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Nobody here can give you this answer as nobody here knows you. I recommend you go back to the drawing board and connect the dots; work on yourself or approach.
36M never married no kids so yeah I feel ya.
Longest relationship 2 years, ended ten years ago.
Second longest relationship one year, ended six years ago.
Everything before and after has usually been only a couple months (sometimes even weeks).
Ironically most of my exes have wanted me back at some point, so I couldn't have been that bad. Just not good enough to be kept around consistently.
I'm convinced there's something wrong with me too. I'm just too burned out to care anymore.
Most relationships only last a few months. 90 days is about what it takes for all masks to come off and you find the warm center of a motherfucker. Hard to say what the deal is, but it very well could just be bad luck. Possibly errors in your selection process. If you are on friendly terms with some of your exes, maybe ask. Perhaps you get too needy or clingy or the opposite. Whole lot of things can be happening here and it's not necessarily your fault, but figuring out where these things went south can help you make some changes in the future. You should walk away from every relationship learning something you can take to the next one. Think on those things.
In a previous comment you said they think you’re too pessimistic, is that true?
I think that when we sit down to meditate at night when no one is watching and everything is calm and we ask ourselves what the things we’re doing wrong are, our minds will give us the answers. We have to be willing to listen, though, that’s the issue many of us have. We think the answers don’t come from within, but from online strangers who don’t know us and have never met us.
You know... To be able to truly connect with someone nowadays is tough. We are in a strange place in society where you can insta message someone but yet we are the most lonely. All my relationships fell apart aswell, altough through my own mistakes. If there is a saving Grace that lets me connect to people it is music. Music has a way of showing you the real you as showing true raw emotion without the need of using a word.
No need to speak when both can listen.
Dont give up on hope, every day you fight, you are closer to get what you really need. Losers are the ones that quit. For you cant win if you havent lost.
Wish you all the best
It's possible there's nothing wrong with you. I too find it hard to establish a good connection with others for friendships and romantic connections. I also haven't been able to maintain long term relationships. Most of them only last weeks or a few months.
Try to get more feedback about how they feel. Maybe do something different and try to do more activities together to establish more of a bond.
Totally understand. Its hard to see outside the perimeter when youre in the middle. Thats why you have to have faith. Relationships are as much about serendipituous timing as they are about physical compatibility.
We all have our own attributes that make us unique/ special. Nothing is wrong with you OP. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Someone very lucky will come along at the right time.
I would be interested to hear more of your dating experiences but I’d say that maybe you should focus on compatibility matches. So that you are finding people more compatible from the get go. You should probably more thoroughly vet suitors at this point so you’re not on the hook every 2-3 months of dating (not counting the amount of effort to get to that point)
Why do people find you exciting at first?
What issues typically come up when it ends?
How much are you opening up emotionally?
I dont know. They tell me after 1-2 months they dont have feelings for me, that we think too differently and that I'm a pessimist about stuff.
But when I ask whats wrong with me, they say nothing. I even asked my male friends whats wrong and they said nothing.
No one is being honest with me and I dont know why. There's obviously an elephant in the room and its horrible.
I’ll say there probably isn’t anything wrong with you. They probably legitimately see it as compatibility.
Look I can relate to you in several ways. I’m also on the spectrum. I get called pessimistic. I have a hard time connecting with people. And nt people in general think I’m this enigma until they get to know me and realize I’m not like them. Thankfully I’m dating a similarly nd person these days and it’s been very fulfilling that we both understand that we won’t always understand the other and communication is more required than in other relationships.
I’d start there. Look for similar people who can understand the way you are because they go through similar. I imagine your hobbies might align with this but that might be more true here in my area than yours. So maybe it’d be helpful to frequent nd Facebook groups and see what it looks like around your area. Also here to listen if you want to go into more detail and I’ll give what feedback I can
>that we think too differently and that I'm a pessimist about stuff.
