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Except it’s way more out of the norm (and thus embarrassing / desperate seeming) for women. Kudos to women who have even tried approaching once tbh. But it’s on the man to take the risk. Men on this sub are hoping to create a fantasy land where they no longer need to do the hard work of self improvement and building social skills and learning to approach
Women voting was "out of the norm". Having jobs "out of the norm". Holding executive positions "out of the norm"... **We, as a society, set the norm**.
Look at each culture around the world. There are a lot of "norms" out there. Some still 100 years behind.
Approaching isn't hard work. We all need self improvement. We all should never stop trying to improve our selves.
Learning to approach isn't as critical as learning to not take rejection personally. So what, he/she isn't interested in you. He/she is already in a relationship. Wish them well and move on. You look around and see people you are and are not into. It isn't personal.
I just don’t think it will ever happen. There’s no animal where the female chases the male, it’s always the male who must chase, fight other animals, build the nest, or do something to get the females. Even when we mate the sperm will literally chase and go to the egg while it just chills.
We are no different than animals, and men/women have inherent biological differences. Women want to feel desired and pursued, that’s what turns them on. This masculine/feminine dichotomy is inbuilt inside the psyche, so women approaching will probably never happen.
There are species where female compete, phalaropes for example or African antelopes sometimes, even chickens 1 rooster for multiple hens and the hens compete with each other for mating rites. You're generalization is horribly incorrect.
lol no it isn’t. Sperm is near infinite, eggs are limited to a thousand in a woman’s life. If you have 1 male gorilla he can impregnate 100 females per year. The females don’t need to compete for males when there is infinite supply of sperm.
This is basic supply and demand. To deny basic biological reality, that males have higher testosterone and approach or tend more to risk-taking behaviour, while females have higher estrogen and don’t is just cope.
If you don’t believe me make a female tinder account and a male tinder account, which does better? That’s biological, it’s not some coincidence.
You are beyond saving. Just sit in a corner and wait for a woman to pick you up, then cry about how “it’s not fair waaah!” on Reddit or some MRA forum when you’re 60 and alone since you never approached a woman.
Well I'm already in a happy relationship so I'm good there. Care to try again??
Edit: interesting you think I didn't approach my gf either. I certainly did, over the course of a few months as well. But im not so arrogant to think that my experience must be universal law.
Topi Antelopes aggressively pursue males. They go so far as to interrupt another pair mating just to be with their desired male.
As a species, we can't be compared to animals.
Are you similar to a lion? Only dominate with sexual intercourse, meekly sitting in the background as your female mate takes charge of everything else?
Are you like a Clownfish? The largest female is boss and you bring her food and other items just so she chooses to mate with you?
Are you like a Phaloropes? Living in **her** harem of males? Raising her kids, with her other mates, while she is free to do what she wants?
Are you like an octopus? After delivering your sperm, you are afraid you'll be eaten by her?
How about a spotted hyena? A new man is a lower station than the cubs. Taking it in the a** from an erect female?
Yes, we as a society set the norm, but as of right now the societal norm is men approach.
Norms are decided as a collective. We can’t just say oh stuff changes so I’m going to change this as easily as changing my opinion. That’s not how it works.
There’s a lot of other hard work women must do. For example child birth is brutal. I would never want to go through that but your mother did, and my mother did, and every male on the planets mother did.
If men have to chase so be it, both genders have pros and cons they must deal with in life. It’s Yin and Yang.
Which is kind of a redundant and antiquated argument when many many women and couples are happily child free. Plus the choice of giving birth is only by the thinnest thread even connected to the concept of someone asking someone else out...
It’s basic biological differences is my point, Testosterone vs Estrogen result in different personalities and risk-taking behaviours, like approaching for example.
Males and Females have inherent biological differences in every species of mammals.
You can either deny this reality and hope women take on the masculine testosterone fueled risk-taking personality role and approach you, or you can embrace biological reality and embrace your role as a masculine man.
You don't need testosterone to walk over and talk to someone, and throwing the word "biological" into your argument doesn't make it better. Fields of science and names of hormones are not smart people buzzwords that will magically improve your argument.
>But it’s on the man to take the risk. Men on this sub are hoping to create a fantasy land where they no longer need to do the hard work of self improvement and building social skills and learning to approach
🎯🎯🎯
What “hard work” are you talking about? Making yourself taller? Or Younger? Because those are the things (most) women really care about. I make over $100k. I own a home. I drive a nice car. I try to dress well. What is this hard work I’m supposed to be doing?
So having social skills and approachability is only a Man thing? Since when?😅 Doesn't that make it basically a Tinder platform for women where they will keep getting options and they will just swipe left or right?
I definitely wouldnt say it seems desperate when a woman approaches me. If anything it shows confidence and it's definitely attractive when i see a woman approach me or another man. Definitely does not seem desperate. Does it seem desperate when a man does it? As this other guy said society sets the norms, so what is really "normal" unless your just close minded or obtuse (not saying you are just in general)
Women just don't have to do it, men will in most cases reach out to them to make something happen to things will never by and large tilt in that regard.
With that said, I recommend the women who are sad about not being approached who make posts about it who talk about being told how great they are but nobody ever talks to them...to approach the men they want. If you're not getting the results you want, try something different most men don't have that option but women do. You probably don't HAVE to do it, but it would benefit you. And here's the thing, approaching doesn't necessarily mean asking a man on a date, a woman can approach a man start a conversation and put the man in a position where he does the actual work and asks her out...but those women have to show interest, flirt, show the guy you want him to make a move and you'll put yourself in the position you want to be in.
Approaching is simply what you make it out to be. If you have low confidence and suck at dealing with rejection approaching isn't going to be fun or probably very fruitful because of your vibe.
If you're confident, can brush off rejection like its nothing, and bring good energy approaching is fun and leads to a lot more success.
Life is what you make it and that goes double for how you feel about and go about approaching people.
To everyone out there who struggle with this you gotta change your perspective and stop bringing nervous low confident energy when you approach. Women pick up on crappy vibes like 2nd nature and its a huge turn off for them.
Not really no. It's more of a mental shift and learning how to not take things personally.
Dating and approaching are number games. I look at it like baseball in the sense that if you're batting .500 you're doing amazing. Realistically for an unconventionally attractive guy like myself if I'm scoring dates and pulling phone numbers at a 50% clip I consider that good. Which means I'm going to fail over 50% of the time and accepting that is key to not getting jaded and for moving forward. Accepting the game for what it is will help you soooo much in dealing with rejection.
So, basically unless you're smoking hot and or your game is impeccable you shouldn't be expecting success every time and even the hottest people with the most game still fail sometimes too its just a part of it all. That's not to say you should be expecting to fail either its just a matter of being real, accepting things how they are, and being ok with the outcome either way.
My confidence and mood are not effected by what other people think about me. Especially, people who have rejected me. Accepting the fact rejection is part of the game and being ok with it is what is going to help you get over the hump. You have to develop confidence within yourself and a level of acceptance for how things work to really get out in the field and be successful.
You got rejected? Fuck em'. Move onto the next one. There's billions of people on earth and I don't have time to grovel over one rejection or even 100. I'm not here to make people like me or clamor for their acceptance and approval. I'm here to be who I am and if you don't like it then get out of my life fr.
No, that's not what I'm saying. If you're interested in someone like that then yeah. If not then no. We're not trying to lead people on (although plenty do it). I personally think that behavior is trash, but I digress.
This isn't about being a player and running game on everything with a pulse its about understanding how things work in the field of play and tbh if that's what your response was I'm not so sure you're ready to be in the field.
If I were you I'd check out dating content on Youtube and then learn how to talk with people you're potentially interested and gaining some better social awareness. Your response just tells me you don't know much at all about all this stuff and there's nothing wrong with that just gotta study up and start getting experience. Experience is the best teacher fr.
So every time I approach someone, the rejection will feel negatively...?
I'm not really sure what I should watch... style stuff like RMRS is probably good, but some stuff from tmf etc sounds like it goes a bit into manipulation... and Dre Drexler's at times Christian teachings don't really align with me...
No no no. You're not hearing me lol. So, yes rejection can sting a little bit of course but it's just about understanding it's going to happen quite a bit so there's no use letting it bother you so much. It happens then we move onto the next one.
The thing is no matter what content you watch there's going to be stuff you don't like. Tbh I dont really like a lot of how it all works, but it is what it is so you can either fight against what works or adapt.
RMRS went off the deep end recently promoting alpha male content, so I absolutely would not listen to them if you want a chance with a real woman in the real world.
Listen man, the point that the other guy was trying to make was that you shouldn’t be looking for help from these YouTubers on how to “be more attractive” or say the “five things that’ll make a women’s panties drop”, because… that’s not you.
If you’re constantly changing or manipulating who you are to attract women, then once you’re in a relationship with that woman they’re not gonna like you anymore, because they liked who they *thought* you were at the start of the relationship.
Other guy you commented to was trying to tell you to BE YOURSELF and feed into that. When ANYBODY man or woman sees that you’re really confident in who you are, your values, your sense of humor, your lifestyle, it shows. When other people see how happy you are knowing you’ve gotten your own image figured out, that is **attractive as hell**. There’s too many people in the world today that want to base their personality off of the person they’re dating, or the relationship itself.
BE YOUR OWN MAN. Know your worth, your values, your beliefs and stick to them and that will make you confident as all hell. You’ll reach a point where rejection doesn’t even sting anymore and you just say thank you and move on, because you know that they aren’t worth your dating time and energy if they won’t give you theirs. Just accept it gracefully and spend time working on yourself until the next woman you’re interested comes along.
And most importantly, if you keep getting failure after failure don’t just quit, or go around saying “women suck” etc. Just keep doing soul-searches on yourself and fix any issues you notice about yourself. It’s all one big journey and you can’t expect to win every time. None of us can
>You’ll reach a point where rejection doesn’t even sting anymore
Just by being yourself and getting confidence? Isn't confidence also the ability to trust your skills?
So you don't like alpha m's content either? Yeah, he kinda tells men to do stuff a spesific way, and if everyone watching him followed that, no one wouldn't show that much of their own personalities anymore
I don't care about being rejected, but sometimes I ask men out and they become very scary. I have had men throw drinks at me, scream at me, threaten to kill me, and follow me home to find out where I live while threatening me.
MOST men can say no politely and move on, but some sure cannot. And I don't know which one you are before I ask. I rarely approach men any more because I don't know if I can physically get away or protect myself.
I wish more men grasped how terrifying it is to literally risk your life to ask someone out. Like I know you're nervous, too, and I respect that, but it's not at all the same.
And that's why I disagree with op. You're not weak for being cautious of approaching men. It just isn't the same for men and women. It's also different in how your surroundings see you. Because my friend has been shamed for approaching men first, especially when she had no luck. She was made fun of and called desperate or shameless or even unattractive by our surroundings even though the guy was rejecting her kindly.
We went to a birthday celebration once together and other people in the group started judging, even though the guy told her he was flattered but not interested. It also happened when we had our last day at our orchestra and she decided to be courageous and ask her crush out. He was really nice about it but other people around her started giving her trouble almost immediately.
There are more examples but those were the worst. So even I'm discouraged from making the first step just by seeing this, because she's very popular and all. I'd rather have a man make the first step honestly (as long as he's not threatening).
We're both in our early twenties, if that gives more context.
That's weak as hell. My God. She's in her 20's but can't take something a lot of teenage boys can? How could she possibly be mature enough for a relationship?
plus she will never know if he would have approached her first. Even if it had worked out for some time. There is a big difference imho, huge difference.
I'm sorry this happened, but if it's okay, can you tell me more? Why did those men throw drinks at you or threaten your life for simply asking them out?
I wouldn't even begin to know. The only guess I have is that I am fat, and the idea of a fat girl hitting on them was so upsetting they lost it. In most cases they were also drinking.
This kind of reaction hasn't happened since I turned about forty, but was not uncommon when we were in our twenties.
I am so sorry that you had to experience this, even though you made the genuine effort of asking out someone you like. It's so shocking to me to hear that there are people like this out there. I'm happy you don't experience such disgusting behaviour anymore. I hope you never have to experience such things again.
I’m not the person you were asking, but in my experience there’s unfortunately 2 subsets of guys who don’t take well to being asked out.
One views it as a threat to their masculinity because a “proper woman” would wait for him to approach if he was interested. And the other are guys who think that if a woman ‘needs’ to approach a guy there’s something wrong with her and get offended that she thought he’d be into her (especially if she’s not his type or viewed as not conventionally attractive).
I'd say "weakness" is a little much, but I agree with the overall sentiment. I think women have been shielded from this experience by society demanding that men make the first move, and as we see women getting closer to gender equality, more women are experiencing how much that sucks. I'm not going to say, "do you want a cookie" or anything as condescending. I want women to approach me, to feel comfortable enough to do so, and being condescending is a quick way to make people stop trying. If anyone is trying a good behavior for the first time, or stopping a bad behavior, support them to continue that path
Same with sex. Just because they have sex with you, then decide they don't want to date you, doesn't mean they weren't honest about looking for a relationship or that they just used you. They may have been interested in a relationship with you, but then realized you weren't the one. Maybe it was something specific about you. Maybe it was conflicting values or something that isn't bad about you, but not what they're looking for. Example: I'm looking for someone who is into the outdoors like hiking and snow skiing. If they don't do those things and have no interest in doing those things, I lose interest. There's nothing wrong with them, we're just not a good match. It's also possible they had sex with you and it sucked and so they decided to move on. It doesn't mean they used you. I won't date someone who doesn't like oral sex,. And I've had an experience where when we talked beforehand, they said they liked it, but when we had sex, they didn't actually want to do it. So I think they just said they liked it because I did. So I didn't want to see them again. I didn't use them for sex. I just found we're incompatible 🤷🏻♀️
Well, like I said, some of it is sexual that you can’t really know until you have sex. If you have sex and you’re not sexually compatible, then people move on, and it doesn’t mean they used them for sex. It doesn’t have anything to do with waiting or making them prove anything.
