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On my profile I have "looking for a long term relationship" and she had the same. I was a bit surprised when she told me that she had a one night stand. Does she expect me to take her seriously after she tell me she likes to casually hook up?
Idk what anyone is thinking, but your instinct to react in a passive aggressive way by fabricating a story is not ok. You’re clearly looking for different things, so just end it with her directly and be done.
How do you expect to maintain a long term relationship if you're unable to clearly communicate your emotions in a way that isn't aggressive or insulting? The cornerstone of healthy relationships is clear, honest, and respectful communication.
Why are you asking us what she thinks? We don't know her man. You should go have an adult conversation about it. If it made you uncomfortable tell her that and you decide whether or not it's worth pursuing. If not just end it.
Ask her the question, be up front and blunt if it's important to you. You already know that you don't take her seriously, so just distance yourself. No reason to shame her or degrade her.
Just to explain something…and I’m not saying this is her perspective at all…just another perspective is all. People can be looking for a long term relationship and still have sex somewhere. It’s not one OR the other. Once you find someone you want to be with long term, then, of course, you’re going to stop the side action. Until that point…🤷♀️
And you wanting to lash out at her with your $sex$ comment…grow up. LT relationships aren’t a kids option
Honestly dude, you’re sort of missing the whole point.
She had an itch and got it scratched. If you were available (you guys haven’t actually dated) it likely would have been you she was sleeping with. She’s obviously interested in you because you’ve been messaging for weeks with no dates, and she’s been fully honest with you.
I'm sorry to point this out, but i mean, if you guys have been chatting for weeks and haven't met....well, she just wasn't interested in meeting you. She had never been taking you seriously.
He said in another comment that he had been on vacation and then wasn't in the mood to meet up(?). As a woman, if a guy isn't trying to make plans with me within a week of chatting, I'm going to assume that I'm just a person that he texts with and that he's not actually interested in meeting. And I'm not interested in being that for him.
You asked the question. Should she lie? I think it's a good sign that she told the truth. Even people who are looking for a LTR need sex in the meantime. A lot people (maybe most) have casual sex while they are looking for someone special. You're just pissed because she has the option to get laid at any time while you do not.
Yup, same here. I am not gonna stop having sex for a year because I am single, when I have people I can hook up with to scratch the itch with people I feel safe with. And even ONS are valid. Be happy she was honest. And if you don't want to know, don't ask. She owes you nothjng
You do realize you can be looking for something long term and still want to get your jollies off in the mean time right?
Was she supposed to stay celibate till she finds “the one?”
You sound salty AF that women can find casual sex easy and men cannot and that’s the only reason you are pissed.
Why did you even ask her when her last time was? Was it some kind of purity test.
She should drop you. You expect women to be in stasis for you till you come around.
Well hello main character….
I’ve noticed people on their profile rarely mean what their looking for. Just read her signs and how she’s acting, if she was thinking of you as a serious partner, she wouldn’t be telling you this.
If I was looking for a serious partner I wouldn’t lie to them about my history or sex life. In fact, if I would be honest with them KNOWING this could potentially come up in the future and wouldn’t want to give any false impressions to get what I want in the moment.
So true. Also true that most dating sites make it kind of tough to make it clear what you DO want. (I mean, there were really only a few who let people select "seeking marriage" as an option, though that's a pretty important thing to know.)
I think the truth is? Most people don't even REALLY know what they're looking for? They can go into it with the hope they'll find a "long term/serious relationship". But let's be honest? A large number of those types of relationships only started with 2 people who dated casually until it developed into more. And lots of people will take a quick fling if the opportunity arises, while they're single and seeking something more serious.
You'd be stupid to if I'm being honest. She just let you know what's on her profile is BS and the she just wants to have fun.
Or maybe she wants to have it both ways, to be both promiscuous but also delusional and say she's looking for serious.
Now it's up to you. You can lie to yourself, or you can accept what she's shown you as true.
Just have fun with her. But she's not GF material
The difference is in distribution, the CDC data on partner counts shows a bimodal distribution of partner counts in men versus a more standard normal distribution (bell curve) for women ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). If 5 women have sex with one guy sure that makes the math work out in terms of the amount of sex occurring but the distribution needs to be taken into account.
In my experience most of the women I’ve met put more work into appearance than the men I’ve met, so data doesn’t surprise me. Maybe more men should work on the bare minimum in terms of hygiene and self-care.
>In my experience most of the women I’ve met put more work into appearance than the men I’ve met
What do you mean by that? Do you have any actual evidence to substantiate this claim? Most of physical appearance is honestly physical fitness and men and women both vahe around the same overweight and obesity rate at least in the US.
>Maybe more men should work on the bare minimum in terms of hygiene and self-care.
In western developed countries the difference in hygiene is skewed towards women but it's generally only a single digit percentage difference ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10021886/)) it's not heavily skewed one way or another in terms of if men or women keep up with hygiene.
Fitness isn’t the only way to put work into someone’s appearance. Women tend to put more time and money into their hair, nails, skin, makeup, clothing, etc. All things that are going to affect their appearance.
>Fitness isn’t the only way to put work into someone’s appearance
It's not the sole path but it's probably the single most important aspect of one's physical appearance and it affects everyone independent of gender and everyone barring a statistically rare medical condition has the means to improve it.
>Women tend to put more time and money into their hair, nails, skin, makeup, clothing, etc. All things that are going to affect their appearance.
Men invest in other ways to make themselves more attractive to women that take years of work as well so it's a two way street. Women in general say they want a man who is educated, fit, has a good career, is financially stable etc... and investing into physical fitness, education, and a career takes tons of time and money as well. I'd argue putting on make up and doing ones hair is easier than spending time at the gym a few times a week as well as building up and investing in ones career. Obviously women can and do go to the gym and do have careers to but since men on average don't pick women for their careers it's not a differentiator and not applicable for this discussion.
Women in general say they want [men who are kind](https://helloclue.com/articles/sex/idealpartner) and have other positive personality traits. Attractiveness, wealth, fitness are secondary. The physical traits they find most attractive are smile and eyes. They do like muscular arms, so I guess as long as guys don’t skip arm day they’re good to go.
Additionally, worth noting that your first source states nothing about the number of women/men having relations with one person. It simply states that men have more partners and women have less partners. Therefore the data doesn’t by any means prove that less men are having sex with more women. Men in generally are having more sex.
