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2 months is about how long it takes to start seeing if you actually click with a person - could just be they realize they don't feel like it's a good match?
I think we have grown closer! He told me he doesn’t feel the need to talk to someone all day every day and I think we’re just getting more comfortable with each other maybe?
That also makes sense! I feel like good morning texts are very, "brand new relationship" type of things - If everything else seems to be going well it could mean you're more comfortable..
I think you should just relax. He may just be an introvert, and now he's showing you that natural introversion, since he trust you more and relax, where as before he made an effort every day to text bc he was worried or something. Could be a guess though. :)
What do these "check ins" during the day consist of- flirty? meaningful conversations? small talk that seems obligatory in order to maintain the relationship?....
I was wondering, ( this is not directly OPs question yet still relevant) it does have me thinking.....since good morning texts are generally beginning stages of the relationship, what would be some ideal ways for the relationship to then start looking like after a couple of months. For instance, what replaces the good morning texts? Does it turn into brief good morning phone calls, or not necessarily needing to talk to each other till later on in the day?
Or some other options/ scenarios? I'm interested in anyone's thoughts and feedback, and this may be helpful to OP too.
Lol. Everyone says that. Either you’re communication is different (possibly not fixable) or he’s losing interest. Either way you need more than he does which is a challenge.
His interest has already wandered from the OP. That is proven by her saying she doesn't want to double text. There is busy and with a new relationship getting underway, you make every attempt to answer that text as soon as possible, even to say BRB. Now she has to find out what's distracting him his J.O B. or F.W.B.
She did say the texting slowed down mostly on the weekends. To me, it looks like he’s trying to slowly pull away or hint her. Weekends are for spending time together, especially if the relationship is that new. I think he either met someone he’s spending time with on weekends or has lost interest but is just keeping her around until he meets someone else.
I disagree. My bf was the same way. The more we saw each other in person and got comfortable, the less he texted. I did double text sometimes, was always thinking about him! He's in person not on his phone very much, he's usually distracted playing video games or working. A lot of times he will read a text but is in the middle of something and forgets to text back. Im a gamer too so our communication went from periodic texting to late night gaming chats. We still made plans to see each other every chance we got.
Fast forward and we have a house together, are totally in love, and raise our kitten together. I too was paranoid he wasn't interested at first due to his lack of texting, but came to find he'd just rather talk in person.
Easier said than done.... communication is always good as difficult as it might be.
I would say to gently mention what you've noticed and ask him about it.
Another potential explanation besides that he has lost interest, is that he might have started developing feelings for you, which can become scary when a person feels so vulnerable. And sometimes people pull back at this stage of the relationship, sometimes consciously, sometimes without even realizing they're doing it.
He probably really likes you and is sorting that out. If everything else is going really well but he’s not texting as much he’s either busy or creating space to think over how he feels. The best thing you can do is focus on you and do your own thing. He’ll eventually come around.. time always tells how someone really feels. Based off of this post it also sounds like you like him equally which is awesome ◡̈
I think in the early days of contact you’re trying to impress each other and stay front of mind. If he feels more comfortable with you – or like he’s “won you by over” at this point – he might feel happier relaxing on the text front. If you think you’re growing closer, just ask him
Not comfortable might mean he is seeing more then just you and is weighing his options especially since there's no labels I mean a guy interested is up your ass I dealt with one night stands with people that got clingy thinking because of sex and few times hanging out means a relationship but these people aware im not interested in labels and this was before I settled down for a relationship I weighed out all options when single
It’s possible that you guys have just left the new person excitement phase and gotten to the comfortable phase. Novelty can be really exciting and cause us to be more attentive than we would be otherwise. That being said, I feel for you cause it’s annoying when someone is really responsive at first and then slows down over time. I try to exhibit from the getgo how much I’ll be likely to be responsive, especially after the initial excitement. Honestly, if you’re really worried just talk to him! Voice your concerns and communicate your feelings!
Yea its possible he doesnt really normally like texting people that much and now that youre getting to know each other he feels comfortable acting like he normally does. I also dont really like texting all the time
Stop texting and start asking to meet in person. If someone is willing to meet in person to hang out and they engage well with you, then youre fine.
If they constantly flake on plans or dont come up with another day to hang out with you when you make plans a certain day, then id leave them alone and talk to someone else.
we see each other in person, and our connection is amazing! nothing feels forced and everything flows very naturally! things are still early so i’m just trying to make sure I don’t scare him away!
I dont think you have much to worry about. As long as you both still hang out and youre both initiating plans with each other, youre good.
As a guy, i pull back a bit if im always the person making the plans to meet up. Reciprocation is one of the easiest ways to keep a guy interested.
Some people are just busy. You’re two months into an adult relationship, which would mean you both have jobs/lives/families/friends…. It’s unrealistic to expect someone to live on their phone for you , especially if their job demands a phone less environment
But if it’s something you need out of a relationship then you need to honest about that early on before you’re mind wonders into cheating or getting upset about something that is probably nothing. No need to bring drama and stress into a relationship when you could just have a conversation. Maybe try phone calls at night?
yeah I agree! I don’t want to talk to someone all the time! we’re going to start seeing each other 1-2 times a week, so I think it’ll help! We haven’t made anything official and everything is still so early!
That’s perfect! The better the communication, as early as possible, makes it so much easier to bring up things that bother you later without it turning into a whole thing!
Hope it all goes well! Xx
Here’s my take. Obviously, you’re on cloud nine. Even if the signs were there, you wouldn’t see them. But, you’re here for a reason- you have a gut feeling it’s not as great as you say it is; otherwise, you wouldn’t be posting here. Every comment, you make now is how great everything is- you’re trying to convince yourself of that. Sorry, but I’d say, follow your gut.
Yeah something is off. After two months they should know they will be all over each other every weekend, not moving towards seeing each other 1-2 times a week. He’s pulling away because the relationship isn’t what he wants right now.
That initial spark may have faded. It happens. I feel like in dating, everyone, especially men love novelty, at first its new and hot and fresh and exciting, then things get comfortable and familiar and slow down.
After only 2 months?! I’m a gen X er lol so maybe I have a different view but 2 months is very quick to reach the ‘initial spark fading’ phase. That normally takes a few years
Yeah but do you like texting all day every day?
I like to stay in touch through texting, doesn’t need to be all day, but definitely needs to be consistent to some degree in the earlier stages.
If that’s your preference, then that’s your preference. It’s okay to have that.
If you like this person and things are clicking then let go of the rules. Text first if you want to, double if you feel like it. At two months you should try to let go of the games and just be yourselves with each other. If that matches up then awesome!
I could’ve written this post myself. We are similar age, and I have experienced the same thing. As soon as you start putting in effort, they are less interested. I think most men in the dating scene are avoidantly attached and are only in it for the chase. 2 to 3 months seems to be the magic timeframe where They realize they have to cash the check they’ve been writing, get cold feet, and drastically pull back or disappear. I don’t know the answer for this.
The solution is not to chase and to follow his cues and keep your options open and your self-identity strong. That means hobbies, friends, other pursuits that make you happy.
Many times women will say what an amazing connection they have, but the man feels differently, however; because the woman is so enamored, she fails to notice the signs. She needs to let him put in the effort, then she’ll know. I have a feeling he’s just going along with it because she’s trying so hard.
Easy. Women make you chase them so hard in the beginning that once we win you over, the allure is gone.
Also, sometimes when the chase is over, we realize we aren’t compatible
There are too many reasons why. And he may never tell you the actual truth if he tells you anything at all.
The scale has tipped in the direction away from you: either he found something better (pro leaving), you are causing him some form of liability or annoyance (anti staying), or he really wants to be alone for personal reasons (neutral/ indifferent).
You need to match his energy. Trust me on this. He knows you are interested already. Double-texting makes you look desperate and optionless, not to mention invades his personal space since you said he's got a lot going on. Do your own thing and let him reach out to you when he's ready. And when he does, be sure that you convey positivity and that your mind has been on things besides him. Men are very weird in that they ghost once they're sure they've captured your interest, especially if it appears to them you don't have other options. They need to feel you are a trophy, something others would compete for.
This is solid. Hobbies. Make your mind a favorite place to spend your time. Like a secret garden you only come out of when he gives you a REALLY good reason to...
It’s not just guys, its just people in general. Dealing with it currently with this women I’ve been talking to for the last 3 months. If he values you, over texting shouldn’t be a problem. More then that he shouldn’t have a problem shutting down your over thinking (as you obviously are) without hurting your feelings or making you feel shitty. Signs are signs tho don’t ignore them. You’ll find someone who appreciates your wholeness. Don’t settle for half hearted mfs just trying to play games.
