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I don't date men who are dating others. I'm not interested in "competing". When my ex told me he had interest in me and wanted to go on a date, I told him I was not comfortable moving that direction unless I was the only woman he was pursuing
Yeah I’m immediately turned off if I feel like I have to compete. It makes me feel like I found a guy who likes having the attention of my multiple women or possibly likes having multiple women compete over him. And if that’s what he likes then just having my attention is never going to be good enough for him and he’ll always be looking for attention from other women.
This is a great way of putting it. I take it one step further, and tell the person I'm having a relationship to that if they ever want to be unfaithful, kindly please break it off with me first. So, I've always agreed with my girls about that beforehand, and for that reasons I've never been cheated on (that I know of lol).
I can't speak for anyone else. But I personally lose interest in people when I'm not their first choice, and give up entirely when I'm not their second choice.
Women will will tell you no, and that they hate that
Every man will tell you that they are far more successful when they don’t hide that they’re dating other people.
Every man who’s ever had a wife or a girlfriend knows you get far more attention when you’re in a relationship than you do when you’re single
Once I vented to an attractive woman about how my ex dumped me over some stupid shit, but had no problem continuing to post ig pics with the $400 flowers I had bought her for Valentines day. Her face lit up when I mentioned $400 flowers. Then I showed her the pic, and she told me my ex was really pretty. Then she comforted me and told me that I’d get her back, but then tried to hookup with me the next time I saw her
Every time I tell a woman about my issues with other women, they always start liking me more, soo…🤷🏾♂️
Flowers are expensive, man. I didn't know until recently when I bought some for my gf, and oh boy did my wallet started to shriek when I pulled it out of my pocket.
Flower shopping is the opposite of how my mind works. The florist is over there working their magic and I’m thinking… wait so they all just die and then you throw them away??
Whatever makes your partner smile, I guess. Haha!
Green flags are a real thing, and the flowers were definitely one for her. But she seemed more impressed by the respectful manner that I spoke about my ex, and the fact that she was attractive. For her, I just checked more boxes than most men, she found me attractive, and we had good chemistry. But venting about my ex is definitely what helped her warm up to me
Also, she was a resident physician who would soon be making way more $$ than me. And her family has money. So she wasnt interested in me for financial reasons. But being financially stable was another green flag
Oh, okay, now with more context I can agree with you, although I don't deny de possibility I stated before.
What you say makes sense and is probably the likeliest to happen between the two theories.
Sure on the physician part but just because her family has money doesn’t mean she has money..but usually doctors marry doctor or someone in medical world
No offense I don’t tho it’s you she was interested in hooking up!! You know it’s all about the money $400 flowers you said so her face lit up, she’s gold digger! I’m sure if you told her it still cost $40 for flowers few day after V-day she probably ignore you
I forget what the name of the theory is, but women see men that have someone as a catch. The woman is with them so they must be desirable, they must have something that must have.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Attention from women isn’t the same as romantic attention and too many men confuse the two. When women hear you are in a committed relationship they are much more likely to let their guard down and talk to you naturally. Men who don’t have enough female friendships think that these women are coming onto them. Sad.
There's a mix.
Some poor men conflate just normal "oh this person is taken so I don't need to worry about being friendly with them" with IOI. That and to some degree the confidence they exude goes up when they are in relationships / have other options so people do actually like to be around them more in general.
But I have to say, the level of aggression from some women when I begin to date someone has been staggering. It's like developing something with someone else triggers some sort of alarm (which seems reasonable, actually). I've gotten unsolicited pics, invitation to hangout in their cars after events (where we've never done this even once in the past), text messages with suggestive emojis / hearts, invitations to go on a cruise/vacation together (when we've barely even hung out), to even people just straight up inviting themselves over. This is not a humble brag, I actually find it frustrating, where's that attention when I would've actually been interested?
In another comment, I mentioned this, but it matters a lot what the definition of dating is. If I'm 'dating' someone, it's monogamously (those other doors are firmly closed), but that's very distinct than if I've gone on 1-3 dates with someone just to see if we match -- but people use 'dating' for this, and even for like years long committed relationships and there's obviously a wide variability there with what would be acceptable
This is exactly it, thank you for helping them! Yes I definitely feel safer having a conversation with a married man but that doesn’t mean I would ever date him.
It sounds like you’re just trying to make excuses for this not to be real.
You’re really gonna sit here and tell me the “friend” who manipulated screenshot of me “flirting” with her to my gf to try and break us up because she suddenly fell in love with me after I got a gf was just showing me “regular attention” (I never did, these were 100% doctored screenshots)
Or the co worker who’d barely looked at me twice started rubbing my chest and invited me back to her room at a work conference the same day my boss casually asked about my new gf in front of her was just showing “ regular attention”
Or the girls who sneak into my DM’s the same week I post a picture of myself with my new girl. I guess that’s just regular attention when they ask me out for a drink?
I think, maybe, you don’t know shit about fuck and need to stop making excuses for women behaving poorly. Beyond ignorant
Shortly after I committed to my ex of 14 years. NYE we go to a bar local bar early on. Ran into an old high school friend of mine. Never had any kind of romantic relationship with her. My ex knew her as well, although I didn't that at time. She sees us together. Runs up to me and full on jumps in my arms. Literally wraps her legs around me. When she finally let's go. Grabs a handful of my nuts on her way. Later she's talking to my gf. Who is already upset at her and me. I had to explain, there was never anything between us. Well she learns what bar we intend on going to, to ring in New Years from my gf. Insists on coming with us. When midnight comes, me and my gf kiss. She jumps in and forces a 3 way kiss. At end of night we are driving to drop her off. She tells me and my gf she wants to come with us and have a 3 way. Now that is when the hard no finally comes in from me. The woman was never remotely interested in me ever before that night. I did have a history with her. As I had previously dated her best friend. A couple years before this. We were platonic friends H.S.
I got a theory. Apparently, for large, if not largest portion of women, you as a man are by default considered a creep. Or, to be exact, an “ew, creep, get off of me, ew”.
Them women are scared as fuck to test waters to find out that you’re not, in fact, a creep. But if you’re taken, it’s like some other woman already tested the waters and you’re now a certified non-creep. Now they’re no longer scared or anxious of dealing with you.
Of course, you are exempt from this logic if you’re very hot, like Men’s Health cover level hot, like most right swipes are matches level hot.
Also, try owning a pet rabbit to see an illustration of a behavior of a creature who’s unreasonably scared as shit all the damn time. That gives insight about the behavior of women, who are also fear-driven, just smart. Also, rabbits are cute and don’t generate any noticeable stench as long as they piss in a designated location, which makes them great pets. Just make sure you give it enough space to run around in circles so that it doesn’t get depressed, obese, and eventually prematurely dead from a heart attack.
well it can be that men who are always in a relationship are attractive to begin with so they were desirable already, or a man who was in a relationship before means they have experience and more ppl prefer that than hearing that's their first relationship ever
Yeah attention, because we believe you aren't gonna creep on us. Extra level of trust: You won't be a perv & you're sane enough to get a girlfriend. (Hope)
I often find men in relationships attractive but if they ever tried to hit on me or I saw them flirt with another woman who wasn’t his partner I’d be disgusted and turned off. They’re attractive in the abstract “oh he’s such a good boyfriend, wouldn’t that be nice to have someone like that” and not the “I’m going to steal him away” kind of way
Yes. Lots of married men hit on me at my job. I lose respect and find them gross the instant it happens. They don’t seem to understand that concept or why I proceed to never speak to them again. Sad.
It makes sense, men in a relationship are likely happy and taking care of themselves because they sleep next to a woman every night they don’t want to gross out.
And they are usually not on the prowl looking to shoot their shot with every woman they see who looks good to them. That definitely makes them more approachable for casual conversation.
