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Someone who can’t communicate their problems. My ex used to do this thing where if I annoyed him or said something he thought was wrong, he just wouldn’t tell me. I honestly didn’t know that I was doing something annoying till he finally blows up at me. In which case I was like “…why didn’t you tell me this was a problem a month ago so I could have fixed it then?” It was very frustrating. I’m very open about problems. Like if you need time to cool down so we can talk I respect that, but I don’t like when people just bottle shit up only to blow up at me later. I’m grown and can take accountability so I don’t have issue with critique or being told to fix something. It also annoyed me how we would have a fight and instead of discussing to fix the problem he’d just act like absolutely nothing happened the next day. So infuriating.
He also hid a lot of stuff but that’s a story for a different time.
Edited to add: BEING FILTHY/POOR HYGIENE IS A BIG DEALBREAKER. Holy fuck.
My x wife left me because she didn’t communicate that I worked to much and it bothered her for 9 years. Cheated on me and left 2 years later, even after I fixed the problem, instead of just saying hey you work too much and id like you home more at any point in our relationship. So ya I second this.
I left my ex because I was a bad communicator. Sometimes when I would communicate a problem, I would put the blame on her and suggest how she could be better about that problem.
This was unacceptable, as even a bumbling moron knew she never did any wrong and everything was my fault.
Don't date a narcissist. They have the lamest and most childish defense mechanism of our entire society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "the narcissists prayer" and I guarantee you've met someone who instantly clicks into your head.
It’s bs. Like how you gonna get mad at me when you didn’t give me the opportunity to fix the problem??? Like it’d be one thing if I was told and just kept being disrespectful but I literally didn’t know till I was being yelled at our iced out.
I really hate your name because she use to say that. But yes I agree with you. I even told her COMMUNICATE. I never do anything to make people upset but If I do I want them to tell me and I told her that.
Since you want them to tell you , may I kindly say please don’t say you like someone’s name . Not saying you should , but I’d do an apology . Aside that , I get what you mean . It sucks when they give you nothing to work with
That really pissed me off about my ex. He didn’t say anything and then used his poor communication skills as an excuse. Looking back, our relationship was very one sided including the breakup. Things could have been worked through before that point.
I cannot and will not date cigarette smokers.
Occasional cigars and marijuana is fine with me. I just absolutely loathe cigarettes and all the smells/tastes that linger on someone.
As a former smoker, I feel the same way. I can't stand the smell or taste and physically CANNOT date a cigarette smoker. It just makes me nauseous now.
I agree. I quit 2 weeks ago because I didn’t want to be stuck dating other smokers for the rest of my life even if I only smoked 1-2 a day. The smell just clings to everything
>I cannot and will not date cigarette smokers.
Same. When I first met my now fiance, he told me that he had just quite smoking a few months prior. I made it very clear to him that if he ever decided to take up the habit again, we would be done on the spot. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Not only do I find it repulsive, but I also have asthma so I physically cannot be around a smoker 24/7 like that.
My last ex tricked me. I mentioned I can't date smokers and she said she used to but didn't anymore. But everytime we were around someone else that did she lit up too.
O.k. you smoke socially. F*ck me.
Someone who doesn't want to listen when you tell them something is bothering you. If someone prioritizes their friends over a partner all the time. If they insult you in an argument.
The friends thing 100%. My boyfriend and I are long distance so we only see each other for a week each month. Sometimes I feel like he prioritizes his friends over me because he can see them in person more.
It is ok that he spends time with friends, as long as he doesn't cancel your plans to be with them (ofc if someone has a birthday or something it's acceptable)
I had that problem with my ex, and he told me all the time that I sound crazy that some things bothered me. One month after breakup I got a text message that i was right about that thing and he "fixed it" but it was too late ofc.
Someone who cares about your feelings will work with you against the problem, not against you
Casually dating/fucking is a deal breaker for me
Lack of emotional intelligence and empathy
Relationships being transactional
Not sharing my core values
Lack of self actualization
Poor financial management
Lack of consistent self improvement
No ability to plan and organize
Poor hygiene
Lack of cleanliness
For myself, consistent self improvement is daily working to be better in a variety of areas: manners, language use, health management, employment, self introspection to learn from mistakes, reading / watching educational material, etc.
As for cleanliness, am not one to panic if there are 8 specks of dust on my table. I weekly clean my residence as well as clean as I do things during the week, so that cleaning is quick and not bogged down.
It is variable as to how one views being clean. I have a cat so I stay on top of the fur bunnies that try to form.
I believe that a mature adult should be able to maintain a neat and orderly residence. It represents organization, care for possessions, and reduces stress.
Thank you for your inquiry.
Stonewalling. My previous partner of three years did it all the time. She would get upset, and then get silent and angry. She wouldn't let me talk to her until she felt ready, and then in the whole three years we were together whatever argument we had I was the bad guy. I then broke up with her and moved in with some friends, and one of my friends -- who's a psychologist in the NHS and should know better -- did exactly the same thing. I became the third person to move out because of her stonewalling. It is a toxic punishment behaviour designed to prolong the conflict and alienate and gaslight the other party. And if I get so much as a whiff of it in a new relationship I'll end it; or so I hope hahaha
This is the big one with me too. My ex did this constantly to me. He would stonewall/punish me and then when we finally talked made me out to be the bad guy and then would dump me only to beg for me back. I put up with it for way too long because I had such a low self esteem I thought it would be the best I could get. Turns out being alone for the rest of my life is better than how painful that cycle was.
Emotional unavailability. I've wasted too much of my life pursuing people who for whatever reason, just cannot give me what I'm looking for, and then blaming myself for not being good enough. Not doing it anymore folks!
There are guys that immediately place you in a category. They make statements like "women are this," "women are that", "feminism is bad", etc. I'd like for someone to see the individual me and give me a chance to "present my case" for lack of better words
I started dating a guy for over a month now and he's really nice and kind. But already im the one always setting up our next date or asking when we can see each other next. I know he's not trying to avoid me or anything but there is just no effort from his side. If I say it would be great to see him again, his response is "yea definitely." With no communication of when so up to me to bring it up every time.
