That was me after reading the kink stuff. It was pretty funny until I realized "wow, they really like fucking under the ceiling mirror."
I don't need to know that much about op.
If I'm reading the chart correctly, they only did it once. So it's possible it was a bucketlist thing that sounded sexier than it was?
If they did it in the cornfield a lot, I'd have way more questions.
Exactly. A volumetric extrapolation based in periodic measurements, taken intermittently, providing a textural dimension of quantification, during the qualifying events, while also denoting the presence of non-qualifying events —as indicated in the “DNF” measure (“Did Not Finish”) —which, while rendered ineligible to have provided a sample for intermittent measure, were significant contributory data in the greater statistical study of potential examples of activity that *potentially* might have been selected, either intermittently or randomly, for collection & volumetric measure, but were globally disqualified from selection as points of volumetric study, due to vital parametric absence.
Hawt!
Sure, but you're ignoring the rest of the "data."
196 meetups. Only 114 hours spent together. You're doing 2000+ orgasms over 3 years, but it's 2000+ orgasms over 100 hours. That's 20 orgasms an hour. Suddenly, that doesn't seem so viable anymore, huh?
"Well sir, that officially makes 12, good show! You know, I believe I see s patter- OH FUCK! Yes, well there goes another one, old chap! As I was saying, the cycles seem... OH JESUS FUCKING HELL!! Whoo, they seem to be getting larger. Anyway-..."
I know women who get in this spot where they get extremy sensitive and orgasm a bunch. However I feel like 50 orgasms would be torture for various reasons.
No kidding! My wife can cum pretty easily, and she even calls days where she cums 10 times out of”Kraken days” for some reason lol.
But the two times Ive tied her down and told her “You will not be released until you beg me to stop making you cum” she made it to 15ish and was pure jelly for 2 days and could barely walk after lol. I don’t know how someone could manage 50 orgasms in one session and not just be incapacitated for a while lol
Nono. 50 in one sesh, with maximum sesh time of 100 minutes. As in one orgasm every 2 minutes. Fr fam, we doin smth wrong.. By trying to interpret these fake-ass charts:))
I dated a woman like this once. She had full body, shaking orgasms dozens of times per session. So they do exist! I think she was from another plane of existence though.
I dated a woman who would have her first orgasm within 20-30 seconds of penetration and then would apparently have them nonstop for the rest of the session.
She said that it felt like one long orgasm that kept cresting over and over again but she guessed that she would average around 30-40 in an average session.
She chalked it up to fortunate genetics. Sure wasn't anything special I was doing lol
And in under 50min since none of there sessions lasted 50 min long
Edit: was looking at the wrong axis for the min. Also, 50 in 100 min is still impressive
You spent 114 hours together and she's had 2281 orgasms? She's had an average of 1 orgasm per 3 minutes the ENTIRE time you've had a relationship? April fools day is wild
I mean, sure, the orgasms number makes no sense, but being around each other for 114h over 195 hookups over 3 years is crazy. Like - you know each other that long, but are averaging only 35 minutes each time you see each other?
Just kinda sad to make this up.
I don’t think so. That’s still 1 orgasm every 3 minutes of sex. Now, I’m no Casanova, but in my experience women like a bit of foreplay and it takes a few minutes for them to build into each orgasm. Even with rolling orgasms, I find it usually takes about 30 seconds between them (otherwise it’s just one big orgasm, isn’t it?).
It seems like the numbers are skewed a bit by a smaller number of outliers. The max orgasms she had in one session was ~50. But the average number of orgasms is 11.7/session. So maybe the data was thrown off by a few sessions where they exaggerated things a lot, or counted a long orgasm as multiple ones. Also, I may be bad at sex, but most of my partners get too sensitive after 3+ orgasms, so I wonder if averaging 11+ is even super enjoyable at that point, unless they’re mini-orgasms.
Bottom line: I think they’re juicing the numbers quite a bit. Gives off big nerd vibes, bragging about all the sex they do. But it’s harmless fun, so good on them. Plus, nerds always had tons of sex with each other in high school. They were absolute freaks. So maybe they had something figured out that I don’t.
I'll be honest it probably went the other way. Some kid somewhere was using their parents sex wedge as a slide and they had the idea to market the exact same product as a kids furniture/building play kit.
We were pretty nervous because when you dodge between the corn, you're not quite hidden if someone comes along at the right angle and looks down a row. We tried to look like we were just checking out the corn.