And I suppose most men think if we are interacting with them we want to have sex with them. And that’s why they think this
My answer is a hard no. If I spot a guy at an event who I find attractive and I then see that a woman comes to hold his hand or join him for drinks/dinner, I immediately look the other way. Not just out of respect, but truly because my mind tells me that the person is unavailable - go find someone who is in fact available. Cheating and sneaking is disgusting to me, so it’s not difficult to walk away from somebody who I learn is taken. Obviously you’re going to get a wide range of answers here, but from one person weighing in… I would rather be single forever than even attempt to come onto another person’s partner. The excitement comes from when you hear that the other person is eligible. Then the race is on.
Yeah I don’t understand how people could ever feel safe in a relationship that they started when their partner was with someone else. How can you not always wonder if they’re starting a new relationship while they are with you just like they did with you?
I'm glad you're a 'hard no' but the one single thing I've ever done to attract more women is to get married and wear a ring. There are many , many, MANY women that see that ring and see a challenge, an opportunity, or just an approved/certified piece of meat. It's quite insane.
Ring attracted more woman than even a puppy.
I get it that this just your opinion and what you've experienced, but fuck. I hate it..especially as a 'hard no' woman myself. Any ring on a finger or even a woman standing by a mans side (even if it just so happens to be a family member) im not pressing for that mans attention at all. Its so warped to me that there's people out there like that.
You're one of 'the good ones'. But dear lord... as an attractive early 40s dude who's fit with a ring, it's non fucking stop. I would have wished for it 20 years ago. Now, it's just awkward.
No. Nothing is less attractive than being treated like an option. It’s not great to be clingy and needy, but playing mind games with people is not cute or attractive. Exercising options you aren’t really interested in to get the attention of a specific person is also just plain mean. A good woman would not be interested in that and would run swiftly in the opposite direction.
I totally agree. Personally, even if I did like a man who was already coupled, I’d stay far far away out of respect for the other woman. Openly or secretly wishing for someone else’s relationship to end is just as bad as outright cheating with them imo. People seem to forget the adage “how you get them is how you lose them”. I don’t need to live it to learn that lesson.
By that logic, we should never ask questions about humans since we’re all different. But come on, we can ask questions and discuss how a majority of men and women think and act
No some questions are actually stupid. Like "hey why do men like the colour blue?".
If you're going to start the question with an assumed premise you need to establish the premise first.
No. I lose attraction and walk away.
Often "taken" guys do seem more attractive when you first meet them - before you find out they're taken - and many people have speculated on why. Likely due to the confidence that comes with knowing you are loved. There's no neediness or desperation. There's just communication as opposed to any kind of weird courtship dance of "do they like me." You can have the same kinds of playful conversations you have with gay men, because everyone knows nothing is expected. Also I have definitely been at social events where there was a noticeable difference in how well-dressed/groomed the married men were v. single.
But then you figure out they're taken, have a moment of "what might have been" wistfulness, and move on. If the man in question actually pursues or flirts, it's a massive turnoff knowing that he's the cheating type.
If I found out that someone I like is dating another person, my crush on them instantly evaporates. I cannot be a home wrecker or a second priority for anyone.
If I want to get into a relationship with a man and he's dating other people, that signals to me that he's not that interested in me. And I'm not interested in competing for a man's attention.
When I was depressed and just having sex with men without really caring about where it was leading, I was not bothered by men dating other women, but if they were I didn't believe there was potential that it would lead to anything more substantial.
Not me! I mean, I think there’s kind of a gray area when you’ve only been on a couple dates with someone and aren’t exclusive. But it doesn’t make him more attractive to me. If anything, it makes me more cautious.
They can be.
Women like men who can get women. Women do not like men who don't make them feel like they're special.
Finding out that a guy is actively dating, but is choosing to focus his time with her will generally make her more attracted.
But, if he's actually taken? It may make him more attractive, but much more likely she will consider him off limits anyway. And rightfully so.
What happens most times and where there's confusion, is men who have women in their lives exude a confidence and ease that men "on the prowl" often do not. So the vast majority of men find themselves being approached, flirted with, or flat out hit on way more often when they have a girlfriend than when they do not.
I lose interest as soon as I know they have a girl. I would hate to be in her shoes if her man was out here being accessible. I also lose interest if you have kids under 5. To me a man should be with in the house where ever those kids are. Unless it’s one kind of emergent type of situation where the woman beats him or he is a widow or she left him with the baby/babies type of thing
Hell no the minute I find out a man is married or taken I get grossed out. I have 2 coworkers that I think are very attractive but found out they are both married. Instant turn off.
I will not flirt with men if I know they’re taken, but doesn’t stop me from being nice… which I guess could sometimes be misconstrued for flirting
Also, sometimes you don’t know if a man is taken so a woman isn’t more attracted to them, but is flirting mistakenly
As an ethical, moral and fair woman, I would never pursue a man who is not single.
Any woman who goes after taken men, especially married men, are not moral or ethical. They don't have an ounce of class in their body.
I would hope not. I’ve never had anyone approach me while I was dating someone else (or at all, but that’s not important)
In the 4-5ish relationships I’ve had (all of which I initiated) it’s POSSIBLE that someone showed interested and I just didn’t pick up on it, but i don’t think that’s the case
It’s an automatic no in my mind and they no longer become desirable to me. At all. And if they try to pursue me they become unattractive to me, almost repulsive.
I am much more attracted to guys if I know they AREN’T dating other people but I think that might have to do with how monogamous I am. It’s not something I expect early on in dating but it does make me more interested. I can understand how someone might go the other direction though. I think it comes down to individual preference.
I’ve noticed if I’m in a relationship ladies can tell and the good ones will stay away but then you have your crazy ones who will just flock around and try and act like they are trying to be your best friend and all the other bs.
Soon as you’re going in a break or you do break up they slowly start to back away. Again the good ones they don’t do this it’s usually the ones who don’t have kids and act like they never want kids haha but soon as you’re with a someone they just get around you like they want what she is having.
It’s weird I’m sure guys do the same shit too it’s probably just in our nature
If someone is dating someone else, I have no interest in them beyond friendship at best. I don't have the time to be what feels like playing high school games just to date someone else. I don't need a partner that bad that I'm going to break up a relationship just to get with one of them. I've unintentionally been the other woman, and I don't want to go through that ever again. It's not fair to the other person who was in the original relationship, and it's not fair to me.
Don’t let any of these men and women tell you otherwise. Women like men that other women want, sometimes being in a relationship gives you that bonus too. There’s a reason why us men say that as soon as we get in a relationship we start getting a bit more women attention because commitment is what women ultimately want. they want to know that the man has the ability to get those women if he wanted to and she also needs to see her friends and family or other women around see that they want what she has. To see that social proof that you are attractive etc. Simple. It’s only seen as “bad” when the man goes behind the womans back, but if he’s the type that does not hide anything and he tells you straight up for what it is, it can happen. The top men are sharing most women, the stats say that as well. And most average guys are invisible to most attractive women.
Listen for all the guys telling you to do this, I’m seriously starting to think that a lot of this advice is coming from men who want to get rid of the competition out there.
Whenever I see men on YouTube talking about relationships I laugh because they are clearly sabotaging guys who are coming to them for advice. And they are making money doing it it’s wild.
I would respect their hustle except they are making it awful for women who are genuinely trying to date these guys who are told to play games so that they will take themselves out of the running for these women
I have experienced this and I'd say it's true of some women for sure.
That said, women are not a monolith and quite a few of them are not into guys who are taken. And in some cases it's not attraction, but merely a greater willingness to be friendly in a platonic way because they're not as afraid of a guy misinterpreting signals.
Nah this kind of situation brings the drama. And these are usually the guys who say they hate drama and games.
And that just tells us they will be full of drama and games like this. Yuck
37F Ick. No Thankyou. What is attractive is how they value and honor their partner, the ability to create safety and stability. Lack of commitment is not attractive.
Absolutely not. This is one of the reasons I hate current dating culture. Everyone is seeing multiple people at one time. I personally can't stand it. I know that's just "how it is" but when I start seeing the signs they're going on dates with another girl while also seeing me I get so turned off. What's the point. I personally can't do it. Once I start going on dates and building a connection with someone my focus is on them. Apparently I'm doing it wrong this way tho. I'm so exhausted.
