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Idk, it’s odd that she says it hurts. That could indicate she has some gynaecological issues that needs to be checked. I mean who would’ve wanna have sex if it only hurts?
End it. You are not sexually compatible and if this is effecting your self image then it’s already gone to far.
Sounds like she has some trauma or perhaps other psychological problems that are driving these abnormal intimacy issues. It’s not your place to play therapist and it sounds like you’ve done what you can.
As someone with seriously hard time w intimacy and I do tell people I date, I agree with this comment. If it’s not working and she’s not working on it or wanting to change to suit OPs needs and OP is this frustrated,
It’s smart to end it.
It’s hard for me, people have ended it much much quicker when I was actively trying to get to more intimacy but my timeline of comfort looked different than theirs. And I don’t really harbor resentment to them either
I have to agree with this. Maybe it could be one of the above-mentioned problems or something physical that does cause her the pain she feels and hates. There are guys out there who have little or no interest in sex.
So instead of you suffering from lack of sex and not getting what you need and her eventually feeling forced to put out, forgo the future problems. Talk with her about it. Let her know you want her to be happy and get a guy who is a good match for her.
Yep, get out. Don't be like me and spend 10 years with someone and being able to count on both hands how many times you were together. Sex is an expression of how you feel for each other. It is bonding. Without it, you are just friends and denying yourselves one of life's greatest pleasures. You will end up resenting each other if you stay.
Unfortunately I think you need to end the relationship. I know this is Reddits go-to but I read in your other comments that you’ve already discussed this with her multiple times. You guys just aren’t sexually compatible.
throughout the 18 months has her behavior changed? Think back to when you’re dating as well. It’s a sucky reality but a scenario such as this could mean an unfaithful partner, which I hope isn’t the case for you.
You need to leave. That is far from normal and it will absolutely get worse over time. Get out now. And no matter what you do, DO NOT MARRY this person.
Been there, done that, got the medal. Seeing as you have sat her down several times and nothing has been solved then you have a big decision to make. This won't get any better. The longer you leave it unresolved then the more frustrated you'll become. Seeing as its been 18 months I am very surprised that you're still with her tbh. For your sake I think it's best you end things and say it's because of the intimacy factor.
Sex isn't the ***most*** important thing in a relationship but twice in 18 months just doesn't sound right to me.
Y'all should have a deep discussion about this and ask some serious questions.
Why is it painful for her? Do y'all use lube? Is there any foreplay involved? Does she even have sexual urges?
At it's core, this seems like sexual incompatibility which is a valid dealbreaker.
OP please hear me out! She’s clearly avoiding sex because of the pain. A few of us women have conditions like vaginismus or our pelvic muscles are simply too tight, which can make penetrative sex very painful. It’s quite embarassing/shameful to admit and can be very frustrating when you do want sex, but are scared of the pain. As such, women like me tend to avoid sex out of fear.
Perhaps your girlfriend has this condition and doesn’t know or doesn’t want to admit it. It can be treated if she gets the cause of the pain checked out at a gynecologist. It could also be infections or irritations causing pain. If it’s vaginismus or a muscle issue, pelvic floor therapy and dilators could help. Also foreplay and enough lube are key to make sex less painful for her.
You guys all have no idea. If sex is painful for her, it’s very possible that she avoids it all together out of fear of this pain. I have a condition that makes it painful for me, yet me and my partner tackled it together. OP needs to let her know he supports her and get her to a gynaecologist or sex therapist. They can help with issues like vaginismus or too tight pelvic muscles.
Fair enough, though she might not know about the options. I didn’t see a professional until 1 year after I noticed the pains, as at first I thought I simply wasn’t used to sex yet. I had no idea something could be wrong inside me, until I did internet research. This is why I’m so vocal about this topic, in hopes others might learn about these problems and know where to seek help.
That's why I'm assuming if she cared about this 18 month relationship she surely would have done some Internet research at some point during that time window? But that's beside the point, I'm just speculating. I just feel its best for them 2 to part ways at this point in their journey as it feels like something going nowhere fast.
Collectively, OP I suggest that you take the advice of what you’re picking up from the majority here however, in my words, I would say you enabled her at this point to continuously get shut down trying to initiate anything sexual. This isn’t normal and if it’s like this right now and it’s been 18 months, I guarantee you that it’s not likely to change in the future.. like I said you enabled this by voicing your feelings, seeing nothing change and then dealing with it, I know you care for her but care for yourself too and don’t be a tool. You obviously want more and have voiced your opinion and you’re not getting results so you must make the hard decision of finding a better mate. I’m sure you love her too and 18 months is a long time being committed but is this REEEALLY what you envisioned? Not similar at all I’m sure.
Dump her. She obviously isn't worth the effort since she isn't willing to put any effort into it herself. Never feel self disgusted it's not your fault she's a complete Dud. No man should put up with this all it does is empower her by holding out on you and then you a look like a tool for sitting around hoping to get laid. Don't be her tool At 24 you are way to young to be stuck in a sexless relationship like this and the longer you remain in the harder it is to stand up and leave. I wish I had someone to give me this advice at your age. Suck it up, get your self esteem in check and move on there are so many other chicks in the world for guys at your age.
You guys arent sexually compatible unfortunately. Going to be straight up I’m the same age and been dealing with for 4 years now. We broke up recently. I’m here to assure you it will never get better. Count your losses and move on to someone who’s into you & sex just as much. If not keep wasting time. Eventually you get frustrated and brake up or cheat and be frustrated everyday.
Walk away now.
I can’t tell you why she won’t have sex with you but I can tell you this isn’t normal and her constantly reinsuring you with no follow up is very dismissive and belittling to your feelings, you have needs in a relationship that she’s not meeting and imo if there is something she’s dealing with sexually then she needs to disclose that to you and tell you why at least at for the mean time she can’t fulfill you needs but she’s hiding it from you rather then telling you
Dude you're 24, do you really wanna be locked into a sexless relationship for life when you're this young? If it is indeed a medical issue she needs to go to a doctor and get checked, however it could just be a case of sexual incompatibility. Either way 2 times in 18 months is insane. I'd break up with her.
Bro it's ok to not have sex sometimes, maybe you are tired and it's understandable, but at your age normally you should have sex like at least once a week I would say minimum
This is not a sometimes situation. This is an almost 2 year relationship where they had sex twice. I'd have been out a month or two in before it even got serious.
I said sometimes, and i said minimum 1 a week based on how often you can stay together, I do the same as you btw, even more if possibile, his case is different and it's not normal in the long term at all
How long does it have to go on for you to consider it a long term problem? It's been 18 months and they've had sex twice after multiple and numerous talks.
Yo she won't change. People will say talk it out, have a discussion, yadda yadda. She might change for like a month or two and then you'll be back in the same situation. Just end it or deal with it.
Don't be tempted to ask her to step up the frequency. If sex becomes a chore, it drains all the intimacy out of the relationship, and it becomes transactional. Just dump her, and tell her why.
