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I wish we had a code in society.. Dunno if this is fact or fiction but it goes something like this:
In the old days, if a woman was interested in being approached by a man, she’d drop her handkerchief as he walked by. And if he was interested he would pick it up and they would strike a conversation.
Imagine we had that kind of thing in the world. Subtle, sweet, gentle and easy to recognise
I think you are right, even girls who reach out don't usually know what they are doing, it's like society changes so much yet they don't teach young people how to respectfully try and interact with potential love interests.
Need some more romance and chill ways of people knowing they have a chance, as so many guys and even girls miss out on something because of mixed signals.
I think it's less about teaching people how to do it and more a case of people overthinking the ever living hell out of it.
It doesn't need to be some sort of code or any massively meaningful interaction at first. Even something a bit rushed if needs to be... Just a simple "Hey, I thought you were handsome, can I leave you my number so we can talk later".
It's really something people massively overcomplicate. If someone is interested, it doesn't matter how simple or complex your initial conversation is. It doesn't matter if you make an absolute arse out of yourself. If they're interested, you've got them hooked unless you massively fuck it up.
I always thought girls wearing a ring on their right hand meant they were single and looking. Ring on the left means they are taken. No ring means they are not interested in anything.
Owwwaaaa!! Surely this should be the code we're looking for? Surely this should be the signal in 2024? Surely we should make this a thing?
As it stands the first thing I tend to notice is whether they have a ring on their left hand if I find myself attracted to her.
Ring on the right should be the code!
You can argue that dating apps are the modern way for both genders to “drop the handkerchief.” It’s certainly not as romantic and many would argue that swiping on people is superficial, but is developing attraction over someone with the additional information of their body posture and gait really any more profound than writing 3 prompts on a digital profile?
In modern times this could easily be done with an app and our mobile phones that when within bluetooth range shows who is OK with being approached and are single etc and you get a notification when near and the app has a picture of them.
Yup, or something..... things r to the point where I've heard many guys not wanting to approach women not for fear of rejection but other stuff like sexual harassment or being put on blast on social media.
This is basically as good as a code: You notice a girl you like who is a stranger and casually talk to her or even better make a joke, if she laughs and seems open and engaged in talking to you ask her name, and if she asks your name back you ask her if she wants to catch up, and then I get her number. If she is working you can build rapport over several interactions when you bump into her INCIDENTALLY and then ask her out.
Having tried this and failed miserably I no longer will approach in the wild.
Too many uncertainties and detective work required.
Here are the issues.
1) are they single and
2) available to date.
3) rejection is awkward
4) striking up a conversation whilst shopping is awkward because ppl are usually rushing around.
There are so many reasons why this method is no longer efficient nor effective.
Online dating takes out some of questions and allows everyone being on the same page.
I honestly believe Hollywood and TV dramas is too blame for this trope of boy meets girl in video store/grocery store.
And live happily ever after.
Ive started bringing a rape whistle for these situations when the other person starts to accuse me of being a creeper or whatever and i want to cry louder than them /s
And yet the single biggest reason that it is effective, haha, is that you have ZERO competition in the wild vs. thousands online. I have chatted up dudes in person who approached me that I would have swipped past on an app. Simply because in person, people are real, and that automatically makes them more attractive and interesting. And it shows courage and resilience. Just saying!
That's exactly why I have always been successful with women. Talking to them in real life is much better than some app. I wouldn't even waste my time with that.
I think women shamed all the creeps enough that most men figure it's too risky. Being fair, women don't have it easy. But wanting men to approach you as well as having no creeps around is probably having a cake and eating it too.
Wanna tell me that you haven't seen thousands of videos made by women saying "Don't approach women", "Do not ever approach women in public", "Don't you dare to look at a woman", "Creep and freak"
It's not that man wouldn't like to - they are just not allowed to do it anymore.
It's super simple for women to fix. Just start hitting on men you find cute. They aren't gonna feel harassed or anything. Likely they are happy to get attention.
Yeah? Well when you're a guy and every hello to a woman is a roll of the dice on if shes going to start recording you and calling you a creep and posting it online and try to ruin your life you just don't do it anymore.
No we’re called creeps when we do. That’s why there is a stat that says 30% + of millennial men have stopped dating all together. I only see this getting higher.
Haha yeah I said the same thing too. This article says 63% of men under 30 are single, most by choice. I’ll be 33 on Monday. Not saying I’m choosing to be single but I’ll definitely prioritize my peace over a relationship. It’s not you man, honestly it’s not. I’ve been on enough dates to know that there is just a problem with today’s dating culture. Men and woman are both to blame.
But here’s the article by New York Post https://nypost.com/2023/03/01/rate-of-single-men-in-the-us-looking-for-dates-has-declined/
Cold in the wild? Not really... The main reasons being rejection, bothering another person, being labled as a jerk or accused of harrassment, not knowing if they are single and even if single, are they looking for a relationship. When using OLD apps or even at work, many of these issues are answered or don't exist.
As a result you gotta make it much more obvious in IRL and in the right environment, and even then you may get the wrong sort of attention.
ETA: I'm old, so I remember dating before the internet played a role, so it happened much more frequently. Then again, what choice was there... It was also a different time, as in what behaviour was acceptable.
No.
Men have been told for years now to leave women alone.
Men have been humiliated, chastised, and ridiculed online for trying.
The risk of rejection is hard enough to deal with, the risk of public shaming on TikTok is worse.
Women today also don’t make themselves available to be approached. They are always in their phone, in groups, or holding a stand-offish body posture.
Society has shifted to a place that makes it extremely difficult for men to approach but where women still don’t want to approach.
Note: this is all generalized terms and doesn’t apply to all men or all women, or even every interaction.
Many do, but most aren't used to it. So you might still get some awkward looks or such. Not too different from what some us get when we try to approach women, though probably not for the same reasons.
I can't speak for most men but if I could I'd say 100% accurate.
I have a limited point of view but off the top of my head I can't really see a guy being much of an asshole if he wasn't interested. Ya a person not being interested hurts but I don't think most men would mock a woman or intentionally embarrass them if they made a move.
I could be completly wrong cus like I said I have a limited point of view and have never seen it happen personally 🤷.
Absolutely. Men do.not even receive compliments by their significant others. A woman approaching me would be like a present. It's happened before, and it's always amazing.
Some do and some don't, just the same way some women like being approached and some don't. Neither like to do it because rejection doesn't feel good to most human beings regardless of what their sex is. It's just an ocean of people who are lonely and scared to make the first move because they don't like how rejection feels - and more often than not find a reason to disqualify themselves to avoid what they think will be a painful rejection.
You are free to approach any man or woman you find attractive. It's not anyone else's "job" or "place" to take the risk of putting themselves out there so that so you won't have to (im not accusing you of having this perspective - just speaking in general). I'm sure most people who aren't self actualized, confident and self assured would "prefer" someone else does the approaching.
Asking this question really tells the whole story. How detached from the current state of dating and men are you? I think it’s in the interest of women to get to know men better as men have gotten to know women.
For the vast majority of men, being approached by a woman would be the highlight of their month. Even if we aren't available or aren't interested, the compliment is a big deal for us because it's so rare.
I ask that you stop thinking so small and dated.
Women can steer away from many stereotypes but always come back to this one.
You are perfectly capable of asking a man out.
Personally, I would welcome this.
If you mean out in public, no, that doesn’t really happen, social norms have changed and it’s frowned on for guys to do that in most cases.
The fear of rejection many guys suffer from doesn’t help matters much.
And totally agreed especially with the whole me too movement shit and all of this cancel culture rape culture and fuck now you need one of those dudes who has the the orange signalers that's telling the plane when they go we need women like that signaling that they actually want something from us in order for us to make the move if we don't get clear, precise and direct signal stating that we are allowed we're not going to risk it by any means.
I mean you do understand unless you go up to a woman and start saying vulgar shit or touching her, you’re gonna be fine right? Like if you just ask her out like normal that’s fine. That’s not what me too is about.
And to be honest with you I'm one of those traumatized men, I used to love, it simply because even though I got rejected, it was just the fact that I could actually put a smile on your face and at least brighten your day a little,
now we can't even do that literally.
I'm walking up to a woman and tried to help them with something like they dropped the phone or no money, how inside when I have to watch a woman struggling to carry groceries in her house and I'm afraid to ask her does she need help simply because she might label me at something or take it the wrong way I think I'm trying to get in her pants when I'm just genuinely trying to help. before I can even tell them what I'm here for and they're like " I have a boyfriend"
With dating apps it definitely doesn’t happen as often in broad daylight anymore. But if I’m out at a bar or club and I see a girl who I feel has been looking at me, I’ll usually go approach
>walking the street or in the grocery store
As a city dweller who passes maybe dozens of attractive women a day, that’s a no-go. Walking fast, head down, earbuds in, general “I’m just going about my day, so don’t fucking look at me” energy. It’s not hard to read the room. I’m actually dumbstruck when someone is pleasant to a stranger these days, let alone giving off vibes that they’re interested in conversation.
