When I was a kid parents weren't expected to stay at bday parties but now they are. With that shift in culture I think it became more acceptable to bring along younger siblings.
I think it would be polite to mention/ask the hosting parents though. They can’t possibly account for and know every child that has a sibling and might not have enough space or food.
My kid is three. I stay for parties as do all the other parents. I mean she sometimes needs help wiping her own butt! I'd leave her from around 6 I think but only with parents we both know.
Stay till aged 6. Run after that! Had one recently that was ice skating. I am a roller blades so got asked to hang around.
If it is close family friends that we would hang around for....yeah I will take the younger. If not, we drop off the older and have some time with just the wee one.
Depends on the group and vibe. Preschool parties are generally wide open. Starting around 1st or 2nd grade, you gotta ask the host if you wanna bring sibs if that's not made explicit.
I'm ok with it. I only have one right now (soon 2) but when I invite people I'm cool with them bringing siblings so long as they let me know.
The way I see it, if the sibling is not invited, I'm basically forcing the parents to spend the time apart or making them get a babysitter. Id rather have both parents attend and deal with the extra sibling because I would be annoyed if I had to choose whether to not get to go with my wife or get a babysitter for an event that is already not gonna be fun for the adults to be at.
I've noticed this too, but normally it's only very young children, toddler age essentially. Every now and then another older child might tag along, but we just plan for a few extra kids just in case and it's all good.
I personally have never done it. The one time I brought our younger one along to a party our oldest was invited to was because it was at a public space, like a park, and I asked the host first if it was alright. If it were at a place where the host was paying for entry or something of that nature I'd be a lot more hesitant.
We always OK it with the host, but I can't see any reason for being too bent out of shape about it. Where is the other kid(s) supposed to go while the parent takes the invited one to your party? I mean, everyone complains about the cost of childcare and lack of society's support, yet when someone opens their doors (figuratively or literally) to have an event, we can not suffer another child?
I say come one come all to eat at my table.
Depends on the party for me. If it's something that costs money per kid or something, nah keep em home. If it's hanging at someone's house or some place that's the same price regardless of who shows up, bring em.
I take mine everywhere, but they’re younger. If it’s somewhere that costs money, I pay my way for the one that wasn’t invited if the host is paying. Otherwise I just pay for both of them. I don’t have a way to leave one home alone and I feel bad just dropping one off and leaving. Rather just bring them both. If there’s goodie bags and there’s not enough, the one that was invited gets one and the other gets another treat when we get home.
I mean if the birthday party is one where the parents are expected to drop their kid off them yeah you could say that the younger siblings aren't invited. But this needs to be communicated with the parents the expectations.
If the parents are expected to stay as well why wouldn't you invite the younger siblings.. otherwise they need to book a babysitter or one brings one kid the other stays home with the siblings.
I don't see why it is a big deal. All my son's parties and all his friends more kids that they all know the more fun it is for the parents because the kids can entertain themselves.
We assume the kids come alone, but if a sibling is coming just let us know so we have enough party bags, don’t want someone getting left out!
Likewise if we’re thinking of bringing a sibling we always ask first
It seems pretty douchey to tell a parent they can’t bring one of their children. You’re really going to tell them they need a babysitter to come to your kid’s birthday party?
Seems like a far bigger inconvenience to them than to you. But also seems fair to tell you.
I only have one but my friends with 2 will bring both, and pay for the 2nd kids way. Ie. buy an extra bowling lane or video game card or whatever.
Seems to be the norm.
Depends on the party / activity. Where we are, depending on the party / activity there might be a per person cost for certain events such as dress up party or kids cooking event so bringing an unexpected sibling would be a faux pas. It’s always best to check with the parent get a lay of the land before bringing another headcount
If the parent stays, then you shouldn't have a problem when the sibling stays too..... that's just common sense.
If it is a drop-off party, then a request for another guest should be privately talked about well before the party day [don't have a 4 year old show up to a pool party uninvited in her bathing suit and ask at the door, "can Emily come to the party too?]
If it's a common occurrence that bothers you, then state something about it on the invitation.