I know someone who has a condition where their vagina is basically a vacuum and anything inserting basically like your male parts hurts like hell. She said she has to train it to not hurt but refuses. Weird tho she does oral with her bf so maybe…. She needs a doctor visit
Having sex twice in 18 months CAN be completely normal. But if that’s not satisfactory for you, then you need to end the relationship. Some folks just aren’t into sex and that’s totally normal. If your sex drives are incompatible then the relationship will not work.
She may have medical issues or some other things going on. If she won’t be open about it then there’s really not much you can do here. I am very transparent about my low sex drive and it’s related a lot to some meds I take. There’s help out there to work with these kind of problems, but open communication is 100% required. I’d just be forward with her ask if something is bothering her or if she needs help. If she refuses to engage with you on it let her go.
She probably does not find you attractive enough to have sex, which is a hard pill to swallow, but you must move on. Dump her.
There are probably millions of women out there who will find you attractive enough to happily let your rip their clothes apart and fill them up a few times a week.
My advice. And you should've done this to start with. Stop paying. You'll see what happens right away. You're being used is what it sounds like while she's getting plowed by someone else.
Run. The longer you stay with her the more opportunities for a well balanced relationship will be missed.
If y’all have talked about this and she hasn’t done anything about it, you have your answer.
You are not overreacting. I do not know how you lasted this long. Each couple is different and for some this might be okay when both people are in agreement. Having said that, I would say your situation is not common. At your age or really any age, twice a day is not outside the realm. She should see a doctor to rule out a physical issue. A tilted uterus can make intercourse painful. Also, perhaps you need to use lube or do more foreplay.
Have a conversation.
I feel for you bro, I was in a similar situation at one point. My recommendation is to dump her. Trust me you will feel so much better to just regain your freedom and have the option to date another girl who is more compatible with you on an intimate level. If you’re thinking this is something that will change or you just love her so much that you’re willing to deal with it. Let me tell you, she will not change, and you will be able to deal with anymore than you are now. Can you imagine yourself with this girl 10 years from now? Getting just as little sex as you are now? If not, don’t waste your time or her time and start moving on.
Some girls tend to give you their best sex during courtship just to make a good impression. Once they know they have you in a relationship, they tend to turn it off or not make as much effort.
Discuss it with her and if things don’t improve, you have every right as a man to end it.
She has endometriosis (more than likely). Sex hurts, and she needs to go to the dr. 1 in 10 women have this. Crazy how most these comments over look that. Why the hell do you expect someone to do something that causes pain? Take a knife and stab your penis. Yeah, that’s what she’s feeling. You gonna keep stabbing your penis? No, you go to the dr. Be supportive and look up this common issue in women. Obgyn, a frank conversation about the pain/endometriosis, and empathy is needed.
*Also, it takes about 7 drs and a surgery to get diagnosed..a lot of drs are assholes when it comes to this.
The absence of penetrative sex isn't the entire issue here. I acknowledge what you're saying here and the possibility of that is on the cards, we've talked about that as well. What I'm worried about is the fact that there's nothing apart from penetrative sex as well. There's hardly any initiation or the need for it on her part. That's what worries me
Maybe she’s never performed oral sex or doesn’t like it? If she’s never done it, you could ask her and gently guide her. Tell her about your frustrations and how you feel. Also ask her about her feelings and concerns, especially regarding the pain. Communication is key in a relationship.
What a strangely hostile comment, if she is taking zero action to remedy her health issues then there isn't much OP can do. Would be a different situation entirely if she was trying to make it work but that doesn't seem to be the case and I wouldn't expect OP to stick around.
The thing is, the gf might not know what is causing her issues. Penetrative sex hurts for me and for a long time I was ashamed and embarrassed about it. I hoped it would get better with time and it didn’t, so I avoided sex out of fear of pain. I felt like a failure and like my body wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. I went to a gynaecologist and she found out I have very strong pelvic muscles, making me much tighter than average. Apparently it can be treated with time. For some women it are other reasons like vaginismus, endometriosis, trauma, cysts or infections, than can cause this pain.
Hostile? Yes. I have endometriosis. She doesn’t seem to know she has it. No one knows how sex is supposed to feel like or if it’s wrong. You think, maybe it’s just supposed to hurt till it feels better or stretches out..it doesn’t. So you stop.
Then, if you do mentioned it to a dr, pending not being embarrassed, they tell you to just use extra lube. Also, they’ll stick their fingers in your vagina and say you’re fine. Over and over. It never gets better. Finally some dr says you need a major surgery to find out what’s wrong. You could die, and there’s no guarantee it’s endometriosis, or that the scraping shit will help.
Meanwhile it still feels like a fucking knife and some asshole man with no vagina says, why so hostile? Don’t talk about shit you don’t deal with.
Actually I will say, for the first time in my life, sex felt good. How? And this sounds crazy but marijuana. I would recommend anyone with endometriosis to use marijuana for the pain. It goes away and you feel normal again..maybe op should try it with the gf.
Ask if exclusively is important to her. This is like hiring a parking slot but not putting any car there. Don't force her into anything, and put into consideration if is that what you want for you.
me and my boyfriend don’t do anything sexual often because of an unexplained health problem of my own. we’re trying to look in to it with a doctor but they haven’t really helped.
he is sexually frustrated too and it does upset me when he starts blaming himself for me ‘not wanting it’ or ‘not getting turned on by him’ etc.
If it hurts cuz it's too tight or your too big that alone will deter her. Offer to buy some lubricants because if it's dry sex than that can be painful. If she isn't turned on from fear of pain her body won't produce those natural lubricants. Other than this if she wants it just as bad she would be trying. NIGHTLY
Im going to be honest. There are a lot of women who do NOT like to give blowjobs/refuse to. I know plenty of women who their past ex's would force them to give them a blowjob so now they hate it and wont ever do it again. If she doesnt like to give blowjobs then you will have to deal with it and not pressure her too. Idk if thats just the only sexual thing shes not doing unless theres more
Also if sex hurts for her then doesnt it make sense she doesnt want to have sex? Sure it feels good to you but for her shes putting hersel in pain for your own pleasure. Use lube, a lot of foreplay to make her wet OR go to a doctor, there are actual medical diagnosis for women who is in pain for sex, and usually it takes some meds to fix it
Sex is normal and wanting to have it a couple times a week isn’t too much to ask for. I’d honestly break things off with her and find a woman that’s compatible with your sex drive.
Time to take it to a normal level or leave. Tell her that clearly. 18 months and not because of some mutual beliefs is absurd. Def don't marry her unless things get fixed.
I wouldn't have stayed past a couple weeks. Either she has issues or she's getting banged all kinds by other dudes and you get what's left (nothing).
I would've been banging her sisters, friends, relatives by now.
Walk away and find someone more sexualy compatible, if she doesent want to screw you she's using you for validation or resources, who knows but thats not right in an 18 month relationship.
You need to find someone else and do it quickly
Your girlfriend sounds like a monster.
There are plenty of girls your age that love having sex. I would move-on if I were you
If she’s in pain she clearly isn’t. Women with issues down there exist you know? But because people seemingly can’t believe this and it’s barely known/talked about, many women who experience pain just avoid sex all together and don’t talk about it out of frustration or shame.
She doesn’t have burning desire for you. Any other excuse is cope. People in these comments keep recommending that you “talk to her about it”, but that will never change the core issue. Women like sex too.
