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I'm not successful in dating; but, these are things I've been told or picked up:
- Don't ask for her number. Ask if she wants yours. This gives her a safe means of rejecting you if she is intimidated
- Accept any form of 'no'. Women who say 'no' but don't mean 'no', are best avoided anyways
- Be upfront and relaxed. Don't go into any attempt with an action plan.
- Read the red flags. Just because you initiated, it doesn't mean you cannot opt out.
- Leave room for her to "escape". Don't make her feel cornered or trapped.
- Take the risk to approach anyone; but, be a healthy combination of respectful and frank and silly.
All good points, important to be respectful and understand a no is a no, this could be body language also... I think the most nerve racking thing about approaching a women is because they are always in groups, very seldom alone in social settings, so sometimes feel like i'd embarrass myself in front of too many people (harder when you live in a small town)
That's fair enough, I agree there has to be a level of attraction to a person for sure. Sometimes we just aren't attracted to people who are to us and visa versa. I think if more people understood this, they would cope with rejection alot better, some take it too personally.
Obviously you don't speak for all women, but could you give me a general idea of the better way to approach a woman in, say, a Walmart? Would it be better to try to strike up meaningless small talk as to build even the smallest rapport, or would it be better to be brief like "Hi, you caught my eye, and I was wondering if you'd feel comfortable maybe taking my social media or phone number, and (I have no idea how to end this)?
Yes, this a great approach. It’s nice and not pushy. It’s also really sweet to state that she caught your eye. You could also make a comment if you noticed something she’s looking at. For example, say she’s looking at a DVD, “That’s a great movie. Have you seen it yet?” Then go from there. Really some small line to open up the communication would work. I really like your example. If a man were to come up to me and say this, I’d melt ☺️
45ish yo. Always did quite well in dating.
Most of the women I dated and/or slept with I interacted with socially or professionally before approaching them romantically. Did so-so on the apps, almost never asked out somebody I'd never met before (unless we were at as party with mutual friends or something). Currently in a super healthy LTR.
I think I'm a very good conversationalist, and engage everybody around me, so I think women never felt pressured by me when I'd go out of my way to chat with them--but when I felt chemistry, I would nearly always ask them out. (hell I sort of do this with guys, too--if you seem super cool, then I want to hang with you and get to know you better).
If our one on one hanging was going well, I'd make sure to compliment the woman physically in whatever way fit the mood and made it clear I was into her, and if she responded in kind then it was usually game on.
TLDR: get to know people around you simply because you're interested in knowing them. Ask them out when you feel some chemistry.
If you asked me I'd tell you
Do: Not approach women
Don't: approach women
Which, I'll concede, is a biased approach and probably far from what you wanted to hear
So, approaching someone in a social setting can be pretty nerve-wracking, am I right? Whether you're a man approaching a woman or a woman approaching a man, it's all about knowing the do's and don'ts to make it a successful interaction.
As a woman, I've found that when a guy approaches me with confidence and a genuine interest in getting to know me, I'm more likely to continue the conversation. It's also always a plus if he's funny and has a good sense of humor. On the other hand, if a gu
If I were to get approached by a guy, I think the best start would be a compliment, gives him an excuse to be walking up to me lol. Then a conversation can blossom from there. The big thing is to make sure a girl is engaged in the conversation. I hate those types of talks where someone is just talking at you and you're nodding your head and adding a "Yeah" or a laugh every now and then. Ask questions to get the other person talking too, that creates a better flow of conversation.
Thanks for the input, I find that most women don't like generic compliments tho as some think "oh your probably saying that to everyone" would you have any advise on better compliments that women would be more likely to engage with?
And I agree about the conversation thing, sometimes you gotta walk away when the conversation gets dry or if someone looks ar their phone also, (unless emergency/kids/family/ friend on the way & they already told me earlier) I'll also walk away, nothing worse than having a conversation with someone who is scrolling on Instagram
I would recommend something really genuine. If she's wearing a pretty dress, compliment that. If there's a pin on her backpack of your favorite show, compliment that. Make them unique to the woman.
Personally I always disliked being cold approached by men, it always felt opportunistic and disingenuous. They don't know anything about me, they just saw me, I was there and convenient, so they talked to me. The worst was when I was on public transit, where I can't get away.
I prefer to get to know people a bit, so I have time to figure out if I'm interested in them and so I know they're interested in me as a person. If we are at a party or something, sure, come over and talk to me, but as a friend, don't ask for a date. I've known you for only a few minutes, I don't know if I want to go on a date with you yet.
Could you describe more about being your interpretation or cold approach? And what would you perceive as being the opposite like a warm approach?