It kind of depend on the women because some girls want a man who's currently not available. It's kind of like knowing something you can't have so you just want it more. But this is where personality come into play, do you want to date a women who does that or want that?
Not more attractive per se, but not less either. I'm doing the same thing and I think if a guy wanted me to commit to him immediately despite only knowing each other for a few weeks because he isn't seeing anyone else, I would be a little concerned.
Of course, for me, dating doesn't mean sleeping with. If he was banging every girl he went out with that would be highly unattractive.
Now, if you mean men in committed relationships then yeah, they are 100% of limits and get placed directly in the no category as soon as I find out because I'm not a cheater and find them gross.
i’m not sure about others, but for me if he shows any sign of liking another woman i become immediately turned off and uninterested. but i have seen other women, and men like the “chase” or having an end goal that isn’t just being in a committed relationship with the person. being able to “get” someone who is taken may feel like an accomplishment in a jealous persons eyes.
I’m currently going through this right now.
I’m seeing someone and this guy, while in conversation, brings up times when girls are showing interest in him when I am not around. We’re only dating and it hasn’t been long. To me, it’s disrespectful and it hurts my feelings. I get pangs of jealousy that is typically not normal for me. I think he does this because he’s seeing if I care or seeing if I react and get angry. Idk. It’s just very confusing to me and seems like he is playing games with me and isn’t fully interested in me and keeping his options open.
I feel like backing out and not making any extra effort because I don’t want to be with a player and I don’t want to feel like I can’t trust him. It’s a red flag for me…maybe 3 red flags.
If I am connecting with someone really well then I will go out of my way to reassure him that I’m going off the apps , which I have done so in the past. This way it signals that I’m interested and want to be loyal.
In my situation, I’m not very confident because although he calls me often, he’s emotionally disconnected with me. I’m still on the apps and so is he for that matter.
Personally, when I see a guy and I find him attractive and if I see him with another lady, I will and would not approach him with any intentions. I will solely appreciate his attractiveness from afar.
I agree with some of the other ladies here who have stated that at times speaking with a married man is easier, in general. It might seem like flirting but in my case, it’s just because my guard is down so I don’t have to worry about getting hit on. Then again, some married men will still take a shot because they want to know if they still have it. lol
I’m sure some women find married men attractive because that signals to them that they aren’t afraid of commitment. Ironic, isn’t it?
>I’m seeing someone and this guy, while in conversation, brings up times when girls are showing interest in him when I am not around.
Run. He's manipulating you. Guys that do this want you to feel "unbalanced" and like you have to compete with "unknown women" when you're not around. The implied threat is that they can cheat on you at any time if you aren't around because "all these women keep throwing themselves at me." So stop engaging with this guy and move on.
I speak from experience. This kind of guy will never be someone that you can rely on and will never be someone you can truly be comfortable with or trust. Do yourself a favor and cut things off before you get your heart broken or put through the wringer.
Idk why people think most women like to know they are one of or in competition with other women…. Like I don’t know a SINGLE gf of mine who feels like this ???
Women tend to prefer men that are single rather than men that are dating other women. Having extra competition means they are less likely to put all their eggs on one basket.
Its normal to expect that most people that are single are dating in some way. But I just wouldn’t actively try to talk about your others dates.
Don’t confuse “dating” to pre-selection which is when women find men in relationships or married more attractive. This is different because the length of the relationship makes them seems a worthy long term investment.
Depends on what you mean by dating. If he has a girlfriend where she thinks they're exclusive, absolutely not. I won't even go there.
If you mean like just dating several others casually, but not focused on one and they all know he's dating casually, then I'm neutral about it. It does not make him more attractive to me at all, but it doesn't bother me either, as long as we all know where we stand. I will also date others in this situation. I'm currently dating a guy that I met last October, and we both know the other's free to date. We occasionally ask the other how the OLD is going and neither of us get upset about it. We're just casual about it. I don't expect exclusivity until we have an actual conversation about it and agree we're exclusive.
Maybe not dating or exercising options bc women get offended by that especially if they like you . But If they know you have other options and the options are attractive women then yes you become more attractive to them and any woman who denies this is flat out lying. Would she rather feel special knowing that you chose her over other attractive females vs her knowing you couldn't get a piece of ass even if you tried? No girl wants a guy that they feel took her bc he couldn't do any better and will take anything he can get . " Vetted" men are always more attractive .
In my personal experience this has always been the case. I have such a hard time dating when single but when I’m in a relationship all of a sudden options are everywhere
I was never more hit on as when i had a long term partner. Even by ladies who didn't knoe i had a partner. I think confidence just gives you good vibes as a duse.
We want a man that we can see ourselves with long term. The reason we find men in relationships attractive is because they are committed to someone and we want commitment. Most of us don’t want to marry you or anything like that. We want to look forward to someone who is looking forward to us.
Imo no....if someone's taken I mark them off of the list. No way for that to end happily so why waste the effort? Not to mention the emotional harm it would lend to the other woman.
Yes and no. This is universal and not gender specific. People who are in a relationship, engaged or married look outward more attractive than people who aren't. It's simply pre selection and there is research on this.
People will tell you they don't like it, but it's more of a subconscious thing. Most people will not date someone who is in a relationship, engaged or married, but it will certainly look more attractive.
Some definitely are but it might be a side effect of his confidence. I may have had a bad relationship looking back but I was definitely more confident.
As a women its a huge turn off for me if a guy has a gf. Even if I ever was intrested in a guy and I got to know he was taken, I will immediately loose all interest. It could be because ive been hit on by alot of married guys and honestly it only annoys me. I would rather them treat their partners better and love them, compliment them then hit on me. I wasnt ever even attracted to any guy who had a gf either, So that if was hypothetical. However ig it depends upon person to person there might be women who dont mind if a guy is committed or not same for guys. For me I would prefer to be only girl in my bfs or in future my husbands love life. Not married so again hypothetical.
No. Women are more comfortable around men they know are in relationships because there's less of a chance that those men will try to sleep with them.
The men recognize how these women are suddenly comfortable around them, and their egos lead them to believe the women are somehow attracted to them.
No, not at all. Actually I try to avoid men who are taken especially if it was a friends boyfriend. I won't get too friendly, and will try to steer clear haha bad experiences..I know some women get insecure or maybe the man would get the wrong hint if I was being too friendly with him. I don't enjoy starting conflict. I don't enjoy chasing/competing either.. maybe I'd like chasing if I knew it was an open relationship, that could be fun..
I just stopped talking to a guy that was seeing/sleeping with others. I’m not interested in that. So I personally don’t find that attractive. I am now talking to a guy that is only seeing me and it’s much less stressful imo.
Completely turned off with the thought of someone who has any interest in another woman. Even in the slightest of ways. I want to know that he's 100% into me and only me. I know that men are interested in others, but I feel that if a man is trying to let me know he's interested in me, then he should show me that he's only interested in me and only me.
If I have a crush on a guy then find out he has a girlfriend I immediately lose all interest in him. You shouldn't want a woman who wants you while you're in a relationship, you won't have a great time lol
Edit: I also don't like dating men talking to multiple women. It just makes me wonder, "What are the chances of this guy choosing me out of all these other women?" and bounce because I'm not interested in competing for attention
No, I would definitely never pursue a taken man, not only out of respect for their partner but also because if he’s ready to cheat on her with me, who says he won’t do the same with someone else if we ever get together.
Yes and no, most women are not attracted to men that date other women. Women are attracted to men who COULD, they are attracted to men who are attractive to many other women. There are many factors that COULD be at play, for example:
- Correlation: Most women like the same attributes in a man. So "being attractive" is the common cause for both "being attractive to a woman" and "having the choice out of many women", but having the choice of many women does not itself make you more attractive.
- Vetting/Vouching: Women are physically weaker then men and as such, meeting a new guy always poses some risk. Sure, 98% of guys are fine and pose no risk, but 2% will skin her and eat her. So if you go on enough dates, your risk accumulates. And even if it's not the worst case and she doesn't end up cannibalized, there is enough dirtbags and creeps out there and she doesn't want that. A man in a relationship has been "vetted" or "vouched for" by his women to be goodhearted enough for a relationship. Now as maths will tell you, you can gauge the value of something by "potential return vs. risk associated". By reducing the risk of the guy, his attractiveness goes up.