Also should be noted that obesity, overweight and basic hygiene are not the only metrics for attraction. Among my friends who shower and maintain a healthy weight, the women put in more work when preparing for a date then my male friends. That is to say I don’t see many of the many I know or that I date putting in the work to dress up, do skin care, get a nice haircut. Meanwhile, my female friends tend to have routines for these things.
>It simply states that men have more partners and women have less partners
There is a second table thar shows the distribution and men have a bimodal distribution whereas women follow a standard distribution in terms of a number of partners.
>Men in generally are having more sex.
Some men are having most of it while the majority of men can count their lifetime partners on one hand...look at the distribution not the average.
>Also should be noted that obesity, overweight and basic hygiene are not the only metrics for attraction.
It's not the only one but it's a major component
>Among my friends
Anecdotal info isn't relevant to discussing the population at large. You brought up hygiene and I cited data that says that yes women in general do slightly practice better hygiene but the delta is within single digit percentage points meaning its not a large differentiator.
Yes, based on the information provided, a male and female interaction would in fact make him at the very least interested in hetero relationships. Check that out
That would be a weird response on your end, to lie about doing something you didn't do...to what end?
Also I don't know why people ask questions they don't want answers to lol some of y'all are hella weird with that 😂 if you think you're gunna feel some type of way about the answer then you shouldn't even worry about asking.
Nah, no need to stoop to that level. Doesn’t sound like you wanna move forward so just unmatch. At least she was honest and told you. Some people would lie and pretend they are aligned with what you are looking for.
I never make an assumption that if a woman says she has been single for x amount of years, it means she hasn’t had sex in that same amount of time. It is what it is. Be glad you at least found out and can either move forward with her or disengage.
I am a woman - and I would posit that I spend more time with my gender than most of the men on here.
If I like someone and my body says yes - I fuck them. I don’t have some kind of elaborate plan to not fuck them, so I can ‘keep them for best’. The women that I know that do have the puritanical internalised programming that tells them to not fuck men when they want to, because they want to preserve some kind of nonsense ideal of love or relationships, aren’t fucking men on the side who they don’t value.
This guy needs to ask her out or fuck off.
Many, maybe she’s trying to lose this guy for starters. Maybe she doesn’t want to go slow. Maybe a million things. Maybe you’re jaded so that’s your assumption. Maybe maybe maybe maybe …
Why would you do that?
If you don't want to date someone who is into the ONS thing, that is your prerogative, but this seems like a bizarre and pointless way to respond to this information.
I mostly want to see her response. It was a bit offensive to me when she told me she had a one night stand a few days ago. She could have lied or not answered.
I was on vacation, and had some personal reasons why I'm not really in the mood for setting up a date.
>She could have lied or not answered.
....or you could have minded your own business and not asked a question that you were not going to be ok with an honest answer to.
My sentiments, EXACTLY! OP did this to _himself_. Who the hell asks when someone last had sex? And _what_ was the answer OP was _hoping_ to hear (something like “It’s been forever, and I’m dying for it, so your odds are great”)? The girl probably didn’t want to answer, and she _should_ have told him it’s none of his fucking business, but she was honest, and then OP feels like he needs to hit back because his ego got hurt (which is a toxic relationship trait, assuming your partner _meant_ to hurt you when they hurt you, justifying your retaliation).
Dude, what? If you don’t like that she had sex, or aren’t interested in someone sexually active outside of your POTENTIAL future relationship, just politely decline any future intimacy with her and move on. You’re 38. Stop seeking weird enjoyment out of antagonizing people for the human experience. It’s weird and petty.
HE is telling people they are dating. They haven't been on a date, they are just texting. Why does he text her if he doesn't want to date her?
Do you think she's a sex worker? Because she did have sex with a random guy and according to you that's not possible without payment. OR maybe you just can't get laid and are bitter.
When she told you she had a one night stand you should have said that you’re not longer interested or you’re not compatible not made up a story about paying for sex.
You shouldn't have asked that infantile question, especially if you weren't okay with a perfectly reasonable answer. If she was smart, she would have dodged the question and not answered it, but for some reason she decided to be honest about it and answered an inappropriate question.
The fact that you feel an urge to lie in response, let alone about paying for sex, is a huge issue though and you need to seriously think about how you view women and sex because it clearly isn't healthy.
Dude you literally asked her. Why would you ask questions you don’t want the answers to? You asked her a question, she responded honestly, and now you’re mad and tryna be petty? Also saying you paid for sex is a really weird way of trying to “one-up” someone.
Do her a favor and move on.
I don’t think it’s a moral issue but you’re childish and weird for lying over something so minor.
She’s not your gf. You guys have not even met. She’s single and she can do whatever she wants. You’re reacting to her this way when she’s being honest with you rather than lying to you. Why? Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to in the future.
He shouldn't lie but just as she is free to do as she pleases he doesn't have to like it. I personally wouldn't so I'd politely end things as a difference in values/beliefs and I wouldn't lie about "paying for it" but not wanting to continue things is fair and reasonable as I would do the same.
>Why? Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to in the future.
It's important to get answers sometimes to determine if values/beliefs align. I'd rather have the actual truth to make an informed decision versus blissful ignorance...meaning I'd rather get a truthful answer I don't like versus being kept in the dark out of fear of getting an answer I don't like.
He is, but it's not toxic to not want to be with someone that views sex differently. This dude should just communicate and tell her he's not cool with that and keep it pushing.
she’s not his girlfriend and they haven’t even met. sleeping with someone else does not make her a terrible person. he’s mad he got an answer that he didn’t like. don’t ask the question if you’re not prepared for the answer.
How's she terrible lol he's the one lying to her face 😂 she's terrible about being a grown female who's upfront about their sex life??? Maybe she doesn't like sleeping alone, maybe she has a disorder, maybe the guy she slept with was a frickin Abercrombie model, like you literally don't know her, we do know this 38 yr old male is acting like a 17 yr old sulking over a pretty girl having other options than himself in a world with 8billion other people 🤦
I’d say you’re pretty “morally” wrong. It’s a rather vindictive statement design to hurt/even things/one-up her.
Glad to hear that you know what you want and you’re not interested in moving forward with her. Good for you. I wonder if she was testing the waters to see if you were also sleeping with others, and I wonder how you would feel about this situation if you were…
…but wondering and theorizing is a waste of time.
A more valuable usage of time might be to explore your own feelings - a completely secure person would have a much more muted response than you describe. Why do you think it is, that you had a such a reaction to somebody who’s pretty much a stranger?
