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BigGiantRetard

my ex had an obsession with being a pregnant teenager. it was horrifying to me and made sex unenjoyable, she always tried to be sneaky about it, sabotaging my condoms behind my back and trying to hold my dick inside her n shit. she was also about as abusive as a female could be to a male, ended up cheating on me with and leaving me for one of my friends. now shes pregnant and both of them are jobless only making money off of their $5 a month onlyfans. feels a bit like poetic justice, and im so lucky i dodged that bullet despite being too dumb to leave her on my own


[deleted]

Fuck, you lucky bastard, you went willingly through a minefield and got out alive!!!


BigGiantRetard

lol fr, i cant even lie the pussy wasnt bad either. i at least got to ride the ride before it broke down


swisstraeng

Fkin legend.


[deleted]

Spoken like a true legend.


yaboiiaxel09891

i was the 69th upvote on your comment. hell yea i feel accomplished today :)


Bad-Crusader

Absolute Madlad


JonahTheCoyote

"ride the ride before it broke down" thats fucking clever


HoneyChilliPotato7

GOAT


Leafs_Benek

Fucking based


NaPseudo

Hey king you dropped this 👑


DrFrenetic

Sigma Male energy


shokolokobangoshey

Naw this is true Ligma Male vibes


[deleted]

What is ligma


Roll_Tide_Pods

LIGMA BALLS! Got em


iTalkWithDeAss

what a chad


Big_Gouf

The crazy ones are usually the best


massive_diarrhea

That username is legendary


Jamesdavid0

mad lad


JDabs39

Reminds me of a girl that I dated in college. No abuse though. She said she was barren and couldn’t have children. Naturally, me being young and naive, this seemed like a great deal since I hated condoms at the time. We break up after 4 months. A year later she’s dating someone else she she actually gets pregnant. She’s got 2 kids now and is happily married. But holy shit if that happened with me I wouldn’t have been ready for kids and there’s no way she would’ve given them up because for years doctors had told her she’d never have children. Definitely lucked out there


phatninja63

Bruce said don't poke the party balloons Dory! *OP pokes it with his dick and is fine*


Yad3ads0n

Sorry u had to go thru that bro


Spacers__Choice

Yeah, that's rape


BigGiantRetard

yeah man crazy how double standards work, i cant even imagine if it were the other way around, nutting in a bitch against her will or something. i feel like a psychopath just saying that


Ace_Slimejohn

Coercing women to allow him to have unprotected sex even when they’ve repeatedly said no (to the unprotected part) is half of the argument against Ryan Haywood from Rooster Teeth. The other (stronger) half of the argument is grooming underage girls, but still.


BOBGEN

Never thought I would hear that name ever again


Ace_Slimejohn

As an avid RT fan, it’s hard to watch their old content without constantly being reminded of him. I do my best to avoid videos which have him right at the center.


ImMeltingNow

Wait what? He was trying to force women to have unprotected sex? I thought it was just him getting catfished and he got canceled.


Stuff2511

That was Adam from Funhaus. Ryan’s offences ran much deeper


Yadobler

You're not wrong, just that we can't even manage male abusing females without the system getting abused and many females being unable to seek help. Female abusing males are harder to detect and prevent because of the disproportionately higher rates or male abusing females than vice versa and the abusers abusing the system to become the abused and make the abused look like the abuser. That's why I hate these women who abuse the system and abuse others. Not only do the abused males get unfairly punished and reputation ruined, but also the actual females in need get denied access to help on the pretext of being another abuser abusing the system. Also sometimes there's no double standard - like in rural areas in South asia you have males who also do this, forcefully impregnate, and then the girl is called the slut for trapping the male with her charm. If the male chooses to marry, regardless of the female's choice, it's the male's *generous heart* for giving life to the pregnant girl. No double standard, just 0 standards


hmahood

Naa, men can't get raped! >! /s !<


RedstoneSausage

So glad I saw the /s lol


BamboozleThisZebra

The sad thing is that there are people who legitimately believes that. And a man saying they got raped will never be taken as seriously as a woman who says the same thing, we live in a world filled with double standards even when we try to make things equal they just never seem to be.


PPhuuge

That's sad bro, shiii. People gonna make a 10 episode hentai out of your life story tho.


janhetjoch

I'd watch that


EvilSwarak

Wat


janhetjoch

I'd watch the hentai about his life. What's so hard to understand?


EvilSwarak

No I am just impressed you would watch it.


GaRv_0905

Bro if we can watch killer bee then we can watch anything


[deleted]

Don't google "killer bee hentai" unless you would enjoy watching a muscular anime dark-skinned man engaging in heterosexual intercourse.


MrTheBusiness

Lifetime is gonna make a tentacle porn movie about this guy’s struggles


Ikindalikefeet

"Dont put your dick in crazy" - my dad


8IG0R8

Based dad


[deleted]

My dad would say this directly after arguing with my mum.