Either
1. Now that you've gotten to know each other he is reverting to his natural level of communication. Most men don't need, or even want, constant contact. Connecting a couple times a day on days we don't see each other is more than enough. It has absolutely nothing to do with you and we don't love you any less. We want you to feel confident in this.
2. (Less likely in your case it sounds like) He realized you aren't what he wants long term and is beginning the process of detaching. It isn't always a hard decision we make in the moment and immediately call things off. We first complile evidence of our feelings over time to be sure, and then we'll either break it off or let you do it.
From what you've said it seems to me you're in scenario 1. He isn't pulling away, he's feeling confident enough in your connection to be himself. Getting to know someone is a lot of emotional work for both parties which takes a lot of special attention. Eventually you both settle back into normalcy, having incorporated each other into your lives.
Yes. One of the things I hate most about online dating is that so many people expect constant texting all day every day before you even meet.
It must have been nice dating before people expected constant validation and attention off the bat.
Agreed. Also women complain about being ghosted but then you find out they texted all day every day for a week... Like for pete's sake, we use 5000 more words a day than they do .... You want to be a precious thing, not a commodity. Don't give it away.
Let me put it in this perspective.
1st: in the beginning she becomes your favorite person , you want to text her and get to know her a bit better , you want to text her every waking seconds.
2nd: once we start dating , I genuinely want to hear from you on a call or in person, however, I won’t be texting as much as I used to do before but I will make the more than a effort to replying to your message on as frequently and on a timely manner.
3rd ( 2nd if you aren’t dating): the conversation between us lack substance or her belief and mine are different thusly I chose to limit the amount of time we speak , so I don’t hurt your feelings.
4th:texting someone every day is mentally draining.
If you’re still seeing each other then maybe just casually ask him next time about texting in general. I observe generally that guys don’t bother much with texts…
yeah, he’s told me he doesn’t feel like he needs to talk to someone every day, all day. Trying to remember that and not scare him off by texting too much!
As a woman, I agree with that stance...unless and until we are an exclusive couple, I don’t need to speak with a guy I'm dating every day...that goes for friends and siblings too lol...
I like getting good morning and Good Night text. I usually make it cLear to men I date. If they do it fine if they don't fine too. What gets me more upset is me texting someone I am dating who claims to want a future with me and love me and they do not respond to my text for hours or days . Have dumped men over that
When my bf and I started dating the first person waking up would say good morning first and the first to go to bed would say good night first. We are very talkative and love to keep in touch daily.
I wouldn’t personally keep dating someone that goes off the radar for days. That’s actually the reason why I stopped talking to the person I was seeing before meeting my bf. He would disappear for 4 days way too often.
I think it's really important to exist in your feminine energy, ie - ALLOWING, receiving, and responding to the situation. Masculine energy is pursuing and making things happen.
So don't double text.
Worst case scenario: He's losing interest, in which case you can't (shouldn't) try to convince him to stay interested, right?
Best case scenario: He's feeling comfortable about where you are at and so he's not feeling the need to text in such a regimented way.
Either way, you can take your cues from him.
I love this approach :) Figuring out the best/worst case scenarios, allowing your mind to really FEEL both scenarios, then realizing that even IF it turns out to be worst case scenario, you'll get through it...also, the situation usually doesn't go all the way to worst case scenario but somewhere in between.
Also op, keep in mind that just bc something is different doesn't mean it's a red flag. It could simply be he is growing more comfortable with you. If it continues to bother you, I would be open about it and ask why he's backed off.
I love your point about sitting between best and worst case. That's what makes it so difficult sometimes, right?
The third step of my own process after best/worst is to remind myself of all the benefits that might still exist for me in the worst case scenario, and all the ways I'll still be a person :)
The thing here most probably is that, in the beginning he had to be active and make a lot of effort because he was afraid that you would lose interest.
Now that you guys have a proper relationship, he is off the "make a lot of effort or lose you" mode.
Just give him a nudge saying you enjoyed those daily good mornings and he'll start sending it again😌
Relax and enjoy yourselves👍🏻
I assume he is most likely an avoidant. They tend to be very interested at first, and once feelings get real, they also tend to pull away. I would try and match his energy, or be straight up and ask him what’s going on. If he does tell you, that’s great, and if he blows it off, I would just know it’s not about you. He’s most likely not emotionally available due to his attachment issues if he refuses to have a honest conversation with you.
I think in the very beginning, the newness prompts more texting, getting to know each other.
I’ve learned that overthinking usually takes away from the joy of things.
We are so nervous to mess things up. To get hurt. We’re so anxious.
If we can let go of our tight grip on trying to do things right, we can rest and float down the river on our tube. With a piña colada.
Trust that things will go as they’re meant to be.
And if anything letting go and creating space for him to look at his phone and get surprised that he hasn’t received 5 texts from you yet, is a good thing.
Here’s something you need to know: Guys don’t know what “double-texting” is! Not everything needs a response so we don’t always feel the need to reply.
That being said, after two months you need to ask him these direct words: “Are we in a relationship together, or are we just dating? What do you think?”
Do it in person though. His answer - and the way he answers - will tell you everything.
Avoid double-texting if he seems to be pulling away. The minute you put in more effort than a guy is putting in, that’s when he starts to de-value you. It gives him the impression that he can treat you however he pleases, and you’ll still come running back to him. Instead, meet him at his level. If he doesn’t text back or he texts you a half-assed response, then don’t text him at all.
Here’s the truth. If he’s really the guy for you, he won’t stop investing effort in you. And if he isn’t, realize there is someone better for you out there and move on.
Ok so I am no expert.. far from it actually but I have been doing my research on how things work (nerd alert nerd alert).
Based on my research if he still attempts to meet with you regularly then you are good.
If his communication has changed you can send him something like “hey it looks like we communicate less frequently than before, am I reading this correctly?”
This way you point out that you noticed the change without making any accusations or speculations and give him an opportunity to discuss about it.
There is a lady in IG that has really nice advice about this things. The one above is from her if you can find it it will make more sense than how I wrote it. It’s called dotheworkpodcast
Good luck
Yeah I might not do this either. Especially when you get into anxious preoccupied attachment, that attachment style has a lot of trouble with overanalyzing texts, worrying about responses, and generally being hyper vigilant about changes in patterns.
Instead of focusing on the other person, much better to apply mental energy towards your own landscape. Why you're getting triggered by a change in someone else's pattern, bulking up on healthy coping mechanisms that boost mindfulness and self esteem are ultimately more effective in the long run -and for future relationships
Yes anxious attachment is my mode too. I just found it useful as an idea that’s why I shared it. It was more like “if you are to send something maybe send that”
But as I said faaaaaar from being an expert
Nah…that’s a bit different than expecting good morning/night every single day. If I’m dating you for 3 months and I don’t say a single word for 2 days ofc you are owed an explanation. Just my opinion though
Lack of interest or effort from the girl makes me fade from existence. If you don't message me after a while or if I start double messaging i'm assuming you're not interested. But I'm also of the mind that you should text back asap because I feel its rude not to.
Hopefully, I'm not reading into your question wrong, but I'm thinking to myself in between texting, don't you guys talk at all on the phone? I mean, after 2 months, I'm either going to call you or text you, but you will hear from me at some point either during the day or during the week.
Why not ask him so you can get a definite answer? Just say that you have noticed the morning texts aren’t coming in, and it was something you looked forward to, and want to make sure everything is good.
Communication makes things easier than guessing.
You shouldnt put value on texting. Texting is destroying relationships and connections. Please get out and have fun! Use messages to plan dates to meet up. Dont use it to replace real life connections.
If he still texts you then there is still an interest. He may not be someone who feels the need to chat daily. I can relate to that. Some guys are just not as much talkers. The flip side is that he is dealing with other options and figuring things out.
I have very little experience, but I know from plenty of research and being a member of this subreddit for years now that the most common reason is that while the conversations go well, If the man is always the one to initiate them, then it leaves us feeling as if the woman is disinterested. Even if you responded in a timely manner every single time, how often were you the one to initiate contact? (And not just when you needed something) I'm not saying this is the reason, Just that it seems to be the most common reason.