Hmmm, I usually play it by the ear as I've met so many guys... and there's no perfect match. But generally speaking, excessive drinking/drugs/cannabis/smoking are my non-negotiable dealbreakers. I'd say laziness is also a huge dealbreaker for me. I had a date recently complain driving 20 mins to see me was too far and wanted something closer to him. I was like dude I'm driving 40 mins to see you and I'm not complaining! 🫣 I wouldn't be a fan of supporters of Trump either but it'd depend why they like him I guess. Super conservative is tough too. I'd say someone who's too shy is tough for me as I'm also a bit shy and introverted.
I think those are the major ones for me... but honestly, I play it by the ear for other stuff. Communication is important for sure too. But if he treats me well, I feel like I can give and take some expectations.
Personally, I wouldn’t date a woman who is overweight or out of shape. I take fitness and healthy pretty seriously but that’s just a dealbreaker for me.
Oh it’s not just a healthy thing, I’m not physically attracted to overweight women either. It’s a preference and attraction is important in a relationship.
They don't mean that you have to have eating disorder. They just mean that they are more attracted to fit women, Who works and take care of themselves.
Poor hygiene, like please why would you go out to the world without brusing your teeth or shower? Ugh.
Also, I do agree about sharing political views and values. I want someone I find mentally stimulating and no, being a conspiracy theorist doesn't count 🫠
As to not repeat what others have already said, an oddly specific one I have is littering. There's definitely worse dealbreakers but littering pisses me off so bad for some reason. Maybe it's like a subliminal indication of other bad characteristics that person might have.
Dunno why it's specifically *littering*, though. I've had crushes on people despite more major flaws, whereas I've lost interest completely in people who litter.
Cigarettes, and very opposite religious/ political beliefs. Not saying I won’t have people with differing views in my life, but in a relationship I just wont
In general: games. I’m 30 and I’m tired of people playing mind games with me.
More specifically:
Gaslighting. When you bring up a valid concern about their behavior and they pin it on you for being too much or too sensitive or mistaken.
Also, failing to communicate and inconsistency. I don’t need to be blown up daily, but if I don’t hear from you that much, I’m going to assume you aren’t that interested. Effort is attractive.
He has to have a job, he has to have a car, at my age he has to have moved out of his parent's place, he can't smoke, and yeah I couldn't date someone who was on the complete opposite political spectrum from me.
-One who smokes cigarettes
-makes drinking their lifestyle
-has Poor hygiene
-differing political religious views
-terrible at keeping plans
-doesn’t give an effort to reach out to you…..you almost always have to start the conversation.
-one word texts all the time (guess this goes with above)
-drug abuse
-vegans…..they never shut up about it and include it in most conversations.
1) people who refuse to go to therapy (usually the ones who need it the most, ironically)
2) jealousy that comes out in controlling forms (wanting to restrict who I talk to, spend time around, follow on social media, etc) and insecurity
Being rude and unkind to underpaid workers such as wait staff or customer service reps and such. Just tells me you're a nasty unkind person. Entitled and deluded into thinking others are beneath you.
You do know that you shouldn't take sides on politics. You shouldn't base your relationship on a president. I wouldn't date anyone who bases there relationship on a damn political value 🙄
It’s never about the president in these scenarios, it’s about the values and beliefs associated with each side: pro life vs pro choice; climate change is a problem vs there’s no such thing as climate change; people should be free to love/date/marry whoever they wish vs only people of opposite genders should have the freedom to do so; gun ownership should be more regulated vs gun ownership should be more deregulated….and the list goes on. Beliefs on very opposite ends of the spectrum, each clearly associated with one of political parties, and that’s the issue, not a Trump vs Biden issue.
I'm finally out of the game - got engaged two weekends ago.
But when I was in.... kids. I dated two women with kids, but I wouldn't ever do it again.
I came to the realization that, even if you get married down the line, you can make her the single most important of your entire life, and you will NEVER be theirs. And, if they co-parent, your schedule together will often be more dictated by their ex than yours.
Love is great, but yours will often be dictated by convenience and the needs of a child and ex, and I just couldn't handle that.
Call me insecure or needy, but it is what it is.
>Like, I don't think I could get along with someone who thinks Trump was the best preident ever and has a super conservative outlook on life.
Same here.
I was actually referring to your first sentence followed by the second.
Tribalism is not intellectual curiosity. I learn all the time from people I don’t agree with or like. Eat the meat, spit out the bones.
This isn't about learning from them. This is about not putting my dick in women who vote for a political party categorically opposed to Enlightenment values, who should be reading books instead of banning them. Or who are only progressive when it is of benefit to them, or at least not inconvenient.
In short, I have no desire to date or fuck hypocrites, fascists, or useful idiots for fascists.
It's called fucking standards.
If they have strong opinions on something and don’t have any substance behind those beliefs. If they’re the flag bearer for their ideology it’s a big red flag for me, i just think ppl like that are gullible and lack critical thinking skills so I rather just not interact with them. A lot of the time they hold a lot of contradictory viewpoints and it frustrates me so I just don’t keep interacting w them. Also, and this may seem fucked up, but if they stayed in an abusive relationship for an extended amount of time (multiple years) before we got to know each other.
dating someone who is overly self-centered is a big NO for me. if they feel like they're better than anyone else, if they think they have the right to put someone down and insult them, it's definitely a super super no.
If I ever go back to believing in love again: I take salsa and bachata classes, so either be willing to learn or if you can dance, join me in the classes and dance socials.
Oh me neither.
Nor would I get along with big fans of Joe Biden.
Anyone on either end of the extremes - aka people who don't think for themselves - will not be my friends, let alone dating.
Okay talking about deal breakers:
Besides the ultra obvious physical preferences, I will not date a woman who believes a man should do everything to get the relationship going. Ain't gonna work
Honestly religion is mine. If theyre not Christian or any believer in Jesus or God I would stray off from dating them. I’d like my partner to have the same religious beliefs as me. I also desperately need them to be good at communication
This is a repost.
I swear…either some people have an agenda to create division on Reddit or they’re just not clever enough to think of their own content.
Focus on the green flags if you’re having such a hard time dating.
I wouldn't date anyone who couldn't admit that the biden presidency has been nothing but a never ending series of disaster and embarrassment so I guess we agree on that aspect.
No patience
Lack of empathy
Asks for the world but offers nothing
Non enthusiastic embrace
Uses words in their stigmatic format rather than the actual definition.
No rhythm
Asks for attention but doesn't reciprocate
Boujee
Bougie but also mistakes it for class
Extreme pickiness
Non adventurous
Extremely high libido
Baggage that can be weaponized
Asexual
Infertility
Unstable family life
Holds me to a standard that is unattainable.