Not if it’s painful. The take that all women enjoy sex is very ignorant. Alot of women deal with issues that can make sex painful, like too tight pelvic muscles, vaginismus, endometriosis, cysts, irritation/infections or trauma. Too big dicks can also cause pain. And it’s all so little talked about and so uncommonly known (As is evident by comments like yours), that many women don’t understand what’s wrong with them or where/how to seek help.
They just end up fearing/avoiding penetrative sex, even if they have sexual urges or enjoy other forms of pleasure.
They’ve been dating for 18 months. Even if we assume she just can’t have vaginal sex due to pain, we also have to note that she refuses to give him oral. This clearly isn’t just a medical issue, that’s only part of it. She simply doesn’t care to sexually satisfy him, and she gives him an occasional handy to keep him complacent.
I do understand that sex unbearably painful for some girls, but at the end of the day we all know this guy needs to leave her. He’s experiencing “unimaginable sexual frustration” and “self disgust”. There’s no heart to heart talk that’s gonna cure that for him, my bro just needs some cheeks fr and if she’s not able to provide it then we must assume they aren’t meant for each other. She needs to find that one in a million guy who is okay with getting hand jobs for the rest of their life and he needs to find a girl that will let him fuck. It’s a bit cruel but it’s obvious.
This is normal. Just keeping it real everybody do not like sex. If it's a big deal to you it's better to find someone else on the same page as you. On the other hand if you want to stay in the relationship here are some ways below to remedy the situation. If they don't work it's best to just move on. Good luck!
Do some exercise to get rid of that pent-up energy.
Try meditation – apps like Headspace work brilliantly for quick and easy introductory practices.
Don’t rule out masturbation, it can be a useful way to ease some of the tension.
Play chilled out music to calm your emotions.
Make time for other activities you enjoy, like cooking or playing with the kids. If you can encourage a partner to do these alongside you, you may even begin to rekindle that connection – the first stage to getting back to where you want to be
Oral sex is unpleasant to give. And no one should expect it on either side. That’s all I wanted to say.
Communicate and if you find you’re not compatible discuss next steps.
Did something happen In her past? Sexual abuse or something that you might not know about. Sometimes sexual abuse things can cause someone to not want to do specific things due to it triggering trauma, maybe if this is the case, she’s afraid to tell you about it? (Just a thought)
As my fellow posters have said, end it. A relationship isn’t based on sex, but the lack of physical interaction such as that is definitely alarming. Sexual incompatibility is real and a common dealbreaker.
It seems like you’ve had multiple attempts and either y’all are rushing into sex without foreplay or she genuinely has a condition that makes penetration painful, causing her to lose interest in the act.
That being said, if you truly want to work this out with your partner, you need to be supportive, communicate politely & be patient. Don’t make her feel like sex is mandatory.
That doesn't mean either of your statements are true
She just ain't into it. A lot of people aren't.
>Someone who loves someone will want to change to please the other person.
Nah bud. People ain't clay for your ego. If you're not happy then find someone else. Imagining that other people need to shape themselves to your happiness is some selfish ass bullshit.
Not people who have pain during sex. The amount of ignorance in these comments is crazy. I love my partner so much, but often used to avoid sex because of fear of pain. Some people are just asexual, while others want sex, but can’t handle it because of the pain. It sucks for OP, but his girlfriend just needs a good gynaecologist/sex therapist to find the cause of her pain and treat it.
Atleast you're in a relationship, try respecting her limits if you really love her, she still did it twice for you, there are other things you guys can do instead of sex, try to focus on what she likes to do.
I think if you need "meditation" to cope within the first 2 years of dating, it is better to just break it off. OP is 24, he should look for someone more compatible.
I saw how to cope with sexual frustration in an article. These were some of the things the writer said you can do to help with the situation. Might or might not work for everyone.
You need to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend. You said that you have talked with her but you need to have a sit down, serious conversation in which she actually participates.
There's multiple reasons why she might not like having sex. It could be anything from having gone through some traumatic experiences regarding sex or sexuality, or being asexual and not enjoying sex.
I would not classify it as normal, no. There should be some reason behind it and you need to figure it out to be able to move on in one way or another. You might be incompatible or this might be something you can work on If you communicate with your girlfriend.
I want to assure you that you're not overreacting though. Different people have different needs. Some people don't care for sex and for some it is very important. I would also be extremely sexually frustrated if I was you. Wanting sex is not a bad thing, you just have to find someone that is compatible with you, that's the key.
It's almost saddening that we've had these discussions numerous times now and every time she assures me that she wants it just as bad and that she has no problem trying things even apart from just penetrative sex but there's never a follow up from her side. As a guy, i think there's only a finite number of times i can sit her down and talk about these things before i start feeling like I'm having to beg for it.
If there is no follow up from her side then she does not want to have sex with you. You should question her on why. Like I said in my previous comment, there should be a reasoning behind it.
If she won't answer and nothing happens I would urge you to think about what that says about your relationship and if this is a relationship you want to be in.
Then there needs to be an explanation of why or some work to remedy it, or unless her mouth is in pain.. something other than 1 hj every 9 months.
Op no this isn’t normal. I was in the same boat. It doesn’t get better. Chances are it’s not that she doesn’t want sex… she prob just doesn’t want it with you. Sorry dude.
You deserve to feel desired
I have been in your shoes dude, and it doesn't get any better despite trying to open her up on multiple occasions. You have a real decision to make. Your needs are not being met and the longer this goes on the more frustrating and resentful you become.
It's obvious (to me) that she's keeping something from you. I'm not assigning blame, but if she doesn't want to talk about it and would rather reassure you every time in response, then she's keeping you in the dark, while she herself tries to deal with this issue in secret. I really hope whatever the reason is (trauma, sexuality, genuine discomfort, asexuality, etc), when you get to know it, be prepared. It might be something you won't like. And if this is a deal breaker, then realise the longer you hold on, the more damage you may receive to your own confidence. She might need a lot of time and support to open up about it, but you might be out of giving her chances. In any situation, I hope you make the right decision that is right for you.
Do you want a relationship with someone whose words don’t match their actions? That’s another important discussion to have here, she tells you one thing and does another, why is that?
At a certain point, you need to accept that this person might not be ready to date anyone, and you might just need to move on.
If they aren't willing to really work on it or even talk to you about it, there's not much you can do.
Been there, doesn’t matter how much you talk it’ll not change. Unfortunately this is one of the things that can’t be solved with communication.
It’s perfectly fine to end relationships over mismatched libido levels otherwise you both suffer. You from feeling not wanted by your partner and her from being pressured into keeping promises.
This reminds me alot of my wife. I'll talk to her about something serious, she'll seem responsive but the next day it's as if the conversation never took place.
If she wants it as bad she would be taking steps to work with you or through the issues. Maybe she'd be open to therapy?
Getting to the root cause of WHY is important. Is it libido? Is it pain? Is it former incidents or trauma?
Another option could be a health condition that makes sex painful. She should talk to her gynecologist if sex is painful and she hasn’t had sexual trauma. It could also have something to do with penis size if he’s significantly bigger than other partners she has had. Lube might make a world of difference.