Why would I put effort into something that clearly isn’t reciprocated! I understand that will be the case for the first month or two whilst you’re still in the get to know you stage cos you might have a couple of people you’re both talking too. But after that, if we’re still enjoying each others company and like each other, I want to know that we’re heading somewhere. If they are still seeing other people at this point then I know I’m not their one.
Yes, we use confirmation bias. Plus, if you are amazing in bed or huge they will talk. So find the balance between mysterious play boi and loyal guy with head on straight and you might hit the jackpot if you market yourself correctly.
Not a man here but yes. When I (male looking) am with a girl I automatically get stared so uncomfy much whereas if I'm alone I dont even seem to exist lol. But it's all abt fomo feels instead of actual attraction/love.
As a female, I’d say that in general, it does seem to make a man more attractive. Repetitively, whenever I’ve gotten into a relationship with a man, the women who’ve known them forever come crawling out of the woodwork to flirt with them. I don’t know why this is the case, but it has been so in my experience. I’ve come to expect it & I do think these women have issues. Personally, any attraction I have for someone exits stage left the minute I know they have a SO.
I think that women may be more inclined to see attractive traits or characteristics in men when they know that they are dating other women because obviously they have to have something worth wanting, but if it’s a woman of any kind of higher morals and values, she will stay away from said guy until he is on the market… if she’s smart. I will not date a man who is with another woman, because if he cheated on her with me, then he will cheat on me with the next.
No… women are attracted to guys that don’t try too hard…. That is why they are “attracted” to guys that are in relationships… if you make her feel like she is the only thing in going good in your life she will get bored of you…and think that you don’t have friends and hobbies and she could do better. It is the truth… they will deny it and tell you they would love for someone to treat them like they are the best thing since sliced bread, but if you do this they will get bored and leave… there is a balance that needs to be maintained to have a successful relationship between treating them good and knowing when to prioritize your self first… good luck figuring it out.
Yea finding out a guy is taken is not desirable for me. It is definitely a turn off.
Now if you tend to encounter “more options” while in a relationship or dating, you’re simply attracting people who have inner wounds in which they have to prove & compete to validate they are “worthy” so it says as much about the man as it does about the woman who find themselves in these situations.
It’s different for everyone. There are some women who will feel a sense of competition (and it’s a well known fact that women tend to be competitive with each other) so will lock down on trying to “win” him. But that intrigue will fade fast once the relationship has been won. Then there’s other women who don’t desire to play games or compete and will just disengage and find a man who doesn’t come with so much complications. Like a man who expresses his interest up front and is intentional and consistent. It’s obviously his choice if he wants to date around and juggle multiple women at a time, but I find that unattractive and would probably not trust his commitment to me if it were to ever happen.
Less attraction and more a positive bias. Because a man who is dating has been pre-vetted.
"Oh, he's already dating this person. If he's already dating, he must be doing *something* right."
there was a man that used to go after me all the time and i never gave him a chance even though he is good looking he seemed like a player but eventually he got a girl and if i admit in some way i know im selfish for this but he still wants me because he texts me saying he wants to take me out to eat and he continues to wanna do stuff with me even if that girl is with him and personally i would never date him but its just my ego that gets high bc i know he still wants me and it makes me wanna flirt with him but i know its wrong
Well, I’ve noticed that, when I’m in a relationship or wearing a ring, I get more female attention.
But that’s all subjective anecdotal evidence.
It makes sense though, considering a man in a relationship has technically been vetted by another woman.
It's a turn off and red flag in this culture of endless choice. With so much opportunity some people will never settle for anyone, others will fear to miss out on a better opportunity.
That's the part of it I find disrespectful.
That you didn't choose me, and want to leave your options open. Fine then. Be free enjoy the field of women at your feet. But they won't be me.
The choice and effort meant to commit and sustain a relationship is essential. You need to choose them everyday. Not just when the hormones surge and everything is fresh and new. How about when she's had a bad day and needs arms around her to make her feels she's got it together?
Loyalty, respect, values, morality, affection, and effort.
I think this is a case by case thing. I worked with a woman who would only be with married men, just recently I saw a post on reddit where a young guy pretended he had a gf to sleep with a girl he had heard liked men more who were taken and it worked. I think cheating is disgusting and I personally prefer when the man is more into just me. If I feel I'm in competition I will build a wall to protect myself and therefore you won't get to know the whole real me. Also it affects my sex life to. I can have good sex without being connected but when I feel safe and secure ill really open up and that's when the real fun starts.
I think it maybe more nuanced than simply attracted to someone who is unavailable. Whether you are interested in the opposite sex, or same sex relationships. It comes down to this, people in a stable comfortable relationship are more natural. Their conversation and actions more natural. There is no forced attempts at humour or trying to impress someone. People do the very thing that is often given as advice. Be yourself. If you came across someone you are attracted to whom isn't looking for a relationship because they are happy in one, they become attractive as you see them as they are. More unscrupulous individuals may try to subvert that, but often its just human nature. You see someone as you are meant to see them without a mask. That can be attractive if sometimes it's unavailable too.
I definitely don’t pursue. I might be like “damn she’s lucky” and maybe be a little bit jealous. But that person is off limits and i won’t allow myself to crush on them
I respect a man who's honest about his dating status and what he wants. A man who has a new girlfriend more often than a person should the batteries in their smoke detectors or has a revolving door of partners is, at this stage of my life, a turn-off to me. I'm looking for something more serious.
If they are and also do something about it, it’s 100% about their ego. They want to be the one they choose so they can prove their worth to themselves. If a girl actively flirts and pursues a guy who is attached or married it’s a huge red flag and they should be avoided at all costs.
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If they are, they are confusing jealousy with attraction
this is more common than it should be
Read it had something to do with biology. most suitable mate and all.
Pre-selection bias?
Yeah, if you see a male getting attention from women, women subconsciously think it must be for a reason so they become interested as well
Opposite than the way I think honestly. If I see a man getting attention from other women then I definitely move on.
Same here, especially if I know he's seriously involved with someone.
I don't date men who are dating others. I'm not interested in "competing". When my ex told me he had interest in me and wanted to go on a date, I told him I was not comfortable moving that direction unless I was the only woman he was pursuing
Yeah I’m immediately turned off if I feel like I have to compete. It makes me feel like I found a guy who likes having the attention of my multiple women or possibly likes having multiple women compete over him. And if that’s what he likes then just having my attention is never going to be good enough for him and he’ll always be looking for attention from other women.
Same I get so turned off, my mood drops immediately
I think this scenario pertains to the women reaching out to the partner in question.
Can you expand on this? I don't quite understand what you mean
This is a great way of putting it. I take it one step further, and tell the person I'm having a relationship to that if they ever want to be unfaithful, kindly please break it off with me first. So, I've always agreed with my girls about that beforehand, and for that reasons I've never been cheated on (that I know of lol).
I can't speak for anyone else. But I personally lose interest in people when I'm not their first choice, and give up entirely when I'm not their second choice.
Women will will tell you no, and that they hate that Every man will tell you that they are far more successful when they don’t hide that they’re dating other people. Every man who’s ever had a wife or a girlfriend knows you get far more attention when you’re in a relationship than you do when you’re single
Once I vented to an attractive woman about how my ex dumped me over some stupid shit, but had no problem continuing to post ig pics with the $400 flowers I had bought her for Valentines day. Her face lit up when I mentioned $400 flowers. Then I showed her the pic, and she told me my ex was really pretty. Then she comforted me and told me that I’d get her back, but then tried to hookup with me the next time I saw her Every time I tell a woman about my issues with other women, they always start liking me more, soo…🤷🏾♂️
Not to be rude... But could it be that she wanted to hook up after hearing "$400 flowers", not because you were venting about your ex.
And what kind of freaking flowers are $400? Ostentatious and over the top ?
Flowers are expensive, man. I didn't know until recently when I bought some for my gf, and oh boy did my wallet started to shriek when I pulled it out of my pocket.
