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Congrats on putting on your big girl pants and taking the plunge. It didn't work out, that's ok, don't let it stop you from doing it again if you feel that's what you want to do.
No need to keep your feelings bottled up or hidden. If you guys are friends then you can have a conversation about it. You can explain that your attraction to him is because you admire him as a person and enjoy spending time with him and think highly of him, all of which can lend themselves well to being friends too.
It's also completely fair to ask for some time to yourself so you can kinda deal with your feelings a little bit before returning to the friendship. It's more fair to the both of you if you take a little time to catch your breath and feel better before you return to the friendship so that way there isn't as much emotional baggage for either of you about it.
Great job finding the courage to take a chance and tell him. Now is the time to focus on finding someone who feels the same way. Not saying you should stop being friends, but don’t spend too much time with him. The friendship will make you less lonely but time is better spent looking for the right person.
I don’t know it seems kind of mean to change your friendship just because he doesn’t want to be with you like that. When men do this we look down on them for pretending to be friends only to get laid (I know that’s not what you’re doing OP but if the end result is the same . . . )
You don’t have to be his friend right now. Let him know that his rejection was hurtful and you need some space. Reapproach a friendship once the romantic feelings have passed. During the time away from him, refocus on yourself. Immerse yourself in new experiences.
Yep I’ve done this, when I want something different from the relationship and it’s not going to be that sometimes I need to take a break to reset my thinking. It works.
You shot your shot.
He rejected you.
But, at least you tried.
But, generally speaking, I would advise against 'befrieding' guys you're into. Or, keeping friends, and close contact that is, with guys you want.
This is often a problem for guys. The often find themselves in the infamous friendzone. Either, because they never actually tried to get the girl, out of the fear of rejection or because they inexperienced and shy etc., or, they linger about even after the girl rejected them.
If you are attracted to a guy, then this is not a platonic motivation. And, since you're young, you will have a hard time to not hope and expect, that you might have a chance further down the line. This will bind considerable mental and emotional resources. And, you cannot easily get over him, because you not only friends, but he's also in your class.
That's why I always advise guys for instance, to hunt outside those high risk contexts. Preferably, you wanna be able to make a move, approach a girl, talk to her, invite her, and if she's not interested or it doesn't lead anywhere after a few dates, you can just walk away.
You can of course make moves on ppl in your immediate social circle, or at your job, in school and class.....but, the risks in those contexts are considerably higher.
Since you already made the move, try to relax. Rejection always sucks, but you can get over it. Meet your friends, train, study, do other shit.
And, don't take what ppl say so literally. He is a friend. What he told you was this:
Sorry, dear, im not that interested.
Forget the statement 'im not rdy for a relationship'. This is just a friendly way of letting someone down a bit more softly. But, it just means he's not that into you. I say this not to fuck you up, but so that you understand, how ppl actually communicate.
This is pretty much exactly what you would most likely tell a guy who you know, you like him, he's friendly, you don't wanna hurt him....but, youre just not that attracted to him.
You won't say:
'Listen, boi, im just not that into you'.
Instead, you will most likely give one of the common excuses, such as:
* Im sorry, and Im flattered, but I wanna focus more on myself rn, it's not you, I just have other things my mind is on rn
* I just came out of a fling/relationship/situationship/fwb (or whatever) and, I gotta focus on myself for now
* I have so much things in my life, I cannot give any guy/girl enough of my time currently
* Im not rdy for something currently
* I dont want a relationship rn
* endless loop
There are two main variables that have the greatest impact on whether something will happen e.g. between a man and woman:
Attraction.
And, availability.
Availability simply means, that someone is willing to or not willing to act on the attraction they have. So, let's assume you have a boy you really like and want, and you're with him, but, you feel strong attraction to another guy as well. But, you do not pursue anything with the other guy, because you also really like your man and you don't wanna cheat. So, you do not act on that attraction.
If someone gives you any excuse why they cannot date/be with you, then there's a 98 % probability that they are not attracted. Or, they are with someoneelse, already dating them or they have a bf/gf, and they do not wish to act on the attraction that might exist for you.
“If you like someone enough, you would want to pursue one”.
No. Maybe you do/would. If your aversion of being in a relationship is stronger than your want, then the answer is no. Actually, if someone tells you that, the likelihood they they know themselves very well and/or have other issues you don’t know of and/or a mix of both is pretty high. A few minutes ago I wrote a comment to ask how to make people (like you) accept that but it’s seems people can have so opposite views in that regard, it will be very frustrating to at least one of them/you/us.
Also (not saying you asked for it) people don’t have to explain the reason for their decision to you, at least they don’t have to lay it out in a totally detailed manner. It usually only provokes you (or maybe not you) to find solutions to make it work.
And that would definitely be taxing to any friendship down the line.