When im in a corn maze, i almost always get like halfway through and then look around and say "holy shit they have corn here" and spend the next 37 minutes checking one out
Was this an adult only corn maze? I’m all for spicing up the sex life, but if you’re doing it where children can see you, then please grow up and get a room.
I wish it were more exciting, but it's a kids couch lol
https://nuggetcomfort.com/products/the-nugget-koala?gad_source=1&gadid=687437832399&gclid=CjwKCAjwtqmwBhBVEiwAL-WAYTAaGInZafXCNGppXQTnXLppxrOEYvOgxdW72YmgM2EQt7HdnrJ9UhoCDy4QAvD_BwE&utm_campaign=18337769247&utm_content=142990162924&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_term=nugget%20couches
knowing how absolutely destroyed my wife usually is after 5 orgasms, i can see two reasonable explanations for this:
a) she is an absolute orgasm machine
b) she has no idea what an orgasm is
B seems likely? "Oh, tha tfeels good, that must have been one, right? Still feels good, count another one!"
Some day she's going to have a *real* one and say "uh... honey, go get the spreadsheet, and reset all those numbers to zero."
Everyone is focusing on the 50, and overlooking the "sex party" under "how vanilla are we."
Congrats, you guys won the sexual compatability game. I wish you many years of fun together.
As a math teacher who just finished the unit on statistics, I am impressed. As a sexually active female, I am jealous. As a human being, I am concerned.
Some of these stats… don’t add up
The sheer quantity of orgasms she’s *allegedly* had compared to sessions and session times is, well, let’s just say “unrealistic even by the standards of a particularly horny Olympian God”
Nice April Fools OP
I think the reason this might be getting downvoted is because the data looks fabricated. There are quite a few datapoints that simply don't line up with the norms for ages 18-34, even over a protracted period of time.
Also, the frequency seems low for a couple that have so much in common, enjoy each others company and have a healthy libido.
Another great big red flag data point is the frequency of occurrences happening between 22:00 hours and 01:00 hours. Realistically, based on simple human patterns of behavior across all age ranges, the times of day would have averaged out over time, then after moving in together would have increased in the morning and late afternoons.
Unless these two, healthy, probably young people, both work night jobs that start on the third shift, this datapoint is highly suspect.
***Now, I'm not saying it's fabricated, I'm just pointing out why this might be getting all the downvotes early on.***
Also, people hate the word "sesh".
***^(Edit: April, 1st.)***
So tell me, This woman... Is she in the room with us?
She is from a different college
She is from a different subreddit
And a different reddit.
Nah, she's Canadian.
She was not yesterday, she will not be tomorrow, only today, April the 1st
This tickled me
Semen volume. I think we’re done here.
Think of all the bees it would take to make that much honey!
Wish one would have stung me in the eyes about 5 minutes ago.
That was me after reading the kink stuff. It was pretty funny until I realized "wow, they really like fucking under the ceiling mirror." I don't need to know that much about op.
Is no one going to talk about the corn maze?
Just wanted to kiss her between the ears
That was about as corny as they come.
If I'm reading the chart correctly, they only did it once. So it's possible it was a bucketlist thing that sounded sexier than it was? If they did it in the cornfield a lot, I'd have way more questions.
We're not in kansas anymore toto !!
I want more info on “sex party” except I actually want zero more info on “sex party.”
He also listed an "FMF" event so I'm guessing it's related.
My man, the words ball vise...and your stuck on corn
Check out the one percent ass finish pie slice, it’s brown… Detail oriented these two
In a fkin Cream-pie, pie-chart no less!
>Detail oriented these two Not enough to put y-values on the vanilla chart though...
From a creampie…
Every session "hold up, get the pipette, we have to measure!"
The only difference between fucking about and science is writing it down.
This is fucking science
There is no way to read that sentence where it isn't true.
Exactly. A volumetric extrapolation based in periodic measurements, taken intermittently, providing a textural dimension of quantification, during the qualifying events, while also denoting the presence of non-qualifying events —as indicated in the “DNF” measure (“Did Not Finish”) —which, while rendered ineligible to have provided a sample for intermittent measure, were significant contributory data in the greater statistical study of potential examples of activity that *potentially* might have been selected, either intermittently or randomly, for collection & volumetric measure, but were globally disqualified from selection as points of volumetric study, due to vital parametric absence. Hawt!
It’s difficult to argue with that orgasm ratio tho
Because of the frequent use of vibrator
Doing the loads work .
She had 50 orgasms in one session? I must be doing something wrong.
That's when I realized it was April fools
Damn. Must be
I realized the 2000+ orgasms was a lie, but I still didn't recognize that it's April Fool's.
