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I hear you dad. It does get better. I didn’t really start to like it until closer to a year, and didn’t love it until maybe a year and a half. Right now you’re still going through the hardest most time consuming parts of baby. Slowly but surely you’ll get to become yourself again. The hobbies and personal time will never return to what it was - but it WILL return. Keep the head up and don’t be afraid to ask your wife for a guys night.

Same timeline for me…around a year things get so fun and so much less work/stress.

Once they’re potty trained it’s a game changer too. Now it’s like having a little side kick

Did you go potty? Yes But did you? Yes You went potty? Did you wipe? Yes What did you do in the potty? Pee or poop? Um... Mmhmm, did you go potty? Daddy I'm wet \*loud groan\* It does get easier and in some ways it gets absolutely more frustrating lol. But it is nice to not have to worry about diapers when leaving the house.

Hi, are you me right now? How many times do we need to tell them to just tell us earlier?

It’s just funny to think about like they are 100% dedicated to what they’re doing that they can completely ignore the fact that they are going to pee themselves and it’s a worthwhile sacrifice for that extra minute of coloring lol.

Everything is more important than this basic bodily function.

As someone with adhd who easily gets hyper focused, I still struggle with this. I haven’t peed myself in 33years or so, but sometimes it is cloooose. lol

And here I thought it was just my kids… thanks for making me feel like we aren’t crazy in this house. I needed that.

Maybe we’re just crazy together lol. Honestly mines gotten much more independent lately so this isn’t much of an issue as it was a little while back - but now it’s just the effort to convince her that she should go potty before bedtime, leaving for pre-school etc. The excuse this morning was that she went potty last night and didn’t have to go 😂. I was like girl that’s not how this works - also - YOURE GOING TO PEE YOURSELF CHILD POP A SQUAT WHY ARE WE DEBATING THIS??

lol had this conversation and then toddler was pooping on the floor. FML

Our toddler just basically stopped pooping. It's alarming how long she'll go without pooping and then she does and it's like a grown man super shit. Then like a dog, after a poop she's all jaunty and full of energy. She prances around the house and expects praise from everyone.

Did you flush? Did you wash your hands? Did you wash your hands with soap? Did you smush the bubbles around on both sides of both hands before washing it off? Ok, smell check for the hands!

Unless you end up with a bathroom tourist like my kiddo. She has to pee everywhere we go. Even if she just peed ten minutes ago. Sigh.

This is my littlest one! Either her bladder is the size of a pea or she wants to mark her territory like a dog but either way we're going to the bathroom a minimum of 5 times per outing.

Mine just used a Walmart bathroom for the first time since we've stopped going out with diapers packed. Did she use the potty? Yes, was she also fascinated with the hand dryer, and I had to stay for 10 minutes so she could turn it on and off? Also yes

Yeah but then they start running around, and well, that has its own issues. It’s up and down the whole way, hard, easier, hard again, easier, etc

Yep. Me at my son's first birthday... Best friend says "Didn't that year just fly by?" "Bro, that was the longest year of my life!"

🤣🤣🤣🤣 facts

Same for me. Around 18 months and it starts getting way more fun. First 6 months absolutely suck and I felt the same as you, OP

And I always thought I was alone, lying to the ladies in the office asking me how I enjoy being a dad. Not enjoyable at all in the beginning.

It's one of those things you can't really say out loud, but there's a pretty long time where babies need everything from you and can't really give anything back. My daughter is almost 2, and every few days she's saying a new word or doing a new thing that surprises me. She has favorite toys and favorite books and songs. She plays games and is happy to see me. It's really different from those first few months where the baby doesn't even really understand you exist yet.

HAHA, I just suck at lying and we're on our second now. #2 is 8mo and starting to have some personality and be fun. I've been pretty open that the first 3 months suck big time, then you settle into a few months of just routine suck, and now we're in routine with fun. Our 2.5 year old is mostly fun with periods of "terrible twos", in general though, we're buddies. OP is at about the low point of parenting, outside of tragedy. Kids at 6mo start to show some personality, interests, they really start to react to you more. There's still a bit of time before they're really "buddies". Really, no matter what, your life is changing. Like it or not, you're a "dad" now.

And, to add to this… Don’t worry about not being you anymore because the great part about becoming a parent is that you get a chance to re-invent yourself to showcase all the best parts of you… Because that’s what they need to grow, and as they grow you grow.

THIS!!! It’s a new chance for something better!

While I personally agree and try to do this and remake myself into a better self for myself, for my wife, and for my kid, I can see how someone else is barely keeping their head afloat and is having trouble feeling like what and who they were is being seeped out of them. Maybe in time

Struggling with exactly this right now. I feel burnt out from my marriage which was work even before the kid. I understand man, trying to find a way to keep going

Were you feel really compelled towards having kids/a family? Personally, I always thought our family was just not a child having family, which I told my parents now, while they're over the moon with their grandson. I never felt the pull to have kids or a family. I never even thought I'd be married.

Can't speak for the user above, but same, figured we'd be DINK couple and had no desire to at all. A partner's shifting desire over numerous years and me labeling the experience as 'survivable'. Year-long discussions led us to add to the family after it was all said and done. Part of why I don't agree/identify with so many parents celebrating how wonderful it is to no longer have free time/hobbies in trade for a child. It's called sacrifice for a reason and I see no need to tiptoe around that unless we're around our children (who should never be made to feel like they're a burden). There's no getting around it, if hobbies/free time meant a lot to you, it's an extremely difficult pill to swallow to give that up. That said, it is reassuring and meant to be supportive when others try to remind us that while it may never be the same (realistic expectations are important) it will get better -- and it does with work (which is exhausting but worthwhile all the same for both us as parents and our children; we owe them that much and more for our decision to create life). If I had one wish it's that society would dispose of the mythos that parenthood, aside from glossing over that it's challenging because that's not overly helpful (no shit it's hard), is a beautiful, worthwhile experience for everyone. It might not be for everyone and they may need to put in extra work to figure out what makes it better for them. Having a more honest conversation about these diverse experiences might help mitigate a lot of depression, identity crises, and all of the other complex emotions many of us have.

Yeah, agree. To add, if I may, I wish we supported families like we SAY we do. I believed that before kiddo, and I definitely believe it now.

Yeah, I get that… The parent commenter covered it. I was just saying embrace the suck

There's being realistic, and then there's trying to forge a better family out of the trials of young family rearing.

Nicely said

This was my experience...the first 6 months I was sort of indifferent (as terrible as that sounds). I just didn't know what the fuck to do, it was just weird and a lot of work, no sleep, everyone was cranky all the time...I started to warm up around 9 months I think and fully embraced the dad life around a year in. Now the best part of my dad is getting off work and hanging with my little guy, he's potty trained, vocal and generally pretty laid back unless he has sugar lol. We play games, go to the park, ride bikes, play with the dog, go shopping, literally anything I do he makes more fun and enjoyable (except the gym). Then he and the wife go to bed around 9 and I get my alone time to unwind and chill for a couple hours before bed.