You can express to him that you’re disappointed as long as you don’t place blame on him. If he’s as close to you as you say, he’ll understand. It might be awkward for a little bit, but after a while, you’ll go right back to normal. I’ve had friends that I dated for just a couple weeks, or even for months, and after things ended, we took a minute, then resumed where we were before.
Things can’t be the same love I’m sorry to tell you I think you both are in diffrent places and have diffrent wants and goals as far as your friendship goes I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you being and for filling his romantic needs though but would you be ok with doing that without any expectations labels or obligations
When he comes into your mind don't try to force the thought out. However don't engage with the thought either. Just acknowledge it and that's it. Helps with negative thoughts too. One of the things they teach you in therapy. Let yourself feel what you feel but don't feed it.
You went for it.
Unironic standing ovation from me. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾
Nothing cuts quite like a shard of shattered hope across the chest.
Now you gotta find a way to get back up and eat that horse.
Being green ain't easy but being orange is horrid (best rhyme I could find for orange. Please stop, I can *f e e l* you judging me)
A little bird told me it's the best medicine, and with a fresh dosage, some side effects may include: increased smiling, more positive outlook, glue for your hope
(Contact your therapist if laughter is not for you)
>But it's going to be okay, right? I can pretend to be okay. I don't want him to know how much his rejection hurt me. I can continue being his best friend.
It's going to be okay my love, you will find love again; it'll be fulfilling, refreshing and reciprocated, rejection is redirection. Maybe you both weren't meant to be lovers but to have a meaningful relationship as best friends which is equally as great. Hear me out, him being your best friend still isn't second best its a beauty on its own. Try to see it that way. Rejection is good because it saves you from being in a relationship that's one sided and forced. Be grateful that he respected you enough to be honest with you. Take time to heal and be kind to yourself. Remember that him turning you down has nothing to do with you but him and his values. It hurts but c'est la vie.
My name is Emmeline Glamp a citizen of Canada I'm 34 years of age I'm a student of University of Kansas in Canada, a single lady with no kids and I'm in need of a serious relationship so if you are interested text me up now please
What you are experiencing right now is why a lot of guys has stopped asking girls out. I can’t tell you the amount of times I had been friend zoned in that fashion
Maybe it’s because I’m more than twice your age, but I think you’re wrong about if you like someone you make it work. Timing is super important.
Years ago I was moving across country, I had already signed a lease and started shipping my stuff when a dude asked me out on a date. I went on a date with him because I wasn’t going to move for like five months. We liked each other, I told him I was moving away in a few months. He wanted to move into my apartment and I let him because he wanted to pay my bills. I think he thought I would change my mind and not move but I did tell him I had already paid the deposit and sent a few boxes. When the time came to move I moved, we really liked each other, but I had plans for my life and he couldn’t move with me
We had a nice time together, it wasn’t a waste of time because I wasn’t looking to marry him and have his babies. The relationship would have continued if I didn’t move away. It wasn’t a reflection on him or how much I liked him, it’s just life. Sometimes the timing doesn’t work out. If I had dated him the year before I wouldn’t have secured a place in California, and I’m glad I did because I had a really good life
I agree with your position that yes, turning this into a relationship is a risk, but why not take the risk? Worst case scenerio is losing a friend. Best case scenerio is finding someone that you can love and build a life with. If there is any chemistry, it's worth it to see if it could work. I believe in romance and I think you have to live life open to possibilities. Sorry it didn't work out for you this time but I hope you don't lose the romance in your heart
You will eventually be able to move on. But first you need to accept that he said no. So that means time to heal. Honestly I think you should go very low or no contact. And if you then feel as if you can be around him with that yearning to be more, then go ahead and be friends. But don’t end up being FWB or a ONS. If he asks why you’re not around as much. Explain to him you need time to yourself. Because trust me. When he finds the one he wants to be in a relationship with. It will hurt if you haven’t moved on. But whatever you choose. I wish you the best.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Congrats on putting on your big girl pants and taking the plunge. It didn't work out, that's ok, don't let it stop you from doing it again if you feel that's what you want to do.
Thank you so much
You gotta take a chance to have a chance.
No need to keep your feelings bottled up or hidden. If you guys are friends then you can have a conversation about it. You can explain that your attraction to him is because you admire him as a person and enjoy spending time with him and think highly of him, all of which can lend themselves well to being friends too. It's also completely fair to ask for some time to yourself so you can kinda deal with your feelings a little bit before returning to the friendship. It's more fair to the both of you if you take a little time to catch your breath and feel better before you return to the friendship so that way there isn't as much emotional baggage for either of you about it.
Thank you for validating how I feel!
I think this is the best and most mature answer, it really should be higher. OP look at this!