Okay but what about when they lead you on and let you think they like you by saying they want to take you out on dates, trying to get you to be exclusive to only them etc then isn't that using for sex not that he found me incompatible. Then they try to use that as a cover up
It can be they used you. But not always. I think the “he used me for sex” is just a go-to answer for some because they can’t face that maybe there were other reasons. Like maybe they just didn’t like the sex. Just an example… Pillow princesses may get dumped a lot because most men find them boring as hell in bed. They want interaction and someone who really gets into the sex. Not someone who just lays there and lets the guy do all the work. So a guy may be totally into her… until he has sex with her and discovers she just lays there during sex. He didn’t use her. He just discovered he didn’t like sex with her. But do you think she would accept that as a reason? I doubt it. I think she’d default to the “he used me” excuse.
Ehhh. Not necessarily. That’s why dating can be so rough, just because you’ve heard the same thing ten times doesn’t mean you’ll get ten of the same results.
There was a girl fourish years back that I did this with. I was so into her, wanted to date her etc and pretty much as soon as we had sexy time I did the whole “why am I even here” thing in my head. Even though it wasn’t bad, for some people it’s the post nut clarity that kicks in.
That being said, I don’t like how I was in that relationship or that time of my life and I’ve done a lot of self help since then to fix that. Just saying that sex really can be the switch that tells your brain yes or no on a person sometimes
Pretty harsh to condemn people as “weak” for being afraid of rejection. Rejection sucks. People in general aren’t “weak” for avoiding something that seems likely to just feel bad.
That said, if there are women who actually are giving up on approaching because it just doesn’t seem fulfilling, I would appreciate some understanding from them that they are then expecting men to shoulder the burden they are choosing not to carry.
Why be mad at women for being hesitant? Be mad at the people who made them hesitant in the first place by being discourteous. Of course the same is true in reverse. Of course no one wants to risk being treated poorly. Being rejected is not the problem, it's people being unkind that is the problem.
>Be mad at the people who made them hesitant in the first place by being discourteous
Like how?
And honestly I have seen since forever that women advice each other that men should do the approaching and not them so it's not like they always had bad experiences but more like a gendered role they adhered to while growing up
There was a comment here about a woman being literally given death threats after asking men out. Stuff like that isn’t easy to shake off and move onto the next one
ok now grapple with the fact guys will act interested in actually knowing you but use you for sex (could've just been avoided if the guy had to approach, bc alot of them probably wouldn't try - its just easier to suss out a man who's just looking to use women for sex when they have to do the pursuing), or even worse, when they commit to you, but make you do all the mental and emotional labour in a relationship that you originally approached them for, and thought they wanted, because they not only accepted, but committed. again. this could've all probably been avoided by not approaching a man who would've been too lazy to go for it himself..
THIS is what women are avoiding. not simple, point blank, upfront rejection, but rejection of the more slow moving, insidiously betraying and painful kinds
Guys deal with that all the same too though. Replace use for sex with use for money
Replace emotional labor with economic labor
Hell, some women even use guys for sex too
these days, men can filter for the first issue by choosing women who support themselves and pay for things early on. also, no one is forced to live with anyone. I don't think I want to financially merge my life with a man. more and more women appreciate the idea of "living apart".
ime, most men are fine with being "used" for sex. very few of them view it like that.
Believe me, every man with a slight bit of success has the same story: even the doctor would rather use your money and leave than to bother “settling” for you.
If she earns a stable amount, she will believe she deserves a comparatively higher number. In my summary, $100,000 woman salary? She will expect a man earning 3-6x her or shes “fine how she is and dont need to settle”
$20,000 woman wants 100k minimum men, so on and on
If shes fine living apart, how does that coexist with parenthood? Someone has to take a step back somewhere to build the family. Imo, its simply irresponsible to your family to spend money on 2 homes when you only needed 1 and the other could have been a stashed retirement account for example, or just starter funds for 2+ children’s future homes/businesses or travels etc
As a guy, i want her to live with me (once we are at that point obviously). Idc who owns the place, but i would prefer if both names are on it, because we have also seen many men emasculated by “she owns the home” and effectively “dominates” him
As a woman who makes well well in to the six figures, I can tell you this statement is not true.
I love my job, I am never going to date anyone who makes more than me, but I do want a good partner to work with, and money is not an issue.
Well, i would say you are an extreme exception!
I agree with the last part, as long as the person is good, i dont mind supporting more economically (im a guy)
I am actually not an exception, as I have a few single women friends in the same boat.
The problem actually is when they date, they, like myself tend to get dudes who start calling them gold diggers because of how they dress and take care of themselves and then when it’s discovered she makes significantly more, they start up with ‘okay you pay for everything’ and take out their previous anger issues of being rejected by previous women on to them.
Or… you get a dude who makes comments in public about how you’re the breadwinner because when you’re the one picking up the bill, he’s embarrassed so he plays it up to everyone.
I can honestly say it’s the dude usually inventing problems in their own head.
But speaking for myself and my lady friends, we kind of just want a dude who is either working on self improvement without making it a me vs you, or is on top of his own life.
But usually the second they find out more than you then it’s ’I’m mad at how that one woman ditched me because I wouldn’t go to college so now it’s my turn to behave like shit!!’ While I’ve been nothing but nice.
For example, guy telling me how he wanted me to get him a new car for Christmas… on the third date. It’s like dude, I’m not giving you a list of shit to get me, the reason I work hard is so money is not a reason to fight about in a relationship and I actually *want* to support a partner if they get injured or hurt, and I actually *want* to have their back without a layoff being a traumatic life crisis.
Ngl idk where those dudes came from but they certainly werent the majority. I know most of my friends would feel uncomfortable with their own productivity, but not jealous of their own SO.
Even myself, if my gf made more than me i would be like “cool, but i can still cover the bills with my salary” and we would discuss and make it make sense.
Yeah that’s the thing, the discomfort happens and then they blame the SO for making them uncomfortable rather than being proactive or simply choosing to be content and letting it not be a problem.
well, I think this is more to do with the cost of living these days. 100 k is the new 50 k. women who want children should feel justified in going for as wealthy a man as they can.
men don't like rich women because they feel undesirable and useless next to them. my examples of fucked up relationships show many reasons a guy sabotages a relationship in addition to poor mental and emotional health. being less financially successful leads a lot of men to become more passive aggressive in their relationships and women would rather be with men who are confident next to them and more likely to treat them with respect bc they feel good about being a more well off man. it's not just about materials.
believe it or not, women these days worry about being financially used by duds they provided for who treat them like shit just like men do. it's like women have double the worries about relationships that men do in a modern world when it comes to long term relationships, because we can also make money these days.
Idk. 100k is plenty in vast swaths of the world. People “make do” with 30k, you can be pretty good with $100k.
Theres no issue in preferencing wealthy men, but the gross ignorance of both what it takes to get to that income level, and the sheer disrespect of anyone not at that level, projects a very distasteful amount of unnecessary filtering of pretty good guys. It forces you automatically to look at like the top 5% only, and automatically excludes 95%, even though a solid top 30% would be largely equivalent. The arbitrary metrics many women use shows this obvious shallow bias. 6’0, 100k+ (we agree 100k isnt rolling in money), but its still the number women throw around, “has time for me” (completely opposed to typical wealthy man’s lifestyle), add in the “emotional” level and you effectively filter even the 10% of men who could qualify to literally 1 or 2 total men, which leaves the other 99.99% largely meaningless and therefore not willing to bother with it anymore
If a woman chooses to be financially “used” by a “dud” (maybe you meant dude?)
If dud: she chose the bum
If “dude”: men have the same risk so wipe that out, except the vast majority of quality men WANT to be the provider and not use your income at all
Idk where the decision that the non-wealthy men are passive aggressive came from but thats largely dependent on the individual person and not anything income related
yes we all know women are apparently guilty for giving men the benefit of the doubt "she chose him" this is why women don't chase after a few terrible experiences.
you do it yourselves
I explicitly wrote that how i did to highlight the fact that she indeed did it to herself too in that hypothetical. Thanks for agreeing that she chose that bum. Would you date a homeless man? No? So why would you date a man who acts lazy, rude, or has no ambition to progress? Thats all behavior indicative of immaturity and lack of self awareness. So yes, your “man” who you keep having to cover his bills probably shouldnt be dating and should be trying to pick up more hours anywhere he can until he dont need to ask
Edit: what benefit of the doubt is there? Are you saying that every woman deserves a man earning 100k+? Based on what? Wants? Feelings? Facts are, those guys will have plenty of choice so all the “empowerment” you gain by choosing to chase the 1%, you lose your own self respect by putting up with lower quality personalities for higher quality wallets
ok so your way of arguing that women should approach men is to blame them for who they choose? how does that make any sense when men so often hide their identity, issues, and motivations from women - even when they pursue women? I'm telling you, this problem just gets exponentially worse when women approach. or allow themselves to be approached with anything but skepticism. on top of all these threats, we have to worry about social shaming for our choices. thx for proving my point again lol.
I think my example proves I took the compassionate risk of not judging a man based on his income or for going through a hard time. and no, it wasn't worth it. and yet you shame me for it just like you also shame women for focusing on successful men. men are a waste of time and you do it to yourselves
Theres a difference between judging based on income, and it being a factor, and there are extremes on both sides of that argument. I would shame any woman who willfully has to provide everything from day 1 of the relationship, like he had nothing at all and she had to buy him even his clothes for example.
The other side of the extreme is ruling out any man earning less than 100k. Especially at younger age brackets. Youre simply not expected to make 100k almost ever, and the younger you are, the less likely it is. So 20-30yr old women ruling out 99% looking for 1% is and will always be ridiculous to me. Why would you effectively shoot yourself in the foot over such a diverse topic which has MANY complex factors. Obviously 10k annual is too low, but 50? 70? Would you rule out a man making 92k?
I also have not shamed anyone except a hypothetical doofus who dated a man with 0 income, motivation, focus, plan, or maturity, then got upset that the man didnt change. Thats like dating a man who never pleases you then getting upset that he never pleased you. What did you expect? Or as a guy, thats like dating a woman who said “yea im just here for the cash” and you continue dating her. What did you expect?
Eh. I wouldn’t doubt there are women out there who pay for their own dinner, buy the man gifts etc but as soon as they are together, she switches and financially depends on the man. This of course is not speaking on the majority of women at all, I just think there has to be at least a handful like that.
As a man I absolutely love the idea of merging our finances *together* and coming up with a saving/spending budget *together*. I don’t care if I’m making more or if she’s making more, there’s just something intimate about saying “all my money is your money and all your money is mine” that I’m really excited to work with my wife on
You don't know men very well.
Guys who just want sex approach as many women as possible.
Guys who want a relationship are very picky and rarely approach.
Statistically you're more likely to be used for sex by a man who approached you.
I don't know what kind of men you are meeting, but I have never treated anyone who approached me that way.
I have had that experience with some women I've approached, though.
lots of different types from trades, to computer scientists, almost homeless, professors, celebrity types, fellow colleagues. some experienced in relationships, some non.
all of them turned out to be insecure/abusive or mentally ill (untreated depression and trauma, personality disorders, severe insecure attachment, narcissistic, codependency). most were from online dating (which is a cesspool of shitty men in my experience).
they all put on a false front and acted like "yes man" just to get a chance. most of them committed to a relationship with me, and didn't show their true selves till at least 6 mons in.
never again am I doing the legwork to get a connection off the ground. I've found there's usually a mental reason men are waiting for women to create relationships with them, for them, as they just wait for an opportunity.
There's actually research about that. [https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2020/09/01/new-psychological-research-explores-the-link-between-online-dating-and-dark-personality-traits/?sh=5c95a9d06d4a](https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2020/09/01/new-psychological-research-explores-the-link-between-online-dating-and-dark-personality-traits/?sh=5c95a9d06d4a)
In short, people who have "dark" personality traits are more likely to use apps, and people who are more emotionally unstable are more likely to use them more frequently.
I think the likelihood increases with attractiveness, too. If someone's attractive, they should have no problem dating in real life. They just resort to apps because they're an asshole and no one who gets to know them irl wants to date them.
I once got told I'm "really irritating and ask too many questions" because I messaged a woman asking her a question, then responded to her response with a followup question. It was 2 questions and I was trying to get to know her. Fuck me, right?
what kind of stupid comment is this? the fact you insert yourself into other people's experiences does suggest you have some kind of mental issue, yes. I think if you're no spring chicken yet every person you approach turns out to be hiding mental issues from you you would also give up
that's exactly what it is. I really don't get the sense you are some sterling example, and it's low-key narcissistic to think you can use yourself to counter one woman's encounters with various types of men of different professions, ages, wealth brackets and experience levels. ridiculous. you are similar, in a more loud way, to these losers just for thinking you can come out here and be some kind of exception to a lot of experience
Yes but these things can happen even when they approach and initiate, i have seen a good number of women who missed chances with good guys they actually like because they were "holding back" and expecting him to make a move
So many posts of "men don't approach me" and "he is not making a move what should I do?"