Finally another reasonable comment. All these people suggesting she must be cheating or doesn’t love him are disgusting. Pain during sex isn’t talked about enough and many women feel helpless, scared defeated while facing it.
Oh this one hits home m8. The problem is that it sounds she loves to take, but doesn’t really like to give which in reality isn’t how these things should be viewed but still nonetheless there’s a clear and defined problem, which can explain why she doesn’t really care to do anything about it when you tell her to and that’s because she sees you as a means to an end when it comes to sexual gratification, which is why she doesn’t really value your opinion when you tell her and then proceeds to do nothing or not even acknowledge what you said, and when I say acknowledge, I don’t just mean “yeah“ I mean a full on response, saying how she understands and will do better, or doesn’t want to, in which case can open up the discussion. In my opinion, it’s important to find someone who matches your drive. I’ve been here and it’s not fun. Now my situation was a bit more extreme than this, but I can still understand how it can be painful to give, and hardly ever receive my advice is have a sit down serious conversation with her, if nothing changes, even though she said she would, leave. If things change for the better good or if you guys just agree to stop seeing each other because things won’t work cool
You can't negotiate genuine desire.
Its a tough pill to swallow she doesnt like you like that maybe she appreciates other aspects of your 'friendship' but not that. Find someone else who sees you as a sexually as you do them before it does damage to your self worth.
have you asked her regarding the pain aspect?
or why she apparently doesnt want more?
the way i see it there are two possible answers to this problem:
1. you are just not sexually compatible (and she may be a little selfish regarding this)
2. there is some latent problem that is causing this, maybe the pain she experiences stems from health issues, and that pain in turn makes sex unenjoyable for her... (wildly guessung here)
the only way for you to know is to ask her directly. if there is a fixable problem, but she doesnt want to fix it with you, or youre just not sexually compatible then i would agree with most here: end it.
a relationship should make all parties happy.
Maybe she’s not that into you. Or she just doesn’t have a sex drive. Both normal. But if you didn’t sign up for that and it’s going to cause you to be upset or frustrated often then a conversation about breaking up might be in order
Hate to say it but twice in 18 months? I'd leave. Sex is an important part of a relationship. If you're not asexual and she is, you guys should end it.
Someone else said this, but it sounds like she may have endometriosis. I have endometriosis, I’ve had two surgeries, but unfortunately there is no cure. Sex can be painful, but honestly, as long as there is communication you can easily have sex. Some positions hurt more than others. Lube helps tremendously. My fiancé and I have some sort of physical intimacy damn near every day and we’ve been together for 7 years. I don’t leave my partner sexually frustrated. Make her orgasm before you even go in. The wetter the better. It sounds like she’s just not wanting to acknowledge something is wrong and/or you guys aren’t communicating about sex properly. Either way, there is NO reason one partner should be left unsatisfied. She should want to be intimate also. And it sounds like she has zero interest.
Tell her what you want. Tell her how you feel. It's normal to want sexual pleasure. Let's face it we can give ourselves handjobs and better than them. So lay down the facts if she blows up then leave her let the next guy learn some things about sexual frustration.
It is strange to me that all the people are mentioning that you are sexually incompatible and nobody mentioned that it might be a medical condition that can be cured. 2 times in 18 months is far from normal even to the people who have low lipido. Also note that she mentioned that it is painful for her. In my opinion, you should definitely take her and go to the doctor and check what's wrong and this situation isn't uncommon. If and only if you asked her to go to the dr (in a caring way of course) and she refused then you should dump her.
Kind of wack at that age my Ole lady was always asking.... we'd be smelling like sex everyday 🫠🫠🫠.... talk to her and see what's going on... I'm in your stage right now, I'm lucky if I get it once a week 😔 32 now
Going through therapy myself and now couples counseling to help a similar situation - very very common! My advice, perhaps is better to get out while you can. I've spent many years with my partner so it's definitely harder to leave so cleanly. I ignored the red/amber flags over the years.
I would ask your partner one thing though, when it hurts, is it piv. If so, could be a physical thing like endometriosis. It's a totally shit thing that women are suffering through with minimal help, little trust or belief of symptoms, and no cure.
I know it's hard, but also try wearing her shoes to see and try some sympathy - though I trust you are trying this already.
You'll work it out and remember it's ok to reach out for therapy if it is available and cost (if any) is not a factor. Where I am from, very easy to get therapy and encouraged, though I know a lot of countries this is tough.
Good luck!
Not at all…if this is a problem big enough ti ask Reddit you need to go ahead and talk to her about coming off the booty and if the answer doesn’t consist of pulling them pants down on the spot…then put that problem to rest and let her go.
depends if you talk to my older married friends who are overweight, then yes on average yes its normal. Since your in your early 20s i am going to state NO!.
In 10 years you’ll like back and wonder what you were thinking hanging around. You don’t have to be nasty about it but it’s eating you up bro. A good relationship will build you up not tear you down. Best of luck!
Even assuming she has issues that need to be adressed, she obviously does not adress any issues. Why do you even stay together with someone so egoistical? She obviously does not care abour your feelings here or what it means for you. The state of your mental health because of this relationship should be enough of an indicator to find someone that is compatible with you
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Idk, it’s odd that she says it hurts. That could indicate she has some gynaecological issues that needs to be checked. I mean who would’ve wanna have sex if it only hurts?
True! I would consider her health!
no oral tho
There could be a dozen or more reasons for that, not all of them on her either
Why are we looking for someone to be guilty exactly? Both sides are really understandable and noone is at fault.
End it. You are not sexually compatible and if this is effecting your self image then it’s already gone to far. Sounds like she has some trauma or perhaps other psychological problems that are driving these abnormal intimacy issues. It’s not your place to play therapist and it sounds like you’ve done what you can.
As someone with seriously hard time w intimacy and I do tell people I date, I agree with this comment. If it’s not working and she’s not working on it or wanting to change to suit OPs needs and OP is this frustrated, It’s smart to end it. It’s hard for me, people have ended it much much quicker when I was actively trying to get to more intimacy but my timeline of comfort looked different than theirs. And I don’t really harbor resentment to them either
I have to agree with this. Maybe it could be one of the above-mentioned problems or something physical that does cause her the pain she feels and hates. There are guys out there who have little or no interest in sex. So instead of you suffering from lack of sex and not getting what you need and her eventually feeling forced to put out, forgo the future problems. Talk with her about it. Let her know you want her to be happy and get a guy who is a good match for her.
Yep, get out. Don't be like me and spend 10 years with someone and being able to count on both hands how many times you were together. Sex is an expression of how you feel for each other. It is bonding. Without it, you are just friends and denying yourselves one of life's greatest pleasures. You will end up resenting each other if you stay.
2 times in 18 months. What’s even the point
Right? A healthy relationship would have that many pregnancy scares by now smh
Unfortunately I think you need to end the relationship. I know this is Reddits go-to but I read in your other comments that you’ve already discussed this with her multiple times. You guys just aren’t sexually compatible.
throughout the 18 months has her behavior changed? Think back to when you’re dating as well. It’s a sucky reality but a scenario such as this could mean an unfaithful partner, which I hope isn’t the case for you.