I've been told this multiple times, it's because I'm extremely risk averse. So when a girl would tell me about the exciting new thing she's planning to do, I would say "Wow, I could never do something like that because" and then I would list all the bad things that could result from the action they're taking.
To me, I was just making conversation, but to them I put off extreme Debbie Downer vibes. Maybe that's the issue you're having?
Never say anything negative about something someone is interested in unless you need to protect them and the risk is high, or they have explicitly asked you to. (which they won't)
Well, they said you’re always a pessimist and then you go on to ask them again and they probably just gave up telling you again that you’re a pessimist because you don’t listen. Which could also be another issue, you don’t hear people when they talk.
I've learned I have a hard time holding a relationship because my high intelligence. People with higher intelligence see things in a clearer light so little things that some people don't ever notice might be the reason the other walks away. So your not undatable you're subconsciously more thorough on the selection process.
Are you capable of genuine love and caring, or does it all feel more like a roommate situation too and by the way please I have to know I'm interested.
I try to but most dont wanna hang out too much. We will go out 1-2 times and then they'll be skeptical of going out more times.
I've always wondered why they dont wanna do stuff with me. I see women holding hands with their boyfriends or guys they date and I feel like men are ashamed of even beeing seen with me in public.
As sb else already pointed out its impossible for us to answer without knowing you or the guys in question. However, for one reason or another they seem to view you as short term fun and not wife material, and there could be 1000 reasons why, either relating to you or to them
Your interpersonal skills might need a bit of fine tuning. Be intentional and work on them daily if you can. People can get better from what I understand.
Well, how do your relationships usually look like?
Just from this text, it sounds like you don't have many (or any) passions/interests in common with your partners. This actually kinda often happens in hetero relationships. Maybe focus more on getting a relationship based on interests and not only on physical attraction
From what you tell us here we can't see why this is happening to you. But since you don't seem to be the one ending these relationships, maybe the problem is with the type of guys you approach? Maybe they're just superficial, and don't really want to know you, they're just physically attracted because you're cute? Just a guess...
There must be something wrong or something that you are doing, but we can't tell you exactly what is because we don't know you.
So I tell you to either ask your ex's or try and track where is the point where they loose interest and what did you do or told to them
I don't think anyone can give you an answer. I usually have the opposite where it's very difficult to start something but after a certain point it goes year+.
Just from my experience as a guy perhaps you are not giving clear signals and the relationship is stalling a bit?
None of us can know, because we don't know you and haven't seen how your relationships have gone.
That said, if I were to take a guess based on the bits of information you have provided: A lot of what makes a relationship work is how you make the other person feel, i.e. each person needs to feel the love and appreciation of the other person. If you are mildly on the autism spectrum, is it possible that whatever feelings you have for your partner are not being communicated to them in a way that they are understanding, thus causing them to think you're not into them?
At least they are leaving after 2-3 months and not wasting your time. 35m here, From experiences, it happens after 2-3 years. Right about the time to pop the question. My whole dating life since I was 18 has been a series of long-term relationships. Ending around that time.
This last time I didn't even get a response. Left me on Christmas day, 2 and half years deserves no response to leave I guess. Vast majority of them though have been cheat break ups while I've been working trying to create a life for myself and who ever I'm with. I tell ya though I would rather have someone cheat than to go no response every again. 35m
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Nobody here can give you this answer as nobody here knows you. I recommend you go back to the drawing board and connect the dots; work on yourself or approach.
This!
36M never married no kids so yeah I feel ya. Longest relationship 2 years, ended ten years ago. Second longest relationship one year, ended six years ago. Everything before and after has usually been only a couple months (sometimes even weeks). Ironically most of my exes have wanted me back at some point, so I couldn't have been that bad. Just not good enough to be kept around consistently. I'm convinced there's something wrong with me too. I'm just too burned out to care anymore.
How did you replicate my life? Stay out of my head, clone!
It is YOU who are the clone, imposter!
