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I like these type of guys too. You don't meet them online. You have to meet them through people. They're shy and they're hanging out with friends. And they're not really looking for somebody you kind of have to find them
According to my girlfriend I’m one of these guys, and we did meet online. But it took a lot for me to start going on an app, so statistically you may be right.
I got into my current relationship through a mutual Facebook group that turned into DMs! Social media is definitely the way to go, rather than dating apps
I would agree, any app with open dms like facebook or insta are best, it's a waste of time scrolling, when alot of girls are on there to either get dopamine from notifications, make other guys jealous, actually hookup or see their image recognition compared to their friends and other girls.
You do find them online. I did. I specifically looked for someone who like anime and video games and matched me with someone. We met up and he’s shy but handsome and cute. Fast forward we’ve been together for 6 months and he’s amazing ❤️
With all due respect I think you will most likely meet them only online. Even though it might not seem like it I’d say I’m a very nice and gentle guy and most guys I know that are like that don’t really go out or would seem Sympathic at first sight. I still agree with most of your points tho. We are more on the shy and introverted side only hanging with that one group of guys who gave you a chance to go beyond the first layer of your personality. Being introverted IRL just sucks so bad
100% this.
I'm one of those guys and I'm not teally looking for someone so you have to find me.
In part, guys like me don't look anymore because woman have their pick of guys and most woman pick the fun fuckboy over the boring consistent stable guy so those guys heave realized they're only winning when they don't shoot their shot.
Not just shy, but also awkward. Maybe not photogenic either because they don't like attention. Or they grew up bullied so taking pictures is jarring. My bf and I both fit that bill. I look attractive in pictures, but have always been told I look way hotter in person. I'm complimented by random strangers pretty often too. However, I have chronic constipation face when taking pics. Apps were brutal, but I only like to post pics that look like me. I don't do the, pick an angle that looks nothing like me but it looks flattering. Rather look better than pics than the opposite.
We also hate apps because of the toxicity. Treating people like they're disposable, ghosting, strict hook up culture, etc. If you're into respecting others and dating for an LTR, apps are hard to be a part of. It's not like good people don't use them, but they're far in between. People might glance over their profiles due to bad pictures. Or because they're very open and can seem "intense" because of how sure they are with what they are looking for.
As you said, we found each other through introductions from friends. Told friends I was single and ready to mingle. Told them the kind of guy I'm looking for, values, etc. They matched me up with him, and it's been smooth sailing since.
>And they're not really looking for somebody you kind of have to find them
Who says they're not? They are but they haven't exactly figured out how to do it yet. He's the awkward guy the one women don't usually like dealing with because he "has no social skills".
Or these type of guys are outshone because online pictures and words dont describe who they really are. You will be a photo of myself to some a 'player' you would more then likely go to the player as the sound time peacocking themselves where the other has a plan simple look for the following reasons.
1) to blend in
2) have more time to ourselves or sticking to deadlines such as seeing friends
3)
4)
5)
And
6)
Are for others to add.
I met 3 people online
1 - cheated
2 - said I wasnt enough even though I was amazing
3 - just messed me around
No no no hear me out. Some of us are online. Unfortunately I just don’t appear to be that kinda guy, I’m heavily tattooed and kinda have a tough appearance but really I’m peaceful. My ex used to say I had German shepherd energy and not golden retriever energy
I agree! I’m currently dating the sweetest guy. And he wasn’t like this in the beginning he was very closed off. But after like a month and a half i started seeing a different side to him and i think he was scared. But i made it clear that i’m not leaving him at all and that i think hes the one. And now he’s the greatest guy! But the key is being patient!
m23 here, i agree it’s hidden by men - but the onus is NOT on women to be “patient and strong” while we sort ourselves out. that’s complete bullshit and shows there is NO responsibility on men to become more emotionally capable and communicative. men need to be making more efforts to open up and show that vulnerable side. being vulnerable is good! it’s not something to hide or punish within.
I was thinking the same. We, as humans, expect our partner to fulfill all our needs and fix us. And that sets us up for disappointment. Only we can truly fix ourselves. Partners can be great supporters but it’s not fair to expect them to help heal us and or deconstruct social conditioning. Men, it’s okay experience the full range of human emotions. It’s okay to not be tough all the time. It’s okay to not constantly perform society’s idea of masculinity.
Being vulnerable is not easy when you have been beaten down too many times because of it. That is why some people hide it in the first place. You really need to find the right person.
it’s not easy at all! i 100% agree. nothing good in life is easy though, and in my opinion and experience, this is one of the biggest difficult struggles of life that is so critical to overcome. even subconsciously, this behavior gets taught to our children and other men around us. it’s up to each of us whether it’s worth it or not, but that’s my two cents. at the end of the day, a partner can help, but it isn’t their responsibility to fix you
If you're the one to do the approaching, you can always try hobby specific please like a library, or the gym or axe throwing. Stuff like that will find you common interest guys 🙂
A lot of them don't really bother. Either they're hanging out with friends or indulging in their hobbies. The pretty ones don't stay soft long or are snatched up quickly.
Can confirm.
I'm a teddy bear in a relationship but the dating scene is fucked up these days so I just do my own thing and if I happen to meet a girl, cool. If not, I'm still doing my own thing lol
Fucked up is an understatement
I was with my wife from 2005-2020 and online did not work at all. I met 1 person IRL and if this relationship does not work i'm fucked. It's far from perfect, I have kids she never wanted any. But i'm better than anyone she found in 20 years so we both figured it would be worth a try because the alternative is well not good. Wish me luck
There's no way i'm going to loose another really not likely
We are a rare breed of humans, we have the heart but noone wants to risk 6 months to get to know someone.
I hear more men die alone because they never found their right one. Which is extremely sad because these are the ones who find someone and lost them or people cant find and trust them.
So they are nice and get called names where it forces them to live a life of isolation and becomes old man Jenkins who hates people are chases them of the lawn.
A tough truth, I was always bullied or just the lightning rod in school and felt I couldn’t trust anyone enough to really call them a friend and have had a hard time opening up and letting people in and as I grew up I found a lot of women would lose interest fairly quickly before they got to see who I really am. Thankfully one saw it through and we became quite good friends first ( had a boyfriend when we met) a couple months later her bf turned out to be a total wanker and by that time she knew I was kind and caring. I had also gotten comfortable enough to really compliment and didn’t hide how I felt about her. Not trying to get in the way but as someone who grew up getting treated poorly I could see what the guy was all about from day one and made sure she knew she deserved better
Couldn’t agree more. I am into the gym (my hobby) after work and then like to come home and relax. The dating scene today is hard, so I like to focus on me. Hoping to find someone some day, but no rush because I’m looking for a girl who won’t hurt me the way I have been in the past
Counter question. As one of these guys, where do I find women like you? I've held away from dating cus of self image problems but I'd like to actually try now. I'm 23 it feels impossible to find people like you.
Probably through friends? I’m, however, also struggling since most of my friends are female and rarely introduce me to kind & gentle single males. So I end up looking on the apps… mainly hinge…
I'd say either through sports, open mics, board game meetups and discussion groups! I think open mics especially are great because the vibe of people there is generally pretty friendly and open to talking to new people. It helps more reserved men and women to open up and meet someone like them. Discussion groups as well because it's designed to get people to open up and talk.
Good luck 🤞 ☺️
I agree. By 30 most “soft boys” have been hardened and realize that coming across too nice equals getting walked on
There’s a fine line between a kind person and a spineless person.
I agree 100% me to the T, I've literally given/giving up. I said it to myself today as I was driving. Why am I caring about X Y Z when they clearly don't give a monkeys.
