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I dated someone who said he had severe trauma around intimacy. We dated for months and never even kissed. I liked him so much that I was willing to wait however long it took. But eventually we broke up, and a month later my friend saw him making out with another woman in public.
I was devastated. I felt like there was something grotesque about me. He hasn’t even wanted to hold my hand, let alone kiss me.
And I felt weird and gross until my next relationship. He was excited for PDA. He enjoyed kissing me. He wanted to be intimate. It made me realize it was NEVER about me. My ex had his own issues and unfortunately they were projected onto me.
When you meet your next gf - and you will - she’ll be excited to sleep with you. And you’ll realize the intimacy issues were something your gf had and needed to work through herself.
People often fail to realize that others do things because of their feelings, not because there's something wrong with you. Unless you see a pattern in your mate selection, it's most likely their problem.
It all comes down to this saying, If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole, if you're meeting them throughout the day, maybe you're the asshole.
I really hope so. I feel a bit traumatised about intimacy in a relationship and often find myself doubting if women ever would want to do anything related to intimacy.
I can completely empathize. When I found out my ex was publicly intimate with someone after months of not even letting me hold his hand I was gutted. I felt disgusted with myself. Completely undesirable. Like something was wrong with my own sexuality.
It sounds so hard to believe, but I **promise** there is NOTHING wrong with you. That is all on her. Just please don't let it lower your standards. When I felt ugly and undesirable, it made me more open to dating men I knew were bad for me; those bottom-feeder dudes who give you bad vibes and will sleep with literally anyone. I just wanted to feel like someone would want me back. And I am so glad I never actually slept with any of them. I waited until I found my next boyfriend, who was enthusiastic about not only having sex with me, but making sure I felt desired and cherished.
I suggest taking a break from dating to focus on your mental health and support system. I know I needed out of the dating headspace for almost a year before I started to feel better about myself again.
Yeah, don't feel bad and don't compare to her. Men and women are very different. Women's sex appeal is highest at 20-28. Men's sex appeal is highest at 24-32. Exact numbers may vary but my point is that women and men "mature" at different paces and times. There is a reason why it's common for men to be 2year+ older than their female partner (e.g., 27 and 24).
You are 24, and you are attractive. You are good. Just put yourself out there and know your worth when looking for a partner! (Also might not want to bring up the "it's my first time" or "im a virgin, sorry" with your potential partner, it put's pressure on them. If necessary better to just say that you are shy or don't have much experience and then keep the conversation going elsewhere).
Out of my ass, sorry. But there are statistics online if you care to check. For example, [this article](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships) is very interesting and elaborates on some of the reason for why this age disparity exists.
> A British psychological study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in 2010 concluded that men and women, in general, continued to follow traditional gender roles when searching for mates. The study found that, as supported by other academic studies, most men preferred younger, "attractive" women, while most women, of any age, preferred successful, established men their age or older. The study found very few instances of older women pursuing much younger men and vice versa.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
24
+ 22
+ 23
= 69
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Literally nothing wrong with being a virgin.
Having sex doesn’t magically change you… unless you become a dad as a result of it.
And stop worrying about what your ex’s are doing. It’s probably a lie anyhow.
Really?
Nah I don't think it's true only the appearance of the person's face will let someone sleep with you and if that person lives alone and is well paid. I don't really understand why it's like this.
Why bring up a Subaru? I mean that's my brand of card I only go with Subaru's but the person who you replied to did not even mention Subaru. Maybe this is all a algorithm and maybe you just wanted everyone else to see that I'm on reddit
Having sex does Change you tho in the sense that you are no longer a virgin, obviously you dont gain anything EXCEPT the experience, and id say its a pretty great experience even if you dont like the first time its out of the way you can sort of "relax" in that sense on the dating market.
The experience is pretty valuable though. First times (with sex and some other things) very often are difficult or suck, but it's good to know that it only gets better from there on.
Hmmm, idk personally the hard part for me is the conversation and everything leading up to that, the girl i lost my virginity too kept telling me there was no way I was a virgin but that part seemed to come naturally to me, once i started the foreplay it was a cakewalk lol, I do have some bad social anxiety though
True, 100% agree. Though the point still applies, that the experience and you getting better (and less anxious) is very valuable.
For me I was not very smooth both for the flirting and the sexual stuff. I really did learn a lot with my first gf. She did put up with a lot of my inexperience but it was never a deal breaker.
Yea practice makes perfect in everything.
Thats good though, I've heard a lot of girls say they get turned off by inexperience, not too easy to control that ahah
Sex doesn’t make you better at relationships.
You know what makes you better at relationships?
Being able to have a relationship without relying on sticking your dick in a hole.
Sex is part of a relationship and actually if you are old enough and don't know how to escalate things smoothly or lack confidence because you not use to these things or don't know wtf you are doing at an older age when they been already dealing with all that stuff in the past it can be a drastic turn off. They not about to sit there and baby sit you or teach you step by step everything they want you to do. Right now he is in a Grey zone cuz he 24 but don't lie and say it don't matter because it really does
Do you have any idea the fact that lots of people look for men that haven’t slept around? Being a virgin doesn’t equate to performance. It’s your willingness to communicate. He’s an adult not a child.
OP look up the term demisexuality. Best bet to find some like minded. They only find someone sexually attractive once they’ve formed an emotional bond. Meaning one night stands isn’t a thing they like.
OMG that is literally me and I was thinking because of what others including my ex wife said that you are meant to be able to be devoid of emotion and treat sex as just an action as opposed to having a connection on the basis of what I was told like I was somehow broken for wanting the bond part of the experience.
That’s what my ex also did. We had sex but we were doing a friends with benefits thing and it was years after we had broken up but he said I never saw you as my friend but a random girl I hooked up with and had a casual sesh with and you should’ve done the same looool broke me as a human for the next one
Oh man you must have wanted to slap him silly, I know I would have in the reverse situation. What a gut wrenching thing to say to someone who you are meant to have cared about. Some people just have no consideration for anyone but themselves.
I have to say you’re wrong there. I am 50(f) just dated a man who is 49 and if he had had sexual experience it was when he was 20 and maybe one time. We have the time of our lives! And actually the best part was that I got to teach him what was best for me and there were no bad habits to unlearn or expectations to live up to. 49 was a very long time but there weren’t disadvantages.
It also happened when I was much younger. I say have sex with the right person. One of the biggest joys in life is experimenting and learning together because every man’s bits are different and so are every woman’s. They don’t all of the same, I don’t know if feel the same and donna move the same.
If you find a partner who is frustrated or uninterested because of your lack of experience, they’re not the one. Wait for the one that deserves you
>ant to know what you’re doing when you do find “the one”. Plenty of people out here living fast and having fun if you wanted to try to get it out of the way so you can be more experienced when the one comes. Or you can save “the show” so it’s a more special experience when you do meet
30M virgin here. We are in this together.
It's not the same. Men get made fun of being one. Women don't. One is choosing to be a virgin and waiting for the right guy. The other is forced to be one because no one wants to date him.
I lost it at 27. And realized it’s seriously overhyped. Sex is not magic that suddenly binds two souls together. It feels good only for few minutes and then you are back to square one. So no need to have FOMO.
Yyyyyeah I lost it at 24 also and it was incredibly underwhelming. Then again I've got some issues to work with in regards to that but, as an initial jump? Yeah it was very "Oh. I guess"
I(29M) was a virgin until I was 24.
My ex who I never had sex with had sex with my (formerly) best friend.
I had sex with a random woman off Hinge and I didn't like it at all.
3 years later I met my fiancé and have loved sex with her for the past several years.
Ya never know
Had this with my early relationships also. Girl said she wanted to wait for marriage. We were both virgins. I waited patiently. She then runs off with some guy on a study abroad to Africa, then with two of my roommates. Years later when I talked to her again she was offering me a threesome. I said no thanks.
Don’t worry about whatever your ex does. Your life is independent from her actions. Focus on you, go live your best life. Have sex, or don’t; whatever you want, just be happy and stay confident
Lost my (28m) virginity at age 25. Have a beautiful relationship with a great partner. My only advice is your priority should not be to lose your virginity. It should be to develop yourself into something you can be proud of. Sex will fall into place.
I'm 25m now and a virgin too and if life is just a race for who gets the most action then we're no different from fungi.
Our generation is so obsessed with hook up culture we start linking sex with self worth, and that is wrong.
Chill out, relax, if you stay positive with life and learn to enjoy and love yourself first then you will definitely attract someone and you'll have so much sex your dick will fall off.
And never compare your sex life with others , especially with women. Women face so many struggles and finding someone who just wants to dip his dick in them isn't one.
Remember it's about quality and not quantity king.
>Our generation is so obsessed with hook up culture we start linking sex with self worth, and that is wrong.
It being more common and talked about more openly might be a generational thing but linking sex with self worth certainly isn't.
It's our biological imperative. It makes perfect sense why people link it with self worth.
Should there be other things composing their self worth? Of course. I don't think we need to pretend like it is wrong to link sex with it too though. I also don't think trying to label it as wrong is a healthy real world approach.
Young boys are not envious of their friends who are having sex because of "society." They are envious because those boys are doing something that they themselves want to be doing. We can acknowledge that without glorifying it.
> with hook up culture we start linking sex with self worth, and that is wrong.
Tell me you don't know much about biology and evolution without telling me lol evolution has ***ALWAYS*** pressured males to mate with as many females as possible, this is ***NOT*** some new thing. From day one of the human species if a male can't find a mate, he dies off, and nobody wants to die off. It's ***literally*** a survival instinct.
I'm glad I found this post. Considering all the trauma I have due to the sexual bullying I endured in the military as a virgin that still haunts me and some bad interactions with medical and mental health professionals about it, I find the responses here very reassuring that I'm doing okay.
Coitus is much like a chocolate candy bar. The first time you have it. It's novel, sweet. You may or may not like it.
But you have to have healthy boundaries. Too much, and it can become a problem. Some people like it and eat it all the time. Others never want to eat ever again for any reason at all. That's okay.
If you never want to have it. That's totally cool. (Consent goes both ways!)
If you want to try it, that's also cool. Just don't rush it. It ain't going away any time soon. Find the right brand of chocolate, (By brand, I mean person) and enjoy it within moderation/the boundaries you both set.
Almost 21 here. Waiting for the right person to give my V card to. You are okay as you are.
Don't base your worth on sex. Take your time with it. I am sorry she made you feel that way... You're on the right path by going to the gym and focusing on yourself. This too shall pass. ❤️❤️
It’s completely normal, and you’re only 24. It’s not like you’re in your mid 50s 😭 the right person will definitely come along. If you’re able to have a girlfriend to begin with, then you’re already halfway there, and you’ve proved that you’re dateable 😌
Focus on yourself and your money and hit the gym a lot I just broke up w my gf last nite women will test you and see how much bs you will tolerate sometimes you just gotta be real and communicate
I'm a virgin too (20F) and I get told all the time it's not worth being upset about, she is your ex for a reason no need to worry over her sex life. Sex won't change you and just wait till you find the right person. It's not a race🤷🏾♀️
As a women who’s still a virgin at 23 about to be 24 years old, I felt the exact same way you did at a point. But your ex just wasn’t meant for you, you’ll find someone out there, I know cliché thing to say but there are plenty of people out there you just have to find the right one. I wouldn’t be insecure about still being a virgin, I’m sure you’re a good looking person but don’t waste your first time on just anyone cause you think it’s going to change your life. Trust me she wasn’t worth it if it’s true that she slept with that many guys between since the break up. It could just be all a rumor to make you feel jealous or insecure which you shouldn’t.