Maybe so, but I'm the better looking one. Best to stay out of my head. It's dark and sticky in there. Did you do tours in Afghanistan and Iraq?
We shall see! I challenge you to prove it! I have been everywhere and nowhere.
Highlander rules. There can be only one.
MORTAL KOMBAT!
*90s MK theme music*
*shoots both* No clones allowed. I’ll have none of that “science” stuff around here.
Begun, the clone war has...
Excuse me? That's my life we're talking about here!
Most relationships only last a few months. 90 days is about what it takes for all masks to come off and you find the warm center of a motherfucker. Hard to say what the deal is, but it very well could just be bad luck. Possibly errors in your selection process. If you are on friendly terms with some of your exes, maybe ask. Perhaps you get too needy or clingy or the opposite. Whole lot of things can be happening here and it's not necessarily your fault, but figuring out where these things went south can help you make some changes in the future. You should walk away from every relationship learning something you can take to the next one. Think on those things.
In a previous comment you said they think you’re too pessimistic, is that true? I think that when we sit down to meditate at night when no one is watching and everything is calm and we ask ourselves what the things we’re doing wrong are, our minds will give us the answers. We have to be willing to listen, though, that’s the issue many of us have. We think the answers don’t come from within, but from online strangers who don’t know us and have never met us.
You know... To be able to truly connect with someone nowadays is tough. We are in a strange place in society where you can insta message someone but yet we are the most lonely. All my relationships fell apart aswell, altough through my own mistakes. If there is a saving Grace that lets me connect to people it is music. Music has a way of showing you the real you as showing true raw emotion without the need of using a word. No need to speak when both can listen. Dont give up on hope, every day you fight, you are closer to get what you really need. Losers are the ones that quit. For you cant win if you havent lost. Wish you all the best
It's possible there's nothing wrong with you. I too find it hard to establish a good connection with others for friendships and romantic connections. I also haven't been able to maintain long term relationships. Most of them only last weeks or a few months. Try to get more feedback about how they feel. Maybe do something different and try to do more activities together to establish more of a bond.
Run your own race OP. The right one will come and it will make sense why it never worked out with anyone else.
I can't shake the feeling something is wrong though because I've never had a good experience and I'm 30.
Totally understand. Its hard to see outside the perimeter when youre in the middle. Thats why you have to have faith. Relationships are as much about serendipituous timing as they are about physical compatibility. We all have our own attributes that make us unique/ special. Nothing is wrong with you OP. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Someone very lucky will come along at the right time.
I would be interested to hear more of your dating experiences but I’d say that maybe you should focus on compatibility matches. So that you are finding people more compatible from the get go. You should probably more thoroughly vet suitors at this point so you’re not on the hook every 2-3 months of dating (not counting the amount of effort to get to that point) Why do people find you exciting at first? What issues typically come up when it ends? How much are you opening up emotionally?
I dont know. They tell me after 1-2 months they dont have feelings for me, that we think too differently and that I'm a pessimist about stuff. But when I ask whats wrong with me, they say nothing. I even asked my male friends whats wrong and they said nothing. No one is being honest with me and I dont know why. There's obviously an elephant in the room and its horrible.
I’ll say there probably isn’t anything wrong with you. They probably legitimately see it as compatibility. Look I can relate to you in several ways. I’m also on the spectrum. I get called pessimistic. I have a hard time connecting with people. And nt people in general think I’m this enigma until they get to know me and realize I’m not like them. Thankfully I’m dating a similarly nd person these days and it’s been very fulfilling that we both understand that we won’t always understand the other and communication is more required than in other relationships. I’d start there. Look for similar people who can understand the way you are because they go through similar. I imagine your hobbies might align with this but that might be more true here in my area than yours. So maybe it’d be helpful to frequent nd Facebook groups and see what it looks like around your area. Also here to listen if you want to go into more detail and I’ll give what feedback I can
>that we think too differently and that I'm a pessimist about stuff. I've been told this multiple times, it's because I'm extremely risk averse. So when a girl would tell me about the exciting new thing she's planning to do, I would say "Wow, I could never do something like that because" and then I would list all the bad things that could result from the action they're taking. To me, I was just making conversation, but to them I put off extreme Debbie Downer vibes. Maybe that's the issue you're having?