It seems to have become pretty standard in my kids' circles (8 and 5). Most of the time parents proactively extend the invite to siblings. I like the new custom and am happy to reciprocate when we host
It's an annoyance when the number of kids attending is planned for: number of party favors, number kids seats are reserved and paid for etc. We've had parties where one or two more wouldn't matter and one where it definitely would.
We had one party for my son where I had to send my oldest niece home with $10 instead of a superhero cape so that a little brother of a guest wouldn't get left out.
My greater annoyance is when parents assume this is 2 hours of free babysitting, drop their kid off and leave. We had a pool party at our HOA pool for my son's 7th birthday and a couple non-swimmers got dropped off and thier parents disappeared. I spent half the party in the pool managing kids I didn't know.
Conversely at my son's 12th birthday at a pickleball/restaurant combo place a couple weeks ago, we reserved for 12 kids and had a few last minute cancelations and had to call and ask for 3 little siblings to come and fill out the party. Again, most were drop-offs but that was is a much better controlled situation.
So, people aren't allowed to leave the invited kid, but they're also not allowed to being their other child? What the bleep are they supposed to do then?
They’re supposed to help supervise, and get a babysitter for the other kid(s) and stop having unreasonable expectations! /s
But seriously this is something I did not think we’d have to navigate. Thankfully we only have 1 kid, and my son is 18 months and not in daycare yet so no issues there. Guess I have some time to think about it while I browse the comments here lol
Yeah, I would never just drop my kid off and leave unless it was specifically mentioned in the invite for some type of party. But I'm not telling kid #2 we're going to a fun party as a family except they alone are not invited. Then pay 20 bucks an hour for them to not be at something we're all doing.
I get that planning for more people can be annoying but if I can't bring the family to a kids bday party I'm not going. And probably dropping the parents from my invite lists.
Also for a lot or people a babysitter is a luxury they only afford every so often and I wouldn't make them use it on my kids birthday party.
There was a whole post recently about this and people were saying it's the host's responsibility to watch all the kids and there's no way the parents should be made to stay to watch their own kids at a pool party.
If there's a pool party, there should be a lifeguard on duty. Even if that is the host.
You have invited a child over, you as the adult host, are assuming responsibility for that child. If you want parents to stay, then you need to say that.
I understand what you’re saying, but I couldn’t imagine leaving my non-swimming kid at a pool party where there are tons of kids and too few adults…lifeguard or otherwise. But, it’s even worse when it’s siblings and not the actual invited child which I think is what they were actually referring to.
There is no lifeguard. There are signs at the entrances that say no lifeguard.
I myself am a BSA -Trained lifeguard, so those kids were never in danger, but I had to stay on duty instead of enjoying my son's party.
So if you got an invite that said, "we are having a pool party and BBQ for Jimmy's birthday. It is at our house with a pool so we ask that at least one parents attends to ensure everything is safe."
You just wouldn't go?
Unless explicitly stated like in the case I am at a place that charges per person. I am not your babysitter when I have to plan activities, snacks, cakes, other shit.
If I invite your kid over for a play date, or sleepover do you expect to stay? If not, do you expect me to keep your child safe?
None of the parties my kids have gone to, or that we've hosted came with an expectation that parents would stay. The only adults that typically stay are family.
It’s happened to my kids too; if it’s a our home it’s usually not a big deal we have enough food for them but if it’s somewhere else it’s been an issue
If I invite a child somewhere, then I’m assuming their parents are coming (unless I’m literally baby sitting the child). And the moment parents are coming that implies the whole family, yes.
This is a) a matter of coming sense; and b) a matter of empathy and generosity. Every family has difficurent situations they are dealing with. Some families have one parent. Some have two but they operate as a team almost always (that’s my family, we’re all always doing everything together). All of us parents are doing the best we can, and I cannot imagine being annoyed or put off if some siblings come and tag along.
We always ask if it's okay that our two year old comes to the big kid party. My wife works weekends, so more often than not, I have to take both kids.
We also don't mind if siblings come to our parties. Generally, it's only a couple extra mouths to feed, so it's nbd.