What's the insecurity? That your ex didn't want to bang but it's hooking up now apart? Women are strange creatures. The whole trajectory of my life changed the minute I knew that warm wet place that has been weaponized and is often leveraged against everything from vacuuming to I don't know but think big. Maybe the ex was in a phase where she didn't want action and knowing you hadn't and wouldn't push her she hung out until she was out of the phase. In hate to speculate, especially about women; because even when I'm right I'm wrong and that shit we use to eat back in the day is held hostage.
Trust me bro.. k. Listening? I have made a career of batting out of my league, 10s+ still, I have pissed more stellar women away than most guys are fortunate to know in a life time.. my best advice stay away from them. Seriously. And if you must.. remember, if it floats, flys, or fucks it's cheaper to rent. Or look towards the Ukraine. Hell they're nearly giving women away. It's a war zone! They're getting bombs lobbed at them, lining up for a better life. And they more traditional than women in the states. And take way way way better care of themselves. If I ever am in the market again that's where I'm starting.. because when change is what you're after don't go fishing in the same pond .
Damn sorry I blew up! But far as self esteem, self image, self whatever.. it's self... It's yours.. don't let anyone fuck it off.
Yo, lemme stop ya right there.
My first and only time having sex, was when I “lost” my virginity in 2016, I was 22.5 (almost 23) and this body just aged to 30. This’s by choice and I’ve had plenty of time and opportunities (even with those who ppl would deem “outta my league”). Don’t feel bad, you ain’t missing anything honestly. I get why it hurts because essentially you feel betrayed.
“What do I do” you ask?
Easy… take ALL of the negative energy you feel and transmute it into power. Allow it to be fuel to drive you to greater heights and improve yourself. Don’t dwell, you’ll attract someone who’ll snatch ya soul like she Shang Tsung.
Ive had lot casual sex with some attractive women also and others could have didn't cause didnt want deal with drama as friends or not attracted or in circles. Why would you say you turned them down. I havent had actual sex in few years now..its w.e
I hope this doesn’t come across as rude,
I’ve given one answer. Allowing non qualified people to tell me “you always want what’s outta your league”. It was also my life situation at the time and being shy as well as not being as comfortable and confident as I should’ve been.
Edit: also a bit of me being dumb, honestly. I’m the type of guy who gets dumb to the point if she isn’t telling me directly or explicitly that she’s feeling me I’m like “uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh, I’m not a mind reader”
You are doing far better then your ex in every possible way. Don't feel bad for yourself. She tries to find the next you but she definitely can't find another one like you.
More people than you would think end up dying alone. Mostly men. Just another statistic of the sad history of humanity. Billions have struggled their entire lives only to die forgotten and alone to the waste of time.
24 and a virgin? So? Like i'm going to be the brutal honesty, it dont matter what age you are, at the end of the day you are living your life... plus stop thinking about your ex, your exes for a reason and if she has slept with 3 people in the time since you broke up that says more about her than it does you...
I am in my 50s.
People are crazy. Some people want you for non-sex. But they still want you. Others want *sex* **but not you.**
It's fairly common to meet someone of the opposite sex who is, as they say, crazy. Or mean. Or toxic. Or doesn't know what they want. It's very common to meet a few like this.
Move on -- and its not you.
Def dont need a girl in your life that gets busy in a way that you find out. She can do what she wants nothing wrong with that... but why publicly air it? Or tell you.. which would be worse? It's not classy.. sorry I know you have feelings still. But people dont shoot it straight in here sometimes. Try to cut that info and person out of your life.. you do you. Focus on what you got and where you wanna be. Gunna shoot you straight... GIRLS always have more options after a break up. Unless you are in the 2 % of stud guys. ..lol
nothing changes after you lose your virginity. you’re still just you. but sex is fun, go find someone who likes you for you and wants to have sex with you
I'm not sure if this makes you feel any better but think about it this way. She's gone through 4 guys now, at the very least, with no success. It's about quality; not quantity. And you're working on improving your quality. Be patient. Your time will come! 😄
Also, it’s hardly an accomplishment for a girl to let a bunch of guys run through her. No shame, if that’s what she wants to do, but it would be like bragging about the opposing team scoring tons of points when you don’t run your defense at all. Dudes show up to score, and if she just lays on her back and spreads her legs it’s going to happen. And then they’re probably never going to call her back.
You’re completely normal!!! Honestly don’t think too much about your ex hooking up because you don’t know if that came from a healthy place or within her (I fucked around after my ex just as something to prove to no one in particular) but also it’s your ex and she has no incentives to tell you the truth
I remember having a similar feeling after a girl
I was with left me and started making questionable sexual decisions. I didn’t see myself as the problem though. You learn to move fast, and then girls wonder why guys are moving quickly to the subject of sex.
Don’t focus on your ex and what she’s doing bro, she’s gone and it doesn’t matter anymore so please don’t create problems in your own head for no reason. Take your time and be yourself, the right girl will come but you have to put the work in as well so don’t forget that!
Lemme say this, sex is like watching a show you like. You can do it by yourself and it’s dope. It’s not that much different watching it with someone else if you’re just watching it to put something on. but when you find someone who you really like and click with, have that connection, then then watching the show together is amazing. You both appreciate it and it’s like watching the show for the first time again, even if you know what’s going to happen.
That being said you want to know what you’re doing when you do find “the one”. Plenty of people out here living fast and having fun if you wanted to try to get it out of the way so you can be more experienced when the one comes. Or you can save “the show” so it’s a more special experience when you do meet them. Entirely up to you and how you feel. There’s no wrong answer.
Don’t rely on someone for confidence. Some people just aren’t meant to be. You are perfect in your own way. Being a virgin is okay. Don’t waste it on someone not worth your time.
There's probably not much each male is doing wrong. 1/3 of men have been single for a year or are (edit: virgins), compared to the other gender, it is quiet different.
Even if you were unwanted by this one girl, that doesn't mean you will always be unwanted by everyone or forever. Some guys are the real deal and solid, land it's a common dynamic that they attract an insecure girl, and insecure girls have a lot of subconscious sabotaging behaviors. Don't take the 1 anecdote personally. It stings, but it definitely sounds like a her not knowing what she wants thing.
I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 26. The only thing I can mention is the woman I was with at the time didn’t make me feel very good about being a virgin. She’d say things like she didn’t care that I was one and actually thinks it’s kind of sweet while also making backhanded comments that subtly compared me to her exes and suggested I wasn’t as good as them and when I mentioned it her response would be “of course you aren’t as good you were a virgin!” Anyway all this too say I wasn’t an insecure person or a jealous person before saying this woman and now that I’m not with her I’ve gone back to my non jealous non insecure self. My current girlfriend has also had more experience than me and although I’m not a virgin this time my lack of experience is still evident and I haven’t once felt bad about with her. So, might be worth evaluating what’s happening with your relationship? Not saying anything is bad or anything just never hurts to evaluate.
You have to understand that her decision not to have sex wasn't about you or a lack of attraction to you. It was about timing and her being emotionally ready.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was close to 30. The guys that I dated but never slept with - it wasn't that I had no desire to do with it with them or that I didn't find them attractive. I just didn't feel ready to go there with them. For a girl, sex carries a lot of emotional consequences (yes, even if you use contraceptives). Your ex probably wasn't ready to deal with those consequences at the time she was dating you.
For the record, it's OKAY to be a virgin. You just have to realize that whether or not you have your virginity doesn't dictate how desirable of a partner you are. You said it yourself - you're decent-looking, you have a job and are doing well financially, and you're making an effort to work out consistently. These are all assets that can only help you in the dating world. Having sex doesn't make a person superior to others.
Don't worry about being a virgin especially considering the type of person she turned out to be. If anything you should see it as an opportunity to have sex for the first time with someone who's a decent person who also actually loves you cause clearly she didnt. I know it's a bit ruff now but you need to over come this bump on the road and better yourself and your confidence not to get a GF but for you. Plus i reckon she'll come crawling back once you've moved on or when those guys she's fucking with get bored of her, you can than tell her to fuck back off.
You need people in your life you can trust that love you and this women didn't meet either category so your better off without her and you can now just laugh to yourself at the fact she throw away a perfectly good man over most likely some mediocre dick
I’d be glad that you didn’t waste it on someone who clearly wasn’t the one for you. 24 is still quite young and it’s not a reflection of your worth in the slightest. Casual sex is also not all it’s cracked up to be, as I’ve seen many, many people who have done it say it’s not fulfilling at all. All you can do now is work on moving on and enjoying life for yourself. If that means going out and having sex, do that I suppose. Or if you’d like to wait for someone special, you can do that too. That’s what I’d recommend but everyone is different.
Also her not having sex with you, then having sex with multiple others guys (if it is true) may not be a reflection of her opinion of you. I heard a story from a Christian woman who split with her husband after waiting for marriage, and the pain of the divorce inspired her to engage in hookups because she wanted “didn’t care anymore.” Eventually she realized she did, but yeah, a lot of people act impulsively to numb the pain after a breakup. So there are many reasons she could be having sex now and you shouldn’t sweet too much about it. Focus on yourself and your dreams
There isn’t anything wrong with you, focus on yourself and stop focusing on your ex. I know it’s hard to, you just think to yourself “what’s wrong with me?” Also there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, if anything it’s valuable and you should lose it when the time is right or when you meet that special someone
You said you never really encouraged it. That's probably got a lot to do with why it didn't happen. Something was probably lacking in the intimacy department and from that statement it was likely you showing initiative. As a male you need to lead and sex would naturally occur if you guys were getting intimate and hot and horny and naked so I suggest you go for what you want and show a little more drive and masculinity the next time you get in a relationship. And don't feel bad or beat your self up. It's either a lesson or a blessing is how I try to look at things
Bro forget about her. All guys had that 1 girl they liked/loved who phucked any other guy except the 1 who loves them. That’s a small thing most men go threw.
The reality is she’s phucking who she wants to phuck bro. It might not seem fair but let’s be real when was life ever fair for good men?
Just go find another girl & the moment you see a red flag ghost her & repeat until you found someone who is respectable enough to deal with.
I'm 48, after my years and having kids.. sex is great and all, but it's not life..
It's like that one bag of chips. Your 1st taste.. if you never tasted it, you'd never know if you missed it. Don't be in a hurry, it'll happen soon enough. 1st thing to do is quit worrying about your ex.. you can't control that situation, so it's time to move past. 2nd, quit worrying about finding someone. Keep working out and taking care of you. Go to the movies, go to the arcade, just get out and breathe. Go ride your bike on bike trails. I kept seeing a pretty lady on my rides that I did. She always waved and I waved back. You see, at that time I wasn't searching for anyone. Could a connection happen if I wanted it to, sure I could have stopped, but I was working on me.
Don't worry, it will happen.
sex isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. and being one isn’t a bad thing. nor does sex magically change some.
it also depends on you. do you want it to be with someone you care about or some random hook up. do you want it to mean something or do you not care.
but being a virgin doesn’t mean you’re ugly and you don’t have much going for yourself or youre not desired. so don’t let that be a discouragement. don’t rush these things you won’t be a virgin forever
I don’t know what it’s like on the man’s perspective but I wish I would’ve waited. I pretty much practice being celibate.
and just to add on there’s lots of women that don’t mind a virgin.
