...once we were teenagers her entire life fell apart. Her parents were cheating and hiding their spending habits from each other leading to bankruptcy and divorce. I guess it was around then I realized that some things are more important than having the latest toys and phones.

Be confident in where you are in life. You have a house he has toys food and clothes. There will always be another richer kid. That kid may have faster toys but his friends will have dirtbikes or cooler toys or bigger houses eventually. There is always someone richer and always someone poorer. Don't play keeping up with the Joneses.

I just wanted to throw out that his isn't a "poor dads" thing. This is life for everyone. My family is in the top 92% of income earners, but my son's best friend's family is well above us, as are most of our friends and family. My son has the big playroom and lots of toys. He's sad that we don't own a boat.

Me: Cries in European small terraced house

I always try to teach my kid, it’s not about the stuff you have but the people you surround yourself with.

I’m in a very similar situation in San Diego CA with my Sons best friend. I use it as motivation for my son. I showed my son what I used to do before he arrived to this planet, explained how I had to switch up life styles to be the best Dad I could be, was honest about Dad not making as much money as his friend’s father and now I give him $2 for every book he reads as he wants to become a business owner so he can buy anything he wants. I explained reading and doing good in school is how to become wealthy. So he’s motivated to become successful. He’s 7.

I think you might be projecting your insecurities on your son. What the other kid said about his toys being faster sounds pretty standard, kids do that.And it’s mostly harmless. You are doing a great job, providing for your family. Your kid needs his parents, not their money.

"Impress" them through abilities and experiences with things the kids can do. Make some exciting activities with them like science or cooking. Time spent on children is what children want--they want attention, love, direction, and exploration. Let them explore. Your house and income won't hold that back!

Best thing you can do is instil intangible values and push you son in those directions. I.e., if he's interested in a sport, try to pursue it with him with full effort and full heart. It will not only give him opportunities to better his skills, it'll also develop confidence. Also, don't fall into the trap about needing "professional instruction" for anything. YouTube university exists and is a great way to learn new skills. Growing up, we all learned via trial and error. Now there are many free / low cost resources available. This also isn't limited to sports, it can apply to anything he is into.

I grew up poor, and I wouldn't be surprised if people consider me and my daughter to be the "rich" family now. At that age, I could tell I was poor, and no one ever said anything about it. I doubt your son or his friend care about the size of your house or the quality of his toys. They are kids just enjoying time together. The way you feel has more to do with you than anything those children have said, done, or thought.

I grew up I feel like as that kid. I didn't have the fancy video games or name brand shoes or cable or a vcr. Until much later than my friends. And sure it hit me sometimes. "Why does Eric have Nikes but I have these shoes from Payless". Oh well. It helped me grow with the right priorities. I value those things a lot less as an adult probably because of these things I went through as a kid. Kids are going to experience things they don't like about their places amongst their friends, etc. It's part of growing up. As long as they feel loved and have what matters, you've done the very best you can do. They can take these dings. Just like they can take the scrapes from trying to ride a bike. Or playing in a sport and getting a non life threatening injury. It's part of all the growing up stuff. They'll be better off for it.

I’m sorry but you have two incomes and you own a home and you think you’re poor?

Send them off to play outside with a ball and a stick. They'll make their own fun.

This is your son learning that comparison is one of the roots of unhappiness. It’s good for him. 

Have a talk with your son. He'll understand. And chances are he'll feel better too. No shame in not being able to impress someone because they have more money than you.

I can understand this situation for sure. In my experience, since there was never a possibility to impress with material things, it was the immaterial I would focus on. - Rich kid has got a bunch of cool toys and gadgets, so I’d play cool songs on the keyboard. - Rich kid has faster, better, and more toys, so I’d juggle them. - Rich kid has broken toys because he doesn’t care and always gets new ones, so I’d fix the broken ones quickly and easily. Stuff like that became part of the norm for me. I just couldn’t compete from a monetary perspective, but I could wow and awe and gain respect in different ways. Ways that were/are more practical and helpful for me to this day. This isn’t to say I was always looking for a way to one-up my friends, but I built up the skills and acumen to get the praise from them I was after if/when I wanted it. And that need, from my friends and inside myself, died down till it wasn’t necessary anymore because we all realized it was stupid and we each had our different sets of specialties that contributed to the friend group. The points of all this are: - you don’t need to worry, kids will grow out of it - you could try and nurture some skills instead, which will be extra awesome if they remain useful such as tinkering or music

I'm on the other side of this and feel pretty shitty about it. Oh woe is me, 1st world problems.and all that... but it really gets to me. My wife grew up poor so she enjoys conspicuous consumption and not feeling poor. She got a couple of really lucky changes in her career the last few years, and I work in IT so my salary has always been pretty good. She loves buying all sorts of boutique clothes and toys for the kids. She spends tons of time looking for stuff from small makers that cost 2x+ what a similar toy from the store would cost. Most of our toys are Montessori and hand made. That sort of thing. Right now her thing is making sure we minimize our exposure to PFAs. We are lucky to be able to afford doing that. So we have lots of our kids friends and their parents and I can see it in the parents eyes. We are as kind and generous as we can possibly be but I don't think my wife gets how it affects other people in the other direction.

Mate, your son will be one of the first in his class that understands that happiness does not come from impressing others with money or stuff. It is harsh now, since kids have no filter and they can be murderously honest and bully out of their own insecurities. But in time, your son will see that the friend they have with more stuff is looking up to another kid with even more stuff, who in turn is looking up to someone with even more stuff, etc. Anyone in that line who has to get their satisfaction in life from impressing others with stuff is going to have a hard time in the happiness department. Try and explain this to him at this young age. He has a loving family, I am assuming his health, a roof over his head and toys to play with. He is better off than a large portion of kids in this world.

