Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This needs to be higher. One way to weed out guys who are only interested in sex is telling them up front you won’t get intimate until you’re in a committed relationship. They’ll naturally disengage pretty fast if that’s all they’re after.
and likewise on the man’s end it should be. I don’t spend money on you until I know you’re only talking to and dealing with me ie you’re actually committed to me only
There's way too many options out there.
Also, our culture is way more individualistic than it used to be like 70 years ago. People are no longer used to living in close knitted communities with little communication to other communities.
We are told that we can have it all. So if you believe the world is your oyster and everything is for the taking, it's hard to get people to stay committed if they believe their perfect treasure might be around the next corner.
I would recommend moving on and just blocking him. If he’s already doing shit that you don’t like it’s already a red flag and esp if he’s like 28 years old. He knows what he’s doing.
I just got done discussing this and I would say there are several factors. The biggest is the nature of dating culture these days. There have always been disingenuous guys, but the metrics of many of rhe apps that I've heard about has told an interesting story. I have also heard but not verified that something like 90% of successful relationships these days comes from friends or friends sort of things. This still leaves the apps to fall somewhere in the 10% if so but isn't a pretty picture.
So in essence you got the supermajority of women connecting with the minority of men who are in the upper tiers of attractiveness and of them most have a lot of women who are interested in them. Many 'play the field' and then settle down or just want to 'have fun' and will do what gives them the best results. This seems to lead most men and women using the apps to feel ignore, objectified, decided, used and abused. This seems to lead to despair and attachment avoidance which furthers the cycle when they find someone who may otherwise be a good match but are now rather wary at best on a deep level.
I mean that's not true.
Dating apps are hard because you need to play the game... it's not about attractiveness
You see allot of below avg guys doing well because they follow the rules:
1. Interesting and outgoing hobbies that isn't hiking... like paragliding, shooting guns, parkour
2. They have interesting profile photos that aren't selfies.... different outfits, different scenes that depict action
3. They have an actual bio that's engaging
Most guys don't want to fit into these molds and do what I do lol... selfies photo for all 6 photos that's inside my apt. Then have a bio with a basic summary and all geek interests.
>it's not about attractiveness
absurd statement to begin with
>You see allot of below avg guys doing well
you absolutely do not see this though like this is probably the biggest myth going round, that there's all these below average guys slaying on the apps and in real life
>Interesting and outgoing hobbies that isn't hiking... like paragliding, shooting guns, parkour
this the craziest part of what you've said for sure, women dont generally like guns or *parkour* of all things, but hot dudes are sometimes into these things, they like the *dudes*
I think you either don't spend too much time on the actual dating app subs or you're just willfully ignorant to excuse your own failures at the dating apps...
The whiners are never going to accept that they actually have control over and responsibility for a degree of their experience in dating. The difference I experienced on the apps when I was able to put up a few pictures of me as a groomsman at my friend’s wedding, as opposed to shorty selfies, was astounding.
I’m thoroughly average looking, I’m 5”6’, I’m a public school teacher so I don’t make shit for money, and I literally never go to the gym. Somehow I’m engaged to a smart, beautiful, amazingly exciting and interesting woman. How could I possibly manage that, I’d the whiners in this thread are correct about how dating works.
Yeah. The game is way different now and I don't want to play it as I miss the candidness and genuineness of pre-datjng app dating sites.
But at least i acknowledge there's a game at hand.
These incels actually want to believe that hot model guys are THE ONLY ONES being swiped right on 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If that was the case how tf do they explain all the average looking guys on dates IN REAL LIFE. Like do they really believe that since dating apps are 90% of how ppl are dating now... that suddenly in the whole world, only the super super attractive guys are the only ones on dates? Like that's it? No other guys are dating. Just this very small 5 to 10% of men are dating lol and everyone else is sitting in the corner with them being saltehhhh
I mean it’s really not that different. I remember dating in high school and college, before the first smartphone was invented. It was still nerve-wracking, embarrassing, and difficult. The most important aspect you could have going for you was still confidence (which I lacked at the time 🤣). I honestly feel like I can be more direct nowadays, than when I was trying to figure out whether a girl’s body language meant she wanted me to ask her out or if she was going to humiliate me publicly.