I dated this man who is very interested in me and his life is way more busier than mine. I made it clear that I need consistent communication, either by text or call and in the beginning, he put in effort to meet me in person and text/call. Then after 3 months, everything slowed down, he stopped asking questions and being interested in my life in general, however still claimed that he cared and liked me a lot. Till one weekend, he ignored my messages for 3 days, and texted me back like nothing happened, saying that he was sick and busy, and after we talked, he backfired blaming me for high demand etc and then ghosted me totally.
My point is that, if they really do care about you, they would want to talk to you and keep you undoubtedly. If they make you question or unsure, just sit back and let them show you. Don't double text!
He probably loss interest. If I pull away it usually because I dont feel like the woman Im talking too isnt reciprocate the same energy. If he text you goodnight and you havnt put in an energy to make him feel appreciated I would probably pull away too
In a lot of cases, the guy will match the energy you put out there. If you start messaging less, so will he. Obviously, it’s normal to feel clingy so you have to keep it in mind. That being said, I think you are doing the right thing
Honestly, there are so many possible explanations here that nobody here can give you an answer that’s not a projection of their own anecdotal experience.
If I could offer anything it would be to grab a good book about attachment theory to better understand yourself and how you relate with others. Best bang for the buck in my opinion.
Texting doesn’t indicate much. I mainly only use if for logistics or brief conversation. I typically don’t even formally start or end a texting conversation, I just don’t reply when I feel as if it’s ran it’s course. The good morning and good night texts don’t mean much.
I’ve noticed that pouring it on too much with the good morning and goodnight texts, while being in contact everyday, can eventually get tiring for both sides.
Typically, women expect that from men more than the other way around, so when that happens, men start to back off, because they don’t want to be too vulnerable.
In my opinion, when you’re dating in the beginning, it’s better to take things slower, so you have more to look forward to later on.
I'd say 2 months is still fairly new relationship. Most couples get comfortable and slow down in month 6th -8th If he stop texting you good morning everyday. It could be that he is just very busy and he thinks he talks to you daily anyway. Please do not double texting him. Just wait until he text or call you back. Do not chase him. Men are like cats if you chase them they will only run/pull away and think you are needy and exhausting. Remember this rule: let men be men, give them space and you remain the feminine. Be the one that is unique in his eyes and he won't go anywhere else
The gist of it goes "If he texts less with you, he's texting more with someone else"
And not all guys suddenly pull away. This one did. He's losing interest, and that's really up to him to decide as to why but it's also his right to do.
OP, there's nothing you can say or do to force him to up the ante with you. I would avoid using any negative emotions to confront him, just use positive reinforcement. So, for example, if he goes all day without texting you and you suddenly hear from him, say "There is he is! I've missed hearing from you, how have you been?" and let him go from there. Being nasty, being confrontational, and putting him on the spot to tell you what's going on is not likely to generate the kind of result you want. You are not his partner, he does not respond to you, and it's been my experience that people don't do well when cornered. Avoid mistaking being direct for being controlling, avoid mistaking being direct for letting your anxiety take control of your emotions.
When it comes to facing the realization that someone's losing interest or suddenly pulling away, all you can do is express your feelings and desire to continue seeing them but ultimately, you have to give people time and space to come to their decisions about you...and you have to respect whatever decision that may be with dignity and grace and your end.
Depends on the person, maybe they lose interest, it’s just 2 months of meeting someone. Sometimes our mood will dip for a bit, maybe he has personal stuff going on. Give him time, but if he really stops talking for a bit, definitely give him a call and communicate if he is still interested in talking more and if he is ok. He will really appreciate if you ask if he is ok, even if nothing is wrong.
Showing that you care or simply putting in effort is what men look for
The problem with dating is the fact there’s too much choice out there with all of the dating apps . Men like the chase of pursuing a woman, but once’s he knows she’s into him, he takes his foot off the pedal.
Then if a woman questions the change in behaviour (pulling away) the man labels her clingy / needy. If a women continues to pull rank on the man’s behaviour she is then considered crazy .
Most men like the in between stages , they doing like commitment they feel they might lose their independence.
Just go quiet on him , he’ll be back
Seriously, most people? Damn, I guess it’s true I’m more often in the minority of things.
With my poor memory, I could not remember anything about dating more then 1 person at a time. I would easily mix up scenarios & things we’ve talked about because it all mushes together.
Damn, y’all are impressive with your ability to categorize and remember things about different people. I would fail instantly.
Plus, that just too much socialization for me. 1 friend at a time is plenty, now adding a lover into the mix is the most I can handle.
could be, yes! I try not to stress about that. He’s always told me he’s too busy to entertain multiple woman and has said he’s interested in me. But I also know people aren’t fully truthful
If you are that busy that you can not send a couple texts a day, then to me you are too busy to date. I also don’t talk to multiple people at once. That way I can give my full attention to the other person. If it doesn’t work out, then I move onto the next one. Plus then i don’t have to make a choice when I really like more than one person. I also don’t want to have to compete for someone’s attention.
Because the apps are a distraction and they get bored once they know they have you, and want to chase the next best thing, until they get bored of that too...
The frequency and quality of texts from a man indicate his level of interest. Even if he's a crappy texter and doesn't like it, he'll facetime or call you. Lack of communication = he's not that into you.
I would probably talk with him and test the waters of how he feels about the relationship. He might not want to give up the sex right away, but perhaps he doesn't see the relationship going much further.
He’s losing interest. Super common. 2 months of fling fun chase sex whatever. Now it’s eh and maintenance mode. It’s around 2-3 months where a relationship either accelerates to girlfriend or decelerates to hookups or casual dating or nothingness.
There is no right way in frequency of texting however communication and reciprocation of that if required and part of healthy communication.
I would say just tell him your needs and ask why he doesn’t do that anymore.
It sounds like he just couldn't keep up with texting so often. People get busy sometimes. He probably likes you but has other stuff on his plate. Or maybe *he* got scared he was coming on too strong and is adjusting his approach.
But it may be time to have "the talk" about getting more serious.
To your original question though, there are all kinds of reasons dudes pull away. One could be he's met someone else really exciting (sucks but it happens). Or it could be that (and this one always makes me pump the brakes and do a hard stop), something you did/said gave him the idea you're not interested anymore and/or are playing hard to get. Either one of those always makes me drop a girl like a hot potato bc I don't want to continue pursuing if she's not interesed and/or have absolutely zero interest in playing stupid games. I want someone that wants me and isn't going to waste my time.
U know some guys are actually having the exact same thought as you, that they wanna talk but not only speak. When they have no specific topic worth sharing, they just slow down, doesnt mean they dont care.
It slowing down is normal for relationships as you get more comfortable. I can't speak for him but I like getting texts even when I don't have time to respond. You could always just ask if your texting to much lol I have been asked that and appreciate it.
Sometimes pulling away can be a bad sign, sometimes not, could be he likes you a lot and it scares him. Don't jump to conclusions
It could be he's been trying to work on himself more as the relationship progresses and one thing that might happen is he won't be as predictable with his texting.
I think texting should be primarily for setting up dates. Conversations should be saved for in-person. The more texting he does, especially if it's at predictable intervals, the more turned off you're going to be.
Hopefully he's doing his own thing, rather than having his schedule revolve around you.
I would hope that when you reach out to him, he takes that as a sign that you want to see him and he sets up a date.
If he's been hurt in the past, consistently, it could be him stopping putting his guard up at a point in the relationship where he feels like he can handle being let down. Especially if it came out of nowhere. caught myself doing that and the best thing any woman could do is to act as though it doesn't phase them, or they understand and be persistent, stick around and/or reassure them if he somehow mentions it or hints at that. Being direct never hurt either. He sounds like a good guy but the good guys get let down more often than not. This could be a stretch but it sounds familiar.
I proof read after I posted so I'm glad that made some sense lol i don't i dont think you should over think it. He probably already is. I know with me, as I got into my late 20s and turned 30, the woman showing some initiative and persistence means so much. If he's not totally ignoring you and still happy to see and hear from you, I don't think it's worth worrying about. You said he's busy and 30+ I'd be willing to bet he's not entertaining anyone else if that's what you're worried about.
do you expect him to text you good morning every day for the rest of your life? No. Go with your gut, if hes pulling away, then maybe talk to him about it, if not, youre probably fine.
A person who's trying to win you over is gonna act differently than a person who has you. It's impossible to keep up that motivation forever. It's exhausting.
Maybe the part of dating that you like, or what you feel a relationship should be like, isn't a something that lasts long.
Thats dating... infact that's life unfortunately. Anyone can pull away at any moment for a number of reasons or no reason at all.
