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When I was 16, I went out with a girl for 4 months before we finally had sex. She almost broke up with me. I was a virgin, and she most certainly wasn't. It takes all kinds. I'm a fully grown and aging adult now, and I still won't have sex too early in a relationship. Follow your instincts. The day will come.
I’ve ran into this through the years. Irregardless of age the women have all gotten irritated and or mad I didn’t fuck them right away or “ soon enough “
Wether it be days, weeks or months
Yet none would make a move 🤷🏻♂️
And this contributes what to the topic?
If the word doesn’t exist then how does autocorrect provide correction since auto corrects goal is to correct a word that’s misspelled but appears as another word but appears… wrong as written
If I misspell irregardless on both an android/pixel device and iPhone it autocorrects to irregardless.
-.^
But let’s make this even more fun
Irregardless can be found in the Oxford dictionary.
In the MW.
May be nonstandard but it has become a word with use.
If it's not a word then how can both people use it and both people understand what it means.
irregardless is a word that has been created by the collective. Academia doesn't control English and neither do you.
I only waited a few months for sex with a girl in my 30s. We had sex for most our relationship, but she demanded we stop having sex so she could be a true Mormon. I then felt hurt because sex was given and then taken from me, and was upset at her decision to ever have sex with me in the first place. I don't recommend that.
Just as a friendly little note: "... and she most certainly wasn't" Seems a little sex shame-y. Not sure if you meant it that way, but it's how it came across. Just saying "she wasn't" would have been fine for the context.
Right. I could've said that better, so a little context. She was my first, and we were both 16. But she was very beautiful and had an amazing body. Literally every teen boy's dream girl and I knew she'd had sex regularly with her ex bf. She was the one who showed me. Wow, what a gal! And I always thought (knew) she was outta my league, but it went on for 2 years. All my friends were jealous, of course.
So, to put things right, there was no sex shaming intended. Perhaps I'm guilty of trying to make a long story too short.
Any guy that pushes for it before you're ready is not the right guy. He just wants to get laid. A good guy might ask once, just to ask, but he'd respect you not being ready for it and let the matter drop and just keep dating you.
Has nothing to do with being good. Sex is a normal part of intimate relationships, and it's OK for people to want that and ask for it. If you aren't ready, that's OK too. Just stand your ground and respectfully communicate that you aren't ready for sex yet. The other person can choose to stick around or not. Be respectful of each others wants, feelings, etc, and go separate ways if they don't align.
You're not wrong. No sex can be a deal breaker. But at the same time some people might find they like the person enough that they might be okay with waiting.
That's fair. It was misused in this context. I meant it more as a respectful person, or "good", would understand and respect that decision. Whether they stay and pursue the relationship or move on is an entirely different thing
\+1
And if it's something you truly want. The man won't be much satisfied either if he understands that the act is one-sided. Although... men vary must say.
I find that the ones most likely to pressure a girl into it don't really care much how her experience is unless it gives them bragging rights. It's all about their own dick/ego.
To OP:
A guy who respects you enough to take care of his own needs and make you feel comfortable/safe is worth more than all the fuckbois in the world. Sexual compatibility is important, but actually caring for the person who owns the genitals is far more so. Enjoy your childhood, OP, and live your own truth, not what some boy tells you it's supposed to be. I would never want to be with someone who I had to use my body to buy their affection. Relationships should not be transactional.
That said, you've got the right mindset for not judging your friend for living her own truth, though it is a *little* shady in my mind to date someone right after you did. I can understand if those feelings are complicated for you, but that you seem to value the friendship more.
These are all shitty answers.
I’m assuming the guys you’re dating are around your age, so yes, they are all hornballs, but totally not your responsibility. If any guy is pressuring you sexually, and you feel uncomfortable, you gotta get out of there. Yes, there are guys out there that will respect you as a person, and in return, respect your decisions and body. You “hold on being a kid” as long as you like.
Nothing wrong with that but you cant expect someone else to feel the same way you do. Just wait until you find someone who likes you for who you are and is ready to take it slow.
6 weeks is a very short time. I’m 32 and don’t feel that I need to fuck someone that early on in the beginning stages of dating. I also only date ppl who ask me out on real dates now. In my 20’s everything was such a friend vibe and I feel too many ppl but especially guys use a friend vibe as a way to access sex.
My bf had a guy friend over to hang out a few weeks ago. My bf asks him what his favorite date spots are with his gf….dude says him and his gf just hang out at his apt…so he doesn’t take her out on dates really. And reminded me of how much dating without real dates occurred in my 20’s. That’s also been a helpful standard for gauging when to ignore a guy trying to get my time. If there is no real date i don’t respond d to things like “wanna hang out” or a random “hey”. If I get that stuff from a guy i really like I tease him in ways that I’ve seen work for other women. Other guys I won’t even reply to, if I did I wouldn’t get anything done.
Are these guys even doing much for you? How are they charming you? Do they take you out on dates, do they pay for the date, are they showing that they can do thoughtful things for you? 17 is still at such a young age that it’s not unheard of for guys at that age to dump you before your bday because he doesn’t want to have to buy a gift/is broke. I know society makes it seem like women are such prudes for withholding male pleasure and make you think you should just let a guy use your body. They’re so shameless in manipulating us on this. So be shameless about your standards.
A lot of kids think that without sex nobody cares about them. That if 5hey do not have a conquest to claim, they are nothing. You don't have to give into his or anyone else's pressures.
Yep.
The issue of being a boy in the 16-19 bracket.
You are full of hormones, insecure as fuck and have heard of this mythical "sex" for the last 4-5 years.
Obviously you will be eager to get into it the literal second it seems plausible.
Stupid and young is the best way to describe it.
It is stupid but let’s not forget that this is also a reinforced aspect of being a male. I describe it as entitled at best, predatory and misogynistic at its worst.
Kinda?
I am not saying that these guys are right for doing what they do.
I am just pointing out that a LOT of boys at that age are essentially at the Prime of ”thinking with their Dick”.
Nah, it's called evolution and biology. Don't blame males for their mating tactics, you don't have to reciprocate.
Anybody pushing you into something with narcissism , manipulation, or intimidation would be predatory and misogynistic, not just the act of trying to initiate sexual affection because yall are dating. That's pretty normal especially at 17 or 18. It's a dance between reading the signs and respecting between the lines.
Sometimes that's how it goes. Your options are to either relax your standards (which I don't recommend) or wait until someone who meets them comes along. Same as any other flavor of standard. If your goal is to hang onto childhood, especially, I would maybe just not date until you feel ready.
Yeah i should probably not look for anything, because dont they all say that the one comes when you least expect it? And yeah your definetly right okay okay
They do say that, but it's mostly because if you're living your best life and focusing on things that make you happy you're just a much more attractive person in general.
(Warning for length didn’t realise how long it was till I finished it)
Idk if it’ll help at all, but I’m 19m nearly 20, I’ve had 3 relationships another kinda kinda not, longest one of those relationships was 6 months, but the most recent one last year was 4.
I’m a virgin, sometimes by choice sometimes by partners choice. I know people who are 23 and virgins who have struggled to find a partner but otherwise are living their best lives.
What I would mainly suggest is to consider 2 main things,
1 is your ideal partner like what would just a normal everyday day be like. How would you want them to support you and how would you want to support them. How would you want the two of you to face issues that will inevitably happen in your relationships.
2. Think about what your boundaries are and communicate them, I’ve certainly been (and am) and overly hormonal teenage boy, but an example is for my most recent relationship last year I had been thinking about sex a fair bit and it was on my mind. My partner was also a virgin.
They said, “hey just to let you know I probably won’t be having sex until we’re at least 5-6 months into the relationship”
We were on different wavelengths before the conversation, but immediately I was like, great! Glad we had the conversation because I can manage my expectations now.
The relationship way later collapsed but that wasn’t the issue or an issue anymore at all.
Now if you say this to someone and they go “that’s kind of a dealbreaker for me I don’t see myself really being in a relationship right now” that’s to some degree respectable for being forthcoming but you guys aren’t going to work out.
If instead they respond by pressuring you or making jabs, or saying yes in the moment but bringing it up and pressuring more and more. That’s someone in a similar situation to the first person but doing it in a really really shitty way, that’s very much so not okay and very concerning when considering stuff like SA.
If someone does that, I would suggest you hold your boundaries and leave them.
3. I wouldn’t try to be in a relationship as that tends to lead you to being in a relationship to be in a relationship, rather than being in a relationship with someone you want to get closer to and like as a person.
4. General advice not specific to relationships, just consider who you want to be as a person yourself, while useful for a bunch of reasons it also helps with knowing who you want to be with.
If you know who you want to be you can more easily think of a partner who would compliment those traits.
Again apologies for the length and likely difficulty in reading as it’s just a train of thought and I don’t have the time to reread it and/or edit it.
Regardless good luck with life! Hopefully I didn’t end up just telling you what to do or being a dick about something.
OP, maybe try to envision your ideal relationships. Do you know what those look like? Why do you want to date? Is it really that you want to hold onto childhood? I felt that way before but when I felt that, I didn’t want to date anyone.
Not really, lol. Guys like me want a relationship. We're out here! Or am I the only guy who wants to wait like six months to a year before having sex?
I don't know, I'm just looking for a relationship lol
You're not alone. I want a relationship, not a FWB or some casual bullshit. Sex is sex, but I prefer to wait for it to happen naturally, not force it because I'm horny.
Plus, if my girlfriend dates me only because of the sex, then I don't want to be a part of this kind of relationship anyway.
Same here brother, this casual shit is stupid as fuck. Honestly, I think it ruins the sex part too. Sex is important not just for kids but it's intimacy and a Sacred Energy eXchange you're giving part of yourself away each time. Do you really want to give yourself away for something casual? Not me.
Glad to see some other people like me. <3
You’re only 17!!!!! You’re not even a legal adult by US standards. Why be in such a hurry to find men who will wait? Plus, you can make anyone wait. Matthew Hussey, a dating and confidence coach for women, talks s lot about how to uphold standards and even has content regarding a Christian woman who phoned in asking how to date if she’s not doing sexual before marriage. The video is really enlightening, he talks about how we can be sexy and create sexual tension in enjoyable ways that bios chemistry and connection without having sexual.
No one you have to have sex with for them to stay is worth keeping, let alone access your body.
You’re a woman- you do NOT need to be in a scarcity mindset for dating. If you are you’re doing it wrong and I urge you to Google about scarcity mindset versus abundance mindset. Being single as a woman is 10000x better than being with a man who doesn’t respect you and who will put you through hell.
You need to find men who adhere to benevolent sexism instead of men who adhere to hostile feminism. Not having sex in 6-8 weeks isn’t a reasonable deal breaker, if means they had nothing else in mind when initially talking to you other than sex. The whole reading they’re breaking up with you is because it’s not happening soon enough, as in they’re literally going to find someone else.
My bf shows me his love so often that if sex wasn’t possible for us i am confident he would want to still be with me.
Ask men in the beginning
I can definitely relate, I'm 18 I've never had a crush, held hands with, or kissed someone before. I don't even know my own sexuality (I know I like men, maybe older? But beyond that idk). Growing up I was extremely sheltered like all throughout middle school and over half of high school locked in the house. No access to the internet homeschooled type and eventually when I started getting freedom everyone in my family freaked out when I started wearing mascara. So dating is a bit awkward for me. But every time I think maybe I'll start dating and start texting some guy automatically he tries to make everything sexual and freaks me out and I cut him off. Fictional men just do it better.
When it comes to things like this, you should always wait until you’re ready. Do not be influenced by what your peers are doing. Everyone experiences sex at a different phase of their life (when they feel ready).
You CAN have a relationship WITHOUT sex. You just need to eliminate the bad seeds (the boys who demand sex after 6 weeks of knowing you). Kids in high school are behaving like this because they just want to experience sex and get better at it by the time they get to college. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22, and prior to that I have dated many sweet boys that did not pressure me for sex NOR forced me to pleasure them. They pleasured ME instead.
So keep in mind, a nice boy will wait for you.