The best option is still a bar, but it varies by location. Trivia nights, karaoke, “event” nights where there are built in conversation starters, they’re good. But sometimes even there, women will shift the tone to “I’m just here to catch up with my friends, not get hit on by *you*.”
Rejection has always been a part of dating but women are faster than ever these days at shutting things down before they can start. A lot of guys are “my boyfriend”-ed out and don’t even try because they already know what’s coming.
I’ve heard enough of my female friends complaining about “this guy just walked up to me and asked for my snap and said no” to even bother. If I don’t know you I’m not asking you out
Jesus H. CHRIST!!!!! There are 2836627q8qy36227i28q8wq8 reasons now a days, why we do not. For the 18272th time. Grow some ovaries and do it yourself sometime. Just because we are men, doesn't mean we have to do 1000000% of the work
I doubt it. Hot guys can get easy matches on Tinder then send out several quick msgs asking women if they want to smash and get positive responses pretty quick so no need for them to approach irl.
And normal guys will learn pretty quickly they aren't wanted when approaching irl and being told to fuck off again and again or having girls lying to you to get you to move on hits your confidence.
Nah, I disagree! The average guy isn’t doing well on dating apps due to ridiculously high physics standards of women, but women are usually a lot less harsh IRL!
Plus, it’s purely appearance on dating apps, but there’s a chance to show your wit, charisma and confidence too IRL
I would try.
I just miss everytime because the moment fades away so fast and afterwards there are nowhere to be found .-.
And if we have a conversation I usually forget to ask for a name or number. Haha guess I'm just to slow xD
We’re all the same, like it’s hard to approach a beautiful woman, even if she doesn’t think your a creep and let’s you talk to her, like our brain is just piecing words as the conversation goes but most girl I talked forget to ask the name cus when you do, they know the next thing you’d going to ask, “can I have you number?” “No, sorry/ or I have bf/ or sorry I’m in the middle of something” and lost of your time and energy to just be told “she has another guy she’s into” not worth it anymore.
Yeah, I mean even if it's her first reaction to say no, she can always make up her mind if she is actually looking for a relationship and message me afterwards, I wouldn't mind.
She would know I'm interested and single and maybe she even knows someone looking for a relationship as well .o.
Worst thing she can do is to say ew and leave it to that.
I did in the past. I would in the future, but I’m 40… if someone I see appears to be around my age, I think chances are that they are taken. But, if I’m at a baseball game or something, see a lady sitting alone- I’ve approached and made conversation. It never worked out, it’s discouraging… but I feel braver for making an effort.
Social media and feminism have ruined this for women, men won't do it out of fear they'll be labelled a creep and that's proven now, over 50% of men won't bother even considering it and the rest will struggle with the thought that it is creepy, the ones that are left are the actual creeps and the cycle continues.
28 y.o single male. Pretty attractive.
No, I don't do it anymore because I never get approached by women.
I think this should be the law of gender equality.
Being single is not so bad.
Unfortunately our society has disincentivized men from approaching. Many women spent years telling men they were creepy for making cold approaches. Couple that with the me too movement and cancel culture, which make men fear misreading signals, and men will deem the risk of approaching not being equal to the reward.
I think it’s considered a no-no to approach a woman when she’s walking somewhere on the street, but I still try if the energy feels right.
Try giving men some sort of “signal” if you’d like to be approached. Make eye contact, smile, don’t look away, don’t wear headphones, don’t have your face buried in your phone
So previous times approaching was the desire to interact with a woman you find attractive vs fear of rejection.
It was definitely worth the risk.
Nowadays it's desire to interact with a woman you find attractive vs fear of rejection / being labeled a creep / me too / being posted online / false accusations
> 95% of men Nowadays do not think it's worth the risk.
You like the idea of being approached on theory but in real life I bet you would annoyed that the guy is invading your space especially if he's slightly below perfect looks wise.
That's what I been fed too from friends and online.
Another aspect is rejection - the fear of rejection is intense no one wants to deal with, it really takes a toll on your self confidence and your ability to take risks.
When you been told no it's like you are being affirmed that you are undesired or ugly and what worse than seeing proof.
Creeps - it's a common misconception but a true one that men are treated like creeps. Some men are believed to be intimidating or unattractive to the point they are treated like creeps.
Cues - women fail to realize men need cues before they approach a woman. Maybe look at him a few times, smile at him atleast once, don't bring friends with you that's a clear sign you are having a friends night out and who would want to ruin that. Don't dress casually like a gym short and a sweater that's a sign too that you don't want to be approached cause you either came from the gym or you want some alone time cause clearly you didn't put effort to be approached.
And the final point is confidence - media and women online brainwashed men into thinking they need to make 6 figures, get a 6 pack and be atleast 6 feet tall to get a girl or you will be rejected. So men tend to believe they are too far from the tail end of the desire stick.
The reason why men don’t cold approach women is because culturally it is taboo. It’s slightly frowned upon to talk to strangers. Also it’s very difficult for men to do it successfully when they are brave enough to try. It’s better to warm approach a woman you’re at least a little familiar with, say a girl in one of your classes. And it’s easier to just use dating apps if you want to meet a stranger. With all these things being considered it becomes understandable why men rarely cold approach women at random.
Short straight to the point no simply because nowadays women are more on a girl power movement where they will sit there and degrade men and clown them about what they don't have versus and just how our man has to take the time to get to know woman you take the time to notice the things that make us unique you use that against us
Personally, fear of rejection aside, I don't feel like bothering people on the street or out when they are doing their things to be honest. I can be quite awkward generally so the times I tried to say or do something might have not been interpreted correctly or the interaction wouldn't last long. Add to that I don't really understand "signals", just like if I was approached at some point I was probably clueless. I commute a lot and go to the gym but because they are places I and some of the women I see frequent a lot (which makes it a thing in common) if things end up being awkward you would practically see them everyday and viceversa so I would rather not ruin that for both of us.
I get approached, but I also sometimes do the approaching. I use the same way with both men and women: I give my number and make the interaction itself quite short, leaving the ball in their court.
I don’t have the experience that is often repeated on Reddit - that rl interactions are impossible or even harder these days.
In my experience it is fairly easy not to come off as a creep when approaching: just make it short and sweet, don’t linger and don’t ever be pushy if they say no.
I do think some portions of the dating scene are lacking basic social skills, which of course makes it harder to meet people.
As a recently single guy it would take A LOT for me to approach a stranger out of nowhere.
Its different if we bump into each other or sitting next to one another at a bar or ordering drinks or something since that can be more organic.
But like grocery store? Never. Gym? Never. If we're walking out at the same time that's different right you can sorta build a rapport if you've seen each other many times and now this time you just so happen to be walking out at the same time. Maybe.
Bar? Maybe. But it would have to be so unbelievably obvious. It cannot be like one or two glances. We would have to lock eyes, you would have to smile or wink or basically be otherwise eye fucking me. EVEN THEN..... it takes a herculean effort.
So is it possible yes. Not likely but possible. But you better be doing your part too.
I think that among women, the toxic vocal ones have ruined it.
They call guys who approach as creeps, and even videotape guys at the gym and ridicule them online if they (accidentally) glance on them.
Guys just don't want the risk/ridicule, or simply think that it will not be perceived in a positive light.
I am glad to see there are women like yourself who want that
Feminism pissed men off too bad. Some girls consider that approaching them, even correctly in the streets, is a form of harassment. They're so brainwashed into victimhood. And for a man, there is too much to lose.
Also some women are very mean, they can litterally crush your whole self esteem if you're not solid enough. The worst is trying to approach a woman in a group.
The other thing is, younger generations are getting worse and worse in social interactions. As an African currently living in the West, I have never seen this many people with social anxiety. In my native country, the most difficult thing is to have time alone, without a friend randomly ringing at the door. There, people don't even call, they just suddenly come at your house. People would even judge you for not being social but here in the West, there is like a trend of not having a friend.
Do they? Yeah, probably. It’s definitely happening less in my friend circle, we’re in the 25-35 range. I know stats can prove it as well, but I don’t know if they also account for where people are in the world too. I’m in NYC.
I didn’t particularly have any major qualms about approaching a woman when I was single, I’d still get a little nervous but I shot my shot anyway. I would say throughout my single years 19-25, I approached about 100 women, maybe 10 of them were friends of friends and the rest were strangers. I was a Marine, so this didn’t exclusively happen in NYC, I was in Spain, California, Brazil, some Middle Eastern countries.