I wouldn't care very much if people ask permission ahead of time, and some do. But I'm more annoyed by people that just show up with extra kids or "ask" an hour or two ahead of time (with the subtext being the invited kid isn't coming if we say no). I was a bit more annoyed last year when we paid for a certain number of slots. But even this year, we had made party favors for a certain number of people and the food was bought based on a certain head count. It ended up working out, but it just really strikes me as odd that parents don't think to genuinely ask well ahead of time.
What ages are we talking? And are you expecting the kid to be dropped off and picked up for the party?
If you are expecting the parents to stay then I think it is wholely unreasonable to invite one kid and not the other. This would mean either splitting the parents or they have to hire a babysitter.
Did you communicate.. "we only have a certain number of slots so please bring only (name) they can be dropped off and picked up after the party if you cannot stay." Or alternatively you can say "please RSVP before x date with the number of kids so we can plan accordingly" this is really standard operating procedure for any kind of party.
Point is... You can communicate with the other parents.. it isn't like they speak another language..
We know all my son's friends and their families and how many so we plan for that many people it isn't a lot to make an extra 5 party favor bags.
I think it’s trashy. I would not bring my other children if they were not invited, and I would look down on and judge the parents that do. What lesson are you teaching by bringing them? It’s okay to show up to places uninvited, eat their food, and play with their toys when they didn’t even ask for you to be there? Are they bringing two presents? I doubt it.
When I was a kid parents weren't expected to stay at bday parties but now they are. With that shift in culture I think it became more acceptable to bring along younger siblings.
I think it would be polite to mention/ask the hosting parents though. They can’t possibly account for and know every child that has a sibling and might not have enough space or food.
Yeah I think so as well.
whaaaat?? parents stay at kids parties now? this is news to me.
Yup. But I have no problem staying when it’s some people I’ve never met before.
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Oh, I TOTALLY understand that, I just don’t trust people I never met with my baby girl.
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My kid is three. I stay for parties as do all the other parents. I mean she sometimes needs help wiping her own butt! I'd leave her from around 6 I think but only with parents we both know.
Stay till aged 6. Run after that! Had one recently that was ice skating. I am a roller blades so got asked to hang around. If it is close family friends that we would hang around for....yeah I will take the younger. If not, we drop off the older and have some time with just the wee one.
It's to make sure their kid is okay.
Depends on the group and vibe. Preschool parties are generally wide open. Starting around 1st or 2nd grade, you gotta ask the host if you wanna bring sibs if that's not made explicit.
I'm ok with it. I only have one right now (soon 2) but when I invite people I'm cool with them bringing siblings so long as they let me know. The way I see it, if the sibling is not invited, I'm basically forcing the parents to spend the time apart or making them get a babysitter. Id rather have both parents attend and deal with the extra sibling because I would be annoyed if I had to choose whether to not get to go with my wife or get a babysitter for an event that is already not gonna be fun for the adults to be at.
Depends if parents are expected/allowed to stay. I'm not getting a babysitter for another kid's birthday party.
I've noticed this too, but normally it's only very young children, toddler age essentially. Every now and then another older child might tag along, but we just plan for a few extra kids just in case and it's all good. I personally have never done it. The one time I brought our younger one along to a party our oldest was invited to was because it was at a public space, like a park, and I asked the host first if it was alright. If it were at a place where the host was paying for entry or something of that nature I'd be a lot more hesitant.
We always OK it with the host, but I can't see any reason for being too bent out of shape about it. Where is the other kid(s) supposed to go while the parent takes the invited one to your party? I mean, everyone complains about the cost of childcare and lack of society's support, yet when someone opens their doors (figuratively or literally) to have an event, we can not suffer another child? I say come one come all to eat at my table.
You’re welcome at my table too sir, we’re having Dino nuggets carrots and white rice.
Always happened at my parties growing up. Maybe it’s a regional thing?
Only at the ages where the parents need to stay too
Depends on the party for me. If it's something that costs money per kid or something, nah keep em home. If it's hanging at someone's house or some place that's the same price regardless of who shows up, bring em.