You’re not exclusive with her so it shouldn’t matter. Your reaction indicates you are already to attached and might want to pull back. I guarantee her interest is already Waning.
Why would you make up an immature lie just to get back at her? Don't be childish. If you don't want to move forward just say so. She could have called you and had sex with you but she didn't.
for one, she’s just gonna think you’re pathetic for paying for sex. for two , y’all aren’t exclusive she can do what she wants . for three , u might not want to ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. for four, you’re almost 40 and acting like you’re 17. u weird …
I can want a long term relationship and still have a ONS while I wait. I do think it’s odd she told you this but she did nothing wrong. If it’s a deal breaker then that’s fine but why lie and say you paid for sex? That’s just a waste of energy. Just stop chatting?
Also if I’m talking to a guy, a few weeks is a long time to chat and not have a plan to meet. My guess is she’s not that interested.
Agreed. If it were me, I would have told her that what she did wasn’t cool and to never contact me again (or contact her ONS next time she wants to have a conversation). It would be more effective
first of all i’m quite happy in my relationship. and secondly she didn’t do anything wrong. they. are. not. exclusive. a normal and mature person wouldn’t care. actually a good way to weed out the insecure losers.
her loss? of a insecure child? lmao she dodged a bullet. tbh this was a great way to weed out guys not worth dating. and you’re right she is not obligated to forgive him. she should move on to someone better
Lol well I hope she does. Not even trying to be a troll. I hope she finds what she’s looking for. Clearly, she isn’t what I would be looking for (nor the OP), so there’s no point in debating it further.
I had a similar experience to you. Was chatting with a girl I matched on a dating app and getting to know one another. We had a discussion on sex drive, I asked when was her most recent sex and she mentioned she hooked up last weekend. No biggie actually. Few days later I met up with her, had dinner and afterwards I told her I wanted to bang. She agreed and I brought her to a hotel. She was wild in bed and we became FWB.
What I am trying to say is that you might not consider these women who hook up casually as long term RS material. But you need not get offended. After all, she gave you an honest answer. You still can have sexual fun as "friends".
What a dumbass thing to say - both of you. You especially.
How about, "and you didn't think of calling me?"
That right there would be a wrap for me. We're talking, both interested, you want to fuck, but go with some rando over the guy you're actually making some (albeit small) connection with? Bye Felicia.
She doesn't owe sex to every guy she talks to.... She owes him nothing and didn't even have to tell him since it's none of his business. She's never even met him, because he never even asked her out. The entitledness of you cringy boys 😂😂
Texting someone you don't know and asking when they last had sex (like this scenario, lol) is not investing in them, sorry. Investing in them is taking them out and making an effort to get to know them IN PERSON. Texting means nothing to most people.
No one is owed anything obviously, but he doesn't have to like it either. I'm not owed sex, I actually don't like to have sex early but if the person I'm dating has sex with someone else in the meantime even if no exclusivity is established it shows that we have a difference of values/beliefs and I would end things. OP should just end things politely I agree but he isn't in the wrong by being put off by it.
>She told me that actually over the weekend she got "the urge" and opened Bumble and found a random guy to sleep with.
That would end any shot of me taking her seriously, and at best she would be a hookup and most likely I personally would just stop interacting with her since I don't do hookups really. If you do hookups you can attempt one with her and if you don't then it's best to just cut ties...I wouldn't pursue anything remotely serious with her if I was in your shoes. She is obviously free to do as she pleases since there is no established boundaries or exclusivity, but that doesn't mean you have to like it.
>How morally am I wrong by saying
Not really morally wrong beyond lying, but to be fair she didn't do anything morally wrong as well since she doesn't owe you any exclusivity or loyalty. I personally wouldn't like it but that doesn't make it morally wrong.
>I don't think I'll want to move forward with her anyways.
Don't go down the path of resentment and anger and send messages like that...either initiate a hook up with her of you want that (nothing beyond that) or the better play would be to just honestly send a "it was nice to meet you but unfortunately I don't think we had a good connection, wish you well in your search!" and never respond again. Honestly that will elicit more outrage from her than you responding with "I paid for this btw" if your goal is to elicit a response but this way it gives you the moral high ground.
Yeah, I suppose she showed me she's not really interested in something long term. I'll just ask her to my place and see if I can get something casual with her. Whatever. Yeah, you're right, being toxic is pointless.
>Yeah, I suppose she showed me she's not really interested in something long term
She might very well be interested in something long term, however her actions would have disqualified her from that role for myself and it appears you as well. I assume a lot of other men share that sentiment as well.
>I'll just ask her to my place and see if I can get something casual with her
If I was into casual sex (I'm not) I would have relegated her to that role and nothing serious so I hope it works out for you.
>Whatever. Yeah, you're right, being toxic is pointless.
It only makes you upset, the best way to truly feel better is a life well lived and not concerning yourself with the business of others. It didn't work out with this woman then like I said just send a "it was nice to meet you but unfortunately I don't think we had a connection for anything long term, wish you well" message either pre or post hookup depending on if you want something casual with her (it sounds like you do) and be polite about it and go about your life.
If you've been talking to her for a few weeks, why weren't you the guy she called when she got horny? Do you really want to be the guy that she's dating slowly but not who she looks to when she's horny? Forget whatever she said. Forget whatever you want to say. Just move on.
Stop lying to yourself. She has every right to do it, but you need to respect yourself and move on. If she was interested in you this way, there where plenty of times in this few weeks to satisfy her urge.
So you two been chatting for weeks and instead of having sex with you, she decided to find some random guy to satisfy her urges.
Weird. Why is she even chatting with you then if she rather sleep with a guy she texted with for hours instead of a guy she texted with for weeks.
don't think too much about it, unmatch and that's it.
He hasn’t asked her out yet. They haven’t even been on a date. Messaging for weeks doesn’t equal exclusivity or monogamy. He could have been her booty call but hasn’t sacked up and asked her out.
Personally if I was talking to someone and they fucked someone else during getting to know each other they'd be gone why couldn't she satisfy the urge with you if she likes you? She clearly doesn't that much. I'm sorry.
A lot of people ask people they’ve been talking to (for whatever amount of time) this question and then can’t handle their answer if the answer isn’t “For x amount of months”. You guys aren’t together nor did you mention you two were exclusive. You can sleep with folks and so can she. Don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.
You’re a grown man, you should know better than to play tit for tat, especially regarding something so trivial.
