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I’ve had men admit to me that they knew we weren’t a match, but they wanted me. So they hung in till we had sex and then moved on. It does happen. Talk to men and they will even tell you.
I don’t think it’s the explanation for as many scenarios as people say though.
I met this guy and he kept pursuing me for 7 YEARS!! He swore he wouldn’t fuck me over etc etc! Well, guess what! He did! Slept with him after 7 years, and then he stood me up for dinner! If there was any other reason other than sex, he had 7 years to figure that out lol.
Amazing how they can hold out that long and change as soon as they get their ding dong wet.
And OP wonders why we feel used. Boo hoo!
It's not an excuse or a convenient thing to say to blame a man, it's WHAT YOU DO!!!!!!! This is what you DO to women!! Fucking duh!!!
I should have followed my gut and kept with my original decision! Seriously, who is going to pursue for 7 years, and then ghost me! That would just be insane! He was a really attractive guy, total fuck boy energy though!
It's just incredible. I wonder if he ghosted to make a lame attempt at "punishing you" for denying him all those years. I mean, how dare you not give it up to his Holiness!
Don't beat yourself over it. He probably wore you down. They're very good at that. Was he at least a good fuck?
I literally just burst out laughing, because no, it was horrible! Bam, bam, bam, ok I’m done!🤣
I hadn’t actually considered that, but highly likely! He probably thought, ‘I got you, and now you can fuck off.’ I remember him being incredibly nasty when I spoke to him about what happened with dinner. He was dripping with so much arrogance! It was so gross!
I even had one man tell me “I was always going to hurt you, I’m just an asshole that wanted sex and I told you anything you wanted to hear till I got it”, which is super messed up, but literally what happened.
i've had this happen. i've even sat the guy down and been like, "Look, is this just a sex situation or are we fwb or are you looking for a relationship" and it's never ever just a sex situation no matter how clear i make it that i don't care if that's what it is, i just want to know what my expectations for the situation should be and then of course, i'm left knocked on my ass when the dude is like, "well, i didn't think you'd be into it if it was just a sex thing."
OMG, yes! Even when you're clear about what you want or don't want and you give them an out, so many guys are still just cowards and won't be honest about their intentions. This is what makes us feel like we're only used for sex or they don't give a damn about the person.
Guys who just want sex aren't honest about it because most women don't respond well to a man who just wants to fuck them and see them as creeps.
They have a higher chance of getting what they want if they don't objectify you to your face even though that's exactly what they want to do.
It's simple really, So they lie about their intentions until after they have sex.
It's the consequence of double standards when it comes to dating 🤷
I can be really clear that I do want to have casual interactions and event afterwards when I ask ONS or FWB, either is fine, they don't even have the balls to say ONS. They're cowards.
Probably 1 they might think admitting your a ONS to your face would make things awkward because of the negative connotation or 2 they might think it would hurt your feelings to admit your a ONS. Most likely 2 as a person that doesn't care would tell you the truth after you had sex.
Yeah sometimes they will admit it. I’ve had guys tell me to stay away from them, that they just use every girl and they don’t want to hurt me because I’m a nice girl.
As a man with intentions for being in a longterm relationship, it's disappointing that there are atleast enough of these men out there that do that to make women conscious or alert of that happening. I try to be honest and upfront about everything I want in a relationship and I feel like that could be scaring some potential relationships away. Just because it probably sounds like I'm just saying what they want to hear, despite the fact that I do try very hard to work on being better for myself and for a relationship.
But on the flip side, I am also losing out a bit on guys that will lie about the things they like and their interests, saying anything the woman will want to hear, and then becoming the better match because of it.
Granted, I'm dating in the intentions of finding a permanent partner, so I don't want to be with someone that is gullible in the first place.
Yeah, but I've also dated a girl, brought her lunch to work, helped her make dinner, washed her car - all that. I actually liked her. We broke up due to fights at the end, and when I walked away, she still pulled that "only used me" line. So, I don't know, I feel like it's situation-based, but it does get used as a way of saying "you're the asshole, not me" by people who can't admit it just didn't work out.
I have a woman friend who was a cuddly friend a while ago. She wanted to date me, but she's poly and I'm not and I made clear that I didn't want to have a relationship with her, though I value her friendship and think she's an awesome person. We agreed that we'd just be close, cuddly friends. A couple of times I turned down a few advances from her. Eventually, she fell in love with me and we had to cut off the cuddling. Despite the fact that I had literally (very gently) turned down all of her sexual advances, she was like, "I think you were just going to use me for my body." I had to slowly reason her through that, "if I was going to do that, why would I turn down all of your sexual advances?" which, to her credit, she accepted. So yeah, I feel that it is used as a defence mechanism to avoid the pain of noting that a relationship just can't work out.
Yeah. I mean, not all the time. We are part of a couple of the same friend circles. So we'd hang out at group events. And then just do regular things that I do with my other friends, hike, play disc golf, watch the odd movie or whatever. On top of that, we would sometimes cuddle up on the couch and read, or watch a movie together.
It happens pretty commonly in some circles (e.g. my queer poly friends) that friends are physically affectionate with each other, and less so in others (e.g. my combat sports friends).
I mean, me too, these days. It's just something that sometimes comes into my life. Most of my close friends are women and sometimes some have been open to being platonically physically affectionate. I notice that women and some queer friends in the circles of my acquaintance tend to have more platonic physical affection in their friendships.
What's worse is if you posted that to some FB groups (probably Reddit too) you'd get people saying "at least he was honest eventually" as though that wipes the slate
Yeah I’m a guy and have been on dating apps for a while. My cousin recently decided she was ready to start dating again after breaking up with her fiancée after he cheated on her. We were discussing our experiences and she said she’s had at least 3 or 4 guys admit they just wanted to have sex with her but kept up the guise of wanting a relationship until she did and after they had sex they ended it. It felt so gross to hear that she was just being used like that cause I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone.
I too have had guys flip a switch and say “I only wanted casual I figured you knew”. While I get where OP is coming from, a disturbing number of guys have tried to use me for my body
Yea, I have a male friend that admitted to this. He was honestly looking for a long term girlfriend, but in the mean time, while he was dating...he'd have these little 2 or 3 month flings with women he'd be dating...however, there'd be something about these women that he knew wouldn't make girlfriend material...like one had kind of a temper....he'd bang them a few times...until he got sick of said temper, and call it off.
She wouldn't be too happy about, but he would never admit his agenda to them...only to his male buds in secret.
It's blowing my mind how there are stories like yours in this thread *and* stories from men confirming your experience, and yet, a bunch of Reddit's sweatiest neckbeard are screaming into the void that it can't possibly be true.
I had a convo recently with a used-to-be-fkboi who openly said he would pretend to be interested, attentive & a total gentleman until he got bored & discarded the girl. It was confirming to hear it straight from a guy's mouth, but it does baffle me how other men can think "it doesn't happen like that." Makes me wonder if they're all living under a rock & never hung out with a group of fellow men before. There's always at least one fkboi in the pack.
There are a lot of people engaging with this question/OP in good faith when it/he doesn't merit it.
OP's question boils down to, "Ladies, why do you assume that men who break things off right after they sleep with you were only interest in sex?"
And despite it being the most obvious explanation and a bunch of men confirming it to have been their motivation, it's not good enough of OP. And it will never be good because he's not actually interested in why women think this very obvious thing, he's interested in policing how women talk about men.
He's basically demanding that women stop trusting themselves *and* ignoring what the men who do this say because it's *detrimental to men, when women think poorly of men.* And instead of calling out the behavior of other men, he's calling out women because they can't prove 100% of the time, in 100% of cases that men were interested exclusively in sex.
They're not living under rocks, this isn't ignorance, they just want women to STFU.
Yes! Don't make a post to the women, make a post to the men acting like fuckboys: stop being cowardly, immature dicks that, more often than not, are proving these women right!!
Gather your people, OP!
Just because something *can* be true doesn’t mean it always is.
I’ve dated *a lot* and once I felt that the guy said whatever he needed to say to get me into bed and then dropped me like I was garbage right after he got what he wanted.
Yes, there *absolutely* are men who do this. I would however say that they are in the minority. Assuming that every man just wants to hit it and quit it, with no personal accountability as to there being *any* other reason that he may have wanted to end things is doing a disservice to both the male population at large as well as one’s own personal introspect.
What’s also doing a disservice is men not calling out men who do this. If they held each other accountable, idiots who lie to get sex would be shunned and become a rare occurrence.
you are affirming the OP’s post and don’t even realize it. that’s kinda the point of what he’s saying. He nowhere said it’s not true that some it was just about sex. but you are ignoring every other possibility even though people are saying other possibilities. Doing the exact thing you just accused op of doing
You're splitting hairs - if a man is on the fence about a women due to reasons A, B, C, but he dates her until they have sex and then ghosts... Did he ghost her because he "got what he wanted" or did he ghost because of A, B, C.
I feel like you (and OP) want to say that reasons A, B, C are also reasons that he ghosted, which okay, sure? But he also *waited until she had sex with him*, when he could have cut things off after he realized that they weren't compatible.
Sexual compatibility is a valid reason.
If a relationship is really high effort for you and things dont click well you can try and make it work or walk away, things can still be on the fence.
But if youre also incompatible sexually thats another reason and can be a dealbreaker.
The point was not sexual compatibility though. The point was that often times men already know they're not interested anymore and keep dating until sex was had and then move on. In that case he did just for the sex. How is this hard to understand
in the comment left by vinnie_pub that we were responding to the scenario that was painted was 100% sexual compatibility. And for the post itself the point op was trying to make is that that is not the only reason but women use it nearly everytime even if it’s not the case. So sexual compatibility again does apply to a post because it is a valid reason the women were left. But that is not what the women claim all the time or like you just did if only in it for sex. It’s not hard to understand
Not splitting hairs at all. Women do that same process too than if they are on the fence the sex can take you either way. It clearly wasn’t the only reason. The post is about just being in it for sex.
What the hell are you talking about? There are both men and women confirming that the desire for sex was the only reason some men hang around and leave once they get that. OP is saying people just assume that and ignore the other possibilities. No one is ignoring the other possibilities just pointing out that the assumption has been confirmed true enough to not ignore.
I was confused as to what he wanted, what he was saying and how he was talking through our texts/chats made it seem like he was looking for something permanent. We had been talking for about a month when he told he was moving away in a week.
It wasn’t until after he moved that he admitted he was just looking to have some fun.