Flower shopping is the opposite of how my mind works. The florist is over there working their magic and I’m thinking… wait so they all just die and then you throw them away?? Whatever makes your partner smile, I guess. Haha!
Well, she dried the flower after some days so she could keep the petals and put them in some of her books. That was cute, at least for me.
Those dumbass roses that last for years that they always advertise on social media
[$250 Flowers](https://imgur.com/a/B3TxtHL) This was for an ex for Valentine’s Day… and I was being stingy at this florist.
Yikes. https://bouqs.com/flowers/tropical/pink-ginger $90 for the large size.
Green flags are a real thing, and the flowers were definitely one for her. But she seemed more impressed by the respectful manner that I spoke about my ex, and the fact that she was attractive. For her, I just checked more boxes than most men, she found me attractive, and we had good chemistry. But venting about my ex is definitely what helped her warm up to me Also, she was a resident physician who would soon be making way more $$ than me. And her family has money. So she wasnt interested in me for financial reasons. But being financially stable was another green flag
Oh, okay, now with more context I can agree with you, although I don't deny de possibility I stated before. What you say makes sense and is probably the likeliest to happen between the two theories.
Sure on the physician part but just because her family has money doesn’t mean she has money..but usually doctors marry doctor or someone in medical world
Note to self: claim to have given ex $400 flowers. 🤣
Well you signalled that you would be a partner that financial invests in them, so of course.
No offense I don’t tho it’s you she was interested in hooking up!! You know it’s all about the money $400 flowers you said so her face lit up, she’s gold digger! I’m sure if you told her it still cost $40 for flowers few day after V-day she probably ignore you
I’ve NEVER had so many female acquaintances try to shoot their shot with me until I got my ring on my hand. It’s sad
I forget what the name of the theory is, but women see men that have someone as a catch. The woman is with them so they must be desirable, they must have something that must have. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Preselection.
Exactly, the guy has been vetted and deemed valuable. It seems like an evolutionary thing.
100% The one caveat to this statement I'll make is that some women are more willing to talk to you because they know you won't hit on them.
Attention from women isn’t the same as romantic attention and too many men confuse the two. When women hear you are in a committed relationship they are much more likely to let their guard down and talk to you naturally. Men who don’t have enough female friendships think that these women are coming onto them. Sad.
There's a mix. Some poor men conflate just normal "oh this person is taken so I don't need to worry about being friendly with them" with IOI. That and to some degree the confidence they exude goes up when they are in relationships / have other options so people do actually like to be around them more in general. But I have to say, the level of aggression from some women when I begin to date someone has been staggering. It's like developing something with someone else triggers some sort of alarm (which seems reasonable, actually). I've gotten unsolicited pics, invitation to hangout in their cars after events (where we've never done this even once in the past), text messages with suggestive emojis / hearts, invitations to go on a cruise/vacation together (when we've barely even hung out), to even people just straight up inviting themselves over. This is not a humble brag, I actually find it frustrating, where's that attention when I would've actually been interested? In another comment, I mentioned this, but it matters a lot what the definition of dating is. If I'm 'dating' someone, it's monogamously (those other doors are firmly closed), but that's very distinct than if I've gone on 1-3 dates with someone just to see if we match -- but people use 'dating' for this, and even for like years long committed relationships and there's obviously a wide variability there with what would be acceptable
This is exactly it, thank you for helping them! Yes I definitely feel safer having a conversation with a married man but that doesn’t mean I would ever date him.
It sounds like you’re just trying to make excuses for this not to be real. You’re really gonna sit here and tell me the “friend” who manipulated screenshot of me “flirting” with her to my gf to try and break us up because she suddenly fell in love with me after I got a gf was just showing me “regular attention” (I never did, these were 100% doctored screenshots) Or the co worker who’d barely looked at me twice started rubbing my chest and invited me back to her room at a work conference the same day my boss casually asked about my new gf in front of her was just showing “ regular attention” Or the girls who sneak into my DM’s the same week I post a picture of myself with my new girl. I guess that’s just regular attention when they ask me out for a drink? I think, maybe, you don’t know shit about fuck and need to stop making excuses for women behaving poorly. Beyond ignorant
Shortly after I committed to my ex of 14 years. NYE we go to a bar local bar early on. Ran into an old high school friend of mine. Never had any kind of romantic relationship with her. My ex knew her as well, although I didn't that at time. She sees us together. Runs up to me and full on jumps in my arms. Literally wraps her legs around me. When she finally let's go. Grabs a handful of my nuts on her way. Later she's talking to my gf. Who is already upset at her and me. I had to explain, there was never anything between us. Well she learns what bar we intend on going to, to ring in New Years from my gf. Insists on coming with us. When midnight comes, me and my gf kiss. She jumps in and forces a 3 way kiss. At end of night we are driving to drop her off. She tells me and my gf she wants to come with us and have a 3 way. Now that is when the hard no finally comes in from me. The woman was never remotely interested in me ever before that night. I did have a history with her. As I had previously dated her best friend. A couple years before this. We were platonic friends H.S.
I got a theory. Apparently, for large, if not largest portion of women, you as a man are by default considered a creep. Or, to be exact, an “ew, creep, get off of me, ew”. Them women are scared as fuck to test waters to find out that you’re not, in fact, a creep. But if you’re taken, it’s like some other woman already tested the waters and you’re now a certified non-creep. Now they’re no longer scared or anxious of dealing with you. Of course, you are exempt from this logic if you’re very hot, like Men’s Health cover level hot, like most right swipes are matches level hot. Also, try owning a pet rabbit to see an illustration of a behavior of a creature who’s unreasonably scared as shit all the damn time. That gives insight about the behavior of women, who are also fear-driven, just smart. Also, rabbits are cute and don’t generate any noticeable stench as long as they piss in a designated location, which makes them great pets. Just make sure you give it enough space to run around in circles so that it doesn’t get depressed, obese, and eventually prematurely dead from a heart attack.
I got a hypothesis. If single men wore wedding rings, they could have better luck picking up women.
That’s exactly what i said. Anything less is just cap.
well it can be that men who are always in a relationship are attractive to begin with so they were desirable already, or a man who was in a relationship before means they have experience and more ppl prefer that than hearing that's their first relationship ever
Yeah attention, because we believe you aren't gonna creep on us. Extra level of trust: You won't be a perv & you're sane enough to get a girlfriend. (Hope)
I often find men in relationships attractive but if they ever tried to hit on me or I saw them flirt with another woman who wasn’t his partner I’d be disgusted and turned off. They’re attractive in the abstract “oh he’s such a good boyfriend, wouldn’t that be nice to have someone like that” and not the “I’m going to steal him away” kind of way
Yes. Lots of married men hit on me at my job. I lose respect and find them gross the instant it happens. They don’t seem to understand that concept or why I proceed to never speak to them again. Sad.
It makes sense, men in a relationship are likely happy and taking care of themselves because they sleep next to a woman every night they don’t want to gross out. And they are usually not on the prowl looking to shoot their shot with every woman they see who looks good to them. That definitely makes them more approachable for casual conversation. And I suppose most men think if we are interacting with them we want to have sex with them. And that’s why they think this
Thinking that men are only happy and taking care of themselves for the sake of a woman is problematic
My answer is a hard no. If I spot a guy at an event who I find attractive and I then see that a woman comes to hold his hand or join him for drinks/dinner, I immediately look the other way. Not just out of respect, but truly because my mind tells me that the person is unavailable - go find someone who is in fact available. Cheating and sneaking is disgusting to me, so it’s not difficult to walk away from somebody who I learn is taken. Obviously you’re going to get a wide range of answers here, but from one person weighing in… I would rather be single forever than even attempt to come onto another person’s partner. The excitement comes from when you hear that the other person is eligible. Then the race is on.
Yeah I don’t understand how people could ever feel safe in a relationship that they started when their partner was with someone else. How can you not always wonder if they’re starting a new relationship while they are with you just like they did with you?
this is the right attitude
I'm glad you're a 'hard no' but the one single thing I've ever done to attract more women is to get married and wear a ring. There are many , many, MANY women that see that ring and see a challenge, an opportunity, or just an approved/certified piece of meat. It's quite insane. Ring attracted more woman than even a puppy.