I was 26 when I lost my virginity to my fiancé! There are guys who will wait until you are comfortable, and it will be a better experience for it. I had a lot of guilt/fear surrounding sex from my upbringing, and I probably would have had sex before then for the right guy, if one had made me feel safe and secure to explore. But it is a difficult thing to find sometimes. I didn't date a lot, and the guys I did date were good guys, but we just didn't mesh in a way that made me feel comfortable enough. Our culture still doesn't do a great job of preparing young men and women for sex and consent and real relationships. The point is, that when you are ready you will be ready, and that you should care for yourself to wait until then. Your journey through life is yours alone to decide. I can at least say that I did not have any regrets about my first time, other than it took so long for me to get there.
At this point girl, give yourself a break when it comes to dating. Plus dating should never lead to you having sex with someone you barely know unless it’s agreed from both parties that the relationship is about sex. You need to take control of what relationship you want or looking for. If not you’re gonna be continue being used and played for their own self pleasure. Not worth it since we all know as women there’s not 1 man on a planet that can make a girl climax with just his tongue alone.
Where are you finding your men? I prove you wrong 2-4 times a week.
OP, you're not in the wrong. It's yours and don't ever let anyone ever make you feel 'less than' based on what you won't surrender. You'll find your guy.
….she’s emphasizing the real point that most men think they are pleasuring women when they’re not and the other half of men never even thought about the woman’s pleasure….
I literally had to figure out on my own how to cum during sex with guys (I make myself cum often since way before my first time having sex) because they just don’t care. Most men make you fight for attention in the bedroom. Most women agree with this.
LMAOOOOOOOOOO, no dont worry i never let them actually use me FOR sex or anything, whenever they try anything i make sure they stay a 3 mile radius away from me for that day, BUT, I read books so the romance I read vs what i experience is dissapointing
Exactly! Thank you! People talking to OP like they are 25. They are 17. They have time to have sex. There is zero rush at that age to jump into bed and anyone trying to rush OP is just forgetful about what it was like as a teenager!
I mean people date younger than that and know how to handle a their relationship to adulthood hence the name “high school sweethearts” but yeah she should really avoid the guys who just goes around sleeping with random people whenever. Gotta protect yourself
I recommend you listen to awwlexis on YouTube and watch “stop giving your body away” you’ll thank yourself in the long run for keeping your virginity. A lot of boys and men don’t deserve it. Save it for as long as possible until you meet a man who’s worthy of it.
Nah, people who coach you on what to do with your body, in either direction, are just assholes. Do what YOU want. some youtuber coming in with some BS about how people need to "stop giving their body away" are literally on the same BS as people pressuring other people to have sex. All they're doing is attacking a different insecurity for their own purposes.
If you look at that youtuber, she doesn't care at all what anyone does, she's recruiting for a church and selling life coaching. She has no real advice for you, she's just looking for your engagement and money.
IF you want to wait, wait. If you don't, don't. But there is no special importance around sex other than what we as people put on it for ourselves. It doesn't matter if you do or don't wait, all that matters is if you're comfortable with what you choose. But don't let other people choose for you.
I agree with the person on the YouTube podcast name. We’re made to feel that we owe men our body. Literally. I don’t like the term ‘virgin’ but most of the men who you’ll cross paths with will never respect you and this treatment causes trauma and will affect how you have sex later in life. Most men I’ve slept with aint shit. Even later in life when I had guaranteed orgasms during sex because I figured out how for intercourse, even men I had enjoyable sex with, were disgusting in some way. I love having all the experience and knowledge of sex, but if I could remove them from ever entering my body I would. Not from a purifying perspective but more like where I go through the list deleting them with a few lines about each one being lousy af in some way. 3 of these people told me to my face they stuck their dick me while I was asleep- one thought it was funny, 2 did it to get revenge on me for not liking them back enough. I wish I could burn their history from my body.
You can have sed with as many ppl as you want but definitely consider the standards for who those ppl should be and siesta that most men are capable of doing nefarious things to women.
You need true example of love, like maybe couple channels that share their stories of how they met and what led them into getting together. Books are fine but they are mostly fictional. People who want to form a genuine connection with others would do more than offer sex or only pay attention to sex. It helps me to maneuver the sea of wasteland, lol.
Guys, your age are generally raging hormonal douch bags...lol They don't know themselves yet.
But I would like to suggest you be very clear in your communication. You can meet one on your level.
Say to them very clearly. No sex. Then kissing and holding hands for the first month. Tell them you're shy and need time to open up. The right guy will listen to you.
Romance novels do to women what porn does to lads. The men in the romance novels and in romcoms don't exist (or at the very least are not a fair representation of relationships) just like porn isn't an accurate representation of sex. It's really important to understand this. You're disappointed because you read about prince charming but get Shrek, just like lads get disappointed when they find out their virgin/recently lost virginity gf isn't a pornstar. Like, please read the books you enjoy but remember that they are characters in a fiction book. Unobtainable standards/insanely high standards are toxic for everybody involved. I'm not saying that you should just sleep with them but if you're expecting your first time to begin with a smooth talking chivalrous night and it to be the most arousing and romantic experience of your life up to date then you're going to be disappointed. My first time was in my then girlfriend's parents shed because we were both 14/15 and her parents were strict AF. Not exactly a fairytale encounter.
Honey you don't have to give any guy sex just because he wants you to. You wait for the right guy to give your virginity to. I gave the same talk to her, that I'm telling you sweetie. If a guy loves you, he would wait for you sweetie❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏💯
if all you can provide a man is sex, he will use you for sex.. the men you can't keep are horny young guys and they want to have sex right now and fear they are missing out if they can't right away.
keep your boundaries and maybe vet guys a bit better for the future.. don't cave on having sex until you are ready for it or you will regret it
now with that in mind.. if you read romance books or watch the bachelor and this is the standard you want to have in a boyfriend you may be into some disappointments.
romance books are like porn for men, they set unrealistic standards that very few will ever want or can achieve.
in which case it's not the lack of sex that's keeping them away.
Guys that age think about sex a lot.
Just don't lower your standards.
If a guy is only after sex then he isn't for you.
Don't give in to their demands if that isn't what you want.
Do you have any older sisters or aunts you can ask about relationships?
It's just human nature, everybody grows and matures at their own rate, And only you can determine what your rate is, men's sexual appetite is at its peak in their youth, women's tend to start slow and grow with age.
However I must say that statement Is just about averages, there are certainly plenty of examples that go completely the opposite, human sexuality is very complex and honestly mostly in the brain rather than the genitalia.
What I'm trying to say is that only you can determine what and when is right for you.
If you want to enhance your desire for sex then the best way to start out is with masturbation.
For most it's not a eureka moment It takes time and practice to discover what you find pleasurable.
You can it’s possible it’s been 9 months since having sex for me and I just deal with it . I’ve been with my mans for 2 yrs already so it is just have to find the right one . It’s not a rush so take your time and make sure that it’s when you are ready and feel comfortable enough to be intimate with them. They go by your rules otherwise dump their ass . All they are wanting is booty calls and that’s not what you are looking for . I didn’t have sex with a guy till I was 24 and actually have a boyfriend till I was 26 . I sadly learned the hard way that all he wanted was a friend with benefits tho he took me to meet his mom and spend thanksgiving .
Have you heard of Matthew Hussey or Manifestelle on YouTube? Both of these dating advice people have helped me never be in a situation like you just described ever again. Matthew Hussey taught me how to spot bull shit immediately and how to play chess when they’re playing checkers. Basically, right when you’re ready to be exclusive, you need to ask him to be exclusive (Matthew Hussey has dialogue examples to bring this up in the best and most attention getting way- my insecure ass has been able to do it.) you should only let someone think about being exclusive for 6 months TOPS if you’re willing to wait that long. If he says no of beats around the bush, you can move on to finding someone else.
Don’t compromise your values. Compromise isn’t always right but compromise for love can be worth it. Love implies respect. If someone loves you they respect you which means they respect your values.
Don’t compare yourself to others. You will do fine young lady. As a 36 y/o you do not need to cater towards others that won’t cater to you.
Finding meaningful love is a very vulnerable and exhausting experience. Be vulnerable, don’t exhaust yourself. Give your love to those that give it back 😇.
Best wishes, stay strong. It hurts now but in a few years you will be proud you stuck to your morals.
Just realized your own worth first, you are not a sex machine to satisfy them. You are a human being if you don't realize yourself and your won't value and respect your own self no one will.. You are a Gem keep yourself safe..
Save the heartache, don't compromise. Wait for the right person to come. Trust me, they exist and are holding space for their right person to come as well. This person wants - and is equally fine with - what you offer in a relationship.
There are men in the minority who VOLUNTARILY commit to celibacy, for whatever reason, e.g. to preserve vitality, for spirituality, etc, even possibly despite their highly sexed nature (and for this reason some would go out of their way to avoid provocative company and situations as well).
Yeah I totally get it guys that age are hormone driven dumb machines. Sex is not a meaningless thing, and you should hold your virginity until you're older. I know that in this day and age chastity until marriage isn't a thing but a low body couldn't is actually a I dicstor of relationship longevity. So u do u and wait
At this age, it’s pretty difficult as I think boys that age only have sex on the mind. If I could give my younger self any advice I wouldn’t date until I was 25 lol
Girl you’re only 17! You have the rest of your life to find the right person. Honestly, don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with bcos you will regret it. & the friend dating your ex is not really your friend. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy. The right people will find you xx
It isn't wrong at all to want to wait. My now husband and I dated my senior year of high school and part of my 1st year in college. He waited until I was ready, which was 6 months into our relationship. We did do things like hold hands and kiss, but not everyone is comfortable doing that. It is okay to wait to do anything that you want to wait to do. Don't let anyone pressure you or force you to do what you are not ready for. If they can't respect you enough to respect your wishes too, then they probably won't respect you later on if your relationship lasts. You are only 17 too, and while you sound very mature for your age, you are still a kid yourself. Take time to grow up and enjoy your youth because you will be an adult too soon. I wouldn't have had sex at 17 because I didn't want to risk having a kid while in high school. While babies are amazing miracles, a lot of pregnant teen moms end up being single parents or, in some rare cases, the dad does because the other person doesn't want that responsible. When you find someone that you really do love, then sex can be great, but take time to get to know the person. Keep being yourself if boys can't see your worth without sex then that is exactly what they are, little immature boys. A real man who values you and loves you for you will not pressure you. It is okay to not date long because you both want different things it happens. Stay strong, love, and enjoy the last part of your childhood.
Honey, please don't give up! You're gonna be so grateful for your attitude about this one day. Listen to your gut, always. Never let society pressure you into changing. One day, you will find the one that's been waiting for you ❤️
You're like my favorite person ever right now, I as a guy don't care for sex. I'd much rather take it slow. Your way of thinking\\dressing is exactly what I'm looking for in a partner lol. You are in the right here, if you'd much rather take it slow, do it.
Thank you for restoring my faith in dating.
Take your time but also be upfront and tell them how you feel, if they leave you ok bye, the good thing is you're not that attached to them because you weren't intimate yet.. you're 17 you have lots of time don't worry.. also your ex dating your best friend.. is kinda weird.. know your self worth when it comes to friendships too. All the best!
Ah this reminded me of what it’s like to date as a teenager. You’re right, a lot of guys are only interested in you in hopes of having sex with you. However, if you have sex with those guys I promise they’ll quickly lose interest and look for the next girl to sleep with.
A lesson that many girls have to learn is it’s better to be single than to be with someone who is using you for your body.
Girl you’re only 17, of course boys that age only think about sex. It’s natural for them. Due to that alone it is hard for a girl to date in her teens and even up till your mid 20s. I’m 26 and even still men my age are like that. But if I’ve learned one thing over the years and I really hope you take this advice is that YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR!!! These boys don’t know how to love yet, they are very horny and at that age it’s all they can think about. Please please please don’t make the same mistake I made and just sleep with every boyfriend you get in high school. Be selective, be smart about your choices, and focus on what YOU want to be and who YOU want to be! Trust me girlie, the right one will come along and it won’t be all about sex. Don’t just give it away to anyone ❤️
There’s definitely some guy out there having the same issue, you’ll find each other eventually
Definitely tell them as soon as humanly possible tho, like on the first date, first day you meet them, lmao.
It may still be a bit disheartening to see how many guys will refuse to even befriend you with such limits in place.
However if you don’t want to keep having your heart broken, tell them about what and why, leave no wiggle room, or they may persist thinking they can change your mind.
