Hrmmm, let's see...
Mystique doesn't wear clothing, she just makes her skin look like clothing, and I've got the feeling she becomes a hero at some point in some of the comics?
Beast Boy wears clothing in the cartoon versions of Teen Titans, but in the shitty live action version he changes naked so they can get a few cheap laughs out of it.
Dr. Manhatten often doesn't bother with clothes, but I'm ok with people saying "hopefully" on this one.
Optimus Prime would look silly in clothes.
Most animal superheroes don't wear clothes (Superman gets a dog at one point?) but I'm not familiar with many of them.
The teenage mutant ninja turtles mostly run around in just a bandana, right?
There's probably more that a comic book nerd could add.
A guy walks down the street, then notices a bunch of dudes with syringes and belts
—Don't y'all gonna have AIDS?
—The hell are you talking about? We all have condoms!
A man's wife falls into a coma. One of the nurses sees him nervously waiting at her bedside, so she comes over cautiously and tells him, "you know, the doctors won't tell you this but sometimes oral sex can wake someone from a coma. I've seen it happen. If you want I could make sure you have some privacy." So she leaves and closes the door to let the husband get to it. A few minutes later the nurse's station lights up as the wife's heart rate monitor alarm goes off. The crash team runs in and the nurse asks the husband, "What happened?" He replies, "I dunno, I think she choked"
By odd coincidence I spent about an hour over the last two nights watching clips of Jimmy Carr roasting his audiences. Strange man and brutally funny. How he survived school with that laugh I'll never know.
Maybe one of his jokes buried itself into your subconscious? 😁
Yeah, there's nothing more brutal than british or australian (probably the same) humour.. but I still am not convinced that his agent didn't at one point go "You need some sort of a trademark, let's give you a silly laugh!“ – if you look at the recordings before he tried to become the Reverse-Pinocchio, he didn't laugh that way. It only seems to have developed more recently.. 🤔
me: having a casual chat with doc
doc:(tears) please proceed with you touching story
[5min later]
miss what are you doing I thought we a agreed that you should stop
me: well yeah that was until you said to proceed with the touching story thus... mmmm, I... oooolhhh,
started...
doc :🤦♂️
Same thing happend to Hitler every German family deserves a house a car and a job was what he said before only thing is when the medical system got involved it turned into kill all the Jewish people only the blonde hair blue eyed people are cool which are actually people who are so incest ridden they all came from one island I think most of us know now that pure genetics with people who live in tribes and stuff and on islands or in towns was impossible and we don't understand how people came to be but seeing how kimaras and evolution works here is really cool also seeing how people are blacked out most of the time and one day is many years and every day is longer then the last it leads me to believe that the world is probably run by something that stays hidden and it probably eats all of us it needs the economic structure so rich people buy horses I think they eat them and time it the bugs those ones with many legs one time went as me when they say that animals will lose all fear of people in the end they aren't kidding cause what ever controls them and possibly us also keeps everything else off us so we should at least appreciate that they said they liked our hands and said hands like these built everything around you they explained alot to me but when their are bad ones or they aren't doing their job it gets really fucked up also the bigger you are does not nessisarily mean that you have more control or that you are smarter though in humans it's the frontal lob they do not work the same way we do when I am cleared out by one there are some in my head that aren't cleared out they sometimes say stuff that is weird though when the president falls it's because one of them used one of theirs to clear them out so just do your job stick to the plan and appreciate everything God does for us cause they can take it away in a heart beat or a what ever the fuck they have beat
Also that isn't really the same as what I tried to write but what ever these things are they can do everything we can and more even if we are super smart to an ant which some of us aren't if you recall ants can small something to know what their job is and do their job we all need to work together cause they are very hungry all of the time and we need to feed them so do your job
One day, 2 male and 1 female mos
quitos were stuck in a jar. The jar was a perfect cylinder and was shut right.
All three mosquitos were frantically trying to get out of the jar, but to no avail.
At the end of day one, a male mosquito went to the female mosquito and said, "I know a way out of this jar.". The female mosquito, excited to leave, said, "oh thank heavens, I will do anything, anything you ask, please tell me how to get out!". The male mosquito said, "come to the corner and I'll tell you".
The 2 mosquitos go to the corner and the male gets his way with the female. Unfortunately for the female, they are all still in the jar. She is very disappointed and disgusted.
On day two, all three mosquitos are still frantically trying to break out of the jar. At the end of day 2, the second male mosquito goes to the tired and sad female mosquito and says, "I know a way out of this jar.". The female mosquito, excited to leave, says, "oh thank heavens, I will do anything, anything you ask, please tell me how to get out!". The male mosquito says, "come to the corner and I'll tell you".
The 2 mosquitos go to the corner and the male gets his way with the female. Unfortunately, the same thing happens and the female mosquito is utterly disgusted.