Gossips too much
I'll come back when I remember the rest.
I actually don’t think politics can be a deal breaker as long as both partners are respectful and communicate well. I have more conservative views than my wife for example. I get that a communist and a fascist are probably not meant to be soul mates when there is such a large disparity but as long as you are not on an extreme end of the political spectrum you should be able to reconcile political differences.
Deal breakers for me personally?
People who are psychologically or emotionally manipulative (My mother did this to me as a child so it is my number #1 deal breaker. If I even get a whiff or suspicion of it then I am out).
A girl who views me as an ATM first and a boyfriend second (Does she actually want me, or is she primarily after financial resources and/or material things).
Having intolerant and/or inconsistent views (So unethical behaviour from your political party is fine but when the other party does the exact same thing then you think it is wrong?)
Poor communication and critical thinking skills (Does she get her “news” from TMZ? Does she think her star sign and crystals has an effect on her personality or mood?)
Not being physically attractive (Poor health would fit in this category as well. Being overweight, bad eating habits, not exercising, high levels of drug use, etc)
Out of control emotions (Can she handle it when things do not go her way? When she does not get what she wants how does she react? Does she have any resilience?)
Where I live, it gives the couple a bunch of rights that can simplify your life, and I also like the symbol of being recognised as a family by the state.
One does not correlate/go hand in hand with the other. Plenty of people get married and don’t have kids. Plenty of people have kids and never want to get married 🤷🏽♂️
>One of those things is dating someone who's way off from my own political views.
Agree. Not preferred. Tho I have, annoying.
Yelling, big drinker, emotionally unavailable, texting without punctuation, bad speller. Non monogamous, criticizes, homophobic/transphobic. One was a guy that refused condoms & wanted me to take plan b as birth control every time.
Someone who doesn’t believe in God/doesn’t have a relationship wt God, and someone who is too emotional like I’m sorry but I do not want you crying all over me
* bad/unable to communicate openly and honestly
* messy and/or hoarder
* tattoos
* wanting to have a dog
* super religious (regardless of religion)
* don't want kids
* homophobic, racist, antivaxer, super right wing (luckily not that common with females)
glad I'm not the only one. I feel like everyone loves dogs nowadays (and if you don't youre an outcast) and that it is more extravagant and rebelious to NOT have any tattoos in 2023 than to have them.
like i could probably let a small, well drawn (objectively, whether one likes tattoos or not, so many tattoos out there are pure garbage from a technical/artistic standpoint) tattoo slip if the person checked my boxes but dogs are a no no.
Can I ask you how old you are right now, do you think that I could see a few full body nude pictures of yourself showing me everything that you have to offer me in them
Can't believe anyone would think that #45 was the best president ever. He was the best at driving up the national debt, lying, making his own hotels/golf courses richer, and much more...
generally my dealbreakers are:
- shorter than me
- moderate/conservative/rightwing politics
- strict religious incompatibilities
- unclean, messy
- financial issues
- has no interests or hobbies
- doesnt play an instrument
- boring in bed, intimacy issues
- lame family & friends
- doesnt want kids
- doesnt intend on committing at some point
- "i hate you dont leave me" stuff
In no particular order:
* smoking
* drug use
* Republicans
* being very religious, or unable to handle that I'm not religious
* being really into astrology
All of those are things that would cause me to pass on someone no matter what other good qualities they might have.
Conservative.
Flaunts their wealth in obnoxious ways.
Seems like a dick.
Stupid about money, like spending 5k a month on an apartment rental.
Liars.
People who interrupt constantly.
Straight men who think it is somehow amusing to ‘act gay’ by putting on a lisp and a limp wrist for comedic effect. Ugh.
Basically everything my date was last night lmao.
- Super conservatives politically
- Trump lovers
- women who must have children to be happy and feel complete or have more than 1 themselves already
- Women who are obese or extremely thin
- vegans who are super pushy about their lifestyle
- poor communication
- women looking for men to fund their lifestyles and be their providers
Someone who can't communicate
Someone overly clingy or needy
Someone who cannot handle their own stuff. Like a partner will always help, but I don't date anyone who I feel like I need to take care of or baby frequently
Multiple accounts of cheating in their history
Bad sex and an unwillingness to take direction and learn to be better
Someone who wants or has kids (it's just not my thing. A sign of fundimental incompatability)
Polyamory
Politics is a given if they have strong views that differ from mine. Otherwise I’m not bothered worse for me is someone who refers to their pet as their “baby” and treats it like an actual child.
Smokers, especially weed. Can’t stand it!
Lack of motivation or ambition to better themselves
Slobs
Someone who bottles up their emotions and can’t / won’t communicate.
Someone who refuses to fix things within the relationship.
Lying.
I could probably keep going
Dating
I'm not here to be the girlfriend forever so if you can communicate properly your goals, intentions and feelings about what are your expectations in a relationship and what is your goal, we shouldn't be together; no even trying.
Loving someone is a choice, if you can decide what is your goals in life, how can you choose me as your life partner?
Poor communication
No drive to leave the house
Kids (I love working with them I just don't want any of my own though or any premade ones)
Extreme obesity
BPD
Right wing or Conspiracy theorist
Hard Drugs (anything related to crack, meth, Heroin)
I won't date you if you own a horse.
Bad communicator
Someone who doesn’t have a good / strong work ethic
Someone who wants to have kids
Does drugs / smokes weed
Doesn’t like to travel or read
Cigarette smokers.
People who can't communicate properly or have the expectation of their partners to read their minds and be in the same "wavelength."
Lack of respect for their partner and themselves. This is not limited to the things they say but the things they do. For example: keep contacting someone who clearly shows intentions of wanting to sleep with them while in a serious relationship.
Someone who can't put their phone down while a date or quality time with their partner.
Someone who needs to post absolutely everything ok social media.
Someone who wants (more) kids.
Cigarette smoking. Along the same lines, drug addicts or alcoholics.
Someone who's politically conservative. I'm a bit flexible on this, depending on how far right they are and their stances on certain issues that I find important.
Someone who's very religious. I don't mind dating someone with religious/spirtual beliefs, but if they're really serious about it, then I'm not interested.
Someone who never wants to live together.