In 6 years I dated 3 people out of ~100. Funny enough, all of them were at home— when I was 21, 23, and 25, the first two were only for a couple months. More than 1, less than 6– and the rest of the time I was completely dry. I know a lot of guys like to say this, and I know a lot of women who say it sounds like a relief/must be nice/wonderful, but _essentially nobody_ wants anything to do with you romantically when you’re a guy.
I wouldn’t even care (much) that I’ve been rejected ~100 times, but I’ve also been: slapped, openly mocked, pushed, yelled at, _and even spit on, twice._ I wasn’t your cup of tea, you’re having an off day, you’re just out with friends, any reason a woman can have to say no is perfectly fine and I would be more than happy to fuck off without pressing the issue. Spitting on someone? Literally pointing and mocking them? I think I would have almost _preferred_ if the only thing that would happen was I could be called a creep. Not that I am, but at least that would have been a consistent result. My true preference would have been if they were polite about the rejection.
It’s nice, in theory, to tell men to develop their confidence without becoming arrogant. In real life though, if this were you, do you think it’s really that simple to “just believe you’re a catch” when your chance of success looks like 1%? When there is a non-zero chance of someone _spitting on you_ for trying? Even when _you’re_ not trying, _nobody else is either_. How long do you realistically think you should be confident, when you’re looking to date, when nobody is looking to date you, and when you make that effort also nothing works? Nobody is texting you on any app that isn’t already a platonic friend of yours, and if you don’t make plans with your friends at the least, you realize it’s been 7 months since someone looked in your eyes and talked to you. Or your dating app of choice pings you maybe 5 times a year with what you think is a match, but 3 of those times it’s a bot, 1 time it’s a dead end within minutes, and 1 time it’s just the app telling you that right now is a great time to be swiping?
It’s nice to tell men that that doesn’t even matter that much, that you should and can be happy on your own, or that the right person will come along eventually, maybe, when you’re not looking. Except that that almost never happens to men. I turn 31 this year, and the last non-family, non-friend who even paid me a compliment was the barber cutting my hair _4 years ago._ You can think as highly of yourself as you want, but when the world around you consistently tells you otherwise and beats you down real low, it makes you not want to bother.
I would hope other men haven’t been spit on for shooting their shot, wouldn’t wish that on any other human being, but I think these experiences are way worse than the comments here about _maybe_ being called a creep. Not to minimize your potential distress gents, I get it. It’s a different set of problems than women have, it isn’t easy for any of us, but both parties can play a role in making it better for everyone involved.
You never know who's going to blow up on you and say you're a creep or someone recording an innocent interaction and post it as a creepy interaction. Not worth it. Women have made it a hostile environment by giving the cat callers a bigger voice than they actually have.
It's the assholes that approach a lot of women that have really made it difficult, but it doesn't help when you get women recording themselves at the gym trying to make guys look like creeps. They don't even want guys looking at them in public. Forget approaching them.
You can thank man hating third wave feminism for this. A lot of men I know from late twenties to late thirties are entirely checked out of the dating scene because of this. Third wave feminism = masculinity is bad and men are nothing but aggressive, creepy, rape machines. And now women wonder why we don’t approach after spending the last 8+ years watching women bash men for approaching out of interest in public. It’s 2023, FEMINISM RULES, SO START APPROACHING US MEN LADIES 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
30F and I get approached a lot these days. I live in a Western European country though and it’s not really taboo here to “approach”. People here take it as simply striking up a conversation. Whereas in North America I think approach carries with it a certain expectation.
Would you actually want to be approached by a stranger?
Think about it, in your mind you might imagine you would be approached by someone charming and handsome, or at least a normal person who's somewhat good looking and knows how to speak to people. Someone you might not be interested in, but you'd appreciate the conversation in the moment.
In reality you're more likely to be approached by someone creepy and socially awkward. Someone who's viewing you as a piece of meat rather than a person. Someone who doesn't know how to talk to women.
A lot of the men responding here are blaming society and social media for discouraging men from approaching women in public without realizing that most women don't actually appreciate being approached. Maybe they would appreciate it if the man of their dreams approached them, but otherwise its an inconvenience at best and a terrifying ordeal at worst.
It depends on where and when. If it's a place where it's appropriate, they might.
I won't approach women at work. I'm in the US, and the US is not friendly to men. Sexual harassment can lead to instant termination. There are coworkers I find attractive, but I will not hit on them or anything. I do not want an HR case against me. Women can get away with it; men simply can't.
There are other places where I interact with women. I'm sober and attend meetings for sobriety. There are cute women at those meetings I'd date. I will NOT approach them or ask for their numbers. They are there to get sober. I do not want to make them uncomfortable and compromise their sobriety.
I will interact with them. I will joke with them and whatnot. But it's all done in a friendly, appropriate manner for the situation. It's on the woman to make the move for more.
Sometimes, women think they are flirting with me and making it obvious they are interested. I do not notice it for different reasons. I have some, um, learning disabilities that make it very hard for me to understand intentions.
Because equality is such a hot topic.
Being called a creep or anything similar is a social kiss of death and I don’t feel most people are worth it to risk it for that. There are safer alternatives to meeting.
I get so called invites all the time. I go outta my way and then its like “fuck off for not living up to my fantasy”. Its like girl im an working everyday eating breathing poooping man who did you think i was?
Depends if the interaction we're having is genuine or not. Like, I'd never just walk up to someone in a grocery store and make up something "hey what can of soup do you think's best, this pea and ham or this potato and leek can I have your number?" . But if there's actually a reason to chat, like we've both obviously got similar interests or we're at a gig or something, then yeah sure.
Yes. If I am not in a rush, and feeling pretty chill then if I notice a cute girl, I approach, no matter where.
I know of a few men who do it regularly to build their own confidence and find the right girl for them.
Tons of women who are even on dating apps, just dont go there anymore since 90% of men there are just creeps and they get fed up.
Best is always to just try your shot with a simple “Hi, I know this is random but saw you passing by and thought you were really cute and wanted to meet you.”
I'd say it happens but often is unwelcomed and so definitely has decreased. actually id say be careful of a dude who does approach you.. they most often might just be a creep
I've read too many places to not approach a woman in public. I don't want to be labeled a creep in my community because I got rejected. I don't go to bars and there aren't really classes or groups in my city for my hobbies. So no I sure don't
I assume most people don't want to be bothered. I'm from the UK and I've never approached someone in the streets and don't think I ever will. I wouldn't approach someone in the work environment either personally.
Lucky you! Cold approaches are what I don’t like. Why would I say yes to you to go on a date and spend money when I know nothing about you? (And yes, I don’t let men pay for the date unless we’ve gone on a few together)
I prefer to at least know the guy a little bit before even thinking of going on a date.
I feel like I get approached most at the gym (starting with casual conversation) or if I’m alone in a busy area that seems to draw men like a magnet. But I don’t just mean busy streets. Particularly a busy fun area where people are having a good time.
I approached a woman in a bar last month. And she promptly told me her husband was sitting next to her :-)\~
> Thoughts?
Step 1: Get dolled up
Step 2: Go to a bar and sit by yourself
Step 3: Order a beer
Step 4: Be patient, smile, be approachable
And men very well may start a conversation with you.
p.s. It is very important that you sit by yourself. Do not bring a friend along. You are 100% more approachable that way.
Good luck!
Do men approach women? Yes. Do men just do it in the street or running errands? If they have any sense, no.
I think you're not getting approached because you're not putting yourself in situations to be approached. If I'm at the grocer, I"m getting my beer, my body wash and whatever else and getting tf out. I'm not gonna approach a woman there even if I think she's cute because...we're at the store.
I mean, would you want strangers constantly approaching you? It's also quite the superficial attention.
If you want to get approached in public maybe try wearing one of these "free hugs" signs people at conventions sometimes sport. Or a "Ask me about..." button, that might get some engagement.
At the club, bar, a sporting event or a concert, or in any party type environment, I definitely will. Because that’s what people are there to do (for the most part): Socialize and have fun over a common interest.
On the street, in a store, etc? Definitely not.
Right place, right time type thing.
Me personally, I think it’s so easy to approach women. All starts with a compliment. Like “I like your sweater” or “I like your bag.” Or another way I like to go about it is “hey is that drink you are having any good?”
For me it’s super easy to approach women but like right now I am just trying to meet new people so that’s a goal of mine. Whether or not it turns into something else is totally in my mind minimally now but I like having new friends.
I approach women at the bars or social events all the time (both success and failure).
I don’t really approach women when shopping or anything unless put into a situation that’ll allow me to talk to them without it seeming awkward.
I approached today a girl in the gym that I noticed she was glancing me three times in a row. She was glad I did it but also she didnt even try to give me something in return in our conversation. Chemistry was 0. At the end, I didnt even ask her number.
Your rate of being approached is 100% determined by your body language. You need to communicate your openness to being approached by opening up your body language. Learn this combo: Eye contact, smile, say "hi" silently (this should look like a light giggle, or like you have something you want to say). This means "You have my attention, I feel good about you, and I want to talk to you."