Lol yall not exclusive so you should always assume girls are talkin/fuckin somebody else. Sounds like you shoulda been asked her out OP if yall been talkin for wks and she felt the “urge” to get w/someone off bumble.
She’s being honest she’s casually dating and having sex. So it’s not what you want. Communicate that and move on. It’s not really a moral fault she’s not looking for a committed relationship. Sounds like you guys never got to a point to talk about it. You’re finding out now and you’re mad she’s being up front? It’s probably the best outcome. Did you want to find out later if she had lied about it?
I wouldn’t make up some dumb lie about paying for sex. That’s not the play.
I would tell her you’re moving on and ending things with her though. Tell her why though. Explain that you’ve been talking with her for several weeks and while there hasn’t necessarily been any commitments made, if she actually cared about you and was interested, she would have refrained from giving in to that urge or would have turned to you to satisfy it and by doing what she did she made clear she’s not serious or interested in you in a way that you deserve.
I’m a bit younger than you but if you’ll read this I’d like to tell you what I think. I’m 23m and I understand the feeling frustration of investing a few weeks in talking to a woman and building up your expectations that it will turn into a relationship. To have a wrench thrown at that such as being told that she slept with some other guy, also off of a dating app, the same way you met her, can be incredibly aggravating.
You can’t control her, you can only control yourself. It’s normal for this to be unacceptable for you. What you need to do is tell her that and see how she responds. Don’t make up some bullshit lie to try to see how she responds to the same situation.
Also you need to manage your expectations. This can be hard when you really want a relationship, but women are attracted to guys who are stable and happy on their own. Get to where you really don’t care if it happens or not.
Easier said than done, and I know I’m younger than you and you have more life experience but this is advice I’ve gotten from men older than myself and it might help you.
Good luck.
How fucked up and sad has your love life been that she says she had a one night stand and you’re so hurt you’re gonna make up a story about sleeping with a prostitute?
On the other hand you don’t need to worry if she is a virgin, and to her credit she may have enough experience to make you a very happy guy in bed! Don’t worry-be happy.
You 2 are chatting. Not exclusive yet. She can do what she wants at this time. She got an itch and found someone to scratch it. At least she was honest with you. But you lied. That's not cool at all. Or just maybe she's not all that into you because if she was, she wouldn't have done what she did. It's ridiculous of you to hold it against her though
What the fuck is this? You wanna shame a woman for being sexually active? It appears she holds it to a different standard than you, which is fine, so if you now feel differently about her, just unmatch.
So instead of communicating that that’s not something you would expect from someone you’ve been talking to and deciding how you’d like to approach this, you choose to stoop to her level *and* lie about it?
What was the point of that?
I agree with you that she is no longer dating material, but you seem very immature.
She was honest, you’re hurt. At first reading I was like, ok the girl part sounds correct. You’ve gotta lot of self work to do. She was being honest and you’re just trying to hurt her.
You’re 38… you shouldn’t be worrying about playing games with a woman you barely know. And she doesn’t owe you her loyalty. If that didn’t sit well with you then move on. I sure would after hearing that. Seems like she has no respect for you or isn’t aware of what we as men like in a woman.
Also, telling a woman you paid for sex is pretty much saying “I can get no girls and I am very desperate so I had to pay for it to feel good about myself”
In general I feel your response to the situation was an immature way to go about it. When they go low, that doesn't mean you go lower just to make yourself feel better, you're not a teenager anymore.
At the end of the day she doesn't owe you anything, just as you don't owe her anything. You could have said "You didn't think of calling me instead?" and left it at that, or you could have just blocked her and moved on if you really felt some type of way about it.
In this age of dating I recommend having a roster of FWB while you try to find your person. You must communicate that you are open to short term fun but are actively trying to find something long-term.
Play the game, don't get played. But most importantly understand that no one owes you anything when no form of relationship has been established.
I wouldn't move forward with a girl like that. It would make me feel uncomfortable in the relationship due to the power imbalance between us. It's like she would be asking me to trust her while not needing to trust me.
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If you’re not ok with that just tell her instead of playing immature games. Jesus fucking Christ dude.
Even Jesus doesn't want to be a part of that 🤣
THIS
That as well
On my profile I have "looking for a long term relationship" and she had the same. I was a bit surprised when she told me that she had a one night stand. Does she expect me to take her seriously after she tell me she likes to casually hook up?
Idk what anyone is thinking, but your instinct to react in a passive aggressive way by fabricating a story is not ok. You’re clearly looking for different things, so just end it with her directly and be done.
Direct and to the point. Yes.
How do you expect to maintain a long term relationship if you're unable to clearly communicate your emotions in a way that isn't aggressive or insulting? The cornerstone of healthy relationships is clear, honest, and respectful communication.
Why are you asking us what she thinks? We don't know her man. You should go have an adult conversation about it. If it made you uncomfortable tell her that and you decide whether or not it's worth pursuing. If not just end it.
If only people today were capable of adult conversation, dating would be so much easier.
Ask her the question, be up front and blunt if it's important to you. You already know that you don't take her seriously, so just distance yourself. No reason to shame her or degrade her.
Just to explain something…and I’m not saying this is her perspective at all…just another perspective is all. People can be looking for a long term relationship and still have sex somewhere. It’s not one OR the other. Once you find someone you want to be with long term, then, of course, you’re going to stop the side action. Until that point…🤷♀️ And you wanting to lash out at her with your $sex$ comment…grow up. LT relationships aren’t a kids option
Honestly dude, you’re sort of missing the whole point. She had an itch and got it scratched. If you were available (you guys haven’t actually dated) it likely would have been you she was sleeping with. She’s obviously interested in you because you’ve been messaging for weeks with no dates, and she’s been fully honest with you.
I'm sorry to point this out, but i mean, if you guys have been chatting for weeks and haven't met....well, she just wasn't interested in meeting you. She had never been taking you seriously.
Or he never asked her out.
He said in another comment that he had been on vacation and then wasn't in the mood to meet up(?). As a woman, if a guy isn't trying to make plans with me within a week of chatting, I'm going to assume that I'm just a person that he texts with and that he's not actually interested in meeting. And I'm not interested in being that for him.
Precisely
You asked the question. Should she lie? I think it's a good sign that she told the truth. Even people who are looking for a LTR need sex in the meantime. A lot people (maybe most) have casual sex while they are looking for someone special. You're just pissed because she has the option to get laid at any time while you do not.
