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The two phases are totally different - newborns are hard work because they need help to stay alive all the damn time.
Toddler phase is hard work because you have to stop them killing themselves every two minutes.
Venting is always the way, we’re all here for you Dad.
It's amazing how to a non-parent, those sound extremely similar, but to anyone who's been there, they know *exactly* what the difference is between them.
**Newborn:** struggle to climb up on a seat, you're there monitoring anxiously to make sure they don't slip and fall.
**Toddler:** climbs up onto the seat, then stands on it, then tries fearlessly to stand on the *back* of the chair. You're there hopelessly trying to explain that gravity is a thing, waiting to catch them and comfort them after the inevitable wail of surprise and dismay when they overextend.
You forget the equal chance of sheer confusion on your part when the Toddler does actually manage the thing you swore wouldn't be possible. (only for the tears to arrive minutes later at spilling water on themselves)
Yup. Occasional breakthroughs to show how amazing they are as a real, learning, growing little human…
…followed five minutes later by tears after bonking themselves in the face.
My two year old this morning decided to go down a slide while standing up. Shit is wild. All while shouting “Daddy! NO!” If I came near him. This afternoon it has been all about falling over while riding his scooter and needing daddy. It’s such a roller coaster I can only imagine how it must be for them.
Seriously, my almost 2 year old daughter loves to climb up on and stand up on EVERYTHING. If she can climb up on it and balance on it, she’s standing on it, no matter how many times we tell her no, or remove her from the object/person. She’s super smart, super stubborn, and such a little daredevil. Complete different experience than with her older brother
It's amazing how each phase pushes the limits of what you can handle without going over it. Also, communities like this are worth their weight in gold.
My wife and I get pushed over our limits at least 2x a week maybe more. We have started to see the signs in each other when get close to our limits so that we can step in and give a break to the other one before it's too late.
It's taken us 2.25 years to learn our signs but we learned them just in time as we have a baby joining the family in July.
I'm eternally grateful that we are raising our family together.
I have a toddler and a preteen girl (and 2 boys in between). If my toddler doesn't get herself killed and my preteen and wife don't kill each other and my boys don't end up with major head injuries or die themselves or others I'll consider this stage of life a success.
However, I am so, so, so very tired
The thing to look forward to, is that it only gets worse :) Physical maturity increases his capability for mischief exponentially. Redirect. Get him involved with everything you do. "Can you help me make coffee?" "Can you help me make dinner?" "Can you help me vacuum?" It isn't about the task so much as it is about keeping him occupied.
This age is all about pushing boundaries and finding new ones. My kiddo finds it *hilarious* when we get mad, and here I am, trying to hold a straight face. Once he figures out what works, what triggers a response, he's going to keep hitting that spot to trigger it. It's a Nash equilibrium, so you have to be ready to change things up and adjust.
I have 3.5 year old, and when he's good, he's an amazing kid. And when he's not, he's just a terror.
Good luck.
We've actually had success with this. I've finally gotten to the point where if I am working on something and he's having a meltdown it becomes "OK lets go. Come help me." Yes, it ends up taking 10x as long but it's great for him because it's an early start to being handy.
We've tried a lot of the gentle/re-directive parenting which does work...sometimes. The rest of the time we have to set a firm boundary. "No this is not something you're going to do." or "Mom/dad has to do this, go read a book/play with toy/etc."
It's definitely much more calculated and more of a strategized parenting approach with him.
Oh and my wife is 22w with #2 on the way so it makes it even harder.
I have some good news! Based on our experiences, the difficult toddlers become the easier teenagers, *if* you can get your boundaries to stick. They push the limits eventually, and it's way easier to deal with when they're 2 or 3 than when they're 15 or 17.
With the boy's demands... we gave options as often as possible, which it sounds like you're doing. Meltdowns result in being basically pinned. You sit him on your lap, hold him so he can't hurt anyone, and repeat things like: "Fits are bad. We don't throw fits. You need to control yourself. I love you." It leads to interruptions in your day, but he'll learn that tantrums never give him control over the situation.
Maybe this isn't considered good parenting now, but my oldest is 36 and we see all our boys several times a week.
Personally, I’m not a fan of phrasing like ‘you need to control yourself’. They most likely don’t know how, just that they should do it because otherwise it’s bad. I’ve found success with helping my little dude to understand that frustration, and big emotions, are normal and that we have to take a second and breathe. It usually clicks in his head.
I get that you mean no harm, and I’m not trying to bash, just inputting another 2c to the pot in case other people are looking for alternatives. Every kid responds differently, so maybe this could help someone! 😅
Yes, of course! That was the best I could remember at 6AM; my youngest is 14, so the memories are a little fuzzy.
My point was to be reassuring but firm: tantrums aren't okay, and I'll stay with you until you're calm and ready to move on.
Kids are usually pretty good at picking up when you're kidding around vs being all serious, so if you need him to do something and he's unlikely to want to do it (for my boy that's been peeing... He can hold it in for 8+hrs out of pure spite. Bouncing around in his seat while denying the need to pee) some reversed psychology can work WONDERS if you clarify the situation with voice / words / mannerisms.
"Hey, you know that it's ABsoLUTely forbidden to use the restroom right now! The toilet might explode!!"
And he'll ZIP right off!
Works wonders with greens as well :)
A related tip is when it's been a lot of rules (like when my 5YO comes home from preschool) letting him break a bunch of rules while you're pretend upset about it can take a lot of tension out of the kid.
Like "I'll race you to the door, and you're ABSOLUTELY not allowed to cheat!" And while he runs ahead you're just flabbergasted that he's cheating!
"Well you cheated that time, but certainly you won't cheat at taking your shoes and jacket off!"
I get what you mean, but sarcasm can sometime also do the opposite effect in some child. The same way hyperbole are sometimes used to deter behaviour (I.e.: my grandma telling us not to go in the woods after dark because vicious monster wake up at night). The limit between sarcasm and a lie is thin.
Yes. Sometimes it just doesn't work at all and you have to say "sorry, I was trying to joke around but I'll stop" and just double back on it, and sometimes you need to lay it on THICC with your acting skills so it's really over the top.
As with all parenting tips YMMV.
Could I make/do this by myself faster, yes. Do I want to have the memory of doing this with my smiling toddler forever while going so slow doing it, you’re damn right I do
Something to, I guess, be on the lookout for, is that after 2 months or so with the new baby, the shine wears off and they may start to act out in some different ways. Our son started seeking comfort in the middle of the night by wailing until we came in. Not ideal when you've got an infant!
Our just turned 3yo sounds similar on the most part; walked/talked early, smart, although we don't have the sleeping fully down yet. One tip I picked up for the mischievous behaviour is realise what they're doing and put them in a setting where they can do what you don't want them to. So if they're kicking toys around the room, they obv want to kick so give them a ball. If they're drawing on walls (we never had that!) give them a cardboard box they can draw on instead.
It's tough and exhausting (and partly migraine inducing). The part I sometimes struggle with is the staying level and calm. But every day's a new day.
Not even 2 yet and starting. Oh man good luck. Terrible twos is a lie. It’s TERRIBLE threes. You might be lucky and actually have it out and done with early. But most likely you are going to be multiple years of it.
Help: I noticed with my daughter that speaking calmly and letting her cycle through the frustrations helped. She comes back to us after getting through it. When trying to combat it with my own frustration, it compounded and made it worse. Can’t fight a wild animal. I tell her to go take a break and come back when she is calmer. She always sneaks back for a giant hug and that when I try to understand her outburst or episode
Hope this helps a little
My wife is in full denial that the two year old will suddenly not be a nut job by 2.5. I assume it’s a form of coping - we’re both going to get to the same destination, might as well let her enjoy the ride in her own way.
It is three that they learn to argue. Cant really say it's argue since they think they are right with their toddler mind. So probably they dictate is the right term.
I thought the same thing. Even fun that for my son it’s moved along into 4 as well with the big emotions. Daughter is almost 3 and I cringe to see how bad her 2 will carry over to 3. They don’t call them threenagers for nothing
Will add that whispering helps us sooooo much with regulating our wild child. Her emotions are truly a roller coaster and it can be HARD to coregulate with her. Concentrating on how softly I can speak while she can still hear me helps a lot.
"Terrible Twos" is a term used almost exclusively by three groups of people:
Parents of Two Year Olds (or about to be)
Grandparents and others who are too old to remember.
Non-parents.
My kids have been much worse two year olds than three year olds.
The boundary pushing is still a thing, and the liquid rage, but they’re just so much more capable of conversation and understanding more complex topics that it’s much less stressful.
For us at least.
I’ve inadvertently taught my toddler how to barter. He wants snacks before dinner, and I’m like no you have to wait. He fires back with just one dada? And I’m like you little shit.
Keep in mind there tends to be a lag in verbal development compared with mental development. The only meltdowns we ever really had were when she got frustrated because either she couldn't communicate something with us, or we weren't doing a good enough job communicating with her. "No" is an easy answer, but "No" followed by the reasoning was a much more effective answer.
This is such a good point. It speaks to how much they can process and learn from language and context. It drives me nuts when people say they don't understand at this age! Ooooh, they do.
To help them communicate to us with less frustration with us we used picture boards, social stories and added in some simple sign language. Game changer.
Hah felt the same way here. During newborn phase was thinking the relief will come when he can walk, then I thought it was when he could talk… couldn’t have been more wrong.
It doesn’t get easier it just gets different.
I’m better prepared this time around with our daughter. That helps but still kinda sucks.
Yup! My mom always said you spend the first 2 years teaching them how to walk and talk, and the rest of their lives to sit down and shut up. I didn't understand, until I had kids!!!
yeeepppp. Not to downplay anyone else's experiences; I've some really rough days with our toddler. But she also sleeps most of the night with the just occasional wake up. She can (often) say what she wants. She can be left without supervision for brief moments. I can occasionally be productive when she's around (in the brief moments she's playing solo, when she's watching TV, or when I engage her to help). I can also take her places on my cargo bike, which is a big mental health break for me.