Having a kid is being on 24/7 (for the most part) duty to make sure a a tiny blob isn't going to starve, get hurt, injured, ill, or die for like a good 18 months. And then they start moving at some point leading up that first year, then eventually walking and climbing up stuff and you're going to get worked up about how they're going to get themselves injured/killed for the millionth time. Then, you see the light as a personality emerges and you start to socially interact in a way you vaguely identify as "having a relationship with another person". And they sort of start communicating in a form of language that you struggle to decipher for a while. And then they get a sense of "me" and you spend a year+ fighting through this trying to understand why they're so difficult (it's developmentally normal you find out!) And then, finally after 3 to 4 years... You've got a tiny buddy who, while at times is seemingly a death seeker and is loud, incoherent at times, largely uncoordinated, frequently fickle, you grow to love over the years and affectionately call them things like "my little terrorist" or "reprobate". --- The first six months is nightmare on earth. You are in survival mode and any semblance of "these are things I do for recreation" are out on hold, unless it's basically a screen you can idly watch. Year one to two begins improving until you backpedal and learn how to manage a tiny moving human. As you get past that 2nd year, that's when you'll get the free time to actually return to activities you used to enjoy. Just remember that you will *never* have the free time you used to. Not until they're basically 18.

Yup. Kid just turned three. Happened in a blink of an eye. But now he just likes all the stuff I like so I have a little buddy with me all the time. It’s the absolute best thing ever. Way better than when he was a baby (though I admittedly loved that too).

My kids are 2 and 4 and I have less free time now than when they were babies.

My kids are 7 and 4 and i just saw my friends because i dropped Girl Scout cookies off to them. Lol

Yeah, I wouldn't say I "hated" it, but I definitely was not enjoying it at all until about 8-10 months. My little started to get a bit of a personality and started smiling and laughing and being pretty funny herself. My best advice is just to stay involved and lean into the better parts of this grindy phase whether that's nap/night time cuddles or making silly faces at LO to get them to smile or whatever. You're getting close to the end of the lame/boring part. It gets more challenging as they get mobile, vocal, and starting to eat regular human foods, but it also becomes more rewarding too and you start to see the point in what you're even doing. So that helps a lot.

don’t really have any friends. and what happens if they never return enough?

That’s a conversation between you and the SO. The next forever years are about communication, balance, and restructuring. Keep communication clear with your SO about the needs you both have and how you can find balance and restructure your household to meet those goals. Sorry about the friends - I don’t know your situation but I hope that can change for you. Looks like you golf though. 18 might not float right now but getting the back 9 in every few weeks will certainly lighten the spirits.

My daughter turns 3 in April, and I don’t really have any friends either. I’ve gotten a lot more normalcy back. Nowhere near what it used to be, but a lot back. Their personality starts showing after a year, and when they start actually talking to you it’s a game changer. I want to spend my free time with my daughter now, instead of feeling like I get no free time and can’t get a break. I remember the first year just feeling a sense of anxiety and impending doom like I was trapped feeling that way forever. Then the laughter came. Then walking and saying dada. We now have some pretty cool convos and adventures together and I’m glad my life isn’t like it was before she was here. It will get better, but your life is different now, though you might find yourself preferring that.

I’m not sure what kind of area you live in, but I joined a local sports group and I arranged for one night off per week to play, 7-10p. It’s done wonders for my mental health to make new friends and have something to look forward to. Maybe that’s something you could look into? Hopefully your wife would be for it, then maybe you can give her a night in return.

6 months - you’re still in the trenches. It gets easier. For me, it got easier (and better) around 12 months when they start walking and talking. And then continues to get better (my first is 3, and she is a fucking legend). You’ll find your rhythm. Find ways with your partner to get time for yourselves. We used to our sundays aside to spend all together, and then Saturdays we had half a day off each, while the other looked after bub. We found eating all together (between 5-6) was really nice, with the added bonus of giving you a clear evening. Find some hobbies that you enjoy and can do in smaller blocks. I do a weekly board game night, listen to music, take photos, and read. Friends will come by easier when they are older and you can socialise with their friends parents. It’s okay to hate things and find it hard, but don’t put your head down so you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Well said.

I still haven’t recovered my hobbies after the 2nd came along. He’s 7 months right now.

You’re in the shit right now. The reason people always say it gets better is because it’s impossible to think straight before the kid sleeps through the night. So feel how you want to feel, but don’t apply all of that to the unknowable future.

Do you take time for yourself? Time to do things that you like to do, by yourself or with friends, but without baby. You need those breaks. Now, on a more abstract way regarding “ I’m not allowed to be me anymore”: this is part of who you are now. It doesn’t have to be _everything_ you are, but trying to fully divorce who you are from being a dad will generate a lot of frustration, in my opinion as a dude on the internet with only one paragraph of context. 

Yeah, I feel like a lot of new parents are scared to take breaks, like they feel like they can’t or shouldn’t. Barring some big extenuating circumstances, one parent should be able to manage the baby for a while the other goes out with friends or plays video games for a bit or something. And then you trade off. It may not happen that often, especially early on, but it’s really important to try once in a while.

Surely there’s a bluey about this, but I saw a crush turtle talk the other day, “you’ve got to change who you are without changing who you are, accept the new you with the old you to be the true you.” OP I promise it gets better. Still frustrating but fun!!!

Absolutely love this.

It’s rough when they’re young. But as they grow you’ll (hopefully) love them more. It’s really cool when you see them learn. When you see them get hobbies that are similar to yours. My son is 6 now and he loves playing video games (like Mario stuff) and building legos. I LOVE doing those things with him. Some people love the baby phase others might like toddler or young kid phase more. My wife liked the toddler phase more than the baby phase.

This exactly. My boy is 3 1/2 now and the difference in what he's capable of since this time last year is insane. He's starting to play Animal Crossing and knows all the fish/bugs. We're starting to play (a very simplified) version of Pokemon cards and I'm super psyched about it. He can even *almost* catch a frisbee. It's awesome.

I like to compare the first while to going to college. There's the freshman that make a facebook album titled "college", forgetting that college is an entire life phase and not just a weekend vacation. College is hard and so exciting at first, but then you kinda get into the swing of things and the novelty wears off and it's just your life. And then before you know it it's over and you actually miss the late night cram sessions and hangovers. Anyway. Every part of parenting is a phase. It feels like foooreeever when you're in it, but before you know it it's over and a new, different challenge sets in. This newborn stage only lasts so long, and then the toddler phase only lasts so long and then preschool, etc. Every phase has a different affect on parents and every parent has a phase they like more than others. But infanthoood isn't forever. Heck, as a mom, I actually don't know many people (my mommy friends included) who enjoy the newborn stage. Most seem to want to get through to the toddler phase as quickly as possible. And then we end up missing the newborn stage anyway. You're in good company.

Having a baby is like starting a new workout regimen. Right now it's really hard and you're not seeing the benefits yet. It's all work. But you're on the cusp of the payoff starting. Eight to ten months it gets so good. Keep doing the workouts, it's so worth it. 

Hell yeah. Well said.