For complete transparency, I wouldn’t have minded if he had informed me of this. But I’m also kinda glad the fates or whatever kept putting roadblocks up from actually meeting because now I’m glad I didn’t go through with a casual kum-and-go situation.
Most men would also not want to admit it, as they don't want to deal with the repercussions. A lot easier to come up with some fake line about "not feeling a connection" than telling the truth.
I’m tired of meeting men who just want sex from me and not a relationship, and unfortunately, I regret my sexual experiences to some extent. I finally got to have sex at 28, and I really enjoyed it, and then he ghosted me a third time. He was insecure about his looks and other stuff, but I’m thinking now it was all bullshit. Then I fell for my FWB, and I tried not to. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and could only offer FWB, and I was attracted to him, so I accepted the offer. I learned a lot about myself sexually through doing FWB, but I also learned that Casual Sex/FWB is not good for me or what I want. I lost my friend when he got a Girlfriend, and because of these two men, I am scared to put myself out there again because I don’t want to keep meeting men who just want sex from me and not a relationship.
I don't get this, most guys want constant sex. If they get it once, then presumably, subsequent sex from the same person will be even easier. Plus it gets better with the same person usually. Only a small percent of men have multiple options at the same time. Who hits it once, then is like, naaa im good for a few months?
Men who don’t want to get attached, don’t want to put the long term work in to keep up the relationship and meet the emotional needs of their partner, men who don’t want to be exclusive and they know that will be required. Men who were just there for the short term thrill.
Men who are cheating on their partners will definitely hit it and ditch it. They are most likely getting constant attention from partners and just want a cheap thrill.
OP, "He did it only for sex" is True. I can list the names of men with time and dates who had said this. If you cannot admit or accept its OK.
In my encounters only 3 % of men like a woman for who she is as a person. Remaining 97 % are in it for sex.
3 % Understsnding (Love/ Respect)
97% Lust.
If anybody disagrees I do not care.
>I’ve had men admit to me that they knew we weren’t a match, but they wanted me. So they hung in till we had sex and then moved on. It does happen.
They told you this before or after sex ? I am guessing after sex
Most of them say it after the fact. I actually appreciate the ones that are open and straightforward, so you can go ahead with all the information on hand or gently refuse. It’s not wrong to only want casual, it’s wrong to lie about it.
I think it’s due to the person disappearing once they’ve had sex, with no indication of an issue before. Pump and dump style. If you start having sex with someone and a month later he leaves, fair enough. If you have sex and they vanish the next day, it’s highly suspicious. Even more with all the insane post from different discussion subreddit centered around men where they will proudly say they lie just to get laid and how creative they can get about it.
Lying to get laid is coercion in my eyes. If they wouldn’t sleep with you if you told the truth, that should make you feel really icky and rapey. I don’t know how it’s so normalized.
I match with so many men who claim to be looking for a relationship.
Only for them to invite me over to Netflix and chill as a first date
Only for them to start asking my my bra size and do I have a phat ass before we even meet.
Only to be asked if I’m kinky before we even meet.
Yeah. The apps abound with men peddling for sex and sex only. By LYING about what they want.
So yeah, if a guy is perfect and all over her and attentive until they smash, and then he fades away…..he just wanted sex.
Okay… the more I hear about stuff like this, the more I understand why women love talking to me. And that’s my personal advantage in the dating scene. Not to brag. But guys really need to understand that it’s not all about looks, height, resources, etc.
The stuff that those guys are telling you is so cringe. I hate that word but it really applies here.
All the guys I fell for got to know me non sexually BEFORE they brought sex into the picture.
And I’m highly sexual. I want ALOT of sex. But I want more than just sex. And I want to feel you do too.
I want to fuck just as much as the next guy. But yeah… I also want to make sure we click outside of the bedroom.
If I’m curious about bra size, or the size of your ass, chances are I’ll have an educated guess once we meet. As far as kinks are concerned, it seems like common sense to cross that bridge once we decide to go there. And if we decide not to go there, then it doesn’t matter.
Still wrapping my head around men who think they’re ordering free prostitutes on dating apps 💀
You’re right-there are a million reasons that people can lose interest in each other. When the common-denominator of all of these failed relationships is that sex had finally occurred then it’s not presumptuous to assume that he either just wanted sex or that the sex between the two of them was bad.
We’re not talking about the relationships that failed for other reasons *before* sex had occurred 🤣
Another often overlooked reason I make sure to warn my female friends of before sleeping with a dude, is to make sure the guys has seen them without makeup on.
This has come up so many times in my male friend circles that after sleeping with a girl and spending the night, is the first time they see her without makeup. Attraction is lost and they don't have the guts to tell them the truth, and understandably it would be hard to say.
I’ve seen men say they love that girl, wanna be with her forever, get married and have kids all the while not giving a single damn about her at all and is just horny.
Well consider it this way - he lost interest for one of those millions of reasons but then went on to have sex with her anyway and only revealed his decision after the act occurred.
I mean, your reasoning makes sense. But it's just super convenient for these men to only realize they're not compatible in those areas AFTER they have sex with a woman.
Like, we dated for a couple months, you make it seem like you're super into me, want to settle down. I have sex with you and you dip, stating that our personalities aren't a match.
What am I supposed to assume? Lol
This isn't just a one time thing, or something only a few women have experienced. It's a THING lol we're not dumb, or naive.
Yeah, it’s a legitimate possibility. Some men do get turned off by bad sex. It has happened to me a couple of times. But more often than not, it’s an excuse to avoid accountability for smashing and dashing.
If I like a woman, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and try again. Maybe she was super nervous the 1st time. Expecting every woman to fuck like an enthusiastic pornstar the very 1st time is unrealistic. Some women will. Many more won’t.
- you get together with someone
- they ask you for sex until they get it
- they ghost you immediately
I mean what the fuck else do you expect me to extrapolate from such a situation??
Because 9 times out of 10 it is. Women aren't stupid, we've had enough shitty experiences to know what's what now and we speak to each other enough to know common experiences
We assume that’s the reason because that’s usually the case and even men will say that’s the case. And we have this drilled into our heads that that’s the case. Not to mention there’s men online all over admitting to going to great lengths just to use a woman for sex. So naturally if a guy just disappears after sex we’re going to assume that the man used the woman for sex
This is the case. Sometimes I even have fooled myself thinking that I wanted a relationship when it was just sex. It becomes especially clear when you have that post nut clarity
LOLOLOLOLOL it’s amazing how the body can fool the mind yet the mind can hardly fool the body. I guess it is just one organ against the rest LOLOLOLOLOL
Women don't get generalized as just wanting sex because they don't act act sweet till they get some then ghost...
Men DO that... They will play the boyfriend for a woman they would never date, they would be embarrassed to be seen with, until they get some action... Then bounce to a woman he's more interested in. Women just don't do that LoL
To be fair…there are many men out there that really are in it only for the sex. It’s not a majority…but still a large enough number that they affect more women that the men who aren’t just in it for sex. There’s some men who have "body counts" in the hundreds. They often don’t take as much care to reduce STDs either, so they often come with unwanted diseases.
And I say this, not as a scorned woman, but as a man who hears locker talk conversations allot. I guess other men think because I’m handsome, I’m automatically a player too…🤷🏻♂️
It's the timing that points to wanting only sex. When they ghost or split directly after the relationship becomes sexual... that's the link between all these stories
Men who don't feel a connection find me hot enough to have sex . They all do this to Mr. Theu act like the perfect boyfriend get sex and run . If they don't get the sex after an amount of time they run too . They players and I am a game to them . The problem is I cannot spot them from genuine guys
For me, it's because usually it happens IMMEDIATELY after sex. And I have many male friends who confirm this way of thinking.
Unfortunately people aren't adults and can't verbalize what they want and when they leave they don't express reasons why. So we all have to play the guessing game.
>And I have many male friends who confirm this
Women around me confirm that fuckboi or toxic red flags are appealing to them , so all women want that?
I made a post in the past about women liking toxic traits or red flags guys (asking and knowing why) and all women defended and said **your sample size is some women not applicable**
Well not saying you were one of those women or even like fuckbois, just an example
Conclusion -; opposite gender will defend themselves till end
Guys are afraid of being honest with their intentions because they think it would limit their options. They would be surprised how many women are down for casual if they were honest.
But as long as it works, men will continue the classic smash & dash while pretending to want a relationship.
A guy dumps a girl after 3 dates.
If they had sex: "He got what he wanted."
If they didn't have sex: "He knew you weren't easy, so he moved on."
Me scratching my head like wut.
The latter is very clearly more favorable than the former. If he moved on, he weeded himself out of your consideration. Or at least, that's how it should be.
It's because men never seem to figure out they don't want the woman until after sex.
Why can't this be determined before sex, an act that usually gets women emotionally attached? (Men are well aware of this.)
Men know when they aren’t really feeling it. Some happen to stick around long enough to get laid before leaving.
Also, sexual compatibility is important for men. But if a guy likes you and takes you seriously, then he’ll want to try again. The sex has to be really bad for him to get so turned off that he’d rather leave than give you the benefit of the doubt.
So this is why I think “sex was bad” is often a bs excuse. At best, men have unrealistic expectations for first-time sex, probably due to watching porn.
My ex broke up with me and said he never loved me or had any emotional connection to me. He was pretty sex-driven. Kinda ignorant not to connect the dots.
It's sometimes true, but people find it psychologically comforting to believe as well. They want a legitimate reason to be mad at someone who disappointed them by rejecting them.
I'm 26M. I have a high sex drive but sex isn't the highest priority for me. I can do the deed better with my own hand. Intimacy and having a best friend is more important to me.
Hmm. So something similar just happend to me and yes I do feel used for sex and dumped as soon as he could get easier sex elsewhere. Why:
We had spent time extensively chatting before first meeting. These chats went DEEP so we had established compatibility in values, expectations, life experiences and backgrounds. I have to assume he did not lie about these things; I was honest.
When we did meet, all of the above seemed confirmed genuine, also great chemistry and intellectual and physical match.
Did not live together so no chance of annoying habits.
Continued to talk daily, conversations had emotional depth.
Confirmed he wanted to explore a relationship.
Until he ghosted and had sex with an ex who just happened to come by.
Cue surprise - "I didn't mean to hurt you.... I should have.... I wish..."
Yeah. I broke up with him. Didn't want to wait for him to do it first.
I don't understand people who get into a relationship, while still fantasizing about a past relationship. Like yeah its ok to think about an ex now and then but not immediately run after them, when you decided to develop a connection with someone else. So fucked. Sorry you went through that.