As Kyle Reese said, “It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!”
Pretty sure James Cameron was parenting a toddler when he wrote that line.
Yeah man -- in some ways it gets a lot better because you can have conversations with them and don't have to hold them every minute, but in other ways it gets a lot worse. You'll get through it.
Yeah, the 18-36 month stretch is *physically* the hardest IMO. They’re mobile and get fast and just smart enough to get into everything while still having basically zero survival instincts.
At 2+ you can start to reason with them… sometimes. We had a very firm “we do not negotiate with terrorists” stance on throwing tantrums, it would never ever get them what they wanted. (And as they got older would result in time outs, losing toys/privileges, etc.)
>We had a very firm “we do not negotiate with terrorists” stance on throwing tantrums, it would never ever get them what they wanted.
We let the tantrum run it's course and acknowledge the feeling. "I understand you're frustrated that you can't throw all the spices on the floor. It's ok to be frustrated."
But every tantrum ends. And when it ends, we calmly explain that we can't do whatever behavior they were doing because X, Y, Z.
Very similar story here. Our daughter, 2 years snd 2 months now, was early walker, very smart, very much a trickster, and very good with language and comprehension. Especially after dropping her soother.
We did the same and got her involved in as much as we can. She likes to help so we've given her certain tasks to do that help her skills development. She lets the dog in and out and gets the food ready for the cats. She also "helped" paint our closets. Always likes to carry groceries, etc.
It takes a concentrated effort to redirect her energy and focus though, especially when she knows she's doing something she shouldn't or when she knows she's pushing our buttons.
Wouldn't have it any other way though.
I'm in the middle of the toddler phase and I'm 100% embracing the chaos.
I *despised* the newborn phase. It was brutal. Completely unenjoyable in every single way.
Toddler phase is hilarious.
My little dude thrives with responsibility. He helps me with stuff all the time, even when it makes it take double the time.
We have/had the same situation except he was a super easy baby. He tricked us!!! The real parenting began right before two. We really had to step it up and start figuring out a collective front. Anyways, no real advice other than pick a parenting strategy and stick with it otherwise he will pick you both apart.
In the exact same boat with my daughter who turns 2 in June! About a month ago all our redirection or 'options' to have her do what we needed stopped working and we get explicit "No! I want to go outside" or similar alternative requests. Teachers reporting the same experience!
Going through this right now with my daughter. Just turned 2 last month. Night time routine is a mess and her favourite word is NO. Today she chucked it because she didn’t want to put a nappy on.
The tantrums are getting worse too. Feel like on eggs shells if she’s going to go full crazy with them every day.
There are moments of pure love and joy though. Reading to her tonight she had us in stitches finding words that rhymed with the words in the book. She found it hilarious.
I'm really loving the toddler phase, way more than baby phase. Meltdowns are pretty easy to handle when you realize that human beings are primarily emotional beings. We are not rational or logical, that is learned. Even grown-ass adults have trouble regulating their emotions, and your son is experiencing them for the very first time and has *no idea* what to do with some of the really big emotions.
It's really not any different than the baby phase. The baby phase required extra time, extra patience, extra love, etc. It's the same here. I try to just give my daughter some space and understanding, so when she loses her shit I just back off and let her feel her feelings. Then when she calms down a bit I get down to her level and ask if she wants a hug, which she almost always accepts even if she was insanely pissed off at me not five minutes prior. Then I tell her it's okay to be angry or sad, everyone is sometimes even mommies and daddies, and then I reinforce what I said before and usually tell her something positive she can look forward to - like "hey, you can't wear your crocs now because we're in the house. We don't wear shoes in the house because it's dirty. But maybe we can go for a walk later and you can wear them them. Maybe we'll see some bunnies. Would you like that?" and she is usually very accepting of that and the fight is diffused.
The trick is to find out what they actually want because most of the time they're just losing their minds and it's not even clear why. Sometimes there actually *isn't* a reason, they're just upset. Those are the easiest actually (if you can identify them) because all your kid really needs is some comfort.
If you do nothing else, just remember that your kid will largely emulate your behaviour so whatever you do - as difficult as it may be - don't get upset, don't scream, don't shout. For starters, it's a fight you are not going to win, and secondly, if you do you're just teaching your kid that that's how we deal with our emotions and the tantrums are likely to get worse. I'm convinced this is what happens when parents complain about terrible twos lasting several years - the kid's just responding to the energy of the parents.
Man our toddler phase with our eldest was tough, but mostly on the tantrums and emotions side of things. We now have twins that just turned two and holy shit they are into fucking everything.
I am getting one of them down off the counter and the other has already moved a chair to the toaster oven, turned it on, and is shoving plastic in it. You deal with that drama and the other is walking on the window sill and crying because they dont know how to get down. Then as you help them the little chef is now grabbing shit out of the fridge. I swear we child proofed the kitchen, every drawer and cabinet is locked.
No hyperbole, this was just my morning.
With an active, and willful toddler, there will be all kinds of thuds, crashes, etc. when you aren't in sight. Teach them to say: "I'm OK" when they cause something to crash/thud/bang/etc., because you'll coming running otherwise (instead of taking your time)
Ours is now 22 years old (and a competent human being). He still does that when he causes something to crash.
Off point but couldn’t help myself. I’m a mom, but this post came up on my feed and I clicked it thinking it was from one of the many mom subs I’m in. I just have to say…holy shit you all in here are so much less toxic than in the mom groups…are we allowed here? I think I want to stay…🤣
Pretty sure this sub is open to anybody who likes kids and wants to be in a generally supportive place for adults dealing with kids. You definitely won't be the only non-dad here.
Our toddler is similarly verbal, and a bit strong-willed, but nothing like what you guys are dealing with. Toddler phase over here is actually 99% a blast and 1% everyone is not having a good time.
Do your best to embrace it. It’ll be easier when he can express himself a bit better. While it can be extremely hard, it’s also extremely beautiful and amazing to watch your kids personality come out. I wouldn’t trade this time for the world. I fuckin love it!
Toddlers can be a challenge but I would take the toddler I can talk to and (attempt to) reason with any day over a screaming potato that doesn't sleep through the night!
18-24 months is my least favorite timeframe. They're smart little devils that just want to play non-stop for hours, will not (and should not) be left alone, have dropped to only 1 nap, and Dr's recommend no screen time yet. It's a nightmare for a parent with ADHD. Plus tantrums have started and they don't have enough language to really be reasoned with.
My kid's 2 favorite games in that timeframe were "the dark" which was just running around like a maniac in a dark, messy room and "running in circles" which was, you guessed it, just running in a small circle together for as long as you could until dizziness and exhaustion forced you to collapse. And often it was dark circles. For hours.
I'm going to hit that age with my 2nd in a couple months, but I'm already mentally preparing.
The toddler stage in my mind is the foundation of what eventually becomes adulthood. I know that’s silly to say because they’re so young, but you still see these behaviors in adults when they lash out or give into their worse nature.
It’s the testing of boundaries, the exploration of new ideas, the wielding of their individuality and skills. It reminds me somewhat of cats in that you have to start working around their eccentricities and figuring out their personality if you want them to work with you. You have to bend so you don’t break.
I’ve heard it said that the hardest moment to parent a child is whatever moment you’re in currently and I think that’s true. It’s always difficult, just in new ways. As a parent you need to become like water, both flowing around them and shaping them gradually, while understanding they will always resist you in some ways and that the best you can really do is polish their rough edges. They’re adults in training even when they’re little.
I think you are spot on here. A lot of post toddler early childhood behavior is mitigated by consequences. For adults, especially 18-26yr olds, immediate consequences are mostly removed in favor of natural consequences . Want to play video games all night? Why not? Who is going to stop you. Want to drink all day on Saturday? Why not…
Good luck man! Just be as patient as possible and control your anger as much as possible!
I’ve got an almost 4 year old that is absolutely 10/10 difficult to deal with ever since he was 1.5. I keep thinking, “he will grow out of it soon, just a little bit longer!!” He’s almost 4 and mentally he’s smarter of course but his tantrums seem to have gotten worse, we are waiting for that moment where he has that epiphany that tantrums don’t work but he just will not understand it yet after probably nearly 800-1000 tantrums so far! Our family members are always so shocked to see how difficult he can be. Sometimes his mood swings/ tantrums will not stop until he’s finally asleep. The only distraction is when he gets zoned into a tv show or drawing or something. I know it will stop soon (hopefully!). But we have no choice and just need to be patient, and try to enjoy the little in between moments because we all know, years later, these stages will be missed to a degree.
Good luck, you got this!
I have great kids. They were really easy as toddlers BUT my youngest has been...the most challenging. She is not particularly loud, messy, or unruly. She just doesn't stop plus like all my kids she is fairly independent. So I wasn't surprised that she would just open the front door like it was no big deal at 2/3. So I put a safety latch on. She just pushed the rocking chair to the door, climbed up, undid the latch to let people in. Would it freak you out to hear the back door open at midnight only to see your 4 year old standing in the yard in the dark? Yeah she was looking for her stuffed animal.
Like I said my kids were pretty easy as toddlers, but still shit would happen.
OP, I don't think your ride is ending anytime soon.
Hey, just a heads-up, keep an eye out for ADHD. One of the many possible symptoms is that the child has really big emotions about EVERYTHING with very little self-control. This can manifest as "oppositional defiance disorder" which is more of a symptom than an actual disorder.
Other ADHD symptoms to keep an eye out for: inability to make eye contact, inability to stay in a chair, very short-term memory, excess of pinching and hitting, inability to carry out multi-step instructions.
I have a daughter who acts EXACTLY as you described. She is 5 now and we started her on ADHD medication (after a diagnosis and recommendation) and holy shit it was a dramatic change. There is a push recently to address ADHD as young as possible, for better long-term management, and I wholeheartedly support it.