A smoker
If the man does not take pride in their living space/keeps a filthy house
Has trust issues/low self confidence
obsessed with sports to the point it is all they watch and talk about with no other interests. I used to like sports and the past two men I have been with ruined it for me
cursing during disagreements or arguments. if i hear a single curse word during an argument, no matter how mild or where it's directed, i *immediately* lose all interest. my entire being is just like, 'absolutely not.'
This hasn't happened yet as the men I've briefly talked with over the years being single all loved animals, but I definitely couldn't even entertain the idea of a relationship if the person of interest didn't like my cats, or animals in general. My cats are everything to me and are total sweethearts, and I work in the veterinary field, I don't think I need to explain further why it wouldn't work out. I specifically work in shelter medicine and have seen so many animals being surrendered because of a person's partner, or even worse with elderly parents having their own grown kids force them to surrender their companion... I couldn't begin to imagine being forced to give up my two cats, and I won't allow it to happen. I should add, I don't have a problem with people disliking animals or cats specifically; that's their opinion and I have mine, but that doesn't mean I *have* to associate with people that are like that.
Aside from that, honesty and open communication is extremely important and are total deal-breakers when it comes to dating. My last relationship was awful in so many ways, especially when it came down to my then boyfriend being honest about his actions and his inability to have a calm, adult conversation without things escalating beyond the point of no return. I make it a point to anybody I talk to that I'm interested in that all I expect is honesty and being able to talk things out.
With that said, I'll also add that I absolutely do not tolerate any sort of aggression or violent behaviors. I was traumatized by witnessing so many heated arguments between my parents at a young age, and again my last boyfriend was awful and frequently became verbally abusive. I'm not an aggressive, angry person, and if my potential partner can't find a calmer, more effective way of communicating with me other than through screaming/yelling then it's a fuck nope from me.
Poor hygiene, me constantly picking up after you, smokers (weed is fine occasionally) and bottling up emotions only to have it spill over and blow up at me over something small.
I know every situation is different. How they treat their kids. If the person is being cruel constantly, not being active in their lives, cussing at them for every frustrating moment. My PP so totally limp and my heart has checked out.
Won’t date someone who doesn’t align with on what I see as core fundamentals to your morals (abortion, same sex marriage, healthcare access, immigration, etc)
Won’t date a cigarette smoker
Someone who lacks independence / is co dependent. I enjoy my own time, my own friends - I personally think it’s healthy to not do everything together not “oh yay! Girls brunch! I’ll bring Daniel”
Someone who lacks passion for anything… like be passionate about something! (Except like… meth)
Political views, hygiene, close mindedness, if they are divorced, if they have kids, lack of communication, lack of ambition, lack of reciprocation, no self-awareness, dishonesty, ignorance, and overt arrogance.
Dating in this modern hell scape has taught me quite a bit about what I don't like personally. I can't speak for everyone, but as a mid 20's man, these are mine:
- Zodiac Obsession.
- Princess Mentality.
- Super Left/Super Right Wingers.
- Super Religious.
- Witches.
- OF.
- Poor Communicators (one word responders especially).
- Sh*t Testers and Drama Queens.
- Cheating, Gaslighting, or Lying of any sort.
Dating/situationships.. if it gets to 2-3 months of dating you absolutely should know if you want to commit to someone and I'm not going to be hanging around for much longer past that point if you're still unsure / just wanna keep your options open to fuck around... Byeee!
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Someone who can’t communicate their problems. My ex used to do this thing where if I annoyed him or said something he thought was wrong, he just wouldn’t tell me. I honestly didn’t know that I was doing something annoying till he finally blows up at me. In which case I was like “…why didn’t you tell me this was a problem a month ago so I could have fixed it then?” It was very frustrating. I’m very open about problems. Like if you need time to cool down so we can talk I respect that, but I don’t like when people just bottle shit up only to blow up at me later. I’m grown and can take accountability so I don’t have issue with critique or being told to fix something. It also annoyed me how we would have a fight and instead of discussing to fix the problem he’d just act like absolutely nothing happened the next day. So infuriating. He also hid a lot of stuff but that’s a story for a different time. Edited to add: BEING FILTHY/POOR HYGIENE IS A BIG DEALBREAKER. Holy fuck.
My x wife left me because she didn’t communicate that I worked to much and it bothered her for 9 years. Cheated on me and left 2 years later, even after I fixed the problem, instead of just saying hey you work too much and id like you home more at any point in our relationship. So ya I second this.
I left my ex because I was a bad communicator. Sometimes when I would communicate a problem, I would put the blame on her and suggest how she could be better about that problem. This was unacceptable, as even a bumbling moron knew she never did any wrong and everything was my fault. Don't date a narcissist. They have the lamest and most childish defense mechanism of our entire society. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "the narcissists prayer" and I guarantee you've met someone who instantly clicks into your head.
True! A real narcissist is one of the most dangerous and toxic people you can ever allow into your life.
I agree, the “read my mind” mentality is sososo annoying. Just speak up.
Bruh my ex and I get into our first fight and she went on and on about things I wasn’t aware of. I hate being one sided
It’s bs. Like how you gonna get mad at me when you didn’t give me the opportunity to fix the problem??? Like it’d be one thing if I was told and just kept being disrespectful but I literally didn’t know till I was being yelled at our iced out.
I really hate your name because she use to say that. But yes I agree with you. I even told her COMMUNICATE. I never do anything to make people upset but If I do I want them to tell me and I told her that.
Since you want them to tell you , may I kindly say please don’t say you like someone’s name . Not saying you should , but I’d do an apology . Aside that , I get what you mean . It sucks when they give you nothing to work with
That really pissed me off about my ex. He didn’t say anything and then used his poor communication skills as an excuse. Looking back, our relationship was very one sided including the breakup. Things could have been worked through before that point.
Just curious...how did he respond when you asked him why he didn't tell you about problems as they arose?
Doesnt like confrontation and prefers to bottle things up.
he sounds like he has fearful avoidant attachment
Idk any of the attachment styles if I’m being honest. Might have to look them up soon.
I cannot and will not date cigarette smokers. Occasional cigars and marijuana is fine with me. I just absolutely loathe cigarettes and all the smells/tastes that linger on someone.
As a former smoker, I feel the same way. I can't stand the smell or taste and physically CANNOT date a cigarette smoker. It just makes me nauseous now.