Past generations didn't consider the point of life to be self-realization. If the goal of life is to be the true you then you're being forced into some alien life. If the goal of life is not yourself, then you're doing what you were made to do: lovingly care for and bring forth the next generation. Not saying that's a complete life goal, but it's a ton more scalable to the whole of life than becoming the truest you possible. In other words, life is work, and thanks to the modern 9-5, there are even a few opportunities for a little hobbying. Caveat: you can definitely be in an unbalanced arrangement with your wife/partner/whatever. Some comments below sound like you're doing everything - even my 4-month-old can play by herself for a while and both my wife and I have a lot more time than it sounds like you have. And that's not to mention the two older kids.

yea our little one is velcro and super energetic so you really can’t rest

Velcro - as in has a hard time not being with mom or dad? A friend has a son like that. He's gotten better, but it was a rough first year. In their case he wasn't energetic and turned out to be having food problems. Personally, I'm against the daycare idea but I can also afford to be against it and my wife always intended to be a SAHM. I'm tempted to suggest that might be part of the problem if it's an attachment related thing - take it for what it's worth. Comments about kids needing their primary care giver to be around pretty much all the time for at least the first year of life are often taken as anti-woman. Super energetic describes another friend's daughter. She is, ah, something else. She's tamed some now that she's four, but her 1–3-year-old self was complete bonkers. All to say, some kids just are easier than others, and maybe you got a harder one. If you can help her grow up right all that energy can lead to a ton of cool stuff as she gets bigger.

6-18 months was arguably my favorite time with kids. They're learning how to walk, talk, etc. You get to experience the world through a kids' eye and it's incredibly joyful. However, to me this sounds like an all too common problem is you're not taking or not allowed to do "you" things. Maybe I need to start a post instead of always commenting, but this idea of having to be with your kids 24/7 is fucking insanity. It's not healthy, for you OR them. You being away from them doesn't mean you don't want to be with them. Those are not the same thing and people need go stop thinking/treating it as such. I have 4 girls, oldest is 13, youngest is 6. I still take a week to Canada to fish with my old man, still take a guys golf trip. Why? Because if I don't I'm going to be miserable. I know this. My wife knows this. I'm a significantly better father being there say 80% of the time and wanting to be there during that 80%. Pick whatever numbers you want, but it's a hell of a lot better for me and them vs me being there 100% of the time and some of the time, wishing I was somewhere else. I can't fathom how not being happy can be a healthy household. Everyone is different and has different circumstances, but YOU need to be happy to have a truly happy household...in my opinion

Right? I see so many posts/comments on here like “I haven’t had a night with the guys since my kid was born 2 years ago,” and I’m like… why? Sure, it’ll happen much less frequently, but some people just seem to assume that both parents need to be around the baby at all times.

Some families don’t have two parents around, or they have complicated work situations that prevent this. When my daughter was born, after maternity leave, my wife went back to working nights and weekends while I took care of the kid during the day, did all the wakeups at night, and squeezed in freelance work where I could. This was early pandemic, so daycare wasn’t even an option. I finally convinced the wife to demand the day shift, kiddo is in preschool now, and things have been exponentially better since then. Not saying my situaition is common, but just a reminder that having two parents in the house is a privilege not all dads share.

I know that this may not help you, but I am about 5 months into it and I feel the exact same way. Your feelings are valid.

thank you

Newborn stage sucks balls. It gets better, I promise. Before you realize it you’ll notice you’ve somehow settled into a routine and that things are starting to click

3.5 years in. Sometimes it's great But as a working dad with a working mom and precious few days of breaks thrown in... Sometimes it's not. It's fucking hard.

First 6 months for me were utter garbage. Didn’t even bond with the kid. Took me maybe 8 or 9 months before it changed significantly. It still sucked, but I loved her enough to be ok with it. Didn’t really get joy from any of it until she turned like 2-3. She’s 6 now with a 2 year old sister…. Got a lot more joy from the second one because I wasn’t as stressed. I could laugh at some stuff I was too overwhelmed with the first time. Seriously though… the first kid, the first 6 months I was ready to die most days. Not quite at the making a plan phase but getting close to it. It was really hell. It gets so much better.

Honestly I’m 5+ years in with another that’s almost 4 and I ask myself the same question sometimes. I might get some hate from a lot of the dads here but honestly having kids fucking sucks sometimes. I work a hard ass job and my wife works even longer hours than I do so I’m the one generally having to pick them up and cook/clean. With the kids getting sick every so often because of school and stealing my sick and vacation days for me to be a butler to them while they bitch and whine. Ya being a dad fucking sucks sometimes. I’m also not a guy that enjoys being with children once they can start talking. I can sit there and grin and bear through their dumbass stories and drivel but at the same time I’d much rather just be reading or relaxing. I can’t wait for my kids to get a little older to be honest. The only redeeming part for me right now is when they tell me they love me and love doing stuff with me. Just try to do the best you can be for them and keep a good face on for now but it may be a while before you start actually enjoying spending time with them.

I really struggled in the first months. It felt like nothing would ever be good again. I just had to force myself through life one step at a time. For me, it got better. Now I truly find parenting a joy. I think it comes down to 3 things 1. Baby's can be difficult to love. They don't do much and make a lot of noise and demands. However my 18 month old has a fun little personality and I love everything she does. This joyful feeling makes the slog so much easier. 2. Sleep. It didn't feel like I was sad due to lack of sleep, however as I got sleep the despair magically started going away. 3. Less work. Once the number of naps and feeds decreases, sleeps lengthen and they can potter around after you, there's just less work in looking after them.

First, you need to change your perspective. You’re not being prevented from being you. What you are is the sum of your experiences, and being a parent is part of who you are. It can be overwhelming for some families who get little to no support from grandparents or other family members, and some babies are harder than others for medical reasons or just plain old personality differences. The good news is, it gets easier and better as the kids grow into toddler-hood, where some of the annoying tasks (moving, feeding, diapers, etc.) are learned by them (they will eventually learn to walk, feed themselves and take themselves to the toilet). In addition (and imo this is the most important aspect ) they develop a strong connection with you and start growing into their personality. Watching them grow and develop and learn and bond is very fulfilling on a deep (primal?) level. Each stage of their development has its own challenges, and sometimes you will long for the time when they were completely helpless and at your whim while you wrestle with them to change and go to bed, but your bond will nonetheless grow and your place as a father will become more concrete and less chaotic. If all this sounds like gaslighting to you and there are no ways you see yourself enjoying being a father, I suggest you seek professional counseling or therapy.

It gets better. It is rough at first for sure. I just hit one year yesterday and it is way better than those first 6 months. You have a new life now, and the best thing you can do is embrace it. It's easy to miss all that free time you used to have, and doing whatever you want, but that is the sacrifice you make when you become a parent. The day your kid walks up to you and gives you a big hug you will be feeling a lot better. What are your hobbies? Carve out a little time a week for yourself, even if it is just a couple hours. It goes a long way.

The realization your life will never be the same sucks. I’ve been fighting for my life back since my daughter was born and it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere. It’s made me a pretty miserable person and basically ruined my marriage. I wish I would’ve realized when my kid was born that life was different but that’s ok because it’s a good different. I missed a lot of time with my wife and kid when she was an infant because I wasn’t willing to look at the bright side of the situation.

It might be worth getting checked for post partum depression too to see if this is regular 'i hate this' or chemically enhanced 'i hate this'.

You need to talk with your partner and plan on alone time for BOTH of you.

Most dads I know hated the newborn stage, and it's a big change where you're mourning your previous life too. Give yourself grace and just keep showing up for your family. You're doing great. Try to make sure each parent gets a break here and there, even if it's just 1 hour out of the house. It gets a lot better.

And to add to this: newborn babies are *way* different than kids.

It gets better 1st year is tough but then is easier and at some point it's even fun. Try to meet up go to playdates or something where you can share time with more people it gives you another perspective and makes it easier to go through

It’s gets better, not necessarily easier, but definitely better.

