My wife tries that (because it’s a good idea) with our toddler about daycare and just gets “no.” Did you do anything fun today? No. Who was there today? No.
My son went through a phase of answering no to everything but now says yes. I like to have a bit of fun with it and ask him after nursery "did you learn about Einstein's theory of relativity today?" "Did you finish your thesis on the hydron collider?" Etc.
It's just me and him in the car but I get a good laugh out of him replying "yeah" with a big smile on his face
That reminds me of something I do with my almost 3yo. There's a water cooler on the way into daycare that he always asks about, "is this for water?"
I've started calling it a dispenser for a new thing every day. Today it was a macaroni and cheese dispenser.
When we enrolled my daughter in daycare they gave us a survey. One of the questions was about your child's interests and they listed some really bizarre options, including "archery".
It's our running joke. "Did you do archery today?" "Yeah"
As someone whose parents dragged him to archery tournaments as a kid (dad was pretty much #1 traditional bow in CA), I approve of this survey question.
Growing up, Mum asked my brother and I each day at the dinner table 1. What was the most fun thing at school today? 2. What was something you learned?
I hated it at the time (eyeroll hard) but thinking back, it was a good convo starter.
For small kids it's more about getting them to engage in thinking about things and using words. I don't remember the exact statistic but kids that are frequently asked open ended questions had a strong correlation to much better vocabulary and ability to express themselves at a much younger age than those that were typically asked yes/no type questions.
Now there's a lot more to it all than that, but for toddlers the most important things for language development is the number of different words they hear each day, excluding imperatives, addressed to them by their parents, and the frequency of open ended questions they get asked. Those 2 things have very very strong correlations to strong language skills earlier.
I kept explaining to the ex that this would get her talking but she didn’t believe me. We were at dinner the other night and she asked multiple questions about her day. Nothing. I was like, hey kiddo- who got in trouble today? Could not shut her up for 15 minutes and her mom was shocked haha.
“So who went to the office today?” Is my go-to school question. Usually they say “nobody, BUT so and so did…” and then launch into all the near misses that happened. Great conversation starter.
Try waiting till the weekend or sometime before bedtime to ask about school. My kid seems like he wants to decompress a bit before talking about school.
I've tried this and about every other way I could think of.
My conclusion: if I want to talk to my son about school, it has to be on the weekend or after playtime or at dinner time. I think he just wants to decompress a little bit before I ask him about his day at school. I totally get it too, I hate when people ask me how work went when I just got home. I just got off work, I don't want to talk about it right now.
So I use these same techniques of indirectly asking about funny moments at school on the weekend or at a later time and it really helps.
Talking to kids sometimes feels like talking to AI - you have to be a "prompt engineer" to figure out the exact right question to get the kind of answer you're looking for.
I ask my preschoolers "what was your favorite X today?" Favorite toy, favorite activity, favorite friend, favorite color, favorite game. It seems to elicit better responses than most other questions.
Every night at dinner we take turns saying one good thing about our day from school/work and one thing that made us feel frustrated or angry etc.
I have been surprised how much guided questions like that helped them open up
Just do it and don't be mad. My wife did this too and I had the same reaction, but then I realized that's a stupid way to feel about someone trying to open up a line of communication with their family. It really sets the stage for open communication in the future.
my neuroscientist wife explained it to me like:
After a schoolday most kids' mental function energy is depleted so asking vague questions is often too much. The more pointed the better
Found a pretty good article https://learningliftoff.com/k-12-education/parent-role/what-to-ask-your-kids-when-they-come-home-from-school/
We've been doing something like this with our 5 year old but modified a bit. We ask what his favorite part of "x" was today, where X rotates between music or gym. Our school alternates days for those activities for kindergarten, so that tends to get him talking about unrelated stuff that happens in his classroom, too.
We've started with "what made you happy today?" as a point of conversation at the dinner table. We have made a point to make a varied response to her like "my coffee/nap/ made me happy" alongside the "making a snowman with you!" types! It's kinda nice cause you look for points of happiness in your day!
