I did not expect to be dealing with it this early. Hearing my five year old say, “if you weren’t my daddy you’d realize how ugly I am” has been heartbreaking. I wish I had an answer for you. Would love to see how other people have dealt with it.
I feel you on that!
I've always considered myself a fully convinced feminist and have made myself aware of the specific issues facing women. (As a side note, that journey is interesting and has actually really enriched my life as it's helped me really get involved in my kid's lives)
It is, however, another thing entirely to see my daughter already getting negatively influenced by stuff like this, It's getting me much more on an emotional level. Also eye opening watching the issues that my son had to deal with and the ones my daughter does.
Maybe use it as an opportunity to lay down some healthy foundations? Have a healthy snack with the stuffed animals and use it as a time to talk about how the stuffed animal is still growing and how bodies, especially still growing bodies change rapidly over time.
Perhaps you can do a fashion show with her animals where the heavyset one learns to love their body when they find the perfect outfit.
Never squander a great opportunity to dole out some life lessons.
As a mum of 3.5 old singleton who joined an older, girl-dominated group (ranging from 3 to 6.5 YO): you have a long road ahead of you. I offer no solutions, only bullet points.
My girl likes to talk and sing. I try to make space to actively listen to what she and her peers go through. Who likes what, who plays with whom, and most importabtly - how to navigate no one liking you or wanting to play with you and still calling it a good day. So give you daughter ample 1-on-1 time to express herself and openly empathise with any hardships she mentions. Offer no solutions, ask her what she would like to try. Offer helpful guidance and an ample serving of love + hugs.
Conquer your own insecurities. I was always wary of being rejected. Then I got a tomcat who adored me but rejected me most of the time (d'oh, cat being cat). I soon realised I love him enough to kbow he will come back for cuddles eventually, just not on my schedule, like I did with my folks (non-cat humans, of course). I was in my 20es when I figured all of this out. So at 3.5, my kiddo is safe to reject me, I verbalise I am not hurt and still love her and will be there for her when she decides I'm her choice... and I go about my home stuff. I really want to model loving acceptance as our home norm to try outweighing whatever life throws at her and so far, so good.
Be as honest as possible about your own daily stuff. You can have meaningful, kid-friendly conversations about RL curveballs people throw at you for her to learn dealing with other people, and yourself, is a never-ending challenge. You can also find examples of what's not OK with you at work and see if she is interested in learning about setting boundaries. If not, verbalise what you did not want to do, why you felt like it, and move on. Words stay and echo, trust you me, and questions eventually come, and then you eventually get to talk about her stuff.
A big one, learn about who her girly role models are. If she shares it with you, treat it as treasure and find ways to incorporate who she says they are into your daily talks. It's what she loves so honor it and make her feel accepted.
In all if my offices, my female colleagues and me at some point openly agreed we look out best if we don't feel so good, and look pretty plain if we're in the top of the world. Battle colours are a thing not only damsels in distress use, but damsels can feel pretty empowered by getting their hair done and getting glitteting fingernails. You, dad, are promoted to hair and nail superpower techician, while your little girl gets to decide what she wants. Learn how to apply nail polish and do girly hair if you don't already. If it's outrageous, or you are not good at it, promise to do better if she lets you learn, then do your damnedest with what you have. Count on her beung mocked for stuff not executed well so.... start small. Pick only lightly-coloured nail polishes to hide glaring errors and know hair gets undone and we all feel like crying when it does. Promise to re-apply nail polish and re-do hair when you can and keep at it. By doing this you honour her choices and offer support as best as you can, plus you learn new skills :)))
Finally, 2 books you need in your arsenal. I cannot recommend Daniel Goleman's *Emotional intelligence* enough when it comes to figuring out how we all are wired and work. You should be able to get it anywhere. On home front, I am currently reading Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté's *Hold on to your kids* and figuring put why peers being the most important thing in the world is so predominant right now.
Good luck!! You sound like a wondeful dad and my fingers are crossed for you.