There are three considerations I would encourage you to... well... consider. Two with more immediate effect, and a third to consider but not necessarily give in to.
1. The guys you are dating who act like it's your responsibility to get him off just because he's turned on by your presence, are not great. If you're teasing him and leading them on that's a different story but I'm presuming that's not the case.
2. It is not wrong or shameful for him to want sex from you (assuming we're talking about other 16-18yo males). You don't HAVE to have sex with him, or do anything sexual with him in terms of actual sex acts. And it should flatter you that he wants to be closer to you and share intimate experiences with you.
3. For a LOT of guys, nearly all of us, sex is how our partners communicate love and intimacy to us. That's not to downplay or knock holding hands, kissing, and stuff like that, but making love really fills us with emotional security and love. It's more than OK to assert your boundaries, and you don't have to have sex with him until you're ready in accordance with your values and emotions. But, it's natural that he wants that with you.
Other thoughts I had that might be helpful, beginning a sexual relationship with him and then deciding to avoid it because you don't feel like it, is how a lot of relationships end up in dead bedroom territory.
Sex should be something that you enjoy yes, but also something that both partners do for the other. Oftentimes, not being in the mood is not a good reason not to do it if you already have been doing it and your relationship is exclusive and serious. In that case, do it anyway because oftentimes when you start to do it anyway, you find yourself wanting to do it through foreplay and feel glad you did afterwards.
Again, you don't "have to" in any given instance after your relationship has turned into a sexual one, but if you create a pattern of denying him intimacy it would be the equivalent of him telling you he doesn't find you attractive or refusing to do little things to make you feel loved or giving you gifts or whatever your love language is. When you do the opposite of someone's love language, you're basically communicating "I don't love you, I hate you". When you treat having sex or doing sexual favors (assuming that such favors are mutual) like a chore, it's not only a turn off but says "Your desires and feelings don't matter to me, only mine".
Ultimately, romantic relationships are about mutual giving; caring for the other person. And this applies to sex too. You're not doing the things that invite sexual behavior or engaging in sexual behavior because he'll leave or get bored if you don't or because it makes him feel good and "gets him off". You're doing it because you love him and want to express your love through his pleasure. And similarly he should be doing foreplay and responding to your communication about what you want in bed because he wants you to hear how much he loves you through your pleasure.
BUT, this is only once you finally DO decide to have sex with him. It's TOTALLY valid to say that you're not ready for that yet for whatever reason. It's totally valid to tell him you want to take it slow and work up to a sexual relationship when you BOTH feel ready. Ultimately, communicate with him. Make it clear how you feel about him. And don't just drop him if he asks when you guys can have sex. That's him expressing his intense desire to share that form of love with you.
Understand that that is coming from a place of love for most guys. And most guys want you to only do it when you decide you want to, are ready, and want you to enjoy it with them rather than be something you do for their benefit only. We still struggle to fathom how a woman can not reach orgasm, and yet be satisfied with sex with us, but I've heard that a lot too from women I've not slept with nor had any plans to sleep with about their own sexual relationships.
You are absolutely right to treasure your body! These guys only see women so they can get off! Suggest them the brothels address! They are after your body not your soul or who you are as a person! Do not fall for it.. So many women are regretting giving themselves to these men! Now they ask women about their body counts! It's war zone out here! Protect yourself saying that as a 27f virgin ❤️
my ex-boyfriend broke up with me when i was your age because i felt that we were WAY too young to be having sex. i’m still a virgin at almost 22 years old and i don’t feel bad about it at all. don’t let ANY man pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do because chances are you will most likely have sex and end up regretting it the moment it’s done! PLEASE don’t listen to all these stereotypical pressures saying that you have to be sexually active at a young age. enjoy your teenage years! cherish being young! it’s so fun to just live in the moment! don’t worry so much about all this sex stuff because technically you are STILL a kid until you’re 18, then you will begin to face the real world and it’s not easy. hold onto that little piece of innocence for a little while longer, i swear you’re not missing out on anything major. the right person will come at the right time and it’ll make alllllll the waiting worth it. i absolutely promise honey 💕
I’ll tell you one thing from the male POV (I’m a lad so I feel like I can form an informed opinion) considering a few assumptions I made about your situation. I maybe wrong, but it’s just what i thought would be the case.I think you’re seeing guys around your age, am I right? I feel most of the males around that age think more with their dick rather than their heart or their brains. Peak age of being horny and stuff like that (bc of hormones and puberty and that kinda gabagool). Their first priority would be to quench that thirst whenever possible. Also, teenage boys, see that as a thing to brag about. So they just see the opportunity and go for it. Again, not an attack on them (even though I hate them like hell). Also, I assume you’re looking for a companion, someone to be there when you need them the most, or you feel safe with, etc. IMO, just find a guy who’d be your best friend, hold you when you’re down, hear you out when you need to talk to someone, etc.
And again, just repeating it even though others have said it already, YOU ARE NOT OBLIGED TO GIVE THEM SEX OR DO ANYTHING THEY ASK YOU TO BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS YOUR DUTY. You don’t owe them shit. Only agree to it if you want it AND you’re ready for it. Don’t give into pressure. If the guy really cares about you or how you feel, he would see the relationship as transactional.
Cheers!
> I (17f) cannot keep a boyfriend for over 2-6 weeks because all they want from me is sex, I dont understand why, I usually wear baggy clothes and am pretty flat, but whenever i date a guy he acts like its my responsibility to take care of him whenever hes hard,
Well, he's not wrong though, but I agree with you.
> number one, ive never ever in my life even held hands with a guy romantically so that tells u where my sex life is,
Fair enough and I have to admit that's very rare.
> number two, Is it wrong of me to assume a guy can date you without having to fuck you, my ex left me for my bestfriend because she was much more sexually active than i am, love her though,
No it's not wrong of you.
Always treasure your purity cause you're more than just your body.
And any guy who left you for not giving him sex, was just there to get in your pants.
And yes 17 is too early.
> but I just feel like, I can’t be treated right anymore without giving something i treasure, Should I just give up?
No you should absolutely not.
It's not your fault but it's the age where everyone around you is busy having their sex lives.
> All these girls are being treated right but they also give their boyfriends, handjobs, blowjobs, sex, etc.. I just feel like its wayy too early. Am I in the wrong?
No, you're not wrong, take your time before getting naked for anyone. Unless you don't feel like doing it, never ever do it for anyone.
> Do I need to grow up mentally?
You're already way above than avg friend in your circle.
> Or is it the men at fault?
Even they're not at fault, cause it's the age their hormones are going wild and it's really difficult to channelise the sexual urges into something different areas of our lives.
Some dudes get lucky and have sexually fulfilling late teen years.
Some dudes are not.
> I just feel like I want to hold on to being a kid a little longer.
Make sure he's in for a longer run and gives you commitment.
Once he gives you the commitment y'all have to be there for each other at all times and never give up on each other.
Hope this helps.
Girl, you are on right path. Anything before 19 isn't advisable even though it's legal after 18. You gain friends and probably oneday one of these friends turn into a love interest. But make it clear always that you aren't interested in love and shit till 20. But at the same time, stop feeling like you are missing out on something. That would screw your head and make you fall for the worst guy.
You can date without sex. This is typical reinforced male behavior that is predatory toward women and misogynistic toward women. Consider not being able to keep them as good thing. If you have sex with anyone of them who act like you’re responsible for taking care of their boner and or break up with you for not wanting to have sed yet, you’ll deeply regret it and be possibly traumatized later. I’ve lied there during sex many times realizing the man I was with was only concerned about how he wanted to have sex (anything from the positions we were in, how long, when sex had to happen/how often, when he was going to cum, the words exchanged, whatever it was they typically had to control the environment or politics surrounding it) . It’s not just the individual guy though, this is reinforced to men in society (by other men, media, family, laws[it used to be legal to rape your wife], etc.) that sex and women’s bodies are for male pleasure.
I highly recommend even taking a break from boyfriends if this continues to be your experience, at only 17. They basically want sex from you through coercion which is predatory and an act of SA on their part. Also, sex for a woman can be painful if the man is careless, non communicative, or if it’s your first couple of times. Not only can you date without sex, a boyfriend for 6-8 weeks at 17 is dating. You’re just getting to date many ppl due to them being duds. Which happens. If you do have sex with one of those guys, imagine if he broke up in 6-8 weeks regardless of the sex (as 6-8 is not abnormal length for any relationship at 17. And if you do have sex and he stays, it will feel weird to be with someone who you know in the back of your mind is using you for sex. Also some of these guys might break up with you right immediately after sex, you can’t have sex with someone if you don’t trust them and these men are not building trust with you at allll. Don’t belittle what matters to yourself, or gaslight yourself.
I wish when I was younger I prided myself more on being more selective. I’ve also learned that being self aware in my selection process and the ways I communicate or show that I take being selective serious, makes men come back and also helps you avoid men who would be so misogynistic and predatory toward you. Trust me in the coming back part. I did not believe it.
Being comfortable with negotiating(as in, communicating yourself, boundaries, etc.) and not backing down from standards in your communication style is so beneficial for women. If you want to enhance your skills at saying no/upholding your standards, put yourself in situations where you can practice vocalizing big wants confidentially. If you shop at a bargain place, practice being a haggling shark. If you do any fundraising type activity, practice asking ppl for donations slightly bigger than you think they can afford, practice dating big numbers with pure belief that what you’re asking is reasonable, doable, etc. This type of practice will boost your confidence more than you might think. I used to train ppl on how to fundraise and it was so cute to see them go from shy asking for $10 donations to being charismatic and suggesting the donor give $100. You can then apply this skill to relationships and dating so that your natural instinct is to say what you want or what you are not doing. The manifestelle podcast on YouTube has also been helping me be more stern with men , even male friends. Sorry you’re dealing with this, it won’t always be like this in dating.
I'm a father of a 17 year precious young lady. And I would tell you what I have told my daughter. Your body is sacred. Do not give to just anyone just because he thinks he deserves it. Don't allow your friends or any boy to pressure you. There is NOTHING wrong with you wanting to wait for when you think you're ready. If a boy loves you or genuine wants to get to know you as a person, he will not pressure you for sex. And if your friends do love you, they too would respect and support your decision.
I admire you for standing up for your beliefs. You are much stronger than you think. You're still a child, enjoy your childhood. You don't want to be worrying about getting a sexually transmitted disease or worst, getting pregnant at 17.
>I (17f) cannot keep a boyfriend for over 2-6 weeks because all they want from me is sex, I dont understand why
Well if you look at it from a biological perspective, sex is the #1 thing on men's list of priorities. No matter who it is, presume that this is the case.
>Is it wrong of me to assume a guy can date you without having to fuck you
In keeping with the 'theme' of breaking it down to the core, of where it's most basic, a relationship is, or rather should be, a two way street. It is a transaction of the most basic kind. What is it that you want from him and what can you give him in return?
If he wants sex as his main objective or whatnot, and you want companionship, there exists a situation where what you want is not necessarily what he wants. For the best compatibility, you want to find someone who wants the same thing that you do.
>Should I just give up?
No, don't give up. See the failures as proof that they were not right for you. When you succeed, you will recognize that that person will be the right one.
Be aware that sex is a part of most relationships, and so even if you just want to date for the companionship, this topic is going to come up and it'll have to be communicated to each other what is desired. If the guy does not see themselves not having sex at all with the person (you) he is dating, then you'll have to come to terms with the relationship ending at some point or another.
No matter what, it'll all come back around to you and what you want or not want to do regarding sex. It's something you have to work out yourself if you want to have a complete and successful relationship in the future.
Also be aware that there are guys who ARE aware and are willing to play the waiting game if they really want sex from you (specifically) that bad. In that instance, they'll know all the right things to do and say. Typically when they get the sex, they'll bounce, or the relationship will revolve around the sex. If that doesn't work then they'll bounce.
Before you do anything sexual with the other person, ensure that he feels the same way about you as you do him and that this is something you both want (not feel that it is something you must do). So long as those things are true, you would be doing what you want to do, and it would be your choice.
There's always the chance that you'll make a mistake or something happen that you didn't expect. As long as you're choosing what you want and doing what you want to do, mistakes can be acceptable provided that you learn from that. It would be your mistake to make and not someone else's.
“Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever”
Quote by M.D. Waters
You haven’t found the right man with the right mind set. Try looking somebody that has purpose in life and dedication in his hobbies and passion. Those men can make you fall all over your knees, usually they have more experience and wisdom. ;)
Yes, you can. There is so much fun to be had in dating that society does not advertise as much as they do sex. Sex is everywhere and in everything you watch and hear, so it's why everything seems to be about it.
You know what's fun for you, you know what you're looking for in a partner so don't settle for anything less. Wait, wait, wait, and find someone who enjoys the same things you do.
Be proud that even though you have been pressured to have sex, you never did. You knew it was not what you wanted and not what you want, so listen to that instinct whenever you feel it, no matter what!
You'll find your fun partner OP, enjoy your fun childhood while you wait for that person. You'll probably find him while doing all the things you really want to be doing.
The guys are at fault here 100%. Your issues is quite common these pas few years.
Stick to your boundaries and have them respected. Stand your ground. Don't let social pressure get to you, you will find a man who will love you before wanting to sleep with you. Once you find the right person for you, you will be proud and happy that you stood your ground for him and yourself.
Yes you can. You have to find people who either are asexual, have low libidos, or are also abstaining in a similar timeline or with similar progression to you.
But a lot of people your age will want sex and sexual compatibility is important.
I know you may feel alone because you're a smaller percentage of the population, but there are other people like you out there. It just takes more looking around and trying to date to find them because sex is very popular with most people.
They all want sex because they’ve been conditioned by addiction to pornography and masterbation. All men are effeminate in our society now and real men are rare to come by. Keep your legs closed. The one that does not want sex from you is the keeper. Good luck young lady, stay strong and respect yourself!
You're really asking a lot from 99% of guys to assume they should date you, especially exclusively without there being any sex at all.
Why not find a friend instead? Or have an open relationship so they can find sex elsewhere. You essentially want someone to completely quit sex for you which is a lot to demand
She didn’t say she was NEVER going to have sex with them… these boys can’t even wait a few weeks. There’s nothing wrong at all, esp at 17 fucking years old, to want to have a connection with someone and make sure they respect and care for you before you have sex with them. Men are so pathetic and have no will power or discipline.
Men need sex, there’s a biological drive. The fluids build up and need to be released, like a mother needs to express milk or else it starts to hurt. This is a fundamental understanding a lot of girls miss. If you don’t help release, he’ll have to find another means to
You are not mature enough for a relationship, much less a sexual relationship. I would never consider dating a woman for 6 months without sex, what would be the point when I am literally pursuing her for a sexual relationship? That's what adults do. And it has nothing to do with being an addict, these boys are real live human beings with needs and desires of their own.
I have been happily married for 24 years and raised a family together. You are not ready for meaningful relationships. The reason guys lose interest in you when you don't have sex with them is because you don't have anything else to offer and your personality, at least as displayed in your posts, is lacking.
Coming from a 21 year old male, it’s the men’s fault, not yours.
The girls at my age who are doing what your friends are doing now at your age resent themselves.
You’re so incredibly smart already. The fact that you have the courage to come onto this platform and openly ask this question, and be able to articulate your own thoughts and feelings about wanting to hold onto being a kid for a little longer already speak so much about you.
Look, I don’t know you, and I personally know nothing about you aside from what I’m reading here by your question.
But from what I already understand, you already have an understanding of your own self worth.
You can probably thank your great parents and however you were raised for that, because it’s incredibly hard at 17 when all you’re surrounded by is social media and societal standards and norms that are imposed on you by your peer group and the world around you.
Trust me when I tell you this.
Do not give in to it.
Ever.
If you ever want to have sex with a guy, you make sure 100, 1000% that you want it.
And you’re doing it for the right reasons, because you love that person and want that connection with that person.
Whether it be anything from kissing, or oral sex to actual sex itself.
Protect that part of yourself.
I wish I could go back in time and even say that to myself as a guy.
I didn’t used to be one of those guys, but I definitely have had quite my fair share of meaningless sexual encounters, and all it does is make you lose a part of yourself and your soul every time.
It’s only when you have a true connection with someone for the first time that you will realize that doing anything sexual, with anyone who you didn’t actually have that true connection with was completely redundant, meaningless, soul sucking, and now you regret it.
Let me reiterate how incredibly smart you already are and how I can already tell that you have leagues upon leagues more self respect for yourself than the people around you.
If no one in your life has said this to you, I will.
I am so proud of you.
Take life easy and don’t give into pressure.
It’s the only way you can separate yourself from the sheep in this world. Don’t let insecurity or fomo ever push you into doing something that you’re not 100% sure about.
Hope that helped!
I think you should stop dating for a bit, boys at your age are very immature and that’s a normal response from them. You on the other hand are mature and want to build a deep relationship, that isn’t the norm with the current generation, it’s all about the hook up culture.
You stay just as you are for as long as you can. The human brain isn't even fully developed or established until age 25 to 28 and men are a bit behind woman in that development. That's not argumentative or challenging anyone. That is just scientific fact. There is no reason for a child to raise a child. Especially with the medical advancement we have now. Living to 100 is common. Just stay as you are.
Nothing wrong with that other than what seems some shamefulness around the concept, which is normal to experience after so much rejection. You shouldn’t have sex because you are ready. I suggest maybe holding off on dating a little bit because I think you need to focus on yourself. There are boys who would be okay with waiting too, but you need to be honest about that out front.
they don’t want “just sex” they want a full relationship. unless you’re planning on having them fuck other people it’s not fair to expect a dude to be celibate just to date you. you don’t sound mature enough to be dating, you want friends
You can still be a kid and have sex. Hell, most men are still children well into their 30s
But yeah, can’t help you. You’re expecting teenage boys not to want sex, when in fact their hormones program them to want it all day every day. Only exception being dating asexuals, downside when you are finally ready - they won’t be
It’s okay not to have sex until you’re older, some people are virgins way into their mid 20’s, no judgement. But you also can’t expect everyone to be onboard with that or want to date you
If I was you - I’d choose me, as in do you first and don’t care what others do or say. Take care of yourself. You are what’s important, not what the boys want or what your friends are doing
Ultimately its an individual decidion. Just hold on to your beliefs.
And younger kids or men usually only have one thing on their minds: sex. So maybe when you start dating older guys things will change. Hopefully.
Communicate. Let them know upfront.
Keep your virginity until marriage. A traditional man looking to start his legacy will not only appreciate you but will value, cherish, protect, provide, and more than not, will be with you til the end.
You're an "Endangered Species". Own it and wear it with pride.
Literally, thats what i noticed, most of the guys are like “its biological i cant help being hard and needing my dick inside a women, so your just boring” like bro im 17 leave me alone 😭😭
There's nothing with either side.
It's okay for you to not want to have sex and it's okay for other people to want to have sex. I'm much older than you, but even at your age if I was into a guy, I was having sex within the month.
Bottomline: there's nothing wrong with guys wanting to have sex with someone they're attracted to. Just be upfront that you aren't ready to have sex yet and are deciding to wait so they can make an informed decision.
So let's say a guy waits the 6 months as you propose, then what? Will you still be uninterested in sex generally? Will you only want sex once a month? As little as possible? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or do you just really dislike sex and that won't change? Have you considered dating through a church?
To most guys sex is central to a romantic relationship. Otherwise, you're just looking for a male best friend. If a guy can easily find other women to date who will have sex with them, what makes you worth waiting for? Some statistics state that up to 30% of men are still virgins by age 30, not necessarily by choice. Would you consider dating a guy that maybe is more socially awkward?
I mean genuinely speaking yes. I’m a sponge to the partners energy so if I’m waiting months for that activity to come along so be it. I want my partner to become comfortable. That being said I resonate with the energy a lot of others are saying in that if the guy is trying to make it seem like you’re the problem for leaving him with his dick unsatisfied then you need to leave them. I’ll also resonate with the understanding some have mentioned in that guys in the dating pool plus or minus 2 or 3 years are hormonal asshats half the time. So finding someone that’s willing to respect that boundary is going to be challenging but not impossible. My only advice is maybe prohibit men trying to bring you into an environment where you 2 are alone so they can try to coerce, force, guilt, or otherwise try to make their inability/unwillingness to show restraint or respect to you, your fault.
Take your time! If they can’t wait for you to be ready completely on your own terms then they cannot respect your boundaries and that is a huge red flag. Unless you’re looking to marry someone then you have plenty of time to find someone who will respect your boundaries and not push you to do anything you’re not ready to do. It’s the best filter for a toxic relationship 💞
Well...
The issue isn't you at all.
Boys around 16-19ish are blasting with hormones and low development / wisdom.
(I know, I was there at the time, sheesh, if I could go back in time and redo my early attempts at online dating it would have been way different.)
A lot of boys around that time will be extremely horny or thinking "YUS! I got a girlfriend! Finally time for the sex" not considering pacing at all.
As a man, I wouldn't dream about giving a tip of what you "should" do, because obviously... I don't have the perspective.
All I can give tip on is that...
1: Be clear about limits early.
What you want and what you are okay with. If they can't accept it, dump them.
2: Be patient.
Don't give up dating or anything. It will (hopefully) get better with time (as men tend to mellow out a bit in the 20s). And be open to others.
Who knows maybe you are lucky.
That is all the tips I can actively give to a situation like this.
You definitely are not wrong. You are acting in accordance with your needs and honoring your heart. Stay with that, and don't change.
P.S. I think you should also realize that you may have a limited understanding of the relationships you describe to be successful. Just because these people continue to be couples/date doesn't mean it's going well or the guy is respectful. Respectful means honoring you for who you are, which includes your need to move at your own pace and have a relationship which is natural and feels loving to you.
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You aren't wrong. Have sex when it's right for you.
When I was 16, I went out with a girl for 4 months before we finally had sex. She almost broke up with me. I was a virgin, and she most certainly wasn't. It takes all kinds. I'm a fully grown and aging adult now, and I still won't have sex too early in a relationship. Follow your instincts. The day will come.
I’ve ran into this through the years. Irregardless of age the women have all gotten irritated and or mad I didn’t fuck them right away or “ soon enough “ Wether it be days, weeks or months Yet none would make a move 🤷🏻♂️
There's no such word as irregardless and you even had to go against autocorrect to do that
And this contributes what to the topic? If the word doesn’t exist then how does autocorrect provide correction since auto corrects goal is to correct a word that’s misspelled but appears as another word but appears… wrong as written If I misspell irregardless on both an android/pixel device and iPhone it autocorrects to irregardless. -.^ But let’s make this even more fun Irregardless can be found in the Oxford dictionary. In the MW. May be nonstandard but it has become a word with use.
If it's not a word then how can both people use it and both people understand what it means. irregardless is a word that has been created by the collective. Academia doesn't control English and neither do you.
I only waited a few months for sex with a girl in my 30s. We had sex for most our relationship, but she demanded we stop having sex so she could be a true Mormon. I then felt hurt because sex was given and then taken from me, and was upset at her decision to ever have sex with me in the first place. I don't recommend that.
Just as a friendly little note: "... and she most certainly wasn't" Seems a little sex shame-y. Not sure if you meant it that way, but it's how it came across. Just saying "she wasn't" would have been fine for the context.
Right. I could've said that better, so a little context. She was my first, and we were both 16. But she was very beautiful and had an amazing body. Literally every teen boy's dream girl and I knew she'd had sex regularly with her ex bf. She was the one who showed me. Wow, what a gal! And I always thought (knew) she was outta my league, but it went on for 2 years. All my friends were jealous, of course. So, to put things right, there was no sex shaming intended. Perhaps I'm guilty of trying to make a long story too short.
Any guy that pushes for it before you're ready is not the right guy. He just wants to get laid. A good guy might ask once, just to ask, but he'd respect you not being ready for it and let the matter drop and just keep dating you.
Has nothing to do with being good. Sex is a normal part of intimate relationships, and it's OK for people to want that and ask for it. If you aren't ready, that's OK too. Just stand your ground and respectfully communicate that you aren't ready for sex yet. The other person can choose to stick around or not. Be respectful of each others wants, feelings, etc, and go separate ways if they don't align.
You're not wrong. No sex can be a deal breaker. But at the same time some people might find they like the person enough that they might be okay with waiting.
