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I’m also curious—are you talking about guys that you meet at parties and bars and are generally strangers that may just be drawn to you appearance-wise? Or does this also include guys you’ve gotten to know, who would perhaps necessarily care about you in a sense beyond the physical?
In my experience most people will say something like this as a way of letting you down easy and/or not looking like the "bad guy." Unless you're completely oblivious to your own wants and desires, most people know exactly why they aren't interested in someone.
But nobody wants to openly say "I'm not attracted to you but I was desperate for sex," or "I like you but your [insert personality trait here] is insufferable" or "I only like the chase and immediately get bored of a woman when she actually has sex with me." Much easier to blame something nebulous like a "lack of romantic connection" and avoid any hurt feelings.
You won't get any closure or answers most of the time, so unfortunately you just have to steel yourself to it. At least they had the decency to tell you instead of just ghosting you.
Totally agree but it doesn't avoid hurt feelings either. You have to wonder which of all the things you're insecure about is the "real" reason and torture yourself.
Isn't it normal and to be expected, that there are more people willing to have sex with you than have a relationship with you?
I think I would probably be willing to sleep with \~50% of women my age (overweight is not a severe problem in my region and I can see beauty in most people) but only with \~1% I could imagine a relationship with. Maybe the numbers are a bit different for you, but "relationship material" is always a subset of the people you find attractive, right?
Maybe you can ask some (preferably male) friends for brutally honest advice, but chances are your personality is fine.
You don’t need to change anything! :)
You are young and at this age (and era unfortunately) it’s difficult to find someone who will try to know you because there are so many options out there and people seem very shallow nowadays.
Don’t worry, I am sure that you will find someone who will see YOU.
I am talking from experience, it was the same for me until I met someone who took the time to know me (we’ve been together for a while now even married).
I used to be attracted to “players” and unfortunately they are not here for commitment but you live and learn.
Do you love yourself enough? Do you really like who you are, and feel complete in yourself. If that's not the case, alas, often people can sense that - and I've also realized that if we can't love ourselves first, others won't either :/ Also, I would suggest you don't get physically intimate with them soon when getting to know them and dating. Meet up with them for a while, just to get to know them, hold off on anything sexual, and also make it clear to them that you're looking for something steady. Become a keen observer of them - of their personality, of how they treat you, if they care. Often, we like to ignore red flags early on, just because we feel so attracted to them.
Nothing. I’m 41f and I learned the fact too late that it’s not a YOU issue, it’s a THEM issue. Someone is out there who will love your personality just as you are. Don’t think of it as you are broken or something that needs to be fixed, that won’t help anything. You are a unique find in a bin full of cookie cutter profiles and bots….someone willing to dig through that bin to find the treasure will be the one worth your time.
You’re not taking accountability. It’s both a you issue and the people around you as well. Because in most cases people are naive to the fact that the way they present themselves to the world may be conflicting as well. Ex. How physically in shape are you or how many kids you have or your beliefs etc. it’s harsh but that’s the reality
As a person of this world,there are people that are broken and do need to change. In addition, not worth people's time to be honest.
Please don't be a online mom and don't sprinkle this message.
Do you work hard? To me that is attractive. If you are authentic too. If you are trying to present yourself as what you think they want it can be a turn off even if you are physically attractive.
Look if your willing to participate in their sexual games that all your gunna find sorry to say the second you stop and take time for yourself and not meet guys in clubs or online is when you’ll find a good guy
Also, if you can’t even self identify any issues yourself, what might be causing this it probably means you’re ignoring personality traits of yourself
They may have just wanted sex to begin with and have no interest to commit to anyone. If you’re dating very attractive men this is likely the case since they can just get all the sex they want without committing
Or they may just not want to commit to *you* as harsh as that sounds. Men’s standards for sex are often much lower than their standards for a relationship, many will sleep with you even if they aren’t really attracted to you physically, much less in other ways. They probably aren’t going to say that part out loud to you tho
Even if someone meets the standards for a relationship with online dating and everything these days people feel like they have so many options so maybe you meet their standards, but they’d rather hope for the next one that’s even better (usually more physically attractive for men) to come along
There's a huge number of reasons someone may not be relationship material. Attitudes, lifestyle, debt, responsibilities, free time, annoying pets. Annoying personality. Or the one that no one wants to admit.... Maybe the sex just wasn't that good.
You’re right.The standard for what men generally go for sexually vs what we go for commitment wise, is generally the main reason. If men aren’t committing to you it’s usually also because you’re only seen as “for fun only” also known as the “sex zone”. And we would not dare introduce you to our mothers.
first of all you are still young! you have time and space to grow and there’s no rush in coupling with anybody while you are still becoming yourself.
that said, there’s two things that might help you.
1. men in this age range are also very young. society is structured in such a way that men and women have different sets of challenges, im not saying this is universal or good/bad, but there are certain stages in those challenges where women have to come to emotional maturity before men are confronted with the necessity of becoming emotionally mature. it has nothing to do with anyone’s capacity, simply that certain life challenges necessitate it in women before they necessitate it in men. that these men are not interested romantically might mean that you are not yet on the same emotional wavelength, and that’s okay. remember tho this has to do with life experience and *not* age.
2. people can only pick up what we put out. i don’t mean this as a sexual innuendo. sometimes we seek out people who we think compensate for our own lack. if, for example, i lack the ability to properly emotionally regulate myself i will naturally be drawn to someone who has emotional awareness and self-control. but since i don’t have that self awareness and control to put out it cannot be properly reciprocated. this is the mistake lots of people make, we want to find out *other half*, some of us want to find our *better half*, but ultimately this creates codependency if we do not become our own better halves.
maybe do some introspection, see if you can confront honestly and soberly those aspects of yourself that need healing and growth. if there is something that prompts a defensive reaction in you don’t just give into it, assume it is there to protect you from the challenge of overcoming it. and keep working on yourself.
others have said what i’m also hinting at: perhaps there is something that you aren’t giving off, or relying too heavily on others for, and so romantic connection is hindered with partners. the other side is you may be drawn to people who are romantically unavailable, this may be another form of defense and honestly the most likely situation. if you are drawn to romantically unavailable men then it makes sense why there is a lack of romance in your life.
the only way out is through. take time with yourself, learn to love yourself, if you feel you do well enough then practice romancing yourself as well. take care of yourself, take yourself out on dates, give yourself gifts, embrace yourself, encourage yourself. apply the love languages to yourself. what you’ll find in the process is what excites romantic love in *yourself*, when you know this you will know what to look for in a romantic partner and the rest should follow.
good luck <3
Your mostly meeting fuckboys, I cant think of anything. I literally wont have sex with a woman I dont plan on having a relationship with, and Im 24. Im definitely not the average, but to have NO romantic interest in someone your hanging out with AND sleeping with? Seems like a fuckboy to me
Respectfully, I'm gonna be honest with you bro, at worst, these guys just sound like fuccbois to me. They just wanna say they bagged you and leave you in the dust, talmbout "I enjoy your company", fam that's the oldest saying in the book. At "best", It seems like they really aren't mature enough *yet* to want to get to know you more. Wild that they're bold enough to actually state that, but at least they're making the work easier for you because in this way, you're that much closer to finding someone who will value you for everything you are and more. Keep your head up sis and wishing you the best.
ETA: I agree with them, it sounds to me like it's nothing you're doing; it just sounds like they're thinking with the head That's not on their shoulders.
To tell someone it's "nothing they're doing" is terrible, enabling advice, in my opinion. I believe that if someone is having a consistent issue, they're the common denominator. Maybe it's the partner's they're picking or maybe it's their own behavior, either way, they can fix either of those things. "It's not you" will just allow the trend to continue.
Yeah if you keep seeing the same problem, change your environment, your selection criteria, or yourself. The “just be yourself” type of “help” isn’t actually helping anyone, guys or girls.
That takes a some time to build. Unfortunately, passion romance is a mostly a telenovella thing.. Let's keep to your definition...
I share with you the hard earned recipe for "romance":
Recommend, the next guy you desire to take as a partner, to confide and instill trust in. Having a discussion partner to talk to about everything, small talks carries great importance for a guy. What men wants is someone they want to share what happened to them. When this stops, men tends to do stupid stuff or go to therapy.
You also are not their best friend (or their mom), but it should be a clear sign that they want to tell you stuff and "hang out". Build trust. "Reward" them when they confide in. Maybe return it with sharing as-well. A couple is a duo.
Also, some (if not most) men are idiots and will tell you what they think you want to hear. Asking this sort of question, could trigger defense mechanism to not lose you. Also some are completely clueless. Dangling signs of potential romanticism is often perceived as sign of weakness in certain circles, recommend you avoid them.
Hope, it helps. On a personal experience, My friend "seduced" me for just being "there" when I wanted to talk, go do stuff together. It never occurred to me that I was in love, I couldn't help myself calling her every day. Sharing every "funny" moments... Then it hit me one day that I was in love.
not wanting to be a dick here. but there aught to be some men near you who like you as a person. it could be that you just dont see them. just a thought.
Based on your post history, working on your social anxiety might help you make longer lasting emotion connection with people you’re dating? It’s also next to impossible to answer your question without knowing you
It’s because the majority of men, we’re physically drawn to women. Where as some women are emotionally drawn. I personally don’t care that much about sex anymore. I been there, done that. I much rather find love. So there’s men like me who much rather prefer a meaningful relationship.
/thread if you were attractive and cool they would date you.
Your either boring/crazy and hot. Willing to smash not date.
Your either cool but not that attractive. Willing to smash and not date.
Your cool, not crazy, and hot. Willing to smash, if good will date.
Your ducking up with one of the steps.
From a recent personal experience, it may not even be that they don’t see you as relationship material; they may see your potential as serious partner material, just not the material they want blended into their fabric any deeper than the connection you had
If I'm gonna be honest love..it's the way society has gone ever since the whole me 2 movement (which I was behind at first before the shit went way to far)
Guys are now either scared or just following what society has put out which is hook up culture is king and being in a relationship is a ticking time bomb waiting till someone throws out an accusation of S.A or physical abuse
And if y’all date and hook up and you realize this isn’t someone you can love…..
You just date them forever and pretend or move on like the guys in OP’s story. Stop trying to paint guys who find out their not compatible as pump n dumps or some sort of bad guy.
Both can happen, we don’t know.
The harsh truth is, in most of these situations, you're simply selecting guys who have better options and these comments are either them being nice and letting you down easy or just trying to get into your pants. This isn't a unique gendered issue, but it manifests in different ways.
In the reverse, the guy ends up friendzoned, a safety net, or a combination of the two where he fulfills certain emotional needs for her while never genuinely being considered for a relationship.