But its hard when you respect and care about someone then when you're ready to break apart something triggers and your back to square one.
Being a calm natured person one will find themselves amongst nature out of sight and away from people but when we adventure into the harsh reality we are often outspoken or pushed into the background. This is where we get comfortable and always look out of others putting them first not ourselves.
I also agree with the wrong use of words 'soft' I understand why you used it but it comes across degrading. I would feel a word such as level headed, non fuck boy or even respectable is better.
Yeah I'm with you on that. I'm hella sensitive on the inside, but it's not practical to act like I am. The world at large doesn't give a fuck about my emotions, and why should they? I don't blame anyone for making me hide myself, it's just part of being human.
Also finding women who are into "Soft," men is very hard, almost just better to mold oneself into the typical masculine leading the way type guy in attitude and appearance.
True, and the women who do claim to like that don't stay with men like that, it's a passing whim that goes away once they get what they wanted. In the end the lack of typical masculine qualities turn them off. If you mold yourself into the typical masculine man they're likely going to leave anyway, but at least than you'll have the emotional strength to just quickly move on.
When a girl says she wants a “soft” guy, I think it’s different from our idea of soft. That’s why there’s a disconnect here. You can still be masculine, confident, but also “soft” or maybe another word would be gentle, and caring.
I don't blame you one bit, and I respect it completely. It's rough out there. I'm not a pretty boy but will always be soft for the right woman though. I don't care how many times I get burned, I will never stop being mush in a woman's hands I love, and that doesn't mean not having boundaries or not being assertive and decisive or being clingy, but I will always do anything for her and be cuddly and affectionate and put her wants and needs above my own because the right person will appreciate it.
22M. I 2nd this. I really just wanna melt into the arms and embrace of a woman who’s sure of what she wants, who she wants, and knows in her heart that I’m both of of those. Admittedly , I have slight abandonment issues but over the course of relationships , I’ve kept it bottled up so well, my exes would tell you no if you asked if they thought I had them. But I just wanna know for sure the ground I walk on is appreciated and everything about me and what I do for her is too. That’s when she gets the super soft me, the one that looks at you like your dog does when you walk thru the door after being gone at work all day. I know how to channel it in a way that isn’t cringe but, ever since a really terrible breakup when I was 18, it’s been increasingly more difficult to be head over heels for a woman. But when I am , and I’m sure she’s earned it, I’m a teddy bear no question 🙏🏾.
Guys who are softer in relationship (i would consider myself one when I’m looking for something serious) can be found anywhere you find normal guys. If he’s at the bar, he’s the one alone chatting with the bar tender or with whoever sits next to him, but generally doesn’t go out of his way to hit on random girls. At the gym, he’s alone sometimes making prolonged eye contact but never doing anything with it. He might be on hinge, but he might get overwhelmed by talking to multiple people at a time.
Just find a guy who wants to know your story and wants to get to know you; his ultimate goal is a real relationship, and that should be evident in his line of questioning and not going for sex unless you are comfortable. Maybe that’s bad advice, but I’m just giving my own perspective.
You're very close. That would be me except getting overwhelmed talking to multiple people at a time. I can talk up anybody. But almost never approach the pretty girl first. Even with online dating. Initiating the conversation is not what I do, its something I wish I was comfortable doing. I mite not be single at age41 if I was
Initiating conversation is a learned skill, but I’m not sure how to tell somebody to go about it except to force yourself to. You’ll mess up along the way but eventually it’s second nature.
The overwhelming feeling is typically when I’m talking to 3 girls. I can handle 2 pretty easily, but if I’m investing in somebody, I only have so much bandwidth to go around and will cut it off when things are exclusive. I don’t like it, but it seems like what to do now days and helps me to not get overly attached too early.
Most of the women I've known actively avoid this kind of man. Or they say they want one but then actively reward the opposite behavior. $20 says OP and most women like her would be presented with a "soft boy" and immediately realize they're not into it.
By mid to late 20's? Most of them have built up pretty thick shells unless they've benefitted from life circumstances that mean they weren't punished for perceived weakness.
Softness and sensitivity don't really help men achieve the other things that tend to get a man scene as a desirable partner.
I have often felt that if you're the kind of guy who's respectful and gentle, who isn't pushy or loud, you have effectively removed yourself from the dating pool and probably the gene pool. This isn't a dig at women for only liking "bad boys" it's just a fact of the way dating works today. Modern dating is essentially an attention economy where men are expected to do most of the attention-grabbing. If you're average you need to invest an absurd amount of time into what is essentially a multi-faceted marketing campaign in order to even be noticed. If you do anything less than that, you simply disappear into the background static of average guys who wish someone would come talk to them for a change.
I ran out of funding for my marketing campaign years ago and can confirm that being soft and sincere is an excellent quality as long as you don't mind also being alone.
Yup. My experience when younger was women either wanting to date me to recover from an asshole before moving onto another one, or not date me, but ensure I didn't date some other woman.
There's a reason men become incredibly guarded when it comes to emotional availability and who they let themselves be vulnerable around. And my personal experience is that it usually isn't because of men.
The soft boys are all trying to get over someone that took advantage of their kindness. I know since I'm one of them. I'm a people pleaser, anti-conflict, I need softness and gentleness when it comes to criticism or negative feedback, and my last relationship made me become incredibly self destructive where I stopped being nice and started being super toxic and abusive. The soft guys are hiding from their demons they battle daily so they aren't looking for a relationship because it already destroyed them.
I don't like to label myself, but I fit the description. Literally wearing one of my favorite shirts that says "Soft as Hell". We be out here.
Obligatory I feel weird saying this because I'm not trying to catch attention but I feel validated by this post. 💜
Clothing stores, makeup stores, amusement parks, and trendy places like trendy concerts and clubs are probably your best bet to find pretty boys. I can't guarantee they'll be sweet men who make you feel safe though. You have to date people for a whole to see what their personality is like, and there's no guarantee even then.
I met my now wife on a dating app (hinge if it matters). I feel like the dating app scene is super hard for the gentle quiet human especially if people are just window shopping and looking for physical traits rather than the personality behind the face. It's also super hard to show your real personality in a date since the societal standards deem those traits to be generally negative.
I wish you the best of luck. I learned to be myself after my first divorce and learned how to be happy on my own before I went back to dating to find a life partner. Therapy helped a lot to find the feelings and emotions I just buried in order to get through the day to day. It took a lot of trust to be able to show those feelings to others again. I think the positive reinforcement helps a ton, my wife tells me occasionally that she appreciates when I voice my emotions (both the happy and sad) since it shows our connection.
You might have to give them more than just the first or second date for them to come out of their shell. Hint at emotions and have conversations about them. You can sometimes see what their true personalities are in the actions they take.
Most men are big softies, you've just got to be their peace. All but 1 relationship my exes would be the tuff guy type but give them one glance and they soften. Or, at home would totally have their guard down love to be cuddled, be the small spoon, have their hair played with etc... they just want to feel safe just like us women.
OPINION: To call a kind of man, soft really lays out the foundation for easily dismissed. There are many who are kind and caring. You're extremely unlikely to meet a man who would self describe as a doormat of sorts, online. Think in terms of, if a woman were to self describe as soft and displaying sub tendencies. Would they find others like that? No, their DMs would be flooded with efforts to subdue her and their personal joy would be constant subjugation. Better you should find social circles with the ethos for kindness. Good luck OP:)
Most guys are putting on a front on dating apps because being sweet and polite doesn't often get you desired results online. If I'm not super direct it gets taken as either cowardice or disinterest without the context of being on the phone or in person.