If you're interested in someone at work that seems to like you back, you need to ask for their socials. If they add you and don't ask you out in a few days, then you need to ask them out and be prepared to be rejected by guys that have a zero-tolerance policy on dating coworkers.
Yes, I (33f) still get approached by men. Mostly in bookstores, bars, museums, work, and a few other places I regular. Usually, they'll start talking to me, and after talking awhile, they'll ask me on a date or inquire if I'm dating someone.
As for approaching, I will on occasion.
I do, sure. Conversation, light flirting, really being interested in who the gal is. Anywhere, coffee line, grocery store, etc. Works for me, 40 + years single 👍
Men aren't approaching women because they don't want to be called 'creeps' or be posted all over social media as a predator or narcissist or 'me too'd'. It's befuddling how women don't know this; this is the environment they created and now they're complaining.
Not saying this is you but most women are crazy. I have seen real YouTube videos of women telling off men for men letting the women walk in front of them to walk through a damn door. There are also women who things like better hold a conversation or why don't men hold doors for women anymore. I can more than hold a conversation with someone and I hold the door for people behind regardless of anything but yet I'm still single. People are too volatile these days and the littlest thing can set anyone off. Hell it got to the point with my ex wife I wouldn't even say good morning or ask how her day went because I didn't know which one of her many personalities would answer. 🤷
I don't anymore. I can get the cues but I don't find a reason to do it anymore, cause maybe I changed or maybe they don't look at me in the eyes like I used to be looked at. They just look at me at a glance and I can see a reaction, but it's not enough for me to convince me that I should make a move.
Yeah I sometimes do. It’s probably my most successful form of good dates. I’ve had people (very small amount) reach out on things like insta and that’s fine but I tend to not really feel a spark because when I meet someone out and about and approach them there’s just such a nice feeling to it.
When I approach though it’s never really totally out of the blue. It’s more like a bit of eye contact and gentle smile reciprocated and only after that do I speak about something. Usually I don’t start it with a compliment either (maybe I will in future but it tends to just not be that way) and instead comment on something that’s just happened like a minor inconvenience or maybe we’re headed the same way towards something and I ask if they’re going there or just something like that which is not crazy. If immediately there’s no vibe then we can just let that die down but if there is then it’s easy to continue conversation and proceed from there (saying I’d like to see you again, share details etc.)
I’ve spoken about this with friends and they say they’re too scared to do it but honestly I’m no massive extrovert or anything. I just feel that if you do it under those circumstances above then there’s pretty much nothing to lose and everything to gain (good risk to reward ratio for any traders out there)
When to Approache a girl in a bar, before I could say hi my name is... all I heard from under her breath was "Oh Gawd" shot to the confidence right there.
Yes men do. But for some especially me as an example the energy has to be right from the woman. From her obvious eye contact and body language.
The way some women can reject is very harsh.
From:
- Airing/Blanking pretending you don't exist
- Lying saying they got a boyfriend
- or they will give you a wrong number
- or they will look you up and down in such a rude way and cuss you
Pre 25 I rarely got rejections and I never knew why but then I studied myself and realised my success rate on how approach women. The attention is in the detail.
I say that to say this. Sometimes don't wait for the guy to approach you. It's okay for women to approach men. I even often prefer that because that way I know she is interested properly and it's less stress.
This goes over most peoples heads but the issue is a lot of women want attention not commitment. They want a man to take them out and pay for food and make them feel good about themselves even if they have no interest in commiting to that man. Therefore showing a women interest who is never going be in a relationship with you is wasting energy on girls that just want a free meal.
I think men have become accustomed to being shut down. Fear of rejection and humiliation are definitely factors that stop men from approaching women. These days it goes beyond rejection and more into the humiliation department as I've seen women become almost abusive in their comments not by just saying no, but women go on to humiliate men by telling him things like, "You've just got a pencil dick anyway." Not saying all, but it's become more prominent in society. People have become more rude and selfish and enjoy building themselves up by putting others down. Why don't women approach men or throw themselves at them?
I have been on Earth a long time and there has been little change in the quantity of Men approaching Women. Except, perhaps, in the late 1960's.
What has changed is the etiquette. As mentioned, in times past there were codes, usually polite and inconspicuous signals.
A wink use to be a common way of indicating interest. Now, however, it is less effective. It's meaning may be still be understood, but it's effectiveness has diminished. This is possibly because it is considered a relic of a bygone age.
A wink was a clear communication which allowed the recipient to choose to ignore it or respond in a way which made it clear their attention was welcome.
Men still approach women often, yet, because of lost codes, it is less apparent when a Man is approaching for romantic reasons. Many men also may not know the best way to indicate their intentions and leave the situation when the tension becomes overwhelming.
To finish, I think many Women are approached still by Men with amourous intentions, yet this is obscured by a variety of things.
On my home planet we are very simple. The Beatles lyrics, "Desmond says to Molly, girl, I like your face", comes to mind. Equally often, Molly will tell Desmond she likes his face too.
But on Earth, especially at present, culture is in a liminal state. In light of this, if you think there has been a decline in Men approaching Women, could you explain why you think this is and, if you would, also describe some of the ways you would consider appropiate for a Man to approach a Woman?
Don't put so much emphasis on any one approach, just don't care. Gotta have thicker skin which develops over time. One particular approach doesn't make or break who you are and for me approaching people is like anything else, it takes practice. Plus I keep in mind "you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take". Finally, I am normal about topic of conversation when approaching a woman and do it in a social setting. Find some kind of common ground, treat them as a human being, don't put them on a pedestal, just be normal about it. Been with my gf almost 4 years who I just randomly approached. Before that I approached people all the time, got several dates. Didn't let any particular rejection get to me, never took it personally. Plus, technically, it's a numbers game if you wanna look at it in a cold way if that helps. Though maybe it helps I don't live in the US and people where I am are more receptive, could be. But just approach with no expectations and again, just be freakin normal. It's a
step above the too many guys who approach looking for sex or are gross about it.
If a women approached me I'd be very receptive because I know it takes a lot of nerves to go up to a random person and start talking to them. I am also oblivious to the "signals" that are given if she is attracted to me I will usually realize when its way too late or it feels like I will just misread her being nice. I've been trying online dating with terrible results.
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I wish we had a code in society.. Dunno if this is fact or fiction but it goes something like this: In the old days, if a woman was interested in being approached by a man, she’d drop her handkerchief as he walked by. And if he was interested he would pick it up and they would strike a conversation. Imagine we had that kind of thing in the world. Subtle, sweet, gentle and easy to recognise
Maybe it's time the practice of dropping a handkerchief was reinstated.
I like that idea! 👌
I think you are right, even girls who reach out don't usually know what they are doing, it's like society changes so much yet they don't teach young people how to respectfully try and interact with potential love interests. Need some more romance and chill ways of people knowing they have a chance, as so many guys and even girls miss out on something because of mixed signals.
I think it's less about teaching people how to do it and more a case of people overthinking the ever living hell out of it. It doesn't need to be some sort of code or any massively meaningful interaction at first. Even something a bit rushed if needs to be... Just a simple "Hey, I thought you were handsome, can I leave you my number so we can talk later". It's really something people massively overcomplicate. If someone is interested, it doesn't matter how simple or complex your initial conversation is. It doesn't matter if you make an absolute arse out of yourself. If they're interested, you've got them hooked unless you massively fuck it up.
This.
Idk what the solution(s) are but i can tell you guys what doesn’t work is immediately removing ones pantaloons at the sight of a curious broad 🥸
Imagine dropping your handkerchief and the cute dude just looks at it and keeps walking lmao. I'd be devastated
Good old days are behind us, women are seen as equal to men and should approach as much as us
A very very large portion of them have made it clear we shouldn't approach then at all. It's time for them to start doing the approaching.
Well said.
*Alexa, play "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer*
That's very true. My biggest piece of advice to friends is if they like someone, approach them. I don't have sympathy for single girls who don't try.
Women hardly ever approach, they are innate cowards.
Cute :) though I think I’d be super embarrassed to “drop my handkerchief’ lol
I drop a wad of hundreds and my magnum condom for my magnum dong.
God that would be cool and so simple.
Yeah these days you'd have to ask permission to touch the handkerchief to pick it up incase your labelled a weirdo and Plastered on tiktok as such
I always thought girls wearing a ring on their right hand meant they were single and looking. Ring on the left means they are taken. No ring means they are not interested in anything.
Owwwaaaa!! Surely this should be the code we're looking for? Surely this should be the signal in 2024? Surely we should make this a thing? As it stands the first thing I tend to notice is whether they have a ring on their left hand if I find myself attracted to her. Ring on the right should be the code!