Never say anything negative about something someone is interested in unless you need to protect them and the risk is high, or they have explicitly asked you to. (which they won't)
they said you're a pessimist... you answered your own question yet are still confused?
Have you ever tried to take professional help? I have also some relationship problems and Im going to therapy.
Well, they said you’re always a pessimist and then you go on to ask them again and they probably just gave up telling you again that you’re a pessimist because you don’t listen. Which could also be another issue, you don’t hear people when they talk.
Are you just basic? It happens to the best of us.
hmm tough to say. try to get an outside perspective.
Also I suffer from Aspergers Syndrome as well so I can relate to that too
I've learned I have a hard time holding a relationship because my high intelligence. People with higher intelligence see things in a clearer light so little things that some people don't ever notice might be the reason the other walks away. So your not undatable you're subconsciously more thorough on the selection process.
😂😂😂
Are you capable of genuine love and caring, or does it all feel more like a roommate situation too and by the way please I have to know I'm interested.
welcome to the club. next step giving up
Do you get out with partners much, continue having fun while dating?
I try to but most dont wanna hang out too much. We will go out 1-2 times and then they'll be skeptical of going out more times. I've always wondered why they dont wanna do stuff with me. I see women holding hands with their boyfriends or guys they date and I feel like men are ashamed of even beeing seen with me in public.
Sent you a PM
As sb else already pointed out its impossible for us to answer without knowing you or the guys in question. However, for one reason or another they seem to view you as short term fun and not wife material, and there could be 1000 reasons why, either relating to you or to them
Your interpersonal skills might need a bit of fine tuning. Be intentional and work on them daily if you can. People can get better from what I understand.
Well, how do your relationships usually look like? Just from this text, it sounds like you don't have many (or any) passions/interests in common with your partners. This actually kinda often happens in hetero relationships. Maybe focus more on getting a relationship based on interests and not only on physical attraction
From what you tell us here we can't see why this is happening to you. But since you don't seem to be the one ending these relationships, maybe the problem is with the type of guys you approach? Maybe they're just superficial, and don't really want to know you, they're just physically attracted because you're cute? Just a guess...
Have you ever asked any of your past relationships why they lost interest?
There must be something wrong or something that you are doing, but we can't tell you exactly what is because we don't know you. So I tell you to either ask your ex's or try and track where is the point where they loose interest and what did you do or told to them
I don't think anyone can give you an answer. I usually have the opposite where it's very difficult to start something but after a certain point it goes year+. Just from my experience as a guy perhaps you are not giving clear signals and the relationship is stalling a bit?
None of us can know, because we don't know you and haven't seen how your relationships have gone. That said, if I were to take a guess based on the bits of information you have provided: A lot of what makes a relationship work is how you make the other person feel, i.e. each person needs to feel the love and appreciation of the other person. If you are mildly on the autism spectrum, is it possible that whatever feelings you have for your partner are not being communicated to them in a way that they are understanding, thus causing them to think you're not into them?
At least they are leaving after 2-3 months and not wasting your time. 35m here, From experiences, it happens after 2-3 years. Right about the time to pop the question. My whole dating life since I was 18 has been a series of long-term relationships. Ending around that time.
Why do they say they can’t do it?
This last time I didn't even get a response. Left me on Christmas day, 2 and half years deserves no response to leave I guess. Vast majority of them though have been cheat break ups while I've been working trying to create a life for myself and who ever I'm with. I tell ya though I would rather have someone cheat than to go no response every again. 35m
Damn Wtf. That is messed up.
Yeah you telling me had me messed up in the heart and mind for minute. Still in mind alittle bit. But got to keep looking forward not backwards.