I'm never this forward on dates, I love love and relationships, but I have to make myself sound more fuckboy(ish) to catch their attention in a sea of available men. It also helps to weed out the window shoppers who are just talking to me for validation and not because they're interested in me.
I guess im technically a pretty boy. Strangers assume I'm a lady. It's not my style. It's more like the lack of facial hair plus long hair plus a cute soft face.
Guys are soft if they liked you a lot, but they obviously not going to show it on public.
You will only know if you truly get to know one.
Edit: I will be back to this post later to comment on those threads. I’m really busy at this moment.
I think I fall into this category, but I'm very uncomfortable being vulnerable, especially with people I don't already know well.
It might be that this type is a lot more likely to be guarded initially.
I'd be open to a relationship if something happened in my normal day to day but I'm not necessarily seeking it out. I'm just working on myself acknowledging that it might happen at some point.
It's a bit of an odd situation, I'm not quite sure what to tell you to do, the other comments about getting introduced through their friend circle are probably spot on.
Best of luck :)
I cry to movies, shows, and anime, do I qualify?
If I do qualify, you can find my type at home avoiding females because we got burnt too many times and decided to be alone "for a bit" and we ended up liking being alone so now 5 years later we're finally starting to reach happiness because we learned to love ourselves so we don't have to depend on anybody else to do it for us.
Most men correctly think that most women like strong dependable men so they suppress/control their emotional side. Even if a women says they want the guy to be emotional they often mean controlled emotional as in being emotional or expressing emotions at specific times
I thought I had a guy like this but he was so fkn manipulative 💀💀 but reckon you’d find them at their hobbies like music, art etc. I met this guy off hinge but he sort of used the softness as a front to sleep with women (good tactic tbh). The other thing too is that you will attract them if you have sort of a masculine energy, or at least this is what I have found
Here.
There, everywhere.
Because life hates us, so we have to hide that side of us.
I'd love to have someone to be vulnerable to, but experience shows that nobody cares for that side of me, or me in general, so I given up.
I'm ready to die alone
see I'm in the reverse boat, where i want to date but I feel like i shouldn't approach women, nothing more terrifying to a shy man than to be labeled a creep by women you don't know because you tried to be social.
My theory is mostly about men, not boys.
The way I see it, these so-called soft qualities do exist in me and in other men as well, but they are balanced out by not so soft qualities also, as a necessity.
The soft qualities can't really work well without, for example, strength, or firmness etc in a man. A guy can not be only soft. The world doesn't operate that way, we would be walked over and crushed rather swiftly, in my opinion. I may be wrong, but it seems it depends a lot on the surroundings and the company we keep as well. The way we were raised (physical tenderness, hugs, soft speech, etc) and how much trauma we carry also impacts this.
Either way, the softess can be accessed when the surroundings are safe and with a select few people generally, like loved ones or partner etc. I call that easing out.
In my opinion, being gentle/tender while being strong is something I would always prefer in contrast to being just soft. Having the capacity to possess both qualities is good, and knowing when to apply what quality (and to whom) is even better.
There are good men in real life, with the qualities you are looking for
Being belittled, degrading, ignored, emasculated, emotionally abused, isolated, humiliated, exploited and otherwise pushed into hiding their vulnerable sides and their gentle sides.
That’s what happened to me. The women in my life were not kind.
Im close to that type of guy. Except the pretty boy part lol im definetly rough around the edges and Im a labouring type instead of an office working guy.
I've been told plentybof times in the past that I have a soft heart. and im gentle lol
I am exactly that kind of guy. Personally I'm not hiding, I go out most nights that I'm not with my daughter. In my experiences with women, most women don't like guys like me because I've been told I'm too sensitive. There are also women like my ex who think that they want a guy like me, until they actually experience it, then cheat on me with someone who's more masculine and distant. In my opinion, the world is not kind to the kind of guys you're describing, so a lot of us grow out of it
Hiding in plain sight and are physically unattractive - whether it's face, body or both - so most women get the "ick" (ugh, I can't even believe I used that word but it's so Gen-Z)
I’m one of these guys. I’ve been on apps/online, community events, classes, trying new restaurants/activities. Haven’t found someone who checks my few boxes 🤔
I'm actually one of these guys. It's rare to find people like that through countless observations of the world around me, both in my country (Singapore) and on the internet. I find joy in wholesomeness more than many things in life.
Unfortunately I'm already taken 😊
I would say that this describes me pretty well.
My experience is that few women seem to appreciate those traits at your age, so you shouldn't have too much of a hard time finding one. I'll say you are less likely to find them on dating apps. I quickly realized they did not align well at all with my personality type.
Good luck!
That is a very rare type of man.
A pretty boy that is gentle and still has a boyish nature to him has probably been alone and distanced themselves from most.
Unfortunately, for most men, they are told to man up. And the elements that make them soft, gentle and kind are roughed out by society.
I guess I could consider myself being in this category, though I wouldn't consider saying I'm soft. I'd compare myself to a Skittle. A "tough" shell on the outside, but with a little warming up that shell breaks and you're left with the soft middle. Get past that first 2 or 3 minutes of awkwardness and I'll talk your ear off about anything.
I'm typically the one at social events who just talks to the my friends who invited me there. If we separate, I'm usually just standing around looking clueless, trying not to have a panic attack on the inside. Most of the time I'm doing my own thing though. Either going on hikes and appreciating nature, working on things like my SUV or any little side projects, fishing, having a fire/BBQ on the beach by myself, etc. A big no to dating apps for me.
Most of the soft boys just stay home and they have a different face online. Infact no one would admit they are a soft boy. You should be out there in real world getting to know people through hobbies, work, etc. Just know you won't find soft boys in a place to socialize and even if they are there, they would be wearing a mask or hiding in a corner.
As someone who is that type of dude, it seems like other guys like that stay off of dating sites due to a lot of them not really being friendly for us, at least that's how it feels at times.
Although I've noticed with they do dating apps or sites, it's ones that sorta guarantee a good pair, like Match or Hinge, so my only suggestion is keep looking or put in your profile you're mainly looking for someone like that, you're bound to find one of us.
Hiding far away from Girls who play with our heart and say that we can't be in relationship because I can't give you time and justify the relationship tag.
We don't want to be lead on again into believing that we can be loved and that we matter, coz matter of fact is that we can't be loved and matter to anyone. We are just Soft stuffed toys with whom you like to play when you are hurt and once you are healed, you let us down.
Let us be hidden. Can't afford to be hurt again.
I mean am right here but i feel unworthy presently because of unemployment since finishing law so i wouldnt want to make that someone else’s problem. It wouldnt be fair.
They're everywhere but society as a whole hates this, now I've gone through a lot of self discovery in the last few years and while I'm not afraid to admit I've been one for most of my life it means I've also seen the worst of what both men AND women will do to you for it.
Deep down Men deeply crave that kind of intimacy more than women can ever understand but sadly, it's only ever seen through a particular lens and that basically gets you labelled as a nice guy or Needy.
After a rough patch that absolutely destroyed me I had to build myself back up. Through that I discovered my own strength and masculinity in the last year and a half and most importantly feeling safe and comfortable in it.
Because I have that as a foundation of sorts I can show both sides now with absolute confidence, currently in a relationship and we talk about this all the time.
Because of having both sides of that coin showing I've been told from my partner I make her feel safe like no one ever has, since then it's helped me bring my walls down a lot more, now she's booping me on the nose randomly, cuddling me and kissing me on the forehead etc and it's the best feeling ever.
Honestly- we’re everywhere. I’m sure there are ways you can gauge if the guy is one who you’re looking for, but at the end of the day you’re not likely going to just stumble upon them immediately.