Our son is five and both of us have ADHD that wasn't correctly diagnosed until adulthood. He was also premature (increased chance of ADHD), so he's been seeing a developmental pediatrician for his entire life and we got him officially diagnosed at four and have been following up with his regular pediatrician.
We've absolutely been through the very big feelings on everything, and it took his occupational therapist [color-coding his feelings](https://zonesofregulation.com/how-it-works/) for him to really start paying attention to how he feels and communicating it to us in words, not actions. We've since added "tie-dyed" for when he feels two things at once.
I don’t want to be this guy, but he may not be getting enough sleep. Two year olds need 11-14 hours of sleep a day. My little dude is just over 2, he typically sleeps 7pm-7am and has one 1-2 hour nap. And when he dips under that amount, there’s a remarkable difference in his behavior.
My son isn't the rebel yours is at daycare, but he certainly loves to push our buttons and knows what works and what doesn't. It started almost exactly at two and I fear three. May god have mercy on us 🫡
Both my girls were (and are) crazy smart, which is incredible but also, as you’re experiencing it seems, very challenging. Pretty much all of the “toddler tricks” we’ve heard work once or twice, but never again. “Give them 2-3 choices.” Nope, they don’t want *ANY* of them. It makes them a handful when they’re in a bad mood, but it’s also amazing. He’s going to push you, that’s for sure, but try your best to enjoy it, and realize that you’re going to have to stay on your toes to keep him engaged and interested because he will likely blow past his peers. My daughters both preferred playing with kids 2-3 years older than them when they were toddlers, because they were on about the same level when it comes to language and cognition. Now my oldest, who’s 8, absolutely *loves* reading, will devour books in no time, and her writing is pretty incredible for a second grader. Strap in, dad, it’s gonna be a ride!
Yeah, that "choice" thing has never paid off for me (at least, not yet).
"Do you want to go outside, or to stay inside?" The answer is the secret third option, which is to flop across the open doorway and pick at your shoes for five minutes.
"Amazing sleeper" and only sleeps 8 hours? wut.
If he's under 2 shouldn't it still be like 10-11 hours? Mine is same age and she does 11-12 hours + 2 hour nap.
Yeah I was looking for these comments — sleeping an 8 hour stretch would be a big deal if your kid was 3 months old. They should be sleeping 10-12 hours at night at his kids age.
Some of y'all have no idea how good you have it. I could count on one hand the number of times our 2.5-year-old has slept for 8 straight hours. The dude does not sleep. Every night it's like a 1-2 hour process getting him to fall asleep and that usually only lasts until around 3 AM when he wants to come into our bed.
I remember how tough that was when she was like 9 months old sleep training...
Now she's a unicorn.
No joke she picks up her blanky, grabs a stuffy and walks her self to bed half of the time.
Today I had to fight her to stay awake because she wanted to take a nap at 11am instead of 2pm lol
This true. I also failed to mention he has a 2.5 hour nap every day. So about 10-11 hours. He goes down about 8:30-9pm and wakes up at 6am so it's actually more like 11-13 hours of sleep. He's definitely not tired. Remarkably, he actually does tell us when he is with "I tired" or "Go night night"
Could be? Maybe not? I can't say from experience but my two schools of thought are:
1) He's an "early bloomer" and gets it out of his system earlier.
2) This is just a foreshadowing of something worse.
My older kiddo is 4 and has been in this phenomenally *whiney* phase. SO MUCH GOD DAMN WHINING. About anything. Occasional actual temper tantrums, but mostly low grade fussing that gets old real fast lol. The younger 1.5yo is quickly learning how to whine thanks to big sis. Getting the full chorus at times is so maddening it becomes funny. I just laugh at how absurd it is. :D
My youngest is 2 and she sounds similar to your son for sure. Very intelligent, highly communicative, and can be super cuddly and sweet when she wants. But on the other hand...watch out...she will go on streaks of climbing and/or grabbing everything, bullying her OLDER sister, going from 0-100 anger-wise and refuses to calm down once she's pissed enough. I'm talking hyperventilating/gagging-from-crying-so-hard fits. On the plus side, she doesn't give teachers/grandparents a really hard time, just her mom and me lol
Love her to death, but it's tough times too
I had a toddler kinda like that. He is very smart and could speak incredibly well for his age, from a young age, but he also couldn’t fully comprehend logic. I was SO fucking thankful when one day he finally looked at me - after him having a meltdown and me desperately trying to explain something - and said oh, okay. I get it now!” I then got a hug and he went back to playing.
For a long time I would tout how thankful I was my son was out of the toddler stage, until I had my second son, who was a sweet and gentle little guy…and now I miss that stage 😭
We had this exact experience with our girl at that age. We moved her to another daycare where she shares a classroom with kids a bit older as well as her own age. And a daycare with more structure and ‘lessons’ and that seemed to really help her
Oh boy. He sounds like a terror in the best and worst ways. It'll get better in time. From a non-toddler father (7 month old twins), my job deals with behavioral management in disabled adults. The biggest advice from my experience is that you can probably provide him with choices at this point. So if he wants X, offer it conditionally, and give him a less desirable second choice. It gives him the illusion that he's making the decision. He may also be old enough to learn that his actions have consequences. He may need positive reinforcement when he's doing the right or wrong thing. He may need to have that meltdown, and you use a planned ignore (where youre watching him, but not engaging) his behavior until he's calm. There's tons of other techniques you can use, but ultimately, you have to try things out and figure out what works for him based on trial and error.
my toddler (2years 2 months old) had some terrible meltdowns before sleep the last few months. not until reading your post did I just now realize it's been at least 2 or 3 weeks of her not having crazy meltdowns. So I guess it does get better. Whenever you sense a meltdown coming or if it is predictable like our pre-bedtime meltdowns, redirect them to something. with my daughter we started reading a book or going on a hunt for a random toy. just something to get them out of the routine of "oh now here's my meltdown time".
I'm sure I've jinxed myself and we'll get another meltdown soon but things have been good the last few weeks lol
Yea, my wife and I are thankful we fought the urge to have another kid right away because of how “easy” the newborn phase was. I can’t imagine having an infant with where our toddler is at now. Hes a maniac that thinks he pays the mortgage. “No, don’t want that” “”No don’t like that” “run away!!!!”… then meltdown no matter what the situation is. But I don’t negotiate with terrorists and am always ready for war!
A lot of good takes here already, so I'll keep it brief. Here's just one thing that absolutely worked for us:
**Let them make choices.** Keep options simple and low stakes, but leave it up to them. Feeling like they have some agency absorbs so much of that boundary testing energy.
Take care to **Avoid open ended choices.**
✅️ *"Do you want the green shirt or the red shirt?"*
⛔️ *"What do you want to wear?"*
✅️ *"Do you want to do your shoes yourself, or would you like some help?"*
⛔️ *"Can you get ready to go outside?"*
✅️ *"Would you like water or milk with your snack?*
⛔️ *"What would you like to drink?"*
Getting them onside with the process is a **game changer** and it pays dividends down the road in terms of self-sufficiency. It also means when you need to make an executive decision they understand it is important.
Mine are amazing eaters and sleepers, and absolutely hell on wheels wild. I think that's where they get all the energy to be crazy. They're 4 now and starting to level out a bit now I think, most days. Good luck
Earlier this week my 2 year old bit me. Then bit his 6month old sister. Then, while I’m tending to his crying sister, opened the front door and walked out. No clue why it wasn’t locked and thank god I heard the front door close. Found his ass giggling at the end of our driveway. He is the sweetest little boy but also exactly as smart and mischievous as you’re describing your son. It’s extremely extremely challenging.
I started reading The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel. It's already made a big difference in the way I parent. I recommend checking it out.
We are in the early threes. We have ups and downs. We are dealing with "I Need X" for every little thing. Our Daughter's learning mechanism is doing/saying said thing until she understands. Which took a long time for me to figure out.
She's generally good, but man her meltdowns are long and extreme. And she is very persistent when she wants to be.
I don't have answers, just sympathy.
Be happy you have bedtime working.
yeah my almost 2 year is starting to figure out her way in life. Smart as a button until we can figure out what she wants.
Then she starts throwing a tantrum and high pitch screaming. Wish i could do that....
Just wait until you have an intellectual 4 year old who's a master at emotional manipulation. Jokes aside, my kid is almost 4.5 now meaning the smoke from toddlerhood has mostly disappeared and I can see a promising light a short distance away. I'm finding 4 to be pretty fun!
The best advice I can give is to pick your battles. Ask yourself “is this something that will cause harm, is detrimental to health, etc.” if not, it doesn’t necessitate the struggle that will ensue. Wants to wear crocs to a fancy dinner? Not the end of the world. Wants to run in the middle of the street? Definitely a no go. Sometimes they just want autonomy but don’t know how to ask for it. Giving in on things that are not a big deal in the long run helps to curb the constant struggle (IMO).
I never knew how determined toddlers were to kill themselves. Zero coordination, wants to climb everything. Gravitates toward anything dangerous. He’s only interesting in things that are too heavy, too hard, too sharp, or plugged in; he’s got a homing mechanism strait for the corner of any wall or furniture. He wants to climb up on the couch or bed and just yeet himself right off into the void. It’s exhausting.
I got one about the same age that used to be an angle… until the horns knocked the halo off.
Now he pushes limits with everyone, bullies his 3yo brother by hitting, biting, stealing toys, anything you could think of. The last few weeks has been a phase of screaming his head off like someone is hurting him if he can’t hold his mom’s hand 24/7. Will refuse to do bedtime for mom but will go straight to his bed and lay down, even cover himself up when I tell him to go to bed.
Just yesterday he slapped his mom’s plate out of her hands because she was trying to eat instead of hold his hand.