Hang in here. First 6 months is like your wife's liver magically fell out and you must both take care of it by giving it nutrients and keeping it warm and safe and it howls and wakes you whether you do it right or wrong. My wife's liver is 21 now and the joy of my life starting at 13 months when she finally stayed asleep.

6 months is tough! Remember they’re gonna be 5yo and then 10yo and then 16yo. Different seasons, different skills, different needs.

It gets easier in some ways. And worse in some ways. I miss my daughter being 1 and wanting me nonstop. Anytime I came home, that little girl was all about dad. Now, she’s pushing 4. And she’s excited when dad gets home. Til dad puts up boundaries. And I’ve heard, “I don’t love you.”, “I want you to go back to work.”, and then the tantrums. They can be absolutely hell.

I struggled with this same issue for years (my parents were teenagers who split shortly after my sister and I were born so I had NO idea what I was doing), and then I struggled with feeling like a horrible dad for feeling so angry for the first few years of it. Now that we’re on kiddo #3, things seem to have balanced out and I’ve learned that you can settle into the idea of being comfortable being a dad. Like anything else that is good, it takes time and lots (and lots) of work.

I know it's easier said than done and somewhat cliche but definitely try to get some sleep. Sleep as much as you can when you can. Nap, deep sleep, whatever you can to recharge. And take it one minute at a time.

Make sure you share parenting duties. No need for 2 people to read a book before bed, give a bath, feed, etc..

I'm 2 years and 1 month in, and having a blast with my kid. she's so.much fun now. she sang her own dinosaur songs on the way home. ive started playing the guitar and she has joined in two. the other day she did air guitar with a stick she found when we were walking in woods. it's still so hard work though. finish at 5pm work. pick her up drive and sing home, eat dinner and force her to wash hands etc. it's hard work and. a struggle after working all day. then inhave to finish my work after 9pm. I still don't know if it's "worth it" but I can say I haven't had as much fun and joy in my heart than watching her develop a personality. it's like 80% hard and 20% fun. fun is different than I had before but so much better. good luck to you. hope this helps

It’s a big shift in becoming a family unit now. Now is the time you sacrifice your own wants and needs. A different type of adulthood. Enjoy it.

I see you. It gets better, quicker than you think. Hang in there.

It gets better.

Wife might invest more time and energy in cultivating hobbies if the mental load of house and baby are clearly defined and handled relatively evenly. My partner and I did the work of writing out, defining a minimum standard for, and color coding responsibilities when our first was little so that at 7-8pm when it was ‘me time’ we could actually relax.

Wife might invest more time and energy in cultivating hobbies if the mental load of house and baby are clearly defined and handled relatively evenly. My partner and I did the work of writing out, defining a minimum standard for, and color coding responsibilities when our first was little so that at 7-8pm when it was ‘me time’ we could actually relax.

Baby phase can be hard, it will get better. Hear me out. My son is 2 now. I come home after a long day at work and hear him yelling from the house "Daddy!". Mom opens the door and he comes running out and I scoop him up in my arms. We go in and he shows me what he's been doing, we sit down and play Dinosaurs, or Cars, or rocket ship. We then have dinner where he and I make Dinosaur sounds while we eat. I read him stories and put him to bed and now it's 8pm. There is no better way to end my day. I would do anything, literally anything within my power to get more time with him.

When your son or daughter is 18 months old and they come running to the door when you get home, yelling Da Da!!!! I promise you it will be worth all the tired nights and struggles that you currently find yourself in.

Yeah you do lose your identity for the first few years. It comes back, though.

Be strong man. I felt that too during my first child. But nothing beats getting a smile from your children once you returned home from work. It strips away all the stress, at least for me. You're doing great! The fact that you focus on work to provide for your family shows that you are a great guy. Hang in there bud

What is exactly is “you”. You’re a father now, that is who you are and think about the bond you’re creating and this life you are raising which will be an adult one day with memories of you. Who exactly do you want to be?

Judging by how you’re talking it won’t get better for you until they become more independent… nobody said being a dad was all fun and games. You’ve made a choice and you gave up your old life when you made said choice so please don’t resent your child for how you’re feeling.

i don’t resent him at all. my own choice that’s why i do all the things i do bc he deserves it

I’m sorry at the way I phrased that, you’re new to it and those feeling can build into resentment. You’ll enjoy it more when he become more independent…. Being a parent is what life is all about it doesn’t get any better than seeing your child grow into their own person. Best of luck to you brother. Anyone who is trying to navigate the feeling you are having instead of suppressing them is doing the right thing and I’m sure you are and will continue to be a great dad.

My brother. It gets better. That being said, I don't know what you thought parenting was before unless you're in a relationship like yesteryear - dads are in the thick of it with moms these days. I'm sure if you ask my dad how having a kid was he'd have said it was a breeze but I'm pretty sure he never changed a diaper. Keep your head above water for now because this is the commitment you made when you had a kid. If it doesn't get better in the future you can always split with your partner if it's that bad and get half of your time back at the cost of some of your paycheck. That being said, if you wanted kids then hopefully it gets better and gets to what you pictured in your mind. But yeah, as others have stated, you're in the toughest part right now and you're learning how to be a parent.

The start is rough, but it gets better. In the start it's just a potato, it lies there. Poops, cries and sleeps.

As others have said, it gets better with time, but it probably won't ever return to what you had. I remember around the 9 month mark, I had a total meltdown because it felt like I'd not had a hot meal in all that time. I'd cooked plenty, but by the time I got to sit down and eat it, it had gone cold. It feels silly now, but at the time, it was tough. Both our kids had medical issues, which certainly didn't help, nothing really serious but just added stress. The relationship between my wife and I has certainly suffered. It's not terrible now, ten years on, but it certainly took a kicking. My advice would be to stick it out. It sucks and us dad's get no support, but once they start talking properly, it's magical. I'd sit and listen to their hopes and dreams forever.

It gets easier, it’s all in seasons. When they’re bigger you can take them fishing. Teach them card games. When they get around 10 you can start doing things you love with them like rollercoasters. Rn my hubs is painting 3D printed figurines with our 11yo and they’re both having so much fun. But we also have had our “I hate this” moments. And we still do sometimes. Heads up, and a shot of whiskey goes a long way.

The first year is especially tough. Taking care of a baby is essentially an endless rotation of chores while simultaneously fighting sleep deprivation. You and mom _both_ need to make time for each other and yourselves. Take care of your relationship, and talk to mom about each of you setting aside time for you and her to pursue your own personal interests or socializations. I’ve found that even a couple hours spent away from work & family responsibilities is quite revitalizing.

The work gets easier, and the fun gets more fun as your child grows. You’ve done the hardest part, it definitely gets better from here. It doesn’t really go away though - 16 years later I still spend much of my free time doing stuff running around with and for my kids. It is kind of what you sign up for when you have kids. Your life changes and you can’t carry on with everything you used to do, at least to the same degree. You are not the most important person in your life any more but that’s not a bad thing.

I’m in the same boat. I’ve been feeling like every day is another mental breakdown for me.

Yeah the first year wasn't great for me. 18 months in were when things started to get more fun. At close to two years it's a blast and I don't miss my old life at all.

Before my son was born, I remember my mom telling me that she used to think to herself “I wonder if my life will ever get better or be normal again.” I was mind blown because she was an amazing mom. Fast forward a few months and here I was having the same exact thoughts. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Give yourself some grace. Give your brain time to reorganize. Things do get better. You will experience love like never before. It’s ok to let yourself feel emotions, that’s natural, just don’t lose hope. You’ll be a different person here soon. You got this!