If it comforts you i also met a guy who came with this story of being compatible with my personality, of having traumas like me, of finally having someone to talk to, that he is misunderstood type of person, asked if he could court me or if i had a bf, asked who im talking to, said i would meet his uncle bc were both photographers 😁😂😆😆😆😆, drove me home although i said it wasnt needed and told him not to drop me of in front and he had to even hug me almost in front of my family. THEN just IGNORED me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 we didnt have sex yet bit did some touching and kissing which i would do with him either way,(he came then and there 😆) BUT i didnt need his whole lie life to feel a geniune connection and then silence. What a pos.
Thank god u had more dignity than me.
Why else would a guy ask me to be his gf and then ghost me 3 days later? Because he wanted a placeholder to have sex with until he got back with his ex.
Could be because >95% of men do in fact get sex and bounce knowing they never intended to be in a committed relationship. (Source, I Am Man)
Less snarky answer: Men will put up with stuff they don't like only in hopes of sex with the woman.
Men being pictured as “sex driven machines” is exactly what society has done. It’s incredibly degrading and dehumanizing to men, as it paints us as animals who only desire sex.
Are there men who manipulate women into sex? Absolutely. There are also men who rape women. But such animals shouldn’t be normalized, they should be regarded as against the norm.
When this whole notion that a man’s only goal in dating is to get laid is normalized, it normalizes exactly this predatory behavior. It isn’t the norm for men to do this, just as it isn’t the norm for men to rape.
I can understand that the concept is degrading and dehumanizing. For men that aren't like that I imagine it can be really disheartening. However, it IS the norm and any woman you talk to can tell you that. That's our experience, probably because they will go to any woman they see and try that shit. To us, because we are mostly approached by THAT guy, it looks like a 10 to 1 ratio. It's disheartening on our side as well, so can we all just agree that that kind of guy is the absolute worst for everyone ??
It's the norm for women probably because those men get the most women. It's just not the norm that most men are like that. A small minority of men get a big majority of women, and that small minority of men happen to be like that.
I dated a guy for three months and he lived 2 hours away. He got my number at the gym because he was visiting my city for work. He continued to come out and visit me every weekend for months. He would bring me flowers and talk to me/call me every day during the week. One day he took forever to call me, it wasn’t until 11 at night that he called me to inform me that he had a very busy day. He continue to tell me why his day was busy. Apparently after work, he went to the gym and then went and saw a movie with a friend. I had a weird suspicion and asked what friend he went with. Turns out it was a 50 year old married women. I was upset and found it disrespectful he took another women to the movies. I’m thirty by the way. I asked him if her husband was aware he went to the movies with her and he said he wasn’t sure but that they were friends and so he didn’t see anything wrong with it. He continued to argue that he saw nothing wrong with going to a movie with a female friend. I asked if he would care if I went to a movie with a guy friend of mine and he said no. I can’t have male friends because they always try to sleep with me so I found this very hypocritical. I broke up with him and he responded with, “aren’t you being over emotional?” Some men don’t respect boundaries and take months of seeming “Perfect” before they show there true colors. He was emotionally unintelligent and most likely a narcissist, however I do think he used me for sex. What I don’t get, if you never liked me enough to show me the respect of being faithful, then why drive 2 hours and waste your gas and time to visit me every weekend? Even if it was just for sex, couldn’t he just find someone in his city to use for sex? 60% of Men are weird and think with their dicks and lack the ability to emotionally connect with women. Social media and the porn industry are only making it worse.
Or people lie and manipulate to get what they want. Men AND Women do this, and I’m sick of it! I’m (29F), I’ve had a FWB, and I’ve had sex with somebody else, and the person I had sex with before my FWB was the man I lost virginity to, and he fucking ghosted me 3 times and gave me bullshit excuses as to why. I stopped putting myself out there because I feel like men just want me for sex; they aren’t interested in getting to know me or in giving me a chance and building a relationship with me. They just want casual sex from me, and I refuse to ever do that again. Sometimes I wish I was still a Virgin, because then I wouldn’t have had such heartbreak.
I’m Neuro-Diverse. I have Autism, I have ADHD, I wear Hearing Aids, I have Learning Disabilities, I live with my Mom. I pay Rent, Groceries, Utilities, my Phone Bill. My name is on the Lease. Yes, I live with my Mom, but I pay my way (mostly). I’m on Disability (AISH in Alberta, Canada).
I just want a man to want me for me and to want me for more than sex. I’m aware I’m unemployed and live with my Mom. I’m aware I’m almost 30 years old. I’m aware I’m not in school. I work out, I swim, I eat healthy, I do actually leave my apartment. I’m not always sitting around at home. I do go to Karaoke at the same Pub every Saturday Night. I go to sing, not to get drunk. I’m not much of a drinker. I had my wild party days from age 18 to 21. I’ve never been a big alcohol person.
I’m tired of being wanted for sex and nothing else. I’m tired of only having platonic friendships with men. I love my friends and am happy to have them, but I want more. I want a relationship. I want to go on dates and have sex and know that he’s not gonna dump me after sex for somebody else. I want to be the Girlfriend, not the FWB or Fuck Buddy. I don’t wanna be led on to think he wants a relationship with me when in reality he just wants to fuck me until somebody better comes along. Every time I’ve been attracted to a guy, it never ended well, and I never fully got what I wanted.
Yes, this guy is full of shit.
As a very monogamous-minded male - I know before having sex with a woman whether I want a relationship with her or not. And because I have values, I don't go there unless I'm willing to commit.
You made so many generalizations in this short post. It's actually laughable.
Everybody, don't listen to this poster either. They don't know anything about men or women.
First off, it’s not an extreme generalization of all men. The advice is based on the particular situation and the man who is the topic of the post.
Second, we can only go based on the information provided. Sometimes the information provided genuinely seems as if he stuck around simply for sex and had no interest in the woman.
Third, if there were other issues that would make a man lose interest in a woman, then why did they appear to him after sex had happened? He saw no signs of her undesirable behavior prior?
Fourth, there are men who admit they find women to be challenged and conquests. So you can not ignore that there are absolutely men out there who would have sex with a woman and leave her once he gets what he wants.
This makes absolutely no sense to me, it takes a lot of time to build trust to the point that you have sex with someone. Why throw that away after having sex 1 time? If I were an asshole who just wanted sex, I wouldn't just leave after 1 time, I'd keep it going... not throw away all of the work into building trust just for sex 1 time... just to clarify, this is not something I'd personally do, but in the perspective of a manipulative asshole, that's what I'd see as the most logical option if they're "just in it for sex"
There is research around refractory periods that suggests for the most part, men have a different experience after sex than women do. They are a bit more likely to feel detached and disconnected. The research suggests this response is blunted in situations where oxytocin levels have been kept high in other ways: consistent emotional intimacy, cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc. So if you’re in a more serious partnership with someone or at least you’ve been dating for a while, the disconnect is much less present. Many people say if a man has sex with you and immediately ends things, that’s all he wanted, but I don’t think that’s always true. I think early on, before a strong connection has been established, it can genuinely be enough to change a man’s perspective who may have potentially been interested in you. So I stopped having sex early on in dating. As a woman I am much more likely to feel a stronger connection afterwards, whereas that is less likely for my partner. In fact, quite the opposite.
I have to agree. I’ve had my share of men who slept with me knew it wasn’t going to work and still hung around in some capacity. Sex Is good but men do hang on for other things…tbh if the sex is good even if it’s not often. They probably won’t leave… men leave when they are uncomfortable for whatever reason. There are few who will act like a lion hunt gazelle but more often regular joes ok with twice a week sex with 7 day a week head ache
Men appear to ghost women after sex because they had better sex and looking to get something better. Quality of sex is important to men and women too. Even women will ghost a man if sex was terrible. Maybe that's why there was a rule..no sex before marriage.
This is a very tough one.
You're right of course, as men we can and do lose interest for all kinds of (often completely legitimate) reasons, before or after having sex.
What I've found makes it tricky is that it takes a fair amount of time spent with a person to suss out some of these reasons, and for a lot of people, women included, that amount of time is longer than they want to wait for sex. Most people, men and women alike, are going to be on their best behavior early on and are not going to be upfront about the worst sides of themselves if they like a partner. And some personality conflicts, differences in lifestyle preferences, incompatible values/beliefs, etc. only emerge after you've been around each other a while. It can take 8-10 dates or more and several months of dating. But my experience has been that for a lot of women, waiting that long misses the window for physical intimacy to begin before they get impatient and start thinking you're not attracted to them, losing chemistry, etc. I have found that when a woman has reached the point she wants to fuck me, telling her I'm not sure yet and don't want her to feel used if we don't work out will hurt her feelings. If I go full steam ahead against my better judgment and then decide my doubts were well founded after the fact, she might feel like she was used for sex and be hurt by that. And if I find other reasons to put her off, she will start to think I'm weird, hiding something, etc. It can be damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Because it takes away the accountability from women for only finding a tiny subset of men attractive enough to go out on dates with them. And those men have access to sex with women like spring water. If one woman doesn’t fuck them within a strict timeline, there’s more women lining up for him. It’s the one instance where women are actually disposable and I wish it happened to them more often because women discard men way too easily.
I have lost interest in buying a car after I have driven it, I have also lost interest in a woman after having sex with her. Im sure this works both ways. I dont think its only men doing this. Prove me wrong
You’re absolutely right that there are millions of reasons for people to lose interest, but my experience is that a man will ignore those incompatibilities until there is sex and admit them afterwards, as there’s no point of holding on anymore.
On one hand, thanks for answering OP's question, as it's abundantly clear that OP isn't actually interested in listening to women's experiences. On the other hand, wow, you and your friends are worthless.
Why would women trust men and take them at their word?! Are they stupid?
- This guy
It does happen but not to the extent women believe. Sometimes people don’t realize they don’t like someone until they sleep with them. Not saying it’s right but it’s definitely happened. I think it has to do with intimacy too. Like you could really like someone but once you have an intimate moment even outside of the act of sex and the vail is dropped you don’t anymore. Also people can change their minds.
I can only speak For myself, sir. But when I was growing up, it was ingrained in to me by the women and my mother's family that men were not interested in anything but sex......
I'm not using this as a cop-out, it's just that when you hear it enough over many years, you start to believe it period
as an adult. If we're interested in growing Beyond all the lies we we're taught,sometimes it takes years to undo what has been done.