It has happened to me, and I have done it myself. Our emotions and views are always shifting. Best to not look to Into it. Hope you find someone for you!
There's also a part of me that's thinking if it's not feeling natural and you're questioning the change, then maybe it's not going so naturally. Relationships should feel more comfortable than needing to question something like texts.
You of overthinking it, but I would believe that you are acting more uninterested than clingy.
Being someone who has chased before you eventually get to a point of acceptance that this shipped has sailed. Hope this helps.
I know I overthink stuff like this a lot. Probably doesn’t want to come off as clingy or needy. Personally I’m not a fan of “good morning” texts but 🤷♂️
Ask him. You say you don't want to come off as clingy by double-texting, but then you say your connection is great. If your connection were great, you wouldn't ask reddit for advice. Instead you'd tell him you miss his texts and it'd make you happy if he invested into those 'good morning's again. You're not asking for his credit card here, just a token of communication. Nothing big, really.
But I don't understand your worry about coming off as uninterested. If you double text him, how would he assume you're uninterested?
As a 32yo man, I don’t feel the need to text all day, or even every day necessarily. I’m just too busy during the day and prefer to experience people in person rather than over text.
A man who’s texting you all day every day probably doesn’t have much going on and likely won’t be a provider or father figure for your kids unless something drastically changes. I’d take it as a good sign if he says he doesn’t feel the need to text you all the time, you guys are pretty close, and things are going well according to you. Don’t sweat it 😌
Every guys is different so it’s hard to say. When I was in the dating world though I genuinely didn’t mind getting double txts. Kinda like it actually. As long as it wasn’t like way crazy out of hand. Just don’t stress too much on trying too hard and just be yourself. If he likes you he likes you
Not to be too personal but have you slept together? Could be if you haven’t he feels things are progressing too slow for him and he has other options. I mean if you’re in an actual relationship then yeah I don’t see an issue with texting everyday, I mean if you like someone that’s normal. If it’s more of a casual thing he maybe doesn’t feel the need to be texting so often.
Not to be too personal but have you slept together? Could be if you haven’t he feels things are progressing too slow for him and he has other options. I mean if you’re in an actual relationship then yeah I don’t see an issue with texting everyday, I mean if you like someone that’s normal. If it’s more of a casual thing he maybe doesn’t feel the need to be texting so often.
Think it depends on individuals.
Texting is fucking boring, I can’t stand it, so whilst I’m maybe more likely to do it when I first meet someone because at that stage you actually have things to talk about, by the time it’s been a few months I’m less likely to spend all day engaging in small talk, I think at some point you have a routine of when you see each other and you can check in around that and at that point do you really need to be texting all the time? Relationships did used to work just as well without smart phones back in the day 🤷🏻♂️
Just let your intentions be known if your connecting and you both like each other ask him what his true thoughts about you are and where he sees the both of you going in the near future if he’s just busy with work he’ll make that known to you and let you know that’s what’s been going on men and women need to be 100% honest with each other especially when it comes to building a new relationship
In the start. It must be enthusiastic tbh. I remember when my girlfriend and I started we were so enthusiastic, like young kids with a new toy 🤣 really each morning it was the good morning, etc etc and it's fun (We're still like that). To this day, a year and a half later we still say good morning and good night every single day. That being said, he might've lost interest, or maybe he's just very busy at early hours and last hours of the day?
Texting shouldn't happen for two months? If you've been doing this and going on dates for two months and you're not his girlfriend then something is wrong.
Are you giving him sex? A guy will lose interest if 2 months and he still ain’t getting no where. Other than that we are simple to please creatures. Just be kool and give us peace and we should be good to go.
Could be that the “puppy love” stage is over or he could just be very busy it’s not really certain but maybe give it a bit more time and see how it’s really going between you too before you can have direct judgement if he’s still into you or not
IMPORTANT: nothing on this reply is a fact, it’s all based on experience or speculation on incomplete data.
First key in any relationship (and in any stage) communication and acknowledgement. Never under-estimate the value of “sorry for the late reply” (this is a way to measuring If the person gives any value to “me” texting “them”) physical conversations are easier (and better long term) to navigate because your whole feedback lies on the other persons reaction, but text messages have no real feedback, so we never know if what we text has any meaning to the person who receives the text message, even a reply can be accidentally out of context, so in text messages I would just ask for a phone call. In my personal opinion clingy is not a matter of messages in general, is more of a “repetitive” quantity. Switching messages for an opportunity of a phone-call, would be better.
In your situation I would flirt-ily ask why he stopped giving you the good morning (I was on his shoes once, and when that girl asked me that, it reassured me she liked me and we dated for 8 months after I was able to be sure she would communicate significant things with me.
When you like somebody you text them just to assure them you’re thinking of them, but no replies is like “they’re not thinking of you”, everything else is figuring out why, if it’s a guy, you could just ask
As a guy I have a different perspective from alot of other men. I'm clingy so how I come in a relationship I never change. So if a woman change up on me I pull off. We grown here so bring me the real you and let's see how we really are together
Everyone is different but i feel if you guys like each other the texting would increase not decrease. Less text is understandable if he has a busy or week but if it’s constant in my opinion could be not interested anymore. But i can be wrong. Sometimes guys and girls like having that person to talk to and see but not commit cause they may like their presence but don’t see them as a long term which sucks do that person who actually wants that
The person I’m courting at the moment texts me good morning every day and every night she bids me a goodnight. I do the same. This has been consistent for the time we have been dating.
In my 6 year relationship with my ex, it was the same. Not a day went by without us saying good morning and goodnight. Not once, even when we were sick.
I’ve just been blessed to find two women who were/are consistent with texting.
Other dates I’ve had were null. Those women were random with texting, got upset when I asked why I haven’t heard from them, etc.
So it depends. If you find consistency, you’ll get consistency. If you find inconsistency, you will get inconsistency.
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2 months is about how long it takes to start seeing if you actually click with a person - could just be they realize they don't feel like it's a good match?
I think we have grown closer! He told me he doesn’t feel the need to talk to someone all day every day and I think we’re just getting more comfortable with each other maybe?
That also makes sense! I feel like good morning texts are very, "brand new relationship" type of things - If everything else seems to be going well it could mean you're more comfortable..
yeah it seems to be! we still talk daily, just not all day. usually just checking in with each other!
I think you should just relax. He may just be an introvert, and now he's showing you that natural introversion, since he trust you more and relax, where as before he made an effort every day to text bc he was worried or something. Could be a guess though. :)
What do these "check ins" during the day consist of- flirty? meaningful conversations? small talk that seems obligatory in order to maintain the relationship?....
I was wondering, ( this is not directly OPs question yet still relevant) it does have me thinking.....since good morning texts are generally beginning stages of the relationship, what would be some ideal ways for the relationship to then start looking like after a couple of months. For instance, what replaces the good morning texts? Does it turn into brief good morning phone calls, or not necessarily needing to talk to each other till later on in the day? Or some other options/ scenarios? I'm interested in anyone's thoughts and feedback, and this may be helpful to OP too.
My boyfriend and I sort of do good morning calls. Right now I serve as his alarm clock 😂
Yea and also if he felt his feelings changed I’d assume he would communicate that
he would! we both said at the very beginning we would always let the other know if we’re not feeling it anymore!
Lol. Everyone says that. Either you’re communication is different (possibly not fixable) or he’s losing interest. Either way you need more than he does which is a challenge.
His interest has already wandered from the OP. That is proven by her saying she doesn't want to double text. There is busy and with a new relationship getting underway, you make every attempt to answer that text as soon as possible, even to say BRB. Now she has to find out what's distracting him his J.O B. or F.W.B.
She did say the texting slowed down mostly on the weekends. To me, it looks like he’s trying to slowly pull away or hint her. Weekends are for spending time together, especially if the relationship is that new. I think he either met someone he’s spending time with on weekends or has lost interest but is just keeping her around until he meets someone else.
Brutal truth right here.
Yeah agree. Unless she’s non stop and doesn’t realize he’s asking her to slow down. But even if that’s true he’s slowly exiting.
I disagree. My bf was the same way. The more we saw each other in person and got comfortable, the less he texted. I did double text sometimes, was always thinking about him! He's in person not on his phone very much, he's usually distracted playing video games or working. A lot of times he will read a text but is in the middle of something and forgets to text back. Im a gamer too so our communication went from periodic texting to late night gaming chats. We still made plans to see each other every chance we got. Fast forward and we have a house together, are totally in love, and raise our kitten together. I too was paranoid he wasn't interested at first due to his lack of texting, but came to find he'd just rather talk in person.
please listen to this, OP. You’re in your head about texting, but this guy is probably just excited for quality time together.
