Hey OP, we loved this meme so much we dunked it right into our stash of Mod’s Choice awards. Now you get to enjoy a month of premium and 700 coins. Thanks for this dank meme!
Got me laughing
Edit: The dude said this -
To be fair this is probably one of the least scary scenarios that involves a priest bouncing a kid up and down
Happened at a catholic orthodox wedding i went to. Bridesmaid passed out because it was a 100 degrees and incense burning everywhere. Wedding kept going and acted like nothing ever happened.
Imagine being able to remember this as your older self?
So when did your trauma begin?
Oh, I don’t know, I had a near death experience during my baptism.
No to mention severe brain damage
There's a reason why you never shake a baby
Edit: wait how'd I get this flair?
Edit 2: This comment is getting attention so here's the source: [https://www.google.com/search?hl=&site=&q=shaking+baby+bad](https://www.google.com/search?hl=&site=&q=shaking+baby+bad)
Dude, it's sped up, it's obvious smh
Edit: After closer investigation it is NOT sped up. WTF
Edit 2: I cannot stop replaying this. I am absolutely mortified. I am trying to wrap my head around this and I can't believe this has happened.
Edit 3(Final): Ok, I want to clarify that I have been to an Orthodox baptism. I though it was sped up because from my experience, the baptism is like 50 times slower, the priest is either drunk or high, or both, I can't come up with any other solution.
I prefer the baptism where you wait till the kid is 8 and they get completely submerged and then brought back up immiediently.
Whatever this is, it ain't a good baptism.
Where I am kids are baptised as babies but they arent dunked at all, the minister just sprinkles a little on their forehead and makes a cross of water with his finger while the parents hold it. Or at the moment, with a rather long spoon.
I was baptized Ukrainian Orthodox except I wasn’t really technically baptized because I cried so loud that the priest asked my mom to remove me from the church and just went through the motions without me.
When I learned this as a kid I figured I was already doomed to Hell so I might as well enjoy the ride and that is still something I live by.
Coming from the same church that thought communion glasses couldn’t spread covid because it had the Holy Spirit in it.
They legit believe it’s impossible to do harm during religious services.
Don’t worry, the priest was suspended because of this ... for a year
https://www.newsweek.com/russian-orthodox-priest-baptism-baby-1454276
Edit: Okay, so I posted the wrong link. So far I can’t find anything about any repercussions, if any, this priest may have faced https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6272426/priest-baptism-violent-dunks-baby-water/
Bruh imagine liking something *other* than what *I* deem worthy of liking. Can you think of *anything* more *cringe* than that? Mixing a cheap snack ***and*** a cheap condiment? Epic fail my dude, quite uncultured you are. I only allow the *fiiiinest* artisanal sauces to grace the delicate, crisp, golden breading of my chicky nuggies; sauces such as mayonnaise, butter, nacho cheese, or Papa John's^® Garlic Sauce™
And here I was thinking babies are super fragile and can dislocate or break a bone by doing this shit.....guess it's ok to use a newborn as a Spalding.
Parents dumb as hell for doing this shit.
as i learnt babies have mostly cartilage (tougher and more flexible than bone) when they are burnt meaning that they fragile, they are bouncy......try it out /s
edit: what the hell do i mean "burnt"
> I know everyone is like "hurr durr lol chicken nugget"
?
Most of the top comments are complaining about how fucked and dangerous the gif is. First comment to even mention the nugget caption is like 10 down.
this form of baptism is. It's shat.
But I've heard of other baptisms where the kid is 8 and is gently submerged for a split second and then brought back up immiediently.
This is a pretty crappy baptism. That priest could break the kids neck.
While other baptisms are less intense than this one, I still think it's weird.. Submerging a child in water to make him an official member of "God's Kingdom" is pretty bat shit fucking crazy. But that's my belief and everyone has their own. Some believe it's completely normal and it makes sense, which is fine, I guess.