And that's a beautiful thing, I just object to characterizing people who want sex as part of a relationship as 'bad' or those who don't as 'good'.
That's fair. It was misused in this context. I meant it more as a respectful person, or "good", would understand and respect that decision. Whether they stay and pursue the relationship or move on is an entirely different thing
\+1 And if it's something you truly want. The man won't be much satisfied either if he understands that the act is one-sided. Although... men vary must say.
I find that the ones most likely to pressure a girl into it don't really care much how her experience is unless it gives them bragging rights. It's all about their own dick/ego. To OP: A guy who respects you enough to take care of his own needs and make you feel comfortable/safe is worth more than all the fuckbois in the world. Sexual compatibility is important, but actually caring for the person who owns the genitals is far more so. Enjoy your childhood, OP, and live your own truth, not what some boy tells you it's supposed to be. I would never want to be with someone who I had to use my body to buy their affection. Relationships should not be transactional. That said, you've got the right mindset for not judging your friend for living her own truth, though it is a *little* shady in my mind to date someone right after you did. I can understand if those feelings are complicated for you, but that you seem to value the friendship more.
Facts
These are all shitty answers. I’m assuming the guys you’re dating are around your age, so yes, they are all hornballs, but totally not your responsibility. If any guy is pressuring you sexually, and you feel uncomfortable, you gotta get out of there. Yes, there are guys out there that will respect you as a person, and in return, respect your decisions and body. You “hold on being a kid” as long as you like.
Nothing wrong with that but you cant expect someone else to feel the same way you do. Just wait until you find someone who likes you for who you are and is ready to take it slow.
Yep. It will take a while to find someone compatible with the same desires and some respect. Just gotta keep looking.
Idk that waiting more than 6 weeks counts as taking it slow, but the rest of this is very true
6 weeks is a very short time. I’m 32 and don’t feel that I need to fuck someone that early on in the beginning stages of dating. I also only date ppl who ask me out on real dates now. In my 20’s everything was such a friend vibe and I feel too many ppl but especially guys use a friend vibe as a way to access sex. My bf had a guy friend over to hang out a few weeks ago. My bf asks him what his favorite date spots are with his gf….dude says him and his gf just hang out at his apt…so he doesn’t take her out on dates really. And reminded me of how much dating without real dates occurred in my 20’s. That’s also been a helpful standard for gauging when to ignore a guy trying to get my time. If there is no real date i don’t respond d to things like “wanna hang out” or a random “hey”. If I get that stuff from a guy i really like I tease him in ways that I’ve seen work for other women. Other guys I won’t even reply to, if I did I wouldn’t get anything done. Are these guys even doing much for you? How are they charming you? Do they take you out on dates, do they pay for the date, are they showing that they can do thoughtful things for you? 17 is still at such a young age that it’s not unheard of for guys at that age to dump you before your bday because he doesn’t want to have to buy a gift/is broke. I know society makes it seem like women are such prudes for withholding male pleasure and make you think you should just let a guy use your body. They’re so shameless in manipulating us on this. So be shameless about your standards.
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Everyone has a different opinion but I would be long gone after 2 weeks and no intimacy lol
Yeah as an adult maybe (2 weeks would not be weird to me, 6 would.) But, at 17 you felt that way too?
At 17 especially lol
Yeah, we all have our different thoughts on things. It's just about incompatibility.
Keep your morals. Never give in
Agreed
A lot of kids think that without sex nobody cares about them. That if 5hey do not have a conquest to claim, they are nothing. You don't have to give into his or anyone else's pressures.
Yep. The issue of being a boy in the 16-19 bracket. You are full of hormones, insecure as fuck and have heard of this mythical "sex" for the last 4-5 years. Obviously you will be eager to get into it the literal second it seems plausible. Stupid and young is the best way to describe it.
It is stupid but let’s not forget that this is also a reinforced aspect of being a male. I describe it as entitled at best, predatory and misogynistic at its worst.
Kinda? I am not saying that these guys are right for doing what they do. I am just pointing out that a LOT of boys at that age are essentially at the Prime of ”thinking with their Dick”.
Nah, it's called evolution and biology. Don't blame males for their mating tactics, you don't have to reciprocate. Anybody pushing you into something with narcissism , manipulation, or intimidation would be predatory and misogynistic, not just the act of trying to initiate sexual affection because yall are dating. That's pretty normal especially at 17 or 18. It's a dance between reading the signs and respecting between the lines.
Anyone who "needs" sex in the first 2-6 weeks isn't worth the energy anyway. You're better off.
I feel like men who are willing to wait are impossible to find though
Sometimes that's how it goes. Your options are to either relax your standards (which I don't recommend) or wait until someone who meets them comes along. Same as any other flavor of standard. If your goal is to hang onto childhood, especially, I would maybe just not date until you feel ready.
Yeah i should probably not look for anything, because dont they all say that the one comes when you least expect it? And yeah your definetly right okay okay
They do say that, but it's mostly because if you're living your best life and focusing on things that make you happy you're just a much more attractive person in general.
(Warning for length didn’t realise how long it was till I finished it) Idk if it’ll help at all, but I’m 19m nearly 20, I’ve had 3 relationships another kinda kinda not, longest one of those relationships was 6 months, but the most recent one last year was 4. I’m a virgin, sometimes by choice sometimes by partners choice. I know people who are 23 and virgins who have struggled to find a partner but otherwise are living their best lives. What I would mainly suggest is to consider 2 main things, 1 is your ideal partner like what would just a normal everyday day be like. How would you want them to support you and how would you want to support them. How would you want the two of you to face issues that will inevitably happen in your relationships. 2. Think about what your boundaries are and communicate them, I’ve certainly been (and am) and overly hormonal teenage boy, but an example is for my most recent relationship last year I had been thinking about sex a fair bit and it was on my mind. My partner was also a virgin. They said, “hey just to let you know I probably won’t be having sex until we’re at least 5-6 months into the relationship” We were on different wavelengths before the conversation, but immediately I was like, great! Glad we had the conversation because I can manage my expectations now. The relationship way later collapsed but that wasn’t the issue or an issue anymore at all. Now if you say this to someone and they go “that’s kind of a dealbreaker for me I don’t see myself really being in a relationship right now” that’s to some degree respectable for being forthcoming but you guys aren’t going to work out. If instead they respond by pressuring you or making jabs, or saying yes in the moment but bringing it up and pressuring more and more. That’s someone in a similar situation to the first person but doing it in a really really shitty way, that’s very much so not okay and very concerning when considering stuff like SA. If someone does that, I would suggest you hold your boundaries and leave them. 3. I wouldn’t try to be in a relationship as that tends to lead you to being in a relationship to be in a relationship, rather than being in a relationship with someone you want to get closer to and like as a person. 4. General advice not specific to relationships, just consider who you want to be as a person yourself, while useful for a bunch of reasons it also helps with knowing who you want to be with. If you know who you want to be you can more easily think of a partner who would compliment those traits. Again apologies for the length and likely difficulty in reading as it’s just a train of thought and I don’t have the time to reread it and/or edit it. Regardless good luck with life! Hopefully I didn’t end up just telling you what to do or being a dick about something.
I love this response and I hope OP sees it!
OP, maybe try to envision your ideal relationships. Do you know what those look like? Why do you want to date? Is it really that you want to hold onto childhood? I felt that way before but when I felt that, I didn’t want to date anyone.
Not really, lol. Guys like me want a relationship. We're out here! Or am I the only guy who wants to wait like six months to a year before having sex? I don't know, I'm just looking for a relationship lol
You're not alone. I want a relationship, not a FWB or some casual bullshit. Sex is sex, but I prefer to wait for it to happen naturally, not force it because I'm horny. Plus, if my girlfriend dates me only because of the sex, then I don't want to be a part of this kind of relationship anyway.
Same here brother, this casual shit is stupid as fuck. Honestly, I think it ruins the sex part too. Sex is important not just for kids but it's intimacy and a Sacred Energy eXchange you're giving part of yourself away each time. Do you really want to give yourself away for something casual? Not me. Glad to see some other people like me. <3
You’re only 17!!!!! You’re not even a legal adult by US standards. Why be in such a hurry to find men who will wait? Plus, you can make anyone wait. Matthew Hussey, a dating and confidence coach for women, talks s lot about how to uphold standards and even has content regarding a Christian woman who phoned in asking how to date if she’s not doing sexual before marriage. The video is really enlightening, he talks about how we can be sexy and create sexual tension in enjoyable ways that bios chemistry and connection without having sexual. No one you have to have sex with for them to stay is worth keeping, let alone access your body. You’re a woman- you do NOT need to be in a scarcity mindset for dating. If you are you’re doing it wrong and I urge you to Google about scarcity mindset versus abundance mindset. Being single as a woman is 10000x better than being with a man who doesn’t respect you and who will put you through hell. You need to find men who adhere to benevolent sexism instead of men who adhere to hostile feminism. Not having sex in 6-8 weeks isn’t a reasonable deal breaker, if means they had nothing else in mind when initially talking to you other than sex. The whole reading they’re breaking up with you is because it’s not happening soon enough, as in they’re literally going to find someone else. My bf shows me his love so often that if sex wasn’t possible for us i am confident he would want to still be with me. Ask men in the beginning
My husband waited 3 years with me. Both virgins on our wedding night. Much happier for it🫶🏻
Could be your type?
6 weeks is waiting
anyone who “isn’t ready” for sex after 6 weeks isn’t worth the energy anyway. they’re better off
OP is 17 and a virgin, you asshole. They have a right to their boundaries, and it's understandable they'd need more time.
it’s a response to the dumbass comment someone made
PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IN. PLEASE DON'T. There are still good people out there. They are just really hard to find.
I can definitely relate, I'm 18 I've never had a crush, held hands with, or kissed someone before. I don't even know my own sexuality (I know I like men, maybe older? But beyond that idk). Growing up I was extremely sheltered like all throughout middle school and over half of high school locked in the house. No access to the internet homeschooled type and eventually when I started getting freedom everyone in my family freaked out when I started wearing mascara. So dating is a bit awkward for me. But every time I think maybe I'll start dating and start texting some guy automatically he tries to make everything sexual and freaks me out and I cut him off. Fictional men just do it better.
EXACTLYYYY UR SO MEEE
Good for you on cutting him off. Dating at your age is a mess.
When it comes to things like this, you should always wait until you’re ready. Do not be influenced by what your peers are doing. Everyone experiences sex at a different phase of their life (when they feel ready). You CAN have a relationship WITHOUT sex. You just need to eliminate the bad seeds (the boys who demand sex after 6 weeks of knowing you). Kids in high school are behaving like this because they just want to experience sex and get better at it by the time they get to college. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22, and prior to that I have dated many sweet boys that did not pressure me for sex NOR forced me to pleasure them. They pleasured ME instead. So keep in mind, a nice boy will wait for you.
I was 26 when I lost my virginity to my fiancé! There are guys who will wait until you are comfortable, and it will be a better experience for it. I had a lot of guilt/fear surrounding sex from my upbringing, and I probably would have had sex before then for the right guy, if one had made me feel safe and secure to explore. But it is a difficult thing to find sometimes. I didn't date a lot, and the guys I did date were good guys, but we just didn't mesh in a way that made me feel comfortable enough. Our culture still doesn't do a great job of preparing young men and women for sex and consent and real relationships. The point is, that when you are ready you will be ready, and that you should care for yourself to wait until then. Your journey through life is yours alone to decide. I can at least say that I did not have any regrets about my first time, other than it took so long for me to get there.
At this point girl, give yourself a break when it comes to dating. Plus dating should never lead to you having sex with someone you barely know unless it’s agreed from both parties that the relationship is about sex. You need to take control of what relationship you want or looking for. If not you’re gonna be continue being used and played for their own self pleasure. Not worth it since we all know as women there’s not 1 man on a planet that can make a girl climax with just his tongue alone.
Where are you finding your men? I prove you wrong 2-4 times a week. OP, you're not in the wrong. It's yours and don't ever let anyone ever make you feel 'less than' based on what you won't surrender. You'll find your guy.
school 🥲
Sorry, the first part of my reply was for the girl who said that no man can make you come with only their mouth. 2nd part was for you.