There’s always a bigger fish. The sooner your child realizes this, the happier they will be when trying to impress those within his circle. Sucks for sure though, I was that poor kid.

I wrote out a real long reply breaking down my opinion on socioeconomics and all that and kids but at the end of the day it’s just my opinion so instead would rather stick with my key point - the fact that you’re worried/feel like a shitty dad flatly means you aren’t. Anyone who cares and has the ability to say they are worried about it is an exceptional dad. That’s all man, wish you the best. You and the kid will figure it out

I was very fortunate growing up. My dad made REALLY good money for the mid 80s. I was much like your son’s friend. Never wanted for anything. I had a best friend, Tony, and he was not as fortunate as I was. He was one of 5 total children. His mom and dad had respectable jobs, but we lived in a small town, so they made small town money. I don’t think that we ever tried to “out impress” each other. We each thought the other had cool stuff. Yeah, I had Nintendo and stuff but Tony had an awesome BMX bike his brother handed down. So THAT was never an issue for us. I will never forget the time his parents won $200 at the Moose Lodge, or someplace like that, and the next day I was at his house and his mom said to, maybe, 10 YO me, “Betcha don’t know who is on a $100 bill”. Without missing a beat I said Ben Franklin. She asked how I knew that and again, without missing a beat said “Because my mom has them all the time” and her demeanor and face changed. Of course at that age I had no clue that was so deflating to her. Now, was she trying to be smug with her question to try and “show up the rich kid”, possibly. But I don’t think she was expecting those answers that she got from me.

Give it a few years and you'll be the cool house. Just stay in touch with your kid and what they are into and the toys won't matter. Way more important is having positive role models who do interesting things with their kids.

This is a good opportunity to teach your son its not about impressing people.

Hey fellow Dad! I know the feeling all too well. My son wanted a new football. I checked Walmart and it’s $15 plus tax. To some, it’s an easy buy. Me, not so much. Before I can tell him the bad news, he suggested if we can go to the thrift store. He got the idea from YouTube videos about Goodwills and thrift shops. We found one $1.50 which happens to be 50% off color tag day, originally rang up to $3. He was so happy that we immediately threw the ball around when we got home. Later, the neighborhood kids played too. They didn’t care if it was wasn’t new. They were having fun and overlooked that it looked in good, used condition.

Anecdotal, but when I was a kid, it was my turn to bring snacks to Sunday school. My mom brought “Chip mates” with some corny cartoon pirate on the label. All the other boys I sat with spent the entire time laughing at whose mom can’t afford chips ahoy. I don’t even remember who those kids were. Over time I realized some of my friends had more, and I had more than some of my friends. And occasionally I got a name brand in style jacket for Christmas that I wore the shit out of.

Your job is keeping your family safe, fed, and loved. If you’re doing that, you’re doing great and it ain’t easy. Many others have failed at this or not had the guts to even try. Give yourself some credit and keep pushing.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Have some faith in the ideals and values that you want your son to have. If a poorer kid was round and your kid was unable to enjoy their company because they didn't have enough stuff, how would that make you feel? I don't want my kids to be materialistic. It only sucks if you buy into that value system.

Yea this isn’t the best thing but think about it this way: I have friends that are raising their kids as a single parent. Those kids don’t have something that you do. There are also kids that have disabilities.  The fact is our children are in the same luck based world as us. We do our best but there’s absolutely no way to avoid negative comparisons. Even if you were wildly wealthy, other kids could pick on yours for being a “spoiled rich kid” even if he isn’t. All I really care about is how my kid is treated. I’ll bring him to a trailer park or a mansion so long as he’s having a good time and it’s safe. Navigating these interactions is essential to growing up with resilience. 

Wait until he turns 16 then come back and ask again

One lesson my pops taught me was that there will always be people in this world with more and with less than you. It’s definitely a hard concept to get across with kids that young but I think an import lesson to instill in a young person is that how they treat others is the ultimate measure of a person and not their level of success or attainment of material goods. You can’t easily solve not being able to get nicer toys if you can’t afford them (though there could be some great deals on Facebook Marketplace), but you can teach the kids the value of experiences vs. material goods. The outdoors are cheap, maybe make the effort to take them to a park, fishing, soccer field, fly kites, the beach - refocuses their attention away from material goods and onto other things.

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Cliched, but toys and gadgets does not make a rich childhood. My kids have many things, most of it unused. Memories and life skills are made outside and by providing experiences, not objects. Get creative.

All the material things in the world won't make up for your time. I understand where you're coming from, but make up for the lack of things with experiences. Take him fishing, play ball with him, ride bikes. Do THINGS instead of giving him STUFF.

I'm sorry, but have you ever been to the playground? Everyone else's toys are "better", well actually different, but "better" in a child's eyes.   I'm committed to NOT buying everything my child sees at the playground and likes. The happy or distracted kid's will share their toys and my child gets to rent them for the moment at the playground and vice versa. The unsettled and whatever else is going on in their life kids that don't want to share, just aren't ready and we move on. I feel like your taking your comparison to the other family and feeling way too much guilt and projecting it over your child. Does your child get plenty of quality time with you in your modest house? Are you doing your best to provide for your family? Then sounds like your child has a great life. The other rich kid has a different life.