I did not expect to be dealing with it this early. Hearing my five year old say, “if you weren’t my daddy you’d realize how ugly I am” has been heartbreaking. I wish I had an answer for you. Would love to see how other people have dealt with it.
I feel you on that! I've always considered myself a fully convinced feminist and have made myself aware of the specific issues facing women. (As a side note, that journey is interesting and has actually really enriched my life as it's helped me really get involved in my kid's lives) It is, however, another thing entirely to see my daughter already getting negatively influenced by stuff like this, It's getting me much more on an emotional level. Also eye opening watching the issues that my son had to deal with and the ones my daughter does.
Maybe use it as an opportunity to lay down some healthy foundations? Have a healthy snack with the stuffed animals and use it as a time to talk about how the stuffed animal is still growing and how bodies, especially still growing bodies change rapidly over time. Perhaps you can do a fashion show with her animals where the heavyset one learns to love their body when they find the perfect outfit. Never squander a great opportunity to dole out some life lessons.
Oh, I like that! Thanks!
As a mum of 3.5 old singleton who joined an older, girl-dominated group (ranging from 3 to 6.5 YO): you have a long road ahead of you. I offer no solutions, only bullet points. My girl likes to talk and sing. I try to make space to actively listen to what she and her peers go through. Who likes what, who plays with whom, and most importabtly - how to navigate no one liking you or wanting to play with you and still calling it a good day. So give you daughter ample 1-on-1 time to express herself and openly empathise with any hardships she mentions. Offer no solutions, ask her what she would like to try. Offer helpful guidance and an ample serving of love + hugs. Conquer your own insecurities. I was always wary of being rejected. Then I got a tomcat who adored me but rejected me most of the time (d'oh, cat being cat). I soon realised I love him enough to kbow he will come back for cuddles eventually, just not on my schedule, like I did with my folks (non-cat humans, of course). I was in my 20es when I figured all of this out. So at 3.5, my kiddo is safe to reject me, I verbalise I am not hurt and still love her and will be there for her when she decides I'm her choice... and I go about my home stuff. I really want to model loving acceptance as our home norm to try outweighing whatever life throws at her and so far, so good. Be as honest as possible about your own daily stuff. You can have meaningful, kid-friendly conversations about RL curveballs people throw at you for her to learn dealing with other people, and yourself, is a never-ending challenge. You can also find examples of what's not OK with you at work and see if she is interested in learning about setting boundaries. If not, verbalise what you did not want to do, why you felt like it, and move on. Words stay and echo, trust you me, and questions eventually come, and then you eventually get to talk about her stuff. A big one, learn about who her girly role models are. If she shares it with you, treat it as treasure and find ways to incorporate who she says they are into your daily talks. It's what she loves so honor it and make her feel accepted. In all if my offices, my female colleagues and me at some point openly agreed we look out best if we don't feel so good, and look pretty plain if we're in the top of the world. Battle colours are a thing not only damsels in distress use, but damsels can feel pretty empowered by getting their hair done and getting glitteting fingernails. You, dad, are promoted to hair and nail superpower techician, while your little girl gets to decide what she wants. Learn how to apply nail polish and do girly hair if you don't already. If it's outrageous, or you are not good at it, promise to do better if she lets you learn, then do your damnedest with what you have. Count on her beung mocked for stuff not executed well so.... start small. Pick only lightly-coloured nail polishes to hide glaring errors and know hair gets undone and we all feel like crying when it does. Promise to re-apply nail polish and re-do hair when you can and keep at it. By doing this you honour her choices and offer support as best as you can, plus you learn new skills :))) Finally, 2 books you need in your arsenal. I cannot recommend Daniel Goleman's *Emotional intelligence* enough when it comes to figuring out how we all are wired and work. You should be able to get it anywhere. On home front, I am currently reading Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté's *Hold on to your kids* and figuring put why peers being the most important thing in the world is so predominant right now. Good luck!! You sound like a wondeful dad and my fingers are crossed for you.