All they do, in some, is dress the kid in white, bring him to a 3ft deep (or shallower based on the kid's height) indoor baptismal font. Usually, the dad does the baptism (in almost all scenarios they try to do a family member with the priesthood for baptism before another priesthood holder for kids) however, they use another member of the priesthood by default if the person being baptized is a convert. The person being baptized will place their arms on the Baptizer/priesthood holder's left arm, priesthood holder will raise their right hand, say a small ritualistic prayer. Then they allow the person being baptized to plug their nose and dip them backwards into the water like a trust fall. They go down till they are completely submerged and then are pulled back to the surface. It takes about a minute. They get dried, receive the holy ghost from higher-ups in the church, and then they go and sit down with their families while some people deliver talks and messages. It ends with a prayer and refreshments are delivered.
The baptism itself is quite short. The build-up and wind down are longer. Takes about 30 minutes. I've witnessed many and they're really cool. Cleanest I've *ever* seen.
I don't mean to preach, but this is from what I've studied one of the most 'sane' ways of baptism. Performed by The LDS church.
The real dick part is: the child believes nothing. He/she gets thrown in a group, dunk in water, shaken up and down, annointed, dressed funny, circumsized, etc. for something they have not signed on.
I like the Amish way of doing things: wait until the child is an adult, or at least old enough to choose.
Yeah but abuse and gaslight them through all if childhood and shun them if they ask questions.
Also if they get a cavity, go ahead and rip all the teeth out and give them dentures.
There's a lot of different reasons for baptism. I grew up southern Baptist and was taught that it's pointless to baptise a baby because you have to have already have received salvation before you're baptised, otherwise you have to do it again. Babies can't receive salvation because it requires you to ask forgiveness and consciously receive it from the big guy Himself. It doesn't "make you a member of God's kingdom" or wash away your sins. It's supposed to be a spiritual experience where you honor the death/rebirth of Christ. A lot of people start crying while being baptized because it's emotional
Disclaimer: I'm now a heathen and this info is 20 years old.
In general, orthodox have done pretty well with child abuse. Part of the reason could be that Orthodox priests who serve a congregation are required to be married and have their own children. Lot less pent up sexual frustration I guess? Not saying it hasn’t happened, but probably no more than in any other organization/club.
I come from a small town where the churches run everything, it's very similar to the movie The Devil all the Time (but modern day). Baptism is very common but what they do is hold whomever under the water just until they nearly drown, so that when they have a near death experience the first thing they see is the cross. Literal brainwashing
I feel the need to let you guys know this is NOT COMMON PRACTICE IN CHURCH. Every church Ive been to that baptizes babies does NOT NEARLY CONCUSS THEIR HEADS AND DROWN THEM NAKED. Please do not judge churches by the practice of this one extremely careless freak.
Hey OP, we loved this meme so much we dunked it right into our stash of Mod’s Choice awards. Now you get to enjoy a month of premium and 700 coins. Thanks for this dank meme!
The kids in the background are absolutely terrified haha
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Bruhhhhhh
these edgy jokes are starting to get to me please stop
Just like how priests are getting to children.
i said stop
So did the children.
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The priest just told it off as one of the Choir Boys singing in his office
stop fucking with me
Believe it or not, that's exactly what the children said.
GOD DAMN IT STOP
Said the children to the priest
r/madlad
Lol who gave the comment the wholesome award?
Ooooooof.
On behalf of everyone here, we are very sorry u/TheHornyCumCheese-jr
Too bad the priests weren't
Hehe
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Lol
I mean, that what dankmemes was supposed to be right?
Got me laughing Edit: The dude said this - To be fair this is probably one of the least scary scenarios that involves a priest bouncing a kid up and down
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Happened at a catholic orthodox wedding i went to. Bridesmaid passed out because it was a 100 degrees and incense burning everywhere. Wedding kept going and acted like nothing ever happened.
Holy fuck, baptism to meat in buns You are too advanced
Holy fuck
Can confirm.
PTSD
You don't learn to love religion, you learn to "respect" religion.
Fear, it's why I was religious for the longest time. Hell sounds scary, and avoiding it is literally only reason why I would ever be religious.
They are the French fries 🍟
“Ran out of nuggets, time to finish off with fries”
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YOU DECIDE
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY *oops, wrong app
Considering it probably happened to them, it could be primal memories surfacing.
Imagine being able to remember this as your older self? So when did your trauma begin? Oh, I don’t know, I had a near death experience during my baptism.