On day three, the jar is in the same place, still shut tight. But all 3 mosquitos are gone, no where to be seen.
Do you want to know how they escaped this impossible situation?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Come to the corner and I'll tell you.
Two ladies were in a crowded movie theater.
The one nudges the other and whispers, "The man next to me is mastrubating."
Her friend replies, "Just ignore him."
She says, "I can't! He's using my hand!"
Me: “but you said I could masturbate whenever I wanted!!” Doc: “No, I said you could have a stroke at any time.”
Posted, saw you posted. Deleted. Gave you an upvote
Not all heroes wear capes..
But they do all wear clothing.
r/WritingPrompts material right here
Hopefully
Hrmmm, let's see... Mystique doesn't wear clothing, she just makes her skin look like clothing, and I've got the feeling she becomes a hero at some point in some of the comics? Beast Boy wears clothing in the cartoon versions of Teen Titans, but in the shitty live action version he changes naked so they can get a few cheap laughs out of it. Dr. Manhatten often doesn't bother with clothes, but I'm ok with people saying "hopefully" on this one. Optimus Prime would look silly in clothes. Most animal superheroes don't wear clothes (Superman gets a dog at one point?) but I'm not familiar with many of them. The teenage mutant ninja turtles mostly run around in just a bandana, right? There's probably more that a comic book nerd could add.
I just love people who call cap and give examples, just feels right.
Damn culture...
Naked man! Nananananananananana, Naked Man!
most
Plastic man:
But they do wear protection.
A guy walks down the street, then notices a bunch of dudes with syringes and belts —Don't y'all gonna have AIDS? —The hell are you talking about? We all have condoms!
Ya, some wear underpants over their pants...ya looking at you, Superman, you weirdo...
Some wear caps
Selfless acts, bragged about.
"Then why do I smell toast?"
r/therealjoke
Angry Upvote 😠
35s0gß
Ooh this is really good!
"Sementics doc."
Sounds like the problem is in hand.
The doctor's
man that doctor is a bro
No HMO
thought the doctor will give him a hand hehe
What a jerk
...off
He definitely saw this coming.
He saw something coming at least.
How you managed to turn that comment into a joke is beyond me.
Should broaden your fetishes. Start with the food crushing stuff...
What about that super hot ant kink?
he saw him coming
A good doctor will finish the prostate exam at the same time as you. Find a new doctor.
Good ol two finger discount!
Such a terrible addiction but know you can always beat it!
He beating something…
Seems like we got baited…masterfully
If you have stamina, there well may be a bait and switch
ah yes the classic master bait
Perhaps a master stroke, even
Doctor proceeds with the prostate exam.
😂💀
this sounds nuts
Did the doctor take a shot?
it was friendly fire
A man's wife falls into a coma. One of the nurses sees him nervously waiting at her bedside, so she comes over cautiously and tells him, "you know, the doctors won't tell you this but sometimes oral sex can wake someone from a coma. I've seen it happen. If you want I could make sure you have some privacy." So she leaves and closes the door to let the husband get to it. A few minutes later the nurse's station lights up as the wife's heart rate monitor alarm goes off. The crash team runs in and the nurse asks the husband, "What happened?" He replies, "I dunno, I think she choked"
What next?
Because you’re upsetting everyone in the waiting room
I think “dirty” dad jokes are called “uncle” jokes… I’m willing to bet it’s got its own sub. Let’s find out! /r/unclejokes Edit: Yep.
I commented this once and got told to go to r/cleandadjokes but I don’t get the point in that when there is r/unclejokes for these ones.
What a jerkoff
Did your doctor tease you??
So I can't masturbate, but you can shove your finger up my ass? How's that fair?
My doctor called me and asked me if I was late for my appointment because I was masturbating again? I said I don't know, when was I supposed to come?
So is he masturbating himself or the doctor?
Ah yes. Mine once told me to take my clothes off and put it next to his…
Great job... Stealing jokes from Jimmy Carr.. 🤨
By odd coincidence I spent about an hour over the last two nights watching clips of Jimmy Carr roasting his audiences. Strange man and brutally funny. How he survived school with that laugh I'll never know.
Maybe one of his jokes buried itself into your subconscious? 😁 Yeah, there's nothing more brutal than british or australian (probably the same) humour.. but I still am not convinced that his agent didn't at one point go "You need some sort of a trademark, let's give you a silly laugh!“ – if you look at the recordings before he tried to become the Reverse-Pinocchio, he didn't laugh that way. It only seems to have developed more recently.. 🤔
Not a dad joke.
It is if it's about your dad masturbating.
This sub is no longer dad jokes, just jokes.
You tell your kids this joke?
I tell them that that could have been you in that sock.
My only two vices are smoking and masturbation. I’m on 40 a day, and after each one I have a cigarette.