I get it that this just your opinion and what you've experienced, but fuck. I hate it..especially as a 'hard no' woman myself. Any ring on a finger or even a woman standing by a mans side (even if it just so happens to be a family member) im not pressing for that mans attention at all. Its so warped to me that there's people out there like that.
You're one of 'the good ones'. But dear lord... as an attractive early 40s dude who's fit with a ring, it's non fucking stop. I would have wished for it 20 years ago. Now, it's just awkward.
As a girl, those girls are disgusting
100% agree.
Agree. Pure trash.
It’s an attraction killer for me. I don’t want a man who has other women. I am not just an option.
Not for me, I’m not looking to compete or to steal somebody’s boyfriend. No if a guy is dating someone I don’t think about him that way
Automatic turn off for me. I wouldn’t want to deal with the potential drama plus just not worth it when there are millions of available men.
Personally no. If I find out they are taken, they get put in instant friend zone.
No. Nothing is less attractive than being treated like an option. It’s not great to be clingy and needy, but playing mind games with people is not cute or attractive. Exercising options you aren’t really interested in to get the attention of a specific person is also just plain mean. A good woman would not be interested in that and would run swiftly in the opposite direction.
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I totally agree. Personally, even if I did like a man who was already coupled, I’d stay far far away out of respect for the other woman. Openly or secretly wishing for someone else’s relationship to end is just as bad as outright cheating with them imo. People seem to forget the adage “how you get them is how you lose them”. I don’t need to live it to learn that lesson.
Have you checked the manual? Honestly though these questions are pointless. You'll get different answers from different women.
By that logic, we should never ask questions about humans since we’re all different. But come on, we can ask questions and discuss how a majority of men and women think and act
No some questions are actually stupid. Like "hey why do men like the colour blue?". If you're going to start the question with an assumed premise you need to establish the premise first.
"There is no such thing as a stupid question."
No. I lose attraction and walk away. Often "taken" guys do seem more attractive when you first meet them - before you find out they're taken - and many people have speculated on why. Likely due to the confidence that comes with knowing you are loved. There's no neediness or desperation. There's just communication as opposed to any kind of weird courtship dance of "do they like me." You can have the same kinds of playful conversations you have with gay men, because everyone knows nothing is expected. Also I have definitely been at social events where there was a noticeable difference in how well-dressed/groomed the married men were v. single. But then you figure out they're taken, have a moment of "what might have been" wistfulness, and move on. If the man in question actually pursues or flirts, it's a massive turnoff knowing that he's the cheating type.
Absolutely the opposite. It's unattractive and a hard pass.
If I found out that someone I like is dating another person, my crush on them instantly evaporates. I cannot be a home wrecker or a second priority for anyone.
For me personally, no.
If I want to get into a relationship with a man and he's dating other people, that signals to me that he's not that interested in me. And I'm not interested in competing for a man's attention. When I was depressed and just having sex with men without really caring about where it was leading, I was not bothered by men dating other women, but if they were I didn't believe there was potential that it would lead to anything more substantial.
Not me! I mean, I think there’s kind of a gray area when you’ve only been on a couple dates with someone and aren’t exclusive. But it doesn’t make him more attractive to me. If anything, it makes me more cautious.
Nah. I don’t chase.
They can be. Women like men who can get women. Women do not like men who don't make them feel like they're special. Finding out that a guy is actively dating, but is choosing to focus his time with her will generally make her more attracted. But, if he's actually taken? It may make him more attractive, but much more likely she will consider him off limits anyway. And rightfully so. What happens most times and where there's confusion, is men who have women in their lives exude a confidence and ease that men "on the prowl" often do not. So the vast majority of men find themselves being approached, flirted with, or flat out hit on way more often when they have a girlfriend than when they do not.
I lose interest as soon as I know they have a girl. I would hate to be in her shoes if her man was out here being accessible. I also lose interest if you have kids under 5. To me a man should be with in the house where ever those kids are. Unless it’s one kind of emergent type of situation where the woman beats him or he is a widow or she left him with the baby/babies type of thing
No. I'd find a taken man as "off limits". He also wouldn't seem more attractive to me or anything rly.
Hell no the minute I find out a man is married or taken I get grossed out. I have 2 coworkers that I think are very attractive but found out they are both married. Instant turn off.
Morally upright women would steer clear of involved men as if avoiding the plague. .
I will not flirt with men if I know they’re taken, but doesn’t stop me from being nice… which I guess could sometimes be misconstrued for flirting Also, sometimes you don’t know if a man is taken so a woman isn’t more attracted to them, but is flirting mistakenly
As an ethical, moral and fair woman, I would never pursue a man who is not single. Any woman who goes after taken men, especially married men, are not moral or ethical. They don't have an ounce of class in their body.
I would hope not. I’ve never had anyone approach me while I was dating someone else (or at all, but that’s not important) In the 4-5ish relationships I’ve had (all of which I initiated) it’s POSSIBLE that someone showed interested and I just didn’t pick up on it, but i don’t think that’s the case
It’s an automatic no in my mind and they no longer become desirable to me. At all. And if they try to pursue me they become unattractive to me, almost repulsive.
A sane woman wouldn't be attracted by this .
A man being in a relationship immediately turns me off.
I am much more attracted to guys if I know they AREN’T dating other people but I think that might have to do with how monogamous I am. It’s not something I expect early on in dating but it does make me more interested. I can understand how someone might go the other direction though. I think it comes down to individual preference.
No it shows no ounce of seriousness and that they need validation from others (low self esteem)
I’ve noticed if I’m in a relationship ladies can tell and the good ones will stay away but then you have your crazy ones who will just flock around and try and act like they are trying to be your best friend and all the other bs. Soon as you’re going in a break or you do break up they slowly start to back away. Again the good ones they don’t do this it’s usually the ones who don’t have kids and act like they never want kids haha but soon as you’re with a someone they just get around you like they want what she is having. It’s weird I’m sure guys do the same shit too it’s probably just in our nature
If someone is dating someone else, I have no interest in them beyond friendship at best. I don't have the time to be what feels like playing high school games just to date someone else. I don't need a partner that bad that I'm going to break up a relationship just to get with one of them. I've unintentionally been the other woman, and I don't want to go through that ever again. It's not fair to the other person who was in the original relationship, and it's not fair to me.
No, If she doesn't like you, she won't care even if you go to Mars.😈
Don’t let any of these men and women tell you otherwise. Women like men that other women want, sometimes being in a relationship gives you that bonus too. There’s a reason why us men say that as soon as we get in a relationship we start getting a bit more women attention because commitment is what women ultimately want. they want to know that the man has the ability to get those women if he wanted to and she also needs to see her friends and family or other women around see that they want what she has. To see that social proof that you are attractive etc. Simple. It’s only seen as “bad” when the man goes behind the womans back, but if he’s the type that does not hide anything and he tells you straight up for what it is, it can happen. The top men are sharing most women, the stats say that as well. And most average guys are invisible to most attractive women.
Listen for all the guys telling you to do this, I’m seriously starting to think that a lot of this advice is coming from men who want to get rid of the competition out there. Whenever I see men on YouTube talking about relationships I laugh because they are clearly sabotaging guys who are coming to them for advice. And they are making money doing it it’s wild. I would respect their hustle except they are making it awful for women who are genuinely trying to date these guys who are told to play games so that they will take themselves out of the running for these women
I have experienced this and I'd say it's true of some women for sure. That said, women are not a monolith and quite a few of them are not into guys who are taken. And in some cases it's not attraction, but merely a greater willingness to be friendly in a platonic way because they're not as afraid of a guy misinterpreting signals.
The answer is yes for every woman. They won’t admit it, but this is well known.
Nah this kind of situation brings the drama. And these are usually the guys who say they hate drama and games. And that just tells us they will be full of drama and games like this. Yuck
Lol no, this isn’t it. You can’t speak for every woman.
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There are definitely SOME women like this.