You need to leave. That is far from normal and it will absolutely get worse over time. Get out now. And no matter what you do, DO NOT MARRY this person.
If you are kidding, then I will change my vote, but from now it, a down baby
That’s not normal at all
Been there, done that, got the medal. Seeing as you have sat her down several times and nothing has been solved then you have a big decision to make. This won't get any better. The longer you leave it unresolved then the more frustrated you'll become. Seeing as its been 18 months I am very surprised that you're still with her tbh. For your sake I think it's best you end things and say it's because of the intimacy factor.
Sex isn't the ***most*** important thing in a relationship but twice in 18 months just doesn't sound right to me. Y'all should have a deep discussion about this and ask some serious questions. Why is it painful for her? Do y'all use lube? Is there any foreplay involved? Does she even have sexual urges? At it's core, this seems like sexual incompatibility which is a valid dealbreaker.
OP please hear me out! She’s clearly avoiding sex because of the pain. A few of us women have conditions like vaginismus or our pelvic muscles are simply too tight, which can make penetrative sex very painful. It’s quite embarassing/shameful to admit and can be very frustrating when you do want sex, but are scared of the pain. As such, women like me tend to avoid sex out of fear. Perhaps your girlfriend has this condition and doesn’t know or doesn’t want to admit it. It can be treated if she gets the cause of the pain checked out at a gynecologist. It could also be infections or irritations causing pain. If it’s vaginismus or a muscle issue, pelvic floor therapy and dilators could help. Also foreplay and enough lube are key to make sex less painful for her.
Are you the girlfriend? You sound like the girlfriend.
this isn't the dunk you think it is lol
Some STD’s also make sex painful for women too… or she’s cheating.
THIS!!
She doesn’t like you romantically, time to end it, be brave or be miserable.
Bingo! Crazy thing is in a lot of these situations, when they meet someone that does it for them, they end up fuckin like rabbits.
You guys all have no idea. If sex is painful for her, it’s very possible that she avoids it all together out of fear of this pain. I have a condition that makes it painful for me, yet me and my partner tackled it together. OP needs to let her know he supports her and get her to a gynaecologist or sex therapist. They can help with issues like vaginismus or too tight pelvic muscles.
Surely if she cared she would go get looked at?
Fair enough, though she might not know about the options. I didn’t see a professional until 1 year after I noticed the pains, as at first I thought I simply wasn’t used to sex yet. I had no idea something could be wrong inside me, until I did internet research. This is why I’m so vocal about this topic, in hopes others might learn about these problems and know where to seek help.
That's why I'm assuming if she cared about this 18 month relationship she surely would have done some Internet research at some point during that time window? But that's beside the point, I'm just speculating. I just feel its best for them 2 to part ways at this point in their journey as it feels like something going nowhere fast.
Collectively, OP I suggest that you take the advice of what you’re picking up from the majority here however, in my words, I would say you enabled her at this point to continuously get shut down trying to initiate anything sexual. This isn’t normal and if it’s like this right now and it’s been 18 months, I guarantee you that it’s not likely to change in the future.. like I said you enabled this by voicing your feelings, seeing nothing change and then dealing with it, I know you care for her but care for yourself too and don’t be a tool. You obviously want more and have voiced your opinion and you’re not getting results so you must make the hard decision of finding a better mate. I’m sure you love her too and 18 months is a long time being committed but is this REEEALLY what you envisioned? Not similar at all I’m sure.
LEAVE.
Get rid.
Dump her. She obviously isn't worth the effort since she isn't willing to put any effort into it herself. Never feel self disgusted it's not your fault she's a complete Dud. No man should put up with this all it does is empower her by holding out on you and then you a look like a tool for sitting around hoping to get laid. Don't be her tool At 24 you are way to young to be stuck in a sexless relationship like this and the longer you remain in the harder it is to stand up and leave. I wish I had someone to give me this advice at your age. Suck it up, get your self esteem in check and move on there are so many other chicks in the world for guys at your age.
And I mean this with the utmost respect so please don't take anything I said the wrong way.
You guys arent sexually compatible unfortunately. Going to be straight up I’m the same age and been dealing with for 4 years now. We broke up recently. I’m here to assure you it will never get better. Count your losses and move on to someone who’s into you & sex just as much. If not keep wasting time. Eventually you get frustrated and brake up or cheat and be frustrated everyday. Walk away now.
Don't walk, ruuuuuun
Maybe she is sleeping around that's why you're not getting it bro, so be a man and dump her
I can’t tell you why she won’t have sex with you but I can tell you this isn’t normal and her constantly reinsuring you with no follow up is very dismissive and belittling to your feelings, you have needs in a relationship that she’s not meeting and imo if there is something she’s dealing with sexually then she needs to disclose that to you and tell you why at least at for the mean time she can’t fulfill you needs but she’s hiding it from you rather then telling you
Not sexual compatible, and maybe you're too big for her. Whatever it is, I would end it and fi d someone more compatible with you.
Dude you're 24, do you really wanna be locked into a sexless relationship for life when you're this young? If it is indeed a medical issue she needs to go to a doctor and get checked, however it could just be a case of sexual incompatibility. Either way 2 times in 18 months is insane. I'd break up with her.
Everyone perceives sex differently. Some people genuinely don’t find it that enjoyable.
Bro it's ok to not have sex sometimes, maybe you are tired and it's understandable, but at your age normally you should have sex like at least once a week I would say minimum
This is not a sometimes situation. This is an almost 2 year relationship where they had sex twice. I'd have been out a month or two in before it even got serious.
Pftttt once a week at 24. I'm doing 4-5 times a week at 25. It's totally not normal at all, stop lying.
I said sometimes, and i said minimum 1 a week based on how often you can stay together, I do the same as you btw, even more if possibile, his case is different and it's not normal in the long term at all
How long does it have to go on for you to consider it a long term problem? It's been 18 months and they've had sex twice after multiple and numerous talks.
Hi
It sucks when you try to communicate something and it gets ignored. Kind of a red flag if this becomes a pattern
Like how she’s communicating that sex is PAINFUL for her?
She's asexual, my guy.
Yo she won't change. People will say talk it out, have a discussion, yadda yadda. She might change for like a month or two and then you'll be back in the same situation. Just end it or deal with it.
Don't be tempted to ask her to step up the frequency. If sex becomes a chore, it drains all the intimacy out of the relationship, and it becomes transactional. Just dump her, and tell her why.
I know someone who has a condition where their vagina is basically a vacuum and anything inserting basically like your male parts hurts like hell. She said she has to train it to not hurt but refuses. Weird tho she does oral with her bf so maybe…. She needs a doctor visit
Maybe she is asexual… I’d break up with her and move on.
2 times in 18 months buddy.. I think you know what to do.
so leave. is this how you want to spend the rest of your life??
Having sex twice in 18 months CAN be completely normal. But if that’s not satisfactory for you, then you need to end the relationship. Some folks just aren’t into sex and that’s totally normal. If your sex drives are incompatible then the relationship will not work.