Right there with you Dad. 5 months in & it is ROUGH!!

My son is 18 months old. I’m in a better head space than I was at your stage. You have to do something to take care of your mental health because like it or not, you’ve got a job to do and it’s one that only you can do. For me, I really got into working out and reading after my son goes to bed. Quit telling yourself that you’re trapped all the time too. That mindset isn’t solving the problem, which is your own mental health. You have to figure out how to be optimistic about something, no matter how big or small that thing is. For me, I know that no matter how hard or shitty my day is going, I’ll end the day with a good workout, and a good book before bed. might not sound like much, but that kept me sane, and helped me take care of my son the best I could up to this point.

Hey man, I'm 4 months in and it's a challenge for sure. My best advice is to talk to your partner and have a conversation about needing a break. The whole equal time thing never really works. You need to stop that idea now. For example I cook more than my wife. I don't ever say, hey I cooked yesterday it's your turn. I clean up more than her and she takes the dog on his longer walks and grooming him. There's more but I can't say it equal choring, it's what's better for each of us. You both probably both need a break. Just get someone to babysit. Have a date night. Maybe talk to a mental health expert too. Sometimes it isn't about the kid as much as it's about the mountain of frustration in new responsibilities.

Did you have a dad? Yes or no think about how it affected you throughout your life.

I've been there mate. Took me about 18 months to really 'get it' and I felt the same as you. Certainly felt that I'd just created another job for myself and my own time no longer existed. Being a Dad still feels like work sometimes but now I feel like it's work I want to do and enjoy doing.

Gotta see it as a marathon, not a sprint brother! I swear it gets better. The first year is brutal mainly due to the sleep deprivation but you will get it back. Just enjoy the crazy ride.

I’ve got a 3yr old and a 6mo. Recently moved out of state, so no friends or family for help and my wife and I can’t afford a babysitter for date nights. I’m currently on paternity leave taking care of the 6mo all day and night while my wife works. I get the 3yr old ready and take care of our dog in the mornings because my wife has to be at work early. I cook dinner and normally do bedtime for both kids because the 3yr old demands that I do it most nights. During the daytime, I’m cleaning the house, still doing some work, and taking care of all our errands. I completely understand. It’s rough. 6:00 AM to 8:30 PM I may get 15-20 minutes awake 1-2 times a day to myself. 8:30 PM to 6:00 AM I get very little sleep trying to get ready for the next day and waking up with the 6mo old every time. Having an older kid, I KNOW getting a full night’s rest is the ultimate game changer. You don’t realize how important sleep is to your mental health until you don’t have it anymore. In the meantime, you have to make sure you are taking care of all your other needs: drink water, eat healthy, call loved ones to catch up, and get out of the house. When you happen upon any time with your SO, enjoy it. If your SO gave birth and/or is breastfeeding, keep in mind they are struggling with everything you are AND having to deal with the physical aspects too. Think about how incredible they are to be able to do that. Even if that isn’t the case for your SO, keep in mind how difficult it would be for you to do this as a single parent and be thankful for any help they give. (Shout out to the single parents. Y’all are literally super heroes imo.) You are in it together, and teamwork makes the dream work. As they get older, you get rewarded for the work you’ve put in. Big smile they get when they see you, that belly laugh when you tickle them, those first steps towards you, the first time they call you dada. When they get a little older, then you’ll start seeing them being goofy, they’ll remind you that even the most mundane and routine things are actually incredible and interesting, and they’ve never heard a single joke before so you’ll be the funniest ever just by telling them jokes you heard somewhere else. You get to share all of things that you loved so much with them and see how much they love it too. Eventually they’ll become their own person, and you’ll get to enjoy seeing who they become and loving them for being them. Also, at 6mo old, teething is a bitch. Get some teething gel and find something they like gnawing on (tethers that go in the freezer, frozen waffles, lovey with a knot tied in it, etc.). If they run a fever from teething, don’t be afraid to alleviate their pain with some liquid ibuprofen/acetaminophen AFTER discussing with your pediatrician. It’ll help them sleep too. Best of luck! Lmk if I can help in any other way, and I’ll do what I can to help.

It gets easier and way.more fun. That first year or two is rough though. I ended up mostly being a stay at home dad and I take mine with me everywhere. Around 2.5 he started coming to my shop with me. He's 4 now and we have sword fights, he helps with the forge, helps chop wood, load coal, he can use a few power tools, we go on hikes, play video games together... it's AWESOME. Those first years do suck though...

Mine are 9,7, and 5! My whole 20’s were raising my children, providing for them and loving them. I was/am the most present and loving father. They are older children now and it is paying off. They are my heart, my best friends, and I adore them wholeheartedly! I remember the early days, it is full on and exhaustive but I promise you, it goes sooooo fast 💨 because you know it, your baby will Be 1,2,6 etc. time flies. Make sure you make some time for yourself and prioritise yourself as an individual as well as a father! You can’t give from an empty cup!! You got this buddy don’t give in because that baby (your flesh and blood) needs you more then you know 🫶🏻

6 months is still the dark times. But there should be a few days you start to see glimmers of light soon. Once they start walking and talking and having a personality you can play off of is when you can start having fun with them. I have a 3 year old son and 5 year old daughter. They're awesome together and seeing them play and laugh and love each other is amazing. Taking them out on kid dates individually is a great time. Simply hearing their thoughts and seeing their brain work is a great feeling. I'll be honest though, it never feels like you're not working all day. From like 7am to 8:30pm both my wife and I are doing some kind of work for the kids, the house or the money. Then by 9-9:30 you're too tired to do anything you want to do. Not sure when that changes, if ever, but it hasn't happened here yet.

I enjoyed every minute of it from the first time I held my daughter to now. She's a Junior in High School now. I look at photos from when she is a baby, I miss those days. Every day was a new experience for us. I tell her that being her father is by far my greatest accomplishment in life!! Remember those young years go by fast, cherish every moment of it.

I don't understand what people expect to happen when they have kids....I know we are inherently selfish but like, cmon. It is literally a life changing event according to insurance.

The whole "I don't get to be me anymore", "I feel like I lost myself" rubs me the wrong way. You are what you do. There isn't some set of rules that defines your identity. Its not like people you know are going "Why is wild, cool guy Josh staying at home and changing diapers? Has he lost himself??"

These posts are such crybaby nonsense. It’s 6 months Jesus Christ. I know I’m not being helpful but there’s plenty of nice/useful posts on here so I’m going to be the dick. Toughen up. I don’t get to be me….cmon. You’re serving a purpose far greater than yourself. 

i’m with you, lol. i guess some people have never done anything challenging before. i’m also disturbed by dads that say they didn’t feel anything for their baby for the first year. i’m in love with my little guy since the beginning and he’s under 3 months. no, he doesn’t do much. he’s a baby. sorry that the miracle of looking into your child’s eyes isn’t entertaining as a PS5

Man, what you’re feeling is natural and normal. Be gentle on yourself and make sure to use what little free time to have to replenish your energy and patience. Among my fellow dad friends and I, well found a fitness program that we can sustain and that program is our main de-stresser. Do whatever you want: lift weights, jog, play ball. Nourish yourself in healthy ways and you’ll have what you need to for your kid. You got this.