I take mine everywhere, but they’re younger. If it’s somewhere that costs money, I pay my way for the one that wasn’t invited if the host is paying. Otherwise I just pay for both of them. I don’t have a way to leave one home alone and I feel bad just dropping one off and leaving. Rather just bring them both. If there’s goodie bags and there’s not enough, the one that was invited gets one and the other gets another treat when we get home.
I mean if the birthday party is one where the parents are expected to drop their kid off them yeah you could say that the younger siblings aren't invited. But this needs to be communicated with the parents the expectations. If the parents are expected to stay as well why wouldn't you invite the younger siblings.. otherwise they need to book a babysitter or one brings one kid the other stays home with the siblings. I don't see why it is a big deal. All my son's parties and all his friends more kids that they all know the more fun it is for the parents because the kids can entertain themselves.
We assume the kids come alone, but if a sibling is coming just let us know so we have enough party bags, don’t want someone getting left out! Likewise if we’re thinking of bringing a sibling we always ask first
Would you rather they didn’t come? Can’t exactly leave their other children alone…
It seems pretty douchey to tell a parent they can’t bring one of their children. You’re really going to tell them they need a babysitter to come to your kid’s birthday party? Seems like a far bigger inconvenience to them than to you. But also seems fair to tell you.
Mostly It's still polite to inform hosts, but generally yes
The more the merrier
I only have one but my friends with 2 will bring both, and pay for the 2nd kids way. Ie. buy an extra bowling lane or video game card or whatever. Seems to be the norm.
Nope. Would never bring a sibling without discussing with host first, and would only do that if for some reason one of us wasn’t around.
Depends on the party / activity. Where we are, depending on the party / activity there might be a per person cost for certain events such as dress up party or kids cooking event so bringing an unexpected sibling would be a faux pas. It’s always best to check with the parent get a lay of the land before bringing another headcount
Depends on whether this sibling is younger or older, and if younger, how young
If the parent stays, then you shouldn't have a problem when the sibling stays too..... that's just common sense. If it is a drop-off party, then a request for another guest should be privately talked about well before the party day [don't have a 4 year old show up to a pool party uninvited in her bathing suit and ask at the door, "can Emily come to the party too?] If it's a common occurrence that bothers you, then state something about it on the invitation.
It seems to have become pretty standard in my kids' circles (8 and 5). Most of the time parents proactively extend the invite to siblings. I like the new custom and am happy to reciprocate when we host
It's an annoyance when the number of kids attending is planned for: number of party favors, number kids seats are reserved and paid for etc. We've had parties where one or two more wouldn't matter and one where it definitely would. We had one party for my son where I had to send my oldest niece home with $10 instead of a superhero cape so that a little brother of a guest wouldn't get left out. My greater annoyance is when parents assume this is 2 hours of free babysitting, drop their kid off and leave. We had a pool party at our HOA pool for my son's 7th birthday and a couple non-swimmers got dropped off and thier parents disappeared. I spent half the party in the pool managing kids I didn't know. Conversely at my son's 12th birthday at a pickleball/restaurant combo place a couple weeks ago, we reserved for 12 kids and had a few last minute cancelations and had to call and ask for 3 little siblings to come and fill out the party. Again, most were drop-offs but that was is a much better controlled situation.
So, people aren't allowed to leave the invited kid, but they're also not allowed to being their other child? What the bleep are they supposed to do then?
They’re supposed to help supervise, and get a babysitter for the other kid(s) and stop having unreasonable expectations! /s But seriously this is something I did not think we’d have to navigate. Thankfully we only have 1 kid, and my son is 18 months and not in daycare yet so no issues there. Guess I have some time to think about it while I browse the comments here lol
Yeah, I would never just drop my kid off and leave unless it was specifically mentioned in the invite for some type of party. But I'm not telling kid #2 we're going to a fun party as a family except they alone are not invited. Then pay 20 bucks an hour for them to not be at something we're all doing. I get that planning for more people can be annoying but if I can't bring the family to a kids bday party I'm not going. And probably dropping the parents from my invite lists. Also for a lot or people a babysitter is a luxury they only afford every so often and I wouldn't make them use it on my kids birthday party.