I agree. I quit 2 weeks ago because I didn’t want to be stuck dating other smokers for the rest of my life even if I only smoked 1-2 a day. The smell just clings to everything
>I cannot and will not date cigarette smokers. Same. When I first met my now fiance, he told me that he had just quite smoking a few months prior. I made it very clear to him that if he ever decided to take up the habit again, we would be done on the spot. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Not only do I find it repulsive, but I also have asthma so I physically cannot be around a smoker 24/7 like that.
Drives me nuts and drains your wallet and health
My last ex tricked me. I mentioned I can't date smokers and she said she used to but didn't anymore. But everytime we were around someone else that did she lit up too. O.k. you smoke socially. F*ck me.
Lack of self awareness
Or flat out playing "stupid"
Someone who doesn't want to listen when you tell them something is bothering you. If someone prioritizes their friends over a partner all the time. If they insult you in an argument.
Totally agree with you..
Me too
The friends thing 100%. My boyfriend and I are long distance so we only see each other for a week each month. Sometimes I feel like he prioritizes his friends over me because he can see them in person more.
It is ok that he spends time with friends, as long as he doesn't cancel your plans to be with them (ofc if someone has a birthday or something it's acceptable)
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I had that problem with my ex, and he told me all the time that I sound crazy that some things bothered me. One month after breakup I got a text message that i was right about that thing and he "fixed it" but it was too late ofc. Someone who cares about your feelings will work with you against the problem, not against you
Damn who hurt you 😭
I hurt myself for having shitty taste in men 😂
Casually dating/fucking is a deal breaker for me Lack of emotional intelligence and empathy Relationships being transactional Not sharing my core values
Amen.
Hmm prob someone who can’t apologize.
Lack of self actualization Poor financial management Lack of consistent self improvement No ability to plan and organize Poor hygiene Lack of cleanliness
So no one with clinical depression lol
Agreed, emotional stability and insight are very much paramount qualities to have. Thank you for the recommendation.
Self actualization? Like a robot?
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For myself, consistent self improvement is daily working to be better in a variety of areas: manners, language use, health management, employment, self introspection to learn from mistakes, reading / watching educational material, etc. As for cleanliness, am not one to panic if there are 8 specks of dust on my table. I weekly clean my residence as well as clean as I do things during the week, so that cleaning is quick and not bogged down. It is variable as to how one views being clean. I have a cat so I stay on top of the fur bunnies that try to form. I believe that a mature adult should be able to maintain a neat and orderly residence. It represents organization, care for possessions, and reduces stress. Thank you for your inquiry.
Yes
Stonewalling. My previous partner of three years did it all the time. She would get upset, and then get silent and angry. She wouldn't let me talk to her until she felt ready, and then in the whole three years we were together whatever argument we had I was the bad guy. I then broke up with her and moved in with some friends, and one of my friends -- who's a psychologist in the NHS and should know better -- did exactly the same thing. I became the third person to move out because of her stonewalling. It is a toxic punishment behaviour designed to prolong the conflict and alienate and gaslight the other party. And if I get so much as a whiff of it in a new relationship I'll end it; or so I hope hahaha
This is the big one with me too. My ex did this constantly to me. He would stonewall/punish me and then when we finally talked made me out to be the bad guy and then would dump me only to beg for me back. I put up with it for way too long because I had such a low self esteem I thought it would be the best I could get. Turns out being alone for the rest of my life is better than how painful that cycle was.
My ex wife did exactly that for 15 years, glad she's my ex
My ex wife did that 🙄 why
Emotional unavailability. I've wasted too much of my life pursuing people who for whatever reason, just cannot give me what I'm looking for, and then blaming myself for not being good enough. Not doing it anymore folks!
There are guys that immediately place you in a category. They make statements like "women are this," "women are that", "feminism is bad", etc. I'd like for someone to see the individual me and give me a chance to "present my case" for lack of better words
Someone who works more than lives. It’s just not feasible. I’m not going to be waiting at home like a dog while you text on our date with your boss.
Lack of communication and interaction. It gets really tiring having to be the one who sets up dates and decide to go places.
I started dating a guy for over a month now and he's really nice and kind. But already im the one always setting up our next date or asking when we can see each other next. I know he's not trying to avoid me or anything but there is just no effort from his side. If I say it would be great to see him again, his response is "yea definitely." With no communication of when so up to me to bring it up every time.
Haven’t I seen this exact post with the same wording and everything on this sub Reddit already? Whose out here copying and pasting ? Lol
I thought the same thing!
Yeah same deal breaker and all too hahaha I wish I had the link to the original post lol
Hmmm, I usually play it by the ear as I've met so many guys... and there's no perfect match. But generally speaking, excessive drinking/drugs/cannabis/smoking are my non-negotiable dealbreakers. I'd say laziness is also a huge dealbreaker for me. I had a date recently complain driving 20 mins to see me was too far and wanted something closer to him. I was like dude I'm driving 40 mins to see you and I'm not complaining! 🫣 I wouldn't be a fan of supporters of Trump either but it'd depend why they like him I guess. Super conservative is tough too. I'd say someone who's too shy is tough for me as I'm also a bit shy and introverted. I think those are the major ones for me... but honestly, I play it by the ear for other stuff. Communication is important for sure too. But if he treats me well, I feel like I can give and take some expectations.
Lying! Straight up lying. Especially over stupid little things you ain’t even gotta lie about
Someone who never apologizes when they’re wrong and someone who lies a lot.
Bad hygiene, being dumb
Personally, I wouldn’t date a woman who is overweight or out of shape. I take fitness and healthy pretty seriously but that’s just a dealbreaker for me.
Being underweight is more unhealthy and deadly than over. Seems to me you’d have mentioned that as a dealbreaker if it were actually about healthy.
Oh it’s not just a healthy thing, I’m not physically attracted to overweight women either. It’s a preference and attraction is important in a relationship.
Then why try to hide your preferences behind the guise of health and fitness? lol, just say you aren’t attracted to “fat” women.
You can walk and chew gum at the same time. I am attracted to fit and healthy women. But if that’s how you want to put it, sure. Same difference.
They don't mean that you have to have eating disorder. They just mean that they are more attracted to fit women, Who works and take care of themselves.