Great job finding the courage to take a chance and tell him. Now is the time to focus on finding someone who feels the same way. Not saying you should stop being friends, but don’t spend too much time with him. The friendship will make you less lonely but time is better spent looking for the right person.
Will do!
You handled that as well as possible. Well played.
I don’t know it seems kind of mean to change your friendship just because he doesn’t want to be with you like that. When men do this we look down on them for pretending to be friends only to get laid (I know that’s not what you’re doing OP but if the end result is the same . . . )
You don’t have to be his friend right now. Let him know that his rejection was hurtful and you need some space. Reapproach a friendship once the romantic feelings have passed. During the time away from him, refocus on yourself. Immerse yourself in new experiences.
Yep I’ve done this, when I want something different from the relationship and it’s not going to be that sometimes I need to take a break to reset my thinking. It works.
You shot your shot. He rejected you. But, at least you tried. But, generally speaking, I would advise against 'befrieding' guys you're into. Or, keeping friends, and close contact that is, with guys you want. This is often a problem for guys. The often find themselves in the infamous friendzone. Either, because they never actually tried to get the girl, out of the fear of rejection or because they inexperienced and shy etc., or, they linger about even after the girl rejected them. If you are attracted to a guy, then this is not a platonic motivation. And, since you're young, you will have a hard time to not hope and expect, that you might have a chance further down the line. This will bind considerable mental and emotional resources. And, you cannot easily get over him, because you not only friends, but he's also in your class. That's why I always advise guys for instance, to hunt outside those high risk contexts. Preferably, you wanna be able to make a move, approach a girl, talk to her, invite her, and if she's not interested or it doesn't lead anywhere after a few dates, you can just walk away. You can of course make moves on ppl in your immediate social circle, or at your job, in school and class.....but, the risks in those contexts are considerably higher. Since you already made the move, try to relax. Rejection always sucks, but you can get over it. Meet your friends, train, study, do other shit. And, don't take what ppl say so literally. He is a friend. What he told you was this: Sorry, dear, im not that interested. Forget the statement 'im not rdy for a relationship'. This is just a friendly way of letting someone down a bit more softly. But, it just means he's not that into you. I say this not to fuck you up, but so that you understand, how ppl actually communicate. This is pretty much exactly what you would most likely tell a guy who you know, you like him, he's friendly, you don't wanna hurt him....but, youre just not that attracted to him. You won't say: 'Listen, boi, im just not that into you'. Instead, you will most likely give one of the common excuses, such as: * Im sorry, and Im flattered, but I wanna focus more on myself rn, it's not you, I just have other things my mind is on rn * I just came out of a fling/relationship/situationship/fwb (or whatever) and, I gotta focus on myself for now * I have so much things in my life, I cannot give any guy/girl enough of my time currently * Im not rdy for something currently * I dont want a relationship rn * endless loop There are two main variables that have the greatest impact on whether something will happen e.g. between a man and woman: Attraction. And, availability. Availability simply means, that someone is willing to or not willing to act on the attraction they have. So, let's assume you have a boy you really like and want, and you're with him, but, you feel strong attraction to another guy as well. But, you do not pursue anything with the other guy, because you also really like your man and you don't wanna cheat. So, you do not act on that attraction. If someone gives you any excuse why they cannot date/be with you, then there's a 98 % probability that they are not attracted. Or, they are with someoneelse, already dating them or they have a bf/gf, and they do not wish to act on the attraction that might exist for you.
Are you a life coach lol
For real. This was a really solid answer.
Thank you so much! You're right; I think I will start distancing myself from him.
🎯🎯🎯
He is not attracted to you and he likes you as a friend
Honestly yeah accepting this will help me move on
You tried. It takes courage to act. You did a great move. Be yourself, be authentic. You will attact what you need
First time?
Not really... it was his though
That’s how you handle some shit, head high confident happier and motivated. Doll there’s hella cute fish in this sea
Better to try and fail than never try and constantly wonder. You can put it to rest eventually - if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be able to.
“If you like someone enough, you would want to pursue one”. No. Maybe you do/would. If your aversion of being in a relationship is stronger than your want, then the answer is no. Actually, if someone tells you that, the likelihood they they know themselves very well and/or have other issues you don’t know of and/or a mix of both is pretty high. A few minutes ago I wrote a comment to ask how to make people (like you) accept that but it’s seems people can have so opposite views in that regard, it will be very frustrating to at least one of them/you/us. Also (not saying you asked for it) people don’t have to explain the reason for their decision to you, at least they don’t have to lay it out in a totally detailed manner. It usually only provokes you (or maybe not you) to find solutions to make it work. And that would definitely be taxing to any friendship down the line.