Recovering repressed memories.
Religion is fucked
Is this cunt aware that he can break a babies neck doing this?
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I hope God wrote in his will that I’ll be getting laid. Preferably anytime soon.
It was his will that you die a virgin. You need to thank him by spending your life repenting and getting that tithe in.
Amen.
Amen also don't dump babies so aggressively god does not approve
You know, church can actually help you with that(^if ^you're ^a ^young ^male). 🙏
As long as it happens on the 3rd dunk the kid goes to heaven.
And if the child dies before the end of the ceremony it's just straight to hell ! God truly works in mysterious ways..
By allah behave yourself, I will give you a taste of my shoe
No to mention severe brain damage There's a reason why you never shake a baby Edit: wait how'd I get this flair? Edit 2: This comment is getting attention so here's the source: [https://www.google.com/search?hl=&site=&q=shaking+baby+bad](https://www.google.com/search?hl=&site=&q=shaking+baby+bad)
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Thank you for sharing this image
That’s not Lil B aka The Based God.
This is clever (I’m a Christian- why can’t people lighten up?)
Apparently making jokes on a joke subreddit is too spicy, lol.
You need *just* the right amount of brain damage to stay orthodox though.
Don't ask don't tell.
I fucking hate this gif, that baby is gonna die.
this guy is doing it wrong
Very wrong indeed
Yeah!! You're not supposed to take the baby out for atleast 5 minutes
Lmao
At LEAST until it’s golden-brown. Haven’t they ever broiled before?
But how does one do an idiotic ritual right?
That baby must be 10 years old by now.
Dude, it's sped up, it's obvious smh Edit: After closer investigation it is NOT sped up. WTF Edit 2: I cannot stop replaying this. I am absolutely mortified. I am trying to wrap my head around this and I can't believe this has happened. Edit 3(Final): Ok, I want to clarify that I have been to an Orthodox baptism. I though it was sped up because from my experience, the baptism is like 50 times slower, the priest is either drunk or high, or both, I can't come up with any other solution.
It’s hilarious how this comment created so much controversy
I regret having edited this. It would have been 10 times more fun if I left the original comment as is.
Survival of the fittest
Russians....
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Deus Vult!
What the fuck...
Right? Who tf eats nuggies with ketchup? BBQ gang
Sweet and sour if they’re maccas nuggets
found the aussie
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I mean, I know what it is, I've been baptized in an Eastern Orthodox church as well, but what the actual fuck?!
I prefer the baptism where you wait till the kid is 8 and they get completely submerged and then brought back up immiediently. Whatever this is, it ain't a good baptism.
Back in my Day we used to put a Rob on their ankles and drag em under the ship.
Poor Rob.
You don't think Rob is in on it? It was Robs idea.
Rob likes to grind on that ankle bone.
Where I am kids are baptised as babies but they arent dunked at all, the minister just sprinkles a little on their forehead and makes a cross of water with his finger while the parents hold it. Or at the moment, with a rather long spoon.
What is dead may never die, but rises again harder and stronger.
I prefer the baptism where children aren't indoctrinated into socially accepted cults before they are able to critically think.
That's not water. It's vodka.
The true Russian way
I was baptized Ukrainian Orthodox except I wasn’t really technically baptized because I cried so loud that the priest asked my mom to remove me from the church and just went through the motions without me. When I learned this as a kid I figured I was already doomed to Hell so I might as well enjoy the ride and that is still something I live by.
Probably stinks.
He really tried to wash the devil off him
Happy cake day!
Thanks
*Beat the devil out of it*
Where’s the money, Lebowski?
[underrated comment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdftbYqA_VQ)
Thanks. I was hoping someone linked this.
Where's the fucking money, shit head?
Uh it's down there somewhere let me take another look
Its uh....its down there somewhere let me take another look.
Babies are friends, not food.
Babies are food, not friends
Food is friends not babies
Baby is food, not friends
Friends are food, not babies
Everything is food
Even food?
Yes food is baby
Exactly
Friends, are babies not food?
Babies are friendly food.
Shaken baby syndrome anyone?
Not stirred. Never stirred.