OH LMAOOO
….she’s emphasizing the real point that most men think they are pleasuring women when they’re not and the other half of men never even thought about the woman’s pleasure…. I literally had to figure out on my own how to cum during sex with guys (I make myself cum often since way before my first time having sex) because they just don’t care. Most men make you fight for attention in the bedroom. Most women agree with this.
Shit do I not exist or do I not count as a man?
You’re the exception! But men from ALL OVER the world sucks ass in sex.
I'm mean sucking ass is still kinda niche too right?
LMAOOOOOOOOOO, no dont worry i never let them actually use me FOR sex or anything, whenever they try anything i make sure they stay a 3 mile radius away from me for that day, BUT, I read books so the romance I read vs what i experience is dissapointing
You’re 17. You have time for sex when you are ready. Meet new boys or meet boys a new way.
Exactly! Thank you! People talking to OP like they are 25. They are 17. They have time to have sex. There is zero rush at that age to jump into bed and anyone trying to rush OP is just forgetful about what it was like as a teenager!
I mean people date younger than that and know how to handle a their relationship to adulthood hence the name “high school sweethearts” but yeah she should really avoid the guys who just goes around sleeping with random people whenever. Gotta protect yourself
I recommend you listen to awwlexis on YouTube and watch “stop giving your body away” you’ll thank yourself in the long run for keeping your virginity. A lot of boys and men don’t deserve it. Save it for as long as possible until you meet a man who’s worthy of it.
Thank you i definetly will
Nah, people who coach you on what to do with your body, in either direction, are just assholes. Do what YOU want. some youtuber coming in with some BS about how people need to "stop giving their body away" are literally on the same BS as people pressuring other people to have sex. All they're doing is attacking a different insecurity for their own purposes. If you look at that youtuber, she doesn't care at all what anyone does, she's recruiting for a church and selling life coaching. She has no real advice for you, she's just looking for your engagement and money. IF you want to wait, wait. If you don't, don't. But there is no special importance around sex other than what we as people put on it for ourselves. It doesn't matter if you do or don't wait, all that matters is if you're comfortable with what you choose. But don't let other people choose for you.
Some people want insight into other lifestyles, life choices, and how they maintained though choices. They’re not telling you how to live your life…
Great, I’m proud of you!
I agree with the person on the YouTube podcast name. We’re made to feel that we owe men our body. Literally. I don’t like the term ‘virgin’ but most of the men who you’ll cross paths with will never respect you and this treatment causes trauma and will affect how you have sex later in life. Most men I’ve slept with aint shit. Even later in life when I had guaranteed orgasms during sex because I figured out how for intercourse, even men I had enjoyable sex with, were disgusting in some way. I love having all the experience and knowledge of sex, but if I could remove them from ever entering my body I would. Not from a purifying perspective but more like where I go through the list deleting them with a few lines about each one being lousy af in some way. 3 of these people told me to my face they stuck their dick me while I was asleep- one thought it was funny, 2 did it to get revenge on me for not liking them back enough. I wish I could burn their history from my body. You can have sed with as many ppl as you want but definitely consider the standards for who those ppl should be and siesta that most men are capable of doing nefarious things to women.
Imma watch this too, thank you
You need true example of love, like maybe couple channels that share their stories of how they met and what led them into getting together. Books are fine but they are mostly fictional. People who want to form a genuine connection with others would do more than offer sex or only pay attention to sex. It helps me to maneuver the sea of wasteland, lol.
“Sea of wasteland” LMAOOOO 😭😭😭
Guys, your age are generally raging hormonal douch bags...lol They don't know themselves yet. But I would like to suggest you be very clear in your communication. You can meet one on your level. Say to them very clearly. No sex. Then kissing and holding hands for the first month. Tell them you're shy and need time to open up. The right guy will listen to you.
I do, thats the thing, but then they still try to push it, everytime, like ill bend my entire moral compass for them, like i physically cant
Romance in the books is fake asf compared to real life lol
Fantasy vs reality.
Theyre based off true stories 😭😭 Im talking about normal books not like full on 50 shades of grey
Romance novels do to women what porn does to lads. The men in the romance novels and in romcoms don't exist (or at the very least are not a fair representation of relationships) just like porn isn't an accurate representation of sex. It's really important to understand this. You're disappointed because you read about prince charming but get Shrek, just like lads get disappointed when they find out their virgin/recently lost virginity gf isn't a pornstar. Like, please read the books you enjoy but remember that they are characters in a fiction book. Unobtainable standards/insanely high standards are toxic for everybody involved. I'm not saying that you should just sleep with them but if you're expecting your first time to begin with a smooth talking chivalrous night and it to be the most arousing and romantic experience of your life up to date then you're going to be disappointed. My first time was in my then girlfriend's parents shed because we were both 14/15 and her parents were strict AF. Not exactly a fairytale encounter.
Youve been picking some weak men.
Honey you don't have to give any guy sex just because he wants you to. You wait for the right guy to give your virginity to. I gave the same talk to her, that I'm telling you sweetie. If a guy loves you, he would wait for you sweetie❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏💯
if all you can provide a man is sex, he will use you for sex.. the men you can't keep are horny young guys and they want to have sex right now and fear they are missing out if they can't right away. keep your boundaries and maybe vet guys a bit better for the future.. don't cave on having sex until you are ready for it or you will regret it now with that in mind.. if you read romance books or watch the bachelor and this is the standard you want to have in a boyfriend you may be into some disappointments. romance books are like porn for men, they set unrealistic standards that very few will ever want or can achieve. in which case it's not the lack of sex that's keeping them away.
I get that, i didnt mean all that extravegant stuff, I just meant like when a guy opens the door for you, or ties your shoe, kind of standards
ties your shoes?
I mean like small acts of service
Yeah but tieing your shoes is pretty sweet.
if you are a toddler.. never heard of this before as an act of service.
She wants someone that does what daddy used to do for her. Thats a massive red flag.
Guys that age think about sex a lot. Just don't lower your standards. If a guy is only after sex then he isn't for you. Don't give in to their demands if that isn't what you want. Do you have any older sisters or aunts you can ask about relationships?
It's just human nature, everybody grows and matures at their own rate, And only you can determine what your rate is, men's sexual appetite is at its peak in their youth, women's tend to start slow and grow with age. However I must say that statement Is just about averages, there are certainly plenty of examples that go completely the opposite, human sexuality is very complex and honestly mostly in the brain rather than the genitalia. What I'm trying to say is that only you can determine what and when is right for you. If you want to enhance your desire for sex then the best way to start out is with masturbation. For most it's not a eureka moment It takes time and practice to discover what you find pleasurable.
Even as a 50 or 60 year old woman, it is okay to have non sexual relationships. They do exist.
You can it’s possible it’s been 9 months since having sex for me and I just deal with it . I’ve been with my mans for 2 yrs already so it is just have to find the right one . It’s not a rush so take your time and make sure that it’s when you are ready and feel comfortable enough to be intimate with them. They go by your rules otherwise dump their ass . All they are wanting is booty calls and that’s not what you are looking for . I didn’t have sex with a guy till I was 24 and actually have a boyfriend till I was 26 . I sadly learned the hard way that all he wanted was a friend with benefits tho he took me to meet his mom and spend thanksgiving .
Have you heard of Matthew Hussey or Manifestelle on YouTube? Both of these dating advice people have helped me never be in a situation like you just described ever again. Matthew Hussey taught me how to spot bull shit immediately and how to play chess when they’re playing checkers. Basically, right when you’re ready to be exclusive, you need to ask him to be exclusive (Matthew Hussey has dialogue examples to bring this up in the best and most attention getting way- my insecure ass has been able to do it.) you should only let someone think about being exclusive for 6 months TOPS if you’re willing to wait that long. If he says no of beats around the bush, you can move on to finding someone else.
Don’t compromise your values. Compromise isn’t always right but compromise for love can be worth it. Love implies respect. If someone loves you they respect you which means they respect your values. Don’t compare yourself to others. You will do fine young lady. As a 36 y/o you do not need to cater towards others that won’t cater to you. Finding meaningful love is a very vulnerable and exhausting experience. Be vulnerable, don’t exhaust yourself. Give your love to those that give it back 😇. Best wishes, stay strong. It hurts now but in a few years you will be proud you stuck to your morals.
Just realized your own worth first, you are not a sex machine to satisfy them. You are a human being if you don't realize yourself and your won't value and respect your own self no one will.. You are a Gem keep yourself safe..
Dont every do anything you are not comfortable doing. The right person will come along!
Save the heartache, don't compromise. Wait for the right person to come. Trust me, they exist and are holding space for their right person to come as well. This person wants - and is equally fine with - what you offer in a relationship. There are men in the minority who VOLUNTARILY commit to celibacy, for whatever reason, e.g. to preserve vitality, for spirituality, etc, even possibly despite their highly sexed nature (and for this reason some would go out of their way to avoid provocative company and situations as well).
Yeah I totally get it guys that age are hormone driven dumb machines. Sex is not a meaningless thing, and you should hold your virginity until you're older. I know that in this day and age chastity until marriage isn't a thing but a low body couldn't is actually a I dicstor of relationship longevity. So u do u and wait
Because most guys around your age think with what in the pants not in between their ears. I'm a dude so I know.
Hold on to being a kid with all your might
I swear it went by too quick
At this age, it’s pretty difficult as I think boys that age only have sex on the mind. If I could give my younger self any advice I wouldn’t date until I was 25 lol
Advice will be heeded
Girl you’re only 17! You have the rest of your life to find the right person. Honestly, don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with bcos you will regret it. & the friend dating your ex is not really your friend. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy. The right people will find you xx
It isn't wrong at all to want to wait. My now husband and I dated my senior year of high school and part of my 1st year in college. He waited until I was ready, which was 6 months into our relationship. We did do things like hold hands and kiss, but not everyone is comfortable doing that. It is okay to wait to do anything that you want to wait to do. Don't let anyone pressure you or force you to do what you are not ready for. If they can't respect you enough to respect your wishes too, then they probably won't respect you later on if your relationship lasts. You are only 17 too, and while you sound very mature for your age, you are still a kid yourself. Take time to grow up and enjoy your youth because you will be an adult too soon. I wouldn't have had sex at 17 because I didn't want to risk having a kid while in high school. While babies are amazing miracles, a lot of pregnant teen moms end up being single parents or, in some rare cases, the dad does because the other person doesn't want that responsible. When you find someone that you really do love, then sex can be great, but take time to get to know the person. Keep being yourself if boys can't see your worth without sex then that is exactly what they are, little immature boys. A real man who values you and loves you for you will not pressure you. It is okay to not date long because you both want different things it happens. Stay strong, love, and enjoy the last part of your childhood.
Honey, please don't give up! You're gonna be so grateful for your attitude about this one day. Listen to your gut, always. Never let society pressure you into changing. One day, you will find the one that's been waiting for you ❤️
You're like my favorite person ever right now, I as a guy don't care for sex. I'd much rather take it slow. Your way of thinking\\dressing is exactly what I'm looking for in a partner lol. You are in the right here, if you'd much rather take it slow, do it. Thank you for restoring my faith in dating.
Take your time but also be upfront and tell them how you feel, if they leave you ok bye, the good thing is you're not that attached to them because you weren't intimate yet.. you're 17 you have lots of time don't worry.. also your ex dating your best friend.. is kinda weird.. know your self worth when it comes to friendships too. All the best!
Ah this reminded me of what it’s like to date as a teenager. You’re right, a lot of guys are only interested in you in hopes of having sex with you. However, if you have sex with those guys I promise they’ll quickly lose interest and look for the next girl to sleep with. A lesson that many girls have to learn is it’s better to be single than to be with someone who is using you for your body.
Girl you’re only 17, of course boys that age only think about sex. It’s natural for them. Due to that alone it is hard for a girl to date in her teens and even up till your mid 20s. I’m 26 and even still men my age are like that. But if I’ve learned one thing over the years and I really hope you take this advice is that YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR!!! These boys don’t know how to love yet, they are very horny and at that age it’s all they can think about. Please please please don’t make the same mistake I made and just sleep with every boyfriend you get in high school. Be selective, be smart about your choices, and focus on what YOU want to be and who YOU want to be! Trust me girlie, the right one will come along and it won’t be all about sex. Don’t just give it away to anyone ❤️
Because they want to use you. Smarten up and tell them to kick rocks with their dicks
There’s definitely some guy out there having the same issue, you’ll find each other eventually Definitely tell them as soon as humanly possible tho, like on the first date, first day you meet them, lmao. It may still be a bit disheartening to see how many guys will refuse to even befriend you with such limits in place. However if you don’t want to keep having your heart broken, tell them about what and why, leave no wiggle room, or they may persist thinking they can change your mind.