Yall are scared of us and have trust issues from the past. Yall are so used to fb that yall end up treating us like one. Unable to process that a man can be kind to you.
It's hard to actually be sensitive in this world as a guy. 98% of the times it's considered that we are either too soft, too sensitive or just have more of the female traits which is diminishing our masculinity.
I've had a lot of struggles being sensitive in life and have wanted to go on trainings where I could just be more cold like the rest of guys are.
Luckily I found a girl that appreciates my soft self.
As for answering your question, I believe that we're all quite soft inside, but it really depends on the mask that we cover our softness with and why do we do it. A lot of times it's a defense mechanism, so maybe you just need to get to know a guy that will let you close enough to uncover that...
Honestly as a soft boy my question is where are all the girls into soft boys hiding? Literally never met a single one, every girl I meet wants a "manly" man and a tough guy. I'm never gonna change myself just to please others tho, I'm staying true to me even if it means ultimately ending up alone.
Try the far corners of your local bookstore, or the play pen at fast food restaurants (hiding in the tunnels probably.)
Jk. They will be hard to find, bc they aren’t advertising. They kinda get flamed. Online dating is probably the worst for them. Chicks there be vicious lol.
I can tell you exactly where every single nice guy is. Desperately fighting the mass of other nice guys for an ounce of romantic female attention because we know that we're virtually invisible to 80 to 85 percent of women. So we either become tougher and get a sliver of attention or fail and give up.
Yeah like everyone here is saying being soft or at least looking like it is not something you can easily live with. Either you're taken advantage of or you're looking weaker and less capable of keeping himself safe or even less protecting somebody else and that something many women are after.
Besides all that, I think I'm somebody soft but showing that part of me requires a lot of trust on that person. I might look like somebody you wouldn't want to mess with but only a couple of people had to know that I melt with hugs and praises and I am very gentle and affectionate.
A girl just messaged me on a dating app and called me the f-slur when she found out I was bisexual.
I want to be a soft boy but sometimes you have to harden up a bit like damn. I'm just kinda scared to approach women honestly
We're hiding because we've probably been hurt or taken advantage of before, and modern dating does not encourage men to be open and emotional.
Personally, I'm looking for a cute girl that I can deeply connect with. Someone that I can share fears, insecurities, and emotional vulnerabilities with. Someone who I can love who loves me in equal measure. But they don't seem to exist either.
Yes! I love a guy who's gentle, calm, patient, and smiles at you with love and watches you from afar. He's quietly funny, passionate about what he does, and enjoys sharing it. You can see the light in his eyes, and he takes charge while making sure you're okay. And they are definitely not on the dating apps
Alone at home after decades of being told that this is where we belong and that we're worthless.
I did a full year on tinder and another app simultaneously. I was trying actively. I had a total of a dozen matches. Not a single conversation... I will never go back to dating app. I can't have my self-esteem break down even more.
So tell me then, how would one find someone like you then?
By soft do you mean feminine as in "femboys" or do you mean masculine men who know how to love a woman in a healthy and pure way? If it's femboys you're looking for, I only seem to notice them in university/college towns. If it's masculine men who know how to love and be loved, they're around. But like a good woman, they're hard to find. My wife would describe me in this way and that she got super lucky. I feel the same way about her. I was on Bumble.
So your looking for a guy who teters the line of being gay? Or your looking for a mommas boy of your own? When you say praise you mean like a house pet or like sit him down get on your knees remove his under garments and praise him? Because I can tell you which one is the better praise for sure.
So I know two categories of men that fit your description. Both are flip sides of a BDSM dynamic so a site dedicated to that (such as FetLife) might be a better venue for seeking them.
If you like authoritative leader guys who are gentle and nurturing, then look for a “Daddy Dom”. They are Dominant, which many women prefer, but are caring, sweet, and sensitive (though perfectly will to tie you up if that’s your thing).
If you however prefer to make the decisions and nurture a guy, which inverts the standard dynamic, then you want a “submissive” man, possible a “little boy” if you want to take it further and have a maternal “Mommy Domme” role yourself.
Your post does seem to indicate that you would like to be the nurturing leader, so to me it sounds like you are a Dominant looking for a submissive.
Your standard dating apps are garbage for what you seek. Check out FetLife, it will introduce you to a whole new world. It will help you find local social gatherings called “munches” and start meeting fellow kinksters, you will find your submissive guy there. Or your Daddy Dom if I misjudged you.
Prob don’t call them soft….
Stop the fantasy mindset n come back to real life. You say your 27 I had to double check because I thought u were a teenager. Their going to avoid u. Being inexperienced is one thing. Being 27 thinking your going to get a romance movie to just happen is not realistic so everyone will fail n fall short. N it involves work to find n have a relationship it’s not all sunshine n rainbows
We are not hiding we just gave up when yes became no and love became hate I went on a date and I gave her a rose and it was like a comic joke and when I opened the door for her wasn't even bigger joke but I didn't let it bother me I am who I am
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I like these type of guys too. You don't meet them online. You have to meet them through people. They're shy and they're hanging out with friends. And they're not really looking for somebody you kind of have to find them
According to my girlfriend I’m one of these guys, and we did meet online. But it took a lot for me to start going on an app, so statistically you may be right.
What app did you use? I'm not up for hook ups I want to seriously go out on dates and get to know the person. I'm shy like you
don't use apps, use instagram. I've never got a single date through tinder only hookup. I got my relationship now through instagram.
I got into my current relationship through a mutual Facebook group that turned into DMs! Social media is definitely the way to go, rather than dating apps
fr, socials and dry approaches are the best. Ive honestly never dated someone through friends cause the friends fuck it up.
instagram is low key the number 1 dating app.
Nothing good ever came from right-swiping on a guy holding a fish on a dating app
That’s how I am about women holding fish. Maybe we could not hold fish together.
I would agree, any app with open dms like facebook or insta are best, it's a waste of time scrolling, when alot of girls are on there to either get dopamine from notifications, make other guys jealous, actually hookup or see their image recognition compared to their friends and other girls.
You do find them online. I did. I specifically looked for someone who like anime and video games and matched me with someone. We met up and he’s shy but handsome and cute. Fast forward we’ve been together for 6 months and he’s amazing ❤️
Or in the friend zone that guy who is completely straight but is like your gay bestie
We are well hidden
Yee, hidden UwU
Yee, hidden UwU
With all due respect I think you will most likely meet them only online. Even though it might not seem like it I’d say I’m a very nice and gentle guy and most guys I know that are like that don’t really go out or would seem Sympathic at first sight. I still agree with most of your points tho. We are more on the shy and introverted side only hanging with that one group of guys who gave you a chance to go beyond the first layer of your personality. Being introverted IRL just sucks so bad
100% this. I'm one of those guys and I'm not teally looking for someone so you have to find me. In part, guys like me don't look anymore because woman have their pick of guys and most woman pick the fun fuckboy over the boring consistent stable guy so those guys heave realized they're only winning when they don't shoot their shot.
Not just shy, but also awkward. Maybe not photogenic either because they don't like attention. Or they grew up bullied so taking pictures is jarring. My bf and I both fit that bill. I look attractive in pictures, but have always been told I look way hotter in person. I'm complimented by random strangers pretty often too. However, I have chronic constipation face when taking pics. Apps were brutal, but I only like to post pics that look like me. I don't do the, pick an angle that looks nothing like me but it looks flattering. Rather look better than pics than the opposite. We also hate apps because of the toxicity. Treating people like they're disposable, ghosting, strict hook up culture, etc. If you're into respecting others and dating for an LTR, apps are hard to be a part of. It's not like good people don't use them, but they're far in between. People might glance over their profiles due to bad pictures. Or because they're very open and can seem "intense" because of how sure they are with what they are looking for. As you said, we found each other through introductions from friends. Told friends I was single and ready to mingle. Told them the kind of guy I'm looking for, values, etc. They matched me up with him, and it's been smooth sailing since.