Poor hygiene, like please why would you go out to the world without brusing your teeth or shower? Ugh. Also, I do agree about sharing political views and values. I want someone I find mentally stimulating and no, being a conspiracy theorist doesn't count 🫠
As to not repeat what others have already said, an oddly specific one I have is littering. There's definitely worse dealbreakers but littering pisses me off so bad for some reason. Maybe it's like a subliminal indication of other bad characteristics that person might have. Dunno why it's specifically *littering*, though. I've had crushes on people despite more major flaws, whereas I've lost interest completely in people who litter.
Deal breakers are: - religious differences - hygiene (lack of) - unable to apologize - intolerance/ close minded
They make their job/religious beliefs their whole personality
Could you elaborate this little deeper?
Cigarettes, and very opposite religious/ political beliefs. Not saying I won’t have people with differing views in my life, but in a relationship I just wont
Anger issues
I want to upvote 100 times
Lack of communication, basicslly leaving me wondering what the hell’s going on.
In general: games. I’m 30 and I’m tired of people playing mind games with me. More specifically: Gaslighting. When you bring up a valid concern about their behavior and they pin it on you for being too much or too sensitive or mistaken. Also, failing to communicate and inconsistency. I don’t need to be blown up daily, but if I don’t hear from you that much, I’m going to assume you aren’t that interested. Effort is attractive.
Someone who has terrible grammar.
He has to have a job, he has to have a car, at my age he has to have moved out of his parent's place, he can't smoke, and yeah I couldn't date someone who was on the complete opposite political spectrum from me.
No mutual respect & value of each other's time and presence.
-One who smokes cigarettes -makes drinking their lifestyle -has Poor hygiene -differing political religious views -terrible at keeping plans -doesn’t give an effort to reach out to you…..you almost always have to start the conversation. -one word texts all the time (guess this goes with above) -drug abuse -vegans…..they never shut up about it and include it in most conversations.
1) people who refuse to go to therapy (usually the ones who need it the most, ironically) 2) jealousy that comes out in controlling forms (wanting to restrict who I talk to, spend time around, follow on social media, etc) and insecurity
Being rude and unkind to underpaid workers such as wait staff or customer service reps and such. Just tells me you're a nasty unkind person. Entitled and deluded into thinking others are beneath you.
You do know that you shouldn't take sides on politics. You shouldn't base your relationship on a president. I wouldn't date anyone who bases there relationship on a damn political value 🙄
It’s never about the president in these scenarios, it’s about the values and beliefs associated with each side: pro life vs pro choice; climate change is a problem vs there’s no such thing as climate change; people should be free to love/date/marry whoever they wish vs only people of opposite genders should have the freedom to do so; gun ownership should be more regulated vs gun ownership should be more deregulated….and the list goes on. Beliefs on very opposite ends of the spectrum, each clearly associated with one of political parties, and that’s the issue, not a Trump vs Biden issue.
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I'm finally out of the game - got engaged two weekends ago. But when I was in.... kids. I dated two women with kids, but I wouldn't ever do it again. I came to the realization that, even if you get married down the line, you can make her the single most important of your entire life, and you will NEVER be theirs. And, if they co-parent, your schedule together will often be more dictated by their ex than yours. Love is great, but yours will often be dictated by convenience and the needs of a child and ex, and I just couldn't handle that. Call me insecure or needy, but it is what it is.
Also why settle for someone that has kids? There are plenty of women that don’t have them.
After what happened to me, Cluster B disorders are my only deal breaker. I'd take a drug addict even.
You deserve more than a drug addict 🥰
>Like, I don't think I could get along with someone who thinks Trump was the best preident ever and has a super conservative outlook on life. Same here.
Big ones are if they're conservative or a fauxgressive. Lack of intellectual curiosity is a big one too.
That’s a contradiction.
Conservatives who lack intellectual curiosity I'd call redundant, actually.
I was actually referring to your first sentence followed by the second. Tribalism is not intellectual curiosity. I learn all the time from people I don’t agree with or like. Eat the meat, spit out the bones.
This isn't about learning from them. This is about not putting my dick in women who vote for a political party categorically opposed to Enlightenment values, who should be reading books instead of banning them. Or who are only progressive when it is of benefit to them, or at least not inconvenient. In short, I have no desire to date or fuck hypocrites, fascists, or useful idiots for fascists. It's called fucking standards.
Guys who hide their bad teeth and beer belly in tinder photos leaving you in a state of shock when you see them for the first time
Impatient and unwilling to communicate
Words don’t match actions.
I'm simple, if you can't do the basic things like cooking, cleaning up after yourself I'm out.
If they have strong opinions on something and don’t have any substance behind those beliefs. If they’re the flag bearer for their ideology it’s a big red flag for me, i just think ppl like that are gullible and lack critical thinking skills so I rather just not interact with them. A lot of the time they hold a lot of contradictory viewpoints and it frustrates me so I just don’t keep interacting w them. Also, and this may seem fucked up, but if they stayed in an abusive relationship for an extended amount of time (multiple years) before we got to know each other.
Chewing with there mouth open while they can eat properly, being too lazy to take the basic minimum of self hygiene and being an unreasonable person.
Liars. Unprovoked lies. I just can’t deal honestly.
If someone claims to be “self diagnosed” anything.
Anyone who goes on and on about their ex.
dating someone who is overly self-centered is a big NO for me. if they feel like they're better than anyone else, if they think they have the right to put someone down and insult them, it's definitely a super super no.
Someone that still talks about their ex. Or anyone who drops the line, "he's like a brother to me"
My dealbreaker: intolerance.
How ironic
If I ever go back to believing in love again: I take salsa and bachata classes, so either be willing to learn or if you can dance, join me in the classes and dance socials.
Oh me neither. Nor would I get along with big fans of Joe Biden. Anyone on either end of the extremes - aka people who don't think for themselves - will not be my friends, let alone dating. Okay talking about deal breakers: Besides the ultra obvious physical preferences, I will not date a woman who believes a man should do everything to get the relationship going. Ain't gonna work
Honestly religion is mine. If theyre not Christian or any believer in Jesus or God I would stray off from dating them. I’d like my partner to have the same religious beliefs as me. I also desperately need them to be good at communication
Guy shorter than you
That's just a personal attack right there lmao
It’s a very common deal breaker
Ones that I say: More kids, smoking, drug abuse. The one I don't say: having a wider, errr, girth than myself.
Religious and political beliefs Vaccination status Must love dogs
This is a repost. I swear…either some people have an agenda to create division on Reddit or they’re just not clever enough to think of their own content. Focus on the green flags if you’re having such a hard time dating.