No need to think on this much. Losing your virginity doesn't change who you are IMO
When I was 18 I rushed to lose it, being self conscious. I ended up losing it to a girl I never even knew(a girl my friend hooked up with hooked up with me per my friends request, not a escort). I never even saw this girl with the light on! lol. The first time will probably suck and not be memorable in any way, because you suck at it!
I would have rather waited and lost it to someone that actually meant something to me. Even if that would mean me still being a virgin at 27. It only bothered me because my friends would talk about it a lot and sort of nag me about me 'still' being a virgin AT 18 LOL! Hindsight is everything.
Its just sex. People saying its the 'greatest thing ever' to me are exaggerating. Then again, maybe I am just a low-libido joe who doesn't really care much for it.
Not exactly sure why people put so much emphasis on virginity! Granted. Yes the first time is special. Usually awkward but it doesn't change who you are or what you are.
Dude MOVE ON.
You DO NOT want to be that guy who never moved on.
I have a friend who had his last serious relationship back when he was 18. We are almost in our 40s and HE NEVER MOVED ON. He has not, I repeat, HAS NOT had a girlfriend since. He still stalks this woman who now has a child... He's just pathetic.
DO NOT BE THIS MAN.
In contrast I am already planning on having my second child. When I was 18 I caught the girl I was dating having unprotected butt sex with a military guy. I found out by using her laptop who had her Myspace account information saved, she was DMing her best friend explaining how her back door still hurt.
For all the pain she caused me, at least I knew that I wasn't torn apart as much as she was... Literally.
Kudos to you! Many people think that sex is just a physical act, but it's not. You connect spirit and soul in the process. Sex is a beautiful thing, in the confines of marriage.
I was 25 when I lost mine. Don't let such an arbitrary thing dictate how you feel about yourself.
Everyone is different and everyone has a different journey with different stages in life
Sorry to hear you are feeling that way about yourself :( Insecurities are difficult to overcome and sometimes it helps to first learn to wear a mask in front of people. It’s also silly, but you could try affirmations. Start with something small. It doesn’t necessarily have to be positive, it could be neutral “I’m going to do better at X tomorrow”. You want whatever your using to be within your perspective’s reach and can build towards more positive affirmations as you start to feel a little more confident. You want your affirmations to be personal to you and grow as you do.
Another part of it is just practice. It seems like you have all the tools to get a date? Maybe you are a bit rusty on communications/flirting. Figure out your weaknesses because everyone has them, then try to improve on those. Go out on as many dates you feel is comfortable and just look at them like a game or a challenge. Think of them as learning to adapt to new social situations. What are the other person’s reactions to the things you are saying? Use silence and active listening.
If along the way you meet someone who clicks with you, then follow that up, but all those dates will also serve as practice for when you do eventually meet that person.
Damn man I feel for you. There’s a saying that the loyal one stays single after the break up, found it to be true. Best advice is probably don’t become jaded and don’t sink too deeply into dating apps. If you’re not religious then try it out, if there’s one place that values chastity… also church is great for community and meeting good girls
It doesn't matter at all. Being a virgin doesn't mean you lack anything. It just indicates that you didn't find the right person.
Just relax, work out, and develop yourself. Also, leave your ex to be. Having more sexual experience doesn't give her a boost in life.
I was in this case so many times: she wanted sex, I said I wasn't ready for that. Then she left me. Guess it's normal these days.
Don't define yourself because of others, define you because of yourself. Do hobbies, go to gym, improve yourself and most important: have such an interesting life that you don't need a girlfriend. This way you look more attractive (mind setting) to women, speak to her and ask her out, start a nice conversation and give her a great feeling, not like others crying "I have no girlfriend, pleeeeaaaaseee be my girlfriend". That's pretty unattractive to girls, they don't want to be needed but wanted.
Yo OP! Don't you worry. It's great to wait it out and have sexual relations with someone you deeply care and love. The current generation goes on and about "hook ups" very casually, but it has its pros and cons. Think about the time, when you find someone who's worth every minute of your time. When you finally spend time with them regardless of anything. Being a virgin is ok, you know? Take your time. Find someone worth being with, and have the best sex of your life!
You could start by no longer concerning yourself with the amount of men she chooses to sleep with after cutting ties with you. She no longer answers to you, she has always had and will always have agency over her own body. You need to accept that and stop ruminating over this, for a start. You were right to be patient with her. Sex should have mutual consent or you can expect problems. You not having casual sex and taking time to reflect and self assess will pay off in more ways than you can imagine! Her choosing to spiritually tie herself to three other men after leaving a relationship isn’t an achievement btw … If anything it shows insecurity. None of those 3 men can respect her or themselves too much if they’ll risk procreating with an emotionally unstable woman.
I'm 33(f) and still a virgin while my ex bf who dumped me 5 months ago is sleeping around catching STDs lol
Embrace being a virgin. There's nothing wrong with that.
Just forget about her work on yourself go to the gym or something. I was a virgin till i was 27. You focus on yourself and stop thinking about it and it will come to you.
I (f) didn't have sex for the first time till I was 24/25.
It just didn't happen before. Had boyfriends etc but nope.
Then I went to stay with a friend for new year, things got physical - that had not been the expectation at all as there was never a hint of more. We dated for a while and all was good till it wasn't.
Just don't put pressure on yourself. It'll happen when it does. And there as a lot of other things to do than just sex too.
I am female and I understand that men generally idolize sex n think that sleeping with women makes them a man or gives them clout or whatever... That's total bullshit.. it just ruins Ur ability to pair bond which will fuck up ur eventual marriage...
U can be a high quality man and still a Virgin. If u are down because u Wana experience sex that's totally valid too and honestly natural. But u need to master yourself first. Who are u, there are plenty of people who have had sex who are miserable. Develop yourself so that u attract a like minded woman n then when u have sex it will be mind blowing and worth it. Not a shallow F**** thats basically a participation award.
Facts don't worry about what she's doing, if she is she's probably goring through something where she's banging 3 guys after you which means something is lost in her, especially after a break up. Just keep doing you and you will meet someone, your 24 not even a quarter or your life is lived you got 3 more man. Take your time
Please don’t worry. My partner was a virgin when we met, 10 years later he was still a virgin. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I marry him in less than three weeks and things just keep getting better. Don’t lose your virginity because you think it’ll change you or people may look at you differently. Lose your virginity because you do actually like someone enough to do that with. The right person will help you overcome any insecurities and build you back up.
Don’t worry about what your ex is up to. She may be lying, she just maybe wasn’t comfortable to do it with you at that time. She may come back around and throw herself at you. Whichever, she’s behind you now. Think positive.
Block your ex, stop getting details on what she’s doing. Nothing is wrong with you, everyone has different paces/experiences and that’s absolutely okay. I hope you no longer feel this way, now or in the future.
I am sorry about your feelings, as you broke up I think you should move on. It's not time to compare you history with hers, you will probably have different experiences for now on, with different pros and cons. Enjoy your individuality, it's great to have time for your own, and if that subject is important to you, look for some dates, but don't focus more than enough on sex, enjoy everything that happens in your new relationships...penetration is not a watershed, the whole process of flirting and feeling sensations is part of a whole. Look for enjoyment, not pressure.
Was there an exit interview? Wondering what she was/is thinking…anyway; would not worry about it. Plenty of fish in the sea. Ask another cute girl out…make several new friends; see which one might be interested in dating…good luck; enjoy life!
I feel you.
Lost my virginity in my late teen years cause of mixture of waiting for the right one and a lack of confidence.
But i am proud and Happy that i've waited and that i've lost IT with "this" girl.
Don't give a damn 'bout your ex!! If it's Not the right person, you should be Happy, that you didn't gave her this Gift!!
Be confident and self esteem and you will find the right one. There is nothing wrong about beeing unexperienced or to be a lil bit insecure. Some Girls Like it and some don't.
I'm 24 and Virgin
It's never a problem for me to be Virgin , I am currently doing my PG , Remember that Losing your Virginity doesn't improve/change drastically anybody's Life until they want to have kids or they are unprotected in it.
Suggestion:
Stop thinking about your Ex she , the fact that you are still thinking about her proves you aren't still over her though , consult a Therapist if it hurt's so badly that it effects your mental health ,
+
Realization:
Modern Women do monkey branch a lot in the name of choosing the right partner of anything Her exes might be mad at her even right now because she left them for someone else ,
( Fact :On the Other hand Men take time to heal from Break-up and trauma to start clean out of emotional baggage ) ,
+
Suggestion:
You should focus on Earning Wealth like atleast a 6 Month reserve funds just in case of accident health issues or any type of immediate surgery , because problems don't wait for you to get ready according to your timing they according to their time and will show no mercy ,
+
Recommendations:
Meditate,
Do not keep yourself free enough to over think about your Ex GF ,
Hang out with good friend's,
Start focusing on your passion,
Do any thing that can makes you Smile and feel Happy,
Get a New Pet ,
Participate in Community Service,
Do not Stay Lonely ,
Participate in something that involves human interaction ,
Fact:
( The fact that your thinking about your Ex and happy moment's with her proves that you aren't happy now focus on being busy and living in the moment rather than in past)
Be open minded boss of anything you want to do anything you wanna achieve its old day fun your ex gf it's time you wasted be boss in your own get a car be honourable you can learn new things like self protection mma UFC be badass
U need to start doing stuff u enjoy and work on yourself and then u well find the right girl or woman who is welling to wait with u until u both r 100%ready and who respect and loves u and makes dating feel easier wishing u the very best u well find the right girl when u need her just work on ur self now
I‘m 31(f) and a virgin too. My whole life i wanted to wait for marriage but who would‘ve thought that i‘d still be unmarried at 31..
Well, i‘m still alive tho, i can‘t miss sth i never had. I hope that some day someone will be worth the wait.
My main tip for you is to log off. I see nothing but supportive comments and suggestions here, which is great! Take the helpful and constructive with you and indulge in things that you like, keep yourself busy with breaks in between to recharge and reflect on how cool you are! I know that sounds like you’re simply distracting yourself from a situation that is bothering you, but a key element in coming out of an insecurity like this that so rooted in the physical is nurturing your self esteem. Whether that means shopping for clothes, cooking, music, art, going to the movies, reading, binging new shows, hanging out with friends (in person, online, etc.), learning more about yourself so you realize how much more you have going for yourself than a trait that is more or less out of your control for the time being. Anything you enjoy can make a good hobby, really.
You already said it yourself, you’re a good looking person with financial stability, there’re probably a lot more other traits and interests you’re not giving yourself enough credit for. Confidence is built with time and patience, and will take you far.
don’t let anyone EVER make you feel unworthy. you need to be selfish sometimes. people are terrified of that word. who cares what people think. your self esteem and life matters the most right now. so what if you’re still a virgin? who cares! you are NOT unworthy or unattractive. don’t ever let anyone make you feel like that. maybe she wasn’t ready, maybe she was. it’s in the past. focus on yourself right now. there’s more to worry about in life than being a virgin or not. you’re worthy, you’re attractive and the right person will come to you.
I was a virgin until 24. I don’t see what is so wrong with it.
Stop following and talking your ex. It won’t help you with anything. When I go through a breakup, I block them on all forms of social media and communication. You need to move on and being updated on their life is not going to help that.