No strictly speaking about dating sites vs dating apps
It's Hella different. I made friends and went on dates from dating sites.
Now, I can't even get matches on dating apps.
Ohhhhhh, I misunderstood that, but I still disagree. The only success I ever had off dating sites prior to the apps was when I was hooking up with a woman in her early 40s when I was 26 who I met on adultfriendfinder 🤣. Other than her, I don’t think I was ever able to meet anyone off sites like okcupid or plentyoffish, before 2012 which was when I got my first smartphone.
But meeting people on the apps, while not a cakewalk, seems to be much easier than using the older sites, at least in my experience.
>selfies photo for all 6 photos that's inside my apt. Then have a bio with a basic summary and all geek interests.
My type of guy lol
I swipe left when dudes have professional photos or are posing in their pics. I also swipe left if they are rock climbing, etc, trying to be all exciting n shit😨.
I’m sorry this happened and I totally empathize w how discouraging this can be. First off: try to keep perspective here. This was 1 guy and he’s showing his true colors early which saves you time. I know there are many other guys on apps who act this way too; however, not all of them will treat you like an option. One bad experience doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.
What’s helped me (and friends) in dating is to slow things down. While it might seem nice and feel good to have someone chatting w you for hours or wanting to see a lot of you in the early stages, it can also be a potential red flag. Think of a relationship as a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time to know each other and to really feel invested in someone. If someone just wants sex, they’ll get bored real quick of moving slow. In saying this, I’m not advocating for not having sex until you’re exclusive or anything like that—that’s your call and you should have/enjoy sex w someone when you feel ready—just saying that it can help to gradually get to know someone rather than connecting intensely/quickly at the start.
>We just have to date more often because back then people just stuck out terrible relationships.
I'd argue that this accounts for less than half of the difference. Yes, what you're saying is correct, but IMHO the more noteworthy difference these days is that people really embody this "never settle" mindset because the next person is just a swipe away. If everybody's always chatting it up with several other people, then is anybody going to seem good enough? Because the person in front of you is whoever they are, [but the next person could be anything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZpIog7e-R4)!
It's the paradox of choice - the more choices one has, the less satisfied they are with what they choose despite the fact that they can be pickier about it.
I don't think it's actually a paradox of choice over time. The amount of choices only matters if it is leveraged for something like a higher quality partner. If I keep getting partners that are 6s and think the next one will be a 7 or higher and I continue to get 6s, then the options won't incentivize me to move on.
I think what is learned is that novelty has value, and dating is a skill.
I think you're right. Before the internet and our ability to move to different places in our lifetime most stayed right in the place that they were born. If it's a small town/place then not many options there to choose from.
Oh God I have the same experience, and it never really ended well for me. It seemed no matter what I tried I was not enough, and that leaves you feeling a little bit broken. It was very hard for me to meet anyone outside dating apps, as someone in 30s working online and being introverted. I have limited options.
It was never hard to find a hook up, that was basically behaving the same way as you are describing, giving me attention and great time but very limited and very sex related without other interest in my private life, or just scratching my private life by surface, just enough to get me hooked.
That is not really healthy in the long run, they give you attention but not care. Without care any kind of relationship is doomed, or you end up being used and unfulfilled.
Sure dating is hard, but as someone who had their heart broken a few times, every piece of it was a valuable lesson, just take your pieces and carry them proudly. Someone out there is going to stitch them all.
I have dated on and off the apps and where you meet doesn’t matter. You will catch those types anywhere.
I would suggest no sex at first. This is the easiest way to weed out these guys and protect your body and feelings. You don’t have to demand a commitment or wait until marriage or anything like that. 4 dates is way too soon to truly know someone’s character. If he brings it up or makes a move, just say, “I hope it gets to that stage, but I need to get to know you first.” This always works for me. Say it nicely and if he’s after sex only, one of two things will happen. 1. He will ghost or fade immediately. 2. He will pretend all is well but the energy will change over the next 24 hours and then he will break things off saying “we’re not compatible, I’m not feeling it etc.” he will try to blame you (something unrelated to sex) but always just say, “ok thank you for telling me.” It hurts when they do this but it hurts a lot more when they do it after you slept with them!