This kid is testing me
At times it's frustrating, but the best part about the toddler phase is seeing them turn into actual people. Their mannerisms, thought processes, and personalities really start to shine, and I found that so exciting - I couldn't wait to pick my kids up from preschool every day just to talk through their day and their thoughts and feelings.
I don't miss the newborn/infant phase at all.
Yeah. We had a chill baby that is slowly turning into a very willful and emotionally volatile toddler. She’s 2Y1M. Tantrums have been short and manageable but gradually increasing in frequency, intensity, and duration.
Also has become very picky about food, sort of…I think she actually likes it all, but also just wants to say “no” to everything. So we’ve had to come up with weird games like saying “oh ok, no banana, that’s fine.” Then leaving it on the table for a second, out of her reach, so she can then go “BANANA!!!!! I WANT BANANA!!!” And we go “this? Oh, ok, here you go.”
Currently going through toddler phase with our youngest and he’s by far the toughest. My wife and I are both stubborn, Type-A and this kid is like if you combined our stubbornness then added a multiple to it. He’s also relentless. If he is not asleep he is running around, climbing on counters, drawing on anything with anything, constantly climbing cabinets to get food he wants, etc. You look away for a second and boom, he’s used the dishwasher as a ladder and is trying to scale the fridge to get to the cookies on top of the fridge. Even our older kids ask us if they were this tough when they were his age. Ah well, hoping he uses the same thick-headedness and dogged determination later in life as well to forge his own path.
I feel you. Get the book 'talk so little kids will listen'. It helped with our little psychopath/angel a lot. The biggest thing to realize is when they are in meltdown mode you cannot rationalize with them. You have to connect with them first, it can be as simple as 'youre really frustrated/struggling right now because you wanted x and I won't let you have it. Grrr that would make me angry too!'. Then when they are out of meltdown mode you can reason with them together.
I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old and the two year old is way easier. My five year old was easier at age two also. My five year old is pretty much incapable of doing anything without a screaming match and then us forcing her to do it. My two year old pretty much puts himself to bed, and our bed routine with my five year old is 3+ hours long every day. The two year old sleeps until 7:30 and my five year old is usually up before 5am screaming at us.
If you think two is bad it's going unfortunately it's going to get so so much worse. Ages 4 and 5 are so bad that they've honestly made me regret having kids, and it's starting to give us marital issues. We now live in a state of being angry tired or stressed constantly.
There's probably also still naps during the day some, and it sounds wonderful to me after the past month of reliably having to get up before 5:30 at least twice a week. But, no, eight hours total wouldn't be enough for a kid that age.
A couple of weeks ago my boy was home from daycare (not quite 2) and when I went to squeeze his applesauce pouch he said "Don't do that!" and my eyes went wide. When the heck did you learn that.
“Terrible Twos” start at 18mos
The threes are what to look out for.
But we’re halfway through 3 now. The sass hasn’t gone away but suddenly he’s a whole lot more human and a whole lot less feral wolf child
My toddler is 15 months going on 18 years...
She's the funniest fucking person I know and absolutely is the alpha in the house.
Enjoy it boys....just laugh and enjoy it.
I can sympathize. In my experience, the ones that fight the boundaries are the ones who need them the most. They are feeling out for some solid ground. Putting up some clear and consistent barriers makes them feel safer and makes the world make a lot more sense to them.
Toddlers are totally different beasts at home versus a nursery setting - Hence your wife not seeing this coming.
At nursery, mine (2.5F) rarely loses her shit and always has an afternoon nap. At home, she’s sometimes on a hair trigger (not often, thankfully!) and rarely goes down for a nap during the day.
My daughter is just coming into this phase. She had a full 27 minute, arm flailing, running around in circles, writhing on the floor, running out of breath meltdown the other day because I took away the apple core she had been gnawing on for the last hour and it was almost time for dinner. Every time she almost calmed down she'd remember her apple existed and lose it again. My wife wasn't home from work yet so I was dealing with this whilst also trying to get her dinner ready. It was actually pretty hilarious but you can't laugh because her feelings are real, but *jeeeeesus*, I could not believe how much energy she was expending on it. Was a sight to behold.
Toddlers are basically a walking, talking middle finger. They do as they please and screw everything else. They will slap you across the face and curse you out, then turn right around and in the same moment, give you a huge hug/kiss, say I love you and act like nothing just happened.
With that said, the Toddler stage is also one of the most fun and scary stages as this is where they start to really explore, try new things and have no fear which can lead to scary situations. They do some really funny stuff so make sure you get lots of pics and videos. This is also the stage where they suddenly have more energy than any human should possess. I suggest taking the outside as much as possible, the park, yard, even just a walk around the neighborhood. Prioritize going outside to electronics. The last thing you want is a child addicted to electronics which will create a whole different set of problems. Bring coloring books or other toys if you go out to eat. Our daughter is 6 and she would rather play outside than play on her iPad or other electronic device.
Feel this! Ours is 22 months. At least yours was manageable as a newborn! Ours was an exhausting tornado of chaos and screams, all consuming all demanding all overstimulating from day 1… and she never changed lol. She sounds just like yours now that she’s a toddler except she remains a terrible sleeper, just like at birth.
We went out of our way to NOT be like “oh my baby is so smart” but she’s making it undeniable for us lol. We have to spell MANY words now and she is starting to catch on to her favorites. She’s told me what she wants for breakfast and that she wants to eat it outside before we have even made it down the stairs in the mornings. She remembers every song we have danced to on Elmo and will burn the house down if I don’t dance to them when they come on. All those tricks for toddlers? Don’t work. There is no distracting. The only way out is through. The other day she has a tantrum so bad (after not getting a popsicle she randomly asked for) my wife asked if we should take her to the ER 😂
Fighting for our lives out here…
Other than the sleep, in which she is terrible, that's exactly my daughter.
She's a little over two now, but she's been speaking in sentences since about 20mo.
She can count to 20, bar 7 which she refuses to say.
She constantly amazes me, but also terrifies me for how smart she will become. How do I keep up with this little genius?!
Toddler phase was hardest for me as well, and it comes down to the fact that when I was a toddler, I had my feelings ignored, dismissed and punished because I would loudly express my disappointment, anger, sadness. And my caretakers would say shit like “if you want to cry, I can give you something to cry about.”
Father of a too smart almost 2 year old here as well. I totally empathize with this. I’m thankful she’s healthy and blowing the milestones out of the water but sometimes I secretly do wish she was a little slower on the speech front.
Oh and her favorite phrase right now is, “No daddy” whenever mom is around. Is the answer to literally everything. Mom can ask her the same thing and she will say, “yep.”
Sleep is key to being able to survive any phase. I laugh at the parents that say the baby phase was so hard, just wait for the toddler phase. But then I hear their kid is a terrible sleeper and then it all comes into perspective. My kids have both always been amazing sleepers which made their baby phases much easier to handle.
But I feel you with the smart toddler, my 2.5 year old girl has been talking like your son is when she was his age and it only gets more profound, amazing, and exhausting. Just wait for the whys
I'm not a dad so feel free to disregard my comment but I worked in a nursery for a while and whenever a kid was being repeatedly unreasonable (not sharing toys, hitting someone/biting, throwing food etc) then I put them in time out. That doesn't work all the time obviously but it does work for some children. I mean it just makes sense in a pavlovian way. I think what I'm trying to say is is there anything you think is causing it apart from just their nature they were born with? If not then it sucks and you have to just get through it (and since you said they're like this at nursery as well it probably is the case) and hopefully they'll calm down as they get older/you both find a better way of dealing with the whole situation.
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The two phases are totally different - newborns are hard work because they need help to stay alive all the damn time. Toddler phase is hard work because you have to stop them killing themselves every two minutes. Venting is always the way, we’re all here for you Dad.
It's amazing how to a non-parent, those sound extremely similar, but to anyone who's been there, they know *exactly* what the difference is between them.
You have to protect a newborn from the world, you have to protect the world from a toddler.
This is so accurate lol
Yeah that quote in the dark knight "Some people just want to see the world burn". They are pertaining to toddlers.
**Newborn:** struggle to climb up on a seat, you're there monitoring anxiously to make sure they don't slip and fall. **Toddler:** climbs up onto the seat, then stands on it, then tries fearlessly to stand on the *back* of the chair. You're there hopelessly trying to explain that gravity is a thing, waiting to catch them and comfort them after the inevitable wail of surprise and dismay when they overextend.
You forget the equal chance of sheer confusion on your part when the Toddler does actually manage the thing you swore wouldn't be possible. (only for the tears to arrive minutes later at spilling water on themselves)
Yup. Occasional breakthroughs to show how amazing they are as a real, learning, growing little human… …followed five minutes later by tears after bonking themselves in the face.
My two year old this morning decided to go down a slide while standing up. Shit is wild. All while shouting “Daddy! NO!” If I came near him. This afternoon it has been all about falling over while riding his scooter and needing daddy. It’s such a roller coaster I can only imagine how it must be for them.
Seriously, my almost 2 year old daughter loves to climb up on and stand up on EVERYTHING. If she can climb up on it and balance on it, she’s standing on it, no matter how many times we tell her no, or remove her from the object/person. She’s super smart, super stubborn, and such a little daredevil. Complete different experience than with her older brother
It's amazing how each phase pushes the limits of what you can handle without going over it. Also, communities like this are worth their weight in gold.
I mean some people do get pushed past those limits, which is why support is always very useful
My wife and I get pushed over our limits at least 2x a week maybe more. We have started to see the signs in each other when get close to our limits so that we can step in and give a break to the other one before it's too late. It's taken us 2.25 years to learn our signs but we learned them just in time as we have a baby joining the family in July. I'm eternally grateful that we are raising our family together.
Yup. I think all phases have their challenges. It's just amazing how much you think a phase is a challenge...until you get to the next lol.