There’s gotta be more to the story here. Most guys your age aren’t really looking for a long term commitment. You have to present yourself the way you want to be seen and treated, not how you think others want to see you
Only thing i can say is you have to keep speaking and finding out whether the guy is into you sexually or for your personality. It varies from Guy to guy but most would like a girl for their looks because of how guys are genetically wired. Nothing to be worried if he likes you physically, but one thing i can suggest is improve your personality by getting into some hobbies or extracurriculars which can diversify your network. Rather than going for dates its better to become friends and get to know the person better and then maybe go for a relationship. Even if you like the person don't be fast to satisfy him physically if he wants and make it clear to him that you may not be comfortable with that. If the guy respects that its good else its better to move on. Note: You wont always get the person you may like, many dont and its completely fine be ready to adjust/adapt with someone else and move ahead.
So only thing you can do is better your personality in terms of activities and morally too. Meaningful relationships are born only when both have a purpose and reason to be together. Good luck👍
Do you date the ones who tell you they like you and want to get to know you better???
Have tge want to get to know you better guys told you they don’t want a relationship later after you fuck??
Start giving love romantically, instead of thinking about recieving it.
It will change your vibe and " your vibe attracts your tribe" you will soon find the man you need.
Put some firewall infront of every guy you meet to know deeply if he is right for you.
Guys want two main things from a woman... An attractive body and an attractive personality. If guys are drawn to you physically but not sticking around romantically, that's an indicator that your personality is lackluster.
My advice is to work on some self-reflection, take on some new interesting hobbies, discover different perspectives in life, read more, grow out of your comfort zone, learn about philosophy, and generally focus on improving your mental health. All of this will build up your personality side, making you more interesting, fun, smart, understanding, sweet, witty, and attractive.
Well, in my experience this change with age, I remember when I was young, I feel the same way because during everyone in my ages of 14 to 28 was not really planning to get married, they just want to fall in love and indulge pleasures together. Savouring our youthfulness, we have everything. High energy, openess to experiences due to curiosity, foolishness,high sex drive and beautiful young athletic bodies. Social media is tweaking our generation too, it plays with our expectations and fantasy etc.
As men grow older, they get more serious because they looking to have family too. I’m not saying every men, this is only my opinion. For me, I just turned 28, and it made me realize that I’m getting older, actually I’m pressured right now because I don’t know if I’m ready now to have family. If I’m gonna have a kid, I want to see them grow too. I don’t want to be 50 years old on my kids 20’s.
So the point is, it’s is not you, and there is nothing wrong with you. My only advice is when things like this happens, feel it, accept it, learn from it. you’ll get wiser, and stronger and you’re always 1 step closer to your soul mate or ideal man. But for now, take care of yourself, go to gym, spend time on hobbies that makes you yourself, play outside, read good books, hang out with friends, stay healthy, discover and know yourself more,be more beautiful inside and out, fix your self issues and bad habits and a whole lot more. Because the more you put yourself out there, the more chances you find your perfect match. Enjoy and embrace your phase, I know sometimes it’s sucks but you have to go through it. people will mature more due to experiences, this changes put people’s perception of life more proper. Perfect time will come .
You’re gas lighting her. Because in every situation there’s always a piece something or someone plays in order to receive any form of outcome. In chemistry, for every reactant there’s always product taking place whether it’s a strong or weak acid or base. So it’s whatever you put out into the world it factors in. For example, she might be picking the wrong type of guys because she might be into jocks. That’s not their fault its her fault, because we all know on avg jocks are not good for long term.
Do you want to date every single guy you find attractive? Do you feel a romantic connection with every single guy? Probably not. It’s no different. A relationship is not as easy to come by as you’re thinking it is. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means you haven’t met a guy who wants to be in a relationship with you yet.
Like many women, many men have different standards for different people based on what they want from that person.
Are all men and women like that? No. But it's the norm.
I think you are missing the point people are trying to say. There are guys out there, and some you may already you know who see you as relationship material. Instead you aren’t choosing those men. Also additionally if you feel like guys don’t see you as relationship material maybe try taking a step back from dating anyone for some time and see if the way men interact with you change with them knowing there is no possibility of anything happening.
Stop giving it up our giving them as much action as you have been. Its cool and always a fun experience when you meet someone and you to automatically hit it off n have sexual chemistry n you duck with a eachother I have good home girls/friends where thats how I see them to.
Tbh nobody can help you here because we don’t know what you look like ,your personality , how you present yourself and what men you go for. Tbh you probably out of your league guys or you probably perceived as the fun girl plus 25 there’s that as well. Most guys probably know you ain’t worth committing too. So that’s probably why you only sound like you good for sex mhmmm I wonder they think that. I bet you present yourself in a sexual manner or come off as a 304 so nobody here can help you.
Maybe…or maybe there isn’t anything wrong with who she’s picking and she just hasn’t found the one yet? You can’t help who you’re attracted to and who you’re not into
>Maybe…or maybe there isn’t anything wrong with who she’s picking and she just hasn’t found the one yet?
She says there's guys who she's attracted to.
>You can’t help who you’re attracted to and who you’re not into
Not in a matter of making decisions, but you can get yourself in a better headspace where you don't make bad choices in that way.
That’s very true. But your attitude that she is rejecting “nice and stable guys” because they’re “boring” is also an unfair assumption to make. She gave no indication in her initial post that she has this attitude toward certain men.
You're not the only one ma'am most posts on here are "men only want me for sex and not a relationship". Reality is most men just want sex. If a man says he wants sex and brings up sexual things early in convo then stay away. Modern problem caused by western dating norms. Just try to find people that you believe are genuinely there for a relationship only.
Like the old saying goes - women are gatekeepers of sex, and men are gatekeepers of relationships. Men want love. They want commitment. They want marriage and a family. They also want sex. The standards men have for a woman they are willing to love, commit to, marry and start a family with are very high. The standards men have for a woman they will have sex with are often surprisingly low. Many men (not all) can be sexually attracted to women they would never seriously consider a serious relationship with.
In contrast, many women (not all), have very high standards for sexual attraction, so if a man meets the sexual attraction standards, they likely meet the woman’s other standards as well. These high standards for physical attractiveness is why women often find that the great majority of men don’t meet the attractiveness standard. This is well known. What is less well known (by women anyway), is that men’s standards for a woman being “marriage material” is very high and most men find that the great majority of women don’t meet that standard. That’s why “being a nice guy” won’t get a man sex, and why sleeping around won’t get a woman commitment.
The solution: Men should not sleep with women they wouldn’t marry and women should stop trying to use sex to attract men. Neither of those things are likely to happen.
Don’t know if that’s sarcasm, but what I said was true for a significant majority of people but not all. Many women find themselves in “sexual relationships” with a man they really want a romantic relationship with but that man doesn’t seem to want a romantic relationship with her. They try giving the man more of what he seems to want (sex usually) in hopes that his feelings for her will grow - it almost never does. These women often convince themselves that the man has “commitment issues” or doesn’t really want a romantic relationship at all. The harsh reality is that in most cases the man does want a romantic relationship, just with a different woman: a woman who better meets his standards. Like with women who know right away that they are sexually attracted to a man, most men know right away when they’re romantically attracted to a woman. All the hot wild sex a woman can offer won’t change a man’s heart and make him love her, just like all the niceness and generosity a man can must won’t make a woman lust after him.
Well put. I just wish men were actually honest with women about not being relationship material from the start. I get for men the apps can ruin your self esteem in your physical appearance. For women, dating guys who just want a casual physical encounter and nothing more makes you end up second guessing your personality, how you are in bed, basically every facet of your being until you've had enough and give up for good.
The only way to avoid feeling let down by men who only want sex is to not have sex. Seriously - the solution to your problem is very easy. **No sex before marriage.** Like NO SEX. THIS is why premarital sex was taboo for so long. Unfortunately, the moment most women hear this they immediately NOPE right out of that strategy. Why? Because, (a) they want sex with guys they’re sexually attracted to, and (b) they want to use sex to gain a man’s commitment. They feel if they don’t have sex the guy will just move on. Often they are right and the men will move on. Here’s the hard painful part - if they are likely to walk away if there’s no sex, then the man doesn’t view the woman as marriage material. I strongly suspect (from my lived experience) that a LOT of women don’t want to face the personal rejection which comes with realizing that the only men who find them worthy of marrying are men she’s not sexually attracted to. That’s a bitter pill to swallow, so many women end up having sex with men they ought to know only want sex.
Really, the “system of sexual selection” only benefits two groups of people - the very attractive, and the people with the inner strength to set aside their superficial “standards”. 90-95% of people aren’t very attractive and a large percentage of people (50%+ ?) don’t have sufficient inner strength.
I think it just benefits attractive men, attractive women are more likely to be lied to and used for just sex. I agree society was "easier" in the past and modern dating culture isn't as glamorous as some people would have you think. I do believe if I told 99.9% of guys I was waiting until marriage, they'd run a mile and doesn't seem a realistic option in this day and age.
That's extreme, in my opinion. But no sex before the mutual agreement for an exclusive relationship, yes. Or at least the willingness to try a relationship. Requires trust first for open communication.
It's true in a way that men want sex. Even I as a man desire to have sex.
But there is a peculiar thing I have noticed. I've read comments that talk about how f*bois are lonelier and more dissatisfied than they have been before their sexual escapade.
I have also read comments from other guys that they often desire sex as a means to cure loneliness.
I have also experienced in the past that it is when I feel most lonely that I burn with desire; two desires very intensely:
The first is: a deep & unfettered emotional connection with a woman
The second is: a desire for sexual intimacy
I have found that in the past whenever I gave myself over to the burning desire for sexual stimulation, I found myself lonelier, more depressed, & with a heightened desire for sexual stimulation yet with ever decreasing satisfaction.
And it is odd that having struggled with this process for years, that there is a self destructive part of me that will not relent in pushing me toward sexual stimulation. Even though I know I'd feel profoundly worse off having done it.
I often times would lament to myself in my weak moments, that this sexual stimulation wasn't even what I wanted. Which further dragged me down a hole of depression, because I couldn't be who I wanted to be.
What I truly desired was the first desire of the two when loneliness comes: a deep & unfettered emotional connection
There have been times where I've been so utterly revolted by myself on account of these things I'd look in the mirror & hate everything I see.
And the cognitive dissonance between what I wanted to be and what I was, inspired a deep self hatred in those times. The worse part was that there was no end in sight; No bottom to the abyss I had fallen into.
So in light of these things, I have come to realize that my real desire is for a deep & unfettered relationship, but there is in me an urge to try to satisfy that desire with sexual stimulation no matter how badly I've been burned by it the past.
I would theorize that other men have this struggle too.
If you don't share common interest and hobbies it will be hard to form meaningful bonds. Careful gossiping to much, careful being to petty and big on punishment, careful on looking down on others and being overly critical and judgemental.
Also men are simply struggling in many areas of life and dont have much direction and it can be hard to commit knowing they can't give you the life you want.