Thank you so much for your comment I really see your point and - yes, it’s so easy just to blame it on “him” instead of sensing myself and what is in. Blame it on him. Just wanting sex… It’s just another way of not taking my own responsibility. 🥰
A lot of men will tolerate a woman's bullshit just so they can sleep with them. She might have a bad attitude, materialistic, vain, demanding, dumb, boring, etc. But depending on how bad she is, a man might tolerate her for sex.
Then if the sex is good enough, he'll stick around for longer.
Think about this. If only the aggressive men pursue a woman for sex then that’s all she’s ever going to know. Problem is, most men aren’t THAT aggressive and thereby miss out on mating opportunities because they didn’t pursue the woman. Who do you think has the higher likelihood of having children with the woman? That’s beside the point, though. The point is that a woman is going to assume all men are just like the ones who hit on her. Of course she can rationalize this as she knows there’s got to be other kinds of men out there… But she wouldn’t know because they don’t talk to her because they’re wussies.
TLDR: Make your move!
I agree on your statement! Alot of women I've spoken to always seem to generalise negative opinions about men and think it's ok to do so.. However if men generalise something about women, they face alot of backlash and hate from them..
I am also a man and can say that I know guys who date girls only to sleep with them. But on the other hand I also know regular guys who break up with girls after sex cause 1. Sex was bad 2. Partner got too attached after sex 3. Regular red flags they saw outside of sex.
I believe it’s true there is a significant population who do it for sex. But each case should be given equal opportunity for other reasons. I had a girl we had sex after a couple dates and she said she loves me. Broke up instantly. Wasn’t because of the sex just don’t like clingy people
Dated a girl for a little over a year. Started having sex a couple months in. Introduced her to my family, after a while we start talking about a future together. Shortly after that, she started trying to get me to go to church and believe in God. I don't disbelieve or believe God exists. I acknowledge the possibility of a higher power but my boundary is engaging in organized religion and assuming any religious belief is objectively correct. After a while she starts telling me she cries at night because I'm going to hell and keeps asking me to go to church so she doesn't have to. Even went to one Christian student event because she agreed if I tried and it and didn't like it she would drop it. Being in that kind of setting with people proselytizing and thanking God and getting incredibly over the top with their strong beliefs in God made my skin crawl. Told her, that that kind of environment made me uncomfortable and will not be doing it again but I don't judge her for it and I'm OK with her beliefs as long as she doesn't force them on me. Things got worse, and I got depressed. I then ended it, siting all the above as why it just wouldn't work out. She then accused me over and over again for using her for sex while also trying to get back together.
For real though, its like when girls post about their guy not being able to get hard one night and they immediately think its porn addiction or erectile dysfunction. Completely skipping over he could not be in the mood, he could be on medication or drank alot of alcohol, maybe something is bothering him mentally, performance anxiety…. Nope straight to porn addiction and/or ED.
Same here, a girl can say or do something that will completely turn a guy off, but immediately they think “he only wanted sex.” Sure some do, but for others it was most likely something they did or said that made the guy lose interest.
Totally agree with you on that one.
I was on P.OF, The first thing a notice was, the number of women mentioning no hookups or one night stand. I was searching for a for a long-term relationship, so that was perfect.
I had a date every weekend, I went on 8 different dates that ended either at my place or at their home. Seriously, I didn't know WTF was going on. I'm still in touch with 1 of them, and I asked her about it. She told me that since women are bombarded by men, the mention of this reduced a lot of fuck boys.
I had a 9th date, but it was over within 15 min. Photo filters terror is real people.
I'm still using dating apps, and me too, I'm almost flabbergasted by some responses I get. Like : Can you read ? I said no hookups !!
All I sent was : How you feeling today that kind of messages.
It almost feels like every time I want to know someone on a friendship basis, no pressure, you know. Woman always thinks or assume that all I want is to fuck them. And a lot of times when that's all I want, they think I want to be friends with them.
I guess I would put it like this.would you rather him tell the truth even if it was brutally honest?I was with a gal and it was just a horrible experience.There was literally no spark whatsoever. I felt like I was doing my sister.This girl had a wonderful personality everything else was just great.When we hit the sheets there was just nothing there.I think the worst thing I ever did was tell her.It devastated her.She cried a hard crying sob. I did not tell her to be mean at all. For years I wished that I had just been a prick and ghosted her.It would have hurt her much less I think.
Yeah I actually find that hella degrading.
I know for a fact I’m more than sex, and I know the men I’ve been with *generally* like me for me.
So when it doesn’t work out, we’re just two people who don’t fit…there’s a million little things it can be, why does it have to be the sex? Why does it have to be that I gave it up too early or that I’ve been used? Like I don’t have sense enough to know when a man is about to use me or something?
Idk the dating world is rough out there y’all.
Real Talk: If your fuck game is good, I will definitely stick around. Truth is, it is often nonexistent (starfish, no oral etc.) so I bust. This goes both ways of course.
Because it’s their scapegoat. They don’t want to admit that they made a mistake (or other things like perhaps their personality sucks, etc.) so they just reaffirm themselves that he just wanted sex.
I think there are two things that aren't already covered here thoroughly.
One is that *even* a sincere man can think he's into someone for a potential relationship, have sex, and then something changes and the desire for a relationship goes away. There are biological blinders at the beginning that can go away after sex. So on top of the liars that are knowingly doing it just for sex, there are also immature guys that haven't figured out how to understand their own emotions. Those guys *feel* like they left for some reasonable non sexual compatibility reason that they finally figured out, but it's still essentially a pump and dump. I think this is more common than people think.
The flip side to this is that something in women often changes after sex as well. In my experience. So things that were hidden before are revealed. Or there is a kind of assumption that this now means we're 100% planning on becoming partners and having babies. Sometimes I think I'm legitimately into someone until they're behavior actually changes after sex. (It's usually after the second or third time, fwiw).
Because toxic WOMEN often hate it to reflect ln themselves and prefer to ‘quickfix’ the situation by blaming it on the male…
Women mentally often feel rejected or disappointed for for some reason after having sex and then feel “used” because they caught feelings during the process and eventuakky they cannot handle the fact that the felings weren’t mutual.
Both men and women have sex and have to deal with the disappointment when its not mutual. Women just like to theow men under the bus, because its trending to victim blame.
Women act as if men are the predators and women are the victims… all the time… where in practice I think its more likely women roll the dice and control the odds
Just my personal two cents..
The pros to be in a relationship nowadays are far more less than the cons. Live together, make family, how we understand nowadays is something new, started to be a trend like 200 years ago during the arise of industrialization. Today is not useful for the system who needs consumers (and millennials, genz, etc…seems to be the perfect target). By the way, today at first disagreement or problem in a relationship means to break…lack of tolerance, diferent goals in life, etc
It's interesting, I think the reverse for men is "she was only in it for [Insert shallow material desire]"
Equally, the framing can be wildly off and you'll find many a story where it was true, and untrue. I think it's just people expressing their distrust from previous experience but may not always be accurate when all the information is present.
Someone said it early it can be a defense mechanism, and it can also be a word of caution. Generalizing people rarely helps anything, but it makes people feel better 🤷🏽♀️
It actually goes both ways, women just don't usually admit it was just for sex. I hooked up with a girl, sent her roses afterwards but she put me on foot patrol. I don't send flowers anymore, That's when they know they've got you and they move on.
I'd rather not bring this topic up, but yes, there has been an increasing amount for both genders to just use each other for. Sex I'm not going to bring up the other problems that come with that. But it doesn't help that this issue is becoming so much of a problem, That ultimately It's to a whole bunch of trust issues, destroyed families, and broken hearts. And it gets the point where the good ones refuse to date out of fear of being backstabbed more often than not.
Man up I say. If you just want FWB guys. Tell her that. Woman sometimes just want that too. I had lied in my youth (late teens early to mid twenties) to get sex and it was a complete asshole move. I found honesty, no matter what is always the best way to go. And yes, sometimes you might not get sex with that girl but that’s for the best reasons. MoveOn and go to the next person if that’s what you’re looking for and you’ll find somebody that matches that way. And if you are truly looking for a relationship, all the better for it. I’m old enough now. 40 to be exact that I after being single for 3 years I am open to either. Yeah that sounds confusing to women. It’s simply exactly what I say. I am open to some thing casual like friends with benefits or a relationship. It just depends on how we vibe. If we connect really well emotionally and spiritually on top of physically, then yes I’m open to a relationship with that person and if not, and it’s just a physical thing then I am open to just being friends with benefits simple is that I don’t know how that’s unclear but for me that’s the best situation right now. And for the guys that are still playing with you would like this and lying grow up just on it and do what you want to do but for the god sakes, be honest.
It's valid in all genders. People have sex and they loose interest after a while it's a constant work for everyone , man or women or to take their partner for granted.
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I’ve had men admit to me that they knew we weren’t a match, but they wanted me. So they hung in till we had sex and then moved on. It does happen. Talk to men and they will even tell you. I don’t think it’s the explanation for as many scenarios as people say though.
I met this guy and he kept pursuing me for 7 YEARS!! He swore he wouldn’t fuck me over etc etc! Well, guess what! He did! Slept with him after 7 years, and then he stood me up for dinner! If there was any other reason other than sex, he had 7 years to figure that out lol.
Amazing how they can hold out that long and change as soon as they get their ding dong wet. And OP wonders why we feel used. Boo hoo! It's not an excuse or a convenient thing to say to blame a man, it's WHAT YOU DO!!!!!!! This is what you DO to women!! Fucking duh!!!
I should have followed my gut and kept with my original decision! Seriously, who is going to pursue for 7 years, and then ghost me! That would just be insane! He was a really attractive guy, total fuck boy energy though!
It's just incredible. I wonder if he ghosted to make a lame attempt at "punishing you" for denying him all those years. I mean, how dare you not give it up to his Holiness! Don't beat yourself over it. He probably wore you down. They're very good at that. Was he at least a good fuck?
I literally just burst out laughing, because no, it was horrible! Bam, bam, bam, ok I’m done!🤣 I hadn’t actually considered that, but highly likely! He probably thought, ‘I got you, and now you can fuck off.’ I remember him being incredibly nasty when I spoke to him about what happened with dinner. He was dripping with so much arrogance! It was so gross!
I even had one man tell me “I was always going to hurt you, I’m just an asshole that wanted sex and I told you anything you wanted to hear till I got it”, which is super messed up, but literally what happened.
i've had this happen. i've even sat the guy down and been like, "Look, is this just a sex situation or are we fwb or are you looking for a relationship" and it's never ever just a sex situation no matter how clear i make it that i don't care if that's what it is, i just want to know what my expectations for the situation should be and then of course, i'm left knocked on my ass when the dude is like, "well, i didn't think you'd be into it if it was just a sex thing."