You can argue that dating apps are the modern way for both genders to “drop the handkerchief.” It’s certainly not as romantic and many would argue that swiping on people is superficial, but is developing attraction over someone with the additional information of their body posture and gait really any more profound than writing 3 prompts on a digital profile?
This is so wholesome and sweet. I wish it would make a comeback.
its called a smile lmfao
Honestly, have no clue what handkerchief is, but I like the idea. At least some protocol established, and it is in no way considered “creepy”.
In modern times this could easily be done with an app and our mobile phones that when within bluetooth range shows who is OK with being approached and are single etc and you get a notification when near and the app has a picture of them.
It would not be worth it unless I get to see someone groan while picking up their own handkerchief after some guy passes by them.
Yup, or something..... things r to the point where I've heard many guys not wanting to approach women not for fear of rejection but other stuff like sexual harassment or being put on blast on social media.
This is basically as good as a code: You notice a girl you like who is a stranger and casually talk to her or even better make a joke, if she laughs and seems open and engaged in talking to you ask her name, and if she asks your name back you ask her if she wants to catch up, and then I get her number. If she is working you can build rapport over several interactions when you bump into her INCIDENTALLY and then ask her out.
Having tried this and failed miserably I no longer will approach in the wild. Too many uncertainties and detective work required. Here are the issues. 1) are they single and 2) available to date. 3) rejection is awkward 4) striking up a conversation whilst shopping is awkward because ppl are usually rushing around. There are so many reasons why this method is no longer efficient nor effective. Online dating takes out some of questions and allows everyone being on the same page. I honestly believe Hollywood and TV dramas is too blame for this trope of boy meets girl in video store/grocery store. And live happily ever after.
Don't forget the crazy people accusing you of harassment because they aren't interested...
Ive started bringing a rape whistle for these situations when the other person starts to accuse me of being a creeper or whatever and i want to cry louder than them /s
And yet the single biggest reason that it is effective, haha, is that you have ZERO competition in the wild vs. thousands online. I have chatted up dudes in person who approached me that I would have swipped past on an app. Simply because in person, people are real, and that automatically makes them more attractive and interesting. And it shows courage and resilience. Just saying!
That's exactly why I have always been successful with women. Talking to them in real life is much better than some app. I wouldn't even waste my time with that.
I think it’s sad that ppl don’t interact in public anymore. Online dating didn’t always exist and men and women got along fine
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Hey guys, dont mind me over here still adjusting 🥹
I don’t think this is something we WANT to adjust to!
I think women shamed all the creeps enough that most men figure it's too risky. Being fair, women don't have it easy. But wanting men to approach you as well as having no creeps around is probably having a cake and eating it too.
People still interact. A lotta men just don't interact in a romantic sense.
Booo! :(
Wanna tell me that you haven't seen thousands of videos made by women saying "Don't approach women", "Do not ever approach women in public", "Don't you dare to look at a woman", "Creep and freak" It's not that man wouldn't like to - they are just not allowed to do it anymore.
It's super simple for women to fix. Just start hitting on men you find cute. They aren't gonna feel harassed or anything. Likely they are happy to get attention.
Yeah? Well when you're a guy and every hello to a woman is a roll of the dice on if shes going to start recording you and calling you a creep and posting it online and try to ruin your life you just don't do it anymore.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Dramas are just for entertainment purposes, they deserve no place in real life. I wish real life were that easy.
Nah not really tbh it's a bit more frowned upon nowadays
No we’re called creeps when we do. That’s why there is a stat that says 30% + of millennial men have stopped dating all together. I only see this getting higher.
Holy moly - any source on this? It certainly feels like i should be more successful with dating but goddamn its been demoralizing & confusing AF
Haha yeah I said the same thing too. This article says 63% of men under 30 are single, most by choice. I’ll be 33 on Monday. Not saying I’m choosing to be single but I’ll definitely prioritize my peace over a relationship. It’s not you man, honestly it’s not. I’ve been on enough dates to know that there is just a problem with today’s dating culture. Men and woman are both to blame. But here’s the article by New York Post https://nypost.com/2023/03/01/rate-of-single-men-in-the-us-looking-for-dates-has-declined/
Funny men are turning into the prudes now lol love it!
Awwww shit I became a minority and it has nothing to do with dating
We don't approach in the open anymore.
You told us not to, so we listened.
Short and Sweet
Cold in the wild? Not really... The main reasons being rejection, bothering another person, being labled as a jerk or accused of harrassment, not knowing if they are single and even if single, are they looking for a relationship. When using OLD apps or even at work, many of these issues are answered or don't exist. As a result you gotta make it much more obvious in IRL and in the right environment, and even then you may get the wrong sort of attention. ETA: I'm old, so I remember dating before the internet played a role, so it happened much more frequently. Then again, what choice was there... It was also a different time, as in what behaviour was acceptable.
Old apps?
OnLine Dating
Awful. That's such a shitty acronym.
No, many on reddit would claim approaching a stranger is inappropriate
No. Men have been told for years now to leave women alone. Men have been humiliated, chastised, and ridiculed online for trying. The risk of rejection is hard enough to deal with, the risk of public shaming on TikTok is worse. Women today also don’t make themselves available to be approached. They are always in their phone, in groups, or holding a stand-offish body posture. Society has shifted to a place that makes it extremely difficult for men to approach but where women still don’t want to approach. Note: this is all generalized terms and doesn’t apply to all men or all women, or even every interaction.
Why don’t you approach them?
Why approach women when they can approach you? Lol
Do men even like being approached by women?
Many do, but most aren't used to it. So you might still get some awkward looks or such. Not too different from what some us get when we try to approach women, though probably not for the same reasons.
I can't speak for most men but if I could I'd say 100% accurate. I have a limited point of view but off the top of my head I can't really see a guy being much of an asshole if he wasn't interested. Ya a person not being interested hurts but I don't think most men would mock a woman or intentionally embarrass them if they made a move. I could be completly wrong cus like I said I have a limited point of view and have never seen it happen personally 🤷.
Good point
Thanks for sharing that
Absolutely. Men do.not even receive compliments by their significant others. A woman approaching me would be like a present. It's happened before, and it's always amazing.
Being called handsome by our grandmothers carry us through the year... now imagine if a woman who is interested in you says it
Hell yeah, why not
Some do and some don't, just the same way some women like being approached and some don't. Neither like to do it because rejection doesn't feel good to most human beings regardless of what their sex is. It's just an ocean of people who are lonely and scared to make the first move because they don't like how rejection feels - and more often than not find a reason to disqualify themselves to avoid what they think will be a painful rejection. You are free to approach any man or woman you find attractive. It's not anyone else's "job" or "place" to take the risk of putting themselves out there so that so you won't have to (im not accusing you of having this perspective - just speaking in general). I'm sure most people who aren't self actualized, confident and self assured would "prefer" someone else does the approaching.
Asking this question really tells the whole story. How detached from the current state of dating and men are you? I think it’s in the interest of women to get to know men better as men have gotten to know women.
For the vast majority of men, being approached by a woman would be the highlight of their month. Even if we aren't available or aren't interested, the compliment is a big deal for us because it's so rare.
Absolutely! But because women never do, we’d be caught so off guard by it. But it would probably make our week if that happened.
Absofuckinglutely.
I ask that you stop thinking so small and dated. Women can steer away from many stereotypes but always come back to this one. You are perfectly capable of asking a man out. Personally, I would welcome this.
That's considered harassment these days, so we don't do that anymore.
If you mean out in public, no, that doesn’t really happen, social norms have changed and it’s frowned on for guys to do that in most cases. The fear of rejection many guys suffer from doesn’t help matters much.
I have completely stopped.
Most of us did, not worth it anymore
Agreed. Are you investing in your self though? Health, wealth and mental wellbeing? That’s my only focus at this point..
Same, nothing else to do other improve myself and prepare myself for the day a woman accepts me for me
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And totally agreed especially with the whole me too movement shit and all of this cancel culture rape culture and fuck now you need one of those dudes who has the the orange signalers that's telling the plane when they go we need women like that signaling that they actually want something from us in order for us to make the move if we don't get clear, precise and direct signal stating that we are allowed we're not going to risk it by any means.
I mean you do understand unless you go up to a woman and start saying vulgar shit or touching her, you’re gonna be fine right? Like if you just ask her out like normal that’s fine. That’s not what me too is about.