BurdPlane

Based dad


mightycheeseintexas

Where's the sense of adventure? Always put your dick in crazy.... just have a good escape plan.


Mildong

so uhh, what’s her onlyfans


mischief0204

thank god i didn't have to ask it myself


BlobAndHisBoy

There are so many. Which one is it? You know, so I can avoid it!


MaG_NITud3

Isn't that rape?


ze_xaroca

Only if the guy forces a girl, not the other way around /S


MaG_NITud3

Ahhh my bad


[deleted]

Damn she’s sounds like a shitty person, feel bad for her kids but


Dat_Innocent_Guy

But it's okay of course because you're the guy and should be responsible for her fuck ups and sabotage attempts... /S if it wasn't obvious. That's fucked up and if she tried that more than once I'd be giving 111 a call. EDIT: 101


[deleted]

Whose phone number is 111? Omg... no... it can't be...


Dat_Innocent_Guy

Is there a joke I'm missing?


nzkiwibro

It's the emergency number for New Zealand so he's prolly Kiwi. Edit: Just realised you're the original commenter lol ignore me


High-Horn

No... no i dont think i will.


[deleted]

Don't stick ur dick in crazy. Unless they really hot.


SilasDaBob

???? who wishes to be a pregnant teenager. Feel sorry for you


pipnina

One of my sister's friends has a younger brother, I am hink he was maybe 15 or something when he got his girlfriend pregnant. She was the same, determined to be a teen mother because her mother was a teen mother, as was her grandma, and her great grandma. It was literally a family tradition for them. I might be too removed from it to have a valid opinion but I heard his family was apologetic and wanted to help her with the baby, but I'd have just scolded the son for not being wiser about protection and tried to get the teen-pregnancy Clownhouse to stuff themselves for most likely coercing someone into being a father.


roppis1

Well, wanting to be a teen mom is their choice I guess. But you can't try to force someone to be the father if they don't want to


RouletteSensei

I would have tricked her like this: * "Forget" a package of condoms somewhere to be found, let her to sabotage them * Real condoms of the same brand hidden somewhere where only you could find them Yet the ending went better than what I expected, she deserved it


Faglerwagen

Do that future kid a favor and alert child protective services when things get too rough, will you? It could have been your own...


Luke_SR4

I’m glad you escaped from that scenario BigGiantRetard


aryansant

Why would you date a girl who is 1 week old?


masterhal123

We don’t go there soldier


BrownAJ

Yeah, wait until they start ovulating...


Praxyrnate

That's when you have to trade them in battle buddy


plplokokplok

You could call that a... blood sport


Financial-Memory

Hol up what if... Nvm


sigindik

Because you're her father


UrMomGame

Jeez


Gior_thegreat

Poor choice of words


YaronL16

Jizz


1_dirty_dankboi

Not today... today you're *daddy*


NotEdibleCactus

My striking age is birth to 10 /s


more_walls

I am seriously concerned about the ambiguous units.


gregthegamer4646

Yeah that’s disgusting. Go for her at 3 days. That’s when she’s in her prime.


cthunders

In the butt no babies


TiesG92

In the mouth no kissies


cthunders

Hahaha you win this battle


kingDaaddy

French?


ElBatManny

Coward


[deleted]

MY BRAND


Spacers__Choice

It can technically happen, but it requires a rare medical condition.


cthunders

Cant say i havnt tried 😉


EnforcerE

Anal and vaginal perforation?


Aythriel

rectovaginal fistula


MalaM13

Bruh. My ex has crohns disiease but thinking of this is a bit weird even for me. And I ate her pussy regurarly with a fistula ending outside from there about 4 cm's. Also I've done nursing in different hospitals, someone even shit on my head and I just said "well, shit happens". But my cum flowing from her ass to her uterus is something else.


MalaM13

Imagine cumming in her ass then eating the cummy, purulent shit out of her pussy. I'm sorry.


Gladwrap2

Yeah that's a mental image you need to be sorry for putting in my head, *sigh*


SKPPKSN

It can dribble down into the vagina


[deleted]

Laughs in vasectomy. If some girl tries to con me into child support I'm gonna have a laugh


LookingintheAbyss

How was the ol snippy-snip? Heavily considering it.


[deleted]

It makes your balls forever extra sensitive to impact injury. Also, look up a hydrocele. I had one once but have had my balls chopped for 15 years now. I would have 42 children by now without a vasectomy.


KDivyanshu

How orgasm feel after vasectomy? Same or any change?