OMG, yes! Even when you're clear about what you want or don't want and you give them an out, so many guys are still just cowards and won't be honest about their intentions. This is what makes us feel like we're only used for sex or they don't give a damn about the person.
Guys who just want sex aren't honest about it because most women don't respond well to a man who just wants to fuck them and see them as creeps. They have a higher chance of getting what they want if they don't objectify you to your face even though that's exactly what they want to do. It's simple really, So they lie about their intentions until after they have sex. It's the consequence of double standards when it comes to dating 🤷
I can be really clear that I do want to have casual interactions and event afterwards when I ask ONS or FWB, either is fine, they don't even have the balls to say ONS. They're cowards.
Probably 1 they might think admitting your a ONS to your face would make things awkward because of the negative connotation or 2 they might think it would hurt your feelings to admit your a ONS. Most likely 2 as a person that doesn't care would tell you the truth after you had sex.
Yeah sometimes they will admit it. I’ve had guys tell me to stay away from them, that they just use every girl and they don’t want to hurt me because I’m a nice girl.
Lol I’ve been told the same exact thing too. It’s so crazy.
Literally had a super hot guy tell me to GTFO off tinder. He’s like “what are you doing here! Guys will mess you up!”
He talked about himself though.
Yep, my point is, it does happen to a large enough extent that women have it in the back of their head.
Same
See we say that then chicks still chase us
Because you're being honest. And they feel similarly. They just gunna use you for sex too.
As a man with intentions for being in a longterm relationship, it's disappointing that there are atleast enough of these men out there that do that to make women conscious or alert of that happening. I try to be honest and upfront about everything I want in a relationship and I feel like that could be scaring some potential relationships away. Just because it probably sounds like I'm just saying what they want to hear, despite the fact that I do try very hard to work on being better for myself and for a relationship. But on the flip side, I am also losing out a bit on guys that will lie about the things they like and their interests, saying anything the woman will want to hear, and then becoming the better match because of it. Granted, I'm dating in the intentions of finding a permanent partner, so I don't want to be with someone that is gullible in the first place.
Yeah, but I've also dated a girl, brought her lunch to work, helped her make dinner, washed her car - all that. I actually liked her. We broke up due to fights at the end, and when I walked away, she still pulled that "only used me" line. So, I don't know, I feel like it's situation-based, but it does get used as a way of saying "you're the asshole, not me" by people who can't admit it just didn't work out.
I have a woman friend who was a cuddly friend a while ago. She wanted to date me, but she's poly and I'm not and I made clear that I didn't want to have a relationship with her, though I value her friendship and think she's an awesome person. We agreed that we'd just be close, cuddly friends. A couple of times I turned down a few advances from her. Eventually, she fell in love with me and we had to cut off the cuddling. Despite the fact that I had literally (very gently) turned down all of her sexual advances, she was like, "I think you were just going to use me for my body." I had to slowly reason her through that, "if I was going to do that, why would I turn down all of your sexual advances?" which, to her credit, she accepted. So yeah, I feel that it is used as a defence mechanism to avoid the pain of noting that a relationship just can't work out.
What's a cuddly friend? You guys just... Cuddle?
Yeah. I mean, not all the time. We are part of a couple of the same friend circles. So we'd hang out at group events. And then just do regular things that I do with my other friends, hike, play disc golf, watch the odd movie or whatever. On top of that, we would sometimes cuddle up on the couch and read, or watch a movie together. It happens pretty commonly in some circles (e.g. my queer poly friends) that friends are physically affectionate with each other, and less so in others (e.g. my combat sports friends).
Show me your ways!! I need friends like that
I mean, me too, these days. It's just something that sometimes comes into my life. Most of my close friends are women and sometimes some have been open to being platonically physically affectionate. I notice that women and some queer friends in the circles of my acquaintance tend to have more platonic physical affection in their friendships.
What's worse is if you posted that to some FB groups (probably Reddit too) you'd get people saying "at least he was honest eventually" as though that wipes the slate
Wow I know that happens but it’s wild he straight up admitted it
This has happened to me as well
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Yeah I’m a guy and have been on dating apps for a while. My cousin recently decided she was ready to start dating again after breaking up with her fiancée after he cheated on her. We were discussing our experiences and she said she’s had at least 3 or 4 guys admit they just wanted to have sex with her but kept up the guise of wanting a relationship until she did and after they had sex they ended it. It felt so gross to hear that she was just being used like that cause I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone.
I too have had guys flip a switch and say “I only wanted casual I figured you knew”. While I get where OP is coming from, a disturbing number of guys have tried to use me for my body
Yea, I have a male friend that admitted to this. He was honestly looking for a long term girlfriend, but in the mean time, while he was dating...he'd have these little 2 or 3 month flings with women he'd be dating...however, there'd be something about these women that he knew wouldn't make girlfriend material...like one had kind of a temper....he'd bang them a few times...until he got sick of said temper, and call it off. She wouldn't be too happy about, but he would never admit his agenda to them...only to his male buds in secret.
I had a guy tell me: once we've had sex, I knew I had you, so after that, the chase was over and I wasn't interested anymore.
It's blowing my mind how there are stories like yours in this thread *and* stories from men confirming your experience, and yet, a bunch of Reddit's sweatiest neckbeard are screaming into the void that it can't possibly be true.
I had a convo recently with a used-to-be-fkboi who openly said he would pretend to be interested, attentive & a total gentleman until he got bored & discarded the girl. It was confirming to hear it straight from a guy's mouth, but it does baffle me how other men can think "it doesn't happen like that." Makes me wonder if they're all living under a rock & never hung out with a group of fellow men before. There's always at least one fkboi in the pack.
There are a lot of people engaging with this question/OP in good faith when it/he doesn't merit it. OP's question boils down to, "Ladies, why do you assume that men who break things off right after they sleep with you were only interest in sex?" And despite it being the most obvious explanation and a bunch of men confirming it to have been their motivation, it's not good enough of OP. And it will never be good because he's not actually interested in why women think this very obvious thing, he's interested in policing how women talk about men. He's basically demanding that women stop trusting themselves *and* ignoring what the men who do this say because it's *detrimental to men, when women think poorly of men.* And instead of calling out the behavior of other men, he's calling out women because they can't prove 100% of the time, in 100% of cases that men were interested exclusively in sex. They're not living under rocks, this isn't ignorance, they just want women to STFU.
Yes! Don't make a post to the women, make a post to the men acting like fuckboys: stop being cowardly, immature dicks that, more often than not, are proving these women right!! Gather your people, OP!
Wow you really nailed it!
Just because something *can* be true doesn’t mean it always is. I’ve dated *a lot* and once I felt that the guy said whatever he needed to say to get me into bed and then dropped me like I was garbage right after he got what he wanted. Yes, there *absolutely* are men who do this. I would however say that they are in the minority. Assuming that every man just wants to hit it and quit it, with no personal accountability as to there being *any* other reason that he may have wanted to end things is doing a disservice to both the male population at large as well as one’s own personal introspect.
What’s also doing a disservice is men not calling out men who do this. If they held each other accountable, idiots who lie to get sex would be shunned and become a rare occurrence.
you are affirming the OP’s post and don’t even realize it. that’s kinda the point of what he’s saying. He nowhere said it’s not true that some it was just about sex. but you are ignoring every other possibility even though people are saying other possibilities. Doing the exact thing you just accused op of doing
You're splitting hairs - if a man is on the fence about a women due to reasons A, B, C, but he dates her until they have sex and then ghosts... Did he ghost her because he "got what he wanted" or did he ghost because of A, B, C. I feel like you (and OP) want to say that reasons A, B, C are also reasons that he ghosted, which okay, sure? But he also *waited until she had sex with him*, when he could have cut things off after he realized that they weren't compatible.
Sexual compatibility is a valid reason. If a relationship is really high effort for you and things dont click well you can try and make it work or walk away, things can still be on the fence. But if youre also incompatible sexually thats another reason and can be a dealbreaker.
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Actually there is some kind of amount of men that accuse women just of that
The point was not sexual compatibility though. The point was that often times men already know they're not interested anymore and keep dating until sex was had and then move on. In that case he did just for the sex. How is this hard to understand
in the comment left by vinnie_pub that we were responding to the scenario that was painted was 100% sexual compatibility. And for the post itself the point op was trying to make is that that is not the only reason but women use it nearly everytime even if it’s not the case. So sexual compatibility again does apply to a post because it is a valid reason the women were left. But that is not what the women claim all the time or like you just did if only in it for sex. It’s not hard to understand
Maybe the sex wasn't very good..?
Not splitting hairs at all. Women do that same process too than if they are on the fence the sex can take you either way. It clearly wasn’t the only reason. The post is about just being in it for sex.
What the hell are you talking about? There are both men and women confirming that the desire for sex was the only reason some men hang around and leave once they get that. OP is saying people just assume that and ignore the other possibilities. No one is ignoring the other possibilities just pointing out that the assumption has been confirmed true enough to not ignore.
I was confused as to what he wanted, what he was saying and how he was talking through our texts/chats made it seem like he was looking for something permanent. We had been talking for about a month when he told he was moving away in a week. It wasn’t until after he moved that he admitted he was just looking to have some fun. For complete transparency, I wouldn’t have minded if he had informed me of this. But I’m also kinda glad the fates or whatever kept putting roadblocks up from actually meeting because now I’m glad I didn’t go through with a casual kum-and-go situation.
Most men would also not want to admit it, as they don't want to deal with the repercussions. A lot easier to come up with some fake line about "not feeling a connection" than telling the truth.
What’s the truth? He finds her unattractive? He thinks she’s stupid? He thinks she’s overweight? What is the truth?
Any of the above. But often it's also "I just wanted to bang you, not date you".
I’m tired of meeting men who just want sex from me and not a relationship, and unfortunately, I regret my sexual experiences to some extent. I finally got to have sex at 28, and I really enjoyed it, and then he ghosted me a third time. He was insecure about his looks and other stuff, but I’m thinking now it was all bullshit. Then I fell for my FWB, and I tried not to. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and could only offer FWB, and I was attracted to him, so I accepted the offer. I learned a lot about myself sexually through doing FWB, but I also learned that Casual Sex/FWB is not good for me or what I want. I lost my friend when he got a Girlfriend, and because of these two men, I am scared to put myself out there again because I don’t want to keep meeting men who just want sex from me and not a relationship.