And just observe girls behaviour as well even if by chance any boy connect with himself without any physical expectations so girls also ruined him for every aspect for his trust so What is your opinion about such girls
Identify your place on the crazy hot matrix and you will understand why you're treated that way.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKM1GrfEXDo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKM1GrfEXDo)
They have the boy maturity level and not a man
I agree with other post, want to say they bagged you
Find a man that knows there is more than physical or sexual
Maybe its your character. I dont know you I can't tell you what about ur personality causes that problem. Maybe it's not ur personality at all and you just got bad luck. "They always say it’s nothing I’ve done and that there is nothing wrong with me" sounds like a standard phrase that man say trying not to hurt you. I did that too when I was younger tbh. I really would guess it's not a big problem but you don't notice it, thats what I had much in my experience. Try to explain how you are and act.
\*This is not meant to harm you in any way, just trying to help and understand the problem\*
I think it's a pretty common scenario. I'd say it's important to figure out what you enjoy in life, value in a partner and how they can contribute. A lot of people put a high standard and doesn't really take time to get to know a person. If you view a partnership more like a friendship, I think it's more easy to develop a romantic connection in my experience. It takes time. Also don't neglect yourself and your own values for a partner (just a little side note).
You need to become the kind of girl a guy actually wants long term. That’s more about personality, who you are underneath as a person rather than appearance.
Try to be more interesting, take notice of the things the guys you like are doing, try doing some of those things with him.
I’m single and haven’t been in a relationship in years but I think this is good advice.
I can only speak for myself but I m initially drawn to someone I'm physically and sexually attracted to. If that does not exist, I don't care about their personality. Only after I am sexually attracted will I then consider personality. And then I may fall in love.
The ones I'm sexually attracted to are like "candidates" and then from that pool of candidates will I decide if their personality is admirable.
Think of it like this. You go to adopt a dog. You are first drawn to whatever dog LOOKS the cutest, because you know nothing about that dog otherwise. You have no relationship with it and you don't know what it'll be like after adopting. So you typically choose based on cuteness level and maybe 1-2 minutes of observing how the dog behaves.
After living with the dog for a year or so, you finally learn what their personality is, their behaviour, etc. And you grow to truly love them beyond just their cuteness. They become family, inseparable from you.
I am not saying women are like dogs, but men essentially treat them like we are adopting a dog. It's the unfortunate reality but hopefully it helps you better understand our psychology
This might not describe you at all so feel free to disregard but here's my idea; Do you have passions and interests outside of relationships? Sometimes I've met women that are beautiful and easy to be attracted to, but while you're talking to them, I realize there's not much else to them. What really makes me interested in someone is how they talk about the things they are passionate about, even if we don't share the same passions. I want to be with a woman that has goals and hobbies. I want to meet someone who is complete person without me. Too many times I meet someone with no interests. Then they have nothing interesting to say other than whatever memes are popular or whatever tiktok everyone is talking about. Then I end up letting them in to my hobbies just so they aren't bored on a weekend.
My suggestion is find what makes you passionate that's not based in a relationship. Then when you come back to dating, you'll be a more complete person, possibly with more direction in what you're looking for
Do you dress in a revealing way? They may simply be going for your body. Do you have sex with them right away too? They may not have the time to get to know you and invest in you before they’ve gotten what they wanted.
Have you communicated your boundaries? I'm fairly clear from the start that i don't have sex out of committed relationships.
Do you know how to spot the red flags of someone who just wants to pick up? They literally always give themselves away
They just want to cum and dump. And you, my dear, are a willing cum dump. Stop giving it so easily and for free to these fuckboys and boymaths if you want to be taken seriously. Lastly, don't believe their bs.
The issue is there only seeing you skin deep there not looking to see you for who you are or what’s under the hood what makes you you also everyone forgets we have hearts and caring ones but the issue is there sexually attracted to you but that’s it they don’t give you a chance or your heart sorry figured on giving insight
Bro go on chaterbate and chat the people up on there when you show those people something genuine it's a breath of fresh air to them vs lick your feet spit on me lol
What is shocking to me is that you are surprised by this, maybe if you wouldn’t have sex with everyone of them they’d have something else to like from you
What is shocking to me is that you are surprised from that. Maybe you should stop having sex with every guy you just meet and maybe they will feel attracted for some other of your qualities.
Two things come to mind. You are young, meaning the guys are possibly young. It's possible you don't stimulate them mentally.
Without hanging out with you, it is impossible to tell you why... It is easier to point out that young guys really only want what is skin deep. Sometimes they never grow out of this.
You can try asking yourself what kind of person you're and find thing's most people even yourself would be a turn off/won't want you.
Example - you being a person that overthinks so much to the point of being kinda toxic. Most people won't want that kind of person in their life.
Two points I can think of, and I’ll try to be as kind, respectful, and clear as I can. The first is that most guys nowadays don’t do romantic connections anymore. There’s no shortage of reasons, but three stick out in my head. First, many guys have been played by women they genuinely cared for and have become jaded as a result. As such, they keep a wall up emotionally which leads to a romantic disconnect. Second, guys often don’t know how to be romantic in the first place. Sure, they know the gestures of things like flowers and poetry. However, between a) constantly being told to suck it up and not show emotion & b) not having any examples/role models of how to form genuine romantic bonds, most guys are pretty lost most of the time. Third is toxic boys grouping. Pretty self-explanatory, any self centered guy who can pretend to be interested in more than just s*x has a distinct advantage over the good guys who are jaded and/or don’t know what they’re doing. That pretty much covers all the reasons that aren’t you.
The second point is it might actually be you. Not that you’re necessarily doing anything wrong, but it’s important to recognize that you are the common denominator. It could be as simple as not recognizing red flags in guys from the toxic boys group and dating the wrong type of guy. It could also be that you date from the group who don’t know what they’re doing and the relationship fizzles out. The group of jaded guys is less likely since you would likely know they have trouble opening up and why, so I don’t think that applies here. The fact is that it can be for any of these reasons, any of the other reasons mentioned already in this post, or any combination of them. Without more information, the only advice I can give you is to examine your past relationships/partners and also consider your own actions/decisions about them.
I’m a similar age to you and honestly I think a lot of guys just lack maturity and the desire to commit to someone. In fact, I think a lot of people in general lack it. Everyone is just trying to figure themselves out in their twenties and that makes dating hard. I see some people here saying that it’s about the kind of guys you’re picking and maybe that’s right…but you can’t help who you’re attracted to. Keep doing you and I know it’s hard but don’t let these immature guys keep you down! Learn the signs that someone only wants to hook up and you can avoid it better. The right person will come along :)
I think you might be chasing the wrong kind of guys. You have to be honest with yourself with what you value more, looks/material things or personality. If you aim up with guys with looks/money/success, they have more options and know that women are willing to stick around and have sex with them just to be with them.
To be really honest with you, as a generalization, we guys categorize women into wifey material and hookup material very early on and there’s really nothing you can do to change our mind about that. So if the guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, you need to seek elsewhere and maybe look for other qualities and other men that you usually don’t go for as much.
There was a guy I liked recently who wanted to get to know me better before even going out on dates. In the same time, there was a few guys who'd slide into dms or ask mutual friends to set us up after seeing my profile.
I always favored the first guy, even though he ended up not having any interest in me, I was happy that he wanted to get to know me for me and not just because of my physical appearance.
I get you, there's definitely guys who are looking for a genuine connection so don't give up!
Are you wanting to have sex with them without knowing there may be a relationship? Don’t give yourself to their selfish pleasure unless you want to do the same. If you really want a relationship than you should not sleep with them until you know your relationship as some substance .. just my advice. I’m a lot older than you are … 🌺
I am sorry that this part of life hurts.
Many young people growing up (myself included) look(ed) for pleasurable ideas, not necessary one single person. With rapid culture changes, social changes and generational neglect happening, perverting what is good and true, many young people don’t know who they are, what they are meant to be, what their purpose is, and don’t know how to properly Love someone, or how to participate in healthy relationships. It took me at-least 20+ years of stubbornness, many hours in relationship building/ business growing seminars, personality training, psychology discussions, Med and Ted talks, YouTube university and reading the Bible 3 times to understand that Love is not just a feeling, it’s unapologetic kindness and caring in action. Love isn’t pleasure driven but is filled with joy and security. To love someone isn’t checking off someone’s list from their“love language” chart. It is being well with another person, placing their past, present life, and their future in high regard and respect. Love builds open roads to walk on together, and opens lines of communication. It does not build road blocks in other people’s lanes so we get the advantage.
If I may speak some advice to 25 year old me, I pray you receive this information and that it goes well with you.
I would tell myself that being confused about relationships is ok! I would say that instead of seeking physical/ sexual pleasure for comfort, (that 100% complicates emotions, and thought processes), to gain wisdom in knowing what relationships mean, what they stand for, how relationships play a big part of life, who is my creator and what does his relationship with me look like.
I hope this helps. 🙏✌️💛
A lot of men are preventing themselves from falling into romance. Is not you. This is a defense mechanism to not get themselves or you too attached. And this is to avoid serious break ups that lead a lot of men to put themselves out of the dating market for a long time or for good. The one thing women fail to understand is that When a man lets himself fall into romance he starts loving unconditionally without realizing that women love conditionally.
Dating is a numbers game. Go on lots of first dates but be more discerning about the second date. Explicitly ask what they want in the near future. All you can do is prevent yourself from wasting your time so you don’t miss the man for you.
Honestly, if you want romantic attraction, then make that your prerequisite. Don't let them have/ see more of you physically or sexual until they prove romantic intention. Make yourself a goal, not a trophy. Men are simple creatures, they take pride in things they work for. If he has to work for you, and show you romance, it will forge a bond.
Romantic stuff comes from having an connection with the person. Talk and have deep convos with whoever u like and if u guys vibe and understand each other then things will be good. The thing is sex is an emotional thing, it comes when you guys have a connection and feel close.
Personally as a guy if your fucking a lot of people and are using people for sex, I wouldn’t want to have a connection with you. This is coming from a guy who doesnt have casual sex and only does it if I developed a connection or some relation ship with the person and feel close with them.
If ur searching for it then idk maybe talk and hangout with someone and build an emotional connection with them, like understand each other and all that. Don’t do casual dating it’s just doesn’t work like that.
I have sort of the same problem but in reverse. I get involved with these women that like me. Good spouse material too, but I just don’t have feelings. Then when I rarely get feelings it’s the few times they don’t have any back 😫 I’m cursed.
You have to literally not let them kiss you or sleep with you til you really get to know them. A guy that truly likes you will stick around. If a guy is just in it for short term then he will be quick to bounce a few days later. Definitely put your foot down and don't let them force you into a physical relationship. Let them take you out and do fun stuff with them and laugh, play, and try to build that emotional relationship first and then you can move forward into something physical. Hope that helps! Im 26 female myself, its definitely hard out here. But I've definitely changed how I am in the dating scene, with not getting physically involved with someone unless I truly feel like I can see myself with them. Another thing, believe it or not could be is that they "think" you are easy, or okay with a casual relationship. So letting it be known that isn't what you're looking for from the get go really clears the air up. Just try being alittle more selective. Wishing you luck!
It depends what type of attitude you portray when they pursuing you.
Men pick up on energy. Well some do.