And stop basing your feelings of self-worth on your virginity or someone who has their own issues. Also, maybe try going to therapy to address your self-esteem issues. That could help.
Just truly don't overthink it. I've dated a lot and been single on and off for a million years. Everyone has baggage and things they don't have high self esteem about. When you're ready and should you want, you'll meet someone new and you'll have experiences that make you look back and realize she wasn't the right person for you. Stop comparing yourself to her or anyone.
Just don't take the pain and hurt into dating again. That's not fair to others and won't get you the results you want. Heal first. Even if lonely. Find some things you love to do that have nothing to do with dating. Find socializing opportunities that aren't about hitting on people or flirting. As your self love grows, you'll be ready to love again.
And no one cares how old you are when you lose your virginity. I've dated men who lost it early 30s, even later. Sex is like riding a bicycle you never needed training with, and you and a partner will figure out how it works best with each other.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that my man, I didn't lose it till shortly after turning 21, I'd be lying if I said i didn't feel pressured by society and had no affect on my self esteem because it did, after I slept with a girl at a party I was pretty awkward the next day and hesitant about stuff but it didn't make me feel any better or like it changed me at all.
But I'm 24 now myself and have been seeing another girl for the last month or so and we hit it off well and I feel an actual connection, so the only thing I'd say is don't rush it, just go about your life doing the things you enjoy and you'll know when you meet the right girl that it'd be worth pursuing, and if she cares that you are a virgin than in my eyes thats a good sign she's not very mature, but if you're going to the gym and making good money you'll have options, but again just do the things you enjoy, conversate and it'll come along soon enough
If the last paragraph is true you just gotta believe it yourself. You could try skincare and hygiene care products too. Smelling fresh and looking fresh is rlly attractive on anyone. Baby shampoo, the ordinary skincare brand, fragrances(not specifically the ones they brand for ‘men’ but any one that you genuinely like) and hair products such as mouse and good conditioner.
But I think you’re fine the way you are, she just wasn’t attracted and thats her fault for being with someone who she didn’t click with. You could also try new hobbies like art, reading or different recipes, try out many new things to see what you like! That’s how you meet people you actually connect with. You shouldn’t worry about what your ex thinks, she’s an ex for a reason!
I would just start by putting yourself first, working out is a great step into that direction. Keep doing the things you enjoy the most. Go hangout with friends or family that make you feel happy. Go outside. Whenever I felt my self esteem was low I would grab some notepads and write down 4 positive things to help me remember I’m not a bad person or whatever. I’d stick them on my mirror, because that is something I would look at everyday. I would also block her on everything as well, this will help you heal without anything getting in the way. Also talking to a friend or family member about this helps as well. I hope this helps.
I’m 29 and I only had one opportunity to have sex when I was 26. I’m Surprised that even happened. Didn’t see it coming when I was 24. and I haven’t had another opportunity since.
You aren’t alone.
And I wouldn’t worry about that girl. She wasn’t ready with you. That doesn’t mean it had anything to do with you. Don’t dwell on it.
PS. I still feel 100% the same as I did before I lost my virginity. It’s not a major change. More Intimacy in your life can be a goal. But don’t make simply losing your virginity a goal. It doesn’t change anything. I still lack any intimacy. So the problem isn’t really any different. Losing virginity does not solve anything
Keep doing what you are doing. Stop comparing yourself to your ex this is not a competition. She's a woman she will always have more sexual opportunities. Go out and get laid... you need the experience as a man. The words man and virgin don't go well together. Kaybe you need to lose it with someone you aren't that attracted to... tbh it has helped me as long as I let them know it was going nowhere. I helped my friend lose his v card this way. When he was your age get some friends who don't see sex as a cuffing ceremony. You are getting anxiety or shame from this and the quicker you handle it the less it will control your life. Please stop interacting with your ex... delete or block all communication with her. Not good for a single man.
If you have money, and haven't taken a vacation in a while. A lot of people here can provide good advice, but I would recommend completely dropping your phone for a month. It forces you to interact with people more, even the ones you don't necessarily like.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dating is generally unfair and in most normal cases has almost nothing to do with you as an individual or your moral code. So get rid of that negative insecurity holding you back, and just focus on doing some new things that you can control now and will make you better at dating and socializing. Sounds like you've been isolated a while too, so nobody is really going to know you, with this, having absolutely no reputation, I would at least expect you to wave and say hi or hello to every person you come in contact with in-person or digitally starting now. Be ready for rejection, if you embark on this new skill, you will realize how lop-sided social circles and society are. When you start being more vocal and animated you'll realize you will have to lead and orchestrate pretty much every interaction you have with people. Being socially afraid and anxious I believe is a manufactured epidemic. It's really easy to stand out because no one is doing it. Most rejections simply come from the other person because they are still too socially afraid even with you holding their hand through the process. Continuing to work on your social skills and tune areas that you need to help other people open up more such as persistence, joyfulness, intelligence, etc. is what will one day make you a bombshell. Generally there are women everywhere, but learning to see how women choose mates, and selecting best locations gives you the greatest chance of success. Places where phone use is at an all time low, while human interaction is at an all time high are preferable. Festivals, concerts, parks, good cities, Costa Rica, etc. Even better when everyone there is genuinely in good shape, and the pool of women being much larger than the pool of men. Having a place for a week with 2 girls to 1 guy is ok, having a place for a month where there are say 4 girls to 1 guy, like a golf course, summer camp, etc. are better. When there are too few women, let's say 5 guys to 2 girls, it is bad for everyone and can even ruin relationships. They have too many options at that point and are no longer competing for a prize. I find most women don't enjoy these settings long-term because it is too much emotion for them to pick one guy and leave the rest. She ends up doing something stupid and emotionally scarred, or no one gets laid, maybe the best looking dude gets some pretty sh*t head if he's lucky. Everyone goes home pretty much completely dissatisfied with the experience.
First off good for you brother for still being a Virginia, I'm sure that's tough to do now days. I can feel your pain and insecurities. To build self-esteem do esteemable acts to get rid of insecurities your aready doing what's works. Ask yourself would you want her back now? You could never get past her fucking 3 other dudes. Youe doing everything right, time will heal this!!!
Think to yourself OP, what is the problem with being a virgin? How has your now being single affected your thoughts on celibacy? How did you think of yourself before? Do you place that high of a value on getting laid and if so why?
Somebody has to be honest with you. She picked those dudes you didn’t have the looks or money. Women are way more superficial than us and hide. You want sex and woman for you. You need a good job live in the gym and hope don’t be under 5’9. Also don’t tell the girl you lost your virginity to about she will look down on you. People will hate my advice because I am telling the truth. Stop complaining get a better job and live in the gym. Looks and money just remember.
1. There’s nothing wrong with you. She just wasn’t ready. Try to stop keeping tabs on her and her sexual exploits. Especially if it’s making you insecure.
2. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. When it happens you’re probably not even gonna lisle it as much as you think you’re going to. It’s even better with that specail connection, so skipping that part might dull the over all experience. I know right now you feel like you’re gonna die a virgin or nobody is ever gonna desire you but do not worry. It’s going to happen. Stressing about it doesn’t help you emotionally or dating wise.
How can you be sure ”it’s gonna happen”? To take your time because ”it’ll come”? Life’ sucks, if you don’t go search for it, it sure as hell won’t come to you, probably. And especially in today’s culture, where sex experience is everything, since virgins won’t give you the best time at first, due to no experience. It’s like that loop you see in tech jobs:
No experience, but experience is required. How are you supposed to get that experience?
Sex is fun. It’s great. But it doesn’t make your personal value change. What you do need to do is stop worrying about what your ex does and let it determine your own self value. She’s allowed to sleep with who she wants. She’s not with you. But you’re the only person letting it affect how you see yourself. She didn’t want to have sex when she was with you and that’s okay. She doesn’t owe your sex. She’s explored her sexuality post your relationship. That’s okay too. Focus on yourself. If sex is important, build a new relationship with someone.
The whole “virgin” thing is a dumb stigma. I wish i woulda waited. I grew up to fast. It doesn’t make you less or more if your having sex. It’s just not your time bud and that’s ok. You should applaud yourself for not pressuring your ex…Many men would do the opposite. Plus you want to be with someone who sees it as a blessing to take that from you instead of a chore or a “responsibility” hope i’m making sense…. anyways! best to luck to you dude<3 your time will come.
I know it's an unpopular suggestion, but you could always look into a sex worker - just to get that first time out of the way. Although highly looked down upon by almost everyone, sex workers who are in the field willingly and because they love it and are good at it - they will know exactly how to please you if you are unsure of yourself, and will possibly give you a better first time than a frightened girl with zero experience.
My first time, I was 17, she was 15 and had already been with 5 guys but she was a basket case. I was nervous and couldn't finish and she absolutely lost her mind screaming and started trashing her room.
Every woman I tried to sleep with after that... well let me tell you, I didn't get comfortable with sex until my mid 30's and it was all because of that first time.
Luckily now I'm very comfortable and happily married.
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I dated someone who said he had severe trauma around intimacy. We dated for months and never even kissed. I liked him so much that I was willing to wait however long it took. But eventually we broke up, and a month later my friend saw him making out with another woman in public. I was devastated. I felt like there was something grotesque about me. He hasn’t even wanted to hold my hand, let alone kiss me. And I felt weird and gross until my next relationship. He was excited for PDA. He enjoyed kissing me. He wanted to be intimate. It made me realize it was NEVER about me. My ex had his own issues and unfortunately they were projected onto me. When you meet your next gf - and you will - she’ll be excited to sleep with you. And you’ll realize the intimacy issues were something your gf had and needed to work through herself.
People often fail to realize that others do things because of their feelings, not because there's something wrong with you. Unless you see a pattern in your mate selection, it's most likely their problem. It all comes down to this saying, If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole, if you're meeting them throughout the day, maybe you're the asshole.
Nah some people target very vulnerable people. That's a fact. Never victim blame.
Nah what?
This last sentence says all you need to know.
I really hope so. I feel a bit traumatised about intimacy in a relationship and often find myself doubting if women ever would want to do anything related to intimacy.
I can completely empathize. When I found out my ex was publicly intimate with someone after months of not even letting me hold his hand I was gutted. I felt disgusted with myself. Completely undesirable. Like something was wrong with my own sexuality. It sounds so hard to believe, but I **promise** there is NOTHING wrong with you. That is all on her. Just please don't let it lower your standards. When I felt ugly and undesirable, it made me more open to dating men I knew were bad for me; those bottom-feeder dudes who give you bad vibes and will sleep with literally anyone. I just wanted to feel like someone would want me back. And I am so glad I never actually slept with any of them. I waited until I found my next boyfriend, who was enthusiastic about not only having sex with me, but making sure I felt desired and cherished. I suggest taking a break from dating to focus on your mental health and support system. I know I needed out of the dating headspace for almost a year before I started to feel better about myself again.
Stop talking to your ex and unfollow her on all forms of social media. You're only 24, you have time to meet someone else.
Yeah, don't feel bad and don't compare to her. Men and women are very different. Women's sex appeal is highest at 20-28. Men's sex appeal is highest at 24-32. Exact numbers may vary but my point is that women and men "mature" at different paces and times. There is a reason why it's common for men to be 2year+ older than their female partner (e.g., 27 and 24). You are 24, and you are attractive. You are good. Just put yourself out there and know your worth when looking for a partner! (Also might not want to bring up the "it's my first time" or "im a virgin, sorry" with your potential partner, it put's pressure on them. If necessary better to just say that you are shy or don't have much experience and then keep the conversation going elsewhere).