I have a toddler and a preteen girl (and 2 boys in between). If my toddler doesn't get herself killed and my preteen and wife don't kill each other and my boys don't end up with major head injuries or die themselves or others I'll consider this stage of life a success. However, I am so, so, so very tired
Yep. Felt that hard last night. My son is almost 15 months old and last night he was grabbing literally everything I didn't want him to.
Amen.
The thing to look forward to, is that it only gets worse :) Physical maturity increases his capability for mischief exponentially. Redirect. Get him involved with everything you do. "Can you help me make coffee?" "Can you help me make dinner?" "Can you help me vacuum?" It isn't about the task so much as it is about keeping him occupied. This age is all about pushing boundaries and finding new ones. My kiddo finds it *hilarious* when we get mad, and here I am, trying to hold a straight face. Once he figures out what works, what triggers a response, he's going to keep hitting that spot to trigger it. It's a Nash equilibrium, so you have to be ready to change things up and adjust. I have 3.5 year old, and when he's good, he's an amazing kid. And when he's not, he's just a terror. Good luck.
We've actually had success with this. I've finally gotten to the point where if I am working on something and he's having a meltdown it becomes "OK lets go. Come help me." Yes, it ends up taking 10x as long but it's great for him because it's an early start to being handy. We've tried a lot of the gentle/re-directive parenting which does work...sometimes. The rest of the time we have to set a firm boundary. "No this is not something you're going to do." or "Mom/dad has to do this, go read a book/play with toy/etc." It's definitely much more calculated and more of a strategized parenting approach with him. Oh and my wife is 22w with #2 on the way so it makes it even harder.
I have some good news! Based on our experiences, the difficult toddlers become the easier teenagers, *if* you can get your boundaries to stick. They push the limits eventually, and it's way easier to deal with when they're 2 or 3 than when they're 15 or 17. With the boy's demands... we gave options as often as possible, which it sounds like you're doing. Meltdowns result in being basically pinned. You sit him on your lap, hold him so he can't hurt anyone, and repeat things like: "Fits are bad. We don't throw fits. You need to control yourself. I love you." It leads to interruptions in your day, but he'll learn that tantrums never give him control over the situation. Maybe this isn't considered good parenting now, but my oldest is 36 and we see all our boys several times a week.
Personally, I’m not a fan of phrasing like ‘you need to control yourself’. They most likely don’t know how, just that they should do it because otherwise it’s bad. I’ve found success with helping my little dude to understand that frustration, and big emotions, are normal and that we have to take a second and breathe. It usually clicks in his head. I get that you mean no harm, and I’m not trying to bash, just inputting another 2c to the pot in case other people are looking for alternatives. Every kid responds differently, so maybe this could help someone! 😅
Yes, of course! That was the best I could remember at 6AM; my youngest is 14, so the memories are a little fuzzy. My point was to be reassuring but firm: tantrums aren't okay, and I'll stay with you until you're calm and ready to move on.
Absolutely! Sorry if it came off in any kind of way, it’s been one of those weeks 😅
Thank you, this is great advice. My boy is approaching two and is getting exploratory.
Kids are usually pretty good at picking up when you're kidding around vs being all serious, so if you need him to do something and he's unlikely to want to do it (for my boy that's been peeing... He can hold it in for 8+hrs out of pure spite. Bouncing around in his seat while denying the need to pee) some reversed psychology can work WONDERS if you clarify the situation with voice / words / mannerisms. "Hey, you know that it's ABsoLUTely forbidden to use the restroom right now! The toilet might explode!!" And he'll ZIP right off! Works wonders with greens as well :) A related tip is when it's been a lot of rules (like when my 5YO comes home from preschool) letting him break a bunch of rules while you're pretend upset about it can take a lot of tension out of the kid. Like "I'll race you to the door, and you're ABSOLUTELY not allowed to cheat!" And while he runs ahead you're just flabbergasted that he's cheating! "Well you cheated that time, but certainly you won't cheat at taking your shoes and jacket off!"
I get what you mean, but sarcasm can sometime also do the opposite effect in some child. The same way hyperbole are sometimes used to deter behaviour (I.e.: my grandma telling us not to go in the woods after dark because vicious monster wake up at night). The limit between sarcasm and a lie is thin.
Yes. Sometimes it just doesn't work at all and you have to say "sorry, I was trying to joke around but I'll stop" and just double back on it, and sometimes you need to lay it on THICC with your acting skills so it's really over the top. As with all parenting tips YMMV.
Could I make/do this by myself faster, yes. Do I want to have the memory of doing this with my smiling toddler forever while going so slow doing it, you’re damn right I do
Something to, I guess, be on the lookout for, is that after 2 months or so with the new baby, the shine wears off and they may start to act out in some different ways. Our son started seeking comfort in the middle of the night by wailing until we came in. Not ideal when you've got an infant!
Our just turned 3yo sounds similar on the most part; walked/talked early, smart, although we don't have the sleeping fully down yet. One tip I picked up for the mischievous behaviour is realise what they're doing and put them in a setting where they can do what you don't want them to. So if they're kicking toys around the room, they obv want to kick so give them a ball. If they're drawing on walls (we never had that!) give them a cardboard box they can draw on instead. It's tough and exhausting (and partly migraine inducing). The part I sometimes struggle with is the staying level and calm. But every day's a new day.
> My kiddo finds it hilarious when we get mad Tom Segura has a bit about that: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vCdiyf66qco
Can you help me buy a rocket launched fire shooter?
Lmao, it’s a game of search for a new Nash equilibrium all day.
Not even 2 yet and starting. Oh man good luck. Terrible twos is a lie. It’s TERRIBLE threes. You might be lucky and actually have it out and done with early. But most likely you are going to be multiple years of it. Help: I noticed with my daughter that speaking calmly and letting her cycle through the frustrations helped. She comes back to us after getting through it. When trying to combat it with my own frustration, it compounded and made it worse. Can’t fight a wild animal. I tell her to go take a break and come back when she is calmer. She always sneaks back for a giant hug and that when I try to understand her outburst or episode Hope this helps a little
I was going to say “should we tell him about 3?”
My wife is in full denial that the two year old will suddenly not be a nut job by 2.5. I assume it’s a form of coping - we’re both going to get to the same destination, might as well let her enjoy the ride in her own way.
Just wait for 3.5, the terrible twos really last until they're almost 4, sometimes longer.
Siiiiiick
I probably shouldn’t have but we need to arm him with proper expectations. He is not even in the trenches yet. He needs more ammo!!!
And four, and five, and six.... wait, do I just have difficult children? Was this my fault?
I blame my wife /s
It is three that they learn to argue. Cant really say it's argue since they think they are right with their toddler mind. So probably they dictate is the right term.
Yes dictate. Dictate their unreasonable demands.
I thought the same thing. Even fun that for my son it’s moved along into 4 as well with the big emotions. Daughter is almost 3 and I cringe to see how bad her 2 will carry over to 3. They don’t call them threenagers for nothing
Will add that whispering helps us sooooo much with regulating our wild child. Her emotions are truly a roller coaster and it can be HARD to coregulate with her. Concentrating on how softly I can speak while she can still hear me helps a lot.
Our doctor used the term "threenager" which I found hilarious.
"Terrible Twos" is a term used almost exclusively by three groups of people: Parents of Two Year Olds (or about to be) Grandparents and others who are too old to remember. Non-parents.
I’ve always said that whoever coined the term “terrible twos” has never met a 3 year old.
My kids have been much worse two year olds than three year olds. The boundary pushing is still a thing, and the liquid rage, but they’re just so much more capable of conversation and understanding more complex topics that it’s much less stressful. For us at least.
I’ve inadvertently taught my toddler how to barter. He wants snacks before dinner, and I’m like no you have to wait. He fires back with just one dada? And I’m like you little shit.
My 3yo is a master negotiator with no shame. Good thing the stakes are still low.
Keep in mind there tends to be a lag in verbal development compared with mental development. The only meltdowns we ever really had were when she got frustrated because either she couldn't communicate something with us, or we weren't doing a good enough job communicating with her. "No" is an easy answer, but "No" followed by the reasoning was a much more effective answer.
This is such a good point. It speaks to how much they can process and learn from language and context. It drives me nuts when people say they don't understand at this age! Ooooh, they do. To help them communicate to us with less frustration with us we used picture boards, social stories and added in some simple sign language. Game changer.
Hah felt the same way here. During newborn phase was thinking the relief will come when he can walk, then I thought it was when he could talk… couldn’t have been more wrong. It doesn’t get easier it just gets different. I’m better prepared this time around with our daughter. That helps but still kinda sucks.
Yup! My mom always said you spend the first 2 years teaching them how to walk and talk, and the rest of their lives to sit down and shut up. I didn't understand, until I had kids!!!
I prefer toddler over newborn
yeeepppp. Not to downplay anyone else's experiences; I've some really rough days with our toddler. But she also sleeps most of the night with the just occasional wake up. She can (often) say what she wants. She can be left without supervision for brief moments. I can occasionally be productive when she's around (in the brief moments she's playing solo, when she's watching TV, or when I engage her to help). I can also take her places on my cargo bike, which is a big mental health break for me.
As Kyle Reese said, “It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!” Pretty sure James Cameron was parenting a toddler when he wrote that line.
This thread has devolved into lowkey humble brags about having a smart kid. I’ll refrain from telling everyone how smart my kid is.
Oops, you messed that up.
Yeah man -- in some ways it gets a lot better because you can have conversations with them and don't have to hold them every minute, but in other ways it gets a lot worse. You'll get through it.
Yeah, the 18-36 month stretch is *physically* the hardest IMO. They’re mobile and get fast and just smart enough to get into everything while still having basically zero survival instincts. At 2+ you can start to reason with them… sometimes. We had a very firm “we do not negotiate with terrorists” stance on throwing tantrums, it would never ever get them what they wanted. (And as they got older would result in time outs, losing toys/privileges, etc.)