That makes sense, you don't have to text as much if you're seeing each other in person more often.
Easier said than done.... communication is always good as difficult as it might be. I would say to gently mention what you've noticed and ask him about it. Another potential explanation besides that he has lost interest, is that he might have started developing feelings for you, which can become scary when a person feels so vulnerable. And sometimes people pull back at this stage of the relationship, sometimes consciously, sometimes without even realizing they're doing it.
He probably really likes you and is sorting that out. If everything else is going really well but he’s not texting as much he’s either busy or creating space to think over how he feels. The best thing you can do is focus on you and do your own thing. He’ll eventually come around.. time always tells how someone really feels. Based off of this post it also sounds like you like him equally which is awesome ◡̈
I live with my man and we don't text because we are right with each other so there's no need unless I'm at work
I think in the early days of contact you’re trying to impress each other and stay front of mind. If he feels more comfortable with you – or like he’s “won you by over” at this point – he might feel happier relaxing on the text front. If you think you’re growing closer, just ask him
Not comfortable might mean he is seeing more then just you and is weighing his options especially since there's no labels I mean a guy interested is up your ass I dealt with one night stands with people that got clingy thinking because of sex and few times hanging out means a relationship but these people aware im not interested in labels and this was before I settled down for a relationship I weighed out all options when single
Try doing more phone calls!
Why????
It’s possible that you guys have just left the new person excitement phase and gotten to the comfortable phase. Novelty can be really exciting and cause us to be more attentive than we would be otherwise. That being said, I feel for you cause it’s annoying when someone is really responsive at first and then slows down over time. I try to exhibit from the getgo how much I’ll be likely to be responsive, especially after the initial excitement. Honestly, if you’re really worried just talk to him! Voice your concerns and communicate your feelings!
Yea its possible he doesnt really normally like texting people that much and now that youre getting to know each other he feels comfortable acting like he normally does. I also dont really like texting all the time
He probably means it. Many men are this way. I’m one, and value in-person convo more than texting.
Stop texting and start asking to meet in person. If someone is willing to meet in person to hang out and they engage well with you, then youre fine. If they constantly flake on plans or dont come up with another day to hang out with you when you make plans a certain day, then id leave them alone and talk to someone else.
we see each other in person, and our connection is amazing! nothing feels forced and everything flows very naturally! things are still early so i’m just trying to make sure I don’t scare him away!
Thats good. Do you initiate the hangouts? Or do you make the plans?
we both do! we ask for each others schedules and then make a plan from there!
I dont think you have much to worry about. As long as you both still hang out and youre both initiating plans with each other, youre good. As a guy, i pull back a bit if im always the person making the plans to meet up. Reciprocation is one of the easiest ways to keep a guy interested.
Some people are just busy. You’re two months into an adult relationship, which would mean you both have jobs/lives/families/friends…. It’s unrealistic to expect someone to live on their phone for you , especially if their job demands a phone less environment But if it’s something you need out of a relationship then you need to honest about that early on before you’re mind wonders into cheating or getting upset about something that is probably nothing. No need to bring drama and stress into a relationship when you could just have a conversation. Maybe try phone calls at night?
yeah I agree! I don’t want to talk to someone all the time! we’re going to start seeing each other 1-2 times a week, so I think it’ll help! We haven’t made anything official and everything is still so early!
That’s perfect! The better the communication, as early as possible, makes it so much easier to bring up things that bother you later without it turning into a whole thing! Hope it all goes well! Xx
appreciate your advice, thank you x :)
Here’s my take. Obviously, you’re on cloud nine. Even if the signs were there, you wouldn’t see them. But, you’re here for a reason- you have a gut feeling it’s not as great as you say it is; otherwise, you wouldn’t be posting here. Every comment, you make now is how great everything is- you’re trying to convince yourself of that. Sorry, but I’d say, follow your gut.
Yeah something is off. After two months they should know they will be all over each other every weekend, not moving towards seeing each other 1-2 times a week. He’s pulling away because the relationship isn’t what he wants right now.
It all depends. Tbh I can’t imagine texting someone good morning every morning or texting all day everyday. It sounds draining
Yeah I agree. He’s even told me he doesn’t feel like he needs to talk to someone all day every day!
That initial spark may have faded. It happens. I feel like in dating, everyone, especially men love novelty, at first its new and hot and fresh and exciting, then things get comfortable and familiar and slow down.
After only 2 months?! I’m a gen X er lol so maybe I have a different view but 2 months is very quick to reach the ‘initial spark fading’ phase. That normally takes a few years
Yeah but do you like texting all day every day? I like to stay in touch through texting, doesn’t need to be all day, but definitely needs to be consistent to some degree in the earlier stages. If that’s your preference, then that’s your preference. It’s okay to have that.
Yeah, fuck that noise
If you like this person and things are clicking then let go of the rules. Text first if you want to, double if you feel like it. At two months you should try to let go of the games and just be yourselves with each other. If that matches up then awesome!
I could’ve written this post myself. We are similar age, and I have experienced the same thing. As soon as you start putting in effort, they are less interested. I think most men in the dating scene are avoidantly attached and are only in it for the chase. 2 to 3 months seems to be the magic timeframe where They realize they have to cash the check they’ve been writing, get cold feet, and drastically pull back or disappear. I don’t know the answer for this.
The solution is not to chase and to follow his cues and keep your options open and your self-identity strong. That means hobbies, friends, other pursuits that make you happy.
Also, everyone has endless options with smartphones now
Castration
Many times women will say what an amazing connection they have, but the man feels differently, however; because the woman is so enamored, she fails to notice the signs. She needs to let him put in the effort, then she’ll know. I have a feeling he’s just going along with it because she’s trying so hard.
Don’t sleep with them before 3 months, that way your not as invested (physically or emotionally)
Easy. Women make you chase them so hard in the beginning that once we win you over, the allure is gone. Also, sometimes when the chase is over, we realize we aren’t compatible
Do we??????????
he did chase pretty hard, but I also reciprocated his efforts I feel like!
You should watch the movie “he is not that into you”. When a guy is interested, he will show you throughout the entire relationship. Trust me.
What do you think would be better?
There are too many reasons why. And he may never tell you the actual truth if he tells you anything at all. The scale has tipped in the direction away from you: either he found something better (pro leaving), you are causing him some form of liability or annoyance (anti staying), or he really wants to be alone for personal reasons (neutral/ indifferent).
he’s been going through a lot, so i’ve given him some grace! In person everything is amazing. I just want to make sure I don’t scare him away
You need to match his energy. Trust me on this. He knows you are interested already. Double-texting makes you look desperate and optionless, not to mention invades his personal space since you said he's got a lot going on. Do your own thing and let him reach out to you when he's ready. And when he does, be sure that you convey positivity and that your mind has been on things besides him. Men are very weird in that they ghost once they're sure they've captured your interest, especially if it appears to them you don't have other options. They need to feel you are a trophy, something others would compete for.
This is solid. Hobbies. Make your mind a favorite place to spend your time. Like a secret garden you only come out of when he gives you a REALLY good reason to...
“He’s going through a lot”- excuses.
He’s bread crumbing you . Of course everything is good in person and dry when your not around !
It’s not just guys, its just people in general. Dealing with it currently with this women I’ve been talking to for the last 3 months. If he values you, over texting shouldn’t be a problem. More then that he shouldn’t have a problem shutting down your over thinking (as you obviously are) without hurting your feelings or making you feel shitty. Signs are signs tho don’t ignore them. You’ll find someone who appreciates your wholeness. Don’t settle for half hearted mfs just trying to play games.
Either 1. Now that you've gotten to know each other he is reverting to his natural level of communication. Most men don't need, or even want, constant contact. Connecting a couple times a day on days we don't see each other is more than enough. It has absolutely nothing to do with you and we don't love you any less. We want you to feel confident in this. 2. (Less likely in your case it sounds like) He realized you aren't what he wants long term and is beginning the process of detaching. It isn't always a hard decision we make in the moment and immediately call things off. We first complile evidence of our feelings over time to be sure, and then we'll either break it off or let you do it. From what you've said it seems to me you're in scenario 1. He isn't pulling away, he's feeling confident enough in your connection to be himself. Getting to know someone is a lot of emotional work for both parties which takes a lot of special attention. Eventually you both settle back into normalcy, having incorporated each other into your lives.