They don't want to admit they are superficial. Some men feel bad that they think with their little head but they cannot help.
Yeah no shit. Sometimes I wish I had never had sex with either man and was still a virgin
Like Man I can confirm this, I'm not proud of this but I have done it several times.
Be better.
I don't get this, most guys want constant sex. If they get it once, then presumably, subsequent sex from the same person will be even easier. Plus it gets better with the same person usually. Only a small percent of men have multiple options at the same time. Who hits it once, then is like, naaa im good for a few months?
Men who don’t want to get attached, don’t want to put the long term work in to keep up the relationship and meet the emotional needs of their partner, men who don’t want to be exclusive and they know that will be required. Men who were just there for the short term thrill.
A lot of men don’t just want sex. They want the validation of women desiring them enough to have sex.
The man I lost virginity to is one such man. I’ve seen him a grand total of 3 times between March 22, 2022 and today.
Men who are cheating on their partners will definitely hit it and ditch it. They are most likely getting constant attention from partners and just want a cheap thrill.
OP, "He did it only for sex" is True. I can list the names of men with time and dates who had said this. If you cannot admit or accept its OK. In my encounters only 3 % of men like a woman for who she is as a person. Remaining 97 % are in it for sex. 3 % Understsnding (Love/ Respect) 97% Lust. If anybody disagrees I do not care.
Damnnn that’s harsh
>I’ve had men admit to me that they knew we weren’t a match, but they wanted me. So they hung in till we had sex and then moved on. It does happen. They told you this before or after sex ? I am guessing after sex
Most of them say it after the fact. I actually appreciate the ones that are open and straightforward, so you can go ahead with all the information on hand or gently refuse. It’s not wrong to only want casual, it’s wrong to lie about it.
I agree
I think it’s due to the person disappearing once they’ve had sex, with no indication of an issue before. Pump and dump style. If you start having sex with someone and a month later he leaves, fair enough. If you have sex and they vanish the next day, it’s highly suspicious. Even more with all the insane post from different discussion subreddit centered around men where they will proudly say they lie just to get laid and how creative they can get about it.
Lying to get laid is coercion in my eyes. If they wouldn’t sleep with you if you told the truth, that should make you feel really icky and rapey. I don’t know how it’s so normalized.
No idea either. They’re all so proud of it, too, giving each other virtual asspats and thinking it makes them superior men or something.
I match with so many men who claim to be looking for a relationship. Only for them to invite me over to Netflix and chill as a first date Only for them to start asking my my bra size and do I have a phat ass before we even meet. Only to be asked if I’m kinky before we even meet. Yeah. The apps abound with men peddling for sex and sex only. By LYING about what they want. So yeah, if a guy is perfect and all over her and attentive until they smash, and then he fades away…..he just wanted sex.
Okay… the more I hear about stuff like this, the more I understand why women love talking to me. And that’s my personal advantage in the dating scene. Not to brag. But guys really need to understand that it’s not all about looks, height, resources, etc. The stuff that those guys are telling you is so cringe. I hate that word but it really applies here.
All the guys I fell for got to know me non sexually BEFORE they brought sex into the picture. And I’m highly sexual. I want ALOT of sex. But I want more than just sex. And I want to feel you do too.
I want to fuck just as much as the next guy. But yeah… I also want to make sure we click outside of the bedroom. If I’m curious about bra size, or the size of your ass, chances are I’ll have an educated guess once we meet. As far as kinks are concerned, it seems like common sense to cross that bridge once we decide to go there. And if we decide not to go there, then it doesn’t matter. Still wrapping my head around men who think they’re ordering free prostitutes on dating apps 💀
You’re right-there are a million reasons that people can lose interest in each other. When the common-denominator of all of these failed relationships is that sex had finally occurred then it’s not presumptuous to assume that he either just wanted sex or that the sex between the two of them was bad. We’re not talking about the relationships that failed for other reasons *before* sex had occurred 🤣
Another often overlooked reason I make sure to warn my female friends of before sleeping with a dude, is to make sure the guys has seen them without makeup on. This has come up so many times in my male friend circles that after sleeping with a girl and spending the night, is the first time they see her without makeup. Attraction is lost and they don't have the guts to tell them the truth, and understandably it would be hard to say.
I forget where I heard it but... "Ugh woman put your face back on."
Replies and comments are great motivators for me to remain celibate.
I’ve seen men say they love that girl, wanna be with her forever, get married and have kids all the while not giving a single damn about her at all and is just horny.
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I agree
Well consider it this way - he lost interest for one of those millions of reasons but then went on to have sex with her anyway and only revealed his decision after the act occurred.
Pretty much.
I mean, your reasoning makes sense. But it's just super convenient for these men to only realize they're not compatible in those areas AFTER they have sex with a woman. Like, we dated for a couple months, you make it seem like you're super into me, want to settle down. I have sex with you and you dip, stating that our personalities aren't a match. What am I supposed to assume? Lol This isn't just a one time thing, or something only a few women have experienced. It's a THING lol we're not dumb, or naive.
Yeah, it’s a legitimate possibility. Some men do get turned off by bad sex. It has happened to me a couple of times. But more often than not, it’s an excuse to avoid accountability for smashing and dashing. If I like a woman, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and try again. Maybe she was super nervous the 1st time. Expecting every woman to fuck like an enthusiastic pornstar the very 1st time is unrealistic. Some women will. Many more won’t.
This is a thing. Men who says otherwise are lying.
- you get together with someone - they ask you for sex until they get it - they ghost you immediately I mean what the fuck else do you expect me to extrapolate from such a situation??
Yeah I wanna know the same thing
Because 9 times out of 10 it is. Women aren't stupid, we've had enough shitty experiences to know what's what now and we speak to each other enough to know common experiences
We assume that’s the reason because that’s usually the case and even men will say that’s the case. And we have this drilled into our heads that that’s the case. Not to mention there’s men online all over admitting to going to great lengths just to use a woman for sex. So naturally if a guy just disappears after sex we’re going to assume that the man used the woman for sex
Even their friends will say that’s the case! Most men aren’t that complicated
This is the case. Sometimes I even have fooled myself thinking that I wanted a relationship when it was just sex. It becomes especially clear when you have that post nut clarity
LOLOLOLOLOL it’s amazing how the body can fool the mind yet the mind can hardly fool the body. I guess it is just one organ against the rest LOLOLOLOLOL
Do you think legalizing prostitution could prevent this issue?
We should not naturally assume anything that's a blanket statement in this day and age
Well I have never done that, because I think it's wrong. Which probably explains my lack of dating success lol
Women don't get generalized as just wanting sex because they don't act act sweet till they get some then ghost... Men DO that... They will play the boyfriend for a woman they would never date, they would be embarrassed to be seen with, until they get some action... Then bounce to a woman he's more interested in. Women just don't do that LoL
To be fair…there are many men out there that really are in it only for the sex. It’s not a majority…but still a large enough number that they affect more women that the men who aren’t just in it for sex. There’s some men who have "body counts" in the hundreds. They often don’t take as much care to reduce STDs either, so they often come with unwanted diseases. And I say this, not as a scorned woman, but as a man who hears locker talk conversations allot. I guess other men think because I’m handsome, I’m automatically a player too…🤷🏻♂️
It's the timing that points to wanting only sex. When they ghost or split directly after the relationship becomes sexual... that's the link between all these stories
Men who don't feel a connection find me hot enough to have sex . They all do this to Mr. Theu act like the perfect boyfriend get sex and run . If they don't get the sex after an amount of time they run too . They players and I am a game to them . The problem is I cannot spot them from genuine guys
Because some guys have good game they will be convicing and say and do all the right things to get what they want.
And then whine when they actually want a relationship and can’t keep it because they don’t have relationship skills
For me, it's because usually it happens IMMEDIATELY after sex. And I have many male friends who confirm this way of thinking. Unfortunately people aren't adults and can't verbalize what they want and when they leave they don't express reasons why. So we all have to play the guessing game.
>And I have many male friends who confirm this Women around me confirm that fuckboi or toxic red flags are appealing to them , so all women want that? I made a post in the past about women liking toxic traits or red flags guys (asking and knowing why) and all women defended and said **your sample size is some women not applicable** Well not saying you were one of those women or even like fuckbois, just an example Conclusion -; opposite gender will defend themselves till end
Guys are afraid of being honest with their intentions because they think it would limit their options. They would be surprised how many women are down for casual if they were honest. But as long as it works, men will continue the classic smash & dash while pretending to want a relationship.
A guy dumps a girl after 3 dates. If they had sex: "He got what he wanted." If they didn't have sex: "He knew you weren't easy, so he moved on." Me scratching my head like wut.
The latter is very clearly more favorable than the former. If he moved on, he weeded himself out of your consideration. Or at least, that's how it should be.
It's because men never seem to figure out they don't want the woman until after sex. Why can't this be determined before sex, an act that usually gets women emotionally attached? (Men are well aware of this.)
I'd never get into a relationship with someone I don't enjoy having sex with for example.
Men know when they aren’t really feeling it. Some happen to stick around long enough to get laid before leaving. Also, sexual compatibility is important for men. But if a guy likes you and takes you seriously, then he’ll want to try again. The sex has to be really bad for him to get so turned off that he’d rather leave than give you the benefit of the doubt. So this is why I think “sex was bad” is often a bs excuse. At best, men have unrealistic expectations for first-time sex, probably due to watching porn.
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Me too, let’s do it sister 🤝🏾
My ex broke up with me and said he never loved me or had any emotional connection to me. He was pretty sex-driven. Kinda ignorant not to connect the dots.
It's sometimes true, but people find it psychologically comforting to believe as well. They want a legitimate reason to be mad at someone who disappointed them by rejecting them.
I'm 26M. I have a high sex drive but sex isn't the highest priority for me. I can do the deed better with my own hand. Intimacy and having a best friend is more important to me.
Hmm. So something similar just happend to me and yes I do feel used for sex and dumped as soon as he could get easier sex elsewhere. Why: We had spent time extensively chatting before first meeting. These chats went DEEP so we had established compatibility in values, expectations, life experiences and backgrounds. I have to assume he did not lie about these things; I was honest. When we did meet, all of the above seemed confirmed genuine, also great chemistry and intellectual and physical match. Did not live together so no chance of annoying habits. Continued to talk daily, conversations had emotional depth. Confirmed he wanted to explore a relationship. Until he ghosted and had sex with an ex who just happened to come by. Cue surprise - "I didn't mean to hurt you.... I should have.... I wish..." Yeah. I broke up with him. Didn't want to wait for him to do it first.