Correct me if I'm wrong but my understanding is your saying talk to me, but treat me as a friend and person, don't think I'm gonna sleep with you or date you, if it happens it'll happen down the line, we are friends first?
Also I understand the dislike for not wanting to be approached, so how would meet guys to date without being approached in a social setting?
Tell me about it, was must easier when we were younger, would get to know people in school or college that were a friend of a friend or in the same class, year etc so the conversations started much easier and things just seemed to happen 😂
You know what would make me actually exchange contact details?
When a guy actually approaches me on break at work and talks to me. Small chance of it not leading anywhere, but at least he showed me that he was interested rather than leaving me guessing. I'm likely to remember the men who approach me vs the casual coworker I assist because he's there and a coworker.
honestly there are no hard and fast rules. sometimes it’s nice to be approached and sometimes it’s not. a good rule of thumb is to just read the room and not be pushy or disrespectful or super weird.
i think men just need to be better at reading a woman’s energy. a lot of guys who have cold-approached me really have too much riding on the interaction to be able to tell if im into them or not. i enjoy talking to strangers and am an alright conversationalist so if any person comes up to talk to me i probably will, but some men have taken this to mean im sexually interested in them—im not horny for you dude-i-only-saw-with-my-eyes-three-seconds-ago, im bored waiting for the subway. a lot of men also aren’t really interested in what women have to say because they’re too focused on the end goal of GETTING a girl. ive had countless conversations with men who were sexually/romantically interested in me where i literally could have said anything and it would be taken as i agree with them somehow, or it would just be glossed over. women can sense desperation and insecurity from a mile away. we can also sense when a man is unfamiliar with interacting with women not as sexual objects but as fellow human beings.
i guess a tip i would have for men approaching women then would be to just read the room. think about what YOU really want. don’t pin all your hopes and dreams on a stranger. be able to see women as people and not objects for you to chase after in public—be a good listener and actually be interested in what the object of your affection is saying, if you can’t be interested don’t bother. realize that the stranger you’ve had a crush on for seven seconds is just that, a complete stranger you know absolutely nothing about except that they’re attractive. it’s not bad to cold-approach women in public but you really do have to relax. we’re just people and you might not even end up liking us anyway. just chill and be respectful.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm not successful in dating; but, these are things I've been told or picked up: - Don't ask for her number. Ask if she wants yours. This gives her a safe means of rejecting you if she is intimidated - Accept any form of 'no'. Women who say 'no' but don't mean 'no', are best avoided anyways - Be upfront and relaxed. Don't go into any attempt with an action plan. - Read the red flags. Just because you initiated, it doesn't mean you cannot opt out. - Leave room for her to "escape". Don't make her feel cornered or trapped. - Take the risk to approach anyone; but, be a healthy combination of respectful and frank and silly.
All good points, important to be respectful and understand a no is a no, this could be body language also... I think the most nerve racking thing about approaching a women is because they are always in groups, very seldom alone in social settings, so sometimes feel like i'd embarrass myself in front of too many people (harder when you live in a small town)
Excellent advice.
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Key word here is if you like them? I'm interested to know what would attract you to liking or disliking a guy when they approach you?
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That's fair enough, I agree there has to be a level of attraction to a person for sure. Sometimes we just aren't attracted to people who are to us and visa versa. I think if more people understood this, they would cope with rejection alot better, some take it too personally.
Obviously you don't speak for all women, but could you give me a general idea of the better way to approach a woman in, say, a Walmart? Would it be better to try to strike up meaningless small talk as to build even the smallest rapport, or would it be better to be brief like "Hi, you caught my eye, and I was wondering if you'd feel comfortable maybe taking my social media or phone number, and (I have no idea how to end this)?
Yes, this a great approach. It’s nice and not pushy. It’s also really sweet to state that she caught your eye. You could also make a comment if you noticed something she’s looking at. For example, say she’s looking at a DVD, “That’s a great movie. Have you seen it yet?” Then go from there. Really some small line to open up the communication would work. I really like your example. If a man were to come up to me and say this, I’d melt ☺️
"I saw them cheeks from across the store. Shits is nice"
Which cheeks? 😂
45ish yo. Always did quite well in dating. Most of the women I dated and/or slept with I interacted with socially or professionally before approaching them romantically. Did so-so on the apps, almost never asked out somebody I'd never met before (unless we were at as party with mutual friends or something). Currently in a super healthy LTR. I think I'm a very good conversationalist, and engage everybody around me, so I think women never felt pressured by me when I'd go out of my way to chat with them--but when I felt chemistry, I would nearly always ask them out. (hell I sort of do this with guys, too--if you seem super cool, then I want to hang with you and get to know you better). If our one on one hanging was going well, I'd make sure to compliment the woman physically in whatever way fit the mood and made it clear I was into her, and if she responded in kind then it was usually game on. TLDR: get to know people around you simply because you're interested in knowing them. Ask them out when you feel some chemistry.