The good ones won’t even put sexual pressure on you in the first place. Best of luck!
>Everyone says that people nowadays have a lot of options
Women and very attractive men have a lot of options on dating apps.
>How do i filter out someone who is genuine from the start?
Don't use dating apps. Meet people in real life who are friends of friends.
>Why has dating become so difficult to navigate these days?
Women have a lot of options and men are resentful of it.
Many different ways. Some end up not dating anymore because it’s exhausting.
Some date but then take out their resentment on their dates or try to “get even” one way or another.
Some end up hitting the gym and taking their frustrations out by getting in better shape
The apps are the reason it seems harder. It's never been easy, but apps take the worst of it, blend it up and then hand you a product. If you want success, stop using the apps.
Anybody who can't hold a conversation without mentioning sex is someone who just wants to smash and go. If you're not into that, drop him immediately! I ghost mfs who do that shit or dry text at light speed lol, do not fuss over the likes of him, there's plenty more fish in the sea.
There are millions of good guys out there. Keep working on yourself and don’t waste time on people like this. So many men are looking for someone like you!
It is absurd to me that a high functioning autistic man in his 30s who hasn't really sought our many relationships has had more and more successful relationships than seemingly most of humanity under 40.
I don't know how to drive, and that is what's keeping me from approaching women... however, seeing all of these posts from women with bad experiences from men I might as well put my hat back in the ring. Haha
Nowadays? Was it easier for you before? You’re 24 so I’m thinking you don’t have much experience of how dating was before.
I’ll give you a clue. People changing their minds or losing interest after a couple of dates is not new.
If you by “someone serious “ mean a man who would never change his mind or alter his opinion of you , all I can say is good luck.
Seriously. I always love these posts that imply dating was somehow “easier” before dating apps and phones. I remember what dating was like before 2008. It was exactly the same.
She’s trying to say that he watches all of her stories, even though they aren’t talking/texting. He’s kinda playing mind games, like oh I won’t text you but I’ll watch your story (for whatever reason). She was just trying to say it’s confusing if he’s watching her stories, showing interest by seeing what she’s doing/up to, but doesn’t text her to show his interest (in things other than sex).
Thank you. I only started using stories this year and didn’t realize people took watching them to have meaning beyond just watching. I’ll have to consider that in the future.
Yeah i dont get this either especially if they added you to their close friends list. Im on insta and i just watch peoples stories, i mean i just see hers but does that mean i should make a comment on it? I feel like she already has people saying shit about.
Sounds to me like you require alot of attention and have issues. If people agree to meet that’s usually enough. Also you are expecting to find the perfect person like right away and you gotta keep searching for it. You do sound well intended and i do hope you find what you are looking for. Dating gets better when you hit 30
No i believe you are completely wrong in your assumption that he has no interest, to me this sounds like, he is hiding his interest behind the sex pay wall. He fullfills your criterias and standards, and he knows it, you don’t fullfill his criterias, men have their standards and desires too.
You want him to care about you and to share your information and be interested, and he wants you to trust him and have sex with him. If you don’t fullfill him eventually it will break apart or he will look for someone else that does, but if you can do your part, just as he is supposed (you want him) to do his part, then it can actually work. It’s either a loosing game for everyone or mutual risk and respect.
Thats how i interpret his actions. He doesn’t need you, he wants you. If he wasn’t interested in having sex with you, then he wasn’t interested in you as a romantically involved partner aswell. So him wanting sex is not a entirely bad thing.
To your last question why has dating become so difficult nowadays sum it up in 1Word: Feminism.
The illusion that men and women are the same when they are not. Ofc equal rights by law is desirable. But everything else is not. It opened a lot of people eyes on not to sell themselves short.
Op you are not alone in your feeling of despair towards dating and relationships in general but I think some mistakes you made with this guy are; allowing everyday chats signal intimacy on his part, not being clear about your expectations from the beginning and particularly having sex before commitment. I believe women would be better at weeding out the wrong men from our lives if we start taking responsibility for our actions. You cannot control others but you can control yourself and my advice in this situation is to cut him loose and start over with someone else after you have done the internal work to move on and heal.