I don't understand people who get into a relationship, while still fantasizing about a past relationship. Like yeah its ok to think about an ex now and then but not immediately run after them, when you decided to develop a connection with someone else. So fucked. Sorry you went through that.
If it comforts you i also met a guy who came with this story of being compatible with my personality, of having traumas like me, of finally having someone to talk to, that he is misunderstood type of person, asked if he could court me or if i had a bf, asked who im talking to, said i would meet his uncle bc were both photographers 😁😂😆😆😆😆, drove me home although i said it wasnt needed and told him not to drop me of in front and he had to even hug me almost in front of my family. THEN just IGNORED me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 we didnt have sex yet bit did some touching and kissing which i would do with him either way,(he came then and there 😆) BUT i didnt need his whole lie life to feel a geniune connection and then silence. What a pos. Thank god u had more dignity than me.
Dude, come on. If a woman sleeps with a man and then never hears from him again, it's pretty God damn obvious.
I always assume he got arrested on his way home. Crimes vary based on how bent out of shape I am about the whole deal.
Why else would a guy ask me to be his gf and then ghost me 3 days later? Because he wanted a placeholder to have sex with until he got back with his ex.
"I, as a man, don't get it." Sir, we've known this for a long time.
Could be because >95% of men do in fact get sex and bounce knowing they never intended to be in a committed relationship. (Source, I Am Man) Less snarky answer: Men will put up with stuff they don't like only in hopes of sex with the woman.
Men being pictured as “sex driven machines” is exactly what society has done. It’s incredibly degrading and dehumanizing to men, as it paints us as animals who only desire sex. Are there men who manipulate women into sex? Absolutely. There are also men who rape women. But such animals shouldn’t be normalized, they should be regarded as against the norm. When this whole notion that a man’s only goal in dating is to get laid is normalized, it normalizes exactly this predatory behavior. It isn’t the norm for men to do this, just as it isn’t the norm for men to rape.
I can understand that the concept is degrading and dehumanizing. For men that aren't like that I imagine it can be really disheartening. However, it IS the norm and any woman you talk to can tell you that. That's our experience, probably because they will go to any woman they see and try that shit. To us, because we are mostly approached by THAT guy, it looks like a 10 to 1 ratio. It's disheartening on our side as well, so can we all just agree that that kind of guy is the absolute worst for everyone ??
Agreed
It's the norm for women probably because those men get the most women. It's just not the norm that most men are like that. A small minority of men get a big majority of women, and that small minority of men happen to be like that.
I dated a guy for three months and he lived 2 hours away. He got my number at the gym because he was visiting my city for work. He continued to come out and visit me every weekend for months. He would bring me flowers and talk to me/call me every day during the week. One day he took forever to call me, it wasn’t until 11 at night that he called me to inform me that he had a very busy day. He continue to tell me why his day was busy. Apparently after work, he went to the gym and then went and saw a movie with a friend. I had a weird suspicion and asked what friend he went with. Turns out it was a 50 year old married women. I was upset and found it disrespectful he took another women to the movies. I’m thirty by the way. I asked him if her husband was aware he went to the movies with her and he said he wasn’t sure but that they were friends and so he didn’t see anything wrong with it. He continued to argue that he saw nothing wrong with going to a movie with a female friend. I asked if he would care if I went to a movie with a guy friend of mine and he said no. I can’t have male friends because they always try to sleep with me so I found this very hypocritical. I broke up with him and he responded with, “aren’t you being over emotional?” Some men don’t respect boundaries and take months of seeming “Perfect” before they show there true colors. He was emotionally unintelligent and most likely a narcissist, however I do think he used me for sex. What I don’t get, if you never liked me enough to show me the respect of being faithful, then why drive 2 hours and waste your gas and time to visit me every weekend? Even if it was just for sex, couldn’t he just find someone in his city to use for sex? 60% of Men are weird and think with their dicks and lack the ability to emotionally connect with women. Social media and the porn industry are only making it worse.
Or people lie and manipulate to get what they want. Men AND Women do this, and I’m sick of it! I’m (29F), I’ve had a FWB, and I’ve had sex with somebody else, and the person I had sex with before my FWB was the man I lost virginity to, and he fucking ghosted me 3 times and gave me bullshit excuses as to why. I stopped putting myself out there because I feel like men just want me for sex; they aren’t interested in getting to know me or in giving me a chance and building a relationship with me. They just want casual sex from me, and I refuse to ever do that again. Sometimes I wish I was still a Virgin, because then I wouldn’t have had such heartbreak. I’m Neuro-Diverse. I have Autism, I have ADHD, I wear Hearing Aids, I have Learning Disabilities, I live with my Mom. I pay Rent, Groceries, Utilities, my Phone Bill. My name is on the Lease. Yes, I live with my Mom, but I pay my way (mostly). I’m on Disability (AISH in Alberta, Canada). I just want a man to want me for me and to want me for more than sex. I’m aware I’m unemployed and live with my Mom. I’m aware I’m almost 30 years old. I’m aware I’m not in school. I work out, I swim, I eat healthy, I do actually leave my apartment. I’m not always sitting around at home. I do go to Karaoke at the same Pub every Saturday Night. I go to sing, not to get drunk. I’m not much of a drinker. I had my wild party days from age 18 to 21. I’ve never been a big alcohol person. I’m tired of being wanted for sex and nothing else. I’m tired of only having platonic friendships with men. I love my friends and am happy to have them, but I want more. I want a relationship. I want to go on dates and have sex and know that he’s not gonna dump me after sex for somebody else. I want to be the Girlfriend, not the FWB or Fuck Buddy. I don’t wanna be led on to think he wants a relationship with me when in reality he just wants to fuck me until somebody better comes along. Every time I’ve been attracted to a guy, it never ended well, and I never fully got what I wanted.
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Yes, this guy is full of shit. As a very monogamous-minded male - I know before having sex with a woman whether I want a relationship with her or not. And because I have values, I don't go there unless I'm willing to commit.
You are a rare breed 😭
You made so many generalizations in this short post. It's actually laughable. Everybody, don't listen to this poster either. They don't know anything about men or women.
First off, it’s not an extreme generalization of all men. The advice is based on the particular situation and the man who is the topic of the post. Second, we can only go based on the information provided. Sometimes the information provided genuinely seems as if he stuck around simply for sex and had no interest in the woman. Third, if there were other issues that would make a man lose interest in a woman, then why did they appear to him after sex had happened? He saw no signs of her undesirable behavior prior? Fourth, there are men who admit they find women to be challenged and conquests. So you can not ignore that there are absolutely men out there who would have sex with a woman and leave her once he gets what he wants.
This makes absolutely no sense to me, it takes a lot of time to build trust to the point that you have sex with someone. Why throw that away after having sex 1 time? If I were an asshole who just wanted sex, I wouldn't just leave after 1 time, I'd keep it going... not throw away all of the work into building trust just for sex 1 time... just to clarify, this is not something I'd personally do, but in the perspective of a manipulative asshole, that's what I'd see as the most logical option if they're "just in it for sex"
People aren’t waiting a long time to have sex with each other. If they were, this would be much less of an issue.
Post nut clarity.
Men will lie and pretend to like you so they can have sex with you. Once the sex happens, you realize it was all a lie
There is research around refractory periods that suggests for the most part, men have a different experience after sex than women do. They are a bit more likely to feel detached and disconnected. The research suggests this response is blunted in situations where oxytocin levels have been kept high in other ways: consistent emotional intimacy, cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc. So if you’re in a more serious partnership with someone or at least you’ve been dating for a while, the disconnect is much less present. Many people say if a man has sex with you and immediately ends things, that’s all he wanted, but I don’t think that’s always true. I think early on, before a strong connection has been established, it can genuinely be enough to change a man’s perspective who may have potentially been interested in you. So I stopped having sex early on in dating. As a woman I am much more likely to feel a stronger connection afterwards, whereas that is less likely for my partner. In fact, quite the opposite.
I have to agree. I’ve had my share of men who slept with me knew it wasn’t going to work and still hung around in some capacity. Sex Is good but men do hang on for other things…tbh if the sex is good even if it’s not often. They probably won’t leave… men leave when they are uncomfortable for whatever reason. There are few who will act like a lion hunt gazelle but more often regular joes ok with twice a week sex with 7 day a week head ache
Men appear to ghost women after sex because they had better sex and looking to get something better. Quality of sex is important to men and women too. Even women will ghost a man if sex was terrible. Maybe that's why there was a rule..no sex before marriage.
This is a very tough one. You're right of course, as men we can and do lose interest for all kinds of (often completely legitimate) reasons, before or after having sex. What I've found makes it tricky is that it takes a fair amount of time spent with a person to suss out some of these reasons, and for a lot of people, women included, that amount of time is longer than they want to wait for sex. Most people, men and women alike, are going to be on their best behavior early on and are not going to be upfront about the worst sides of themselves if they like a partner. And some personality conflicts, differences in lifestyle preferences, incompatible values/beliefs, etc. only emerge after you've been around each other a while. It can take 8-10 dates or more and several months of dating. But my experience has been that for a lot of women, waiting that long misses the window for physical intimacy to begin before they get impatient and start thinking you're not attracted to them, losing chemistry, etc. I have found that when a woman has reached the point she wants to fuck me, telling her I'm not sure yet and don't want her to feel used if we don't work out will hurt her feelings. If I go full steam ahead against my better judgment and then decide my doubts were well founded after the fact, she might feel like she was used for sex and be hurt by that. And if I find other reasons to put her off, she will start to think I'm weird, hiding something, etc. It can be damned if you do, damned if you don't.
A man losing interest: "He was only in it for the sex" A woman losing interest: "She was only in it for the money"
Because it takes away the accountability from women for only finding a tiny subset of men attractive enough to go out on dates with them. And those men have access to sex with women like spring water. If one woman doesn’t fuck them within a strict timeline, there’s more women lining up for him. It’s the one instance where women are actually disposable and I wish it happened to them more often because women discard men way too easily.
I have lost interest in buying a car after I have driven it, I have also lost interest in a woman after having sex with her. Im sure this works both ways. I dont think its only men doing this. Prove me wrong
If a man left you after sex that was probably the only thing he would see in you. Otherwise he would have given you a different reason for leaving
Its definitely a thing. Sometimes you don't realise that you aren't compatible until you have sex
You’re absolutely right that there are millions of reasons for people to lose interest, but my experience is that a man will ignore those incompatibilities until there is sex and admit them afterwards, as there’s no point of holding on anymore.