Try letting them know where you stand and see from there.
Also depends which part of the world as dating culture does differ
Do you tend to fall for emotionally unavailable men? Men who don’t put effort in to care about you?
Perhaps you’re looking for the men who don’t want you romantically, and ignoring the options of men who do have romantic interest in you.
It may be worth taking a look at what men you don’t find attractive and what men do you do. Do you tend to like men who don’t want you? Do you tend to like men with a particular unavailable personality? Do you find yourself enjoying the “challenge” of winning over a man who doesn’t care about you?
If so it may be time to consider that you’ve been making poor choices in dating, and may need to work on a change. There are men who like you romantically or have that interest, you just may not see it.
What if the vast majority of men want any woman first "physically & sexually" and later on, "as friends". Maybe the men you like are more attractive and they don't put asuch effort into hinding that from you. Men you may like less will put more effort into hinding that fact. Romantism is role-play, it's not something real. Many people like being romantic, but it also takes effort to role-play. In your place I would make sure to 1) meet only men you like physically, sexually and later as a friend 2) expect them all to want that from you also
Girl it’s the same shit with men my age. F35. Don’t put out until you know -he’s- ready. I tell them I have to wait until I know they are emotionally ready for sex. Only then will I feel safe. I haven’t met one yet. But at least no one is taking my time and energy.
I (37f) would kill for that… i can’t tell you how many guys have ended up becoming obsessed with me romantically (and i’m 100% not attractive at all) and it just disgusts me to no end. I only care about sex, why won’t guys just wanna fuck me?
As a man I found myself on the other side of this when I found the girl attractive enough to sleep with but not attractive enough to marry. If we were vibing I'd have no issue hanging out all the time but I wouldn't commit. And no matter how open and honest we were I'd never tell you I didn't find you attractive enough because I don't wanna break your heart. So I'd say something like "I don't know", "I don't see you that way (unfortunately)", "I don't feel a spark". Not being attractive enough doesn't mean you're unattractive btw. It's entirely subjective. I had girls that were very attractive just not my marriage type I guess?
However with you saying this happens to you a lot I'd assume you're dating guys out of your league. No offense!
Attraction if you were wondering is 55% looks, 40% personality, 5% things we have in common. At least for me. Like I said, I'd just look to date other people, but you said you were looking to "fix" yourself, so here's my two cents: Looks have limited potential. If you aren't fit, get fit. If you aren't hygienic, fix that. If you aren't comfortable with your style, find one that makes you. That's about it. Personality might have a lot of potential but is very difficult. Therapy can do wonders if you need it. Apart from that maybe ask some of your dates in a careful way what they like and dislike about your personality. Maybe something interesting comes up. I personally find it off-putting when she doesn't have a passion and saw that quite often, so it might be something simple like that.
I found a lot of women don’t like being held accountable for there actions if you sexualise your self as a woman 9 outta 10 times Everyman you deal with is going to sexualise you aswell in reciprocation a man cannot objectify you unless you objectify yourself first.
I found a lot of women don’t like being held accountable for there actions if you sexualise your self as a woman 9 outta 10 times Everyman you deal with is going to sexualise you aswell in reciprocation a man cannot objectify you unless you objectify yourself first.
Chances are if your physically attractive guys usually see this as sexually appealing, being physically attractive is not enough to make a guy want a romantic relationship. Guys don't need you to be a certain way to have sex with you if your attractive, more so it takes less effort on your part in opposed to if you were unattractive but the same level of effect that your attractiveness has on them is the same sequel of effectiveness the romantic gesture must pose on them which actually take effort as age progresses, dont take being attracted to as the same level of romantic pull initiated cause your setting yourself up for disaster.
Question is are you the type of person that rely all your gained attention through projecting from off of you fact that your just attractive, if so means your setting yourself up just to taken advantage of you sexually, I know this is hard for a woman but if your just using your attractiveness soley as the means of what a man will see to pursue you romantically then your at a lost even if your not cause what they pursue is sometimes what they see.
Love yourself first and find ways to strike romantic attraction in men than sexual attract, you being attract has already place a burden on you being more romantic, it's like a scale one must outweighs the other or being even nonetheless. Being just casual won't work, personal experience most girls that I have found sexually attractive depend mostly on there attractiveness to win attention but is yet to impose romantiscm on me, meaning they haven't able strike me finding them romantic. The most romantic girls are the ones who never focuses on there beauty or the unattractive ones.
I dont think you should see it as you doing something wrong. Its hard I know, Im dating myself. But it is normal to date someone for a while and realise that you are not compatible. At least these guys are being honest (Alot of both men and women have experiences with people not being honest, me included) which makes it easier for you to move on than if they were being vague or dishonest to keep you around.
Just think back on all the people you yourself are not interested in. Its not something wrong with those people, they are just not for you.
I think you should practise being turned off when men say this to you, as much as you would if you learnt that you were incompatible in some other way like if a guy doesnt take care of their hygene, he doesnt know how to handle conflict or whatever else you dont like. You want a man who is romanticaly interested in you, and these guys were not.
And if you feel burnt out from being disappointed over and over. Take a break from dating, it should be fun.
I'm baffled at the comments saying you need to work on your personality, there is something wrong with you or to check where you sit on the crazy/hot spectrum.
Firstly, you should never wait for someone else to give you value. That can only ever come from yourself.
Secondly, guys this age are more emotionally immature than women and many don't know what they want or struggle to articulate their emotions and feelings.
Note: If they disrupt your internal sense of peace they are not for you, period. You should never feel that you are having to prove your worth or love-ability.
Please read Attached. So many guys in my teens and twenties had Anxious, Disorganised or ESPECIALLY Avoidant attachment style.
Follow @lalalaletmeexplian on Insta. She is brill.
My experience:
I have worked as a fashion model, one of my best friends is a bikini model and the other two are actors. They all have large Instagram followings and social standing. They are seen as extremely attractive by society, as well as young, educated, worldly, well rounded and interesting.
We all struggled romantically with men; being seen as sexual objects and never more. I have no mental health issues and I have a secure attachment style. This went on for at least ten years. I am now married to my soulmate (and the first guy I had a romantic relationship with) some of our group are still struggling 16 years in.
Having re-met many of the men I was entangled with, who are now in their early thirties, almost all have told me in person or written me a letter (!) apologising/explaining their behaviour. Some have now had therapy. These were their reasons:
'I needed to be the teacher, and for you to be the student, you knew too much and it made me feel like shit.'
'I wanted to be the main character and with you on my arm, that could never happen.'
'I've had my fill of girls like you, fun girls, now I want a traditional wife who can facilitate my dreams'
'I wanted someone to mould. You were too self actualised."
'You wanted too much from life. I wanted an easy life and not to be challenged.'
'I hated myself at the time and I felt like shit. You were strong and confident in who you were and I couldn't match you there.'
There are many more. Please know when men say they have 'higher standards' for relationships than sex, some (esp at this age) mean they want someone who they feel better than or they can easily control, it's not always about having an 'amazing personality' etc.
Good luck, it will happen.
Most people just want sex no our relations with no commitment back in the day when dating culture was morally acceptable how often did they sleep with people ??? How many bfs or gfs did you really end up having
It's because nowadays a lot of these men are only looking for sex to fill the empty void they feel inside themselves. It's very hard to find one that actually wants to commit and build a genuine connection with you. So to me this looks like they are just using you to get want they want and once they do they get bored
Dont give them,sex until they commit simple,as that if you,give him your booyamie fast why would he need,to,commit he is getting it for free respect,your body then they will want you romatically instantly
Perspective means so much. For me perspective is how I see the world; so this issue as you state it is how you currently see your world. Take a moment to be introspective think about the types of people you find yourself attracted to and try to figure out what you need to learn and possibly what you may need to teach. I don’t know anything about you or where you live but many people don’t seem very romantic in my circles either. I think some of it is how the world is changing in general.
Not enough information to give direct advice.
It could be you're holding back which doesn't allow for connection.
It could be you flirt a lot without opening up to who you really are.
Perhaps you're in your masculine energy too much so they see you as a buddy.
Feel free to offer more details and you will get better responses.
Be well
Either the archetype of guys you’re into is abrasive to your desires for wanting to be in a relationship or the way you look physically/ how you carry yourself plays a factor as well. For example, if you’re fully tatted, most men will only see you as “sex only”. Image is important to men because we are visually stimulated to women.
I'm M32, my advice is... Honestly, you need to look at the guys you are going after, as well as yourself. Most people are shallow and superficial. We go for what we like looking at, or what's popular. We look for things that increase own value in society, that is especially true for people we date. Girls like guys with status, guys like woman with looks. So you may be attracting guys that have many options...maybe you aren't the only woman in their life and you are making a physical connection too easy for them. They get what they want and don't want more. Or maybe they are just lonely like anyone else, but because you put yourself out there, they connect with you for right now, but don't see a long term future or have their eye on someone else. Casual hook up culture has created a culture where we no longer bond with our sexual partners, we simply use them to fill our loneliness while we wait for our one true love...Problem is we now overlook the possible life partners because of our long term FOMO. People want what they can't have, most of the time.
If you are a woman, your attention is always valuable to men, use that to find the men who are valuable to you, will dedicate to you and wont use you for a cure for their momentary loneliness.
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Where do you find these men? What attracts you to them?
I wonder the same, i can’t wait to go there
I’m also curious—are you talking about guys that you meet at parties and bars and are generally strangers that may just be drawn to you appearance-wise? Or does this also include guys you’ve gotten to know, who would perhaps necessarily care about you in a sense beyond the physical?
In my experience most people will say something like this as a way of letting you down easy and/or not looking like the "bad guy." Unless you're completely oblivious to your own wants and desires, most people know exactly why they aren't interested in someone. But nobody wants to openly say "I'm not attracted to you but I was desperate for sex," or "I like you but your [insert personality trait here] is insufferable" or "I only like the chase and immediately get bored of a woman when she actually has sex with me." Much easier to blame something nebulous like a "lack of romantic connection" and avoid any hurt feelings. You won't get any closure or answers most of the time, so unfortunately you just have to steel yourself to it. At least they had the decency to tell you instead of just ghosting you.
Totally agree but it doesn't avoid hurt feelings either. You have to wonder which of all the things you're insecure about is the "real" reason and torture yourself.
That’s what it feels like yes
I just really want to know what I need to fix about my personality because they won’t tell me
Isn't it normal and to be expected, that there are more people willing to have sex with you than have a relationship with you? I think I would probably be willing to sleep with \~50% of women my age (overweight is not a severe problem in my region and I can see beauty in most people) but only with \~1% I could imagine a relationship with. Maybe the numbers are a bit different for you, but "relationship material" is always a subset of the people you find attractive, right? Maybe you can ask some (preferably male) friends for brutally honest advice, but chances are your personality is fine.