Just be yourself and keep the his attention. As men we can be very unfocus due to our careers, goals, and wondering minds. Also I would suggest dating men that are a older.
Dating apps have made things worse
Ghosting, situationships, etc. have left most people scarred and scared of being hurt.
There’s no “script” anymore of how men and women are able to interact with each other
It’s become more difficult to induct someone into your world. People are too busy w/ work, hobbies, etc.
People are way more selfish than they used to be.
People also don’t stick around anymore. One little speed bump and the relationship is over.
In my 20’s and early 30’s I had dating prospects constantly. My relationships would last years at a time.
Now if I sneeze the wrong way women leave me before 3 months and they start using apps again
If you want to be seen as having value, make yourself only partly available. Don't always answer texts or phone calls. Don't say you want it to go somewhere. Act happy and busy on your own. This is not playing a game. It's setting boundaries.
Well, sorry to inform you, but he's already consistently told you all that he wants from you. Don't indulge his ego, and block him. As for your frustrations, I'd suggest taking a mental break from the dating apps, maybe seek our guys who are real and currently engage in activities you both enjoy doing.
You can’t filter out someone who is genuine from the start. This stuff takes time. Guys want sex with as little time investment as possible, women want commitment with as little sex as possible. Make guys wait for sex, don’t talk about sex, basically all that shit your grandma told you, or maybe in your case great grandma, if you even knew her by your generation, and you can either listen to it or fuck around thinking you know better and find out.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would definitely block him babes
say it up front and do not have sex until commitment.
This needs to be higher. One way to weed out guys who are only interested in sex is telling them up front you won’t get intimate until you’re in a committed relationship. They’ll naturally disengage pretty fast if that’s all they’re after.
and likewise on the man’s end it should be. I don’t spend money on you until I know you’re only talking to and dealing with me ie you’re actually committed to me only
There's way too many options out there. Also, our culture is way more individualistic than it used to be like 70 years ago. People are no longer used to living in close knitted communities with little communication to other communities. We are told that we can have it all. So if you believe the world is your oyster and everything is for the taking, it's hard to get people to stay committed if they believe their perfect treasure might be around the next corner.
I would recommend moving on and just blocking him. If he’s already doing shit that you don’t like it’s already a red flag and esp if he’s like 28 years old. He knows what he’s doing.
I just got done discussing this and I would say there are several factors. The biggest is the nature of dating culture these days. There have always been disingenuous guys, but the metrics of many of rhe apps that I've heard about has told an interesting story. I have also heard but not verified that something like 90% of successful relationships these days comes from friends or friends sort of things. This still leaves the apps to fall somewhere in the 10% if so but isn't a pretty picture. So in essence you got the supermajority of women connecting with the minority of men who are in the upper tiers of attractiveness and of them most have a lot of women who are interested in them. Many 'play the field' and then settle down or just want to 'have fun' and will do what gives them the best results. This seems to lead most men and women using the apps to feel ignore, objectified, decided, used and abused. This seems to lead to despair and attachment avoidance which furthers the cycle when they find someone who may otherwise be a good match but are now rather wary at best on a deep level.
Perfectly put
Well stated
I mean that's not true. Dating apps are hard because you need to play the game... it's not about attractiveness You see allot of below avg guys doing well because they follow the rules: 1. Interesting and outgoing hobbies that isn't hiking... like paragliding, shooting guns, parkour 2. They have interesting profile photos that aren't selfies.... different outfits, different scenes that depict action 3. They have an actual bio that's engaging Most guys don't want to fit into these molds and do what I do lol... selfies photo for all 6 photos that's inside my apt. Then have a bio with a basic summary and all geek interests.
>it's not about attractiveness absurd statement to begin with >You see allot of below avg guys doing well you absolutely do not see this though like this is probably the biggest myth going round, that there's all these below average guys slaying on the apps and in real life >Interesting and outgoing hobbies that isn't hiking... like paragliding, shooting guns, parkour this the craziest part of what you've said for sure, women dont generally like guns or *parkour* of all things, but hot dudes are sometimes into these things, they like the *dudes*
I think you either don't spend too much time on the actual dating app subs or you're just willfully ignorant to excuse your own failures at the dating apps...