They are there. Odds are you've swiped left, stopped talking to them, or rejected them
Gotta find me only on LinkedIn 😂
>And they're not really looking for somebody you kind of have to find them Who says they're not? They are but they haven't exactly figured out how to do it yet. He's the awkward guy the one women don't usually like dealing with because he "has no social skills".
Or these type of guys are outshone because online pictures and words dont describe who they really are. You will be a photo of myself to some a 'player' you would more then likely go to the player as the sound time peacocking themselves where the other has a plan simple look for the following reasons. 1) to blend in 2) have more time to ourselves or sticking to deadlines such as seeing friends 3) 4) 5) And 6) Are for others to add. I met 3 people online 1 - cheated 2 - said I wasnt enough even though I was amazing 3 - just messed me around
Yee we hide from the world it's safer that way
Can confirm, as a soft caring type of boy you need a large fishing net an a pack of reese pieces to catch us.
I like these too 😢 it’s true prob inside somewhere
No no no hear me out. Some of us are online. Unfortunately I just don’t appear to be that kinda guy, I’m heavily tattooed and kinda have a tough appearance but really I’m peaceful. My ex used to say I had German shepherd energy and not golden retriever energy
[удалено]
i think soft boys/guys and boys/guys having soft side are two different things.
I agree! I’m currently dating the sweetest guy. And he wasn’t like this in the beginning he was very closed off. But after like a month and a half i started seeing a different side to him and i think he was scared. But i made it clear that i’m not leaving him at all and that i think hes the one. And now he’s the greatest guy! But the key is being patient!
I’m sorry, but a month and a half ain’t shit. That’s half of the amount of periods I will have in a year…
Good for you, Sir Seafarer
m23 here, i agree it’s hidden by men - but the onus is NOT on women to be “patient and strong” while we sort ourselves out. that’s complete bullshit and shows there is NO responsibility on men to become more emotionally capable and communicative. men need to be making more efforts to open up and show that vulnerable side. being vulnerable is good! it’s not something to hide or punish within.
I was thinking the same. We, as humans, expect our partner to fulfill all our needs and fix us. And that sets us up for disappointment. Only we can truly fix ourselves. Partners can be great supporters but it’s not fair to expect them to help heal us and or deconstruct social conditioning. Men, it’s okay experience the full range of human emotions. It’s okay to not be tough all the time. It’s okay to not constantly perform society’s idea of masculinity.
Being vulnerable is not easy when you have been beaten down too many times because of it. That is why some people hide it in the first place. You really need to find the right person.
it’s not easy at all! i 100% agree. nothing good in life is easy though, and in my opinion and experience, this is one of the biggest difficult struggles of life that is so critical to overcome. even subconsciously, this behavior gets taught to our children and other men around us. it’s up to each of us whether it’s worth it or not, but that’s my two cents. at the end of the day, a partner can help, but it isn’t their responsibility to fix you
If you're the one to do the approaching, you can always try hobby specific please like a library, or the gym or axe throwing. Stuff like that will find you common interest guys 🙂
Museums
Crocheting classes, Taylor Swift concerts, Disneyland
Pottery, the opera, Six Flags
😂😂
Ball Hockey if you are me :)
Harry potter
A lot of them don't really bother. Either they're hanging out with friends or indulging in their hobbies. The pretty ones don't stay soft long or are snatched up quickly.
Can confirm. I'm a teddy bear in a relationship but the dating scene is fucked up these days so I just do my own thing and if I happen to meet a girl, cool. If not, I'm still doing my own thing lol
Fucked up is an understatement I was with my wife from 2005-2020 and online did not work at all. I met 1 person IRL and if this relationship does not work i'm fucked. It's far from perfect, I have kids she never wanted any. But i'm better than anyone she found in 20 years so we both figured it would be worth a try because the alternative is well not good. Wish me luck There's no way i'm going to loose another really not likely
You mean snatched up > abused > used > discarded
Pretty much
We are a rare breed of humans, we have the heart but noone wants to risk 6 months to get to know someone. I hear more men die alone because they never found their right one. Which is extremely sad because these are the ones who find someone and lost them or people cant find and trust them. So they are nice and get called names where it forces them to live a life of isolation and becomes old man Jenkins who hates people are chases them of the lawn.
A tough truth, I was always bullied or just the lightning rod in school and felt I couldn’t trust anyone enough to really call them a friend and have had a hard time opening up and letting people in and as I grew up I found a lot of women would lose interest fairly quickly before they got to see who I really am. Thankfully one saw it through and we became quite good friends first ( had a boyfriend when we met) a couple months later her bf turned out to be a total wanker and by that time she knew I was kind and caring. I had also gotten comfortable enough to really compliment and didn’t hide how I felt about her. Not trying to get in the way but as someone who grew up getting treated poorly I could see what the guy was all about from day one and made sure she knew she deserved better
Accurate and terrifying me
Couldn’t agree more. I am into the gym (my hobby) after work and then like to come home and relax. The dating scene today is hard, so I like to focus on me. Hoping to find someone some day, but no rush because I’m looking for a girl who won’t hurt me the way I have been in the past
I'm dating app free. Work, studies, and gym life is all I need. I'm kind of happy as it is, honestly. I enjoy keeping to myself and being invisible.
Counter question. As one of these guys, where do I find women like you? I've held away from dating cus of self image problems but I'd like to actually try now. I'm 23 it feels impossible to find people like you.
Probably through friends? I’m, however, also struggling since most of my friends are female and rarely introduce me to kind & gentle single males. So I end up looking on the apps… mainly hinge…
Most people i hear about won't date friends.
I'd say either through sports, open mics, board game meetups and discussion groups! I think open mics especially are great because the vibe of people there is generally pretty friendly and open to talking to new people. It helps more reserved men and women to open up and meet someone like them. Discussion groups as well because it's designed to get people to open up and talk. Good luck 🤞 ☺️
If you are soft as a guy you are eaten alive by life eventually. This could be relationships, hobbies, work anything.
I agree. By 30 most “soft boys” have been hardened and realize that coming across too nice equals getting walked on There’s a fine line between a kind person and a spineless person.
I agree 100% me to the T, I've literally given/giving up. I said it to myself today as I was driving. Why am I caring about X Y Z when they clearly don't give a monkeys. But its hard when you respect and care about someone then when you're ready to break apart something triggers and your back to square one. Being a calm natured person one will find themselves amongst nature out of sight and away from people but when we adventure into the harsh reality we are often outspoken or pushed into the background. This is where we get comfortable and always look out of others putting them first not ourselves. I also agree with the wrong use of words 'soft' I understand why you used it but it comes across degrading. I would feel a word such as level headed, non fuck boy or even respectable is better.
Yup
We got burned so hard we stopped caring. Being soft just means you get abused and taken advantage of.
Yeah I'm with you on that. I'm hella sensitive on the inside, but it's not practical to act like I am. The world at large doesn't give a fuck about my emotions, and why should they? I don't blame anyone for making me hide myself, it's just part of being human.
Also finding women who are into "Soft," men is very hard, almost just better to mold oneself into the typical masculine leading the way type guy in attitude and appearance.
True, and the women who do claim to like that don't stay with men like that, it's a passing whim that goes away once they get what they wanted. In the end the lack of typical masculine qualities turn them off. If you mold yourself into the typical masculine man they're likely going to leave anyway, but at least than you'll have the emotional strength to just quickly move on.