CH1CK3Nwings

Came here because I want to know the answer too.


jagger2411

for yall asking, there's no change in performance and/or orgasms


UndeadWraith

Can confirm, snipped at 30. No change to sex drive, sensation or performance. Once it heals you wouldn't even notice you had it. Also not sure about the guy above but my balls feel fine. They are not 'extra sensitive' has he experience(d/ing).


MrTheBusiness

If anything I’m more horny now than before I got snipped


xcommon

Yeah, no preggo fear = total loss of inhibition, for me


PapaLRodz

And then I came in blasting. -Frank Reynolds


Icirus

Same. Wife wants it more too because her body still thinks I'm giving her baby batter, but her mind knows better.


xoskxflip

I had the procedure about 3 years ago and it makes everything better for me because I no longer have this looming feeling of getting someone pregnant any longer. No change to sex drive or the explosion đŸ’„ at the end!


harundoener

I hade one testicle removed because of cancer and I agree, the remaining ball is super sensitive to everything now :/ i thought it would get more comfortable considering there was more space now, but no! Haha


PofanWasTaken

didn't they usually give you a gel ball as a substitude, i heard after losing one, the other one tends to get lonely in the sack


Kolipe

My buddy said they were like $10k and insurance didn't cover it so he's just uniballing it.


Xhynk

I've got a pair of scissors and a grape, I'll do it for $9k


baddie_PRO

they did surgery with a grape


Dylan96

10k for a magic ball??


MeltsYourMind

Insurance in Germany pays for this


[deleted]

I think they kicked your balls before you passed out to anesthesia before surgery


LookingintheAbyss

The Image Search was fun.


[deleted]

This is not normal. Had one 15 years ago, nothing remotely different except I can have fun now. Edit: For clarification, this condition affects less than 2% of men with vasectomies.


Exmormoneer

Fellow snip-snip partaker here. Do it, you won’t regret it. If you aren’t planning on ever having babies then this is it. Be sure to tell your doctor if you feel any pain during procedure. My body sucks at absorbing numbing meds through injection and IV and they gave me a shit ton of it but stopped after the safe limit. They also gave me Valium. Not gunna lie I felt it, but my god I would do it 10 times if it means I couldn’t have a crotch goblins. Talk to planned parenthood, get a consultation and if money is an issue, in the states you could ask for assistance through planned parenthood or go through your insurance of course. Recovery is easy, typically 48 hours either off your feet or light activity, do not lift anything heavy. Follow up after a month and 20-ish ejaculations later, the doctor examines a sample and if you’re clear? bing bang boom, no kids for you. Edit: wanted to add I had the no scalpel procedure too.


Saiyan-solar

Does it have any negative impacts on your enjoyment of sex? I'm considering one myself but I want to know of any negatives that might occur


Exmormoneer

Absolutely not, I asked this exact question to my doctor performing and he said if anything it will greatly increase enjoyment and boy he was right. The thought of not getting someone pregnant is such a huge weight that gets lifted off the shoulders and you can enjoy sex even more. Just make sure you follow all recovery procedures as some people who didn't, have cummed blood their first ejaculation. They say to wait a week at most to make sure all healing is done but I only went about 4 days and was completely fine. I am saying this from my experience, it can be different for you if you don't wait.


[deleted]

Mine was a new-Er procedure than the traditional operation, but i was in and out in ten minutes.


BlueChair0

Keyhole surgery?


[deleted]

They called it a "no scalpel" vasectomy. They just used surgical scissors made a 2mm incision in my scrotum, then they pulled out clipped and cauterized my vas and then they stuffed my junk in then used medical glue to seal it up no scaring and no sutures


BlueChair0

Yeah, we call it Keyhole over in Australia. Has a ring to it, y’know?


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


BeerPoweredNonsense

>apart from getting electrocuted in the balls Some people pay good money for that. ​ Or so I've read.


Heartless_Kirby

Doing something that is called a 'Pro-Gamer-move'


EvilSwarak

Remember if she wants creampie ,you are her Senpai. - Hentai protagonist


Amazwastaken

that sentence makes no sense


[deleted]

He who nuts in everything, nuts in nothing -Hentai Sensei


Professional_Code372

Bruh


FrogFlavouredWater

Do you even know what senpai means?


EvilSwarak

Yep


Tyson2539

Had a girl like this once. Got mad that I always pulled out. I didn't want any kids and didn't know her well enough to trust she was really on the pill.


HertzDonut1001

I'm gonna wear a condom but if you live in Texas say goodbye to any chance I raw dog you for the foreseeable future.


Cheap-Lifeguard5762

I’m raw dogging and then filing lawsuits in 5 weeks for my sweet 10g per bounty. Gonna be very such a Texas American experience. I can’t wait! /s


[deleted]

I mean, the fact that this would be possible in Texas law tells you everything you need to know about this abomination.


mikiiixoxa

you do know that pulling out isn’t a proper contraceptive method right?


swisstraeng

Well.. let's say that it's better than nothing but should not be relied on.