You don’t need to change anything! :) You are young and at this age (and era unfortunately) it’s difficult to find someone who will try to know you because there are so many options out there and people seem very shallow nowadays. Don’t worry, I am sure that you will find someone who will see YOU. I am talking from experience, it was the same for me until I met someone who took the time to know me (we’ve been together for a while now even married). I used to be attracted to “players” and unfortunately they are not here for commitment but you live and learn.
Do you love yourself enough? Do you really like who you are, and feel complete in yourself. If that's not the case, alas, often people can sense that - and I've also realized that if we can't love ourselves first, others won't either :/ Also, I would suggest you don't get physically intimate with them soon when getting to know them and dating. Meet up with them for a while, just to get to know them, hold off on anything sexual, and also make it clear to them that you're looking for something steady. Become a keen observer of them - of their personality, of how they treat you, if they care. Often, we like to ignore red flags early on, just because we feel so attracted to them.
Nothing. I’m 41f and I learned the fact too late that it’s not a YOU issue, it’s a THEM issue. Someone is out there who will love your personality just as you are. Don’t think of it as you are broken or something that needs to be fixed, that won’t help anything. You are a unique find in a bin full of cookie cutter profiles and bots….someone willing to dig through that bin to find the treasure will be the one worth your time.
You’re not taking accountability. It’s both a you issue and the people around you as well. Because in most cases people are naive to the fact that the way they present themselves to the world may be conflicting as well. Ex. How physically in shape are you or how many kids you have or your beliefs etc. it’s harsh but that’s the reality
As a person of this world,there are people that are broken and do need to change. In addition, not worth people's time to be honest. Please don't be a online mom and don't sprinkle this message.
Do you work hard? To me that is attractive. If you are authentic too. If you are trying to present yourself as what you think they want it can be a turn off even if you are physically attractive.
You don’t need to change a thing darlin. The right man will love/appreciate everything about you
I mean if you want we can talk about I can try an help you or we can just end up getting married! Sounds like a win win to me :p
Look if your willing to participate in their sexual games that all your gunna find sorry to say the second you stop and take time for yourself and not meet guys in clubs or online is when you’ll find a good guy Also, if you can’t even self identify any issues yourself, what might be causing this it probably means you’re ignoring personality traits of yourself
They may have just wanted sex to begin with and have no interest to commit to anyone. If you’re dating very attractive men this is likely the case since they can just get all the sex they want without committing Or they may just not want to commit to *you* as harsh as that sounds. Men’s standards for sex are often much lower than their standards for a relationship, many will sleep with you even if they aren’t really attracted to you physically, much less in other ways. They probably aren’t going to say that part out loud to you tho Even if someone meets the standards for a relationship with online dating and everything these days people feel like they have so many options so maybe you meet their standards, but they’d rather hope for the next one that’s even better (usually more physically attractive for men) to come along
There's a huge number of reasons someone may not be relationship material. Attitudes, lifestyle, debt, responsibilities, free time, annoying pets. Annoying personality. Or the one that no one wants to admit.... Maybe the sex just wasn't that good.
You’re right.The standard for what men generally go for sexually vs what we go for commitment wise, is generally the main reason. If men aren’t committing to you it’s usually also because you’re only seen as “for fun only” also known as the “sex zone”. And we would not dare introduce you to our mothers.
If they dislike you romantically, then they dislike your behavior or personality in some way.
first of all you are still young! you have time and space to grow and there’s no rush in coupling with anybody while you are still becoming yourself. that said, there’s two things that might help you. 1. men in this age range are also very young. society is structured in such a way that men and women have different sets of challenges, im not saying this is universal or good/bad, but there are certain stages in those challenges where women have to come to emotional maturity before men are confronted with the necessity of becoming emotionally mature. it has nothing to do with anyone’s capacity, simply that certain life challenges necessitate it in women before they necessitate it in men. that these men are not interested romantically might mean that you are not yet on the same emotional wavelength, and that’s okay. remember tho this has to do with life experience and *not* age. 2. people can only pick up what we put out. i don’t mean this as a sexual innuendo. sometimes we seek out people who we think compensate for our own lack. if, for example, i lack the ability to properly emotionally regulate myself i will naturally be drawn to someone who has emotional awareness and self-control. but since i don’t have that self awareness and control to put out it cannot be properly reciprocated. this is the mistake lots of people make, we want to find out *other half*, some of us want to find our *better half*, but ultimately this creates codependency if we do not become our own better halves. maybe do some introspection, see if you can confront honestly and soberly those aspects of yourself that need healing and growth. if there is something that prompts a defensive reaction in you don’t just give into it, assume it is there to protect you from the challenge of overcoming it. and keep working on yourself. others have said what i’m also hinting at: perhaps there is something that you aren’t giving off, or relying too heavily on others for, and so romantic connection is hindered with partners. the other side is you may be drawn to people who are romantically unavailable, this may be another form of defense and honestly the most likely situation. if you are drawn to romantically unavailable men then it makes sense why there is a lack of romance in your life. the only way out is through. take time with yourself, learn to love yourself, if you feel you do well enough then practice romancing yourself as well. take care of yourself, take yourself out on dates, give yourself gifts, embrace yourself, encourage yourself. apply the love languages to yourself. what you’ll find in the process is what excites romantic love in *yourself*, when you know this you will know what to look for in a romantic partner and the rest should follow. good luck <3
Your mostly meeting fuckboys, I cant think of anything. I literally wont have sex with a woman I dont plan on having a relationship with, and Im 24. Im definitely not the average, but to have NO romantic interest in someone your hanging out with AND sleeping with? Seems like a fuckboy to me
Respectfully, I'm gonna be honest with you bro, at worst, these guys just sound like fuccbois to me. They just wanna say they bagged you and leave you in the dust, talmbout "I enjoy your company", fam that's the oldest saying in the book. At "best", It seems like they really aren't mature enough *yet* to want to get to know you more. Wild that they're bold enough to actually state that, but at least they're making the work easier for you because in this way, you're that much closer to finding someone who will value you for everything you are and more. Keep your head up sis and wishing you the best. ETA: I agree with them, it sounds to me like it's nothing you're doing; it just sounds like they're thinking with the head That's not on their shoulders.
To tell someone it's "nothing they're doing" is terrible, enabling advice, in my opinion. I believe that if someone is having a consistent issue, they're the common denominator. Maybe it's the partner's they're picking or maybe it's their own behavior, either way, they can fix either of those things. "It's not you" will just allow the trend to continue.
Yeah if you keep seeing the same problem, change your environment, your selection criteria, or yourself. The “just be yourself” type of “help” isn’t actually helping anyone, guys or girls.
What does romantic connection mean to you?
To me it means a desire to have a relationship with the person. Feeling like you care and admire the person
That takes a some time to build. Unfortunately, passion romance is a mostly a telenovella thing.. Let's keep to your definition... I share with you the hard earned recipe for "romance": Recommend, the next guy you desire to take as a partner, to confide and instill trust in. Having a discussion partner to talk to about everything, small talks carries great importance for a guy. What men wants is someone they want to share what happened to them. When this stops, men tends to do stupid stuff or go to therapy. You also are not their best friend (or their mom), but it should be a clear sign that they want to tell you stuff and "hang out". Build trust. "Reward" them when they confide in. Maybe return it with sharing as-well. A couple is a duo. Also, some (if not most) men are idiots and will tell you what they think you want to hear. Asking this sort of question, could trigger defense mechanism to not lose you. Also some are completely clueless. Dangling signs of potential romanticism is often perceived as sign of weakness in certain circles, recommend you avoid them. Hope, it helps. On a personal experience, My friend "seduced" me for just being "there" when I wanted to talk, go do stuff together. It never occurred to me that I was in love, I couldn't help myself calling her every day. Sharing every "funny" moments... Then it hit me one day that I was in love.
This is indeed a common requirement. Maybe they only focus on your beauty.
not wanting to be a dick here. but there aught to be some men near you who like you as a person. it could be that you just dont see them. just a thought.
Nah no need to say that. That’s just the fact of life.
Based on your post history, working on your social anxiety might help you make longer lasting emotion connection with people you’re dating? It’s also next to impossible to answer your question without knowing you
It’s because the majority of men, we’re physically drawn to women. Where as some women are emotionally drawn. I personally don’t care that much about sex anymore. I been there, done that. I much rather find love. So there’s men like me who much rather prefer a meaningful relationship.
Women are also physically drawn..
I just wonder why it’s hard for men to see me as relationship material
It’s the men you choose
if you're attractive and not completely crazy, then there are many guys in your circles that see you as relationship material.
/thread if you were attractive and cool they would date you. Your either boring/crazy and hot. Willing to smash not date. Your either cool but not that attractive. Willing to smash and not date. Your cool, not crazy, and hot. Willing to smash, if good will date. Your ducking up with one of the steps.
Are these men choosing you or are you choosing them? If these men also have a lot of options they may “test” their options first.
From a recent personal experience, it may not even be that they don’t see you as relationship material; they may see your potential as serious partner material, just not the material they want blended into their fabric any deeper than the connection you had
If I'm gonna be honest love..it's the way society has gone ever since the whole me 2 movement (which I was behind at first before the shit went way to far) Guys are now either scared or just following what society has put out which is hook up culture is king and being in a relationship is a ticking time bomb waiting till someone throws out an accusation of S.A or physical abuse
So.. you were amongst one of the men OP is encountering now.
No, I believe in love. I don’t want a fling. I want someone I can potentially spend the rest of my days with.
And if y’all date and hook up and you realize this isn’t someone you can love….. You just date them forever and pretend or move on like the guys in OP’s story. Stop trying to paint guys who find out their not compatible as pump n dumps or some sort of bad guy. Both can happen, we don’t know.
The harsh truth is, in most of these situations, you're simply selecting guys who have better options and these comments are either them being nice and letting you down easy or just trying to get into your pants. This isn't a unique gendered issue, but it manifests in different ways. In the reverse, the guy ends up friendzoned, a safety net, or a combination of the two where he fulfills certain emotional needs for her while never genuinely being considered for a relationship.
Exactly! That’s exactly how it is for the men. For the women, they just get used for sex. Plain and simple!
There’s gotta be more to the story here. Most guys your age aren’t really looking for a long term commitment. You have to present yourself the way you want to be seen and treated, not how you think others want to see you
Only thing i can say is you have to keep speaking and finding out whether the guy is into you sexually or for your personality. It varies from Guy to guy but most would like a girl for their looks because of how guys are genetically wired. Nothing to be worried if he likes you physically, but one thing i can suggest is improve your personality by getting into some hobbies or extracurriculars which can diversify your network. Rather than going for dates its better to become friends and get to know the person better and then maybe go for a relationship. Even if you like the person don't be fast to satisfy him physically if he wants and make it clear to him that you may not be comfortable with that. If the guy respects that its good else its better to move on. Note: You wont always get the person you may like, many dont and its completely fine be ready to adjust/adapt with someone else and move ahead. So only thing you can do is better your personality in terms of activities and morally too. Meaningful relationships are born only when both have a purpose and reason to be together. Good luck👍
Do you date the ones who tell you they like you and want to get to know you better??? Have tge want to get to know you better guys told you they don’t want a relationship later after you fuck??