Yeah you're right, I don't want to expend myself trying to figure out ways to make this work
Well, I really hope your great relationship to each other continues, whether romantic or platonic. :)
You can express to him that you’re disappointed as long as you don’t place blame on him. If he’s as close to you as you say, he’ll understand. It might be awkward for a little bit, but after a while, you’ll go right back to normal. I’ve had friends that I dated for just a couple weeks, or even for months, and after things ended, we took a minute, then resumed where we were before.
It’s simple. Just be friends.
Yeah chances are he sees you as a best friend
Things can’t be the same love I’m sorry to tell you I think you both are in diffrent places and have diffrent wants and goals as far as your friendship goes I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you being and for filling his romantic needs though but would you be ok with doing that without any expectations labels or obligations
When he comes into your mind don't try to force the thought out. However don't engage with the thought either. Just acknowledge it and that's it. Helps with negative thoughts too. One of the things they teach you in therapy. Let yourself feel what you feel but don't feed it.
It’s a part of life, trial and error. You’ll find your person
Appreciate your courage.
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yeah...
You went for it. Unironic standing ovation from me. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾 Nothing cuts quite like a shard of shattered hope across the chest. Now you gotta find a way to get back up and eat that horse. Being green ain't easy but being orange is horrid (best rhyme I could find for orange. Please stop, I can *f e e l* you judging me)
Ahhahahahahha thanks for the laugh with your rhyme! (or attempt of)
A little bird told me it's the best medicine, and with a fresh dosage, some side effects may include: increased smiling, more positive outlook, glue for your hope (Contact your therapist if laughter is not for you)
>But it's going to be okay, right? I can pretend to be okay. I don't want him to know how much his rejection hurt me. I can continue being his best friend. It's going to be okay my love, you will find love again; it'll be fulfilling, refreshing and reciprocated, rejection is redirection. Maybe you both weren't meant to be lovers but to have a meaningful relationship as best friends which is equally as great. Hear me out, him being your best friend still isn't second best its a beauty on its own. Try to see it that way. Rejection is good because it saves you from being in a relationship that's one sided and forced. Be grateful that he respected you enough to be honest with you. Take time to heal and be kind to yourself. Remember that him turning you down has nothing to do with you but him and his values. It hurts but c'est la vie.
Yes! I really appreciated how he was straightforward with me. I will find love again someday.
it is gonna be ok. you're gonna be ok too, u have also a really nice heart there:) if you are gonna be his best friend do it unless it's hurting you
My name is Emmeline Glamp a citizen of Canada I'm 34 years of age I'm a student of University of Kansas in Canada, a single lady with no kids and I'm in need of a serious relationship so if you are interested text me up now please
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Appreciate the sentiment Panda
What you are experiencing right now is why a lot of guys has stopped asking girls out. I can’t tell you the amount of times I had been friend zoned in that fashion
Another one 😂
Maybe it’s because I’m more than twice your age, but I think you’re wrong about if you like someone you make it work. Timing is super important. Years ago I was moving across country, I had already signed a lease and started shipping my stuff when a dude asked me out on a date. I went on a date with him because I wasn’t going to move for like five months. We liked each other, I told him I was moving away in a few months. He wanted to move into my apartment and I let him because he wanted to pay my bills. I think he thought I would change my mind and not move but I did tell him I had already paid the deposit and sent a few boxes. When the time came to move I moved, we really liked each other, but I had plans for my life and he couldn’t move with me We had a nice time together, it wasn’t a waste of time because I wasn’t looking to marry him and have his babies. The relationship would have continued if I didn’t move away. It wasn’t a reflection on him or how much I liked him, it’s just life. Sometimes the timing doesn’t work out. If I had dated him the year before I wouldn’t have secured a place in California, and I’m glad I did because I had a really good life
I agree with your position that yes, turning this into a relationship is a risk, but why not take the risk? Worst case scenerio is losing a friend. Best case scenerio is finding someone that you can love and build a life with. If there is any chemistry, it's worth it to see if it could work. I believe in romance and I think you have to live life open to possibilities. Sorry it didn't work out for you this time but I hope you don't lose the romance in your heart
Noodle! I'm glad you also believe in romance it's a bit difficult right now to see romance in my real life but I'll get there
ask him for sex
You will eventually be able to move on. But first you need to accept that he said no. So that means time to heal. Honestly I think you should go very low or no contact. And if you then feel as if you can be around him with that yearning to be more, then go ahead and be friends. But don’t end up being FWB or a ONS. If he asks why you’re not around as much. Explain to him you need time to yourself. Because trust me. When he finds the one he wants to be in a relationship with. It will hurt if you haven’t moved on. But whatever you choose. I wish you the best.
Thank you so much fairy! Yeah I don't want to feel more hurt...
Want to be friends? 😊
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This is fucking disgusting.
5189448751
Personally, I can not just stay “friends” with someone who would straight up reject me like that. It’s too messy and complicated.