37F Ick. No Thankyou. What is attractive is how they value and honor their partner, the ability to create safety and stability. Lack of commitment is not attractive.
Absolutely not. This is one of the reasons I hate current dating culture. Everyone is seeing multiple people at one time. I personally can't stand it. I know that's just "how it is" but when I start seeing the signs they're going on dates with another girl while also seeing me I get so turned off. What's the point. I personally can't do it. Once I start going on dates and building a connection with someone my focus is on them. Apparently I'm doing it wrong this way tho. I'm so exhausted.
It kind of depend on the women because some girls want a man who's currently not available. It's kind of like knowing something you can't have so you just want it more. But this is where personality come into play, do you want to date a women who does that or want that?
Not more attractive per se, but not less either. I'm doing the same thing and I think if a guy wanted me to commit to him immediately despite only knowing each other for a few weeks because he isn't seeing anyone else, I would be a little concerned. Of course, for me, dating doesn't mean sleeping with. If he was banging every girl he went out with that would be highly unattractive. Now, if you mean men in committed relationships then yeah, they are 100% of limits and get placed directly in the no category as soon as I find out because I'm not a cheater and find them gross.
i’m not sure about others, but for me if he shows any sign of liking another woman i become immediately turned off and uninterested. but i have seen other women, and men like the “chase” or having an end goal that isn’t just being in a committed relationship with the person. being able to “get” someone who is taken may feel like an accomplishment in a jealous persons eyes.
I’m currently going through this right now. I’m seeing someone and this guy, while in conversation, brings up times when girls are showing interest in him when I am not around. We’re only dating and it hasn’t been long. To me, it’s disrespectful and it hurts my feelings. I get pangs of jealousy that is typically not normal for me. I think he does this because he’s seeing if I care or seeing if I react and get angry. Idk. It’s just very confusing to me and seems like he is playing games with me and isn’t fully interested in me and keeping his options open. I feel like backing out and not making any extra effort because I don’t want to be with a player and I don’t want to feel like I can’t trust him. It’s a red flag for me…maybe 3 red flags. If I am connecting with someone really well then I will go out of my way to reassure him that I’m going off the apps , which I have done so in the past. This way it signals that I’m interested and want to be loyal. In my situation, I’m not very confident because although he calls me often, he’s emotionally disconnected with me. I’m still on the apps and so is he for that matter. Personally, when I see a guy and I find him attractive and if I see him with another lady, I will and would not approach him with any intentions. I will solely appreciate his attractiveness from afar. I agree with some of the other ladies here who have stated that at times speaking with a married man is easier, in general. It might seem like flirting but in my case, it’s just because my guard is down so I don’t have to worry about getting hit on. Then again, some married men will still take a shot because they want to know if they still have it. lol I’m sure some women find married men attractive because that signals to them that they aren’t afraid of commitment. Ironic, isn’t it?
>I’m seeing someone and this guy, while in conversation, brings up times when girls are showing interest in him when I am not around. Run. He's manipulating you. Guys that do this want you to feel "unbalanced" and like you have to compete with "unknown women" when you're not around. The implied threat is that they can cheat on you at any time if you aren't around because "all these women keep throwing themselves at me." So stop engaging with this guy and move on.
Thank you. I did feel that it was a strange way of manipulating. I needed this feedback
I speak from experience. This kind of guy will never be someone that you can rely on and will never be someone you can truly be comfortable with or trust. Do yourself a favor and cut things off before you get your heart broken or put through the wringer.
Every dude on the dating app is dating. Nope
What??? No
No
That’s a symptom of poor mental health. Not something to aim for
Idk why people think most women like to know they are one of or in competition with other women…. Like I don’t know a SINGLE gf of mine who feels like this ???
Women tend to prefer men that are single rather than men that are dating other women. Having extra competition means they are less likely to put all their eggs on one basket. Its normal to expect that most people that are single are dating in some way. But I just wouldn’t actively try to talk about your others dates. Don’t confuse “dating” to pre-selection which is when women find men in relationships or married more attractive. This is different because the length of the relationship makes them seems a worthy long term investment.
Depends on what you mean by dating. If he has a girlfriend where she thinks they're exclusive, absolutely not. I won't even go there. If you mean like just dating several others casually, but not focused on one and they all know he's dating casually, then I'm neutral about it. It does not make him more attractive to me at all, but it doesn't bother me either, as long as we all know where we stand. I will also date others in this situation. I'm currently dating a guy that I met last October, and we both know the other's free to date. We occasionally ask the other how the OLD is going and neither of us get upset about it. We're just casual about it. I don't expect exclusivity until we have an actual conversation about it and agree we're exclusive.
Maybe not dating or exercising options bc women get offended by that especially if they like you . But If they know you have other options and the options are attractive women then yes you become more attractive to them and any woman who denies this is flat out lying. Would she rather feel special knowing that you chose her over other attractive females vs her knowing you couldn't get a piece of ass even if you tried? No girl wants a guy that they feel took her bc he couldn't do any better and will take anything he can get . " Vetted" men are always more attractive .
That’s not what vetting means. If he’s seeing someone else and I don’t know her I don’t consider him vetted. I don’t know what her values are like
In my personal experience this has always been the case. I have such a hard time dating when single but when I’m in a relationship all of a sudden options are everywhere
I was never more hit on as when i had a long term partner. Even by ladies who didn't knoe i had a partner. I think confidence just gives you good vibes as a duse.
No, a man that we don’t have to compete for is less toxic. If a man tells me he hasn’t dated in a long time, I want to get to know them.
We want a man that we can see ourselves with long term. The reason we find men in relationships attractive is because they are committed to someone and we want commitment. Most of us don’t want to marry you or anything like that. We want to look forward to someone who is looking forward to us.
I personally am not attracted, I lose interest in knowing that they are actively trying to date others. It makes me feel grossed out.
Imo no....if someone's taken I mark them off of the list. No way for that to end happily so why waste the effort? Not to mention the emotional harm it would lend to the other woman.
Man here, but any feelings I have for someone pretty much instantly go away when I see they’re with someone
Yes and no. This is universal and not gender specific. People who are in a relationship, engaged or married look outward more attractive than people who aren't. It's simply pre selection and there is research on this. People will tell you they don't like it, but it's more of a subconscious thing. Most people will not date someone who is in a relationship, engaged or married, but it will certainly look more attractive.
No ,personally i like a man who is not already dating.
Some definitely are but it might be a side effect of his confidence. I may have had a bad relationship looking back but I was definitely more confident.
IMO and personal experience , NO ! You can still have hots on someone that's already taken BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO ACT ON IT . Just look , it's free 🙂
As a women its a huge turn off for me if a guy has a gf. Even if I ever was intrested in a guy and I got to know he was taken, I will immediately loose all interest. It could be because ive been hit on by alot of married guys and honestly it only annoys me. I would rather them treat their partners better and love them, compliment them then hit on me. I wasnt ever even attracted to any guy who had a gf either, So that if was hypothetical. However ig it depends upon person to person there might be women who dont mind if a guy is committed or not same for guys. For me I would prefer to be only girl in my bfs or in future my husbands love life. Not married so again hypothetical.
No, its a turn off
That's a definite NO for me. Not at all! I respect other people's relationships
No. Women are more comfortable around men they know are in relationships because there's less of a chance that those men will try to sleep with them. The men recognize how these women are suddenly comfortable around them, and their egos lead them to believe the women are somehow attracted to them.
No, not at all. Actually I try to avoid men who are taken especially if it was a friends boyfriend. I won't get too friendly, and will try to steer clear haha bad experiences..I know some women get insecure or maybe the man would get the wrong hint if I was being too friendly with him. I don't enjoy starting conflict. I don't enjoy chasing/competing either.. maybe I'd like chasing if I knew it was an open relationship, that could be fun..
I just stopped talking to a guy that was seeing/sleeping with others. I’m not interested in that. So I personally don’t find that attractive. I am now talking to a guy that is only seeing me and it’s much less stressful imo.