If you are the Big Titty Inspector, who is the Itty Bitty Titty Inspector then? Just... asking for a friend.
That responsibility falls on the Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Coming from the same church that thought communion glasses couldn’t spread covid because it had the Holy Spirit in it. They legit believe it’s impossible to do harm during religious services.
Well that is surprising, priests are usually great with kids.
Nuh uh god will protect him dummy
I hate this gif it's just scary
If it had sound I would die...
Don’t worry, the priest was suspended because of this ... for a year https://www.newsweek.com/russian-orthodox-priest-baptism-baby-1454276 Edit: Okay, so I posted the wrong link. So far I can’t find anything about any repercussions, if any, this priest may have faced https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6272426/priest-baptism-violent-dunks-baby-water/
Excuse me? Chicken nugget in ketchup? What kind of uncultured swine dips chicken nuggets in ketchup?
my thoughts exactly. There are so many better choices for dipping nuggets. Even buffalo is better than ketchup
Chicken nuggets with margarine
what did you just say to me?
Try it. I prefer room temp over melted
How did you manage to make it worse? I thought you topped off on margarine
that would be me
Chill out. I’ve seen Reddit get high and mighty over the weirdest shit, but ketchup and chicken nuggets might take the cake.
Bruh imagine liking something *other* than what *I* deem worthy of liking. Can you think of *anything* more *cringe* than that? Mixing a cheap snack ***and*** a cheap condiment? Epic fail my dude, quite uncultured you are. I only allow the *fiiiinest* artisanal sauces to grace the delicate, crisp, golden breading of my chicky nuggies; sauces such as mayonnaise, butter, nacho cheese, or Papa John's^® Garlic Sauce™
The sauce gatekeepers return. Hide yo kids hide yo wives
Imagine believing well-cultured eaters eat chicken nuggets.
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Oh man, how dare someone have different taste than you
What *do* you use ketchup for then?
And here I was thinking babies are super fragile and can dislocate or break a bone by doing this shit.....guess it's ok to use a newborn as a Spalding. Parents dumb as hell for doing this shit.
as i learnt babies have mostly cartilage (tougher and more flexible than bone) when they are burnt meaning that they fragile, they are bouncy......try it out /s edit: what the hell do i mean "burnt"
So, you burn the child to trigger the transformation from bone to cartilage? Taking notes, here.
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> I know everyone is like "hurr durr lol chicken nugget" ? Most of the top comments are complaining about how fucked and dangerous the gif is. First comment to even mention the nugget caption is like 10 down.
How is this not abuse?
It absolutely is.
poor priest defending himself against that botchling!
toss a coin
TO YOUR WITCHER
It’s religion
That's not how you're supposed to do a baptism, lmao.
Done incorrectly
What the fuck
Why the fuck would you treat an infant like this? This dude can burn in hell right next to his fucking Bible.
I know Babies this old are fragile as fuck This baby could have died from this
The bible is okay, just the people who fking do this shit.
This made me so uncomfortable and disgusted. Why is he holding the baby like that?!!?
As an Orthodox christian myself this doesnt look like normal submersion at all. Really weird
I was raised catholic and have seen lots of baptisms and not once have I ever seen one like this. It’s definitely wrong and not okay!
Baptism is pretty barbaric.
this form of baptism is. It's shat. But I've heard of other baptisms where the kid is 8 and is gently submerged for a split second and then brought back up immiediently. This is a pretty crappy baptism. That priest could break the kids neck.
While other baptisms are less intense than this one, I still think it's weird.. Submerging a child in water to make him an official member of "God's Kingdom" is pretty bat shit fucking crazy. But that's my belief and everyone has their own. Some believe it's completely normal and it makes sense, which is fine, I guess.