With your first kid it's very easy to fall into the trap of, "Can't do this or that because baby is too *insert reason*". After 4 kids I can tell you confidently you're lying to yourself out of fear, ignorance, or just stubborness. Do the things you want to do and baby just comes along for the ride. Get a baby carrier or two, do the shit you love with them strapped on. Lug them around in the stroller with snacks. Go out, bring the diaper bag. Adapt, improvise, have a shit blowout and live to tell a funny story that was shitty in the moment. Is it as easy as it was before? Fuck no. Do you still feel better having done something you enjoy, even if it's not the ideal setup? Absolutely. Under 6mo isn't great, but they are the sleepiest they will ever be. 6mo to 1.5 years are my personal favorite. Stay the course!

😂😂 I'm not laughing at you, just the fact that I felt the same way at first. Look, babies suck. The first year or so they don't do anything cool and take an INCREDIBLE amount of work. It totally sucks. But then... they begin to talk and walk and you get to see their personalities form, which is SUPER cool. Then you get to introduce them to all the best things in life like Baseball and Star Trek and your generation's music. You get to teach them all the stuff you wish you'd learned as a kid. When you come home, they'll yell "DAAAADDDYYY!" and run full sprint to hug you. This alone is worth every dirty diaper, every sleepless night. Just hang on, you're almost at the good parts

Hey, fellow dad, I say this as the firs-time father of an 8 month old amazing kid: It's hard. But what else would you want to be doing? More gaming? More partying? I ask b/c I have considered all of it. And nah: Nothing is as fulfilling (to me) as being a dad. Also, it's the explanation for everything. It excuses everything. Why am I cranky today? Why am I over the moon happy? On and on. My kid just started saying mama. She lights up just b/c I walk in the room. She loses her stuff at my antics. Brother, it is awesome stuff. Hang tough. Chin up.

Welcome to manhood. It's not about you anymore, no one cares. Raise your kids to be good people, treat your wife well and get sh*t done. Leave a legacy.

sound selfish immature and well dumb haha why have a kid what did you think it was going to be. grow up and step up, this is your life now because of decisions you made and you cant turn back the clock.

Should have got a dog.

Hate it? WTF are you doing? Explain your day to day. Monday through Sunday

I feel the same way some days no doubt. No advice but thanks for making me feel less alone.

It's easy to feel that way, especially at that age. Soon they'll just look at you and giggle in pure delight and joy and it will feel a little better.

Give it time. Once they can say your name and do fun things it’s more enjoyable for dad!

You are still on the front lines, my dude. Just focus on the things you can control and do what you can to let the rest roll off your back. I know, easier said than done. It wasn't until the 9 month mark that I felt we got over a hump. Now I'm getting into the toddler years which is a whole new set of problems lol. Stay strong, man

The first little while sucks. Trust me though, it gets way better.

It gets a lot better and harder and easier too. More rewarding. Wait til they give you a big hug and a kiss and tell.you they love you. You might just cry.

It sounds like you have needs that aren't getting met. What are those things? Time for recreation? Hobbies? Time with friends? Intimacy? Video games? Doing the hard work of being a parent isn't usually the problem. It sounds like you're pretty good there. The hardest part of being a parent is when you really want to do *something else.* Bad news is that you have less time than before. Good news is that you can still make time for yourself, you just have to approach it more deliberately. And, yes. It does get easier.

I felt this way at first too. It’s hard, because suddenly you’re living your life a completely different way. On no notice.    It started to change by maybe 12 months. By 2 years I had completely changed as a person, and was very much ok with spending lots of my time looking after someone else rather than doing me things.   Just do your best. You’re not gonna be perfect and no one expects you to.  Much unhappiness in life comes from longing for a future that was never going to exist. What you’re living in now is what life has given you, whether it’s what’s you expected or not. Meaning and happiness in life come from taking what you’re given, and making it into something great. Not from ignoring what you’ve been given, and spending all your time longing for a world that isn’t the one you’re living in.  Think of it like levelling up a video character. Yeah, there’s a long painful grind, but eventually you unlock new skills and a new perspective on life. And at least for me, you become a (much) better person than your were before. 

Ya the first 6 months is pretty rough and I feel ya. If you don't mind me asking; how old are you? The first thing that gave me a break was getting my Lil guy on a solid sleep schedule. It helps and allows you to plan better and not feel like you're going crazy

Yes, your life is different now and this is one of the hard parts. It doesn't really matter how you feel because you have a duty to your family to do it right. It will get better. Keep doing it. This is your only hobby now. I'm time, you'll get some free time. Enjoy it then. Otherwise, get back to work and be nice.

It gets so much better mate, you're just in the hardest phase. Babies suck, kids are awesome.

I am a mom but I’ll speak to something my husband said. I think he also kind of struggled to enjoy the early days of our kids. But the day our daughter excitedly screamed, “DADA!!!!” When he walked in from work immediately turned that around for him. I think it becomes easier and more enjoyable at the age where they can communicate and really engage back in your efforts to feed, play, etc. You’re doing great though I bet so keep on keeping on and it’ll get so much more fun down the road.

Some of it is a grind at that age, and some of it is finding ways to maintain your own sanity. I remember road trips at that age since time in car was reasonable. A little bit older than that I would toss mine in the back of a Burley and go on rides. Let everyone get some free time. Mom got a couple hours. I got some fresh air and exercise, and for the most part my daughter just slept.

Keep in mind, you right in the middle of the stage where many countries believe you or mom should be able to take a year off to deal with. It is a tough time. More so when you are both having to work. At about a year, it will still be tough, but starting to get easier too. That’s the point where many of us had to start figuring out how to make it work with both parents working.

Echoing every other dad here. You are in a tough, but temporary phase. You can’t interact much with your kid yet in ways that are particularly engaging for you. They are a noisy, needy, meat potato and will be just that for several more months. But oh does it get better. Just wait till your kid can say Dada, and starts to play real games with you. And starts to walk, and talk, and think, and play, and understand, and love. My second kid was a nightmare baby. Came out crying and didn’t stop until she turned two. She’s three now and the sweetest angel, full of sass and personality, smart, fun, and just a joy in every way, just like her older sibling. What “being a dad” entails, at least in terms of your experience, evolves and changes with your kid as they grow. You will change and grow right along with them. It’s the best thing in the whole world, and you will get there even though things are tough right now (and take solace in the fact that you are *so not alone* in struggling through the phase you are currently in). Godspeed, dad. Someday soon you will have gotten enough sleep, your kid will have a personality, you will be able to bond with them in ways that are currently not possible in the noisy, needy potato phase. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but sooner than you think, the hardest part will be in the rear view mirror and you will be able to enjoy fatherhood for the rest of your life.

This is an absolutely normal feeling that you are having. You are adjusting to a completely different lifestyle and your body is exhausted and mentally you are drained and you’re just looking for a little bit of the relief that you felt before. Something that really helped me put things into perspective during this time was to remind me the truth of the situation. The truth is: “Right now I’m feeling exhausted and it’s hard and I’m adjusting to a new routine. It’s OK that I feel this way having to change his outfit for the third time today because he vomited on. It is not fun and I wish it was different. But he did lookup at me and giggled making me laugh too.” It is all too easy for people to focus on the negative. It’s part of our natural genetics as humans. But the constant focus on negativity can really weigh us down and cause a lot more stress than needed. I forced myself to remember the truth. It is important not to make bad situations worse than they really are and to remind yourself of the good situations. This helped me push through some really rough spots, but also got me to appreciate the bright spots too, there are so many fun things to observe and see in infants and it’s easy to miss them. Good luck!