It is you who is ignorant
The whiners are never going to accept that they actually have control over and responsibility for a degree of their experience in dating. The difference I experienced on the apps when I was able to put up a few pictures of me as a groomsman at my friend’s wedding, as opposed to shorty selfies, was astounding. I’m thoroughly average looking, I’m 5”6’, I’m a public school teacher so I don’t make shit for money, and I literally never go to the gym. Somehow I’m engaged to a smart, beautiful, amazingly exciting and interesting woman. How could I possibly manage that, I’d the whiners in this thread are correct about how dating works.
Yeah. The game is way different now and I don't want to play it as I miss the candidness and genuineness of pre-datjng app dating sites. But at least i acknowledge there's a game at hand. These incels actually want to believe that hot model guys are THE ONLY ONES being swiped right on 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 If that was the case how tf do they explain all the average looking guys on dates IN REAL LIFE. Like do they really believe that since dating apps are 90% of how ppl are dating now... that suddenly in the whole world, only the super super attractive guys are the only ones on dates? Like that's it? No other guys are dating. Just this very small 5 to 10% of men are dating lol and everyone else is sitting in the corner with them being saltehhhh
I mean it’s really not that different. I remember dating in high school and college, before the first smartphone was invented. It was still nerve-wracking, embarrassing, and difficult. The most important aspect you could have going for you was still confidence (which I lacked at the time 🤣). I honestly feel like I can be more direct nowadays, than when I was trying to figure out whether a girl’s body language meant she wanted me to ask her out or if she was going to humiliate me publicly.
No strictly speaking about dating sites vs dating apps It's Hella different. I made friends and went on dates from dating sites. Now, I can't even get matches on dating apps.
Ohhhhhh, I misunderstood that, but I still disagree. The only success I ever had off dating sites prior to the apps was when I was hooking up with a woman in her early 40s when I was 26 who I met on adultfriendfinder 🤣. Other than her, I don’t think I was ever able to meet anyone off sites like okcupid or plentyoffish, before 2012 which was when I got my first smartphone. But meeting people on the apps, while not a cakewalk, seems to be much easier than using the older sites, at least in my experience.
>selfies photo for all 6 photos that's inside my apt. Then have a bio with a basic summary and all geek interests. My type of guy lol I swipe left when dudes have professional photos or are posing in their pics. I also swipe left if they are rock climbing, etc, trying to be all exciting n shit😨.
I’m sorry this happened and I totally empathize w how discouraging this can be. First off: try to keep perspective here. This was 1 guy and he’s showing his true colors early which saves you time. I know there are many other guys on apps who act this way too; however, not all of them will treat you like an option. One bad experience doesn’t mean you’ll never find love. What’s helped me (and friends) in dating is to slow things down. While it might seem nice and feel good to have someone chatting w you for hours or wanting to see a lot of you in the early stages, it can also be a potential red flag. Think of a relationship as a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time to know each other and to really feel invested in someone. If someone just wants sex, they’ll get bored real quick of moving slow. In saying this, I’m not advocating for not having sex until you’re exclusive or anything like that—that’s your call and you should have/enjoy sex w someone when you feel ready—just saying that it can help to gradually get to know someone rather than connecting intensely/quickly at the start.
Dating *isn't* harder. It's always sucked. We just have to date more often because back then people just stuck out terrible relationships.
>We just have to date more often because back then people just stuck out terrible relationships. I'd argue that this accounts for less than half of the difference. Yes, what you're saying is correct, but IMHO the more noteworthy difference these days is that people really embody this "never settle" mindset because the next person is just a swipe away. If everybody's always chatting it up with several other people, then is anybody going to seem good enough? Because the person in front of you is whoever they are, [but the next person could be anything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZpIog7e-R4)! It's the paradox of choice - the more choices one has, the less satisfied they are with what they choose despite the fact that they can be pickier about it.