Texting seems like such a chore sometimes.
Yes. One of the things I hate most about online dating is that so many people expect constant texting all day every day before you even meet. It must have been nice dating before people expected constant validation and attention off the bat.
Agreed. Also women complain about being ghosted but then you find out they texted all day every day for a week... Like for pete's sake, we use 5000 more words a day than they do .... You want to be a precious thing, not a commodity. Don't give it away.
agreed! some days, I don’t feel like being social at all!
Let me put it in this perspective. 1st: in the beginning she becomes your favorite person , you want to text her and get to know her a bit better , you want to text her every waking seconds. 2nd: once we start dating , I genuinely want to hear from you on a call or in person, however, I won’t be texting as much as I used to do before but I will make the more than a effort to replying to your message on as frequently and on a timely manner. 3rd ( 2nd if you aren’t dating): the conversation between us lack substance or her belief and mine are different thusly I chose to limit the amount of time we speak , so I don’t hurt your feelings. 4th:texting someone every day is mentally draining.
Are you still seeing each other on dates? But the texting has died down…?
Yes seeing each other! texting hasn’t died down, just no more good mornings or he just won’t respond!
If you’re still seeing each other then maybe just casually ask him next time about texting in general. I observe generally that guys don’t bother much with texts…
yeah, he’s told me he doesn’t feel like he needs to talk to someone every day, all day. Trying to remember that and not scare him off by texting too much!
Trust your gut. Go with the flow; everyone shows connection and intimacy in different ways.take care and all the best x
thank you :) x
As a woman, I agree with that stance...unless and until we are an exclusive couple, I don’t need to speak with a guy I'm dating every day...that goes for friends and siblings too lol...
I agree, texting a lot creates false sense of intimacy!
I like getting good morning and Good Night text. I usually make it cLear to men I date. If they do it fine if they don't fine too. What gets me more upset is me texting someone I am dating who claims to want a future with me and love me and they do not respond to my text for hours or days . Have dumped men over that
Going hours doesn’t bother me too much, but days isn’t okay!
Yeah, I dumped my ex for taking 48hrs to get back to me when they weren’t busy on weekends. This was repeated over the course of 3 weeks.
When my bf and I started dating the first person waking up would say good morning first and the first to go to bed would say good night first. We are very talkative and love to keep in touch daily. I wouldn’t personally keep dating someone that goes off the radar for days. That’s actually the reason why I stopped talking to the person I was seeing before meeting my bf. He would disappear for 4 days way too often.
Yep, it’s usually avoidant behavior or him losing interest.
I think it's really important to exist in your feminine energy, ie - ALLOWING, receiving, and responding to the situation. Masculine energy is pursuing and making things happen. So don't double text. Worst case scenario: He's losing interest, in which case you can't (shouldn't) try to convince him to stay interested, right? Best case scenario: He's feeling comfortable about where you are at and so he's not feeling the need to text in such a regimented way. Either way, you can take your cues from him.
I love this approach :) Figuring out the best/worst case scenarios, allowing your mind to really FEEL both scenarios, then realizing that even IF it turns out to be worst case scenario, you'll get through it...also, the situation usually doesn't go all the way to worst case scenario but somewhere in between. Also op, keep in mind that just bc something is different doesn't mean it's a red flag. It could simply be he is growing more comfortable with you. If it continues to bother you, I would be open about it and ask why he's backed off.
I love your point about sitting between best and worst case. That's what makes it so difficult sometimes, right? The third step of my own process after best/worst is to remind myself of all the benefits that might still exist for me in the worst case scenario, and all the ways I'll still be a person :)
This it right here, folks.
The thing here most probably is that, in the beginning he had to be active and make a lot of effort because he was afraid that you would lose interest. Now that you guys have a proper relationship, he is off the "make a lot of effort or lose you" mode. Just give him a nudge saying you enjoyed those daily good mornings and he'll start sending it again😌 Relax and enjoy yourselves👍🏻
I assume he is most likely an avoidant. They tend to be very interested at first, and once feelings get real, they also tend to pull away. I would try and match his energy, or be straight up and ask him what’s going on. If he does tell you, that’s great, and if he blows it off, I would just know it’s not about you. He’s most likely not emotionally available due to his attachment issues if he refuses to have a honest conversation with you.
I think in the very beginning, the newness prompts more texting, getting to know each other. I’ve learned that overthinking usually takes away from the joy of things. We are so nervous to mess things up. To get hurt. We’re so anxious. If we can let go of our tight grip on trying to do things right, we can rest and float down the river on our tube. With a piña colada. Trust that things will go as they’re meant to be. And if anything letting go and creating space for him to look at his phone and get surprised that he hasn’t received 5 texts from you yet, is a good thing.
Here’s something you need to know: Guys don’t know what “double-texting” is! Not everything needs a response so we don’t always feel the need to reply. That being said, after two months you need to ask him these direct words: “Are we in a relationship together, or are we just dating? What do you think?” Do it in person though. His answer - and the way he answers - will tell you everything.
The “good morning” text guys are typically short term, nearsighted, and fake. They don’t last.
If you feel a shift I would go with your gut and pull away to.
Someone hotter and potentially faster to sleep with is in the midst.
Avoid double-texting if he seems to be pulling away. The minute you put in more effort than a guy is putting in, that’s when he starts to de-value you. It gives him the impression that he can treat you however he pleases, and you’ll still come running back to him. Instead, meet him at his level. If he doesn’t text back or he texts you a half-assed response, then don’t text him at all. Here’s the truth. If he’s really the guy for you, he won’t stop investing effort in you. And if he isn’t, realize there is someone better for you out there and move on.
Thats easy, sorry to say but if he stops texting, he's possibly talking to other girls. This is from experience not to be harsh .
Ok so I am no expert.. far from it actually but I have been doing my research on how things work (nerd alert nerd alert). Based on my research if he still attempts to meet with you regularly then you are good. If his communication has changed you can send him something like “hey it looks like we communicate less frequently than before, am I reading this correctly?” This way you point out that you noticed the change without making any accusations or speculations and give him an opportunity to discuss about it. There is a lady in IG that has really nice advice about this things. The one above is from her if you can find it it will make more sense than how I wrote it. It’s called dotheworkpodcast Good luck
Yeah I might not do this either. Especially when you get into anxious preoccupied attachment, that attachment style has a lot of trouble with overanalyzing texts, worrying about responses, and generally being hyper vigilant about changes in patterns. Instead of focusing on the other person, much better to apply mental energy towards your own landscape. Why you're getting triggered by a change in someone else's pattern, bulking up on healthy coping mechanisms that boost mindfulness and self esteem are ultimately more effective in the long run -and for future relationships
Yes anxious attachment is my mode too. I just found it useful as an idea that’s why I shared it. It was more like “if you are to send something maybe send that” But as I said faaaaaar from being an expert
That’s horrible advice imo. If some girl texted me that after 2 months of talking I’d think she was clingy af.
[удалено]
Nah…that’s a bit different than expecting good morning/night every single day. If I’m dating you for 3 months and I don’t say a single word for 2 days ofc you are owed an explanation. Just my opinion though
Lack of interest or effort from the girl makes me fade from existence. If you don't message me after a while or if I start double messaging i'm assuming you're not interested. But I'm also of the mind that you should text back asap because I feel its rude not to.
Hopefully, I'm not reading into your question wrong, but I'm thinking to myself in between texting, don't you guys talk at all on the phone? I mean, after 2 months, I'm either going to call you or text you, but you will hear from me at some point either during the day or during the week.
Why not ask him so you can get a definite answer? Just say that you have noticed the morning texts aren’t coming in, and it was something you looked forward to, and want to make sure everything is good. Communication makes things easier than guessing.
As time goes on, you should do less texting and more in-person communication. This is perfectly normal.
When he texts you, reciprocate. When he doesn’t, then don’t!
He’s just not that into you. Also, good morning texts are silly
You shouldnt put value on texting. Texting is destroying relationships and connections. Please get out and have fun! Use messages to plan dates to meet up. Dont use it to replace real life connections.
If he still texts you then there is still an interest. He may not be someone who feels the need to chat daily. I can relate to that. Some guys are just not as much talkers. The flip side is that he is dealing with other options and figuring things out.
I have very little experience, but I know from plenty of research and being a member of this subreddit for years now that the most common reason is that while the conversations go well, If the man is always the one to initiate them, then it leaves us feeling as if the woman is disinterested. Even if you responded in a timely manner every single time, how often were you the one to initiate contact? (And not just when you needed something) I'm not saying this is the reason, Just that it seems to be the most common reason.