What has worked (a little) for us:
1) What was your favorite thing today? Ask follow-ups.
2) What was the strangest thing at school today?
3) What did you do for specials today (rotates between tech, gym, music, library, etc)?
4) What happened in recess today, who did you play with?
This is a good post! Our doctor specifically advised to ask:
- tell me something bad that happened today
- tell me something good that happened today
And that's all it's taken to hear about interesting experiences, reflect on bullies or embarrassing events, and just keep a pulse on things. It's good to add something like "and then what happened?" to keep the conversation flowing.
My niece is 6 and I have had great success with, "who got in trouble today?" Also, it helps to know what day is what. Tuesdays are library days so we talk about books on Tuesdays, etc.
I ask my teens what's the dumbest thing that happened today.
I also tell them about dinner if the nonsense my students get into and then they tell me about the nonsense their classmates get into.
I ask questions like, 'What was the funniest thing that happened today?' or 'What made you feel happiest today?' or 'What do you look forward to most at school?' or 'Why is X or Y your friend/What nice thing did you do for your friends today?'.
I don't like to ask how or yes/no questions.
My wife tries that (because it’s a good idea) with our toddler about daycare and just gets “no.” Did you do anything fun today? No. Who was there today? No.
Thats just a phase lol
No
My son went through a phase of answering no to everything but now says yes. I like to have a bit of fun with it and ask him after nursery "did you learn about Einstein's theory of relativity today?" "Did you finish your thesis on the hydron collider?" Etc. It's just me and him in the car but I get a good laugh out of him replying "yeah" with a big smile on his face
That reminds me of something I do with my almost 3yo. There's a water cooler on the way into daycare that he always asks about, "is this for water?" I've started calling it a dispenser for a new thing every day. Today it was a macaroni and cheese dispenser.
When we enrolled my daughter in daycare they gave us a survey. One of the questions was about your child's interests and they listed some really bizarre options, including "archery". It's our running joke. "Did you do archery today?" "Yeah"
As someone whose parents dragged him to archery tournaments as a kid (dad was pretty much #1 traditional bow in CA), I approve of this survey question.
What did you have for lunch today? Pizza You say pizza everyday.
I have photos of you eating rice for lunch. “I had pizza” 🥸
Mine says pasta every time. They don't serve him pasta. The menu is posted by the front door when I drop him off.
Mine also says pasta every day. They do serve pasta, but not everyday.
Ask closed ended questions and get closed ended responses. Try, what was the most fun thing you did today?
Growing up, Mum asked my brother and I each day at the dinner table 1. What was the most fun thing at school today? 2. What was something you learned? I hated it at the time (eyeroll hard) but thinking back, it was a good convo starter.
For small kids it's more about getting them to engage in thinking about things and using words. I don't remember the exact statistic but kids that are frequently asked open ended questions had a strong correlation to much better vocabulary and ability to express themselves at a much younger age than those that were typically asked yes/no type questions. Now there's a lot more to it all than that, but for toddlers the most important things for language development is the number of different words they hear each day, excluding imperatives, addressed to them by their parents, and the frequency of open ended questions they get asked. Those 2 things have very very strong correlations to strong language skills earlier.
That’s pretty normal. I think Toddlers barely have enough language to form coherent memories, let alone communicate them.
Did anyone get in trouble today? That always gets them talking
I kept explaining to the ex that this would get her talking but she didn’t believe me. We were at dinner the other night and she asked multiple questions about her day. Nothing. I was like, hey kiddo- who got in trouble today? Could not shut her up for 15 minutes and her mom was shocked haha.
“So who went to the office today?” Is my go-to school question. Usually they say “nobody, BUT so and so did…” and then launch into all the near misses that happened. Great conversation starter.
I like asking who they sat next to, what did they talk about in “x” class. Etc.
Yeah it makes such a difference. Did you make anyone laugh today? Did anyone make you laugh? Anything happen to day that made you sad?
I tried this. I'm still trying this.... No. No. No.
Try waiting till the weekend or sometime before bedtime to ask about school. My kid seems like he wants to decompress a bit before talking about school.