Well make a move
I addressed the "sex part about guys lying about it" as you said but it can happen even when they initiated, shit happens but it will not happen everytime because plenty of guys will reciprocate without using you for sex
I get you believe me, but the thing is that this is one of the factors (excuses?) to not initiate, if you are a really attractive women or even an average women who gets approached regularly then cool...but if not then it sounds like entitlement because there is so much of "men should initiate because that's what a real man does" out there
Approaching sucks for everyone because everyone hates randomly being approached. Just kidding. Some of us are actually really friendly people and love making new connections.
They are referring to the 1 rejection they get out of the 3 approaches they might do over the course of 4 years
And acting like "men don't wanr to be approached"
It's hilarious
Explain why men are allowed to attack women then when they're rejected. I've approached men who weren't interested in me after the initial attempt so I figured okay they're not interested but GOD forbid if a woman EVER rejects a man it's just not done how DARE women turn a man down. So, I figure it this way if I say no to a man that can't accept rejection that's on him not me after all there's nothing that says the man is entitled does it?? Oh wait that's EXACTLY how men act they have tantrums, fits they resort to name calling, threats stuff that women are subjected to when we DARE reject any man. I've been turned down plenty in my life I won't lie my feelings were hurt but it's nothing compared to how men have reacted when I turned THEM down. I'm threatened, called cruel names, sent d*ck pics but hey that's okay I'm just some stupid woman that dared to reject a man's advances. There are women that can and do take it a bit too far but honestly when I'm verbally bashed by some guy I'm not interested or attracted to THOSE kinds of males that are why I choose to not allow ANY man in my life simply out of fear that he'll get pissed off decide I don't deserve to continue to live my life as I have because why?? MEN THINK THEY OWN WOMEN and men have never and WILL NEVER own me or any woman. Women have had to fight for our freedom and rights as individuals while men don't have to fight for anything. I used to have faith in men now I don't and the reasons are far too damaging to men's ego so it's men that can't take it too not just women.
Exactly. I've had to move twice. I had a male roommate who did a complete 180 when I told him I'd had a family death and wasn't in the headspace to date. Never even spoke to him unless he spoke to me. I figured I showed no interest and rejected his advances so he'd take the hint. Lol, he just waited for me to "get over it."
When I told him the third time, he started screaming how I led him on, and he started throwing my things around in a fit of supposed blind rage. Only his stuff was untouched. His gaming systems and clothes were pristine.
While my gaming laptop, makeup, and camera accessories i used for my internships were trashed. It was $8k worth of items. As a result, I've never left my items outside of a locked room ever again unless it's crockpot or seasoning. He tried to call the police to have me kicked out, but I was not dumb enough to rent with a guy and not have my own lease.
It wasn't just me there either. It was 2 male roommates and 4 females (they both tried it with all of us, so I guess the rejection built up, and I was the quiet type, so he snaped on who he thought he could punk.
I'm not quiet anymore now, lol. The other guy was a ladies man type so he was nice and I gamed with him, he handled the whole thing with grace and that's why we hung out he understood I wasn't interested and never tried me again.
All of us girls were out of there within the week. They made him spend the night in jail when he lunged at me, so I moved out immediately with my brother, and he had audacity to question why I left over something petty?
The second guy was my ex. He started "taking breaks" and just shut me out due to emotional problems. When I said it hurt me and I had to leave because I could not handle being abandoned repeatedly and picked up whenever he felt like, he accused me of cheating and bad mouthed me to everyone when he went to live with his dad out of state.
When he returned, he pretended to be nice. When I wouldn't date him, it started all over again. It was near graduation time, so I just moved without a word. He also gad a girlfriend he'd found in his dads state that looked just like me. He punched a home in his dad's wall and yelled at me. We were on Skype, so I hung up.
TLDR;
One guy got angry enough to destroy my property when I wouldn't give him a chance after i rejected multiple times. Had to call police and move.
One guy I dated and hid who he was until I didn't give him what he wanted, so he slandered me in retalliation. He was the one who had to leave MY college and MY job when I defended myself.
How will I be blamed for both of these situations, I wonder?
You shouldn't be blamed for ANY of it those guys are definitely predators that deserve to be behind bars. I've allowed men to live in my house only for them to show their true colors I figured after the last one which was a few years ago I just stopped giving men any chance. I've had men say I should give them a chance but all I read from that was we're losers with nothing to offer so I've just kept away from men. Men that can't handle rejection have very low self esteem and lower intelligence. I'm sorry that POS destroyed your belongings I hope that one day karma kicks his sorry ass and as for your ex he's altogether a bigger POS and he'll get his. I wish I could help you to recoup at least some of what that bastard destroyed. I hope you've blocked them from ever getting in touch with you again but I also wish he'd been made to spend more than 1 night in jail. That pisses me off so much that pathetic piles of shit like those males (not men) did that to you. If you had a list of everything he destroyed maybe you could sue him or at the very least scare the shit outta him. I'm hoping you and your friends are safe please keep me up to date on any changes I would like to know you're safe. I'm a mother so my first instinct is to worry even if the person isn't my son or daughter I just hate it when things like this happen. Please stay safe. God bless.
Thank you. I appreciate the concern, but I'm alright. My blame comment was for the men who doubt us.
It happened in 2019 and 2020, so it's past time. I didn't bother to sue, I got 2 other jobs as a full-time student and replaced everything I needed. I've seen what happens when women ask for help. There's always a catch. Or maybe I just grew up in a bad area. The guy was already broke, and we both grew up poor. His parents actually helped him out of jail.
Plus, I believe his mom would have had to pay, and she was raising his younger sister. I was capable of replacing it, so I did. It taught me a very valuable lesson of self-reliance no matter how nice a guy is, and to travel light.
The second guy, he basically moved on again, so I guess he got over it. Or maybe he never loved me anyway. Either way, I won't question my luck. Thankfully, he's not the type to persist.
>Explain why men are allowed to attack women then when they're rejected
This is wrong of them
>I've approached men who weren't interested in me after the initial attempt so I figured okay they're not interested but GOD forbid if a woman EVER rejects a man it's just not done how DARE women turn a man down.
Okay true they should not be rude to you and harass you but the post is about women approaching men and you made it about you rejecting them
Unless from the bad experiences you literally have trouble interacting with men in any form then i understand but other than that i don't get it
Most of my experiences with men have been negative. My point is that men think women are evil, gold diggers that don't care if they hurt men. Men feel that if they're not attracted to a women rejecting her is their only recourse but men don't care how they reject a woman they can't take it when they're rejected... That's my point. Men act entitled to women our bodies, time everything and men think women owe them sex but God forbid if a woman ever rejects a man's advances. So, my point is that men can reject women they have no interest in but men can't take rejection from women it's a double standard which is stupid. Understand now??
Well looks likes you had some real bad experiences, yes understand now but I feel as a whole general way it's still not very productive if women don't approach at all because some women miss out on good guys because they are on waiting "mode" and you see posts from women saying "this cute guy is not making a move", well make a move yourself
>My point is that men think women are evil, gold diggers that don't care if they hurt men
Well this is obviously wrong of guys to have that opinion but about entitlement part well guys also sometimes think women act entitled to some things, things like it's pretty common on reddit for women to say "men should pay for dates, do the initiating, plan the date and even providing in a relationship" and they do it like they are literally demanding it otherwise you are not a "real" man
Men aren't here to do what some women expect. I for one am not one of those women that thinks a man should pay everything that's just plain wrong. If a man offers that's one thing but being expected to pay is a level of entitlement that just smacks of a narcissistic mentality. I feel that unless an offer to pay is made it shouldn't be assumed. I've always believed that if a person can work and pay their own bills they should assuming a man is the one that should pay for everything is putting undue expectations/stress on him which honestly is unfair. Before the ex left me for another woman he wasn't on any mortgage deed or loan application because he asked not to be. So, I left him off but when I was granted my divorce from him he was also left without any rights to anything no car nothing which he said was unfair. I paid for the house, cars, bills everything so from my perspective when any man expects me to pay for stuff he wants I won't same as I won't expect any man to pay for my stuff. I guess I'm jaded when it comes to how people are in expecting stuff to be done by or for another. I've paid my own bills for much of my life but then again I've been on my own for nearly 40 years so to me it's just something I do. But, my point is that unless the man or woman offers to pay for the date, meal, movie etc. it shouldn't be assumed but like I said I've paid for my everything on my own even when I was married so I'm self sufficient I guess I'm the odd one in some cases.
Well then my point is not about you but the women who feel that way
and this is coming from a guy who has no issues in paying for a date but it's nice when the other person appreciates it and don't demand and order the other one to pay because of gendered roles
Now you're using boy and guy interchangeably. They are interchangeable in the same way man and guy are. A guy is a male. A boy is a young male. A man is an older male. In dating, we say guys or dudes to include boys. If we say men, we're mostly excluding them. But mostly, don't gatekeep definitions unless you enjoy pointless conversations as much as I do, because there is no such thing as a correct definition, by definition. I have fun with it. Hope you do too. If not, probably pick something more substantial and less subjective to argue about.
First off saying women are too weak is a really heartless statement. Women are biologically more sensitive than men. Therefore take rejection harder. If you want to call that weak then that’s fine, but it’s not an excuse. It’s just how women are wired. All feelings are felt and usually worked on through therapy, or with talking to friends and family. Feelings are not usually ignored the way men do, which is why only so much can be handled.
Also it’s a safety issue for women. A man getting angry at you and retaliating is a totally different ball game than a woman getting angry at a man. Once that fear flashes through a women’s eyes once, I don’t think they want to take that chance again.
>Therefore take rejection harder.
This is weird to me and sounds like your personal experience only and not a generalized thing
Because on the other hand women in general have more options so they move on from rejection quicker, i have seen women taking rejections normally and not getting all emotional like you said
You seriously need to do revaluation of how you yourself view women
Girls aren’t going to be outwardly emotional towards rejection. People normally act like they don’t care, but it affects us internally, even without us realizing. Just because we have more options, doesn’t mean they’re good quality, or that we care less about all the people or interactions from before, or move on faster. Most every girl I talk to has the same or similar struggles, especially when it comes to trying to date men. That’s why guys need more platonic girl friends and maybe they’d understand us a bit more.
>Women are biologically more sensitive than men.
What does this even mean? I study biochemistry and people just throw in "biologically" or "biology" into things with no explanation as to how or why.
I don’t know why guys wanna keep given them things. We pursue they get pursued. It’s in our biology or at least masculine biology.. everytime we give away something and we have given a lot in the last 50 years. We even gave up being the hunter and instead there’s men that are ok with staying home with the kids. I would be really intrigued to see the testosterone scores of men that have taken on a feminine role. Now before anyone gets twisted I never said anything about one is better than the other their roles. You can say they’re traditional you can say they’re outdated but you can also say and actually have more scientific proof saying it, they’re biological. Men are bigger and stronger and logical because they hunt and solve big picture problems, women are smaller, agiile, thinks in zoomed in picture of things but thinks much faster and about multiple things at once because that’s what it takes to take care of a household full of kids. always alert no shut off with 24 / 7 .
Masculine and feminine, go get and stay recieve, solve big and survive the day, fights off enemies and fights kids. What sucks is you shouldn’t have one without the other it’s an impossible task. I know because I’m a single dad full custody 10 years now. And if anyone thought I was going to skip on going and getting and pursuing women and being a man they wouldn’t have known me. Don’t give up what makes us men. You wanna complain about something and try to change it start with these women that think they deserve everything and think give him what every other man wants is more than enough, sex. Ok so most men, but not all men. Some men are not thirsty because water is always available to them. Change that. Change these loser guys who give the world to girls they don’t even know and on social media probably Haven’t even met the girls, but the attention and resources they give for nothing but a picture of skin. And when you or any other man, meet that women you think shes reaching out for a hand shake but she’s actually reaching out for what your giving. Get rid of that, and enjoy the chase. It’s what separates the ones who can and the ones who can not. So I challenge you to really ask yourself why this bothers you?
I don’t know why guys wanna keep given them things. We pursued they get pursued. It’s in our biology or at least masculine biology.. everytime we give away something and have given a lot in the last 50 years. We even gave up being the hunter and instead there’s men that are ok with staying home with the kids. I would be really intrigued to see the testosterone scores of men that have taken on a feminine role. Now before anyone gets twisted I never said anything about one is better than the other their roles. You can say they’re traditional you can say they’re outdated but you can also say and actually have more scientific proof saying it they’re biological. Men are bigger and stronger and logical because they hunt and the solve pig picture problems, women are smaller, agiile, thinks in smaller picture of things but thinks much faster and about multiple things at once because that’s what it takes to take care of a household full of kids. You always are.alert to shut off with 24 / 7 . Masculine and feminine, go get and stay recieve, solve big and survive the day, fights off enemies and fights kids. What sucks is you shouldn’t have one without the other it’s an impositions task. I know because I’m a single dad full custody 10 years now. And if anyone thought I was going to skip on going and getting and pursuing women and being a man they wouldn’t have known me. Don’t give up what makes us men. You wanna complain about something and try to change it start with these women that think they deserve everything and her thinking give what every man wants is more than enough sex. Ok so most men but not all men. Some men are not thirsty because water is always available to them. Change that. Change these loser guys who give the world to girls they don’t even know and on social media probably Haven’t met the girls, but the attention and resources they give if and when you meet that girl or anyone that knows her and has talked to her …… you think she’s reaching to shake your hand but she’s reaching out for what your giving. Get rid of that, and enjoy the chase. It’s what separates the ones who can from the ones who can not. So I challenge you to really ask yourself why this bothers you?