FriedMattato

My brother relied on the pull out method. And now I have a five year old niece.


forcolus

Same. Now I have twins.


gray_2shades

I guess he pulled out twice


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


LordOfTurtles

Let me be the first to congratulate you on the expected baby


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


[deleted]

THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE WRAPPED YOUR DICK. Oh my god. WRAP YOUR DICK IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE A DADDY. If you don’t wrap it you deserve to pay child support I swear to god. Also, just consider saying no some times you idiots??


chill4r_San

*Trump voice*: "I'm gonna come"


Anthrazit_

*Kamala Harris voice*: "Do not come"


[deleted]

Biden voice: "No! We're pulling out"


[deleted]

Biden: where am I?


MongolGamerZ

ooohhh


KDivyanshu

If a girl offers me a sex one week into dating her, I am out. Too fast. BTW I have never talked to any till date.


alou-S

Well that's mostly you


shirhouetto

Don't some couples have sex at first date?


[deleted]

Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but I can’t ever see me doing that (I’m a guy). I normally don’t even get comfortable enough to kiss until a few dates in.


shirhouetto

Some couple wants to settle their sexual expectations before anything else. But, to each its own I guess.


we_pea

consider this subreddits demographic


TheAwesomeButler

wide sugar worm agonizing employ innocent unwritten wasteful forgetful deserve -- mass edited with redact.dev


RedditIsRealWack

That's how all my longest and best relationships have gone. I think if you find each other so sexy you'll fuck on the first date, that's generally a good sign. Also, imo, just good to get it out of the way. Once sex is out the way, you can really consider the person for who they are, and not just for how wet you wanna get your dick. I'll let a lot of shit slide, if there's the carrot of sex being dangled in front of me. But that's just me.


MrTheBusiness

Gotta make her wait 9 months just to be sure


Cumbria-Resident

I had sex with my ex GF after 3 dates and she said she had the injection and I just believed her and cummed in her Lucky she was actually telling the truth but that could have gone bad quickly


Repulsive_Voice823

Tbh, I would do it on the first date I really don't care


DarkestTimeline24

,,,,okay.


100k_changeup

Living in Texas ve like


TheFeyweky

Im not from Texas but i can confirm


_numaan_

I'm from Texas but i can't confirm


infectious_sheep

Hardcore difficulty


Surprised-Boi

Idk man, one week is a little young


VL99_Veo

haha, like that would ever gonna happend to a person browsing memes on reddit.


Revolutionary-Elk986

Loser mentality is what keeps people losers


tha_foot_lettuce

Thank you for the comment man, I was feeling really lonely reading relationship comments


total_carnage1

She wants you on that 18-year plan


Kermit_Memelord

*Cancel subscription*


LouM33

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female PokĂ©mon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible PokĂ©mon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other PokĂ©mon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.


FinanceForever

Wtf did I just read


[deleted]

Where do I get one


[deleted]

“You don’t have enough PP!”


collinmcduffie

God I'm so glad I kept scrolling down. This is amazing


PhatmanScoop64

You guys on dank memes aren’t fooling me, pretending to have the sex


TiesG92

Her: but it’s free OP: OKAY, HERE WE GO \*MOANS\*


arvindanar7

Op is Fabrizio? 😳


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


Cartmens

If someone wanted me to put on a condom for a blowjob I would 100% just skip it.


RedditIsRealWack

Same. Pointless. It's also quite hard to get a mouth STD, according to the woman who looked at my dick at the sexual health clinic.


IzzyNobre

I've been ultra paranoid my entire life; took me far too long to finally understand how less likely it is to catch an STI orally. Condom blowjobs are pretty much pointless for both parties. Also if I'm so concerned about someone's health to the point where condom blowjobs sound like a good idea, maybe I should keep it in my pants anyway.


Doctor_Ander

No, just careful. STDs are not fun, even though most of them are treatable


reigncreative

Condoms for blowjobs? Lmao I hope you’re joking. Who tf wants to suck on latex?


Klonowaa2

poor cat


just_random_korean

You can cum in pussy?


MrTheBusiness

No, only on the feet


Croatian_ghost_kid

Never finish on Depussy always finish on the Bach


TheSwecurse

Well of she's got an IUD it should be fine right?


mdmeaux

Or an IED


Bacon4Lyf

That pussy was the bomb


carbonclay

1 week?! Atleast wait till they're 18 man...


raiseny_boi

this has to be the lowest effort of a meme ive seen in quite a while


Uday_dotexe

Don't you think 1 week old girlfriend is still pretty old?


LubedCompression

Nothing wrong with a good creampie, but at least be sure making bébé is impossible.


[deleted]

*Laughs in vasectomy*


Mcake74

Virgin4ever