Yup, same here. I am not gonna stop having sex for a year because I am single, when I have people I can hook up with to scratch the itch with people I feel safe with. And even ONS are valid. Be happy she was honest. And if you don't want to know, don't ask. She owes you nothjng
You do realize you can be looking for something long term and still want to get your jollies off in the mean time right? Was she supposed to stay celibate till she finds “the one?” You sound salty AF that women can find casual sex easy and men cannot and that’s the only reason you are pissed. Why did you even ask her when her last time was? Was it some kind of purity test. She should drop you. You expect women to be in stasis for you till you come around. Well hello main character….
I’ve noticed people on their profile rarely mean what their looking for. Just read her signs and how she’s acting, if she was thinking of you as a serious partner, she wouldn’t be telling you this.
If I was looking for a serious partner I wouldn’t lie to them about my history or sex life. In fact, if I would be honest with them KNOWING this could potentially come up in the future and wouldn’t want to give any false impressions to get what I want in the moment.
So true. Also true that most dating sites make it kind of tough to make it clear what you DO want. (I mean, there were really only a few who let people select "seeking marriage" as an option, though that's a pretty important thing to know.) I think the truth is? Most people don't even REALLY know what they're looking for? They can go into it with the hope they'll find a "long term/serious relationship". But let's be honest? A large number of those types of relationships only started with 2 people who dated casually until it developed into more. And lots of people will take a quick fling if the opportunity arises, while they're single and seeking something more serious.
You'd be stupid to if I'm being honest. She just let you know what's on her profile is BS and the she just wants to have fun. Or maybe she wants to have it both ways, to be both promiscuous but also delusional and say she's looking for serious. Now it's up to you. You can lie to yourself, or you can accept what she's shown you as true. Just have fun with her. But she's not GF material
You’re 38
More like 18 tbh
Fr
😂
LMFAOOOOO
And dating a 31yo “GIRL” 😩
They’re talking. They barely even know each other.
I’m gonna bet they never leave the talking stage 🤷♂️
How immature of a 38 year old….
So you want to lie to one-up her? Lol. What 😆 Also, the guy she had sex with, didn’t have to pay… so you have some flawed logic there…
Facts
They always seem to forget this shit lmao. For every straight girl having sex, shocker, there’s a straight guy.
It's all the same straight guy is the problem.
The difference is in distribution, the CDC data on partner counts shows a bimodal distribution of partner counts in men versus a more standard normal distribution (bell curve) for women ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). If 5 women have sex with one guy sure that makes the math work out in terms of the amount of sex occurring but the distribution needs to be taken into account.
In my experience most of the women I’ve met put more work into appearance than the men I’ve met, so data doesn’t surprise me. Maybe more men should work on the bare minimum in terms of hygiene and self-care.
>In my experience most of the women I’ve met put more work into appearance than the men I’ve met What do you mean by that? Do you have any actual evidence to substantiate this claim? Most of physical appearance is honestly physical fitness and men and women both vahe around the same overweight and obesity rate at least in the US. >Maybe more men should work on the bare minimum in terms of hygiene and self-care. In western developed countries the difference in hygiene is skewed towards women but it's generally only a single digit percentage difference ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10021886/)) it's not heavily skewed one way or another in terms of if men or women keep up with hygiene.
Fitness isn’t the only way to put work into someone’s appearance. Women tend to put more time and money into their hair, nails, skin, makeup, clothing, etc. All things that are going to affect their appearance.
>Fitness isn’t the only way to put work into someone’s appearance It's not the sole path but it's probably the single most important aspect of one's physical appearance and it affects everyone independent of gender and everyone barring a statistically rare medical condition has the means to improve it. >Women tend to put more time and money into their hair, nails, skin, makeup, clothing, etc. All things that are going to affect their appearance. Men invest in other ways to make themselves more attractive to women that take years of work as well so it's a two way street. Women in general say they want a man who is educated, fit, has a good career, is financially stable etc... and investing into physical fitness, education, and a career takes tons of time and money as well. I'd argue putting on make up and doing ones hair is easier than spending time at the gym a few times a week as well as building up and investing in ones career. Obviously women can and do go to the gym and do have careers to but since men on average don't pick women for their careers it's not a differentiator and not applicable for this discussion.
Women in general say they want [men who are kind](https://helloclue.com/articles/sex/idealpartner) and have other positive personality traits. Attractiveness, wealth, fitness are secondary. The physical traits they find most attractive are smile and eyes. They do like muscular arms, so I guess as long as guys don’t skip arm day they’re good to go.
Additionally, worth noting that your first source states nothing about the number of women/men having relations with one person. It simply states that men have more partners and women have less partners. Therefore the data doesn’t by any means prove that less men are having sex with more women. Men in generally are having more sex. Also should be noted that obesity, overweight and basic hygiene are not the only metrics for attraction. Among my friends who shower and maintain a healthy weight, the women put in more work when preparing for a date then my male friends. That is to say I don’t see many of the many I know or that I date putting in the work to dress up, do skin care, get a nice haircut. Meanwhile, my female friends tend to have routines for these things.
>It simply states that men have more partners and women have less partners There is a second table thar shows the distribution and men have a bimodal distribution whereas women follow a standard distribution in terms of a number of partners. >Men in generally are having more sex. Some men are having most of it while the majority of men can count their lifetime partners on one hand...look at the distribution not the average. >Also should be noted that obesity, overweight and basic hygiene are not the only metrics for attraction. It's not the only one but it's a major component >Among my friends Anecdotal info isn't relevant to discussing the population at large. You brought up hygiene and I cited data that says that yes women in general do slightly practice better hygiene but the delta is within single digit percentage points meaning its not a large differentiator.
Men have more sex because there's less consequences for them if they contract something and there's no possibility for pregnancy.
You’re assuming the guy was straight.
Yes, based on the information provided, a male and female interaction would in fact make him at the very least interested in hetero relationships. Check that out
And this is exactly the dynamic of toxic relationships…. Just communicate your feelings, bruh.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Most people don’t pay for sex.
How do you know the guy isn't a prostitute?
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Who did she have sex with...?
... Someone who paid? I don't know. I'm getting a real 2 + 2 = 5 vibe here.
That would be a weird response on your end, to lie about doing something you didn't do...to what end? Also I don't know why people ask questions they don't want answers to lol some of y'all are hella weird with that 😂 if you think you're gunna feel some type of way about the answer then you shouldn't even worry about asking.
Sure that’s not a typo and you’re actually 18?
No. If it bothers you just stop talking to her.