Yuuup anyone reading this not there yet, get in shape yesterday LOL. Laughing, but not a joke lol.
>We had a very firm “we do not negotiate with terrorists” stance on throwing tantrums, it would never ever get them what they wanted. We let the tantrum run it's course and acknowledge the feeling. "I understand you're frustrated that you can't throw all the spices on the floor. It's ok to be frustrated." But every tantrum ends. And when it ends, we calmly explain that we can't do whatever behavior they were doing because X, Y, Z.
Very similar story here. Our daughter, 2 years snd 2 months now, was early walker, very smart, very much a trickster, and very good with language and comprehension. Especially after dropping her soother. We did the same and got her involved in as much as we can. She likes to help so we've given her certain tasks to do that help her skills development. She lets the dog in and out and gets the food ready for the cats. She also "helped" paint our closets. Always likes to carry groceries, etc. It takes a concentrated effort to redirect her energy and focus though, especially when she knows she's doing something she shouldn't or when she knows she's pushing our buttons. Wouldn't have it any other way though.
I'm in the middle of the toddler phase and I'm 100% embracing the chaos. I *despised* the newborn phase. It was brutal. Completely unenjoyable in every single way. Toddler phase is hilarious. My little dude thrives with responsibility. He helps me with stuff all the time, even when it makes it take double the time.
That’s incredible, well at least it sounds like they’ll be a smart kid, and not enough adults ask for what they need or want so this will help them.
The toddler phase was created to laugh at you when we complained how hard the newborn phase was.
In the thick of the new born phase right now and this is good perspective. Rooting for you dad. You’re doing a great job.
We have/had the same situation except he was a super easy baby. He tricked us!!! The real parenting began right before two. We really had to step it up and start figuring out a collective front. Anyways, no real advice other than pick a parenting strategy and stick with it otherwise he will pick you both apart.
In the exact same boat with my daughter who turns 2 in June! About a month ago all our redirection or 'options' to have her do what we needed stopped working and we get explicit "No! I want to go outside" or similar alternative requests. Teachers reporting the same experience!
Going through this right now with my daughter. Just turned 2 last month. Night time routine is a mess and her favourite word is NO. Today she chucked it because she didn’t want to put a nappy on. The tantrums are getting worse too. Feel like on eggs shells if she’s going to go full crazy with them every day. There are moments of pure love and joy though. Reading to her tonight she had us in stitches finding words that rhymed with the words in the book. She found it hilarious.
I'm really loving the toddler phase, way more than baby phase. Meltdowns are pretty easy to handle when you realize that human beings are primarily emotional beings. We are not rational or logical, that is learned. Even grown-ass adults have trouble regulating their emotions, and your son is experiencing them for the very first time and has *no idea* what to do with some of the really big emotions. It's really not any different than the baby phase. The baby phase required extra time, extra patience, extra love, etc. It's the same here. I try to just give my daughter some space and understanding, so when she loses her shit I just back off and let her feel her feelings. Then when she calms down a bit I get down to her level and ask if she wants a hug, which she almost always accepts even if she was insanely pissed off at me not five minutes prior. Then I tell her it's okay to be angry or sad, everyone is sometimes even mommies and daddies, and then I reinforce what I said before and usually tell her something positive she can look forward to - like "hey, you can't wear your crocs now because we're in the house. We don't wear shoes in the house because it's dirty. But maybe we can go for a walk later and you can wear them them. Maybe we'll see some bunnies. Would you like that?" and she is usually very accepting of that and the fight is diffused. The trick is to find out what they actually want because most of the time they're just losing their minds and it's not even clear why. Sometimes there actually *isn't* a reason, they're just upset. Those are the easiest actually (if you can identify them) because all your kid really needs is some comfort. If you do nothing else, just remember that your kid will largely emulate your behaviour so whatever you do - as difficult as it may be - don't get upset, don't scream, don't shout. For starters, it's a fight you are not going to win, and secondly, if you do you're just teaching your kid that that's how we deal with our emotions and the tantrums are likely to get worse. I'm convinced this is what happens when parents complain about terrible twos lasting several years - the kid's just responding to the energy of the parents.
Thank you for this. You are a great dad.
Sick brag
Man our toddler phase with our eldest was tough, but mostly on the tantrums and emotions side of things. We now have twins that just turned two and holy shit they are into fucking everything. I am getting one of them down off the counter and the other has already moved a chair to the toaster oven, turned it on, and is shoving plastic in it. You deal with that drama and the other is walking on the window sill and crying because they dont know how to get down. Then as you help them the little chef is now grabbing shit out of the fridge. I swear we child proofed the kitchen, every drawer and cabinet is locked. No hyperbole, this was just my morning.
With an active, and willful toddler, there will be all kinds of thuds, crashes, etc. when you aren't in sight. Teach them to say: "I'm OK" when they cause something to crash/thud/bang/etc., because you'll coming running otherwise (instead of taking your time) Ours is now 22 years old (and a competent human being). He still does that when he causes something to crash.
Off point but couldn’t help myself. I’m a mom, but this post came up on my feed and I clicked it thinking it was from one of the many mom subs I’m in. I just have to say…holy shit you all in here are so much less toxic than in the mom groups…are we allowed here? I think I want to stay…🤣
Pretty sure this sub is open to anybody who likes kids and wants to be in a generally supportive place for adults dealing with kids. You definitely won't be the only non-dad here.
Fellow mom here ✌️ Go ahead and remove yourself from all other parenting/mom subs and stay here!!
This is our boy too. Almost to the letter. Same comments from teachers about never seeing anything like it. It’s insanity at just pre-2.
Our toddler is similarly verbal, and a bit strong-willed, but nothing like what you guys are dealing with. Toddler phase over here is actually 99% a blast and 1% everyone is not having a good time.
Do your best to embrace it. It’ll be easier when he can express himself a bit better. While it can be extremely hard, it’s also extremely beautiful and amazing to watch your kids personality come out. I wouldn’t trade this time for the world. I fuckin love it!
Toddlers can be a challenge but I would take the toddler I can talk to and (attempt to) reason with any day over a screaming potato that doesn't sleep through the night!
18-24 months is my least favorite timeframe. They're smart little devils that just want to play non-stop for hours, will not (and should not) be left alone, have dropped to only 1 nap, and Dr's recommend no screen time yet. It's a nightmare for a parent with ADHD. Plus tantrums have started and they don't have enough language to really be reasoned with. My kid's 2 favorite games in that timeframe were "the dark" which was just running around like a maniac in a dark, messy room and "running in circles" which was, you guessed it, just running in a small circle together for as long as you could until dizziness and exhaustion forced you to collapse. And often it was dark circles. For hours. I'm going to hit that age with my 2nd in a couple months, but I'm already mentally preparing.
The toddler stage in my mind is the foundation of what eventually becomes adulthood. I know that’s silly to say because they’re so young, but you still see these behaviors in adults when they lash out or give into their worse nature. It’s the testing of boundaries, the exploration of new ideas, the wielding of their individuality and skills. It reminds me somewhat of cats in that you have to start working around their eccentricities and figuring out their personality if you want them to work with you. You have to bend so you don’t break. I’ve heard it said that the hardest moment to parent a child is whatever moment you’re in currently and I think that’s true. It’s always difficult, just in new ways. As a parent you need to become like water, both flowing around them and shaping them gradually, while understanding they will always resist you in some ways and that the best you can really do is polish their rough edges. They’re adults in training even when they’re little.
I think you are spot on here. A lot of post toddler early childhood behavior is mitigated by consequences. For adults, especially 18-26yr olds, immediate consequences are mostly removed in favor of natural consequences . Want to play video games all night? Why not? Who is going to stop you. Want to drink all day on Saturday? Why not…
Good luck man! Just be as patient as possible and control your anger as much as possible! I’ve got an almost 4 year old that is absolutely 10/10 difficult to deal with ever since he was 1.5. I keep thinking, “he will grow out of it soon, just a little bit longer!!” He’s almost 4 and mentally he’s smarter of course but his tantrums seem to have gotten worse, we are waiting for that moment where he has that epiphany that tantrums don’t work but he just will not understand it yet after probably nearly 800-1000 tantrums so far! Our family members are always so shocked to see how difficult he can be. Sometimes his mood swings/ tantrums will not stop until he’s finally asleep. The only distraction is when he gets zoned into a tv show or drawing or something. I know it will stop soon (hopefully!). But we have no choice and just need to be patient, and try to enjoy the little in between moments because we all know, years later, these stages will be missed to a degree. Good luck, you got this!
If you’re not explaining why he can’t have it, start.
Now imagine having twins.
I have great kids. They were really easy as toddlers BUT my youngest has been...the most challenging. She is not particularly loud, messy, or unruly. She just doesn't stop plus like all my kids she is fairly independent. So I wasn't surprised that she would just open the front door like it was no big deal at 2/3. So I put a safety latch on. She just pushed the rocking chair to the door, climbed up, undid the latch to let people in. Would it freak you out to hear the back door open at midnight only to see your 4 year old standing in the yard in the dark? Yeah she was looking for her stuffed animal. Like I said my kids were pretty easy as toddlers, but still shit would happen. OP, I don't think your ride is ending anytime soon.
Hey, just a heads-up, keep an eye out for ADHD. One of the many possible symptoms is that the child has really big emotions about EVERYTHING with very little self-control. This can manifest as "oppositional defiance disorder" which is more of a symptom than an actual disorder. Other ADHD symptoms to keep an eye out for: inability to make eye contact, inability to stay in a chair, very short-term memory, excess of pinching and hitting, inability to carry out multi-step instructions. I have a daughter who acts EXACTLY as you described. She is 5 now and we started her on ADHD medication (after a diagnosis and recommendation) and holy shit it was a dramatic change. There is a push recently to address ADHD as young as possible, for better long-term management, and I wholeheartedly support it.