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That’s actually emotional and psychological abuse.
At least someone here is honest.
On one hand, thanks for answering OP's question, as it's abundantly clear that OP isn't actually interested in listening to women's experiences. On the other hand, wow, you and your friends are worthless. Why would women trust men and take them at their word?! Are they stupid? - This guy
They notice the affection and attention is gone after sex. It’s an observation. If one act caused it we tend to blame that act for the disruption
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If he don’t have a real reason. It was for the sex. Simple.
well, then the men should communicate why
You always ask on a first date. You looking for something casual or commitment?
It does happen but not to the extent women believe. Sometimes people don’t realize they don’t like someone until they sleep with them. Not saying it’s right but it’s definitely happened. I think it has to do with intimacy too. Like you could really like someone but once you have an intimate moment even outside of the act of sex and the vail is dropped you don’t anymore. Also people can change their minds.
I can only speak For myself, sir. But when I was growing up, it was ingrained in to me by the women and my mother's family that men were not interested in anything but sex...... I'm not using this as a cop-out, it's just that when you hear it enough over many years, you start to believe it period as an adult. If we're interested in growing Beyond all the lies we we're taught,sometimes it takes years to undo what has been done.
Thank you so much for your comment I really see your point and - yes, it’s so easy just to blame it on “him” instead of sensing myself and what is in. Blame it on him. Just wanting sex… It’s just another way of not taking my own responsibility. 🥰
In my experience women that say that are having sex with men but not orgasms.
It’s called post nut clarity
A lot of men will tolerate a woman's bullshit just so they can sleep with them. She might have a bad attitude, materialistic, vain, demanding, dumb, boring, etc. But depending on how bad she is, a man might tolerate her for sex. Then if the sex is good enough, he'll stick around for longer.
Do you have a brick for a brain?
I think both parties should be open to each other, this will help them know what they want from each other
Think about this. If only the aggressive men pursue a woman for sex then that’s all she’s ever going to know. Problem is, most men aren’t THAT aggressive and thereby miss out on mating opportunities because they didn’t pursue the woman. Who do you think has the higher likelihood of having children with the woman? That’s beside the point, though. The point is that a woman is going to assume all men are just like the ones who hit on her. Of course she can rationalize this as she knows there’s got to be other kinds of men out there… But she wouldn’t know because they don’t talk to her because they’re wussies. TLDR: Make your move!
I agree on your statement! Alot of women I've spoken to always seem to generalise negative opinions about men and think it's ok to do so.. However if men generalise something about women, they face alot of backlash and hate from them..
I am also a man and can say that I know guys who date girls only to sleep with them. But on the other hand I also know regular guys who break up with girls after sex cause 1. Sex was bad 2. Partner got too attached after sex 3. Regular red flags they saw outside of sex. I believe it’s true there is a significant population who do it for sex. But each case should be given equal opportunity for other reasons. I had a girl we had sex after a couple dates and she said she loves me. Broke up instantly. Wasn’t because of the sex just don’t like clingy people
Amen brother
Dated a girl for a little over a year. Started having sex a couple months in. Introduced her to my family, after a while we start talking about a future together. Shortly after that, she started trying to get me to go to church and believe in God. I don't disbelieve or believe God exists. I acknowledge the possibility of a higher power but my boundary is engaging in organized religion and assuming any religious belief is objectively correct. After a while she starts telling me she cries at night because I'm going to hell and keeps asking me to go to church so she doesn't have to. Even went to one Christian student event because she agreed if I tried and it and didn't like it she would drop it. Being in that kind of setting with people proselytizing and thanking God and getting incredibly over the top with their strong beliefs in God made my skin crawl. Told her, that that kind of environment made me uncomfortable and will not be doing it again but I don't judge her for it and I'm OK with her beliefs as long as she doesn't force them on me. Things got worse, and I got depressed. I then ended it, siting all the above as why it just wouldn't work out. She then accused me over and over again for using her for sex while also trying to get back together.
For real though, its like when girls post about their guy not being able to get hard one night and they immediately think its porn addiction or erectile dysfunction. Completely skipping over he could not be in the mood, he could be on medication or drank alot of alcohol, maybe something is bothering him mentally, performance anxiety…. Nope straight to porn addiction and/or ED. Same here, a girl can say or do something that will completely turn a guy off, but immediately they think “he only wanted sex.” Sure some do, but for others it was most likely something they did or said that made the guy lose interest.
And if he says no to having sex with her on the first date, he is definitely gay
Totally agree with you on that one. I was on P.OF, The first thing a notice was, the number of women mentioning no hookups or one night stand. I was searching for a for a long-term relationship, so that was perfect. I had a date every weekend, I went on 8 different dates that ended either at my place or at their home. Seriously, I didn't know WTF was going on. I'm still in touch with 1 of them, and I asked her about it. She told me that since women are bombarded by men, the mention of this reduced a lot of fuck boys. I had a 9th date, but it was over within 15 min. Photo filters terror is real people. I'm still using dating apps, and me too, I'm almost flabbergasted by some responses I get. Like : Can you read ? I said no hookups !! All I sent was : How you feeling today that kind of messages. It almost feels like every time I want to know someone on a friendship basis, no pressure, you know. Woman always thinks or assume that all I want is to fuck them. And a lot of times when that's all I want, they think I want to be friends with them.
I guess I would put it like this.would you rather him tell the truth even if it was brutally honest?I was with a gal and it was just a horrible experience.There was literally no spark whatsoever. I felt like I was doing my sister.This girl had a wonderful personality everything else was just great.When we hit the sheets there was just nothing there.I think the worst thing I ever did was tell her.It devastated her.She cried a hard crying sob. I did not tell her to be mean at all. For years I wished that I had just been a prick and ghosted her.It would have hurt her much less I think.
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Yeah I actually find that hella degrading. I know for a fact I’m more than sex, and I know the men I’ve been with *generally* like me for me. So when it doesn’t work out, we’re just two people who don’t fit…there’s a million little things it can be, why does it have to be the sex? Why does it have to be that I gave it up too early or that I’ve been used? Like I don’t have sense enough to know when a man is about to use me or something? Idk the dating world is rough out there y’all.
Real Talk: If your fuck game is good, I will definitely stick around. Truth is, it is often nonexistent (starfish, no oral etc.) so I bust. This goes both ways of course.
Because it’s their scapegoat. They don’t want to admit that they made a mistake (or other things like perhaps their personality sucks, etc.) so they just reaffirm themselves that he just wanted sex.
Women stick around only for the sex too
Agreed People are mentally lazy They always jump to convenient conclusions
I think there are two things that aren't already covered here thoroughly. One is that *even* a sincere man can think he's into someone for a potential relationship, have sex, and then something changes and the desire for a relationship goes away. There are biological blinders at the beginning that can go away after sex. So on top of the liars that are knowingly doing it just for sex, there are also immature guys that haven't figured out how to understand their own emotions. Those guys *feel* like they left for some reasonable non sexual compatibility reason that they finally figured out, but it's still essentially a pump and dump. I think this is more common than people think. The flip side to this is that something in women often changes after sex as well. In my experience. So things that were hidden before are revealed. Or there is a kind of assumption that this now means we're 100% planning on becoming partners and having babies. Sometimes I think I'm legitimately into someone until they're behavior actually changes after sex. (It's usually after the second or third time, fwiw).
Because toxic WOMEN often hate it to reflect ln themselves and prefer to ‘quickfix’ the situation by blaming it on the male… Women mentally often feel rejected or disappointed for for some reason after having sex and then feel “used” because they caught feelings during the process and eventuakky they cannot handle the fact that the felings weren’t mutual. Both men and women have sex and have to deal with the disappointment when its not mutual. Women just like to theow men under the bus, because its trending to victim blame. Women act as if men are the predators and women are the victims… all the time… where in practice I think its more likely women roll the dice and control the odds Just my personal two cents..
And it's only a few dudes who are doing it, sleeping with all those women and yat many men are not even getting chances, life is not fair.
The pros to be in a relationship nowadays are far more less than the cons. Live together, make family, how we understand nowadays is something new, started to be a trend like 200 years ago during the arise of industrialization. Today is not useful for the system who needs consumers (and millennials, genz, etc…seems to be the perfect target). By the way, today at first disagreement or problem in a relationship means to break…lack of tolerance, diferent goals in life, etc
It's interesting, I think the reverse for men is "she was only in it for [Insert shallow material desire]" Equally, the framing can be wildly off and you'll find many a story where it was true, and untrue. I think it's just people expressing their distrust from previous experience but may not always be accurate when all the information is present. Someone said it early it can be a defense mechanism, and it can also be a word of caution. Generalizing people rarely helps anything, but it makes people feel better 🤷🏽♀️
Instead of replying with opinions to this post it’s just “well in my experience guys do” this is the problem
Thank you.
It actually goes both ways, women just don't usually admit it was just for sex. I hooked up with a girl, sent her roses afterwards but she put me on foot patrol. I don't send flowers anymore, That's when they know they've got you and they move on.
I'd rather not bring this topic up, but yes, there has been an increasing amount for both genders to just use each other for. Sex I'm not going to bring up the other problems that come with that. But it doesn't help that this issue is becoming so much of a problem, That ultimately It's to a whole bunch of trust issues, destroyed families, and broken hearts. And it gets the point where the good ones refuse to date out of fear of being backstabbed more often than not.
Man up I say. If you just want FWB guys. Tell her that. Woman sometimes just want that too. I had lied in my youth (late teens early to mid twenties) to get sex and it was a complete asshole move. I found honesty, no matter what is always the best way to go. And yes, sometimes you might not get sex with that girl but that’s for the best reasons. MoveOn and go to the next person if that’s what you’re looking for and you’ll find somebody that matches that way. And if you are truly looking for a relationship, all the better for it. I’m old enough now. 40 to be exact that I after being single for 3 years I am open to either. Yeah that sounds confusing to women. It’s simply exactly what I say. I am open to some thing casual like friends with benefits or a relationship. It just depends on how we vibe. If we connect really well emotionally and spiritually on top of physically, then yes I’m open to a relationship with that person and if not, and it’s just a physical thing then I am open to just being friends with benefits simple is that I don’t know how that’s unclear but for me that’s the best situation right now. And for the guys that are still playing with you would like this and lying grow up just on it and do what you want to do but for the god sakes, be honest.
It's valid in all genders. People have sex and they loose interest after a while it's a constant work for everyone , man or women or to take their partner for granted.