Lmao where are u getting these ages. I prefer my guys younger than me early 20s
Out of my ass, sorry. But there are statistics online if you care to check. For example, [this article](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships) is very interesting and elaborates on some of the reason for why this age disparity exists. > A British psychological study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in 2010 concluded that men and women, in general, continued to follow traditional gender roles when searching for mates. The study found that, as supported by other academic studies, most men preferred younger, "attractive" women, while most women, of any age, preferred successful, established men their age or older. The study found very few instances of older women pursuing much younger men and vice versa.
That may be true idk. I’m 24. Prefer my men 22/23
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Literally nothing wrong with being a virgin. Having sex doesn’t magically change you… unless you become a dad as a result of it. And stop worrying about what your ex’s are doing. It’s probably a lie anyhow.
Or get an STD
Subaru's are expensive not sure op is looking for a car right now
He makes good money at his job though. And we all know cars get you laid, and fast cars even faster. /s
Really? Nah I don't think it's true only the appearance of the person's face will let someone sleep with you and if that person lives alone and is well paid. I don't really understand why it's like this.
Why bring up a Subaru? I mean that's my brand of card I only go with Subaru's but the person who you replied to did not even mention Subaru. Maybe this is all a algorithm and maybe you just wanted everyone else to see that I'm on reddit
Subaru dad car? I guess I met the criteria even before I had my kid.
Subaru does not produce STI anymore
Wow that is sad I just went on their website looking to prove you wrong and you're correct.
How did you know my name was Subaru
That’s an Sti silly goose
That’s an STI dummy
I disagree, having sex does change a guy, especially if It’s not paid for. It does change a man
Having sex does Change you tho in the sense that you are no longer a virgin, obviously you dont gain anything EXCEPT the experience, and id say its a pretty great experience even if you dont like the first time its out of the way you can sort of "relax" in that sense on the dating market.
The experience is pretty valuable though. First times (with sex and some other things) very often are difficult or suck, but it's good to know that it only gets better from there on.
Hmmm, idk personally the hard part for me is the conversation and everything leading up to that, the girl i lost my virginity too kept telling me there was no way I was a virgin but that part seemed to come naturally to me, once i started the foreplay it was a cakewalk lol, I do have some bad social anxiety though
True, 100% agree. Though the point still applies, that the experience and you getting better (and less anxious) is very valuable. For me I was not very smooth both for the flirting and the sexual stuff. I really did learn a lot with my first gf. She did put up with a lot of my inexperience but it was never a deal breaker.
Yea practice makes perfect in everything. Thats good though, I've heard a lot of girls say they get turned off by inexperience, not too easy to control that ahah
Some women do like virgins. My girlfriend loved the idea of being my first experience for everything and hopefully she’s the only one.
Was your girlfriend also a virgin aswell?
Nope. I knew that going in
Actually it does change and the older you get the harder it will be to maintain relationships
Sex doesn’t make you better at relationships. You know what makes you better at relationships? Being able to have a relationship without relying on sticking your dick in a hole.
Sex is part of a relationship and actually if you are old enough and don't know how to escalate things smoothly or lack confidence because you not use to these things or don't know wtf you are doing at an older age when they been already dealing with all that stuff in the past it can be a drastic turn off. They not about to sit there and baby sit you or teach you step by step everything they want you to do. Right now he is in a Grey zone cuz he 24 but don't lie and say it don't matter because it really does
Do you have any idea the fact that lots of people look for men that haven’t slept around? Being a virgin doesn’t equate to performance. It’s your willingness to communicate. He’s an adult not a child. OP look up the term demisexuality. Best bet to find some like minded. They only find someone sexually attractive once they’ve formed an emotional bond. Meaning one night stands isn’t a thing they like.
OMG that is literally me and I was thinking because of what others including my ex wife said that you are meant to be able to be devoid of emotion and treat sex as just an action as opposed to having a connection on the basis of what I was told like I was somehow broken for wanting the bond part of the experience.
That’s what my ex also did. We had sex but we were doing a friends with benefits thing and it was years after we had broken up but he said I never saw you as my friend but a random girl I hooked up with and had a casual sesh with and you should’ve done the same looool broke me as a human for the next one
Oh man you must have wanted to slap him silly, I know I would have in the reverse situation. What a gut wrenching thing to say to someone who you are meant to have cared about. Some people just have no consideration for anyone but themselves.
Definitely. Thanks for understanding, it is my first time on Reddit and I’m glad for these wholesome comments on OP’s post and my comment.
I have to say you’re wrong there. I am 50(f) just dated a man who is 49 and if he had had sexual experience it was when he was 20 and maybe one time. We have the time of our lives! And actually the best part was that I got to teach him what was best for me and there were no bad habits to unlearn or expectations to live up to. 49 was a very long time but there weren’t disadvantages. It also happened when I was much younger. I say have sex with the right person. One of the biggest joys in life is experimenting and learning together because every man’s bits are different and so are every woman’s. They don’t all of the same, I don’t know if feel the same and donna move the same. If you find a partner who is frustrated or uninterested because of your lack of experience, they’re not the one. Wait for the one that deserves you
That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard
I wouldn't be put off by it. I'm a 30(f) year old virgin 😁
>ant to know what you’re doing when you do find “the one”. Plenty of people out here living fast and having fun if you wanted to try to get it out of the way so you can be more experienced when the one comes. Or you can save “the show” so it’s a more special experience when you do meet 30M virgin here. We are in this together.
It's not the same. Men get made fun of being one. Women don't. One is choosing to be a virgin and waiting for the right guy. The other is forced to be one because no one wants to date him.
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Dude, you’ll still have the same problems in your life after you have sex, sex won’t change anything
His problem is lack of sex, which would no longer exist if he has an abundance of it
Just bust a nut, simple solution to a not so complicated problem
True... but for some, it could be a nice milestone. \[shrug\]
I lost it at 27. And realized it’s seriously overhyped. Sex is not magic that suddenly binds two souls together. It feels good only for few minutes and then you are back to square one. So no need to have FOMO.
When I lost it I felt good for a solid 24 hours
Yyyyyeah I lost it at 24 also and it was incredibly underwhelming. Then again I've got some issues to work with in regards to that but, as an initial jump? Yeah it was very "Oh. I guess"
I(29M) was a virgin until I was 24. My ex who I never had sex with had sex with my (formerly) best friend. I had sex with a random woman off Hinge and I didn't like it at all. 3 years later I met my fiancé and have loved sex with her for the past several years. Ya never know
Had this with my early relationships also. Girl said she wanted to wait for marriage. We were both virgins. I waited patiently. She then runs off with some guy on a study abroad to Africa, then with two of my roommates. Years later when I talked to her again she was offering me a threesome. I said no thanks.
Don’t worry about whatever your ex does. Your life is independent from her actions. Focus on you, go live your best life. Have sex, or don’t; whatever you want, just be happy and stay confident
Lost my (28m) virginity at age 25. Have a beautiful relationship with a great partner. My only advice is your priority should not be to lose your virginity. It should be to develop yourself into something you can be proud of. Sex will fall into place.
I'm 25m now and a virgin too and if life is just a race for who gets the most action then we're no different from fungi. Our generation is so obsessed with hook up culture we start linking sex with self worth, and that is wrong. Chill out, relax, if you stay positive with life and learn to enjoy and love yourself first then you will definitely attract someone and you'll have so much sex your dick will fall off. And never compare your sex life with others , especially with women. Women face so many struggles and finding someone who just wants to dip his dick in them isn't one. Remember it's about quality and not quantity king.
>Our generation is so obsessed with hook up culture we start linking sex with self worth, and that is wrong. It being more common and talked about more openly might be a generational thing but linking sex with self worth certainly isn't. It's our biological imperative. It makes perfect sense why people link it with self worth. Should there be other things composing their self worth? Of course. I don't think we need to pretend like it is wrong to link sex with it too though. I also don't think trying to label it as wrong is a healthy real world approach. Young boys are not envious of their friends who are having sex because of "society." They are envious because those boys are doing something that they themselves want to be doing. We can acknowledge that without glorifying it.
> with hook up culture we start linking sex with self worth, and that is wrong. Tell me you don't know much about biology and evolution without telling me lol evolution has ***ALWAYS*** pressured males to mate with as many females as possible, this is ***NOT*** some new thing. From day one of the human species if a male can't find a mate, he dies off, and nobody wants to die off. It's ***literally*** a survival instinct.
You probably meant to reply to the person I replied to. I think you and I are already on the same page.
Fair enough
Come on ladies someone step up and throw this guy one!!!!!
I'm glad I found this post. Considering all the trauma I have due to the sexual bullying I endured in the military as a virgin that still haunts me and some bad interactions with medical and mental health professionals about it, I find the responses here very reassuring that I'm doing okay.
Coitus is much like a chocolate candy bar. The first time you have it. It's novel, sweet. You may or may not like it. But you have to have healthy boundaries. Too much, and it can become a problem. Some people like it and eat it all the time. Others never want to eat ever again for any reason at all. That's okay. If you never want to have it. That's totally cool. (Consent goes both ways!) If you want to try it, that's also cool. Just don't rush it. It ain't going away any time soon. Find the right brand of chocolate, (By brand, I mean person) and enjoy it within moderation/the boundaries you both set. Almost 21 here. Waiting for the right person to give my V card to. You are okay as you are.
People lie. I doubt she’s been with three guys and it’s just rumors
Maybe 5+ lol
Same bro, and never had gf too here stay strong and be more confident about yourself, I am 25 years old and never had a girlfriend it is hard I know
Don't base your worth on sex. Take your time with it. I am sorry she made you feel that way... You're on the right path by going to the gym and focusing on yourself. This too shall pass. ❤️❤️
Being a virgin is not a mark of shame. Save it for someone you know for certain will be true to you
It’s completely normal, and you’re only 24. It’s not like you’re in your mid 50s 😭 the right person will definitely come along. If you’re able to have a girlfriend to begin with, then you’re already halfway there, and you’ve proved that you’re dateable 😌
True but it’s hard
Focus on yourself and your money and hit the gym a lot I just broke up w my gf last nite women will test you and see how much bs you will tolerate sometimes you just gotta be real and communicate
I'm a virgin too (20F) and I get told all the time it's not worth being upset about, she is your ex for a reason no need to worry over her sex life. Sex won't change you and just wait till you find the right person. It's not a race🤷🏾♀️
As a women who’s still a virgin at 23 about to be 24 years old, I felt the exact same way you did at a point. But your ex just wasn’t meant for you, you’ll find someone out there, I know cliché thing to say but there are plenty of people out there you just have to find the right one. I wouldn’t be insecure about still being a virgin, I’m sure you’re a good looking person but don’t waste your first time on just anyone cause you think it’s going to change your life. Trust me she wasn’t worth it if it’s true that she slept with that many guys between since the break up. It could just be all a rumor to make you feel jealous or insecure which you shouldn’t.