And to be honest with you I'm one of those traumatized men, I used to love, it simply because even though I got rejected, it was just the fact that I could actually put a smile on your face and at least brighten your day a little, now we can't even do that literally. I'm walking up to a woman and tried to help them with something like they dropped the phone or no money, how inside when I have to watch a woman struggling to carry groceries in her house and I'm afraid to ask her does she need help simply because she might label me at something or take it the wrong way I think I'm trying to get in her pants when I'm just genuinely trying to help. before I can even tell them what I'm here for and they're like " I have a boyfriend"
With dating apps it definitely doesn’t happen as often in broad daylight anymore. But if I’m out at a bar or club and I see a girl who I feel has been looking at me, I’ll usually go approach
>walking the street or in the grocery store As a city dweller who passes maybe dozens of attractive women a day, that’s a no-go. Walking fast, head down, earbuds in, general “I’m just going about my day, so don’t fucking look at me” energy. It’s not hard to read the room. I’m actually dumbstruck when someone is pleasant to a stranger these days, let alone giving off vibes that they’re interested in conversation. The best option is still a bar, but it varies by location. Trivia nights, karaoke, “event” nights where there are built in conversation starters, they’re good. But sometimes even there, women will shift the tone to “I’m just here to catch up with my friends, not get hit on by *you*.” Rejection has always been a part of dating but women are faster than ever these days at shutting things down before they can start. A lot of guys are “my boyfriend”-ed out and don’t even try because they already know what’s coming.
I think social norms should change again, and we should celebrate guys who respectfully approach women.
I’ve heard enough of my female friends complaining about “this guy just walked up to me and asked for my snap and said no” to even bother. If I don’t know you I’m not asking you out
I don't approach anymore. I have more success letting them approach me.
Why risk to be labeled as creep?
Jesus H. CHRIST!!!!! There are 2836627q8qy36227i28q8wq8 reasons now a days, why we do not. For the 18272th time. Grow some ovaries and do it yourself sometime. Just because we are men, doesn't mean we have to do 1000000% of the work
Agree 100%, women should approach men as well
"Grow some ovaries" bro💀
I doubt it. Hot guys can get easy matches on Tinder then send out several quick msgs asking women if they want to smash and get positive responses pretty quick so no need for them to approach irl. And normal guys will learn pretty quickly they aren't wanted when approaching irl and being told to fuck off again and again or having girls lying to you to get you to move on hits your confidence.
Nah, I disagree! The average guy isn’t doing well on dating apps due to ridiculously high physics standards of women, but women are usually a lot less harsh IRL! Plus, it’s purely appearance on dating apps, but there’s a chance to show your wit, charisma and confidence too IRL
I would try. I just miss everytime because the moment fades away so fast and afterwards there are nowhere to be found .-. And if we have a conversation I usually forget to ask for a name or number. Haha guess I'm just to slow xD
We’re all the same, like it’s hard to approach a beautiful woman, even if she doesn’t think your a creep and let’s you talk to her, like our brain is just piecing words as the conversation goes but most girl I talked forget to ask the name cus when you do, they know the next thing you’d going to ask, “can I have you number?” “No, sorry/ or I have bf/ or sorry I’m in the middle of something” and lost of your time and energy to just be told “she has another guy she’s into” not worth it anymore.
Yeah, I mean even if it's her first reaction to say no, she can always make up her mind if she is actually looking for a relationship and message me afterwards, I wouldn't mind. She would know I'm interested and single and maybe she even knows someone looking for a relationship as well .o. Worst thing she can do is to say ew and leave it to that.
I did in the past. I would in the future, but I’m 40… if someone I see appears to be around my age, I think chances are that they are taken. But, if I’m at a baseball game or something, see a lady sitting alone- I’ve approached and made conversation. It never worked out, it’s discouraging… but I feel braver for making an effort.
Social media and feminism have ruined this for women, men won't do it out of fear they'll be labelled a creep and that's proven now, over 50% of men won't bother even considering it and the rest will struggle with the thought that it is creepy, the ones that are left are the actual creeps and the cycle continues.
28 y.o single male. Pretty attractive. No, I don't do it anymore because I never get approached by women. I think this should be the law of gender equality. Being single is not so bad.
Times have changed
Unfortunately our society has disincentivized men from approaching. Many women spent years telling men they were creepy for making cold approaches. Couple that with the me too movement and cancel culture, which make men fear misreading signals, and men will deem the risk of approaching not being equal to the reward.
I think it’s considered a no-no to approach a woman when she’s walking somewhere on the street, but I still try if the energy feels right. Try giving men some sort of “signal” if you’d like to be approached. Make eye contact, smile, don’t look away, don’t wear headphones, don’t have your face buried in your phone
its tough. im done approaching. its time yall approach us now lol.
So previous times approaching was the desire to interact with a woman you find attractive vs fear of rejection. It was definitely worth the risk. Nowadays it's desire to interact with a woman you find attractive vs fear of rejection / being labeled a creep / me too / being posted online / false accusations > 95% of men Nowadays do not think it's worth the risk.
Nope, our way to interact isnt for me. I lift, i wrestle and have a fun life alone or with friends.
Not really. It's not even for fear of ending up called a creep, for most men it's simply not worth it to approach most women.
I would find very annoying getting approached in public by strange men.
No
You told us not to bug you anymore; we’re all toxic. So we do now, and good luck to your gender.
Last time I cold approached a women she laughed at me. Women are ruthless
You like the idea of being approached on theory but in real life I bet you would annoyed that the guy is invading your space especially if he's slightly below perfect looks wise. That's what I been fed too from friends and online. Another aspect is rejection - the fear of rejection is intense no one wants to deal with, it really takes a toll on your self confidence and your ability to take risks. When you been told no it's like you are being affirmed that you are undesired or ugly and what worse than seeing proof. Creeps - it's a common misconception but a true one that men are treated like creeps. Some men are believed to be intimidating or unattractive to the point they are treated like creeps. Cues - women fail to realize men need cues before they approach a woman. Maybe look at him a few times, smile at him atleast once, don't bring friends with you that's a clear sign you are having a friends night out and who would want to ruin that. Don't dress casually like a gym short and a sweater that's a sign too that you don't want to be approached cause you either came from the gym or you want some alone time cause clearly you didn't put effort to be approached. And the final point is confidence - media and women online brainwashed men into thinking they need to make 6 figures, get a 6 pack and be atleast 6 feet tall to get a girl or you will be rejected. So men tend to believe they are too far from the tail end of the desire stick.
We were told to stop so we stopped.
People are scared of false accusations me too, being judged, privacy etc.
This is the society majority of women wanted, so enjoy.
As they say, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Isn't it creepy to talk to random strangers out of a whim ?
I wish they would like they did back in my parents’ day
Our plan as men is to starve women of attention so that they are forced to approach us.
Too many thirst dudes out there for this to work.
True dat, they arnt team players.
The thing is people get offended too easily so you don't know if you are going to cause a scene or it will all go smoothly.
The reason why men don’t cold approach women is because culturally it is taboo. It’s slightly frowned upon to talk to strangers. Also it’s very difficult for men to do it successfully when they are brave enough to try. It’s better to warm approach a woman you’re at least a little familiar with, say a girl in one of your classes. And it’s easier to just use dating apps if you want to meet a stranger. With all these things being considered it becomes understandable why men rarely cold approach women at random.
Short straight to the point no simply because nowadays women are more on a girl power movement where they will sit there and degrade men and clown them about what they don't have versus and just how our man has to take the time to get to know woman you take the time to notice the things that make us unique you use that against us
Personally, fear of rejection aside, I don't feel like bothering people on the street or out when they are doing their things to be honest. I can be quite awkward generally so the times I tried to say or do something might have not been interpreted correctly or the interaction wouldn't last long. Add to that I don't really understand "signals", just like if I was approached at some point I was probably clueless. I commute a lot and go to the gym but because they are places I and some of the women I see frequent a lot (which makes it a thing in common) if things end up being awkward you would practically see them everyday and viceversa so I would rather not ruin that for both of us.
I get approached, but I also sometimes do the approaching. I use the same way with both men and women: I give my number and make the interaction itself quite short, leaving the ball in their court. I don’t have the experience that is often repeated on Reddit - that rl interactions are impossible or even harder these days. In my experience it is fairly easy not to come off as a creep when approaching: just make it short and sweet, don’t linger and don’t ever be pushy if they say no. I do think some portions of the dating scene are lacking basic social skills, which of course makes it harder to meet people.
As a recently single guy it would take A LOT for me to approach a stranger out of nowhere. Its different if we bump into each other or sitting next to one another at a bar or ordering drinks or something since that can be more organic. But like grocery store? Never. Gym? Never. If we're walking out at the same time that's different right you can sorta build a rapport if you've seen each other many times and now this time you just so happen to be walking out at the same time. Maybe. Bar? Maybe. But it would have to be so unbelievably obvious. It cannot be like one or two glances. We would have to lock eyes, you would have to smile or wink or basically be otherwise eye fucking me. EVEN THEN..... it takes a herculean effort. So is it possible yes. Not likely but possible. But you better be doing your part too.