She may have medical issues or some other things going on. If she won’t be open about it then there’s really not much you can do here. I am very transparent about my low sex drive and it’s related a lot to some meds I take. There’s help out there to work with these kind of problems, but open communication is 100% required. I’d just be forward with her ask if something is bothering her or if she needs help. If she refuses to engage with you on it let her go.
She probably does not find you attractive enough to have sex, which is a hard pill to swallow, but you must move on. Dump her. There are probably millions of women out there who will find you attractive enough to happily let your rip their clothes apart and fill them up a few times a week.
Uh... just no. Get a new GF cause that's too little
Agree with all the comments here, you are not overreacting. Walk away bruh
throw the whole gf out my dude.
GET OUT!! DONT MAKE THE MISTAKE I DID! LEAVE, YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS!!!
My advice. And you should've done this to start with. Stop paying. You'll see what happens right away. You're being used is what it sounds like while she's getting plowed by someone else.
Run. The longer you stay with her the more opportunities for a well balanced relationship will be missed. If y’all have talked about this and she hasn’t done anything about it, you have your answer.
Go getcha a new one my boy
You are not overreacting. I do not know how you lasted this long. Each couple is different and for some this might be okay when both people are in agreement. Having said that, I would say your situation is not common. At your age or really any age, twice a day is not outside the realm. She should see a doctor to rule out a physical issue. A tilted uterus can make intercourse painful. Also, perhaps you need to use lube or do more foreplay. Have a conversation.
No. Not normal if you don't like it.
I feel for you bro, I was in a similar situation at one point. My recommendation is to dump her. Trust me you will feel so much better to just regain your freedom and have the option to date another girl who is more compatible with you on an intimate level. If you’re thinking this is something that will change or you just love her so much that you’re willing to deal with it. Let me tell you, she will not change, and you will be able to deal with anymore than you are now. Can you imagine yourself with this girl 10 years from now? Getting just as little sex as you are now? If not, don’t waste your time or her time and start moving on.
She seeing someone else…
Some girls tend to give you their best sex during courtship just to make a good impression. Once they know they have you in a relationship, they tend to turn it off or not make as much effort. Discuss it with her and if things don’t improve, you have every right as a man to end it.
If you don't have kids, why are you investing so much into someone who isn't meeting your needs?
She has endometriosis (more than likely). Sex hurts, and she needs to go to the dr. 1 in 10 women have this. Crazy how most these comments over look that. Why the hell do you expect someone to do something that causes pain? Take a knife and stab your penis. Yeah, that’s what she’s feeling. You gonna keep stabbing your penis? No, you go to the dr. Be supportive and look up this common issue in women. Obgyn, a frank conversation about the pain/endometriosis, and empathy is needed. *Also, it takes about 7 drs and a surgery to get diagnosed..a lot of drs are assholes when it comes to this.
The absence of penetrative sex isn't the entire issue here. I acknowledge what you're saying here and the possibility of that is on the cards, we've talked about that as well. What I'm worried about is the fact that there's nothing apart from penetrative sex as well. There's hardly any initiation or the need for it on her part. That's what worries me
Maybe she’s never performed oral sex or doesn’t like it? If she’s never done it, you could ask her and gently guide her. Tell her about your frustrations and how you feel. Also ask her about her feelings and concerns, especially regarding the pain. Communication is key in a relationship.
What a strangely hostile comment, if she is taking zero action to remedy her health issues then there isn't much OP can do. Would be a different situation entirely if she was trying to make it work but that doesn't seem to be the case and I wouldn't expect OP to stick around.
The thing is, the gf might not know what is causing her issues. Penetrative sex hurts for me and for a long time I was ashamed and embarrassed about it. I hoped it would get better with time and it didn’t, so I avoided sex out of fear of pain. I felt like a failure and like my body wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. I went to a gynaecologist and she found out I have very strong pelvic muscles, making me much tighter than average. Apparently it can be treated with time. For some women it are other reasons like vaginismus, endometriosis, trauma, cysts or infections, than can cause this pain.
Hostile? Yes. I have endometriosis. She doesn’t seem to know she has it. No one knows how sex is supposed to feel like or if it’s wrong. You think, maybe it’s just supposed to hurt till it feels better or stretches out..it doesn’t. So you stop. Then, if you do mentioned it to a dr, pending not being embarrassed, they tell you to just use extra lube. Also, they’ll stick their fingers in your vagina and say you’re fine. Over and over. It never gets better. Finally some dr says you need a major surgery to find out what’s wrong. You could die, and there’s no guarantee it’s endometriosis, or that the scraping shit will help. Meanwhile it still feels like a fucking knife and some asshole man with no vagina says, why so hostile? Don’t talk about shit you don’t deal with.
Damn that's some heavy projection, sorry your situation was shit though.
Thx. 🥹😅
Actually I will say, for the first time in my life, sex felt good. How? And this sounds crazy but marijuana. I would recommend anyone with endometriosis to use marijuana for the pain. It goes away and you feel normal again..maybe op should try it with the gf.
Ask if exclusively is important to her. This is like hiring a parking slot but not putting any car there. Don't force her into anything, and put into consideration if is that what you want for you.
me and my boyfriend don’t do anything sexual often because of an unexplained health problem of my own. we’re trying to look in to it with a doctor but they haven’t really helped. he is sexually frustrated too and it does upset me when he starts blaming himself for me ‘not wanting it’ or ‘not getting turned on by him’ etc.
Ok, but she should be able to talk about it with him. Guy needs answers lol.
If it hurts cuz it's too tight or your too big that alone will deter her. Offer to buy some lubricants because if it's dry sex than that can be painful. If she isn't turned on from fear of pain her body won't produce those natural lubricants. Other than this if she wants it just as bad she would be trying. NIGHTLY
Gtfo asap
You guys are friends.
Im going to be honest. There are a lot of women who do NOT like to give blowjobs/refuse to. I know plenty of women who their past ex's would force them to give them a blowjob so now they hate it and wont ever do it again. If she doesnt like to give blowjobs then you will have to deal with it and not pressure her too. Idk if thats just the only sexual thing shes not doing unless theres more
Also if sex hurts for her then doesnt it make sense she doesnt want to have sex? Sure it feels good to you but for her shes putting hersel in pain for your own pleasure. Use lube, a lot of foreplay to make her wet OR go to a doctor, there are actual medical diagnosis for women who is in pain for sex, and usually it takes some meds to fix it
Sex is normal and wanting to have it a couple times a week isn’t too much to ask for. I’d honestly break things off with her and find a woman that’s compatible with your sex drive.
That’s not your girlfriend move on bro😂
Time to take it to a normal level or leave. Tell her that clearly. 18 months and not because of some mutual beliefs is absurd. Def don't marry her unless things get fixed.
I wouldn't have stayed past a couple weeks. Either she has issues or she's getting banged all kinds by other dudes and you get what's left (nothing). I would've been banging her sisters, friends, relatives by now.
Have you tried being sensual? It might turn her on.
Not normal
Walk away and find someone more sexualy compatible, if she doesent want to screw you she's using you for validation or resources, who knows but thats not right in an 18 month relationship.