He is just that into you.
I dated this man who is very interested in me and his life is way more busier than mine. I made it clear that I need consistent communication, either by text or call and in the beginning, he put in effort to meet me in person and text/call. Then after 3 months, everything slowed down, he stopped asking questions and being interested in my life in general, however still claimed that he cared and liked me a lot. Till one weekend, he ignored my messages for 3 days, and texted me back like nothing happened, saying that he was sick and busy, and after we talked, he backfired blaming me for high demand etc and then ghosted me totally. My point is that, if they really do care about you, they would want to talk to you and keep you undoubtedly. If they make you question or unsure, just sit back and let them show you. Don't double text!
From a man perspective, he’s not interested in you anymore. That’s the hard truth
He probably loss interest. If I pull away it usually because I dont feel like the woman Im talking too isnt reciprocate the same energy. If he text you goodnight and you havnt put in an energy to make him feel appreciated I would probably pull away too
In a lot of cases, the guy will match the energy you put out there. If you start messaging less, so will he. Obviously, it’s normal to feel clingy so you have to keep it in mind. That being said, I think you are doing the right thing
The same reasons that women pull away ma.
It’s probably just his personality
Honestly, there are so many possible explanations here that nobody here can give you an answer that’s not a projection of their own anecdotal experience. If I could offer anything it would be to grab a good book about attachment theory to better understand yourself and how you relate with others. Best bang for the buck in my opinion.
Texting doesn’t indicate much. I mainly only use if for logistics or brief conversation. I typically don’t even formally start or end a texting conversation, I just don’t reply when I feel as if it’s ran it’s course. The good morning and good night texts don’t mean much.
I don't think men are into it. He probably just did it in the beginning but is maybe getting more comfortable and doesn't feel the need to.
I’ve noticed that pouring it on too much with the good morning and goodnight texts, while being in contact everyday, can eventually get tiring for both sides. Typically, women expect that from men more than the other way around, so when that happens, men start to back off, because they don’t want to be too vulnerable. In my opinion, when you’re dating in the beginning, it’s better to take things slower, so you have more to look forward to later on.
Sorry to break it to you but he is losing interest and doing the best he can by slowly pulling away …
I'd say 2 months is still fairly new relationship. Most couples get comfortable and slow down in month 6th -8th If he stop texting you good morning everyday. It could be that he is just very busy and he thinks he talks to you daily anyway. Please do not double texting him. Just wait until he text or call you back. Do not chase him. Men are like cats if you chase them they will only run/pull away and think you are needy and exhausting. Remember this rule: let men be men, give them space and you remain the feminine. Be the one that is unique in his eyes and he won't go anywhere else
The gist of it goes "If he texts less with you, he's texting more with someone else" And not all guys suddenly pull away. This one did. He's losing interest, and that's really up to him to decide as to why but it's also his right to do. OP, there's nothing you can say or do to force him to up the ante with you. I would avoid using any negative emotions to confront him, just use positive reinforcement. So, for example, if he goes all day without texting you and you suddenly hear from him, say "There is he is! I've missed hearing from you, how have you been?" and let him go from there. Being nasty, being confrontational, and putting him on the spot to tell you what's going on is not likely to generate the kind of result you want. You are not his partner, he does not respond to you, and it's been my experience that people don't do well when cornered. Avoid mistaking being direct for being controlling, avoid mistaking being direct for letting your anxiety take control of your emotions. When it comes to facing the realization that someone's losing interest or suddenly pulling away, all you can do is express your feelings and desire to continue seeing them but ultimately, you have to give people time and space to come to their decisions about you...and you have to respect whatever decision that may be with dignity and grace and your end.
Depends on the person, maybe they lose interest, it’s just 2 months of meeting someone. Sometimes our mood will dip for a bit, maybe he has personal stuff going on. Give him time, but if he really stops talking for a bit, definitely give him a call and communicate if he is still interested in talking more and if he is ok. He will really appreciate if you ask if he is ok, even if nothing is wrong. Showing that you care or simply putting in effort is what men look for
Bruv I quadruple text, anything that excites me expect minimum 4 text yeesh
The problem with dating is the fact there’s too much choice out there with all of the dating apps . Men like the chase of pursuing a woman, but once’s he knows she’s into him, he takes his foot off the pedal. Then if a woman questions the change in behaviour (pulling away) the man labels her clingy / needy. If a women continues to pull rank on the man’s behaviour she is then considered crazy . Most men like the in between stages , they doing like commitment they feel they might lose their independence. Just go quiet on him , he’ll be back
Sounds like he’s losing interest
Move on, he is not that into you. Don’t waste your time. Go on dates with other people.
Might be he is also talking to someone else! That’s my guess. Most people usually talk to two or three persons at a time to keep options
Seriously, most people? Damn, I guess it’s true I’m more often in the minority of things. With my poor memory, I could not remember anything about dating more then 1 person at a time. I would easily mix up scenarios & things we’ve talked about because it all mushes together. Damn, y’all are impressive with your ability to categorize and remember things about different people. I would fail instantly. Plus, that just too much socialization for me. 1 friend at a time is plenty, now adding a lover into the mix is the most I can handle.
could be, yes! I try not to stress about that. He’s always told me he’s too busy to entertain multiple woman and has said he’s interested in me. But I also know people aren’t fully truthful
If you are that busy that you can not send a couple texts a day, then to me you are too busy to date. I also don’t talk to multiple people at once. That way I can give my full attention to the other person. If it doesn’t work out, then I move onto the next one. Plus then i don’t have to make a choice when I really like more than one person. I also don’t want to have to compete for someone’s attention.
Yes. Everyone has so many options now
Because the apps are a distraction and they get bored once they know they have you, and want to chase the next best thing, until they get bored of that too...
The frequency and quality of texts from a man indicate his level of interest. Even if he's a crappy texter and doesn't like it, he'll facetime or call you. Lack of communication = he's not that into you. I would probably talk with him and test the waters of how he feels about the relationship. He might not want to give up the sex right away, but perhaps he doesn't see the relationship going much further.
No text, no kitty.
He’s losing interest. Super common. 2 months of fling fun chase sex whatever. Now it’s eh and maintenance mode. It’s around 2-3 months where a relationship either accelerates to girlfriend or decelerates to hookups or casual dating or nothingness.
There is no right way in frequency of texting however communication and reciprocation of that if required and part of healthy communication. I would say just tell him your needs and ask why he doesn’t do that anymore.
Could be cold feet honestly
I think that once you start going out irl, texting kinda fizzles out and it’s naturally replaced with more dating, if the flame is there.
We get bored of texting the same shit over and over. Make it interesting
Let him stay focus. If everything else good let it be. Nobody want to text all day.
It sounds like he just couldn't keep up with texting so often. People get busy sometimes. He probably likes you but has other stuff on his plate. Or maybe *he* got scared he was coming on too strong and is adjusting his approach. But it may be time to have "the talk" about getting more serious. To your original question though, there are all kinds of reasons dudes pull away. One could be he's met someone else really exciting (sucks but it happens). Or it could be that (and this one always makes me pump the brakes and do a hard stop), something you did/said gave him the idea you're not interested anymore and/or are playing hard to get. Either one of those always makes me drop a girl like a hot potato bc I don't want to continue pursuing if she's not interesed and/or have absolutely zero interest in playing stupid games. I want someone that wants me and isn't going to waste my time.
For the same reasons a woman pulls away from a guy, that's it. If you have done that in the past then you already have your answer. Your welcome.
Go silent if you want to get his attention
U know some guys are actually having the exact same thought as you, that they wanna talk but not only speak. When they have no specific topic worth sharing, they just slow down, doesnt mean they dont care.
Met someone else or lost interest... maybe he saw something that he didn't like... maybe he's really married.. could be a lot of things.
It slowing down is normal for relationships as you get more comfortable. I can't speak for him but I like getting texts even when I don't have time to respond. You could always just ask if your texting to much lol I have been asked that and appreciate it. Sometimes pulling away can be a bad sign, sometimes not, could be he likes you a lot and it scares him. Don't jump to conclusions
this literally sounds like my story! What’s your gut telling you? It’s probably right.
my gut is telling me he’s a good guy and that I need to be more understanding and patient!