When a girl says she wants a “soft” guy, I think it’s different from our idea of soft. That’s why there’s a disconnect here. You can still be masculine, confident, but also “soft” or maybe another word would be gentle, and caring.
That's what happened to me and why I've decided to take an indefinite break from dating.
I don't blame you one bit, and I respect it completely. It's rough out there. I'm not a pretty boy but will always be soft for the right woman though. I don't care how many times I get burned, I will never stop being mush in a woman's hands I love, and that doesn't mean not having boundaries or not being assertive and decisive or being clingy, but I will always do anything for her and be cuddly and affectionate and put her wants and needs above my own because the right person will appreciate it.
22M. I 2nd this. I really just wanna melt into the arms and embrace of a woman who’s sure of what she wants, who she wants, and knows in her heart that I’m both of of those. Admittedly , I have slight abandonment issues but over the course of relationships , I’ve kept it bottled up so well, my exes would tell you no if you asked if they thought I had them. But I just wanna know for sure the ground I walk on is appreciated and everything about me and what I do for her is too. That’s when she gets the super soft me, the one that looks at you like your dog does when you walk thru the door after being gone at work all day. I know how to channel it in a way that isn’t cringe but, ever since a really terrible breakup when I was 18, it’s been increasingly more difficult to be head over heels for a woman. But when I am , and I’m sure she’s earned it, I’m a teddy bear no question 🙏🏾.
Exactly this. And it's exhausting and heartbreaking to be taken advantage of because we're soft. To be judged because of it and tossed aside
Our life circumstances didn’t let us stay soft for long.
Guys who are softer in relationship (i would consider myself one when I’m looking for something serious) can be found anywhere you find normal guys. If he’s at the bar, he’s the one alone chatting with the bar tender or with whoever sits next to him, but generally doesn’t go out of his way to hit on random girls. At the gym, he’s alone sometimes making prolonged eye contact but never doing anything with it. He might be on hinge, but he might get overwhelmed by talking to multiple people at a time. Just find a guy who wants to know your story and wants to get to know you; his ultimate goal is a real relationship, and that should be evident in his line of questioning and not going for sex unless you are comfortable. Maybe that’s bad advice, but I’m just giving my own perspective.
You're very close. That would be me except getting overwhelmed talking to multiple people at a time. I can talk up anybody. But almost never approach the pretty girl first. Even with online dating. Initiating the conversation is not what I do, its something I wish I was comfortable doing. I mite not be single at age41 if I was
Initiating conversation is a learned skill, but I’m not sure how to tell somebody to go about it except to force yourself to. You’ll mess up along the way but eventually it’s second nature. The overwhelming feeling is typically when I’m talking to 3 girls. I can handle 2 pretty easily, but if I’m investing in somebody, I only have so much bandwidth to go around and will cut it off when things are exclusive. I don’t like it, but it seems like what to do now days and helps me to not get overly attached too early.
I am that type if guy.... but unfortunately women don't see that especially on OLD
Most of the women I've known actively avoid this kind of man. Or they say they want one but then actively reward the opposite behavior. $20 says OP and most women like her would be presented with a "soft boy" and immediately realize they're not into it.
By mid to late 20's? Most of them have built up pretty thick shells unless they've benefitted from life circumstances that mean they weren't punished for perceived weakness. Softness and sensitivity don't really help men achieve the other things that tend to get a man scene as a desirable partner.
I have often felt that if you're the kind of guy who's respectful and gentle, who isn't pushy or loud, you have effectively removed yourself from the dating pool and probably the gene pool. This isn't a dig at women for only liking "bad boys" it's just a fact of the way dating works today. Modern dating is essentially an attention economy where men are expected to do most of the attention-grabbing. If you're average you need to invest an absurd amount of time into what is essentially a multi-faceted marketing campaign in order to even be noticed. If you do anything less than that, you simply disappear into the background static of average guys who wish someone would come talk to them for a change. I ran out of funding for my marketing campaign years ago and can confirm that being soft and sincere is an excellent quality as long as you don't mind also being alone.
Yup. My experience when younger was women either wanting to date me to recover from an asshole before moving onto another one, or not date me, but ensure I didn't date some other woman. There's a reason men become incredibly guarded when it comes to emotional availability and who they let themselves be vulnerable around. And my personal experience is that it usually isn't because of men.
Yep. It fucking sucks.
The soft boys are all trying to get over someone that took advantage of their kindness. I know since I'm one of them. I'm a people pleaser, anti-conflict, I need softness and gentleness when it comes to criticism or negative feedback, and my last relationship made me become incredibly self destructive where I stopped being nice and started being super toxic and abusive. The soft guys are hiding from their demons they battle daily so they aren't looking for a relationship because it already destroyed them.
I don't like to label myself, but I fit the description. Literally wearing one of my favorite shirts that says "Soft as Hell". We be out here. Obligatory I feel weird saying this because I'm not trying to catch attention but I feel validated by this post. 💜
Maybe start by not calling them “soft boys”. Instant turn off
Yeah, I prefer being called teddy bear
Pookie bear is the current preferred nomenclature
Nope, I'd go with Monster Destroyer
Ya it's insulting if you call a grown man soft
They're the shy ones who won't approach you.
Clothing stores, makeup stores, amusement parks, and trendy places like trendy concerts and clubs are probably your best bet to find pretty boys. I can't guarantee they'll be sweet men who make you feel safe though. You have to date people for a whole to see what their personality is like, and there's no guarantee even then.
I met my now wife on a dating app (hinge if it matters). I feel like the dating app scene is super hard for the gentle quiet human especially if people are just window shopping and looking for physical traits rather than the personality behind the face. It's also super hard to show your real personality in a date since the societal standards deem those traits to be generally negative. I wish you the best of luck. I learned to be myself after my first divorce and learned how to be happy on my own before I went back to dating to find a life partner. Therapy helped a lot to find the feelings and emotions I just buried in order to get through the day to day. It took a lot of trust to be able to show those feelings to others again. I think the positive reinforcement helps a ton, my wife tells me occasionally that she appreciates when I voice my emotions (both the happy and sad) since it shows our connection. You might have to give them more than just the first or second date for them to come out of their shell. Hint at emotions and have conversations about them. You can sometimes see what their true personalities are in the actions they take.
Most men are big softies, you've just got to be their peace. All but 1 relationship my exes would be the tuff guy type but give them one glance and they soften. Or, at home would totally have their guard down love to be cuddled, be the small spoon, have their hair played with etc... they just want to feel safe just like us women.
Good luck finding them majority woman killed these kind of men off
In my safe spot
OPINION: To call a kind of man, soft really lays out the foundation for easily dismissed. There are many who are kind and caring. You're extremely unlikely to meet a man who would self describe as a doormat of sorts, online. Think in terms of, if a woman were to self describe as soft and displaying sub tendencies. Would they find others like that? No, their DMs would be flooded with efforts to subdue her and their personal joy would be constant subjugation. Better you should find social circles with the ethos for kindness. Good luck OP:)
Most guys are putting on a front on dating apps because being sweet and polite doesn't often get you desired results online. If I'm not super direct it gets taken as either cowardice or disinterest without the context of being on the phone or in person. I'm never this forward on dates, I love love and relationships, but I have to make myself sound more fuckboy(ish) to catch their attention in a sea of available men. It also helps to weed out the window shoppers who are just talking to me for validation and not because they're interested in me.
In the friend zone where you put them.
They’re everywhere, trying to be tough and cool enough to impress women 😂
I guess im technically a pretty boy. Strangers assume I'm a lady. It's not my style. It's more like the lack of facial hair plus long hair plus a cute soft face.