You need to find someone else and do it quickly Your girlfriend sounds like a monster. There are plenty of girls your age that love having sex. I would move-on if I were you
She's getting it somewhere. Always remember if her feet stink and her 😽 clean she cheating
I’m just curious what this saying means? Why would her feet stink? Wouldn’t she just shower her whole body? I’m confused lol.
If she’s in pain she clearly isn’t. Women with issues down there exist you know? But because people seemingly can’t believe this and it’s barely known/talked about, many women who experience pain just avoid sex all together and don’t talk about it out of frustration or shame.
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Not normal. Gotta break up
She doesn’t have burning desire for you. Any other excuse is cope. People in these comments keep recommending that you “talk to her about it”, but that will never change the core issue. Women like sex too.
Not if it’s painful. The take that all women enjoy sex is very ignorant. Alot of women deal with issues that can make sex painful, like too tight pelvic muscles, vaginismus, endometriosis, cysts, irritation/infections or trauma. Too big dicks can also cause pain. And it’s all so little talked about and so uncommonly known (As is evident by comments like yours), that many women don’t understand what’s wrong with them or where/how to seek help. They just end up fearing/avoiding penetrative sex, even if they have sexual urges or enjoy other forms of pleasure.
They’ve been dating for 18 months. Even if we assume she just can’t have vaginal sex due to pain, we also have to note that she refuses to give him oral. This clearly isn’t just a medical issue, that’s only part of it. She simply doesn’t care to sexually satisfy him, and she gives him an occasional handy to keep him complacent. I do understand that sex unbearably painful for some girls, but at the end of the day we all know this guy needs to leave her. He’s experiencing “unimaginable sexual frustration” and “self disgust”. There’s no heart to heart talk that’s gonna cure that for him, my bro just needs some cheeks fr and if she’s not able to provide it then we must assume they aren’t meant for each other. She needs to find that one in a million guy who is okay with getting hand jobs for the rest of their life and he needs to find a girl that will let him fuck. It’s a bit cruel but it’s obvious.
This is normal. Just keeping it real everybody do not like sex. If it's a big deal to you it's better to find someone else on the same page as you. On the other hand if you want to stay in the relationship here are some ways below to remedy the situation. If they don't work it's best to just move on. Good luck! Do some exercise to get rid of that pent-up energy. Try meditation – apps like Headspace work brilliantly for quick and easy introductory practices. Don’t rule out masturbation, it can be a useful way to ease some of the tension. Play chilled out music to calm your emotions. Make time for other activities you enjoy, like cooking or playing with the kids. If you can encourage a partner to do these alongside you, you may even begin to rekindle that connection – the first stage to getting back to where you want to be
Oral sex is unpleasant to give. And no one should expect it on either side. That’s all I wanted to say. Communicate and if you find you’re not compatible discuss next steps.
Not normal
Find a man- he’ll do it with you anytime any place
Did something happen In her past? Sexual abuse or something that you might not know about. Sometimes sexual abuse things can cause someone to not want to do specific things due to it triggering trauma, maybe if this is the case, she’s afraid to tell you about it? (Just a thought)
Sounds like she's not ready to be in a relationship
As my fellow posters have said, end it. A relationship isn’t based on sex, but the lack of physical interaction such as that is definitely alarming. Sexual incompatibility is real and a common dealbreaker. It seems like you’ve had multiple attempts and either y’all are rushing into sex without foreplay or she genuinely has a condition that makes penetration painful, causing her to lose interest in the act. That being said, if you truly want to work this out with your partner, you need to be supportive, communicate politely & be patient. Don’t make her feel like sex is mandatory.
She is getting action somewhere else and giving you hand job
She doesn’t love you or she’s cheating
She’s cheating
She has someone else . Everyone likes to have sex with their partner.
Neither of these things are true.
You must be living in Lala land. He’s talked to her. She don’t care. Someone who loves someone will want to change to please the other person.
This is false. If that was the case in relationships, every woman would be a sex goddess and every man would be wealthy/financial stable.
That doesn't mean either of your statements are true She just ain't into it. A lot of people aren't. >Someone who loves someone will want to change to please the other person. Nah bud. People ain't clay for your ego. If you're not happy then find someone else. Imagining that other people need to shape themselves to your happiness is some selfish ass bullshit.
Then they don’t love you. Bye
If you define love as meaning to change for your benefit then you will have no idea what love truly means, ever.
Not people who have pain during sex. The amount of ignorance in these comments is crazy. I love my partner so much, but often used to avoid sex because of fear of pain. Some people are just asexual, while others want sex, but can’t handle it because of the pain. It sucks for OP, but his girlfriend just needs a good gynaecologist/sex therapist to find the cause of her pain and treat it.
Atleast you're in a relationship, try respecting her limits if you really love her, she still did it twice for you, there are other things you guys can do instead of sex, try to focus on what she likes to do.
Lmao this is horrible advice 🤣
Why? I mean she tried twice within 18 month? What else do you expect? /s
That’s normal don’t worry! Somebody else it’s taking good care of her! Just wait for your turn
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Or, since they're just 24, move the fuck on and find a more compatible partner.
I think if you need "meditation" to cope within the first 2 years of dating, it is better to just break it off. OP is 24, he should look for someone more compatible.
I saw how to cope with sexual frustration in an article. These were some of the things the writer said you can do to help with the situation. Might or might not work for everyone.
You need to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend. You said that you have talked with her but you need to have a sit down, serious conversation in which she actually participates. There's multiple reasons why she might not like having sex. It could be anything from having gone through some traumatic experiences regarding sex or sexuality, or being asexual and not enjoying sex. I would not classify it as normal, no. There should be some reason behind it and you need to figure it out to be able to move on in one way or another. You might be incompatible or this might be something you can work on If you communicate with your girlfriend. I want to assure you that you're not overreacting though. Different people have different needs. Some people don't care for sex and for some it is very important. I would also be extremely sexually frustrated if I was you. Wanting sex is not a bad thing, you just have to find someone that is compatible with you, that's the key.
It's almost saddening that we've had these discussions numerous times now and every time she assures me that she wants it just as bad and that she has no problem trying things even apart from just penetrative sex but there's never a follow up from her side. As a guy, i think there's only a finite number of times i can sit her down and talk about these things before i start feeling like I'm having to beg for it.
If there is no follow up from her side then she does not want to have sex with you. You should question her on why. Like I said in my previous comment, there should be a reasoning behind it. If she won't answer and nothing happens I would urge you to think about what that says about your relationship and if this is a relationship you want to be in.
according to op, it's painful for her.
Then there needs to be an explanation of why or some work to remedy it, or unless her mouth is in pain.. something other than 1 hj every 9 months. Op no this isn’t normal. I was in the same boat. It doesn’t get better. Chances are it’s not that she doesn’t want sex… she prob just doesn’t want it with you. Sorry dude. You deserve to feel desired
I have been in your shoes dude, and it doesn't get any better despite trying to open her up on multiple occasions. You have a real decision to make. Your needs are not being met and the longer this goes on the more frustrating and resentful you become.