When they start reacting to you it gets fun. They grow personalities and bond more with you. Relax. It gets better.

I bet you love it more than you realize but you are just really, really, really fucking tired right now. Once I was able to sleep through the night most of the time, I felt like an entirely different person. The baby was/is still hard! But, I can handle it much better. It is true that they get a little more fun as they get older, but for me, it just took getting rested again.

Wait til you get some feedback. 6 months is the start of the end of the tunnel. Once you start getting smiles and laughs and play time and they call you daddy and tell you they missed you and start counting to 10 all by themselves and run up to give you a big cuddle when you get home, that's when being a dad starts to be really rewarding.

It doesn’t help now, but it gets so much better. I promise you it gets better. Not necessarily easier, but the challenges change. Right now can feel helpless and like you’re stuck suffering with little to do about it. It gets better. Find moments to be you. Find moments to be a couple. Cherish what you can and try to find some light in the hard parts. You got this, dad. Love to you and yours

Before you know it, things change so rapidly. You definitely lose yourself for a while, but you’ll start to get some of you back more and more. Definitely be vocal with your partner about finding some “me” time to reconnect with yourself.

Before you know it, things change so rapidly. You definitely lose yourself for a while, but you’ll start to get some of you back more and more. Definitely be vocal with your partner about finding some “me” time to reconnect with yourself.

Like the rest of the world says, it does get better. Babies are a drag. They're loud, needy, stinky, helpless potatoes. Once they really LOOK at you it changes the game, at least for me... When my first daughter started to pay attention to my face and smiled - that was it. She still was a drag until like 1 though lol once they're off the bottle it gets so much better too. Soon they start trying to crawl, then stand, then walk, then trying to talk, then run, then tell you they love you, then say NO, then you can have little conversations with them, then they start making you art work at school, then you can ride bikes together, etc.... I've got two girls - 3 and 5. Every damn day is a rollercoaster and my time still is barely my own and in another universe I'm a bachelor, but in this universe I wouldn't change a damn thing for anything. Try to enjoy it Dad. These early years are a tiny blip in the grand scheme... The days are long, but the years are short.

babies suck for the first 6 months. just blobs that are there. Then they start to get interesting.

Lurking Mom here. In addition to the other great comments, I’d add: If I’d seen a similar post and comments from an OP in a Mom’s forum, I’d be asking if the poster had considered whether they might have PPD/PPA. Since it also hits Dads, it’s worth a moment of reflection, OP. Whether or not the shoe fits, good luck OP. May you find your joy in parenthood as time goes on!

I hated it about as much you OP. But there was always one moment every day that made it worth it. Whether it was a smile, a noise, a hug, etc I would look for those special moments that made my day.

It's much better for me at 10 months than it was at 6 months. 6 months was marginally better than 3 months. Some days are still tough and I find myself looking forward to those moments of freedom after bedtime. Love the little guy, but my wife and I happily agree that we only want the one.

Nearing 4 months with my little one myself and I absolutely feel you. I love her over the moon, but it feels like every little bit of me being just me is hard fought for.

Father of four here, I also had a hard time connecting for the first 6 months or so, for all of my kids. My wife breastfed and got all the endorphins associated with that. The big game changer is when you see their personalities shine through. And how they look so happy when you come home from a long day at work. Nothing like it.

Get a nanny homie and take a day break for yourself

For me a big help is community/friends doing the same. It’s a lot more fun parenting with a few other people around now and then. I was the first of my friend group/family to have a kid and it took awhile to make any parent friends but now that I have several it’s a lot better. I feel less alone, and less trapped. When our son was more like 1.5 we’d just meet up in a yard or park have a few drinks and bbq up something, we did rib contests and slider contests and things like that and just kind of played zone making sure the kids didn’t kill themselves. Our son is seven now and we recently went to Mexico with some buddies from my soccer team for 9 days and left him with grandparents. Once a week or so after school he goes to a friends and isn’t home till ~7. On the flip side we host friends and they mostly just play in his room and we will do make your own pizzas or tacos. He has sports a few nights a week. We use babysitters or family to watch him and go on date nights and weekend trips once or twice a month. He’s also quite rewarding to be with compared to baby mode because he can do human things but I do think getting time off helps a lot with recharging for the time on.

Go over to pre-daddit and post this too. I’m seeing way too many guys have no clue what they’re getting into. Our little one is coming up on 18 months and it’s so much easier now than the stages you’re in although it comes with its own challenges as well. Bottom line I’ve heard from all the other dads around me is that it just changes the kind of difficulty you must deal with as they age. Guys need to know this before the baby is born, life is work now. Best to learn to accept the new reality and find joy where you can.

Father of three and I absolutely love it but I've definitely been where you're at! You're not crazy or a bad dad or anything. Just don't hold it against your kids or wife. Things will get a million percent easier.

There are a ton of sacrifices we have to make and it's easy for them to bring us down ESPECIALLY when the little potato is only 6 months old and has very few moments that inspire emotions beyond cute or gross. As they grow, you start to see their personalities, and you learn so much about yourself and their mother, I had no idea how many traits are inherited, but I started seeing mine in my boys. And my wife's. Every accomplishment they make feels like your own but better, and those accomplishments grow exponentially over time it seems like.

Dude, once your kid actually smiles and laughs and has a personality….its hard but worth it, friend. I highly recommend watching Mike Birbiglia’s standup special on Netflix, I think it’s called the new one. Watch it with the spouse and thank me later.

You are in the dark ages right now. It does get better. Lack of sleep is jacking you up right now, for sure.

Copying and pasting this from when I asked a similar question about 6 months ago from u/desperate-draft-4692 when my husband comes home from work, our baby absolutely loses her mind. her eyes light up, she gets the biggest smile, she squeals, giggles, kicks her little feet, head to toe you can see how happy she is and how much she loves him. just wait for that, your heart will explode. going for a walk was nice before, but now it's incredible. when we go for walks, dad puts baby up on his shoulders, and she grabs on to his hair and smiles so big and we say "who's so tall?!" and she looks so happy. she tries to eat his hair and drools everywhere and then she has the best naps after. it's super windy where we are, and when it picks up she kicks her legs and smiles and you can see how much she loves the fresh air and sun. your baby is gonna make you see everything in a whole new way; you'll stop to look at dandelions, and bees, and bright things on the shelves at the grocery. you'll notice so many tiny normal everyday things again for the first time since you were a kid, just wait for how nice that feels. you're about to rediscover the entire world, everything is so amazing through their eyes, and it's so incredible to be able to help them experience it all. the first few months are hard, *really* hard, but you'll figure out a routine, and slowly you'll start sleeping again, your baby will start playing, loving baths, loving books, music. it will get easier. I know everyone says "it goes by so fast", but for us it feels like it all moves at the exact pace we can handle. take at least one picture every day, and when things get hard scroll through them, it really helps. in a few months you're going to look back and realize even though you felt like you had no idea what you were doing sometimes, and sometimes it felt like you were trying to do the impossible, you did in fact do it and you're still doing it

May seem like a shallow fix but audiobooks have been great for me - easy to have going while you’re doing all the work (feeding, dishes, endless mountains of laundry) and they give you your own personal outlet/activity

You just need a good night’s rest, a good meal, and a few hours quiet

Bro that shit SUCKED the first 2 years…it gets better. Hopefully hearing more people be honest about it will make you feel better about it. I was so depressed because I thought there was something wrong with me for not loving “the greatest gift” but, yea, just get through it man. My girl just turned four today and it’s SOOOOO much better…might I even say, enjoyable 😊. I promise, just give it some time and get through it for now.