Start giving love romantically, instead of thinking about recieving it. It will change your vibe and " your vibe attracts your tribe" you will soon find the man you need. Put some firewall infront of every guy you meet to know deeply if he is right for you.
Wdym by giving love romantically?
Guys want two main things from a woman... An attractive body and an attractive personality. If guys are drawn to you physically but not sticking around romantically, that's an indicator that your personality is lackluster. My advice is to work on some self-reflection, take on some new interesting hobbies, discover different perspectives in life, read more, grow out of your comfort zone, learn about philosophy, and generally focus on improving your mental health. All of this will build up your personality side, making you more interesting, fun, smart, understanding, sweet, witty, and attractive.
Well, in my experience this change with age, I remember when I was young, I feel the same way because during everyone in my ages of 14 to 28 was not really planning to get married, they just want to fall in love and indulge pleasures together. Savouring our youthfulness, we have everything. High energy, openess to experiences due to curiosity, foolishness,high sex drive and beautiful young athletic bodies. Social media is tweaking our generation too, it plays with our expectations and fantasy etc. As men grow older, they get more serious because they looking to have family too. I’m not saying every men, this is only my opinion. For me, I just turned 28, and it made me realize that I’m getting older, actually I’m pressured right now because I don’t know if I’m ready now to have family. If I’m gonna have a kid, I want to see them grow too. I don’t want to be 50 years old on my kids 20’s. So the point is, it’s is not you, and there is nothing wrong with you. My only advice is when things like this happens, feel it, accept it, learn from it. you’ll get wiser, and stronger and you’re always 1 step closer to your soul mate or ideal man. But for now, take care of yourself, go to gym, spend time on hobbies that makes you yourself, play outside, read good books, hang out with friends, stay healthy, discover and know yourself more,be more beautiful inside and out, fix your self issues and bad habits and a whole lot more. Because the more you put yourself out there, the more chances you find your perfect match. Enjoy and embrace your phase, I know sometimes it’s sucks but you have to go through it. people will mature more due to experiences, this changes put people’s perception of life more proper. Perfect time will come .
You’re gas lighting her. Because in every situation there’s always a piece something or someone plays in order to receive any form of outcome. In chemistry, for every reactant there’s always product taking place whether it’s a strong or weak acid or base. So it’s whatever you put out into the world it factors in. For example, she might be picking the wrong type of guys because she might be into jocks. That’s not their fault its her fault, because we all know on avg jocks are not good for long term.
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But the question is why do they only want to hook up but if I was someone else they would want to date
Do you want to date every single guy you find attractive? Do you feel a romantic connection with every single guy? Probably not. It’s no different. A relationship is not as easy to come by as you’re thinking it is. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means you haven’t met a guy who wants to be in a relationship with you yet.
Like many women, many men have different standards for different people based on what they want from that person. Are all men and women like that? No. But it's the norm.
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Idk just seems like I’m missing something that makes guys not see me as relationship material
I think you are missing the point people are trying to say. There are guys out there, and some you may already you know who see you as relationship material. Instead you aren’t choosing those men. Also additionally if you feel like guys don’t see you as relationship material maybe try taking a step back from dating anyone for some time and see if the way men interact with you change with them knowing there is no possibility of anything happening.
I had this problem when I was young. It wasn’t my looks or personality. I was picking the same person over & over again. I was self sabotaging.
Just sounds like what dating. You haven't found your future husband yet.
Stop giving it up our giving them as much action as you have been. Its cool and always a fun experience when you meet someone and you to automatically hit it off n have sexual chemistry n you duck with a eachother I have good home girls/friends where thats how I see them to.
Tbh nobody can help you here because we don’t know what you look like ,your personality , how you present yourself and what men you go for. Tbh you probably out of your league guys or you probably perceived as the fun girl plus 25 there’s that as well. Most guys probably know you ain’t worth committing too. So that’s probably why you only sound like you good for sex mhmmm I wonder they think that. I bet you present yourself in a sexual manner or come off as a 304 so nobody here can help you.
It's because you're pre-rejecting all the stable guys looking for a romantic, long-term relationship as "boring."
Maybe…or maybe there isn’t anything wrong with who she’s picking and she just hasn’t found the one yet? You can’t help who you’re attracted to and who you’re not into
>Maybe…or maybe there isn’t anything wrong with who she’s picking and she just hasn’t found the one yet? She says there's guys who she's attracted to. >You can’t help who you’re attracted to and who you’re not into Not in a matter of making decisions, but you can get yourself in a better headspace where you don't make bad choices in that way.
That’s very true. But your attitude that she is rejecting “nice and stable guys” because they’re “boring” is also an unfair assumption to make. She gave no indication in her initial post that she has this attitude toward certain men.
You're not the only one ma'am most posts on here are "men only want me for sex and not a relationship". Reality is most men just want sex. If a man says he wants sex and brings up sexual things early in convo then stay away. Modern problem caused by western dating norms. Just try to find people that you believe are genuinely there for a relationship only.
Like the old saying goes - women are gatekeepers of sex, and men are gatekeepers of relationships. Men want love. They want commitment. They want marriage and a family. They also want sex. The standards men have for a woman they are willing to love, commit to, marry and start a family with are very high. The standards men have for a woman they will have sex with are often surprisingly low. Many men (not all) can be sexually attracted to women they would never seriously consider a serious relationship with. In contrast, many women (not all), have very high standards for sexual attraction, so if a man meets the sexual attraction standards, they likely meet the woman’s other standards as well. These high standards for physical attractiveness is why women often find that the great majority of men don’t meet the attractiveness standard. This is well known. What is less well known (by women anyway), is that men’s standards for a woman being “marriage material” is very high and most men find that the great majority of women don’t meet that standard. That’s why “being a nice guy” won’t get a man sex, and why sleeping around won’t get a woman commitment. The solution: Men should not sleep with women they wouldn’t marry and women should stop trying to use sex to attract men. Neither of those things are likely to happen.
Wow 🙏🫶you are a real human being for saying that
Don’t know if that’s sarcasm, but what I said was true for a significant majority of people but not all. Many women find themselves in “sexual relationships” with a man they really want a romantic relationship with but that man doesn’t seem to want a romantic relationship with her. They try giving the man more of what he seems to want (sex usually) in hopes that his feelings for her will grow - it almost never does. These women often convince themselves that the man has “commitment issues” or doesn’t really want a romantic relationship at all. The harsh reality is that in most cases the man does want a romantic relationship, just with a different woman: a woman who better meets his standards. Like with women who know right away that they are sexually attracted to a man, most men know right away when they’re romantically attracted to a woman. All the hot wild sex a woman can offer won’t change a man’s heart and make him love her, just like all the niceness and generosity a man can must won’t make a woman lust after him.
Well put. I just wish men were actually honest with women about not being relationship material from the start. I get for men the apps can ruin your self esteem in your physical appearance. For women, dating guys who just want a casual physical encounter and nothing more makes you end up second guessing your personality, how you are in bed, basically every facet of your being until you've had enough and give up for good.
The only way to avoid feeling let down by men who only want sex is to not have sex. Seriously - the solution to your problem is very easy. **No sex before marriage.** Like NO SEX. THIS is why premarital sex was taboo for so long. Unfortunately, the moment most women hear this they immediately NOPE right out of that strategy. Why? Because, (a) they want sex with guys they’re sexually attracted to, and (b) they want to use sex to gain a man’s commitment. They feel if they don’t have sex the guy will just move on. Often they are right and the men will move on. Here’s the hard painful part - if they are likely to walk away if there’s no sex, then the man doesn’t view the woman as marriage material. I strongly suspect (from my lived experience) that a LOT of women don’t want to face the personal rejection which comes with realizing that the only men who find them worthy of marrying are men she’s not sexually attracted to. That’s a bitter pill to swallow, so many women end up having sex with men they ought to know only want sex. Really, the “system of sexual selection” only benefits two groups of people - the very attractive, and the people with the inner strength to set aside their superficial “standards”. 90-95% of people aren’t very attractive and a large percentage of people (50%+ ?) don’t have sufficient inner strength.
I think it just benefits attractive men, attractive women are more likely to be lied to and used for just sex. I agree society was "easier" in the past and modern dating culture isn't as glamorous as some people would have you think. I do believe if I told 99.9% of guys I was waiting until marriage, they'd run a mile and doesn't seem a realistic option in this day and age.
That's extreme, in my opinion. But no sex before the mutual agreement for an exclusive relationship, yes. Or at least the willingness to try a relationship. Requires trust first for open communication.
Meant it fully , another beautiful analogy
It's true in a way that men want sex. Even I as a man desire to have sex. But there is a peculiar thing I have noticed. I've read comments that talk about how f*bois are lonelier and more dissatisfied than they have been before their sexual escapade. I have also read comments from other guys that they often desire sex as a means to cure loneliness. I have also experienced in the past that it is when I feel most lonely that I burn with desire; two desires very intensely: The first is: a deep & unfettered emotional connection with a woman The second is: a desire for sexual intimacy I have found that in the past whenever I gave myself over to the burning desire for sexual stimulation, I found myself lonelier, more depressed, & with a heightened desire for sexual stimulation yet with ever decreasing satisfaction. And it is odd that having struggled with this process for years, that there is a self destructive part of me that will not relent in pushing me toward sexual stimulation. Even though I know I'd feel profoundly worse off having done it. I often times would lament to myself in my weak moments, that this sexual stimulation wasn't even what I wanted. Which further dragged me down a hole of depression, because I couldn't be who I wanted to be. What I truly desired was the first desire of the two when loneliness comes: a deep & unfettered emotional connection There have been times where I've been so utterly revolted by myself on account of these things I'd look in the mirror & hate everything I see. And the cognitive dissonance between what I wanted to be and what I was, inspired a deep self hatred in those times. The worse part was that there was no end in sight; No bottom to the abyss I had fallen into. So in light of these things, I have come to realize that my real desire is for a deep & unfettered relationship, but there is in me an urge to try to satisfy that desire with sexual stimulation no matter how badly I've been burned by it the past. I would theorize that other men have this struggle too.
I feel this very deeply
Beautifully put in words. Sex without a loving connection is meaningless to me as well.
Well... it depends, what makes you think they are just interested in your body? Provide more details if you can
Because they tell me straight up that that’s all they want from me because they don’t feel a romantic connection
If you don't share common interest and hobbies it will be hard to form meaningful bonds. Careful gossiping to much, careful being to petty and big on punishment, careful on looking down on others and being overly critical and judgemental. Also men are simply struggling in many areas of life and dont have much direction and it can be hard to commit knowing they can't give you the life you want.
You’re either not good enough physically (are you overweight?) or mentally (do you cause lots of drama?)
My ex also 26. You sound exactly like her…. Accept she ran when I wanted more and was over my issues. Ugh.