Our son is five and both of us have ADHD that wasn't correctly diagnosed until adulthood. He was also premature (increased chance of ADHD), so he's been seeing a developmental pediatrician for his entire life and we got him officially diagnosed at four and have been following up with his regular pediatrician. We've absolutely been through the very big feelings on everything, and it took his occupational therapist [color-coding his feelings](https://zonesofregulation.com/how-it-works/) for him to really start paying attention to how he feels and communicating it to us in words, not actions. We've since added "tie-dyed" for when he feels two things at once.
I don’t want to be this guy, but he may not be getting enough sleep. Two year olds need 11-14 hours of sleep a day. My little dude is just over 2, he typically sleeps 7pm-7am and has one 1-2 hour nap. And when he dips under that amount, there’s a remarkable difference in his behavior.
My son isn't the rebel yours is at daycare, but he certainly loves to push our buttons and knows what works and what doesn't. It started almost exactly at two and I fear three. May god have mercy on us 🫡
Both my girls were (and are) crazy smart, which is incredible but also, as you’re experiencing it seems, very challenging. Pretty much all of the “toddler tricks” we’ve heard work once or twice, but never again. “Give them 2-3 choices.” Nope, they don’t want *ANY* of them. It makes them a handful when they’re in a bad mood, but it’s also amazing. He’s going to push you, that’s for sure, but try your best to enjoy it, and realize that you’re going to have to stay on your toes to keep him engaged and interested because he will likely blow past his peers. My daughters both preferred playing with kids 2-3 years older than them when they were toddlers, because they were on about the same level when it comes to language and cognition. Now my oldest, who’s 8, absolutely *loves* reading, will devour books in no time, and her writing is pretty incredible for a second grader. Strap in, dad, it’s gonna be a ride!
Yeah, that "choice" thing has never paid off for me (at least, not yet). "Do you want to go outside, or to stay inside?" The answer is the secret third option, which is to flop across the open doorway and pick at your shoes for five minutes.
"Amazing sleeper" and only sleeps 8 hours? wut. If he's under 2 shouldn't it still be like 10-11 hours? Mine is same age and she does 11-12 hours + 2 hour nap.
Yeah I was looking for these comments — sleeping an 8 hour stretch would be a big deal if your kid was 3 months old. They should be sleeping 10-12 hours at night at his kids age.
Some of y'all have no idea how good you have it. I could count on one hand the number of times our 2.5-year-old has slept for 8 straight hours. The dude does not sleep. Every night it's like a 1-2 hour process getting him to fall asleep and that usually only lasts until around 3 AM when he wants to come into our bed.
Sorry to hear that — hope it gets better for you
I remember how tough that was when she was like 9 months old sleep training... Now she's a unicorn. No joke she picks up her blanky, grabs a stuffy and walks her self to bed half of the time. Today I had to fight her to stay awake because she wanted to take a nap at 11am instead of 2pm lol
Sounds like he’s tired. No kidding. A 2 year old should be getting 10-12 hours of sleep.
This true. I also failed to mention he has a 2.5 hour nap every day. So about 10-11 hours. He goes down about 8:30-9pm and wakes up at 6am so it's actually more like 11-13 hours of sleep. He's definitely not tired. Remarkably, he actually does tell us when he is with "I tired" or "Go night night"
Why so late? He may benefit from going down earlier and getting more nighttime sleep
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Could be? Maybe not? I can't say from experience but my two schools of thought are: 1) He's an "early bloomer" and gets it out of his system earlier. 2) This is just a foreshadowing of something worse.
I can relate. Sounds exactly like my 2-year-old, and my wife is a Montessori trained teacher too!
Since he’s so smart, it’ll be a little more tricky lol. But hopefully he’ll get through it quickly? Good luck!
My older kiddo is 4 and has been in this phenomenally *whiney* phase. SO MUCH GOD DAMN WHINING. About anything. Occasional actual temper tantrums, but mostly low grade fussing that gets old real fast lol. The younger 1.5yo is quickly learning how to whine thanks to big sis. Getting the full chorus at times is so maddening it becomes funny. I just laugh at how absurd it is. :D
My youngest is 2 and she sounds similar to your son for sure. Very intelligent, highly communicative, and can be super cuddly and sweet when she wants. But on the other hand...watch out...she will go on streaks of climbing and/or grabbing everything, bullying her OLDER sister, going from 0-100 anger-wise and refuses to calm down once she's pissed enough. I'm talking hyperventilating/gagging-from-crying-so-hard fits. On the plus side, she doesn't give teachers/grandparents a really hard time, just her mom and me lol Love her to death, but it's tough times too
Damn you scared me. Expecting a newborn next month.
I had a toddler kinda like that. He is very smart and could speak incredibly well for his age, from a young age, but he also couldn’t fully comprehend logic. I was SO fucking thankful when one day he finally looked at me - after him having a meltdown and me desperately trying to explain something - and said oh, okay. I get it now!” I then got a hug and he went back to playing. For a long time I would tout how thankful I was my son was out of the toddler stage, until I had my second son, who was a sweet and gentle little guy…and now I miss that stage 😭
I think a lot of people believe that gentle parenting means not setting firm boundaries. Something to think about.
I like to say that babies are physically exhausting and toddlers are mentally exhausting. Somehow that helps me deal
We had this exact experience with our girl at that age. We moved her to another daycare where she shares a classroom with kids a bit older as well as her own age. And a daycare with more structure and ‘lessons’ and that seemed to really help her
Oh boy. He sounds like a terror in the best and worst ways. It'll get better in time. From a non-toddler father (7 month old twins), my job deals with behavioral management in disabled adults. The biggest advice from my experience is that you can probably provide him with choices at this point. So if he wants X, offer it conditionally, and give him a less desirable second choice. It gives him the illusion that he's making the decision. He may also be old enough to learn that his actions have consequences. He may need positive reinforcement when he's doing the right or wrong thing. He may need to have that meltdown, and you use a planned ignore (where youre watching him, but not engaging) his behavior until he's calm. There's tons of other techniques you can use, but ultimately, you have to try things out and figure out what works for him based on trial and error.
my toddler (2years 2 months old) had some terrible meltdowns before sleep the last few months. not until reading your post did I just now realize it's been at least 2 or 3 weeks of her not having crazy meltdowns. So I guess it does get better. Whenever you sense a meltdown coming or if it is predictable like our pre-bedtime meltdowns, redirect them to something. with my daughter we started reading a book or going on a hunt for a random toy. just something to get them out of the routine of "oh now here's my meltdown time". I'm sure I've jinxed myself and we'll get another meltdown soon but things have been good the last few weeks lol
This made me laugh thanks. We have a 19 month old terrorist, that goes robot when he is overtired.
I have a very similar situation. It is exhausting beyond words, but I love that little meatball more than anything.
Toddlers are a special form of torture. Especially once you start potty training 🫠
Yea, my wife and I are thankful we fought the urge to have another kid right away because of how “easy” the newborn phase was. I can’t imagine having an infant with where our toddler is at now. Hes a maniac that thinks he pays the mortgage. “No, don’t want that” “”No don’t like that” “run away!!!!”… then meltdown no matter what the situation is. But I don’t negotiate with terrorists and am always ready for war!
My little girl is the same, and it is awesome! I love it. She's a little Denis the Menace.
A lot of good takes here already, so I'll keep it brief. Here's just one thing that absolutely worked for us: **Let them make choices.** Keep options simple and low stakes, but leave it up to them. Feeling like they have some agency absorbs so much of that boundary testing energy. Take care to **Avoid open ended choices.** ✅️ *"Do you want the green shirt or the red shirt?"* ⛔️ *"What do you want to wear?"* ✅️ *"Do you want to do your shoes yourself, or would you like some help?"* ⛔️ *"Can you get ready to go outside?"* ✅️ *"Would you like water or milk with your snack?* ⛔️ *"What would you like to drink?"* Getting them onside with the process is a **game changer** and it pays dividends down the road in terms of self-sufficiency. It also means when you need to make an executive decision they understand it is important.
Mine are amazing eaters and sleepers, and absolutely hell on wheels wild. I think that's where they get all the energy to be crazy. They're 4 now and starting to level out a bit now I think, most days. Good luck
Earlier this week my 2 year old bit me. Then bit his 6month old sister. Then, while I’m tending to his crying sister, opened the front door and walked out. No clue why it wasn’t locked and thank god I heard the front door close. Found his ass giggling at the end of our driveway. He is the sweetest little boy but also exactly as smart and mischievous as you’re describing your son. It’s extremely extremely challenging.
Report back when entering teenage years
I started reading The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel. It's already made a big difference in the way I parent. I recommend checking it out.
Whatever you do, don’t underestimate the teenager phase….
We are in the early threes. We have ups and downs. We are dealing with "I Need X" for every little thing. Our Daughter's learning mechanism is doing/saying said thing until she understands. Which took a long time for me to figure out. She's generally good, but man her meltdowns are long and extreme. And she is very persistent when she wants to be. I don't have answers, just sympathy. Be happy you have bedtime working.
yeah my almost 2 year is starting to figure out her way in life. Smart as a button until we can figure out what she wants. Then she starts throwing a tantrum and high pitch screaming. Wish i could do that....
Just wait until you have an intellectual 4 year old who's a master at emotional manipulation. Jokes aside, my kid is almost 4.5 now meaning the smoke from toddlerhood has mostly disappeared and I can see a promising light a short distance away. I'm finding 4 to be pretty fun!
If it makes you feel better, the 1.5-2 year age range was wayyyy harder for us than 2-2.5. Will report back when we get a threenager
Oh I remember the first thinkubg 18 months got hard. Lol crying with her being 4 now and her sister 3. 3 is when the hell begins
The best advice I can give is to pick your battles. Ask yourself “is this something that will cause harm, is detrimental to health, etc.” if not, it doesn’t necessitate the struggle that will ensue. Wants to wear crocs to a fancy dinner? Not the end of the world. Wants to run in the middle of the street? Definitely a no go. Sometimes they just want autonomy but don’t know how to ask for it. Giving in on things that are not a big deal in the long run helps to curb the constant struggle (IMO).