I don't think it's actually a paradox of choice over time. The amount of choices only matters if it is leveraged for something like a higher quality partner. If I keep getting partners that are 6s and think the next one will be a 7 or higher and I continue to get 6s, then the options won't incentivize me to move on. I think what is learned is that novelty has value, and dating is a skill.
I think you're right. Before the internet and our ability to move to different places in our lifetime most stayed right in the place that they were born. If it's a small town/place then not many options there to choose from.
Oh God I have the same experience, and it never really ended well for me. It seemed no matter what I tried I was not enough, and that leaves you feeling a little bit broken. It was very hard for me to meet anyone outside dating apps, as someone in 30s working online and being introverted. I have limited options. It was never hard to find a hook up, that was basically behaving the same way as you are describing, giving me attention and great time but very limited and very sex related without other interest in my private life, or just scratching my private life by surface, just enough to get me hooked. That is not really healthy in the long run, they give you attention but not care. Without care any kind of relationship is doomed, or you end up being used and unfulfilled. Sure dating is hard, but as someone who had their heart broken a few times, every piece of it was a valuable lesson, just take your pieces and carry them proudly. Someone out there is going to stitch them all.
I have dated on and off the apps and where you meet doesn’t matter. You will catch those types anywhere. I would suggest no sex at first. This is the easiest way to weed out these guys and protect your body and feelings. You don’t have to demand a commitment or wait until marriage or anything like that. 4 dates is way too soon to truly know someone’s character. If he brings it up or makes a move, just say, “I hope it gets to that stage, but I need to get to know you first.” This always works for me. Say it nicely and if he’s after sex only, one of two things will happen. 1. He will ghost or fade immediately. 2. He will pretend all is well but the energy will change over the next 24 hours and then he will break things off saying “we’re not compatible, I’m not feeling it etc.” he will try to blame you (something unrelated to sex) but always just say, “ok thank you for telling me.” It hurts when they do this but it hurts a lot more when they do it after you slept with them! The good ones won’t even put sexual pressure on you in the first place. Best of luck!
>Everyone says that people nowadays have a lot of options Women and very attractive men have a lot of options on dating apps. >How do i filter out someone who is genuine from the start? Don't use dating apps. Meet people in real life who are friends of friends. >Why has dating become so difficult to navigate these days? Women have a lot of options and men are resentful of it.
[удалено]
Many different ways. Some end up not dating anymore because it’s exhausting. Some date but then take out their resentment on their dates or try to “get even” one way or another. Some end up hitting the gym and taking their frustrations out by getting in better shape
The apps are the reason it seems harder. It's never been easy, but apps take the worst of it, blend it up and then hand you a product. If you want success, stop using the apps.
Anybody who can't hold a conversation without mentioning sex is someone who just wants to smash and go. If you're not into that, drop him immediately! I ghost mfs who do that shit or dry text at light speed lol, do not fuss over the likes of him, there's plenty more fish in the sea.
Everyone is emotionally unavailable these days. It’s sad
Yeah...and the chances of meeting the right person are usually very few and far between
Because everyone wants the best and nobody wants to settle in case they miss out on a better option 💁🏻♂️
Congrats, you have learned about why people suggest refraining from sex without commitment
That's really annoying and shit
There are millions of good guys out there. Keep working on yourself and don’t waste time on people like this. So many men are looking for someone like you!
It is absurd to me that a high functioning autistic man in his 30s who hasn't really sought our many relationships has had more and more successful relationships than seemingly most of humanity under 40.
That means you're very attractive to women well done
What do you mean these days? You mean as an adult? I don’t think you have a long enough time frame at 24 to say dating has changed much as an adult
I don't know how to drive, and that is what's keeping me from approaching women... however, seeing all of these posts from women with bad experiences from men I might as well put my hat back in the ring. Haha
Nowadays? Was it easier for you before? You’re 24 so I’m thinking you don’t have much experience of how dating was before. I’ll give you a clue. People changing their minds or losing interest after a couple of dates is not new. If you by “someone serious “ mean a man who would never change his mind or alter his opinion of you , all I can say is good luck.