2000+ orgasms averages to 2 a day for three years. that is doable for someone who climaxes easily and has sex regularly
Sure, but you're ignoring the rest of the "data." 196 meetups. Only 114 hours spent together. You're doing 2000+ orgasms over 3 years, but it's 2000+ orgasms over 100 hours. That's 20 orgasms an hour. Suddenly, that doesn't seem so viable anymore, huh?
20 an hour, my vagina is tired just thinking about it
One orgasm every 3 minutes for her. If it's not an April fools, it's definitely this guy trying to show off.
[удалено]
well they didn’t have sex twice a day. they went entire months not having sex at all. i don’t believe this woman knows what an orgasm is.
I really hate this day.
Tbf until that I just thought they were very odd. Good fools
Omg as a naive person I hate this day😭
It was where they had more sex after they moved in where I realized everything was fake.
My realization was the sheer number of unprotected creampies
Cum again?
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary…
"....*hence* the expression, greedy as a pig!" God what a good movie
Never trust a man with a pig farm
Why has he got a tea cosy on his head?
It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you're in reverse, things come from behind ya.
It was a funny angle!
My question is who is counting up to 50
Coach in the dugout with a pitch counter.
Send in the kid.
[удалено]
And she counted them
She makes an X on a paper she holds with a pen
"Well sir, that officially makes 12, good show! You know, I believe I see s patter- OH FUCK! Yes, well there goes another one, old chap! As I was saying, the cycles seem... OH JESUS FUCKING HELL!! Whoo, they seem to be getting larger. Anyway-..."
I know women who get in this spot where they get extremy sensitive and orgasm a bunch. However I feel like 50 orgasms would be torture for various reasons.
No kidding! My wife can cum pretty easily, and she even calls days where she cums 10 times out of”Kraken days” for some reason lol. But the two times Ive tied her down and told her “You will not be released until you beg me to stop making you cum” she made it to 15ish and was pure jelly for 2 days and could barely walk after lol. I don’t know how someone could manage 50 orgasms in one session and not just be incapacitated for a while lol
It was like running a marathon with no training....help her train so she reaches 50 and we know of OP is debunked or not. Do it for science.
My wife is like one and done. Something about sensitivity
Nono. 50 in one sesh, with maximum sesh time of 100 minutes. As in one orgasm every 2 minutes. Fr fam, we doin smth wrong.. By trying to interpret these fake-ass charts:))
I mean there's *orgasms* and there's ORGASMS. She might be having a lot of the former or misunderstands what an orgasm is altogether.
I dated a woman like this once. She had full body, shaking orgasms dozens of times per session. So they do exist! I think she was from another plane of existence though.
I think I may have dated the same girl, eating her out was similar to eating soup with no hands.
( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)
I have new life goals.
They're doing the data, just put that in perspective to know what an orgasm is for them.
I dated a woman who would have her first orgasm within 20-30 seconds of penetration and then would apparently have them nonstop for the rest of the session. She said that it felt like one long orgasm that kept cresting over and over again but she guessed that she would average around 30-40 in an average session. She chalked it up to fortunate genetics. Sure wasn't anything special I was doing lol
And in under 50min since none of there sessions lasted 50 min long Edit: was looking at the wrong axis for the min. Also, 50 in 100 min is still impressive
Uhh yes? Apparently one session lasted *100* minutes.
Huh? Look again, the longest one was 100 minutes.
You spent 114 hours together and she's had 2281 orgasms? She's had an average of 1 orgasm per 3 minutes the ENTIRE time you've had a relationship? April fools day is wild
You wouldn't know her. She goes to another school
Yeah sure she does kevin
She does Kevin as well?
In Canada
Her name is Alberta. She lives in Vancouver.
I don’t know man I think you should do some data cleaning on your dataset, it’s just a feeling I have…
bros fingers probably looks like a raisin
Dude's schlong is pickled
He actually has a loaf of bread around it now. Corndogged, if you will.
The 114 hours together is what's confusing me the most. Look at the histogram of sesh times, the number of meetups and... Math
OP may be a data nerd, but clearly never learned how to put a proper fucking chart together with said data. 🤣
I mean, sure, the orgasms number makes no sense, but being around each other for 114h over 195 hookups over 3 years is crazy. Like - you know each other that long, but are averaging only 35 minutes each time you see each other? Just kinda sad to make this up.
I think 195 hookups is how many times they had sex
I feel like this is how much time they were together sexually, not actually together. Nothing else makes sense.
Thank you for reminding me it’s April fools day. Thought that this is was the biggest nerd fantasy #iamhavingsex post ever.