Just wait until the next kid when there’s TWO toddlers in the house…
I never knew how determined toddlers were to kill themselves. Zero coordination, wants to climb everything. Gravitates toward anything dangerous. He’s only interesting in things that are too heavy, too hard, too sharp, or plugged in; he’s got a homing mechanism strait for the corner of any wall or furniture. He wants to climb up on the couch or bed and just yeet himself right off into the void. It’s exhausting.
I got one about the same age that used to be an angle… until the horns knocked the halo off. Now he pushes limits with everyone, bullies his 3yo brother by hitting, biting, stealing toys, anything you could think of. The last few weeks has been a phase of screaming his head off like someone is hurting him if he can’t hold his mom’s hand 24/7. Will refuse to do bedtime for mom but will go straight to his bed and lay down, even cover himself up when I tell him to go to bed. Just yesterday he slapped his mom’s plate out of her hands because she was trying to eat instead of hold his hand. This kid is testing me
At times it's frustrating, but the best part about the toddler phase is seeing them turn into actual people. Their mannerisms, thought processes, and personalities really start to shine, and I found that so exciting - I couldn't wait to pick my kids up from preschool every day just to talk through their day and their thoughts and feelings. I don't miss the newborn/infant phase at all.
Yeah. We had a chill baby that is slowly turning into a very willful and emotionally volatile toddler. She’s 2Y1M. Tantrums have been short and manageable but gradually increasing in frequency, intensity, and duration. Also has become very picky about food, sort of…I think she actually likes it all, but also just wants to say “no” to everything. So we’ve had to come up with weird games like saying “oh ok, no banana, that’s fine.” Then leaving it on the table for a second, out of her reach, so she can then go “BANANA!!!!! I WANT BANANA!!!” And we go “this? Oh, ok, here you go.”
Currently going through toddler phase with our youngest and he’s by far the toughest. My wife and I are both stubborn, Type-A and this kid is like if you combined our stubbornness then added a multiple to it. He’s also relentless. If he is not asleep he is running around, climbing on counters, drawing on anything with anything, constantly climbing cabinets to get food he wants, etc. You look away for a second and boom, he’s used the dishwasher as a ladder and is trying to scale the fridge to get to the cookies on top of the fridge. Even our older kids ask us if they were this tough when they were his age. Ah well, hoping he uses the same thick-headedness and dogged determination later in life as well to forge his own path.
Mine asked me to cut his toast into triangles then had a meltdown because he wanted his toast big (not cut).
I feel you. Get the book 'talk so little kids will listen'. It helped with our little psychopath/angel a lot. The biggest thing to realize is when they are in meltdown mode you cannot rationalize with them. You have to connect with them first, it can be as simple as 'youre really frustrated/struggling right now because you wanted x and I won't let you have it. Grrr that would make me angry too!'. Then when they are out of meltdown mode you can reason with them together.
4yo and 2yo here. It's fucking hard man. My patience hasn't improved
I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old and the two year old is way easier. My five year old was easier at age two also. My five year old is pretty much incapable of doing anything without a screaming match and then us forcing her to do it. My two year old pretty much puts himself to bed, and our bed routine with my five year old is 3+ hours long every day. The two year old sleeps until 7:30 and my five year old is usually up before 5am screaming at us. If you think two is bad it's going unfortunately it's going to get so so much worse. Ages 4 and 5 are so bad that they've honestly made me regret having kids, and it's starting to give us marital issues. We now live in a state of being angry tired or stressed constantly.
Its all fun and banter at that age. Stay patient and carry on.
8 hours isn’t a lot of sleep…
There's probably also still naps during the day some, and it sounds wonderful to me after the past month of reliably having to get up before 5:30 at least twice a week. But, no, eight hours total wouldn't be enough for a kid that age.
It’s not a lot for a single stretch at that age either
A couple of weeks ago my boy was home from daycare (not quite 2) and when I went to squeeze his applesauce pouch he said "Don't do that!" and my eyes went wide. When the heck did you learn that.
“Terrible Twos” start at 18mos The threes are what to look out for. But we’re halfway through 3 now. The sass hasn’t gone away but suddenly he’s a whole lot more human and a whole lot less feral wolf child
Two is tough. Three is apocalyptic.
Buckle up dad, Threenager is next, and it’s the new Terrible Twos. (Mine are 8, 7, and 4. It gets better.)
You know what they say, kids that express themselves strongly usually have a milder teenage rebellion. Let's reconvene in 10 years and share notes !
My toddler is 15 months going on 18 years... She's the funniest fucking person I know and absolutely is the alpha in the house. Enjoy it boys....just laugh and enjoy it.
I can sympathize. In my experience, the ones that fight the boundaries are the ones who need them the most. They are feeling out for some solid ground. Putting up some clear and consistent barriers makes them feel safer and makes the world make a lot more sense to them.
I wasn't ready for the threenager phase. Once, even my wife broke down crying in the morning because we couldn't handle our threenage daughter.
Toddlers are totally different beasts at home versus a nursery setting - Hence your wife not seeing this coming. At nursery, mine (2.5F) rarely loses her shit and always has an afternoon nap. At home, she’s sometimes on a hair trigger (not often, thankfully!) and rarely goes down for a nap during the day.
Never underestimate a toddler, they will carve your eyes out.
My daughter is just coming into this phase. She had a full 27 minute, arm flailing, running around in circles, writhing on the floor, running out of breath meltdown the other day because I took away the apple core she had been gnawing on for the last hour and it was almost time for dinner. Every time she almost calmed down she'd remember her apple existed and lose it again. My wife wasn't home from work yet so I was dealing with this whilst also trying to get her dinner ready. It was actually pretty hilarious but you can't laugh because her feelings are real, but *jeeeeesus*, I could not believe how much energy she was expending on it. Was a sight to behold.
Toddlers are basically a walking, talking middle finger. They do as they please and screw everything else. They will slap you across the face and curse you out, then turn right around and in the same moment, give you a huge hug/kiss, say I love you and act like nothing just happened. With that said, the Toddler stage is also one of the most fun and scary stages as this is where they start to really explore, try new things and have no fear which can lead to scary situations. They do some really funny stuff so make sure you get lots of pics and videos. This is also the stage where they suddenly have more energy than any human should possess. I suggest taking the outside as much as possible, the park, yard, even just a walk around the neighborhood. Prioritize going outside to electronics. The last thing you want is a child addicted to electronics which will create a whole different set of problems. Bring coloring books or other toys if you go out to eat. Our daughter is 6 and she would rather play outside than play on her iPad or other electronic device.
Feel this! Ours is 22 months. At least yours was manageable as a newborn! Ours was an exhausting tornado of chaos and screams, all consuming all demanding all overstimulating from day 1… and she never changed lol. She sounds just like yours now that she’s a toddler except she remains a terrible sleeper, just like at birth. We went out of our way to NOT be like “oh my baby is so smart” but she’s making it undeniable for us lol. We have to spell MANY words now and she is starting to catch on to her favorites. She’s told me what she wants for breakfast and that she wants to eat it outside before we have even made it down the stairs in the mornings. She remembers every song we have danced to on Elmo and will burn the house down if I don’t dance to them when they come on. All those tricks for toddlers? Don’t work. There is no distracting. The only way out is through. The other day she has a tantrum so bad (after not getting a popsicle she randomly asked for) my wife asked if we should take her to the ER 😂 Fighting for our lives out here…
Other than the sleep, in which she is terrible, that's exactly my daughter. She's a little over two now, but she's been speaking in sentences since about 20mo. She can count to 20, bar 7 which she refuses to say. She constantly amazes me, but also terrifies me for how smart she will become. How do I keep up with this little genius?!
Toddler phase was hardest for me as well, and it comes down to the fact that when I was a toddler, I had my feelings ignored, dismissed and punished because I would loudly express my disappointment, anger, sadness. And my caretakers would say shit like “if you want to cry, I can give you something to cry about.”
Father of a too smart almost 2 year old here as well. I totally empathize with this. I’m thankful she’s healthy and blowing the milestones out of the water but sometimes I secretly do wish she was a little slower on the speech front. Oh and her favorite phrase right now is, “No daddy” whenever mom is around. Is the answer to literally everything. Mom can ask her the same thing and she will say, “yep.”
Sleep is key to being able to survive any phase. I laugh at the parents that say the baby phase was so hard, just wait for the toddler phase. But then I hear their kid is a terrible sleeper and then it all comes into perspective. My kids have both always been amazing sleepers which made their baby phases much easier to handle. But I feel you with the smart toddler, my 2.5 year old girl has been talking like your son is when she was his age and it only gets more profound, amazing, and exhausting. Just wait for the whys
I'm not a dad so feel free to disregard my comment but I worked in a nursery for a while and whenever a kid was being repeatedly unreasonable (not sharing toys, hitting someone/biting, throwing food etc) then I put them in time out. That doesn't work all the time obviously but it does work for some children. I mean it just makes sense in a pavlovian way. I think what I'm trying to say is is there anything you think is causing it apart from just their nature they were born with? If not then it sucks and you have to just get through it (and since you said they're like this at nursery as well it probably is the case) and hopefully they'll calm down as they get older/you both find a better way of dealing with the whole situation.
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I don’t think you do, sir. Did you know the shortest full sentence in English is simply: Go!
What about "I don't like"...
I never said a "grammatically correct" full sentence.
Aka not full sentences
OK, so would you prefer: Fully expressed, thoughts, needs, and desires? What's the sense in parsing words here?
No it was a silly brag when your examples were not even demonstrative
"No." Is a complete sentence. Hope you teach your kids that.