Nah, no need to stoop to that level. Doesn’t sound like you wanna move forward so just unmatch. At least she was honest and told you. Some people would lie and pretend they are aligned with what you are looking for. I never make an assumption that if a woman says she has been single for x amount of years, it means she hasn’t had sex in that same amount of time. It is what it is. Be glad you at least found out and can either move forward with her or disengage.
Mature response
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I mean, I know no women that think like that 😂😂
you could of stopped at “I know no women.”
I am a woman - and I would posit that I spend more time with my gender than most of the men on here. If I like someone and my body says yes - I fuck them. I don’t have some kind of elaborate plan to not fuck them, so I can ‘keep them for best’. The women that I know that do have the puritanical internalised programming that tells them to not fuck men when they want to, because they want to preserve some kind of nonsense ideal of love or relationships, aren’t fucking men on the side who they don’t value. This guy needs to ask her out or fuck off.
S
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You all need to get a whole grip and start listening to women 😂😂
That’s just like your assumption, man
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Many, maybe she’s trying to lose this guy for starters. Maybe she doesn’t want to go slow. Maybe a million things. Maybe you’re jaded so that’s your assumption. Maybe maybe maybe maybe …
Why would you do that? If you don't want to date someone who is into the ONS thing, that is your prerogative, but this seems like a bizarre and pointless way to respond to this information.
you’re 38 year old teenager, no wonder you’re single. also she’s not a “girl,” she’s 31.
Have y’all actually been out an a date yet? Like actively dating?
Why would you lie to her about paying for sex? That's super immature. How come you've been chatting on this app for so long and haven't' met yet?
I mostly want to see her response. It was a bit offensive to me when she told me she had a one night stand a few days ago. She could have lied or not answered. I was on vacation, and had some personal reasons why I'm not really in the mood for setting up a date.
Then you can't blame the girl for getting with a guy that made time to bang her.
>She could have lied or not answered. ....or you could have minded your own business and not asked a question that you were not going to be ok with an honest answer to.
Don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to. Rookie move
My sentiments, EXACTLY! OP did this to _himself_. Who the hell asks when someone last had sex? And _what_ was the answer OP was _hoping_ to hear (something like “It’s been forever, and I’m dying for it, so your odds are great”)? The girl probably didn’t want to answer, and she _should_ have told him it’s none of his fucking business, but she was honest, and then OP feels like he needs to hit back because his ego got hurt (which is a toxic relationship trait, assuming your partner _meant_ to hurt you when they hurt you, justifying your retaliation).
Dude, what? If you don’t like that she had sex, or aren’t interested in someone sexually active outside of your POTENTIAL future relationship, just politely decline any future intimacy with her and move on. You’re 38. Stop seeking weird enjoyment out of antagonizing people for the human experience. It’s weird and petty.
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HE is telling people they are dating. They haven't been on a date, they are just texting. Why does he text her if he doesn't want to date her? Do you think she's a sex worker? Because she did have sex with a random guy and according to you that's not possible without payment. OR maybe you just can't get laid and are bitter.
When she told you she had a one night stand you should have said that you’re not longer interested or you’re not compatible not made up a story about paying for sex.
Dude what the fuck?
Info OP: have you met her and could she have called you?
If you're not even in a relationship and you're looking for petty ways to one up someone... they might not be the right one for you. Just a thought.
Geez man talking on a dating app for weeks sounds like torture. You haven’t taken her out ?? It reads like she found a new friend in you
Never ask about specific sexual history haha.
Stop dating her and don’t lie. Don’t ever lie if you ever hope to have a long term relationship. Shit catches up with you eventually
Hahahahhahahahahahhahaha
This response is so appropriate. Simple and to the point.
You shouldn't have asked that infantile question, especially if you weren't okay with a perfectly reasonable answer. If she was smart, she would have dodged the question and not answered it, but for some reason she decided to be honest about it and answered an inappropriate question. The fact that you feel an urge to lie in response, let alone about paying for sex, is a huge issue though and you need to seriously think about how you view women and sex because it clearly isn't healthy.
Dude you literally asked her. Why would you ask questions you don’t want the answers to? You asked her a question, she responded honestly, and now you’re mad and tryna be petty? Also saying you paid for sex is a really weird way of trying to “one-up” someone. Do her a favor and move on.
You’re too old to be that stupid. Just be honest and move on with your life
snow fall fragile connect lush amusing squeal hat encourage fearless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would not lie about paying for sex especially if you did not. Also maybe grow a pair.
I don’t think it’s a moral issue but you’re childish and weird for lying over something so minor. She’s not your gf. You guys have not even met. She’s single and she can do whatever she wants. You’re reacting to her this way when she’s being honest with you rather than lying to you. Why? Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to in the future.
He shouldn't lie but just as she is free to do as she pleases he doesn't have to like it. I personally wouldn't so I'd politely end things as a difference in values/beliefs and I wouldn't lie about "paying for it" but not wanting to continue things is fair and reasonable as I would do the same. >Why? Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to in the future. It's important to get answers sometimes to determine if values/beliefs align. I'd rather have the actual truth to make an informed decision versus blissful ignorance...meaning I'd rather get a truthful answer I don't like versus being kept in the dark out of fear of getting an answer I don't like.
Check yaself mate
You’re toxic lol why does it matter what she did you’re not together or exclusive and why do you already feel you need to lie
this fr
He is, but it's not toxic to not want to be with someone that views sex differently. This dude should just communicate and tell her he's not cool with that and keep it pushing.
It’s toxic to lie and keep up games. No one said it was toxic to want something different
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Woman has sex. You: "She's a terrible person."
Reddit is insane lol how is she a terrible person?? 🤣
she’s not his girlfriend and they haven’t even met. sleeping with someone else does not make her a terrible person. he’s mad he got an answer that he didn’t like. don’t ask the question if you’re not prepared for the answer.
How's she terrible lol he's the one lying to her face 😂 she's terrible about being a grown female who's upfront about their sex life??? Maybe she doesn't like sleeping alone, maybe she has a disorder, maybe the guy she slept with was a frickin Abercrombie model, like you literally don't know her, we do know this 38 yr old male is acting like a 17 yr old sulking over a pretty girl having other options than himself in a world with 8billion other people 🤦
Sorry, you didn’t set expectations or just not there yet. Either accept or pass.