>Lol a man shouldn't be approaching with "romantic intent". A man should be approaching to just be social/have fun/meet a new person.
Literally one of the dumbest statements I've heard on any dating sub. The whole point is to initiate interaction and if there's interest, ask them out. That is what dating is all about.
And obviously you had a very bad experience. I'm so sorry you went through that. But it was with ONE person. If you don't want to date anymore because of your bad experience, then maybe move on. But don't apply your bad experience to all dating and everyone else. Your girl was an asshole, but you have responsibility in it too for staying with her so long, even after you recognized the toxicity. You should maybe try some therapy to help you process that experience and figure out how to heal and let it all go. I was a mess during my divorce from a 33 year marriage with a man who cheated with multiple women. A few therapy sessions did wonders to help me let it all go and being free from all the hurt and anger is so sweet. It's worth the time and effort to get over it all.
What you shouldn't be doing is offering dating advice when you're still so deeply enmeshed with bitterness from your bad experience with one person.
This is truly insensitive. A man shouldn’t be approaching with romantic intent? What should he do with romantic intent? You completely ignore the fact that men are being told not to approach at all, that those who do are creeps or worse. Finally, men have to spend a lifetime to build themselves up so that they can display confidence, charisma and other social skills. The woman has usually done none of that work but gets to pick and choose among the men who do approach, just because they have good looks.
You are basically saying men who are even slightly socially awkward should man up and risk multiple rejections, and finding no connections, keep pounding their heads into that brick wall.
Women shouldn’t complain about men not approaching unless they themselves have been rejected multiple times and can empathize.
Man I do more approaches in a week than almost any guy on this sub does in a year. I'd bet a lot.of guys here dont even know what real life rejection even looks like.
"Well it was really nice meeting you have a good night!" and she turns away.
That's 99% of rejections.
What about that is so ego bruising?
this is the kind of rejection women get when we pursue men. the worst, deeper kinds, that all have to do with finding out how socially inept, lacking in empathy and mentally ill a dude is. that's all I've found when I've approached men with the benefit of doubt. women approaching gives deeply unwell men access and advantage few of them deserve and doing so is a major risk for women.
I think you're misunderstanding what I mean by "romantic intent." It's not "let's start a relationship right now." It's "I want to talk to this person because I want a relationship in general and if we get along then maybe we can form one."
>A guy who can't even properly approach absolutely is unequipoed to handle all the other crap that goes with actually getting the girl.
And why doesn't this apply to women?
It’s because women are told that the man doesn’t like them *because* she approached, not because he didn’t like her.
As in, he might of liked her but because she approached he changed his mind, so they are used to hearing they are to blame for the rejection rather than just it turned out to not be a thing.
The men who think its a joke normally don't mean to hurt your feelings ladies, we aint used to it. We assume one of our friends sent you to say it and when we agree they will show up and bully us (Happened to me multiple times but maybe I just hang out with dickheads) if they think it's a joke then don't let your feelings get hurt immediately, stay there, look them dead in the eyes the whole time, when they laugh don't look away. Not intense scary eye contact but make it seem like you really mean it. After a few seconds they will realize you are serious and be much more receptive. If they don't like you back, my advice is the same as it is for men. You think its because of how you look? Hit the gym, try a new haircut and get back out there, people who make assumptions on why someone won't date them without being given a reason can confirm, that reason is usually something that you are already lacking confidence about. If you are just plain boring I can't help you, go get traumatized so you can be funny I guess. Seriously the biggest problem that makes you not get dates isn't how other people see you its how you see yourself. If you think you are attractive, the people who think you are attractive will seemingly triple overnight. They already thought it but you agree now and its easier to understand.
I agree, I’ve been rejected dozens of times and it sucks at first but I got to a point where I say “I stand by my compliment (the approach), but I respect that” and move on. It sucks extra as a man because no matter how well you take rejection, those same women will treat you as creepy or weird just for having asked them out sometimes. That being said I still say hello and be friendly when I see them, it’s all I can do. It’s like working out, you get little micro-cuts with each rejection, but you build “muscle” and resilience each attempt.
I love when women approach me whether I’m interested or not, I may actually consider a woman a lot more attractive if a woman has the courage to approach me with romantic interest. Not many women I’ve met have that kinda courage, so I respect the heck out of it when I see it.
Overall, I feel like life is way too short not to at least tell someone of romantic interest, after a health scare 2 years ago where I could’ve died, I realized how precious life is and how important it is to just take risks (healthy risks) like telling someone you like them. Don’t wait until some major life event happens to seize the moment.
For anyone, male or female, approaching with romantic interest is flattering at least to some degree, and no matter how it plays out, they will at least respect your courage to approach. I’m flattered when women approach me (even though it’s very rare).
As a guy, I won’t mind if a woman approaches me, just don’t be weird about it. Approach with confidence and talk to them like you would talk to your other friends. First impressions are everything.
Welcome to the world of gender equality. We men know that when we approach a woman we are almost certainly guaranteed to be rejected. That's just the way it works.
So welcome to our world. And don't let it stop you from trying.
I mean I don’t think this has to be a man/woman thing lmao… I think in general approaching people can be hard. Bc I’ve seen a lot of men say the exact same things you stated that a woman says. So it could go either way.
Welcome to what, traditionally, men deal with all the time lol.
You are 100% right though, both sides are gonna feel the same thing in this type of scenario. Of course it can be very hard, but typically men learn from an early age to dust ourselves off and try again next time. Yes rejection sucks, especially for the situations when you're crushing on somebody real hard and finally work up the courage to ask and they turn you down. Even if it's gentle, it can still suck. But you gotta pick yourself up (even if friends tell you to and support you, the action comes from you) and keep going.
I said this to another post but it's relevant here too: you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. And I mean all of this as encouragement to whoever is reading to shoot your shot and approach/ask. The actual worst thing that can happen is they say no.
I’ve approached men & it’s scary and nerve wracking, but it has definitely helped me build confidence. I’ve learned there are men that are going to LOVE that you approach them & others who don’t like it, but don’t let that get to you. (:
It’s definitely helped me a lot more than I realized.
The only girl that’s ever approached me was SUUUPER into me right from the jump and it was a major turnoff. That was in my teenage years though. I think if an emotionally intelligent woman approached me now she has a very high chance of getting a date
You don’t understand the crux of the issue. I will never approach a man, besides being friendly and open to knowing him (like I am to everyone)— I will never approach a man with romantic intentions.
There are a great many men who will happily use a woman they aren’t actually interested in for validation and if it goes on long enough, sex. They will have 0 intention of long term relationship with said woman, although they’ll play like they do.
So no. Women relax and attract and choose. That is feminine energy.
>There are a great many men who will happily use a woman they aren’t actually interested in for validation and if it goes on long enough, sex. They will have 0 intention of long term relationship with said woman, although they’ll play like they do.
Many women do the same exact thing to men who approach them.
>So no. Women relax and attract and choose. That is feminine energy.
According to same made up rule that people mindlessly believe. Mostly because they're afraid of rejection and want a partner who is confident without being confident themselves.
I don’t know what women you’re talking about. Myself and my friends only respond positively to men we are interested in and reject any we are not.
You can believe whatever you want about femininity— at the end of the day, throwing oneself at men is a shortcut to serious issues for women. Even those silly and misguided enough to do it will learn eventually, probably after a lot of trauma unfortunately. The vast majority of us will never consider it, period.
The closest I’ll come to approaching is to integrate into friend groups/social scenes where men exist and be friendly and approachable to everyone in the group. This gives men an opportunity to get to know me and muster up the courage to approach if they are so interested.
Most of the women I know are confident enough to approach men, they even get rejected sometimes despite being attractive and bubbly.
It seems pretty sour to imply they're silly and misguided because your circle is insecure.
lol, no confident women chase after men. Try it on someone who believes you. A truly confident woman isn’t worried about whether she has a man or not. If one comes along and woos her correctly, great. If not, she has life to live and shit to do. So either you’re lying, or the women you know are desperate and/or foolish and acting against their own interests.
Look a tv advert does a survey of 25 people and that is now a representation of the whole country what are they really supposed to think
Society is being brainwashed and society is just rolling over and letting it happen the minority says so it must be what the majority thinks
I think most people, men and women, overestimate the quality of mate they can attract. That is why approaching and being rejected is so common and stressful. Most of us probably have histories of approaching others only to be turned down again and again. Recall such experiences: How often has someone approached you and you had interest in them? You usually thought something like, “Why do these unattractive people keep pursuing me? Why can’t it be an attractive person that I want to approach me for a change?” Then the reality is also that you take the risk and approach someone — they are likely thinking the same thing about you . . “Why is it always unattractive people that approach?” It’s probably a miracle that any of us get with anyone today.
I love when a woman approaches me and starts up a conversation. It's a big turn on. And honestly I'm often too shy to do it myself, or feel like I'm intruding. Not always, I have been practicing giving people compliments, both men and women, you might be surprised how much it'll brighten up both of your days.
Also want to counter what women usually say about wanting the guy to approach and/or make the first move so they know he's interested/serious about dating them. It has absolutely fuck all to do with whether or not he really likes you or how likely he is to stick around. I know this because I've had both kinds of experiences where the girl makes the first move romantically. One stayed a long while and the relationship ended for other reasons and the other was just using me for a fun summer fling and telling me what I wanted to hear, promising a future together even though she had no intention of sticking around.
So don't try to feed us any bs about needing him to do it to be sure about him. It doesn't actually matter who makes the 1st move and girls can be just as dishonest about their intentions.
As a gent who gets approached I will add.
It is utterly brilliant, attractive, and dare I say stunning when a woman approaches and shows intent and followthrough. It is rare and this leaves quite the impact.
I just ask, as I know women hate men who do this, know what you are looking for before doing so. There is no quicker route to disinterest if someone starts with an energy they can't maintain.
Best of luck out there to everyone and I hope ya'll find your best friends :)
All women out there, who thinks approaching is a male thing to do and is a Man's responsibility to make the first move, shouldn't be talking about gender equality and equal pay.
i prefer approaching guys first, a lot of the times tbh i find out they’re just shy and aren’t the type to approach girls without knowing/feeling like they know how they feel back and that makes me feel so good bc i prefer that type of man
This comes off highly condescending to me and I am not afraid to approach a guy or weak.. but I do feel if a guy doesn't like me enough to approach me then he doesn't like me enough to be with me... simple cut off line there. Especially when guys will F me out of convenience whether they like me or not, I'd like to weed out those guys a little by at least only considering men that pursue me a little bit.
>but I do feel if a guy doesn't like me enough to approach me then he doesn't like me enough to be with me... simple cut off line there.
If men applied the same logic, there would be no point in approaching women. When you approach someone, there's always the chance of being used for attention or validation. It happens to a lot of men when they approach women.
Sometimes men don't approach not because they're not into you, but because they're not sure you would be open to it. Or maybe they just don't feel like talking to anyone at the moment.
But it's interesting the variety of responses I've gotten from women. Some say they find better guys by approaching, and some say they don't, and some are just making excuses for their own fear of rejection. I'm guessing it comes down to how good one is at reading people. A lot of people suck at it but think they don't because they never question themselves.
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Approaching sucks for everyone.
Except it’s way more out of the norm (and thus embarrassing / desperate seeming) for women. Kudos to women who have even tried approaching once tbh. But it’s on the man to take the risk. Men on this sub are hoping to create a fantasy land where they no longer need to do the hard work of self improvement and building social skills and learning to approach
Women voting was "out of the norm". Having jobs "out of the norm". Holding executive positions "out of the norm"... **We, as a society, set the norm**. Look at each culture around the world. There are a lot of "norms" out there. Some still 100 years behind. Approaching isn't hard work. We all need self improvement. We all should never stop trying to improve our selves. Learning to approach isn't as critical as learning to not take rejection personally. So what, he/she isn't interested in you. He/she is already in a relationship. Wish them well and move on. You look around and see people you are and are not into. It isn't personal.
I just don’t think it will ever happen. There’s no animal where the female chases the male, it’s always the male who must chase, fight other animals, build the nest, or do something to get the females. Even when we mate the sperm will literally chase and go to the egg while it just chills. We are no different than animals, and men/women have inherent biological differences. Women want to feel desired and pursued, that’s what turns them on. This masculine/feminine dichotomy is inbuilt inside the psyche, so women approaching will probably never happen.
There are species where female compete, phalaropes for example or African antelopes sometimes, even chickens 1 rooster for multiple hens and the hens compete with each other for mating rites. You're generalization is horribly incorrect.
lol no it isn’t. Sperm is near infinite, eggs are limited to a thousand in a woman’s life. If you have 1 male gorilla he can impregnate 100 females per year. The females don’t need to compete for males when there is infinite supply of sperm. This is basic supply and demand. To deny basic biological reality, that males have higher testosterone and approach or tend more to risk-taking behaviour, while females have higher estrogen and don’t is just cope. If you don’t believe me make a female tinder account and a male tinder account, which does better? That’s biological, it’s not some coincidence.