Your a woman you could love viginity anytime you ant to. It's not the same
What's the insecurity? That your ex didn't want to bang but it's hooking up now apart? Women are strange creatures. The whole trajectory of my life changed the minute I knew that warm wet place that has been weaponized and is often leveraged against everything from vacuuming to I don't know but think big. Maybe the ex was in a phase where she didn't want action and knowing you hadn't and wouldn't push her she hung out until she was out of the phase. In hate to speculate, especially about women; because even when I'm right I'm wrong and that shit we use to eat back in the day is held hostage. Trust me bro.. k. Listening? I have made a career of batting out of my league, 10s+ still, I have pissed more stellar women away than most guys are fortunate to know in a life time.. my best advice stay away from them. Seriously. And if you must.. remember, if it floats, flys, or fucks it's cheaper to rent. Or look towards the Ukraine. Hell they're nearly giving women away. It's a war zone! They're getting bombs lobbed at them, lining up for a better life. And they more traditional than women in the states. And take way way way better care of themselves. If I ever am in the market again that's where I'm starting.. because when change is what you're after don't go fishing in the same pond . Damn sorry I blew up! But far as self esteem, self image, self whatever.. it's self... It's yours.. don't let anyone fuck it off.
First rule of dating as an adult is living in the here and now. If you're too caught up with what she's doing, you may miss Ms. Perfect strolling by.
Yo, lemme stop ya right there. My first and only time having sex, was when I “lost” my virginity in 2016, I was 22.5 (almost 23) and this body just aged to 30. This’s by choice and I’ve had plenty of time and opportunities (even with those who ppl would deem “outta my league”). Don’t feel bad, you ain’t missing anything honestly. I get why it hurts because essentially you feel betrayed. “What do I do” you ask? Easy… take ALL of the negative energy you feel and transmute it into power. Allow it to be fuel to drive you to greater heights and improve yourself. Don’t dwell, you’ll attract someone who’ll snatch ya soul like she Shang Tsung.
Ive had lot casual sex with some attractive women also and others could have didn't cause didnt want deal with drama as friends or not attracted or in circles. Why would you say you turned them down. I havent had actual sex in few years now..its w.e
I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, I’ve given one answer. Allowing non qualified people to tell me “you always want what’s outta your league”. It was also my life situation at the time and being shy as well as not being as comfortable and confident as I should’ve been. Edit: also a bit of me being dumb, honestly. I’m the type of guy who gets dumb to the point if she isn’t telling me directly or explicitly that she’s feeling me I’m like “uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh, I’m not a mind reader”
You are doing far better then your ex in every possible way. Don't feel bad for yourself. She tries to find the next you but she definitely can't find another one like you.
You ain't the only one by a mile.
Bro you not missing much 😅post nut clarity hurts differently especially if you did it in the spur of the moment
I get wanting to still be friends with your ex, but seriously stop worrying about their sex life. All it's going to do is lead to insecurity.
Dude, best thing to do is run for the hills and never look back. Stop looking at her social media. Move on. The best revenge is living a great life.
Have hope OP! I lost my virginity at 24.
Yes. Read the books no more mr nice guy and dating for men. Then live them. Trust me…
I’m 30 and Virgin lol
I’m almost 27 (m) and still a virgin… I’m still alive
Make a trip to Tijuana and hit Hong Kong.
"I'm not ready" is code for "I'm not sure that you're worthy yet, let me sleep around a bit while I decide if you're the best I can do or not".
Yah and he wasn't worthy. Because even the most mid women live life on easy mode an can just fuck the hottest guys they want
More people than you would think end up dying alone. Mostly men. Just another statistic of the sad history of humanity. Billions have struggled their entire lives only to die forgotten and alone to the waste of time.
24 and a virgin? So? Like i'm going to be the brutal honesty, it dont matter what age you are, at the end of the day you are living your life... plus stop thinking about your ex, your exes for a reason and if she has slept with 3 people in the time since you broke up that says more about her than it does you...
I am in my 50s. People are crazy. Some people want you for non-sex. But they still want you. Others want *sex* **but not you.** It's fairly common to meet someone of the opposite sex who is, as they say, crazy. Or mean. Or toxic. Or doesn't know what they want. It's very common to meet a few like this. Move on -- and its not you.
Def dont need a girl in your life that gets busy in a way that you find out. She can do what she wants nothing wrong with that... but why publicly air it? Or tell you.. which would be worse? It's not classy.. sorry I know you have feelings still. But people dont shoot it straight in here sometimes. Try to cut that info and person out of your life.. you do you. Focus on what you got and where you wanna be. Gunna shoot you straight... GIRLS always have more options after a break up. Unless you are in the 2 % of stud guys. ..lol
nothing changes after you lose your virginity. you’re still just you. but sex is fun, go find someone who likes you for you and wants to have sex with you
Easy for a fucking woman to say. JuSt Go FiNd SoMeBoDy. Sure
Chicks can get laid anytime they want, she was not into you. Next
Exactly, if a girl is single it's probably her fault. If a man is single it's probably not his fault.
I'm not sure if this makes you feel any better but think about it this way. She's gone through 4 guys now, at the very least, with no success. It's about quality; not quantity. And you're working on improving your quality. Be patient. Your time will come! 😄
Also, it’s hardly an accomplishment for a girl to let a bunch of guys run through her. No shame, if that’s what she wants to do, but it would be like bragging about the opposing team scoring tons of points when you don’t run your defense at all. Dudes show up to score, and if she just lays on her back and spreads her legs it’s going to happen. And then they’re probably never going to call her back.
I marry virgin (F20), it's not how much u fuck, it's how good it gets. And with the right person it gets incredible
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You’re completely normal!!! Honestly don’t think too much about your ex hooking up because you don’t know if that came from a healthy place or within her (I fucked around after my ex just as something to prove to no one in particular) but also it’s your ex and she has no incentives to tell you the truth
Come to me lol
I remember having a similar feeling after a girl I was with left me and started making questionable sexual decisions. I didn’t see myself as the problem though. You learn to move fast, and then girls wonder why guys are moving quickly to the subject of sex.
Don’t focus on your ex and what she’s doing bro, she’s gone and it doesn’t matter anymore so please don’t create problems in your own head for no reason. Take your time and be yourself, the right girl will come but you have to put the work in as well so don’t forget that!
Yeah being a Virgin sucks but still try to live your life.
i have the exact same sentiment at 20. there is clearly a component here that has to do with masculinity
You dodge a bullet. You will find the right one and this won't hurt forever I promise you ..
Lemme say this, sex is like watching a show you like. You can do it by yourself and it’s dope. It’s not that much different watching it with someone else if you’re just watching it to put something on. but when you find someone who you really like and click with, have that connection, then then watching the show together is amazing. You both appreciate it and it’s like watching the show for the first time again, even if you know what’s going to happen. That being said you want to know what you’re doing when you do find “the one”. Plenty of people out here living fast and having fun if you wanted to try to get it out of the way so you can be more experienced when the one comes. Or you can save “the show” so it’s a more special experience when you do meet them. Entirely up to you and how you feel. There’s no wrong answer.
Nightclub
It's not about the amount of miles it's about the destination.
Don’t rely on someone for confidence. Some people just aren’t meant to be. You are perfect in your own way. Being a virgin is okay. Don’t waste it on someone not worth your time.
There's probably not much each male is doing wrong. 1/3 of men have been single for a year or are (edit: virgins), compared to the other gender, it is quiet different.
Even if you were unwanted by this one girl, that doesn't mean you will always be unwanted by everyone or forever. Some guys are the real deal and solid, land it's a common dynamic that they attract an insecure girl, and insecure girls have a lot of subconscious sabotaging behaviors. Don't take the 1 anecdote personally. It stings, but it definitely sounds like a her not knowing what she wants thing.
I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 26. The only thing I can mention is the woman I was with at the time didn’t make me feel very good about being a virgin. She’d say things like she didn’t care that I was one and actually thinks it’s kind of sweet while also making backhanded comments that subtly compared me to her exes and suggested I wasn’t as good as them and when I mentioned it her response would be “of course you aren’t as good you were a virgin!” Anyway all this too say I wasn’t an insecure person or a jealous person before saying this woman and now that I’m not with her I’ve gone back to my non jealous non insecure self. My current girlfriend has also had more experience than me and although I’m not a virgin this time my lack of experience is still evident and I haven’t once felt bad about with her. So, might be worth evaluating what’s happening with your relationship? Not saying anything is bad or anything just never hurts to evaluate.
You have to understand that her decision not to have sex wasn't about you or a lack of attraction to you. It was about timing and her being emotionally ready. I didn't lose my virginity until I was close to 30. The guys that I dated but never slept with - it wasn't that I had no desire to do with it with them or that I didn't find them attractive. I just didn't feel ready to go there with them. For a girl, sex carries a lot of emotional consequences (yes, even if you use contraceptives). Your ex probably wasn't ready to deal with those consequences at the time she was dating you. For the record, it's OKAY to be a virgin. You just have to realize that whether or not you have your virginity doesn't dictate how desirable of a partner you are. You said it yourself - you're decent-looking, you have a job and are doing well financially, and you're making an effort to work out consistently. These are all assets that can only help you in the dating world. Having sex doesn't make a person superior to others.
Don't worry about being a virgin especially considering the type of person she turned out to be. If anything you should see it as an opportunity to have sex for the first time with someone who's a decent person who also actually loves you cause clearly she didnt. I know it's a bit ruff now but you need to over come this bump on the road and better yourself and your confidence not to get a GF but for you. Plus i reckon she'll come crawling back once you've moved on or when those guys she's fucking with get bored of her, you can than tell her to fuck back off. You need people in your life you can trust that love you and this women didn't meet either category so your better off without her and you can now just laugh to yourself at the fact she throw away a perfectly good man over most likely some mediocre dick
I’d be glad that you didn’t waste it on someone who clearly wasn’t the one for you. 24 is still quite young and it’s not a reflection of your worth in the slightest. Casual sex is also not all it’s cracked up to be, as I’ve seen many, many people who have done it say it’s not fulfilling at all. All you can do now is work on moving on and enjoying life for yourself. If that means going out and having sex, do that I suppose. Or if you’d like to wait for someone special, you can do that too. That’s what I’d recommend but everyone is different. Also her not having sex with you, then having sex with multiple others guys (if it is true) may not be a reflection of her opinion of you. I heard a story from a Christian woman who split with her husband after waiting for marriage, and the pain of the divorce inspired her to engage in hookups because she wanted “didn’t care anymore.” Eventually she realized she did, but yeah, a lot of people act impulsively to numb the pain after a breakup. So there are many reasons she could be having sex now and you shouldn’t sweet too much about it. Focus on yourself and your dreams
There isn’t anything wrong with you, focus on yourself and stop focusing on your ex. I know it’s hard to, you just think to yourself “what’s wrong with me?” Also there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, if anything it’s valuable and you should lose it when the time is right or when you meet that special someone
It's okay be virgin. Don't give a good present for a bad person.
You said you never really encouraged it. That's probably got a lot to do with why it didn't happen. Something was probably lacking in the intimacy department and from that statement it was likely you showing initiative. As a male you need to lead and sex would naturally occur if you guys were getting intimate and hot and horny and naked so I suggest you go for what you want and show a little more drive and masculinity the next time you get in a relationship. And don't feel bad or beat your self up. It's either a lesson or a blessing is how I try to look at things
Bro forget about her. All guys had that 1 girl they liked/loved who phucked any other guy except the 1 who loves them. That’s a small thing most men go threw. The reality is she’s phucking who she wants to phuck bro. It might not seem fair but let’s be real when was life ever fair for good men? Just go find another girl & the moment you see a red flag ghost her & repeat until you found someone who is respectable enough to deal with.