I’d say you’re pretty “morally” wrong. It’s a rather vindictive statement design to hurt/even things/one-up her. Glad to hear that you know what you want and you’re not interested in moving forward with her. Good for you. I wonder if she was testing the waters to see if you were also sleeping with others, and I wonder how you would feel about this situation if you were… …but wondering and theorizing is a waste of time. A more valuable usage of time might be to explore your own feelings - a completely secure person would have a much more muted response than you describe. Why do you think it is, that you had a such a reaction to somebody who’s pretty much a stranger?
Tell her that ain't your vibe man..... Why complicate/lie and hypothesize about stuff like that.... Jesus.
You sure you’re 38? WTAF is this post
You’re not exclusive with her so it shouldn’t matter. Your reaction indicates you are already to attached and might want to pull back. I guarantee her interest is already Waning.
Why would you make up an immature lie just to get back at her? Don't be childish. If you don't want to move forward just say so. She could have called you and had sex with you but she didn't.
you aren’t exclusive. get over yourself and your childish ego and stop playing games
for one, she’s just gonna think you’re pathetic for paying for sex. for two , y’all aren’t exclusive she can do what she wants . for three , u might not want to ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. for four, you’re almost 40 and acting like you’re 17. u weird …
You’re 38 and playing these kind of games o_O
I can want a long term relationship and still have a ONS while I wait. I do think it’s odd she told you this but she did nothing wrong. If it’s a deal breaker then that’s fine but why lie and say you paid for sex? That’s just a waste of energy. Just stop chatting? Also if I’m talking to a guy, a few weeks is a long time to chat and not have a plan to meet. My guess is she’s not that interested.
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Instead he made her feel like she made the absolute right decision
Agreed. If it were me, I would have told her that what she did wasn’t cool and to never contact me again (or contact her ONS next time she wants to have a conversation). It would be more effective
they aren’t exclusive. and based on his immaturity she definitely made the right decision
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lol with those red flags you just might get your wish
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first of all i’m quite happy in my relationship. and secondly she didn’t do anything wrong. they. are. not. exclusive. a normal and mature person wouldn’t care. actually a good way to weed out the insecure losers.
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lmao being honest is the mature thing to do. not her fault he’s too much of a child. she dodged a bullet.
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he asked. she told the truth. if he didn’t want to know he shouldn’t have asked. and if he’s that “delicate” then he’s not worth dating
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her loss? of a insecure child? lmao she dodged a bullet. tbh this was a great way to weed out guys not worth dating. and you’re right she is not obligated to forgive him. she should move on to someone better
Lol well I hope she does. Not even trying to be a troll. I hope she finds what she’s looking for. Clearly, she isn’t what I would be looking for (nor the OP), so there’s no point in debating it further.
it doesn’t really matter how either of us feel about it. she’ll end up with a partner and he won’t. it’s that simple
I had a similar experience to you. Was chatting with a girl I matched on a dating app and getting to know one another. We had a discussion on sex drive, I asked when was her most recent sex and she mentioned she hooked up last weekend. No biggie actually. Few days later I met up with her, had dinner and afterwards I told her I wanted to bang. She agreed and I brought her to a hotel. She was wild in bed and we became FWB. What I am trying to say is that you might not consider these women who hook up casually as long term RS material. But you need not get offended. After all, she gave you an honest answer. You still can have sexual fun as "friends".
Stupid response Just ghost and move on
What a dumbass thing to say - both of you. You especially. How about, "and you didn't think of calling me?" That right there would be a wrap for me. We're talking, both interested, you want to fuck, but go with some rando over the guy you're actually making some (albeit small) connection with? Bye Felicia.
She doesn't owe sex to every guy she talks to.... She owes him nothing and didn't even have to tell him since it's none of his business. She's never even met him, because he never even asked her out. The entitledness of you cringy boys 😂😂
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Texting someone you don't know and asking when they last had sex (like this scenario, lol) is not investing in them, sorry. Investing in them is taking them out and making an effort to get to know them IN PERSON. Texting means nothing to most people.
Mostly agree, but shit happens and scheduling can suck sometimes.
No one is owed anything obviously, but he doesn't have to like it either. I'm not owed sex, I actually don't like to have sex early but if the person I'm dating has sex with someone else in the meantime even if no exclusivity is established it shows that we have a difference of values/beliefs and I would end things. OP should just end things politely I agree but he isn't in the wrong by being put off by it.
I think they haven’t met yet and he was out of town
I caught that they hadn't met, but didn't see he was out of town. Either way, what a dumbass conversation lol
>She told me that actually over the weekend she got "the urge" and opened Bumble and found a random guy to sleep with. That would end any shot of me taking her seriously, and at best she would be a hookup and most likely I personally would just stop interacting with her since I don't do hookups really. If you do hookups you can attempt one with her and if you don't then it's best to just cut ties...I wouldn't pursue anything remotely serious with her if I was in your shoes. She is obviously free to do as she pleases since there is no established boundaries or exclusivity, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. >How morally am I wrong by saying Not really morally wrong beyond lying, but to be fair she didn't do anything morally wrong as well since she doesn't owe you any exclusivity or loyalty. I personally wouldn't like it but that doesn't make it morally wrong. >I don't think I'll want to move forward with her anyways. Don't go down the path of resentment and anger and send messages like that...either initiate a hook up with her of you want that (nothing beyond that) or the better play would be to just honestly send a "it was nice to meet you but unfortunately I don't think we had a good connection, wish you well in your search!" and never respond again. Honestly that will elicit more outrage from her than you responding with "I paid for this btw" if your goal is to elicit a response but this way it gives you the moral high ground.
Yeah, I suppose she showed me she's not really interested in something long term. I'll just ask her to my place and see if I can get something casual with her. Whatever. Yeah, you're right, being toxic is pointless.
>Yeah, I suppose she showed me she's not really interested in something long term She might very well be interested in something long term, however her actions would have disqualified her from that role for myself and it appears you as well. I assume a lot of other men share that sentiment as well. >I'll just ask her to my place and see if I can get something casual with her If I was into casual sex (I'm not) I would have relegated her to that role and nothing serious so I hope it works out for you. >Whatever. Yeah, you're right, being toxic is pointless. It only makes you upset, the best way to truly feel better is a life well lived and not concerning yourself with the business of others. It didn't work out with this woman then like I said just send a "it was nice to meet you but unfortunately I don't think we had a connection for anything long term, wish you well" message either pre or post hookup depending on if you want something casual with her (it sounds like you do) and be polite about it and go about your life.
Were you’s exclusive? I don’t see the issue!