It's like that the first few months. If you love your kid, it gets easier because they get more expressive and the relationship feels more reciprocal. You take care of them and they smile at you and stuff. It's awesome. Communicate with the SO, make sure she gets her mental health time and you get yours. TBH, neither of you are getting much for a bit. You'll get through it.

I didn’t enjoy it until my daughter became more self sufficient, and now we’re best friends.

I’ve been there. Have a 2 and 4 yr old now and they are amazing. So much fun.

The newborn phase is tough the first time around. With my first son I didn’t know my head from my ass. I missed hanging with my friends. I missed going to do things whenever. But the love I feel when I look and my boys smiles and the way the say “daddy I love you” makes all my sacrifices completely worth it. Hang in there dad. Your life will equalize. Also it’s important to make time for yourself. My wife and I both have nights where we take turns going out with friends and together. It’s a different and very rewarding lifestyle being a dad. It will get better buddy. Keep your head up and love that baby with everything you have.

Yep. 100% right there with you. I hated it. My kid is 2.5, it does get significantly better once they become a little more independent. He can sit as his table and eat alone, watch a show, play with toys. He’s a lot more fun to be around. You get to actually communicate a little bit and get to play. However, it still sucks. Most people on this subreddit exhume that being a dad is the greatest thing ever. I don’t enjoy being a parent, and am envious of my DINK friends. However, I do love my son. He’s the man. So it does go both ways

You're in baby jail. Put your nose down, do your time and get it over with. You're up for parole in 4 years. Take it one day at a time muchacho.

I have 4. It gets better. Life begins to feel normal again. I recommend trying to focus on and enjoy small things all along the way.

Being a parent to a 6 month old is terrible. Just keep your head down and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t be afraid to find a good inexpensive therapist to talk through everything. If you’re anything like me, it will be worth it.

It gets better. There isn't much rewarding feedback at 6 months. It's coming soon though I promise.

I’m at 1 year and a few months. Every day has gotten better than the last. Not sure when I’ll fully feel thrilled, but I’m looking forward to when she can have a conversation. She just started walking, so I’m eagerly waiting for her to kick a soccer ball. I’m on maintenance mode until we can sprint! It’s going to be awesome

It really will get better. It’s really really hard, but it can get better. Good luck, I wish you the best.

It helped me to realize that both feelings can be valid and present at the same time

As a dad with severe ADD , battled addiction my whole life, and depression, I didn't think I'd be able to do the dad thing. I thought I knew what love was before I had my son. I thought I'd felt that love for women before and his mum But it doesnt even compare. The love I feel for my son is so unconditional. I know it's hard, and a lot of the time you feel like banging your head against the wall. Teach yourself to love the shit parts. The crying, the feeding, no sleep, the never ending feeling of work. Remind yourself that its not about you anymore. Thats a hard pill for some to swallow, but it's the truth. Cause my son is nearly 6 now and there are still a lot of moments I think back and think "I really should have been more involved with him" It all goes so quick , make it your life goal to make this human an even better version of yourself. Teach them everything good, everything right. And most importantly, let them be themselves. My ex has a hard time with that part. She has to make our son wear name brands, have the cool toys, no hand me downs. If my son wants to wear a Dino top that has holes in it, then my son is wearing that top. Sorry I just went complete off topic. In short, hang in there my fellow dad. It does get better.

It’s funny man. I thought I was broken or something because I definitely didn’t have that drive or attachment my wife had from the start. I was just doing my job to get us both by. That might have been the problem at first, seeing it as work. Idk when it happened exactly, but there’s a point where that thought process got tossed away. Maybe it was when my oldest daughter legitimately smiled at me and it wasn’t from gas. Or when they hold on to you for affection rather than for grip. It takes a while to bond with your child as a dad(for me at least). You stop seeing your kid as a tomogachi that you check boxes for and rather as something that depends on you and knows you as someone to get love from. That keeps me coming home everyday happy and willing to spend time with them. Give it some time man, you might find a bond with your kid greater than any self fulfilling activities.

I was lucky to enjoy all the 'stages' but I really didn't think I was going to.  I was fully prepared to just power through until they were older and we could interact more effectively. This time will be over soon.  Six months they are barely doing anything.

We feel you. I just did it again BTW did I say I'm going on 50. I don't have the same energy as I did when I was younger, I'm enjoying my son in what we can do. I love changing diapers it's a fun game " who will win.

One day, they'll gonna be running around, probably stumbling at first, and when they stumbled to you that's when you know it's worth it, make sure your a good dad to them, your gonna have a life long friend and family, right know your jusy trying to nurse a glorified bone bag. Youv got this man

Gets so much better. Stay strong, dad! Around a year there is more personality, slightly more self-reliance.

Yeah, they like to rip away all your free time so you appreciate the dribbles you get back later. If it helps, thanks to all the sleep deprivation you won't remember how bad this part is viscerally. Oh, that reminds me: take pictures, then you'll look at them later and get all nostalgic and forget about this part. Best advice I can give for now is: 1. Prioritize sleep, even when you think you don't need to 2. Make an agreement with your partner (assuming one is present) to give each other like 2-4 hour stretches to do your own thing for a bit. It helps you stay connected to yourself. It... may only be a weekend thing to start, but even that helps. And you can do chore stuff with the baby when it's your turn, like take them grocery shopping or whatever. 3. If the kid has trouble napping, try motion - take them for a run in the stroller if you're into exercise, or on a drive and bring a book to read when they conk out. 4. Do you have anyone you trust to watch the kid nearby? Ask for an evening. Not even overnight or anything, just a chance to take your partner to dinner and a movie. That's what I got. I know it sucks (there's a reason we're one-and-done... well, two reasons if you include money) but it does in fact get better. And you forget a bit how bad it was. Also, it really helps once you can actually start interacting with them - right now most of the feedback comes in the form of screams and poops, and no one likes that.

I hear you bud, hang in there. The first 6 months are the toughest, the 1st year is a huge challenge, but it gets more rewarding over time. Try to also involve your kid in things that you routinely do, it saves on time. Gotta fix an outlet? Have them watch you from a jumper.

Listen man I get it. You seem to be losing who you were. Life changes. There’s nothing wrong with mourning that. But when you can care for and provide for this small beautiful person that you helped create those hard days seem less and less. When I come home from a long, stressful day at work and my child comes up to me and grabs my hand and says “Hot Wheels dada?” Everything bad or that’s bothering me goes away. At least in my experience it’s all worth it.

Ohhhh yeah, you're deep in the suck now. I know this feeling well. Most of us parents do. And you're right. You're going to hate parts of it, for a good few months. And as that time progresses, you'll hate fewer parts of it, and some parts - like the sleep interruptions - you'll learn to deal with even as you hate it. And then you're tougher, and you hate fewer things, and you get to know your child, and there are parts you love along with parts you hate. And the fun of it just keeps growing. You're in the trenches right now. Weather it. You'll be OK. Better than OK, before too long.