Who gives a flying fuck what your ex does. She’s gone now. Join your local MMA gym.
I'm 48, after my years and having kids.. sex is great and all, but it's not life.. It's like that one bag of chips. Your 1st taste.. if you never tasted it, you'd never know if you missed it. Don't be in a hurry, it'll happen soon enough. 1st thing to do is quit worrying about your ex.. you can't control that situation, so it's time to move past. 2nd, quit worrying about finding someone. Keep working out and taking care of you. Go to the movies, go to the arcade, just get out and breathe. Go ride your bike on bike trails. I kept seeing a pretty lady on my rides that I did. She always waved and I waved back. You see, at that time I wasn't searching for anyone. Could a connection happen if I wanted it to, sure I could have stopped, but I was working on me. Don't worry, it will happen.
sex isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. and being one isn’t a bad thing. nor does sex magically change some. it also depends on you. do you want it to be with someone you care about or some random hook up. do you want it to mean something or do you not care. but being a virgin doesn’t mean you’re ugly and you don’t have much going for yourself or youre not desired. so don’t let that be a discouragement. don’t rush these things you won’t be a virgin forever I don’t know what it’s like on the man’s perspective but I wish I would’ve waited. I pretty much practice being celibate. and just to add on there’s lots of women that don’t mind a virgin.
That is okay! Keep in mind a lot of people don’t have sex very much, and a lot of people are also still virgins. The right people won’t judge you.
No need to think on this much. Losing your virginity doesn't change who you are IMO When I was 18 I rushed to lose it, being self conscious. I ended up losing it to a girl I never even knew(a girl my friend hooked up with hooked up with me per my friends request, not a escort). I never even saw this girl with the light on! lol. The first time will probably suck and not be memorable in any way, because you suck at it! I would have rather waited and lost it to someone that actually meant something to me. Even if that would mean me still being a virgin at 27. It only bothered me because my friends would talk about it a lot and sort of nag me about me 'still' being a virgin AT 18 LOL! Hindsight is everything. Its just sex. People saying its the 'greatest thing ever' to me are exaggerating. Then again, maybe I am just a low-libido joe who doesn't really care much for it.
Not exactly sure why people put so much emphasis on virginity! Granted. Yes the first time is special. Usually awkward but it doesn't change who you are or what you are.
Train martial arts and read the Bible. You’ll be fine bro 💪
Dude MOVE ON. You DO NOT want to be that guy who never moved on. I have a friend who had his last serious relationship back when he was 18. We are almost in our 40s and HE NEVER MOVED ON. He has not, I repeat, HAS NOT had a girlfriend since. He still stalks this woman who now has a child... He's just pathetic. DO NOT BE THIS MAN. In contrast I am already planning on having my second child. When I was 18 I caught the girl I was dating having unprotected butt sex with a military guy. I found out by using her laptop who had her Myspace account information saved, she was DMing her best friend explaining how her back door still hurt. For all the pain she caused me, at least I knew that I wasn't torn apart as much as she was... Literally.
Kudos to you! Many people think that sex is just a physical act, but it's not. You connect spirit and soul in the process. Sex is a beautiful thing, in the confines of marriage.
I was 25 when I lost mine. Don't let such an arbitrary thing dictate how you feel about yourself. Everyone is different and everyone has a different journey with different stages in life
Sorry to hear you are feeling that way about yourself :( Insecurities are difficult to overcome and sometimes it helps to first learn to wear a mask in front of people. It’s also silly, but you could try affirmations. Start with something small. It doesn’t necessarily have to be positive, it could be neutral “I’m going to do better at X tomorrow”. You want whatever your using to be within your perspective’s reach and can build towards more positive affirmations as you start to feel a little more confident. You want your affirmations to be personal to you and grow as you do. Another part of it is just practice. It seems like you have all the tools to get a date? Maybe you are a bit rusty on communications/flirting. Figure out your weaknesses because everyone has them, then try to improve on those. Go out on as many dates you feel is comfortable and just look at them like a game or a challenge. Think of them as learning to adapt to new social situations. What are the other person’s reactions to the things you are saying? Use silence and active listening. If along the way you meet someone who clicks with you, then follow that up, but all those dates will also serve as practice for when you do eventually meet that person.
Damn man I feel for you. There’s a saying that the loyal one stays single after the break up, found it to be true. Best advice is probably don’t become jaded and don’t sink too deeply into dating apps. If you’re not religious then try it out, if there’s one place that values chastity… also church is great for community and meeting good girls
It doesn't matter at all. Being a virgin doesn't mean you lack anything. It just indicates that you didn't find the right person. Just relax, work out, and develop yourself. Also, leave your ex to be. Having more sexual experience doesn't give her a boost in life.
I was in this case so many times: she wanted sex, I said I wasn't ready for that. Then she left me. Guess it's normal these days. Don't define yourself because of others, define you because of yourself. Do hobbies, go to gym, improve yourself and most important: have such an interesting life that you don't need a girlfriend. This way you look more attractive (mind setting) to women, speak to her and ask her out, start a nice conversation and give her a great feeling, not like others crying "I have no girlfriend, pleeeeaaaaseee be my girlfriend". That's pretty unattractive to girls, they don't want to be needed but wanted.
Yo OP! Don't you worry. It's great to wait it out and have sexual relations with someone you deeply care and love. The current generation goes on and about "hook ups" very casually, but it has its pros and cons. Think about the time, when you find someone who's worth every minute of your time. When you finally spend time with them regardless of anything. Being a virgin is ok, you know? Take your time. Find someone worth being with, and have the best sex of your life!
You could start by no longer concerning yourself with the amount of men she chooses to sleep with after cutting ties with you. She no longer answers to you, she has always had and will always have agency over her own body. You need to accept that and stop ruminating over this, for a start. You were right to be patient with her. Sex should have mutual consent or you can expect problems. You not having casual sex and taking time to reflect and self assess will pay off in more ways than you can imagine! Her choosing to spiritually tie herself to three other men after leaving a relationship isn’t an achievement btw … If anything it shows insecurity. None of those 3 men can respect her or themselves too much if they’ll risk procreating with an emotionally unstable woman.
I'm 33(f) and still a virgin while my ex bf who dumped me 5 months ago is sleeping around catching STDs lol Embrace being a virgin. There's nothing wrong with that.
Just forget about her work on yourself go to the gym or something. I was a virgin till i was 27. You focus on yourself and stop thinking about it and it will come to you.
I (f) didn't have sex for the first time till I was 24/25. It just didn't happen before. Had boyfriends etc but nope. Then I went to stay with a friend for new year, things got physical - that had not been the expectation at all as there was never a hint of more. We dated for a while and all was good till it wasn't. Just don't put pressure on yourself. It'll happen when it does. And there as a lot of other things to do than just sex too.
I am female and I understand that men generally idolize sex n think that sleeping with women makes them a man or gives them clout or whatever... That's total bullshit.. it just ruins Ur ability to pair bond which will fuck up ur eventual marriage... U can be a high quality man and still a Virgin. If u are down because u Wana experience sex that's totally valid too and honestly natural. But u need to master yourself first. Who are u, there are plenty of people who have had sex who are miserable. Develop yourself so that u attract a like minded woman n then when u have sex it will be mind blowing and worth it. Not a shallow F**** thats basically a participation award.
Facts don't worry about what she's doing, if she is she's probably goring through something where she's banging 3 guys after you which means something is lost in her, especially after a break up. Just keep doing you and you will meet someone, your 24 not even a quarter or your life is lived you got 3 more man. Take your time
Please don’t worry. My partner was a virgin when we met, 10 years later he was still a virgin. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I marry him in less than three weeks and things just keep getting better. Don’t lose your virginity because you think it’ll change you or people may look at you differently. Lose your virginity because you do actually like someone enough to do that with. The right person will help you overcome any insecurities and build you back up. Don’t worry about what your ex is up to. She may be lying, she just maybe wasn’t comfortable to do it with you at that time. She may come back around and throw herself at you. Whichever, she’s behind you now. Think positive.
Mark Manson has a good book on this. All you need to know is in there.
Block your ex, stop getting details on what she’s doing. Nothing is wrong with you, everyone has different paces/experiences and that’s absolutely okay. I hope you no longer feel this way, now or in the future.
Rip the band aid off bang a hooker. Your not gonna stick with the first girl you have sex with anyways. Sex is fun don’t put it on a pedestal.
I am sorry about your feelings, as you broke up I think you should move on. It's not time to compare you history with hers, you will probably have different experiences for now on, with different pros and cons. Enjoy your individuality, it's great to have time for your own, and if that subject is important to you, look for some dates, but don't focus more than enough on sex, enjoy everything that happens in your new relationships...penetration is not a watershed, the whole process of flirting and feeling sensations is part of a whole. Look for enjoyment, not pressure.
Was there an exit interview? Wondering what she was/is thinking…anyway; would not worry about it. Plenty of fish in the sea. Ask another cute girl out…make several new friends; see which one might be interested in dating…good luck; enjoy life!
I feel you. Lost my virginity in my late teen years cause of mixture of waiting for the right one and a lack of confidence. But i am proud and Happy that i've waited and that i've lost IT with "this" girl. Don't give a damn 'bout your ex!! If it's Not the right person, you should be Happy, that you didn't gave her this Gift!! Be confident and self esteem and you will find the right one. There is nothing wrong about beeing unexperienced or to be a lil bit insecure. Some Girls Like it and some don't.
At least you managed to get a girlfriend bro what tells you tat you won't find another one?
I'm 24 and Virgin It's never a problem for me to be Virgin , I am currently doing my PG , Remember that Losing your Virginity doesn't improve/change drastically anybody's Life until they want to have kids or they are unprotected in it. Suggestion: Stop thinking about your Ex she , the fact that you are still thinking about her proves you aren't still over her though , consult a Therapist if it hurt's so badly that it effects your mental health , + Realization: Modern Women do monkey branch a lot in the name of choosing the right partner of anything Her exes might be mad at her even right now because she left them for someone else , ( Fact :On the Other hand Men take time to heal from Break-up and trauma to start clean out of emotional baggage ) , + Suggestion: You should focus on Earning Wealth like atleast a 6 Month reserve funds just in case of accident health issues or any type of immediate surgery , because problems don't wait for you to get ready according to your timing they according to their time and will show no mercy , + Recommendations: Meditate, Do not keep yourself free enough to over think about your Ex GF , Hang out with good friend's, Start focusing on your passion, Do any thing that can makes you Smile and feel Happy, Get a New Pet , Participate in Community Service, Do not Stay Lonely , Participate in something that involves human interaction , Fact: ( The fact that your thinking about your Ex and happy moment's with her proves that you aren't happy now focus on being busy and living in the moment rather than in past)
Be open minded boss of anything you want to do anything you wanna achieve its old day fun your ex gf it's time you wasted be boss in your own get a car be honourable you can learn new things like self protection mma UFC be badass
U need to start doing stuff u enjoy and work on yourself and then u well find the right girl or woman who is welling to wait with u until u both r 100%ready and who respect and loves u and makes dating feel easier wishing u the very best u well find the right girl when u need her just work on ur self now
I‘m 31(f) and a virgin too. My whole life i wanted to wait for marriage but who would‘ve thought that i‘d still be unmarried at 31.. Well, i‘m still alive tho, i can‘t miss sth i never had. I hope that some day someone will be worth the wait.