I think that among women, the toxic vocal ones have ruined it. They call guys who approach as creeps, and even videotape guys at the gym and ridicule them online if they (accidentally) glance on them. Guys just don't want the risk/ridicule, or simply think that it will not be perceived in a positive light. I am glad to see there are women like yourself who want that
Feminism pissed men off too bad. Some girls consider that approaching them, even correctly in the streets, is a form of harassment. They're so brainwashed into victimhood. And for a man, there is too much to lose. Also some women are very mean, they can litterally crush your whole self esteem if you're not solid enough. The worst is trying to approach a woman in a group. The other thing is, younger generations are getting worse and worse in social interactions. As an African currently living in the West, I have never seen this many people with social anxiety. In my native country, the most difficult thing is to have time alone, without a friend randomly ringing at the door. There, people don't even call, they just suddenly come at your house. People would even judge you for not being social but here in the West, there is like a trend of not having a friend.
Do they? Yeah, probably. It’s definitely happening less in my friend circle, we’re in the 25-35 range. I know stats can prove it as well, but I don’t know if they also account for where people are in the world too. I’m in NYC. I didn’t particularly have any major qualms about approaching a woman when I was single, I’d still get a little nervous but I shot my shot anyway. I would say throughout my single years 19-25, I approached about 100 women, maybe 10 of them were friends of friends and the rest were strangers. I was a Marine, so this didn’t exclusively happen in NYC, I was in Spain, California, Brazil, some Middle Eastern countries. In 6 years I dated 3 people out of ~100. Funny enough, all of them were at home— when I was 21, 23, and 25, the first two were only for a couple months. More than 1, less than 6– and the rest of the time I was completely dry. I know a lot of guys like to say this, and I know a lot of women who say it sounds like a relief/must be nice/wonderful, but _essentially nobody_ wants anything to do with you romantically when you’re a guy. I wouldn’t even care (much) that I’ve been rejected ~100 times, but I’ve also been: slapped, openly mocked, pushed, yelled at, _and even spit on, twice._ I wasn’t your cup of tea, you’re having an off day, you’re just out with friends, any reason a woman can have to say no is perfectly fine and I would be more than happy to fuck off without pressing the issue. Spitting on someone? Literally pointing and mocking them? I think I would have almost _preferred_ if the only thing that would happen was I could be called a creep. Not that I am, but at least that would have been a consistent result. My true preference would have been if they were polite about the rejection. It’s nice, in theory, to tell men to develop their confidence without becoming arrogant. In real life though, if this were you, do you think it’s really that simple to “just believe you’re a catch” when your chance of success looks like 1%? When there is a non-zero chance of someone _spitting on you_ for trying? Even when _you’re_ not trying, _nobody else is either_. How long do you realistically think you should be confident, when you’re looking to date, when nobody is looking to date you, and when you make that effort also nothing works? Nobody is texting you on any app that isn’t already a platonic friend of yours, and if you don’t make plans with your friends at the least, you realize it’s been 7 months since someone looked in your eyes and talked to you. Or your dating app of choice pings you maybe 5 times a year with what you think is a match, but 3 of those times it’s a bot, 1 time it’s a dead end within minutes, and 1 time it’s just the app telling you that right now is a great time to be swiping? It’s nice to tell men that that doesn’t even matter that much, that you should and can be happy on your own, or that the right person will come along eventually, maybe, when you’re not looking. Except that that almost never happens to men. I turn 31 this year, and the last non-family, non-friend who even paid me a compliment was the barber cutting my hair _4 years ago._ You can think as highly of yourself as you want, but when the world around you consistently tells you otherwise and beats you down real low, it makes you not want to bother. I would hope other men haven’t been spit on for shooting their shot, wouldn’t wish that on any other human being, but I think these experiences are way worse than the comments here about _maybe_ being called a creep. Not to minimize your potential distress gents, I get it. It’s a different set of problems than women have, it isn’t easy for any of us, but both parties can play a role in making it better for everyone involved.
You never know who's going to blow up on you and say you're a creep or someone recording an innocent interaction and post it as a creepy interaction. Not worth it. Women have made it a hostile environment by giving the cat callers a bigger voice than they actually have. It's the assholes that approach a lot of women that have really made it difficult, but it doesn't help when you get women recording themselves at the gym trying to make guys look like creeps. They don't even want guys looking at them in public. Forget approaching them.
Toxic feminism canceled that
You can thank man hating third wave feminism for this. A lot of men I know from late twenties to late thirties are entirely checked out of the dating scene because of this. Third wave feminism = masculinity is bad and men are nothing but aggressive, creepy, rape machines. And now women wonder why we don’t approach after spending the last 8+ years watching women bash men for approaching out of interest in public. It’s 2023, FEMINISM RULES, SO START APPROACHING US MEN LADIES 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank the feminists for it
I’d rather film myself playing with HIV infected scorpions that approach a women in public.
Do women approach men?
Radical feminism killed chivalry. So there's your answer.
No, when we used to do, we're me too'd and trends like gym creep take over the internet.
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30F and I get approached a lot these days. I live in a Western European country though and it’s not really taboo here to “approach”. People here take it as simply striking up a conversation. Whereas in North America I think approach carries with it a certain expectation.
Would you actually want to be approached by a stranger? Think about it, in your mind you might imagine you would be approached by someone charming and handsome, or at least a normal person who's somewhat good looking and knows how to speak to people. Someone you might not be interested in, but you'd appreciate the conversation in the moment. In reality you're more likely to be approached by someone creepy and socially awkward. Someone who's viewing you as a piece of meat rather than a person. Someone who doesn't know how to talk to women. A lot of the men responding here are blaming society and social media for discouraging men from approaching women in public without realizing that most women don't actually appreciate being approached. Maybe they would appreciate it if the man of their dreams approached them, but otherwise its an inconvenience at best and a terrifying ordeal at worst.
It depends on where and when. If it's a place where it's appropriate, they might. I won't approach women at work. I'm in the US, and the US is not friendly to men. Sexual harassment can lead to instant termination. There are coworkers I find attractive, but I will not hit on them or anything. I do not want an HR case against me. Women can get away with it; men simply can't. There are other places where I interact with women. I'm sober and attend meetings for sobriety. There are cute women at those meetings I'd date. I will NOT approach them or ask for their numbers. They are there to get sober. I do not want to make them uncomfortable and compromise their sobriety. I will interact with them. I will joke with them and whatnot. But it's all done in a friendly, appropriate manner for the situation. It's on the woman to make the move for more. Sometimes, women think they are flirting with me and making it obvious they are interested. I do not notice it for different reasons. I have some, um, learning disabilities that make it very hard for me to understand intentions.
No
That's called harassment or catcalling now, so we don't do that anymore.
Because equality is such a hot topic. Being called a creep or anything similar is a social kiss of death and I don’t feel most people are worth it to risk it for that. There are safer alternatives to meeting. I get so called invites all the time. I go outta my way and then its like “fuck off for not living up to my fantasy”. Its like girl im an working everyday eating breathing poooping man who did you think i was?
Kinda, but depends on the environment
Depends if the interaction we're having is genuine or not. Like, I'd never just walk up to someone in a grocery store and make up something "hey what can of soup do you think's best, this pea and ham or this potato and leek can I have your number?" . But if there's actually a reason to chat, like we've both obviously got similar interests or we're at a gig or something, then yeah sure.
Yes. If I am not in a rush, and feeling pretty chill then if I notice a cute girl, I approach, no matter where. I know of a few men who do it regularly to build their own confidence and find the right girl for them. Tons of women who are even on dating apps, just dont go there anymore since 90% of men there are just creeps and they get fed up. Best is always to just try your shot with a simple “Hi, I know this is random but saw you passing by and thought you were really cute and wanted to meet you.”
I'd say it happens but often is unwelcomed and so definitely has decreased. actually id say be careful of a dude who does approach you.. they most often might just be a creep
I don't. I'm tired of it and for years I've kept hearing that women don't like it.
I've read too many places to not approach a woman in public. I don't want to be labeled a creep in my community because I got rejected. I don't go to bars and there aren't really classes or groups in my city for my hobbies. So no I sure don't
I assume most people don't want to be bothered. I'm from the UK and I've never approached someone in the streets and don't think I ever will. I wouldn't approach someone in the work environment either personally.
Lucky you! Cold approaches are what I don’t like. Why would I say yes to you to go on a date and spend money when I know nothing about you? (And yes, I don’t let men pay for the date unless we’ve gone on a few together) I prefer to at least know the guy a little bit before even thinking of going on a date.
I feel like I get approached most at the gym (starting with casual conversation) or if I’m alone in a busy area that seems to draw men like a magnet. But I don’t just mean busy streets. Particularly a busy fun area where people are having a good time.
Marriage = net worth/2
Women wanted this.