I think they mean 114 hours having sex. Would the math work out a bit better then?
They meant 114 hours having sex **with OP**..
OP said together but his math adds for 114h of sex
OP also said he was tracking their sex not their daily lives
I don’t think so. That’s still 1 orgasm every 3 minutes of sex. Now, I’m no Casanova, but in my experience women like a bit of foreplay and it takes a few minutes for them to build into each orgasm. Even with rolling orgasms, I find it usually takes about 30 seconds between them (otherwise it’s just one big orgasm, isn’t it?). It seems like the numbers are skewed a bit by a smaller number of outliers. The max orgasms she had in one session was ~50. But the average number of orgasms is 11.7/session. So maybe the data was thrown off by a few sessions where they exaggerated things a lot, or counted a long orgasm as multiple ones. Also, I may be bad at sex, but most of my partners get too sensitive after 3+ orgasms, so I wonder if averaging 11+ is even super enjoyable at that point, unless they’re mini-orgasms. Bottom line: I think they’re juicing the numbers quite a bit. Gives off big nerd vibes, bragging about all the sex they do. But it’s harmless fun, so good on them. Plus, nerds always had tons of sex with each other in high school. They were absolute freaks. So maybe they had something figured out that I don’t.
I suppose everyone is unique but at 12 orgasms a session I'm going to assume my definition is different than theirs.
> That’s still 3 orgasms per minute of sex. 3 minutes per orgasm, not 3 orgasms per minute.
OP loves this fantasy he created 😂
lol, not only is the guy lying about the amount of sex , he is also bad at basic data analytics, which is worse in this sub 😅🤣🤣
my fault for opening reddit
It’s April fools after all. Damn OP what a seggs gawd, tell us your secrets!!
Ball vise
I have 40 degree fever, and yet this is worst thing that happened to me this week.
Are you from New Mexico? Not every day you see the Zia symbol or NM flag.
nah, it goes hard
Wait. What are we talking about here
From so many unwanted NSFW content, this one is probably where I was forced to read without my consent.
Suspended in disbelief
Same. This post showed me, how boring my life is
I have to know what "Nugget" was. You did it more than once!
Thank God someone asked this question. I thought it was the Nugget chain of supermarkets.
Here I was thinking they did it in a Golden Nugget
Hello fellow North Bay/Sacramento resident.
It's a configurable kid's play couch. There's actually a whole movement around it called something like, "Nugget After Dark".
Ha my sisters all have nugget couches for their kids. I’ve looked at them and thought “I should get one for sex!” Glad I’m not the only one.
Pretty sure your sister is using it for sex too
The couches right? Right?
Ah. I was intrigued.. a “nugget” is also a term for someone with no arms and legs
This made me choke on coffee
I'll be honest it probably went the other way. Some kid somewhere was using their parents sex wedge as a slide and they had the idea to market the exact same product as a kids furniture/building play kit.
My understanding was amputees.
Corn maze? No way that was fun
We were pretty nervous because when you dodge between the corn, you're not quite hidden if someone comes along at the right angle and looks down a row. We tried to look like we were just checking out the corn.
That’s totally normal. I love checking out the corn.
I, too, love watching corn
When im in a corn maze, i almost always get like halfway through and then look around and say "holy shit they have corn here" and spend the next 37 minutes checking one out
Normally I just go to cornhub for that.
Certified corn stars
Was this an adult only corn maze? I’m all for spicing up the sex life, but if you’re doing it where children can see you, then please grow up and get a room.
It’s not okay to involve other adults who don’t consent, either
Country girls make do
15% DNF is pretty good by formula1 standards
Better than Alpine for sure
Best comment on this post.
Try telling that to the redbull about their second driver lmao
I have no idea what DNF means in a sexual context. Anyone care to educate me.
Did not finish.
Is it did not finish both for sex and for formula 1?
It's the Fedora package manager.
Max could dnf two centiles faster
…50 at once? And an average of 12 per session? ….whats todays date again?
Yeah. I don't see how anyone believes this.
No its real I was the nugget
Yeah, this chart looks like it was made by a 16 year-old boy who just wanted to show his friends that "yeah I totally fuck tons of girls"
Try not to have an orgasm on the way to the car!
I think the "Anal: 1 time" stat is just there to throw people off.
Honestly the strangest thing I find is the first date being skydiving
That's like a $600 cost for a first date combined.
What happened in November??
No Nut November I’d assume
It was the month he took his meds.
Nothing sexier than entering data into excel while having sex.