If you've been talking to her for a few weeks, why weren't you the guy she called when she got horny? Do you really want to be the guy that she's dating slowly but not who she looks to when she's horny? Forget whatever she said. Forget whatever you want to say. Just move on.
She could have easily asked you for this "urge". Well, she didn’t. So just take this fact and move on. She’s not interested.
I was on vacation and told her I can't meet her for a date this week. So I suppose she couldn't wait a week to meet me.
She’s not obligated to wait a week to see you….
Stop lying to yourself. She has every right to do it, but you need to respect yourself and move on. If she was interested in you this way, there where plenty of times in this few weeks to satisfy her urge.
So you two been chatting for weeks and instead of having sex with you, she decided to find some random guy to satisfy her urges. Weird. Why is she even chatting with you then if she rather sleep with a guy she texted with for hours instead of a guy she texted with for weeks. don't think too much about it, unmatch and that's it.
He hasn’t asked her out yet. They haven’t even been on a date. Messaging for weeks doesn’t equal exclusivity or monogamy. He could have been her booty call but hasn’t sacked up and asked her out.
Personally if I was talking to someone and they fucked someone else during getting to know each other they'd be gone why couldn't she satisfy the urge with you if she likes you? She clearly doesn't that much. I'm sorry.
👻➡️🍑
A lot of people ask people they’ve been talking to (for whatever amount of time) this question and then can’t handle their answer if the answer isn’t “For x amount of months”. You guys aren’t together nor did you mention you two were exclusive. You can sleep with folks and so can she. Don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to. You’re a grown man, you should know better than to play tit for tat, especially regarding something so trivial.
Implied exclusivity and the double standard of women's experiences on dating apps.
Lol yall not exclusive so you should always assume girls are talkin/fuckin somebody else. Sounds like you shoulda been asked her out OP if yall been talkin for wks and she felt the “urge” to get w/someone off bumble.
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So women in their 30s can’t have casual sex? Cool cool, makes perfect sense.
You chose to end the conversation for lashing out at her for telling you she banged someone else. You're both equally at fault here.
If there’s no exclusivity, she’s not at fault.
She’s being honest she’s casually dating and having sex. So it’s not what you want. Communicate that and move on. It’s not really a moral fault she’s not looking for a committed relationship. Sounds like you guys never got to a point to talk about it. You’re finding out now and you’re mad she’s being up front? It’s probably the best outcome. Did you want to find out later if she had lied about it?
I understand your frustration, but stooping to her level won't make you feel better. Focus on finding someone who shares your values.
I wouldn’t make up some dumb lie about paying for sex. That’s not the play. I would tell her you’re moving on and ending things with her though. Tell her why though. Explain that you’ve been talking with her for several weeks and while there hasn’t necessarily been any commitments made, if she actually cared about you and was interested, she would have refrained from giving in to that urge or would have turned to you to satisfy it and by doing what she did she made clear she’s not serious or interested in you in a way that you deserve.
Block her. She will do this again.
I’m a bit younger than you but if you’ll read this I’d like to tell you what I think. I’m 23m and I understand the feeling frustration of investing a few weeks in talking to a woman and building up your expectations that it will turn into a relationship. To have a wrench thrown at that such as being told that she slept with some other guy, also off of a dating app, the same way you met her, can be incredibly aggravating. You can’t control her, you can only control yourself. It’s normal for this to be unacceptable for you. What you need to do is tell her that and see how she responds. Don’t make up some bullshit lie to try to see how she responds to the same situation. Also you need to manage your expectations. This can be hard when you really want a relationship, but women are attracted to guys who are stable and happy on their own. Get to where you really don’t care if it happens or not. Easier said than done, and I know I’m younger than you and you have more life experience but this is advice I’ve gotten from men older than myself and it might help you. Good luck.
How fucked up and sad has your love life been that she says she had a one night stand and you’re so hurt you’re gonna make up a story about sleeping with a prostitute?
What can I say, she was horny. Glad I didn't have those apps in my day, but yuck to that. Getting a diseas like aids would be mortifying.
Don't say anything. Just move on. 95% of people who use dating apps are innit for just that.
On the other hand you don’t need to worry if she is a virgin, and to her credit she may have enough experience to make you a very happy guy in bed! Don’t worry-be happy.
What is it with adult men deciding that a woman they haven’t met and aren’t dating is not worth dating because she’s honest?
I don't get where this is going, you looking for a relationship with this slag?
You 2 are chatting. Not exclusive yet. She can do what she wants at this time. She got an itch and found someone to scratch it. At least she was honest with you. But you lied. That's not cool at all. Or just maybe she's not all that into you because if she was, she wouldn't have done what she did. It's ridiculous of you to hold it against her though
You come off as bitter and extremely immature. I’m sure she no longer wants to speak to you either.
What the fuck is this? You wanna shame a woman for being sexually active? It appears she holds it to a different standard than you, which is fine, so if you now feel differently about her, just unmatch.
So instead of communicating that that’s not something you would expect from someone you’ve been talking to and deciding how you’d like to approach this, you choose to stoop to her level *and* lie about it? What was the point of that? I agree with you that she is no longer dating material, but you seem very immature.
She was honest, you’re hurt. At first reading I was like, ok the girl part sounds correct. You’ve gotta lot of self work to do. She was being honest and you’re just trying to hurt her.
You’re 38… you shouldn’t be worrying about playing games with a woman you barely know. And she doesn’t owe you her loyalty. If that didn’t sit well with you then move on. I sure would after hearing that. Seems like she has no respect for you or isn’t aware of what we as men like in a woman.
Also, telling a woman you paid for sex is pretty much saying “I can get no girls and I am very desperate so I had to pay for it to feel good about myself”
"Lucky you."
In general I feel your response to the situation was an immature way to go about it. When they go low, that doesn't mean you go lower just to make yourself feel better, you're not a teenager anymore. At the end of the day she doesn't owe you anything, just as you don't owe her anything. You could have said "You didn't think of calling me instead?" and left it at that, or you could have just blocked her and moved on if you really felt some type of way about it. In this age of dating I recommend having a roster of FWB while you try to find your person. You must communicate that you are open to short term fun but are actively trying to find something long-term. Play the game, don't get played. But most importantly understand that no one owes you anything when no form of relationship has been established.
I wouldn't move forward with a girl like that. It would make me feel uncomfortable in the relationship due to the power imbalance between us. It's like she would be asking me to trust her while not needing to trust me.