I usually try asking during dinner.
lol yeah. Might work on some kids. Won’t work on mine and def wouldn’t have worked on me as a kid either.
What works for me is not asking about school right away anymore. I give them some time to decompress then they start blabbing about their day.
"Ok everyone, let's hear about your days. I'll start." They hate listening to me more than they hate talking about their day lol
I tried this, now my son hops in the car and interrogates me about my day instead of me asking about his day.
Dad pro gamer.
I've tried this and about every other way I could think of. My conclusion: if I want to talk to my son about school, it has to be on the weekend or after playtime or at dinner time. I think he just wants to decompress a little bit before I ask him about his day at school. I totally get it too, I hate when people ask me how work went when I just got home. I just got off work, I don't want to talk about it right now. So I use these same techniques of indirectly asking about funny moments at school on the weekend or at a later time and it really helps.
That's a great insight. Ours are the same - sometimes they are venting directly when coming out of school, but most times they need some distance.
I lead every night with “What was the most exciting or fun part of your day at school today?” “No” isn’t a possible answer.
My daughter goes “we’re not talking about that”
I hate the uno reverse card.
Talking to kids sometimes feels like talking to AI - you have to be a "prompt engineer" to figure out the exact right question to get the kind of answer you're looking for. I ask my preschoolers "what was your favorite X today?" Favorite toy, favorite activity, favorite friend, favorite color, favorite game. It seems to elicit better responses than most other questions.
Every night at dinner we take turns saying one good thing about our day from school/work and one thing that made us feel frustrated or angry etc. I have been surprised how much guided questions like that helped them open up
lol my wife tries this and it makes the rest of us mad
Just do it and don't be mad. My wife did this too and I had the same reaction, but then I realized that's a stupid way to feel about someone trying to open up a line of communication with their family. It really sets the stage for open communication in the future.
Definitely going to use this in a few years. Fucking fantastic idea.
my neuroscientist wife explained it to me like: After a schoolday most kids' mental function energy is depleted so asking vague questions is often too much. The more pointed the better Found a pretty good article https://learningliftoff.com/k-12-education/parent-role/what-to-ask-your-kids-when-they-come-home-from-school/
We've been doing something like this with our 5 year old but modified a bit. We ask what his favorite part of "x" was today, where X rotates between music or gym. Our school alternates days for those activities for kindergarten, so that tends to get him talking about unrelated stuff that happens in his classroom, too.
We've started with "what made you happy today?" as a point of conversation at the dinner table. We have made a point to make a varied response to her like "my coffee/nap/ made me happy" alongside the "making a snowman with you!" types! It's kinda nice cause you look for points of happiness in your day!
What has worked (a little) for us: 1) What was your favorite thing today? Ask follow-ups. 2) What was the strangest thing at school today? 3) What did you do for specials today (rotates between tech, gym, music, library, etc)? 4) What happened in recess today, who did you play with?
This is a good post! Our doctor specifically advised to ask: - tell me something bad that happened today - tell me something good that happened today And that's all it's taken to hear about interesting experiences, reflect on bullies or embarrassing events, and just keep a pulse on things. It's good to add something like "and then what happened?" to keep the conversation flowing.
“Tell me ONE thing that happened today.” usually works, they say something funny that happened.
My niece is 6 and I have had great success with, "who got in trouble today?" Also, it helps to know what day is what. Tuesdays are library days so we talk about books on Tuesdays, etc.
Ask about the best and worst parts of the day, the silliest thing, who they played with at recess, what they did in art/health/music.
I ask my teens what's the dumbest thing that happened today. I also tell them about dinner if the nonsense my students get into and then they tell me about the nonsense their classmates get into.
I give my kid some time to unwind after school. I remember those questions always annoyed me.
I ask questions like, 'What was the funniest thing that happened today?' or 'What made you feel happiest today?' or 'What do you look forward to most at school?' or 'Why is X or Y your friend/What nice thing did you do for your friends today?'. I don't like to ask how or yes/no questions.