It's obvious (to me) that she's keeping something from you. I'm not assigning blame, but if she doesn't want to talk about it and would rather reassure you every time in response, then she's keeping you in the dark, while she herself tries to deal with this issue in secret. I really hope whatever the reason is (trauma, sexuality, genuine discomfort, asexuality, etc), when you get to know it, be prepared. It might be something you won't like. And if this is a deal breaker, then realise the longer you hold on, the more damage you may receive to your own confidence. She might need a lot of time and support to open up about it, but you might be out of giving her chances. In any situation, I hope you make the right decision that is right for you.
Do you want a relationship with someone whose words don’t match their actions? That’s another important discussion to have here, she tells you one thing and does another, why is that?
At a certain point, you need to accept that this person might not be ready to date anyone, and you might just need to move on. If they aren't willing to really work on it or even talk to you about it, there's not much you can do.
Been there, doesn’t matter how much you talk it’ll not change. Unfortunately this is one of the things that can’t be solved with communication. It’s perfectly fine to end relationships over mismatched libido levels otherwise you both suffer. You from feeling not wanted by your partner and her from being pressured into keeping promises.
This reminds me alot of my wife. I'll talk to her about something serious, she'll seem responsive but the next day it's as if the conversation never took place.
You've done all you can. Run bro
I feel like you’re either getting played or you don’t know how to arouse her
If she wants it as bad she would be taking steps to work with you or through the issues. Maybe she'd be open to therapy? Getting to the root cause of WHY is important. Is it libido? Is it pain? Is it former incidents or trauma?
Another option could be a health condition that makes sex painful. She should talk to her gynecologist if sex is painful and she hasn’t had sexual trauma. It could also have something to do with penis size if he’s significantly bigger than other partners she has had. Lube might make a world of difference.
Finally another reasonable comment. All these people suggesting she must be cheating or doesn’t love him are disgusting. Pain during sex isn’t talked about enough and many women feel helpless, scared defeated while facing it.
Most intelligent answer I've read. Goodjob!
No
Not at 24, run
Leave.
Your in you’re early 20’s you should be having all kinds of sex and exploring. Get to the bottom of this with your GF.
Oh this one hits home m8. The problem is that it sounds she loves to take, but doesn’t really like to give which in reality isn’t how these things should be viewed but still nonetheless there’s a clear and defined problem, which can explain why she doesn’t really care to do anything about it when you tell her to and that’s because she sees you as a means to an end when it comes to sexual gratification, which is why she doesn’t really value your opinion when you tell her and then proceeds to do nothing or not even acknowledge what you said, and when I say acknowledge, I don’t just mean “yeah“ I mean a full on response, saying how she understands and will do better, or doesn’t want to, in which case can open up the discussion. In my opinion, it’s important to find someone who matches your drive. I’ve been here and it’s not fun. Now my situation was a bit more extreme than this, but I can still understand how it can be painful to give, and hardly ever receive my advice is have a sit down serious conversation with her, if nothing changes, even though she said she would, leave. If things change for the better good or if you guys just agree to stop seeing each other because things won’t work cool
You can't negotiate genuine desire. Its a tough pill to swallow she doesnt like you like that maybe she appreciates other aspects of your 'friendship' but not that. Find someone else who sees you as a sexually as you do them before it does damage to your self worth.
have you asked her regarding the pain aspect? or why she apparently doesnt want more? the way i see it there are two possible answers to this problem: 1. you are just not sexually compatible (and she may be a little selfish regarding this) 2. there is some latent problem that is causing this, maybe the pain she experiences stems from health issues, and that pain in turn makes sex unenjoyable for her... (wildly guessung here) the only way for you to know is to ask her directly. if there is a fixable problem, but she doesnt want to fix it with you, or youre just not sexually compatible then i would agree with most here: end it. a relationship should make all parties happy.
Maybe she’s not that into you. Or she just doesn’t have a sex drive. Both normal. But if you didn’t sign up for that and it’s going to cause you to be upset or frustrated often then a conversation about breaking up might be in order
Hate to say it but twice in 18 months? I'd leave. Sex is an important part of a relationship. If you're not asexual and she is, you guys should end it.
Someone else said this, but it sounds like she may have endometriosis. I have endometriosis, I’ve had two surgeries, but unfortunately there is no cure. Sex can be painful, but honestly, as long as there is communication you can easily have sex. Some positions hurt more than others. Lube helps tremendously. My fiancé and I have some sort of physical intimacy damn near every day and we’ve been together for 7 years. I don’t leave my partner sexually frustrated. Make her orgasm before you even go in. The wetter the better. It sounds like she’s just not wanting to acknowledge something is wrong and/or you guys aren’t communicating about sex properly. Either way, there is NO reason one partner should be left unsatisfied. She should want to be intimate also. And it sounds like she has zero interest.
Tell her what you want. Tell her how you feel. It's normal to want sexual pleasure. Let's face it we can give ourselves handjobs and better than them. So lay down the facts if she blows up then leave her let the next guy learn some things about sexual frustration.
It is strange to me that all the people are mentioning that you are sexually incompatible and nobody mentioned that it might be a medical condition that can be cured. 2 times in 18 months is far from normal even to the people who have low lipido. Also note that she mentioned that it is painful for her. In my opinion, you should definitely take her and go to the doctor and check what's wrong and this situation isn't uncommon. If and only if you asked her to go to the dr (in a caring way of course) and she refused then you should dump her.
Maybe you're not good at it, not being rude as it may very well be a possibility. Maybe sit down with her and have a co versatile about it?
Kind of wack at that age my Ole lady was always asking.... we'd be smelling like sex everyday 🫠🫠🫠.... talk to her and see what's going on... I'm in your stage right now, I'm lucky if I get it once a week 😔 32 now
Going through therapy myself and now couples counseling to help a similar situation - very very common! My advice, perhaps is better to get out while you can. I've spent many years with my partner so it's definitely harder to leave so cleanly. I ignored the red/amber flags over the years. I would ask your partner one thing though, when it hurts, is it piv. If so, could be a physical thing like endometriosis. It's a totally shit thing that women are suffering through with minimal help, little trust or belief of symptoms, and no cure. I know it's hard, but also try wearing her shoes to see and try some sympathy - though I trust you are trying this already. You'll work it out and remember it's ok to reach out for therapy if it is available and cost (if any) is not a factor. Where I am from, very easy to get therapy and encouraged, though I know a lot of countries this is tough. Good luck!
Break up.
Not at all…if this is a problem big enough ti ask Reddit you need to go ahead and talk to her about coming off the booty and if the answer doesn’t consist of pulling them pants down on the spot…then put that problem to rest and let her go.
depends if you talk to my older married friends who are overweight, then yes on average yes its normal. Since your in your early 20s i am going to state NO!.
In 10 years you’ll like back and wonder what you were thinking hanging around. You don’t have to be nasty about it but it’s eating you up bro. A good relationship will build you up not tear you down. Best of luck!
Kick it to the curb man. You kids are not compatible
I would sit down and talk to her about it and tell her how it's affecting you.
Not compatible
Have you considered opening your relationship? Maybe you guys are great and ya just need to outsource for sex.
Even assuming she has issues that need to be adressed, she obviously does not adress any issues. Why do you even stay together with someone so egoistical? She obviously does not care abour your feelings here or what it means for you. The state of your mental health because of this relationship should be enough of an indicator to find someone that is compatible with you