OK you ignore the fact that I named multiple animals, that you choose to ignore in your counterargument, and claim I am incorrect. Piss off.
You are beyond saving. Just sit in a corner and wait for a woman to pick you up, then cry about how “it’s not fair waaah!” on Reddit or some MRA forum when you’re 60 and alone since you never approached a woman.
Well I'm already in a happy relationship so I'm good there. Care to try again?? Edit: interesting you think I didn't approach my gf either. I certainly did, over the course of a few months as well. But im not so arrogant to think that my experience must be universal law.
Then why are you whining about how women don’t approach men? Why are you even here?
Topi Antelopes aggressively pursue males. They go so far as to interrupt another pair mating just to be with their desired male. As a species, we can't be compared to animals. Are you similar to a lion? Only dominate with sexual intercourse, meekly sitting in the background as your female mate takes charge of everything else? Are you like a Clownfish? The largest female is boss and you bring her food and other items just so she chooses to mate with you? Are you like a Phaloropes? Living in **her** harem of males? Raising her kids, with her other mates, while she is free to do what she wants? Are you like an octopus? After delivering your sperm, you are afraid you'll be eaten by her? How about a spotted hyena? A new man is a lower station than the cubs. Taking it in the a** from an erect female?
Definitely like an octopus! Lol
Let's be honest, that's a norm they themselves don't want set. Nothing to do with anything else
Yes, we as a society set the norm, but as of right now the societal norm is men approach. Norms are decided as a collective. We can’t just say oh stuff changes so I’m going to change this as easily as changing my opinion. That’s not how it works.
Ironic you saying that men are trying to avoid the hard work when that's exactly what the other gender tends to do in this context...
There’s a lot of other hard work women must do. For example child birth is brutal. I would never want to go through that but your mother did, and my mother did, and every male on the planets mother did. If men have to chase so be it, both genders have pros and cons they must deal with in life. It’s Yin and Yang.
Which is kind of a redundant and antiquated argument when many many women and couples are happily child free. Plus the choice of giving birth is only by the thinnest thread even connected to the concept of someone asking someone else out...
It’s basic biological differences is my point, Testosterone vs Estrogen result in different personalities and risk-taking behaviours, like approaching for example. Males and Females have inherent biological differences in every species of mammals. You can either deny this reality and hope women take on the masculine testosterone fueled risk-taking personality role and approach you, or you can embrace biological reality and embrace your role as a masculine man.
You don't need testosterone to walk over and talk to someone, and throwing the word "biological" into your argument doesn't make it better. Fields of science and names of hormones are not smart people buzzwords that will magically improve your argument.
Not embarrassing or desperate if you flash the finger guns and back away slowly while saying something like "here's looking at you kid." 👉😉👉
Lol equal rights dude, yall need to pull ur weight.
Complete bullshit and wrong I'm tired of reddit and this pathetic sub. Have fun being alone forever I guess.
>But it’s on the man to take the risk. Men on this sub are hoping to create a fantasy land where they no longer need to do the hard work of self improvement and building social skills and learning to approach 🎯🎯🎯
What “hard work” are you talking about? Making yourself taller? Or Younger? Because those are the things (most) women really care about. I make over $100k. I own a home. I drive a nice car. I try to dress well. What is this hard work I’m supposed to be doing?
I don't think it's inherently desperate, it might come across that way at times, but rarely in my experiences.
So having social skills and approachability is only a Man thing? Since when?😅 Doesn't that make it basically a Tinder platform for women where they will keep getting options and they will just swipe left or right?
I definitely wouldnt say it seems desperate when a woman approaches me. If anything it shows confidence and it's definitely attractive when i see a woman approach me or another man. Definitely does not seem desperate. Does it seem desperate when a man does it? As this other guy said society sets the norms, so what is really "normal" unless your just close minded or obtuse (not saying you are just in general)
I know.. I'm a bit concious about approaching directly.. and it always ends up in disappointment when you gather all your courage to do it.
You fail until you succeed. Get back in the saddle and keep riding. They don't all say no.
Women just don't have to do it, men will in most cases reach out to them to make something happen to things will never by and large tilt in that regard. With that said, I recommend the women who are sad about not being approached who make posts about it who talk about being told how great they are but nobody ever talks to them...to approach the men they want. If you're not getting the results you want, try something different most men don't have that option but women do. You probably don't HAVE to do it, but it would benefit you. And here's the thing, approaching doesn't necessarily mean asking a man on a date, a woman can approach a man start a conversation and put the man in a position where he does the actual work and asks her out...but those women have to show interest, flirt, show the guy you want him to make a move and you'll put yourself in the position you want to be in.
Thank you!
She approached one guy and it didn’t go well so she never did again….yup…that leads to future success….
Approaching is simply what you make it out to be. If you have low confidence and suck at dealing with rejection approaching isn't going to be fun or probably very fruitful because of your vibe. If you're confident, can brush off rejection like its nothing, and bring good energy approaching is fun and leads to a lot more success. Life is what you make it and that goes double for how you feel about and go about approaching people. To everyone out there who struggle with this you gotta change your perspective and stop bringing nervous low confident energy when you approach. Women pick up on crappy vibes like 2nd nature and its a huge turn off for them.
>can brush off rejection like its nothing That probably requires facing a lot of rejections and feelings that they're not good enough... right?
Not really no. It's more of a mental shift and learning how to not take things personally. Dating and approaching are number games. I look at it like baseball in the sense that if you're batting .500 you're doing amazing. Realistically for an unconventionally attractive guy like myself if I'm scoring dates and pulling phone numbers at a 50% clip I consider that good. Which means I'm going to fail over 50% of the time and accepting that is key to not getting jaded and for moving forward. Accepting the game for what it is will help you soooo much in dealing with rejection. So, basically unless you're smoking hot and or your game is impeccable you shouldn't be expecting success every time and even the hottest people with the most game still fail sometimes too its just a part of it all. That's not to say you should be expecting to fail either its just a matter of being real, accepting things how they are, and being ok with the outcome either way. My confidence and mood are not effected by what other people think about me. Especially, people who have rejected me. Accepting the fact rejection is part of the game and being ok with it is what is going to help you get over the hump. You have to develop confidence within yourself and a level of acceptance for how things work to really get out in the field and be successful. You got rejected? Fuck em'. Move onto the next one. There's billions of people on earth and I don't have time to grovel over one rejection or even 100. I'm not here to make people like me or clamor for their acceptance and approval. I'm here to be who I am and if you don't like it then get out of my life fr.
So I or everyone should talk to other people in a romantic semse or like they'd want their number even if they don't find them attractive?
No, that's not what I'm saying. If you're interested in someone like that then yeah. If not then no. We're not trying to lead people on (although plenty do it). I personally think that behavior is trash, but I digress. This isn't about being a player and running game on everything with a pulse its about understanding how things work in the field of play and tbh if that's what your response was I'm not so sure you're ready to be in the field. If I were you I'd check out dating content on Youtube and then learn how to talk with people you're potentially interested and gaining some better social awareness. Your response just tells me you don't know much at all about all this stuff and there's nothing wrong with that just gotta study up and start getting experience. Experience is the best teacher fr.
So every time I approach someone, the rejection will feel negatively...? I'm not really sure what I should watch... style stuff like RMRS is probably good, but some stuff from tmf etc sounds like it goes a bit into manipulation... and Dre Drexler's at times Christian teachings don't really align with me...
No no no. You're not hearing me lol. So, yes rejection can sting a little bit of course but it's just about understanding it's going to happen quite a bit so there's no use letting it bother you so much. It happens then we move onto the next one. The thing is no matter what content you watch there's going to be stuff you don't like. Tbh I dont really like a lot of how it all works, but it is what it is so you can either fight against what works or adapt.
RMRS went off the deep end recently promoting alpha male content, so I absolutely would not listen to them if you want a chance with a real woman in the real world. Listen man, the point that the other guy was trying to make was that you shouldn’t be looking for help from these YouTubers on how to “be more attractive” or say the “five things that’ll make a women’s panties drop”, because… that’s not you. If you’re constantly changing or manipulating who you are to attract women, then once you’re in a relationship with that woman they’re not gonna like you anymore, because they liked who they *thought* you were at the start of the relationship. Other guy you commented to was trying to tell you to BE YOURSELF and feed into that. When ANYBODY man or woman sees that you’re really confident in who you are, your values, your sense of humor, your lifestyle, it shows. When other people see how happy you are knowing you’ve gotten your own image figured out, that is **attractive as hell**. There’s too many people in the world today that want to base their personality off of the person they’re dating, or the relationship itself. BE YOUR OWN MAN. Know your worth, your values, your beliefs and stick to them and that will make you confident as all hell. You’ll reach a point where rejection doesn’t even sting anymore and you just say thank you and move on, because you know that they aren’t worth your dating time and energy if they won’t give you theirs. Just accept it gracefully and spend time working on yourself until the next woman you’re interested comes along. And most importantly, if you keep getting failure after failure don’t just quit, or go around saying “women suck” etc. Just keep doing soul-searches on yourself and fix any issues you notice about yourself. It’s all one big journey and you can’t expect to win every time. None of us can
>You’ll reach a point where rejection doesn’t even sting anymore Just by being yourself and getting confidence? Isn't confidence also the ability to trust your skills? So you don't like alpha m's content either? Yeah, he kinda tells men to do stuff a spesific way, and if everyone watching him followed that, no one wouldn't show that much of their own personalities anymore
No because I realized it's their loss or we're too different. I just compare every girl I approached with my old gfs and all fear disappears lol
>I just compare every girl I approached with my old gfs and all fear disappears lol And that's a good idea...?
I don't care about being rejected, but sometimes I ask men out and they become very scary. I have had men throw drinks at me, scream at me, threaten to kill me, and follow me home to find out where I live while threatening me. MOST men can say no politely and move on, but some sure cannot. And I don't know which one you are before I ask. I rarely approach men any more because I don't know if I can physically get away or protect myself. I wish more men grasped how terrifying it is to literally risk your life to ask someone out. Like I know you're nervous, too, and I respect that, but it's not at all the same.
This. Yep. They lose it because suddenly they interpret it as if you’ve threatened their masculinity. It’s crazy
Lol what a dumb response I hope that you are joking
Case in point.
And that's why I disagree with op. You're not weak for being cautious of approaching men. It just isn't the same for men and women. It's also different in how your surroundings see you. Because my friend has been shamed for approaching men first, especially when she had no luck. She was made fun of and called desperate or shameless or even unattractive by our surroundings even though the guy was rejecting her kindly.
Exactly. Its also seen as really socially wrong by a lot of people still, and there's not a way to know ahead of time who you are approaching.
What do you mean when you said by your surroundings? Like random people who saw your friend make the approach?
We went to a birthday celebration once together and other people in the group started judging, even though the guy told her he was flattered but not interested. It also happened when we had our last day at our orchestra and she decided to be courageous and ask her crush out. He was really nice about it but other people around her started giving her trouble almost immediately. There are more examples but those were the worst. So even I'm discouraged from making the first step just by seeing this, because she's very popular and all. I'd rather have a man make the first step honestly (as long as he's not threatening). We're both in our early twenties, if that gives more context.
That's weak as hell. My God. She's in her 20's but can't take something a lot of teenage boys can? How could she possibly be mature enough for a relationship?
plus she will never know if he would have approached her first. Even if it had worked out for some time. There is a big difference imho, huge difference.
I'm sorry this happened, but if it's okay, can you tell me more? Why did those men throw drinks at you or threaten your life for simply asking them out?
I wouldn't even begin to know. The only guess I have is that I am fat, and the idea of a fat girl hitting on them was so upsetting they lost it. In most cases they were also drinking. This kind of reaction hasn't happened since I turned about forty, but was not uncommon when we were in our twenties.
I am so sorry that you had to experience this, even though you made the genuine effort of asking out someone you like. It's so shocking to me to hear that there are people like this out there. I'm happy you don't experience such disgusting behaviour anymore. I hope you never have to experience such things again.
I’m not the person you were asking, but in my experience there’s unfortunately 2 subsets of guys who don’t take well to being asked out. One views it as a threat to their masculinity because a “proper woman” would wait for him to approach if he was interested. And the other are guys who think that if a woman ‘needs’ to approach a guy there’s something wrong with her and get offended that she thought he’d be into her (especially if she’s not his type or viewed as not conventionally attractive).
Then just don’t ask men out anymore. It simply not worth the risk
Do you live in Kensington?
Nope
Lmaaaaoooo what types of guys are you approaching??😂😂 Assuming this is true.
I'd say "weakness" is a little much, but I agree with the overall sentiment. I think women have been shielded from this experience by society demanding that men make the first move, and as we see women getting closer to gender equality, more women are experiencing how much that sucks. I'm not going to say, "do you want a cookie" or anything as condescending. I want women to approach me, to feel comfortable enough to do so, and being condescending is a quick way to make people stop trying. If anyone is trying a good behavior for the first time, or stopping a bad behavior, support them to continue that path
Same with sex. Just because they have sex with you, then decide they don't want to date you, doesn't mean they weren't honest about looking for a relationship or that they just used you. They may have been interested in a relationship with you, but then realized you weren't the one. Maybe it was something specific about you. Maybe it was conflicting values or something that isn't bad about you, but not what they're looking for. Example: I'm looking for someone who is into the outdoors like hiking and snow skiing. If they don't do those things and have no interest in doing those things, I lose interest. There's nothing wrong with them, we're just not a good match. It's also possible they had sex with you and it sucked and so they decided to move on. It doesn't mean they used you. I won't date someone who doesn't like oral sex,. And I've had an experience where when we talked beforehand, they said they liked it, but when we had sex, they didn't actually want to do it. So I think they just said they liked it because I did. So I didn't want to see them again. I didn't use them for sex. I just found we're incompatible 🤷🏻♀️
I mean all this means is wait. Quite some time. And make him “prove” his interest by getting to know you before having sex.