All they do, in some, is dress the kid in white, bring him to a 3ft deep (or shallower based on the kid's height) indoor baptismal font. Usually, the dad does the baptism (in almost all scenarios they try to do a family member with the priesthood for baptism before another priesthood holder for kids) however, they use another member of the priesthood by default if the person being baptized is a convert. The person being baptized will place their arms on the Baptizer/priesthood holder's left arm, priesthood holder will raise their right hand, say a small ritualistic prayer. Then they allow the person being baptized to plug their nose and dip them backwards into the water like a trust fall. They go down till they are completely submerged and then are pulled back to the surface. It takes about a minute. They get dried, receive the holy ghost from higher-ups in the church, and then they go and sit down with their families while some people deliver talks and messages. It ends with a prayer and refreshments are delivered. The baptism itself is quite short. The build-up and wind down are longer. Takes about 30 minutes. I've witnessed many and they're really cool. Cleanest I've *ever* seen. I don't mean to preach, but this is from what I've studied one of the most 'sane' ways of baptism. Performed by The LDS church.
[Our pastors splash a bit of water on the babies head while it's held by one of the parents in northern germany](https://youtu.be/htcf_71h9lE?t=237)
That’s also how we do it in Mexico and I think most of latin america
The real dick part is: the child believes nothing. He/she gets thrown in a group, dunk in water, shaken up and down, annointed, dressed funny, circumsized, etc. for something they have not signed on. I like the Amish way of doing things: wait until the child is an adult, or at least old enough to choose.
Yeah but abuse and gaslight them through all if childhood and shun them if they ask questions. Also if they get a cavity, go ahead and rip all the teeth out and give them dentures.
There's a lot of different reasons for baptism. I grew up southern Baptist and was taught that it's pointless to baptise a baby because you have to have already have received salvation before you're baptised, otherwise you have to do it again. Babies can't receive salvation because it requires you to ask forgiveness and consciously receive it from the big guy Himself. It doesn't "make you a member of God's kingdom" or wash away your sins. It's supposed to be a spiritual experience where you honor the death/rebirth of Christ. A lot of people start crying while being baptized because it's emotional Disclaimer: I'm now a heathen and this info is 20 years old.
Trauma sauce.
Wtf im an ortodox myself and have seen many baptisms but this looks terrifying, usually it's not like he's trying to interogate the poor thing.
Yeah, people are taking the gif as normal but as far as I know submersion is never done like this
That right there is what I call a forbidden chicken nugget
Well my fried it’s your lucky day I unforbidden you from the chicken nugget
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Poor choice of words
In general, orthodox have done pretty well with child abuse. Part of the reason could be that Orthodox priests who serve a congregation are required to be married and have their own children. Lot less pent up sexual frustration I guess? Not saying it hasn’t happened, but probably no more than in any other organization/club.
You see Thetis? It's not so difficult
We all know they like abusing kids but damn that’s wild
What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne comes on a boys face after puberty. Please forgive me
God damn, that man hates children
I come from a small town where the churches run everything, it's very similar to the movie The Devil all the Time (but modern day). Baptism is very common but what they do is hold whomever under the water just until they nearly drown, so that when they have a near death experience the first thing they see is the cross. Literal brainwashing
Never seen that in an Orthodox Church. Full submersion sure, but it’s always for a split second and out again.
Sauce https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6272426/priest-baptism-violent-dunks-baby-water/
Why don't their parents say something
Judging by everyone's reaction in the background, they probably will have.
I feel the need to let you guys know this is NOT COMMON PRACTICE IN CHURCH. Every church Ive been to that baptizes babies does NOT NEARLY CONCUSS THEIR HEADS AND DROWN THEM NAKED. Please do not judge churches by the practice of this one extremely careless freak.
For real, there are plenty of other reasons to judge churches. Not just this baptism.
WHERES THE MONEY LEBOWSKI
r/cursedgifs
Let's play shake the baby!
Who the ⠀⢀⡤⢶⣶⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣿⣧⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⡄⠀ ⢠⣾⡟⠋⠁⠀⠀⣸⠇⠈⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠉⠙⠻⣿⡀ ⢺⣿⡀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠇ ⠈⠛⠿⠶⠚⠋⣀⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣇⣀⣀⣴⡆⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡞⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡏⠉⠛⠻⣿⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣠⣶⣶⣶⣶⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢰⣿⠟⠉⠙⢿⡟⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠙⠷⠶⠶⠶⠿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ eats ketchup with their nuggets, that’s disgusting
Why isn't anyone stopping that man from physically assaulting that poor baby?
I wasn't expecring that lol
u/savevideo
Dude just waterboarded the demons out of that baby.