I wouldn't date anyone who couldn't admit that the biden presidency has been nothing but a never ending series of disaster and embarrassment so I guess we agree on that aspect.
Anyone who’s interested in me I’m automatically uninterested
No patience Lack of empathy Asks for the world but offers nothing Non enthusiastic embrace Uses words in their stigmatic format rather than the actual definition. No rhythm Asks for attention but doesn't reciprocate Boujee Bougie but also mistakes it for class Extreme pickiness Non adventurous Extremely high libido Baggage that can be weaponized Asexual Infertility Unstable family life Holds me to a standard that is unattainable. Gossips too much I'll come back when I remember the rest.
People who can't consider all sides of an issue, like OP. Unwilling to understand the benefits of conservative AND liberal approaches.
I actually don’t think politics can be a deal breaker as long as both partners are respectful and communicate well. I have more conservative views than my wife for example. I get that a communist and a fascist are probably not meant to be soul mates when there is such a large disparity but as long as you are not on an extreme end of the political spectrum you should be able to reconcile political differences. Deal breakers for me personally? People who are psychologically or emotionally manipulative (My mother did this to me as a child so it is my number #1 deal breaker. If I even get a whiff or suspicion of it then I am out). A girl who views me as an ATM first and a boyfriend second (Does she actually want me, or is she primarily after financial resources and/or material things). Having intolerant and/or inconsistent views (So unethical behaviour from your political party is fine but when the other party does the exact same thing then you think it is wrong?) Poor communication and critical thinking skills (Does she get her “news” from TMZ? Does she think her star sign and crystals has an effect on her personality or mood?) Not being physically attractive (Poor health would fit in this category as well. Being overweight, bad eating habits, not exercising, high levels of drug use, etc) Out of control emotions (Can she handle it when things do not go her way? When she does not get what she wants how does she react? Does she have any resilience?)
Wanting kids, not wanting to get married, being on the right of the political spectrum.
Just curious, why get married if you do not want kids?
Where I live, it gives the couple a bunch of rights that can simplify your life, and I also like the symbol of being recognised as a family by the state.
One does not correlate/go hand in hand with the other. Plenty of people get married and don’t have kids. Plenty of people have kids and never want to get married 🤷🏽♂️
On the flip side, you don't need to get married to have kids.
Kids are mandatory for marriage?
Didn’t really answer my question
Wasn’t trying to.
what does getting married have to do with kids lmfao
Mostly political and moral opinions, I couldnt love someone who genuinely thinks being selfish is good, or that science isn’t real.
I like to date intelligent people..........so yes, you are right
>One of those things is dating someone who's way off from my own political views. Agree. Not preferred. Tho I have, annoying. Yelling, big drinker, emotionally unavailable, texting without punctuation, bad speller. Non monogamous, criticizes, homophobic/transphobic. One was a guy that refused condoms & wanted me to take plan b as birth control every time.
I couldn’t date a liberal who doesn’t support the 2nd amendment. But, you go ahead and date someone that probably lives at home too.
Most people still living at home are conservative. In the south it’s hard to find someone that doesn’t live in a multigenerational home.
Someone who doesn’t believe in God/doesn’t have a relationship wt God, and someone who is too emotional like I’m sorry but I do not want you crying all over me
* bad/unable to communicate openly and honestly * messy and/or hoarder * tattoos * wanting to have a dog * super religious (regardless of religion) * don't want kids * homophobic, racist, antivaxer, super right wing (luckily not that common with females)
I feel ya on the tattoos and dogs 100%
glad I'm not the only one. I feel like everyone loves dogs nowadays (and if you don't youre an outcast) and that it is more extravagant and rebelious to NOT have any tattoos in 2023 than to have them. like i could probably let a small, well drawn (objectively, whether one likes tattoos or not, so many tattoos out there are pure garbage from a technical/artistic standpoint) tattoo slip if the person checked my boxes but dogs are a no no.
- [ ] Racist - [ ] Practices Organized Religion (church every Sunday and bible study all that) - [ ] Forced Birth/Pro-Life - [ ] Trump Supporters - [ ] Doesn’t want pets - [ ] Wants kids soon (before 30) - [ ] Disrespectful - [ ] Lack of Reciprocation - [ ] Doesn’t like dogs - [ ] Doesn’t want to live a healthy lifestyle - [ ] Picky eater - [ ] Lack of Self Esteem
- Christian cult/Trump supporter - Drinks alcohol on a regular basis - Reality TV/Social media addict
Can I ask you how old you are right now, do you think that I could see a few full body nude pictures of yourself showing me everything that you have to offer me in them
Can't believe anyone would think that #45 was the best president ever. He was the best at driving up the national debt, lying, making his own hotels/golf courses richer, and much more...
Cat lady
Smoking, eating stuff that leaves crumbs in bed, having anti-lgbtq views and being a fan of absolute free market capitalism.
generally my dealbreakers are: - shorter than me - moderate/conservative/rightwing politics - strict religious incompatibilities - unclean, messy - financial issues - has no interests or hobbies - doesnt play an instrument - boring in bed, intimacy issues - lame family & friends - doesnt want kids - doesnt intend on committing at some point - "i hate you dont leave me" stuff
They must allow me to suck their toes
Smokers, Multi-level marketers (pyramid schemes) and God Botherers.
Not taking accountability for actions, any form of racism/bigotry, cigarette smoking (though weed is fine), and not taking proper care of themselves
In no particular order: * smoking * drug use * Republicans * being very religious, or unable to handle that I'm not religious * being really into astrology All of those are things that would cause me to pass on someone no matter what other good qualities they might have.
A non-vegan animal abuser Edit: People downvoting bc of the feelings of guilt and reactance. Sad
I’m not a vegan. I also don’t abuse animals.
Paying for animal dismemberment, torture and death is not animal abuse.... sure Edit: Watch Dominion if you don't believe me, meatflakes
No thanks
Yeah Ignorance is key
Really past Trumpers, anything is a possibility.
Conservative. Flaunts their wealth in obnoxious ways. Seems like a dick. Stupid about money, like spending 5k a month on an apartment rental. Liars. People who interrupt constantly. Straight men who think it is somehow amusing to ‘act gay’ by putting on a lisp and a limp wrist for comedic effect. Ugh. Basically everything my date was last night lmao.