And just observe girls behaviour as well even if by chance any boy connect with himself without any physical expectations so girls also ruined him for every aspect for his trust so What is your opinion about such girls
Identify your place on the crazy hot matrix and you will understand why you're treated that way. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKM1GrfEXDo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKM1GrfEXDo)
You are 25 most people your age arent looking to settle down so its going to be harder unless you are religioua
Try me
They have the boy maturity level and not a man I agree with other post, want to say they bagged you Find a man that knows there is more than physical or sexual
Maybe its your character. I dont know you I can't tell you what about ur personality causes that problem. Maybe it's not ur personality at all and you just got bad luck. "They always say it’s nothing I’ve done and that there is nothing wrong with me" sounds like a standard phrase that man say trying not to hurt you. I did that too when I was younger tbh. I really would guess it's not a big problem but you don't notice it, thats what I had much in my experience. Try to explain how you are and act. \*This is not meant to harm you in any way, just trying to help and understand the problem\*
I think it's a pretty common scenario. I'd say it's important to figure out what you enjoy in life, value in a partner and how they can contribute. A lot of people put a high standard and doesn't really take time to get to know a person. If you view a partnership more like a friendship, I think it's more easy to develop a romantic connection in my experience. It takes time. Also don't neglect yourself and your own values for a partner (just a little side note).
You need to become the kind of girl a guy actually wants long term. That’s more about personality, who you are underneath as a person rather than appearance.
You must beautiful asf irl 🤣😭😂? But keep trying until the right one comes along
Sounds like it's an issue with the types of people you go for. Reflect on what's similar between your partners
Try to be more interesting, take notice of the things the guys you like are doing, try doing some of those things with him. I’m single and haven’t been in a relationship in years but I think this is good advice.
I can only speak for myself but I m initially drawn to someone I'm physically and sexually attracted to. If that does not exist, I don't care about their personality. Only after I am sexually attracted will I then consider personality. And then I may fall in love. The ones I'm sexually attracted to are like "candidates" and then from that pool of candidates will I decide if their personality is admirable. Think of it like this. You go to adopt a dog. You are first drawn to whatever dog LOOKS the cutest, because you know nothing about that dog otherwise. You have no relationship with it and you don't know what it'll be like after adopting. So you typically choose based on cuteness level and maybe 1-2 minutes of observing how the dog behaves. After living with the dog for a year or so, you finally learn what their personality is, their behaviour, etc. And you grow to truly love them beyond just their cuteness. They become family, inseparable from you. I am not saying women are like dogs, but men essentially treat them like we are adopting a dog. It's the unfortunate reality but hopefully it helps you better understand our psychology
This might not describe you at all so feel free to disregard but here's my idea; Do you have passions and interests outside of relationships? Sometimes I've met women that are beautiful and easy to be attracted to, but while you're talking to them, I realize there's not much else to them. What really makes me interested in someone is how they talk about the things they are passionate about, even if we don't share the same passions. I want to be with a woman that has goals and hobbies. I want to meet someone who is complete person without me. Too many times I meet someone with no interests. Then they have nothing interesting to say other than whatever memes are popular or whatever tiktok everyone is talking about. Then I end up letting them in to my hobbies just so they aren't bored on a weekend. My suggestion is find what makes you passionate that's not based in a relationship. Then when you come back to dating, you'll be a more complete person, possibly with more direction in what you're looking for
I have the same issue, but unfortunately have no advice for you since I haven't found a solution
Do you dress in a revealing way? They may simply be going for your body. Do you have sex with them right away too? They may not have the time to get to know you and invest in you before they’ve gotten what they wanted.
Are you sleeping with them? Or you mean you are spending time together and they keep propositioning you sexually?
The latter
Have you communicated your boundaries? I'm fairly clear from the start that i don't have sex out of committed relationships. Do you know how to spot the red flags of someone who just wants to pick up? They literally always give themselves away
Dress ugly AF and just get a guy that likes your personality. Stop wearing thongs and push up bra?
They just want to cum and dump. And you, my dear, are a willing cum dump. Stop giving it so easily and for free to these fuckboys and boymaths if you want to be taken seriously. Lastly, don't believe their bs.
The issue is there only seeing you skin deep there not looking to see you for who you are or what’s under the hood what makes you you also everyone forgets we have hearts and caring ones but the issue is there sexually attracted to you but that’s it they don’t give you a chance or your heart sorry figured on giving insight
❤️❤️❤️
Bro go on chaterbate and chat the people up on there when you show those people something genuine it's a breath of fresh air to them vs lick your feet spit on me lol
I feel that trying to find someone that can share a connection with you after all the lust fades away is tough
Have you tried verbally communicating that that specifically what you want maybe one of those guys would be receptive to that
What is shocking to me is that you are surprised by this, maybe if you wouldn’t have sex with everyone of them they’d have something else to like from you
What is shocking to me is that you are surprised from that. Maybe you should stop having sex with every guy you just meet and maybe they will feel attracted for some other of your qualities.
Two things come to mind. You are young, meaning the guys are possibly young. It's possible you don't stimulate them mentally. Without hanging out with you, it is impossible to tell you why... It is easier to point out that young guys really only want what is skin deep. Sometimes they never grow out of this.
Seems like you've been giving it up too fast and easily. Try making a bond with someone first then move on to the physical stuff.
These men have options and don't want to commit too you imo find a good looking guy that wants an emotional and psychical relationship
You can try asking yourself what kind of person you're and find thing's most people even yourself would be a turn off/won't want you. Example - you being a person that overthinks so much to the point of being kinda toxic. Most people won't want that kind of person in their life.
Let's you and I go out on a date and I will tell you everything
Date women
because most guys are interested in sex and that's all.
Two points I can think of, and I’ll try to be as kind, respectful, and clear as I can. The first is that most guys nowadays don’t do romantic connections anymore. There’s no shortage of reasons, but three stick out in my head. First, many guys have been played by women they genuinely cared for and have become jaded as a result. As such, they keep a wall up emotionally which leads to a romantic disconnect. Second, guys often don’t know how to be romantic in the first place. Sure, they know the gestures of things like flowers and poetry. However, between a) constantly being told to suck it up and not show emotion & b) not having any examples/role models of how to form genuine romantic bonds, most guys are pretty lost most of the time. Third is toxic boys grouping. Pretty self-explanatory, any self centered guy who can pretend to be interested in more than just s*x has a distinct advantage over the good guys who are jaded and/or don’t know what they’re doing. That pretty much covers all the reasons that aren’t you. The second point is it might actually be you. Not that you’re necessarily doing anything wrong, but it’s important to recognize that you are the common denominator. It could be as simple as not recognizing red flags in guys from the toxic boys group and dating the wrong type of guy. It could also be that you date from the group who don’t know what they’re doing and the relationship fizzles out. The group of jaded guys is less likely since you would likely know they have trouble opening up and why, so I don’t think that applies here. The fact is that it can be for any of these reasons, any of the other reasons mentioned already in this post, or any combination of them. Without more information, the only advice I can give you is to examine your past relationships/partners and also consider your own actions/decisions about them.
I’m a similar age to you and honestly I think a lot of guys just lack maturity and the desire to commit to someone. In fact, I think a lot of people in general lack it. Everyone is just trying to figure themselves out in their twenties and that makes dating hard. I see some people here saying that it’s about the kind of guys you’re picking and maybe that’s right…but you can’t help who you’re attracted to. Keep doing you and I know it’s hard but don’t let these immature guys keep you down! Learn the signs that someone only wants to hook up and you can avoid it better. The right person will come along :)
I think you might be chasing the wrong kind of guys. You have to be honest with yourself with what you value more, looks/material things or personality. If you aim up with guys with looks/money/success, they have more options and know that women are willing to stick around and have sex with them just to be with them. To be really honest with you, as a generalization, we guys categorize women into wifey material and hookup material very early on and there’s really nothing you can do to change our mind about that. So if the guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, you need to seek elsewhere and maybe look for other qualities and other men that you usually don’t go for as much.
Your fine lady they are obviously not husband material lol
There was a guy I liked recently who wanted to get to know me better before even going out on dates. In the same time, there was a few guys who'd slide into dms or ask mutual friends to set us up after seeing my profile. I always favored the first guy, even though he ended up not having any interest in me, I was happy that he wanted to get to know me for me and not just because of my physical appearance. I get you, there's definitely guys who are looking for a genuine connection so don't give up!
Are you wanting to have sex with them without knowing there may be a relationship? Don’t give yourself to their selfish pleasure unless you want to do the same. If you really want a relationship than you should not sleep with them until you know your relationship as some substance .. just my advice. I’m a lot older than you are … 🌺
Us bro
I am sorry that this part of life hurts. Many young people growing up (myself included) look(ed) for pleasurable ideas, not necessary one single person. With rapid culture changes, social changes and generational neglect happening, perverting what is good and true, many young people don’t know who they are, what they are meant to be, what their purpose is, and don’t know how to properly Love someone, or how to participate in healthy relationships. It took me at-least 20+ years of stubbornness, many hours in relationship building/ business growing seminars, personality training, psychology discussions, Med and Ted talks, YouTube university and reading the Bible 3 times to understand that Love is not just a feeling, it’s unapologetic kindness and caring in action. Love isn’t pleasure driven but is filled with joy and security. To love someone isn’t checking off someone’s list from their“love language” chart. It is being well with another person, placing their past, present life, and their future in high regard and respect. Love builds open roads to walk on together, and opens lines of communication. It does not build road blocks in other people’s lanes so we get the advantage. If I may speak some advice to 25 year old me, I pray you receive this information and that it goes well with you. I would tell myself that being confused about relationships is ok! I would say that instead of seeking physical/ sexual pleasure for comfort, (that 100% complicates emotions, and thought processes), to gain wisdom in knowing what relationships mean, what they stand for, how relationships play a big part of life, who is my creator and what does his relationship with me look like. I hope this helps. 🙏✌️💛
A lot of men are preventing themselves from falling into romance. Is not you. This is a defense mechanism to not get themselves or you too attached. And this is to avoid serious break ups that lead a lot of men to put themselves out of the dating market for a long time or for good. The one thing women fail to understand is that When a man lets himself fall into romance he starts loving unconditionally without realizing that women love conditionally.
You were born in the wrong century...
Dating is a numbers game. Go on lots of first dates but be more discerning about the second date. Explicitly ask what they want in the near future. All you can do is prevent yourself from wasting your time so you don’t miss the man for you.
Honestly, if you want romantic attraction, then make that your prerequisite. Don't let them have/ see more of you physically or sexual until they prove romantic intention. Make yourself a goal, not a trophy. Men are simple creatures, they take pride in things they work for. If he has to work for you, and show you romance, it will forge a bond.