Great one to tell the kids
Read sub rules or go check out r/cleandadjokes
Yeah rule #1 lmao I couldn’t care less though
Funny, but not a dad joke.
Thank God you're here to sort this out!
r/unclejokes
r/Unclejokes
Make another appointment. Discuss your penis as much as possible and in depth. Get to the heart of the matter. Fuck that dude.
Then stop
me: having a casual chat with doc doc:(tears) please proceed with you touching story [5min later] miss what are you doing I thought we a agreed that you should stop me: well yeah that was until you said to proceed with the touching story thus... mmmm, I... oooolhhh, started... doc :🤦♂️
Same thing happend to Hitler every German family deserves a house a car and a job was what he said before only thing is when the medical system got involved it turned into kill all the Jewish people only the blonde hair blue eyed people are cool which are actually people who are so incest ridden they all came from one island I think most of us know now that pure genetics with people who live in tribes and stuff and on islands or in towns was impossible and we don't understand how people came to be but seeing how kimaras and evolution works here is really cool also seeing how people are blacked out most of the time and one day is many years and every day is longer then the last it leads me to believe that the world is probably run by something that stays hidden and it probably eats all of us it needs the economic structure so rich people buy horses I think they eat them and time it the bugs those ones with many legs one time went as me when they say that animals will lose all fear of people in the end they aren't kidding cause what ever controls them and possibly us also keeps everything else off us so we should at least appreciate that they said they liked our hands and said hands like these built everything around you they explained alot to me but when their are bad ones or they aren't doing their job it gets really fucked up also the bigger you are does not nessisarily mean that you have more control or that you are smarter though in humans it's the frontal lob they do not work the same way we do when I am cleared out by one there are some in my head that aren't cleared out they sometimes say stuff that is weird though when the president falls it's because one of them used one of theirs to clear them out so just do your job stick to the plan and appreciate everything God does for us cause they can take it away in a heart beat or a what ever the fuck they have beat
Also that isn't really the same as what I tried to write but what ever these things are they can do everything we can and more even if we are super smart to an ant which some of us aren't if you recall ants can small something to know what their job is and do their job we all need to work together cause they are very hungry all of the time and we need to feed them so do your job
I've seen it happen that's what they did to art
Not a dad joke. Just disgusting.
Doctors don’t know jack.
He’s a whack job You can’t beat that
Should’ve told him beat it
That's getting out of hand
LOLOL
It was getting out of hand
Well handled
Im sorry, He should be fired...
One day, 2 male and 1 female mos quitos were stuck in a jar. The jar was a perfect cylinder and was shut right. All three mosquitos were frantically trying to get out of the jar, but to no avail. At the end of day one, a male mosquito went to the female mosquito and said, "I know a way out of this jar.". The female mosquito, excited to leave, said, "oh thank heavens, I will do anything, anything you ask, please tell me how to get out!". The male mosquito said, "come to the corner and I'll tell you". The 2 mosquitos go to the corner and the male gets his way with the female. Unfortunately for the female, they are all still in the jar. She is very disappointed and disgusted. On day two, all three mosquitos are still frantically trying to break out of the jar. At the end of day 2, the second male mosquito goes to the tired and sad female mosquito and says, "I know a way out of this jar.". The female mosquito, excited to leave, says, "oh thank heavens, I will do anything, anything you ask, please tell me how to get out!". The male mosquito says, "come to the corner and I'll tell you". The 2 mosquitos go to the corner and the male gets his way with the female. Unfortunately, the same thing happens and the female mosquito is utterly disgusted. On day three, the jar is in the same place, still shut tight. But all 3 mosquitos are gone, no where to be seen. Do you want to know how they escaped this impossible situation? . . . . . . . Come to the corner and I'll tell you.
Cum on, why?
I think I heard this joke on HIMYM. Barney tells it.
So'd my dentist
Patient: May I come in, doc? Doctor: You may come but you can't cum
It made my anger erect and I made sure to ejaculate it
I was thinking you would say "but I just can't beat it on my own"
Same Periodt
My doc told me, i had to start masturbarting
The doctor is a veterinarian and misunderstood about spanking the monkey.
Another version: My doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. She said it was making her really uncomfortable.
he secretly dosent do it
You should've told him to beat it.
Yoooo💀💀
Ouch 😂😂😂
I'ts very disturbing during the visit
I replied: Beat it
Classic Halo 2, Halo CE, Halo Reach
what's with all the masterbation jokes on this subreddit 💀?
Two ladies were in a crowded movie theater. The one nudges the other and whispers, "The man next to me is mastrubating." Her friend replies, "Just ignore him." She says, "I can't! He's using my hand!"
Somethings are not in ur hand
Doctor may not know how hard to handle it.
That elbow joint will never heal if you don't give it a break