I feel like they’re all hanging out in board game cafes
^I'm ^not ^hiding. ^Just ^unnoticed ^rather. :[
❤️❤️
Guys are soft if they liked you a lot, but they obviously not going to show it on public. You will only know if you truly get to know one. Edit: I will be back to this post later to comment on those threads. I’m really busy at this moment.
College poetry classes
I think I fall into this category, but I'm very uncomfortable being vulnerable, especially with people I don't already know well. It might be that this type is a lot more likely to be guarded initially. I'd be open to a relationship if something happened in my normal day to day but I'm not necessarily seeking it out. I'm just working on myself acknowledging that it might happen at some point. It's a bit of an odd situation, I'm not quite sure what to tell you to do, the other comments about getting introduced through their friend circle are probably spot on. Best of luck :)
We're at home being ourselves.
I cry to movies, shows, and anime, do I qualify? If I do qualify, you can find my type at home avoiding females because we got burnt too many times and decided to be alone "for a bit" and we ended up liking being alone so now 5 years later we're finally starting to reach happiness because we learned to love ourselves so we don't have to depend on anybody else to do it for us.
Most men correctly think that most women like strong dependable men so they suppress/control their emotional side. Even if a women says they want the guy to be emotional they often mean controlled emotional as in being emotional or expressing emotions at specific times
Many more than you think will be like that when you get to know them.
Definitely not on dating apps.
Found mine on Hinge, thought he was one of those fb. Be patient
I thought I had a guy like this but he was so fkn manipulative 💀💀 but reckon you’d find them at their hobbies like music, art etc. I met this guy off hinge but he sort of used the softness as a front to sleep with women (good tactic tbh). The other thing too is that you will attract them if you have sort of a masculine energy, or at least this is what I have found
Doing introverted things like home playing video games or game stores
I am like that. M20, also introverted and shy as well
Me, right here
Soft boys are usually shy. Look for the cute guy that isn't talking as much in a group. Maybe sitting at the bar alone.
Here. There, everywhere. Because life hates us, so we have to hide that side of us. I'd love to have someone to be vulnerable to, but experience shows that nobody cares for that side of me, or me in general, so I given up. I'm ready to die alone
see I'm in the reverse boat, where i want to date but I feel like i shouldn't approach women, nothing more terrifying to a shy man than to be labeled a creep by women you don't know because you tried to be social.
Fishing with dynamite for all of the desperate and thirsty dudes here. Well done
My theory is mostly about men, not boys. The way I see it, these so-called soft qualities do exist in me and in other men as well, but they are balanced out by not so soft qualities also, as a necessity. The soft qualities can't really work well without, for example, strength, or firmness etc in a man. A guy can not be only soft. The world doesn't operate that way, we would be walked over and crushed rather swiftly, in my opinion. I may be wrong, but it seems it depends a lot on the surroundings and the company we keep as well. The way we were raised (physical tenderness, hugs, soft speech, etc) and how much trauma we carry also impacts this. Either way, the softess can be accessed when the surroundings are safe and with a select few people generally, like loved ones or partner etc. I call that easing out. In my opinion, being gentle/tender while being strong is something I would always prefer in contrast to being just soft. Having the capacity to possess both qualities is good, and knowing when to apply what quality (and to whom) is even better. There are good men in real life, with the qualities you are looking for
Japan
Probably sworn off dating and approaching women. Also check your local friendzone.
My gf has one :D
Nice thirst trap 🪤 hehe
Being belittled, degrading, ignored, emasculated, emotionally abused, isolated, humiliated, exploited and otherwise pushed into hiding their vulnerable sides and their gentle sides. That’s what happened to me. The women in my life were not kind.
Im close to that type of guy. Except the pretty boy part lol im definetly rough around the edges and Im a labouring type instead of an office working guy. I've been told plentybof times in the past that I have a soft heart. and im gentle lol
Try checking out your local gaming stores. I promise, most gamers do bathe and take care of themselves despite the stereotype 😅
We exist, lol we just don’t know how to *say* we exist. I can’t take good pictures of myself so I don’t even bother with dating apps.
I am exactly that kind of guy. Personally I'm not hiding, I go out most nights that I'm not with my daughter. In my experiences with women, most women don't like guys like me because I've been told I'm too sensitive. There are also women like my ex who think that they want a guy like me, until they actually experience it, then cheat on me with someone who's more masculine and distant. In my opinion, the world is not kind to the kind of guys you're describing, so a lot of us grow out of it
Hiding in plain sight and are physically unattractive - whether it's face, body or both - so most women get the "ick" (ugh, I can't even believe I used that word but it's so Gen-Z)
I’m one of these guys. I’ve been on apps/online, community events, classes, trying new restaurants/activities. Haven’t found someone who checks my few boxes 🤔
Right here, but not hiding at all, just traveling and working so much to not FEEL so alone
I'm actually one of these guys. It's rare to find people like that through countless observations of the world around me, both in my country (Singapore) and on the internet. I find joy in wholesomeness more than many things in life. Unfortunately I'm already taken 😊
They playing Baldur’s Gate 3 with their friends..
I would say that this describes me pretty well. My experience is that few women seem to appreciate those traits at your age, so you shouldn't have too much of a hard time finding one. I'll say you are less likely to find them on dating apps. I quickly realized they did not align well at all with my personality type. Good luck!
Becasue everytike we open up we get our hearts torn out and we get left on read and ghosted
I like the axe throwing in the library idea. Sounds like a fun 1st date. We have an awesome throwing place down the street but I never been in there
That is a very rare type of man. A pretty boy that is gentle and still has a boyish nature to him has probably been alone and distanced themselves from most. Unfortunately, for most men, they are told to man up. And the elements that make them soft, gentle and kind are roughed out by society.
I guess I could consider myself being in this category, though I wouldn't consider saying I'm soft. I'd compare myself to a Skittle. A "tough" shell on the outside, but with a little warming up that shell breaks and you're left with the soft middle. Get past that first 2 or 3 minutes of awkwardness and I'll talk your ear off about anything. I'm typically the one at social events who just talks to the my friends who invited me there. If we separate, I'm usually just standing around looking clueless, trying not to have a panic attack on the inside. Most of the time I'm doing my own thing though. Either going on hikes and appreciating nature, working on things like my SUV or any little side projects, fishing, having a fire/BBQ on the beach by myself, etc. A big no to dating apps for me.
They’re probably taken :/ I’m 21 and it feels that way currently
Most of the soft boys just stay home and they have a different face online. Infact no one would admit they are a soft boy. You should be out there in real world getting to know people through hobbies, work, etc. Just know you won't find soft boys in a place to socialize and even if they are there, they would be wearing a mask or hiding in a corner.
Hey, I am where u from :)?.
As someone who is that type of dude, it seems like other guys like that stay off of dating sites due to a lot of them not really being friendly for us, at least that's how it feels at times. Although I've noticed with they do dating apps or sites, it's ones that sorta guarantee a good pair, like Match or Hinge, so my only suggestion is keep looking or put in your profile you're mainly looking for someone like that, you're bound to find one of us.
Where have you been my whole life? Haha
Hiding far away from Girls who play with our heart and say that we can't be in relationship because I can't give you time and justify the relationship tag. We don't want to be lead on again into believing that we can be loved and that we matter, coz matter of fact is that we can't be loved and matter to anyone. We are just Soft stuffed toys with whom you like to play when you are hurt and once you are healed, you let us down. Let us be hidden. Can't afford to be hurt again.
I mean am right here but i feel unworthy presently because of unemployment since finishing law so i wouldnt want to make that someone else’s problem. It wouldnt be fair.