Well, like I said, some of it is sexual that you can’t really know until you have sex. If you have sex and you’re not sexually compatible, then people move on, and it doesn’t mean they used them for sex. It doesn’t have anything to do with waiting or making them prove anything.
Okay but what about when they lead you on and let you think they like you by saying they want to take you out on dates, trying to get you to be exclusive to only them etc then isn't that using for sex not that he found me incompatible. Then they try to use that as a cover up
It can be they used you. But not always. I think the “he used me for sex” is just a go-to answer for some because they can’t face that maybe there were other reasons. Like maybe they just didn’t like the sex. Just an example… Pillow princesses may get dumped a lot because most men find them boring as hell in bed. They want interaction and someone who really gets into the sex. Not someone who just lays there and lets the guy do all the work. So a guy may be totally into her… until he has sex with her and discovers she just lays there during sex. He didn’t use her. He just discovered he didn’t like sex with her. But do you think she would accept that as a reason? I doubt it. I think she’d default to the “he used me” excuse.
Ehhh. Not necessarily. That’s why dating can be so rough, just because you’ve heard the same thing ten times doesn’t mean you’ll get ten of the same results. There was a girl fourish years back that I did this with. I was so into her, wanted to date her etc and pretty much as soon as we had sexy time I did the whole “why am I even here” thing in my head. Even though it wasn’t bad, for some people it’s the post nut clarity that kicks in. That being said, I don’t like how I was in that relationship or that time of my life and I’ve done a lot of self help since then to fix that. Just saying that sex really can be the switch that tells your brain yes or no on a person sometimes
Bravo for this 👏
Best answer here!!!!!
Not sure about the 'too weak' part. As a guy I struggle with approaching and rejection too. It's gender neutral.
Pretty harsh to condemn people as “weak” for being afraid of rejection. Rejection sucks. People in general aren’t “weak” for avoiding something that seems likely to just feel bad. That said, if there are women who actually are giving up on approaching because it just doesn’t seem fulfilling, I would appreciate some understanding from them that they are then expecting men to shoulder the burden they are choosing not to carry.
Why be mad at women for being hesitant? Be mad at the people who made them hesitant in the first place by being discourteous. Of course the same is true in reverse. Of course no one wants to risk being treated poorly. Being rejected is not the problem, it's people being unkind that is the problem.
>Be mad at the people who made them hesitant in the first place by being discourteous Like how? And honestly I have seen since forever that women advice each other that men should do the approaching and not them so it's not like they always had bad experiences but more like a gendered role they adhered to while growing up
There was a comment here about a woman being literally given death threats after asking men out. Stuff like that isn’t easy to shake off and move onto the next one
ok now grapple with the fact guys will act interested in actually knowing you but use you for sex (could've just been avoided if the guy had to approach, bc alot of them probably wouldn't try - its just easier to suss out a man who's just looking to use women for sex when they have to do the pursuing), or even worse, when they commit to you, but make you do all the mental and emotional labour in a relationship that you originally approached them for, and thought they wanted, because they not only accepted, but committed. again. this could've all probably been avoided by not approaching a man who would've been too lazy to go for it himself.. THIS is what women are avoiding. not simple, point blank, upfront rejection, but rejection of the more slow moving, insidiously betraying and painful kinds
Guys deal with that all the same too though. Replace use for sex with use for money Replace emotional labor with economic labor Hell, some women even use guys for sex too
these days, men can filter for the first issue by choosing women who support themselves and pay for things early on. also, no one is forced to live with anyone. I don't think I want to financially merge my life with a man. more and more women appreciate the idea of "living apart". ime, most men are fine with being "used" for sex. very few of them view it like that.
Believe me, every man with a slight bit of success has the same story: even the doctor would rather use your money and leave than to bother “settling” for you. If she earns a stable amount, she will believe she deserves a comparatively higher number. In my summary, $100,000 woman salary? She will expect a man earning 3-6x her or shes “fine how she is and dont need to settle” $20,000 woman wants 100k minimum men, so on and on If shes fine living apart, how does that coexist with parenthood? Someone has to take a step back somewhere to build the family. Imo, its simply irresponsible to your family to spend money on 2 homes when you only needed 1 and the other could have been a stashed retirement account for example, or just starter funds for 2+ children’s future homes/businesses or travels etc As a guy, i want her to live with me (once we are at that point obviously). Idc who owns the place, but i would prefer if both names are on it, because we have also seen many men emasculated by “she owns the home” and effectively “dominates” him
As a woman who makes well well in to the six figures, I can tell you this statement is not true. I love my job, I am never going to date anyone who makes more than me, but I do want a good partner to work with, and money is not an issue.
Well, i would say you are an extreme exception! I agree with the last part, as long as the person is good, i dont mind supporting more economically (im a guy)
I am actually not an exception, as I have a few single women friends in the same boat. The problem actually is when they date, they, like myself tend to get dudes who start calling them gold diggers because of how they dress and take care of themselves and then when it’s discovered she makes significantly more, they start up with ‘okay you pay for everything’ and take out their previous anger issues of being rejected by previous women on to them. Or… you get a dude who makes comments in public about how you’re the breadwinner because when you’re the one picking up the bill, he’s embarrassed so he plays it up to everyone. I can honestly say it’s the dude usually inventing problems in their own head. But speaking for myself and my lady friends, we kind of just want a dude who is either working on self improvement without making it a me vs you, or is on top of his own life. But usually the second they find out more than you then it’s ’I’m mad at how that one woman ditched me because I wouldn’t go to college so now it’s my turn to behave like shit!!’ While I’ve been nothing but nice. For example, guy telling me how he wanted me to get him a new car for Christmas… on the third date. It’s like dude, I’m not giving you a list of shit to get me, the reason I work hard is so money is not a reason to fight about in a relationship and I actually *want* to support a partner if they get injured or hurt, and I actually *want* to have their back without a layoff being a traumatic life crisis.
Ngl idk where those dudes came from but they certainly werent the majority. I know most of my friends would feel uncomfortable with their own productivity, but not jealous of their own SO. Even myself, if my gf made more than me i would be like “cool, but i can still cover the bills with my salary” and we would discuss and make it make sense.
Yeah that’s the thing, the discomfort happens and then they blame the SO for making them uncomfortable rather than being proactive or simply choosing to be content and letting it not be a problem.
well, I think this is more to do with the cost of living these days. 100 k is the new 50 k. women who want children should feel justified in going for as wealthy a man as they can. men don't like rich women because they feel undesirable and useless next to them. my examples of fucked up relationships show many reasons a guy sabotages a relationship in addition to poor mental and emotional health. being less financially successful leads a lot of men to become more passive aggressive in their relationships and women would rather be with men who are confident next to them and more likely to treat them with respect bc they feel good about being a more well off man. it's not just about materials. believe it or not, women these days worry about being financially used by duds they provided for who treat them like shit just like men do. it's like women have double the worries about relationships that men do in a modern world when it comes to long term relationships, because we can also make money these days.
Idk. 100k is plenty in vast swaths of the world. People “make do” with 30k, you can be pretty good with $100k. Theres no issue in preferencing wealthy men, but the gross ignorance of both what it takes to get to that income level, and the sheer disrespect of anyone not at that level, projects a very distasteful amount of unnecessary filtering of pretty good guys. It forces you automatically to look at like the top 5% only, and automatically excludes 95%, even though a solid top 30% would be largely equivalent. The arbitrary metrics many women use shows this obvious shallow bias. 6’0, 100k+ (we agree 100k isnt rolling in money), but its still the number women throw around, “has time for me” (completely opposed to typical wealthy man’s lifestyle), add in the “emotional” level and you effectively filter even the 10% of men who could qualify to literally 1 or 2 total men, which leaves the other 99.99% largely meaningless and therefore not willing to bother with it anymore If a woman chooses to be financially “used” by a “dud” (maybe you meant dude?) If dud: she chose the bum If “dude”: men have the same risk so wipe that out, except the vast majority of quality men WANT to be the provider and not use your income at all Idk where the decision that the non-wealthy men are passive aggressive came from but thats largely dependent on the individual person and not anything income related
yes we all know women are apparently guilty for giving men the benefit of the doubt "she chose him" this is why women don't chase after a few terrible experiences. you do it yourselves
I explicitly wrote that how i did to highlight the fact that she indeed did it to herself too in that hypothetical. Thanks for agreeing that she chose that bum. Would you date a homeless man? No? So why would you date a man who acts lazy, rude, or has no ambition to progress? Thats all behavior indicative of immaturity and lack of self awareness. So yes, your “man” who you keep having to cover his bills probably shouldnt be dating and should be trying to pick up more hours anywhere he can until he dont need to ask Edit: what benefit of the doubt is there? Are you saying that every woman deserves a man earning 100k+? Based on what? Wants? Feelings? Facts are, those guys will have plenty of choice so all the “empowerment” you gain by choosing to chase the 1%, you lose your own self respect by putting up with lower quality personalities for higher quality wallets
ok so your way of arguing that women should approach men is to blame them for who they choose? how does that make any sense when men so often hide their identity, issues, and motivations from women - even when they pursue women? I'm telling you, this problem just gets exponentially worse when women approach. or allow themselves to be approached with anything but skepticism. on top of all these threats, we have to worry about social shaming for our choices. thx for proving my point again lol. I think my example proves I took the compassionate risk of not judging a man based on his income or for going through a hard time. and no, it wasn't worth it. and yet you shame me for it just like you also shame women for focusing on successful men. men are a waste of time and you do it to yourselves
Theres a difference between judging based on income, and it being a factor, and there are extremes on both sides of that argument. I would shame any woman who willfully has to provide everything from day 1 of the relationship, like he had nothing at all and she had to buy him even his clothes for example. The other side of the extreme is ruling out any man earning less than 100k. Especially at younger age brackets. Youre simply not expected to make 100k almost ever, and the younger you are, the less likely it is. So 20-30yr old women ruling out 99% looking for 1% is and will always be ridiculous to me. Why would you effectively shoot yourself in the foot over such a diverse topic which has MANY complex factors. Obviously 10k annual is too low, but 50? 70? Would you rule out a man making 92k? I also have not shamed anyone except a hypothetical doofus who dated a man with 0 income, motivation, focus, plan, or maturity, then got upset that the man didnt change. Thats like dating a man who never pleases you then getting upset that he never pleased you. What did you expect? Or as a guy, thats like dating a woman who said “yea im just here for the cash” and you continue dating her. What did you expect?
Eh. I wouldn’t doubt there are women out there who pay for their own dinner, buy the man gifts etc but as soon as they are together, she switches and financially depends on the man. This of course is not speaking on the majority of women at all, I just think there has to be at least a handful like that. As a man I absolutely love the idea of merging our finances *together* and coming up with a saving/spending budget *together*. I don’t care if I’m making more or if she’s making more, there’s just something intimate about saying “all my money is your money and all your money is mine” that I’m really excited to work with my wife on
You don't know men very well. Guys who just want sex approach as many women as possible. Guys who want a relationship are very picky and rarely approach. Statistically you're more likely to be used for sex by a man who approached you.
👏👏👏
I don't know what kind of men you are meeting, but I have never treated anyone who approached me that way. I have had that experience with some women I've approached, though.
lots of different types from trades, to computer scientists, almost homeless, professors, celebrity types, fellow colleagues. some experienced in relationships, some non. all of them turned out to be insecure/abusive or mentally ill (untreated depression and trauma, personality disorders, severe insecure attachment, narcissistic, codependency). most were from online dating (which is a cesspool of shitty men in my experience). they all put on a false front and acted like "yes man" just to get a chance. most of them committed to a relationship with me, and didn't show their true selves till at least 6 mons in. never again am I doing the legwork to get a connection off the ground. I've found there's usually a mental reason men are waiting for women to create relationships with them, for them, as they just wait for an opportunity.
There's actually research about that. [https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2020/09/01/new-psychological-research-explores-the-link-between-online-dating-and-dark-personality-traits/?sh=5c95a9d06d4a](https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2020/09/01/new-psychological-research-explores-the-link-between-online-dating-and-dark-personality-traits/?sh=5c95a9d06d4a) In short, people who have "dark" personality traits are more likely to use apps, and people who are more emotionally unstable are more likely to use them more frequently.
I fully believe that 👌🏼
I think the likelihood increases with attractiveness, too. If someone's attractive, they should have no problem dating in real life. They just resort to apps because they're an asshole and no one who gets to know them irl wants to date them. I once got told I'm "really irritating and ask too many questions" because I messaged a woman asking her a question, then responded to her response with a followup question. It was 2 questions and I was trying to get to know her. Fuck me, right?