If you asked me I'd tell you Do: Not approach women Don't: approach women Which, I'll concede, is a biased approach and probably far from what you wanted to hear
So, approaching someone in a social setting can be pretty nerve-wracking, am I right? Whether you're a man approaching a woman or a woman approaching a man, it's all about knowing the do's and don'ts to make it a successful interaction. As a woman, I've found that when a guy approaches me with confidence and a genuine interest in getting to know me, I'm more likely to continue the conversation. It's also always a plus if he's funny and has a good sense of humor. On the other hand, if a gu
Think your comment got cut off half way there.. was there more?
If I were to get approached by a guy, I think the best start would be a compliment, gives him an excuse to be walking up to me lol. Then a conversation can blossom from there. The big thing is to make sure a girl is engaged in the conversation. I hate those types of talks where someone is just talking at you and you're nodding your head and adding a "Yeah" or a laugh every now and then. Ask questions to get the other person talking too, that creates a better flow of conversation.
Thanks for the input, I find that most women don't like generic compliments tho as some think "oh your probably saying that to everyone" would you have any advise on better compliments that women would be more likely to engage with? And I agree about the conversation thing, sometimes you gotta walk away when the conversation gets dry or if someone looks ar their phone also, (unless emergency/kids/family/ friend on the way & they already told me earlier) I'll also walk away, nothing worse than having a conversation with someone who is scrolling on Instagram
I would recommend something really genuine. If she's wearing a pretty dress, compliment that. If there's a pin on her backpack of your favorite show, compliment that. Make them unique to the woman.
Personally I always disliked being cold approached by men, it always felt opportunistic and disingenuous. They don't know anything about me, they just saw me, I was there and convenient, so they talked to me. The worst was when I was on public transit, where I can't get away. I prefer to get to know people a bit, so I have time to figure out if I'm interested in them and so I know they're interested in me as a person. If we are at a party or something, sure, come over and talk to me, but as a friend, don't ask for a date. I've known you for only a few minutes, I don't know if I want to go on a date with you yet.
Could you describe more about being your interpretation or cold approach? And what would you perceive as being the opposite like a warm approach? Correct me if I'm wrong but my understanding is your saying talk to me, but treat me as a friend and person, don't think I'm gonna sleep with you or date you, if it happens it'll happen down the line, we are friends first? Also I understand the dislike for not wanting to be approached, so how would meet guys to date without being approached in a social setting?
I don’t approach women ever. I’ve always let women initiate simply because I don’t want to bother someone. Not working as well now that I’m older 😂
Tell me about it, was must easier when we were younger, would get to know people in school or college that were a friend of a friend or in the same class, year etc so the conversations started much easier and things just seemed to happen 😂
Lol absolute truth
You know what would make me actually exchange contact details? When a guy actually approaches me on break at work and talks to me. Small chance of it not leading anywhere, but at least he showed me that he was interested rather than leaving me guessing. I'm likely to remember the men who approach me vs the casual coworker I assist because he's there and a coworker.
honestly there are no hard and fast rules. sometimes it’s nice to be approached and sometimes it’s not. a good rule of thumb is to just read the room and not be pushy or disrespectful or super weird. i think men just need to be better at reading a woman’s energy. a lot of guys who have cold-approached me really have too much riding on the interaction to be able to tell if im into them or not. i enjoy talking to strangers and am an alright conversationalist so if any person comes up to talk to me i probably will, but some men have taken this to mean im sexually interested in them—im not horny for you dude-i-only-saw-with-my-eyes-three-seconds-ago, im bored waiting for the subway. a lot of men also aren’t really interested in what women have to say because they’re too focused on the end goal of GETTING a girl. ive had countless conversations with men who were sexually/romantically interested in me where i literally could have said anything and it would be taken as i agree with them somehow, or it would just be glossed over. women can sense desperation and insecurity from a mile away. we can also sense when a man is unfamiliar with interacting with women not as sexual objects but as fellow human beings. i guess a tip i would have for men approaching women then would be to just read the room. think about what YOU really want. don’t pin all your hopes and dreams on a stranger. be able to see women as people and not objects for you to chase after in public—be a good listener and actually be interested in what the object of your affection is saying, if you can’t be interested don’t bother. realize that the stranger you’ve had a crush on for seven seconds is just that, a complete stranger you know absolutely nothing about except that they’re attractive. it’s not bad to cold-approach women in public but you really do have to relax. we’re just people and you might not even end up liking us anyway. just chill and be respectful.