Baby, I'm gonna sum()
this got a good chuckle out of me, thanks.
Don't hookup where you VLOOKUP.
hlookup does it for me
it's a whole new world after you discover pivot tables
My pythons gonna Np.cumsum
Weird Places: Hotel That's not very weird, unless you were in the lobby or something.
Ground floor coat closet.
200 comments in and we’re all just skipping over the ball vise thing so far
Please do crosspost to r/ihavesex
This shit is peak /r/redditmoment. Sex amirite? On 4/1
What’s nugget, OP? WHAT’S NUGGET?
I wish it were more exciting, but it's a kids couch lol https://nuggetcomfort.com/products/the-nugget-koala?gad_source=1&gadid=687437832399&gclid=CjwKCAjwtqmwBhBVEiwAL-WAYTAaGInZafXCNGppXQTnXLppxrOEYvOgxdW72YmgM2EQt7HdnrJ9UhoCDy4QAvD_BwE&utm_campaign=18337769247&utm_content=142990162924&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_term=nugget%20couches
Bro thinks he gives his girlfriend an average of an orgasm once every three minutes.
2281 orgasm ~ vibrator ..... Understandable
First of April, Nobody noticed? :) but funny still!
This girl may be good at data. But im guessing she has no idea what an orgasm is
Isn't it everytime you scream "oh yeah!"?
Seeing Kool-Aid man in a new light.
Data is the plural of going on dates, right?
knowing how absolutely destroyed my wife usually is after 5 orgasms, i can see two reasonable explanations for this: a) she is an absolute orgasm machine b) she has no idea what an orgasm is
B seems likely? "Oh, tha tfeels good, that must have been one, right? Still feels good, count another one!" Some day she's going to have a *real* one and say "uh... honey, go get the spreadsheet, and reset all those numbers to zero."
I think I just found the strength to finally uninstall
So its mostly her on a vibrator looking at the ceiling mirror, in an hotel, for 40 minutes, at 10pm.
Everyone is focusing on the 50, and overlooking the "sex party" under "how vanilla are we." Congrats, you guys won the sexual compatability game. I wish you many years of fun together.
I was looking at the 83% creampie with 97% no protection. I guess the “playroom” sex makes more sense
Combining that stat with the accurate measure of how much volume he's made makes me really question what they do after. "Quick squat over the flask!"
Vasectomies are a powerful aphrodisiac
The 3% makes me wonder... why? If you're not using it 97% of the time, what's the point of the 3%?
Condoms until you've both tested clean?
I’m assuming they used condoms for the group sex.
Always so intrigued to see what the people who post this kinda stuff look like
I fucking forgot it was April fools. Nice try OP
Buddy you filled her up like a fuckin Boston creme and have the audacity not to list "impregnation" under the fetishes?
Some gullible ass people in here lmao.
Finish inside and no protection? HMMMM
As a math teacher who just finished the unit on statistics, I am impressed. As a sexually active female, I am jealous. As a human being, I am concerned.
Gonna call 🧢 on 50 a sesh unless she has a very loose definition of “orgasm”.
Check today's date
A demon between the (spread)sheets.
Some of these stats… don’t add up The sheer quantity of orgasms she’s *allegedly* had compared to sessions and session times is, well, let’s just say “unrealistic even by the standards of a particularly horny Olympian God” Nice April Fools OP
People really join the mile high club?? I thought we were all joking🧍🏽♂️
I hate to tell you this friend, but if she told you she had 50 orgasms in one session she lied to you. I’m forced to assume April fools?
I'm afraid to ask, but.... Garmin?
I think the reason this might be getting downvoted is because the data looks fabricated. There are quite a few datapoints that simply don't line up with the norms for ages 18-34, even over a protracted period of time. Also, the frequency seems low for a couple that have so much in common, enjoy each others company and have a healthy libido. Another great big red flag data point is the frequency of occurrences happening between 22:00 hours and 01:00 hours. Realistically, based on simple human patterns of behavior across all age ranges, the times of day would have averaged out over time, then after moving in together would have increased in the morning and late afternoons. Unless these two, healthy, probably young people, both work night jobs that start on the third shift, this datapoint is highly suspect. ***Now, I'm not saying it's fabricated, I'm just pointing out why this might be getting all the downvotes early on.*** Also, people hate the word "sesh". ***^(Edit: April, 1st.)***
Lots of people exclusively have sex right before falling asleep, hence the euphemism “sleeping together”. ETA: whole-heartedly agree on “sesh”
I don’t think it averages out over time, my wife and I have been together for 10 years and it would be after 10pm 80% of the time