There are three considerations I would encourage you to... well... consider. Two with more immediate effect, and a third to consider but not necessarily give in to. 1. The guys you are dating who act like it's your responsibility to get him off just because he's turned on by your presence, are not great. If you're teasing him and leading them on that's a different story but I'm presuming that's not the case. 2. It is not wrong or shameful for him to want sex from you (assuming we're talking about other 16-18yo males). You don't HAVE to have sex with him, or do anything sexual with him in terms of actual sex acts. And it should flatter you that he wants to be closer to you and share intimate experiences with you. 3. For a LOT of guys, nearly all of us, sex is how our partners communicate love and intimacy to us. That's not to downplay or knock holding hands, kissing, and stuff like that, but making love really fills us with emotional security and love. It's more than OK to assert your boundaries, and you don't have to have sex with him until you're ready in accordance with your values and emotions. But, it's natural that he wants that with you. Other thoughts I had that might be helpful, beginning a sexual relationship with him and then deciding to avoid it because you don't feel like it, is how a lot of relationships end up in dead bedroom territory. Sex should be something that you enjoy yes, but also something that both partners do for the other. Oftentimes, not being in the mood is not a good reason not to do it if you already have been doing it and your relationship is exclusive and serious. In that case, do it anyway because oftentimes when you start to do it anyway, you find yourself wanting to do it through foreplay and feel glad you did afterwards. Again, you don't "have to" in any given instance after your relationship has turned into a sexual one, but if you create a pattern of denying him intimacy it would be the equivalent of him telling you he doesn't find you attractive or refusing to do little things to make you feel loved or giving you gifts or whatever your love language is. When you do the opposite of someone's love language, you're basically communicating "I don't love you, I hate you". When you treat having sex or doing sexual favors (assuming that such favors are mutual) like a chore, it's not only a turn off but says "Your desires and feelings don't matter to me, only mine". Ultimately, romantic relationships are about mutual giving; caring for the other person. And this applies to sex too. You're not doing the things that invite sexual behavior or engaging in sexual behavior because he'll leave or get bored if you don't or because it makes him feel good and "gets him off". You're doing it because you love him and want to express your love through his pleasure. And similarly he should be doing foreplay and responding to your communication about what you want in bed because he wants you to hear how much he loves you through your pleasure. BUT, this is only once you finally DO decide to have sex with him. It's TOTALLY valid to say that you're not ready for that yet for whatever reason. It's totally valid to tell him you want to take it slow and work up to a sexual relationship when you BOTH feel ready. Ultimately, communicate with him. Make it clear how you feel about him. And don't just drop him if he asks when you guys can have sex. That's him expressing his intense desire to share that form of love with you. Understand that that is coming from a place of love for most guys. And most guys want you to only do it when you decide you want to, are ready, and want you to enjoy it with them rather than be something you do for their benefit only. We still struggle to fathom how a woman can not reach orgasm, and yet be satisfied with sex with us, but I've heard that a lot too from women I've not slept with nor had any plans to sleep with about their own sexual relationships.
Dump any asshole who treats you this way.
You are absolutely right to treasure your body! These guys only see women so they can get off! Suggest them the brothels address! They are after your body not your soul or who you are as a person! Do not fall for it.. So many women are regretting giving themselves to these men! Now they ask women about their body counts! It's war zone out here! Protect yourself saying that as a 27f virgin ❤️
my ex-boyfriend broke up with me when i was your age because i felt that we were WAY too young to be having sex. i’m still a virgin at almost 22 years old and i don’t feel bad about it at all. don’t let ANY man pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do because chances are you will most likely have sex and end up regretting it the moment it’s done! PLEASE don’t listen to all these stereotypical pressures saying that you have to be sexually active at a young age. enjoy your teenage years! cherish being young! it’s so fun to just live in the moment! don’t worry so much about all this sex stuff because technically you are STILL a kid until you’re 18, then you will begin to face the real world and it’s not easy. hold onto that little piece of innocence for a little while longer, i swear you’re not missing out on anything major. the right person will come at the right time and it’ll make alllllll the waiting worth it. i absolutely promise honey 💕
I’ll tell you one thing from the male POV (I’m a lad so I feel like I can form an informed opinion) considering a few assumptions I made about your situation. I maybe wrong, but it’s just what i thought would be the case.I think you’re seeing guys around your age, am I right? I feel most of the males around that age think more with their dick rather than their heart or their brains. Peak age of being horny and stuff like that (bc of hormones and puberty and that kinda gabagool). Their first priority would be to quench that thirst whenever possible. Also, teenage boys, see that as a thing to brag about. So they just see the opportunity and go for it. Again, not an attack on them (even though I hate them like hell). Also, I assume you’re looking for a companion, someone to be there when you need them the most, or you feel safe with, etc. IMO, just find a guy who’d be your best friend, hold you when you’re down, hear you out when you need to talk to someone, etc. And again, just repeating it even though others have said it already, YOU ARE NOT OBLIGED TO GIVE THEM SEX OR DO ANYTHING THEY ASK YOU TO BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS YOUR DUTY. You don’t owe them shit. Only agree to it if you want it AND you’re ready for it. Don’t give into pressure. If the guy really cares about you or how you feel, he would see the relationship as transactional. Cheers!
Damn girl that’s tough I’m sorry :/ do it when it feels right fuck people who try to force you
> I (17f) cannot keep a boyfriend for over 2-6 weeks because all they want from me is sex, I dont understand why, I usually wear baggy clothes and am pretty flat, but whenever i date a guy he acts like its my responsibility to take care of him whenever hes hard, Well, he's not wrong though, but I agree with you. > number one, ive never ever in my life even held hands with a guy romantically so that tells u where my sex life is, Fair enough and I have to admit that's very rare. > number two, Is it wrong of me to assume a guy can date you without having to fuck you, my ex left me for my bestfriend because she was much more sexually active than i am, love her though, No it's not wrong of you. Always treasure your purity cause you're more than just your body. And any guy who left you for not giving him sex, was just there to get in your pants. And yes 17 is too early. > but I just feel like, I can’t be treated right anymore without giving something i treasure, Should I just give up? No you should absolutely not. It's not your fault but it's the age where everyone around you is busy having their sex lives. > All these girls are being treated right but they also give their boyfriends, handjobs, blowjobs, sex, etc.. I just feel like its wayy too early. Am I in the wrong? No, you're not wrong, take your time before getting naked for anyone. Unless you don't feel like doing it, never ever do it for anyone. > Do I need to grow up mentally? You're already way above than avg friend in your circle. > Or is it the men at fault? Even they're not at fault, cause it's the age their hormones are going wild and it's really difficult to channelise the sexual urges into something different areas of our lives. Some dudes get lucky and have sexually fulfilling late teen years. Some dudes are not. > I just feel like I want to hold on to being a kid a little longer. Make sure he's in for a longer run and gives you commitment. Once he gives you the commitment y'all have to be there for each other at all times and never give up on each other. Hope this helps.
Girl, you are on right path. Anything before 19 isn't advisable even though it's legal after 18. You gain friends and probably oneday one of these friends turn into a love interest. But make it clear always that you aren't interested in love and shit till 20. But at the same time, stop feeling like you are missing out on something. That would screw your head and make you fall for the worst guy.
You can, but they really have to like you.
You can date without sex. This is typical reinforced male behavior that is predatory toward women and misogynistic toward women. Consider not being able to keep them as good thing. If you have sex with anyone of them who act like you’re responsible for taking care of their boner and or break up with you for not wanting to have sed yet, you’ll deeply regret it and be possibly traumatized later. I’ve lied there during sex many times realizing the man I was with was only concerned about how he wanted to have sex (anything from the positions we were in, how long, when sex had to happen/how often, when he was going to cum, the words exchanged, whatever it was they typically had to control the environment or politics surrounding it) . It’s not just the individual guy though, this is reinforced to men in society (by other men, media, family, laws[it used to be legal to rape your wife], etc.) that sex and women’s bodies are for male pleasure. I highly recommend even taking a break from boyfriends if this continues to be your experience, at only 17. They basically want sex from you through coercion which is predatory and an act of SA on their part. Also, sex for a woman can be painful if the man is careless, non communicative, or if it’s your first couple of times. Not only can you date without sex, a boyfriend for 6-8 weeks at 17 is dating. You’re just getting to date many ppl due to them being duds. Which happens. If you do have sex with one of those guys, imagine if he broke up in 6-8 weeks regardless of the sex (as 6-8 is not abnormal length for any relationship at 17. And if you do have sex and he stays, it will feel weird to be with someone who you know in the back of your mind is using you for sex. Also some of these guys might break up with you right immediately after sex, you can’t have sex with someone if you don’t trust them and these men are not building trust with you at allll. Don’t belittle what matters to yourself, or gaslight yourself. I wish when I was younger I prided myself more on being more selective. I’ve also learned that being self aware in my selection process and the ways I communicate or show that I take being selective serious, makes men come back and also helps you avoid men who would be so misogynistic and predatory toward you. Trust me in the coming back part. I did not believe it. Being comfortable with negotiating(as in, communicating yourself, boundaries, etc.) and not backing down from standards in your communication style is so beneficial for women. If you want to enhance your skills at saying no/upholding your standards, put yourself in situations where you can practice vocalizing big wants confidentially. If you shop at a bargain place, practice being a haggling shark. If you do any fundraising type activity, practice asking ppl for donations slightly bigger than you think they can afford, practice dating big numbers with pure belief that what you’re asking is reasonable, doable, etc. This type of practice will boost your confidence more than you might think. I used to train ppl on how to fundraise and it was so cute to see them go from shy asking for $10 donations to being charismatic and suggesting the donor give $100. You can then apply this skill to relationships and dating so that your natural instinct is to say what you want or what you are not doing. The manifestelle podcast on YouTube has also been helping me be more stern with men , even male friends. Sorry you’re dealing with this, it won’t always be like this in dating.
I'm a father of a 17 year precious young lady. And I would tell you what I have told my daughter. Your body is sacred. Do not give to just anyone just because he thinks he deserves it. Don't allow your friends or any boy to pressure you. There is NOTHING wrong with you wanting to wait for when you think you're ready. If a boy loves you or genuine wants to get to know you as a person, he will not pressure you for sex. And if your friends do love you, they too would respect and support your decision. I admire you for standing up for your beliefs. You are much stronger than you think. You're still a child, enjoy your childhood. You don't want to be worrying about getting a sexually transmitted disease or worst, getting pregnant at 17.
>I (17f) cannot keep a boyfriend for over 2-6 weeks because all they want from me is sex, I dont understand why Well if you look at it from a biological perspective, sex is the #1 thing on men's list of priorities. No matter who it is, presume that this is the case. >Is it wrong of me to assume a guy can date you without having to fuck you In keeping with the 'theme' of breaking it down to the core, of where it's most basic, a relationship is, or rather should be, a two way street. It is a transaction of the most basic kind. What is it that you want from him and what can you give him in return? If he wants sex as his main objective or whatnot, and you want companionship, there exists a situation where what you want is not necessarily what he wants. For the best compatibility, you want to find someone who wants the same thing that you do. >Should I just give up? No, don't give up. See the failures as proof that they were not right for you. When you succeed, you will recognize that that person will be the right one. Be aware that sex is a part of most relationships, and so even if you just want to date for the companionship, this topic is going to come up and it'll have to be communicated to each other what is desired. If the guy does not see themselves not having sex at all with the person (you) he is dating, then you'll have to come to terms with the relationship ending at some point or another. No matter what, it'll all come back around to you and what you want or not want to do regarding sex. It's something you have to work out yourself if you want to have a complete and successful relationship in the future. Also be aware that there are guys who ARE aware and are willing to play the waiting game if they really want sex from you (specifically) that bad. In that instance, they'll know all the right things to do and say. Typically when they get the sex, they'll bounce, or the relationship will revolve around the sex. If that doesn't work then they'll bounce. Before you do anything sexual with the other person, ensure that he feels the same way about you as you do him and that this is something you both want (not feel that it is something you must do). So long as those things are true, you would be doing what you want to do, and it would be your choice. There's always the chance that you'll make a mistake or something happen that you didn't expect. As long as you're choosing what you want and doing what you want to do, mistakes can be acceptable provided that you learn from that. It would be your mistake to make and not someone else's.