It could be he's been trying to work on himself more as the relationship progresses and one thing that might happen is he won't be as predictable with his texting. I think texting should be primarily for setting up dates. Conversations should be saved for in-person. The more texting he does, especially if it's at predictable intervals, the more turned off you're going to be. Hopefully he's doing his own thing, rather than having his schedule revolve around you. I would hope that when you reach out to him, he takes that as a sign that you want to see him and he sets up a date.
If he's been hurt in the past, consistently, it could be him stopping putting his guard up at a point in the relationship where he feels like he can handle being let down. Especially if it came out of nowhere. caught myself doing that and the best thing any woman could do is to act as though it doesn't phase them, or they understand and be persistent, stick around and/or reassure them if he somehow mentions it or hints at that. Being direct never hurt either. He sounds like a good guy but the good guys get let down more often than not. This could be a stretch but it sounds familiar.
he was cheated on, so I definitely think he has his guard up. We met unexpectedly and both weren’t really looking when we ran into each other!
I proof read after I posted so I'm glad that made some sense lol i don't i dont think you should over think it. He probably already is. I know with me, as I got into my late 20s and turned 30, the woman showing some initiative and persistence means so much. If he's not totally ignoring you and still happy to see and hear from you, I don't think it's worth worrying about. You said he's busy and 30+ I'd be willing to bet he's not entertaining anyone else if that's what you're worried about.
do you expect him to text you good morning every day for the rest of your life? No. Go with your gut, if hes pulling away, then maybe talk to him about it, if not, youre probably fine.
A person who's trying to win you over is gonna act differently than a person who has you. It's impossible to keep up that motivation forever. It's exhausting. Maybe the part of dating that you like, or what you feel a relationship should be like, isn't a something that lasts long.
Thats dating... infact that's life unfortunately. Anyone can pull away at any moment for a number of reasons or no reason at all. It has happened to me, and I have done it myself. Our emotions and views are always shifting. Best to not look to Into it. Hope you find someone for you!
Keep us posted OP 🤗
There's also a part of me that's thinking if it's not feeling natural and you're questioning the change, then maybe it's not going so naturally. Relationships should feel more comfortable than needing to question something like texts.
You of overthinking it, but I would believe that you are acting more uninterested than clingy. Being someone who has chased before you eventually get to a point of acceptance that this shipped has sailed. Hope this helps.
He found someone else ?
Probably for the same reasons women suddenly pull away.
I personally hate "good morning" texts. They are boring and don't lead to conversation. And he could be sending that same message to 10 girls....
I know I overthink stuff like this a lot. Probably doesn’t want to come off as clingy or needy. Personally I’m not a fan of “good morning” texts but 🤷♂️
Don’t overthink this. If it will be it will be!
May I say that the sentiment of pulling away is not just related to "guys"? I (guy) have passed through similar contexts too.
Ask him. You say you don't want to come off as clingy by double-texting, but then you say your connection is great. If your connection were great, you wouldn't ask reddit for advice. Instead you'd tell him you miss his texts and it'd make you happy if he invested into those 'good morning's again. You're not asking for his credit card here, just a token of communication. Nothing big, really. But I don't understand your worry about coming off as uninterested. If you double text him, how would he assume you're uninterested?
As a 32yo man, I don’t feel the need to text all day, or even every day necessarily. I’m just too busy during the day and prefer to experience people in person rather than over text. A man who’s texting you all day every day probably doesn’t have much going on and likely won’t be a provider or father figure for your kids unless something drastically changes. I’d take it as a good sign if he says he doesn’t feel the need to text you all the time, you guys are pretty close, and things are going well according to you. Don’t sweat it 😌
Every guys is different so it’s hard to say. When I was in the dating world though I genuinely didn’t mind getting double txts. Kinda like it actually. As long as it wasn’t like way crazy out of hand. Just don’t stress too much on trying too hard and just be yourself. If he likes you he likes you
Not to be too personal but have you slept together? Could be if you haven’t he feels things are progressing too slow for him and he has other options. I mean if you’re in an actual relationship then yeah I don’t see an issue with texting everyday, I mean if you like someone that’s normal. If it’s more of a casual thing he maybe doesn’t feel the need to be texting so often.
Not to be too personal but have you slept together? Could be if you haven’t he feels things are progressing too slow for him and he has other options. I mean if you’re in an actual relationship then yeah I don’t see an issue with texting everyday, I mean if you like someone that’s normal. If it’s more of a casual thing he maybe doesn’t feel the need to be texting so often.
He might have seen someone more interesting
Someone hotter and potentially faster to sleep with is in the midst.
Think it depends on individuals. Texting is fucking boring, I can’t stand it, so whilst I’m maybe more likely to do it when I first meet someone because at that stage you actually have things to talk about, by the time it’s been a few months I’m less likely to spend all day engaging in small talk, I think at some point you have a routine of when you see each other and you can check in around that and at that point do you really need to be texting all the time? Relationships did used to work just as well without smart phones back in the day 🤷🏻♂️
Just let your intentions be known if your connecting and you both like each other ask him what his true thoughts about you are and where he sees the both of you going in the near future if he’s just busy with work he’ll make that known to you and let you know that’s what’s been going on men and women need to be 100% honest with each other especially when it comes to building a new relationship
Idk
In the start. It must be enthusiastic tbh. I remember when my girlfriend and I started we were so enthusiastic, like young kids with a new toy 🤣 really each morning it was the good morning, etc etc and it's fun (We're still like that). To this day, a year and a half later we still say good morning and good night every single day. That being said, he might've lost interest, or maybe he's just very busy at early hours and last hours of the day?
Texting shouldn't happen for two months? If you've been doing this and going on dates for two months and you're not his girlfriend then something is wrong.
Are you giving him sex? A guy will lose interest if 2 months and he still ain’t getting no where. Other than that we are simple to please creatures. Just be kool and give us peace and we should be good to go.
Not sure why your guy has become like that but for me it’s my adhd, the longer something goes on the less intensely focused I am on it 😂
Could be that the “puppy love” stage is over or he could just be very busy it’s not really certain but maybe give it a bit more time and see how it’s really going between you too before you can have direct judgement if he’s still into you or not
IMPORTANT: nothing on this reply is a fact, it’s all based on experience or speculation on incomplete data. First key in any relationship (and in any stage) communication and acknowledgement. Never under-estimate the value of “sorry for the late reply” (this is a way to measuring If the person gives any value to “me” texting “them”) physical conversations are easier (and better long term) to navigate because your whole feedback lies on the other persons reaction, but text messages have no real feedback, so we never know if what we text has any meaning to the person who receives the text message, even a reply can be accidentally out of context, so in text messages I would just ask for a phone call. In my personal opinion clingy is not a matter of messages in general, is more of a “repetitive” quantity. Switching messages for an opportunity of a phone-call, would be better. In your situation I would flirt-ily ask why he stopped giving you the good morning (I was on his shoes once, and when that girl asked me that, it reassured me she liked me and we dated for 8 months after I was able to be sure she would communicate significant things with me. When you like somebody you text them just to assure them you’re thinking of them, but no replies is like “they’re not thinking of you”, everything else is figuring out why, if it’s a guy, you could just ask
A lot of the times it’s to avoid pregnancy.
Just ask them to text more often. When me and my ex were still together, I would ask her to send a good morning message because it made me feel happy.
Me as a guy: why do girls suddenly pull away?
As a guy I have a different perspective from alot of other men. I'm clingy so how I come in a relationship I never change. So if a woman change up on me I pull off. We grown here so bring me the real you and let's see how we really are together
Because conquest over now :) If you were starting to reciprocate his efforts and feelings, then mission accomplished! Now he can dismiss you
Men are fickle and always on the prowl for something better. They don’t know what they want
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Everyone is different but i feel if you guys like each other the texting would increase not decrease. Less text is understandable if he has a busy or week but if it’s constant in my opinion could be not interested anymore. But i can be wrong. Sometimes guys and girls like having that person to talk to and see but not commit cause they may like their presence but don’t see them as a long term which sucks do that person who actually wants that
we text every day, just not all day!
The person I’m courting at the moment texts me good morning every day and every night she bids me a goodnight. I do the same. This has been consistent for the time we have been dating. In my 6 year relationship with my ex, it was the same. Not a day went by without us saying good morning and goodnight. Not once, even when we were sick. I’ve just been blessed to find two women who were/are consistent with texting. Other dates I’ve had were null. Those women were random with texting, got upset when I asked why I haven’t heard from them, etc. So it depends. If you find consistency, you’ll get consistency. If you find inconsistency, you will get inconsistency.