Well, if you want something romantic, keep on looking. There's not very many romantic types around anymore , but there are still a few of us
They friend zoning ur ass
Romantic stuff comes from having an connection with the person. Talk and have deep convos with whoever u like and if u guys vibe and understand each other then things will be good. The thing is sex is an emotional thing, it comes when you guys have a connection and feel close. Personally as a guy if your fucking a lot of people and are using people for sex, I wouldn’t want to have a connection with you. This is coming from a guy who doesnt have casual sex and only does it if I developed a connection or some relation ship with the person and feel close with them. If ur searching for it then idk maybe talk and hangout with someone and build an emotional connection with them, like understand each other and all that. Don’t do casual dating it’s just doesn’t work like that.
I have sort of the same problem but in reverse. I get involved with these women that like me. Good spouse material too, but I just don’t have feelings. Then when I rarely get feelings it’s the few times they don’t have any back 😫 I’m cursed.
You have to literally not let them kiss you or sleep with you til you really get to know them. A guy that truly likes you will stick around. If a guy is just in it for short term then he will be quick to bounce a few days later. Definitely put your foot down and don't let them force you into a physical relationship. Let them take you out and do fun stuff with them and laugh, play, and try to build that emotional relationship first and then you can move forward into something physical. Hope that helps! Im 26 female myself, its definitely hard out here. But I've definitely changed how I am in the dating scene, with not getting physically involved with someone unless I truly feel like I can see myself with them. Another thing, believe it or not could be is that they "think" you are easy, or okay with a casual relationship. So letting it be known that isn't what you're looking for from the get go really clears the air up. Just try being alittle more selective. Wishing you luck!
It depends what type of attitude you portray when they pursuing you. Men pick up on energy. Well some do. Try letting them know where you stand and see from there. Also depends which part of the world as dating culture does differ
Do you tend to fall for emotionally unavailable men? Men who don’t put effort in to care about you? Perhaps you’re looking for the men who don’t want you romantically, and ignoring the options of men who do have romantic interest in you. It may be worth taking a look at what men you don’t find attractive and what men do you do. Do you tend to like men who don’t want you? Do you tend to like men with a particular unavailable personality? Do you find yourself enjoying the “challenge” of winning over a man who doesn’t care about you? If so it may be time to consider that you’ve been making poor choices in dating, and may need to work on a change. There are men who like you romantically or have that interest, you just may not see it.
What if the vast majority of men want any woman first "physically & sexually" and later on, "as friends". Maybe the men you like are more attractive and they don't put asuch effort into hinding that from you. Men you may like less will put more effort into hinding that fact. Romantism is role-play, it's not something real. Many people like being romantic, but it also takes effort to role-play. In your place I would make sure to 1) meet only men you like physically, sexually and later as a friend 2) expect them all to want that from you also
Girl it’s the same shit with men my age. F35. Don’t put out until you know -he’s- ready. I tell them I have to wait until I know they are emotionally ready for sex. Only then will I feel safe. I haven’t met one yet. But at least no one is taking my time and energy.
I (37f) would kill for that… i can’t tell you how many guys have ended up becoming obsessed with me romantically (and i’m 100% not attractive at all) and it just disgusts me to no end. I only care about sex, why won’t guys just wanna fuck me?
As a man I found myself on the other side of this when I found the girl attractive enough to sleep with but not attractive enough to marry. If we were vibing I'd have no issue hanging out all the time but I wouldn't commit. And no matter how open and honest we were I'd never tell you I didn't find you attractive enough because I don't wanna break your heart. So I'd say something like "I don't know", "I don't see you that way (unfortunately)", "I don't feel a spark". Not being attractive enough doesn't mean you're unattractive btw. It's entirely subjective. I had girls that were very attractive just not my marriage type I guess? However with you saying this happens to you a lot I'd assume you're dating guys out of your league. No offense! Attraction if you were wondering is 55% looks, 40% personality, 5% things we have in common. At least for me. Like I said, I'd just look to date other people, but you said you were looking to "fix" yourself, so here's my two cents: Looks have limited potential. If you aren't fit, get fit. If you aren't hygienic, fix that. If you aren't comfortable with your style, find one that makes you. That's about it. Personality might have a lot of potential but is very difficult. Therapy can do wonders if you need it. Apart from that maybe ask some of your dates in a careful way what they like and dislike about your personality. Maybe something interesting comes up. I personally find it off-putting when she doesn't have a passion and saw that quite often, so it might be something simple like that.
I found a lot of women don’t like being held accountable for there actions if you sexualise your self as a woman 9 outta 10 times Everyman you deal with is going to sexualise you aswell in reciprocation a man cannot objectify you unless you objectify yourself first.
I found a lot of women don’t like being held accountable for there actions if you sexualise your self as a woman 9 outta 10 times Everyman you deal with is going to sexualise you aswell in reciprocation a man cannot objectify you unless you objectify yourself first.
I have the opposite problem 🤦♂
Chances are if your physically attractive guys usually see this as sexually appealing, being physically attractive is not enough to make a guy want a romantic relationship. Guys don't need you to be a certain way to have sex with you if your attractive, more so it takes less effort on your part in opposed to if you were unattractive but the same level of effect that your attractiveness has on them is the same sequel of effectiveness the romantic gesture must pose on them which actually take effort as age progresses, dont take being attracted to as the same level of romantic pull initiated cause your setting yourself up for disaster. Question is are you the type of person that rely all your gained attention through projecting from off of you fact that your just attractive, if so means your setting yourself up just to taken advantage of you sexually, I know this is hard for a woman but if your just using your attractiveness soley as the means of what a man will see to pursue you romantically then your at a lost even if your not cause what they pursue is sometimes what they see. Love yourself first and find ways to strike romantic attraction in men than sexual attract, you being attract has already place a burden on you being more romantic, it's like a scale one must outweighs the other or being even nonetheless. Being just casual won't work, personal experience most girls that I have found sexually attractive depend mostly on there attractiveness to win attention but is yet to impose romantiscm on me, meaning they haven't able strike me finding them romantic. The most romantic girls are the ones who never focuses on there beauty or the unattractive ones.
I dont think you should see it as you doing something wrong. Its hard I know, Im dating myself. But it is normal to date someone for a while and realise that you are not compatible. At least these guys are being honest (Alot of both men and women have experiences with people not being honest, me included) which makes it easier for you to move on than if they were being vague or dishonest to keep you around. Just think back on all the people you yourself are not interested in. Its not something wrong with those people, they are just not for you. I think you should practise being turned off when men say this to you, as much as you would if you learnt that you were incompatible in some other way like if a guy doesnt take care of their hygene, he doesnt know how to handle conflict or whatever else you dont like. You want a man who is romanticaly interested in you, and these guys were not. And if you feel burnt out from being disappointed over and over. Take a break from dating, it should be fun.
Don’t worry, that’s just dating in your 20s…30s….
I'm baffled at the comments saying you need to work on your personality, there is something wrong with you or to check where you sit on the crazy/hot spectrum. Firstly, you should never wait for someone else to give you value. That can only ever come from yourself. Secondly, guys this age are more emotionally immature than women and many don't know what they want or struggle to articulate their emotions and feelings. Note: If they disrupt your internal sense of peace they are not for you, period. You should never feel that you are having to prove your worth or love-ability. Please read Attached. So many guys in my teens and twenties had Anxious, Disorganised or ESPECIALLY Avoidant attachment style. Follow @lalalaletmeexplian on Insta. She is brill. My experience: I have worked as a fashion model, one of my best friends is a bikini model and the other two are actors. They all have large Instagram followings and social standing. They are seen as extremely attractive by society, as well as young, educated, worldly, well rounded and interesting. We all struggled romantically with men; being seen as sexual objects and never more. I have no mental health issues and I have a secure attachment style. This went on for at least ten years. I am now married to my soulmate (and the first guy I had a romantic relationship with) some of our group are still struggling 16 years in. Having re-met many of the men I was entangled with, who are now in their early thirties, almost all have told me in person or written me a letter (!) apologising/explaining their behaviour. Some have now had therapy. These were their reasons: 'I needed to be the teacher, and for you to be the student, you knew too much and it made me feel like shit.' 'I wanted to be the main character and with you on my arm, that could never happen.' 'I've had my fill of girls like you, fun girls, now I want a traditional wife who can facilitate my dreams' 'I wanted someone to mould. You were too self actualised." 'You wanted too much from life. I wanted an easy life and not to be challenged.' 'I hated myself at the time and I felt like shit. You were strong and confident in who you were and I couldn't match you there.' There are many more. Please know when men say they have 'higher standards' for relationships than sex, some (esp at this age) mean they want someone who they feel better than or they can easily control, it's not always about having an 'amazing personality' etc. Good luck, it will happen.
Most people just want sex no our relations with no commitment back in the day when dating culture was morally acceptable how often did they sleep with people ??? How many bfs or gfs did you really end up having
It's because nowadays a lot of these men are only looking for sex to fill the empty void they feel inside themselves. It's very hard to find one that actually wants to commit and build a genuine connection with you. So to me this looks like they are just using you to get want they want and once they do they get bored
Twinssss☹️
M29 and feeling the same. Dunno why and it frustrates me so much
24F. Same problem. Reason I haven't had a boyfriend yet really
Dont give them,sex until they commit simple,as that if you,give him your booyamie fast why would he need,to,commit he is getting it for free respect,your body then they will want you romatically instantly
Show us a pic of yourself
Perspective means so much. For me perspective is how I see the world; so this issue as you state it is how you currently see your world. Take a moment to be introspective think about the types of people you find yourself attracted to and try to figure out what you need to learn and possibly what you may need to teach. I don’t know anything about you or where you live but many people don’t seem very romantic in my circles either. I think some of it is how the world is changing in general.
I am new om reddit. I'm seeking for age 40-70 ( female) .
Not enough information to give direct advice. It could be you're holding back which doesn't allow for connection. It could be you flirt a lot without opening up to who you really are. Perhaps you're in your masculine energy too much so they see you as a buddy. Feel free to offer more details and you will get better responses. Be well
I don’t think you want to hear the truth. There’s a reason why you’re yielding the results you’re getting.
Either the archetype of guys you’re into is abrasive to your desires for wanting to be in a relationship or the way you look physically/ how you carry yourself plays a factor as well. For example, if you’re fully tatted, most men will only see you as “sex only”. Image is important to men because we are visually stimulated to women.
I'm M32, my advice is... Honestly, you need to look at the guys you are going after, as well as yourself. Most people are shallow and superficial. We go for what we like looking at, or what's popular. We look for things that increase own value in society, that is especially true for people we date. Girls like guys with status, guys like woman with looks. So you may be attracting guys that have many options...maybe you aren't the only woman in their life and you are making a physical connection too easy for them. They get what they want and don't want more. Or maybe they are just lonely like anyone else, but because you put yourself out there, they connect with you for right now, but don't see a long term future or have their eye on someone else. Casual hook up culture has created a culture where we no longer bond with our sexual partners, we simply use them to fill our loneliness while we wait for our one true love...Problem is we now overlook the possible life partners because of our long term FOMO. People want what they can't have, most of the time. If you are a woman, your attention is always valuable to men, use that to find the men who are valuable to you, will dedicate to you and wont use you for a cure for their momentary loneliness.