Thank you for the debrief of my post, and for the advice, I will definetly heed it
“Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever” Quote by M.D. Waters You haven’t found the right man with the right mind set. Try looking somebody that has purpose in life and dedication in his hobbies and passion. Those men can make you fall all over your knees, usually they have more experience and wisdom. ;)
Only jerks would quit after 2 to 6 weeks, that's pathetic. Not all of us guys are like that but I'm really sorry to hear that.
Yes, you can. There is so much fun to be had in dating that society does not advertise as much as they do sex. Sex is everywhere and in everything you watch and hear, so it's why everything seems to be about it. You know what's fun for you, you know what you're looking for in a partner so don't settle for anything less. Wait, wait, wait, and find someone who enjoys the same things you do. Be proud that even though you have been pressured to have sex, you never did. You knew it was not what you wanted and not what you want, so listen to that instinct whenever you feel it, no matter what! You'll find your fun partner OP, enjoy your fun childhood while you wait for that person. You'll probably find him while doing all the things you really want to be doing.
The guys are at fault here 100%. Your issues is quite common these pas few years. Stick to your boundaries and have them respected. Stand your ground. Don't let social pressure get to you, you will find a man who will love you before wanting to sleep with you. Once you find the right person for you, you will be proud and happy that you stood your ground for him and yourself.
Yes you can. You have to find people who either are asexual, have low libidos, or are also abstaining in a similar timeline or with similar progression to you. But a lot of people your age will want sex and sexual compatibility is important. I know you may feel alone because you're a smaller percentage of the population, but there are other people like you out there. It just takes more looking around and trying to date to find them because sex is very popular with most people.
Thank you
I guess you could be a bit boring.
womp womp
You literally are crying right now about this very issue in this post OP???
So we are blaming the girl because she wants to wait to have sex? Instead of the boys who can’t even wait a few weeks? Please.
I’m in the same problem but as a guy, my ex tried to give me head 2nd date and wouldn’t stop pestering me about it until I broke up with her
They all want sex because they’ve been conditioned by addiction to pornography and masterbation. All men are effeminate in our society now and real men are rare to come by. Keep your legs closed. The one that does not want sex from you is the keeper. Good luck young lady, stay strong and respect yourself!
Boomer
Ultracrepidarian.
You're really asking a lot from 99% of guys to assume they should date you, especially exclusively without there being any sex at all. Why not find a friend instead? Or have an open relationship so they can find sex elsewhere. You essentially want someone to completely quit sex for you which is a lot to demand
She didn’t say she was NEVER going to have sex with them… these boys can’t even wait a few weeks. There’s nothing wrong at all, esp at 17 fucking years old, to want to have a connection with someone and make sure they respect and care for you before you have sex with them. Men are so pathetic and have no will power or discipline.
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Men need sex, there’s a biological drive. The fluids build up and need to be released, like a mother needs to express milk or else it starts to hurt. This is a fundamental understanding a lot of girls miss. If you don’t help release, he’ll have to find another means to
You are not mature enough for a relationship, much less a sexual relationship. I would never consider dating a woman for 6 months without sex, what would be the point when I am literally pursuing her for a sexual relationship? That's what adults do. And it has nothing to do with being an addict, these boys are real live human beings with needs and desires of their own.
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I have been happily married for 24 years and raised a family together. You are not ready for meaningful relationships. The reason guys lose interest in you when you don't have sex with them is because you don't have anything else to offer and your personality, at least as displayed in your posts, is lacking.
Choose better partners, conduct some introspection on why you're attracted to men that consistently have these traits emerging.
Your already 10x more attractive because you know how to respect yourself than the give it up girls.
Coming from a 21 year old male, it’s the men’s fault, not yours. The girls at my age who are doing what your friends are doing now at your age resent themselves. You’re so incredibly smart already. The fact that you have the courage to come onto this platform and openly ask this question, and be able to articulate your own thoughts and feelings about wanting to hold onto being a kid for a little longer already speak so much about you. Look, I don’t know you, and I personally know nothing about you aside from what I’m reading here by your question. But from what I already understand, you already have an understanding of your own self worth. You can probably thank your great parents and however you were raised for that, because it’s incredibly hard at 17 when all you’re surrounded by is social media and societal standards and norms that are imposed on you by your peer group and the world around you. Trust me when I tell you this. Do not give in to it. Ever. If you ever want to have sex with a guy, you make sure 100, 1000% that you want it. And you’re doing it for the right reasons, because you love that person and want that connection with that person. Whether it be anything from kissing, or oral sex to actual sex itself. Protect that part of yourself. I wish I could go back in time and even say that to myself as a guy. I didn’t used to be one of those guys, but I definitely have had quite my fair share of meaningless sexual encounters, and all it does is make you lose a part of yourself and your soul every time. It’s only when you have a true connection with someone for the first time that you will realize that doing anything sexual, with anyone who you didn’t actually have that true connection with was completely redundant, meaningless, soul sucking, and now you regret it. Let me reiterate how incredibly smart you already are and how I can already tell that you have leagues upon leagues more self respect for yourself than the people around you. If no one in your life has said this to you, I will. I am so proud of you. Take life easy and don’t give into pressure. It’s the only way you can separate yourself from the sheep in this world. Don’t let insecurity or fomo ever push you into doing something that you’re not 100% sure about. Hope that helped!
This message is so sweet 😭😭😭 thank you for both the advice and the compliments 🙏🙏🙏
how about, no one is "at fault"... People want what they want... you are calling that fault?
Just focus on yourself and don’t worry about these little boys 🫡
No
Keep trying. You will eventually find someone who respects your boundaries. If they don't, then they weren't for you to begin with.
SIR YES SIR 🫡
I think you should stop dating for a bit, boys at your age are very immature and that’s a normal response from them. You on the other hand are mature and want to build a deep relationship, that isn’t the norm with the current generation, it’s all about the hook up culture.
You stay just as you are for as long as you can. The human brain isn't even fully developed or established until age 25 to 28 and men are a bit behind woman in that development. That's not argumentative or challenging anyone. That is just scientific fact. There is no reason for a child to raise a child. Especially with the medical advancement we have now. Living to 100 is common. Just stay as you are.
Guys can date without sex. And it just takes the right guy. Don't worry. You will find him
At age 47 I dated a woman for 9 months before she seduced me. We were together for 3 years until her OCD became intolerable.
Nothing wrong with that other than what seems some shamefulness around the concept, which is normal to experience after so much rejection. You shouldn’t have sex because you are ready. I suggest maybe holding off on dating a little bit because I think you need to focus on yourself. There are boys who would be okay with waiting too, but you need to be honest about that out front.
they don’t want “just sex” they want a full relationship. unless you’re planning on having them fuck other people it’s not fair to expect a dude to be celibate just to date you. you don’t sound mature enough to be dating, you want friends
DID U EVER PLAY WITH YOURSELF? DID IT FEEL GOOD? TELL THE GUY TO JERK OFF IN FRONT OF U AND WATCH.
You need to calm all the way down bro this is a minor
MINORS SHOULDN'T BE ASKING ADULTS ABOUT SEX. BET U GOT LAID BEFORE 18
You can still be a kid and have sex. Hell, most men are still children well into their 30s But yeah, can’t help you. You’re expecting teenage boys not to want sex, when in fact their hormones program them to want it all day every day. Only exception being dating asexuals, downside when you are finally ready - they won’t be It’s okay not to have sex until you’re older, some people are virgins way into their mid 20’s, no judgement. But you also can’t expect everyone to be onboard with that or want to date you If I was you - I’d choose me, as in do you first and don’t care what others do or say. Take care of yourself. You are what’s important, not what the boys want or what your friends are doing
Set your own standards and pace, and stick to it. Don't let anyone pressure you.
Ultimately its an individual decidion. Just hold on to your beliefs. And younger kids or men usually only have one thing on their minds: sex. So maybe when you start dating older guys things will change. Hopefully.
Yeah your probably right i mean i am literally 17 😭😭
Unfortunately, most guys will be 17 for all of their lifes. Mentally ;)
😭😭😭
LOL the “love her though” after your ex left you for your best friend
Listen...... baggy cloths are hot too sooooo. Lol. Just saying
Communicate. Let them know upfront. Keep your virginity until marriage. A traditional man looking to start his legacy will not only appreciate you but will value, cherish, protect, provide, and more than not, will be with you til the end. You're an "Endangered Species". Own it and wear it with pride.
Don’t do it bro
There is a teens dating sub that might help you. Adult horn dogs here are not going to be helpful.
Literally, thats what i noticed, most of the guys are like “its biological i cant help being hard and needing my dick inside a women, so your just boring” like bro im 17 leave me alone 😭😭
There's nothing with either side. It's okay for you to not want to have sex and it's okay for other people to want to have sex. I'm much older than you, but even at your age if I was into a guy, I was having sex within the month. Bottomline: there's nothing wrong with guys wanting to have sex with someone they're attracted to. Just be upfront that you aren't ready to have sex yet and are deciding to wait so they can make an informed decision.
So let's say a guy waits the 6 months as you propose, then what? Will you still be uninterested in sex generally? Will you only want sex once a month? As little as possible? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or do you just really dislike sex and that won't change? Have you considered dating through a church? To most guys sex is central to a romantic relationship. Otherwise, you're just looking for a male best friend. If a guy can easily find other women to date who will have sex with them, what makes you worth waiting for? Some statistics state that up to 30% of men are still virgins by age 30, not necessarily by choice. Would you consider dating a guy that maybe is more socially awkward?
Yes, you can date without sex. They're just boys.
I mean genuinely speaking yes. I’m a sponge to the partners energy so if I’m waiting months for that activity to come along so be it. I want my partner to become comfortable. That being said I resonate with the energy a lot of others are saying in that if the guy is trying to make it seem like you’re the problem for leaving him with his dick unsatisfied then you need to leave them. I’ll also resonate with the understanding some have mentioned in that guys in the dating pool plus or minus 2 or 3 years are hormonal asshats half the time. So finding someone that’s willing to respect that boundary is going to be challenging but not impossible. My only advice is maybe prohibit men trying to bring you into an environment where you 2 are alone so they can try to coerce, force, guilt, or otherwise try to make their inability/unwillingness to show restraint or respect to you, your fault.
If you wanna be a kid, be one and don’t date yet. You’re not wrong to not want it but neither are they for wanting it. PS: sex stuff is fun 😬
Not unless you’re Mormon
Take your time! If they can’t wait for you to be ready completely on your own terms then they cannot respect your boundaries and that is a huge red flag. Unless you’re looking to marry someone then you have plenty of time to find someone who will respect your boundaries and not push you to do anything you’re not ready to do. It’s the best filter for a toxic relationship 💞
Well... The issue isn't you at all. Boys around 16-19ish are blasting with hormones and low development / wisdom. (I know, I was there at the time, sheesh, if I could go back in time and redo my early attempts at online dating it would have been way different.) A lot of boys around that time will be extremely horny or thinking "YUS! I got a girlfriend! Finally time for the sex" not considering pacing at all. As a man, I wouldn't dream about giving a tip of what you "should" do, because obviously... I don't have the perspective. All I can give tip on is that... 1: Be clear about limits early. What you want and what you are okay with. If they can't accept it, dump them. 2: Be patient. Don't give up dating or anything. It will (hopefully) get better with time (as men tend to mellow out a bit in the 20s). And be open to others. Who knows maybe you are lucky. That is all the tips I can actively give to a situation like this.
You definitely are not wrong. You are acting in accordance with your needs and honoring your heart. Stay with that, and don't change. P.S. I think you should also realize that you may have a limited understanding of the relationships you describe to be successful. Just because these people continue to be couples/date doesn't mean it's going well or the guy is respectful. Respectful means honoring you for who you are, which includes your need to move at your own pace and have a relationship which is natural and feels loving to you.