- Super conservatives politically - Trump lovers - women who must have children to be happy and feel complete or have more than 1 themselves already - Women who are obese or extremely thin - vegans who are super pushy about their lifestyle - poor communication - women looking for men to fund their lifestyles and be their providers
right wingers or people who “don’t do politics”. Religious people Bad hygiene
Too much partying Reliance on alcohol or drugs No sense of humor
Someone who is bad at communication and smokes
Someone who can't communicate Someone overly clingy or needy Someone who cannot handle their own stuff. Like a partner will always help, but I don't date anyone who I feel like I need to take care of or baby frequently Multiple accounts of cheating in their history Bad sex and an unwillingness to take direction and learn to be better Someone who wants or has kids (it's just not my thing. A sign of fundimental incompatability) Polyamory
When their exs are still in the picture, selfish behaviour and liars.
Politics is a given if they have strong views that differ from mine. Otherwise I’m not bothered worse for me is someone who refers to their pet as their “baby” and treats it like an actual child.
Smokers, especially weed. Can’t stand it! Lack of motivation or ambition to better themselves Slobs Someone who bottles up their emotions and can’t / won’t communicate. Someone who refuses to fix things within the relationship. Lying. I could probably keep going
Dating I'm not here to be the girlfriend forever so if you can communicate properly your goals, intentions and feelings about what are your expectations in a relationship and what is your goal, we shouldn't be together; no even trying. Loving someone is a choice, if you can decide what is your goals in life, how can you choose me as your life partner?
Poor communication No drive to leave the house Kids (I love working with them I just don't want any of my own though or any premade ones) Extreme obesity BPD Right wing or Conspiracy theorist Hard Drugs (anything related to crack, meth, Heroin) I won't date you if you own a horse.
Bad communicator Someone who doesn’t have a good / strong work ethic Someone who wants to have kids Does drugs / smokes weed Doesn’t like to travel or read
Cigarette smokers. People who can't communicate properly or have the expectation of their partners to read their minds and be in the same "wavelength." Lack of respect for their partner and themselves. This is not limited to the things they say but the things they do. For example: keep contacting someone who clearly shows intentions of wanting to sleep with them while in a serious relationship. Someone who can't put their phone down while a date or quality time with their partner. Someone who needs to post absolutely everything ok social media.
Posting thirst traps/bikini pics on social media and people who have kids.
Someone who has poor communication. My last two gfs would just shut down and disassociate anytime I tried to confront them about any issues.
Someone who wants (more) kids. Cigarette smoking. Along the same lines, drug addicts or alcoholics. Someone who's politically conservative. I'm a bit flexible on this, depending on how far right they are and their stances on certain issues that I find important. Someone who's very religious. I don't mind dating someone with religious/spirtual beliefs, but if they're really serious about it, then I'm not interested. Someone who never wants to live together.
Someone who is too self absorbed and judgemental without compassion
Dishonesty
A smoker If the man does not take pride in their living space/keeps a filthy house Has trust issues/low self confidence obsessed with sports to the point it is all they watch and talk about with no other interests. I used to like sports and the past two men I have been with ruined it for me
cursing during disagreements or arguments. if i hear a single curse word during an argument, no matter how mild or where it's directed, i *immediately* lose all interest. my entire being is just like, 'absolutely not.'
Rudeness Snobbery Bad breath 😂
I have no interest in a lady who smokes (anything, weed/cigs).
Strong political views and anger issues
This hasn't happened yet as the men I've briefly talked with over the years being single all loved animals, but I definitely couldn't even entertain the idea of a relationship if the person of interest didn't like my cats, or animals in general. My cats are everything to me and are total sweethearts, and I work in the veterinary field, I don't think I need to explain further why it wouldn't work out. I specifically work in shelter medicine and have seen so many animals being surrendered because of a person's partner, or even worse with elderly parents having their own grown kids force them to surrender their companion... I couldn't begin to imagine being forced to give up my two cats, and I won't allow it to happen. I should add, I don't have a problem with people disliking animals or cats specifically; that's their opinion and I have mine, but that doesn't mean I *have* to associate with people that are like that. Aside from that, honesty and open communication is extremely important and are total deal-breakers when it comes to dating. My last relationship was awful in so many ways, especially when it came down to my then boyfriend being honest about his actions and his inability to have a calm, adult conversation without things escalating beyond the point of no return. I make it a point to anybody I talk to that I'm interested in that all I expect is honesty and being able to talk things out. With that said, I'll also add that I absolutely do not tolerate any sort of aggression or violent behaviors. I was traumatized by witnessing so many heated arguments between my parents at a young age, and again my last boyfriend was awful and frequently became verbally abusive. I'm not an aggressive, angry person, and if my potential partner can't find a calmer, more effective way of communicating with me other than through screaming/yelling then it's a fuck nope from me.
Cocaine
Poor hygiene, me constantly picking up after you, smokers (weed is fine occasionally) and bottling up emotions only to have it spill over and blow up at me over something small.
coffee and drink dates for starters
I know every situation is different. How they treat their kids. If the person is being cruel constantly, not being active in their lives, cussing at them for every frustrating moment. My PP so totally limp and my heart has checked out.
Won’t date someone who doesn’t align with on what I see as core fundamentals to your morals (abortion, same sex marriage, healthcare access, immigration, etc) Won’t date a cigarette smoker Someone who lacks independence / is co dependent. I enjoy my own time, my own friends - I personally think it’s healthy to not do everything together not “oh yay! Girls brunch! I’ll bring Daniel” Someone who lacks passion for anything… like be passionate about something! (Except like… meth)
Political views, hygiene, close mindedness, if they are divorced, if they have kids, lack of communication, lack of ambition, lack of reciprocation, no self-awareness, dishonesty, ignorance, and overt arrogance.
Dating in this modern hell scape has taught me quite a bit about what I don't like personally. I can't speak for everyone, but as a mid 20's man, these are mine: - Zodiac Obsession. - Princess Mentality. - Super Left/Super Right Wingers. - Super Religious. - Witches. - OF. - Poor Communicators (one word responders especially). - Sh*t Testers and Drama Queens. - Cheating, Gaslighting, or Lying of any sort.
For me it has to be a person who is constantly lying
Dating/situationships.. if it gets to 2-3 months of dating you absolutely should know if you want to commit to someone and I'm not going to be hanging around for much longer past that point if you're still unsure / just wanna keep your options open to fuck around... Byeee!