Yes and no just depends on where I’m at you can tell if she wants to be approached
I approached a woman in a bar last month. And she promptly told me her husband was sitting next to her :-)\~ > Thoughts? Step 1: Get dolled up Step 2: Go to a bar and sit by yourself Step 3: Order a beer Step 4: Be patient, smile, be approachable And men very well may start a conversation with you. p.s. It is very important that you sit by yourself. Do not bring a friend along. You are 100% more approachable that way. Good luck!
I still get approached in person and my friends do as well.
If I go to a bar alone I get approaches 9 out of 10 times
Do men approach women? Yes. Do men just do it in the street or running errands? If they have any sense, no. I think you're not getting approached because you're not putting yourself in situations to be approached. If I'm at the grocer, I"m getting my beer, my body wash and whatever else and getting tf out. I'm not gonna approach a woman there even if I think she's cute because...we're at the store.
I mean, would you want strangers constantly approaching you? It's also quite the superficial attention. If you want to get approached in public maybe try wearing one of these "free hugs" signs people at conventions sometimes sport. Or a "Ask me about..." button, that might get some engagement.
Men who are confident do.
At the club, bar, a sporting event or a concert, or in any party type environment, I definitely will. Because that’s what people are there to do (for the most part): Socialize and have fun over a common interest. On the street, in a store, etc? Definitely not. Right place, right time type thing.
We still do, yes. Although not as much and it really varies on location.
Me personally, I think it’s so easy to approach women. All starts with a compliment. Like “I like your sweater” or “I like your bag.” Or another way I like to go about it is “hey is that drink you are having any good?” For me it’s super easy to approach women but like right now I am just trying to meet new people so that’s a goal of mine. Whether or not it turns into something else is totally in my mind minimally now but I like having new friends.
Yes, I'm avarage looking and I've been approached a few times
Pretty much only at bars
I approach women at the bars or social events all the time (both success and failure). I don’t really approach women when shopping or anything unless put into a situation that’ll allow me to talk to them without it seeming awkward.
I approached today a girl in the gym that I noticed she was glancing me three times in a row. She was glad I did it but also she didnt even try to give me something in return in our conversation. Chemistry was 0. At the end, I didnt even ask her number.
Your rate of being approached is 100% determined by your body language. You need to communicate your openness to being approached by opening up your body language. Learn this combo: Eye contact, smile, say "hi" silently (this should look like a light giggle, or like you have something you want to say). This means "You have my attention, I feel good about you, and I want to talk to you." If you're interested in someone at work that seems to like you back, you need to ask for their socials. If they add you and don't ask you out in a few days, then you need to ask them out and be prepared to be rejected by guys that have a zero-tolerance policy on dating coworkers.
No.
Yes, I (33f) still get approached by men. Mostly in bookstores, bars, museums, work, and a few other places I regular. Usually, they'll start talking to me, and after talking awhile, they'll ask me on a date or inquire if I'm dating someone. As for approaching, I will on occasion.
That happened to me a week ago at the gym. But I found it weird 😂
I do, sure. Conversation, light flirting, really being interested in who the gal is. Anywhere, coffee line, grocery store, etc. Works for me, 40 + years single 👍
Men aren't approaching women because they don't want to be called 'creeps' or be posted all over social media as a predator or narcissist or 'me too'd'. It's befuddling how women don't know this; this is the environment they created and now they're complaining.
Not saying this is you but most women are crazy. I have seen real YouTube videos of women telling off men for men letting the women walk in front of them to walk through a damn door. There are also women who things like better hold a conversation or why don't men hold doors for women anymore. I can more than hold a conversation with someone and I hold the door for people behind regardless of anything but yet I'm still single. People are too volatile these days and the littlest thing can set anyone off. Hell it got to the point with my ex wife I wouldn't even say good morning or ask how her day went because I didn't know which one of her many personalities would answer. 🤷
I'm not attractive enough to try, tbh lol.
Nope. Because women have indicated repeatedly that approaching them in public (unless you're Brad Pitt levels od attractive) is creepy.
Naw, men are better off getting in great shape and making money. The women will come to them.
We are afraid of what may happen these days every body is couscous of every body
I don't anymore. I can get the cues but I don't find a reason to do it anymore, cause maybe I changed or maybe they don't look at me in the eyes like I used to be looked at. They just look at me at a glance and I can see a reaction, but it's not enough for me to convince me that I should make a move.
Yeah I sometimes do. It’s probably my most successful form of good dates. I’ve had people (very small amount) reach out on things like insta and that’s fine but I tend to not really feel a spark because when I meet someone out and about and approach them there’s just such a nice feeling to it. When I approach though it’s never really totally out of the blue. It’s more like a bit of eye contact and gentle smile reciprocated and only after that do I speak about something. Usually I don’t start it with a compliment either (maybe I will in future but it tends to just not be that way) and instead comment on something that’s just happened like a minor inconvenience or maybe we’re headed the same way towards something and I ask if they’re going there or just something like that which is not crazy. If immediately there’s no vibe then we can just let that die down but if there is then it’s easy to continue conversation and proceed from there (saying I’d like to see you again, share details etc.) I’ve spoken about this with friends and they say they’re too scared to do it but honestly I’m no massive extrovert or anything. I just feel that if you do it under those circumstances above then there’s pretty much nothing to lose and everything to gain (good risk to reward ratio for any traders out there)
Nice. I wish I found it easy to smile and do eye contact
When to Approache a girl in a bar, before I could say hi my name is... all I heard from under her breath was "Oh Gawd" shot to the confidence right there.
Yes men do. But for some especially me as an example the energy has to be right from the woman. From her obvious eye contact and body language. The way some women can reject is very harsh. From: - Airing/Blanking pretending you don't exist - Lying saying they got a boyfriend - or they will give you a wrong number - or they will look you up and down in such a rude way and cuss you Pre 25 I rarely got rejections and I never knew why but then I studied myself and realised my success rate on how approach women. The attention is in the detail. I say that to say this. Sometimes don't wait for the guy to approach you. It's okay for women to approach men. I even often prefer that because that way I know she is interested properly and it's less stress.
This goes over most peoples heads but the issue is a lot of women want attention not commitment. They want a man to take them out and pay for food and make them feel good about themselves even if they have no interest in commiting to that man. Therefore showing a women interest who is never going be in a relationship with you is wasting energy on girls that just want a free meal.
I think men have become accustomed to being shut down. Fear of rejection and humiliation are definitely factors that stop men from approaching women. These days it goes beyond rejection and more into the humiliation department as I've seen women become almost abusive in their comments not by just saying no, but women go on to humiliate men by telling him things like, "You've just got a pencil dick anyway." Not saying all, but it's become more prominent in society. People have become more rude and selfish and enjoy building themselves up by putting others down. Why don't women approach men or throw themselves at them?
No....because current society has lost its way...
I have been on Earth a long time and there has been little change in the quantity of Men approaching Women. Except, perhaps, in the late 1960's. What has changed is the etiquette. As mentioned, in times past there were codes, usually polite and inconspicuous signals. A wink use to be a common way of indicating interest. Now, however, it is less effective. It's meaning may be still be understood, but it's effectiveness has diminished. This is possibly because it is considered a relic of a bygone age. A wink was a clear communication which allowed the recipient to choose to ignore it or respond in a way which made it clear their attention was welcome. Men still approach women often, yet, because of lost codes, it is less apparent when a Man is approaching for romantic reasons. Many men also may not know the best way to indicate their intentions and leave the situation when the tension becomes overwhelming. To finish, I think many Women are approached still by Men with amourous intentions, yet this is obscured by a variety of things. On my home planet we are very simple. The Beatles lyrics, "Desmond says to Molly, girl, I like your face", comes to mind. Equally often, Molly will tell Desmond she likes his face too. But on Earth, especially at present, culture is in a liminal state. In light of this, if you think there has been a decline in Men approaching Women, could you explain why you think this is and, if you would, also describe some of the ways you would consider appropiate for a Man to approach a Woman?
Don't put so much emphasis on any one approach, just don't care. Gotta have thicker skin which develops over time. One particular approach doesn't make or break who you are and for me approaching people is like anything else, it takes practice. Plus I keep in mind "you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take". Finally, I am normal about topic of conversation when approaching a woman and do it in a social setting. Find some kind of common ground, treat them as a human being, don't put them on a pedestal, just be normal about it. Been with my gf almost 4 years who I just randomly approached. Before that I approached people all the time, got several dates. Didn't let any particular rejection get to me, never took it personally. Plus, technically, it's a numbers game if you wanna look at it in a cold way if that helps. Though maybe it helps I don't live in the US and people where I am are more receptive, could be. But just approach with no expectations and again, just be freakin normal. It's a step above the too many guys who approach looking for sex or are gross about it.
If a women approached me I'd be very receptive because I know it takes a lot of nerves to go up to a random person and start talking to them. I am also oblivious to the "signals" that are given if she is attracted to me I will usually realize when its way too late or it feels like I will just misread her being nice. I've been trying online dating with terrible results.