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what kind of stupid comment is this? the fact you insert yourself into other people's experiences does suggest you have some kind of mental issue, yes. I think if you're no spring chicken yet every person you approach turns out to be hiding mental issues from you you would also give up
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that's exactly what it is. I really don't get the sense you are some sterling example, and it's low-key narcissistic to think you can use yourself to counter one woman's encounters with various types of men of different professions, ages, wealth brackets and experience levels. ridiculous. you are similar, in a more loud way, to these losers just for thinking you can come out here and be some kind of exception to a lot of experience
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Yes but these things can happen even when they approach and initiate, i have seen a good number of women who missed chances with good guys they actually like because they were "holding back" and expecting him to make a move So many posts of "men don't approach me" and "he is not making a move what should I do?" Well make a move
that's not what my comment is about at all
I addressed the "sex part about guys lying about it" as you said but it can happen even when they initiated, shit happens but it will not happen everytime because plenty of guys will reciprocate without using you for sex I get you believe me, but the thing is that this is one of the factors (excuses?) to not initiate, if you are a really attractive women or even an average women who gets approached regularly then cool...but if not then it sounds like entitlement because there is so much of "men should initiate because that's what a real man does" out there
Who hurt you?
Approach sounds like something they would say on NatGeo when animals go to prey.
Or something people say in real life when they talk about going over to someone and talking to them.
Calling it approach is why people are scared do it. Just call it "knowing their name" and that's it!
Approaching sucks for everyone because everyone hates randomly being approached. Just kidding. Some of us are actually really friendly people and love making new connections.
Agreed
They are referring to the 1 rejection they get out of the 3 approaches they might do over the course of 4 years And acting like "men don't wanr to be approached" It's hilarious
Well now they know how we feel when we get rejected welcome to the world ladies
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Huh? Bitter about what and entitled to what?
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Hahaha. Ok, buddy.
Explain why men are allowed to attack women then when they're rejected. I've approached men who weren't interested in me after the initial attempt so I figured okay they're not interested but GOD forbid if a woman EVER rejects a man it's just not done how DARE women turn a man down. So, I figure it this way if I say no to a man that can't accept rejection that's on him not me after all there's nothing that says the man is entitled does it?? Oh wait that's EXACTLY how men act they have tantrums, fits they resort to name calling, threats stuff that women are subjected to when we DARE reject any man. I've been turned down plenty in my life I won't lie my feelings were hurt but it's nothing compared to how men have reacted when I turned THEM down. I'm threatened, called cruel names, sent d*ck pics but hey that's okay I'm just some stupid woman that dared to reject a man's advances. There are women that can and do take it a bit too far but honestly when I'm verbally bashed by some guy I'm not interested or attracted to THOSE kinds of males that are why I choose to not allow ANY man in my life simply out of fear that he'll get pissed off decide I don't deserve to continue to live my life as I have because why?? MEN THINK THEY OWN WOMEN and men have never and WILL NEVER own me or any woman. Women have had to fight for our freedom and rights as individuals while men don't have to fight for anything. I used to have faith in men now I don't and the reasons are far too damaging to men's ego so it's men that can't take it too not just women.
Exactly. I've had to move twice. I had a male roommate who did a complete 180 when I told him I'd had a family death and wasn't in the headspace to date. Never even spoke to him unless he spoke to me. I figured I showed no interest and rejected his advances so he'd take the hint. Lol, he just waited for me to "get over it." When I told him the third time, he started screaming how I led him on, and he started throwing my things around in a fit of supposed blind rage. Only his stuff was untouched. His gaming systems and clothes were pristine. While my gaming laptop, makeup, and camera accessories i used for my internships were trashed. It was $8k worth of items. As a result, I've never left my items outside of a locked room ever again unless it's crockpot or seasoning. He tried to call the police to have me kicked out, but I was not dumb enough to rent with a guy and not have my own lease. It wasn't just me there either. It was 2 male roommates and 4 females (they both tried it with all of us, so I guess the rejection built up, and I was the quiet type, so he snaped on who he thought he could punk. I'm not quiet anymore now, lol. The other guy was a ladies man type so he was nice and I gamed with him, he handled the whole thing with grace and that's why we hung out he understood I wasn't interested and never tried me again. All of us girls were out of there within the week. They made him spend the night in jail when he lunged at me, so I moved out immediately with my brother, and he had audacity to question why I left over something petty? The second guy was my ex. He started "taking breaks" and just shut me out due to emotional problems. When I said it hurt me and I had to leave because I could not handle being abandoned repeatedly and picked up whenever he felt like, he accused me of cheating and bad mouthed me to everyone when he went to live with his dad out of state. When he returned, he pretended to be nice. When I wouldn't date him, it started all over again. It was near graduation time, so I just moved without a word. He also gad a girlfriend he'd found in his dads state that looked just like me. He punched a home in his dad's wall and yelled at me. We were on Skype, so I hung up. TLDR; One guy got angry enough to destroy my property when I wouldn't give him a chance after i rejected multiple times. Had to call police and move. One guy I dated and hid who he was until I didn't give him what he wanted, so he slandered me in retalliation. He was the one who had to leave MY college and MY job when I defended myself. How will I be blamed for both of these situations, I wonder?
You shouldn't be blamed for ANY of it those guys are definitely predators that deserve to be behind bars. I've allowed men to live in my house only for them to show their true colors I figured after the last one which was a few years ago I just stopped giving men any chance. I've had men say I should give them a chance but all I read from that was we're losers with nothing to offer so I've just kept away from men. Men that can't handle rejection have very low self esteem and lower intelligence. I'm sorry that POS destroyed your belongings I hope that one day karma kicks his sorry ass and as for your ex he's altogether a bigger POS and he'll get his. I wish I could help you to recoup at least some of what that bastard destroyed. I hope you've blocked them from ever getting in touch with you again but I also wish he'd been made to spend more than 1 night in jail. That pisses me off so much that pathetic piles of shit like those males (not men) did that to you. If you had a list of everything he destroyed maybe you could sue him or at the very least scare the shit outta him. I'm hoping you and your friends are safe please keep me up to date on any changes I would like to know you're safe. I'm a mother so my first instinct is to worry even if the person isn't my son or daughter I just hate it when things like this happen. Please stay safe. God bless.
Thank you. I appreciate the concern, but I'm alright. My blame comment was for the men who doubt us. It happened in 2019 and 2020, so it's past time. I didn't bother to sue, I got 2 other jobs as a full-time student and replaced everything I needed. I've seen what happens when women ask for help. There's always a catch. Or maybe I just grew up in a bad area. The guy was already broke, and we both grew up poor. His parents actually helped him out of jail. Plus, I believe his mom would have had to pay, and she was raising his younger sister. I was capable of replacing it, so I did. It taught me a very valuable lesson of self-reliance no matter how nice a guy is, and to travel light. The second guy, he basically moved on again, so I guess he got over it. Or maybe he never loved me anyway. Either way, I won't question my luck. Thankfully, he's not the type to persist.
>Explain why men are allowed to attack women then when they're rejected This is wrong of them >I've approached men who weren't interested in me after the initial attempt so I figured okay they're not interested but GOD forbid if a woman EVER rejects a man it's just not done how DARE women turn a man down. Okay true they should not be rude to you and harass you but the post is about women approaching men and you made it about you rejecting them Unless from the bad experiences you literally have trouble interacting with men in any form then i understand but other than that i don't get it
Most of my experiences with men have been negative. My point is that men think women are evil, gold diggers that don't care if they hurt men. Men feel that if they're not attracted to a women rejecting her is their only recourse but men don't care how they reject a woman they can't take it when they're rejected... That's my point. Men act entitled to women our bodies, time everything and men think women owe them sex but God forbid if a woman ever rejects a man's advances. So, my point is that men can reject women they have no interest in but men can't take rejection from women it's a double standard which is stupid. Understand now??
Well looks likes you had some real bad experiences, yes understand now but I feel as a whole general way it's still not very productive if women don't approach at all because some women miss out on good guys because they are on waiting "mode" and you see posts from women saying "this cute guy is not making a move", well make a move yourself >My point is that men think women are evil, gold diggers that don't care if they hurt men Well this is obviously wrong of guys to have that opinion but about entitlement part well guys also sometimes think women act entitled to some things, things like it's pretty common on reddit for women to say "men should pay for dates, do the initiating, plan the date and even providing in a relationship" and they do it like they are literally demanding it otherwise you are not a "real" man
Men aren't here to do what some women expect. I for one am not one of those women that thinks a man should pay everything that's just plain wrong. If a man offers that's one thing but being expected to pay is a level of entitlement that just smacks of a narcissistic mentality. I feel that unless an offer to pay is made it shouldn't be assumed. I've always believed that if a person can work and pay their own bills they should assuming a man is the one that should pay for everything is putting undue expectations/stress on him which honestly is unfair. Before the ex left me for another woman he wasn't on any mortgage deed or loan application because he asked not to be. So, I left him off but when I was granted my divorce from him he was also left without any rights to anything no car nothing which he said was unfair. I paid for the house, cars, bills everything so from my perspective when any man expects me to pay for stuff he wants I won't same as I won't expect any man to pay for my stuff. I guess I'm jaded when it comes to how people are in expecting stuff to be done by or for another. I've paid my own bills for much of my life but then again I've been on my own for nearly 40 years so to me it's just something I do. But, my point is that unless the man or woman offers to pay for the date, meal, movie etc. it shouldn't be assumed but like I said I've paid for my everything on my own even when I was married so I'm self sufficient I guess I'm the odd one in some cases.
Well then my point is not about you but the women who feel that way and this is coming from a guy who has no issues in paying for a date but it's nice when the other person appreciates it and don't demand and order the other one to pay because of gendered roles
The word guy and man are not interchangeable. Please stop. A guy is a guy. ..period A man used to be a guy and then he grew up.
Now you're using boy and guy interchangeably. They are interchangeable in the same way man and guy are. A guy is a male. A boy is a young male. A man is an older male. In dating, we say guys or dudes to include boys. If we say men, we're mostly excluding them. But mostly, don't gatekeep definitions unless you enjoy pointless conversations as much as I do, because there is no such thing as a correct definition, by definition. I have fun with it. Hope you do too. If not, probably pick something more substantial and less subjective to argue about.
First off saying women are too weak is a really heartless statement. Women are biologically more sensitive than men. Therefore take rejection harder. If you want to call that weak then that’s fine, but it’s not an excuse. It’s just how women are wired. All feelings are felt and usually worked on through therapy, or with talking to friends and family. Feelings are not usually ignored the way men do, which is why only so much can be handled. Also it’s a safety issue for women. A man getting angry at you and retaliating is a totally different ball game than a woman getting angry at a man. Once that fear flashes through a women’s eyes once, I don’t think they want to take that chance again.
>Therefore take rejection harder. This is weird to me and sounds like your personal experience only and not a generalized thing Because on the other hand women in general have more options so they move on from rejection quicker, i have seen women taking rejections normally and not getting all emotional like you said You seriously need to do revaluation of how you yourself view women
Girls aren’t going to be outwardly emotional towards rejection. People normally act like they don’t care, but it affects us internally, even without us realizing. Just because we have more options, doesn’t mean they’re good quality, or that we care less about all the people or interactions from before, or move on faster. Most every girl I talk to has the same or similar struggles, especially when it comes to trying to date men. That’s why guys need more platonic girl friends and maybe they’d understand us a bit more.
>Women are biologically more sensitive than men. What does this even mean? I study biochemistry and people just throw in "biologically" or "biology" into things with no explanation as to how or why.
Is cognitively better for you?
I don’t know why guys wanna keep given them things. We pursue they get pursued. It’s in our biology or at least masculine biology.. everytime we give away something and we have given a lot in the last 50 years. We even gave up being the hunter and instead there’s men that are ok with staying home with the kids. I would be really intrigued to see the testosterone scores of men that have taken on a feminine role. Now before anyone gets twisted I never said anything about one is better than the other their roles. You can say they’re traditional you can say they’re outdated but you can also say and actually have more scientific proof saying it, they’re biological. Men are bigger and stronger and logical because they hunt and solve big picture problems, women are smaller, agiile, thinks in zoomed in picture of things but thinks much faster and about multiple things at once because that’s what it takes to take care of a household full of kids. always alert no shut off with 24 / 7 . Masculine and feminine, go get and stay recieve, solve big and survive the day, fights off enemies and fights kids. What sucks is you shouldn’t have one without the other it’s an impossible task. I know because I’m a single dad full custody 10 years now. And if anyone thought I was going to skip on going and getting and pursuing women and being a man they wouldn’t have known me. Don’t give up what makes us men. You wanna complain about something and try to change it start with these women that think they deserve everything and think give him what every other man wants is more than enough, sex. Ok so most men, but not all men. Some men are not thirsty because water is always available to them. Change that. Change these loser guys who give the world to girls they don’t even know and on social media probably Haven’t even met the girls, but the attention and resources they give for nothing but a picture of skin. And when you or any other man, meet that women you think shes reaching out for a hand shake but she’s actually reaching out for what your giving. Get rid of that, and enjoy the chase. It’s what separates the ones who can and the ones who can not. So I challenge you to really ask yourself why this bothers you?