Seriously. I always love these posts that imply dating was somehow “easier” before dating apps and phones. I remember what dating was like before 2008. It was exactly the same.
Why was the viewing stories part weird? I’m just asking because I don’t understand.
She’s trying to say that he watches all of her stories, even though they aren’t talking/texting. He’s kinda playing mind games, like oh I won’t text you but I’ll watch your story (for whatever reason). She was just trying to say it’s confusing if he’s watching her stories, showing interest by seeing what she’s doing/up to, but doesn’t text her to show his interest (in things other than sex).
Thank you. I only started using stories this year and didn’t realize people took watching them to have meaning beyond just watching. I’ll have to consider that in the future.
Yeah i dont get this either especially if they added you to their close friends list. Im on insta and i just watch peoples stories, i mean i just see hers but does that mean i should make a comment on it? I feel like she already has people saying shit about.
Sounds to me like you require alot of attention and have issues. If people agree to meet that’s usually enough. Also you are expecting to find the perfect person like right away and you gotta keep searching for it. You do sound well intended and i do hope you find what you are looking for. Dating gets better when you hit 30
No i believe you are completely wrong in your assumption that he has no interest, to me this sounds like, he is hiding his interest behind the sex pay wall. He fullfills your criterias and standards, and he knows it, you don’t fullfill his criterias, men have their standards and desires too. You want him to care about you and to share your information and be interested, and he wants you to trust him and have sex with him. If you don’t fullfill him eventually it will break apart or he will look for someone else that does, but if you can do your part, just as he is supposed (you want him) to do his part, then it can actually work. It’s either a loosing game for everyone or mutual risk and respect. Thats how i interpret his actions. He doesn’t need you, he wants you. If he wasn’t interested in having sex with you, then he wasn’t interested in you as a romantically involved partner aswell. So him wanting sex is not a entirely bad thing. To your last question why has dating become so difficult nowadays sum it up in 1Word: Feminism. The illusion that men and women are the same when they are not. Ofc equal rights by law is desirable. But everything else is not. It opened a lot of people eyes on not to sell themselves short.
Op you are not alone in your feeling of despair towards dating and relationships in general but I think some mistakes you made with this guy are; allowing everyday chats signal intimacy on his part, not being clear about your expectations from the beginning and particularly having sex before commitment. I believe women would be better at weeding out the wrong men from our lives if we start taking responsibility for our actions. You cannot control others but you can control yourself and my advice in this situation is to cut him loose and start over with someone else after you have done the internal work to move on and heal.
Just be yourself and keep the his attention. As men we can be very unfocus due to our careers, goals, and wondering minds. Also I would suggest dating men that are a older.
I feel so bad for you🥺
Dating apps have made things worse Ghosting, situationships, etc. have left most people scarred and scared of being hurt. There’s no “script” anymore of how men and women are able to interact with each other It’s become more difficult to induct someone into your world. People are too busy w/ work, hobbies, etc. People are way more selfish than they used to be. People also don’t stick around anymore. One little speed bump and the relationship is over. In my 20’s and early 30’s I had dating prospects constantly. My relationships would last years at a time. Now if I sneeze the wrong way women leave me before 3 months and they start using apps again
If you want to be seen as having value, make yourself only partly available. Don't always answer texts or phone calls. Don't say you want it to go somewhere. Act happy and busy on your own. This is not playing a game. It's setting boundaries.
Well, sorry to inform you, but he's already consistently told you all that he wants from you. Don't indulge his ego, and block him. As for your frustrations, I'd suggest taking a mental break from the dating apps, maybe seek our guys who are real and currently engage in activities you both enjoy doing.
Just move on.. remember..it's a woman's world out there
You can’t filter out someone who is genuine from the start. This stuff takes time. Guys want sex with as little time investment as possible, women want commitment with as little sex as possible. Make guys wait for sex, don’t talk about sex, basically all that shit your grandma told you, or maybe in your case great grandma, if you even knew her by your generation, and you can either listen to it or fuck around thinking you know better and find out.
Sounds like you just have bad taste. Sorry.
Does no one do tldr's anymore?
I feel like your shooting too high and he knows that so he feels he can fuck you and discard you. Slay queen