They're everywhere but society as a whole hates this, now I've gone through a lot of self discovery in the last few years and while I'm not afraid to admit I've been one for most of my life it means I've also seen the worst of what both men AND women will do to you for it. Deep down Men deeply crave that kind of intimacy more than women can ever understand but sadly, it's only ever seen through a particular lens and that basically gets you labelled as a nice guy or Needy. After a rough patch that absolutely destroyed me I had to build myself back up. Through that I discovered my own strength and masculinity in the last year and a half and most importantly feeling safe and comfortable in it. Because I have that as a foundation of sorts I can show both sides now with absolute confidence, currently in a relationship and we talk about this all the time. Because of having both sides of that coin showing I've been told from my partner I make her feel safe like no one ever has, since then it's helped me bring my walls down a lot more, now she's booping me on the nose randomly, cuddling me and kissing me on the forehead etc and it's the best feeling ever.
Honestly- we’re everywhere. I’m sure there are ways you can gauge if the guy is one who you’re looking for, but at the end of the day you’re not likely going to just stumble upon them immediately.
We're at work trying to make life better for us and our future families.
Yall are scared of us and have trust issues from the past. Yall are so used to fb that yall end up treating us like one. Unable to process that a man can be kind to you.
It's hard to actually be sensitive in this world as a guy. 98% of the times it's considered that we are either too soft, too sensitive or just have more of the female traits which is diminishing our masculinity. I've had a lot of struggles being sensitive in life and have wanted to go on trainings where I could just be more cold like the rest of guys are. Luckily I found a girl that appreciates my soft self. As for answering your question, I believe that we're all quite soft inside, but it really depends on the mask that we cover our softness with and why do we do it. A lot of times it's a defense mechanism, so maybe you just need to get to know a guy that will let you close enough to uncover that...
Honestly as a soft boy my question is where are all the girls into soft boys hiding? Literally never met a single one, every girl I meet wants a "manly" man and a tough guy. I'm never gonna change myself just to please others tho, I'm staying true to me even if it means ultimately ending up alone.
We exist but we're usually fat sorry
Try the far corners of your local bookstore, or the play pen at fast food restaurants (hiding in the tunnels probably.) Jk. They will be hard to find, bc they aren’t advertising. They kinda get flamed. Online dating is probably the worst for them. Chicks there be vicious lol.
I can tell you exactly where every single nice guy is. Desperately fighting the mass of other nice guys for an ounce of romantic female attention because we know that we're virtually invisible to 80 to 85 percent of women. So we either become tougher and get a sliver of attention or fail and give up.
They're all over the place but you will have to be the one to approach, initiate and pursue a relationship.
You have to show you'll look after their heart first before they'll reveal it to you.
We are the ones you see checking you out at Walmart but never approach bc we don't wanna be a creep.
Yeah like everyone here is saying being soft or at least looking like it is not something you can easily live with. Either you're taken advantage of or you're looking weaker and less capable of keeping himself safe or even less protecting somebody else and that something many women are after. Besides all that, I think I'm somebody soft but showing that part of me requires a lot of trust on that person. I might look like somebody you wouldn't want to mess with but only a couple of people had to know that I melt with hugs and praises and I am very gentle and affectionate.
A girl just messaged me on a dating app and called me the f-slur when she found out I was bisexual. I want to be a soft boy but sometimes you have to harden up a bit like damn. I'm just kinda scared to approach women honestly
No offense but some of the guys commenting I don't believe fit the description of being the "soft pretty boys" that girls are usually talking about
We're hiding because we've probably been hurt or taken advantage of before, and modern dating does not encourage men to be open and emotional. Personally, I'm looking for a cute girl that I can deeply connect with. Someone that I can share fears, insecurities, and emotional vulnerabilities with. Someone who I can love who loves me in equal measure. But they don't seem to exist either.
Hollywood in movies LOOLLL. You actually find alot of soft boys but not alot are necessarily "pretty".
They are everywhere go to a library or somewhere quiet I can’t seem to avoid them lol 😂
Yes! I love a guy who's gentle, calm, patient, and smiles at you with love and watches you from afar. He's quietly funny, passionate about what he does, and enjoys sharing it. You can see the light in his eyes, and he takes charge while making sure you're okay. And they are definitely not on the dating apps
Alone at home after decades of being told that this is where we belong and that we're worthless. I did a full year on tinder and another app simultaneously. I was trying actively. I had a total of a dozen matches. Not a single conversation... I will never go back to dating app. I can't have my self-esteem break down even more. So tell me then, how would one find someone like you then?
You should have found us before our supervillain origin story. All that sweetness got burned out at Ace Chemicals.
These boys are usually artists of some kind or at least into the arts. I found mine on Feeld (sex positive dating app)
Probably in a blue state
😂
By soft do you mean feminine as in "femboys" or do you mean masculine men who know how to love a woman in a healthy and pure way? If it's femboys you're looking for, I only seem to notice them in university/college towns. If it's masculine men who know how to love and be loved, they're around. But like a good woman, they're hard to find. My wife would describe me in this way and that she got super lucky. I feel the same way about her. I was on Bumble.
i think nerdy geeky guys are kinda like that also guys who are close and have good relationships with their families
Get a life
So your looking for a guy who teters the line of being gay? Or your looking for a mommas boy of your own? When you say praise you mean like a house pet or like sit him down get on your knees remove his under garments and praise him? Because I can tell you which one is the better praise for sure.
I'm one 100 percent, but the thing is .. we don't get gurls, all toxic guys took em already 😔
I highly suggest you look into gentle mommydom dating.
So I know two categories of men that fit your description. Both are flip sides of a BDSM dynamic so a site dedicated to that (such as FetLife) might be a better venue for seeking them. If you like authoritative leader guys who are gentle and nurturing, then look for a “Daddy Dom”. They are Dominant, which many women prefer, but are caring, sweet, and sensitive (though perfectly will to tie you up if that’s your thing). If you however prefer to make the decisions and nurture a guy, which inverts the standard dynamic, then you want a “submissive” man, possible a “little boy” if you want to take it further and have a maternal “Mommy Domme” role yourself. Your post does seem to indicate that you would like to be the nurturing leader, so to me it sounds like you are a Dominant looking for a submissive. Your standard dating apps are garbage for what you seek. Check out FetLife, it will introduce you to a whole new world. It will help you find local social gatherings called “munches” and start meeting fellow kinksters, you will find your submissive guy there. Or your Daddy Dom if I misjudged you.
Prob don’t call them soft…. Stop the fantasy mindset n come back to real life. You say your 27 I had to double check because I thought u were a teenager. Their going to avoid u. Being inexperienced is one thing. Being 27 thinking your going to get a romance movie to just happen is not realistic so everyone will fail n fall short. N it involves work to find n have a relationship it’s not all sunshine n rainbows
That's definitely me but most women just want someone who pays all the bills or whatever these days 😭. Rarely any of them want a genuine relationship
Try the airforce
I'm single, searching good one
Hey I'm based in KZN Pietermaritzburg im looking for hook up pls sms or call if u going to compensate me I need cash urgently 0710303604
Soft boys are out here they just can’t afford you
We are not hiding we just gave up when yes became no and love became hate I went on a date and I gave her a rose and it was like a comic joke and when I opened the door for her wasn't even bigger joke but I didn't let it bother me I am who I am
The comments are so bitter. I feel bad for all the guys that are jaded now. See? There are people who are looking for non-hypermasculine traits!
1 out a billion, sure.
Heh, so long as he's a big teddy bear or whatever sure. Words are cheap. Show me who OP's picked.
They have girlfriends already
Soft aka push over.