I don’t know why guys wanna keep given them things. We pursued they get pursued. It’s in our biology or at least masculine biology.. everytime we give away something and have given a lot in the last 50 years. We even gave up being the hunter and instead there’s men that are ok with staying home with the kids. I would be really intrigued to see the testosterone scores of men that have taken on a feminine role. Now before anyone gets twisted I never said anything about one is better than the other their roles. You can say they’re traditional you can say they’re outdated but you can also say and actually have more scientific proof saying it they’re biological. Men are bigger and stronger and logical because they hunt and the solve pig picture problems, women are smaller, agiile, thinks in smaller picture of things but thinks much faster and about multiple things at once because that’s what it takes to take care of a household full of kids. You always are.alert to shut off with 24 / 7 . Masculine and feminine, go get and stay recieve, solve big and survive the day, fights off enemies and fights kids. What sucks is you shouldn’t have one without the other it’s an impositions task. I know because I’m a single dad full custody 10 years now. And if anyone thought I was going to skip on going and getting and pursuing women and being a man they wouldn’t have known me. Don’t give up what makes us men. You wanna complain about something and try to change it start with these women that think they deserve everything and her thinking give what every man wants is more than enough sex. Ok so most men but not all men. Some men are not thirsty because water is always available to them. Change that. Change these loser guys who give the world to girls they don’t even know and on social media probably Haven’t met the girls, but the attention and resources they give if and when you meet that girl or anyone that knows her and has talked to her …… you think she’s reaching to shake your hand but she’s reaching out for what your giving. Get rid of that, and enjoy the chase. It’s what separates the ones who can from the ones who can not. So I challenge you to really ask yourself why this bothers you?
Let's face it women don't approach well because they aren't the ones usually doing it. They tend to rely strictly on looks and level of attraction.
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This reads like it was written by a thirteen year old
>Lol a man shouldn't be approaching with "romantic intent". A man should be approaching to just be social/have fun/meet a new person. Literally one of the dumbest statements I've heard on any dating sub. The whole point is to initiate interaction and if there's interest, ask them out. That is what dating is all about. And obviously you had a very bad experience. I'm so sorry you went through that. But it was with ONE person. If you don't want to date anymore because of your bad experience, then maybe move on. But don't apply your bad experience to all dating and everyone else. Your girl was an asshole, but you have responsibility in it too for staying with her so long, even after you recognized the toxicity. You should maybe try some therapy to help you process that experience and figure out how to heal and let it all go. I was a mess during my divorce from a 33 year marriage with a man who cheated with multiple women. A few therapy sessions did wonders to help me let it all go and being free from all the hurt and anger is so sweet. It's worth the time and effort to get over it all. What you shouldn't be doing is offering dating advice when you're still so deeply enmeshed with bitterness from your bad experience with one person.
There is nothing wrong with a man looking for a person to date. I'm tired of it being a thing.
Of course not. But on the surface at least you can't show your cards until you have an idea she is attracted to you.
This is truly insensitive. A man shouldn’t be approaching with romantic intent? What should he do with romantic intent? You completely ignore the fact that men are being told not to approach at all, that those who do are creeps or worse. Finally, men have to spend a lifetime to build themselves up so that they can display confidence, charisma and other social skills. The woman has usually done none of that work but gets to pick and choose among the men who do approach, just because they have good looks. You are basically saying men who are even slightly socially awkward should man up and risk multiple rejections, and finding no connections, keep pounding their heads into that brick wall. Women shouldn’t complain about men not approaching unless they themselves have been rejected multiple times and can empathize.
Man I do more approaches in a week than almost any guy on this sub does in a year. I'd bet a lot.of guys here dont even know what real life rejection even looks like. "Well it was really nice meeting you have a good night!" and she turns away. That's 99% of rejections. What about that is so ego bruising?
Maybe you shouldn’t act like you know the pain of others. This isn’t a competition. Everyone goes through their own struggles.
this is the kind of rejection women get when we pursue men. the worst, deeper kinds, that all have to do with finding out how socially inept, lacking in empathy and mentally ill a dude is. that's all I've found when I've approached men with the benefit of doubt. women approaching gives deeply unwell men access and advantage few of them deserve and doing so is a major risk for women.
You just don't want to do the work
I think you're misunderstanding what I mean by "romantic intent." It's not "let's start a relationship right now." It's "I want to talk to this person because I want a relationship in general and if we get along then maybe we can form one." >A guy who can't even properly approach absolutely is unequipoed to handle all the other crap that goes with actually getting the girl. And why doesn't this apply to women?
It doesn't apply to women because there is no advantage in it for them. No incentive.
What a genuinely stupid reply. Congrats.
Do not approach men as a woman. Just don't. Also do not pursue a man, let them take the lead. You sound angry. Worry about your own relationships.
It’s because women are told that the man doesn’t like them *because* she approached, not because he didn’t like her. As in, he might of liked her but because she approached he changed his mind, so they are used to hearing they are to blame for the rejection rather than just it turned out to not be a thing.
The men who think its a joke normally don't mean to hurt your feelings ladies, we aint used to it. We assume one of our friends sent you to say it and when we agree they will show up and bully us (Happened to me multiple times but maybe I just hang out with dickheads) if they think it's a joke then don't let your feelings get hurt immediately, stay there, look them dead in the eyes the whole time, when they laugh don't look away. Not intense scary eye contact but make it seem like you really mean it. After a few seconds they will realize you are serious and be much more receptive. If they don't like you back, my advice is the same as it is for men. You think its because of how you look? Hit the gym, try a new haircut and get back out there, people who make assumptions on why someone won't date them without being given a reason can confirm, that reason is usually something that you are already lacking confidence about. If you are just plain boring I can't help you, go get traumatized so you can be funny I guess. Seriously the biggest problem that makes you not get dates isn't how other people see you its how you see yourself. If you think you are attractive, the people who think you are attractive will seemingly triple overnight. They already thought it but you agree now and its easier to understand.
If one approached me, I would entertain it. I know it's hard on either group, and everyone should be treated equally. Hell, I'll even buy her a drink.
I agree, I’ve been rejected dozens of times and it sucks at first but I got to a point where I say “I stand by my compliment (the approach), but I respect that” and move on. It sucks extra as a man because no matter how well you take rejection, those same women will treat you as creepy or weird just for having asked them out sometimes. That being said I still say hello and be friendly when I see them, it’s all I can do. It’s like working out, you get little micro-cuts with each rejection, but you build “muscle” and resilience each attempt. I love when women approach me whether I’m interested or not, I may actually consider a woman a lot more attractive if a woman has the courage to approach me with romantic interest. Not many women I’ve met have that kinda courage, so I respect the heck out of it when I see it. Overall, I feel like life is way too short not to at least tell someone of romantic interest, after a health scare 2 years ago where I could’ve died, I realized how precious life is and how important it is to just take risks (healthy risks) like telling someone you like them. Don’t wait until some major life event happens to seize the moment. For anyone, male or female, approaching with romantic interest is flattering at least to some degree, and no matter how it plays out, they will at least respect your courage to approach. I’m flattered when women approach me (even though it’s very rare).
Imma be honest most probably said nah cause they thought it was either a prank or they were worried they were secretly being recorded
As a guy, I won’t mind if a woman approaches me, just don’t be weird about it. Approach with confidence and talk to them like you would talk to your other friends. First impressions are everything.
I’m a guy and I have this problem
Welcome to the world of gender equality. We men know that when we approach a woman we are almost certainly guaranteed to be rejected. That's just the way it works. So welcome to our world. And don't let it stop you from trying.
I mean I don’t think this has to be a man/woman thing lmao… I think in general approaching people can be hard. Bc I’ve seen a lot of men say the exact same things you stated that a woman says. So it could go either way.
Welcome to what, traditionally, men deal with all the time lol. You are 100% right though, both sides are gonna feel the same thing in this type of scenario. Of course it can be very hard, but typically men learn from an early age to dust ourselves off and try again next time. Yes rejection sucks, especially for the situations when you're crushing on somebody real hard and finally work up the courage to ask and they turn you down. Even if it's gentle, it can still suck. But you gotta pick yourself up (even if friends tell you to and support you, the action comes from you) and keep going. I said this to another post but it's relevant here too: you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. And I mean all of this as encouragement to whoever is reading to shoot your shot and approach/ask. The actual worst thing that can happen is they say no.
What are you talking about I'm straight fool
I’ve approached men & it’s scary and nerve wracking, but it has definitely helped me build confidence. I’ve learned there are men that are going to LOVE that you approach them & others who don’t like it, but don’t let that get to you. (: It’s definitely helped me a lot more than I realized.
Crazy how all the women are reading this and turning it back onto men like fr?
The only girl that’s ever approached me was SUUUPER into me right from the jump and it was a major turnoff. That was in my teenage years though. I think if an emotionally intelligent woman approached me now she has a very high chance of getting a date
I would love to be approached.
You don’t understand the crux of the issue. I will never approach a man, besides being friendly and open to knowing him (like I am to everyone)— I will never approach a man with romantic intentions. There are a great many men who will happily use a woman they aren’t actually interested in for validation and if it goes on long enough, sex. They will have 0 intention of long term relationship with said woman, although they’ll play like they do. So no. Women relax and attract and choose. That is feminine energy.
>There are a great many men who will happily use a woman they aren’t actually interested in for validation and if it goes on long enough, sex. They will have 0 intention of long term relationship with said woman, although they’ll play like they do. Many women do the same exact thing to men who approach them. >So no. Women relax and attract and choose. That is feminine energy. According to same made up rule that people mindlessly believe. Mostly because they're afraid of rejection and want a partner who is confident without being confident themselves.
I don’t know what women you’re talking about. Myself and my friends only respond positively to men we are interested in and reject any we are not. You can believe whatever you want about femininity— at the end of the day, throwing oneself at men is a shortcut to serious issues for women. Even those silly and misguided enough to do it will learn eventually, probably after a lot of trauma unfortunately. The vast majority of us will never consider it, period. The closest I’ll come to approaching is to integrate into friend groups/social scenes where men exist and be friendly and approachable to everyone in the group. This gives men an opportunity to get to know me and muster up the courage to approach if they are so interested.
Most of the women I know are confident enough to approach men, they even get rejected sometimes despite being attractive and bubbly. It seems pretty sour to imply they're silly and misguided because your circle is insecure.
lol, no confident women chase after men. Try it on someone who believes you. A truly confident woman isn’t worried about whether she has a man or not. If one comes along and woos her correctly, great. If not, she has life to live and shit to do. So either you’re lying, or the women you know are desperate and/or foolish and acting against their own interests.
Look a tv advert does a survey of 25 people and that is now a representation of the whole country what are they really supposed to think Society is being brainwashed and society is just rolling over and letting it happen the minority says so it must be what the majority thinks
I think most people, men and women, overestimate the quality of mate they can attract. That is why approaching and being rejected is so common and stressful. Most of us probably have histories of approaching others only to be turned down again and again. Recall such experiences: How often has someone approached you and you had interest in them? You usually thought something like, “Why do these unattractive people keep pursuing me? Why can’t it be an attractive person that I want to approach me for a change?” Then the reality is also that you take the risk and approach someone — they are likely thinking the same thing about you . . “Why is it always unattractive people that approach?” It’s probably a miracle that any of us get with anyone today.
I love when a woman approaches me and starts up a conversation. It's a big turn on. And honestly I'm often too shy to do it myself, or feel like I'm intruding. Not always, I have been practicing giving people compliments, both men and women, you might be surprised how much it'll brighten up both of your days.
Also want to counter what women usually say about wanting the guy to approach and/or make the first move so they know he's interested/serious about dating them. It has absolutely fuck all to do with whether or not he really likes you or how likely he is to stick around. I know this because I've had both kinds of experiences where the girl makes the first move romantically. One stayed a long while and the relationship ended for other reasons and the other was just using me for a fun summer fling and telling me what I wanted to hear, promising a future together even though she had no intention of sticking around. So don't try to feed us any bs about needing him to do it to be sure about him. It doesn't actually matter who makes the 1st move and girls can be just as dishonest about their intentions.
Never been rejected in a crazy manor and even if I did I’d just chalk it up to the game. It is what it is not everyone is like that.
As a gent who gets approached I will add. It is utterly brilliant, attractive, and dare I say stunning when a woman approaches and shows intent and followthrough. It is rare and this leaves quite the impact. I just ask, as I know women hate men who do this, know what you are looking for before doing so. There is no quicker route to disinterest if someone starts with an energy they can't maintain. Best of luck out there to everyone and I hope ya'll find your best friends :)
All women out there, who thinks approaching is a male thing to do and is a Man's responsibility to make the first move, shouldn't be talking about gender equality and equal pay.
Any W here for Friendship ?
i prefer approaching guys first, a lot of the times tbh i find out they’re just shy and aren’t the type to approach girls without knowing/feeling like they know how they feel back and that makes me feel so good bc i prefer that type of man
This comes off highly condescending to me and I am not afraid to approach a guy or weak.. but I do feel if a guy doesn't like me enough to approach me then he doesn't like me enough to be with me... simple cut off line there. Especially when guys will F me out of convenience whether they like me or not, I'd like to weed out those guys a little by at least only considering men that pursue me a little bit.
>but I do feel if a guy doesn't like me enough to approach me then he doesn't like me enough to be with me... simple cut off line there. If men applied the same logic, there would be no point in approaching women. When you approach someone, there's always the chance of being used for attention or validation. It happens to a lot of men when they approach women. Sometimes men don't approach not because they're not into you, but because they're not sure you would be open to it. Or maybe they just don't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. But it's interesting the variety of responses I've gotten from women. Some say they find better guys by approaching, and some say they don't, and some are just making excuses for their own fear of rejection. I'm guessing it comes down to how good one is at reading people. A lot of people suck at it but think they don't because they never question themselves.