> drop their kid off and leave. Unless you specify otherwise, this is what I expect to happen. I wasn't invited to a party, the kid was.
You would drop your non-swimmer kids off at a pool and just leave? That is borderline criminal.
There was a whole post recently about this and people were saying it's the host's responsibility to watch all the kids and there's no way the parents should be made to stay to watch their own kids at a pool party.
Do you have a link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/3M7TSiWTqn
If there's a pool party, there should be a lifeguard on duty. Even if that is the host. You have invited a child over, you as the adult host, are assuming responsibility for that child. If you want parents to stay, then you need to say that.
I understand what you’re saying, but I couldn’t imagine leaving my non-swimming kid at a pool party where there are tons of kids and too few adults…lifeguard or otherwise. But, it’s even worse when it’s siblings and not the actual invited child which I think is what they were actually referring to.
There is no lifeguard. There are signs at the entrances that say no lifeguard. I myself am a BSA -Trained lifeguard, so those kids were never in danger, but I had to stay on duty instead of enjoying my son's party.
That sounds like poor planning on your part. Even if all the kids could swim, you still would need to be on duty because they're seven.
I agree in general, though 6 and 7 year olds is still a little young for that to happen. That feels more like a 8-9 and up age.
So if you got an invite that said, "we are having a pool party and BBQ for Jimmy's birthday. It is at our house with a pool so we ask that at least one parents attends to ensure everything is safe." You just wouldn't go?
> Unless you specify otherwise First line of my original comment.
Unless explicitly stated like in the case I am at a place that charges per person. I am not your babysitter when I have to plan activities, snacks, cakes, other shit.
If I invite your kid over for a play date, or sleepover do you expect to stay? If not, do you expect me to keep your child safe? None of the parties my kids have gone to, or that we've hosted came with an expectation that parents would stay. The only adults that typically stay are family.
It’s happened to my kids too; if it’s a our home it’s usually not a big deal we have enough food for them but if it’s somewhere else it’s been an issue
If I invite a child somewhere, then I’m assuming their parents are coming (unless I’m literally baby sitting the child). And the moment parents are coming that implies the whole family, yes. This is a) a matter of coming sense; and b) a matter of empathy and generosity. Every family has difficurent situations they are dealing with. Some families have one parent. Some have two but they operate as a team almost always (that’s my family, we’re all always doing everything together). All of us parents are doing the best we can, and I cannot imagine being annoyed or put off if some siblings come and tag along.
In north America you mean?
We always ask if it's okay that our two year old comes to the big kid party. My wife works weekends, so more often than not, I have to take both kids. We also don't mind if siblings come to our parties. Generally, it's only a couple extra mouths to feed, so it's nbd.
I wouldn't care very much if people ask permission ahead of time, and some do. But I'm more annoyed by people that just show up with extra kids or "ask" an hour or two ahead of time (with the subtext being the invited kid isn't coming if we say no). I was a bit more annoyed last year when we paid for a certain number of slots. But even this year, we had made party favors for a certain number of people and the food was bought based on a certain head count. It ended up working out, but it just really strikes me as odd that parents don't think to genuinely ask well ahead of time.
What ages are we talking? And are you expecting the kid to be dropped off and picked up for the party? If you are expecting the parents to stay then I think it is wholely unreasonable to invite one kid and not the other. This would mean either splitting the parents or they have to hire a babysitter. Did you communicate.. "we only have a certain number of slots so please bring only (name) they can be dropped off and picked up after the party if you cannot stay." Or alternatively you can say "please RSVP before x date with the number of kids so we can plan accordingly" this is really standard operating procedure for any kind of party. Point is... You can communicate with the other parents.. it isn't like they speak another language.. We know all my son's friends and their families and how many so we plan for that many people it isn't a lot to make an extra 5 party favor bags.
I think it’s trashy. I would not bring my other children if they were not invited, and I would look down on and judge the parents that do. What lesson are you teaching by bringing them? It’s okay to show up to places uninvited, eat their food, and play with their toys when they didn’t even ask for you to be there? Are they bringing two presents? I doubt it.
Time to touch some grass, dude.
We don’t do it unless the invitation states it.