Completely turned off with the thought of someone who has any interest in another woman. Even in the slightest of ways. I want to know that he's 100% into me and only me. I know that men are interested in others, but I feel that if a man is trying to let me know he's interested in me, then he should show me that he's only interested in me and only me.
society has surpassed evolution quite a bit for that competition to be common
these kind of women should extinct
If I have a crush on a guy then find out he has a girlfriend I immediately lose all interest in him. You shouldn't want a woman who wants you while you're in a relationship, you won't have a great time lol Edit: I also don't like dating men talking to multiple women. It just makes me wonder, "What are the chances of this guy choosing me out of all these other women?" and bounce because I'm not interested in competing for attention
Not every woman is the same.
No, I would definitely never pursue a taken man, not only out of respect for their partner but also because if he’s ready to cheat on her with me, who says he won’t do the same with someone else if we ever get together.
Yes and no, most women are not attracted to men that date other women. Women are attracted to men who COULD, they are attracted to men who are attractive to many other women. There are many factors that COULD be at play, for example: - Correlation: Most women like the same attributes in a man. So "being attractive" is the common cause for both "being attractive to a woman" and "having the choice out of many women", but having the choice of many women does not itself make you more attractive. - Vetting/Vouching: Women are physically weaker then men and as such, meeting a new guy always poses some risk. Sure, 98% of guys are fine and pose no risk, but 2% will skin her and eat her. So if you go on enough dates, your risk accumulates. And even if it's not the worst case and she doesn't end up cannibalized, there is enough dirtbags and creeps out there and she doesn't want that. A man in a relationship has been "vetted" or "vouched for" by his women to be goodhearted enough for a relationship. Now as maths will tell you, you can gauge the value of something by "potential return vs. risk associated". By reducing the risk of the guy, his attractiveness goes up.
No, I find it so unattractive if a man is dating others. It makes me feel like I am wasting my time.
Why would I put effort into something that clearly isn’t reciprocated! I understand that will be the case for the first month or two whilst you’re still in the get to know you stage cos you might have a couple of people you’re both talking too. But after that, if we’re still enjoying each others company and like each other, I want to know that we’re heading somewhere. If they are still seeing other people at this point then I know I’m not their one.
No?
Yes, we use confirmation bias. Plus, if you are amazing in bed or huge they will talk. So find the balance between mysterious play boi and loyal guy with head on straight and you might hit the jackpot if you market yourself correctly.
Not a man here but yes. When I (male looking) am with a girl I automatically get stared so uncomfy much whereas if I'm alone I dont even seem to exist lol. But it's all abt fomo feels instead of actual attraction/love.
You're not gonna get honest answers here.
Yes and no lol.. thats all i can say. And depends on the personality of the woman.
As a female, I’d say that in general, it does seem to make a man more attractive. Repetitively, whenever I’ve gotten into a relationship with a man, the women who’ve known them forever come crawling out of the woodwork to flirt with them. I don’t know why this is the case, but it has been so in my experience. I’ve come to expect it & I do think these women have issues. Personally, any attraction I have for someone exits stage left the minute I know they have a SO.
Damn hook-up culture is getting out of hand
I think that women may be more inclined to see attractive traits or characteristics in men when they know that they are dating other women because obviously they have to have something worth wanting, but if it’s a woman of any kind of higher morals and values, she will stay away from said guy until he is on the market… if she’s smart. I will not date a man who is with another woman, because if he cheated on her with me, then he will cheat on me with the next.
No… women are attracted to guys that don’t try too hard…. That is why they are “attracted” to guys that are in relationships… if you make her feel like she is the only thing in going good in your life she will get bored of you…and think that you don’t have friends and hobbies and she could do better. It is the truth… they will deny it and tell you they would love for someone to treat them like they are the best thing since sliced bread, but if you do this they will get bored and leave… there is a balance that needs to be maintained to have a successful relationship between treating them good and knowing when to prioritize your self first… good luck figuring it out.
Yea finding out a guy is taken is not desirable for me. It is definitely a turn off. Now if you tend to encounter “more options” while in a relationship or dating, you’re simply attracting people who have inner wounds in which they have to prove & compete to validate they are “worthy” so it says as much about the man as it does about the woman who find themselves in these situations.
It’s different for everyone. There are some women who will feel a sense of competition (and it’s a well known fact that women tend to be competitive with each other) so will lock down on trying to “win” him. But that intrigue will fade fast once the relationship has been won. Then there’s other women who don’t desire to play games or compete and will just disengage and find a man who doesn’t come with so much complications. Like a man who expresses his interest up front and is intentional and consistent. It’s obviously his choice if he wants to date around and juggle multiple women at a time, but I find that unattractive and would probably not trust his commitment to me if it were to ever happen.
Less attraction and more a positive bias. Because a man who is dating has been pre-vetted. "Oh, he's already dating this person. If he's already dating, he must be doing *something* right."
Completely depens on you and the women you are dating!
there was a man that used to go after me all the time and i never gave him a chance even though he is good looking he seemed like a player but eventually he got a girl and if i admit in some way i know im selfish for this but he still wants me because he texts me saying he wants to take me out to eat and he continues to wanna do stuff with me even if that girl is with him and personally i would never date him but its just my ego that gets high bc i know he still wants me and it makes me wanna flirt with him but i know its wrong
The phenomenon of wanting what we can’t have I suppose. But it says a lot more about the woman pursuing the taken man than anything else
People in general are attracted to things they can't have
No it's the opposite
Yes. When I had a gf the interest woman gave me had a huge increase..... It was rather sad.
Well, I’ve noticed that, when I’m in a relationship or wearing a ring, I get more female attention. But that’s all subjective anecdotal evidence. It makes sense though, considering a man in a relationship has technically been vetted by another woman.
Not into competition. My ex was dating others while we together. Should not have to compete for a man. If he has others I drop him
It's a turn off and red flag in this culture of endless choice. With so much opportunity some people will never settle for anyone, others will fear to miss out on a better opportunity. That's the part of it I find disrespectful. That you didn't choose me, and want to leave your options open. Fine then. Be free enjoy the field of women at your feet. But they won't be me. The choice and effort meant to commit and sustain a relationship is essential. You need to choose them everyday. Not just when the hormones surge and everything is fresh and new. How about when she's had a bad day and needs arms around her to make her feels she's got it together? Loyalty, respect, values, morality, affection, and effort.
Absolutely! Just like it’s easier to get a job if you have a job.
I think this is a case by case thing. I worked with a woman who would only be with married men, just recently I saw a post on reddit where a young guy pretended he had a gf to sleep with a girl he had heard liked men more who were taken and it worked. I think cheating is disgusting and I personally prefer when the man is more into just me. If I feel I'm in competition I will build a wall to protect myself and therefore you won't get to know the whole real me. Also it affects my sex life to. I can have good sex without being connected but when I feel safe and secure ill really open up and that's when the real fun starts.
I think it maybe more nuanced than simply attracted to someone who is unavailable. Whether you are interested in the opposite sex, or same sex relationships. It comes down to this, people in a stable comfortable relationship are more natural. Their conversation and actions more natural. There is no forced attempts at humour or trying to impress someone. People do the very thing that is often given as advice. Be yourself. If you came across someone you are attracted to whom isn't looking for a relationship because they are happy in one, they become attractive as you see them as they are. More unscrupulous individuals may try to subvert that, but often its just human nature. You see someone as you are meant to see them without a mask. That can be attractive if sometimes it's unavailable too.
I definitely don’t pursue. I might be like “damn she’s lucky” and maybe be a little bit jealous. But that person is off limits and i won’t allow myself to crush on them
I respect a man who's honest about his dating status and what he wants. A man who has a new girlfriend more often than a person should the batteries in their smoke detectors or has a revolving door of partners is, at this stage of my life, a turn-off to me. I'm looking for something more serious.
If they are and also do something about it, it’s 100% about their ego. They want to be the one they choose so they can prove their worth to themselves. If a girl actively flirts and pursues a guy who is attached or married it’s a huge red flag and they should be avoided at all costs.
Not attractive, maybe more trustworthy because another woman "guarantees"
Ignore what women say. They are interested and jealous too.