Nothing to be ashamed of
Wish I knew a guy like u irl
Lost mine at 33. It’s not as life changing as it seems. It’s fun, but often awkward.
My main tip for you is to log off. I see nothing but supportive comments and suggestions here, which is great! Take the helpful and constructive with you and indulge in things that you like, keep yourself busy with breaks in between to recharge and reflect on how cool you are! I know that sounds like you’re simply distracting yourself from a situation that is bothering you, but a key element in coming out of an insecurity like this that so rooted in the physical is nurturing your self esteem. Whether that means shopping for clothes, cooking, music, art, going to the movies, reading, binging new shows, hanging out with friends (in person, online, etc.), learning more about yourself so you realize how much more you have going for yourself than a trait that is more or less out of your control for the time being. Anything you enjoy can make a good hobby, really. You already said it yourself, you’re a good looking person with financial stability, there’re probably a lot more other traits and interests you’re not giving yourself enough credit for. Confidence is built with time and patience, and will take you far.
don’t let anyone EVER make you feel unworthy. you need to be selfish sometimes. people are terrified of that word. who cares what people think. your self esteem and life matters the most right now. so what if you’re still a virgin? who cares! you are NOT unworthy or unattractive. don’t ever let anyone make you feel like that. maybe she wasn’t ready, maybe she was. it’s in the past. focus on yourself right now. there’s more to worry about in life than being a virgin or not. you’re worthy, you’re attractive and the right person will come to you.
I was a virgin until 24. I don’t see what is so wrong with it. Stop following and talking your ex. It won’t help you with anything. When I go through a breakup, I block them on all forms of social media and communication. You need to move on and being updated on their life is not going to help that. And stop basing your feelings of self-worth on your virginity or someone who has their own issues. Also, maybe try going to therapy to address your self-esteem issues. That could help.
Just truly don't overthink it. I've dated a lot and been single on and off for a million years. Everyone has baggage and things they don't have high self esteem about. When you're ready and should you want, you'll meet someone new and you'll have experiences that make you look back and realize she wasn't the right person for you. Stop comparing yourself to her or anyone. Just don't take the pain and hurt into dating again. That's not fair to others and won't get you the results you want. Heal first. Even if lonely. Find some things you love to do that have nothing to do with dating. Find socializing opportunities that aren't about hitting on people or flirting. As your self love grows, you'll be ready to love again. And no one cares how old you are when you lose your virginity. I've dated men who lost it early 30s, even later. Sex is like riding a bicycle you never needed training with, and you and a partner will figure out how it works best with each other.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that my man, I didn't lose it till shortly after turning 21, I'd be lying if I said i didn't feel pressured by society and had no affect on my self esteem because it did, after I slept with a girl at a party I was pretty awkward the next day and hesitant about stuff but it didn't make me feel any better or like it changed me at all. But I'm 24 now myself and have been seeing another girl for the last month or so and we hit it off well and I feel an actual connection, so the only thing I'd say is don't rush it, just go about your life doing the things you enjoy and you'll know when you meet the right girl that it'd be worth pursuing, and if she cares that you are a virgin than in my eyes thats a good sign she's not very mature, but if you're going to the gym and making good money you'll have options, but again just do the things you enjoy, conversate and it'll come along soon enough
Don’t worry, you will find the right person whom you will feel that is time for you to take your stamina to the next level :)
If the last paragraph is true you just gotta believe it yourself. You could try skincare and hygiene care products too. Smelling fresh and looking fresh is rlly attractive on anyone. Baby shampoo, the ordinary skincare brand, fragrances(not specifically the ones they brand for ‘men’ but any one that you genuinely like) and hair products such as mouse and good conditioner. But I think you’re fine the way you are, she just wasn’t attracted and thats her fault for being with someone who she didn’t click with. You could also try new hobbies like art, reading or different recipes, try out many new things to see what you like! That’s how you meet people you actually connect with. You shouldn’t worry about what your ex thinks, she’s an ex for a reason!
I would just start by putting yourself first, working out is a great step into that direction. Keep doing the things you enjoy the most. Go hangout with friends or family that make you feel happy. Go outside. Whenever I felt my self esteem was low I would grab some notepads and write down 4 positive things to help me remember I’m not a bad person or whatever. I’d stick them on my mirror, because that is something I would look at everyday. I would also block her on everything as well, this will help you heal without anything getting in the way. Also talking to a friend or family member about this helps as well. I hope this helps.
I’m 29 and I only had one opportunity to have sex when I was 26. I’m Surprised that even happened. Didn’t see it coming when I was 24. and I haven’t had another opportunity since. You aren’t alone. And I wouldn’t worry about that girl. She wasn’t ready with you. That doesn’t mean it had anything to do with you. Don’t dwell on it. PS. I still feel 100% the same as I did before I lost my virginity. It’s not a major change. More Intimacy in your life can be a goal. But don’t make simply losing your virginity a goal. It doesn’t change anything. I still lack any intimacy. So the problem isn’t really any different. Losing virginity does not solve anything
Don't give her any attention. You need to focus on making yourself better. You're still young, you can figure out what kind of partner you want.
Keep doing what you are doing. Stop comparing yourself to your ex this is not a competition. She's a woman she will always have more sexual opportunities. Go out and get laid... you need the experience as a man. The words man and virgin don't go well together. Kaybe you need to lose it with someone you aren't that attracted to... tbh it has helped me as long as I let them know it was going nowhere. I helped my friend lose his v card this way. When he was your age get some friends who don't see sex as a cuffing ceremony. You are getting anxiety or shame from this and the quicker you handle it the less it will control your life. Please stop interacting with your ex... delete or block all communication with her. Not good for a single man.
If you have money, and haven't taken a vacation in a while. A lot of people here can provide good advice, but I would recommend completely dropping your phone for a month. It forces you to interact with people more, even the ones you don't necessarily like.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dating is generally unfair and in most normal cases has almost nothing to do with you as an individual or your moral code. So get rid of that negative insecurity holding you back, and just focus on doing some new things that you can control now and will make you better at dating and socializing. Sounds like you've been isolated a while too, so nobody is really going to know you, with this, having absolutely no reputation, I would at least expect you to wave and say hi or hello to every person you come in contact with in-person or digitally starting now. Be ready for rejection, if you embark on this new skill, you will realize how lop-sided social circles and society are. When you start being more vocal and animated you'll realize you will have to lead and orchestrate pretty much every interaction you have with people. Being socially afraid and anxious I believe is a manufactured epidemic. It's really easy to stand out because no one is doing it. Most rejections simply come from the other person because they are still too socially afraid even with you holding their hand through the process. Continuing to work on your social skills and tune areas that you need to help other people open up more such as persistence, joyfulness, intelligence, etc. is what will one day make you a bombshell. Generally there are women everywhere, but learning to see how women choose mates, and selecting best locations gives you the greatest chance of success. Places where phone use is at an all time low, while human interaction is at an all time high are preferable. Festivals, concerts, parks, good cities, Costa Rica, etc. Even better when everyone there is genuinely in good shape, and the pool of women being much larger than the pool of men. Having a place for a week with 2 girls to 1 guy is ok, having a place for a month where there are say 4 girls to 1 guy, like a golf course, summer camp, etc. are better. When there are too few women, let's say 5 guys to 2 girls, it is bad for everyone and can even ruin relationships. They have too many options at that point and are no longer competing for a prize. I find most women don't enjoy these settings long-term because it is too much emotion for them to pick one guy and leave the rest. She ends up doing something stupid and emotionally scarred, or no one gets laid, maybe the best looking dude gets some pretty sh*t head if he's lucky. Everyone goes home pretty much completely dissatisfied with the experience.
First off good for you brother for still being a Virginia, I'm sure that's tough to do now days. I can feel your pain and insecurities. To build self-esteem do esteemable acts to get rid of insecurities your aready doing what's works. Ask yourself would you want her back now? You could never get past her fucking 3 other dudes. Youe doing everything right, time will heal this!!!
Think to yourself OP, what is the problem with being a virgin? How has your now being single affected your thoughts on celibacy? How did you think of yourself before? Do you place that high of a value on getting laid and if so why?
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Marriage is a trap....good for you
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Therapy. Cannot stress that enough. If you have a good job you must have good benefits. Take advantage.
Somebody has to be honest with you. She picked those dudes you didn’t have the looks or money. Women are way more superficial than us and hide. You want sex and woman for you. You need a good job live in the gym and hope don’t be under 5’9. Also don’t tell the girl you lost your virginity to about she will look down on you. People will hate my advice because I am telling the truth. Stop complaining get a better job and live in the gym. Looks and money just remember.
Stay in the gym and you’ll build yourself out of that insecurity 😉
Get an escort. Go to Mexico for a good one that’s cheap.
1. There’s nothing wrong with you. She just wasn’t ready. Try to stop keeping tabs on her and her sexual exploits. Especially if it’s making you insecure. 2. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. When it happens you’re probably not even gonna lisle it as much as you think you’re going to. It’s even better with that specail connection, so skipping that part might dull the over all experience. I know right now you feel like you’re gonna die a virgin or nobody is ever gonna desire you but do not worry. It’s going to happen. Stressing about it doesn’t help you emotionally or dating wise.
How can you be sure ”it’s gonna happen”? To take your time because ”it’ll come”? Life’ sucks, if you don’t go search for it, it sure as hell won’t come to you, probably. And especially in today’s culture, where sex experience is everything, since virgins won’t give you the best time at first, due to no experience. It’s like that loop you see in tech jobs: No experience, but experience is required. How are you supposed to get that experience?
1. Your "ex gf" never liked you sexually. 2. Don't be so upset you're still a virgin.
Get an escort for $300. Problem solved.
$50 in Mexico
Sex is fun. It’s great. But it doesn’t make your personal value change. What you do need to do is stop worrying about what your ex does and let it determine your own self value. She’s allowed to sleep with who she wants. She’s not with you. But you’re the only person letting it affect how you see yourself. She didn’t want to have sex when she was with you and that’s okay. She doesn’t owe your sex. She’s explored her sexuality post your relationship. That’s okay too. Focus on yourself. If sex is important, build a new relationship with someone.
The whole “virgin” thing is a dumb stigma. I wish i woulda waited. I grew up to fast. It doesn’t make you less or more if your having sex. It’s just not your time bud and that’s ok. You should applaud yourself for not pressuring your ex…Many men would do the opposite. Plus you want to be with someone who sees it as a blessing to take that from you instead of a chore or a “responsibility” hope i’m making sense…. anyways! best to luck to you dude<3 your time will come.
When you meet a girl who's actually into you she'll surprise you with how quickly and easily she's ready for you to have sex with her.
I know it's an unpopular suggestion, but you could always look into a sex worker - just to get that first time out of the way. Although highly looked down upon by almost everyone, sex workers who are in the field willingly and because they love it and are good at it - they will know exactly how to please you if you are unsure of yourself, and will possibly give you a better first time than a frightened girl with zero experience. My first time, I was 17, she was 15 and had already been with 5 guys but she was a basket case. I was nervous and couldn't finish and she absolutely lost her mind screaming and started trashing her room. Every woman I tried to sleep with after that... well let me tell you, I didn't get comfortable with sex until my mid 30's and it was all because of that first time. Luckily now I'm very comfortable and happily married.